1 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:09,719 S1: It's a love revolution. That's right. Since 1992, a concept 2 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,440 S1: has garnered international attention. It has helped couples, single parents 3 00:00:13,440 --> 00:00:16,799 S1: and children. It's even helped in the workplace. I'm talking 4 00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:20,720 S1: about the five love languages. I've seen this concept on billboards. 5 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,880 S1: I've seen it on boxes that come to my house. 6 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:27,240 S1: I've seen it on daytime TV shows. I've seen it 7 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,440 S1: in the Dallas Fort Worth airport where it said queso 8 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:33,760 S1: is my love language. And today on Chris Fabry Live, 9 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,400 S1: we are not going to talk with the man who 10 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,159 S1: wrote about that more than 30 years ago, because we 11 00:00:38,159 --> 00:00:40,879 S1: talked with him a few weeks ago. We're going to 12 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:43,920 S1: talk with two doctors who have seen what can happen 13 00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:48,640 S1: to people who grasp this concept. But wait, there's more. Today, 14 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,920 S1: the follow up, the next transformational step, the next love 15 00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:55,040 S1: revolution is at hand. And we're going to find out 16 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,440 S1: about it straight ahead on Chris Fabry live the program 17 00:00:57,440 --> 00:01:00,550 S1: from the heart to the heart for your heart. We 18 00:01:00,550 --> 00:01:02,590 S1: begin with a thank you to our team, Ryan McConaughey 19 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:06,310 S1: doing all things technical. Trish is our producer. Lisa's helping out. 20 00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:09,470 S1: Josh will answer your calls today. All month I've been 21 00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:12,110 S1: talking about Gary and the parrots because we are giving 22 00:01:12,110 --> 00:01:14,990 S1: a copy of this brand new book, The Love Language 23 00:01:14,990 --> 00:01:18,590 S1: That Matters Most, as our. Thank you for anyone who 24 00:01:18,590 --> 00:01:22,589 S1: supports us this month and this is the last week 25 00:01:22,590 --> 00:01:25,310 S1: for that offer. So I'm hoping that today is the day. 26 00:01:25,310 --> 00:01:27,590 S1: And who doesn't want to express love so that the 27 00:01:27,590 --> 00:01:32,670 S1: other person really feels it? Go to Chris. Scroll down. 28 00:01:32,870 --> 00:01:35,990 S1: If you give a gift of any size, we're going 29 00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:38,350 S1: to put this in the mail to you, Chris Fabry. 30 00:01:40,630 --> 00:01:43,910 S1: Let us hear from you today. It is by Gary Chapman. 31 00:01:43,910 --> 00:01:47,910 S1: As I mentioned, his co-authors are the parrots. Two R's, 32 00:01:47,950 --> 00:01:53,470 S1: two T's, please. Doctors Les and Leslie Parrott be exact. 33 00:01:53,470 --> 00:01:56,830 S1: They are psychologists. And number one, New York Times best 34 00:01:56,830 --> 00:02:01,630 S1: selling authors of numerous books, including Saving Your Marriage Before 35 00:02:01,630 --> 00:02:05,190 S1: It Starts. They live in Seattle and you can find 36 00:02:05,190 --> 00:02:11,590 S1: out more about them at Chris. Favorite Chris. Favorite doctor. 37 00:02:11,590 --> 00:02:16,150 S1: Parrots or doctors? Parrot. Les. Lesley. Welcome back. How are you? 38 00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:19,910 S2: Chris? Always good to be with you. Yeah. So fun. 39 00:02:20,350 --> 00:02:24,070 S1: Oh, good. Let's jump in. Let's dive in. Because with 40 00:02:24,070 --> 00:02:26,630 S1: all the experience that you've had, you two have had 41 00:02:26,630 --> 00:02:30,750 S1: through the years with couples, my guess is you have 42 00:02:30,750 --> 00:02:34,190 S1: seen the five love languages make some kind of difference. 43 00:02:34,190 --> 00:02:35,070 S1: Talk about that. 44 00:02:36,110 --> 00:02:39,350 S2: Well, we first need to talk about the man and 45 00:02:39,350 --> 00:02:42,270 S2: that is Doctor Gary Chapman because that's why we're talking 46 00:02:42,270 --> 00:02:44,870 S2: about this in about 30 years ago, of course, he 47 00:02:44,870 --> 00:02:51,470 S2: wrote that book that has sold more than 20 million copies. Incredible. And, uh, uh, 48 00:02:51,750 --> 00:02:54,030 S2: when you talk about making a difference, we have to 49 00:02:54,030 --> 00:02:57,230 S2: start with our own relationship. Boy, I'll tell you what. 50 00:02:57,270 --> 00:03:01,390 S2: What couple that we've worked with that hasn't benefited from that, 51 00:03:01,389 --> 00:03:05,390 S2: including ourselves. We've just all been so blessed. I mean, 52 00:03:05,430 --> 00:03:10,030 S2: it it is such a gift to connection whenever you 53 00:03:10,030 --> 00:03:14,070 S2: get love languages and apply them. And the reason is it's, um, 54 00:03:14,389 --> 00:03:16,950 S2: as we like to say, it's it's the proverbial cookies 55 00:03:16,950 --> 00:03:21,030 S2: on the bottom shelf. It's about the easiest way for 56 00:03:21,030 --> 00:03:25,350 S2: a couple at nearly any age or stage, to experience 57 00:03:25,350 --> 00:03:28,950 S2: love the way they'd like to. And that's the simple 58 00:03:29,230 --> 00:03:32,710 S2: and complex effort of the five love languages. 59 00:03:33,190 --> 00:03:36,550 S1: Yeah, but there's a difference. There's a there's a difference 60 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:38,550 S1: in knowing it in your head. It's almost like the 61 00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:40,590 S1: Christian life in a sense. You can know a lot 62 00:03:40,590 --> 00:03:44,270 S1: about the Bible and about God and about Jesus, but 63 00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:47,310 S1: if it doesn't get from the head to the heart, 64 00:03:47,350 --> 00:03:50,230 S1: then it kind of gets lost in there and you 65 00:03:50,230 --> 00:03:53,830 S1: start going on your own steam. So it's not enough 66 00:03:53,830 --> 00:03:57,620 S1: just to know, oh, my spouse's love language is words 67 00:03:57,620 --> 00:04:02,780 S1: of affirmation or quality time. It gets lost in translation. 68 00:04:02,780 --> 00:04:04,140 S1: Talk about that less. 69 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:09,660 S2: Well, uh, we feel the exact same way you're talking 70 00:04:09,660 --> 00:04:13,940 S2: about Chris years ago with Doctor Chapman. Uh, we said, 71 00:04:13,980 --> 00:04:17,900 S2: you know, wouldn't it be interesting to be able to 72 00:04:17,940 --> 00:04:20,620 S2: shed light on this in a way that is not 73 00:04:20,620 --> 00:04:24,740 S2: so egocentric? Because most of us we read, I affectionately 74 00:04:24,740 --> 00:04:27,380 S2: call it the Purple Book. Uh, we read the purple 75 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:30,460 S2: book and we go, okay, there's how to love me. 76 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:33,339 S2: I am Acts of Service. Make sure you're doing that 77 00:04:33,339 --> 00:04:36,339 S2: because that's how you can love me. And for some reason, 78 00:04:36,339 --> 00:04:40,540 S2: just in our nature, to focus on how we experience love, 79 00:04:40,779 --> 00:04:43,020 S2: but to integrate it into our life so that we're 80 00:04:43,060 --> 00:04:47,020 S2: actually putting ourselves in our partner's shoes or our children's 81 00:04:47,020 --> 00:04:49,100 S2: shoes or whoever it is that we're trying to love 82 00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:53,900 S2: and accurately understand how God hardwired them to experience love. 83 00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:55,980 S2: That's when it's transformative. 84 00:04:56,020 --> 00:04:59,500 S3: And I love that word transformative. Because you're right. When 85 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:02,740 S3: you say, you know, it can't be a formula, it 86 00:05:02,740 --> 00:05:06,060 S3: has to come from the heart. So, for instance, I 87 00:05:06,060 --> 00:05:09,620 S3: knew that Les's love language was acts of service. So 88 00:05:09,660 --> 00:05:12,460 S3: if I just decide I'm going to do an act 89 00:05:12,460 --> 00:05:15,900 S3: of service, and then maybe he doesn't feel deeply loved 90 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,660 S3: by that. And then I wonder what's going on. Why 91 00:05:18,660 --> 00:05:22,860 S3: isn't his love love tank all full? And that's what 92 00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:25,740 S3: this book helps us do. It helps us sort of, um, 93 00:05:25,779 --> 00:05:29,539 S3: crack the code for translating the nuances. So we really 94 00:05:29,540 --> 00:05:33,900 S3: do actually love the person we most want to love wisely. 95 00:05:33,940 --> 00:05:36,860 S2: Yeah. And Chris, as you well know, we we talked 96 00:05:36,860 --> 00:05:39,660 S2: with Gary uh, years ago about our own relationship. And 97 00:05:39,660 --> 00:05:42,780 S2: I said, hey, Gary, I'm feeling I'm doing my best 98 00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:45,660 S2: to fill up Leslie's love tank by speaking words of affirmation, 99 00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:49,060 S2: but it seems like it's missing the mark. And it 100 00:05:49,060 --> 00:05:52,580 S2: was that little conversation that was of an incredibly personal 101 00:05:52,730 --> 00:05:56,810 S2: level that we began to really delve in and do 102 00:05:56,810 --> 00:06:00,050 S2: some research on these things that we call. 103 00:06:00,089 --> 00:06:02,290 S3: Dialect magic words. 