WEBVTT - Two Things That Have Always Been a Problem 0:00:00.000 --> 0:00:03.240 All right, it's Mojo in the Morning show. So, in 0:00:03.279 --> 0:00:07.200 your marriage or in your relationship, do you have things 0:00:07.240 --> 0:00:11.480 that sometimes reoccur that cause for you and your significant 0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:14.920 other to get right back into what could be the 0:00:14.960 --> 0:00:18.280 worst part of your relationship, the fighting time in our 0:00:18.320 --> 0:00:21.799 relationship we do In this past week, Chelsea and I 0:00:21.840 --> 0:00:24.279 came to a head with that and it got to 0:00:24.320 --> 0:00:28.560 be so bad we couldn't even record our couple's podcasts 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:31.600 that we do that we don't podcast that we do, which, 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:33.360 by the way, we should have recorded it, because if 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:35.520 you could have heard the fight that we got into, 0:00:36.040 --> 0:00:38.880 it might have been the biggest downloads we would have 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:39.440 ever gotten. 0:00:39.440 --> 0:00:41.159 People would have been a fight, would have probably made 0:00:41.200 --> 0:00:44.640 the fight worse. People would have virally sent this thing out. 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:46.920 They would have called for help for us. They would 0:00:46.960 --> 0:00:50.000 have actually called for lawyers for us. That was that bad. 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:53.080 So we got into a fight, we didn't record it, 0:00:53.120 --> 0:00:55.160 and then the next day we did, and then we 0:00:55.240 --> 0:00:59.760 released the aftermath of that fight on the pre podcast, 0:01:01.000 --> 0:01:04.200 which is what this episode is titled, and it's the 0:01:04.200 --> 0:01:06.120 We Don't podcast. You can get it on the iHeartRadio 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:07.959 app or wherever you get podcasts to search. 0:01:08.000 --> 0:01:08.840 Mojo we Don't. 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:13.120 So there are two things that Chelsea and I have 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:16.039 come up in our relationship and has come up for 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.320 so many years. And when these two things come up, 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:22.800 it always ends up in us getting into an argument, 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:25.399 big time fight, maybe not even talking to each other 0:01:25.440 --> 0:01:27.880 for a while. I'm not going to get into what 0:01:27.920 --> 0:01:31.000 those two things out are out of respect for our 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:33.080 relationship and out of respect for the fact that we're 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:35.480 actually talking to each other and getting along with each other. 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:37.040 But I am going to play you just a little 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:39.720 clip from the podcast, and then I want to ask you, 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:42.920 are there common things that keep coming up in your 0:01:42.959 --> 0:01:45.760 relationship that always lead to a fight and you know 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:46.600 when they come. 0:01:46.480 --> 0:01:49.640 Up you're screwed? All right? This is from the we 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:50.520 Don't podcasts. 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:53.760 I think that I know that you and I are 0:01:53.840 --> 0:01:56.280 there for each other when we meet each in a 0:01:56.320 --> 0:02:02.200 crisis moment. I know that you and I enjoy being 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:08.520 around each other. But I also know that we're struggling, 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.919 you know, and do I think it's the end of 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:17.280 the world. No, I told you last night. I can 0:02:17.360 --> 0:02:19.079 coast the rest of my life like this. 0:02:19.720 --> 0:02:20.399 I really can. 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:24.080 I've made it this far. I've been with you since 0:02:24.120 --> 0:02:27.600 I was seventeen, I've asked you for a couple of things. 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:31.880 I haven't got them. So I can live I'm fifty one. 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.440 If I can live seventeen to fifty one with not 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:37.720 getting those things, I guess I can live the rest 0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:39.519 of my life that way, all right. 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:41.200 So that's just a little clip for the podcast. You 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.280 should go listen to that podcast. How does that make 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:43.640 you feel? 0:02:44.960 --> 0:02:45.480 Not great? 