1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:01,120 Speaker 1: Raina. That's on the phone. 2 00:00:01,240 --> 00:00:01,960 Speaker 2: Rain is on the phone. 3 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,080 Speaker 1: Raina has a question. And when you have a question, 4 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:06,760 Speaker 1: you've got to ask whise people that will give you 5 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:12,080 Speaker 1: some good advice. But they weren't available. So here we are, Raina. 6 00:00:12,240 --> 00:00:13,880 Speaker 1: Tell me your story and we'll see we can help 7 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 1: you out a little bit. 8 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:23,200 Speaker 3: Hey. Yeah, so I am dating this person and his 9 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:27,320 Speaker 3: family is kind of a mess. Like he has three brothers, 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,760 Speaker 3: a dad, and his mom's not in a picture. 11 00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:31,600 Speaker 1: Okay. 12 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,880 Speaker 3: So one of his brothers has been to jail for 13 00:00:35,159 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 3: drug possession. That's one. Another brother robbed a liquor store 14 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 3: and then threw the gun into the ditch right outside 15 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 3: of the liquor store. 16 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 1: So prints are all over. So he thinks of a 17 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: good place to throw the gun that he probably stole 18 00:00:50,360 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 1: in the first place. Is oh, get rid of the evidence, 19 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: throw it in the ditch. They found it fingerprint evidence, 20 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,720 Speaker 1: went to prison. How long was he in prison? Yeah? 21 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:01,920 Speaker 1: Eight years? Eight years? Yeah, don't rob a liquor store 22 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,119 Speaker 1: with Yeah. 23 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,720 Speaker 3: But the good news is the third brother is actually normal, 24 00:01:06,760 --> 00:01:07,959 Speaker 3: hasn't gotten into any trouble. 25 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:12,039 Speaker 1: So there's three. There's three brothers and then your guy. Okay. 26 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:15,840 Speaker 3: Then also his dad almost went to prison for stealing 27 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:19,120 Speaker 3: like converters, like catalytic convertible. 28 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,120 Speaker 1: Oh, catalytic conversion. Yeah, okay, got it. 29 00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 3: So he's kind of awful too, like he raised two 30 00:01:24,920 --> 00:01:26,200 Speaker 3: good sons and two bad sons. 31 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 1: Okay, so so I mean fifty. 32 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 3: So and again the mom's not in a picture, so. 33 00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 1: Okay, sure, but your guy's good, yes, yeah, he is good. 34 00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 3: He is good. And then I'm I'm good. I guess 35 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 3: like I do well, I make good money, and I 36 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:45,880 Speaker 3: drive an OUTI and I'm. 37 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:52,200 Speaker 1: Humble, brug what year is your audi's like it is? 38 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 3: It is newer. The thing, here's my concern, Like they're 39 00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 3: going his family, that's the bad one. They're gonna know 40 00:02:04,360 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 3: that we do well financially. So I just feel like 41 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,639 Speaker 3: they're gonna come to us and ask for money, like, hey, 42 00:02:10,680 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 3: I need eight hundred dollars or I'm getting kicked out 43 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:14,920 Speaker 3: of my apartment. Help me out. The thing is, my 44 00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 3: family is pretty regular, like no one and my family 45 00:02:17,240 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 3: has ever been to jail. I just I don't know. 46 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 3: I'm kind of worried because I don't really want to 47 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,799 Speaker 3: deal with a family. It does stuff like. 48 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 1: That valid concern though, I mean seriously, if especially if 49 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: they all live nearby and you're doing well, there will 50 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,440 Speaker 1: be times. And I've had this in my family. My family, 51 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,200 Speaker 1: certain people will hit me up for money and I 52 00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 1: just don't. I just don't anymore, you know, I just 53 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: really don't. But they'll, you know, but I think it 54 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,200 Speaker 1: will happen. They're going to hitch up for money, and 55 00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,520 Speaker 1: then they become bitter. They'll be like, well, you've got 56 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: a nice house, you've got to you got plenty of money. 57 00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 1: Could is that? I've Julie had that happen in her family. 