1 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:10,240 S1: It's time for a change, a do over. A restart overhaul. 2 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:13,640 S1: It's time for a tech reset. So says our guest 3 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:16,639 S1: today on Chris Avery Live. She believes technology is a 4 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:21,360 S1: wonderful servant but a terrible master. And she adds, the 5 00:00:21,440 --> 00:00:25,080 S1: goal shouldn't be to eliminate screens. It's to ensure they 6 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:31,320 S1: don't replace the relationships, conversations and moments that matter most. 7 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:34,600 S1: You don't need another app to solve your problem. That's 8 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,680 S1: the opinion of author and speaker Arlene Pelikan. Do you 9 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:39,720 S1: agree with her? Do you need a tech reset for 10 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,440 S1: your family? Then how are you going to accomplish that 11 00:00:42,440 --> 00:00:45,800 S1: for your kids, your grandkids? And better yet, how do 12 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:48,839 S1: you do the reset for yourself? We're going to talk 13 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:50,680 S1: about it today on the program, From the Heart to 14 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:55,120 S1: the Heart for the heart, online@chris.org. Let me thank our team. 15 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,959 S1: Ryan McConaughey is helping out with the technical. So is Lisa. 16 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:02,020 S1: Trisha is our producer. Josh will be answering your calls. 17 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:04,779 S1: And where would we be without our back fence friends 18 00:01:04,780 --> 00:01:08,300 S1: and partners? Well, you really came through for us in September. Friends. 19 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:12,260 S1: We went over both the people goal, the participation goal 20 00:01:12,260 --> 00:01:15,380 S1: and the amount of your support goal. So let me 21 00:01:15,420 --> 00:01:18,220 S1: pause right here and say thank you, thank you, thank 22 00:01:18,220 --> 00:01:21,620 S1: you for your support of Chris Fabry live. Now listen 23 00:01:21,620 --> 00:01:24,300 S1: to that music. With a new month, we have a 24 00:01:24,300 --> 00:01:28,300 S1: new resource for you today. We are unveiling Christmas in October. 25 00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:31,220 S1: That's right. For the next 31 days, I want to 26 00:01:31,220 --> 00:01:34,980 S1: send you a 31 day advent devotional from the heart 27 00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:41,339 S1: of Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth. It's titled Consider Jesus Meditations on 28 00:01:41,340 --> 00:01:45,300 S1: the Person and Work of Christ, and it is a 29 00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:51,020 S1: beautiful hardback devotional. It'll stir you this Christmas season. Why October? Chris? Well, 30 00:01:51,220 --> 00:01:53,180 S1: if I give this to you in December, you're not 31 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:55,580 S1: going to get it in time. So I'm planning ahead. 32 00:01:55,580 --> 00:01:58,220 S1: This is me planning ahead. So let me send you 33 00:01:58,310 --> 00:02:02,190 S1: a copy. Give a gift of any size at Chris fabry.org. 34 00:02:02,630 --> 00:02:09,870 S1: Chris Fabry, Fabry. Chris Fabry, live.org. Or you can call 86695. 35 00:02:09,990 --> 00:02:12,190 S1: Fabry to give a gift. If you want to speak 36 00:02:12,190 --> 00:02:19,230 S1: to a human being. (866) 953-2279. Consider Jesus by Nancy DeMoss. 37 00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:22,790 S1: Wolgemuth is our gift in October. Let me send you 38 00:02:22,790 --> 00:02:25,669 S1: one to you today and thanks for your support of 39 00:02:25,669 --> 00:02:30,630 S1: the Radio Backyard Fence. Arlene Pelikan is a speaker, host 40 00:02:30,630 --> 00:02:33,550 S1: of the Happy Home podcast and author of a number 41 00:02:33,550 --> 00:02:39,829 S1: of books, including Parents Rising, Making Marriage Easier, and Screen Kids, 42 00:02:39,830 --> 00:02:44,310 S1: co-authored with Doctor Gary Chapman. She's the spokesperson for National 43 00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:46,990 S1: Marriage Week. We've talked with her a number of times 44 00:02:46,990 --> 00:02:49,750 S1: here before. She and her husband, James, have been married 45 00:02:49,750 --> 00:02:52,269 S1: more than 25 years. They have three children. They live 46 00:02:52,270 --> 00:02:57,690 S1: in San Diego, where I hear the Padres play. But, Arlene, 47 00:02:57,690 --> 00:03:00,570 S1: you don't know anything about the baseball game that happened 48 00:03:00,570 --> 00:03:03,050 S1: last night, so we're not going to go into that, right? 49 00:03:03,090 --> 00:03:04,810 S2: That's right. I'm a little bit clueless, which kind of 50 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,810 S2: helped us in our conversation today to be friends. 51 00:03:08,450 --> 00:03:11,490 S1: I, uh, I woke up this morning and I remembered, 52 00:03:11,530 --> 00:03:14,530 S1: do you know who Bart a Bartlett Giamatti is? Have 53 00:03:14,530 --> 00:03:15,810 S1: you ever heard that name before? 54 00:03:15,850 --> 00:03:18,609 S2: Well, this is very embarrassing. We're on national radio, and 55 00:03:18,610 --> 00:03:22,050 S2: you're quizzing me. Okay. So, no, I don't. 56 00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:27,210 S1: A Bartlett Giamatti was the commissioner of baseball for a 57 00:03:27,210 --> 00:03:30,730 S1: number of years, and he was a huge baseball fan. 58 00:03:31,050 --> 00:03:35,490 S1: And he wrote this treatise, I think he was at Harvard. 59 00:03:35,530 --> 00:03:38,690 S1: He was a very educated man. And he wrote a 60 00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:42,770 S1: treatise called The Green Fields of the mind. And I 61 00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:46,089 S1: woke up this morning after my Cubs lost to your Padres, 62 00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:49,010 S1: even though you're not a big fan. The first line 63 00:03:49,010 --> 00:03:52,089 S1: of that came to my mind. It breaks your heart. 64 00:03:52,410 --> 00:03:57,020 S1: It is designed to break your heart. That was the 65 00:03:57,020 --> 00:03:59,780 S1: first thing that I thought of. Because even if your 66 00:03:59,780 --> 00:04:03,100 S1: team wins, even if they win, it's like, yeah, but 67 00:04:03,140 --> 00:04:05,100 S1: maybe they'll win two in a row. You know, it's 68 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,340 S1: like it's never enough. So it's just a good season 69 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,740 S1: is not enough. So I woke up with that roll 70 00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:14,940 S1: around my soul. Uh, it breaks your heart. It's designed 71 00:04:14,940 --> 00:04:18,020 S1: to break your heart. And, uh, so I just start 72 00:04:18,020 --> 00:04:20,860 S1: the program that way. Even though you're not. I'm not 73 00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:24,020 S1: holding you responsible. And I do hope the Padres play 74 00:04:24,020 --> 00:04:26,820 S1: well against the the Brewers, which will be interesting to 75 00:04:26,820 --> 00:04:30,700 S1: see that. Okay, so the featured resource today is the 76 00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:37,020 S1: Great Tech Reset reclaiming real life for Christian families. And 77 00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:41,020 S1: there's really good news. This is while supplies last. You 78 00:04:41,020 --> 00:04:42,700 S1: can get a free copy of this if you go 79 00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:47,340 S1: to Chris Fabry Live. Click through the link right there, chris.org. 80 00:04:48,300 --> 00:04:50,859 S1: So much in here that we need to get to Arleen. 81 00:04:50,860 --> 00:04:53,500 S1: But I want to start with a very practical thing 82 00:04:53,500 --> 00:04:56,560 S1: that jumped out at me. And that is at one 83 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,520 S1: point in the book, kind of toward the end, you say, 84 00:04:59,880 --> 00:05:05,960 S1: don't get your, your son, daughter, teenager tween, whoever don't 85 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:09,480 S1: get a phone as a gift. Why not? 86 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:14,200 S2: Yeah. The granddaughter. Grandson. So you think, oh, I'm going 87 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:17,000 S2: to have to buy this expensive item. I might as 88 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,760 S2: well make it their birthday gift. Their graduation gift. Right? 89 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:23,039 S2: Some kind of gift. And that makes sense. But here's 90 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,160 S2: the big problem. If you give a child a phone, 91 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,400 S2: a video game, you know, something like that for a birthday, 92 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,760 S2: and then you find out three months later, wow, this 93 00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:35,920 S2: has been like a disaster. We need to take this back. Like, 94 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,279 S2: this is not working. What is that child going to 95 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:41,000 S2: say to you? You can't take this away from me. 96 00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:44,320 S2: It's my birthday present. Yes. And doggone it, you will 97 00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:46,479 S2: feel like. Oh, yeah, I guess I can't take that away. 98 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:49,880 S2: That is literally your present. So if you have not 99 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,159 S2: ever done that before, this was a great piece of 100 00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:54,810 S2: advice that I got from nurse Melanie Hempy out of 101 00:05:54,810 --> 00:05:57,730 S2: Screen Strong, who said, you know, don't give it as 102 00:05:57,730 --> 00:06:00,529 S2: a gift. So if you've not done that, then that's 103 00:06:00,529 --> 00:06:03,250 S2: really the path forward. But if you have done it 104 00:06:03,250 --> 00:06:06,330 S2: in the past, guess what? You still can say. You know, 105 00:06:06,370 --> 00:06:09,049 S2: I'm really sorry I gave you this gift. It's turned 106 00:06:09,050 --> 00:06:11,850 S2: out not at all to be what we thought. And 107 00:06:11,850 --> 00:06:15,850 S2: instead I'm going to give you this, you know, something else, 108 00:06:15,850 --> 00:06:18,250 S2: perhaps of equal value. And then we'll give you this 109 00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:20,770 S2: at a later time. But the idea is, if you're 110 00:06:20,810 --> 00:06:24,010 S2: the one that owns it, then you can say, oh man, 111 00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:26,330 S2: this whole eight hours a day on the phone, that's 112 00:06:26,330 --> 00:06:28,330 S2: not working. So I'm going to go ahead and collect 113 00:06:28,330 --> 00:06:31,730 S2: the phone because it's mine. And then we'll we'll try 114 00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:32,770 S2: this again in a month. 