WEBVTT - His Family Is A Mess

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<v Speaker 1>Raina. That's on the phone.

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<v Speaker 2>Rain is on the phone.

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<v Speaker 1>Raina has a question. And when you have a question,

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<v Speaker 1>you've got to ask whise people that will give you

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<v Speaker 1>some good advice. But they weren't available. So here we are, Raina.

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<v Speaker 1>Tell me your story and we'll see we can help

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<v Speaker 1>you out a little bit.

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<v Speaker 3>Hey. Yeah, so I am dating this person and his

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<v Speaker 3>family is kind of a mess. Like he has three brothers,

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<v Speaker 3>a dad, and his mom's not in a picture.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>So one of his brothers has been to jail for

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<v Speaker 3>drug possession. That's one. Another brother robbed a liquor store

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<v Speaker 3>and then threw the gun into the ditch right outside

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<v Speaker 3>of the liquor store.

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<v Speaker 1>So prints are all over. So he thinks of a

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<v Speaker 1>good place to throw the gun that he probably stole

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<v Speaker 1>in the first place. Is oh, get rid of the evidence,

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<v Speaker 1>throw it in the ditch. They found it fingerprint evidence,

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<v Speaker 1>went to prison. How long was he in prison? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Eight years? Eight years? Yeah, don't rob a liquor store

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<v Speaker 1>with Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>But the good news is the third brother is actually normal,

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<v Speaker 3>hasn't gotten into any trouble.

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<v Speaker 1>So there's three. There's three brothers and then your guy. Okay.

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<v Speaker 3>Then also his dad almost went to prison for stealing

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<v Speaker 3>like converters, like catalytic convertible.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, catalytic conversion. Yeah, okay, got it.

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<v Speaker 3>So he's kind of awful too, like he raised two

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<v Speaker 3>good sons and two bad sons.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so so I mean fifty.

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<v Speaker 3>So and again the mom's not in a picture, so.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, sure, but your guy's good, yes, yeah, he is good.

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<v Speaker 3>He is good. And then I'm I'm good. I guess

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<v Speaker 3>like I do well, I make good money, and I

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<v Speaker 3>drive an OUTI and I'm.

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<v Speaker 1>Humble, brug what year is your audi's like it is?

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<v Speaker 3>It is newer. The thing, here's my concern, Like they're

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<v Speaker 3>going his family, that's the bad one. They're gonna know

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<v Speaker 3>that we do well financially. So I just feel like

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<v Speaker 3>they're gonna come to us and ask for money, like, hey,

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<v Speaker 3>I need eight hundred dollars or I'm getting kicked out

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<v Speaker 3>of my apartment. Help me out. The thing is, my

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<v Speaker 3>family is pretty regular, like no one and my family

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<v Speaker 3>has ever been to jail. I just I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm kind of worried because I don't really want to

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<v Speaker 3>deal with a family. It does stuff like.

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<v Speaker 1>That valid concern though, I mean seriously, if especially if

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<v Speaker 1>they all live nearby and you're doing well, there will

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<v Speaker 1>be times. And I've had this in my family. My family,

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<v Speaker 1>certain people will hit me up for money and I

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<v Speaker 1>just don't. I just don't anymore, you know, I just

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<v Speaker 1>really don't. But they'll, you know, but I think it

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<v Speaker 1>will happen. They're going to hitch up for money, and

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<v Speaker 1>then they become bitter. They'll be like, well, you've got

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<v Speaker 1>a nice house, you've got to you got plenty of money.

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<v Speaker 1>Could is that? I've Julie had that happen in her family.

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<v Speaker 1>Half that family had money, the other half were kind

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<v Speaker 1>of losers, and they would and if you didn't give

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<v Speaker 1>them money, they would get very angry, really very angry,

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<v Speaker 1>interesting like throw things as every like they're entitled, you mean,

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<v Speaker 1>like money titled necessarily, but but like you've got an

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<v Speaker 1>X ray eight hundred dollars you just got back from

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<v Speaker 1>you know, the Bahamash. So I guess the question is

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<v Speaker 1>is I would say approach with caution, But I would

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<v Speaker 1>say if you're if your boyfriend is a good buffer

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<v Speaker 1>with that family and knows how to handle him, then

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<v Speaker 1>I don't think you have anything to worry about. But

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<v Speaker 1>I'll bet there are people listening who it's like, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm married into this family and thereafter is for money

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<v Speaker 1>or rent money or a place to stay. Way too o.

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<v Speaker 4>That's like it's always something that's always probably yeah, someone

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<v Speaker 4>to text and say, is she dating my ex?

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<v Speaker 1>Another text says break up with him. It's not worth

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<v Speaker 1>the drama. But you care about this guy. And that's

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<v Speaker 1>easier said than don because you're gonna lose a guy

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<v Speaker 1>that you really really care about and you'll miss for

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<v Speaker 1>a long time, not because of.

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<v Speaker 4>Him, right, because of the back, because of the bad one.

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<v Speaker 1>Genny, you come from a trashy state. Have you had

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of this happen where you lived in Wisconsin?

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<v Speaker 2>I can't say that I have, and luckily, I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>I have some trashy relatives who are just awful that

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<v Speaker 2>I would highly recommend straying away from if you do

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<v Speaker 2>try to get involved in them. But like the rest

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<v Speaker 2>of us in the family are great, you know, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think that that shines a light on who

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<v Speaker 2>we are as people. We are separate from those relatives, right,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, I.

