Speaker 1: Please officially welcome our friend, mister Burke Riser.
Speaker 2: It is so great to be here. It is so
Speaker 2: great to be here.
Speaker 1: By the way, can I tell you just did something
Speaker 1: made me sick?
Speaker 3: So you put in one of your halls mental elyptus things,
Speaker 3: but then you drank coffee with it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love it.
Speaker 4: Oh, but it's coffee.
Speaker 2: I do these with almost anything. I ran the marathon
Speaker 2: with these.
Speaker 1: In which oh back when the back in the day.
Speaker 5: Marathon has meant the lytus. How you're doing there, dude?
Speaker 4: Maybe I don't want us to get COVID.
Speaker 5: I've had COVID eleven times that little I know.
Speaker 2: I'm not going a honeypot.
Speaker 5: The last time I got it, I gave it to
Speaker 5: everyone on our crew. I'm giving it to more people
Speaker 5: than anyone.
Speaker 3: When is when is the last time you had When
Speaker 3: is the last time you had COVID?
Speaker 5: I think, apparently I have this. I get this cough
Speaker 5: like you know once a year. It starts with allergies, right,
Speaker 5: But then everyone's like, we're getting ready to shoot my
Speaker 5: TV show and everyone's like, maybe she get tested for COVID,
Speaker 5: And I was like, I'm not shutting down.
Speaker 2: Production because of COVID.
Speaker 5: Absolutely, And one of the co stars comes in with
Speaker 5: a mask on and I go, Johnny cast us over here,
Speaker 5: and I was like, and you know nowadays, if you
Speaker 5: wear a mask somewhere, everyone's like, okay, politics, and so
Speaker 5: everyone's like, look at this lid Tar and he's like,
Speaker 5: my son's on a breathing tube or something. And I
Speaker 5: gave him COVID. I did.
Speaker 2: I gave him COVID. What was his name? You remember that, Kyle?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I gave him COVID and he was like the
Speaker 5: second day and then he had COVID for the whole production, right,
Speaker 5: and he was shaking and he was fevers.
Speaker 3: And still hasn't seen his kid, and yeah, he had
Speaker 3: to live in a hotel.
Speaker 5: Yeah, he was like, and I remember we were doing
Speaker 5: the scene. I just couldn't stop coughing and he was
Speaker 5: like this and I was like, don't worry, it's not COVID.
Speaker 2: The next day you have tested positive.
Speaker 5: And I was like, is that like a right AID
Speaker 5: test or a CBS test.
Speaker 2: Go to a doctor. I don't believe those tests.
Speaker 3: All right, So the tour, the tour is start. Man,
Speaker 3: you really get after a nice coffee, don't you.
Speaker 2: It's the only enjoy I have these days.
Speaker 3: Okay, where are we gonna start with Monjorno? We're gonna
Speaker 3: start there because Diane's right. I thought it was a bit.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 1: How many Menthols are you putting in your thing?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 1: The no, No, I thought that was a bit.
Speaker 6: I didn't think that you were doing he had to
Speaker 6: promote appearances in Florida because you said.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I spent thousand dollars on a case of Majorno
Speaker 5: to do a promotion.
Speaker 2: That's slick marketing.
Speaker 1: Wait, so you paid for the manjorna.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, you gotta.
Speaker 6: I'll think No, say it right, it's munjaro. Okay, I
Speaker 6: said it, how Bert said it?
Speaker 2: Hey, I'm on it.
Speaker 5: Okay, So I'm telling a black person not to say
Speaker 5: the N word, the M word.
Speaker 1: I thought they gave it to you.
Speaker 2: No, you gotta. I think you have to pay. I
Speaker 2: had to pay for it.
Speaker 3: No. But like when you said it's legit, I thought, oh,
Speaker 3: like they're they're They're like, like, let's prescribe. But I
Speaker 3: guess you're dealing. I guess it's deal with liquid death
Speaker 3: ran out. However, you say to God.
Speaker 5: I didn't want to wait until the prescription came in
Speaker 5: and so I got it and then my longevity doctor
Speaker 5: hit me up and I was like, yo, don't take
Speaker 5: that dosage. Micro dose it at first. You'll be really
Speaker 5: sick if you take that dosage. And then I micro
Speaker 5: dosed it and I still got sick, and I was
Speaker 5: like this is I mean, the first day I felt
Speaker 5: the effects, I was at a steakhouse with Liam and
Speaker 5: I ate salad like I was hungry. I didn't eat
Speaker 5: anything all day. I ate salad like I was hungry.
Speaker 5: I had a martini and then my steak came out
Speaker 5: and I was like ugh, and then she was like
Speaker 5: what and I was like, I'm just not hungry, and
Speaker 5: I felt so weird. I don't know what it's like
Speaker 5: to like I'm always hungry, yeah, yeah, always. And so
Speaker 5: then I was like I'll just save it. And then
Speaker 5: I woke up the next morning and I wasn't hungry,
Speaker 5: and I was like what do you want to do?
Speaker 2: And I was like I don't know.
Speaker 5: And then nothing really had like a and then we
Speaker 5: were standing in the pool and everyone has like specialty cocktails.
Speaker 5: We were in Naples for it was my birthday, right
Speaker 5: and I was like she was like, do you want
Speaker 5: to get a drink? And I was like, I'm good
Speaker 5: and she was like what, I hate you? I know.
Speaker 5: And then I was like I'm good and she was
Speaker 5: like okay. And then I was like, I could maybe
Speaker 5: work out again. I don't know, maybe you get a
Speaker 5: diet dr pepper. And then I took a diet doctor
Speaker 5: pepper and tasted it off and I was like, I'm
Speaker 5: gonna stick with water and I know it was And
Speaker 5: then and then we went. She goes, let's go watch sunset.
Speaker 5: She opened a bottle of champagne and I had one
Speaker 5: glass and I was like, usually you open a bottle
Speaker 5: of champagne. I murdered that first class and then pour
Speaker 5: a second one so that I'm ahead of you, right,
Speaker 5: And I had a sip and I was like, oh,
Speaker 5: I'm good. And then I took it in the shower
Speaker 5: with me because we're getting ready to go to dinner.
Speaker 5: And I was like, I'm murdering the showers. These are
Speaker 5: old habits. And I had brought it in the shower
Speaker 5: and I was like, oh, what are soupkits in it? Yeah,
Speaker 5: so this stuff works. Life's not enjoyable and you don't
Speaker 5: decide when you go to the bathroom, it just happens.
Speaker 1: Wait, so what what?
Speaker 5: What?
Speaker 1: How long have you been on it?
Speaker 2: So here's what happened. I went to the doctor.
Speaker 1: Why do you want it?
Speaker 5: Because I went to the doctor and he was like,
Speaker 5: my last time I was there, I was like two
Speaker 5: forty and he's like, you're going good, let's keep losing
Speaker 5: to weight. And then I showed up and I was two,
Speaker 5: like two seventy four to seventy two right, And he
Speaker 5: was like, hey, we're going in the wrong direction again.
Speaker 5: And he's like and I said, well, oh, but here
Speaker 5: I should tell you something. I'm very strong and he
Speaker 5: was like what. He's like, how strong are you? What
Speaker 5: are you? Yeah? I go, I go, muscleways more than fat.
Speaker 5: These are all things that you've heard people say on
Speaker 5: the subway on a bus. You don't understand how mush
Speaker 5: muscla muscleways more than fat and so so uh.
Speaker 2: And so he's like, how strong are you?
Speaker 5: And I go on bench three hundred and twenty five
Speaker 5: pounds and he was like that's strong, but I wouldn't
Speaker 5: count for like ninety pounds of muscle. And he's like,
Speaker 5: let's tell you what let's do a dex scan, dexas scan. Right,
Speaker 5: So we do a DEXA scan and it comes back aggressive.
Speaker 5: Did you see the picture?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 5: No, I did sow it to you. It's so weird.
Speaker 1: So is it DEXA scan?
Speaker 5: Does it? Does it?
