S1: Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
S1: This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2: Scarlet crew morning helping you take your next step with Jesus.
S2: I've thought about marriage from the almost said marriage. You
S2: got to be close there. Uh, I've thought about marriage
S2: from a three perspectives. Okay. Number door number one. Door
S2: number two. Door number three. And it seems that things.
S2: Let me just characterize it this way. Door number one
S2: is you walk in, you open up that door, and
S2: you look inside and you see a couple who's just
S2: thriving in marriage. And I mean, they're the dear couple
S2: that they've weathered storms and they're making it and they've
S2: learned how to. Oh, the the man especially has learned
S2: how to love his bride as Christ loved the church.
S2: And and the woman in like manner just Loves, listens,
S2: cares for. Affirms. It's just it's a two way deal,
S2: and it's rich, right? Those are sweet. Okay. Door number
S2: three is these marriages that I mean, they're. You open
S2: it up. You look inside and they're ready to. They're
S2: splitting the sheets. Things are just on the skids. But
S2: the biggest swath, as my pastor's vantage point is this
S2: door number two, you open it up and they're going
S2: to church. They love God. They got a couple kids.
S2: They've shared a lot of experiences together, but the fire
S2: is gone out. It's a glorified roommate situation, and they
S2: don't even know it sometimes until you stop, maybe, as
S2: we do right now and go, man, has that fire
S2: gone out? And it's in. It's those marriages that we're
S2: going to focus on today. because building those coals back up,
S2: it's not. Here's the beauty about it. You take a
S2: few simple steps to reclaim lost ground and everything can change. Ali.
S3: You know, even just you saying that, I think a
S3: lot of people would have a lot of skepticism that
S3: a few simple steps. Really? Yeah. For the couple that's
S3: been married for ten, 20, 30 plus years and is
S3: kind of just like, uh, we're we're committed. Neither one
S3: of us are going anywhere. You're saying that the spark
S3: can come back with just a couple simple steps?
S2: Yeah. And I'm going to save the goods for Gary
S2: and Barb, who are going to be with us here
S2: in just a moment. The first step is simple, but
S2: it ain't easy. And that is just straight up repentance.
S2: But God forgive us from where we have fallen, right?
S2: That's hard. But then where we go from there? I mean,
S2: that first little awareness, man. Things are not cooking as
S2: they ought. And we've. We walked down that aisle. We
S2: were so on fire. Our jaws were aching from smiling
S2: at the reception. Remember that alley? Oh, yeah.
S3: Oh, boy.
S2: Holy moly. We we we got away from the wedding
S2: party and scrubbed all the graffiti off of my little
S2: pickup truck, and and we both just rubbed. Our jaws were.
S4: Like, oh, man.
S2: But it's funny what can happen. You get down the
S2: road a piece and it's like, man, five years, ten years,
S2: 15 for some of you, 20, 30. And the question is,
S2: can those fires for love be stoked again? And the
S2: answer is they can, they can. Coming up, we've got
S2: some dear friends every time they're here Ali peel paint
S2: time here.
S3: There's a reason why they're called America's Family Coaches. You're
S3: going to hear from the rosbergs coming up.
S1: She was trying to earn her way to God, but
S1: God showed her she didn't have to. Ali is in
S1: the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2: He's still pouring out Grace. He's still pouring out love.
S2: He's still pouring power into his kids. This week is.
S2: I guess somebody declared it National Marriage Week. I think
S2: it ought to be national marriage year. We need the
S2: fuel in the belly here.
S3: National marriage year.
S2: National marriage year. Every year it rolls around. Oh, there
S2: we are. We're at another national marriage year.
S5: Sometimes a week won't do, man.
S2: No, you got that right. So I want to focus
S2: on door number two today. And my heart goes out
S2: to any of us who feel like, uh oh, where'd
S2: the love go? I'm talking about that deep, intimate connection
S2: with your spouse. And we know this can happen. Just
S2: look at our relationship with God. This is why the
S2: church is in the book of revelations are told, come
S2: on back. Get back to your first love. You. You've
S2: got it. You've got to knock at the door going on.
S2: Open the door, let them in. And in many ways,
S2: in marriage we can find ourselves behind door number two.
S2: Door number one is everything's rocking. They've been cooking with Jesus.
S2: They've gone through hardship, but they've learned to surrender to
S2: God and then really submit to one another. Door number
S2: three splitting the sheets. And those are tragic. And you
S2: might be there today. But hold on, because these truths
S2: from door number two are going to help you as well.
S2: Gary and Barb Rosberg, how did we get to door
S2: number two? How did we go from rocking love to
S2: kind of glorified roommates?
S6: Well, Carl and Allie, you nailed it in the opening
S6: before the song when you said it starts with small moments.
S6: And Allie, you said, do small movements really work? Doctor
S6: John Gottman says that's exactly what you need to do.
S6: So it's not the trip to Italy, although that's not
S6: a bad idea. It's not, you know, our trip down
S6: south right now in the middle of our Chicago winter.
S6: But it's the small moments. And there are three switches
S6: that need to be flipped for any couple that's wanting
S6: to experience the depth of communication and intimacy. And we're
S6: going to give you the three switches today.
S3: Doctor Gary and Barb Rosberg, our guest this morning. America's
S3: family coaches for decades of equipping marriages across the U.S.
