S1: Welcome back to Building Billions. I am coming at you
S1: this morning from a kitchen. It is February 2nd. We
S1: just wrapped up the month of January. Today is a Thursday,
S1: so I have back to back one on ones. I
S1: have two events that I'm speaking at. It's a wild
S1: day and I feel ready for it. I feel prepared
S1: and I wanted to take a moment to share with
S1: you as January just closed out what I learned this
S1: month and I think I want to do these every
S1: single month because over the course of the last 30 days,
S1: I've been writing down what I'm learning. I've been writing
S1: down just like moments where I'm observing something, observing something
S1: that like had an impact on me and that I left.
S1: Like I took a mental note of that was important
S1: or significant or taught me something. And as somebody who
S1: spends most of my time doing what I'm doing right now,
S1: talking to people, there's a lot of outflow, there's a
S1: lot of teaching. I believe it's really important to also
S1: have a balance of taking in information because when you're
S1: in a position of constantly like just talking and teaching
S1: and and giving, there has to be the counter acting
S1: of how is that person growing? And this is for you,
S1: but this is also for me because I'm fascinated in
S1: years from now what I'm going to remember through this
S1: podcast as like little moments that just really allowed me
S1: to refine and pivot. So this is for us. Let's
S1: just get this thing kicked off. I have five of
S1: them that I want to share. So first, when the
S1: year kicked off, we were in Paris with this phenomenal
S1: woman who was celebrating her 60th birthday. And it was
S1: the final night we were going to this show. And
S1: everything had just been spectacular up to that point. The
S1: dinners were curated with the perfect menu and wine list,
S1: and that was over the top. But it felt like,
S1: you know, like an event, like that's what the expectation is,
S1: that of course the food is paired and there's flowers
S1: and all of that. But on the final night when
S1: we went to the show, it like burned into my
S1: memory that for the 15 people that were there, this
S1: phenomenal woman. Got every couple a bottle of Dom Perignon
S1: in her favorite year. And caviar and. I just like
S1: it really just dawned on me like you should do
S1: things the right way. That was the right way to
S1: do something that is over serving. That is like delighting
S1: somebody who is flown across the world in order to
S1: celebrate you. But she didn't have to do that. She
S1: did not. She could have gotten cheap champagne. She could
S1: have had all of us just order cocktails. But the
S1: touch of the foresight and the expense, to be honest
S1: with you, of going above and beyond, to create an
S1: experience and to do something the right way. If it
S1: was me personally, I don't know if many of you
S1: guys know this about me. I'm a little cheap with
S1: stuff like that. And I hate to say that because
S1: nobody likes to be cheap, but I'm just like, more stingy. I,
S1: I think of things as like, well, I don't need, like,
S1: no one's going to care and I don't need to
S1: spend that. And that's not something that's required. And it
S1: was just this moment of like, wait a second, this
S1: is surprising and delighting people and doing things the right way,
S1: which I loved and is going to trickle into, already
S1: has trickled into things that I've done this month where
S1: I'm like, instead of doing it like the middle of
S1: the roadway, just go all out for it. And that's
S1: a way of like living abundantly. So that was the
S1: first thing. Second, just last week when I was in London,
S1: there was a panel that I went to and it
S1: was hosted by the owner of this business, but the
S1: owner of the business had somebody from a magazine interview her.
S1: And initially you thought that they were kind of friends. And,
S1: you know, there was this like relationship between the two
S1: of them. But as the panel went on and again,
S1: it was just two of them, so it was a
S1: panel of one, but she was being interviewed. And again,
S1: it was her event. As this panel went on, the
S1: interviewer kept interrupting the business owner like she would be
S1: in the middle of a thought and then kind of
S1: like a pushy interviewer. She would just like cut her
S1: off and go into the next question. And she did
S1: this 4 or 5 times to where it was a
S1: little uncomfortable, but the business owner allowed her to do
S1: it out of probably professional courtesy, and then she did
S1: it a fifth time. And on the fifth time the
S1: business owner stood up. At first she was seated. She
S1: stood up in this room and changed the entire dynamic
S1: of the energy in the room. Like she just took
S1: up space. And she told the interviewer, Let me just
S1: finish because you keep interrupting me and then I lose
S1: my thought and I'm not finished with what I'm saying.