Speaker 1: Does it tell everything that's wrong in your body?
Speaker 5: Got one of those?
Speaker 1: Oh so I got one of those. It's awesome. I
Speaker 1: went in. I went in.
Speaker 5: No, so there's I swear to God, I've been waiting
Speaker 5: for the call. I've been waiting for the call for Oh.
Speaker 1: No, here here, here we go.
Speaker 3: So there's a there's a there's a guy who is
Speaker 3: the TV broadcaster for the capitals, right, and he went
Speaker 3: and got one of these scans. Another guy is who
Speaker 3: works for the works for the capitals, a guy named
Speaker 3: Alan May, and he's got he's he's in business down
Speaker 3: in Florida, in Tampa, and they have this company where
Speaker 3: they do these scans. So the locker went down there
Speaker 3: and got it. Dude, they caught a heart like that.
Speaker 3: He came back. Yeah, he came back. I had to
Speaker 3: have his whole heart redone. He's fine now, like everything's good.
Speaker 3: But it was because of the scan. He had no idea.
Speaker 3: He would have had no idea, so he went and
Speaker 3: got the scan. So Alan May was up my ass
Speaker 3: and was like, you got to get the scan done.
Speaker 3: So on a weekend, I flew down there and I
Speaker 3: met up with Alan.
Speaker 1: And I got it done.
Speaker 3: I went in thinking, yeah, well here comes lung cancer.
Speaker 5: Exactly, I thought.
Speaker 2: Number one thing.
Speaker 5: No, everyone does, right. I was like, it's got to
Speaker 5: be lungcas. You're smoking your Canadian catching moose, drinking maple syrup,
Speaker 5: and what is it? I couldn't be more healthy? Shut up.
Speaker 1: I couldn't fa my carotid arteries, beautiful, my my, my lungs,
Speaker 1: my my.
Speaker 3: Heart like I was afraid, like something, either I got
Speaker 3: lung cancer or I'm gonna get a heart attack because
Speaker 3: all my my my, my veins are all clogged up
Speaker 3: my arteries and stuff.
Speaker 1: Please get your hands out of your pain.
Speaker 5: Sorry. Sorry, I started getting excited.
Speaker 2: I started getting excited.
Speaker 3: I thought my arteries were gonna be clogged up and everything. Dude, perfect, perfect.
Speaker 6: That's it.
Speaker 5: It's like it's like all those decision warnings on cigarette
Speaker 5: labels should be gone.
Speaker 1: So I couldn't agree more.
Speaker 3: But I went in thinking, how am I'm bracing myself
Speaker 3: for bad news. And I came out of there going
Speaker 3: this is not I feel great. I feel fantastics. You
Speaker 3: should get one. No, I got the opposite news from
Speaker 3: this Texas scan. Look at this, this is my body.
Speaker 3: All that black is fat.
Speaker 1: He said, you can carry it in one place, ninety.
Speaker 5: Pounds in my stomach. And he's like, that's not where
Speaker 5: you want to carry it. He's like, anywhere to keep it.
Speaker 5: That's the worst place because it's around your organs. It's
Speaker 5: around all your organs. And he was like, you got
Speaker 5: to get rid of it. And he was like, listen,
Speaker 5: I said, I'm not doing my joor. No, it's not
Speaker 5: as I go, I'm not. It's a cheat code. And
Speaker 5: he goes, no, he goes to cheek go for someone
Speaker 5: trying to lose five pounds, here's you have ninety pounds
Speaker 5: to lose, right, And he was like, it's not a
Speaker 5: cheap code. And he goes, I'll tell you what, I'll
Speaker 5: prescribe it. Don't take it. I'll be I'll see even
Speaker 5: three months. Do I see the doctor every three months? Hereuse,
Speaker 5: I'll see you in three months and weigh and he goes,
Speaker 5: and then you'll take it. I promise you then you'll
Speaker 5: take it. And I went all right, So I was like,
Speaker 5: I was like, you know what, and it's hard because
Speaker 5: you everything, like You're like, I'll take it. And then
Speaker 5: I was like, I'm going fishing tomorrow. Yeah. And then
Speaker 5: I finally took it. And I mean the first day
Speaker 5: I took it and not even supposed to kick in
Speaker 5: for week, I just stopped eating like I wasn't. I
Speaker 5: was like, I don't know, it's so bizarre.
Speaker 1: How do you take it?
Speaker 5: You shoot it in your stomach, do you really? Yeah,
Speaker 5: there's a needle and you shoot it in your stomach,
Speaker 5: and uh is it hurt?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 5: I like needles. I just took my testophone downstairs. I'm
Speaker 5: a cocktail. I'm a cocktail of man. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But like my blood work came back great, right, you know.
Speaker 5: Like so the doctor's like, yo, we're just getting in
Speaker 5: front of what we know is going to be a problem.
Speaker 5: It's going to be a problem, and like he does
Speaker 5: a scan of all my organs and he's like, yo,
Speaker 5: I'm supposed to be able to see your liver pretty clear, right,
Speaker 5: And he's like, and I just there's so much fat
Speaker 5: on you. I can't. I was like, I was like,
Speaker 5: what about that muscle? He goes not as much as
Speaker 5: you'd think. I was like, really he goes, You'd be shocked,
Speaker 5: you'd be stunned. So I'm on it, and you know,
Speaker 5: it's like, he's my doctor. So if I go, if
Speaker 5: he says to do it, I'll do it. I'll see
Speaker 5: what happens, and I'm certain I'll do it, and then
Speaker 5: take get off it and then gain four hundred back up.
Speaker 5: You have to, buddy.
Speaker 1: Mine was on it and he lost a bunch of
Speaker 1: weight and he ballooned right back up.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I'm ready for that.
Speaker 1: No, but then you just take it again.
Speaker 2: To take it for the rest of my life, I
Speaker 2: don't care.
Speaker 5: I don't care. Hopefully, I almost hope I get hit
Speaker 5: by a car and then I go, thank God, I
Speaker 5: thought it was going to be something else because I hope,
Speaker 5: I hope I get into a car accident with my
Speaker 5: wife driving and the last words out of my mouth
Speaker 5: are just.
Speaker 2: So you know I saw that coming and I didn't
Speaker 2: say anything.
Speaker 5: I hate that when I go I saw it and
Speaker 5: I go, no, you didn't.
Speaker 1: God, do you get the do you get the what
Speaker 1: are the there's what are the side effects from montour?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I got them, but what are they?
Speaker 5: Na? Like?
Speaker 1: Yeah, you get nauseous, right.
Speaker 4: Either constipated or diarrhea.
Speaker 5: Oh, I got the diarrhea. It's like striking oil. You
Speaker 5: don't know when you ever see there will be blood.
Speaker 5: That's what my every bathroom experience is like. And and
Speaker 5: I'm to be disgusting, but okay, I'm a guy that
Speaker 5: doesn't mind like a pretty aggressive fart if I do
Speaker 5: it right. The smell is like, is like worthy of
Speaker 5: the person that's stall next to you, going, what is
Speaker 5: that like? I've had two experiences where that happened. One
Speaker 5: time I took a jump in Japan and the guy
Speaker 5: it was so bad, the guy that stall next to
Speaker 5: me threw up. And we were in Japan, so I
Speaker 5: thought he was talking to me. He's like and I
Speaker 5: was like, I have a toilet paper, there's a button
Speaker 5: but day. And then another time was in Denver and
Speaker 5: I had drank a raw egg with beer at like
Speaker 5: ten in the morning. Okay, it's like it was like
Speaker 5: a thing and I drank it and that night I
Speaker 5: went to the bathroom and the guy goes, bro, bro,
Speaker 5: what is that and I was like, are you serious.
Speaker 5: He's like, I'm gonna throw up, man, And I was like, oh,
Speaker 5: I had a raw egg.
Speaker 3: He goes, I know, yeah, but wait, what is your
Speaker 3: longevity doctor?
Speaker 1: Is that what those people's gonna make you live forever?
Speaker 7: Oh?
Speaker 5: Get out of here, buddy, I'm on all of it.
