Speaker 1: All right, it's Mojo in the Morning show. So, in
Speaker 1: your marriage or in your relationship, do you have things
Speaker 1: that sometimes reoccur that cause for you and your significant
Speaker 1: other to get right back into what could be the
Speaker 1: worst part of your relationship, the fighting time in our
Speaker 1: relationship we do In this past week, Chelsea and I
Speaker 1: came to a head with that and it got to
Speaker 1: be so bad we couldn't even record our couple's podcasts
Speaker 1: that we do that we don't podcast that we do, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, we should have recorded it, because if
Speaker 1: you could have heard the fight that we got into,
Speaker 1: it might have been the biggest downloads we would have
Speaker 1: ever gotten.
Speaker 2: People would have been a fight, would have probably made
Speaker 2: the fight worse. People would have virally sent this thing out.
Speaker 2: They would have called for help for us. They would
Speaker 2: have actually called for lawyers for us. That was that bad.
Speaker 1: So we got into a fight, we didn't record it,
Speaker 1: and then the next day we did, and then we
Speaker 1: released the aftermath of that fight on the pre podcast,
Speaker 1: which is what this episode is titled, and it's the
Speaker 1: We Don't podcast. You can get it on the iHeartRadio
Speaker 1: app or wherever you get podcasts to search.
Speaker 3: Mojo we Don't.
Speaker 1: So there are two things that Chelsea and I have
Speaker 1: come up in our relationship and has come up for
Speaker 1: so many years. And when these two things come up,
Speaker 1: it always ends up in us getting into an argument,
Speaker 1: big time fight, maybe not even talking to each other
Speaker 1: for a while. I'm not going to get into what
Speaker 1: those two things out are out of respect for our
Speaker 1: relationship and out of respect for the fact that we're
Speaker 1: actually talking to each other and getting along with each other.
Speaker 1: But I am going to play you just a little
Speaker 1: clip from the podcast, and then I want to ask you,
Speaker 1: are there common things that keep coming up in your
Speaker 1: relationship that always lead to a fight and you know
Speaker 1: when they come.
Speaker 3: Up you're screwed? All right? This is from the we
Speaker 3: Don't podcasts.
Speaker 4: I think that I know that you and I are
Speaker 4: there for each other when we meet each in a
Speaker 4: crisis moment. I know that you and I enjoy being
Speaker 4: around each other. But I also know that we're struggling,
Speaker 4: you know, and do I think it's the end of
Speaker 4: the world. No, I told you last night. I can
Speaker 4: coast the rest of my life like this.
Speaker 5: I really can.
Speaker 4: I've made it this far. I've been with you since
Speaker 4: I was seventeen, I've asked you for a couple of things.
Speaker 4: I haven't got them. So I can live I'm fifty one.
Speaker 4: If I can live seventeen to fifty one with not
Speaker 4: getting those things, I guess I can live the rest
Speaker 4: of my life that way, all right.
Speaker 1: So that's just a little clip for the podcast. You
Speaker 1: should go listen to that podcast. How does that make
Speaker 1: you feel?
Speaker 3: Not great?
Speaker 1: But there are things also that I have, you know,
Speaker 1: So I don't want to like say that and make
Speaker 1: it seem like, well, touche, hold on a second, let
Speaker 1: me throw my stuff. But I think in our relationship,
Speaker 1: and I think in most relationships, to be real and honest,
Speaker 1: most relationships probably do have this. And I think that
Speaker 1: there are things that you are not giving the other
Speaker 1: that is also causing you to not get something from
Speaker 1: the other. And I think that that's where we are.
Speaker 1: We are both in that period. And it's the thing
Speaker 1: that was hardest to listen to what Chelsea is. I
Speaker 1: can coast when she said that, and we're going to
Speaker 1: get into that on the next week's episode. We actually
Speaker 1: taped that last night so that we could do be
Speaker 1: right in the moment, so we don't forget anything. And
Speaker 1: we talked a lot about you know, where we are
Speaker 1: and where we want to be.
Speaker 3: And I'm not going to lie to you, guys.
