S1: Coming to you from the Morning Star Mission sponsored studio.
S1: This is Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2: In Christ, we have a new identity. Our old self
S2: is crucified. Do you have that verse up, Jonathan? Out
S2: of Romans six, I do.
S3: Yeah. Romans six six and seven. We know that our
S3: old self was crucified with him in order that the
S3: body of sin might be brought to nothing, so that
S3: we would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one
S3: who has died has been set free from sin.
S2: What percentage of people do you think live with some
S2: level of regret?
S3: All of them. 100%.
S2: You think so?
S4: I think it's up there. Probably, what, 80%?
S2: I've seen a couple different stats. I saw 90% this.
S2: This stat says research shows most people, 72% feel regret
S2: related to their ideal self as opposed to their ought self.
S2: So this, uh, this regret. For many people, the regret
S2: relates to what I thought I would be versus what
S2: I actually am. Yeah, yeah. And maybe actions that I
S2: didn't take that would have gotten me there. Right. So
S2: you have the regret of like, oh, if I would
S2: have taken that job. Yeah. Or you have some people
S2: who have a regret of, you know, I like to
S2: read I want this is okay. Fun fact I really
S2: love reading advice columns.
S3: Okay.
S2: In the like in the in the newspaper.
S3: Like still.
S2: Okay. I love it. I mean, I read, like, the
S2: advice columns every day. I love it because I'm so
S2: intrigued by the questions that people ask.
S3: Okay.
S2: And the advice that's offered. So I'm talking like your
S2: dear Abby. Yeah. Um, the Chicago Tribune has one called
S2: Ask Eric. And I love them. I really do read
S2: them every day. Okay. And it's amazing to me how
S2: many people write in with this kind of a question. In.
S2: So I was on Facebook and I came across a
S2: guy or a gal that I dated when I was
S2: in high school, and I'm wondering, I feel like I
S2: still have feelings for this person. I've been married for
S2: X amount of years, but I'm really not happy in
S2: this marriage. So what do you think I should? I
S2: reach back out and just to see how they're doing.
S2: This question comes a lot of, I mean, the details
S2: of it different, but the amount of people, particularly in
S2: the area of romantic relationships, who look back to some
S2: past failed relationship and ask for advice. Should I revisit
S2: it now because maybe I missed out on something, maybe
S2: I should go back.
S3: You know, I think this is something that a great
S3: word of wisdom that my wife says all the time,
S3: and I love it, she says. The grass isn't greener
S3: on the other side. The grass is greener where you
S3: water it.
S2: It's very true.
S3: If you're horrible at tending grass and you look at
S3: that grass over there and it looks really green, and
S3: you go, I'm gonna go over there. But then you're
S3: horrible at tending grass. It ain't gonna look so good.
S2: The tendency is to look at the life I have
S2: now and wonder what could have been. Yeah, right. And
S2: so I, I'm, I'm fascinated by the number of times
S2: that this question comes up for people and wisely like surprisingly,
S2: these are not none of these are Christian per se. They're,
S2: you know, people who would consider themselves like kind of
S2: wise or learned experts and things. But almost always they say, no, no.
S3: Don't do that.
S2: Don't do that. And why? Because the the the solution
S2: to your regret or to you, your discontent with where
S2: you're at in life now is never going to be
S2: to look up an old flame on Facebook and see
S2: if you can get that thing going again.
S4: It's not going to solve it. It's not going to heal.
S4: It's not going to heal, you know.
S2: But what else do people often look to to manage regret?
S3: That's a great question. Uh, sometimes substance, if you don't
S3: feel like you can do anything about it, sometimes it's
S3: just better to be numb.
S2: What do you think he took?
S4: Whether it was drugs, alcohol, food, whatever it may be,
S4: it's definitely a substance. I think at the time.
S3: We talk about midlife crisis. You know, midlife crisis usually
S3: stems from the fact of I'm almost. You mean I'm
S3: halfway through my life, and and this is where I'm at.
S3: And so, you know, you go out and you buy
S3: the new car or you get all these things. So materials.
S3: I think spending money is a big way.
S4: Other bad relationships.
S3: Other bad.
S4: Go to another one. Another one and another one. Yeah. Yeah.
S2: And you know, regret is such an interesting thing because,
S2: I mean, the stats don't say 100%, but I think anybody,
S2: any honest person would say that there are some things
S2: I would do differently.
S3: Yeah, absolutely. If you don't, it's a it's more scary
S3: than anything else. If you said, I've gone through my
S3: entire life and there's nothing that I ever would have
S3: done differently, I'm a little afraid.
S2: I stand by every decision I've ever made.
S4: That's a red flag right now. The ones I.
S2: Made when I was 18. Stand by all of those.
S4: Coming.
S2: Up, though. We're going to look to the Word of God.
S2: What do you do with the regret, with the desire
S2: to be a better version of yourself in Christ? We
S2: actually can be new, but something has to die first.
S1: He was running from God, but God's love brought him home.
S1: Carl is in the crew. It's Carl and crew on
S1: Moody Radio.