Speaker 1: That's a scam.
Speaker 5: I'm sure it is. Hey. By the way, as you
Speaker 5: are pitching me that that MRI machine, I was like,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna make one, put it up at the mall
Speaker 5: and just tell everyone they're they're good.
Speaker 2: And it's just it's called the feel Good machine.
Speaker 8: And I go, we scan.
Speaker 5: It's not one hundred percent, it's really close scanning you
Speaker 5: look good.
Speaker 2: I think you're good for real. Yeah, I just want nothing.
Speaker 5: And then everyone just comes out feeling good and they're like, no,
Speaker 5: it's like teeth whitening.
Speaker 2: But for help, yeah, I have a longevity doctor.
Speaker 5: They do?
Speaker 2: Uh is that?
Speaker 1: What is that supposed to do?
Speaker 3: I understand at the end, but it's supposed Is it
Speaker 3: the famous guy that you see on TV?
Speaker 5: No, you see him on Rogan's podcast?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: The different Wait is that the guy that I'm thinking of?
Speaker 5: No, Peter at is who you're thinking of probably Andrew Huberman.
Speaker 5: There's like a bunch of them.
Speaker 3: Now, yeah, there's there's one that I feel like pops
Speaker 3: up on the Daily Mail all that.
Speaker 5: Peter Atia. He is like, he was like, this is
Speaker 5: what I do for my clients. If you can dead
Speaker 5: hang your body for three minutes, have you ever tried that?
Speaker 5: By the way, thirty seconds is aggressive. He's like, three minutes,
Speaker 5: then we're good. You need to be able to carry
Speaker 5: your body weight over two miles And you're like what,
Speaker 5: And so, uh, Peter t is a guy who swam
Speaker 5: from like Maui to Malokai. He's just he's one.
Speaker 2: Of those I got you.
Speaker 1: But that's not you're a guy.
Speaker 5: No, My guy's more like, yo, let's let's drug you up.
Speaker 5: The first time I went to him, he was like,
Speaker 5: all right, let's take a look at your levels and
Speaker 5: we'll just get him back to normal. And I was
Speaker 5: like okay. So then they take your blood work and
Speaker 5: then they're like, all right, here's where you're at. So
Speaker 5: let's just give you pills to get him lower those things.
Speaker 5: And so my testosterone was in the garbage. My doctor
Speaker 5: was the first person that told me I should do it.
Speaker 5: My cardiologist he was like, he was like, you know,
Speaker 5: your test osterhone's crazy low, and he was like, you
Speaker 5: could use a little more testosterhone. It would help with everything.
Speaker 5: It's preparative, it's good for your liver. So why don't
Speaker 5: we get you on testosterone? And then recided Joe, I
Speaker 5: got into this place waste well. And then they were like, here,
Speaker 5: we can do all that we can do. You know,
Speaker 5: stem cells and arena stem cells. We can do everything.
Speaker 5: And so I go to them. I see them every
Speaker 5: six months, see my cardiologist every three months.
Speaker 1: Look at you.
Speaker 5: I have a beer.
Speaker 1: But do you do you want to live for you
Speaker 1: don't want to live to your like one hundred and five.
Speaker 5: I want to outlive my enemies, right, I mean I
Speaker 5: would like to, Like, I know this is gonna sound
Speaker 5: bad when I say this, Okay, I already know that
Speaker 5: you're gonna hear this and go, there's something well with Burt.
Speaker 5: But if on my deathbed I could press a button
Speaker 5: in what in the world I do it?
Speaker 2: I don't want anyone to outlive me. And then I
Speaker 2: don't even want your daughters.
Speaker 5: No, I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't when I die, the world dies.
Speaker 5: I can't see it.
Speaker 2: What do I care?
Speaker 5: I would be a really bad Kim Jong Lun or Putin,
Speaker 5: or I just would.
Speaker 1: I would.
Speaker 5: I totally understand ending the world. I completely get it.
Speaker 5: If I can't live, no one lives.
Speaker 3: But is that is that your whole thing, with your
Speaker 3: fascination of when you get to I hope I say
Speaker 3: this right where you were talking about the woman, there
Speaker 3: was a woman on a flight who was like just
Speaker 3: going off on a plane and I don't remember what
Speaker 3: the scenario. They ended up dragging her off the flight,
Speaker 3: but she was she was yelling, she was calling people fat,
Speaker 3: she was enbombing some guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, she never said the endbomb. Not to defend her,
Speaker 2: but yet, right.
Speaker 3: But what she was yelling at, what she was just
Speaker 3: yelling at talking about And at some point you were like,
Speaker 3: that's getting like you're at the edge. And at some
Speaker 3: point you're at the edge, and you go, you know what,
Speaker 3: I'm letting it all go. I don't care, that's it.
Speaker 3: I'm letting it all go on it. There's a moment
Speaker 3: at this video. By the way, I'm obsessed with this video.
Speaker 3: This woman's an artist in New York each I'm certain
Speaker 3: she wants me to stop talking about this.
Speaker 5: Right, she went off on an airplane. She was drunk.
Speaker 5: She was overserved at the bar. That's what I call
Speaker 5: people at drunk on airlines. They were overserved, right because
Speaker 5: they what they do is they don't party the way
Speaker 5: I do. Like, I was drink on air so I
Speaker 5: can hold it together if I feel like I'm too drunk.
Speaker 5: I stopped talking to people, and that she didn't. And
Speaker 5: there was an and it was Southwest. I'm not defending her,
Speaker 5: it was Southwest, and this overweight woman did a BS move.
Speaker 5: Her and her boyfriend sat in the window and in
Speaker 5: the center, and I was like, no one's gonna sit
Speaker 5: on the aisle because you're so overweight.
Speaker 2: And that's what the girl.
Speaker 1: Said, Oh right, okay, okay, And that's that.
Speaker 2: Was where the fight started.
Speaker 5: Then the overweight woman touched her first right, and this
Speaker 5: woman snapped and she grabbed her hair and she held
Speaker 5: her hair.
Speaker 2: And everyone started grabbing her.
Speaker 5: And then the moment of purity, the moment of zen Buddhism,
Speaker 5: the moment that we all should strive for in life,
Speaker 5: when they were like, yo, you need to let go
Speaker 5: of her. We're gonna have to call the cops, and
Speaker 5: the girl just looked at everyone goes, guys, we're way
Speaker 5: past this. When she let them know, I already, I'm already.
Speaker 5: I'm already covered in mud. This is over. I don't
Speaker 5: I am joan of arc and I am tied to
Speaker 5: the stake. There's no talking my way out of this.
Speaker 5: You are killing me. I'm not gonna accept your God.
Speaker 5: I will die with my convictions. That's the moment I
Speaker 5: want in life. And then, I mean, then it gets
Speaker 5: even crazier because they handcoff her and leave her right
Speaker 5: and she starts literally crawling on her back down the
Speaker 5: aisle and kicking people. It is I mean, it's gotta
Speaker 5: be the most freeing. It's like it's like Michael douglasson
Speaker 5: Falling Down. You remember that, He's like, I just want
Speaker 5: to make a phone call, right, No, exactly exactly. There's
Speaker 5: so many times where I go, who do I say
Speaker 5: it to the other day? Who do I say it
Speaker 5: to the other day? I just got into this fight
Speaker 5: the other day. But I was like, if everyone forgets
Speaker 5: the pecking order of society and that there are big
Speaker 5: animals and little animals, and sometimes you know, it's crazy.
Speaker 5: This dance we play where it's like, you know, you
Speaker 5: get to talk to me like that, But that's not
Speaker 5: how the world really works, right, I just I love
Speaker 5: I love it when it's falling down?
Speaker 2: Do you remember, I mean you remember.
Speaker 5: Do you remember, like when the pandemic happened and you
Speaker 5: tried to get someone to help you and he's like no,
Speaker 5: and you'd be like, hey, you guys are open and
Speaker 5: it's just someone going eh no, I locked it. I'm
Speaker 5: on this side and I need you to open it. Dude.
