WEBVTT - Stop Hijacking Your Relationships -- Part 2 0:00:00.680 --> 0:00:03.720 Today on Bold Steps with Marc Jobe. We're learning how 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:05.480 to give more than we take. 0:00:06.160 --> 0:00:10.600 You have something valuable God has gifted you. And when 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:13.800 you break out of a take mentality and start living 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:18.400 with a give mentality, then it enhances your relationships and 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:22.240 changes the dynamics of how you relate to people around you. 0:00:34.520 --> 0:00:38.000 Welcome to Bold Steps with Marc Jobe. Marc is founding 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:41.680 pastor of New Life Community Church in Chicago. I'm Wayne Shepherd. 0:00:42.360 --> 0:00:45.160 We've all seen little kids selfishly take more than they give. 0:00:45.200 --> 0:00:49.879 But what happens when those self-centered behaviors carry over into adulthood? Well, 0:00:49.880 --> 0:00:52.040 that's the topic we're going to explore today in our 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:55.720 message called Stop Hijacking Your Relationships. We'll be turning to 0:00:55.760 --> 0:00:58.520 the book of Ephesians for today's message. But first, let 0:00:58.520 --> 0:01:00.160 me remind you that if you haven't signed up for 0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:03.440 Mark's email devotional. The bold Step are weekly. You should 0:01:03.440 --> 0:01:06.520 do that soon. It's free, and it's automatically delivered to 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:10.320 your inbox each Monday morning. Sign up online at bold 0:01:10.319 --> 0:01:14.920 steps.org for the Bold Step weekly. Right now, let's get 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:17.000 into today's bold steps. 0:01:18.959 --> 0:01:23.039 If you look at this phrasing in the Greek, literally, 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:28.560 it says, do not grant space to the devil to 0:01:28.600 --> 0:01:32.039 move into. In other words, what the Apostle Paul is 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:35.480 telling us is that when you do not deal with 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:38.960 your anger and you just let it sit there, but 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:44.120 there's hurt there that starts to develop into resentment when 0:01:44.120 --> 0:01:46.640 you do not deal with it. In essence, what you're 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:51.800 doing is you're opening up a door. You're inviting a 0:01:51.840 --> 0:01:56.240 space for the enemy of our souls to come and 0:01:56.240 --> 0:02:00.400 have ownership in our relationship, in our household, in our marriage, 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:04.570 in our family. You're giving him space in your household, 0:02:04.570 --> 0:02:12.330 and when he's in your household, he will start to work. Deceit, deception, bitterness, hatred, anger, 0:02:12.490 --> 0:02:17.650 toxic families fall apart because we don't deal with our issues. 0:02:17.650 --> 0:02:21.090 And you wake up one day and wonder what happened 0:02:21.250 --> 0:02:28.889 to my marriage? How did my family get so torn 0:02:28.889 --> 0:02:33.290 up like this? And I can point you to the root. 0:02:34.010 --> 0:02:36.010 You didn't deal with it when you should have dealt 0:02:36.010 --> 0:02:40.850 with it. You opened up a door. You invited the 0:02:40.850 --> 0:02:48.650 enemy in. You provided a space, a spiritual space, an anchor, 0:02:49.410 --> 0:02:54.049 a beachhead for him to wreak havoc on your life 0:02:54.450 --> 0:02:59.609 because you gave the devil a foothold by not dealing 0:02:59.610 --> 0:03:02.410 with the anger when you should have dealt with the anger. 