S2: Well, because of the cross of Jesus Christ, you don't
S2: have to live. I don't have to live with the
S2: regret and the shame of my past. Thankfully I can't
S2: change it per se. I can't go back and undo
S2: some of the bad decisions I made my freshman year
S2: of college. When I went away to a different state
S2: as a 17 year old knucklehead who thought I knew
S2: everything and made some bad decisions, which I won't get
S2: into right now. I'd like to change some of those things.
S3: Sure.
S2: Because it wasn't a great part of my life, but
S2: I can't. No, I can't go back. And for some
S2: of you, there are parts of your life that haunt you,
S2: and that's not a misuse of the word. You can't
S2: get past what you were, who you were, the anger,
S2: the addiction, the rage. Or maybe that's where you still are.
S2: I want to remind some of you and for others
S2: of you, maybe tell you for the first time that
S2: you actually can put to death who you once were,
S2: even if you can't change the past. New life in
S2: Christ is offered to us, if only we would take
S2: hold of it. Let's talk about it coming up.
S1: She was trying to earn her way to God, but
S1: God showed her she didn't have to. Ali is in
S1: the crew. It's Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2: Well, there's nothing sweeter than a nickname, right? That nickname
S2: that you can't seem to out.
S3: Sometimes there's something sweeter.
S4: Sometimes.
S2: Sometimes there's nothing more annoying. 33,204 says my name is Melanie.
S2: I'm still called Melanie Belly. I'm 50. Oh, here's a
S2: fun one. My nickname is Crayola. The Crayola part is
S2: from leaving my box of crayons in the hot car
S2: when they melted. Oh, the D is my middle name
S2: still today. My brother will still sometimes call me Crayola D.
S2: Another sweet one 5942 says that my youngest brother is
S2: ten years younger than the rest of the siblings, so
S2: whenever there was a children's message at church, we would
S2: all lean over and look at him to remind him
S2: it was time to go up in front with the
S2: little kids. We continued to do that when he was
S2: a teenager, and even now that he's in his 30s,
S2: can you imagine? They're all sitting at church and they
S2: look down and go, hey, it's children's church time.
S4: Not letting it go in.
S2: Front when you're the youngest by ten years. I think
S2: maybe there's a little or maybe a lot of that
S2: ribbing from your older.
S4: Siblings.
S2: Coming up, though. Let's talk about what it looks like
S2: to have a new identity. Sometimes it's painful how much
S2: we feel like we can't outrun, outlive, outgrow what we
S2: used to be. Only in Christ can we actually be new.
S2: How do we take hold of it? You know, it
S2: must be hard wired in us to want to continue
S2: to be a newer, better version of ourselves, you know?
S3: Yeah, absolutely.
S2: You want to outgrow the parts of you that, to
S2: borrow a phrase that's pretty common right now, no longer
S2: serves me. Yeah. This part of my life is not
S2: who I am anymore. And so people go to great
S2: lengths sometimes to separate themselves from their past.
S3: Absolutely.
S2: Or parts of their past that they don't like.
S3: Yeah. Sometimes it's straight up moving. You know, Carl talks
S3: about from his story and he shared it when when
S3: he was set free from cocaine addiction and alcoholism, that
S3: he moved states to get away from the people that
S3: he knew would be a problem.
S2: And even before you're in Christ, sometimes people will move
S2: to get away from, I can't live in this small
S2: town anymore. I can't be who I want to be here.
S2: People sometimes will do dramatic appearance changes to try to
S2: not be. You know, a lot of times if you
S2: are someone who maybe struggled with your weight or some
S2: aspect of your physical appearance, you see people go to
S2: great lengths to try to prove to everybody that that's
S2: not who I am anymore. Yeah. The teasing that you
S2: used to subject me to the gossip, the bullying, that's
S2: not me. And I think we're hard wired to want
S2: to improve ourselves. Every January 1st, people decide that this
S2: is the year that I'm going to be something that
S2: I haven't been before. But the reality is it's it
S2: becomes a hamster wheel, right?
S3: Oh, yeah.
S2: Because you find yourself frustratingly so kind of back where
S2: you always were.
S3: Yeah.
S2: Even if you look different, live in a different state.
S2: It's like I can't seem to outrun me.
S3: I'm not breaking this thing. And sometimes, you know, you
S3: just you say, oh, man, I, I keep ending up
S3: in the same place I once was, or I'm out
S3: of that place. But I can't forget the things who
S3: of who I once was. I can't go back and
S3: change things now. I'm stuck with just the memories of regret.
S2: Why can't I be the person I want to be? Yeah, well,
S2: take us to Romans six. Jonathan.
S3: Yeah.
S2: We can be in Christ a new person. But explain.
S3: I mean, this is this is so important because Romans
S3: six six says, we know that our old self was
S3: crucified with him in order that the body of sin
S3: might be brought to nothing, so that we would no
S3: longer be enslaved to sin. And then continuing in verse seven,
S3: for the one who, for one who has died, has
S3: been set free from sin. So in our life there
S3: are sins that we do. There are decisions that we
S3: make that we regret, that we look back and we say,
S3: I don't want to be that person. I don't want to.