Speaker 5: There's nothing more powerful than apathy. When I worked at
Speaker 5: Barnes and Noble, I'll never forget this look in this
Speaker 5: woman's eyes.
Speaker 1: You worked at Barnes and Nobles.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, you don't know that story?
Speaker 1: No wait do I know that.
Speaker 5: You have to?
Speaker 2: Uh yeah, I got fired for working out in the basement.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, ok ok.
Speaker 5: This woman wanted a our architectusual Die is just type
Speaker 5: magazine right, And I worked at the information desk right
Speaker 5: at the front. She walks in, reads my name tag
Speaker 5: and says Bert, do you know Ernie? And I'm like
Speaker 5: I don't. By the way, I had a box cutter.
Speaker 5: It was before nine to eleven. I had a box
Speaker 5: cutter that had a name tag that said Ernie on it.
Speaker 1: That's true.
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, I know, Ernie, stay back. And
Speaker 5: so that joke was less funny when they attacked player
Speaker 5: as a poscarters. So this is so it's so she goes,
Speaker 5: can you take me to find this magazine? And I
Speaker 5: go yeah, And now the magazine was up the stairs,
Speaker 5: is up the escalator and then to the left right,
Speaker 5: and I guess in getting up the escalator and walking
Speaker 5: into the magazines, I forgot what I was doing, and
Speaker 5: I forgot that I was. She was with me, and
Speaker 5: I went to the cafe and got in line to
Speaker 5: get a coffee, and she was still next to me,
Speaker 5: and she was like standing next to me, and then
Speaker 5: she goes, what are we doing? And I went what?
Speaker 5: She goes, what are we doing? And I went, oh,
Speaker 5: I forgot you were here? And she was like excuse me.
Speaker 5: I said, I was going to get a coffee. Do
Speaker 5: you want something? And she was like, I want that magazine.
Speaker 5: And I remember saying to her, I'm sorry, my head's
Speaker 5: not into that right now, and she was like, excuse me.
Speaker 2: I go, I'm not going to be doing that.
Speaker 5: I'm getting a coffee now because I didn't care, because
Speaker 5: you couldn't fire me. They weren't. And I was just like,
Speaker 5: I'd rather get fired than do what you want me
Speaker 5: to do. And she couldn't get me to not get
Speaker 5: a coffee and go get her magazine, and she lost
Speaker 5: her mind. She don't you understand the rules? And I go, oh,
Speaker 5: there's no rules.
Speaker 2: This is Barnes and Noble. This is the wild West
Speaker 2: of retail.
Speaker 4: Honey.
Speaker 5: I'll do whatever I want. I am disposable. It's the
Speaker 5: best feeling in the world is when you don't care.
Speaker 5: If you can't. That's why the Internet's undefeated, because they
Speaker 5: don't care. And when the second you care, the Internet
Speaker 5: lights you up and they're like, oh, look who cares.
Speaker 5: So Barbara streisand effect you know what that is, right?
Speaker 5: Barbara streisand a major, a very very very small magazine
Speaker 5: took a picture of an aerial picture of her house
Speaker 5: and said, take a look at Barbara Streisan's house.
Speaker 1: Which I'm sure is be you at a fal gorgeous.
Speaker 5: The Cliff's Malibu, and they posted it to their thirty
Speaker 5: thousand subscribers. Barbara streisand lost her mind. You have to
Speaker 5: take that down now. And what in turn happened is
Speaker 5: because she sued them, everyone was interested where does Barbarstreizan live?
Speaker 5: And it became and now it's very common. Everyone knows
Speaker 5: where her house is because she tried to stop the thing.
Speaker 5: It's the most beautiful thing. You can't it's it's Mel
Speaker 5: Robin's books. Let them, you can't control them. Let them.
Speaker 1: By the way.
Speaker 5: I know that.
Speaker 3: So she was on Two Bears with you, but but
Speaker 3: Tom wasn't there.
Speaker 5: It was just you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know why. It wasn't a bird cast,
Speaker 1: but it was a Two.
Speaker 2: Bears A confusing.
Speaker 3: I like, just call this a bird I don't know
Speaker 3: what we're doing here.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, dude, she's awesome, amazing, Like I know of
Speaker 5: her book, but I don't know anything about Mel Robbins. Dude.
Speaker 3: She was like honestly and like maybe everybody knows her background.
Speaker 3: I didn't know her background. I had no idea what
Speaker 3: her background was other than that she's got this let
Speaker 3: them theory, and I know what the I guess it's
Speaker 3: pretty smart.
Speaker 5: But the stoicism in essence, it's but her what she's
Speaker 5: good at is redescribing it first, So it's digestible to
Speaker 5: a regular person.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 5: Look when the second ago, Marcus Aurelius said, I tap out,
Speaker 5: and I'm like, I don't read books from three thousand
Speaker 5: years ago. Okay, I read books today today.
Speaker 1: What's the last book you read?
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Oh well, no it was because you said I read
Speaker 1: books today.
Speaker 5: Oh I don't. Oh no, no, I'm so sorry. I
Speaker 5: don't read it all. Oh I'm so sorry. Let me
Speaker 5: start that over. Okay, Marcus, I don't read books at all.
Speaker 5: I don't try to. They were written in I really
Speaker 5: I remember I read the beginning of fly Boys, right,
Speaker 5: and then I couldn't read the rest of it. So
Speaker 5: I was like, I know the ending, we win.
Speaker 1: The wait, so where was I?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 1: But yes, you're right, it's like stoicis. But here's what
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you.
Speaker 3: So when you were talking to mel Robbins RCE, you
Speaker 3: were talking to her, you said, I'm gonna set a scene.
Speaker 3: You were talking about drinking and having a drink to
Speaker 3: find out what kind of person she was. And you said,
Speaker 3: I'm gonna set a scene and you tell me what
Speaker 3: you're gonna drink. And the scene was you say to
Speaker 3: her your best friend's dad just died. You go over
Speaker 3: to sit with her? What are you drinking?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 1: I was so pissed off at her answer was.
Speaker 5: Her answer was, well, if it's my best friend, I
Speaker 5: know that what her father's favorite drink was, and we.
Speaker 3: Have that, and I'm gonna pour that and we're gonna
Speaker 3: sit and I'm gonna talk about all the great memories
Speaker 3: we have with her dad.
Speaker 1: Do you know any of your friend's dad's favorite drinks?
Speaker 5: Okay, hold on, The answer is no, My buddy, we
Speaker 5: jo his dad turns one hundred next week, and I
Speaker 5: do know his dad's favorite drink, but I think I don't.
Speaker 5: I don't like it. I don't know Tom's dad's favorite drink.
Speaker 5: But Tom doesn't drink, So I'm not gonna pour that, right, Yeah?
Speaker 2: No, No, what I want?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 3: No, I heard dad and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: nobody knows drink.
Speaker 1: But she was so like, well, if it's my best friend, clearly.
Speaker 5: I would know.
Speaker 1: And I was like, you are a much better person
Speaker 1: than I am.
Speaker 2: But she was, and she admits this.
Speaker 5: She was a pretty hardcore alcoholic for a period of time,
Speaker 5: for a long period time. That's the part I find
Speaker 5: sexy about her. Oh, she's hotter now than she was young. Oh,
Speaker 5: I've never seen a picture of her young. I saw
Speaker 5: her on the on the Two Bears thing with You
Speaker 5: and No One. Oh she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, she's a very attractive woman.
Speaker 3: But the I'm like where she was talking about, like
Speaker 3: she's like, oh, everybody because like she's such a self
Speaker 3: help person, but she's got the mouth of a sailor,
Speaker 3: and she's like, if I see the word dick, everybody
Speaker 3: flips out and goes crazy. Oh.
Speaker 1: I loved her. I thought it was great.
Speaker 3: But when she was talking about like back in the day,
Speaker 3: she would try to get back in the day, she
Speaker 3: was lunatic, and she was like, I would just on
Speaker 3: guys so they would break up with me, so it'd
Speaker 3: be there.