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:48.960 But there are things also that I have, you know, 0:02:49.040 --> 0:02:52.320 So I don't want to like say that and make 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:54.720 it seem like, well, touche, hold on a second, let 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:57.519 me throw my stuff. But I think in our relationship, 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:00.720 and I think in most relationships, to be real and honest, 0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:04.200 most relationships probably do have this. And I think that 0:03:05.240 --> 0:03:08.680 there are things that you are not giving the other 0:03:09.560 --> 0:03:12.359 that is also causing you to not get something from 0:03:12.360 --> 0:03:15.639 the other. And I think that that's where we are. 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:19.639 We are both in that period. And it's the thing 0:03:19.680 --> 0:03:22.240 that was hardest to listen to what Chelsea is. I 0:03:22.320 --> 0:03:25.280 can coast when she said that, and we're going to 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:27.960 get into that on the next week's episode. We actually 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:31.440 taped that last night so that we could do be 0:03:31.560 --> 0:03:33.840 right in the moment, so we don't forget anything. And 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:38.520 we talked a lot about you know, where we are 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:40.120 and where we want to be. 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:42.880 And I'm not going to lie to you, guys. 0:03:43.600 --> 0:03:46.440 We have had the worst of times in this relationship, 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:50.760 times where I know if we were other people, we 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:54.720 would have been already divorced. And there are definitely things 0:03:54.760 --> 0:03:57.440 in my head that I think about sometimes of man, 0:03:57.760 --> 0:03:59.600 you know, maybe we should, you know, like one of 0:03:59.640 --> 0:04:02.160 those things like where would we be? But I know 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:05.920 for a fact I wouldn't be as happy as I 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.880 am withich. I'll see, I just would be happier in 0:04:09.920 --> 0:04:13.320 those moments that this stuff comes up, because when it 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:17.120 comes up, you're just miserable, and you're just in a 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:21.240 very miserable place. And it's funny because I think a 0:04:21.240 --> 0:04:25.520 lot of relationships have argument cappers that happen all the time. 0:04:25.800 --> 0:04:28.320 A lot of times it's money. It could be communication, 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:30.880 it could be trust, it could be the in loss. 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:33.200 It could be time together, or honestly, it could be 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:36.120 independent time. And I think that there are some things 0:04:36.160 --> 0:04:40.440 that happen to you in your relationship, especially if your 0:04:40.480 --> 0:04:43.680 relationship is in a period where you're together for a 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:45.480 long period of time, you're dated or a long term 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:47.640 period of time, been together a long period of time, 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:50.760 But I think short short relationships get that way. 0:04:50.960 --> 0:04:51.719 You have. 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:56.800 Those relationships where they're so new and so fresh, and 0:04:56.839 --> 0:04:58.599 you know what it's like to drive a new car 0:04:58.760 --> 0:05:01.680 or to wear a fresh piece of clothing. It always 0:05:01.680 --> 0:05:04.159 feels good and everything's great, and then after a while 0:05:04.640 --> 0:05:07.080 it gets the stink on it because you've been wearing 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.880 it for a while. That's what a relationship is like. 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:11.680 Not even that I'm going to add to that, because 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:14.000 I feel like I'm still technically in a newer relationship, 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:16.400 will have been married for two years in May, but 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.159 I still I feel like we're still trying to figure 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:24.360 each other out and how like Wes' best communicates, how 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:27.760 I best communicate what things really bug him about me 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:30.640 and vice versa, Like we're still trying to figure that out, 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:34.360 and that that is a cause of many arguments for us. 