104 00:06:02,330 --> 00:06:05,890 S2: Yeah, dialects. And while there's five, I mean, while there's 105 00:06:05,890 --> 00:06:10,730 S2: five love languages, we discovered 22 dialects. Each of the 106 00:06:10,730 --> 00:06:14,010 S2: five love languages has its own dialect. And that's why 107 00:06:14,010 --> 00:06:17,130 S2: we wrote this book. The love language that matters most. 108 00:06:17,130 --> 00:06:20,850 S2: It gets into those dialects, and this is where it 109 00:06:20,850 --> 00:06:23,850 S2: really begins to take root and become a part of 110 00:06:23,850 --> 00:06:26,130 S2: our life, like you were talking about. So it's not 111 00:06:26,130 --> 00:06:28,250 S2: just like, oh yeah, I know her love language, I 112 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:30,810 S2: know she knows mine. And and, uh, we kind of 113 00:06:30,850 --> 00:06:34,610 S2: check that box, know now we get into the daily, um, 114 00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:38,210 S2: act of experiencing love at a level that we never 115 00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:38,930 S2: have before. 116 00:06:39,089 --> 00:06:42,410 S1: Okay, so let's jump into just the words of affirmation 117 00:06:42,410 --> 00:06:46,010 S1: right there and talk about some of those dialects, because 118 00:06:46,370 --> 00:06:49,450 S1: some will work at, you know, all the time and 119 00:06:49,450 --> 00:06:52,760 S1: then others are for there's there's ways that you need 120 00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:57,560 S1: to move back from those that dialect of words of affirmation. 121 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:01,200 S1: So the first one is encouragement. I would assume that 122 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,240 S1: could be used just about any time, right? 123 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:08,520 S3: Well, I love that you're talking about these because, yeah, 124 00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:11,960 S3: these are the nuances. You know, it's just it's like 125 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,600 S3: having the insider language straight to the person's heart that 126 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,160 S3: you're trying to love. I happen to be a words 127 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,200 S3: of affirmation person, unless actually thought encouragement was the pathway 128 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:23,800 S3: to my heart. 129 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:26,720 S2: Yeah, I thought I kind of became like a walking 130 00:07:26,720 --> 00:07:29,480 S2: hallmark card. I was just like, man, you can do 131 00:07:29,480 --> 00:07:31,800 S2: it and hang in there, and you'd be great at that. 132 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,880 S2: And I just thought by giving words of encouragement, I 133 00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:38,600 S2: would be speaking Leslie's love language. Turns out that is 134 00:07:38,600 --> 00:07:42,520 S2: not her dialect at all. In fact, it did kind 135 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,160 S2: of the opposite. 136 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,040 S3: Yeah, actually, you know, instead of filling my love tank, 137 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:49,200 S3: it would it would spring a leak. Because what I 138 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:52,200 S3: heard in the encouragement was a lot of pressure to 139 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:56,640 S3: do many things I didn't necessarily want to say yes to. Yeah, 140 00:07:57,600 --> 00:07:58,960 S3: so it wasn't my dialect. 141 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,720 S2: And it's not that you don't like a little bit 142 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:02,880 S2: of encouragement every now and then, but that's not how 143 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:05,480 S2: you really want to experience and receive love. So. But 144 00:08:05,640 --> 00:08:08,920 S2: that's the first of of the dialects for words of affirmation. 145 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:13,040 S2: There's two more, thank goodness. And the next is appreciation. 146 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,400 S2: And just let's get the whole list out there. It's encouragement. 147 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:22,040 S2: Appreciation and compliments and compliments is sky high for Leslie. 148 00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:24,920 S3: That's right. And so if you're if your dialect under 149 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:28,400 S3: words of affirmation is compliments, you would like someone to 150 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,440 S3: have noticed something you've already done well, or just a 151 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,600 S3: quality about who you are, and just gush a little 152 00:08:34,600 --> 00:08:35,280 S3: about that. 153 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,800 S2: Right when I can say, man, I watched you the 154 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,880 S2: other day and you were working with our son Jack, 155 00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:42,360 S2: and what you said to him was so brilliant. As 156 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:44,559 S2: a parent, I just need you to know you're an 157 00:08:44,559 --> 00:08:48,920 S2: incredible mom, right? That fills up her love tank. Not. Hey, 158 00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:49,880 S2: you can do it. 159 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,160 S4: I can't believe you used that example. 160 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:57,040 S1: Because, uh, my wife, Andrea. Hers is words of affirmation. 161 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,880 S1: And I try to, you know, I try to speak this, 162 00:08:59,880 --> 00:09:03,680 S1: but it's exactly what you're saying. It's like sometimes it 163 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,679 S1: hits and sometimes it doesn't. And the other day, we 164 00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:10,080 S1: had a friend, a younger friend, come over to the house, 165 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:13,720 S1: and she was talking about their situation in her family 166 00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:15,960 S1: and some of the things that she was going through. 167 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:20,120 S1: And I watched my, my wife talk with her as 168 00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,760 S1: a mom to a daughter, uh, even though there's, there's 169 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:27,800 S1: not that many years between them, but just the. And 170 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,280 S1: I said to her later when we were alone, the 171 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,640 S1: way that you listen to her has like I, I 172 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:38,600 S1: wish I could do that. That's like your superpower. You 173 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,800 S1: are able to listen and there's no judgment there. There's nothing. 174 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:45,520 S1: You heard her. You. You moved into her life. And 175 00:09:45,520 --> 00:09:48,709 S1: I could just see the light in my wife's eyes. 176 00:09:48,750 --> 00:09:52,830 S1: That's like you notice that you saw that. That's what 177 00:09:52,830 --> 00:09:56,670 S1: you're talking about here. Of of getting to that place. 178 00:09:56,710 --> 00:09:59,670 S1: Not just with words, of affirmation, but with all of 179 00:09:59,670 --> 00:10:02,589 S1: the love languages and the book. The love language that 180 00:10:02,590 --> 00:10:05,790 S1: matters most is our. Thank you right now. Give a 181 00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:08,430 S1: gift of any size to the program. Chris Fabry live. 182 00:10:08,429 --> 00:10:11,230 S1: I would love to send you a copy of this. Uh, 183 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:16,710 S1: just go to Chris Fabry, lifeforce. Chris Fabry, you'll see 184 00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:19,110 S1: it right there by Gary and the parrots. The parrots 185 00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:21,910 S1: are in the house today, and you can talk with 186 00:10:21,910 --> 00:10:34,590 S1: them more straight ahead on Moody Radio. I put this 187 00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:38,710 S1: question up on Facebook today. Someone showed love to you 188 00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:41,910 S1: and it stuck in your heart. What did they say 189 00:10:41,950 --> 00:10:45,390 S1: or do? And sometimes I write these questions and. And 190 00:10:45,429 --> 00:10:48,670 S1: it's clear nobody gets what I'm what I'm talking about. 191 00:10:48,670 --> 00:10:51,830 S1: But today, today they did. And I want to read 192 00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:54,470 S1: 1 or 2 of these because I think the parents 193 00:10:54,470 --> 00:10:57,950 S1: are going to be able to say, see, look, look, 194 00:10:57,950 --> 00:11:01,670 S1: look at that, uh, the love language that matters most. 195 00:11:01,950 --> 00:11:04,510 S1: How to personalize love so they really feel it is 196 00:11:04,510 --> 00:11:09,230 S1: by Doctor Gary Chapman and doctors Les and Leslie Parrott. 