Speaker 1: Bailey brought this up the other day that your friend
Speaker 1: Katie Cap, who is you know, she's been you know single, yeah,
Speaker 1: for years and years, but now she's being a little
Speaker 1: bit more serious. She's having a conversation with this with
Speaker 1: this fella, yes, about life and things.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So Katie Cap and I have been kind of on
Speaker 3: the same route with singleness, and she got a boyfriend
Speaker 3: kind of at the same time as me, and she
Speaker 3: is very serious with this guy, so pretty much on
Speaker 3: their third date, she gave me this list of questions
Speaker 3: that she asked him and they went like back and
Speaker 3: forth answering these questions. And I think me and regular
Speaker 3: guy have maybe answered five five of these questions.
Speaker 2: And that's here is what they are. Okay, So here
Speaker 2: they are.
Speaker 3: It is a long list, but I'll try and get
Speaker 3: through them with enough time for you to soak in.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 3: Do you have a mental timeline of when you want
Speaker 3: to be married by Am I someone you generally want
Speaker 3: to be with or am I just fitting into that timeline?
Speaker 3: M Do you want kids? How many kids? What if
Speaker 3: those kids can't biologically be you? What if you could
Speaker 3: never have children that are biologically yours? What if those
Speaker 3: children were never of infant age. How much money do
Speaker 3: you make? Do you receive an annual raise?
Speaker 1: I'm going to stop there only because yeah, the other
Speaker 1: ones I totally get it. But that's an interesting one
Speaker 1: because you do need to know how much someone makes.
Speaker 1: Are you going to be the financial, like, you know,
Speaker 1: responsible person in the in the relationship, right? You know?
Speaker 1: Do they, like you know, work part time here and
Speaker 1: there down in the valley records and they make three
Speaker 1: thirty five an hour? Or do they make some that's
Speaker 1: a question.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And Katie cap has been known to like
Speaker 3: if when she would go on dates with people, she
Speaker 3: would see what their job title was and she would
Speaker 3: google it with salary on the end to see how
Speaker 3: much they love Katie Castles, I know. So, how much
Speaker 3: money do you make? Do you make an annual raise?
Speaker 3: If yes, what was that raise last year? How much
Speaker 3: do you have in savings? Do you have separate accounts
Speaker 3: for retirement?
Speaker 1: That's a question that's I think that's reserved for you're
Speaker 1: deep into relationship asking someone how much they have in savings. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's a deeply personal question.
Speaker 2: Well, that's it's on the list.
Speaker 1: What do you think about that one? Jenny, would you
Speaker 1: be what would you How would you feel if you're, like,
Speaker 1: you know, seeing this new guy and he's like, you know,
Speaker 1: or just wondering how much have in shavings?
Speaker 4: I would be perfectly fine saying what I have because
Speaker 4: I'm very financially responsible. I would be uncomfortable asking that
Speaker 4: to whoever I'm seeing.
Speaker 1: You'd be okay telling him what you have in.
Speaker 4: Savings, absolutely, because I'm proud of how I handle my money.
Speaker 4: I do very well with money, so I'm okay with that.
Speaker 1: You're like me, you just don't really spend it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: pretty much. You spend it on the things that you love.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Do you have a separate account set up for retirement?
Speaker 3: If yes, what is your annual contribution? Do you have
Speaker 3: any debt? If so, how much and from what? What
Speaker 3: is your plan for paying that down? What is the
Speaker 3: interest of the US.
Speaker 1: Are all questions that you might want to ask in
Speaker 1: a relationship. Yeah, let me know whether you think these
Speaker 1: are too intrusive to be like date number three and
Speaker 1: Katie Key is asking this guy Katie.
Speaker 3: But yeah, it's bold, but like he answered them and
Speaker 3: they like went back and forth with these questions. So wild,
Speaker 3: but Okay, have you ever lived alone? Have you ever
Speaker 3: lived with a girlfriend? When was your last relationship and
Speaker 3: how long was that last time?
Speaker 1: When was your last bowel movement? I mean that's a
Speaker 1: fair question too, fair gut health, it's fair.
Speaker 2: You need to know, you know how you move long term.
Speaker 3: Do you see yourself still living in the city or
Speaker 3: living in the suburbs. What religion are you? Is it
Speaker 3: important to you that your children be the same religion
Speaker 3: as you? What are your three biggest fears in life?
Speaker 3: And what does a meaningful life look like to you?