S3: and international. They have written over a dozen prominent marriage
S3: resources in 12 different languages. Their titles are in. Okay,
S3: so you teased us with these three switches. You want
S3: to start there?
S2: Let's get after them.
S7: Absolutely, Ali. Okay. Great to be on. It's great to
S7: be on the program with you both today. Carl and Ali,
S7: be intentional and with that intentionality begin with yourself. And
S7: you did refer to this ahead of time. Carl. Thank you. It's.
S7: It's like what happened to me yesterday. I was in church.
S7: A woman I know, she is my favorite greeter. Her
S7: name is Emily. She came up to me. Honestly, she
S7: looked like a movie star. And I said, you look
S7: great today. She said, Barb, the Lord told me to
S7: quit criticizing my husband. And I did. We've been together
S7: 17 years. Married eight. And this is the first time
S7: this morning he said, May I go to church with you?
S7: She introduced me to her husband, John. And honestly, you
S7: think you're impacting your mate by putting criticism? Bottom line
S7: is you glow like a torch in the night. So
S7: whatever you do, flip the switch. Turn into your mate
S7: as God designed them. Delight in them. What do you
S7: have to do to change? Know your spouse. What do
S7: they need encouragement. Maybe they need non-sexual touch. But maybe,
S7: like John from Emily, he needed kind words.
S2: Yeah, it's powerful stuff. So, Barb, I'm going to stick
S2: with you on this one a second here. Um, how
S2: what do you do to the person who says to you,
S2: I don't feel like it because they fill in the
S2: blank of of grievances, pain, heartache, that that initiative. I
S2: know it's fueled by the Holy Spirit. God can do
S2: that in us. Right, Barb?
S7: Oh, totally.
S6: That's number two.
S7: That is number.
S6: Two.
S7: Check your power source. And every time, Carl, we go
S7: to the word of God. Because truthfully, in Ephesians chapter 432,
S7: it says this be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving
S7: one another, just as in Christ he forgave you. So
S7: get along with Christ, and you go there and confess
S7: all the ways that your spouse is driving you crazy.
S7: Confess where you've blown it. Confess where your spouse is
S7: not living up to what you thought they were going
S7: to do, but get along with Christ. He knows it,
S7: but we get the joy of unpacking it and feeling
S7: all that gunk. And honestly, it's junk leaving our hearts.
S7: So instead of a hard heart, we have a tender heart.
S3: So we've got be intentional. Check your power source. What's that?
S3: Third switch.
S6: Check your direction. Check your direction. Look at your compass
S6: and turn it one degree at a time. And I'm
S6: going to get real mechanical because that's what Carl sent
S6: us an email about. That means one date. That doesn't
S6: mean set up every Wednesday night for the next 30 years.
S6: Just do one. It means one note. And I don't
S6: mean a text bag. The text texts are Overrated, but
S6: one note that's handwritten with a pen. It can be cursive.
S6: If you went that far in school, number one is
S6: another thing. Is one phone call in the middle of
S6: the day. Just saying. Baby, baby, baby, I was thinking
S6: about you. I couldn't go another moment without hearing your voice.
S6: Now she's going to call the doctor when you do that.
S6: But do it anyway. The other thing is one time
S6: to sit and listen and share, and you can sit
S6: down in a couple chairs or sit on a bench,
S6: grab an ice cream cone or a hot tea or
S6: whatever you do, and just say, you know what? We're
S6: not very good at this, but we're going to take it.
S6: We're going to take a good run at it. We're
S6: going to sit on one time and just listen, connect
S6: and share. And then two more things, one Kiss and Barbie.
S6: And I recommend six Seconds Ali. So six second Kisses
S6: and National Marriage Week would be a good time to
S6: start it. And then at the core of all of
S6: it is one prayer. Guys, you did it before. You've
S6: done it over a meal. You've done it when you're
S6: scared to death for the doctor's report. You've done it
S6: when you're putting your putting your kids down, you can
S6: do it with your wife. Take your wife's hand and just.
S6: You can close your eyes if you want, but just say,
S6: dear Lord Jesus, thank you for this spouse. Thank you
S6: God that we can experience a do over. Thank you
S6: that you're not done with us. Thank you that there
S6: is hope and that that hope is in you. It's
S6: not in Hollywood. It's not in the Super Bowl. It's
S6: not in what we see on TV or what's going
S6: on at our neighbor's house. It's at what's going on
S6: in the true relationship with the resurrected Jesus Christ.
S2: I love it. Okay, coming up, I want you guys to.
S2: I want you to get go ahead and get vulnerable here.
S2: I want to hear how this worked for you. That's
S2: what I want to do. Gary and Barb Rosberg more
S2: coming up.
S1: Romans eight brought her to Jesus while broadcasting traffic overnight.
S1: Super die is in the crew. It's curl and crew
S1: on Moody Radio.
S2: Do not think you can go it alone. There is
S2: nothing that we excel in in life that doesn't have
S2: a coach, mentor, disciple or whatever word you use, you
S2: need it. And we've got it today. America's family coach
S2: is with us. Gary and Barbie Rosberg, they are tremendous.