Speaker 1: We have had the worst of times in this relationship,
Speaker 1: times where I know if we were other people, we
Speaker 1: would have been already divorced. And there are definitely things
Speaker 1: in my head that I think about sometimes of man,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe we should, you know, like one of
Speaker 1: those things like where would we be? But I know
Speaker 1: for a fact I wouldn't be as happy as I
Speaker 1: am withich. I'll see, I just would be happier in
Speaker 1: those moments that this stuff comes up, because when it
Speaker 1: comes up, you're just miserable, and you're just in a
Speaker 1: very miserable place. And it's funny because I think a
Speaker 1: lot of relationships have argument cappers that happen all the time.
Speaker 1: A lot of times it's money. It could be communication,
Speaker 1: it could be trust, it could be the in loss.
Speaker 1: It could be time together, or honestly, it could be
Speaker 1: independent time. And I think that there are some things
Speaker 1: that happen to you in your relationship, especially if your
Speaker 1: relationship is in a period where you're together for a
Speaker 1: long period of time, you're dated or a long term
Speaker 1: period of time, been together a long period of time,
Speaker 1: But I think short short relationships get that way.
Speaker 3: You have.
Speaker 1: Those relationships where they're so new and so fresh, and
Speaker 1: you know what it's like to drive a new car
Speaker 1: or to wear a fresh piece of clothing. It always
Speaker 1: feels good and everything's great, and then after a while
Speaker 1: it gets the stink on it because you've been wearing
Speaker 1: it for a while. That's what a relationship is like.
Speaker 6: Not even that I'm going to add to that, because
Speaker 6: I feel like I'm still technically in a newer relationship,
Speaker 6: will have been married for two years in May, but
Speaker 6: I still I feel like we're still trying to figure
Speaker 6: each other out and how like Wes' best communicates, how
Speaker 6: I best communicate what things really bug him about me
Speaker 6: and vice versa, Like we're still trying to figure that out,
Speaker 6: and that that is a cause of many arguments for us.
Speaker 7: But I think it's good that you are figuring that out,
Speaker 7: and not like Mojo said, coasting like oh.
Speaker 6: Yeah, but that yes, but it also leads to a
Speaker 6: lot of stumbles, like a lot of issues.
Speaker 1: See, I don't think coasting is bad, and I'm going
Speaker 1: to tell you why. I don't think coasting is bad.
Speaker 1: You when you coast kind of have an idea that
Speaker 1: you're still moving, you're still going, and you're standing still,
Speaker 1: or you're completely.
Speaker 3: Going and diverting where you're going.
Speaker 1: Because you're trying to try to, you know, be good
Speaker 1: for the other person and not be good for yourself.
Speaker 1: I think that is the worst parts of things. Like
Speaker 1: I don't think Chelsea is coasting because she just knows
Speaker 1: that there's nothing better out there and she's been in
Speaker 1: this for a long period of time. I think she's
Speaker 1: coasting because she knows that the coast is going to
Speaker 1: take her to a place that's going to actually be
Speaker 1: better again. And I think, honestly I will say, oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: to call her back up, call it called Chelsea up
Speaker 1: and ask her where do you think why she's.
Speaker 8: Cost I don't know why she's why your definition of coasting,
Speaker 8: how I am it.
Speaker 3: Is not a positive thing.
Speaker 8: It is it's it's an acceptance instead of reaching for
Speaker 8: something else or knowing that and not saying somebody else,
Speaker 8: but just in this relationship, instead of expecting greater, I'm
Speaker 8: just gonna accept what is. That's what I's a coasting
Speaker 8: and coasting like in my mind because like I'm a
Speaker 8: visual person, Like if I take my foot off the wheel,
Speaker 8: it's not that like I could have diverted or stopped.
Speaker 8: It's an eventual stop. Like you know for a fact,
Speaker 8: it's the car is gonna stop. So do you think
Speaker 8: Chelsea's making a mistake in coasting?
Speaker 3: I don't know your relationship with I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I'm saying if you heard, if
Speaker 1: you didn't know her and whatever, would I wouldn't be
Speaker 1: if I were you, I wouldn't be happy with that.
