1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:00,710 Speaker 1: Hi, I'm 2 00:00:00,710 --> 00:00:02,800 Speaker 2: Nat V And this is season 3 00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:07,790 Speaker 1: four of Memoria, flash memoir adapted into bite sized audio 4 00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 1: stories using sound effects and music. Each episode explores a 5 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,850 Speaker 1: moment in time that shaped a writer's life. 6 00:00:17,340 --> 00:00:20,970 Speaker 1: The following story is called Holes in My Sun Hat, 7 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:24,850 Speaker 1: and it is written and read by Katrina Mathers. Here 8 00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,580 Speaker 1: is Katrina to tell us how she came to write, 9 00:00:27,590 --> 00:00:29,490 Speaker 1: Holes in my Sun Hat. 10 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:36,940 Speaker 1: I was thinking about regret or, in particular, that sexual awakening, 11 00:00:36,940 --> 00:00:38,810 Speaker 1: I guess that you get when you're, when you're a 12 00:00:38,810 --> 00:00:43,350 Speaker 1: Tween ager. Er, you know, you're not a kid anymore. 13 00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: And I had an opportunity with this gorgeous boy for 14 00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:53,190 Speaker 1: a day with him in his backyard, and it became 15 00:00:53,190 --> 00:00:57,290 Speaker 1: a near kiss on. I regretted that it didn't happen 16 00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:02,130 Speaker 1: for so long until, actually, we did. We did kiss, 17 00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:05,050 Speaker 1: but it was a long time later, and it was 18 00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:08,610 Speaker 1: It was just right. And so I was thinking about 19 00:01:08,610 --> 00:01:11,420 Speaker 1: that feeling of how sometimes you have sort of near 20 00:01:11,420 --> 00:01:14,670 Speaker 1: misses in life, an opportunity and you regret it, or 21 00:01:14,670 --> 00:01:16,740 Speaker 1: you feel a certain way about it at the time. 22 00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: And then when you reflect back later. 23 00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:22,949 Speaker 1: You think? Well, actually, that was That was just the 24 00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:25,650 Speaker 1: right thing at the right time That it didn't happen. 25 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:49,460 Speaker 2: Yes. Was the answer to mums. Question On our way 26 00:01:49,460 --> 00:01:52,140 Speaker 2: home from my holiday wish it wasn't so God loving. 27 00:01:52,140 --> 00:01:54,020 Speaker 2: But hey, they had a flying fox, so I still 28 00:01:54,020 --> 00:01:55,160 Speaker 2: loved it. Camp? 29 00:01:56,060 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 2: Yes, I had a boyfriend. I was 12. It was 30 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:00,650 Speaker 2: clearly time. 31 00:02:01,640 --> 00:02:02,950 Speaker 2: But I added 32 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:04,550 Speaker 2: I might have to. 33 00:02:05,800 --> 00:02:08,750 Speaker 2: He probably shouldn't have to. Mum cautioned. 34 00:02:09,330 --> 00:02:11,350 Speaker 2: How about we narrow it down to one? 35 00:02:11,940 --> 00:02:13,590 Speaker 2: She took a drag on her. Alpine. 36 00:02:14,139 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 2: Where do they live? 37 00:02:15,740 --> 00:02:20,809 Speaker 2: Darren lives in up way and Adams in brighter. Great 38 00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:23,800 Speaker 2: said Mum brightens closer. So why don't we make Adam 39 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:24,550 Speaker 2: your boyfriend? 40 00:02:25,639 --> 00:02:26,399 Speaker 2: Okay? 41 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,950 Speaker 2: She was very practical. My mom 42 00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 2: Adam's body length was longer than his legs. I loved 43 00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:37,369 Speaker 2: the way he walked. A loved how he told me 44 00:02:37,370 --> 00:02:42,650 Speaker 2: storeys about getting angry sometimes and lonely. Other times 45 00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:48,570 Speaker 2: I loved his Faberge's with hand drawn crosshatched texter markings 46 00:02:48,570 --> 00:02:49,710 Speaker 2: across his size. 47 00:02:50,540 --> 00:02:54,329 Speaker 2: I loved his mullet. It was theeighties, his big nose, 48 00:02:54,330 --> 00:02:59,100 Speaker 2: long fingers and cheeky, sensitive, charismatic, bloody everything. I could 49 00:02:59,100 --> 00:03:01,850 Speaker 2: not take my eyes off. Adam 50 00:03:02,940 --> 00:03:05,750 Speaker 2: Daryn didn't make it to boyfriend beyond camp status. 