S2: Oh they're tremendous. And no matter where you are and
S2: even in Canada, they can help you out today. So
S2: there we go. We got to get that squared away. Uh,
S2: Gary and Barb, let's get vulnerable here. These steps. And
S2: by the way, let's hit those quickly here right before
S2: we tee them up. But we want you to open
S2: up your chest cavity and let's see from your own
S2: life how did this work? But what are those. What
S2: are those switches.
S3: Those three switches. One being intentional to check your power source.
S3: Three check your direction so you can get the showcast
S3: if you want to hear the full breakdown. But go ahead.
S3: Gary and Barb talk about how this has worked in
S3: your own marriage.
S8: You know, years.
S7: Ago I was with a group of women. We were
S7: out to dinner. We were having the best time. And honestly,
S7: we got into a conversation about our husbands and one
S7: woman started bashing her husband. Another one would add seasoning
S7: to it how her husband was worse. And you know,
S7: the whole table just went down. I left that table
S7: instead of being instead of feeling edified and built up.
S7: I'm telling you, Carl, there's power in our words. I
S7: came home, I took a look at my husband, and
S7: I thought, if God's going to use me in my marriage,
S7: I've got no unwholesome word that can afford to come
S7: out of my mouth. And it became a spiritual discipline
S7: with me and God. I chose in that moment that
S7: I would withhold anything that was critical in my dairy,
S7: that I would only build him up and when I
S7: was frustrated, I would try to edit it. Was it perfect?
S7: Heck no. But the goal is to change, to build up,
S7: to edify. I know a lot of people think I
S7: must be very shallow because they'll say thank you for
S7: your encouragement. The reality is, I am changing my world
S7: through the power of my words. Beginning with Gary Rutherford.
S3: Doctor Gary and Barb Rosberg, America's family coaches with us
S3: this morning. You know, I have seen couples who they
S3: have settled in. And, you know, this all sounds nice,
S3: but they're actually quite content in their glorified roommate situation.
S3: And that may sound crazy, but I've seen it. They
S3: have a big enough space that they sort of each
S3: occupy their own part of the house. They connect when
S3: they need to. They give the particulars of the day,
S3: and a lot of times they've been married for many,
S3: many years. How do you sell a vision for more
S3: for the couple. That's like, I am kind of getting
S3: my needs met elsewhere. I've got hobbies, I've got friends,
S3: I've got my church group and I'm okay. And I
S3: think he's okay with where we're at.
S6: You know, you use the word and it's called The
S6: More and what Barbie, Barbie and I are doing is
S6: coaching couples, whether it's, uh, in a coaching experience or
S6: whether it's on radio or writing or podcast or whatever.
S6: And we we give them the vision of the more,
S6: the more is depth and connection and communication. It's the
S6: willingness to take a risk. It's the willingness to do
S6: a 1 in 2 degree turn vector change so that
S6: you invest in your relationship. Because what those couples are doing,
S6: and we've all been in those stages. Barb and I
S6: have been married a long time. You get in those
S6: stages where you drift and get drifting is what leads
S6: us into places we don't want to go. So it
S6: means somebody has got to be willing. And Barbie and
S6: I believe one person can change a marriage. Now ultimately
S6: it's Ultimately it's going to take two, but it never
S6: starts with two. It starts with one. It's one person
S6: who is surrendered, who is examined, who is willing to confess,
S6: they're willing to repent, and they're willing to turn not
S6: towards their spouse. They're willing to turn towards Christ and
S6: the cross in order for the power source, in order
S6: to then turn to their spouse. So what I would
S6: say is they're missing the more what I would say
S6: is life is short. What I would say is, do
S6: you really want to just live as glorified roommates when
S6: there's more right around the corner and you might have
S6: the opportunity to engage it by taking the risk one
S6: degree at a time?
S2: I love this, and I'll tell you why I've benefited
S2: from it. And some of you are listening right now going,
S2: can this coaching work for me and can I get more?
S2: One of the coolest things that Gary and Barb Rosberg
S2: have been doing here as of late is a podcast,
S2: and God is using it a couple of couple of
S2: these episodes are blowing up, and when I say blowing up,
S2: I want everyone to remember this. And that's a positive
S2: term in my nomenclature. But they're but they're blowing up.
S2: And here's what we want to do here with this
S2: morning show. We're helping you take your next step with Jesus.
S2: And sometimes that next step is to do a deeper dive.
S2: You got a taste of what could be the more,
S2: but I want you to get a gulp. I want
S2: you to sit down at streams of living water. Get
S2: coached up around ways to build intimacy in your marriage.
S2: When I said that word, I got chills because I
S2: had a conversation with Brent Bride a couple of days
S2: ago and it was the most cool thing. Ali. I
S2: sat there taking Gary and Barbie's coaching tips that we've
S2: gleaned from them as a couple. Yeah. And, you know,
S2: I walked away from a Station. I didn't say much
S2: of anything in. My bride got up from the couch
S2: and said, I feel so good. And I'm like, what?
S2: What do you mean you feel so good? Said, I
S2: feel so good, bub. Thank you. That was a great talk.
S2: And you know what's funny? Unlike Karl, I was a listener.
S2: But it worked. And I don't know. And some of
S2: you have heartache because you are splitting sheets or you
S2: feel like it's lost. It's not gone. Gary and Barbie
S2: nailed it. One can get this whole ball started. So
S2: I want to thank you, Gary and Barb for being
S2: with us today, but I want to point them to
S2: this greater. Yes. The more. And we've got a link
S2: that I want you to come and grab, because, listen,
S2: no greater work is the work that is done on marriage.