Speaker 1: But Birt's like, oh my god, we're the same person.
Speaker 5: I didn't say that, dude. That was so much easier
Speaker 5: than telling them my feelings. I remember the first girl
Speaker 5: I ever broke up with. This was a story I
Speaker 5: wanted to tell. Sometimes I like a story that's good,
Speaker 5: but it's not funny. But this is good and a
Speaker 5: little funny. I went to a yoga class. I was
Speaker 5: I woke up at like five in the morning and
Speaker 5: with anxiety about it. I wasn't living my life right
Speaker 5: in life everything about it. I wasn't working, I wasn't
Speaker 5: doing anything. I was in a relationship I did not
Speaker 5: have interested in. And my buddy Kroy called me randomly
Speaker 5: called me and said, hey, what are you doing? I
Speaker 5: said him up, I've been up since five, it's seven,
Speaker 5: and he goes, there's a yoga class at eight. Do
Speaker 5: you want to go with me? And I was like,
Speaker 5: I've never gone to yoga. He goes, let's go. So
Speaker 5: we go to the YMCA, We go to yoga and
Speaker 5: this stud I'm talking a gelding.
Speaker 2: Is that what that is? But it sounds right right.
Speaker 5: Tat it up, great head of hair, great yawlne didn't
Speaker 5: groom his beard, but it looked perfect.
Speaker 2: Comes in.
Speaker 5: I have one of the best yoga classes I've ever
Speaker 5: had in my life, so my first one. And then
Speaker 5: in that moment where you're in child's pose whatever, and
Speaker 5: you're laying and he's doing his little speech. He says,
Speaker 5: this is your life. You can change whatever you want
Speaker 5: about your life and make it your life. Don't make
Speaker 5: your life someone else's life. Make it your life. Think
Speaker 5: about what you don't like right now. And immediately I went,
Speaker 5: this chick, I don't want to date her. I'm not
Speaker 5: going to marry her, and I don't want her in
Speaker 5: my life. I would sit in the car with her
Speaker 5: and I'd look at other cars and go, I wish
Speaker 5: I was in that car. I don't know if anyone
Speaker 5: feels like that, but it's like it's a terrifying feeling.
Speaker 5: And he said, you can change that today and I
Speaker 5: went ugh. And he heard me say that. So at
Speaker 5: the end of class he walks up to me. He goes, hey, man,
Speaker 5: when I was saying about the thing about your life,
Speaker 5: you made a noise. I was like yeah, and he
Speaker 5: was like, what is it? I said, what do you mean?
Speaker 5: Here's what is the thing you don't like? I went, oh,
Speaker 5: it's nothing. Who tells me? He was I'm a friend.
Speaker 5: Am I gonna judge you? And I go, it's this girl?
Speaker 5: He's what, So I'm in a relationship I don't want
Speaker 5: to be in And he goes, what's your name? I
Speaker 5: said Rachel and he goes, he's it's your phone and
Speaker 5: he grabs my phone and he opens it up and
Speaker 5: he's her number. I said yea, and he texts her,
Speaker 5: let's have dinner to night. We have to talk. I'm
Speaker 5: not happy and he hits and he goes, you're breaking
Speaker 5: up with her to night? And I go what. He goes, Hey,
Speaker 5: I've already started it. I've already started it. Do you
Speaker 5: feel the weight off your should of your shoulders? You're
Speaker 5: breaking up with her tonight? And he goes, all you
Speaker 5: have to do is finish right, I've already started, and
Speaker 5: your life is changing and you get to have the
Speaker 5: life you want. That's what I was talking about. And
Speaker 5: I went, I'm breaking up with her and Croy was like,
Speaker 5: break up with her? And I was like, I'm gonna
Speaker 5: break up with her? And then like where are you
Speaker 5: taking her dinner? I go, yeah, my hiro, it's my
Speaker 5: favorite restaurant. I'm breaking up there. I want on a hike.
Speaker 5: It's the day that done and and uh, wish you
Speaker 5: were here? Wish you do? You know what's all I'm going.
Speaker 5: That's the day that album came out. I bought that album.
Speaker 5: I went for a hike and I said, I'm changing
Speaker 5: my life. I take her to dinner. Should I pick
Speaker 5: her up? She's like, wow, we have a lot to
Speaker 5: talk about. And I was like, y yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 5: you get down. I sit down at the table and
Speaker 5: I'm like, I'm building it all up. I'm now like
Speaker 5: a cup prize fighter. And I go, I'm not happy.
Speaker 5: I want to end this relationship. She was like okay,
Speaker 5: and I went yeah. She goes yeah, I mean I'd
Speaker 5: love to hear more. And then the lady comes up
Speaker 5: and goes, hi, can I get you? Has something to drink?
Speaker 5: And I realize I should have done this At the end,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna sit with her for now an hour, I
Speaker 5: just broke up with her. I should have done this.
Speaker 5: Middle dinner appetizers would have been good appetizers. Place our orders,
Speaker 5: then break up, food comes, we're out. Oh my god,
Speaker 5: it's the longest dinner. I could not end it, and
Speaker 5: then I felt bad, so I kept letting it go on.
Speaker 2: But man, I love a good story like that.
Speaker 1: No, that's great, that's awesome, that's awesome. All right, let
Speaker 1: me do this. Give me a quick break, dude.
Speaker 5: I was hiking Runyon Canyon. They had just come out,
Speaker 5: the sun's out, and I'm just like this, there's a
Speaker 5: new bird coming. There's a girl out there. And she's
Speaker 5: waiting for me. I'm gonna be skinny, I'm gonna have
Speaker 5: all my hair and my teeth will look good. I'm
Speaker 5: gonna I'm gonna bait and swicks her. I'm gonna get
Speaker 5: her pregnant, and then I'm gonna have a great career.
Speaker 5: And Leanne was just sitting and knows her. She was like, man,
Speaker 5: I'm wanna hope I bet my cat today. This is like,
Speaker 5: this is a different world. This is during MTV cribs.
Speaker 5: This is I should do a shot. Do we have
Speaker 5: any hard liquor? I wanna do a shot?
Speaker 6: Yes?
Speaker 1: Actually yeah, Thrashers has got this.
Speaker 5: We got thre.
Speaker 1: What are we doing?
Speaker 5: What are we doing? You've only had one job. You
Speaker 5: have no idea what's going on. He's had one job
Speaker 5: in twenty years. You've had one job. Yes, and they're crazy.
Speaker 5: Isn't that bizarre? You're like, you're like a Mormon who
Speaker 5: married his high school sweetheart and you've never had your
Speaker 5: rum spring up. You should go work for other radio
Speaker 5: shows for one spring that you should do a rum
Speaker 5: springer with him, where you go to other radio shows
Speaker 5: and he's gotta work on a hip hop stations. I
Speaker 5: mean like yo, yo, yo, yo yo, We're back. Tarlath
Speaker 5: Crador is in here, and you're gonna be like, what
Speaker 5: what up? Put some respect on my name. So this
Speaker 5: song represents so much to me. Clearly, someone who heard
Speaker 5: that story and applies it in their life. I hope
Speaker 5: their friends sitting next to them just and grab their
Speaker 5: and just just Texas and their boss. I quit. I'm
Speaker 5: gonna be a DJ.
Speaker 2: You're living your life. You've got a great light.
Speaker 4: That's true.
Speaker 5: Yeah, there's people right now not living their dream. Sure,
Speaker 5: and they should hear this song and then go you
Speaker 5: can have what I have. I'm being dead serious. I
Speaker 5: just I just took stupid gambles. You just need to
Speaker 5: roll the dice responsibly. Break up with that person. Hey,
Speaker 5: it's not there, you're not there, so what dialogue?
Speaker 2: Who cares?
Speaker 5: We don't die anyway. You can't have the world here.