Speaker 8: With hearing my wife say I'm coasting and I'm comfortable
Speaker 8: with it, that's not a good thing. Yeah, well, can
Speaker 8: I tell you something. It's not good because the two
Speaker 8: things that have happened are things that we're still living
Speaker 8: with from the past of bringing them up all the time, Chelsea,
Speaker 8: Kevin thinks that you should stop coasting and get out
Speaker 8: of this relationship.
Speaker 3: Now when I start to come.
Speaker 8: Chelsea, that's not exactly you know, that's not exactly what happened.
Speaker 8: He played a clip. I don't know if you're if
Speaker 8: you were listening or if you know what clip was played,
Speaker 8: but it was somewhere in a conversation where you talked
Speaker 8: about coasting, and I don't take what you said as
Speaker 8: a positive thing when you said it, was that a
Speaker 8: positive way of expressing how you feel in a relationship,
Speaker 8: or was that like, I'm at my wits end, this
Speaker 8: is I give up.
Speaker 3: Basically, this is what it is, and I'll just accept it.
Speaker 5: Okay, something, admit something.
Speaker 4: I was not listening and so sorry, But when I
Speaker 4: said I was coasting, I don't remember how you said.
Speaker 1: What you said was that you have we've talked about
Speaker 1: the two things that have not happened, and we talked
Speaker 1: about you said, I've been in this relationship since i
Speaker 1: was seventeen years old. I'm now fifty I'm now fifty
Speaker 1: one years old, and I've been going through this and
Speaker 1: I've just done just understood that I can deal with
Speaker 1: this and I can just you know, because.
Speaker 6: The rest of your life like this and be Okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I think what do I mean by that?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 5: I mean that.
Speaker 4: Our relationship isn't horrible. It's you know, I don't think
Speaker 4: there's a great, great relationship, but that's definitely not horrible.
Speaker 4: And I think that we've made it work what we have.
Speaker 5: And yes, I've.
Speaker 4: Asked for two things to happen, you know, for me,
Speaker 4: just like you've asked for things to happen for you.
Speaker 4: We haven't done it for each other. But we're still here,
Speaker 4: and I think that we can. We can go through
Speaker 4: life like the rest of our life like this. If
Speaker 4: you're not going to.
Speaker 5: Give it, I'm not going to give it.
Speaker 3: And it's not to say that.
Speaker 1: It's not to say that we may give it, you know,
Speaker 1: And it's not to say that we're putting our feet
Speaker 1: in the sand and not going to do it. We're
Speaker 1: waiting for each other to be able to make.
Speaker 4: It saying yeah, it's not like a life altering I've
Speaker 4: made it this far, and you've made it this far.
Speaker 4: We've had great times about bad times.
Speaker 5: But we have great times too. So you know, if I.
Speaker 4: Don't get it, I don't get it.
Speaker 5: If you don't get it, you don't get it. I think.
Speaker 5: I think that's what I mean. It's not awful, you know.
Speaker 3: Would you be happy to continue on as you are?
Speaker 5: Yeah, i'd be fine.
Speaker 4: Again, I don't I'm not trapped in this awful, horrible marriage.
Speaker 4: But I don't unless you have been in a relationship
Speaker 4: where and I think every relationship is like this. Your
Speaker 4: needs are your needs are never one hundred percent meant.
Speaker 4: And I think that that is okay. I can vocalize it,
Speaker 4: and if you can't give it to me, then that's
Speaker 4: what I have to realize then how to go without it?
Speaker 4: And I have and I'm still okay. I'm not stuck in.
Speaker 5: A horrible marriage.
Speaker 4: I you know, I'm not married to a horrible person.
Speaker 4: There are some things that I would love to have,
Speaker 4: but if it can't be given, then that's okay, you know,
Speaker 4: but I'm still going to vocalize what I mean.
Speaker 3: Heather wants to make account with.
Speaker 7: Up Heather, Hi morning everyone, the morning, And I you
Speaker 7: know what, I appreciate you guys talking about your marriage.
