1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:10,720 S1: Today at the radio backyard fence. This practice, this regimen, 2 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:14,920 S1: this daily habit might be just the thing you need 3 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:19,239 S1: to transform your heart, your life. It might be that 4 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,720 S1: through the effort you put into this exercise that you 5 00:00:22,720 --> 00:00:26,160 S1: find renewed hope, renewed faith. It can take you from 6 00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:31,680 S1: a boring, lifeless spiritual slog through life's lowlands to a vibrant, 7 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:37,040 S1: joy filled journey. Allison Bixby says to journal is to 8 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:41,600 S1: trace the lines of grace and find he is with 9 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:45,720 S1: me after all. We had an Allison on yesterday. Allison Punzi. 10 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,640 S1: It's a two Allison week here on Chris Fabry Live. 11 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,839 S1: Welcome to the conversation. And my question on Facebook is 12 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:57,360 S1: how has journaling changed you or helped you spiritually? I 13 00:00:57,360 --> 00:00:59,400 S1: want you to answer that question today on the program, 14 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,720 S1: From the heart to the heart for the heart. You'll 15 00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,200 S1: find all of our contact information at the website. Chris 16 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:09,959 S1: Fabry live.org, FABRY. Chris live.org. Let me thank our team. 17 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,920 S1: Lisa is doing all things technical. Ryan's not doing a thing. 18 00:01:12,920 --> 00:01:16,319 S1: He's just hanging around. Uh, Tricia is our producer. Josh 19 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,640 S1: will be answering your calls. Caleb is doing technology help 20 00:01:19,640 --> 00:01:22,440 S1: for us at the back fence. Thank you. Caleb, here's 21 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,800 S1: a program note. I'm going to be away next week 22 00:01:25,120 --> 00:01:27,840 S1: for the program. Ali from Carl and Crew is going 23 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:30,800 S1: to host, and Doctor Adeleke will take over the program 24 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,800 S1: a week from tomorrow with a special guest. Don't miss 25 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:38,000 S1: the conversations next week and remember the book club is back. 26 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,280 S1: Rosie's book Club. We're going to read Shane, so get 27 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:44,440 S1: a copy of Shane by Jack Schaefer and read it 28 00:01:44,440 --> 00:01:47,680 S1: before the 16th. Boy howdy, you can be a part 29 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,640 S1: of the book club. You don't have to get the 30 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:54,040 S1: special pen or there's no dues for this. Just grab 31 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:59,450 S1: a copy of Shane, read it and come with your ideas, observations, etc.. 32 00:02:00,210 --> 00:02:02,170 S1: I would love to hear from somebody today if this 33 00:02:02,170 --> 00:02:04,690 S1: program has made a difference in your life, has it 34 00:02:04,730 --> 00:02:08,370 S1: encouraged you, challenged you? Has it uplifted you in some way? 35 00:02:08,370 --> 00:02:11,490 S1: If you have been moved by the conversations we have had, 36 00:02:11,490 --> 00:02:14,169 S1: would you call or go to the website and support 37 00:02:14,169 --> 00:02:16,290 S1: us with a one time gift? If you've never done 38 00:02:16,290 --> 00:02:18,410 S1: that all, we have a great thank you. This month, 39 00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:21,770 S1: in honor of the life and legacy of Doctor John Perkins, 40 00:02:21,770 --> 00:02:25,089 S1: we are sending anyone who supports us his book One 41 00:02:25,130 --> 00:02:28,850 S1: Blood Parting Words to the Church on Race and Love. 42 00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:31,490 S1: It is such an encouragement for you and me to 43 00:02:31,570 --> 00:02:34,250 S1: pick up the baton from Doctor Perkins and run the 44 00:02:34,250 --> 00:02:38,810 S1: reconciliation race. Go to Chris fabry.org. You'll see how you 45 00:02:38,810 --> 00:02:41,330 S1: can give right there. I'm looking for one person who's 46 00:02:41,330 --> 00:02:45,370 S1: been encouraged to call or click through and leave a 47 00:02:45,370 --> 00:02:50,330 S1: note about why you're giving today. Chris. fabriclive.org. Or the 48 00:02:50,330 --> 00:02:55,410 S1: number is 86695 Faber. You can also leave a voicemail 49 00:02:55,410 --> 00:03:01,049 S1: there if you want to call that number (866) 953-2279. And 50 00:03:01,050 --> 00:03:04,049 S1: thanks for your support of the radio backyard fence. I 51 00:03:04,090 --> 00:03:09,290 S1: have never seen the name Bixby spelled this way BYXBE. 52 00:03:10,010 --> 00:03:12,770 S1: Her name is Allison Bixby. She holds an Ma in 53 00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:18,329 S1: composition and rhetoric. She's a professional communications professor, a certified 54 00:03:18,330 --> 00:03:23,530 S1: journal of the Self Instructor, certified journal facilitator at the 55 00:03:23,530 --> 00:03:27,690 S1: Therapeutic Writing Institute, which I didn't even know existed before now. 56 00:03:27,810 --> 00:03:31,130 S1: She's the founder and host of Saturday Pages and the 57 00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:36,450 S1: Inky Collective, two journaling communities and are featured. Resource is 58 00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:41,610 S1: just an excellent book, journaling as a spiritual practice, tracing 59 00:03:41,610 --> 00:03:46,250 S1: the lines of grace to God's presence. Just go to chris.org. 60 00:03:46,290 --> 00:03:48,690 S1: We have a link there. Allison, welcome to the program. 61 00:03:48,690 --> 00:03:49,690 S1: How you doing today? 62 00:03:50,210 --> 00:03:52,570 S2: Oh, thank you so much. I'm doing really good. How 63 00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:53,650 S2: are you doing, Chris? 64 00:03:53,770 --> 00:03:56,530 S1: I'm doing great because I've been looking forward. As soon 65 00:03:56,530 --> 00:03:58,130 S1: as I saw. I just saw the title of the 66 00:03:58,130 --> 00:03:59,610 S1: book and I said to Tricia, we got to get 67 00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:02,450 S1: Allison on. And then I started getting into it, and 68 00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:06,089 S1: I realized that journaling for some people, it's writing is 69 00:04:06,090 --> 00:04:09,450 S1: not their love language. You know, it's not their first thing, 70 00:04:09,810 --> 00:04:13,130 S1: but you're talking to somebody who, like Pat Conroy said, 71 00:04:13,130 --> 00:04:15,369 S1: writing is the only way I have to explain my 72 00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:17,770 S1: own life to myself. And he was talking about the 73 00:04:17,770 --> 00:04:21,010 S1: stories that he tells. I find that when I journal, 74 00:04:21,010 --> 00:04:23,770 S1: when I write down my thoughts, there are things that 75 00:04:23,770 --> 00:04:27,250 S1: will come out onto the page or onto the screen 76 00:04:27,730 --> 00:04:30,770 S1: that I, I didn't know I was even thinking it 77 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,970 S1: just comes out there. Have you had the same thing happen? 78 00:04:34,490 --> 00:04:37,410 S2: Absolutely. And first of all, I love being in the 79 00:04:37,410 --> 00:04:41,090 S2: company of somebody else who loves journaling. Um, and I 80 00:04:41,130 --> 00:04:43,850 S2: call those little insights, the surprises, the kind of the 81 00:04:43,850 --> 00:04:47,130 S2: surprise gifts of journaling that when I get still enough, 82 00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:49,890 S2: quiet enough and actually get some thoughts down on paper, 83 00:04:49,890 --> 00:04:52,490 S2: I too am like, wow, that I had no idea 84 00:04:52,490 --> 00:04:55,370 S2: that was in my head. And it's, it brings clarity 85 00:04:55,370 --> 00:04:57,650 S2: and insight. That's just really helpful. 86 00:04:58,570 --> 00:05:02,210 S1: Explain the word though, because when we say journaling, I 87 00:05:02,210 --> 00:05:04,410 S1: may think of one thing. You may think of another. 88 00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:07,730 S1: The listener has another, Dear diary, and you're just putting 89 00:05:07,730 --> 00:05:10,089 S1: down a list of things that happened today with your 90 00:05:10,089 --> 00:05:13,089 S1: dog and your cat. And you know, your as a kid, 91 00:05:13,130 --> 00:05:15,170 S1: what does it mean to journal? 92 00:05:15,970 --> 00:05:17,850 S2: Yeah, well, I think you're right. It can mean a 93 00:05:17,890 --> 00:05:20,330 S2: lot of different things and can serve a lot of 94 00:05:20,330 --> 00:05:25,170 S2: different purposes. For me, journaling has really become a really 95 00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:29,050 S2: formative spiritual practice, a way for me to get my 96 00:05:29,050 --> 00:05:31,849 S2: heart on the page and to listen for the whisper 97 00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:35,010 S2: of God, to listen for the Holy Spirit to speak back, 98 00:05:35,010 --> 00:05:38,050 S2: and then to write down that conversation between me and 99 00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:42,050 S2: the Lord. Uh, so that I am connected to him 100 00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:46,089 S2: and can see his grace clearly being woven into my life, 101 00:05:46,089 --> 00:05:48,210 S2: which of course, is incredibly encouraging. 