S3: I don't want to live like that anymore or I'm
S3: not living like that anymore. But I hate that I
S3: did at one point in my life and I just
S3: can't forget it. The amazing thing is that Christ sets
S3: us free through his death on the cross, that when
S3: we believe in him, those decisions that we've made, that
S3: person that we don't want to be, maybe you're still
S3: that person that you don't want to be. Uh, when
S3: we come to him, he takes that part of us.
S3: He takes the sin off of our shoulders, and he
S3: nails it to the cross. It dies just like he did.
S3: Except it doesn't rise again from the grave. He does.
S3: And we are with him. We don't have to be
S3: identified by those things from our past. We don't have
S3: to be identified by the things that maybe were just
S3: changing from today. We're identified by Christ and His righteousness.
S2: What does that look like in your life? You've shared
S2: pieces of your testimony, but.
S3: This.
S2: This passage in particular really resonates with you.
S3: Yeah. It does. So my story, I, I grew up
S3: in a in a in a Christian home. My dad's
S3: a pastor. I went to Moody Bible Institute and I
S3: worked at Moody Radio. And then I got saved. I
S3: thought I knew Jesus, I thought I, I was all
S3: good to go, and that's kind of how I looked
S3: at it was all good to go, not really having
S3: much of a relationship with him, but I got my
S3: box checked and I'm good. I'll. I'll see you up there. Uh,
S3: now I'm going to go do what I want to do. Uh,
S3: you know, God was telling me, putting it on my
S3: heart from the teaching here on Carl and crew that
S3: that wasn't that wasn't right. That wasn't good enough. Just
S3: checking a box. But he wants my whole heart. And
S3: I wasn't giving it to him. So I came to Christ.
S3: I surrendered to him. I gave him my life. I
S3: told him I was going to follow him. I have
S3: a relationship with him. But there have been many times
S3: in my life that wall the last, what, six years now?
S3: It's been almost six years since that happened. And sometimes
S3: I'll just be out walking my dog. I'll be by myself.
S3: And a memory of the life I used to live
S3: comes to mind. And I hate it. I get filled
S3: with fear. I get filled with shame. I get filled
S3: with regret because I didn't live a good life. To
S3: some people, you know, my parents, uh, the people at church,
S3: they would have never realized that I wasn't living a
S3: good life. But I was really good at hiding things. Uh,
S3: I was a deceiver. I was a liar, I was mean,
S3: I was a jerk. I was very and I was. Yeah,
S3: I was very mean to people. Uh, I wanted to
S3: fit in in high school, and I was willing to
S3: make other people not fit in so that I could
S3: fit in so that I didn't have to be in
S3: that group of people who didn't fit in. And and
S3: I said horrible things to people that I regret. I
S3: made them feel bad. And now I look back at
S3: my life and I'm like, man, some of those kids
S3: went home with the words that I told them, you know,
S3: some of those kids sat in their room by themselves,
S3: and all they had were the things that I said
S3: to them, and that's horrible, and I hate it. And
S3: there are plenty of other things that come to my
S3: mind of regrets that I wish I didn't. I wish
S3: I didn't do I wish I didn't make this decision
S3: over here, I wish I. I didn't try so hard
S3: to fit in and do this over here. Uh, you know,
S3: they come to my mind all the time, but I
S3: know that that's not who I am. That person. It's
S3: not even like, oh, I've made some changes in my life.
S2: I'm a better version of myself now.
S3: No, it's.
S2: Not, it's.
S3: Not. It's a completely different person. I'm not. I'm not
S3: that Jonathan anymore. That Jonathan got nailed to the cross. Uh.
S3: He's dead. I don't have to worry about him anymore.
S3: I'm new in Christ. Do I still sin? And do
S3: I still struggle? Absolutely I do, but I'm identified in Christ.
S3: I identify areas of my life that he's changed completely.
S3: And even though I still do sin, I recognize the
S3: fact that God put my future sins up on the
S3: cross too, and so I don't have to be identified
S3: by those. I look at those and I say, God,
S3: thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you that you died
S3: for me. Thank you that I don't have to be
S3: identified by that. And then I walk forward with him
S3: and I leave those in the dust as well. And
S3: so life is different now. Do I still get hit
S3: with the regret? Sometimes? Yeah. But I go back to
S3: Scripture because my God tells me I don't have to.
S3: I don't have to hold it anymore.
S2: And that our old self Romans six verse six, we
S2: know that our old self was crucified with him in
S2: order that the body of sin might be brought to nothing,
S2: so that we would no longer be enslaved to sin.
S2: So many of you hear Jonathan's story, and you can
S2: we can all relate. Whether it was you were mean
S2: to people, or maybe you were promiscuous, or maybe you
S2: were a thief, or maybe you were whatever. And there
S2: are thoughts that still haunt you, memories that you can't
S2: seem to shake. Here's what I want us to do
S2: this morning. I want us to declare our new identity
S2: in Christ in a kind of unique way. I'm going
S2: to ask you to fill in the blank as you
S2: call and share in your story. I used to be blank,
S2: but in Christ I am not anymore. Young Thunder, you start.