Speaker 3: I like all of those.
Speaker 4: I think one I would add to the like talking
Speaker 4: about previous relationships, is like why did the relationship end? Yeah,
Speaker 4: if someone sits there and says that the other person
Speaker 4: was crazy, or they say that about a lot of people,
Speaker 4: that's Oh.
Speaker 1: I think it's one of those things like somebody can
Speaker 1: be crazy. You can date a guy who's crazy, you
Speaker 1: can date a woman who's crazy, you can date anybody
Speaker 1: who's crazy. But if everybody they dated up, oh she's crazy,
Speaker 1: Oh she's really crazy. Oh, well, then it's like he
Speaker 1: It's kind of like I read somewhere years ago, like
Speaker 1: if you think everybody around you is a jerk. Oh,
Speaker 1: my boss is a jerk. Bailey's a jerk, vonds of
Speaker 1: pain and that should you're the jerk. So but really interesting.
Speaker 3: Yeah, somebody texted in saying those questions yikes, how can
Speaker 3: you ask these questions?
Speaker 2: Sounds like a business transaction?
Speaker 1: Wow? Wow.
Speaker 4: I think that maybe in your twenties it might be
Speaker 4: a little bit too much. But like me, Bailey, Katiekap,
Speaker 4: we're in our thirties now, and like, if you want
Speaker 4: to settle down and have kids and have a marriage
Speaker 4: and stuff, you kind of have to get to the
Speaker 4: harder questions much quicker.
Speaker 1: Yeah, in life, But I think maybe my generation is different,
Speaker 1: or at least my thought is different. You will learn
Speaker 1: these things organically as you go through their life. If
Speaker 1: they bring up like what religion are you, well, if
Speaker 1: it never comes up, then I'm going to assume that
Speaker 1: religion is not particularly important to them. However, if they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm going to temple on Saturday. You know I can't
Speaker 1: go out on Saturday. We got temple and then we
Speaker 1: got a bar mitzvah, and then I'd be like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: their faith is very important to them. But if they
Speaker 1: never bring it then it's like you learn it organically.
Speaker 4: I do agree with that, because last night I just
Speaker 4: had these conversations with the guy I'm seeing because we
Speaker 4: were talking about like four oh one k's roth iras
Speaker 4: because my mom sent me something about an old roth
Speaker 4: ira I have, and I was kind of trying to
Speaker 4: clock what he was saying about what he has to
Speaker 4: figure out how financially responsible he's been in life. So
Speaker 4: I do agree you do kind of get that through
Speaker 4: like context clues eventually, but sometimes you do have to
Speaker 4: just before.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 1: I think the kid thing is important. I think it's like,
Speaker 1: you know, I want to have kids. I really want
Speaker 1: to have kids, and if I find out that, you know,
Speaker 1: like three years in that you don't want to have
Speaker 1: kids or you're unable to have kids, that might be
Speaker 1: really important to me. We got to take a break,
Speaker 1: but we're gonna come back both with more of this.
Speaker 1: This kind of came up out of nowhere, and it's
Speaker 1: really been fascinating. Bailey was talking about her friend Katie
Speaker 1: Cap and Katie Cap is a character I don't have
Speaker 1: I ever met her.
Speaker 2: Before, not in real life I have. She's delightful.
Speaker 1: She sounds like a riot but she's seeing a guy,
Speaker 1: so she's like, I'm going to ask you some questions
Speaker 1: about like your future and your romance. And then before
Speaker 1: we get to the list of questions again, they were
Speaker 1: basically like how much money do you make, how much
Speaker 1: do you have in savings? What is your religion? Are
Speaker 1: you serious about your religion? And I said, man, I
Speaker 1: don't know about this. I think those are very intrusive
Speaker 1: for being early, but it's a fascinating topic. But Laura
Speaker 1: is on the phone with kind of an opinion. Hi, Laura, Hello,
Speaker 1: what about asking your partner, future partner or present short
Speaker 1: term partner all these questions? What do you think?
Speaker 5: Well, when I first started dating my husband, I asked
Speaker 5: them on the first date quite a few of those questions.
Speaker 5: I was just in a place in my life where
Speaker 5: I wasn't going to give people the time if it
Speaker 5: wasn't worth my time.