51 00:03:06,340 --> 00:03:09,870 Speaker 2: He was short. He had a duffel coat, a call, 52 00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:12,550 Speaker 2: duffle coat and desert boots. I liked them. 53 00:03:14,010 --> 00:03:16,919 Speaker 2: Darrin asked if I'd go with him after we'd played 54 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,150 Speaker 2: musical chairs and on his lap. 55 00:03:20,230 --> 00:03:22,410 Speaker 2: And, you know, it might have looked like I really 56 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:25,660 Speaker 2: raced to sit on his lap, but actually, I just 57 00:03:25,660 --> 00:03:26,550 Speaker 2: wanted to win. 58 00:03:27,389 --> 00:03:31,550 Speaker 2: I looked at my toes, twisted a bit and said, OK, 59 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:35,370 Speaker 2: I kind of liked the idea of going with someone, 60 00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:38,450 Speaker 2: even if I didn't really know what it meant. 61 00:03:39,540 --> 00:03:42,570 Speaker 2: On the very last day in the car park, Adam 62 00:03:42,580 --> 00:03:45,000 Speaker 2: strolled up to me and asked if he could have 63 00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:45,590 Speaker 2: my number. 64 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:50,150 Speaker 2: Mom was already at the car waiting. I'd said my goodbyes. 65 00:03:50,580 --> 00:03:52,920 Speaker 2: I had Darren's number scribbled on the back of the 66 00:03:52,930 --> 00:03:55,610 Speaker 2: three Rapper with a Killer Metric Ope n No, really. 67 00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:57,050 Speaker 2: They write on everything, 68 00:03:57,740 --> 00:04:01,340 Speaker 2: and I was still thinking about how it approached the holes. 69 00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:05,300 Speaker 2: So do we go roller skating together now? Initiation. 70 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:10,350 Speaker 2: But Adam was at him like he was Adam. He was. 71 00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 2: I didn't even have to find another Chewie wrapper. He 72 00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:15,970 Speaker 2: pre written his number for me already and had a kilim, 73 00:04:15,970 --> 00:04:18,870 Speaker 2: a trick over his own, ready to write down line. 74 00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:21,250 Speaker 2: Can I call you when we get home? 75 00:04:22,770 --> 00:04:24,250 Speaker 2: Sure, 76 00:04:25,190 --> 00:04:26,750 Speaker 2: Darrin wouldn't like this plan, 77 00:04:27,339 --> 00:04:29,839 Speaker 2: but then Darren did ask me to go with him 78 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:35,659 Speaker 2: on the Wednesday It was now Sunday. And actually, technically, 79 00:04:35,770 --> 00:04:39,820 Speaker 2: Darrin hadn't spoken to me since our one conversation on 80 00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:40,669 Speaker 2: that Wednesday, 81 00:04:41,440 --> 00:04:43,050 Speaker 2: a race back to Mom's Car 82 00:04:43,640 --> 00:04:46,910 Speaker 2: Adams number held so tightly in my hand, the sweat 83 00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:50,010 Speaker 2: started to make the ink run. I blushed so much 84 00:04:50,020 --> 00:04:52,479 Speaker 2: the whole way home. I swear I could have powered 85 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:54,650 Speaker 2: the drive with the heat from my cheeks. 86 00:04:56,540 --> 00:04:58,650 Speaker 2: Darren called straight after camp, 87 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 2: said he'd come over the next Saturday with his friend 88 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,300 Speaker 2: after roller skating, 89 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:06,950 Speaker 2: but Saturday came and 90 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,650 Speaker 2: he didn't show up. 91 00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:11,310 Speaker 2: Then Adam phoned, 92 00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,279 Speaker 2: wondered if I wanted to come over for a swim 93 00:05:14,279 --> 00:05:17,860 Speaker 2: at his house. They had a Paul in Brighton. All 94 00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:20,250 Speaker 2: that's just up the road, said Mum. 95 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:25,250 Speaker 2: Adam's parents asked a lot of questions and nodded. 