115 00:06:33,170 --> 00:06:38,090 S1: I think most parents know that there's something off here. 116 00:06:38,210 --> 00:06:41,930 S1: And a lot of schools around the country and school 117 00:06:41,930 --> 00:06:45,330 S1: boards are saying, no, we're not having you have the tablet. 118 00:06:45,330 --> 00:06:48,050 S1: We're not having. You have the phone here. They're seeing 119 00:06:48,050 --> 00:06:50,850 S1: some of the warnings that that we have seen for 120 00:06:50,850 --> 00:06:54,630 S1: a long time. So kind of tell me what the 121 00:06:54,630 --> 00:06:57,750 S1: problem is that a lot of parents are seeing now. 122 00:06:58,230 --> 00:07:01,030 S2: Yes, you we are thinking that this is neutral. So 123 00:07:01,029 --> 00:07:04,070 S2: we think, oh, it's just in how you use it. 124 00:07:04,190 --> 00:07:07,550 S2: But it's not like a neutral thing. Let's say like 125 00:07:07,550 --> 00:07:10,630 S2: a chalkboard, like a the little slate pad, you know, 126 00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:13,270 S2: of yesteryear, it didn't follow our kids around showing, hey, 127 00:07:13,270 --> 00:07:15,910 S2: look at this, look at this, look at this. Right? 128 00:07:15,950 --> 00:07:18,190 S2: So first of all, we need to understand technology is 129 00:07:18,190 --> 00:07:23,190 S2: not neutral. It is actually created very smartly by big 130 00:07:23,190 --> 00:07:25,950 S2: tech to addict us. And we all know this because 131 00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:29,710 S2: we as adults also have trouble parting with our lovely 132 00:07:29,710 --> 00:07:32,350 S2: phones that we love so much, our little digital pacifiers. 133 00:07:32,350 --> 00:07:35,270 S2: So first of all, we have to acknowledge, wait a minute, 134 00:07:35,270 --> 00:07:40,590 S2: big tech has made this sticky on purpose. And then 135 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,869 S2: we also have to realize what are they missing? Like 136 00:07:43,910 --> 00:07:47,950 S2: even if they watched all like lovely things on their devices, 137 00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:52,200 S2: they're missing real life conversation, like learning empathy and how 138 00:07:52,200 --> 00:08:01,440 S2: to relate to actual people, not chatbots and actual person skills. Sports. Boredom. Patience, self-control, reading. 139 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,640 S2: All of those things are being lost on the next generation. 140 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,520 S2: And for the first time ever, you know, our Pisa 141 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,080 S2: scores is kind of what you're alluding to with school, 142 00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:13,600 S2: the scores worldwide, every generation tends to get a teeny 143 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:16,360 S2: bit smarter. And now we're seeing for the first time 144 00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:20,160 S2: that this downtrend, because kids are not reading at grade level, 145 00:08:20,160 --> 00:08:23,120 S2: they're outsourcing their homework to AI, which they don't know 146 00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:24,920 S2: how to do in the first place. And that's a 147 00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:25,880 S2: huge problem. 148 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:30,440 S1: Your husband was a realtor, and he came home one 149 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,960 S1: night and said, our kids are never going to play 150 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,400 S1: video games. Why did he say that? 151 00:08:34,440 --> 00:08:37,280 S2: That's right. You know, he was taking a family around 152 00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,360 S2: and they had children. And he was like, these are 153 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:42,520 S2: very strange children in the van. They just look down 154 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,120 S2: at their devices the whole time. We live in San Diego. 155 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:47,760 S2: It's a pretty nice place. They're not even looking around. 156 00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:50,260 S2: When he'd get to the houses, they wouldn't look around 157 00:08:50,260 --> 00:08:52,940 S2: the houses. They sat on the couch and just played games. 158 00:08:52,940 --> 00:08:55,620 S2: And he thought, these are not children. Like, why aren't 159 00:08:55,620 --> 00:08:58,699 S2: they fighting? Why aren't they saying like, this is my room? 160 00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,860 S2: Why don't they have a say? Like, pick this house? 161 00:09:00,860 --> 00:09:05,300 S2: It's my favorite. So he came home very convicted that 162 00:09:05,340 --> 00:09:08,900 S2: what I just saw, those were not normal children. They 163 00:09:08,900 --> 00:09:12,340 S2: didn't fight. They didn't want things. They didn't stake out 164 00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:15,059 S2: their room. And our kids were probably like five and 165 00:09:15,059 --> 00:09:17,020 S2: three at the time. And he said, there is no 166 00:09:17,020 --> 00:09:18,940 S2: way our kids are going to play video games like 167 00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:19,660 S2: those kids. 168 00:09:20,780 --> 00:09:26,900 S1: And sadly, they are normal. Those kids with their heads 169 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:30,339 S1: down are normal. And you don't say that as a judgment. 170 00:09:30,340 --> 00:09:34,619 S1: You're not saying that casting aspersions to people out there today, right? 171 00:09:34,980 --> 00:09:37,580 S2: That's the thing. Like, listen to us. We're saying like, oh, no, 172 00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:40,660 S2: this is we're so sorry. This if you find yourself 173 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,980 S2: in a place where it's like, oh my goodness, my 174 00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:46,180 S2: child would rather sit with their screen, you know, than 175 00:09:46,179 --> 00:09:49,470 S2: go out with us. I'm having trouble motivating them to 176 00:09:49,510 --> 00:09:52,110 S2: go out with people or do homework, or have a 177 00:09:52,110 --> 00:09:54,710 S2: hobby or do things. You are not alone. You are 178 00:09:54,710 --> 00:09:57,110 S2: in the majority. And so what we are trying to 179 00:09:57,110 --> 00:10:00,510 S2: do with the Great Tech Reset is come alongside you 180 00:10:00,710 --> 00:10:04,510 S2: as a parent, as a grandparent and say, okay, where 181 00:10:04,510 --> 00:10:07,670 S2: we're headed is not good, but don't worry, it's not 182 00:10:07,670 --> 00:10:10,429 S2: too late. There are things we can do to reclaim this. 183 00:10:10,429 --> 00:10:12,310 S2: So we really want to come alongside of you, not 184 00:10:12,309 --> 00:10:15,150 S2: in judgment, but with a lot of grace and mercy 185 00:10:15,150 --> 00:10:16,710 S2: and to say, you know what? Let's find a better 186 00:10:16,710 --> 00:10:17,510 S2: way together. 187 00:10:17,790 --> 00:10:20,870 S1: Bingo. Okay, so the book is titled The Great Tech 188 00:10:20,910 --> 00:10:24,590 S1: Reset Reclaiming Real Life for Christian Families. We have a 189 00:10:24,590 --> 00:10:29,430 S1: link at Chris fabriclive.org. As I mentioned, it is being 190 00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:34,949 S1: given away free by Summit Ministries limited supply. So if 191 00:10:34,950 --> 00:10:38,350 S1: you go there, click through today, Arlene's going to answer 192 00:10:38,350 --> 00:10:44,390 S1: your questions to I'm going to open the phone lines (877) 548-3675. 193 00:10:44,429 --> 00:10:46,970 S1: Is this where you are in your life? Do you 194 00:10:46,970 --> 00:10:49,730 S1: need a tech reset? We'll talk about it straight ahead. 195 00:10:57,770 --> 00:11:00,850 S1: Arlene Peloquin is our guest today at the Radio Backyard Fence, 196 00:11:00,850 --> 00:11:03,490 S1: host of the Happy Home podcast and author of the 197 00:11:03,490 --> 00:11:08,329 S1: new book, The Great Tech Reset Reclaiming Real Life for 198 00:11:08,330 --> 00:11:12,610 S1: Christian Families. Go to chris.org. You'll see a link right 199 00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:16,730 S1: there for the Great Tech Reset. I just realized, Arlene, 200 00:11:16,730 --> 00:11:20,690 S1: something happened here on the radio that is a of 201 00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:24,690 S1: an example of exactly what we're talking about. I asked 202 00:11:24,690 --> 00:11:28,810 S1: you about a baseball team and you didn't know if you're. 203 00:11:29,090 --> 00:11:31,770 S1: It's not that you're clueless. You just weren't tuned in 204 00:11:31,809 --> 00:11:35,370 S1: to that. I asked you about Bart Giamatti. You didn't 205 00:11:35,370 --> 00:11:38,730 S1: know that. That is the fear of a lot of 206 00:11:38,730 --> 00:11:41,610 S1: parents for their kids. They're not going to be able 207 00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:45,059 S1: to know what's going on in the society. They're not 208 00:11:45,059 --> 00:11:48,420 S1: going to know the latest fad on TikTok. They're not 209 00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:51,260 S1: going to know the shows on TV if they aren't 210 00:11:51,260 --> 00:11:54,339 S1: watching network TV or whatever. They're not going to know 211 00:11:54,340 --> 00:11:58,340 S1: all that. And you sounded like you felt okay about 212 00:11:58,340 --> 00:12:00,900 S1: not not knowing everything now. 213 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:03,699 S2: So if we just thought, okay, I didn't know those things, 214 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:05,660 S2: I would feel very fine about that. There's like so 215 00:12:05,660 --> 00:12:07,940 S2: much in the world to know. You can't know it all. 216 00:12:07,940 --> 00:12:11,740 S2: But look, now we're highlighting it right on national radio. 