197 00:11:09,429 --> 00:11:12,030 S1: You can find out more about that. Actually, we want 198 00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:15,030 S1: to send you a copy. Just support the program and 199 00:11:15,030 --> 00:11:17,710 S1: even if you can't support the program, would love to 200 00:11:17,710 --> 00:11:20,590 S1: put this in your hand here at the end of February. 201 00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:24,390 S1: And this is only good through, I think the 28th. 202 00:11:24,429 --> 00:11:28,270 S1: Is it Saturday? Is it Friday or Saturday? Okay, okay. 203 00:11:28,309 --> 00:11:33,870 S1: All right. Here we go. Um, so 866 95 Fabbri 204 00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:38,829 S1: or go to Chris Fabbri Livorno. The very first response, 205 00:11:38,870 --> 00:11:42,189 S1: Rebecca said I had a seven month live in caregiving 206 00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:46,179 S1: job when the person I was caring for died. I 207 00:11:46,179 --> 00:11:49,620 S1: took it really hard. One of the other caregivers called 208 00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,980 S1: me the day after she died and asked if I 209 00:11:51,980 --> 00:11:55,580 S1: needed anything. Ten minutes later, she showed up with hot 210 00:11:55,580 --> 00:11:58,900 S1: chocolate and a box of Kleenex. She just kept me 211 00:11:58,940 --> 00:12:02,940 S1: company while I packed up my stuff. That act of 212 00:12:02,940 --> 00:12:08,980 S1: kindness still brings me to tears. Just show up. So 213 00:12:08,980 --> 00:12:14,420 S1: what Rebecca described right there. Less and less. What? What 214 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:17,380 S1: love language was that? And why do you think it 215 00:12:17,380 --> 00:12:18,980 S1: stuck with her like that? 216 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:23,100 S3: I mean, wow. It doesn't it doesn't take a brilliance 217 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:25,980 S3: to understand that. But that sounds to me like it 218 00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:28,820 S3: could be a combination of two things. That was an 219 00:12:28,820 --> 00:12:31,420 S3: act of service, for sure, because she showed up with 220 00:12:31,420 --> 00:12:35,260 S3: hot chocolate and a box of tissue, which which was 221 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:39,219 S3: the dialect of care under acts of service. But it 222 00:12:39,220 --> 00:12:43,530 S3: also could be quality time, her presence, just that ministry 223 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:47,210 S3: of presence. She didn't just show up and do the task. 224 00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:51,530 S3: She showed up and was fully present in the moment. So, um, 225 00:12:51,650 --> 00:12:55,490 S3: what a sweet, you know, way of loving that goes 226 00:12:55,490 --> 00:12:56,290 S3: straight to the heart. 227 00:12:56,330 --> 00:12:58,690 S2: And that kind of illustrates an important point about the 228 00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:02,329 S2: five love languages. Um, the point isn't to go, oh, 229 00:13:02,370 --> 00:13:05,449 S2: am I am I doing it right? The goal is 230 00:13:05,450 --> 00:13:08,329 S2: just to make sure that the person is being loved, 231 00:13:08,330 --> 00:13:11,650 S2: and Gary would be the first to say it. Don't 232 00:13:11,650 --> 00:13:14,209 S2: don't kind of feel like you have to work the system, 233 00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:17,250 S2: you know, uh, to, to force it into a category 234 00:13:17,250 --> 00:13:20,530 S2: or whatever. Just make sure that person is loved. And 235 00:13:20,690 --> 00:13:23,890 S2: so sometimes it is a combination of love languages. 236 00:13:24,050 --> 00:13:28,609 S1: Don't you think that part of it is, uh, simply 237 00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:32,449 S1: being able to relax and see the person? Like I 238 00:13:32,450 --> 00:13:35,970 S1: mentioned about my wife, it didn't take me anything to 239 00:13:36,010 --> 00:13:39,050 S1: to come up with this. You know, her interaction with 240 00:13:39,050 --> 00:13:41,250 S1: this friend of ours. It didn't take anything for me 241 00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:44,209 S1: to see that I saw it. I just simply had 242 00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:48,050 S1: to communicate that to my wife. And most of the 243 00:13:48,050 --> 00:13:50,050 S1: time I'll just keep that to myself or I'll make 244 00:13:50,050 --> 00:13:52,650 S1: a little note about it. I won't, I won't tell her. 245 00:13:52,809 --> 00:13:57,329 S1: So it's going that next step and and communicating right. 246 00:13:57,809 --> 00:14:00,410 S2: Yeah, that's exactly right. We call in psychology. We just 247 00:14:00,410 --> 00:14:04,170 S2: call that uh relational withhold. And it's not because it 248 00:14:04,170 --> 00:14:07,209 S2: didn't register in your mind. It's just that you didn't 249 00:14:07,210 --> 00:14:09,730 S2: speak it. And in fact, Chris, you know, just before 250 00:14:10,130 --> 00:14:12,370 S2: we got on the air here with you, Andrea called 251 00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:14,930 S2: us and said, if you could help Chris do that 252 00:14:14,970 --> 00:14:17,810 S2: more often, we would really appreciate it. 253 00:14:18,370 --> 00:14:18,690 S1: Well. 254 00:14:18,970 --> 00:14:21,330 S2: We spent hours together strategizing. 255 00:14:21,810 --> 00:14:23,970 S4: I got the book, so I ought to be able 256 00:14:23,970 --> 00:14:24,410 S4: to do it. 257 00:14:24,490 --> 00:14:25,970 S2: Well, you need to read it again, buddy. 258 00:14:26,010 --> 00:14:28,490 S4: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, so. 259 00:14:28,530 --> 00:14:32,250 S3: He's already an ace student because that example you shared, 260 00:14:32,570 --> 00:14:36,290 S3: especially since it was my love language and my dialect 261 00:14:36,290 --> 00:14:39,370 S3: I that resonated with me. Chris. So you got an 262 00:14:39,370 --> 00:14:40,250 S3: A in that moment. 263 00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:43,080 S2: Hey, and let me mention something along those lines to Chris, 264 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:46,880 S2: because I'm I'm all about acts of service. And for 265 00:14:46,880 --> 00:14:50,440 S2: people that are not hardwired with acts of service as 266 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:54,200 S2: their love language, sometimes it doesn't feel like it could 267 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:57,000 S2: even be love. It took a long time for Leslie. 268 00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,280 S2: That's just I said, you know, the other day when 269 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,200 S2: you went down to the post office and stood in 270 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,720 S2: line for 30 minutes to to drop off that package 271 00:15:04,720 --> 00:15:07,080 S2: for me. I can't tell you what that meant to me, 272 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:11,160 S2: to give me that time, because time is my dialect within, 273 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:15,160 S2: you know, acts of service. Yes. And acts of service, 274 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,800 S2: by the way, has four dialects saving time, alleviating stress, 275 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:24,960 S2: instilling security and then conveying care. But time far and 276 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:28,040 S2: away is my dialect. And by the way, you know, 277 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,560 S2: just to back up for any listeners that are going, 278 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,960 S2: what do they mean by dialects? People in Boston, where 279 00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:38,440 S2: I grew up have a different dialect than people in Nashville, right? 280 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,440 S2: That's all we're talking about. It's still the English language. 281 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:44,520 S2: This isn't a new love language. This is just a 282 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:48,720 S2: way of speaking that particular love language. And so, Leslie, 283 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:51,280 S2: she used to say, man, this is just life. Just 284 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:53,400 S2: dropping off a package. It doesn't feel like I'm loving it. 285 00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:56,040 S2: I said, trust me, it fills up my love tank. 286 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,840 S3: Anytime I can recoup a little time in your life 287 00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:02,800 S3: where you don't have to do an inane error, uh, 288 00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:05,040 S3: you know, errand. But you get to do something you 289 00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,720 S3: love to do or value. You feel loved. And it's 290 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:09,120 S3: taken me a long time to understand that. 291 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,720 S2: Yeah, it's like, wow, I can't believe you would do 292 00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:13,160 S2: that for me. It's like the ultimate act of empathy 293 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,400 S2: that you would do that for me. 294 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,080 S1: Okay, now I have done the same thing, the acts 295 00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:20,200 S1: of service, because that's what secondary love language for my 296 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:24,000 S1: wife of my youth. But I'll many times I'll do 297 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,600 S1: something and then it's like, I wonder if she saw 298 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,840 S1: this or not. I'm going to tell her about it. 299 00:16:28,880 --> 00:16:31,880 S1: If you if you tell the person that you did 300 00:16:31,880 --> 00:16:34,360 S1: an act of service, does that cancel it out? 301 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,670 S2: Yeah. I'm just curious, Chris, do you do that with God, too? Hey, God, 302 00:16:38,710 --> 00:16:41,710 S2: make sure you're looking. Watch this one. I'm doing something 303 00:16:41,710 --> 00:16:46,110 S2: really good down here. It's just human nature, isn't it? 304 00:16:46,150 --> 00:16:48,270 S2: We want to make sure we get credit for it. 305 00:16:48,310 --> 00:16:51,910 S2: We want to make sure it shows up in the ledger. And, uh, 306 00:16:51,910 --> 00:16:56,390 S2: I think that that is, uh, certainly acceptable. But, man, 307 00:16:56,390 --> 00:16:59,270 S2: when you can do it without looking for that kind 308 00:16:59,270 --> 00:17:03,110 S2: of affirmation, and it's eventually discovered because it comes through 309 00:17:03,110 --> 00:17:06,750 S2: in the spirit, right? Eventually it does come through. 