58 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,800 Speaker 1: Half that family had money, the other half were kind 59 00:02:55,840 --> 00:03:00,280 Speaker 1: of losers, and they would and if you didn't give 60 00:03:00,320 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: them money, they would get very angry, really very angry, 61 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,519 Speaker 1: interesting like throw things as every like they're entitled, you mean, 62 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: like money titled necessarily, but but like you've got an 63 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 1: X ray eight hundred dollars you just got back from 64 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 1: you know, the Bahamash. So I guess the question is 65 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:24,160 Speaker 1: is I would say approach with caution, But I would 66 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 1: say if you're if your boyfriend is a good buffer 67 00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 1: with that family and knows how to handle him, then 68 00:03:28,320 --> 00:03:30,120 Speaker 1: I don't think you have anything to worry about. But 69 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: I'll bet there are people listening who it's like, Yeah, 70 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,320 Speaker 1: I'm married into this family and thereafter is for money 71 00:03:35,360 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: or rent money or a place to stay. Way too o. 72 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:40,880 Speaker 4: That's like it's always something that's always probably yeah, someone 73 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 4: to text and say, is she dating my ex? 74 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: Another text says break up with him. It's not worth 75 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,720 Speaker 1: the drama. But you care about this guy. And that's 76 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,120 Speaker 1: easier said than don because you're gonna lose a guy 77 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:55,560 Speaker 1: that you really really care about and you'll miss for 78 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 1: a long time, not because of. 79 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,440 Speaker 4: Him, right, because of the back, because of the bad one. 80 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 1: Genny, you come from a trashy state. Have you had 81 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 1: a lot of this happen where you lived in Wisconsin? 82 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,520 Speaker 2: I can't say that I have, and luckily, I mean, 83 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 2: I have some trashy relatives who are just awful that 84 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,279 Speaker 2: I would highly recommend straying away from if you do 85 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 2: try to get involved in them. But like the rest 86 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 2: of us in the family are great, you know, Yeah, 87 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:22,480 Speaker 2: I don't think that that shines a light on who 88 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,400 Speaker 2: we are as people. We are separate from those relatives, right, 89 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:26,080 Speaker 2: you know, I. 90 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 4: Feel like everyone's family, like in any family they have 91 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,679 Speaker 4: you know, the quote unquote bad ones in the family. 92 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 4: And I see what Raina's concern is though, because her 93 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:38,640 Speaker 4: bad ones are really close to the one that she's with, 94 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,400 Speaker 4: because they're his brothers. So that makes sense like versus 95 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,920 Speaker 4: you know, a cousin, Like I got that cousin that's 96 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:44,440 Speaker 4: bended ja. 97 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, they're like very accessible. And I mean to guess, 98 00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,960 Speaker 1: did they all live here locally? 99 00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 3: They're on nearby, They're on nearby, Okay, I mean, well, 100 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 3: one other question, Like I'm just curious about people's thoughts 101 00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 3: on this, Like do we think this is a genetic thing. 102 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:06,080 Speaker 1: Oh, I think it's a parenting thing. I think it 103 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:08,760 Speaker 1: sounds more like a parenting thing. I don't know, maybe 104 00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 1: genetic is you know, stupid as genetic. Yeah, I'm joking, 105 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,640 Speaker 1: but I think that bad dad was like on parole 106 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: for stealing catalytic converters. That's probably just the tip of 107 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 1: the iceberg that you might know about dad. I think 108 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: it's just probably not the best parenting and parents, you know, really, 109 00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 1: I mean, come on, they have such an impact on 110 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 1: how their kids behave. And ask a teacher, you know, 111 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 1: teachers will be like, I get a bad kid that 112 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,160 Speaker 1: I met the parent and I understood why. I'm sure 113 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,320 Speaker 1: it happens all the time. Let us know, send me 114 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 1: a text or call me and let rain and know 115 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 1: whether you've been down that road before with a family 116 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,839 Speaker 1: that you know, it was like, okay, they're kind of 117 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000 Speaker 1: I don't want to say mooches, but they're always there's 118 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 1: always a problem and it's never their fault and they 119 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 1: need something and they look at you, who you have 120 00:05:50,320 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 1: an abundance of resources, and they'll be like, well, you 121 00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: should give me the eight hundred dollars. 