0:03:03.610 --> 0:03:12.210 Number three. Be a giver, not a taker. Verse 28 says, 0:03:12.370 --> 0:03:17.330 anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but 0:03:17.330 --> 0:03:22.130 must work doing something useful with their hands, that they 0:03:22.130 --> 0:03:26.730 may have something to share with those in need. You say, well, 0:03:26.730 --> 0:03:29.370 pastor Mark, what does stealing have to do with this 0:03:29.370 --> 0:03:33.730 whole idea of relationships? A lot. Because the heart behind 0:03:33.770 --> 0:03:37.610 stealing is that I'm taking something that doesn't belong to 0:03:37.650 --> 0:03:42.170 me because I feel entitled to take it. The heart 0:03:42.170 --> 0:03:47.250 behind stealing is I'm taking something because I feel like 0:03:47.250 --> 0:03:50.610 it's owed to me, or that I should have it, 0:03:50.610 --> 0:03:54.530 or because I don't have the patience to wait to 0:03:54.570 --> 0:03:57.610 be able to afford it. And so I'm taking something 0:03:57.610 --> 0:04:02.340 that is not rightfully mine because I feel entitled that 0:04:02.340 --> 0:04:07.660 it should be mine. The attitude behind stealing is the 0:04:07.660 --> 0:04:11.860 attitude that destroys relationships because it's an attitude of give me, 0:04:11.860 --> 0:04:17.300 give me, give me, I deserve, I need, it's mine. 0:04:17.460 --> 0:04:24.820 It should be mine. People that get into marriage believing 0:04:24.820 --> 0:04:28.180 that marriage is going to fulfill the desires of their 0:04:28.180 --> 0:04:32.620 heart and in a consumer selfish way, get into marriage 0:04:32.620 --> 0:04:36.940 feeling like I need companionship, I need sex, I need 0:04:36.940 --> 0:04:40.620 a partner, I need someone to come home to. If 0:04:40.660 --> 0:04:44.420 you get into marriage simply looking for marriage to meet 0:04:44.420 --> 0:04:47.580 your needs as a taker, then I'm going to tell 0:04:47.580 --> 0:04:52.940 you your marriage will probably not last very long. Because 0:04:52.940 --> 0:04:56.580 you've entered into marriage with a selfish mentality. I want 0:04:56.580 --> 0:05:00.100 this to meet my needs. And there are times in 0:05:00.100 --> 0:05:02.740 your marriage, no matter how good it is that you 0:05:02.740 --> 0:05:07.659 will be giving more than taking. People get sick. People 0:05:07.660 --> 0:05:17.620 go through difficulty. Babies happen. Life changes. Pressure's on. And 0:05:17.620 --> 0:05:19.740 if you feel like that person is no longer needing 0:05:19.740 --> 0:05:22.020 my need. And you got into marriage so that person 0:05:22.020 --> 0:05:24.380 would meet your need. You'll wake up one day and saying, hey, 0:05:24.380 --> 0:05:26.620 they're not meeting my needs the way I thought they 0:05:26.620 --> 0:05:28.660 should meet my needs. So I don't want to be 0:05:28.660 --> 0:05:31.860 in this marriage because my needs are not being met. 0:05:31.900 --> 0:05:38.940 That's a taker mentality. And what the Apostle Paul talks about, 0:05:38.940 --> 0:05:43.860 he uses the context of work to describe an attitude 0:05:43.860 --> 0:05:47.420 that a lot of people engage in. Anyone who has 0:05:47.420 --> 0:05:52.740 been stealing must steal no longer, but must work doing 0:05:52.740 --> 0:05:56.140 something useful with their own hands that they may have 0:05:56.140 --> 0:06:01.029 something to share with those in need. He, in essence, 0:06:01.029 --> 0:06:05.350 exposes the heart. And oftentimes we believe that we should 0:06:05.350 --> 0:06:08.070 work to pay our bills, which is right. We should 0:06:08.070 --> 0:06:10.430 work because we have needs, which is right. We should 0:06:10.430 --> 0:06:12.270 work because we have to pay our mortgage and our 0:06:12.270 --> 0:06:14.230 light bill and our gas bill, and put food on 0:06:14.230 --> 0:06:17.669 our table and our car and all that, which is right. 0:06:17.670 --> 0:06:20.589 But the Apostle Paul goes beyond that, and he says, hey, 0:06:20.750 --> 0:06:23.550 I want you to get rid of this mentality of taking, 0:06:23.670 --> 0:06:28.109 and I actually want you to work and have resources 0:06:28.110 --> 0:06:32.109 in order for you to be able to give. In essence, 0:06:32.110 --> 0:06:34.550 what he's saying is if you're engaged in relationship, you 0:06:34.550 --> 0:06:37.310 can't just be a taker. You have to be a giver. 