310 00:17:06,790 --> 00:17:09,350 S3: Yeah. That's the thing about these love tanks. You know, 311 00:17:09,390 --> 00:17:12,150 S3: that's one of the concepts in love languages is that 312 00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:14,830 S3: metaphor that we use for when you feel deeply loved, 313 00:17:14,830 --> 00:17:18,630 S3: it's like your tank is full, and when someone's love 314 00:17:18,670 --> 00:17:21,990 S3: tank is overflowing, like when Andrea's love tank is full, 315 00:17:22,350 --> 00:17:26,230 S3: it just splashes over and you get the benefit of that. 316 00:17:26,230 --> 00:17:31,190 S3: So I, you know, generally speaking, we can tell because 317 00:17:31,190 --> 00:17:35,430 S3: we're the recipients of that, that love that just overflows 318 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,670 S3: back our way. It's quite contagious. 319 00:17:37,710 --> 00:17:39,670 S2: And by the way, Chris, just while we're talking about 320 00:17:39,670 --> 00:17:42,190 S2: love tanks, one thing that we, when we wrote this 321 00:17:42,190 --> 00:17:45,469 S2: book with Gary, the love language that matters most, we 322 00:17:45,790 --> 00:17:49,670 S2: realized we have a whole chapter on love tanks. And 323 00:17:49,710 --> 00:17:51,910 S2: as you know, in the original book, he just kind 324 00:17:51,910 --> 00:17:54,350 S2: of touches on that as a powerful metaphor. But we 325 00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:58,590 S2: really did some, uh, deep dive into it. And one 326 00:17:58,590 --> 00:18:02,310 S2: thing we know from research is that Love Tanks, uh, 327 00:18:02,910 --> 00:18:07,350 S2: will drain faster than they fill. In fact, we know 328 00:18:07,350 --> 00:18:11,990 S2: from hard science here social science that it takes five 329 00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:14,910 S2: times as long to fill up a love tank as 330 00:18:14,910 --> 00:18:18,430 S2: it does to drain it. In other words, one kind 331 00:18:18,430 --> 00:18:21,990 S2: of negative thing that you might say or do can 332 00:18:21,990 --> 00:18:25,830 S2: deplete a love tank, and it'll take five efforts on 333 00:18:25,869 --> 00:18:28,550 S2: that front to fill it back up. Isn't that interesting? 334 00:18:29,190 --> 00:18:32,150 S1: It is. And it's it almost feels like. Well, then 335 00:18:32,150 --> 00:18:36,590 S1: I'm I'm, you know, a Herculean task. This mountain is 336 00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:41,110 S1: too high. But the the dirty little secret is it 337 00:18:41,150 --> 00:18:45,550 S1: doesn't take much to begin to take a step toward 338 00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:50,110 S1: that other person. Or the thing that really encourages me 339 00:18:50,150 --> 00:18:54,030 S1: is this is not about getting everything right or or 340 00:18:54,230 --> 00:18:59,950 S1: saying something perfectly. The the action on the inside, moving 341 00:18:59,990 --> 00:19:02,710 S1: toward that other person. You could even make a mistake 342 00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:06,389 S1: with this, with a with a love language. Try and 343 00:19:06,390 --> 00:19:09,310 S1: still be moving toward that other person, right? 344 00:19:10,109 --> 00:19:14,110 S3: I love that point because this is not about loving perfectly. 345 00:19:14,270 --> 00:19:17,909 S3: We just aren't perfect. And when you're sharing life over 346 00:19:17,950 --> 00:19:21,390 S3: time with a long, loyal kind of love. Perfect isn't 347 00:19:21,390 --> 00:19:24,150 S3: in the mix. But it's just the practice of it. 348 00:19:24,150 --> 00:19:28,430 S3: Just the the faithful practice of it. And you're exactly right. 349 00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:33,350 S3: You know, love isn't a formula. So often it's very endearing, 350 00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:37,060 S3: you know, to see efforts that we make toward each 351 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:40,380 S3: other that might miss the mark slightly. But when you 352 00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:43,540 S3: see the heart behind it, you just love it. You know, 353 00:19:43,580 --> 00:19:47,260 S3: it's just like receiving a work of art from a kid. 354 00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,980 S3: It might not be a perfect portrait of you, but 355 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:53,300 S3: that they wanted to draw you makes you feel so loved. 356 00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,219 S3: And we we can feel that way toward each other 357 00:19:56,260 --> 00:19:58,020 S3: in a love relationship as well. 358 00:19:58,859 --> 00:20:02,100 S1: That is so good. That's so good. And most of 359 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,980 S1: the time when we have authors on and we'll talk 360 00:20:04,980 --> 00:20:07,900 S1: about something is a great resource. You're on your own. 361 00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:11,380 S1: We've got a link for you today. It's different because 362 00:20:11,380 --> 00:20:14,300 S1: the parents have worked with Doctor Chapman to come up 363 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,180 S1: with a love language that matters most, how to personalize 364 00:20:17,220 --> 00:20:19,699 S1: love so they really feel it. If you support the 365 00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:22,060 S1: program with a gift of any size, become a friend 366 00:20:22,060 --> 00:20:24,700 S1: or a partner, then we're going to send it to you. 367 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:26,739 S1: But again, this is the last week I wanted to 368 00:20:26,740 --> 00:20:29,700 S1: have the parents on before we end the week and 369 00:20:29,740 --> 00:20:32,460 S1: and February so that you'd know about it and be 370 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:37,100 S1: able to take advantage of it. Call 86695 Fabbri or 371 00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:40,820 S1: just go to Chris dot. Scroll down, you'll see how 372 00:20:40,820 --> 00:20:43,060 S1: you can support us right there and get a copy. 373 00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:48,740 S1: Chris Fabbri live, Laura said in answer to that question. 374 00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:51,859 S1: I was a teenager and I sang and I played 375 00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:55,860 S1: my guitar at church and outside musical group came to 376 00:20:55,900 --> 00:20:59,740 S1: sing for us, and one fella noticed when I played 377 00:20:59,740 --> 00:21:04,540 S1: that my strings needed replacing. He asked to borrow my guitar, 378 00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:09,460 S1: replaced the strings and gave it back to me that evening. 379 00:21:09,580 --> 00:21:13,899 S1: I was so touched by his sweet, thoughtful gesture. That 380 00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:19,139 S1: was years ago, and she still remembers that act of service. 381 00:21:19,619 --> 00:21:21,220 S1: What does that speak to you? 382 00:21:21,859 --> 00:21:24,899 S2: Isn't that powerful? And that, of course, is the dialect 383 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:29,419 S2: of conveying care within the acts of service. Uh, again, 384 00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:33,649 S2: for our listeners, It's saving time. These are all under 385 00:21:33,650 --> 00:21:36,490 S2: the same love language of acts of service. Saving time. 386 00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:42,410 S2: That's mine. Alleviating stress, instilling security. Like, hey, I've got 387 00:21:42,410 --> 00:21:45,490 S2: this for you. You can relax. And then conveying care. 388 00:21:45,490 --> 00:21:49,450 S2: And that's what she experienced. What a beautiful story that is. And, uh, 389 00:21:49,450 --> 00:21:51,290 S2: in fact, I'm going to start using that when we 390 00:21:51,570 --> 00:21:52,930 S2: illustrate this point. 391 00:21:52,970 --> 00:21:54,930 S3: I'm wiping the tears off my cheeks. 392 00:21:55,090 --> 00:21:58,770 S2: I know, do you remember it all those years longer? Hey, Chris, 393 00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:01,290 S2: it kind of, uh, something that you said a second 394 00:22:01,290 --> 00:22:03,890 S2: ago reminded me there might be some listeners out there 395 00:22:03,890 --> 00:22:06,929 S2: that are going, hey, I'm hearing this book titled The 396 00:22:06,930 --> 00:22:09,770 S2: Love Language That Matters Most, but they're not answering the question. 