102 00:05:48,610 --> 00:05:50,170 S3: Did you do that as a child? 103 00:05:50,970 --> 00:05:53,780 S2: So I was more of a kind of Dear Diary kid, 104 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,500 S2: so I probably was eight years old the first time 105 00:05:56,500 --> 00:06:01,740 S2: I started keeping a journal. And then in my young adulthood, 106 00:06:01,940 --> 00:06:06,340 S2: early 20s, really started using journaling for my prayers. And 107 00:06:06,339 --> 00:06:10,260 S2: then in my 30s, it took a pretty significant shift. 108 00:06:10,260 --> 00:06:13,620 S2: When our oldest was our oldest child, was diagnosed with 109 00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:17,420 S2: a genetic disorder, it became a place of pouring out 110 00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:20,900 S2: grief and finding some healing as well. 111 00:06:21,820 --> 00:06:24,740 S1: Okay, I want to talk about Reid because you talk 112 00:06:24,779 --> 00:06:27,060 S1: about him in the book and you and your husband 113 00:06:27,060 --> 00:06:29,500 S1: dealing with that. That was 15 years ago, right? 114 00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,420 S2: Yeah. It was. 115 00:06:30,580 --> 00:06:33,940 S1: Yeah, in August, 15 years ago. But but back up 116 00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:36,859 S1: when you say you journal your prayers, what do you 117 00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:37,740 S1: mean by that? 118 00:06:38,740 --> 00:06:41,460 S2: Yeah. So if you were to crack open a journal 119 00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:45,460 S2: of mine, especially from that young adult time, it would be, 120 00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:47,180 S2: you know, dear God, it was like I was writing 121 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:50,860 S2: God a letter, so to speak. Um, and I don't 122 00:06:50,860 --> 00:06:53,820 S2: know if I'm honest, looking back, how much listening I 123 00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:57,260 S2: was doing as much as it was documenting my prayers, 124 00:06:57,779 --> 00:07:00,179 S2: maybe proof that I was praying, and of course, getting 125 00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:01,860 S2: my heart out there on the page too, as a 126 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:06,300 S2: way to process. Um, but now I have learned, and 127 00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,820 S2: I really feel like God has shown me how it 128 00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:12,500 S2: can be a much more interactive practice, not just a 129 00:07:12,500 --> 00:07:16,460 S2: document or documentation of those prayers, but a, a writing 130 00:07:16,460 --> 00:07:18,619 S2: down and a listening and a writing down what I'm, 131 00:07:18,620 --> 00:07:21,020 S2: what I'm hearing and how I'm seeing God at work. 132 00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:21,580 S4: Yes. 133 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:26,860 S1: So my oldest daughter gave me for my birthday probably 134 00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:30,380 S1: seven years ago, a five year journal, a five year 135 00:07:30,380 --> 00:07:34,140 S1: daily journal. And it's got like five each day has 136 00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:38,060 S1: five lines. So for five years, you see what has 137 00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:41,620 S1: happened on like today, June 4th, I can see five 138 00:07:41,660 --> 00:07:45,180 S1: sections for that day. And I filled the first one up. 139 00:07:45,220 --> 00:07:47,900 S1: I got another one because it, it just really. And 140 00:07:48,180 --> 00:07:50,700 S1: you can, you can't do what you just talked about. 141 00:07:50,740 --> 00:07:54,860 S1: You just it's like snippets, you know, this had this problem, 142 00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:57,780 S1: had this struggle, you know, here's what happened with, with 143 00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:01,220 S1: the backyard or whatever. And so, so I keep the 144 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:05,660 S1: journal of just the daily, uh, this happened to me, 145 00:08:06,060 --> 00:08:09,340 S1: but then I was having really a frustrating time with, 146 00:08:09,340 --> 00:08:12,500 S1: with prayer because my mind would wander. And it's like 147 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:15,340 S1: if I am able to sit down and, and write 148 00:08:15,340 --> 00:08:18,380 S1: and put my thoughts down on the page, either with 149 00:08:18,380 --> 00:08:21,420 S1: a pen or with the keyboard, why can't I write 150 00:08:21,420 --> 00:08:24,820 S1: out my prayers? And so I started doing that mostly 151 00:08:24,820 --> 00:08:29,020 S1: every day, just writing out the prayers. And they would get, 152 00:08:29,060 --> 00:08:31,580 S1: you know, some days were very short, but some days 153 00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:33,819 S1: were longer. And it was like, I'm struggling with this. 154 00:08:33,820 --> 00:08:36,020 S1: And I don't know why I'm struggling with this. So 155 00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:39,100 S1: it's almost like I'm not only having a conversation with God, 156 00:08:39,140 --> 00:08:43,099 S1: I'm able to see the, the conversation I'm having with myself. 157 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,100 S1: Does that make sense? 158 00:08:44,660 --> 00:08:47,340 S2: Oh, it absolutely does. It's kind of there's, you know, 159 00:08:47,380 --> 00:08:50,340 S2: like you were talking about at the beginning layers of 160 00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:53,820 S2: ideas and thoughts that are in our minds that if 161 00:08:53,820 --> 00:08:58,220 S2: we're not paying attention, they're running under that subconscious level, right? 162 00:08:58,260 --> 00:09:00,820 S2: But to bring those to the surface and look at 163 00:09:00,820 --> 00:09:03,819 S2: it all together and say, all right, what narratives am 164 00:09:03,820 --> 00:09:08,380 S2: I living by telling myself believing? And how does that 165 00:09:09,140 --> 00:09:10,620 S2: what does that look like when I hold it up 166 00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:12,980 S2: to what I know is true about God and how 167 00:09:12,980 --> 00:09:15,579 S2: he operates and loves me and that sort of thing? 168 00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:20,860 S2: It's it's just, it's so mind opening and, um, it's 169 00:09:20,860 --> 00:09:23,500 S2: why I'm so passionate about it. It's, it's so soul 170 00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:24,860 S2: changing to. 171 00:09:25,500 --> 00:09:29,300 S1: And what I find is I pray differently. I journaled 172 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:35,300 S1: differently after reading a psalm or a proverb or something 173 00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:37,460 S1: in the New Testament or a story from the Old Testament. 174 00:09:37,460 --> 00:09:41,780 S1: I pray differently because I'm looking at what has gone, 175 00:09:41,820 --> 00:09:44,500 S1: what God has done in other people's lives, and how 176 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:47,990 S1: they have poured out their heart. And that informs my 177 00:09:47,990 --> 00:09:49,790 S1: life as well, right? 178 00:09:49,830 --> 00:09:53,870 S2: Oh, absolutely. And that was probably for me, one of 179 00:09:53,870 --> 00:09:58,589 S2: the most memorable moments. Um, after Reed's diagnosis, I was 180 00:09:58,590 --> 00:10:03,030 S2: actually reading, um, The Parable of the wineskins. And Jesus, 181 00:10:03,030 --> 00:10:05,510 S2: of course, is talking about the kingdom of God and 182 00:10:05,510 --> 00:10:08,830 S2: how it's coming into reality, um, now that he's been 183 00:10:08,830 --> 00:10:12,550 S2: on earth. And, but I read that and I thought, okay, 184 00:10:12,590 --> 00:10:17,309 S2: God's inviting his people into a new way of experiencing 185 00:10:17,309 --> 00:10:20,270 S2: the kingdom. Kind of like he's inviting me into a 186 00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:24,589 S2: new way of experiencing life and parenthood and my relationship 187 00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:27,390 S2: to him. And so it just gave me that aha 188 00:10:27,429 --> 00:10:33,309 S2: moment of, um, this helps me name what I'm experiencing. 189 00:10:33,309 --> 00:10:36,429 S2: And it shifted my perspective, um, in a way that 190 00:10:36,429 --> 00:10:39,310 S2: was so life giving, um, just to feel like I 191 00:10:39,350 --> 00:10:42,750 S2: had been seen in a sense by scripture that other 192 00:10:42,750 --> 00:10:46,470 S2: people needed words like this to help them understand their 193 00:10:46,590 --> 00:10:50,949 S2: own brand new contexts and experiences. And it does. It's 194 00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:53,190 S2: such a it can be such a perspective shift. 195 00:10:53,830 --> 00:10:56,949 S1: Allison Bixby is a different person today because of what 196 00:10:56,950 --> 00:11:00,189 S1: we're talking about, because of journaling as a spiritual practice. 197 00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:02,470 S1: And we've talked here on the program a lot about 198 00:11:02,470 --> 00:11:05,630 S1: process over outcome. You know, here's the outcome that I want. 199 00:11:05,630 --> 00:11:07,390 S1: This is what I want in my life. This is 200 00:11:07,390 --> 00:11:09,790 S1: what I think I need. God is a God of 201 00:11:09,790 --> 00:11:15,550 S1: the process. And to me, journaling is that daily, sometimes 202 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:22,309 S1: a slog, but it's a daily. Um, well, what's the 203 00:11:22,309 --> 00:11:25,390 S1: other word that I'm looking for? Uh, it's a discipline. 