S2: I used to be what.
S3: I think the most prominent thing for me was deceiver.
S2: I used to be a deceiver. But in Christ, I'm
S2: not anymore.
S4: Yeah.
S2: What is it for you? 800 555 7898. We're going
S2: to put to death once again what's already been put
S2: to death. But we're going to be reminded that these
S2: old identities, these old sins, have been put to death.
S2: Our old self was crucified with Christ. Now we live
S2: in a new identity because of him. I used to
S2: be fill in the blank, but in Christ, not anymore.
S2: 855 five 7898. 855 578 898 Freedom Friday. Let's get
S2: your story.
S1: She's a choreographer extraordinaire and everything is Greek to her.
S1: Super die is in the crew. It's Carl and crew
S1: on Moody Radio.
S2: You know, there's a quote, and I. I who said
S2: it escapes me at the moment. So someone will have
S2: to look this up for me. But it's essentially that
S2: what you think about when you think about God is
S2: the most important thing about you. And it's so true.
S2: If you were to really boil it down and you
S2: have a conversation with with any person that you would
S2: meet on the street in the grocery store, what they
S2: think about when they think about God is going to
S2: tell you more about them than anything else. In a moment,
S2: you'll be able to know a little bit about where
S2: they're at spiritually. Yeah. Is it? Yeah. I think that,
S2: you know, God is there's something bigger than us out there.
S2: Or when I think about God, I think about a
S2: higher power. Or I think about what are some other
S2: things that people might say that they think about when
S2: they think about God.
S3: Yeah, I've heard the well, I think that there is
S3: a God out there, but I don't think that he's
S3: very interested in what we're doing down here.
S2: Yeah. If there's a God, maybe there is. I don't
S2: think he's interested in me or I don't think there
S2: is a God at all. Yeah, you're going to get
S2: a variety of responses, but God you are if you
S2: if you can pin that down, that Jesus man, you
S2: are Savior. You are Redeemer, you are deliverer. You are
S2: a friend. You are a Savior, man that gets you
S2: on the right path. This morning, Freedom Friday here on
S2: Carlin Crew. Here's the question. What were you? It's basically
S2: what we're going for. And I'm asking you to kind
S2: of fill in the blank. I used to be. Then
S2: you fill in the blank, but in Christ, I'm not anymore.
S2: I'm going to go through some of what's coming in
S2: on text message. I love the text messages, but boy,
S2: I'd love a phone call more than a text. 800
S2: 555 7898. I used to be self reliant, but in
S2: Christ I'm not anymore. I came in by text message.
S2: I used to be unforgiving. I used to be selfish.
S2: I used to be an addict. But in Christ, I
S2: am not anymore. Glory to God. What do you say
S2: this morning? 800 555 7898. (800) 555-7898. Super die. What would
S2: you fill in the blank with? Obviously, you can't capture
S2: a whole story in a word, but I used to be.
S4: This is hard to say. Um. I used to be
S4: very vindictive. Very vindictive. Um, there was a jealousy base
S4: to it, a jealousy foundation. Like anybody who had a
S4: sweet story, a sweet family story, whatever the case may be.
S4: But just anybody who kind of crossed my path, that
S4: wasn't what I thought in my mind. Was kind or
S4: did something to me, and even from my past. Like
S4: I carried that vindictiveness with me, like I didn't never
S4: let go. Forgiveness that, you know, put that all in
S4: that same bag. And that's what I was carrying.
S2: But in Christ, in Christ.
S4: In Christ, but God.
S2: Well, and the we always say this when we hear
S2: a little bit of super nice story when we hear
S2: that there, the anger, the vindictiveness. It's so hard to
S2: even fathom. Right, Jonathan? I mean.
S3: Oh, yeah, when you think of somebody, you're like, there's
S3: absolutely no way that you were sitting there and and
S3: being mean or vindictive to people or bitter towards people.
S3: I mean, Diana is one of the most loving people
S3: that you've ever known. It comes off in the way
S3: she speaks on radio, but then you see her in person,
S3: you're like, oh yeah, that's the same person. Absolutely.
S2: And the power of Christ. Oh, right. To change? Yes.
S2: To where? You know, because. Because in your past, so
S2: much of your AI identity does get wrapped up in
S2: in in sin. Honestly.
S4: Oh, absolutely.
S2: And it's because it's hard to separate it. Because without Christ,
S2: you know you're loved by God.
S3: Yes.
S2: But you're not a child of God apart from Christ. So,
S2: so much of how you live is is rooted in sin.
S2: If you just call it what it.
S3: Is, absolutely.
S4: You're in a trap. And there you are. You're stuck.
S4: We talked about, like, quicksand. Yeah. You're just sinking and
S4: sinking and sinking into that sin.