0:06:39.910 --> 0:06:42.870 There's something powerful about that. And by the way, can 0:06:42.870 --> 0:06:46.590 I say this? There are some people, Christians, I've heard 0:06:46.589 --> 0:06:49.669 them say, well, the Bible says that work is a curse. 0:06:49.670 --> 0:06:51.909 The Bible never says that work is a curse. Work 0:06:51.910 --> 0:06:57.030 is a blessing. You say, well, I thought in Genesis 0:06:57.029 --> 0:07:00.630 after the fall that God cursed man with work. No, 0:07:01.029 --> 0:07:03.990 that's not what the Bible says. The Bible says he 0:07:04.029 --> 0:07:07.590 cursed the land so that work became difficult. So the 0:07:07.589 --> 0:07:10.750 difficulty of work is a curse. But work is not 0:07:10.750 --> 0:07:15.270 a curse. It's a blessing. If you find something that 0:07:15.270 --> 0:07:17.470 you enjoy doing and they pay you to do it, 0:07:17.470 --> 0:07:20.070 and you're good at it and you have passion for it, 0:07:20.110 --> 0:07:23.230 work is a blessing. It should be energizing and fulfilling 0:07:23.270 --> 0:07:26.150 to you. And we don't always land in that spot, 0:07:26.150 --> 0:07:28.910 but it should be energizing. Any work that's done with 0:07:28.910 --> 0:07:33.270 dignity and done for God is worthy of embracing, and 0:07:33.270 --> 0:07:36.150 it should be fulfilling. And it's a blessing from God. 0:07:42.270 --> 0:07:46.750 When you come to church, I understand if you're new 0:07:46.750 --> 0:07:50.150 in Christ, if you're a new person, or if you've 0:07:50.150 --> 0:07:52.510 come here and you have huge needs in your life, 0:07:52.510 --> 0:07:55.470 maybe you're healing because there's brokenness, or maybe you have 0:07:55.470 --> 0:07:58.310 addiction in your life that needs to be overcome. Or 0:07:58.310 --> 0:08:01.800 maybe you're just recovering from a nasty divorce. Or maybe 0:08:01.840 --> 0:08:05.400 you're struggling with depression and so you can barely do 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:08.840 anything but just show up and you need because, hey, 0:08:08.880 --> 0:08:12.280 you're at a really difficult dark time in your life. 0:08:13.600 --> 0:08:15.480 But there comes a time in your life when you 0:08:15.480 --> 0:08:18.280 grow up, when you start maturing, when you've received, when 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:21.160 you've healed, when you've filled up enough that when you 0:08:21.200 --> 0:08:23.920 come to church, it's not just about what can I 0:08:23.920 --> 0:08:26.680 get out of the message and the worship and what 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:31.120 can people give me? When you start maturing, you start 0:08:31.120 --> 0:08:35.640 coming and asking, how can I minister to people? How 0:08:35.640 --> 0:08:40.240 can I pray for someone who needs encouragement today? How 0:08:40.240 --> 0:08:44.040 can I bless someone? How can I reach out to someone? 0:08:44.040 --> 0:08:47.319 Because let me tell you, those who have received much, 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:50.960 they want to give much as well. And there's a 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:54.760 sign of maturity when you stop just coming saying, hey, 0:08:54.800 --> 0:08:57.040 I hope the message, I hope I get something out 0:08:57.040 --> 0:08:59.480 of the message. But when you start looking around and say, 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:02.520 I hope I can encourage someone that's at church today. 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:04.680 I hope I can lead a small group, I hope 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:06.959 I can mentor someone, I hope I can pray for 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:09.360 someone at the altar. I hope I can serve in 0:09:09.360 --> 0:09:12.320 children's ministry. I hope I can be a greeter because 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:15.400 you start becoming a giver, not just a taker. You 0:09:15.400 --> 0:09:18.000 start saying, I have something to give and can I 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:20.760 tell you something? Listen, look up at me. People of God, 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:26.800 you have something to give. You have received forgiveness. So 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:31.240 give forgiveness. You receive love. So give it. You receive mercy. 