204 00:11:25,390 --> 00:11:28,870 S1: The daily discipline. Keep the alliteration in there. The daily 205 00:11:28,870 --> 00:11:33,750 S1: discipline of getting into my own heart and pouring it 206 00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:37,630 S1: out so that I can see what's really in there. And. 207 00:11:37,670 --> 00:11:40,270 S1: And my guess is I'm not promised. I don't think 208 00:11:40,309 --> 00:11:42,710 S1: Allison is promising you, and I'm not promising you that 209 00:11:42,710 --> 00:11:46,390 S1: you're going to be, you know, a wildly different person 210 00:11:46,390 --> 00:11:49,270 S1: in a couple of days after you start journaling, but 211 00:11:49,270 --> 00:11:53,990 S1: you allow this to seep into your life. You gain 212 00:11:53,990 --> 00:11:57,310 S1: some of the verve and the fervor that Alison has 213 00:11:57,309 --> 00:12:00,390 S1: about journaling, and I guarantee you, something's going to change. 214 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:03,550 S1: We're going to talk more about journaling as a spiritual practice, 215 00:12:03,870 --> 00:12:07,070 S1: tracing the lines of grace to God's presence. It's our 216 00:12:07,070 --> 00:12:14,750 S1: featured resource at Chris Fabry live.org. Here's the number (877) 548-3675. 217 00:12:14,910 --> 00:12:19,270 S1: How has journaling changed or helped you spiritually? Give us 218 00:12:19,270 --> 00:12:33,110 S1: a call today. How has journaling changed you? How has 219 00:12:33,110 --> 00:12:36,550 S1: it helped you spiritually? That's why we're talking about today. 220 00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:42,270 S1: And I'd love to hear from you at (877) 548-3675. Something 221 00:12:42,270 --> 00:12:45,949 S1: you share today might be just what somebody else needs 222 00:12:45,950 --> 00:12:55,070 S1: to hear. (877) 548-3675. We're talking about journaling as a spiritual 223 00:12:55,070 --> 00:12:59,550 S1: practice with Alison Bixby. Our featured resource is that book. 224 00:12:59,950 --> 00:13:03,510 S1: Chris fabriclive.org. Amy says on Facebook, the first time I 225 00:13:03,510 --> 00:13:06,990 S1: started journaling was in high school, when I found myself 226 00:13:06,990 --> 00:13:11,150 S1: around others and needed to write out my thoughts. I'll 227 00:13:11,150 --> 00:13:15,030 S1: soon be 45, and it's been the most helpful practice 228 00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:18,189 S1: aside from Bible and prayer. It's been a great source 229 00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:22,150 S1: of seeing how God has worked in my life and 230 00:13:22,190 --> 00:13:27,270 S1: others over the years. So Amy is coming beside you 231 00:13:27,270 --> 00:13:31,270 S1: and saying, yeah, you're right, Alison, this is helping me 232 00:13:31,309 --> 00:13:35,709 S1: trace my life. So there is a there's a current, 233 00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:40,150 S1: there's a present positive of journaling. And then there's, as 234 00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:43,199 S1: you read it, as you look back, there's a. You 235 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:45,200 S1: can see the past in the way that God has 236 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,120 S1: met you, right? 237 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:52,119 S2: Yeah. Oh, absolutely. And it's it's kind of that evidence, 238 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:56,360 S2: that testimony, um, that rock of remembrance of look what 239 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:01,479 S2: God has done. And it is also a practice that 240 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:06,720 S2: literally can rewire your brain. Um, it actually can shift 241 00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:11,560 S2: the way our brain processes and connects. Um, the, the 242 00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:16,000 S2: experiences that we're having, which is so powerful that we 243 00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:19,320 S2: are not stuck. Um, and this simple act of picking 244 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:21,280 S2: up a pen or a pencil and a piece of paper, 245 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:25,840 S2: like we've been doing since elementary school can really re 246 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:29,680 S2: rewire how our brains are operating in a way that's, um, 247 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,200 S2: good for us. 248 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,520 S1: Yeah. And that's one of the wonderful things about it 249 00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:35,240 S1: is that you don't have to go out and buy a, 250 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:38,480 S1: you can you buy an expensive leather journal if you 251 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,320 S1: want and spend a lot of money on it. But 252 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,360 S1: you can have a spiral notebook. You can buy at 253 00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:43,920 S1: the grocery store, right? 254 00:14:43,960 --> 00:14:47,240 S2: Yeah, absolutely. You know, best dollar you could spend might 255 00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,480 S2: just be that notebook from the grocery store. It doesn't 256 00:14:50,480 --> 00:14:53,000 S2: have to be anything fancy at all. 257 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,720 S1: Take us back then, 15 years because you were kind 258 00:14:57,760 --> 00:15:00,480 S1: of stale. You and your husband were sailing along. You'd 259 00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:05,160 S1: had your child read, and there were some questions that 260 00:15:05,160 --> 00:15:07,400 S1: you had. And there was doctor's appointments, that kind of thing. 261 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,400 S1: But but your world kind of came crashing down with 262 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,200 S1: that phone call that day, didn't it? 263 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,200 S2: Yeah, it absolutely did. I think the way I describe 264 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:22,240 S2: before Diagnosis Life is that I had a pretty neat 265 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:25,200 S2: and tidy life of faith. Life was pretty much kind 266 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,800 S2: of going along as expected, and we had hit some 267 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:32,040 S2: bumps in the road with Reed's development. And so we 268 00:15:32,040 --> 00:15:34,600 S2: were keeping an eye on it and doing some things 269 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,840 S2: like physical therapy to, to help some of the delays 270 00:15:37,840 --> 00:15:41,360 S2: that we were seeing. And our pediatrician said, let's do 271 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,000 S2: genetic testing. Just as a matter of due diligence, we're 272 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:48,239 S2: probably not going to find anything. So I really genuinely 273 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,800 S2: was not expecting the news that she shared in that 274 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,000 S2: phone call with us that he, in fact, had has 275 00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:59,920 S2: a very rare 1 in 100,000 boys genetic disorder. And 276 00:15:59,920 --> 00:16:02,960 S2: it was as if the world, my world just came 277 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,520 S2: to a screeching halt. And all of a sudden I 278 00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:10,920 S2: had this new identity as a mama to a little 279 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,880 S2: boy with special needs. I had a child with a disability. 280 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,040 S2: And all these question marks on his future, on what 281 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:23,520 S2: our family's future would look like. And it felt like 282 00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:27,520 S2: an incredible injustice. And I, if I can be honest, 283 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:30,480 S2: that's just what it felt like. Um, I had kind 284 00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:32,520 S2: of played by the rules and done what I thought 285 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,640 S2: were the right things, and it felt like God was 286 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:39,160 S2: breaking them by bringing something as devastating as a genetic 287 00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:44,320 S2: complex genetic diagnosis into our lives. And it would that 288 00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:48,400 S2: diagnosis kind of became the catalyst for, um, about ten 289 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:53,480 S2: years of, of depression and anxiety for me that I 290 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:57,760 S2: had to wrestle with and navigate through and, um, find 291 00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:00,400 S2: a way to reconnect to my heart, to God after 292 00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:01,880 S2: it had been pretty broken. 