S1: And she proceeded to just own the fricking room. And
S1: the interviewer at that point back down just a little bit,
S1: still interrupted her a couple of times, which is just
S1: like mind blowing to me. But for me it was
S1: this lesson of, wait a second, the interviewer is the
S1: one being the ass right now. Like I'm not being
S1: an ass by telling you that. I need you to
S1: let me speak, even though I'm being a little bit
S1: more overtly aggressive. But the interviewer was totally in the
S1: wrong and should have been called out. But in that instance,
S1: I probably would have been upset and might have even
S1: like introverted. Instead of doing the opposite and expanding and
S1: becoming more present and doing what I was there already
S1: to do. If it's your event, which it was her event,
S1: she should be the one calling the shots. She's running
S1: the show instead of allowing somebody else in the environment
S1: to take control. And so for meetings that you're in
S1: or conversations that are taking place around you, when somebody
S1: is overshadowing you or overwhelming you, instead of your response being, Oh,
S1: I'm going to introvert and I'm going to just let
S1: them do what they need to do, even though it's rude.
S1: I just love the example of taking it the opposite direction.
S1: And I don't care if you're going to be called
S1: a bitch. I don't care if you're going to be
S1: called all sorts of the names that women get called
S1: in business when they're forceful and present. I watched my
S1: husband do this all the time and but he's a guy, right?
S1: Like watching other strong, powerful women do this. It was
S1: totally the right thing to do. Was the leadership move
S1: to make. And it was a really cool example for
S1: me to just remember, Hey, wait a second, you don't
S1: have to back down when somebody else is trying to
S1: put you in a corner and it's okay to make
S1: that person feel uncomfortable because they're actually making you feel
S1: uncomfortable and they're in the wrong. So frickin loved that.
S1: All right. Number three, it's wild that all of these
S1: instances happened while I was abroad because I promise in
S1: future months, most of these will happen like in our
S1: business or I don't know, I just don't normally have
S1: all of these experiences where I'm not in our office.
S1: But January was a pretty, pretty crazy month with travel.
S1: So the third one I was in Paris and. Let
S1: me just read my notes. Okay. So I was in
S1: Paris and with a group of totally awesome women and
S1: one of the women, as soon as we sat down
S1: and I implemented this last night, funnily enough, as soon
S1: as we sat down, she was like, We're ordering a
S1: magnum of Cristal. First she asked if everybody's drinking champagne.
S1: Of course no one's going to say no. And then
S1: she ordered this Magnum of Cristal. Now I'm not here.
S1: To promote drinking. Sorry. I just realize I'm supposed to
S1: be eating my breakfast while I'm doing this. A little
S1: multitasking for the morning, but you guys probably want to
S1: hear me chew. I work out this whole morning podcasting. Anyway,
S1: she asks everybody if they're drinking champagne and they say yes.
S1: She orders this magnum of Cristal. I was like, That
S1: is a freaking boss move to take control of the group. Now,
S1: this is different than the first instance because the first
S1: instance was somebody hosting a party and and doing things
S1: the right way when she's the one that is responsible
S1: for the group because she brought them together. But when
S1: you're just with a group of people and there's no
S1: like direct responsibility, there's no like, Oh, I invited you
S1: to this thing. It's just like a networking experience. You
S1: should freaking take control. Like, you should be the person
S1: that says, okay, I'm ordering caviar and champagne for the table.
S1: I am. I'm going to take responsibility. I'm going to
S1: order the food. See, that's normally like my thing is
S1: I will order the food for everybody. I learned that
S1: very early on in my career, that it's really great
S1: to be decisive in social situations about the food, but
S1: I'd never really thought about it for the drinks and
S1: the appetizers and just taking accountability for the group. So
S1: I loved this woman's move like this. It's not even
S1: a flex. It's just like it's the freaking right thing
S1: to do. And to be honest with you, this isn't
S1: a podcast about like, men versus women, but I think
S1: I'm around more men, to be honest, than I am women.