Speaker 7: I've been with my husband for almost a decade. We've
Speaker 7: been married for five years. So it's you know, it's
Speaker 7: nice that you guys are talking about everything, but it's
Speaker 7: it also makes me sad because it just and I
Speaker 7: could be wrong, but it You should want greatness for
Speaker 7: each other. You should want to be the best, best
Speaker 7: version of yourself for each other. And if you know
Speaker 7: you guys can't do that, then something has to, you know, something, hang.
Speaker 3: So do you? So what do you do? Then let
Speaker 3: me ask you this.
Speaker 1: Ether you've been in a decade this and if your
Speaker 1: husband can't give you greatness, are you going to walk away?
Speaker 7: I'm not going to walk away. No, But I think
Speaker 7: that you need to figure out the core reason why
Speaker 7: you can't give that to right to someone and if
Speaker 7: that's fundamentally just that you can't.
Speaker 1: Do, I mean, is there anything in your relationship though?
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna put this on you because I really
Speaker 1: I will say this to you. We are we live
Speaker 1: in a walk away society where in the yeah, we
Speaker 1: live in a society where we will we don't like it,
Speaker 1: we walk out, we leave. And I think that if
Speaker 1: it's not something and I'm sure there's got to be
Speaker 1: something in your relationship in the ten years that you've
Speaker 1: been together that your husband does that drives you effing
Speaker 1: crazy and if he can't get past it, but it's
Speaker 1: just part of his habit that he does, that's not greatness.
Speaker 1: So you talk about that because you don't know what
Speaker 1: our things are that we're talking about because we're not
Speaker 1: revealing them.
Speaker 3: But will you will? Will you walk away?
Speaker 1: Because you're trying to judge the comment that Chelsea said
Speaker 1: and trying to be like, hey, I think that that's
Speaker 1: sad for you guys.
Speaker 3: Well, it's not sad for us. That's all that matters.
Speaker 7: And everyone, everyone's relationship is is totally different. You know,
Speaker 7: you guys have been together for so long, and I
Speaker 7: I admire that.
Speaker 9: Like you said, I think we live in a society
Speaker 9: that you know, you know, walks away quickly when when
Speaker 9: things get hard, especially especially younger generations, I think have
Speaker 9: the tendency to do that.
Speaker 1: Actually, I think all generations do. I hate and I
Speaker 1: and I listen. I agree with you that I think
Speaker 1: that we're we've modeled for our our kids, or we've
Speaker 1: modeled you know, our parents modeled for us differences, But
Speaker 1: I think every generation is is uh. You know, if
Speaker 1: it's hard, I'm going to quit. I don't want to
Speaker 1: do it, you know what I mean?
Speaker 8: And sometimes quitting is the best option sometimes but not
Speaker 8: all times. So that's why I use the word sometimes. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 8: sometimes it is.
Speaker 4: You can also want greatness and realize that you're human
Speaker 4: and you will fall short on that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like I can.
Speaker 4: I can expect there are things that I expect in
Speaker 4: my marriage, but I'm also expecting that from someone who
Speaker 4: is a human who has faults and quite frankly just
Speaker 4: sometimes can't live up to my expectations.
Speaker 5: That's okay. I'm not saying this.
Speaker 4: Isn't make it or break it, but I am at
Speaker 4: fifty one saying this is what I've asked for, this
Speaker 4: is what I would like.
Speaker 5: I'm not going to.
Speaker 4: Divorce you if you don't get it to me, but
Speaker 4: you know, this is what I would like.
Speaker 3: I think you may not like.
Speaker 8: Obviously, perfection is going to be a mark that no
Speaker 8: one will ever hit, and obviously greatness may mirror perfection.
Speaker 8: If you're not after greatness, you're after effort, and I
Speaker 8: think what you're looking for is effort, and if you're
Speaker 8: not meeting effort, then you're never going to get anything.
Speaker 6: If there is a blatant disregard when a husband or
Speaker 6: a wife asks for something and you just don't even
Speaker 6: acknowledge it, and there's a blatant disregard for that need
Speaker 6: rather than like the intention of trying, and you might fail,
Speaker 6: you might continuously fail, but at least you're trying to
Speaker 6: meet that need. I think there's a really big difference there, true.