0:09:31.240 --> 0:09:36.680 So dispense it. You have something valuable God has gifted you. 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.680 And when you break out of a take mentality and 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:43.640 start living with a give mentality, then it enhances your 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:47.480 relationships and changes the dynamics of how you relate to 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:56.319 people around you. Number four speak as a builder, not 0:09:56.320 --> 0:10:02.809 a destroyer. Look at what it tells us in verse 29. 0:10:03.970 --> 0:10:06.570 And do not let any unwholesome word come out of 0:10:06.570 --> 0:10:10.170 your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others 0:10:10.170 --> 0:10:14.490 up according to their needs, that it may benefit those 0:10:14.490 --> 0:10:19.010 who listen. Can I tell you something? Your words. The 0:10:19.010 --> 0:10:21.930 Bible tells us that the tongue has the power of 0:10:21.929 --> 0:10:26.930 life and death. You can either be a builder with 0:10:26.929 --> 0:10:31.530 your words, or you can be a destroyer with your words. 0:10:33.050 --> 0:10:37.170 And the Apostle Paul speaking about relationships and unity and community. 0:10:37.410 --> 0:10:42.569 He says, do not let any unwholesome talk come out 0:10:42.570 --> 0:10:45.370 of your mouths. If you look that up in the Greek, 0:10:45.410 --> 0:10:52.730 unwholesome means corrupt communication, not just obscene vulgarity, but slanderous 0:10:52.730 --> 0:11:00.010 and contemptuous talk. It means rotten, corrupt and poor quality. 0:11:00.410 --> 0:11:04.010 It should not be coming out of our mouths. In 0:11:04.010 --> 0:11:09.450 other words, when what comes out of your mouth is 0:11:09.450 --> 0:11:16.130 destructive is critical. Pulls people down, is venting. When what 0:11:16.130 --> 0:11:20.929 comes out of your mouth tears down instead of builds up, then. 0:11:20.970 --> 0:11:24.410 Then the Bible says, hey, you are allowing your mouth 0:11:24.410 --> 0:11:28.090 to be used for malice instead of good. It says, 0:11:28.090 --> 0:11:32.010 but only allow what comes out of your mouth to 0:11:32.050 --> 0:11:35.970 be helpful for building others up according to their needs, 0:11:36.130 --> 0:11:38.809 that it may benefit the listeners. 0:11:45.090 --> 0:11:48.290 You're listening to Bold Steps with Mark Jobe and a 0:11:48.290 --> 0:11:52.410 message he's titled Stop Hijacking Your Relationships. We're hitting the 0:11:52.410 --> 0:11:54.370 pause button for just a moment to let you know 0:11:54.370 --> 0:11:56.809 that if you're in need of some tools and resources 0:11:56.809 --> 0:11:59.290 to help encourage you and even help you to shift 0:11:59.290 --> 0:12:03.860 your perspective this year, please visit us online at bold steps.org. 0:12:04.340 --> 0:12:08.100 We have a wealth of resources available to you, including videos, articles, 0:12:08.100 --> 0:12:10.980 and our latest Bold step gift, a powerful book by 0:12:11.020 --> 0:12:14.900 Louie Giglio called Goliath Must Fall Winning the Battle Against 0:12:14.900 --> 0:12:18.900 Your Giants. Whether it's anger, selfishness, or the habit of 0:12:18.900 --> 0:12:21.860 tearing others down with our words. We all have giants 0:12:21.860 --> 0:12:24.100 that need to fall in. This book will show you 0:12:24.100 --> 0:12:26.900 how to let Christ win that battle for you instead 0:12:26.900 --> 0:12:29.460 of trying to fight it yourself. We'll be happy to 0:12:29.500 --> 0:12:31.380 send you a copy with a gift of any amount 0:12:31.380 --> 0:12:35.740 to support this ministry. Just go online to bold steps.org/give 0:12:35.980 --> 0:12:42.460 or call 800. D.L. Moody. That's (800) 356-6639. And you'll speak 0:12:42.460 --> 0:12:44.339 with one of our friendly team members. 