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:37.239 But I think it's good that you are figuring that out, 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:40.200 and not like Mojo said, coasting like oh. 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:44.760 Yeah, but that yes, but it also leads to a 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:48.080 lot of stumbles, like a lot of issues. 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:50.599 See, I don't think coasting is bad, and I'm going 0:05:50.680 --> 0:05:52.320 to tell you why. I don't think coasting is bad. 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:56.840 You when you coast kind of have an idea that 0:05:56.920 --> 0:06:01.640 you're still moving, you're still going, and you're standing still, 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:05.400 or you're completely. 0:06:04.839 --> 0:06:06.919 Going and diverting where you're going. 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:10.719 Because you're trying to try to, you know, be good 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.240 for the other person and not be good for yourself. 0:06:13.720 --> 0:06:16.680 I think that is the worst parts of things. Like 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:19.520 I don't think Chelsea is coasting because she just knows 0:06:19.520 --> 0:06:21.800 that there's nothing better out there and she's been in 0:06:21.839 --> 0:06:24.200 this for a long period of time. I think she's 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:26.680 coasting because she knows that the coast is going to 0:06:26.760 --> 0:06:28.600 take her to a place that's going to actually be 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:36.320 better again. And I think, honestly I will say, oh yeah, yeah, 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:39.320 to call her back up, call it called Chelsea up 0:06:39.320 --> 0:06:41.920 and ask her where do you think why she's. 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:46.640 Cost I don't know why she's why your definition of coasting, 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:47.640 how I am it. 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:52.880 Is not a positive thing. 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:58.920 It is it's it's an acceptance instead of reaching for 0:06:59.000 --> 0:07:02.720 something else or knowing that and not saying somebody else, 0:07:02.720 --> 0:07:06.760 but just in this relationship, instead of expecting greater, I'm 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:09.920 just gonna accept what is. That's what I's a coasting 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:12.320 and coasting like in my mind because like I'm a 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:15.200 visual person, Like if I take my foot off the wheel, 0:07:16.040 --> 0:07:18.400 it's not that like I could have diverted or stopped. 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:21.160 It's an eventual stop. Like you know for a fact, 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:23.120 it's the car is gonna stop. So do you think 0:07:23.160 --> 0:07:24.680 Chelsea's making a mistake in coasting? 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:26.760 I don't know your relationship with I don't know. 0:07:26.840 --> 0:07:28.400 I don't know, but I'm saying if you heard, if 0:07:28.400 --> 0:07:31.120 you didn't know her and whatever, would I wouldn't be 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:33.160 if I were you, I wouldn't be happy with that. 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:35.440 With hearing my wife say I'm coasting and I'm comfortable 0:07:35.440 --> 0:07:37.600 with it, that's not a good thing. Yeah, well, can 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:40.120 I tell you something. It's not good because the two 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:42.280 things that have happened are things that we're still living 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:46.960 with from the past of bringing them up all the time, Chelsea, 0:07:47.040 --> 0:07:49.000 Kevin thinks that you should stop coasting and get out 0:07:49.000 --> 0:07:49.760 of this relationship. 0:07:50.120 --> 0:07:51.480 Now when I start to come. 0:07:55.480 --> 0:07:58.240 Chelsea, that's not exactly you know, that's not exactly what happened. 0:07:58.280 --> 0:08:00.240 He played a clip. I don't know if you're if 0:08:00.240 --> 0:08:02.160 you were listening or if you know what clip was played, 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:04.720 but it was somewhere in a conversation where you talked 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:08.840 about coasting, and I don't take what you said as 0:08:08.840 --> 0:08:12.000 a positive thing when you said it, was that a 0:08:12.120 --> 0:08:15.360 positive way of expressing how you feel in a relationship, 0:08:15.440 --> 0:08:17.480 or was that like, I'm at my wits end, this 0:08:17.600 --> 0:08:18.520 is I give up. 0:08:18.520 --> 0:08:20.760 Basically, this is what it is, and I'll just accept it. 