S1: And I'm around very powerful, strong men. And so it's
S1: just been amazing to watch these women do behaviors that
S1: I have seen men do but haven't really put two
S1: and two together of like, Hey, Natalie should do this.
S1: I just always think of it as the other person
S1: doing it. And she just everybody was so appreciative that
S1: she did this. I was appreciative that she did this.
S1: And I was just kind of like, that is a
S1: good move. I'm putting that in my pocket. Next time
S1: in a group, I'm just totally going to take responsibility.
S1: Take responsibility for the group. If you're in the group,
S1: take responsibility for the group. Okay? This next one, I
S1: actually learned from me. I learned something. What I learned
S1: from this month, it's kind of funny, but what I
S1: learned from this month, one of the things is something
S1: that I did myself, which was when I was in
S1: Paris after an event, it was probably midnight. And if
S1: you listen to my previous podcast episode, you'll know my
S1: networking tips. And one of them when I'm in a
S1: new group of people is to not drink. Well, I
S1: was in this networking event and I didn't drink, but
S1: then everybody wanted to go to a club afterwards and
S1: I was already like 5050 about, do I want to go?
S1: I have an early morning. I have meetings tomorrow morning.
S1: I need to be fresh. It's already midnight. But because
S1: it was a new group, it's like I should go.
S1: So I showed up to this club. Everybody else had
S1: been drinking like no one was drunk, but they had
S1: just like they were having a good time. They were socializing.
S1: And so I show up to this club and as
S1: soon as I got there, I was like, I really
S1: don't want to be here. These these people are awesome.
S1: But it would take me a lot of drinking in
S1: order to get on their level very quickly. It's already midnight.
S1: I have things that I want to do. I don't
S1: really feel great about this, but what I learned is.
S1: You don't have to feel pressure from what other people
S1: are doing. Like for a split second, I was like, Oh,
S1: should I just stay so that people think that I'm
S1: fun and cool? And I was like, No, this is
S1: not my personality. I don't need them to think I'm
S1: fun or cool. By being out at a nightclub, they
S1: can think I'm fun and cool in a whole bunch
S1: of other ways. I'm not going to miss out from
S1: this experience because I've already had fun. Like I've had
S1: a great time and anything else that happens would be
S1: potentially fun. But I don't know that it's necessarily going
S1: to be any fun because I don't know these people.
S1: And at a nightclub, it's like, what? How much fun
S1: can happen at a nightclub at midnight, right? I mean,
S1: I get a lot of fun, but you get what
S1: I'm saying. And so I got there I was there
S1: for five minutes and I literally just left. I left.
S1: I grabbed my jacket. I went home, got in bed,
S1: packed my shit up, and was really proud of that
S1: decision because I didn't feel like I was doing something
S1: that I didn't need to do. And. If you're somebody
S1: who struggles with fear of missing out and worrying that
S1: something fun is happening while you're not there. You really
S1: just have to, like, internalize and ask yourself and check
S1: in with yourself around. Do I really want to do this?
S1: Am I only doing this because somebody else wants me
S1: to do this? And if somebody else wants you to
S1: do it, unless they're really fucking important to you. Like
S1: if my husband wants me to do something, he wants
S1: me to go out because we're entertaining people. Or at
S1: some important thing, he has the wait and the pole
S1: for me to do that. There's maybe 2 or 3
S1: people in my life who have that pole over me
S1: because of the agreements that we have, the relationships that
S1: we have. But anybody else, if you're a stranger, if
S1: you're just a friend, if you're just somebody in my world,
S1: I don't care and I shouldn't care and I don't
S1: want to care because I know what I need to
S1: do and I know where I'm going. And so it
S1: was it was a it was a moment for me
S1: of remembering you don't have to do what the group
S1: is doing and you don't have to feel pressure. And
S1: if you're like, I'm good, then just be good and
S1: go home and do your thing and feel good about
S1: doing your thing. Because what I found is if I
S1: would have stayed and I've done this in the past,
S1: whenever I let somebody else dictate what I'm spending my
S1: time doing, I resent them. And more importantly, I resent myself. Like, Man,
S1: why did I just let them make the decision for me?
S1: I didn't want to do this. I shouldn't have done it.
S1: Now I've put myself in a position to trust myself less.