S2: Take it away. Ali, what do we have?
S3: This is a link to their podcast. There's even a
S3: number where you can call in and ask a marriage
S3: question for them to tackle in a future episode. So
S3: this is a very interactive podcast. If you want that
S3: link to this and there are other resources, just text
S3: coach to 850 55, 78, 98. They are America's family coaches.
S3: Your marriage coach. Let's text coach to 855 57898.
S1: Do you feel stuck or paralyzed with victory just out
S1: of reach? Here are your questions answered. It's time for ask,
S1: Pastor Carl.
S2: I'm going to tackle a marriage question. This is a
S2: tough one, but I think I can offer some advice
S2: that may help. My question is, my marriage is going
S2: through a very hard time. Some days it's easier than others.
S2: My wife wants a divorce, and as a man, I
S2: respect her decision. But I disagree with that. I think
S2: that we both can work it out if we both
S2: seek Jesus the way we should. We both are Christians. Okay.
S2: Goes on. We both attend the same church in. My
S2: question is what should I do at this point? How
S2: do we get along when we talk? We are intimate,
S2: but she's not fully committed to our marriage. Still, what
S2: should I do at this point? Okay, I got my
S2: tummy after years of being a pastor, is telling me
S2: a couple of things here. But first off, I would
S2: say getting wise counsel into your life is important. A
S2: lot of times we call that counseling. Right, guys? Yeah.
S5: Counseling, absolutely.
S2: But I've always been a big believer that if principles
S2: that were given here can't be transferred to Bangladesh or
S2: wherever Armenia or wherever in the world, I. I want
S2: to make sure that what we're giving here can be,
S2: can be advice that's given without shelling out money or
S2: resources that some people don't have. I really mean that.
S2: And I think God's provided a way in the body
S2: of Christ. There are going to be wise counselors, people
S2: that have gone through the very ground you've gone through.
S2: And my friend who emailed me here, I need you
S2: to hear me. You are not the first one that
S2: has gone through a situation where it seems this push
S2: pull wife wants out. Uh, we're still experiencing intimacy, and
S2: you need to get a third party involved in this.
S2: And the reason I say wives counselors is not everybody
S2: can afford a counselor.
S3: Right? And a wise counselor doesn't necessarily mean paid counseling,
S3: but a pastor, a mature Christian leader.
S2: Yeah. And this is why I love Deb Gordon, because
S2: she's all about equipping the church to really raise up
S2: wise counselors. And I want us to be that here
S2: boom crew. I crew. I want us to have a
S2: growing tide of people who have gone through tough stuff,
S2: and you might not feel quick manner out here. You
S2: might not feel like an expert, but you are, because
S2: you went through a trial and you came out the
S2: other side and you got a story to tell. You
S2: know what? That makes you?
S5: An expert.
S2: An expert.
S5: That's right.
S2: So get some wise counsel. This is what I want
S2: you to do. I want you to look for someone
S2: in that church who has a great marriage. By every evidence.
S2: They have joy, they have connection, they've got longevity. It
S2: looks like they have communication. They might actually smile at
S2: each other when they talk. Things like that are telltale signs.
S2: There might be someone that you can go talk to.
S2: I would encourage you to go talk to a pastor, too.
S2: Here's why. You need a third party involved in this.
S2: And I got a hunch your wife wants it. And
S2: here's what my tummy's telling you. Telling me about you.
S2: My tummy is telling me that your wife wants to
S2: make this marriage work, but feels possibly isolated and alone
S2: when you speak of intimacy that you're still having. I've
S2: got a hunch that there is a lifeline being thrown saying,
S2: can't we find more? Sometimes we men. And let me
S2: speak to us men here. Sometimes we men miss obvious
S2: signals of a wife crying out, saying, I just want more.
S2: And so first step here would be ask her what
S2: is her greatest need that she has that you feel
S2: like asking her this? I'm not helping meet that need.
S2: There are real needs that men and women have. But
S2: men are initiators. Women are responders, and sometimes men don't
S2: initiate enough. They're taking kind of bellwether things that are
S2: out there. And so this gentleman, bless his heart, I
S2: can I can feel it. He goes, we're going through
S2: a hard time. My wife wants to divorce. And as
S2: a man, I respect her decision. But I disagree with that.
S2: You know what? That's that weird. Okay, I see what's
S2: going on, and we're moving the chess pieces around. What
S2: you need to do is grab her hands, look her
S2: square in the eyes and go. Could I get five
S2: minutes of your time to ask you an honest question?
S2: From my heart? I would. I would be willing to
S2: bet she'd be willing to afford you that opportunity. Look
S2: in her eyes and say, if I could meet one
S2: primary need in you that has gone unmet, what would
S2: it be? If you listen and linger, I think you
S2: might hear it now. There may be a lot more
S2: to it, and there often is, because what gets stored
S2: up are all these little bricks. You know, when you
S2: get in spiritual isolation in a marriage, you know what's
S2: going on. It's usually a big wall that's constructed of
S2: little things that pile up one after another over time.
S2: And pretty quick you go. There's no way that we're
S2: going to get this thing going. But I want to
S2: tell you something. Our God can do it. I've personally
S2: seen it. Seven years into our marriage, my bride and
S2: I and me, by taking initiative, had to take down
S2: brick by brick, a little wall that had grown between us.