Speaker 5: You might as well die alone or search for the
Speaker 5: perfect person. Right, get the job you want. Stop what
Speaker 5: are you doing? You just pulled up? Stop? Stop stop
Speaker 5: the car. Don't don't turn the car off yet. Stay
Speaker 5: in the car. Text your boss and say my head's
Speaker 5: just not that into it today and go home. Go
Speaker 5: to a buffalo wild wings. They're always good. Don't let
Speaker 5: them control you. This is your life when you're on
Speaker 5: your death bed, are you gonna go like? Man, I
Speaker 5: hope sit a bank? I don't even know what AT is.
Speaker 5: Isn't that s I t I A B C city bank,
Speaker 5: A city city? That city? I hope city city bank.
Speaker 5: Why woudn't they put the E on there? Sit? You
Speaker 5: should text your boss and go, bro, we spelt it wrong.
Speaker 9: Quit.
Speaker 5: That's the thing. No one in your corporate job. And
Speaker 5: I know you needed to pay bills because you got
Speaker 5: kids in college.
Speaker 1: Some people really like that.
Speaker 5: People. I'm not talking to them. I'm talking to I'm
Speaker 5: talking to the dude with fire on his feet, who's like,
Speaker 5: Who's like, this isn't me? Man?
Speaker 2: This I got wild stuff.
Speaker 5: I want to say I learned the code of a
Speaker 5: bathroom and they go one, two, four, and I go,
Speaker 5: I want to say two, what's the four? But I
Speaker 5: don't want to get fired. Live in the now. One
Speaker 5: by the way, yeah, it is a shot a vodka.
Speaker 5: And guess whose guests has one?
Speaker 1: Also, I'm sorry one more time.
Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm living my life. I'm living my life I am.
Speaker 5: When I die, I hope people say that it ended
Speaker 5: the whole world. I'll tell you what I'd like to do,
Speaker 5: because I like to have access to the button and
Speaker 5: me make the call and just be about to die.
Speaker 5: Be like everyone, don't forget my name and then put
Speaker 5: my hand off it.
Speaker 2: Don't get me. What is this.
Speaker 1: To do it?
Speaker 5: It's the decisions you make in your life.
Speaker 2: Like, look, I think a lot of.
Speaker 5: Stuffs put up to luck, right, obviously, I think luck's
Speaker 5: a huge thing in life. Okay, I think it's crazy
Speaker 5: that the things that happened. But sometimes you just gotta
Speaker 5: pull the trigger, like people do. I want to get
Speaker 5: in the stand up? What do I do?
Speaker 2: I go do it? Just do it? I did it
Speaker 2: and I am rich?
Speaker 5: Like I am rich. Do you go home to wash
Speaker 5: Cross and you know why? And it's when I was
Speaker 5: broke and I was stupid. I won't try that, dude.
Speaker 5: I am I am a I am a I am
Speaker 5: a minor. I am a gold digging miner. But you
Speaker 5: got to move out to the hills and look like
Speaker 5: a lunatic for ten years before you walk back into
Speaker 5: the city with a pocketful of goals. Rogan let's just
Speaker 5: do Joe Rogan right, undersized right, and let's just say
Speaker 5: undersized right. Uh Taekwondo champion of the worlds right meathead Meathhead,
Speaker 5: one of the most brilliant podcasters alive. Do you know
Speaker 5: who believed in Joe? Joe? Joe believes in Joe. He
Speaker 5: had wild confidence in a in a horse that wasn't
Speaker 5: supposed to win the race? Right ever? Ever, Dude, this,
Speaker 5: I got on this horse. You think you think Seabiscuit
Speaker 5: was a loser. Dude, I got on this horse ugly,
Speaker 5: no confidence, said really inappropriate stuff, and I was like,
Speaker 5: I was like.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but didn't you almost you almost quit along the way?
Speaker 5: Didn't you almost quit?
Speaker 1: Stand up at one point?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 3: Never mind, all right, give me a quick break, go ahead,
Speaker 3: burn nice cheers?
Speaker 1: Can Diane do a nice cheers for you?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 2: Throwing up real quickly?
Speaker 5: Take hold on it? Could you? Could you like Leannoy's
Speaker 5: goes uh? If I get into a wheelchair and if
Speaker 5: I'm disciple, could you keep stay married to me, take
Speaker 5: care of me, wipe me if I need white honey.
Speaker 5: If you had just a bridge in your teeth a slipper,
Speaker 5: like if you had I would.
Speaker 2: I would leave you, Like if.
Speaker 5: You had fake teeth, if you had dentures, I would
Speaker 5: leave you. Let's break your arm and and let's have
Speaker 5: a conversation. I think we're talking pretty aggressive about a
Speaker 5: wheel a wheelchair? You, I mean Koma I could deal
Speaker 5: with right. Coloma would be fun. Alma would be fun.
Speaker 6: No, give me a good cheer, Okay, sugar in the bowl,
Speaker 6: coffee in the cup, aim for the butt, won't knock
Speaker 6: her up. Wow, I've been waiting on that one, like burt'spear.
Speaker 4: What the hell?
Speaker 5: That's a fun game. Start me, just say, start me,
Speaker 5: and I'll see if I can finish it.
Speaker 2: Burt, start me?
Speaker 5: No, No, oh, I'm sorry. Give me a just give
Speaker 5: me a first line. Sugar in the bowl, give me
Speaker 5: something like that. I'll see if I can finish it.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I got nothing.
Speaker 5: I got just a monkey in the car. Don't mess
Speaker 5: with me. They call me King talk. I love it.
Speaker 5: I love this game. I love that it's starting an analogy.
Speaker 5: I love a good analogy. Like if someone goes, that's
Speaker 5: it's my favorite thing to do. Is I go. It's
Speaker 5: like the singing of the Annapolis six or whatever whatever
Speaker 5: is that a race.
Speaker 6: It's bigger now, all right, give me I have to
Speaker 6: take a break, all right, give me a I hope
Speaker 6: you quit your job.
Speaker 5: I hope you're still in your car. By the way,
Speaker 5: if you quit your job, you text me. I got
Speaker 5: free tickets for you tonight. That's what I do. That's
Speaker 5: what I do. I'm in Baltimore. Yes, that's what I do.
Speaker 5: If you you I like the idea.
Speaker 3: Can I be the guy in the car? Can I
Speaker 3: be the guy in the car? I like the idea
Speaker 3: of doing that. I just don't know how to text you.
Speaker 3: I don't have your number.
Speaker 2: Bert, Okay, Kyle, what's your number?
Speaker 4: Hey?
Speaker 5: Are you?
Speaker 2: Are you happy that I have not brought up the
Speaker 2: fact that you're not from Baltimore?
Speaker 3: Then I have to take it, all right, give me
Speaker 3: a quick break.
Speaker 1: It's Elliot in the morning.
Speaker 5: Elliott in the morning.
Speaker 1: Okay, it's.
Speaker 5: Time. You know. He never replied to emails. He told
Speaker 5: me one time, that's the least favorite part of my job,
Speaker 5: and she goes, that's like the most important thing you have,
Speaker 5: and I don't like doing it.
Speaker 3: Bert Kreischer is with us the permission to Party World
Speaker 3: Tour tonight, CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore Sunday the Altree
Speaker 3: of Theater in Richmond.
Speaker 1: You didn't cancel her she for me, did you?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: I didn't come on damn it.
Speaker 5: They're paying me in chocolate and listen now I regret
Speaker 5: it on this. What is it with alcohol that if
Speaker 5: you have one shot, it just says we should have two, right,
Speaker 5: d one more, one more, just just just for the soldiers,
Speaker 5: for the.
Speaker 1: Troops, for the troops. Veterans Day this week it was
Speaker 1: it was Veterans Day? Right, how's your blood pressure? No,
Speaker 1: I'm being serious.
Speaker 5: Is it good?
Speaker 2: That's great? I get I go to a doctor too
Speaker 2: much to die?
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not as well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's a oh actually actually on to it was
Speaker 5: a little elevated this time. But he's like, and my
Speaker 5: blood was thick, right, And he was like, I think
Speaker 5: you're on too much testosterone. He was like, it wouldn't
Speaker 5: tell you to give some blood, right, and you know
Speaker 5: we'll see it empty out. No.