Speaker 3: Danielle, What's up. It's Moje on the morning.
Speaker 10: Hey, good morning, Good morning, Mojo. I value and appreciate
Speaker 10: your perspective on this idea of coasting. I've been married
Speaker 10: only for one year. I'm a licensed marriage family therapist,
Speaker 10: and I see couples all the time who want to
Speaker 10: just get rid of a marriage is because they are
Speaker 10: not perfect or they're not their idea of perfection.
Speaker 7: And while we have to also understand.
Speaker 10: You guys, we don't even know what the issues are
Speaker 10: because of Mojo's respect for their marriage, we don't even
Speaker 10: know what those things are. And when we're talking about coasting,
Speaker 10: sometimes the idea is that I have a healthy relationship
Speaker 10: with a person that I love.
Speaker 7: I'm committed to this relationship.
Speaker 10: I'm not going to get everything I want. I think
Speaker 10: that there's just value in us recognizing that you're just
Speaker 10: not going to get everything you want, and depending on
Speaker 10: what that is, you do get to decide if it's
Speaker 10: something you want to walk away from or not. But
Speaker 10: I really appreciate this perspective that you're bringing, and I
Speaker 10: wanted to call and say that, and.
Speaker 3: You're actually you said you're a therapist.
Speaker 7: I am.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, how many people come into
Speaker 1: your therapy office and you know right away they've already
Speaker 1: given up on the relationship.
Speaker 10: Unfortunately, more times than not, I think people come to
Speaker 10: a couple therapies once they already have decided, but I
Speaker 10: think there is still a small amount of hope. But
Speaker 10: I do think that sometimes people come to a couple
Speaker 10: therapy with the idea that we can say we did
Speaker 10: everything we can. But sometimes there's no longer a desire
Speaker 10: to put forth effort because of so much pain.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll say this.
Speaker 1: We talk on the next episode, which is going to
Speaker 1: come out next week on Monday, so be next Monday,
Speaker 1: and we talk about the therapists that we went to.
Speaker 1: We went to so many different therapists over time in psychologists,
Speaker 1: and there was therapists that made us worse and then
Speaker 1: there was those that made us closer together. And it's
Speaker 1: really interesting to see the progression of where we are
Speaker 1: in our relationship right now, Like Chelsea's not really your
Speaker 1: Chelsea're not as much into therapy right now? Are you
Speaker 1: as as you were or we had to be you?
Speaker 5: Or Vivas and the Lonondo therapy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I do think that in Daniellis is for
Speaker 1: you when people come in there. I do think that
Speaker 1: I went to a therapist one time that the first
Speaker 1: moment that I told this guy, like the first hour
Speaker 1: session I had with him, or fifty minutes for some reason,
Speaker 1: you guys do fifty minute sessions. And he literally said
Speaker 1: to me at the end, I think you should look
Speaker 1: for an attorney. And he was doing it based off
Speaker 1: of just what I said. And here's the problem. You
Speaker 1: just heard my point of the story. You did not
Speaker 1: hear my wife's perspective on the story. Yeah, to now
Speaker 1: just tell me that so and I think that's the
Speaker 1: same thing that we just got at the beginning of
Speaker 1: this conversation when you just heard Chelsea's point of this thing.
Speaker 1: You didn't hear what I had to say about what
Speaker 1: was going on, and then everybody made a judgment on
Speaker 1: the coasting part.
Speaker 7: So yeah, I think.
Speaker 10: And the type of therapist I am, I don't necessarily
Speaker 10: give advice or tell people. I'm an emotionally focused therapy therapist,
Speaker 10: which means that I help people understand what's the emotional
Speaker 10: driver based on the situation.
Speaker 7: So if it's Mojo and.
Speaker 10: It's Chelsea, what emotions are you feeling in the absence
Speaker 10: of that thing? And how can we talk about integration
Speaker 10: or living our lives in the absence.
Speaker 7: If you choose to continue to walk this walk together?
Speaker 7: And so I value the work I do.