293 00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:03,880 S3: So you. 294 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:09,320 S1: Instead of that experience bringing you closer to God, you 295 00:17:09,359 --> 00:17:13,359 S1: felt adrift because he didn't do what you thought he 296 00:17:13,359 --> 00:17:14,600 S1: was going to do, right? 297 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:18,720 S2: Yeah. As selfish as that sounds, you know, I think 298 00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,920 S2: Faith had felt easy before because life had pretty much 299 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:25,680 S2: gone like I'd expected. And all of a sudden I 300 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:29,320 S2: was faced with a very different life path than what 301 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:32,399 S2: I had imagined. That was more difficult and had a 302 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:36,480 S2: lot more challenges. And it felt really unfair. And it 303 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,890 S2: just brought up a lot of questions for me about 304 00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:44,330 S2: who God was, if he could be trusted. Um, and 305 00:17:44,330 --> 00:17:47,570 S2: what this said about who he was and how he operated. 306 00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:50,650 S2: And so it did it, it created this for me, 307 00:17:50,650 --> 00:17:53,170 S2: this perceived distance between me and God. 308 00:17:53,450 --> 00:17:59,129 S1: One question was, should we have more children? And part 309 00:17:59,130 --> 00:18:03,410 S1: of you said, no, no, we shouldn't have any more children. 310 00:18:03,410 --> 00:18:06,530 S1: If the chances are that this is going to happen again, 311 00:18:06,570 --> 00:18:09,450 S1: you know, or something else. Um, how did you deal 312 00:18:09,450 --> 00:18:12,369 S1: with that and how did you journal that? 313 00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:17,850 S2: Um, yeah, that's such a good question. Um, I know 314 00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:20,490 S2: I wrote the question down. God, how can we even 315 00:18:20,530 --> 00:18:25,090 S2: think about more children when there's so many unknowns? And this, 316 00:18:25,130 --> 00:18:28,649 S2: the magnitude of this and, um, addressing and navigating the 317 00:18:28,650 --> 00:18:32,410 S2: challenges feels pretty weighty. Would it even be fair to 318 00:18:32,450 --> 00:18:35,050 S2: think about bringing other children into this? And so that 319 00:18:35,050 --> 00:18:37,369 S2: was a lot of what I wrote down and tried 320 00:18:37,369 --> 00:18:42,010 S2: to process through. And, um, I actually shared that question 321 00:18:42,010 --> 00:18:44,850 S2: with my husband. I was like, can we even think 322 00:18:44,850 --> 00:18:49,210 S2: about having more kids? And it was such a beautiful moment. Um, 323 00:18:49,250 --> 00:18:51,850 S2: he just looked at me and it might make me 324 00:18:51,850 --> 00:18:54,170 S2: tear up a little bit here, but he just said, Allison, 325 00:18:54,730 --> 00:18:58,930 S2: he said, let let's have more children. So there's even 326 00:18:58,930 --> 00:19:05,570 S2: more people who are going to love Reed. Um, yeah. 327 00:19:05,570 --> 00:19:06,970 S2: And it was, it just wasn't that. 328 00:19:06,970 --> 00:19:10,450 S1: To then it wasn't just something that you had thought about. 329 00:19:10,490 --> 00:19:13,010 S1: You don't come up with an answer to that like. 330 00:19:13,010 --> 00:19:13,530 S2: That. 331 00:19:13,730 --> 00:19:15,530 S1: You know, without thinking about it. 332 00:19:16,130 --> 00:19:18,929 S2: Yeah. And so you better believe that as soon as 333 00:19:18,930 --> 00:19:21,290 S2: we had that conversation, I picked my journal up and 334 00:19:21,290 --> 00:19:24,090 S2: I wrote that down. Um, I could probably put my 335 00:19:24,090 --> 00:19:26,169 S2: hands on the journal and find the page where I 336 00:19:26,170 --> 00:19:30,010 S2: wrote that down because it was to me, such words 337 00:19:30,010 --> 00:19:33,810 S2: of grace in a season that felt really hard and 338 00:19:33,810 --> 00:19:37,850 S2: it felt like a little bit of light and life giving. 339 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,330 S2: Those words were very life giving. And so I wrote 340 00:19:40,330 --> 00:19:42,250 S2: them down in my journal as a way, as kind 341 00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:44,409 S2: of a touch point, something I could come back to 342 00:19:44,850 --> 00:19:45,850 S2: on the hard days. 343 00:19:46,450 --> 00:19:52,690 S1: But you mentioned depression and that's capital D depression. Um, what? 344 00:19:52,890 --> 00:19:56,570 S1: And it was a long process through that. And this, 345 00:19:56,609 --> 00:19:59,250 S1: there were several other things that happened. I think you 346 00:19:59,250 --> 00:20:04,490 S1: had a, your sister had a child die before the childbirth. 347 00:20:04,810 --> 00:20:10,050 S1: And then there were other. You also went through not infertility, 348 00:20:10,290 --> 00:20:13,810 S1: but you lost a baby, right? Miscarriage. Yes. Um, so 349 00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:16,890 S1: there were there were those types of things. How bad 350 00:20:16,890 --> 00:20:19,290 S1: did the depression get then? 351 00:20:19,930 --> 00:20:26,010 S2: Um, um, you know, that's everybody's experience is a little 352 00:20:26,010 --> 00:20:29,450 S2: bit different for sure. And I can't compare mine to others, 353 00:20:29,450 --> 00:20:32,930 S2: but for me, it was the darkest season of my 354 00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:36,730 S2: life that I ever walked through. Like you said, some 355 00:20:36,730 --> 00:20:39,570 S2: of these other, um, things that had happened, like my 356 00:20:39,570 --> 00:20:44,690 S2: sister's stillbirth and my miscarriage and Reed's hospitalizations. It was, 357 00:20:44,730 --> 00:20:49,450 S2: it just created this kind of compounding grief effect. And 358 00:20:49,930 --> 00:20:55,890 S2: I kind of, instead of processing it, um, effectively just 359 00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:58,330 S2: tended to kind of put my head down and plow 360 00:20:58,330 --> 00:21:07,970 S2: through and, um. And it just the, you know, we 361 00:21:07,970 --> 00:21:10,050 S2: think if I just ignore the grief, maybe it'll just 362 00:21:10,050 --> 00:21:11,730 S2: go away. But the problem is it really just kind 363 00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:17,610 S2: of grows and gets bigger and gnarlier. And, um, it 364 00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:20,450 S2: got to a point, uh, and I talk about this 365 00:21:20,490 --> 00:21:24,050 S2: in the book where, um, I remember standing at my 366 00:21:24,050 --> 00:21:27,010 S2: back door, um, we had all three, all three of 367 00:21:27,010 --> 00:21:28,970 S2: our children had been born at this point and they're 368 00:21:28,970 --> 00:21:31,330 S2: playing in the backyard and they're running around having a 369 00:21:31,330 --> 00:21:34,780 S2: good old time. and the sun is shining and everything 370 00:21:34,780 --> 00:21:38,140 S2: in contrast for me felt so dark inside and I just. 371 00:21:38,180 --> 00:21:41,940 S2: I had the thought maybe they'd be better off without me. Um, 372 00:21:41,980 --> 00:21:46,140 S2: because I'm so, um, I just, I can't even work 373 00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:49,740 S2: up the energy to care about anything. Um, and that 374 00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:52,100 S2: for me really was a turning point. And I think 375 00:21:52,100 --> 00:21:55,820 S2: just by the grace of God, the Holy Spirit whispered 376 00:21:55,820 --> 00:21:58,900 S2: to me in that moment, that's not a thought from God. 377 00:22:00,220 --> 00:22:04,780 S2: And your people need you. Yes. So, um, so it 378 00:22:04,780 --> 00:22:07,620 S2: got dark. I mean, I, that's probably the, the darkest 379 00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:10,900 S2: it got was in that moment entertaining that thought. Um, 380 00:22:11,380 --> 00:22:14,620 S2: and like I said, God and, and the Holy Spirit's 381 00:22:14,660 --> 00:22:17,740 S2: whispering to me and the community of people that we 382 00:22:17,740 --> 00:22:20,340 S2: were around the church, that we went to the small group, 383 00:22:20,340 --> 00:22:23,540 S2: we were a part of the counselor that I was seeing. 384 00:22:24,060 --> 00:22:27,899 S2: All of that really became such an important safety net 385 00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:31,820 S2: and support network for me that carried me through that 386 00:22:31,820 --> 00:22:35,140 S2: season and helped me get to a place of healing 387 00:22:35,140 --> 00:22:36,140 S2: and wholeness again. 388 00:22:36,780 --> 00:22:38,859 S1: That was my other question is, did you get help 389 00:22:38,859 --> 00:22:41,460 S1: and you did. Was it hard for you to say, 390 00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:42,340 S1: I need help? 391 00:22:43,859 --> 00:22:48,700 S2: Uh, you know it. Going to see the counselor was 392 00:22:48,700 --> 00:22:53,380 S2: not difficult, um, necessarily because I'm a verbal processor. I'm 393 00:22:53,380 --> 00:22:56,619 S2: just naturally wired that way, which is probably one reason 394 00:22:56,619 --> 00:22:59,580 S2: journaling is so attractive to me. But also being able 395 00:22:59,580 --> 00:23:02,300 S2: to talk with, you know, somebody else outside of my 396 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:05,699 S2: circumstances that was that felt good and right. I think 397 00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:10,100 S2: what I struggled with was when she suggested an antidepressant 398 00:23:10,100 --> 00:23:11,980 S2: for a season, just to help me get my head 399 00:23:11,980 --> 00:23:15,500 S2: above water. That was when I felt like a failure. 