0:12:45.100 --> 0:12:46.780 Well, Mark, from time to time, we'd like to take 0:12:46.780 --> 0:12:49.819 a moment and answer listener questions that come in, and 0:12:49.820 --> 0:12:52.460 listeners can check this out on our website. When they 0:12:52.460 --> 0:12:56.100 click on Ask a Question at bold steps.org. Shirley says, 0:12:56.100 --> 0:12:58.699 hi Mark, I enjoy your program this week. I listen 0:12:58.700 --> 0:13:01.140 to it on my lunch break every day. My son 0:13:01.140 --> 0:13:04.700 is getting married to a non-believer in November, but he's 0:13:04.700 --> 0:13:06.780 walked away from the Lord even though he was raised 0:13:06.780 --> 0:13:09.220 in a Christian home. I know if I talked to 0:13:09.220 --> 0:13:11.100 him about this, he would just get angry at me. 0:13:11.100 --> 0:13:12.580 And I don't want to be told that I can't 0:13:12.580 --> 0:13:15.140 go to the wedding if I don't approve. All I've 0:13:15.140 --> 0:13:17.580 been doing is praying for God's will. If it's not 0:13:17.580 --> 0:13:19.500 God's will for them to be married, will he answer 0:13:19.500 --> 0:13:22.339 my prayer? I told God that whatever his will is, 0:13:22.340 --> 0:13:25.540 I will accept it. Any more suggestions on what I 0:13:25.540 --> 0:13:26.140 can do? 0:13:26.620 --> 0:13:29.939 You know? Shirley. First of all, I could tell even 0:13:29.940 --> 0:13:34.620 in this email, your deep love for your son and 0:13:34.620 --> 0:13:37.740 I empathize with you. I've talked to so many parents 0:13:38.140 --> 0:13:41.380 whose sons or daughters, while they're away from the Lord, 0:13:41.420 --> 0:13:45.020 they make bad decisions. But here's what I would encourage 0:13:45.020 --> 0:13:49.700 you to do. I would encourage you to love your 0:13:49.700 --> 0:13:55.260 son through this season. Pray for him and his fiance 0:13:55.540 --> 0:13:59.340 that they would come to Christ. The key here is 0:13:59.340 --> 0:14:02.550 that your son would turn his life back to God. Yes. 0:14:02.670 --> 0:14:05.589 When someone has walked away from the Lord and not 0:14:05.590 --> 0:14:08.429 living for God, they're going to make bad decisions about 0:14:08.429 --> 0:14:11.750 who they marry, how they date, what they do. And 0:14:11.750 --> 0:14:14.750 so the goal is not to try to change the 0:14:14.750 --> 0:14:17.510 way they're living. The goal is to help bring them 0:14:17.510 --> 0:14:20.430 back to God. And so surely I would encourage you 0:14:20.430 --> 0:14:24.390 to do what I know you're doing already. Pray, pray, 0:14:24.390 --> 0:14:27.790 pray that God would bring people into his life. Share 0:14:27.790 --> 0:14:31.430 your heart primarily that you would like to see him 0:14:31.430 --> 0:14:35.550 walk with God and raise a family that honors the Lord. 0:14:35.550 --> 0:14:38.030 And so I would do that. I would go to 0:14:38.070 --> 0:14:41.110 the wedding. I would love on him. He knows where 0:14:41.110 --> 0:14:44.150 you stand. And I would continue to pray that God 0:14:44.150 --> 0:14:46.990 would bring him back to his heart. 0:14:47.030 --> 0:14:50.590 Yes. Good answer. And God bless you. Shirley, anyone who'd 0:14:50.590 --> 0:14:52.869 like to ask a question again, go to our website, 0:14:52.870 --> 0:14:56.950 Bold steps.org, and click on Ask a Question. Well, let's 0:14:56.950 --> 0:14:59.790 get back into today's study now on bold steps. 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:07.880 Can I talk to you parents for a second? Listen 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:13.760 to me, parents. I have talked to grown men. Tough, 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:22.680 big linebacker, grown men. Who have a frail sense of 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:28.400 identity because they never had a father who spoke anything 0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:32.800 life giving into them. They never had a father who said, 0:15:32.800 --> 0:15:36.240 you know, I see that in you. Well done son. 0:15:37.120 --> 0:15:41.240 They