96 00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 2: Then they left. 97 00:05:27,740 --> 00:05:29,590 Speaker 2: Adam and I were on our own. 98 00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:33,120 Speaker 2: I felt my heart leap out of my mouth and 99 00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,850 Speaker 2: punch him in the face. 100 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:43,150 Speaker 2: We chatted, chased, swam, some baked eight sang stuff I 101 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:46,960 Speaker 2: lay on uneven brick paving weeds or bees or something 102 00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:50,539 Speaker 2: pressing into my shoulders. I didn't care. I was hot 103 00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:53,620 Speaker 2: and I was in a backyard on my own with 104 00:05:53,620 --> 00:05:56,280 Speaker 2: this long torso DH boy called Adam. 105 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:00,150 Speaker 2: I pulled a straw sun hat down over my eyes 106 00:06:00,150 --> 00:06:01,250 Speaker 2: to shield the son. 107 00:06:02,670 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 2: Adam set up a little. He didn't know I could 108 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,650 Speaker 2: see him through the holes in my sun hat. 109 00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 2: I watched like a caged insect looking for a gap 110 00:06:13,970 --> 00:06:14,750 Speaker 2: to escape. 111 00:06:15,990 --> 00:06:16,849 Speaker 2: I watched him. 112 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:18,950 Speaker 2: He watched May. 113 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,400 Speaker 2: He looked at every bit of my body. 114 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 2: It was brown. I had new Babers fluorescent green. A 115 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:28,150 Speaker 2: two piece, was quite proud of them. 116 00:06:29,339 --> 00:06:31,990 Speaker 2: I had little cherry pick boobs, and I knew he 117 00:06:31,990 --> 00:06:35,849 Speaker 2: was looking at them. I wished so hard they were bigger, 118 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:39,690 Speaker 2: but I felt that they grew just with his look. 119 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:48,110 Speaker 2: He shuffled closer so quietly, so carefully it took ages. 120 00:06:48,830 --> 00:06:51,150 Speaker 2: I wanted to say I could see him, 121 00:06:51,940 --> 00:06:56,350 Speaker 2: but I didn't. My breathing drowned my ability to think 122 00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:02,440 Speaker 2: he couldn't see my very, very open eyes burning every 123 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:05,370 Speaker 2: moment I could into my forever memory, 124 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:10,270 Speaker 2: his hand raised, he thought about placing it over me, 125 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,740 Speaker 2: but he shied away. Oh, 126 00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,810 Speaker 2: he was breathing steadily. 127 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,770 Speaker 2: We've been in his backyard for hours. His parents would 128 00:07:19,770 --> 00:07:23,070 Speaker 2: surely be home soon. I listened for their car, but 129 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,710 Speaker 2: all I could hear with sunshine 130 00:07:26,590 --> 00:07:30,450 Speaker 2: Adam curled his arm over me so as not to touch. 131 00:07:30,940 --> 00:07:34,280 Speaker 2: He placed his hand on the ground beyond my shoulder 132 00:07:34,290 --> 00:07:35,100 Speaker 2: and Harvard, 133 00:07:37,730 --> 00:07:39,650 Speaker 2: the veins in his shoulders post. 134 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:41,690 Speaker 2: He looked at my lips. 135 00:07:42,340 --> 00:07:44,350 Speaker 2: He started to lower himself, 136 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:45,850 Speaker 2: closer 137 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 2: and closer to my lips. Oh my God, he's going 138 00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,850 Speaker 2: to kiss me! He's going to kiss me. Thiss is 139 00:07:53,850 --> 00:07:58,610 Speaker 2: the best moment off my whole life, and it's about 140 00:07:58,610 --> 00:07:59,450 Speaker 2: to happen. 