S2: I'm going to go back to our central passage for today,
S2: Romans six six and seven. We know that our old
S2: self was crucified with him in order that the body
S2: of sin might be brought to nothing, so that we
S2: would no longer be enslaved to sin. For one who
S2: has died has been set free from sin. Here's the
S2: question this morning. It's a fill in the blank which
S2: which I really love. I used to be dot, dot, dot,
S2: but in Christ I am not anymore. I'm asking you
S2: to declare that this morning. Pin it down to a
S2: word or two. What were you. What did you used
S2: to be? That you are no longer now that you're
S2: in Christ? 805, 55, 7898. First time caller calling in
S2: this morning from Illinois. Leonard. Go ahead. I used to be. What?
S5: Yeah, I used to be a raging alcoholic. But in Christ,
S5: I am sober.
S2: Praise God. Uh, give us a little bit more of
S2: your story.
S5: Uh, I would say some 15 years ago or so,
S5: I was just, you know, making a lot of money
S5: and just thought that was the way of life and
S5: just drowning all my trauma and resentment, you know, from
S5: earlier life and previous relationships with alcohol, you know, and
S5: being in mortgage banking and real estate could be stressful
S5: and heavy, but it was always the bottle that I
S5: thought would, you know, help me calm. And it just
S5: caused more issues. And our good Lord, you know, bless
S5: me with a with a loving wife who's very well
S5: into the word and understanding of such. And the past
S5: eight years has just been such a joy.
S2: Wow. Leonard, first time caller from Chicago. Thank you so
S2: much for calling in and sharing your story on this
S2: Freedom Friday. I used to be, but in Christ I
S2: am not anymore. Mike, first time caller from Illinois. I
S2: used to be. What was it for you?
S6: Well, I was a, uh, a drug dealer. Drug addict? Uh,
S6: a lot of things I wasn't supposed to be. But
S6: most of all those things I'm glad I'm not is, uh.
S6: I'm glad I'm not a drug addict. You know, uh,
S6: strung out every day. The first thing on your on
S6: your mind when you wake up. And the last thing
S6: on your mind before you go to go to bed
S6: at night if you went to bed that night. So, man, uh,
S6: glory to God, man. He's who. Who I guess I get,
S6: I mean, I just get, uh, right now, I feel
S6: like chills going through me just talking about it, because
S6: there was some horror stories I remember. Not even, um,
S6: not even wanting to see the sunshine. Yeah, I used to. Yeah,
S6: I used to, you know, I didn't anything that was, uh.
S6: That was good, I hated it. I hate to see
S6: happy people, um, you know, because I wasn't happy, but,
S6: you know, um, God came, and he and he, you know,
S6: he saved me. He he, uh, you know, dusted me off.
S6: He shook me, and and, uh, he broke me and
S6: remade me until I. What he wants me to be.
S2: Amen. And, Mike, you know, he gave you new life
S2: in Christ. In Christ, you are free. We are declared
S2: righteous not because of our good works or our attempts
S2: to please him, but because of the blood of Jesus Christ.
S2: We stand in the righteousness of Christ. Coming up, let's
S2: talk about what that means for you this morning. If
S2: you are still stuck in your identity of sin, man,
S2: it's a good day to be free. This is Andrew Ripp.
S1: He's a sports fanatic with a stat for anything you
S1: can think of. Young Thunder is in the crew. It's
S1: curl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2: Well, you know, before you're in Christ, your identity is
S2: really rooted in in your sin. Because we are identified
S2: as a sinner until we are identified as a child
S2: of God. That has to be that. That transformation only
S2: happens because of Christ. So we've been asking you this morning,
S2: what did you used to be before you were new
S2: in Christ? A couple more text messages. This one came
S2: in and I used to be floundering before I was
S2: in Christ. I used to be lost. I used to
S2: be self reliant. This one. I used to be wild
S2: and in unhealthy romantic relationships. Now I'm free and obedient
S2: in my singleness until God provides a spouse for me.
S2: I used to be a good little Pharisee. I'm still recovering.
S2: Pride is a sneaky sin.
S4: That's a horrible statement, man.
S3: It is a sneaky sin. But you know what? By
S3: the grace of God. Yeah, you've seen it.
S2: Can break that sin of pride, self-reliance, addiction. Let's go
S2: back to the phone lines. Aldo calling in from Chicago
S2: this morning. I used to be. What would you say?
S7: Hey, thanks for having me. Um, I used to be
S7: self righteous and. Yeah. And now I am no longer
S7: a fool through Christ.
S2: Wow. You know, Aldo, that that's my. That's the word
S2: I would use for my own story as well. What?
S2: What did that look like for you?
S7: Oh, man. Uh, where do I begin? Um, really? You know,
S7: I thought I was working hard. You know, I had
S7: I started having kids early and again through lack of self-control,
S7: you know, as a, as a teenager. But I'm like,
S7: I'm doing the right thing and I'm going to raise
S7: my family and we get married, right? And we end
S7: up having four kids, and I'm working hard going to school.
S7: But again, I'm inside. I'm just dying inside doing things
S7: I shouldn't be doing, hiding it from my family. Right?
S7: My wife and I were hiding it from from the
S7: kids as we were raising them. But everything that we're
S7: doing in front of them is, you know, righteous. It's
S7: the right thing to do. We're working hard, we're making
S7: a living, and we're just dying inside because, you know,
S7: there's sin all over the place. And I'm thinking, well,
S7: I'm justified, right? We're doing the right thing. I'm justified.