400 00:23:15,500 --> 00:23:18,020 S2: It felt like, oh, this is this is way worse 401 00:23:18,020 --> 00:23:22,500 S2: than I thought it was. And, um, only crazy people 402 00:23:22,500 --> 00:23:25,619 S2: need to take medicine, which of course is not true. Um, 403 00:23:25,740 --> 00:23:28,460 S2: and so that was the difficult part. Um, and for 404 00:23:28,460 --> 00:23:31,380 S2: a season I did, I was on an antidepressant that 405 00:23:31,380 --> 00:23:34,020 S2: helped me again, just get my head above water so 406 00:23:34,020 --> 00:23:39,460 S2: that I could process the emotions that were coming in waves. 407 00:23:39,740 --> 00:23:42,540 S1: Did you journal that? Did you journal those feelings that 408 00:23:42,540 --> 00:23:45,380 S1: you just said? Oh, I'm, you know, I don't want 409 00:23:45,380 --> 00:23:47,219 S1: to be a crazy person. I don't want to take 410 00:23:47,220 --> 00:23:50,459 S1: this medication. Why would I have is that some of 411 00:23:50,460 --> 00:23:51,540 S1: the things you wrote down? 412 00:23:52,020 --> 00:23:55,060 S2: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. You know, the journal is the is 413 00:23:55,100 --> 00:24:01,060 S2: is my place where all the things go unfiltered, uncensored. And, um, and, 414 00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:04,220 S2: and I do because I think the best journaling is 415 00:24:04,220 --> 00:24:09,020 S2: the most honest journaling. And there's no sense in, you know, 416 00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:12,619 S2: telling half truths or not really being just unfiltered in there. 417 00:24:12,660 --> 00:24:14,860 S2: We've got to be able to be honest somewhere. And 418 00:24:14,859 --> 00:24:17,699 S2: that's a really safe way to do it. Right? Yes. 419 00:24:17,740 --> 00:24:20,580 S5: So yeah. And then the question comes in. What if somebody. 420 00:24:20,580 --> 00:24:21,260 S1: Finds this. 421 00:24:21,260 --> 00:24:23,580 S5: Though? You know what? And I know that I. 422 00:24:23,619 --> 00:24:25,540 S1: Want to ask you that question, but I also want 423 00:24:25,540 --> 00:24:27,859 S1: to know about the form and the function of it. 424 00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:30,740 S1: and how do I. I don't want to make it too. 425 00:24:33,340 --> 00:24:40,860 S1: Meticulous and. And technical. Technical. But because there. In that sense, 426 00:24:40,859 --> 00:24:43,900 S1: it can become. Okay. So if I just journal my depression, 427 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:45,940 S1: if I just journal my way through this, then I'm 428 00:24:46,060 --> 00:24:48,500 S1: everything's going to be okay. And it's like, no, that's 429 00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:52,340 S1: not the point. You're not trying to fix yourself through journaling. 430 00:24:52,500 --> 00:24:54,699 S1: You're trying to see what it is that you really 431 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:59,780 S1: believe about yourself, about God, so that you get it 432 00:24:59,780 --> 00:25:02,300 S1: out there in front of you. So let me call 433 00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:04,460 S1: a time out. We'll take a quick break. We'll come back. 434 00:25:04,660 --> 00:25:06,859 S1: And I would love if there's somebody listening right now 435 00:25:06,859 --> 00:25:09,780 S1: and you are hearing something and you feel like your 436 00:25:09,780 --> 00:25:12,020 S1: life is being explained to you, I want to hear 437 00:25:12,020 --> 00:25:15,380 S1: from you. And maybe you have journaled for a long time. 438 00:25:15,380 --> 00:25:19,980 S1: Your story might help somebody else. How has journaling changed you? 439 00:25:20,180 --> 00:25:23,219 S1: How has it helped you spiritually? What did journaling help 440 00:25:23,220 --> 00:25:29,510 S1: you through in your life? Eight. Seven. Seven. 075483675. We 441 00:25:29,550 --> 00:25:31,790 S1: got open lines for you right now, I want to 442 00:25:31,790 --> 00:25:39,830 S1: hear your story. (877) 548-3675. If you go to Chris fabry.org 443 00:25:39,869 --> 00:25:45,030 S1: you'll see Allison Bixby's book journaling as a Spiritual practice. 444 00:25:45,230 --> 00:26:02,990 S1: Just go to Chris Fabry live.org more straight ahead. Allison 445 00:26:02,990 --> 00:26:05,949 S1: Bixby is our guest today at the Back Fence. She 446 00:26:05,950 --> 00:26:09,830 S1: has written journaling as a spiritual practice, tracing the lines 447 00:26:09,830 --> 00:26:15,230 S1: of grace to God's presence. Featured resource at Chris Fabry live.org. 448 00:26:15,990 --> 00:26:21,230 S1: Barb says on Facebook. Journaling helps me process, move through, 449 00:26:21,670 --> 00:26:26,550 S1: and helps redirect my heart, mind, and soul to Christ. Recently, 450 00:26:26,550 --> 00:26:31,670 S1: I'm journaling, reading, and journaling through dark Clouds. Deep mercy. 451 00:26:32,109 --> 00:26:34,750 S1: All about biblical lament. It's so important for me. I 452 00:26:34,750 --> 00:26:37,350 S1: don't journal regularly, but it's helpful when I do. My 453 00:26:37,350 --> 00:26:40,350 S1: writing almost always sounds like a prayer. What do you 454 00:26:40,350 --> 00:26:42,790 S1: think about that from Barb Allison? 455 00:26:43,350 --> 00:26:46,510 S2: I love it, I absolutely love it. And, you know, 456 00:26:46,550 --> 00:26:50,150 S2: I think she points out something really important about journaling 457 00:26:50,150 --> 00:26:55,350 S2: that it can absolutely be picked up anytime, anywhere. And 458 00:26:55,390 --> 00:26:56,989 S2: of course, the more you do it, I think the 459 00:26:56,990 --> 00:26:59,750 S2: more benefit it has. But there are certainly seasons where 460 00:26:59,750 --> 00:27:01,830 S2: we're going to lay it down because life gets busy. 461 00:27:01,830 --> 00:27:04,590 S2: And then when we have the space and the capacity again, 462 00:27:04,590 --> 00:27:06,830 S2: we can pick it right back up where we left off. 463 00:27:06,830 --> 00:27:09,230 S2: And that's so, so beautiful. 464 00:27:09,630 --> 00:27:10,070 S5: Yeah. 465 00:27:10,109 --> 00:27:13,429 S1: Okay. Talk to the person who's saying, and it's probably 466 00:27:13,470 --> 00:27:15,550 S1: a guy like me who's listening. 467 00:27:15,590 --> 00:27:15,910 S5: To this. 468 00:27:16,030 --> 00:27:17,830 S1: Like, well, I don't think I need to read a 469 00:27:17,830 --> 00:27:19,430 S1: book about this. All I got to do is write 470 00:27:19,430 --> 00:27:21,750 S1: down what I did today and who I'm mad at 471 00:27:21,750 --> 00:27:25,149 S1: and what I'm asking God, you know, that is it's 472 00:27:25,150 --> 00:27:29,629 S1: more than just writing down random thoughts, right? 473 00:27:30,350 --> 00:27:33,070 S2: Yeah, absolutely. I think if we can bring a little 474 00:27:33,109 --> 00:27:36,350 S2: bit of intentionality and if I can say even a 475 00:27:36,350 --> 00:27:40,310 S2: little bit of structure, it can yield some even greater 476 00:27:40,670 --> 00:27:43,989 S2: outcomes for us. We might even find ourselves getting in 477 00:27:43,990 --> 00:27:46,790 S2: a little bit of trouble if all we're doing is 478 00:27:46,790 --> 00:27:49,590 S2: this kind of open ended, pouring out all of our, 479 00:27:49,630 --> 00:27:52,750 S2: you know, frustrations and anger and hard things. Because if 480 00:27:52,750 --> 00:27:54,830 S2: we're just doing that kind of free for all, sometimes 481 00:27:54,830 --> 00:27:56,750 S2: that can actually make us spiral. And so if you 482 00:27:56,750 --> 00:27:59,910 S2: have some intention behind it and some structure to it, 483 00:27:59,910 --> 00:28:02,790 S2: you can actually put some boundaries in place that help 484 00:28:02,790 --> 00:28:06,190 S2: you not just get the feelings out, but actually see 485 00:28:06,190 --> 00:28:09,590 S2: them from a new or a different perspective. Um, and 486 00:28:09,590 --> 00:28:11,590 S2: so that's one of the things I love to teach 487 00:28:11,590 --> 00:28:15,110 S2: people and it doesn't have to be complicated. So when 488 00:28:15,109 --> 00:28:18,510 S2: I say with intention, I just mean, you know, the 489 00:28:18,510 --> 00:28:20,510 S2: reason I'm coming to the page is yes, to get 490 00:28:20,510 --> 00:28:24,070 S2: these emotions and these thoughts and feelings out, but it's 491 00:28:24,070 --> 00:28:27,510 S2: also to hold them up to maybe a different perspective, 492 00:28:27,510 --> 00:28:31,550 S2: whether that is asking God for his perspective, whether that's 493 00:28:31,550 --> 00:28:35,189 S2: holding it up to, uh, maybe some kind words that 494 00:28:35,190 --> 00:28:37,629 S2: a friend has spoken to me that I put alongside 495 00:28:37,630 --> 00:28:40,470 S2: what I'm writing in my journal or, um, a hymn 496 00:28:40,470 --> 00:28:43,390 S2: or a praise song or a psalm or anywhere else, 497 00:28:43,390 --> 00:28:45,550 S2: I might find a different perspective that can kind of 498 00:28:45,590 --> 00:28:47,990 S2: help me shift how I'm thinking about mine. I think 499 00:28:47,990 --> 00:28:52,150 S2: that intention piece is really important. And then in terms 500 00:28:52,150 --> 00:28:55,229 S2: of structure, I just tell people, I mean, if you're 501 00:28:55,230 --> 00:28:57,470 S2: somebody who can just sit down with your journal and 502 00:28:57,470 --> 00:29:00,350 S2: start writing and it feels great. That is awesome. I 503 00:29:00,390 --> 00:29:02,590 S2: meet so many people who are like, who struggle with 504 00:29:02,590 --> 00:29:06,590 S2: that blank page. And so what I say is, um, find, 505 00:29:06,750 --> 00:29:09,910 S2: you know, again, find a quote that really resonates with 506 00:29:09,910 --> 00:29:13,630 S2: you and explore why it resonates, why it's so interesting 507 00:29:13,670 --> 00:29:15,910 S2: to you or why what it's helping you shift in 508 00:29:15,910 --> 00:29:19,030 S2: your thinking. Um, or one of my favorites is to 509 00:29:19,070 --> 00:29:22,680 S2: look in scripture at how God is showing up for 510 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,400 S2: his people and in individuals lives. And to explore in 511 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:28,640 S2: my journal, what did it look like for God to 512 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,480 S2: show up in that moment or in that season for 513 00:29:31,480 --> 00:29:34,960 S2: those people? And what might that tell me about how 514 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,440 S2: he can show up in my own circumstances? 