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:23.760 Okay, something, admit something. 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:29.160 I was not listening and so sorry, But when I 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:33.720 said I was coasting, I don't remember how you said. 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:37.000 What you said was that you have we've talked about 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:39.560 the two things that have not happened, and we talked 0:08:39.559 --> 0:08:42.440 about you said, I've been in this relationship since i 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:45.760 was seventeen years old. I'm now fifty I'm now fifty 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.440 one years old, and I've been going through this and 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:51.680 I've just done just understood that I can deal with 0:08:51.720 --> 0:08:54.599 this and I can just you know, because. 0:08:54.320 --> 0:08:55.800 The rest of your life like this and be Okay. 0:08:55.960 --> 0:09:01.280 Yeah, yeah, I think what do I mean by that? 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:03.120 Yeah? 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:04.000 I mean that. 0:09:05.800 --> 0:09:09.280 Our relationship isn't horrible. It's you know, I don't think 0:09:09.400 --> 0:09:12.200 there's a great, great relationship, but that's definitely not horrible. 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:15.960 And I think that we've made it work what we have. 0:09:16.520 --> 0:09:18.480 And yes, I've. 0:09:18.400 --> 0:09:21.040 Asked for two things to happen, you know, for me, 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:24.000 just like you've asked for things to happen for you. 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:26.200 We haven't done it for each other. But we're still here, 0:09:26.400 --> 0:09:29.680 and I think that we can. We can go through 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:31.600 life like the rest of our life like this. If 0:09:31.640 --> 0:09:32.280 you're not going to. 0:09:32.200 --> 0:09:33.439 Give it, I'm not going to give it. 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:35.520 And it's not to say that. 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:39.680 It's not to say that we may give it, you know, 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:41.720 And it's not to say that we're putting our feet 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:43.560 in the sand and not going to do it. We're 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:45.600 waiting for each other to be able to make. 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:49.880 It saying yeah, it's not like a life altering I've 0:09:49.880 --> 0:09:53.040 made it this far, and you've made it this far. 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:55.320 We've had great times about bad times. 0:09:55.120 --> 0:09:58.520 But we have great times too. So you know, if I. 0:09:58.520 --> 0:09:59.640 Don't get it, I don't get it. 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:01.880 If you don't get it, you don't get it. I think. 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:06.200 I think that's what I mean. It's not awful, you know. 0:10:06.640 --> 0:10:09.800 Would you be happy to continue on as you are? 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:12.360 Yeah, i'd be fine. 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:17.040 Again, I don't I'm not trapped in this awful, horrible marriage. 0:10:17.760 --> 0:10:21.679 But I don't unless you have been in a relationship 0:10:21.760 --> 0:10:24.319 where and I think every relationship is like this. Your 0:10:24.400 --> 0:10:26.880 needs are your needs are never one hundred percent meant. 0:10:27.040 --> 0:10:29.800 And I think that that is okay. I can vocalize it, 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:32.400 and if you can't give it to me, then that's 0:10:32.400 --> 0:10:36.360 what I have to realize then how to go without it? 0:10:36.440 --> 0:10:39.679 And I have and I'm still okay. I'm not stuck in. 0:10:39.640 --> 0:10:40.840 A horrible marriage. 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:44.040 I you know, I'm not married to a horrible person. 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.439 There are some things that I would love to have, 0:10:46.920 --> 0:10:49.400 but if it can't be given, then that's okay, you know, 0:10:50.040 --> 0:10:52.120 but I'm still going to vocalize what I mean. 0:10:52.480 --> 0:10:53.800 Heather wants to make account with. 0:10:53.880 --> 0:11:00.160 Up Heather, Hi morning everyone, the morning, And I you 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:03.240 know what, I appreciate you guys talking about your marriage. 