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<v Speaker 4>Feel like everyone's family, like in any family they have

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<v Speaker 4>you know, the quote unquote bad ones in the family.

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<v Speaker 4>And I see what Raina's concern is though, because her

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<v Speaker 4>bad ones are really close to the one that she's with,

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<v Speaker 4>because they're his brothers. So that makes sense like versus

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<v Speaker 4>you know, a cousin, Like I got that cousin that's

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<v Speaker 4>bended ja.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, they're like very accessible. And I mean to guess,

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<v Speaker 1>did they all live here locally?

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<v Speaker 3>They're on nearby, They're on nearby, Okay, I mean, well,

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<v Speaker 3>one other question, Like I'm just curious about people's thoughts

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<v Speaker 3>on this, Like do we think this is a genetic thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, I think it's a parenting thing. I think it

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<v Speaker 1>sounds more like a parenting thing. I don't know, maybe

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<v Speaker 1>genetic is you know, stupid as genetic. Yeah, I'm joking,

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<v Speaker 1>but I think that bad dad was like on parole

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<v Speaker 1>for stealing catalytic converters. That's probably just the tip of

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<v Speaker 1>the iceberg that you might know about dad. I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's just probably not the best parenting and parents, you know, really,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, come on, they have such an impact on

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<v Speaker 1>how their kids behave. And ask a teacher, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>teachers will be like, I get a bad kid that

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<v Speaker 1>I met the parent and I understood why. I'm sure

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<v Speaker 1>it happens all the time. Let us know, send me

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<v Speaker 1>a text or call me and let rain and know

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<v Speaker 1>whether you've been down that road before with a family

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<v Speaker 1>that you know, it was like, okay, they're kind of

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want to say mooches, but they're always there's

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<v Speaker 1>always a problem and it's never their fault and they

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<v Speaker 1>need something and they look at you, who you have

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<v Speaker 1>an abundance of resources, and they'll be like, well, you

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<v Speaker 1>should give me the eight hundred dollars.

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<v Speaker 4>We do have a lot of text messages saying I'm

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<v Speaker 4>currently in a one year relationship with somebody like that,

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<v Speaker 4>and I just straight up told him from the jump,

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<v Speaker 4>we're never helping people. Nobody's ever going to live here,

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<v Speaker 4>and he totally agrees. So I guess it's just a

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<v Speaker 4>matter of having a real honest conversation with your boyfriend.

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<v Speaker 1>And this one also.

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<v Speaker 4>Agrees a good kind of conversation to have with your partner.

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<v Speaker 4>If we were ever to get married, we need to

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<v Speaker 4>agree that we are not giving them money or letting

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<v Speaker 4>them live when well, let me.

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<v Speaker 1>Ask you, here's the ither think an important question, how

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<v Speaker 1>does your boyfriend or partner feel is he like, well,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, they're good guys, they just have some bad

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<v Speaker 1>things happen to them. You know, I gave my brother

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<v Speaker 1>twenty five hundred dollars and you know, what does your

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<v Speaker 1>boyfriend feel about it? Does he like, no, no, don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to help or is he like I got to

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<v Speaker 1>help here and there.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean he's he's more on the keeping his bounaries

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<v Speaker 3>with him. Yeah, But I don't know if he said like,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm definitely never going to help them, you know, I

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<v Speaker 3>since we've only been dating since the summer, like it's

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<v Speaker 3>it's serious, but it's you know, it's not like we're

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<v Speaker 3>not married or anything. So but I think that sounds

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<v Speaker 3>like a good idea to have those conversations really understand.

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<v Speaker 1>Like under no circumstances and make the first answer no. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>because once you loan one person money one time, it's

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<v Speaker 1>like feeding a stray cat. They'll be back because they

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<v Speaker 1>know you've got it. So I would say no from

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<v Speaker 1>the jump, Like you said, here's a text message at

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<v Speaker 1>KATWB one. It says I married somebody with a bad

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<v Speaker 1>family that is similar eleven years later, we're getting a

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<v Speaker 1>divorce and his family was a big reason always asking

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<v Speaker 1>for money, always drama, and my husband was the only

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<v Speaker 1>good one in the military college graduate. He eventually was

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<v Speaker 1>sneaking money to them to not cause problems with us,

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<v Speaker 1>and I found out about it. Not good.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but then other people are saying, like, I understand

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<v Speaker 4>her concern, but all she has to say is no

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<v Speaker 4>to the money questions.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't punish a good guy for the actions of his family.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but it's just hard that, like, if you do

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<v Speaker 2>end up intertwining your lives financially, that then like is

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<v Speaker 2>the brother is her boyfriend really going to say no

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<v Speaker 2>to his family if they are in dire need?

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<v Speaker 1>And that's the thing I mean seriously, of my XYZ

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<v Speaker 1>relatives said I'm gonna lose my house, I'm gonna live

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<v Speaker 1>in my car. Oh, then I'm gonna want to help.

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<v Speaker 1>Good luck, I would say, the best answer we got

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<v Speaker 1>is probably talked to him and just be firm from

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<v Speaker 1>the beginning that the answer is always going to be now.

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<v Speaker 1>But then good luck And the good news is you've

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<v Speaker 1>got a good one and that and that's the hard

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<v Speaker 1>It's hard to leave somebody who is good just because

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<v Speaker 1>of other things that are out of their control.