122 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:57,680 Speaker 4: We do have a lot of text messages saying I'm 123 00:05:57,720 --> 00:06:00,360 Speaker 4: currently in a one year relationship with somebody like that, 124 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,200 Speaker 4: and I just straight up told him from the jump, 125 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 4: we're never helping people. Nobody's ever going to live here, 126 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:07,479 Speaker 4: and he totally agrees. So I guess it's just a 127 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:10,160 Speaker 4: matter of having a real honest conversation with your boyfriend. 128 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: And this one also. 129 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 4: Agrees a good kind of conversation to have with your partner. 130 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 4: If we were ever to get married, we need to 131 00:06:16,520 --> 00:06:18,960 Speaker 4: agree that we are not giving them money or letting 132 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 4: them live when well, let me. 133 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 1: Ask you, here's the ither think an important question, how 134 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:24,160 Speaker 1: does your boyfriend or partner feel is he like, well, 135 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: you know, they're good guys, they just have some bad 136 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,520 Speaker 1: things happen to them. You know, I gave my brother 137 00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 1: twenty five hundred dollars and you know, what does your 138 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 1: boyfriend feel about it? Does he like, no, no, don't 139 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,520 Speaker 1: want to help or is he like I got to 140 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 1: help here and there. 141 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:43,039 Speaker 3: I mean he's he's more on the keeping his bounaries 142 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,719 Speaker 3: with him. Yeah, But I don't know if he said like, 143 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:48,600 Speaker 3: I'm definitely never going to help them, you know, I 144 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:51,840 Speaker 3: since we've only been dating since the summer, like it's 145 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 3: it's serious, but it's you know, it's not like we're 146 00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,680 Speaker 3: not married or anything. So but I think that sounds 147 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 3: like a good idea to have those conversations really understand. 148 00:07:01,160 --> 00:07:04,880 Speaker 1: Like under no circumstances and make the first answer no. Yeah, 149 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:09,479 Speaker 1: because once you loan one person money one time, it's 150 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:13,120 Speaker 1: like feeding a stray cat. They'll be back because they 151 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: know you've got it. So I would say no from 152 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,880 Speaker 1: the jump, Like you said, here's a text message at 153 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 1: KATWB one. It says I married somebody with a bad 154 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 1: family that is similar eleven years later, we're getting a 155 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:26,960 Speaker 1: divorce and his family was a big reason always asking 156 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 1: for money, always drama, and my husband was the only 157 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: good one in the military college graduate. He eventually was 158 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: sneaking money to them to not cause problems with us, 159 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: and I found out about it. Not good. 160 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, but then other people are saying, like, I understand 161 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 4: her concern, but all she has to say is no 162 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 4: to the money questions. 163 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,040 Speaker 1: Don't punish a good guy for the actions of his family. 164 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's just hard that, like, if you do 165 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 2: end up intertwining your lives financially, that then like is 166 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 2: the brother is her boyfriend really going to say no 167 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 2: to his family if they are in dire need? 168 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 1: And that's the thing I mean seriously, of my XYZ 169 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 1: relatives said I'm gonna lose my house, I'm gonna live 170 00:08:02,320 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 1: in my car. Oh, then I'm gonna want to help. 171 00:08:09,680 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 1: Good luck, I would say, the best answer we got 172 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 1: is probably talked to him and just be firm from 173 00:08:14,400 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: the beginning that the answer is always going to be now. 174 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 1: But then good luck And the good news is you've 175 00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: got a good one and that and that's the hard 176 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,000 Speaker 1: It's hard to leave somebody who is good just because 177 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: of other things that are out of their control.