S7: And and we I just, you know, our marriage didn't
S7: last after 19 years, and and I just it all
S7: came to a peak and and I realized, you know,
S7: this something's got to give. And that's, that's really when
S7: I began, I didn't even that's not even my, you know,
S7: conversion there, but it's when, it's when Jesus really began
S7: to show me, like, dude, something's got to give. You
S7: said it yourself. What is that?
S2: Yeah. Aldo from Chicago. You know, it's so many layers
S2: to that and that this idea that we can somehow
S2: make ourself righteous. I mean, it's an expression that somebody
S2: self righteous. We think about somebody who kind of puts
S2: themselves above other people. Right? Kind of yeah. Based on
S2: whatever they have or have achieved or their ability to
S2: keep rules.
S3: I'm better.
S2: I'm I'm better. That's a self righteousness. But even if
S2: you wouldn't have described yourself as self righteous, any attempt
S2: to make yourself pleasing to God based on your own
S2: good works is a form of self righteousness because self
S2: is at the center always. And if you've listened to
S2: our show for any length of time, anything where self
S2: is at the center is going to be a losing battle. Yes.
S3: Yeah, absolutely. Well, Carl talks about it all the time.
S3: He says that, you know, humility is the birthplace of righteousness. Uh,
S3: but I think the opposite can be true, too, where
S3: pride is the birthplace of all unrighteousness. That, yes, that
S3: pride comes before the fall. Is is a really accurate
S3: text that I think we need to be careful of.
S1: You're listening to Carl and crew on Moody Radio.
S2: What do you do when life takes an unexpected turn
S2: and you, you find yourself in a set of circumstances
S2: that you never expected to be in? What do you do?
S2: All of us have faced that to some degree. None
S2: of us have a life that panned out. Maybe exactly how.
S2: But for our guests today, Rachel Falkner Brown, twice widowed
S2: by the time you were in your early 30s. Tell
S2: us a little bit about your story before we get
S2: to your ministry. Incredible ministry to widows.
S8: I was widowed the first time. My husband was 27.
S8: The picture of health and had a massive aneurysm five
S8: days after September 11th. And, you know, I was 23.
S8: We had just started to talk about having a family.
S8: We'd been married three years and life was just upside down,
S8: and never, ever did I imagine I had buried a grandparent.
S8: I'd never had a friend pass away. So it was
S8: just the first, you know, experience I'd ever had with
S8: someone who wasn't supposed to die, I guess. You know, and, um,
S8: obviously devastating. I learned to worship. I would actually sit
S8: in my bedroom and listen to Fernando Ortega's Give Me
S8: Jesus every night. I didn't know what else to do.
S8: I mean, it was just like, I will say, I
S8: had the foundation that, you know, worship fixes a multitude
S8: of ailments, Right? And so I would just sit there
S8: and just sing at the top of my lungs when
S8: I come to die. When I am alone, give me Jesus.
S8: And you know, it healed parts of me. And I
S8: was able to move on a year later and remarried
S8: after dating Blair Faulkner, who's a fighter pilot in the
S8: Air Force. And we, um, were married for five years,
S8: two kids. And he went to fly on this beautiful
S8: April day. And he and his student pilot were killed
S8: instantly when their plane took off and the cable in
S8: the wing broke, and they both ejected from the jet
S8: and the jet. The ejection seat doesn't work below 1000ft.
S8: So they were both killed instantly on that beautiful day,
S8: and I was left widowed again as a 31 year
S8: old young mother with a five month old and a
S8: two year old. And to say that it was different
S8: the second time would be like the understatement of the century. Because,
S8: you know, I just remember looking in my rear view
S8: mirror and seeing those kids as I got the news
S8: from the chaplain, and he told me they were looking
S8: for me and just thinking, oh my gosh, like, this
S8: isn't about me anymore. You know, this is about those
S8: two little people who are going to be fatherless. And,
S8: you know, I couldn't believe it was my reality. I've
S8: kind of gotten my suffering card from, you know, I mean,
S8: I've paid the price, right, for this life, but in
S8: this world, we will have troubles. And there's just no
S8: guarantee that when bad things happen, that more bad things
S8: will happen. In fact, they will. That's just the reality
S8: of our life. But take heart, I have overcome. And
S8: if Christ is in me and he's the hope of glory,
S8: then then that's it, right? I mean, that's it. And
S8: somehow I knew that. But I was still in total shock.
S2: Yeah. Rachel Faulkner Brown with us right now. She has
S2: an incredible ministry. Never alone. Widows. How did your faith.
S2: I'm probably the biggest question that people would would wonder
S2: is how does your faith survive? I mean, how do
S2: you how do you survive two devastating, shocking losses like
S2: that and come out with a faith intact?
S8: Yeah, well, I didn't do it. Well, Ali, the reason
S8: I started the ministry is because I wanted people to.