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:06.160 I've been with my husband for almost a decade. We've 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:10.280 been married for five years. So it's you know, it's 0:11:10.360 --> 0:11:13.360 nice that you guys are talking about everything, but it's 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:15.800 it also makes me sad because it just and I 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:19.080 could be wrong, but it You should want greatness for 0:11:19.160 --> 0:11:21.320 each other. You should want to be the best, best 0:11:21.400 --> 0:11:25.280 version of yourself for each other. And if you know 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:29.280 you guys can't do that, then something has to, you know, something, hang. 0:11:29.120 --> 0:11:31.200 So do you? So what do you do? Then let 0:11:31.240 --> 0:11:31.760 me ask you this. 0:11:31.800 --> 0:11:34.680 Ether you've been in a decade this and if your 0:11:34.840 --> 0:11:38.080 husband can't give you greatness, are you going to walk away? 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:42.079 I'm not going to walk away. No, But I think 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:48.200 that you need to figure out the core reason why 0:11:48.320 --> 0:11:51.679 you can't give that to right to someone and if 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:55.720 that's fundamentally just that you can't. 0:11:55.679 --> 0:11:58.360 Do, I mean, is there anything in your relationship though? 0:11:58.400 --> 0:12:00.839 But I'm gonna put this on you because I really 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:02.880 I will say this to you. We are we live 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:06.559 in a walk away society where in the yeah, we 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:10.640 live in a society where we will we don't like it, 0:12:10.760 --> 0:12:14.400 we walk out, we leave. And I think that if 0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:17.120 it's not something and I'm sure there's got to be 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:19.200 something in your relationship in the ten years that you've 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:22.319 been together that your husband does that drives you effing 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:26.360 crazy and if he can't get past it, but it's 0:12:26.400 --> 0:12:31.840 just part of his habit that he does, that's not greatness. 0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:34.400 So you talk about that because you don't know what 0:12:34.520 --> 0:12:37.160 our things are that we're talking about because we're not 0:12:37.200 --> 0:12:37.920 revealing them. 0:12:38.320 --> 0:12:40.760 But will you will? Will you walk away? 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:44.600 Because you're trying to judge the comment that Chelsea said 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:47.360 and trying to be like, hey, I think that that's 0:12:47.360 --> 0:12:48.199 sad for you guys. 0:12:48.720 --> 0:12:52.640 Well, it's not sad for us. That's all that matters. 0:12:52.760 --> 0:12:57.440 And everyone, everyone's relationship is is totally different. You know, 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:00.080 you guys have been together for so long, and I 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:00.640 I admire that. 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:02.640 Like you said, I think we live in a society 0:13:02.800 --> 0:13:07.400 that you know, you know, walks away quickly when when 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:11.280 things get hard, especially especially younger generations, I think have 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:12.640 the tendency to do that. 0:13:12.679 --> 0:13:15.199 Actually, I think all generations do. I hate and I 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:16.920 and I listen. I agree with you that I think 0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:21.320 that we're we've modeled for our our kids, or we've 0:13:21.640 --> 0:13:25.080 modeled you know, our parents modeled for us differences, But 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:30.200 I think every generation is is uh. You know, if 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:31.880 it's hard, I'm going to quit. I don't want to 0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:32.760 do it, you know what I mean? 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:36.800 And sometimes quitting is the best option sometimes but not 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:40.280 all times. So that's why I use the word sometimes. Yeah, yeah, 0:13:40.320 --> 0:13:41.240 sometimes it is. 0:13:42.559 --> 0:13:46.640 You can also want greatness and realize that you're human 0:13:47.120 --> 0:13:48.760 and you will fall short on that. 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:49.880 Yeah, Like I can. 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.960 I can expect there are things that I expect in 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:56.320 my marriage, but I'm also expecting that from someone who 0:13:56.400 --> 0:14:00.960 is a human who has faults and quite frankly just 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:04.240 sometimes can't live up to my expectations. 