217 00:12:11,740 --> 00:12:13,420 S2: So now you know, I care. I care a little 218 00:12:13,420 --> 00:12:16,500 S2: tiny bit. So the same thing is with kids a 219 00:12:16,540 --> 00:12:18,580 S2: big deal. They don't know the thing. But it's like 220 00:12:18,580 --> 00:12:22,100 S2: when it's, you know, put under a spotlight. Whoa. You know, 221 00:12:22,140 --> 00:12:24,699 S2: there's five kids and everyone's looking at the one kid 222 00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,260 S2: you don't know that you know, and that's kind of 223 00:12:27,300 --> 00:12:29,340 S2: that you don't know that we're afraid of. But I'll 224 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:31,740 S2: tell you, my, my daughter, Noelle, who did not have 225 00:12:31,740 --> 00:12:33,980 S2: social media all the way through high school, she got 226 00:12:33,980 --> 00:12:36,500 S2: it the day of her senior year. She would tell 227 00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:39,020 S2: me very candidly, yeah, there were times I felt dumb. 228 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,140 S2: You know, everyone knows about some TikTok dance that she 229 00:12:41,140 --> 00:12:43,160 S2: doesn't know. There's like a phrase that people are saying 230 00:12:43,160 --> 00:12:45,839 S2: she doesn't know, but she was so funny. She's like, 231 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,719 S2: once I found out what it was, I was like, yeah, 232 00:12:47,720 --> 00:12:51,800 S2: that's pretty stupid. Like basically the things you're missing, the 233 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:56,880 S2: kids are missing. They're not these like great philosophical make 234 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,520 S2: your life better kind of things. They're pretty trivial things 235 00:13:00,520 --> 00:13:02,199 S2: that our kids are missing. And that's a good thing 236 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,280 S2: to keep in mind. 237 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:06,520 S1: And they're also missing, like with the realtor thing walking 238 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,440 S1: into a house. I know exactly what you're saying. It's like, 239 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:10,920 S1: where are we going to put the ping pong table? 240 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,440 S1: If you have one, you know, where are we going to? 241 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,160 S1: Which is my room. That's the first thing that they do. 242 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,600 S1: My kids used to do when they would go into 243 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,120 S1: a hotel. It's like, who gets to sleep in what bed, right? 244 00:13:20,160 --> 00:13:22,959 S1: You know? That's right. And if they and if their 245 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,079 S1: heads are down. And so and we know all this, 246 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:28,320 S1: I'm going to jump around in the book. Here's a 247 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:32,160 S1: quote you said when I interviewed author Justin Whitmill early 248 00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:36,200 S1: on my Happy Home podcast, he said, you can't think 249 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,800 S1: yourself out of a pattern. You didn't think your way into. 250 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,540 S1: You practiced Test yourself into it. So you have to 251 00:13:43,580 --> 00:13:46,939 S1: practice your way out. Why is that important? 252 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:50,380 S2: So important? We didn't think, oh, you know what? Let's 253 00:13:50,380 --> 00:13:54,260 S2: let these phones take over every spare minute of our 254 00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:56,260 S2: lives that when we have a spare minute, let's all 255 00:13:56,260 --> 00:13:59,380 S2: grab them and just be on them. None of us 256 00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:03,820 S2: thought that. But little by little, you know, in the line, 257 00:14:03,820 --> 00:14:05,500 S2: we picked up our phone and started looking at it 258 00:14:05,500 --> 00:14:07,700 S2: instead of maybe smiling at the person in front of 259 00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:11,500 S2: us or talking to our kid that shopping with us, whatever. Um, in, 260 00:14:11,540 --> 00:14:14,820 S2: in all those moments, the transitions where we might have 261 00:14:14,820 --> 00:14:18,020 S2: been talking to each other instead, now we just automatically 262 00:14:18,020 --> 00:14:20,940 S2: code to the device. So these are practices, they're habits. 263 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:23,740 S2: So the way out isn't just thinking, you know, I'm 264 00:14:23,740 --> 00:14:26,340 S2: going to do better about this. I'm going to, you know, 265 00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:29,180 S2: get some limits. The way out is, oh, we're going 266 00:14:29,220 --> 00:14:31,860 S2: to practice our way out dinner time. We're going to 267 00:14:31,860 --> 00:14:35,220 S2: put all the phones in this corner an hour before bedtime. 268 00:14:35,220 --> 00:14:37,340 S2: We're going to put the phones over here so we 269 00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:40,310 S2: can really be more relaxed as we go into sleep, 270 00:14:40,310 --> 00:14:42,670 S2: we're going to take the phones out of the bedroom 271 00:14:42,670 --> 00:14:45,470 S2: at night. You know, all these things. They're practices. So 272 00:14:45,470 --> 00:14:49,110 S2: we practiced our way into overuse and we are going 273 00:14:49,110 --> 00:14:50,430 S2: to practice our way out. 274 00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,750 S1: And there really is no easy way. Well, you could 275 00:14:54,750 --> 00:14:57,510 S1: go cold turkey and just throw the thing away. Yeah, 276 00:14:57,670 --> 00:15:01,110 S1: but that's the other way that that big tech has. 277 00:15:01,150 --> 00:15:03,590 S1: And I don't want to be fearful because there can 278 00:15:03,590 --> 00:15:06,470 S1: be just like you guys are so afraid of everything. 279 00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:10,390 S1: No it's not it's not the fear that's, that's driving you. 280 00:15:10,430 --> 00:15:14,590 S1: It's the response. It's the reaction and what you see 281 00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:17,710 S1: going on in my own life, as well as in 282 00:15:17,710 --> 00:15:21,110 S1: the kids around us and in the adults around us 283 00:15:21,110 --> 00:15:22,190 S1: as well. Right? 284 00:15:22,550 --> 00:15:25,870 S2: Yeah, that's exactly right. That we can be optimistic in 285 00:15:25,870 --> 00:15:27,990 S2: the sense of, yeah, I mean, what an amazing time 286 00:15:27,990 --> 00:15:31,990 S2: to be alive where we can see all these technological marvels. 287 00:15:32,270 --> 00:15:35,750 S2: But when it comes to personal relationships, no matter what 288 00:15:35,750 --> 00:15:39,410 S2: your age, all the things that AI and technology will 289 00:15:39,410 --> 00:15:43,370 S2: promise you they will be empty promises. You know, I 290 00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:46,770 S2: love Sherry Turkle, the MIT professor. She talks about artificial 291 00:15:46,770 --> 00:15:49,970 S2: intelligence and that its original sin is to say, I 292 00:15:50,170 --> 00:15:53,690 S2: care for you. We will get through this together. She's like, 293 00:15:53,690 --> 00:15:56,170 S2: there is no I, there is no we. Like it 294 00:15:56,170 --> 00:16:00,930 S2: doesn't exist. So for us to realize that we, this, 295 00:16:00,930 --> 00:16:03,050 S2: this is a big moment in history. And we do 296 00:16:03,050 --> 00:16:06,290 S2: need to be realistic about what this might cost us, 297 00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,370 S2: especially for kids. 298 00:16:07,850 --> 00:16:12,050 S1: I remember this the big question, especially when cell phones 299 00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:15,410 S1: first came out, it was like, if you have one, 300 00:16:15,410 --> 00:16:18,050 S1: then you can get in touch with somebody when you're 301 00:16:18,050 --> 00:16:20,250 S1: at the grocery store and you know, if you need 302 00:16:20,250 --> 00:16:23,090 S1: to get M&Ms or not, or, you know, that kind 303 00:16:23,130 --> 00:16:26,850 S1: of thing, or if you're your child is beginning to 304 00:16:26,890 --> 00:16:30,370 S1: drive on their own and they have an emergency, then 305 00:16:30,370 --> 00:16:32,970 S1: they can call 911 or they can the tow truck 306 00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:35,570 S1: or they can call mom or dad. So there, there 307 00:16:35,570 --> 00:16:38,140 S1: is a real good reason to have these in the 308 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:44,380 S1: hands of young of teenagers. But then comes the smart 309 00:16:44,380 --> 00:16:47,420 S1: aspect of it, and it kind of slips into this 310 00:16:47,420 --> 00:16:50,140 S1: is not just an emergency thing for an emergency. I'm 311 00:16:50,140 --> 00:16:51,780 S1: using it all the time. Right? 312 00:16:52,020 --> 00:16:55,340 S2: You think about like a college prospectus, they show you 313 00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:58,140 S2: all the beautiful things about the college, right? The brochure. 314 00:16:58,340 --> 00:17:00,100 S2: And so for the cell phone, you say, oh, it'll 315 00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,460 S2: keep you in touch with your child. It will keep 316 00:17:02,460 --> 00:17:04,820 S2: them safe. And yes, it can do those things. But 317 00:17:04,820 --> 00:17:09,460 S2: what it doesn't show you is like, oh, wow, look, you're, 318 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,619 S2: it's going to, it's going to be much harder for 319 00:17:11,619 --> 00:17:14,780 S2: you to have a meaningful relationship with your child because 320 00:17:14,780 --> 00:17:17,260 S2: you're going to have to drag them away from that device. 321 00:17:17,260 --> 00:17:19,899 S2: And it's not just children, it's a spouse, you know, whoever. 