397 00:22:09,770 --> 00:22:12,210 S2: Which one is it? Which one is which? 398 00:22:13,450 --> 00:22:16,210 S1: Exactly. Well, I asked that of Gary when? When he 399 00:22:16,210 --> 00:22:18,850 S1: was on, you know, a couple of weeks ago. And 400 00:22:18,850 --> 00:22:21,730 S1: and he said, I make it so clear and I've 401 00:22:21,770 --> 00:22:25,170 S1: talked about that through the, through the month, that it 402 00:22:25,170 --> 00:22:27,850 S1: is not your love language. It's the love language of 403 00:22:27,850 --> 00:22:31,370 S1: the person that you're trying to say, I love you too, right? 404 00:22:31,410 --> 00:22:34,810 S2: That's right. That's exactly right. Yes. It was so funny 405 00:22:34,810 --> 00:22:37,530 S2: when when we were just first kind of working on 406 00:22:37,530 --> 00:22:40,610 S2: this with Gary and, and we had a manuscript and 407 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,650 S2: I had finally printed it off of our printer here 408 00:22:42,650 --> 00:22:46,010 S2: in Seattle, and, and Leslie and I were down at 409 00:22:46,010 --> 00:22:49,250 S2: a restaurant not far from our home, and, and, uh, 410 00:22:49,250 --> 00:22:51,490 S2: the server came up and I had the, I had 411 00:22:51,490 --> 00:22:53,609 S2: the manuscript there, and the title was on the, the 412 00:22:53,650 --> 00:22:55,970 S2: front page, and she saw it. And this is a 413 00:22:55,970 --> 00:22:57,970 S2: restaurant that we've been to many times. And so we 414 00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:00,610 S2: kind of know the people and, and she said the 415 00:23:00,609 --> 00:23:04,290 S2: love language that matters most, she says, is it is 416 00:23:04,290 --> 00:23:07,369 S2: it is it receiving gifts? That's my love language. Is 417 00:23:07,369 --> 00:23:09,250 S2: that the one that matters most? And she just got 418 00:23:09,250 --> 00:23:13,010 S2: so excited. And I said, uh, well, sorry, it's not 419 00:23:13,050 --> 00:23:15,450 S2: it's not yours. It's the person in front of you. 420 00:23:15,450 --> 00:23:17,610 S2: That's the love language that matters most. And she slapped 421 00:23:17,609 --> 00:23:19,890 S2: her pad on the paper on the, on the table rather, 422 00:23:19,890 --> 00:23:23,090 S2: and stepped back. She said, get out of here. That's brilliant. 423 00:23:23,130 --> 00:23:26,210 S2: That's genius. And I called Gary. I said, I think 424 00:23:26,210 --> 00:23:29,360 S2: we got the right title for this book. So if 425 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,359 S2: the love language that matters most, to be abundantly clear, 426 00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:34,720 S2: is the love language of the person you're trying to love, 427 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,359 S2: and that might be a child. You know, it might 428 00:23:37,359 --> 00:23:41,399 S2: be your mom or dad, a friend, and certainly, certainly 429 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,240 S2: your spouse. 430 00:23:42,280 --> 00:23:44,439 S1: Yeah, well, here's what I want to do. Since we 431 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,760 S1: have the parents here and they know all the dialects 432 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:50,600 S1: to the different love languages, I'm going to make them 433 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:53,040 S1: accessible to you. If you want to give us a 434 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:56,000 S1: call and ask a question, maybe it's your spouse, maybe 435 00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:01,080 S1: it's a child and you have been speaking their love language, 436 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,400 S1: but it's not getting through. So it might be a 437 00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:12,520 S1: dialect issue. So call (877) 548-3675. Describe the other person that 438 00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,960 S1: you're trying to say I love you to, or the 439 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:18,600 S1: situation or circumstance that you're going through, and they may 440 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,360 S1: be able to help you, give you some tips and 441 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:29,439 S1: and some help from the love language that matters most. Again. 5483675. 442 00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,680 S1: We have open lines right now for you, so you'll 443 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:34,640 S1: be able to get through and talk with doctors. Les 444 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:42,840 S1: and Leslie Parrott. 877548367. Five. Or maybe you have an 445 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:46,480 S1: answer to that question that I posed on social media. 446 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:50,080 S1: Someone showed love to you and it stuck with you. 447 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:53,760 S1: It stuck in your heart. It struck a nerve. It resonated. 448 00:24:53,760 --> 00:25:02,000 S1: And it still does today. What did they say or do? (877) 548-3675. 449 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,560 S1: I want to hear from you in the second half 450 00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:07,360 S1: of our program, and let you know that I want 451 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,120 S1: to send you a copy of this book, The Love 452 00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:13,400 S1: Language That Matters Most How to Personalize love. So they 453 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:15,440 S1: so the other person you're trying to say, I love 454 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,440 S1: you too. So they really feel it. It's by Doctor 455 00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:22,840 S1: Chapman and doctors Les and Leslie Parrott. It's our. Thank you. 456 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,750 S1: Just support the program with a gift of any size 457 00:25:25,750 --> 00:25:33,350 S1: right there at the website. Chris. Chris. I also want 458 00:25:33,390 --> 00:25:36,830 S1: to go to the dialects in physical touch because I 459 00:25:36,869 --> 00:25:39,670 S1: found those really, really interesting. We'll do that with less 460 00:25:39,670 --> 00:25:47,550 S1: and Leslie and take your calls. (877) 548-3675. There's more coming 461 00:25:47,550 --> 00:26:03,989 S1: up straight ahead right here on Moody Radio. One of 462 00:26:03,990 --> 00:26:05,910 S1: the missions we have at Moody Radio is to come 463 00:26:05,910 --> 00:26:09,150 S1: alongside you and help you with whatever struggle you're having. 464 00:26:09,150 --> 00:26:14,430 S1: And sometimes those are spiritual struggles, emotional struggles. Sometimes they're 465 00:26:14,430 --> 00:26:18,429 S1: relational struggles. And that's what the love language is all about. 466 00:26:18,430 --> 00:26:22,310 S1: You want to express love to somebody in your life. 467 00:26:22,350 --> 00:26:25,020 S1: It's the person you're married to or you're related to, 468 00:26:25,060 --> 00:26:29,460 S1: or a friend family member of somebody you work with. 469 00:26:29,940 --> 00:26:32,740 S1: And that's what the love languages are all about. This 470 00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:36,380 S1: is the essential follow up to that, the love language 471 00:26:36,380 --> 00:26:40,660 S1: that matters most. Our featured resource, doctor Gary Chapman. And 472 00:26:40,660 --> 00:26:43,739 S1: doctors Les and Leslie Parrott. I'm going to open the 473 00:26:43,740 --> 00:26:46,820 S1: lines now. You got a love language problem, a struggle 474 00:26:46,820 --> 00:26:49,700 S1: that you're going through. Let's talk with the parents about it. 475 00:26:49,700 --> 00:26:54,619 S1: And first up is let's see, it's Diane in Nashville. Hi, Diane. 476 00:26:54,700 --> 00:26:55,540 S1: Go right ahead. 477 00:26:56,260 --> 00:26:56,619 S3: Hi. 478 00:26:57,460 --> 00:27:00,980 S5: I just had a question of trying to understand what 479 00:27:00,980 --> 00:27:05,260 S5: my spouse's love language is. Can you help me with that? 480 00:27:05,940 --> 00:27:08,379 S1: Sure thing. All right, parents, take it away. 481 00:27:08,900 --> 00:27:11,780 S2: Well, that is a it sounds like we planted that 482 00:27:11,780 --> 00:27:15,780 S2: question for this answer, because that is at the core 483 00:27:15,780 --> 00:27:18,540 S2: of something that we designed with Doctor Chapman about a 484 00:27:18,540 --> 00:27:24,179 S2: year ago called the Five Love Languages Premium assessment. And 485 00:27:24,220 --> 00:27:27,940 S2: that is a tool that you can find at five. 486 00:27:28,140 --> 00:27:30,940 S2: You know, you can just Google five love language premium 487 00:27:30,940 --> 00:27:34,940 S2: assessment and you'll get it. And it takes, oh, maybe 488 00:27:34,980 --> 00:27:38,220 S2: about uh, 15 minutes to answer a series of questions. 489 00:27:38,220 --> 00:27:42,780 S2: And it gives you, uh, dozen pages. And it's beautifully designed. 490 00:27:42,780 --> 00:27:47,460 S2: It's an infographic kind of report, but it will really 491 00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:51,300 S2: spell out for you how you are hardwired, how God 492 00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:56,619 S2: designed you to experience love. And it's important. By the way, Chris, 493 00:27:56,619 --> 00:27:59,060 S2: I'm sure you've discovered this too, to not just know 494 00:27:59,060 --> 00:28:02,180 S2: your primary love language and your secondary level, but what 495 00:28:02,180 --> 00:28:05,500 S2: are your foreign love languages? Because there's going to be 496 00:28:05,500 --> 00:28:07,420 S2: people in your life you want to love and you 497 00:28:07,420 --> 00:28:10,620 S2: don't speak their language. And this will highlight that and 498 00:28:10,619 --> 00:28:13,820 S2: give you a path forward on how to do that effectively. 