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:06.120 That's okay. I'm not saying this. 0:14:06.040 --> 0:14:08.960 Isn't make it or break it, but I am at 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:11.480 fifty one saying this is what I've asked for, this 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:13.120 is what I would like. 0:14:13.400 --> 0:14:14.480 I'm not going to. 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:16.240 Divorce you if you don't get it to me, but 0:14:17.000 --> 0:14:18.400 you know, this is what I would like. 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:21.160 I think you may not like. 0:14:21.320 --> 0:14:24.080 Obviously, perfection is going to be a mark that no 0:14:24.120 --> 0:14:28.520 one will ever hit, and obviously greatness may mirror perfection. 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:32.080 If you're not after greatness, you're after effort, and I 0:14:32.120 --> 0:14:36.120 think what you're looking for is effort, and if you're 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:39.000 not meeting effort, then you're never going to get anything. 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:42.000 If there is a blatant disregard when a husband or 0:14:42.040 --> 0:14:45.560 a wife asks for something and you just don't even 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:48.000 acknowledge it, and there's a blatant disregard for that need 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:51.040 rather than like the intention of trying, and you might fail, 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:53.360 you might continuously fail, but at least you're trying to 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:55.640 meet that need. I think there's a really big difference there, true. 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.200 Danielle, What's up. It's Moje on the morning. 0:14:57.560 --> 0:15:01.600 Hey, good morning, Good morning, Mojo. I value and appreciate 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:05.200 your perspective on this idea of coasting. I've been married 0:15:05.240 --> 0:15:08.560 only for one year. I'm a licensed marriage family therapist, 0:15:08.880 --> 0:15:11.960 and I see couples all the time who want to 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.000 just get rid of a marriage is because they are 0:15:15.040 --> 0:15:18.000 not perfect or they're not their idea of perfection. 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.480 And while we have to also understand. 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:22.640 You guys, we don't even know what the issues are 0:15:22.760 --> 0:15:25.280 because of Mojo's respect for their marriage, we don't even 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:28.360 know what those things are. And when we're talking about coasting, 0:15:28.440 --> 0:15:31.440 sometimes the idea is that I have a healthy relationship 0:15:31.480 --> 0:15:32.480 with a person that I love. 0:15:32.560 --> 0:15:34.120 I'm committed to this relationship. 0:15:34.440 --> 0:15:37.120 I'm not going to get everything I want. I think 0:15:37.160 --> 0:15:40.040 that there's just value in us recognizing that you're just 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:42.400 not going to get everything you want, and depending on 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:44.720 what that is, you do get to decide if it's 0:15:44.720 --> 0:15:46.600 something you want to walk away from or not. But 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:50.000 I really appreciate this perspective that you're bringing, and I 0:15:50.000 --> 0:15:51.560 wanted to call and say that, and. 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.160 You're actually you said you're a therapist. 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:54.280 I am. 0:15:55.200 --> 0:15:57.240 Let me ask you this, how many people come into 0:15:57.280 --> 0:16:01.520 your therapy office and you know right away they've already 0:16:01.520 --> 0:16:02.640 given up on the relationship. 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:07.040 Unfortunately, more times than not, I think people come to 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:10.720 a couple therapies once they already have decided, but I 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:12.720 think there is still a small amount of hope. But 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:14.680 I do think that sometimes people come to a couple 0:16:14.800 --> 0:16:18.120 therapy with the idea that we can say we did 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.920 everything we can. But sometimes there's no longer a desire 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:23.040 to put forth effort because of so much pain. 0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.480 Yeah, I'll say this. 0:16:25.640 --> 0:16:27.400 We talk on the next episode, which is going to 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:31.480 come out next week on Monday, so be next Monday, 0:16:31.720 --> 0:16:34.360 and we talk about the therapists that we went to. 0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:38.040 We went to so many different therapists over time in psychologists, 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.920 and there was therapists that made us worse and then 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:44.920 there was those that made us closer together. And it's 0:16:45.040 --> 0:16:49.560 really interesting to see the progression of where we are 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:53.360 in our relationship right now, Like Chelsea's not really your 0:16:53.400 --> 0:16:55.600 Chelsea're not as much into therapy right now? Are you 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:59.280 as as you were or we had to be you? 0:16:59.400 --> 0:17:01.040 Or Vivas and the Lonondo therapy. 