322 00:17:20,140 --> 00:17:23,940 S2: It doesn't show you the time that it's going to 323 00:17:23,980 --> 00:17:26,540 S2: steal from you, the time that you could be doing 324 00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:29,379 S2: other things. Your attention span, which used to be so strong, 325 00:17:29,420 --> 00:17:31,139 S2: like think about it. We used to be able to 326 00:17:31,140 --> 00:17:33,260 S2: pick up a book and just kind of start reading. 327 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:37,520 S2: I'm struggling. Like I have to literally think to myself, Arlene, concentrate. 328 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:40,920 S2: Stop being so distracted because every two minutes you're looking 329 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:43,600 S2: for an out. Like, isn't there something else I should 330 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:47,119 S2: be doing? Because we've been trained that, oh, something else 331 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:48,960 S2: is going to come up. So get ready. You know, 332 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:52,400 S2: so realizing what's happening to our attention span, all these 333 00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:56,160 S2: things that are being traded away. Sure. There's the evil predator. 334 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:59,200 S2: And boy, that is real, but it's also just those 335 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:03,600 S2: daily things of what we're missing. Learning from each other, 336 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:04,720 S2: especially with kids. 337 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,880 S1: Yes. Uh, so if you go to chris.org, we got 338 00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,720 S1: a link right there. The Great Tech Reset by Arlene 339 00:18:12,760 --> 00:18:17,080 S1: Pelikan Reclaiming Real Life for Christian Families. Link at Chris 340 00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:21,200 S1: Fabry live.org. And Summit Ministries is making this available for 341 00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:26,560 S1: free for the first. However many copies there are. And 342 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:28,800 S1: so if you want to take advantage of that, go 343 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:33,399 S1: to the website today and click through Chris Fabry live.org. 344 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,690 S1: Here's the other thing it's doing. And I don't want 345 00:18:35,730 --> 00:18:39,370 S1: to just talk about kids or teenagers, you know, or 346 00:18:39,650 --> 00:18:42,690 S1: young people in their 20s and all of that. I'm 347 00:18:42,690 --> 00:18:45,370 S1: looking at myself. I'm looking at myself watching a game. 348 00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:48,450 S1: The game was yesterday. It was the White Sox and 349 00:18:48,450 --> 00:18:50,930 S1: the Astros. And there was a guy pitching for the Astros. 350 00:18:51,050 --> 00:18:53,290 S1: I had no idea who he was, but I saw 351 00:18:53,290 --> 00:18:55,530 S1: the name on the back of his jersey. And so 352 00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:58,689 S1: I got my phone and I said, hey, whatever the 353 00:18:58,690 --> 00:19:02,050 S1: name is, uh, who is the pitcher whose last name 354 00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:06,050 S1: is Brown for the Astros? And boom, I get everything. 355 00:19:06,090 --> 00:19:08,690 S1: I get his era for the whole year. I get 356 00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:11,490 S1: his first name. You know how many dogs and cats 357 00:19:11,490 --> 00:19:13,250 S1: he has if he's you know, I get all this 358 00:19:13,290 --> 00:19:17,290 S1: information right there and it's like that. It's just that fast. 359 00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:21,850 S1: And that kind of information is wonderful to have. But 360 00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:26,050 S1: that kind of information that fast conditions us to want 361 00:19:26,050 --> 00:19:29,770 S1: the same thing with everything else in our life, doesn't it? 362 00:19:29,810 --> 00:19:32,690 S2: That's right. It does. Think about your prayer life. You 363 00:19:32,730 --> 00:19:35,910 S2: think you stick something into AI? A very complex problem. 364 00:19:36,150 --> 00:19:37,830 S2: And it will say, you know, thinking and then all 365 00:19:37,830 --> 00:19:40,350 S2: of a sudden in three seconds, it gives your whole 366 00:19:40,350 --> 00:19:43,389 S2: retirement plan right in front of you. You're like, wow, 367 00:19:43,390 --> 00:19:46,750 S2: that was amazing. But you are praying to God, Lord, 368 00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:49,670 S2: I need help in this area. I need healing for this, Lord. 369 00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:51,910 S2: I need a job. Lord, I need your peace. Lord, 370 00:19:51,910 --> 00:19:54,350 S2: I need your patience. You know, AI is going to 371 00:19:54,350 --> 00:19:57,230 S2: audibly talk back to you. It's going to affirm you. 372 00:19:57,230 --> 00:20:00,909 S2: It's going to give you immediate feedback, but it's an it. 373 00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:03,950 S2: And the God of the universe, he's going to take 374 00:20:03,950 --> 00:20:07,030 S2: his time. You know, his timeline is not like our timeline. 375 00:20:07,430 --> 00:20:10,470 S2: He might audibly talk to you, but it's more likely 376 00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,870 S2: that he'll talk to you in silence in the Word 377 00:20:12,869 --> 00:20:16,750 S2: of God, through believers, you know, through biblical counsel, you know, 378 00:20:16,790 --> 00:20:18,590 S2: and he might say something to you that you don't 379 00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:20,830 S2: want to hear, that you think, oh, wow, I'm getting 380 00:20:20,830 --> 00:20:24,270 S2: a correction. I'm not getting an affirmation, but one of 381 00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:27,350 S2: these things leads to life and one of them leads 382 00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:30,750 S2: to death. And for us to think, wow, how is 383 00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:33,480 S2: this in the way I relate to God, right? It's 384 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,080 S2: so true that that we think, oh, we just have 385 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,879 S2: to ask a question and the thing is solved. But 386 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:43,480 S2: this glut of information isn't necessarily helping us live day 387 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:46,080 S2: to day, you know, with more wisdom. Yes. 388 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:51,600 S1: Okay. So you have this acronym for the technological harms 389 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,800 S1: that you created. That's basically the first part of the book. 390 00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:57,720 S1: The second part of the book is, is okay, how 391 00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,640 S1: do I do this? How do I do this tech reset. 392 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,320 S1: So spend a couple of minutes here and tell us 393 00:21:03,320 --> 00:21:07,040 S1: the A, B, C, d of that acronym. 394 00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,960 S2: When you look at a phone or a tablet for 395 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:12,320 S2: your child or for yourself, instead of just, oh, that's 396 00:21:12,320 --> 00:21:14,080 S2: a phone, that's a tablet, I want you to think, oh, 397 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,120 S2: that's the A, B, C, d harms. That thing is 398 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:21,920 S2: an anxiety amplifier. It is a bad babysitter. It is 399 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:26,520 S2: a childhood killer and a dopamine dealer. So anxiety amplifier, 400 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,959 S2: you know, someone will say, please let me have a 401 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,179 S2: phone because I'm being left out. You know, all my 402 00:21:32,180 --> 00:21:34,540 S2: friends have it. Please give it to me. I've yet 403 00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:36,740 S2: to meet someone who says so. I gave my daughter 404 00:21:36,780 --> 00:21:40,340 S2: a phone and now her anxiety is all gone. Now 405 00:21:40,340 --> 00:21:43,500 S2: she feels, you know, so loved and cherished and like 406 00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:47,620 S2: she know now her ample. Her anxiety has been. It's 407 00:21:47,619 --> 00:21:49,860 S2: like you, you doused it, you know, and now it's 408 00:21:49,859 --> 00:21:53,700 S2: in huge fire. So it's going to amplify any anxiety 409 00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:57,580 S2: that's already there. Bad babysitter. If I left my kids 410 00:21:57,580 --> 00:22:00,100 S2: alone with a babysitter and I came home at 11:00 411 00:22:00,100 --> 00:22:02,740 S2: and they were still eating Cheetos in their street clothes 412 00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:05,820 S2: watching a Rated-r movie, I'd be like, you are a 413 00:22:05,820 --> 00:22:09,260 S2: terrible babysitter and you should not come back. But we'll 414 00:22:09,260 --> 00:22:12,139 S2: give our kids this tablet that'll make them sit still, 415 00:22:12,420 --> 00:22:16,060 S2: never move, eat junk food and watch who knows what, 416 00:22:16,340 --> 00:22:18,460 S2: but we'll think, well, they're just in our house. It 417 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:20,380 S2: must be okay. So it's time to fire that bad 418 00:22:20,420 --> 00:22:25,380 S2: babysitter childhood killer. All that bonding of childhood between parent 419 00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:28,860 S2: and child, the childhood discovering as a child like that 420 00:22:28,859 --> 00:22:32,230 S2: inner life of who am I and building that. Once 421 00:22:32,230 --> 00:22:34,270 S2: you have a tablet, you're just going to sit and 422 00:22:34,270 --> 00:22:37,189 S2: be entertained. You're going to stop playing with your friends 423 00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:39,870 S2: in the cul de sac. You'll think, wow, look, there's 424 00:22:39,869 --> 00:22:42,590 S2: a butterfly. You'll be like, big whoop. You know, wonder 425 00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:45,710 S2: goes out the window. So it's a childhood killer. And 426 00:22:45,710 --> 00:22:49,230 S2: then that dopamine dealer, you know, who calls their users. 