499 00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:16,780 S3: Now, as powerful as that is, I also want to 500 00:28:16,780 --> 00:28:19,500 S3: tell you that you can be a good, um, you 501 00:28:19,500 --> 00:28:23,730 S3: can be a good detective, and observe your husband in 502 00:28:23,730 --> 00:28:27,290 S3: real life at the same time. Because as Gary has 503 00:28:27,290 --> 00:28:30,330 S3: been so good at teaching us over the years, we 504 00:28:30,369 --> 00:28:34,970 S3: kind of learn what our spouses love. Language is sometimes by. 505 00:28:35,170 --> 00:28:38,810 S3: By paying attention to the things that maybe they complain 506 00:28:38,810 --> 00:28:42,010 S3: about a little bit. So if they let you know 507 00:28:42,010 --> 00:28:46,530 S3: something that they're wishing for or something that they wanted or, 508 00:28:46,770 --> 00:28:49,730 S3: you know, we're a little disappointed in. I mean, if 509 00:28:49,730 --> 00:28:51,690 S3: you're like me, my human nature is to be a 510 00:28:51,690 --> 00:28:57,090 S3: little defensive, but Gary encourages us instead to treat it like, 511 00:28:57,130 --> 00:29:02,450 S3: you know, with curiosity. And that becomes a clue for us. Oh, okay. Well, 512 00:29:02,570 --> 00:29:04,810 S3: you know, if he wishes that I'd done the dishes 513 00:29:04,810 --> 00:29:08,050 S3: last night, maybe acts of service is really important to him. 514 00:29:08,250 --> 00:29:11,290 S3: So there's some ways you can also sleuth it out 515 00:29:11,290 --> 00:29:14,490 S3: in your own life and context that make you really 516 00:29:14,490 --> 00:29:18,650 S3: wise and help you. Because what I love about this 517 00:29:18,650 --> 00:29:22,210 S3: is we all want our the people in our lives 518 00:29:22,210 --> 00:29:24,370 S3: to feel so deeply loved, and we put a lot 519 00:29:24,410 --> 00:29:27,810 S3: of work into that. This becomes a shortcut because it's 520 00:29:27,810 --> 00:29:30,970 S3: like it gives us the way to hit the target 521 00:29:30,970 --> 00:29:34,890 S3: every time. So the love really lands, and I want 522 00:29:34,890 --> 00:29:38,610 S3: you to have that experience that the premium assessment would 523 00:29:38,610 --> 00:29:41,610 S3: make you brilliant at it. But you can look for 524 00:29:41,610 --> 00:29:44,450 S3: hints and clues in the things he says to you. 525 00:29:44,730 --> 00:29:48,170 S3: And instead of feeling defensive, if they didn't happen, you go, oh, okay, 526 00:29:48,210 --> 00:29:50,090 S3: I'm learning better how to love him. 527 00:29:50,610 --> 00:29:56,050 S1: What I have found is that I generally speak the 528 00:29:56,050 --> 00:30:00,450 S1: love language that I feel to other people. And so 529 00:30:00,490 --> 00:30:04,730 S1: if he, Diane, if he does little things for you, 530 00:30:04,770 --> 00:30:07,530 S1: acts of service, or if he has words of affirmation 531 00:30:07,530 --> 00:30:10,130 S1: and he's always doing this, or he brings you a 532 00:30:10,250 --> 00:30:14,290 S1: gift or wants to spend time with you, if he's 533 00:30:14,290 --> 00:30:18,250 S1: doing that to you, then that might be a clue 534 00:30:18,250 --> 00:30:21,840 S1: as well that this is something that's really important to him, that. 535 00:30:21,840 --> 00:30:25,040 S1: Does any of that strike a nerve with you, Diane? 536 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,600 S5: You know, yeah, some of that does strike a nerve. 537 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:33,560 S5: It's just I think when you're first in a relationship, 538 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:37,320 S5: it's easier to do it. But longer term it's more 539 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:39,760 S5: it seems like it's more difficult to figure out what 540 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:41,480 S5: the person's love language is. 541 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:47,440 S3: I get that there's a sense of, um, there's just 542 00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:51,680 S3: a rhythm we fall into and we kind of get comfortable. 543 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:57,360 S3: And sometimes it feels just a little bit, uh, like 544 00:30:57,360 --> 00:31:00,280 S3: we're out of our comfort zone when we reach and 545 00:31:00,280 --> 00:31:05,400 S3: ask maybe the curious follow up question, um, because we 546 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:08,960 S3: just we fall into this comfort zone, but I love 547 00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:12,240 S3: I can hear your heart like you're saying. I would 548 00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,720 S3: really like him to feel deeply loved by me. And so, um, 549 00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:20,000 S3: you know, I hope you won't feel shy about it. 550 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:22,640 S3: I hope you'll be willing to ask some questions, like 551 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:26,440 S3: even read them the list of the five languages and say, 552 00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,040 S3: does any of these resonate with you the most? Or 553 00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,880 S3: I love the question that Chris has asked all of us. 554 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,240 S3: Is there a time in your life you can think 555 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:38,000 S3: of where you felt so loved and it stuck with you? 556 00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,200 S3: It doesn't even have to be from you, but that 557 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:44,000 S3: can be a clue. Um, how he answers that question. 558 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:48,200 S3: Some of those questions can lead you, and then he 559 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,720 S3: will love. Trust me, he will love it that you're 560 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,920 S3: going the extra mile to understand and love him better. 561 00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:58,680 S1: Okay, Diane, hang on. Tricia will get your information and 562 00:31:58,680 --> 00:32:01,240 S1: we'll send you a copy of the love language that 563 00:32:01,240 --> 00:32:04,959 S1: matters most that's going straight to Nashville. And if you 564 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,760 S1: want a copy again, hurry. This offers only to the 565 00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:13,600 S1: to the end of February. Go to Chris. You'll see 566 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:15,920 S1: how you if you support us with a gift of 567 00:32:16,030 --> 00:32:19,070 S1: any size, and some are doing that even today. Thank 568 00:32:19,070 --> 00:32:23,270 S1: you Chris. Fabric will send you a copy of that book. 569 00:32:23,590 --> 00:32:27,550 S1: Next up is Janine in Georgia. Hi, Janine. Go right ahead. 570 00:32:28,470 --> 00:32:32,670 S6: Hi. Um, I've been I've found your programming, and I 571 00:32:32,670 --> 00:32:35,670 S6: love it. I'm really going through a difficult time right now, 572 00:32:36,430 --> 00:32:39,230 S6: and I was just sitting here thinking I was having 573 00:32:39,270 --> 00:32:41,070 S6: time with the Lord, and I was thinking, hey, I 574 00:32:41,070 --> 00:32:45,030 S6: wonder what his love language is, because I know I 575 00:32:45,030 --> 00:32:47,950 S6: want to know how to love him more. And even 576 00:32:47,950 --> 00:32:50,150 S6: when we've gone through grief and a lot of things 577 00:32:50,150 --> 00:32:53,390 S6: we might not always still love, we know he loves us, 578 00:32:53,390 --> 00:32:56,710 S6: but we don't always feel love. Um, I don't even 579 00:32:56,710 --> 00:33:00,110 S6: know what my love language is or whatever, but I 580 00:33:00,110 --> 00:33:04,070 S6: was just thinking, uh, you know, wonder what God's is. 581 00:33:04,110 --> 00:33:06,830 S6: The language of the heart, I guess. I'm sure, because 582 00:33:06,830 --> 00:33:07,910 S6: he knows all about us. 583 00:33:07,910 --> 00:33:10,709 S1: But, you know, Gary wrote a book about that. Gary 584 00:33:10,710 --> 00:33:13,630 S1: wrote God speaks your love language, and he speaks all, 585 00:33:13,670 --> 00:33:17,390 S1: all the love languages to us. And then as well, 586 00:33:17,390 --> 00:33:20,430 S1: I'll let the les pick up their les. What do 587 00:33:20,430 --> 00:33:20,830 S1: you think? 588 00:33:21,510 --> 00:33:23,350 S2: Well, I was going to say the exact same thing. 589 00:33:23,390 --> 00:33:26,190 S2: Chris Gary has spent a lot of time spelling that 590 00:33:26,190 --> 00:33:29,070 S2: out for us, and it is important to understand that 591 00:33:29,070 --> 00:33:33,030 S2: God does speak to us in our own love language. And, uh, 592 00:33:33,150 --> 00:33:35,510 S2: by the way, I just have to say, talk about 593 00:33:35,550 --> 00:33:39,230 S2: a perfect illustration for dialect there in Georgia. That is 594 00:33:39,270 --> 00:33:42,910 S2: a great dialect that you're speaking in. Um, but the 595 00:33:43,030 --> 00:33:47,390 S2: love language that matters most to God is yours, there's 596 00:33:47,390 --> 00:33:48,630 S2: no doubt about that. 597 00:33:48,630 --> 00:33:51,790 S3: And I would just say, what a precious thing that 598 00:33:51,910 --> 00:33:56,230 S3: I'm sure God's already delighting in, that you long to 599 00:33:56,270 --> 00:34:00,430 S3: love him in the way that he would most receive. 