Speaker 1: And on date number one you might have asked him
Speaker 1: like how many kids do you want? Or do you
Speaker 1: want to have kids? Or you know what?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I kind of coming off of the relationships that
Speaker 5: I had before, I kind of focused on the financial ones,
Speaker 5: like how much debt do you have? Are you good
Speaker 5: with your money, you know, I'll get that.
Speaker 1: I think if you're burned by something like it, by
Speaker 1: a cheater or a gambler or whatever, that's the first
Speaker 1: thing you're going to like watch for on your radar
Speaker 1: when you're seeing somebody news like so you have a
Speaker 1: gambling problem, but you wouldn't ask that and if you
Speaker 1: hadn't had a problem with that with your past, okay,
Speaker 1: But how's it worked out now all these years later.
Speaker 5: We've gone together for almost sixteen years.
Speaker 1: Whoa sixteen baby? Would you recommend asking those questions? If
Speaker 1: you were Bailey, I.
Speaker 5: Would say it's good to get it out of the
Speaker 5: way early on in the relationship because sometimes like things,
Speaker 5: yes you can get them out naturally, but sometimes those
Speaker 5: things take time. And if it's a big topic for you,
Speaker 5: then I would say.
Speaker 2: Ah, yeah, okay.
Speaker 1: I also think you said to you, by the way,
Speaker 1: thank you.
Speaker 6: It's been sixteen years since Laura and her now husband
Speaker 6: went on that first day. I also think we're just
Speaker 6: in a different time in the world whereas asking certain questions,
Speaker 6: it might be the little like at bro pol you
Speaker 6: know what I'm saying, Like people might not be as
Speaker 6: willing to share that now as they were sixteen years ago.
Speaker 4: I feel like people are more willing to share that stuff, though.
Speaker 2: I think it's just different.
Speaker 6: You know, I don't know which questions people would or wouldn't,
Speaker 6: but there's definitely some that are different than others.
Speaker 2: Now, leave this text us.
Speaker 3: Two of my friends want to get married and have kids.
Speaker 3: That is their plan and their goal, and they don't
Speaker 3: want to waste their time, so they're happy to find
Speaker 3: out so many things throughout the relationship, like likes and dislikes,
Speaker 3: little quirk stuff like that. But they ask the kids
Speaker 3: questions among other serious ones from the get go. They
Speaker 3: don't want to spend time with someone who doesn't want
Speaker 3: kids or isn't financially stable. It might be intense for some,
Speaker 3: but it's totally fine. They're just not interested in dating
Speaker 3: men who think those conversations are too much. It's just
Speaker 3: simply not compatible.
Speaker 1: No, it might be wrong. It might be a generational thing,
Speaker 1: not that our generation got a right because our divorce
Speaker 1: rate I think among across all demos is fifty percent. Yeah,
Speaker 1: after five years or ten years or whatever. But here's
Speaker 1: somebody who says I'm sixty three. I do not believe it.
Speaker 1: You meet them and you grow to learn these and
Speaker 1: then somebody else says, I don't know how old they are.
Speaker 1: I agree with Dave. Organic is more intimate, not a
Speaker 1: job interview. But I get how one can be very practical,
Speaker 1: But I don't know. I think there's something to be
Speaker 1: unfolding them, like on peeling of like peeling an onion,
Speaker 1: and you learn a little bit more about them, and
Speaker 1: the more you learn, the more you love them. And
Speaker 1: then don't ever look the dumb red flags like yeah,
Speaker 1: he's you know, he's like one hundred thousand dollars in debt,
Speaker 1: has no plans on paying it back because it wasn't
Speaker 1: his problem, right.
Speaker 3: Well, I cause somebody else texted in saying like these
Speaker 3: sound like deal breaker questions, and I think that's that's
Speaker 3: the reasoning for Katie Cap, Like, I want to get
Speaker 3: these deal breaker questions out of the way, because like,
Speaker 3: if I don't know the answer to these questions and
Speaker 3: I find them out six months in, then have I
Speaker 3: wasted my time? So someone else texted saying, I'm thirty five,
Speaker 3: single female, ask all these questions on the first date
Speaker 3: as well, because I have no interest in wasting my
Speaker 3: time or their time if it isn't going anywhere, and
Speaker 3: I feel that that's kind of why where I'm like, oh, shoot,
Speaker 3: I should be asking some of these questions because like,
Speaker 3: I know some of these answers about regular guy, but
Speaker 3: not all of them. And anytime I say that to
Speaker 3: Katie Capps, She's like, you don't know if he wants
Speaker 3: kids or not, Like, no, I've only been dating him
Speaker 3: for three months, Like no, do you want me to
Speaker 3: reread all these questions?