S8: To do it better than I did it. Let me
S8: just say, because I really, you know, I think so
S8: many Christians just feel like they need to wave the
S8: banner of hope for Jesus, and they forget that lament
S8: and grief is just such a part of being a
S8: gospel centric person. And that was me. I was just like,
S8: I have to show the world that Jesus is enough.
S8: And I did that. I did that from a place
S8: of emotional bankruptcy, and I read Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, actually
S8: going to speak and share my story in Idaho. And
S8: I read that book on the plane and sobbed the
S8: entire way to Idaho because I was like, this book
S8: is my life. And I didn't know it. I was
S8: like spiritually in the heavenly realms. And yet emotionally, I
S8: couldn't tell you. Like the last time I had a
S8: feeling because I was just like, I've got to carry
S8: the banner. I've got to make Jesus proud. I've got
S8: to show all these people that he's enough. And he's like, girl,
S8: the work is rest. And I did not know that.
S8: I mean, I didn't know my head from a hole
S8: in the ground when it came to emotional healthiness. And
S8: he's like, I came to heal you in your, you know,
S8: your emotions, your mind, your will, your your heart, your body.
S8: And I didn't know that. I thought my emotions were
S8: getting in the way. And they don't need to lead,
S8: but you have to feel things to heal things. And
S8: I did not do that well, which is really why
S8: I started the ministry, to be very honest.
S2: Rachel Faulkner Brown, coming up, let's talk about this ministry
S2: out of her journey of of grief, of processing, of
S2: getting it wrong. Although I'm not even sure what getting
S2: it right looks like. More coming up. Her story has
S2: a very hopeful side that I think is going to
S2: encourage you coming up here on Carlin Crew.
S1: Your shot of hope to help you through the day.
S1: This is Carlin crew on Moody Radio.
S2: Got a special guest right now, Rachel Faulkner. Brown lost
S2: two husbands before she was 31 years old. Out of
S2: her grief, out of her healing. She founded the largest
S2: Christian widows ministry, 501 C3, in the country. It's called
S2: Never Alone Widows. You know, you mentioned that in those
S2: early stages of grief, after your second major loss, you
S2: tried so hard to hold up that banner that said,
S2: Jesus is enough for me. I'm doing okay. When did
S2: you get to the point where you realized, I don't
S2: have to do this? I don't have to try to
S2: put on this smile that says, Because I'm a Christian,
S2: this doesn't hurt as much as it actually does.
S8: Well, it's not a pretty story. I was actually in
S8: Kroger and a friend of mine happened to be with
S8: me and she watched me explode on this woman who
S8: was in front of the microwave popcorn. This is just
S8: the silliest story, but it's so real. And this woman
S8: was on one of those scooters. She had an oxygen tank,
S8: and she proceeded to tell me that I was going
S8: to get cancer from that microwave popcorn if I bought it.
S8: And the deepest wound in my soul was. And fear
S8: in my soul was that I was going to leave
S8: my children orphaned. And she poked the bear. Oh my goodness.
S8: And I lost my mind on this woman in Kroger
S8: and praised the Lord. My friend watched and we got
S8: to the car and she was like, Rachel, you need help.
S8: And I was like, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. I
S8: just she just she was wrong. And, you know, and
S8: the ultimate reality is I had deep, deep fears, but
S8: I didn't know it. I couldn't address it. And I
S8: ended up in therapy for two years. I had a secret,
S8: you know, I'd been abused when I was ten, 11
S8: and 12 by a distant family member. I'd kept that
S8: secret for 25 years. I was just a ball of
S8: shame and hiding and fear and just, oh my gosh,
S8: like you name it, I had it, but I looked
S8: so good from the outside. Ali. And that's so many
S8: Christian stories. We're just like little performers for Jesus. And
S8: until you implode and somebody sees it and I and
S8: I did praise the Lord and ended up in therapy,
S8: I did a ton of inner healing. And, you know,
S8: that was the crux for me is I learned to
S8: feel again. And that was such a huge process. I
S8: didn't know how to comfort myself. I didn't know how
S8: to comfort my children. And I really learned that Jesus
S8: wants to comfort all of us, and I wasn't letting
S8: him do that.
S2: So never alone. Widows as a widow, all of a
S2: sudden you're in this kind of this society of of
S2: loss and of grief. And what caused you to say,
S2: this is a need. We need to minister to women
S2: like me?
S8: Well, I think at the end of the day, you
S8: never know what you're really doing when you start a ministry.
S8: And I was just I was just like, I just
S8: want to help the younger version of myself. I mean, genuinely,
S8: like I said, that and a friend. There were nine
S8: widows who had all gone to Auburn University, and they
S8: lived in Birmingham. And a friend kind of gathered them
S8: and said, Will you come over and speak? And I
S8: was like, sure. And on the way home, I was like,
S8: we could do this, like on a bigger scale. Like,
S8: we could invite 20 widows from all over the country
S8: to come to Milton, where I live in Atlanta and,
S8: you know, put them up in my kids bunk beds
S8: and give them this amazing weekend and resource my friends.