600 00:34:00,670 --> 00:34:03,870 S3: And the fun thing about scriptures that we see, every 601 00:34:03,870 --> 00:34:07,950 S3: single one of those expressed in all of Scripture, we're 602 00:34:07,950 --> 00:34:13,109 S3: invited to praise. We're invited to share with God what 603 00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:16,500 S3: we most love about God in words of affirmation. We're 604 00:34:16,500 --> 00:34:21,580 S3: invited to express our love in acts of service. And 605 00:34:21,620 --> 00:34:25,140 S3: that is at the heart of it. I mean, you know, 606 00:34:25,540 --> 00:34:28,980 S3: there is every one of these languages, if you go 607 00:34:28,980 --> 00:34:32,700 S3: through Scripture, are reflected in all the ways we're invited 608 00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:35,819 S3: to serve and be in relationship with God. But what 609 00:34:35,820 --> 00:34:39,299 S3: a sweet thing that that's where your heart went. And 610 00:34:39,300 --> 00:34:41,380 S3: I also hope you said, I don't even know if 611 00:34:41,380 --> 00:34:43,780 S3: I know what my own love language is. I hope 612 00:34:43,780 --> 00:34:48,140 S3: that you might maybe take the assessment, or when you're 613 00:34:48,340 --> 00:34:50,780 S3: getting a chance to read the book, do some work 614 00:34:50,780 --> 00:34:54,660 S3: on understanding your own love language, because I think you're 615 00:34:54,660 --> 00:34:57,219 S3: going to find that that is just like a little 616 00:34:57,219 --> 00:34:59,140 S3: code that unlocks your heart, too. 617 00:34:59,180 --> 00:35:02,500 S1: I've got a clue. I've got a clue as to 618 00:35:02,540 --> 00:35:05,259 S1: what Janine's love language is, because she said at the 619 00:35:05,260 --> 00:35:07,820 S1: beginning of the call, she said, I was just sitting 620 00:35:07,820 --> 00:35:12,340 S1: here spending time with the Lord. And so that tells 621 00:35:12,340 --> 00:35:17,419 S1: me that perhaps quality time, spending some quality time in 622 00:35:17,420 --> 00:35:21,460 S1: God's Word and thinking about him and and considering this, 623 00:35:21,460 --> 00:35:24,700 S1: that that might be part of what's going on there. Janine, 624 00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:28,060 S1: thank you for your call. Uh, Louise in Florida, before 625 00:35:28,060 --> 00:35:30,940 S1: we take a break. Louise, why did you call? 626 00:35:31,100 --> 00:35:36,660 S7: Yes, yes, I would like to ask. Uh, I understand 627 00:35:36,660 --> 00:35:41,260 S7: my wife is a narcissist. By what I have learned 628 00:35:41,260 --> 00:35:44,300 S7: here in Moody Radio, all the shows I have spoke 629 00:35:44,340 --> 00:35:47,460 S7: about it, uh, and I would like to know, how 630 00:35:47,660 --> 00:35:52,660 S7: can I use the five love languages? When a person 631 00:35:52,980 --> 00:35:58,060 S7: today it might be a little loving tomorrow. It's so 632 00:35:58,060 --> 00:36:03,580 S7: many different, uh, ways that she express herself that it's 633 00:36:03,940 --> 00:36:06,500 S7: no matter what I do. I mean, no matter what 634 00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:10,050 S7: I do as a Christian man, as a loving husband, been. 635 00:36:10,770 --> 00:36:15,209 S7: Everything is wrong. And, uh, the only affection she shows 636 00:36:15,330 --> 00:36:21,930 S7: is maybe when she needs something or. A triumph. Every 637 00:36:21,930 --> 00:36:23,650 S7: single thing on the book. 638 00:36:23,969 --> 00:36:30,130 S1: And it's also. So you're. You mentioned the word narcissist. 639 00:36:30,130 --> 00:36:33,730 S1: And that is a really, really difficult thing. Uh, and 640 00:36:33,770 --> 00:36:35,529 S1: I'm sure the parents would love to know a little 641 00:36:35,570 --> 00:36:40,330 S1: bit more about this, but just with that amount of information, less. Leslie, 642 00:36:40,330 --> 00:36:41,010 S1: what do you say? 643 00:36:42,290 --> 00:36:45,810 S3: Well, I can hear. First of all, thank you for 644 00:36:45,810 --> 00:36:48,810 S3: your question. I can hear how sincere you are in 645 00:36:48,810 --> 00:36:52,010 S3: your effort. I can hear that you feel a little 646 00:36:52,010 --> 00:36:56,770 S3: weary because you've tried in so many different ways, to love. 647 00:36:56,969 --> 00:37:00,570 S3: One of the things that comes to my mind is that, um, 648 00:37:01,050 --> 00:37:05,050 S3: sometimes people are complex when it comes to love languages. 649 00:37:05,290 --> 00:37:08,850 S3: If someone and I'm not saying this is your wife's 650 00:37:08,969 --> 00:37:11,649 S3: case at all, but it can be true for any 651 00:37:11,650 --> 00:37:14,490 S3: of our listeners. If someone grew up in a home 652 00:37:14,489 --> 00:37:20,530 S3: where love wasn't easy to be found, um, often the 653 00:37:20,690 --> 00:37:25,490 S3: wounds that they carry really do shape them and make 654 00:37:25,489 --> 00:37:28,569 S3: it more difficult to love them. And they might be 655 00:37:28,610 --> 00:37:33,250 S3: a little bewildered about what their love language really is. Um, 656 00:37:33,570 --> 00:37:37,530 S3: and so there might be some ways in which her 657 00:37:37,530 --> 00:37:42,570 S3: story has shaped her, um, what feels to you maybe 658 00:37:42,570 --> 00:37:47,650 S3: like impossible, complex, and maybe insatiable need for you to 659 00:37:47,690 --> 00:37:52,890 S3: speak every love language and try to have it land, but, um, I, 660 00:37:52,890 --> 00:37:56,529 S3: I can hear your heart and I can hear how 661 00:37:56,530 --> 00:38:00,770 S3: sincere you are, but I hope that you can be also. 662 00:38:00,969 --> 00:38:03,850 S3: And this is a unique way that Gary invites us 663 00:38:03,850 --> 00:38:07,649 S3: and always has to use the love languages to be 664 00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:11,120 S3: aware of what you need and not to demand it 665 00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:14,680 S3: of her, but to tune in and and make sure 666 00:38:14,680 --> 00:38:19,080 S3: that those good things are happening for you. Um, and 667 00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:22,920 S3: like we heard from our listener before, if it's quality time, 668 00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:24,960 S3: you can be spending some of that with God and 669 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:29,080 S3: that will fill your soul. Um, and whatever it is 670 00:38:29,080 --> 00:38:33,080 S3: that you most need to stay refreshed and able to 671 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:37,680 S3: even be in a loving relationship, I hope you'll be 672 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:41,840 S3: just as much attention to that, because my longing for 673 00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:46,320 S3: you is that you also are feeling loved, and that 674 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,719 S3: you're refueled for this work of faithful loving. 675 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:51,880 S1: Yeah, less anything to add to that? 676 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:56,279 S2: Well, just that I'm sure. Louise, you've you've already done this, 677 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:59,080 S2: but just that you're also seeking some professional help on 678 00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:03,279 S2: that because that is a unique situation. And you were 679 00:39:03,280 --> 00:39:07,120 S2: pretty right out front with that diagnosis. And so I'm 680 00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:11,720 S2: assuming you've had some professional intervention on that front already. But, uh, yeah, 681 00:39:11,719 --> 00:39:13,680 S2: we'll say a special prayer for you today. 682 00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:17,560 S1: Yeah. Louise, thanks for your call today. You're not alone. 683 00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:21,920 S1: And don't give up with showing love to your wife. 684 00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:25,360 S1: The love language that matters most. How to personalize love 685 00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,720 S1: so they really feel it is by Gary Chapman and 686 00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:32,799 S1: doctors Les and Leslie Parrott, our guests today. If you 687 00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:35,640 S1: give a gift of any size, we'll send you a copy. 688 00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:40,520 S1: Just go to the website for more calls. Straight ahead 689 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:54,439 S1: on Moody Radio. With Doctors Less and Leslie Parrott, co 690 00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,440 S1: authors of the Love Language that Matters Most. This is 691 00:39:58,440 --> 00:40:01,399 S1: Chris Fabry live. We're given that book to anybody at 692 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:03,960 S1: a number of you have reached out. Thank you for 693 00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:08,750 S1: your gift. You can do that at Chris. Cathy's in Illinois. Cathy, 694 00:40:08,750 --> 00:40:09,910 S1: why did you call today? 695 00:40:11,350 --> 00:40:16,470 S8: Um, I know that, um, my husband's primary, um, love 696 00:40:16,469 --> 00:40:19,830 S8: language is active services. Then the main one that he 697 00:40:19,830 --> 00:40:21,710 S8: wants is for me to be able to keep the 698 00:40:21,710 --> 00:40:26,230 S8: kitchen clean. And I'm having trouble meeting that love language. 699 00:40:26,469 --> 00:40:29,589 S8: I mean, I physically have problems, and he knows that 700 00:40:29,630 --> 00:40:33,989 S8: I don't do it on purpose because I have really 701 00:40:33,989 --> 00:40:36,670 S8: bad attention deficit. I go into another room and I 702 00:40:36,670 --> 00:40:39,590 S8: start another project because there's so many things to do, 703 00:40:39,870 --> 00:40:43,029 S8: and I could be leaving everything out. And the thing is, 704 00:40:43,070 --> 00:40:45,870 S8: is that, you know, he understands, but it doesn't make 705 00:40:45,870 --> 00:40:50,150 S8: me be able to do what he wants me to do. And, um, so. 706 00:40:50,190 --> 00:40:52,710 S1: You've gone the first step, though. You know what it 707 00:40:52,710 --> 00:40:56,069 S1: is that will show love to him. So you've got that, 708 00:40:56,110 --> 00:40:59,110 S1: you know, like you've you've gotten over that hurdle. 