141 00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 2: And so, as he got closer and closer Oh my God, 142 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,270 Speaker 2: he really is about to kiss me. I feign to 143 00:08:07,270 --> 00:08:07,950 Speaker 2: stretch 144 00:08:08,540 --> 00:08:09,650 Speaker 2: Fandy on. 145 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:12,990 Speaker 2: He retracted, liken AKI strap. I took off my hat 146 00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 2: and I smiled. I'm so hot, I said, or something 147 00:08:16,850 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 2: equally as lightweight, and I bounced up like I just 148 00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:21,860 Speaker 2: had years worth of sleep and all the energy of 149 00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:25,670 Speaker 2: the earth bundled into one move. Then I very eloquently, 150 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 2: I think, dived into his pool, 151 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 2: showing off my bay. There's thinking he was about to 152 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:36,310 Speaker 2: kiss me. He was about to kiss me. He was 153 00:08:36,309 --> 00:08:37,250 Speaker 2: about 154 00:08:38,140 --> 00:08:39,950 Speaker 2: Oh, you bloody idiot! 155 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:44,370 Speaker 2: And I swim until I nearly expired. 156 00:08:44,940 --> 00:08:46,650 Speaker 2: I did not want to surface 157 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:47,850 Speaker 2: ever, 158 00:08:48,400 --> 00:08:49,550 Speaker 2: ever again. 159 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:56,559 Speaker 2: Adam did kiss me, but it was not till nearly 160 00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 2: a year later, 161 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,319 Speaker 2: back at that same holiday. We're not really Pentecostal, but 162 00:09:01,320 --> 00:09:03,470 Speaker 2: we do like a lot of choreographed clapping when we 163 00:09:03,470 --> 00:09:04,450 Speaker 2: sing camp. 164 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:06,550 Speaker 2: No Daryn, 165 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:08,350 Speaker 2: no sun hat, 166 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:10,050 Speaker 2: No tricks, 167 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:12,190 Speaker 2: no misunderstanding 168 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:14,550 Speaker 2: and no regrets. 169 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:19,840 Speaker 2: Right 170 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:25,520 Speaker 1: now, I'm working on a feature screenplay. This is something 171 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: that I wrote actually a long a long, long, 172 00:09:27,640 --> 00:09:31,030 Speaker 2: long time ago on. I only ever had it in 173 00:09:31,030 --> 00:09:33,470 Speaker 2: hard copy because the hard drive at that time died 174 00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:36,100 Speaker 2: and you never backed up back in those days. So 175 00:09:36,100 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 2: I'm sort of working from this one hard copy that 176 00:09:38,280 --> 00:09:42,949 Speaker 2: was written with such innocence and naivety and just revisiting that. 177 00:09:42,950 --> 00:09:46,600 Speaker 2: So it's quite interesting going backto old work and finding 178 00:09:46,910 --> 00:09:48,350 Speaker 2: new spin on it. 179 00:09:49,420 --> 00:09:52,380 Speaker 2: I used to be really particular about having a writing 180 00:09:52,380 --> 00:09:54,970 Speaker 2: space that had to be perfect. It was probably just 181 00:09:55,309 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 2: drew and by progressed, a nation of not wanting Teo 182 00:09:59,090 --> 00:10:00,470 Speaker 2: actually sit down and write. You had 183 00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: to tidy everything first now because I'm a mum and 184 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,950 Speaker 1: because I work long hours doing other things I can 185 00:10:07,950 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: write anywhere, use a Dictaphone quite a lot and write 186 00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:16,060 Speaker 1: thoughts just by speaking them and then transcribe them later. 