had a father who pointed out their faults. They 0:15:41.240 --> 0:15:45.080 had a father who saw their deficiencies. They had a 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:49.640 father who saw weaknesses but never had the courage, the power, 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:54.160 the strength, the ability, the audacity to speak life into 0:15:54.160 --> 0:15:58.520 their sons. And so these grown men are frail, internal, 0:15:58.680 --> 0:16:02.600 because they still are trying to prove their manhood because 0:16:02.600 --> 0:16:09.920 they never had a father speak it into them. If 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:12.960 you're a parent here today, can I tell you, you 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:17.880 are shaping the identity of your son and daughter? They 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:22.880 will look at the world having been shaped by you. 0:16:23.720 --> 0:16:29.280 Your words matter. I remember my wife and I when 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:34.640 our kids were getting into their teenage years. I don't 0:16:34.680 --> 0:16:36.640 know if you if your parents are teenagers here, you 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:39.560 know that you're constantly saying, pick up, do this, do 0:16:39.600 --> 0:16:41.960 your homework, go to bed, turn the phone off. Bring 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:45.720 your phone. What's on it? Turn the TV down. Stop fighting. 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:48.280 Eat your eat your vegetables. You know, it seems like 0:16:48.320 --> 0:16:51.520 you're constantly on them. And then you wonder why your 0:16:51.520 --> 0:16:53.400 kids don't want to really be around you, or they'll 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:56.720 roll their eyes or oh, my parents. Partly because it 0:16:56.720 --> 0:17:00.200 feels like you're just constantly, constantly on them. And so 0:17:00.200 --> 0:17:03.080 I remember feeling a little bit that with my kids, 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:05.080 when they were getting to that age, I felt like 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:07.840 if I were to record all our conversations, most of 0:17:07.840 --> 0:17:11.920 them is correcting them about something. And so I talked 0:17:11.920 --> 0:17:14.720 to my wife and I said, you know what? We 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:19.159 need to intentionally make sure that in all this correction, 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:23.200 we take time to affirm, to speak, to build up. 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:26.640 And so we deliberately began to do that. And I 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:28.720 would make sure that not a day went by at 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:30.520 night time. If it was a rough day, I'd go 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:32.720 in and I would say something to my kids like, hey, 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:35.720 you know what? I'm really glad that you're my son. 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:39.800 If I were to choose a daughter out of all 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:42.720 the daughters in the world, I chose one just like you. 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:45.880 Thank God he gave it to me or I would 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:48.320 speak life into him. You know, son, today I saw something. 