S1: Welcome to business and the podcast for people making it
S1: all happen. Running a successful business completely takes over your life,
S1: but I'm a believer that there is still room for
S1: some ands like health, wealth, beauty, and maybe even some fashion.
S1: On this podcast, I'll share with you what's working for
S1: scaling my nine figure business while keeping you up to
S1: date on the latest trends, news and fun finds. This
S1: is a place for business and let's dive in. If
S1: you want to be seen as powerful, respected, and confident,
S1: your words have to match your ambition. I've spent years
S1: working under executives, becoming one myself, and learning from the
S1: most respected people in the room. These are the five
S1: communication skills that separate those who get listened to from
S1: those who get overlooked. Skill one is a hard one.
S1: You have to stop speaking to be liked and instead
S1: speak to lead. In our company today we have over
S1: 250 team members and so I get to see day
S1: in and day out people who exude confidence and act
S1: like leaders versus people who Accidentally erode their own credibility.
S1: And they do this in the simplest of ways. The
S1: mindset shift that the people who are successful have is
S1: I am a leader, even if they aren't yet. The
S1: mindset that people have versus the mindset of I am
S1: in somebody else's environment and therefore I have to be
S1: less than or smaller or less certain. When you are
S1: less certain in your communication, it shows. So in order
S1: to be more certain, you can do a handful of
S1: things to switch up the way that you speak. One
S1: of the most important things that you can do is
S1: actually mean what you say, and only say things that
S1: you are certain of CEOs, leaders, top executives. They have
S1: a point of view. They see themselves. They see their
S1: life experiences, and they use where they're at in order
S1: to frame what their point of view truly is, and
S1: they're confident in that frame. If you want to be
S1: able to be more certain in your communication. Remember that
S1: your point of view is important and you are there
S1: for a reason. Now, the simple language tweaks on this
S1: are as follows. Qualifying your statements by saying I think
S1: or I feel. Reduces your credibility. Just say what you
S1: think or say how you feel. It's obvious through the
S1: communication that you are thinking or you were feeling something,
S1: but those qualifiers make it seem like you are uncertain.
S1: So consciously practice making these language swaps. So instead of
S1: saying I think we should try this instead, say the
S1: best path forward is another example. Instead of saying, I
S1: feel like this might work, say, here's a strategy that
S1: will get us this result. It is this simple switch,
S1: but removing you from the conversation and just stating what
S1: you see, how you see it instantly increases your credibility.
S1: Next is number two, which is that your emotions are
S1: making you sound reactive and unsure. We have a saying
S1: around here high emotion, low intelligence. Have you ever noticed
S1: the people who are wildly emotional, always talking about what's
S1: wrong and being outrageously creative in their storytelling very rarely
S1: have a lot of success around them. They don't have
S1: people who are winning around them. They don't have successful
S1: business relationships. They don't even have successful businesses. Because the
S1: more you use emotion, the less you're using logic. Emotion
S1: just clouds your decision making ability. And effective leaders are spectacular.
S1: They are gangsters at being able to take a situation,
S1: remove emotion, and be able to logically make decisions very
S1: quickly and they trust their decision making process. The only
S1: way you know you can trust your decision making process
S1: is if you have your own internal confidence that you're
S1: not being swayed by something based off of the emotion
S1: that you have, you're actually being swayed based off of logic,
S1: based off of data. Just this week, I had somebody
S1: pop off on me and had this whole emotional outburst.
S1: It was embarrassing and it instantly reduced my confidence in
S1: this person. Their inability to feel something, to experience something,
S1: to have there be a form of rejection in front
S1: of them and be able to handle that with grace.
S1: Understanding questions allowed me to see this person through a
S1: new lens, and that new lens is they make decisions
S1: based off of their emotion. And as I looked a
S1: little bit further into this, I actually started to see
S1: how there was a lack of success in a variety
S1: of different areas, which is a key indicator that emotion
S1: is used in all sorts of conversations. And instead of
S1: creating confidence, it actually erodes people's confidence, which means you
S1: cannot be successful because without other people, as a leader,
S1: you're not successful. You actually cannot, by definition, be a
S1: leader if other people don't trust and actually follow you.
S1: So never let your emotions override your message. One of
S1: the visuals I use to help me during emotional situations
S1: is I imagine myself being a blade of grass. Follow
S1: me on this one. If you have a blade of
S1: grass that is horizontal and there is a rock that
S1: falls through the blade of grass, the blade of grass
S1: isn't going to stay hardened. It's actually going to move
S1: with the pressure. It's going to move with the rock,
S1: and then it is going to bounce back up to
S1: its original shape versus if you had a toothpick there,
S1: a toothpick when a rock goes right through, it is
S1: going to break. It's very rigid, it's hard and it's frail.