427 00:22:49,510 --> 00:22:53,190 S2: Who calls their customers users. You know, it's like, okay, 428 00:22:53,230 --> 00:22:56,270 S2: drug lords and tech companies to realize once they get 429 00:22:56,270 --> 00:22:58,790 S2: that first hit of dopamine, what is going to compare 430 00:22:58,790 --> 00:23:01,869 S2: to that video game for that boy? Hey boy, let's 431 00:23:01,910 --> 00:23:04,550 S2: do homework. Yay. Like who's going to want to do that? 432 00:23:04,630 --> 00:23:07,190 S2: So once you start dealing that dopamine, it's really hard 433 00:23:07,190 --> 00:23:08,950 S2: to go back. Yeah. 434 00:23:09,310 --> 00:23:13,389 S1: I think what you've just said is the reason why 435 00:23:13,750 --> 00:23:19,790 S1: some parents have given up. It's too hard to go 436 00:23:19,830 --> 00:23:23,710 S1: this other route. It's too hard to do the reset. 437 00:23:24,070 --> 00:23:26,869 S1: The horse is already out of the barn, you know, 438 00:23:26,910 --> 00:23:29,810 S1: that kind of thing. And there's no way to turn 439 00:23:29,810 --> 00:23:33,010 S1: this around. And you are saying that is not true. 440 00:23:33,330 --> 00:23:36,890 S2: Correct. I think that is not right. You know, I 441 00:23:36,930 --> 00:23:38,490 S2: talk in the book like if you bought a guinea 442 00:23:38,530 --> 00:23:40,810 S2: pig and you thought this would be so cute and 443 00:23:40,810 --> 00:23:42,810 S2: you spent tons of money on it and you fed 444 00:23:42,810 --> 00:23:45,010 S2: it and you had this big investment, but you're like, 445 00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:47,929 S2: this guinea pig, like is making the whole house stink 446 00:23:47,970 --> 00:23:50,970 S2: is biting. My kid has just been a nightmare. You'd 447 00:23:51,010 --> 00:23:52,650 S2: be like, we got to get rid of this thing. 448 00:23:52,650 --> 00:23:56,330 S2: And maybe that's hard because your kid is super, you know, 449 00:23:56,369 --> 00:23:59,250 S2: connected to the guinea pig now, but you'd find a way. 450 00:23:59,250 --> 00:24:01,810 S2: And in the same way, you know, we thought, oh, 451 00:24:01,850 --> 00:24:04,330 S2: this tech, maybe it'll be okay. Maybe it'll work out 452 00:24:04,330 --> 00:24:07,490 S2: for us. You know, like they're good kids. Cross your fingers, 453 00:24:07,490 --> 00:24:10,010 S2: maybe it'll work out. And then you realize this thing 454 00:24:10,010 --> 00:24:12,890 S2: has wreaked havoc. It is not too late to say, hey, 455 00:24:12,890 --> 00:24:14,649 S2: you know what? We're going to take a one month break, 456 00:24:14,650 --> 00:24:17,530 S2: or you know what we're going to. Sorry, kid. We're 457 00:24:17,570 --> 00:24:19,130 S2: I'm going to take the phone away and we'll try 458 00:24:19,130 --> 00:24:21,290 S2: again in six months. And, you know, and your child 459 00:24:21,290 --> 00:24:22,770 S2: isn't going to say, oh, I'm so glad you're listening 460 00:24:22,770 --> 00:24:25,369 S2: to Chris Fabry live. You are fighting for my health. 461 00:24:25,410 --> 00:24:28,190 S2: You know, your kid's going to be mad. They're going 462 00:24:28,230 --> 00:24:30,550 S2: to say you're already the strictest person and now you're 463 00:24:30,550 --> 00:24:33,870 S2: even stricter. And we as parents, as grandparents, we take 464 00:24:33,869 --> 00:24:37,030 S2: that and we say, it's my responsibility to protect you. 465 00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:39,070 S2: And as long as you're under my roof, it's not 466 00:24:39,070 --> 00:24:40,590 S2: too late. I am going to do what I can 467 00:24:40,590 --> 00:24:41,510 S2: to protect you. 468 00:24:42,550 --> 00:24:45,470 S1: Is this ringing in your soul today as you hear 469 00:24:45,470 --> 00:24:48,750 S1: Arlene Peloquin? Or are you saying I agree with everything 470 00:24:48,750 --> 00:24:51,630 S1: you're saying? It's just I don't know how to do this. Well, 471 00:24:51,630 --> 00:24:53,909 S1: in our next segment, we're going to talk about specifics, 472 00:24:54,150 --> 00:24:56,310 S1: but I would love to hear from you. Have you 473 00:24:56,310 --> 00:24:59,510 S1: had a tech reset in your own home? How did 474 00:24:59,510 --> 00:25:02,030 S1: that work out? If it didn't work out well and 475 00:25:02,030 --> 00:25:08,270 S1: you have a question. (877) 548-3675 is our number. I want 476 00:25:08,310 --> 00:25:11,109 S1: to hear your story because your story might be the 477 00:25:11,109 --> 00:25:15,510 S1: very thing that somebody else listening needs to hear, whether 478 00:25:15,510 --> 00:25:18,389 S1: it's something that's going on with your teenager right now 479 00:25:18,390 --> 00:25:20,950 S1: or maybe in your own life, you're having a problem 480 00:25:20,950 --> 00:25:24,310 S1: with resetting that tech and getting it in in a 481 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:32,720 S1: write of quantity or quality. (877) 548-3675. If you go to 482 00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:37,840 S1: Chris fabriclive.org, you will see the Great Tech Reset. Reclaiming 483 00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:42,080 S1: Real life for Christian Families is by Arlene Pellekaan. We've 484 00:25:42,080 --> 00:25:46,320 S1: got a link to it right there at Chris dot ORG. 485 00:25:46,800 --> 00:26:01,639 S1: Your calls and more from Arlene straight ahead. Well welcome 486 00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:04,160 S1: to October. Come on in October. Sit down and have 487 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,960 S1: a good month with us here. And thank you for 488 00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,400 S1: your support of the Radio Backyard fence. I mentioned just 489 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:13,200 S1: a little bit ago that our thank you this month 490 00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,600 S1: is a Christmas devotional by Nancy DeMoss, Wolgemuth consider Jesus. 491 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:19,719 S1: And I want to make sure you know, some of 492 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,040 S1: you are already responding to that giving away here in 493 00:26:22,040 --> 00:26:24,340 S1: October so we can get it to you. And you 494 00:26:24,340 --> 00:26:28,220 S1: can read it all 31 days leading up to Christmas. 495 00:26:28,619 --> 00:26:31,419 S1: Just go to Chris Fabry live.org. You can see how 496 00:26:31,420 --> 00:26:34,020 S1: to be a back fence friend or partner right there. 497 00:26:34,020 --> 00:26:39,100 S1: And see the Great Tech Reset by Arlene Pellekaan. Reclaiming 498 00:26:39,100 --> 00:26:45,460 S1: real life for Christian families. Just go to chris.org. I 499 00:26:45,500 --> 00:26:48,340 S1: love the when kids will come and say I'm bored. 500 00:26:48,340 --> 00:26:50,020 S1: You hear this a lot with the summer, I'm bored. 501 00:26:50,060 --> 00:26:51,620 S1: You know, what are we going to do? And it 502 00:26:51,619 --> 00:26:53,660 S1: used to be, you know, go read or go outside 503 00:26:53,660 --> 00:26:57,180 S1: and play. They want to be on their device. And 504 00:26:57,180 --> 00:27:02,220 S1: you quote Arthur Brooks as saying that boredom is actually 505 00:27:02,220 --> 00:27:04,700 S1: good for you. Tell me about that. 506 00:27:05,020 --> 00:27:08,980 S2: It's so good for you. So guess what? When you're bored, 507 00:27:09,420 --> 00:27:14,180 S2: you get to awaken creativity. You have time. You awaken 508 00:27:14,220 --> 00:27:16,620 S2: the right side of the brain that says, you know, 509 00:27:16,619 --> 00:27:19,700 S2: why am I here? What is my life about? Is 510 00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:21,580 S2: there really a God? You know, it's that part of 511 00:27:21,580 --> 00:27:24,550 S2: the brain that really engages the mystery of life, the 512 00:27:24,550 --> 00:27:27,710 S2: wonder of life. So the left side is Arthur Brooks 513 00:27:27,710 --> 00:27:30,550 S2: talks about it's, you know, the how and the what. 514 00:27:30,550 --> 00:27:32,590 S2: And that's all the AI and like being on the 515 00:27:32,590 --> 00:27:35,150 S2: computer is it's like how for women, it's like, how 516 00:27:35,150 --> 00:27:37,550 S2: do I use this beauty product? You know, it's all 517 00:27:37,550 --> 00:27:40,550 S2: these hows and whats, but there's not much why, you know, 518 00:27:40,590 --> 00:27:43,070 S2: think of the shorts that we're watching that our kids 519 00:27:43,070 --> 00:27:45,870 S2: are watching. There's not a whole lot of deep meaning 520 00:27:45,869 --> 00:27:48,070 S2: and why and mystery. So when your kids are bored 521 00:27:48,070 --> 00:27:51,190 S2: and when we are bored, isn't it interesting that when 522 00:27:51,190 --> 00:27:54,510 S2: we allow ourselves to be bored, maybe in the car? 523 00:27:54,550 --> 00:27:57,390 S2: I mean, I pick up my phone at the red 524 00:27:57,390 --> 00:27:59,149 S2: light if I know it's a long red light, like, oh, 525 00:27:59,150 --> 00:28:00,910 S2: let me see if I got a message. But what 526 00:28:00,910 --> 00:28:04,350 S2: if I let myself be bored? In that moment, a 527 00:28:04,670 --> 00:28:07,990 S2: thought would probably pop in my mind that might be 528 00:28:07,990 --> 00:28:12,630 S2: worth pondering. So the boredom when your kids say, I'm bored, 529 00:28:12,630 --> 00:28:16,710 S2: that's really good. And actually on purpose, just being quiet. 530 00:28:16,710 --> 00:28:19,389 S2: Let's say you just lay on the the the floor 531 00:28:19,390 --> 00:28:22,690 S2: of your home for two minutes. Just quiet like that 532 00:28:22,690 --> 00:28:25,850 S2: will really do a lot for you. So allow yourself 533 00:28:25,850 --> 00:28:27,410 S2: to be bored. Yeah. 534 00:28:28,369 --> 00:28:31,490 S1: And that will awaken. But how much of of God 535 00:28:31,490 --> 00:28:36,010 S1: are we crowding out with that noise and with those pictures? 536 00:28:36,010 --> 00:28:36,970 S1: And the heavens. 537 00:28:36,970 --> 00:28:39,570 S2: Declare the glory of God. Right. So get out in 538 00:28:39,570 --> 00:28:42,410 S2: nature that the Lord is speaking to your heart. So 539 00:28:42,410 --> 00:28:44,930 S2: all those moments where you could say, Lord, search me, 540 00:28:45,170 --> 00:28:47,770 S2: know my heart. And then you're just quiet, like, wow, 541 00:28:47,810 --> 00:28:50,170 S2: that would do a whole lot more for you than 542 00:28:50,210 --> 00:28:52,530 S2: saying like, oh, what? What best deal can I get 543 00:28:52,570 --> 00:28:53,890 S2: on Amazon today? 