S8: You know, I knew all my friends would rally and
S8: they would be like, yes, of course we want to
S8: help widows. And that just turned into this nationwide ministry
S8: I'd never dreamed. I mean, you just you don't know
S8: what God is doing. But I will tell you, I
S8: have seen he is going to take care of his widows.
S8: And he passed the baton. Honestly, he was like, Rachel,
S8: you know the mandate in James 127, you thought this
S8: was just to help the younger version of yourself. But
S8: it's really to to help the kingdom advance, because widows
S8: have powerful stories that people want to hear. They're like,
S8: you know, the wreck on the side of the road.
S8: You got to look right. And I think at the
S8: end of the day, when they use and wield that
S8: power for his glory and his kingdom, oh my goodness,
S8: like unstoppable. They are so powerful and so resourceful and
S8: generous and yeah, it's amazing what God can do with
S8: a widow who's surrendered to obedience.
S2: You mentioned James 127 religion that is pure and undefiled
S2: before God the Father is this to visit orphans and
S2: widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from
S2: the world. What did you learn as a as a
S2: widow first in your own experience, then beginning to share
S2: your experience and minister to other women in a similar situation?
S2: What was missing from from the church? The way the
S2: church tries to minister to widows?
S8: Well, they don't know who the widows are in their church.
S8: That's part of the problem. And we don't wear badges
S8: that say, I'm a widow. So you've got to really
S8: there's a work, there's a work involved to find out
S8: who she is. And, you know, I love oil change ministries, like,
S8: you know, checking the box you're doing. That's great. But
S8: at the root of it all, she needs to feel
S8: seen and known and heard. And that's what we created
S8: with Never Alone as a pair of church ministry to say, hey,
S8: we know it's hard for a church to find these widows,
S8: but we can help you find them. And then we've
S8: got the curriculum to plug and play and get them
S8: the help that they need. Because the reality is, Ali,
S8: the reason they get there is because their husband died.
S8: But the reason they experience healing is because of something
S8: that happened in their childhood. 99% of the widows who come,
S8: they already had shame on board when their husband died,
S8: or they have a secret, or they are depressed, or
S8: they didn't have a good marriage and they don't know
S8: where to go with that information, and then their husband
S8: dies and he becomes this overnight hero when a lot
S8: of times he wasn't. I hate to say it, and
S8: they don't know what to do with that, but when
S8: they're in a community of people who are safe and
S8: have the same stories and can relate man, the honesty
S8: flows and that is what we create is honest, safe
S8: spaces for these weirdos to actually be healed.
S2: My goodness, what an incredible ministry. I'm curious, is it
S2: primarily for younger widows? Is that.
S8: Where.
S2: You're.
S8: Seeing most? We're everywhere. I mean, we've got 25 to 85.
S8: Typically they're over 50. Average age is 59 for a
S8: widow and 40, you know, 60 is the new 40.
S8: Let's be honest. So these women are vibrant and they
S8: don't look like widows that you you know, the gray
S8: haired ladies at church, like it's not that anymore. And so, yeah,
S8: our local groups are definitely, you know, 50 and up
S8: most of the time. There are definitely leaders. You know,
S8: a lot of times the groups look like the leader.
S8: All of our retreats are for widows with children. So
S8: those intimate retreats, we just feel like they have the
S8: hardest time healing because they're trying to take care of
S8: 3 or 4 little hearts and themselves. And you know
S8: who loses in that? It's it's her. And then the
S8: conference is for any widow. And then the groups are
S8: for any widow believe or non-believer. We want everyone to
S8: be there.
S2: Wow. Incredible. Yeah. And now you've compiled or helped compile
S2: some of the stories in this little devotional widow's mite
S2: 365 Days of Strength for Grief and Loss. Tell me
S2: about this resource and what it's intended to do.
S8: It is intended to be the hope in the dark
S8: because I mean, so many widows experience brain fog. Widow
S8: fog is what we call it. You can't read read
S8: in the Bible so hard. Every widow will tell you,
S8: oh my gosh, it's so hard. And you feel so
S8: guilty because your brain is literally scrambled. But you can
S8: read 225 words. And when it's somebody else's story and
S8: God did it for her, and I can read that,
S8: he can and I can feel and know that God
S8: is still good, even though my circumstances aren't good, you're like, well,
S8: maybe you can do that for me. And of course
S8: he does. And, you know, on my tombstone it's going
S8: to read she was a collaborator because I just love
S8: collaborating with 200 of my widow friends who said, yes, Rachel,
S8: we want to tell our story in the dark so
S8: that another widow can be healed and feel comfort and
S8: hope that she doesn't currently have. And it's so funny
S8: to watch people they'll, like, keep six of them in
S8: their car. It's unbelievable. When you are looking for widows,
S8: you will find them. They are everywhere. 2800 new a
S8: day a day.
S2: Wow. Rachel Falkner Brown. If you are interested in more
S2: about both the the resource and this ministry, just text
S2: the word strength will get you set up. Text strength
S2: to 800 555 7898. Text strength to 800 555 7898. Rachel,
S2: your love for the Lord, your love for other widows
S2: is contagious. Thank you so much for offering hope to
S2: so many this morning.