S2: On the outside, everything looked great, but inside love was cold.
S2: And you can do this. It requires humility, teachability and
S2: then honest discussion to go, wow, what separated us here?
S2: So my brother, I love your heart. And I love
S2: the courage, don't you, Ali? That someone would step up
S2: like that?
S3: I do. And you know, you mentioned humility. And I
S3: think it does take that step of humility to ask
S3: for help. I mean, even beyond that, sending an email
S3: is awesome, but there's still an anonymity there that I
S3: think sometimes we want to want to protect. So I
S3: think that humility of and courage of actually going to
S3: a person, a mature Christian leader or your pastor. It's
S3: that it's it's scary, but it's so important.
S2: Necessary. You know what Satan hates? He hates when you
S2: take that step across the room to tap someone on
S2: the shoulder and ask for help.
S3: It's hard. He hates everything in us, says I. We
S3: can just fix this by ourselves, right? We don't need
S3: to tell anybody that we're having a hard time.
S2: Yeah. You know, that is my story, too. I think
S2: if we're honest, that's all of our stories.
S3: Absolutely. We'd rather fix it by ourselves than involve anybody else.
S5: Oh, yeah. Seems like a last resort sometimes.
S2: Yeah, it's a big one. You know.
S4: I.
S2: Asked a question earlier, posited a thing to measure in
S2: our life. Remember what that was here, Ali?
S3: Yeah. You asked what? When you look at your own marriage,
S3: what is it that you measure to see how you're doing?
S3: Or what is that warning sign that things are amiss?
S3: Something is off. What is it for your for your marriage?
S3: It can be different for every marriage. What is that thing?
S3: That warning sign. If you look at a dashboard on
S3: the car, you see a light come up and you go,
S3: this needs attention. What is that for your marriage? Just
S3: shoot us a text in a sentence if you can.
S3: 855 five 7898 what is that warning sign that when
S3: it pops up on the dashboard of your marriage, you go,
S3: we need to give this some attention. 855 five 7898.
S1: He's a sports fanatic with a stat for anything you
S1: can think of. Young Thunder is in the crew. It's
S1: Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2: All right, that's a theme song for this week. Lead me,
S2: because I can't do this alone. Sanctus real asking you
S2: really important question. You got to measure what matters. And
S2: if you look around, you'll see, boy, this is an
S2: indication that something's amiss in our marriage. What are those
S2: things that you identify that you're like, yeah, boy, when
S2: this is going on, there's a problem. This is a
S2: leading indicator that something is wrong. Getting some good feedback here, Ali.
S3: Yeah. This is coming in by text. I won't use
S3: your number. I'll just tell you what's coming in. Generally impatience, bitterness,
S3: poor communication when there's empty emotional intimacy. This is a
S3: very telling one. When I don't tell my husband what's
S3: on my heart, I can tell him what's on my
S3: mind easily. But when I hold back what's on my heart, indifference,
S3: physical touch and then a heart. Heartbreaking account of someone
S3: who recently lost a spouse. But you know, when we
S3: talk about this, I think it raises all kinds of
S3: emotions for people. Because no matter how long you've been married,
S3: there's some area where there's there's some disappointment, like your spouse.
S3: No one spouse has lived up to everything that they
S3: thought that you you thought they would be. And that's
S3: true for every single one of us. We have not
S3: lived up to what the expectation was for us when
S3: we went into this.
S2: Yeah, that's why we had such a tremendous honeymoon. Me
S2: and jobs. Because four days in, we're like, what in
S2: the world have we done? Now, not everyone's like that,
S2: but everybody comes to a passage in time when you go, whoa,
S2: this person's disappointing.
S4: Yeah.
S2: Coming up here, we're going to pour out our heart. Yep.
S2: We're going to tell you what is a indicator that
S2: something needs to change. And we're going to be vulnerable.
S2: Hang on.
S1: He was running from God, but God's love brought him home.
S1: Carl is in the crew. It's Carl and crew on
S1: Moody Radio.
S2: If we're honest, there are indicators that call them idiot
S2: lights on. Some dashboards, some of them. I'm sorry.
S5: I know, I really like that I'm laughing because I
S5: think it's hilarious.
S2: Idiot lights are the funniest things. Because when you get
S2: a flashing red engine light, it means your engine's toast.
S2: You need a new engine. Yes, rather than your oil pressure.
S2: So that's why I like pressure gauges as opposed to
S2: idiot lights. Idiot lights tell you pull to the side
S2: of the road and call I dot.
S5: Yes, immediately.
S2: You're toast.
S3: Prepare to buy a new car.
S2: Yes. Like Ali stranded with a stalled car. She thought
S2: for a moment. We are in trouble. Carload full of
S2: girls and they are like, stuck in the middle of Lake.
S3: Shore Drive in Chicago.
S2: That even gets me nervous.
S5: It's stressful man.
S2: Oh. I'm glad. Oh, I'm glad that thing got going again. Yes,
S2: but there are indicators in marriage that something's wrong. And
S2: one big one for me is just opening my chest
S2: cavity is as simple as taking my wife for granted.
S2: You know what? I got to tell you something. I
S2: don't do a lot of washing and clothes around here.