Speaker 1: The only reason I asked is no.
Speaker 7: I have a slight issue to buy a cuff. To
Speaker 7: buy a cuff this week, to test it home every
Speaker 7: single day?
Speaker 5: What is your blood preser?
Speaker 4: I was approaching one fifty for this histolic number. That's
Speaker 4: why I was.
Speaker 7: I was hesitant when you asked me if I was
Speaker 7: living a great life.
Speaker 1: What's bad?
Speaker 5: Really? Are you on anything?
Speaker 4: I have to test for four weeks and then decide.
Speaker 2: Sweet, your lifestyle is perfect?
Speaker 5: What is it?
Speaker 1: Well?
Speaker 7: I know you were talking about the job. It is
Speaker 7: a stressful environment.
Speaker 2: Once again.
Speaker 5: You want to have your rum springer.
Speaker 2: I'll give you, Kyle, and I'll take you and you'll
Speaker 2: see what stress is.
Speaker 5: Do you have any idea what stress you Stress can
Speaker 5: add to blood pressure?
Speaker 2: I have crazy stress. Den Hey to stress, stress to stress?
Speaker 1: What's your stress?
Speaker 5: Are you being serious?
Speaker 4: You get on this is his thing. He doesn't believe
Speaker 4: anybody is stressed.
Speaker 1: You get on a bus. You get on a bus.
Speaker 2: Let's start. Let's start here, right.
Speaker 3: But I'm not I'm not taking but could we eliminate
Speaker 3: one part of it. I'm not saying that you don't
Speaker 3: work hard.
Speaker 5: I'm I'm not saying. I'm not explaining that. I'm not
Speaker 5: I'm not.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that you don't create that that you
Speaker 3: don't create something that people like and find funny.
Speaker 5: I'm not that that's that's your job. Yes, Okay, all
Speaker 5: right now, I'm gonna this is really in the weeds.
Speaker 5: So if you're on the fence of liking me, I
Speaker 5: would hang I would hang up. Right now, I'm gonna
Speaker 5: tell you more than I should ever tell anyone. Okay,
Speaker 5: I'm explaining how stress works. Okay, So right now I'm
Speaker 5: on an arena tour. Yeakay. So I've been doing the
Speaker 5: I did theater tours like three years ago. Three years ago,
Speaker 5: I went to arena tours. And the first time you
Speaker 5: do it, when you do a theater, this is the stress.
Speaker 3: Just for example, So it used to be clubs, right,
Speaker 3: So you start out, you're doing clubs, You're doing you're
Speaker 3: doing that.
Speaker 5: I met you, there was zero stress because, yeah, the
Speaker 5: DC improv I was getting paid three thousand dollars, fifteen
Speaker 5: hundred dollars, seventeen hundred dollars, and they were taking the
Speaker 5: manager had all the stress, right, they were taking the
Speaker 5: chance on me, and I did well here and then
Speaker 5: all of a sudden.
Speaker 1: But the theater becomes like Warner Theater.
Speaker 5: But let's yeah, very clear. So if you do one
Speaker 5: show in a theater, you're not making very much money. Okay,
Speaker 5: if you do two in a theater, you're making crazy money. Okay,
Speaker 5: So what you have to do when you do a theater,
Speaker 5: when you do the Warner Theater, and I apologize to
Speaker 5: the Warner Theater, which is a great theater, but that
Speaker 5: one show, if you do one show, you've got to
Speaker 5: pay for the curtain, the stool, the mind. You've got
Speaker 5: to rent everything from them. They really have the upside
Speaker 5: because they're taking the thing. If you do two shows,
Speaker 5: you've already rented all that stuff, and then the lion's
Speaker 5: share of the money for that second show goes to you.
Speaker 5: So let's just I'm gonna give you crazy numbers. These
Speaker 5: aren't real Warner Theater, these are not real numbers. If
Speaker 5: you do one show at the Warner Theater, maybe, uh
Speaker 5: say you're Christs SEVENO comes into the water.
Speaker 2: Who's on the Water Theater.
Speaker 5: I'd love to promote them Dan Soder, Ryan Soder comes
Speaker 5: into the Water Theater.
Speaker 3: Let you say, Chris, I like Chris, Chris I love
Speaker 3: if he does one show.
Speaker 4: Feel comfortable enough to smoke?
Speaker 1: Oh yes, damn smoke weed in here, that's right here. Yeah.
Speaker 5: If you do one show at the Warner Theater, you
Speaker 5: make probably twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: Is that is that a real number or fake number?
Speaker 5: I'll tell you right now.
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 5: I did the Wilbur my first time I did it.
Speaker 5: I made twelve thousand dollars for doing one show with
Speaker 5: the Wilber. Okay. I did two shows at the Wilber
Speaker 5: and I walked with fifty two thousand dollars. Oh okay.
Speaker 5: So I was like, I was like, wait, the second
Speaker 5: show I made more money than the first show, And
Speaker 5: they're like, yeah, it's because you've already paid all the bills. Right,
Speaker 5: So if you can do if you go on a
Speaker 5: theater tour, your stresses, I need to sell more than
Speaker 5: one show. I'm doing one show. I'm kind of breaking even, right.
Speaker 1: I mean, you're still making twelve grand, but.
Speaker 5: You know, maybe maybe if you stayed in the clubs,
Speaker 5: you would have made more with bonuses and adding shows.
Speaker 5: So you want to do two in theaters. Once you
Speaker 5: start doing two in theaters, the stresses do I go
Speaker 5: to a bigger theater?
Speaker 3: Do I go to Arena Constitution?
Speaker 5: I think SIT's thirty five? And then once again you're
Speaker 5: with that stress of can I do two in this place?
Speaker 5: Because that first one pays the soul. But I need
Speaker 5: the money to pay my tour bus, my openers and travel,
Speaker 5: and then you do arenas now. And I'm not complaining.
Speaker 5: I'm just explaining what stress is. Before you start an
Speaker 5: arena tour, they say, Yo, you want to make sure
Speaker 5: your fans have a good time, so that you need
Speaker 5: to have production. You need to have a great stage,
Speaker 5: you need to have a great led package. You need
Speaker 5: great lighting. We need a lighting designer to design your lighting.
Speaker 5: We need a smoke designer. We need a designer to
Speaker 5: come in off the top of an arena tour for
Speaker 5: a three month arena tour. You're paying three point five
Speaker 5: million dollars out of your own pocket to start to
Speaker 5: do an arena tour. You have to then recoup that
Speaker 5: three point five million dollars.
Speaker 1: Can't you just turn the lights down, put a spotlight
Speaker 1: on you, and walk out there.
Speaker 5: I've done that. You'd be shocked how unenjoyable that is.
Speaker 2: I did it.
Speaker 5: I did it one time where the speakers were on
Speaker 5: the floor. I'm being done serious. So I was like,
Speaker 5: I'm not paying the money. My first tongue of arena
Speaker 5: tour was so bad that I was like watching people
Speaker 5: go like this is horrible. And so I went to
Speaker 5: the team and I was like, Yo, how do I
Speaker 5: get this better? And They're like, you need to if
Speaker 5: you want to do an arena tour, if you want
Speaker 5: to be an arena comic, be an arena comic, do
Speaker 5: it right, make it great. Prostitute then so now we're
Speaker 5: talking about stress, right. So I'm on an arena tour
Speaker 5: and I'll be doing that in perpetuity. I'm trying to
Speaker 5: do theaters in twenty twenty six only because I'm getting
Speaker 5: ready for a special and I need to do two
Speaker 5: in a night to get my get sharp, right. That's
Speaker 5: the main reason I'm doing theaters, and it's a lot
Speaker 5: less stress, right. But I want you to know I've
Speaker 5: already paid for this three semis filled with staging gear.
Speaker 5: I have twelve eighteen people on staff that I've paid for.
Speaker 5: I've paid for them for three months. They've got jobs.