709 00:40:59,230 --> 00:40:59,670 S8: Yes. 710 00:40:59,870 --> 00:41:03,750 S1: It's actually getting there. Okay. Last Leslie, what do you say? 711 00:41:05,310 --> 00:41:09,390 S3: Love this question because this is real life, right? I mean, 712 00:41:09,469 --> 00:41:13,549 S3: we all have our own personal quirks and flaws and, 713 00:41:13,590 --> 00:41:16,590 S3: you know, personality that goes into how we're able to 714 00:41:16,630 --> 00:41:21,750 S3: express love. And it sounds like you've you're clearly, both 715 00:41:21,750 --> 00:41:25,270 S3: of you are aware that you've got this inherent limitation 716 00:41:25,310 --> 00:41:31,670 S3: when it comes to keeping something in a routine way that, 717 00:41:31,710 --> 00:41:34,910 S3: you know, that cuts down on chaos because you've got 718 00:41:34,910 --> 00:41:38,549 S3: a little chaos just in the way you're hardwired with 719 00:41:38,550 --> 00:41:42,750 S3: your brain, right? That's just one of your uniquenesses. So 720 00:41:43,110 --> 00:41:45,630 S3: it sounds to me like it would be a loving 721 00:41:45,630 --> 00:41:48,870 S3: conversation you guys could have. You might sit down and 722 00:41:48,870 --> 00:41:53,270 S3: think of maybe a plan, like you could say, you know, 723 00:41:53,310 --> 00:41:58,670 S3: here I know how I am here, knowing all my tendencies. 724 00:41:58,790 --> 00:42:02,580 S3: Here's something we could do, you know, could we? Maybe 725 00:42:02,580 --> 00:42:05,020 S3: you could set aside a little money in the budget 726 00:42:05,020 --> 00:42:08,420 S3: to hire help. Or maybe you could just think of, 727 00:42:08,820 --> 00:42:13,380 S3: here's something I can own daily, or a reminder system 728 00:42:13,380 --> 00:42:16,620 S3: that helps you or, you know, make him a partner 729 00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:19,700 S3: with you. Just let him know. It's in my heart 730 00:42:19,700 --> 00:42:22,540 S3: to love you well, and I. I need your help 731 00:42:22,540 --> 00:42:24,700 S3: to be able to pull this off, but it's it's 732 00:42:24,700 --> 00:42:26,380 S3: everything I want to give you. 733 00:42:26,660 --> 00:42:27,180 S9: I have a. 734 00:42:27,380 --> 00:42:32,180 S2: Friend who has, uh, real struggle similar to yours on 735 00:42:32,340 --> 00:42:35,300 S2: and his wife. Her love language is acts of service. 736 00:42:35,340 --> 00:42:38,779 S2: It's a very similar situation. And, uh, she has a 737 00:42:38,780 --> 00:42:41,620 S2: list of things that she wants done around the house 738 00:42:41,620 --> 00:42:44,580 S2: from him. And he gets started on something, and then 739 00:42:44,580 --> 00:42:46,980 S2: he gets distracted, and we'll look over there. Maybe I 740 00:42:46,980 --> 00:42:49,420 S2: should just go work in the garden for a second. And. 741 00:42:49,460 --> 00:42:52,300 S2: And nothing seems to get completed. And so there's a 742 00:42:52,340 --> 00:42:56,739 S2: lot of unfinished tasks, which causes her anxiety to, to 743 00:42:56,780 --> 00:43:00,500 S2: go up. And so I just suggested to my friend 744 00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:04,660 S2: Jim once I just said, why don't you just promise joy? Uh, 745 00:43:04,660 --> 00:43:07,299 S2: I'm going to get one thing completed today, and I 746 00:43:07,300 --> 00:43:09,339 S2: want you to tell me what it is that you 747 00:43:09,340 --> 00:43:13,339 S2: want it to be. And he does that. Uh, and 748 00:43:13,380 --> 00:43:15,380 S2: he said it would just change. He said, because I 749 00:43:15,380 --> 00:43:17,899 S2: can just focus. He says I might get distracted and 750 00:43:17,900 --> 00:43:19,340 S2: come back to it, but I know I'm going to 751 00:43:19,380 --> 00:43:23,100 S2: complete it for joy this day. And it's really been 752 00:43:23,100 --> 00:43:25,259 S2: a gift to her. So something to consider. 753 00:43:26,460 --> 00:43:29,580 S1: Thank you, thank you, thank you, Kathy, for calling in 754 00:43:29,580 --> 00:43:35,260 S1: here today. Uh, here's another question. An email. Um, much 755 00:43:35,260 --> 00:43:39,660 S1: of this discussion is how to give love language, but 756 00:43:39,660 --> 00:43:42,140 S1: I don't know if I've ever heard much on how 757 00:43:42,140 --> 00:43:46,980 S1: to receive love well, in multiple languages. The risk of 758 00:43:47,020 --> 00:43:50,299 S1: getting it wrong could lead to bitterness, critical attitudes, despair, 759 00:43:50,300 --> 00:43:53,620 S1: and doubt, in my opinion. But I'd love to hear 760 00:43:53,620 --> 00:44:01,370 S1: your response and instruction about receiving in multiple languages. Less. Leslie, 761 00:44:01,370 --> 00:44:02,050 S1: what do you think? 762 00:44:02,690 --> 00:44:06,169 S2: I love this question, too, because we've all been there. 763 00:44:06,170 --> 00:44:09,410 S2: When somebody is trying their hardest to love us and 764 00:44:09,410 --> 00:44:12,130 S2: is just missing the mark. In fact, Leslie, I had 765 00:44:12,130 --> 00:44:15,729 S2: this experience with some friends recently and the person gave 766 00:44:15,730 --> 00:44:18,649 S2: a gift and it was just like, wow, that they 767 00:44:18,650 --> 00:44:22,730 S2: really don't understand. That gift just doesn't fit for what 768 00:44:22,730 --> 00:44:25,330 S2: they're trying to do, but we still receive the heart 769 00:44:25,330 --> 00:44:29,330 S2: behind it. And by the way, speaking of gifts on 770 00:44:29,690 --> 00:44:31,210 S2: one of the things that we do in the book 771 00:44:31,250 --> 00:44:34,090 S2: as well as the premium assessment, is help you get 772 00:44:34,130 --> 00:44:37,609 S2: a real deep insight into how you receive gifts and 773 00:44:37,610 --> 00:44:41,569 S2: give gifts, because that's a part of and Gary would 774 00:44:41,570 --> 00:44:44,130 S2: tell you, it's a part of every culture in the world. 775 00:44:44,130 --> 00:44:47,850 S2: We all give gifts. And so if you can understand 776 00:44:47,850 --> 00:44:51,010 S2: the kind of gift that matters most to the person 777 00:44:51,010 --> 00:44:53,810 S2: you're trying to love, you will never give the wrong 778 00:44:53,810 --> 00:44:57,690 S2: gift again. Because it's it's it's it's in their lane. Right. 779 00:44:57,969 --> 00:45:01,009 S2: And so, um, that that idea, what do you do? 780 00:45:01,010 --> 00:45:02,170 S2: You have thoughts on that, les? 781 00:45:02,210 --> 00:45:07,489 S3: Yeah. I think receiving love, you know, um, if it doesn't, 782 00:45:07,530 --> 00:45:10,810 S3: if it doesn't land. Well, the sad thing is, sometimes 783 00:45:10,810 --> 00:45:13,770 S3: somebody's attempt to love you can make you feel very 784 00:45:13,770 --> 00:45:17,290 S3: unseen and very unknown. And I think maybe that's the 785 00:45:17,290 --> 00:45:21,210 S3: pain that this this listener is expressing. So I just 786 00:45:21,210 --> 00:45:23,650 S3: want to validate it. Yeah. Those can be some of 787 00:45:23,650 --> 00:45:27,810 S3: the loneliest moments in life. If somebody thinks they're loving you, 788 00:45:27,810 --> 00:45:32,130 S3: but missing it so far that you don't, you're just like, wow, 789 00:45:32,410 --> 00:45:34,970 S3: do you even feel me or see me? And so 790 00:45:35,010 --> 00:45:38,569 S3: I want to validate that ache. But I think what 791 00:45:38,570 --> 00:45:41,570 S3: we can do is get really good at giving clues 792 00:45:42,170 --> 00:45:46,049 S3: and appreciating failed attempts. So it's like you can be 793 00:45:46,050 --> 00:45:48,170 S3: a little bit of a coach for people, not in 794 00:45:48,170 --> 00:45:51,370 S3: a bossy way, but just in a way of, oh man, 795 00:45:51,410 --> 00:45:54,010 S3: you know, I see all the love you poured into 796 00:45:54,010 --> 00:45:57,520 S3: this gift. And then, um, the next time there's a 797 00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:01,239 S3: time coming up where they might do something special for you. 798 00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:04,280 S3: If you can anticipate it, you could say, you know, 799 00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:07,439 S3: I really appreciate that you gave me that gift for 800 00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:12,040 S3: my birthday. But when it comes to Valentine's Day, what 801 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,719 S3: I need is just some time together. I don't care 802 00:46:14,719 --> 00:46:17,200 S3: if I ever get another gift right now. Could we 803 00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,080 S3: have a day together and just ask in a sweet 804 00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:22,960 S3: way for what you would really want in need? 805 00:46:23,000 --> 00:46:23,799 S9: Yeah, this has. 806 00:46:23,800 --> 00:46:28,239 S1: Been so helpful. Doctors Les and Leslie Parrott the love 807 00:46:28,239 --> 00:46:31,399 S1: language that matters most. I hope you're encouraged that the 808 00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:34,560 S1: physical touch chapter in the dialects was worth the price 809 00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:36,560 S1: of admission there. We didn't get to talk about it, 810 00:46:36,560 --> 00:46:38,560 S1: but you can get a copy of the book, love 811 00:46:38,560 --> 00:46:40,799 S1: to send it to you, give a gift to the program, 812 00:46:40,800 --> 00:46:43,240 S1: support us and we'll send it. Just go to Chris Fabry. 813 00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:48,200 S1: Our program is production of Moody Radio, a ministry of 814 00:46:48,239 --> 00:46:50,000 S1: Moody Bible Institute.