S1: So in situations, instead of thinking of yourself as somebody
S1: who's going to make their point and who's going to
S1: prove somebody wrong and get hardened like a toothpick, imagine
S1: that you are a blade of grass and that situation
S1: is just going to fall through you, not because you
S1: don't care, but because you're not going to get emotionally involved.
S1: You're going to let the data that they're giving you
S1: go through you. You're going to let the emotion that
S1: they're giving you pass by, and then you're going to
S1: respond in the way that you should respond without the
S1: tense rigidity of the toothpicks in your life. Next is
S1: number three and focuses on authority. This is the secret
S1: to getting people to stop interrupting you and start actually listening.
S1: Great leaders don't speak more. They speak with wait, what
S1: about what you're saying actually matters? When you think of
S1: every conversation you're in as an opportunity for you to
S1: make an impact. You will show up to those conversations differently.
S1: Any meeting that you're attending, any conversation you're a part of,
S1: it has to matter. Because as a leader, you have
S1: a million things pulling at your attention. There are no
S1: shortage of things on your to do list emails that
S1: you could be answering, presentations that you could be making,
S1: but instead you're in that room for a reason. If
S1: you recognize that you have nothing to say and there's
S1: no reason for you to be there, leave that conversation.
S1: A leader knows where their time is best spent, and
S1: they prioritize accordingly. So whenever I walk into a room,
S1: I know the reason I am going into that room.
S1: I ask myself, what is my target? When I know
S1: I have a target, I have authority going into the
S1: room because I'm clear on why I'm there. Most people
S1: just go through the motions. They show up. They're not
S1: even sure why they're there. They just listen, think about
S1: other things, maybe distract themselves, answer emails. That is not
S1: what great leaders do. Great leaders know that there are
S1: a plethora of problems for them to solve, and their
S1: time is going to be spent solving the most important problem. Therefore,
S1: their attention and their communication where they are truly does matter.
S1: So if you're struggling with authority, reevaluate where you're spending
S1: your time. Go into the meetings where you do choose
S1: to participate and actually participate. Have a point of view.
S1: Use your authority because you've thought through the situation and
S1: you know that there's a problem and there's something that
S1: you can help with, or you need to better understand
S1: as a way for you to build up your own
S1: authority in your mind. Leaders matter. They drive initiatives forward.
S1: So never enter a room where you don't know why
S1: you're there and you will all of a sudden have
S1: more authority in your communication, simply because you took a
S1: handful of minutes in order to really understand why your
S1: time was best spent there. When participating and leading meetings,
S1: you steer the conversation with clear, confident delivery. Next up
S1: is number four, which is to become a question master.
S1: you do not need all the answers to lead. You
S1: just need to know how to ask the right questions.
S1: The best leaders put themselves in a position to solve
S1: the most complicated problems in a business. And in order
S1: to solve a complicated problem, there has to be some
S1: sort of constraint, some level of confusion, and no clear
S1: path forward. So if you are an effective communicator, you
S1: are able to address and properly identify what questions you
S1: need to ask, what information is missing to be able
S1: to make the best decision to move that problem forward.
S1: I like to think about this as untangling a necklace.
S1: When you're looking at untangling a necklace, it's taking one
S1: piece after another after another to really start to understand
S1: strategically what is the core knot inside this tangled necklace?
S1: Your job as a leader is to unknot many necklaces.
S1: The best leaders think of themselves as professional problem solvers,
S1: but the reason they're able to solve these problems better
S1: than more junior people is simply because they ask more questions.
S1: It is not the expectation that you know everything, and
S1: you're coming at it from this high vantage point to
S1: be able to tell everybody what to do. Oftentimes, you
S1: don't know what to do when you're entering that meeting
S1: or that problem. It's a new problem, you see. Great
S1: leaders guide conversations by asking powerful and strategic questions. So
S1: challenge yourself to ask these questions instead of what do
S1: you think? Ask what data supports this decision? And instead
S1: of how's it going? Ask, what's the biggest challenge you're
S1: facing right now? Instead of can we fix this? Ask,
S1: what would it take to ensure this never happens again?
S1: The quality of your questions determine the quality of your results.
S1: Here's a little trick that my parents taught me in
S1: order to become better at asking great questions. When I
S1: was growing up, we would play the question game at
S1: any sort of social function. The question game meant that
S1: little Natalie was supposed to walk up to an adult
S1: and ask them three questions. So my mom at a
S1: social gathering would say, go talk to Mr. Bob. So
S1: I would walk over to Mr. Bob, and my target
S1: was to ask Mr. Bob three questions. Well, it's terrifying
S1: talking to adults when you're young, and sometimes it's still
S1: terrifying to talk to adults. So I had to overcome
S1: that fear. But then I also had to ask three
S1: questions that kept the conversation engaging. Well, as a very
S1: young kid, I wasn't able to ask super engaging questions.