S2: And when I do, I screw it up. Things shrink.
S2: Things change color. Things get bad. And my wife just
S2: graciously says. And so I'll tell her. Sometimes they want
S2: to help you around here. Babe, can I do a
S2: load of wash? No. That's okay. Um, but I got
S2: some other stuff for you.
S5: That's great.
S2: But the wash is not for me. That woman has
S2: to grab my underwear, grab my clothes, grab my socks,
S2: and do my laundry. And you know what? I need to,
S2: from time to time, remember that and go. Thank you
S2: for doing my dirty laundry.
S5: That's important, I think. I think all of us can
S5: be guilty of taking our spouse for granted and saying,
S5: I don't appreciate the little things that you do around here.
S2: And it's more than that. It's taking for granted in
S2: so many ways. I mean, I'm married to a grandma
S2: right now, guys. I'm married to a grandma.
S5: Congratulations.
S9: One week to a grandma.
S2: Boy, she's a good looking grandma, but I'm married to
S2: a grandma. And last night we were watching the Super
S2: Bowl with our kids and our granddaughter, and she was
S2: a Philadelphia fan, I could tell it. And and my
S2: bride is doing such a good job with this little girl.
S2: And I'm like, man, what a good grandma. What do
S2: you say, young Thunder?
S5: You know, I say for me that I can tell
S5: that God's trying to get my attention in the busyness
S5: of life that, you know, I Monday through Friday, work
S5: is hard. I get up early. I come home and
S5: I'm tired, and I, you know, I don't I want
S5: to do a lot of things for myself because, hey,
S5: that's my recoup time, I need that. But then Monday
S5: through Friday is gone and got Saturday, Sunday doing stuff
S5: with the kiddo. And and then I go, oh, it's
S5: Monday again, you know. So you got to be careful
S5: about that. God wants you to spend time with your spouse.
S10: Good word.
S3: I think for me, when I think about my marriage,
S3: I've been married now almost 19 years.
S10: Yeah.
S3: And it's the times when we forget to connect. When
S3: he comes in the door and I continue on what
S3: I'm doing in the kitchen, and don't go over and
S3: give him a hug and a kiss and ask him
S3: how his day is. Or we're sitting on the couch
S3: and we're both on opposite sides instead of next to
S3: each other. We don't have to. You don't have to
S3: sit on top of your spouse all day like you're
S3: just attached at the hip. But when it's like you're
S3: in the same space, but there's not that physical connection
S3: that touch on the shoulder, that, hey, let me snuggle
S3: up next to you on the couch when that's missing.
S3: It's like, okay, we got to reconnect.
S2: And that's that's a pretty simple course correction, isn't it?
S10: Yes it is. Let's move over a little bit.
S2: Yeah. Just move six inches. Move over a foot from
S2: the chair to the couch. Put the phone down. Good stuff.
S2: Good stuff. What is it for you? Let's go do it.
S1: Do you feel stuck or paralyzed with victory? Just out
S1: of reach? Here are your questions answered. It's time for
S1: ask Pastor Carl.
S2: All right. In just a little bit, Ali's going to
S2: give you a link so that you can get your
S2: questions in to me here. I do have a slew
S2: of them. So at the bottom of each hour I'm
S2: going to tackle at least one, maybe more. But this one,
S2: when I when I got it, I'm like, oh, there
S2: is a lie roaming around in some how do I
S2: say this? Some theological circles that is missing the broad
S2: side of the barn and that is that going straight
S2: to God is not possible, that you need the help
S2: of a man. Now, before I even get to the question,
S2: let me say this. We benefit greatly by having brothers
S2: and sisters coming around us. No question. But make no
S2: mistake about it, every person listening to me right now
S2: can go straight to God. Straight to God. You guys
S2: guess what the question might be?
S3: Mm. I mean, yes, based on that setup.
S2: It's salvific in nature.
S10: Oh.
S2: Yeah.
S3: Okay.
S10: Give it to us.
S2: I'm sure they are asking this for themselves. Greetings, Pastor Carl.
S2: If someone prays the sinner's prayer, kneeling alone in front
S2: of his bed and accepts Jesus Christ as Savior, does
S2: he need someone to pray for him for his salvation
S2: to be valid and complete? I need your insight, please.
S2: And the answer is no. How do I know this?
S2: I want you to know that in First Timothy, we
S2: find Paul coaching his young protege, Timothy, and he's laying
S2: down some unbelievable theology. But But we got to get
S2: a stake in the ground on this one. Let me
S2: back up and read this second Timothy, first Timothy chapter two.
S2: Listen to this. First of all. Then I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions,
S2: and thanksgivings may be made for all people, for kings
S2: and all who are in high places, and that we
S2: may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified
S2: in every way. This is good, and it's pleasing in
S2: the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people
S2: to be saved and come to the knowledge of the truth.
S2: For there is one God. And there is one mediator
S2: between God and man, the man Christ Jesus, who gave
S2: himself as a ransom for all, which is the testimony
S2: given at the proper time. He goes on to say,
S2: I've been appointed a preacher and an apostle. Toward this end.
S2: But this this may seem simple to some of you,
S2: but there's many listening this morning who come from a
S2: from a faith background where you needed to go to
S2: man to get to God. And I'm here today to
S2: tell you that is not true. There is one mediator
S2: between God and man. His name is Jesus. And I
S2: think I want to think about a solution for this.