187 00:10:16,490 --> 00:10:20,250 Speaker 1: I have a monthly rightist group called Club, and actually, 188 00:10:20,250 --> 00:10:24,210 Speaker 1: most of my writing is done there on. That's just 189 00:10:24,210 --> 00:10:26,729 Speaker 1: time that I really set aside to write. So I 190 00:10:26,730 --> 00:10:30,490 Speaker 1: like a clean space in terms of ritual, so long 191 00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:33,849 Speaker 1: as the WiFi is often the phone's off. I'm good 192 00:10:33,850 --> 00:10:39,150 Speaker 1: to go. My writing goal for 2020 is 193 00:10:40,110 --> 00:10:42,600 Speaker 1: probably just to finish stuff. I have a lot of 194 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 1: things that I've started that I believe in, but I 195 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 1: probably haven't had the time or the focus to finish on. 196 00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to lose faith and then try and 197 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: start something new. I think e just want to try 198 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,920 Speaker 1: and finish a few things that I've got on the 199 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:57,329 Speaker 1: go 200 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,870 Speaker 1: there, a number of different writers that inspire me, and 201 00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:02,890 Speaker 1: I think they're all for different reasons, and they come 202 00:11:02,890 --> 00:11:05,550 Speaker 1: at different times. It depends on what what I need 203 00:11:05,550 --> 00:11:09,890 Speaker 1: inspiration for. Unlike Melbourne writer, I think pretty sure she's 204 00:11:09,890 --> 00:11:14,050 Speaker 1: Melbourne writer Anna spoke Ryan, and I'm inspired by someone 205 00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,910 Speaker 1: like that, not just because I love books and her 206 00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,810 Speaker 1: writing and her approach, but she's a local girl. 207 00:11:20,590 --> 00:11:24,080 Speaker 1: And so I find that Connexion to how tangible and 208 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,460 Speaker 1: really it can be for people inspiring. Right now. I've 209 00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 1: just started Boy Swallows University by Trent Dalton. Yeah, and 210 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,189 Speaker 1: I'm kind of eager to 211 00:11:34,190 --> 00:11:36,520 Speaker 2: go. We finished yet because I gotta get home and 212 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,380 Speaker 2: keep reading. 213 00:11:48,350 --> 00:11:52,530 Speaker 1: Memorial was written and produced by me. Nat ve Holes 214 00:11:52,530 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 1: in My Sun Hat was written and read by Katrina Mothers. 215 00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:59,780 Speaker 1: Each episode is illustrated by Peter Manning. The Storey segment 216 00:11:59,790 --> 00:12:03,250 Speaker 1: was edited by Gen. Pharaoh. Music in this episode is 217 00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:06,750 Speaker 1: by the blue dot sessions Memoria comes to you each month. 218 00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:09,630 Speaker 1: You can listen to our previous episodes or see a 219 00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: schedule of our upcoming episodes. On memoria podcast dot com. 220 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:17,250 Speaker 1: You can find us on Spotify, apple podcasts or any 221 00:12:17,260 --> 00:12:21,309 Speaker 1: good podcasting platform. We also have a Patriot Page forest. 222 00:12:21,309 --> 00:12:24,620 Speaker 1: Little is $1 a month. You can help support our work. 223 00:12:24,710 --> 00:12:27,330 Speaker 1: It takes a team of three to put each episode 224 00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:31,460 Speaker 1: together a number of days, going to selecting, recording, sourcing 225 00:12:31,460 --> 00:12:36,090 Speaker 1: sound effects, editing, illustrating and publishing each episode we prefer 226 00:12:36,090 --> 00:12:38,700 Speaker 1: not to use adds. So please go to our website 227 00:12:38,710 --> 00:12:42,150 Speaker 1: memoria podcast dot com, to make a one off donation 228 00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:44,350 Speaker 1: or visit our patriotic page. 229 00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:48,510 Speaker 1: And if you love the show, please leave us a review. 230 00:12:48,580 --> 00:12:51,750 Speaker 1: Each like or rating is important to us and helps 231 00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:54,250 Speaker 1: us spread the word until next time.