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:52.600 I really, really appreciate that there's something powerful about the 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:56.240 affirmation of a parent speaking into the life and destiny 0:17:56.280 --> 0:18:00.010 of their children, and not just children. Adults need it 0:18:00.010 --> 0:18:03.410 just as much. And so I want to challenge you, 0:18:03.410 --> 0:18:06.410 encourage you. The Bible says according to the needs, look 0:18:06.410 --> 0:18:09.130 at the needs of the person that you're married to. 0:18:09.410 --> 0:18:12.810 Look at the wiring of the individual that you're that 0:18:12.810 --> 0:18:16.090 you're with or your relationships. And it says, build them 0:18:16.090 --> 0:18:18.490 up according to the needs that they may have so 0:18:18.490 --> 0:18:22.970 that it is a benefit to the listener. There is 0:18:22.970 --> 0:18:28.490 power in our words. And lastly, let me close with this. Listen, 0:18:28.530 --> 0:18:31.730 the last and most important, these are habits in our 0:18:31.730 --> 0:18:36.490 relationship as new people in Christ, leaving the old behind, 0:18:36.490 --> 0:18:39.250 taking on the new. Here's what it says. Do not 0:18:39.250 --> 0:18:46.130 grieve the spirit. Verse 30 and do not grieve the 0:18:46.130 --> 0:18:49.850 Holy Spirit of God with you with whom you have 0:18:49.850 --> 0:18:52.970 been sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of 0:18:52.970 --> 0:18:58.210 all bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander along with every form 0:18:58.210 --> 0:19:03.980 of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving 0:19:03.980 --> 0:19:10.660 each other just as Christ God forgave you. I want 0:19:10.660 --> 0:19:14.659 you to hear me well. The last one. Number five, 0:19:15.700 --> 0:19:21.060 do not grieve the Holy Spirit. You say, well, pastor, 0:19:21.060 --> 0:19:25.620 what does that mean? If you are a follower of Jesus, 0:19:26.900 --> 0:19:30.180 the moment that you came to Christ, there was a 0:19:30.180 --> 0:19:34.700 power in the form of a person that invaded your body, 0:19:35.619 --> 0:19:39.500 your spirit, in particular the third person of the Godhead 0:19:39.500 --> 0:19:42.740 called the Holy Spirit. He's not a force. He's not 0:19:42.740 --> 0:19:45.700 a wind. He's not a fire. He's not a power. 0:19:45.700 --> 0:19:49.380 It's the person of God. Manifest in the Holy Spirit. 0:19:49.980 --> 0:19:52.740 The Holy Spirit has come to live inside of you, 0:19:52.740 --> 0:19:58.020 the Holy Spirit, God Himself, via His Spirit, is the 0:19:58.020 --> 0:20:00.780 one that coaches you. In the Greek, it's called the Paraclete, 0:20:00.820 --> 0:20:03.100 the one that comes alongside of you and coaches you. 0:20:03.140 --> 0:20:07.300 He convicts you. He. He guides you. He instructs you. 0:20:07.460 --> 0:20:13.020 He is your inner coach. God himself, empowered by the 0:20:13.020 --> 0:20:16.459 word through the power of the Holy Spirit. Divine power 0:20:16.460 --> 0:20:22.140 from on side 24 hours a day inside of you. Listen. 0:20:22.859 --> 0:20:31.060 The Bible says that when you have in your heart malice, bitterness, resentment, 0:20:31.660 --> 0:20:39.740 sinful anger, slander in your relationships towards others that it 0:20:39.740 --> 0:20:45.540 grieves the Holy Spirit. This is a language of love. 0:20:46.619 --> 0:20:51.580 You can only grieve people that love you. If a 0:20:51.580 --> 0:20:57.700 stranger hurts me, it may anger me, it may irritate me, 0:20:57.859 --> 0:21:01.780 but it doesn't grieve me. When someone I love and 0:21:01.780 --> 0:21:06.380 care for hurts me, it grieves me. Here's the thing 0:21:06.820 --> 0:21:10.780 God loves you in a deep and passionate, powerful way 0:21:10.820 --> 0:21:15.100 more than what you could ever imagine or fathom. When 0:21:15.100 --> 0:21:25.100 you carry baggage, relational baggage of resentment, unforgiveness, sinful anger, brawling, slander. 0:21:25.340 --> 0:21:29.860 When you and your spouse are are in a hateful relationship, 0:21:29.859 --> 0:21:33.540 when there's bitterness towards people around you, what happens is 0:21:33.540 --> 0:21:38.380 that you grieve the Holy Spirit. What does it mean 0:21:38.380 --> 0:21:41.100 to grieve? It means that you sadden the Holy Spirit 0:21:41.100 --> 0:21:43.580 that lives inside of you. Can I tell you something? 