S2: And I think sometimes we see the biblical narrative and
S2: we see Jesus in motion, and we don't take those
S2: stories at their word.
S3: What do you mean?
S2: When when Jesus says to the disciples, come and follow me.
S2: When we see him sitting down at a well with
S2: a woman who had been married five times and currently
S2: shacked up, and he offers her eternal life and uses
S2: that metaphor of that water well as a as an
S2: illustration of that springing up to eternal life. When we
S2: see him healing paralytics those born blind when we see
S2: him calling tax collectors and sinners to have dinner with them.
S2: That Jesus who lived then is alive today, and he's
S2: still having breakfast, lunch, and dinner for anyone who calls
S2: on his name. Isn't that hopeful?
S5: It's the most hopeful thing of all time, because it's
S5: not about us. It's about his love for us.
S2: And it's not about us going to a man or
S2: a woman who can help us gain access to Jesus.
S5: Amen.
S2: The veil has been torn, man. See, the amazing thing
S2: about the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus Christ is
S2: that the veil into the Holy of Holies, into the
S2: presence of God, was secured through the blood of Jesus Christ.
S2: And so, in just practical terms, if you want to
S2: camp out anywhere, understanding that, you can go straight to Jesus.
S2: Appealing for salvation and you don't need anyone. Quote to
S2: pray for you to make sure that your salvation is
S2: valid and complete. I want you to go to First
S2: Timothy chapter two, verse five. For there is one God,
S2: and there is one mediator between God and men, the
S2: man Christ Jesus. And I know for some of you listening,
S2: you go, wow, I would have never imagined that that
S2: might be a question, but it is because the God
S2: of this age has actually twisted the truth and made
S2: us think in some faith traditions that we need to
S2: go to a person. And here's the power of the
S2: gospel is that the person came to us. His name
S2: is Jesus. Yes, his name is Jesus. And the beautiful
S2: thing about the incarnation is that, unlike the Old Testament,
S2: where we had to go to a priest who would
S2: walk us into the Holy of Holies or take our
S2: requests before God, we now have them in the person
S2: of Jesus Christ. He loves you and he cares for you,
S2: and you can go to him today. As a matter
S2: of fact, I feel prompted. Some of you have thought
S2: you've got to get cleaned up, or you've got to
S2: go to a man or you've got to go, um,
S2: confess to a person who maybe somehow will get me
S2: straight with God. I'm here to tell you today, God
S2: so loved the world that whoever believes in him will
S2: not perish but have everlasting life. I don't care if
S2: it's a sinner's prayer. I don't care if it's driving
S2: down the road. If your heart is broken before God
S2: and surrendered before him. If you recognize in this moment
S2: I'm a sinner who needs a savior. I am a
S2: sinner who needs a Savior. His name is Jesus. You
S2: can go straight to him today and say, Jesus, forgive
S2: me for my sins. Thanks for dying for me. I
S2: bow my heart before you. Yeah, it's not even about
S2: bowing your head. It's not getting the posture, your body
S2: just right. It's not even kneeling on the floor. It's
S2: a heart that's kneeling low before God. We are justified
S2: and made right with God by faith alone. No one
S2: needed to be there but you and God. And then
S2: you get up off that floor. You lift up your
S2: chin and you go tell people what Jesus has done
S2: for you. Is that you today, my friend? You need salvation.
S2: So let me ask you, do you believe that Jesus
S2: died for you? Good. Do you believe you needed that?
S2: Because you can't do it. Good. Do you believe he
S2: rose again and is alive today? Because you feel and
S2: you are experiencing not only the conviction of sin, but
S2: the comfort of coming to him. That's God's work. And
S2: right now, today, if it's been an epiphany, I can
S2: surrender to Jesus without the help of a of another man.
S2: We want to help you in your new walk of
S2: faith right now. If today is your day of salvation,
S2: one mediator, Jesus Christ Himself, and you've gone straight to him,
S2: confessing your sin and the need for the Messiah, the
S2: Savior of the world, to save your life. We want
S2: to help you right now. Pastor Carl, what if the
S2: temptation comes from within me? kind of scared of asking
S2: you this, but what have you yourself is the one
S2: who is doing the tempting first. You're spot on, James,
S2: the half brother. Jesus said, temptation born of lust gives
S2: birth to sin. So there's a couple different kinds of temptations.
S2: There's the temptation that comes from outward things, and there's
S2: things that come from inward flesh. That's ourselves. And unchecked
S2: we can get in trouble with that. He goes on,
S2: I am a Christ follower. I'm born again. But then
S2: he goes on and it's a little bit graphic here,
S2: so I'm not going to get into a little ear warning.
S2: I'll just say. He goes on to describe what trips
S2: him up with regard to his eyes, and it deals
S2: with women and sexuality and all that stuff. That is
S2: very real. First, let me say this. When you find
S2: yourself gripped by sin, missing the mark. That's no longer temptation.
