S1: I don't even know.
S2: I like, literally don't know how to do this, which
S2: is probably how our business owners feel when I ask
S2: them to like, make KPIs or like, what are you
S2: talking about? Uh. So my team asked me to sit
S2: down here and make a YouTube video about my greatest failures.
S2: And I got three minutes into talking about my failures
S2: and just paused the whole thing because it's so uncomfortable
S2: for me at this point in my life, to go
S2: backwards and to look at the things that I've done incorrectly.
S2: Because what I do look back, the majority of what
S2: I've done, I feel like I've done incorrectly. And still
S2: today I am disappointed with myself and I'm frustrated that
S2: things aren't where I want them to be or how
S2: I want them to be, and I'm not who I
S2: want to be. And so it's really challenging for me,
S2: and it's actually the thing that probably makes me more
S2: emotional in life than anything is looking back at failures,
S2: because I still feel like I'm in this constant state
S2: of not doing the right thing at the right time.
S2: As I just turned 31 this year, I really recognized
S2: that this is the thing that holds me back, and
S2: it's so challenging for me to talk about things that
S2: I think make people relatable, which is their failures and
S2: their experiences and lessons. Not from this place of, oh,
S2: I figure this out, but from a place of I'm
S2: going through this today as I think about the people
S2: that I relate most to and the conversations that I
S2: want to be a part of, and the people that
S2: I look to for mentorship, the things that are the
S2: hard parts of their life, are always the things that
S2: I relate most to. When I was 24 years old,
S2: where Brandon put me in this seat in our business
S2: that I wasn't ready for, and I honestly should have
S2: told him no, that I shouldn't do this because I
S2: didn't have the experience. No one's taking 24 year old
S2: Natalie blonde Natalie, seriously in charge of a company with
S2: 50 people. And yet I just said yes. And part
S2: of me even feels weird about that, because there's like,
S2: this privilege that comes with that. Like, oh, my then
S2: boyfriend put me in charge of this company. Like, I
S2: am so self-aware of who I am and how I'm
S2: perceived by people that I recognize that talking about this
S2: is seems like it could be privilege, and it's just
S2: the reality of what my life was like. I was 24,
S2: I was dating and soon to be engaged to an
S2: older man who had a lot of money, and it
S2: was everything that I didn't want to be known for
S2: in life. I had a full ride academic scholarship to college.
S2: I got straight A's like I was going to be
S2: somebody without somebody beside me. And then I decide to
S2: date Brandon. I decided to fall in love with what
S2: I believe is my soulmate. I believe in soul mates,
S2: and he put me in this position that I thought
S2: I could do and I thought I could take on,
S2: but didn't actually have like true certainty that I knew
S2: what I was doing. I don't think anybody who takes
S2: over a business has true certainty and hindsight being 2020,
S2: I should have said no, but I didn't and I
S2: said yes. And I was this 24 year old who
S2: had all of these direct reports of people who were
S2: older than me, who did not take me seriously. And
S2: I knew it, and they knew it. And I just
S2: continued to put myself in this position that was so
S2: confidence shattering. I would go home at night and I
S2: would cry about the things that people said in surveys
S2: and feedback, and I just found myself, like stuck in
S2: the situation where he needed me in this role because
S2: there was nobody else he trusted. It was all I
S2: could do. Like, my mission for this whole year was
S2: just to figure out how to make this business stabilize,
S2: and how to make this business not lose money, and
S2: how to prove to my husband, then boyfriend that I
S2: can do this. And instead of fixing it, and instead
S2: of things getting better, it got worse and it got worse,
S2: and it got worse, and there was more bad news.
S2: And this like cycle really perpetuated to the point where
S2: I had to make the proposal to him in a
S2: group of partners that we needed to shut this business down,
S2: and it crushed me because everything that everybody thought about me,
S2: everything that people were saying about me and my own
S2: internal doubts about my abilities and my skill sets, was
S2: just validated in the fact that I couldn't figure out
S2: how to make this technology platform work. I honestly was
S2: just a shell of myself. I can't even take myself
S2: back to that place, to be honest with you. Like,
S2: because if I did, I would just be in pieces
S2: on the floor because it was so soul crushing for me.
S2: And so, um, just challenging. Uh, I it's hard to
S2: put into words because I stopped believing in myself. I
S2: stopped believing that I could do anything. I'm not the
S2: right person. Somebody else gets to do this. I can't
S2: like girl boss and figure this out. And, um.
S3: Luckily.
S2: Luckily, I was spending time on YouTube and literally found
S2: Grant Cardone on a suggested video on the right side
S2: of my screen on YouTube. And listening to his YouTube
S2: videos is what, like, reinvigorated me to be okay with
S2: the fact that I had failed and be okay with
S2: the fact that I was 24 years old. And of course,
S2: I was going to make mistakes. And who am I
S2: to think that I could just figure this out, like
S2: all of these things that I had wound myself into
S2: being so doubtful and secure about? I watched these videos
S2: that helped me overcome all of them, and I think
S2: that's the power of social media. I think that's the
S2: power of being able to create content like this, and
S2: to communicate with other people is to be able to
S2: speak life into people's fears and ideally, live a life
S2: where you can be an example to them and have
S2: them see a different picture for themselves than they thought
S2: was possible. And if he wouldn't have created the videos
S2: that he created, I would not be who I am today.
S2: I would honestly be following my husband around the world,
S2: letting him do the big deals and him negotiate all
S2: of the contracts and him be the business person. While
S2: I just gave up on myself because of a set
S2: of experiences that I had so early in life. I'm
S2: so grateful for content platforms that give these other pictures,
S2: but I think it's easy to even look at me
S2: today with the team that we have and the business
S2: that we've built over the last five years, and to think, oh,
S2: it must have been so easy for her this whole time,
S2: and she never had to overcome these challenging moments when,
S2: just five years ago, it's hard for me to admit
S2: who I was back then, because it's not the person
S2: that I am today. And I almost gave up and
S2: I'm I was almost the opposite, the exact opposite of
S2: everything that I talk about. And the fact that I
S2: was there at one point is really difficult for me
S2: to admit, because I want it to seem so easy
S2: and like I've always had my shit together, even though
S2: the reality is, of course, that's not true. But if
S2: you're going through something that's similar, my strongest piece of
S2: advice is just to keep going through it and to
S2: believe that you can have this life that you want
S2: to have. Because if you stop believing that you can
S2: have this life, you're going to stop putting energy into
S2: figuring it out and it's possible for you. You are
S2: capable of doing it even if you failed 100 times over.
S2: If the one time that you're successful is the 101st,
S2: it's worth not giving up on yourself because it's available
S2: to you. I hope that if you're listening to this
S2: and you're going through the dark side of entrepreneurship, you
S2: have confidence in knowingness that you are not alone.