515 00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,320 S1: Yes. And you mentioned quote, okay, here's one from Anne 516 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:45,600 S1: Morrow Lindbergh. I do not believe that sheer suffering teaches. 517 00:29:45,880 --> 00:29:49,520 S1: If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, 518 00:29:49,560 --> 00:29:58,560 S1: since everyone suffers to suffering must be added. Morning understanding, patience, love, openness, 519 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:02,880 S1: and the willingness to remain vulnerable. All these and other 520 00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:07,120 S1: factors combined, if the circumstances are right, can teach and 521 00:30:07,120 --> 00:30:11,200 S1: can lead to rebirth. Boy, that's deep, isn't it? 522 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:15,560 S2: Mhm. I love that quote so much there. I could 523 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:19,400 S2: I could journal for days on that one. Uh, but 524 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,720 S2: even just let's just take one little piece of it, 525 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:26,640 S2: she says. Everyone suffers, right? One of the things about 526 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,160 S2: our suffering, I think, is we start to feel isolated, 527 00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:32,600 S2: and we can start to believe we're the only person 528 00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,440 S2: who's experiencing this or this kind of pain, or nobody 529 00:30:36,440 --> 00:30:38,600 S2: is going to want to deal with me when I'm 530 00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:41,880 S2: going through something like this. But just those words alone, 531 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:46,120 S2: that reminder that, mhm, everybody suffers. This is this is 532 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:49,880 S2: just part of the human condition. Uh, that little phrase 533 00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,640 S2: right there can help shift my perspective. 534 00:30:53,600 --> 00:30:56,640 S1: Raj is on the line. Raj, why did you call today? 535 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:00,920 S6: Well, I had a comment. One of the things that 536 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:04,640 S6: I do whenever I'm struggling with any kind of emotion, 537 00:31:04,640 --> 00:31:09,920 S6: whether that's anger, disappointment, fear, um, what I'll do is 538 00:31:09,920 --> 00:31:13,400 S6: I'll journal to help process all of the energy that 539 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:16,680 S6: I have in me. And I kind of literally kind 540 00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:20,240 S6: of just expose all my feelings on the printed page 541 00:31:20,560 --> 00:31:23,320 S6: to kind of get it out of my system. And 542 00:31:23,320 --> 00:31:26,600 S6: that kind of helps me cope with, you know, the 543 00:31:26,960 --> 00:31:30,240 S6: sort of the emergent situation that I'm dealing with. And 544 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,840 S6: then I'll go back and analyze it and then I'll 545 00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:37,240 S6: start using, hey, what are some strict, strict scriptures that 546 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,520 S6: I can apply? And what kind of things can I 547 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:44,160 S6: learn from what I was feeling? So for me, I 548 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:47,240 S6: guess in general, it just helps me to process what 549 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:50,800 S6: I'm feeling because God put feelings in us so that 550 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:53,280 S6: we could do something with it. The problem is, as 551 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:57,000 S6: a man, I tend to stuff my feelings down, and 552 00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:00,160 S6: that's probably not the best way and most productive way 553 00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:04,960 S6: to deal with feelings, especially anger, fear, disappointment, that sort 554 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:08,440 S6: of thing. So I kind of remember one of the 555 00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:14,920 S6: equations is suffering is pain plus judgment. Pain is death 556 00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:19,280 S6: or divorce. We can't really control that. judgment. Maybe the 557 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:22,520 S6: divorce isn't as bad as I thought it was. Or 558 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:25,560 S6: maybe it's. So I'm working on the judgment part because 559 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,320 S6: sometimes I may not know. Really? Is this good for me? 560 00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,960 S6: Is this bad for me? So those are some comments 561 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:31,560 S6: I had. 562 00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,960 S1: Who who taught you that? Did you learn that yourself? 563 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,200 S1: Or did somebody say, hey, think about this. 564 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:43,160 S6: Um, it's kind of a lifelong process. I'm a medical doctor. 565 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:47,480 S6: So very few, very little of what I've learned, I 566 00:32:47,480 --> 00:32:50,600 S6: learned in medical school and graduate school. Most of it 567 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:54,800 S6: is through reading and just sort of being curious. So 568 00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:59,479 S6: I always tell myself, be curious, not curious. And so 569 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:00,720 S6: I'm just trying to. 570 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,520 S1: Okay, so, so let me jump in. Did you ever, 571 00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,080 S1: did you ever have something going on with a patient 572 00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,200 S1: or maybe lose a patient and, and just you struggle 573 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,600 S1: with that. You got, you know, you got to move 574 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:12,640 S1: on because you got to help the people who are 575 00:33:12,640 --> 00:33:15,680 S1: right in front of you, but you're struggling with that. 576 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:18,090 S1: You know, back there. The thing that happened yesterday or 577 00:33:18,090 --> 00:33:18,970 S1: ten years ago. 578 00:33:19,770 --> 00:33:22,729 S6: Yeah. Um, you know, I look back at some of 579 00:33:22,730 --> 00:33:26,209 S6: the things that I did trying to help patients. And 580 00:33:26,250 --> 00:33:29,209 S6: at the moment I have to do my job. Whether 581 00:33:29,210 --> 00:33:32,530 S6: that's telling someone they have cancer, what I'm doing now 582 00:33:32,530 --> 00:33:35,170 S6: a little bit differently as I get older is I'm 583 00:33:35,170 --> 00:33:39,410 S6: trying to package the information in a way that is 584 00:33:39,410 --> 00:33:44,010 S6: a little bit easier to digest. In other words, if 585 00:33:44,050 --> 00:33:47,530 S6: in just telling, telling somebody that they have cancer, you 586 00:33:47,530 --> 00:33:50,410 S6: can't as a doctor, just say that you have to 587 00:33:50,450 --> 00:33:54,530 S6: kind of be gentle, but trying to use something called empathy. 588 00:33:55,050 --> 00:33:59,610 S6: And I think empathy, which then goes into love, it's 589 00:33:59,610 --> 00:34:04,090 S6: like these people are human beings. These people have feelings. 590 00:34:04,090 --> 00:34:07,490 S6: And so we have to convey the information. But how 591 00:34:07,490 --> 00:34:10,649 S6: can we do that as a physician? How can we 592 00:34:10,650 --> 00:34:14,890 S6: make it so that we can understand what they're going through? 593 00:34:15,090 --> 00:34:17,970 S6: It's kind of like trying to understand the difference between 594 00:34:17,969 --> 00:34:21,170 S6: men and women. And that goes back to men are 595 00:34:21,170 --> 00:34:25,450 S6: more logic oriented and women are more emotionally based. So 596 00:34:25,450 --> 00:34:27,529 S6: when a woman tries to talk to me, I'll say, 597 00:34:27,530 --> 00:34:31,410 S6: she's trying to tell me how she feels. And as 598 00:34:31,410 --> 00:34:34,650 S6: a man, I'm trying to understand that they're kind of 599 00:34:34,690 --> 00:34:38,330 S6: coming from a different standpoint because men and women are different. 600 00:34:38,370 --> 00:34:42,049 S6: God made us different. I respect that, but I have 601 00:34:42,050 --> 00:34:45,009 S6: to appreciate that because we are so different. We have 602 00:34:45,010 --> 00:34:47,850 S6: to understand each other's love language. We have to kind 603 00:34:47,890 --> 00:34:50,730 S6: of understand that we are different. But what can I 604 00:34:50,730 --> 00:34:53,569 S6: appreciate in her? Because she can see things that are 605 00:34:53,570 --> 00:34:56,210 S6: different than I see, and maybe I can see things, 606 00:34:56,210 --> 00:34:58,450 S6: and I just need to try to package things in 607 00:34:58,489 --> 00:35:01,210 S6: a way that's a little bit more, you know, will 608 00:35:01,210 --> 00:35:02,009 S6: land better. 