Speaker 1: You know, it's a little bit of a list, but
Speaker 1: it's very valuable and we're gonna put this up on
Speaker 1: the Graham Yes, on them so you can go and
Speaker 1: you can like, you know, you don't have to remember
Speaker 1: all these questions.
Speaker 3: Yes. Do you have a mental timeline of when you
Speaker 3: want to be married by? Am I someone you genuinely
Speaker 3: want to be with or am I just fitting into
Speaker 3: that timeline? Do you want kids? How many kids? What
Speaker 3: if those kids can't biologically be yours? What if you
Speaker 3: could never have children that are biologically yours? What if
Speaker 3: those children were never of infant age? How much money
Speaker 3: do you make? Do you receive an annual raise? If yes,
Speaker 3: what was that raise last year? How much do you
Speaker 3: have in savings. Do you have separate accounts set up
Speaker 3: for retirement? If yes, what is your annual contribution. Do
Speaker 3: you have any debt? If so, how much and from what?
Speaker 3: What is your plan for paying that down? What is
Speaker 3: the interest on that debt? Have you ever lived alone?
Speaker 3: Have you ever lived with a girlfriend? When was your
Speaker 3: last relationship? How long was that last relationship one added
Speaker 3: by Jenny. How did that last relationship end?
Speaker 2: Long term?
Speaker 3: Do you see yourself still living in the city or
Speaker 3: living in the suburbs. What religion are you? Is it
Speaker 3: important to you that your children be the same religion
Speaker 3: as you? What are your three biggest fears in life?
Speaker 3: And what does a meaningful life look like to you?
Speaker 4: Man, I think I only know the answer to like
Speaker 4: two or three of those questions with the person I
Speaker 4: am saying right pretty early.
Speaker 1: And I think that it kind of dawns on me
Speaker 1: that everybody. If you talk to somebody who's like, I'm
Speaker 1: really glad we're bringing this up, that's good. Yeah, But
Speaker 1: if you talk to somebody it's like, man, I barely
Speaker 1: know you. You're asking me how much is in my
Speaker 1: fural one? K none? Ya none? And somebody said, you
Speaker 1: know what this is the kind of a guy's going
Speaker 1: to be like, so, how much money you got into
Speaker 1: fural one K? How much gut into savings? Well, I
Speaker 1: got two hundred thousand dollars in savings right away as
Speaker 1: gears are turning while he figures out how to get
Speaker 1: that money out of your account.
Speaker 4: I agree with that, but I think too many people
Speaker 4: have been like financially scarred. So I'm totally fine would
Speaker 4: be in that intrusive about those questions. Yeah, my parents
Speaker 4: bought about money constantly, so that is why I am
Speaker 4: the way I am about money.
Speaker 6: I have no clue how me and Alyssa had those
Speaker 6: conversations when we first got together, because we've been with
Speaker 6: each other like roughly four years now, and I think,
Speaker 6: like Dave, I think it just kind of happened naturally.
Speaker 2: It wasn't like a first date, second date.
Speaker 6: It was just like, let's just see, we'll talk and
Speaker 6: if it comes up, it comes up, or when it
Speaker 6: comes up.
Speaker 2: It comes up.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 3: And my last relationship, which was pretty long, I don't
Speaker 3: know if I knew any of these answers to these questions.
Speaker 6: Long ago, or are you're saying the relation the duration
Speaker 6: of it was long, like the it was the duration.
Speaker 2: Oh gotcha, gotcha.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So anyway, yeah, a lot of people are saying, like, ho,
Speaker 3: Katie Gabb whoa marriage minded?
Speaker 2: But like, so is this other guy that she's seeing?
Speaker 3: So I think they're both on the same page and
Speaker 3: she kind of looked out there because yeah, I think
Speaker 3: these would be like big questions that would be kind
Speaker 3: of like whoa, hey.
Speaker 1: Girl, really interesting. Wow, this is the most interesting you've
Speaker 1: ever been. You've been on here the show for almost
Speaker 1: two years, and you've never really been this interesting.
Speaker 3: All the time to me, though I know I'm always
Speaker 3: he hasn't said it to me yet.
Speaker 2: So it's a plus.
Speaker 1: You haven't been interesting yet working on it.