Speaker 10: I just I hope that you guys have many more
Speaker 10: years to come, and I hope that you both get
Speaker 10: those things. And if you don't, I hope that you
Speaker 10: can see to find greatness.
Speaker 3: And want tonk you.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Danielle, appreciate Where do you practice? Where are
Speaker 1: you at so people know about you?
Speaker 10: Yeah, I'm a private practice. My practice is journey through therapy.
Speaker 7: And coaching services.
Speaker 10: And shout out to my husband who's listening because we
Speaker 10: like to listen on our drives and I was like,
Speaker 10: listen to Mojo. So he has no idea that I'm
Speaker 10: calling this morning.
Speaker 7: He's probably like, what is.
Speaker 3: She doing on the radio?
Speaker 1: You know what is an interesting thing that Chelsea and
Speaker 1: I have done before on the podcast and you probably
Speaker 1: heard will we will grade our relationship at that particular
Speaker 1: moment and how happy we are in the relationship. You
Speaker 1: and your husband do that tonight watching, but do it
Speaker 1: after you drink open up.
Speaker 3: A bottle of wine. The grades always get better.
Speaker 10: I think that opens up a can of l but
Speaker 10: you know what, you have to have me back as
Speaker 10: a guest so we can talk more about it.
Speaker 7: I'm not sure I'm a pan of that.
Speaker 10: But thank you for having me Danielle talking to Lydia.
Speaker 1: Get Danielle's number. We should have her talk to her
Speaker 1: from time time. I like that therapist, Danielle. What would
Speaker 1: you grade the relationship right now? Honestly? With Chelsea and I,
Speaker 1: I think that we're We struggled hard on Sunday. I
Speaker 1: think that that struggle needed to happen because we were
Speaker 1: going through as she would talk about the coasting thing,
Speaker 1: but it brought us off to start talking about it.
Speaker 1: But I think that our relationship has a lot of variables.
Speaker 1: She's dealing with health issues in a huge way right
Speaker 1: now and I am too, and so we both have
Speaker 1: other stuff on our minds that are I think taking
Speaker 1: away from the two of us. And I do think this,
Speaker 1: and Chelsea, I don't know your thoughts on this, but
Speaker 1: I do think that that along with things that we
Speaker 1: got other stuff with our kids and then also work.
Speaker 1: You know, this place causes for a lot of things
Speaker 1: to compile. Like I don't think you're you put all
Speaker 1: the pressure on your relationship. In usually you take the
Speaker 1: pressure off of the other stuff, and in reality, the
Speaker 1: other stuff is probably affecting us more than even Our
Speaker 1: relationship is so like a B plus, No, I probably
Speaker 1: say that when we're a C plus B minus maybe
Speaker 1: right now, Here's the thing.
Speaker 4: Though it's not for me, I think it's really important.
Speaker 4: Like I don't think coasting is a bad thing. I
Speaker 4: think coasting can get you through like like he just said, like,
Speaker 4: we're both having some issues going on, but if I
Speaker 4: lean on him to help me get through it, he
Speaker 4: leans on me. I will say that I one hundred
Speaker 4: am I the best wife? No, but I know that
Speaker 4: I am his biggest cheerleader.
Speaker 5: I'm there for him when he needs it.
Speaker 4: Health Wise, I am like I know I excel in
Speaker 4: those areas. Can I improve in other areas and I
Speaker 4: need to try to work on them. But I also
Speaker 4: am at a moment right now in my life where
Speaker 4: I'm going to put myself first if I'd never have,
Speaker 4: and I have to, Like, there's just some things going
Speaker 4: on with me that I have to put myself first.
Speaker 4: And this is where I need him to step up
Speaker 4: and realize and he is, but step up and realize, Hey,
Speaker 4: you're going to take a little bit of a backseat.
Speaker 4: But it's okay because it will circle back around. It
Speaker 4: always does, it always does.
Speaker 3: I love you, Chelsea.
Speaker 1: Thank you for for coming on the air with us.
Speaker 1: And will you be there today when I come home?
Speaker 1: I love you.
Speaker 8: Will the locks be changed when I go home?
Speaker 5: I mean, he does have to wait and