544 00:28:54,050 --> 00:28:57,930 S1: Right. We just a couple of days ago, we did this. 545 00:28:57,970 --> 00:29:01,530 S1: Every Ian Simkins was here, every table an altar. And 546 00:29:01,530 --> 00:29:05,050 S1: this is one of his main things. It's what Jesus 547 00:29:05,050 --> 00:29:10,290 S1: did was he used the table, the food, the meals 548 00:29:10,530 --> 00:29:15,570 S1: these times to have these conversations that now we don't have. 549 00:29:15,610 --> 00:29:18,170 S1: It's something he said that that meals used to be 550 00:29:18,170 --> 00:29:22,380 S1: 90 minutes long, and now they're 12. Down to 12 551 00:29:22,380 --> 00:29:24,900 S1: minutes if we even eat together. 552 00:29:25,260 --> 00:29:28,420 S2: Yeah. Wow. I mean, can you imagine the difference that 553 00:29:28,420 --> 00:29:31,660 S2: would make if you're sitting down with these long conversations, 554 00:29:31,660 --> 00:29:34,540 S2: even once a week with your family, be like, wow, 555 00:29:34,580 --> 00:29:37,340 S2: what is happening? It would be amazing, right? 556 00:29:37,860 --> 00:29:42,300 S1: Um, but, but I see the, I hear the, the, 557 00:29:43,020 --> 00:29:46,140 S1: the parents saying, yeah, but if, if my child is 558 00:29:46,140 --> 00:29:49,700 S1: bored and, and they want their device, then I got 559 00:29:49,740 --> 00:29:53,820 S1: to be involved here. It's, it's, it's, I have to 560 00:29:53,860 --> 00:29:58,300 S1: own this. How do you overcome that? It's inconvenient for me. 561 00:29:58,340 --> 00:30:01,700 S2: Yes, yes. And we as humans are so good at 562 00:30:01,700 --> 00:30:04,420 S2: favoring the short term over the long term. Right. I 563 00:30:04,420 --> 00:30:06,700 S2: would rather do the convenient thing right now. And you 564 00:30:06,700 --> 00:30:09,140 S2: know what? I'll just pay the piper later on. But 565 00:30:09,140 --> 00:30:11,380 S2: you're going to pay somewhere so you can either have 566 00:30:11,380 --> 00:30:14,740 S2: the easy thing now, which is here's the device, but 567 00:30:14,740 --> 00:30:18,960 S2: then you get hard later. Oh, my kid's not doing 568 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:21,320 S2: well in school. They don't read. Wow. My kid doesn't 569 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,440 S2: know how to relate to people very much. Wow. My 570 00:30:23,440 --> 00:30:25,600 S2: kids in their 20s, and we're finally together to have 571 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,920 S2: a meal together, and he's just staring at the phone. 572 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:32,200 S2: So you will get the hard later. Or you can say, hey, 573 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:35,000 S2: I was listening to Chris Fabry. I understand it now. 574 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,360 S2: I'm in the matrix. I will do the hard thing now. 575 00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:39,960 S2: I will train my children at home. Hey, we're going 576 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:42,200 S2: to go for half an hour with no devices and 577 00:30:42,200 --> 00:30:44,200 S2: eat dinner. And then later we're going to try it 578 00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,360 S2: at chick fil A. Okay, guys. And we're going to do. 579 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,520 S2: And you and you practice this and you and it's hard. 580 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:52,240 S2: And they scream and you do it and you train. 581 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:55,240 S2: But guess what? You do the hard thing. Now I 582 00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,840 S2: remember because we did this. I mean, we could take 583 00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:01,360 S2: our kids to weddings and they would be quiet because. 584 00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:04,520 S2: So it was easy. But why did that happen? Because 585 00:31:04,520 --> 00:31:08,080 S2: we did the hard thing earlier of training them. This 586 00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:10,400 S2: is how you sit still. This is how you use just, 587 00:31:10,440 --> 00:31:13,440 S2: you know, just draw and have coloring and paper. So 588 00:31:13,440 --> 00:31:15,239 S2: if you'll do the hard thing now, I promise you 589 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,480 S2: will get it easier later. 590 00:31:17,170 --> 00:31:20,410 S1: That's Arlene Pelikan. The Great Tech Reset is our topic. 591 00:31:20,410 --> 00:31:24,250 S1: It's the book our featured resource at Chris Fabry live.org. 592 00:31:24,290 --> 00:31:26,850 S1: Ruth is in Chicago. Ruth, why'd you call today? 593 00:31:28,210 --> 00:31:32,370 S3: Hi. Um, I had a doctor friend. A medical doctor 594 00:31:32,370 --> 00:31:36,490 S3: friend who decided to get rid of his cell phone 595 00:31:36,490 --> 00:31:41,130 S3: and get a flip phone just to have phone calls. Yeah. Um, 596 00:31:41,330 --> 00:31:45,730 S3: have you ever tried that yourself, or have you studied 597 00:31:45,730 --> 00:31:50,810 S3: anything about people who have? And what's your opinion about it? 598 00:31:50,850 --> 00:31:51,370 S3: What are the. 599 00:31:51,410 --> 00:31:55,010 S2: This is you know, it's a great question. I don't 600 00:31:55,010 --> 00:31:57,810 S2: have a study that would like compare those with flip 601 00:31:57,810 --> 00:32:01,370 S2: phones and those with normal phones. But I do know 602 00:32:01,450 --> 00:32:05,930 S2: that searching for flip phones has increased exponentially, that a 603 00:32:05,930 --> 00:32:09,410 S2: lot of the younger, like millennials, many of them are 604 00:32:09,410 --> 00:32:11,690 S2: thinking like, this is not working out well for us. 605 00:32:11,690 --> 00:32:14,330 S2: So I think we will see that dumber phone, like 606 00:32:14,370 --> 00:32:18,110 S2: a lesser phone come into vogue for a certain percentage 607 00:32:18,110 --> 00:32:21,550 S2: of the population. And then I would go with, you know, 608 00:32:21,590 --> 00:32:24,510 S2: more anecdotally that I have heard of people like in 609 00:32:24,550 --> 00:32:29,030 S2: their 20s and, you know, even younger people too, exchanging 610 00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:32,110 S2: their phone for a flip phone. And what they found 611 00:32:32,110 --> 00:32:35,390 S2: was just a totally different rhythm of life. And they 612 00:32:35,390 --> 00:32:38,790 S2: found it to be so freeing that they didn't have 613 00:32:38,790 --> 00:32:41,790 S2: to check it all the time. It was much more intentional. 614 00:32:41,790 --> 00:32:45,270 S2: They were having more voice calls with real friends. So 615 00:32:45,270 --> 00:32:48,510 S2: I think it's something very positive. And anyone who's listening, 616 00:32:48,550 --> 00:32:50,870 S2: you know, it's a it's a good experiment just to 617 00:32:50,870 --> 00:32:53,590 S2: even see what would my life be like if you're 618 00:32:53,590 --> 00:32:56,950 S2: having trouble thinking I'm on my phone too much, try 619 00:32:57,110 --> 00:32:58,950 S2: using a flip phone. You know, I had a flip 620 00:32:58,950 --> 00:33:01,030 S2: phone all the way until I think I was in 621 00:33:01,030 --> 00:33:03,630 S2: my 40s when, you know, the phones were coming. But 622 00:33:03,630 --> 00:33:07,470 S2: I was a very late adopter, so, you know, hang 623 00:33:07,470 --> 00:33:10,150 S2: on to keep it as simple as possible. I think 624 00:33:10,150 --> 00:33:11,630 S2: that is helpful. Yeah. 625 00:33:11,830 --> 00:33:14,840 S1: Ruth, I'm glad you called today. Thank you. Kathy is 626 00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:18,080 S1: on the line. Kathy. What's your question? Go ahead. 627 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:24,040 S4: Well, I have to check my cell phone frequently about 628 00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:28,240 S4: doctor appointments because they keep and things like that. But 629 00:33:28,240 --> 00:33:30,560 S4: what happens is I get on there and then I 630 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:34,400 S4: can't get off. I end up playing a game. Or 631 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,600 S4: like you were talking about, looking and seeing what's going 632 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:41,360 S4: on for Amazon. I can be on there for hours 633 00:33:41,360 --> 00:33:44,880 S4: and not even notice it, and I'm not getting done 634 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:48,360 S4: what I need to. I do what you were thinking 635 00:33:48,360 --> 00:33:51,560 S4: about thinking, oh, do I have a phone call or something? 636 00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:53,920 S4: And I can't just get rid of it because I 637 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:56,080 S4: need it, because I have a lot of doctor stuff 638 00:33:56,080 --> 00:33:59,360 S4: going on, but I'm having a hard time not using 639 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:02,560 S4: it as an escape and going to the phone to 640 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:06,360 S4: goof off and not getting anything done, because it releases 641 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:09,520 S4: all the dopamine that I could ever need so that 642 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:11,839 S4: I don't have to think about what I'm not doing. 643 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:16,060 S1: So you've got it, Cathy. You understand not only the problem, 644 00:34:16,060 --> 00:34:19,660 S1: but you understand why it's having this effect on you. 645 00:34:20,140 --> 00:34:25,859 S1: But you can't get disentangled from it. So, Arlene, what 646 00:34:25,860 --> 00:34:26,500 S1: do you say? 647 00:34:26,860 --> 00:34:30,020 S2: Yeah. So it's so good that you're so self-aware, right? 648 00:34:30,020 --> 00:34:34,259 S2: You know, and you represent, I think, millions of people. 