609 00:35:02,810 --> 00:35:07,890 S1: Alison, what do you think about that? Journaling leads you 610 00:35:07,890 --> 00:35:09,690 S1: to empathy. Do you agree? 611 00:35:10,489 --> 00:35:14,850 S2: Oh, absolutely. Because, you know, we can we can slow down. 612 00:35:14,850 --> 00:35:17,890 S2: Writing invites us to slow down long enough to actually 613 00:35:17,890 --> 00:35:22,609 S2: consider somebody else's perspective. And I think that's where empathy starts. 614 00:35:22,850 --> 00:35:25,489 S2: And to kind of peel back the layers of our 615 00:35:25,489 --> 00:35:29,250 S2: own response or reaction to somebody and say, okay, I 616 00:35:29,250 --> 00:35:32,690 S2: was feeling angry on, on the surface, but what's really 617 00:35:32,690 --> 00:35:36,810 S2: underneath that anger and that journaling piece just invites us 618 00:35:36,810 --> 00:35:41,850 S2: into that introspection and into that considering somebody else's perspective, 619 00:35:41,850 --> 00:35:42,690 S2: which I love. 620 00:35:42,930 --> 00:35:46,290 S1: Yeah. Raj, I spend the whole day with you or 621 00:35:46,330 --> 00:35:48,490 S1: a whole week. Thank you for your call here today. 622 00:35:48,890 --> 00:35:53,090 S1: That very thing happened to me, Allison. The, uh, I'll 623 00:35:53,090 --> 00:35:54,730 S1: go ahead and use the name I got. I got 624 00:35:54,730 --> 00:35:58,290 S1: my son's Kindle that I had given him as a present, 625 00:35:58,290 --> 00:36:00,089 S1: and he got a newer one. And it was like 626 00:36:00,090 --> 00:36:02,330 S1: the first generation that had all the letters on it, 627 00:36:02,330 --> 00:36:04,250 S1: and you could type stuff in it. It was like 628 00:36:04,330 --> 00:36:07,529 S1: it was so old, but it was it was so good. 629 00:36:07,530 --> 00:36:10,050 S1: And it was like, it was it was working so well. 630 00:36:10,050 --> 00:36:13,450 S1: I could read it easily. I don't like e-readers that much, 631 00:36:13,450 --> 00:36:15,930 S1: but this one worked. You know, I'd read it probably 632 00:36:15,969 --> 00:36:18,569 S1: just as before going to bed. And then the news 633 00:36:18,570 --> 00:36:23,489 S1: came out that on May 20th they were discontinuing anything 634 00:36:23,489 --> 00:36:27,850 S1: before whatever, 2014 or whatever. And this was back in 635 00:36:28,130 --> 00:36:31,650 S1: like 2008 or whatever. They came out with that first generation. 636 00:36:31,650 --> 00:36:34,930 S1: It was like, well, wait a minute, I'm really upset 637 00:36:34,930 --> 00:36:37,930 S1: about this. And I started to journal it and I 638 00:36:37,969 --> 00:36:40,330 S1: and I journaled it, and I got to the place 639 00:36:40,330 --> 00:36:43,410 S1: where I said, okay, why? Why is this? You know, 640 00:36:43,450 --> 00:36:45,890 S1: it's not that big a deal. Well, yeah, it is 641 00:36:45,890 --> 00:36:48,370 S1: a big deal. Well, why is it such a big deal? 642 00:36:48,890 --> 00:36:52,529 S1: And I came around to seeing the reason why this 643 00:36:52,530 --> 00:36:55,209 S1: is a big deal to me is I had made 644 00:36:55,210 --> 00:36:59,049 S1: an agreement with the people who made this e-reader that 645 00:36:59,050 --> 00:37:01,690 S1: I was going to buy. Well, take it from my 646 00:37:01,690 --> 00:37:03,890 S1: son who gave it to me, and I was going 647 00:37:03,890 --> 00:37:07,170 S1: to use this, and it's working, and there's nothing wrong 648 00:37:07,170 --> 00:37:09,049 S1: with it. And you're not going to tell you that 649 00:37:09,050 --> 00:37:11,180 S1: everything that's on here is mine, and you can't take 650 00:37:11,180 --> 00:37:14,060 S1: it away from me. And that's what they said. Now 651 00:37:14,100 --> 00:37:16,460 S1: you know, everything that's there is yours. But you just 652 00:37:16,460 --> 00:37:20,580 S1: can't download anything new. But the agreement that I made was, 653 00:37:20,980 --> 00:37:23,259 S1: I'm going to this. I want to have this till 654 00:37:23,260 --> 00:37:25,780 S1: I die and then give it to my grandchildren, you know, 655 00:37:25,820 --> 00:37:28,939 S1: and move on. And it's like they didn't make that 656 00:37:28,940 --> 00:37:32,980 S1: agreement with me. So what do I do with this? 657 00:37:33,260 --> 00:37:37,940 S1: And I think that translates into the agreement that what 658 00:37:37,940 --> 00:37:42,380 S1: you were talking about with God, here's here's what you do, God, 659 00:37:42,380 --> 00:37:46,060 S1: here's what I do. You're supposed was a transaction. You're 660 00:37:46,060 --> 00:37:48,899 S1: supposed to keep your. And when he doesn't show up 661 00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:51,419 S1: like you thought he was supposed to show up, then 662 00:37:51,420 --> 00:37:54,140 S1: you think, well, he doesn't care or he's not there. 663 00:37:54,980 --> 00:37:59,299 S1: And that's not true. Um, now I haven't given you 664 00:37:59,300 --> 00:38:01,340 S1: enough time to respond, so let me take a break. 665 00:38:01,380 --> 00:38:04,700 S1: More of your calls coming up. Alison Bixby has written 666 00:38:04,700 --> 00:38:09,620 S1: a really, really good practical book, journaling as a spiritual 667 00:38:09,780 --> 00:38:14,460 S1: practice tracing the lines of grace to God's presence. Featured resource. 668 00:38:14,460 --> 00:38:20,980 S1: Chris fabriclive.org. Chris fabriclive.org. More straight ahead on Moody Radio. 669 00:38:32,340 --> 00:38:34,820 S1: If you're in your 20s or you care about someone 670 00:38:34,820 --> 00:38:38,259 S1: who is, don't miss the programme tomorrow. Paul Angoni is 671 00:38:38,260 --> 00:38:40,540 S1: going to be with us. He says your 20s are 672 00:38:40,540 --> 00:38:44,140 S1: filled with a lot of confusion, terrible jobs, disappointment, breaks 673 00:38:44,140 --> 00:38:49,859 S1: up breakups, hard questions don't miss. Paul Angoni tomorrow at 674 00:38:49,860 --> 00:38:52,860 S1: the Radio Backyard Fence. Alison Bixby is with us today, 675 00:38:52,860 --> 00:38:55,980 S1: the second Alison of the week. She has written journaling 676 00:38:55,980 --> 00:38:59,299 S1: as a spiritual practice, tracing the lines of grace to 677 00:38:59,340 --> 00:39:02,299 S1: God's presence. Back to your calls. But first, let me 678 00:39:02,300 --> 00:39:05,060 S1: let you respond to that. You know, this this piece 679 00:39:05,060 --> 00:39:08,540 S1: of technology that is there's nothing wrong with it. He's 680 00:39:08,540 --> 00:39:12,100 S1: kind of going away that the agreement that I had made. 681 00:39:12,100 --> 00:39:13,340 S1: How do you respond to that? 682 00:39:14,380 --> 00:39:18,100 S2: Yeah, I think all of that boils down to expectations 683 00:39:18,100 --> 00:39:20,500 S2: and whether we're talking about the expectation that I should 684 00:39:20,500 --> 00:39:24,460 S2: just be able to keep using this perfectly good old technology, 685 00:39:24,660 --> 00:39:26,980 S2: or we're talking about the expectations we have for how 686 00:39:26,980 --> 00:39:28,739 S2: God's going to show up in our lives and what 687 00:39:28,739 --> 00:39:31,500 S2: he's going to do. We all have to to deal 688 00:39:31,500 --> 00:39:32,819 S2: with that. We all have to find a way to 689 00:39:32,860 --> 00:39:36,100 S2: navigate it and process it and, and to do the 690 00:39:36,100 --> 00:39:38,700 S2: things that that Anne Morrow Lindbergh quote talks about, you know, 691 00:39:38,739 --> 00:39:41,779 S2: adding to it love and patience and long suffering and 692 00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:45,180 S2: all of those pieces. And that's really the work of 693 00:39:45,180 --> 00:39:49,660 S2: being human is figuring out how to navigate our, our 694 00:39:49,660 --> 00:39:53,060 S2: expectations when they're not met. And journaling has for me 695 00:39:53,060 --> 00:39:55,820 S2: been such a good tool for doing that. 696 00:39:56,380 --> 00:40:00,020 S1: Jodi has been journaling for more than 50 years. Jodi, 697 00:40:00,060 --> 00:40:01,140 S1: why did you call today? 698 00:40:02,219 --> 00:40:08,700 S7: Hi, Chris. Hi, Allison. Yes, I, I've been journaling since 1972. 699 00:40:09,180 --> 00:40:12,060 S7: I read a quote by May Sarton, who is a 700 00:40:12,100 --> 00:40:16,060 S7: poet and also a journalist, and she said, I don't 701 00:40:16,060 --> 00:40:18,980 S7: know what I think about something until I write it down. 702 00:40:19,219 --> 00:40:24,100 S7: And that has been my experience. Um, I also, uh, 703 00:40:24,180 --> 00:40:28,100 S7: joined a group that, um, one of the precepts was 704 00:40:28,340 --> 00:40:33,020 S7: you journal three pages, non-negotiable. Every morning as soon as 705 00:40:33,020 --> 00:40:38,299 S7: you wake up because you, um, have less filters. Mhm. 706 00:40:38,340 --> 00:40:40,739 S7: If you journal as soon as you as soon as 707 00:40:40,739 --> 00:40:44,500 S7: you wake up. And for me, it's often it turns 708 00:40:44,500 --> 00:40:48,259 S7: into a conversation with God. Um, I feel like it 709 00:40:48,260 --> 00:40:52,660 S7: has helped me through, uh, the pain, the sorrow, the joy, 710 00:40:52,820 --> 00:40:57,899 S7: the loss. Um, it's almost like therapy. And, um, my 711 00:40:57,900 --> 00:41:01,740 S7: question is, what do you do with all your journals? 712 00:41:01,980 --> 00:41:05,580 S7: Do you save them for your children or grandchildren? I mean, 713 00:41:05,700 --> 00:41:10,020 S7: some of this is some raw emotion. What do you 714 00:41:10,020 --> 00:41:11,259 S7: do unfiltered? 