S2: You've taken the bait and that needs to be repented of,
S2: brought into the light, and then you deal a swift
S2: blow to it. That is critical. And I'm going to
S2: give you a link here in a moment, because some
S2: of you are struggling with who knows what. And you're like,
S2: how in the world am I going to get victory
S2: over this? But I haven't even alluded to this on
S2: this show yet. But there's something very solidly biblical about
S2: building boundaries. I'm talking moral boundaries. I'm talking relational boundaries,
S2: and I'm talking spiritual boundaries. And what boundaries do are
S2: it stops feeding something that keeps coming back. And there's ways,
S2: my brother, that you can deal with this temptation even
S2: within yourself by building boundaries around your life. I've got
S2: birdfeeders at home, front yard, back yard. When I put
S2: sunflower seeds in those feeders. Guess what? These birds keep
S2: coming back. When I stop feeding these birds, they go away.
S2: You got to starve, sin. You got to quit feeding it.
S2: And you got to get yourself in a position where
S2: you're not feeding sin. I don't care what issue this is.
S2: Let me give you a few to cogitate on here.
S2: Boom crew for all of you. If you make purchases impulsively,
S2: devise creative ways to make them more challenging. Don't carry
S2: credit card. So one person I know has a trusted
S2: friend look at their spending ledgers for a few months. Breaks.
S2: That puts boundaries there. If you're trying to curb your appetite,
S2: get healthy or lose weight. Avoid having foods in your
S2: kitchen that are going to tempt you to overindulge. Just
S2: don't even make these less accessible. Starve it out. If wine, beer,
S2: hard liquor, drugs are owning you, get them out of
S2: easy reach. Distance yourself from company. Yeah. People that cause
S2: you cause you to stumble and get trusted friends to
S2: pray for you and support you. If social media or
S2: TV are devouring your time, limit your electronics. Get passcodes
S2: to a spouse or friend. A device doesn't only give
S2: you access to the world. It gives the world access
S2: to you. And some of you know that full well.
S2: So here's here's what I'd say. Temptation is common to man,
S2: but God has provided a way of escape. And we
S2: know that Jesus was tempted in every way and without sin.
S2: But it is a wise thing to put moral, spiritual,
S2: relational boundaries up in your life. Some of you find
S2: yourself on this sin shame, repent, repeat. Cycle. Like my
S2: brother who emailed me here because you've not put up boundaries.
S2: Some of us think, well, we're just at the mercy
S2: of what's going to come our way. No. Construct your
S2: life in a way I don't care what you're up against.
S2: Even if it's gossiping in the lobby after church. God
S2: bless you. The Spirit of God convicts you that go
S2: to your friends and tell them I am so convicted.
S2: I've been gossiping. Would you help me with this? I
S2: know it takes courage, but this is what courageous disciples
S2: do who bear fruit. And you want that. So this
S2: whole issue of boundaries and killing sin. I'm going to
S2: be bold here and tell you there's a place you
S2: can go to get some help. It's been out for
S2: weeks now, and if you haven't heard this yet, or
S2: maybe the time is now, I want you more than
S2: anything else, especially this chapter on boundaries around your life.
S2: Because you've got to quit feeding what's been killing you.
S2: You got to starve it, and God can help you.
S2: And we've got a path forward. I want you to
S2: check this out if you haven't done it yet. Young
S2: Thunder's got a link right now.
S5: Yeah. This is to Carl's book, Killing Sin. Conquer. The
S5: one thing that is defeating you, it's scripture based. It's
S5: not just Carl's thoughts floating around in there. This is
S5: all for that. This is all from the word of God.
S5: And it will help you conquer the one thing that's
S5: defeating you. We truly believe it. Just text the word
S5: conquer to 855, 78, 98. That's c o n q
S5: u e r to 855 five 7898.
S2: And Godspeed to you. I love you all, I really do.
S2: This is a fun segment. Monday's bottom of the hour,
S2: but boundaries is huge.
S5: Oh, it's so big.
S2: It's big man. I mean, we are not at the
S2: mercy of this wacky world that we live in, in
S2: these devices in particular, or gossip or whatever it may be,
S2: you can get creative and come up with ways to
S2: put boundaries around this, and I cover that in one
S2: whole chapter, so check it out. Text the word conquer
S2: right now. Just the word conquer to 805, 55, 78, 98.
S2: And quite frankly, this is one of those words that
S2: phonetically doesn't look like it's spelled. It doesn't sound like
S2: it's spelled at all. Correct c o n c o
S2: n q u e r. Conquer to 855 five 7898.
S2: I want to help you take your next step with
S2: Jesus and this whole issue of killing sin, getting off
S2: that stupid sin shame, repent, repeat madness cycle can end,
S2: my friend. It can end and I don't care what
S2: it is. Let God do that work in you. Just
S2: text the word conquer to 855 five 7898. Well, coming up,
S2: I've got a question for you right now if you
S2: took because we're dealing with marriage all week long here.
S2: If you took a look at your marriage. What is
S2: that thing? That most rips you off from love. And
S2: usually it's simple little things. What does that behavior or
S2: that issue in your marriage that if you're not attentive
S2: to it, it's going to rip you off blind? Think
S2: about that a second. Think about that. And if you
S2: got a response to that you can text us here
S2: as well right now. What is that thing that if
S2: you're not attentive to it in your marriage, it's going
S2: to rip you off and it's going to take what
S2: could be robust intimacy and turn it into glorified roommate status. Text.
S2: Is your response to that one right now? I'm not
S2: going to read out numbers or names on air. I
S2: would just love to hear from you. 805 55 7898
S2: 805 55 7898.