649 00:34:34,739 --> 00:34:37,299 S2: So I think for you to kind of have this 650 00:34:37,300 --> 00:34:41,220 S2: conversation with yourself, if my life keeps going in this direction, 651 00:34:41,580 --> 00:34:43,819 S2: what is this going to cost me like a year 652 00:34:43,820 --> 00:34:46,900 S2: from now? What is this going to cost me? And 653 00:34:46,900 --> 00:34:49,779 S2: when you get that man, this is I don't like 654 00:34:49,780 --> 00:34:54,140 S2: where this is going. Almost a disgust with it. Right? Okay, 655 00:34:54,180 --> 00:34:57,420 S2: we're going to go another way forward. And I think 656 00:34:57,460 --> 00:34:59,739 S2: about it like eating, you know, if there's all this 657 00:34:59,739 --> 00:35:02,180 S2: unhealthy food all around you like cookies all day, you know, 658 00:35:02,219 --> 00:35:03,980 S2: you're gonna eat cookies all day and there's going to 659 00:35:03,980 --> 00:35:05,739 S2: come a point. You're like, I am sick and I 660 00:35:05,739 --> 00:35:08,820 S2: need to get these out of my life. So something 661 00:35:08,820 --> 00:35:11,560 S2: that always helps me is if I have different activities 662 00:35:11,560 --> 00:35:14,319 S2: that are away from the cookies. That helps me stay 663 00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:17,040 S2: away from them. So maybe there are things that you 664 00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,279 S2: fill your life with. Like, I'm going to go on 665 00:35:19,280 --> 00:35:21,600 S2: a walk with a friend. I'm going to find a 666 00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:23,400 S2: friend who wants to go on a walk with me 667 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:25,399 S2: once a week, and we start there and we do 668 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:28,759 S2: our walk without our phones. So we're starting to replace 669 00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:33,680 S2: that time with something else pleasurable that would be phone free. 670 00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:36,640 S2: The more activities you can think of your life, whether 671 00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:40,440 S2: it's knitting or, you know, thrift store shopping or whatever 672 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:43,200 S2: it is that require two hands where you would say, oh, 673 00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:46,240 S2: I can't be scrolling on my phone while I'm doing 674 00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:49,279 S2: this activity. I think that would help. And if you 675 00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:52,280 S2: think to yourself, if you had to pay money, remember 676 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:54,759 S2: way back when, when we'd make a long distance phone 677 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:56,839 S2: call and we had to pay for it? If you 678 00:35:56,840 --> 00:36:01,080 S2: had to pay per minute to scroll to use YouTube 679 00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:04,280 S2: to use social media, you know, how much would you use? 680 00:36:04,280 --> 00:36:07,160 S2: And maybe you really do put aside money. Like you 681 00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:09,440 S2: make a system and you put aside money and then 682 00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,810 S2: you give that money to your favorite charity or something, 683 00:36:11,810 --> 00:36:16,410 S2: but it really costs you something. Do something that reminds you, hey, I, 684 00:36:16,530 --> 00:36:18,410 S2: you know, that kind of gets you out of that, 685 00:36:18,450 --> 00:36:20,970 S2: that stuckness that you're in right now. 686 00:36:21,450 --> 00:36:25,170 S1: And an accountability partner, you know, as good as that is, 687 00:36:25,489 --> 00:36:28,370 S1: that's not going to help as much because you're, you're 688 00:36:28,370 --> 00:36:31,290 S1: alone usually when you're doing the, or at least, you know, 689 00:36:31,330 --> 00:36:35,370 S1: you're kind of sequestered in your office or on in 690 00:36:35,410 --> 00:36:39,049 S1: the car or whatever. Uh, so, but it, I'm not 691 00:36:39,050 --> 00:36:41,450 S1: saying don't have an accountability partner, but I don't know 692 00:36:41,450 --> 00:36:43,250 S1: that that's the answer either, is it? 693 00:36:44,489 --> 00:36:47,730 S2: Yeah. I think meaning for you to find like, Lord, 694 00:36:47,730 --> 00:36:51,370 S2: how can I find meaning today? And most likely think, okay, well, 695 00:36:51,370 --> 00:36:52,969 S2: it's not going to be just sitting here scrolling on 696 00:36:52,969 --> 00:36:56,090 S2: my phone. I've got to do something else. And so thinking, 697 00:36:56,090 --> 00:36:59,530 S2: what's something that I can do to serve someone else, 698 00:36:59,730 --> 00:37:02,730 S2: to enjoy myself? Maybe a hobby that you used to 699 00:37:02,770 --> 00:37:05,690 S2: like that it's time to pull out again, things like that. 700 00:37:05,690 --> 00:37:10,109 S1: So you disengage from something that will take you and 701 00:37:10,110 --> 00:37:15,469 S1: disengage you from the hooks that that technology has in you. 702 00:37:15,469 --> 00:37:17,469 S1: But that has to be intentional, right? 703 00:37:17,469 --> 00:37:20,149 S2: And it could really just be getting outside. Like when 704 00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:22,589 S2: you think, oh, I want that escape. I want to 705 00:37:22,590 --> 00:37:25,030 S2: be distracted, say, no, I'm not going to do that. 706 00:37:25,070 --> 00:37:28,190 S2: You know, I used to have like a little sleeping bag, um, 707 00:37:28,190 --> 00:37:30,430 S2: that I would. And the reason I say I used to, 708 00:37:30,469 --> 00:37:32,350 S2: because I gave it to somebody, but anyways, but this 709 00:37:32,350 --> 00:37:34,590 S2: little sleeping bag that you could put your phone in, 710 00:37:34,630 --> 00:37:36,750 S2: like as a visual to say you need to take 711 00:37:36,750 --> 00:37:39,710 S2: a break and then you go outside and take a walk. 712 00:37:39,750 --> 00:37:42,310 S2: You know, maybe that's your new rhythm after dinner or 713 00:37:42,310 --> 00:37:45,390 S2: after lunch that take just a ten minute walk around 714 00:37:45,390 --> 00:37:48,629 S2: the block without your phone and reset and just start 715 00:37:48,630 --> 00:37:51,510 S2: doing different things that don't have anything to do with technology. 716 00:37:51,710 --> 00:37:54,950 S1: More practical help from Arlene Pelikan is coming up in 717 00:37:54,950 --> 00:37:58,510 S1: our last segment, the Great Tech Reset is our featured 718 00:37:58,510 --> 00:38:04,590 S1: resource at Chris Fabry live.org. Reclaiming real life for Christian families. 719 00:38:04,910 --> 00:38:09,800 S1: Just go to Chris live.org. Click through from Summit Ministries 720 00:38:10,160 --> 00:38:14,160 S1: and right now, while supplies last, it is free. Chris 721 00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:26,279 S1: Avery live.org. I got a question for you tomorrow at 722 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:30,000 S1: the Radio Backyard fence. What moment? What scene in a 723 00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:35,439 S1: Kendrick Brothers film do you still remember? What scene? What 724 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:38,880 S1: conversation hit home with you? Steven Kendrick is going to 725 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:41,239 S1: be with us, and I want to hear from you. 726 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:42,880 S1: As a matter of fact, you can answer that question 727 00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:47,560 S1: on our Facebook page today in anticipation of our conversation 728 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:50,520 S1: tomorrow here at the Radio Backyard Fence. If you go 729 00:38:50,520 --> 00:38:55,040 S1: to the website today, Chris fe.org, you'll see Arlene Pelecanos book, 730 00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:59,799 S1: new book, The Great Tech Reset Reclaiming Real Life for 731 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:05,080 S1: Christian Families. Lightning round. AM I a teenager? How do 732 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,219 S1: I know my teen is ready for a phone? Arlene? 733 00:39:08,700 --> 00:39:10,859 S2: Yeah. Don't think of the age, because you may have 734 00:39:10,860 --> 00:39:13,940 S2: a very immature 18 year old or very mature 15 735 00:39:13,940 --> 00:39:17,140 S2: year old. How do they do with their other tasks? Right. 736 00:39:17,180 --> 00:39:19,780 S2: So if they're not responsible with walking the dog, doing 737 00:39:19,780 --> 00:39:22,900 S2: their homework, you know, doing their chores, but they promise 738 00:39:22,940 --> 00:39:26,020 S2: you they'll be responsible with the phone, you'll be like, no. 739 00:39:26,340 --> 00:39:30,180 S2: So proven responsibility. And then I will say, in terms 740 00:39:30,180 --> 00:39:33,339 S2: of age, even the best kid, you know, how are 741 00:39:33,340 --> 00:39:36,820 S2: they going to survive this onslaught of addictive tech? So 742 00:39:36,820 --> 00:39:40,260 S2: we talk about in the book, waiting until 16 or 743 00:39:40,260 --> 00:39:43,940 S2: later would be ideal before they get the social media, 744 00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:46,980 S2: video games, etc., which would come with the phone. Yeah. 745 00:39:47,420 --> 00:39:49,380 S1: And it's all in the book that you read this. 746 00:39:49,380 --> 00:39:52,379 S1: The other thing that really jumped out at me was 747 00:39:52,739 --> 00:39:56,300 S1: the silver gold platinum plans that you have. 748 00:39:56,300 --> 00:40:00,140 S2: Explain that you can pick a plan, my friends, you know, 749 00:40:00,180 --> 00:40:03,780 S2: so they build on each other. The silver plan says, okay, 750 00:40:03,820 --> 00:40:07,109 S2: my child has a device, but we're very careful with 751 00:40:07,110 --> 00:40:10,790 S2: how we use it. Two hours or less of digital candy. 752 00:40:10,830 --> 00:40:13,130 S2: You know, the average kid is on there 7 to 753 00:40:13,130 --> 00:40:15,350 S2: 9 hours. So, you know, I don't want that. So 754 00:40:15,390 --> 00:40:17,870 S2: two hours or less. I call it digital candy. My 755 00:40:17,870 --> 00:40:20,509 S2: friend Claire Morrell calls it digital fentanyl. I think she 756 00:40:20,510 --> 00:40:24,430 S2: might be closer. Uh, one hour or less, I'm sorry, 757 00:40:24,430 --> 00:40:27,790 S2: one hour or more of exercise and then nine hours 758 00:40:27,790 --> 00:40:29,910 S2: or more of sleep that my child is sleeping. So 759 00:40:29,910 --> 00:40:31,950 S2: that's the base. We're going to have this healthy child 760 00:40:32,230 --> 00:40:34,910 S2: and then we go forward with the gold plan says 761 00:40:34,910 --> 00:40:38,790 S2: we do. We have those good things, but we also withhold. 762 00:40:38,790 --> 00:40:43,030 S2: We wait, delay social media, video games, a smartphone until 763 00:40:43,030 --> 00:40:48,150 S2: age 16, and then the Platinum Preferred Plan. My friends, 764 00:40:48,150 --> 00:40:51,390 S2: we wait until the senior year of high school or 18. 765 00:40:51,430 --> 00:40:54,430 S2: That's what we did. That's the Pelican Preferred platinum plan. 766 00:40:54,550 --> 00:40:56,630 S2: And I'm not here to rub your nose in it. 767 00:40:56,630 --> 00:40:58,549 S2: I'm here to say to you, you know what? We 768 00:40:58,550 --> 00:41:02,069 S2: raise kids in Southern California. We you know, in the 769 00:41:02,070 --> 00:41:06,330 S2: public school system. They were in debate, in tennis, in leadership. 