S1: The questions might sound like Mr. Bob. I realized that Bobby,
S1: your son is going to baseball practice these days. Does
S1: he love baseball? And then Mr. Bob's going to answer back.
S1: And then by the answer, I'm gonna hopefully be able
S1: to ask a second question. Well, oftentimes I couldn't actually
S1: make it to question three because I would run out
S1: of things to ask questions on. So I'd go back
S1: to my mom. My mom would say, here are a
S1: few other question choices that you could ask Mr. Bob.
S1: And she'd make me go walk back to Mr. Bob
S1: and ask him the final questions. This practice of getting
S1: good at asking questions, keeping the conversation going, understanding what
S1: really matters is priceless and an invaluable trait if you
S1: really want to communicate like an expert. That brings us
S1: to number five, which is what most people do wrong.
S1: You have to stop oversharing. I will never forget the
S1: first time I had to fire somebody. I was 23
S1: years old, and I was coached ahead of time to
S1: say a very specific statement that led me to a
S1: very specific conclusion, to not get into some large debate
S1: as to whether or not we were going to fire
S1: this team member, and instead of saying what I needed
S1: to say, I started over explaining. I started telling them
S1: how wonderful they are and how much I like them,
S1: and how much of a pleasure it had been to
S1: work with them. And as I talked more like that,
S1: I became more and more tense and more and more uncomfortable.
S1: So I kept saying things like that, and instead of
S1: successfully firing the person, we just effectively had a nice
S1: little touch point in the middle of the day, and
S1: I had to take another swing at it the next week.
S1: It was awkward, it was embarrassing, and it was the
S1: exact opposite of what somebody who has confidence and presence
S1: would do. When you know what you're going to say,
S1: say it. You say it with grace, you say it
S1: with directness, and you are firm. It's not because you
S1: don't like people, you don't deliver communication overexplaining is an
S1: indicator that you are not confident. When you do speak
S1: with confident people, they say things with effect. They have
S1: a message, they clearly articulate that message and they don't
S1: continue to communicate. I like to think of this like
S1: an airplane. I'm sure you've had an experience where somebody
S1: talks and they continue to talk and they continue to talk,
S1: and the plane is about to land, but instead of
S1: actually landing, nope. We're going back through it again. And
S1: you already know that they said that, but they're about
S1: to land it. And nope, there's another new angle to
S1: just restate what they already stated. It's uncomfortable. As a listener,
S1: it's difficult to communicate with somebody like this, and it
S1: clearly shows that the person isn't confident and is uncomfortable.
S1: So instead of overexplaining or softening your feedback, be direct.
S1: More than that, seeking validation can instantly erode your authority,
S1: and high level CEOs actually get authority because they are
S1: direct and they are deliberate. So be like a confident CEO.
S1: They don't need validation and neither do you. And another
S1: hack on this is watch really successful people communicate. I
S1: didn't say listen to how they communicate. I said watch
S1: how they communicate. You'll notice that they don't talk like this.
S1: This is not the way that somebody who is successful communicates.
S1: They sit up straight, their shoulders are back. They have
S1: confidence through their body language. They move their hands through
S1: this certain little section of their bodies right here. They
S1: don't sit there and fidget, playing with their fingers, playing
S1: with their rings, moving their feet around. They're able to
S1: sit there comfortably, have a direct conversation, eye to eye
S1: with another human being. So it is very simple to
S1: just throw your shoulders back, sit up a little taller
S1: and look like you are more confident before you actually
S1: become more confident. One of the things that I had
S1: to work on for a while, the way you project
S1: your voice, also matters. And this was actually something I
S1: had to work on for quite some time. I tended
S1: to whisper for a very clear reason. I used to
S1: get quieter when I would voice my opinion, and that
S1: reason is pretty obvious. I wasn't certain of my opinion.
S1: I didn't feel like I could present my idea and
S1: be passionate and be excited because I was actually uncertain.
S1: And you could tell not just by the words I
S1: was saying, but by the volume that I was using
S1: to portray my ideas. So I had to actively work
S1: on not talking like this and trying to quiet myself,
S1: but by being louder and being more communicative through my
S1: body language, but also through the volume which I was speaking.
S1: I had to work on this for many months, and
S1: it was not a short process. Every single time I
S1: would start whispering, I'd have my core team of people
S1: tell me, hey, Natalie, you're whispering again. And I'd be
S1: I'm like, okay, good to know. I'm gonna project. I'm
S1: gonna get clear on what I'm saying because clarity matters
S1: in communication. So when you find you're doing some weird things,
S1: putting your shoulders in, starting to whisper, fidgeting, just remember,
S1: future you doesn't communicate like that. So fix it in
S1: the moment and deliver the effective communication. If you master
S1: these five skills, I guarantee that you will be able
S1: to communicate better than 99% of people.
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