0:21:43.580 --> 0:21:46.820 When the Holy Spirit is sad, you are sad. When 0:21:46.820 --> 0:21:50.380 the Holy Spirit is sad, you lack energy and joy. 0:21:50.540 --> 0:21:53.780 Because the Holy Spirit is sad. The Holy Spirit has 0:21:53.780 --> 0:21:56.300 come to give you joy and power and love. The 0:21:56.300 --> 0:21:59.870 Holy Spirit energizes you, but when he's grieved, you feel 0:21:59.869 --> 0:22:04.909 the grieving. I wish I could tell you what it 0:22:04.910 --> 0:22:07.030 means to be sealed unto the day of redemption. You 0:22:07.070 --> 0:22:10.310 have been sealed with the Holy Spirit. That means sealed 0:22:10.310 --> 0:22:14.790 is a deposit. Redemption means to buy back. You have 0:22:14.790 --> 0:22:17.949 been given the deposit of the Holy Spirit, reminding you 0:22:17.950 --> 0:22:20.070 that one day you will be fully made into the 0:22:20.070 --> 0:22:23.270 image of Christ. In other words, you will be fully glorified. 0:22:23.270 --> 0:22:26.389 Right now you're in the working. You're being made, you're having. 0:22:26.390 --> 0:22:29.750 You haven't fully arrived, but you've been given a deposit, 0:22:29.790 --> 0:22:33.070 a seal that says you belong to God, and God 0:22:33.070 --> 0:22:36.109 is at work in you until he finishes you. It 0:22:36.109 --> 0:22:41.510 may take a while, but you've been sealed, sealed until 0:22:41.510 --> 0:22:45.110 the day of redemption. And it says, because you've been 0:22:45.109 --> 0:22:48.030 sealed in the day of redemption, you should not carry 0:22:48.030 --> 0:22:52.230 with you the baggage that you carried into the world. 0:22:52.430 --> 0:22:56.470 But instead, there needs to be a kindness and compassionate 0:22:56.470 --> 0:23:11.710 heart that leads to forgiving, Just as Christ forgave us. Yeah. 0:23:11.710 --> 0:23:14.590 So there you heard it. You are sealed unto the 0:23:14.590 --> 0:23:18.709 day of redemption. But part of that sealing of the 0:23:18.710 --> 0:23:26.110 Holy Spirit means that you cannot carry along with you unforgiveness, bitterness, resentment. 0:23:26.590 --> 0:23:30.149 And I know that God has spoken to some listeners. 0:23:30.470 --> 0:23:34.350 You may be convicted right now of someone that you 0:23:34.350 --> 0:23:38.590 need to forgive, a bitterness that you need to release, 0:23:38.630 --> 0:23:41.030 a resentment that you need to deal with. And I 0:23:41.030 --> 0:23:45.310 would say this, don't postpone it. If the Holy Spirit 0:23:45.310 --> 0:23:49.990 is convicted you today, then respond immediately to his voice. 0:23:50.350 --> 0:23:53.350 Do not allow the spirit to continue to be grieved 0:23:53.350 --> 0:23:54.350 in your life. 0:23:54.670 --> 0:23:57.790 Mark, I read the other day someone said that forgiveness 0:23:57.790 --> 0:24:00.600 can't change the the past, but it can change the future. 0:24:00.640 --> 0:24:03.199 Oh, yeah. That's good. Very good. So I want to 0:24:03.200 --> 0:24:05.000 encourage you to do that. I know it's hard. There's 0:24:05.000 --> 0:24:07.520 a phone call to make, a letter to write, but 0:24:07.520 --> 0:24:09.640 you have time to do that. So I would encourage 0:24:09.640 --> 0:24:11.120 you to respond quickly. 0:24:11.280 --> 0:24:14.960 Good. Well thank you Mark. What a powerful message today. Now, 0:24:14.960 --> 0:24:17.040 if you listening, would like to share this message with 0:24:17.040 --> 0:24:19.040 a friend or a family member who might need to 0:24:19.040 --> 0:24:21.080 hear it, just head over to our website and click 0:24:21.119 --> 0:24:24.560 the share button. You'll find us at bold steps.org. And 0:24:24.560 --> 0:24:29.000 today's message is called Stop Hijacking Your Relationships. And then 0:24:29.000 --> 0:24:31.240 to connect with us today, we'd love to hear from you. 0:24:31.400 --> 0:24:34.800 Once again, you'll find us online at bold steps.org, or 0:24:34.800 --> 0:24:37.280 connect with us and your fellow listeners on any of 0:24:37.280 --> 0:24:40.320 your favorite social media platforms. We have a vibrant and 0:24:40.320 --> 0:24:43.600 growing community of believers on Facebook and Instagram. You'll find 0:24:43.600 --> 0:24:46.359 us listed as Bold Steps Radio, and we'd love for 0:24:46.359 --> 0:24:49.200 you to like or follow us today. 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