770 00:41:06,330 --> 00:41:08,890 S2: They could do it even without a phone. It can 771 00:41:08,890 --> 00:41:11,529 S2: be done. And so that's the platinum plan. But the 772 00:41:11,530 --> 00:41:14,569 S2: main idea here is have a plan or else big 773 00:41:14,570 --> 00:41:15,690 S2: tech has a plan for you. 774 00:41:15,850 --> 00:41:18,770 S1: If I talk with your son or your daughters, would 775 00:41:18,770 --> 00:41:19,770 S1: they look me in the eye? 776 00:41:20,290 --> 00:41:22,969 S2: They certainly would. In fact, they would ask you questions. 777 00:41:22,969 --> 00:41:25,009 S2: They would ask you a lot of questions. And then 778 00:41:25,010 --> 00:41:28,690 S2: the adults are like, why are your children like this? 779 00:41:28,850 --> 00:41:31,009 S2: But my daughter Noelle, she was on my Happy Home 780 00:41:31,010 --> 00:41:34,250 S2: podcast recently talking about being in high school without social media. 781 00:41:34,250 --> 00:41:36,450 S2: So if you're curious about that, you can check that out. 782 00:41:36,489 --> 00:41:42,209 S1: Absolutely. Okay. There's something in here, the screen contract and pledge. 783 00:41:42,330 --> 00:41:46,530 S1: So you're not just doing this to to the children. 784 00:41:46,650 --> 00:41:49,850 S1: You're getting them to participate. Explain that. 785 00:41:50,010 --> 00:41:52,370 S2: Yeah. You know, and you want to do something when 786 00:41:52,370 --> 00:41:54,890 S2: you give that phone. So it's something like I won't 787 00:41:54,890 --> 00:41:57,650 S2: give out my personal information like my last name, address, 788 00:41:57,650 --> 00:41:59,210 S2: phone number. I'm not going to give out the name 789 00:41:59,210 --> 00:42:01,290 S2: of my school. I'm not going to share my passwords. 790 00:42:01,420 --> 00:42:04,299 S2: I'll follow the time limits my family sets. I'll allow 791 00:42:04,340 --> 00:42:06,460 S2: my parents to check into my media history, you know? 792 00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:08,460 S2: And if you're a grown adult, you can do the 793 00:42:08,460 --> 00:42:12,540 S2: same with like a friend or a mother or a spouse, etc.. 794 00:42:12,860 --> 00:42:15,020 S2: But here's the deal we have to think of with kids. 795 00:42:15,420 --> 00:42:18,900 S2: They they are not great at keeping contracts. So, you know, 796 00:42:18,940 --> 00:42:21,540 S2: you might give this. Well, my kid signed it, you know, 797 00:42:21,580 --> 00:42:24,420 S2: so just realize, yes, we're going to do this. But 798 00:42:24,860 --> 00:42:27,820 S2: the maturity level of your child is probably you could 799 00:42:28,140 --> 00:42:30,940 S2: expect that this is going to get broken, you know, 800 00:42:30,980 --> 00:42:33,020 S2: in a short period of time. And you'll need, as 801 00:42:33,020 --> 00:42:36,140 S2: a parent, grandparent to already know these are going to 802 00:42:36,140 --> 00:42:39,299 S2: be the consequences of what happens should that happen and 803 00:42:39,300 --> 00:42:40,260 S2: be ready for that. 804 00:42:40,860 --> 00:42:44,180 S1: Somebody listening right now and they're driving and they're imagining, 805 00:42:44,180 --> 00:42:47,540 S1: what would this look like for my family? Yeah. What 806 00:42:47,540 --> 00:42:51,299 S1: could happen? So if somebody wanted to start this today, 807 00:42:51,340 --> 00:42:54,460 S1: as soon as they get home tonight, what is one 808 00:42:54,460 --> 00:42:56,740 S1: practical step they could take right now? 809 00:42:56,780 --> 00:42:59,500 S2: Yeah. Write all the names of the people in your 810 00:42:59,500 --> 00:43:03,880 S2: family on a piece of paper and then write casual, 811 00:43:04,400 --> 00:43:07,560 S2: at risk addicted, and then put a little check mark 812 00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,120 S2: for every family member. Are they casual? Yeah, they just 813 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,880 S2: use this game once a week. They have a busy life. 814 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:16,200 S2: They're really fine at risk. Every day they're asking, why 815 00:43:16,239 --> 00:43:18,120 S2: do you only let me play on the weekend? Everybody 816 00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:19,920 S2: else gets to play all week. Oh, that. Kids at 817 00:43:19,920 --> 00:43:22,279 S2: risk addicted. You know I can't get the kid to 818 00:43:22,280 --> 00:43:25,440 S2: do the homework. They're disrespectful. They're angry at me. They're 819 00:43:25,440 --> 00:43:30,360 S2: so moody, they're irritable, etc., and then realized the technology 820 00:43:30,360 --> 00:43:32,920 S2: is always going to pull them towards that addiction scale. 821 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:36,359 S2: And you as a parent and for ourselves, we're the 822 00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,600 S2: ones who have to pull back to casual use. So 823 00:43:39,760 --> 00:43:43,400 S2: assess where is your family and then think, what's something 824 00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:46,280 S2: I can do this week to lean us back towards 825 00:43:46,280 --> 00:43:49,280 S2: casual use? This could look like a screen free meal. 826 00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,440 S2: Time to really enjoy each other at dinner. This is 827 00:43:52,440 --> 00:43:55,640 S2: taking the phone out of the bedroom. This is maybe 828 00:43:55,640 --> 00:43:58,600 S2: on Sundays that you say after church, like we hang 829 00:43:58,730 --> 00:44:01,009 S2: out together or none of us go online and you know, 830 00:44:01,010 --> 00:44:02,650 S2: who knows? Maybe it's dad that's going to be the 831 00:44:02,650 --> 00:44:05,450 S2: hardest for dad. You know, whatever it is. And these 832 00:44:05,450 --> 00:44:08,210 S2: are really good principles, whether you have children or not, 833 00:44:08,250 --> 00:44:13,009 S2: to see, am I casual at risk addicted? And what 834 00:44:13,010 --> 00:44:15,969 S2: can I do to get myself back to more casual 835 00:44:15,969 --> 00:44:18,129 S2: use so I can live more in the real world 836 00:44:18,130 --> 00:44:21,570 S2: with with people, my time and affection and attention for people? 837 00:44:21,890 --> 00:44:24,810 S1: Here is the here's the hook that I get. You 838 00:44:24,810 --> 00:44:27,489 S1: go to the gas station, you go to the grocery store. Well, 839 00:44:27,489 --> 00:44:29,810 S1: all you got to do is download the app and 840 00:44:29,810 --> 00:44:32,649 S1: you get $3 off of this and $2 off. You know, 841 00:44:32,770 --> 00:44:35,649 S1: you get the. And so once they get you to 842 00:44:35,690 --> 00:44:39,210 S1: download their app, then they, they have access to or 843 00:44:39,410 --> 00:44:42,770 S1: you have access to what they're offering you. You know, 844 00:44:42,810 --> 00:44:45,290 S1: I can get $3 off of my broccoli when I, 845 00:44:45,290 --> 00:44:47,690 S1: when I buy it today. And that is just like, okay, 846 00:44:47,730 --> 00:44:50,370 S1: I'll do it because I want to save money. But 847 00:44:50,370 --> 00:44:52,810 S1: there's a, there's a cost to that, isn't there? 848 00:44:53,090 --> 00:44:55,330 S2: Yeah. That you just, you have get kind of a 849 00:44:55,330 --> 00:44:58,230 S2: bit more complicated life. It's like having 50 credit cards 850 00:44:58,230 --> 00:45:00,029 S2: and you're like, okay, I need to get to a 851 00:45:00,030 --> 00:45:02,790 S2: more simple life. So you do. Sometimes you think, you 852 00:45:02,790 --> 00:45:04,790 S2: know what? I'll just skip that because I don't want 853 00:45:04,830 --> 00:45:08,510 S2: another app on my phone. Or you may say, that's fine, 854 00:45:08,510 --> 00:45:10,549 S2: I will use it for these coupons. But then the 855 00:45:10,550 --> 00:45:12,989 S2: trick is it's like a hot potato. Use it for 856 00:45:12,989 --> 00:45:15,669 S2: the coupon and then never touch it. Never open it. 857 00:45:15,670 --> 00:45:17,870 S2: You are the one in charge, not it. 858 00:45:18,830 --> 00:45:22,029 S1: I like the M&Ms analogy too, that you gave where 859 00:45:22,030 --> 00:45:24,790 S1: you said, well, tell people real quickly before we end, 860 00:45:24,830 --> 00:45:25,470 S1: what's the minimum? 861 00:45:25,469 --> 00:45:28,109 S2: You have a huge bag of M&Ms and you put 862 00:45:28,110 --> 00:45:30,350 S2: them on your desk. But you say to yourself, I'll 863 00:45:30,350 --> 00:45:32,990 S2: only eat ten. There's no way you're going to succeed. 864 00:45:32,989 --> 00:45:35,350 S2: You have a devotional about it, an accountability partner. You're 865 00:45:35,350 --> 00:45:37,270 S2: not going to because of the environment. You're going to 866 00:45:37,310 --> 00:45:39,790 S2: eat more than ten. And when we have a device 867 00:45:39,790 --> 00:45:42,549 S2: near us accessible to us, our children are just go 868 00:45:42,550 --> 00:45:45,310 S2: on ten minutes, we are going to fail. So it's 869 00:45:45,310 --> 00:45:47,510 S2: the environment that needs to change as well. 870 00:45:48,230 --> 00:45:52,150 S1: That's from the Great Tech Reset Reclaiming Real Life for 871 00:45:52,150 --> 00:45:56,520 S1: Christian Families, by Arlene Pelikan. Featured resource today at Chris 872 00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:01,279 S1: Fabry live.org. Arlene, I'm I'm all for you, all for 873 00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:04,560 S1: what you're doing and for the freedom and the real 874 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,799 S1: life that can come from what you're talking about. Thanks 875 00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:08,960 S1: for being with us today. 876 00:46:09,280 --> 00:46:10,680 S2: Thank you so much, Chris. 877 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:13,560 S1: There she is. Arlene. Pelican. You don't have to spell 878 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,839 S1: that last name, but it's it's easy to do if 879 00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:18,960 S1: you want to. The Great tech reset. We have a 880 00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:25,399 S1: link to that@chris.org. Reclaiming real life for Christian families. Again, 881 00:46:25,440 --> 00:46:28,520 S1: you'll find Chris Avery live.org. We have a link to 882 00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:31,840 S1: our Facebook page. And the question on there is what moment? 883 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:36,640 S1: What scene from a Kendrick Brothers movie do you still remember? 884 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:39,040 S1: People are answering that. And we're going to talk with 885 00:46:39,040 --> 00:46:42,239 S1: Stephen Kendrick tomorrow here at the Radio Backyard Fence. Hope 886 00:46:42,239 --> 00:46:45,000 S1: you'll join us then for Chris Fabry Live, which is 887 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:49,600 S1: a production of Moody Radio, a Ministry of Moody Bible Institute.