0:17:01.280 --> 0:17:04.760 Yeah, And I do think that in Daniellis is for 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:07.600 you when people come in there. I do think that 0:17:08.600 --> 0:17:10.560 I went to a therapist one time that the first 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:13.840 moment that I told this guy, like the first hour 0:17:13.920 --> 0:17:16.359 session I had with him, or fifty minutes for some reason, 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:20.200 you guys do fifty minute sessions. And he literally said 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.200 to me at the end, I think you should look 0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:24.400 for an attorney. And he was doing it based off 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:27.240 of just what I said. And here's the problem. You 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:29.439 just heard my point of the story. You did not 0:17:29.520 --> 0:17:31.920 hear my wife's perspective on the story. Yeah, to now 0:17:32.080 --> 0:17:35.480 just tell me that so and I think that's the 0:17:35.520 --> 0:17:37.280 same thing that we just got at the beginning of 0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:39.600 this conversation when you just heard Chelsea's point of this thing. 0:17:39.640 --> 0:17:42.120 You didn't hear what I had to say about what 0:17:42.200 --> 0:17:44.440 was going on, and then everybody made a judgment on 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:45.960 the coasting part. 0:17:46.080 --> 0:17:47.600 So yeah, I think. 0:17:47.680 --> 0:17:50.159 And the type of therapist I am, I don't necessarily 0:17:50.160 --> 0:17:53.960 give advice or tell people. I'm an emotionally focused therapy therapist, 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.440 which means that I help people understand what's the emotional 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.200 driver based on the situation. 0:17:58.359 --> 0:17:59.240 So if it's Mojo and. 0:17:59.280 --> 0:18:02.359 It's Chelsea, what emotions are you feeling in the absence 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:05.000 of that thing? And how can we talk about integration 0:18:05.160 --> 0:18:07.480 or living our lives in the absence. 0:18:07.280 --> 0:18:09.520 If you choose to continue to walk this walk together? 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:11.239 And so I value the work I do. 0:18:11.320 --> 0:18:13.000 I just I hope that you guys have many more 0:18:13.080 --> 0:18:14.960 years to come, and I hope that you both get 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:16.960 those things. And if you don't, I hope that you 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:18.520 can see to find greatness. 0:18:18.080 --> 0:18:18.879 And want tonk you. 0:18:19.040 --> 0:18:21.439 Thank you, Danielle, appreciate Where do you practice? Where are 0:18:21.480 --> 0:18:22.840 you at so people know about you? 0:18:23.720 --> 0:18:26.920 Yeah, I'm a private practice. My practice is journey through therapy. 0:18:26.600 --> 0:18:27.560 And coaching services. 0:18:27.560 --> 0:18:29.359 And shout out to my husband who's listening because we 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:31.000 like to listen on our drives and I was like, 0:18:31.000 --> 0:18:33.040 listen to Mojo. So he has no idea that I'm 0:18:33.040 --> 0:18:33.640 calling this morning. 0:18:33.680 --> 0:18:34.760 He's probably like, what is. 0:18:34.720 --> 0:18:35.560 She doing on the radio? 0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:38.879 You know what is an interesting thing that Chelsea and 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:40.600 I have done before on the podcast and you probably 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:43.680 heard will we will grade our relationship at that particular 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:46.679 moment and how happy we are in the relationship. You 0:18:46.760 --> 0:18:52.040 and your husband do that tonight watching, but do it 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:55.320 after you drink open up. 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:57.600 A bottle of wine. The grades always get better. 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:00.359 I think that opens up a can of l but 0:19:00.440 --> 0:19:02.040 you know what, you have to have me back as 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:03.480 a guest so we can talk more about it. 0:19:03.800 --> 0:19:05.320 I'm not sure I'm a pan of that. 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:08.160