715 00:41:11,540 --> 00:41:16,340 S2: Great question. It is a good question. So I personally 716 00:41:16,340 --> 00:41:18,899 S2: I keep all of my journals. Now there are some 717 00:41:18,900 --> 00:41:22,420 S2: pages I have torn out, shredded or burned simply because 718 00:41:22,420 --> 00:41:25,140 S2: I don't need anybody reading that. But I actually kind 719 00:41:25,180 --> 00:41:28,340 S2: of have a secret hope that one day my children 720 00:41:28,340 --> 00:41:31,900 S2: or grandchildren might crack open my journals to learn a 721 00:41:31,900 --> 00:41:34,739 S2: little bit about who I was before they maybe knew me, 722 00:41:34,739 --> 00:41:37,260 S2: or really understood who I was as a person outside 723 00:41:37,260 --> 00:41:40,620 S2: of mom or grandma, I guess. Um, and so the 724 00:41:40,620 --> 00:41:43,220 S2: stuff that is really important for me to protect, I 725 00:41:43,260 --> 00:41:45,460 S2: find ways to make sure nobody else is going to 726 00:41:45,460 --> 00:41:49,660 S2: see it. But I, I love, I love what my 727 00:41:49,660 --> 00:41:52,620 S2: journals represent and that's really my walk with the Lord. 728 00:41:52,620 --> 00:41:54,899 S2: And so I don't want to throw them away. And 729 00:41:54,900 --> 00:41:58,060 S2: that's probably why I've kept almost everyone I've ever written. 730 00:41:58,660 --> 00:42:01,939 S8: That's a great that's a. Jody, I've. 731 00:42:01,940 --> 00:42:02,140 S1: Got. 732 00:42:02,140 --> 00:42:02,459 S8: To tell. 733 00:42:02,460 --> 00:42:06,910 S1: You, I met May Sarton. This was back in the 70s, 734 00:42:06,950 --> 00:42:11,590 S1: late 70s, because she's a poet from New England area. 735 00:42:11,590 --> 00:42:14,430 S1: And she came to the university where I was, and 736 00:42:14,430 --> 00:42:17,630 S1: she spoke to a bunch of, you know, English students. 737 00:42:17,870 --> 00:42:22,070 S1: And I still remember, you know, her, her presence there 738 00:42:22,070 --> 00:42:27,590 S1: and her words. So thanks for igniting that in my brain. 739 00:42:27,590 --> 00:42:29,790 S1: When you said May Sarton, we don't talk about her 740 00:42:29,790 --> 00:42:33,350 S1: poetry that often here. Jody. Thank you. Kenneth is on 741 00:42:33,350 --> 00:42:35,430 S1: the line. Kenneth, why did you call today? 742 00:42:36,510 --> 00:42:38,830 S9: So, um, hang on one second. Let me get you 743 00:42:38,830 --> 00:42:43,190 S9: off the street. Okay. So just listen to her. Can 744 00:42:43,190 --> 00:42:43,750 S9: you hear me? 745 00:42:43,950 --> 00:42:44,310 S8: Yep. 746 00:42:44,350 --> 00:42:44,950 S1: Sure can. 747 00:42:45,110 --> 00:42:46,910 S9: Just listen. Just to listen to you talk. And the 748 00:42:46,910 --> 00:42:50,070 S9: other people have been talking about their journaling and stuff, and, um, 749 00:42:50,310 --> 00:42:53,750 S9: just kind of. I've started several times to journal, and 750 00:42:53,750 --> 00:42:55,990 S9: then it kind of goes to the wayside and everything. 751 00:42:56,030 --> 00:43:02,430 S9: And I find and just being really brutally honest right now, I, um, 752 00:43:03,550 --> 00:43:08,589 S9: when I journal, I, I'm, I feel like I'm not 753 00:43:08,590 --> 00:43:12,989 S9: being honest with me, if that makes sense. So, um. 754 00:43:13,350 --> 00:43:15,590 S1: Well, what do you mean by that? You mean you're, 755 00:43:15,710 --> 00:43:19,750 S1: you're putting on or you're trying to be somebody else like, 756 00:43:19,790 --> 00:43:21,550 S1: like somebody else is reading this. 757 00:43:22,230 --> 00:43:24,910 S9: I'm possibly, but I'm just I don't feel like I'm, 758 00:43:25,190 --> 00:43:30,390 S9: you know, it's like I may be experiencing something. And 759 00:43:30,790 --> 00:43:35,069 S9: instead of expressing that in my journal of what I'm 760 00:43:35,070 --> 00:43:38,430 S9: actually feeling, I'm just writing words, if that makes sense. 761 00:43:38,469 --> 00:43:38,910 S8: Okay. 762 00:43:39,469 --> 00:43:41,710 S1: And here's what I would say about that. You should 763 00:43:41,710 --> 00:43:45,790 S1: journal that. Write that down because that's going to come back. 764 00:43:45,830 --> 00:43:48,150 S1: It's like, I don't feel like I'm being real. Do 765 00:43:48,150 --> 00:43:48,950 S1: you agree, Allison? 766 00:43:48,989 --> 00:43:49,390 S8: Okay. 767 00:43:49,750 --> 00:43:52,830 S2: Yeah, absolutely. Because I think for a lot of us 768 00:43:52,830 --> 00:43:56,350 S2: turning off that inner critic who wants to criticize and say, oh, 769 00:43:56,350 --> 00:43:58,190 S2: you can't write that down. Or if you write that down, 770 00:43:58,190 --> 00:44:01,469 S2: that's not a good idea. Uh, being able from the 771 00:44:01,550 --> 00:44:04,950 S2: outset to just say to myself, I'm going to set 772 00:44:04,950 --> 00:44:08,029 S2: aside critique of myself as much as I can and 773 00:44:08,030 --> 00:44:10,750 S2: be as honest as I can. But I love Chris's 774 00:44:10,750 --> 00:44:13,549 S2: suggestion that that might be a great journaling prompt. Why 775 00:44:13,550 --> 00:44:15,750 S2: do I feel like I can't be honest about my 776 00:44:15,750 --> 00:44:19,070 S2: feelings when I journal? Could be a great place to start. 777 00:44:20,070 --> 00:44:23,190 S1: And read the Psalms. That's what I love about the Psalms. 778 00:44:23,230 --> 00:44:25,149 S1: It's like, God, why are you. And there are some 779 00:44:25,150 --> 00:44:27,870 S1: places where the Lord is my shepherd. I shall not 780 00:44:27,910 --> 00:44:29,670 S1: want in the valley of the shadow of death. And 781 00:44:29,670 --> 00:44:32,589 S1: it's like there's, you know, there's such great encouragement there, 782 00:44:32,590 --> 00:44:35,750 S1: but there are other places where break their teeth and, 783 00:44:35,790 --> 00:44:38,230 S1: you know, dash them on the rock. You know, all 784 00:44:38,230 --> 00:44:41,310 S1: this is like, this is the real feeling that you're 785 00:44:41,310 --> 00:44:44,870 S1: going through. And those Psalms were the things that Jesus 786 00:44:44,870 --> 00:44:49,950 S1: read when in his formative years as well. This is reality. 787 00:44:49,950 --> 00:44:51,629 S1: This is life, right? 788 00:44:52,110 --> 00:44:55,149 S2: Absolutely. And there's a really practical tool, if you've ever 789 00:44:55,150 --> 00:44:57,509 S2: heard of it, called a feelings wheel. And if you 790 00:44:57,510 --> 00:45:00,640 S2: have a hard time naming your feelings, uh, that it 791 00:45:00,640 --> 00:45:02,919 S2: can be really helpful because it's literally just a wheel 792 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,960 S2: that has, I don't know, maybe a hundred different emotions 793 00:45:05,960 --> 00:45:08,319 S2: written on it. And to be able to kind of 794 00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,520 S2: borrow one of those words and pinpoint that is that's 795 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:14,560 S2: how I'm feeling that word right there. Um, I'm not 796 00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:18,520 S2: just feeling sad. I'm actually feeling left out, for example. 797 00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,120 S2: It just helps you get more specific and how you're 798 00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:22,640 S2: talking about your feelings. 799 00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,359 S1: I love it. Kenneth, I'm glad you called. Somebody needed 800 00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:28,280 S1: to hear that. See, that's what happens with and vulnerability. 801 00:45:28,280 --> 00:45:31,239 S1: That's what we're going for here. What the truth is 802 00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:34,959 S1: about ourselves, about what we're feeling. And then to be 803 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:37,520 S1: able to look and to see. I can't tell you 804 00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,080 S1: how many times I've read something that I've written, you know, 805 00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:42,920 S1: about what's going on in life. And you've had this too, Allison, 806 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,239 S1: where you see that it's like, well, that's not true. 807 00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,359 S1: And then a couple of days later, I'll say, that 808 00:45:47,360 --> 00:45:51,560 S1: wasn't true. You know, I'm seeing the truth about me 809 00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:55,560 S1: because I'm, I'm saturating myself with what God says rather 810 00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,959 S1: than how I feel, but how I feel is real. Okay. 811 00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:02,399 S1: I'll stop. We only scratched the surface of journaling as 812 00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:06,719 S1: a spiritual practice. Tracing the lines of grace to God's presence. 813 00:46:06,719 --> 00:46:10,680 S1: It's our featured resource. Go to Chris Fabry live.org. I 814 00:46:10,719 --> 00:46:13,640 S1: hope this is a best seller. Allison, I don't I 815 00:46:13,640 --> 00:46:16,480 S1: didn't get to ask you about men and women journaling. 816 00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,400 S1: We've heard that from men here. You know, is there 817 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,000 S1: a difference? You've got to come back. Let's talk about 818 00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:26,040 S1: this again. But between now and then you keep journaling, okay? 819 00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:28,560 S2: Absolutely. I would love that. Thanks, Chris. 820 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:33,120 S1: Allison Bixby. Her last name is spelled BYXBE. And I 821 00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:35,719 S1: know why. And maybe the next time she comes on, 822 00:46:35,719 --> 00:46:39,560 S1: we'll talk about that journaling as a spiritual practice. Let's 823 00:46:39,560 --> 00:46:43,680 S1: go to Chris fabry.org, the one, the only Paul Langone 824 00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,319 S1: is going to be with us talking about those who 825 00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:47,560 S1: are in their 20s. Don't miss it tomorrow right here 826 00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,359 S1: on Chris Avery Live or production of Moody Radio, a 827 00:46:50,360 --> 00:46:52,640 S1: Ministry of Moody Bible Institute.