S1: And you want to be able to protect what you
S1: trust yourself to say yes and no to. And the
S1: more you say no to things that you know you
S1: don't want to do, the more confidence you have. And conversely,
S1: the more you just agree to go along with what
S1: everybody else is doing. But, you know, you don't really
S1: want to be there or you should be doing something
S1: different and you should be contributing to something or you
S1: should be working in and getting closer to your goals.
S1: Like you're going to not become confident and it's funny,
S1: as I talk about this, it makes me remember the
S1: beginning of my 20s. I followed Brandon around with a
S1: lot of his business travel and his work, and I
S1: was just like almost at his beck and call and
S1: not in a negative way, like we were in a
S1: great relationship and I was supporting him, but I didn't
S1: have a life that required me to go do something different.
S1: So it was all about his schedule, his meetings, and
S1: I learned a lot from that. But I started to
S1: resent that in some of those things that I didn't
S1: want to do. I still did. And I felt bad
S1: about it because I should have been writing a book.
S1: I should have been learning sales skills. I should have
S1: been reading a book and making myself better. But instead
S1: I just agreed to go along with whatever he was
S1: doing because I thought it was. I didn't think it
S1: was the right thing to do, to be honest. I
S1: just I felt pressure again, not from him, but whenever
S1: you're not doing the thing that is making you insecure
S1: and you know you have to go do taking time
S1: out of the equation and just doing it is the
S1: greatest response. And that takes a shift. And it definitely
S1: was a shift early on in Brandon. My relationship, when
S1: I started saying no to dinners at 830 at night
S1: because I needed to be in bed at 930. But
S1: eventually Brandon was just like got on board with it.
S1: And the dynamic of our relationship and our life changed
S1: for the better because now he he's in love with
S1: somebody who's confident and believes in herself and has done
S1: what I needed to do to be on the level
S1: that he was already at. And. It took me a
S1: really long time to figure that out because I felt
S1: like I couldn't contribute early on. And so my contribution
S1: was being there and being the life of the party
S1: and being his support system and his partner. But it
S1: really took until COVID to be honest, for me to
S1: make that that pivot and that switch. To like gain
S1: the skill sets that I knew I needed to gain
S1: in order to feel confident and good about myself and
S1: to contribute the way that I wanted to. And now
S1: we have a different relationship. But it's phenomenal because I
S1: have confidence. And if you're not confident right now, I
S1: would really encourage you to pick the thing that you
S1: are going to get statistics in. That will create confidence
S1: for you. Because once you once you figure that game out,
S1: if the person that you love or the person you're
S1: in relationship with or the people in your life really
S1: do support you and want you to flourish and prosper
S1: and to succeed in life, they're going to they're going
S1: to back you. It might take a minute like you
S1: have to to be steadfast in the person that you're becoming.
S1: But the right people will support you. And I know
S1: that I saw that with Brandon and so many people
S1: in my life. I also saw that with people who
S1: who didn't necessarily want that for me. And they're no
S1: longer really in my life because they couldn't handle that.
S1: I wouldn't go out with them or that I was
S1: doing different things and they wanted to stay doing the
S1: things that they were doing. So that turned into a
S1: little bit of a relationship tangent. But those are the
S1: things that I learned in January. I am going to
S1: start writing down what I'm learning in February because February
S1: has already been a wild month. We're only on day
S1: two and it's been a wild month. Big learning lessons
S1: from yesterday. I'm curious to know what you want to
S1: hear on this podcast. Do you like these more personal things?
S1: Are there specifics like around the things that I'm talking
S1: about that you want to know more about? It would
S1: be amazing if you could send me some feedback at
S1: Building Billions podcast. Take the little. It's like literally a
S1: 15 second survey to give me feedback or ask any questions,
S1: and on the next episode I will totally answer them.
S1: And also, if you're loving the podcast, don't forget to
S1: review and share. This episode would mean the world to
S1: me because that's how podcasts grow and it is very
S1: much my intention to grow this podcast to help as
S1: many people as I can through things We're talking about
S1: things we're struggling with, things we're learning. So with that,
S1: can't wait to.
UU: Talk to you next time.