Speaker 5: But that's the stress. And then and then I have
Speaker 5: a cruise. We just put a cruise on sale. I
Speaker 5: have a project I have not named yet that's coming
Speaker 5: out the night before the Daytona five hundred, which I
Speaker 5: think you would really love.
Speaker 1: That is we love to be a part of one
Speaker 1: hundred percent, Like, is this an invite?
Speaker 5: It's one hundred percent of an invite? Well, I could
Speaker 5: be part of it one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: Do I have to quit my job?
Speaker 2: Nope?
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm in and you're gonna love it.
Speaker 5: But I have this project with partners that I've have
Speaker 5: accrued that have invested money in me to produce this
Speaker 5: I have I do. You don't have to invest any money.
Speaker 5: They've party done it. I have a TV show that
Speaker 5: comes out in the beginning of the year that I
Speaker 5: did with.
Speaker 2: Netflix January twenty second. I have I have.
Speaker 5: A Castler, Yeah, I have. I have. I'm working. I
Speaker 5: can't really say exactly what I'm doing, but I'm working
Speaker 5: Christmas Day and New Year's Eve, which have not been
Speaker 5: announced yet. But if you figure out I'm working on
Speaker 5: Christmas Day and you live in DC, you can probably
Speaker 5: figure out what I'm doing. Are you doing the Christmas
Speaker 5: street lighting?
Speaker 4: Did you do this last year?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 5: So so?
Speaker 1: But wait, what did he do last year on Christmas?
Speaker 5: I'm taking another shot on the podcast say it.
Speaker 1: If he's gonna get in trouble, well he already did it.
Speaker 2: You can figure it out anyway.
Speaker 5: Anyway, anyway, I have a staff of fifteen employees, I
Speaker 5: have three podcasts, I have ad sales sponsors. I'm trying
Speaker 5: to create an underwear line.
Speaker 1: Right like all these things you're in the skims thing.
Speaker 5: Oh buddy, I got I decided to go rogue. I'm
Speaker 5: making basically a pantyhose for men. I like the thinnest.
Speaker 5: They're so comfortable, but they may be too gay, right,
Speaker 5: make them here than two weeks. I'm gonna make them.
Speaker 5: I'm sending my friends and goes this like turn you
Speaker 5: on too much? Like so like the thing is, I
Speaker 5: should have never got ambitious. Second I got ambitious?
Speaker 1: Can I can?
Speaker 3: I can I play Devil's accocate advocate for a second,
Speaker 3: because somebody who's got like a like like like real
Speaker 3: stress is going like, oh god, it must be so
Speaker 3: stressful to try to decide whether I want to spend
Speaker 3: three point five million dollars.
Speaker 5: Or that's a no hango with that. But it's not
Speaker 5: there's no deciding. It's already been decided, so you have
Speaker 5: to do it. So like no, I understand that, Like,
Speaker 5: but it's like gambling on yourself, and then you gamble
Speaker 5: on yourself, like there's a dude.
Speaker 2: There's a dude still sitting.
Speaker 5: In his car deciding whether or not to quit his
Speaker 5: job going I I don't care about any of this. Bert.
Speaker 5: There's are all the decisions you made, now I understand,
Speaker 5: but I made them to try to get to the
Speaker 5: next level. I love what I do and I want
Speaker 5: to provide cool things. Dave Chappelle said, if we don't
Speaker 5: do dope stuff, dope stuff doesn't happen. And I believe that,
Speaker 5: and so I want things to be great. I want
Speaker 5: someone in Baltimore to pay for their ticket and go
Speaker 5: tonight and say that was worth the money. So then
Speaker 5: I also have stand up. I also have a great
Speaker 5: stand up. So I'm living in this world. I have
Speaker 5: three movies in development, in one in production, and so
Speaker 5: like all this stuff ends up that like I zero
Speaker 5: have zero moments of sleep, let alone like journaling like
Speaker 5: it's like crazy.
Speaker 3: But I don't think anybody was trying to figure out
Speaker 3: if you're journaling.
Speaker 2: I just started. No, you did on my fifty third birthday.
Speaker 1: Your journalist was like, what you right yesterday?
Speaker 2: I didn't write yesterday.
Speaker 5: I'm being honest. I'm being honest. The day turn into
Speaker 5: this is a confessional. I understand I have a lot
Speaker 5: of like white guys stress.
Speaker 1: Hey, can I ask you this?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: No, no no, this may be from the on journal.
Speaker 3: That's a that that's like for I feel like I've
Speaker 3: seen your belly a lot.
Speaker 5: Yes, like the.
Speaker 1: Strip down the middle, that's more than usual. I know,
Speaker 1: are you growing hair?
Speaker 5: Hare? Can we can? We'll focus on the night in Baltimore,
Speaker 5: on the one thing that anyone will see. Anyone's gonna
Speaker 5: look at that stripe. I'm like a leopard. I spread
Speaker 5: it out. It came in heavy, right, I know? What
Speaker 5: is that?
Speaker 2: When a woman into something?
Speaker 5: Yeah? What when?
Speaker 6: When when a woman is pregnant, Like when Liam was pregnant,
Speaker 6: she get that big black line down her belly.
Speaker 4: You thought I was in the urban station or you
Speaker 4: thought I thought.
Speaker 1: That whatever that is, you got it, But it's hair.
Speaker 5: I got you that. I know. I know.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of things going on with my body
Speaker 1: that I'm not in love with. So stress, stress makes
Speaker 1: it all just come out like a mohawk.
Speaker 5: Yeah what do you making a picture of stress? Stress
Speaker 5: sucks in Baltimore, My stress, and get a ticket already.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna go to some seafood restaurant.
Speaker 10: Got read here, Yeah, everyone's got their stresses. Wait what
Speaker 10: seafood restaurant are you going to? So he grew because yeah,
Speaker 10: Kyle's from Baltimore.
Speaker 2: Go ahead, Kyle, Hey, real quick, real quick, real quick.
Speaker 5: All I want.
Speaker 1: I can't stop looking.
Speaker 2: Put my shirt back on.
Speaker 5: So Kyle's my assistant, and he if you ask him
Speaker 5: where he froms he says Baltimore.
Speaker 2: We're going to Jimmy Seafood today. Should not have said
Speaker 2: that out loud.
Speaker 1: The no, No, that's good.
Speaker 5: You may not make it. There's Kyle's playing claim Baltimore.
Speaker 2: What happened was he dressed.
Speaker 5: He came out one day and he was wearing cowboy boots,
Speaker 5: jeans and a roper's jacket with a cowboy hat. I said,
Speaker 5: what's that? Was this where he costplaying a grown man?
Speaker 5: He goes, this is what I wore growing up. I went, well,
Speaker 5: you grew up in Baltimore and he was like, yeah,
Speaker 5: I know, but you know outside Baltimore. And I went
Speaker 5: how outside and he goes, no, I mean just outside
Speaker 5: the city, but I grew up in Baltimore, but this
Speaker 5: is what we wore. And I was like, that doesn't
Speaker 5: I don't remember the episode of the Wire where they
Speaker 5: put their horses, and he was, look, he's losing his
Speaker 5: mind right now. And then, by the way, do not
Speaker 5: turn his mic on. I'm going to say everything.
Speaker 2: So the other day, the other day, we're.
Speaker 5: In the office and he is he's I want everyone
Speaker 5: who from Baltimore to listen, and DC he's claimed Baltimore.
Speaker 5: He's a Ravens fan, die Hard, He's a crazy Ravens fan, right,
Speaker 5: And at times he's told my wife, I grew up
Speaker 5: on the mean streets of Baltimore. Those words have come
Speaker 5: out of his mouth, right. And he's from a place
Speaker 5: called New Freedom. So I google New Freedom to see
Speaker 5: how far outside of Baltimore it is, because you know,
Speaker 5: twenty minutes minutes I can give it. I get that
Speaker 5: New Freedom is in Pennsylvania. And he goes, no, no, no, no, no, yeah,
Speaker 5: look at that. It is a forty three minute drive
Speaker 5: thirty eight miles to Baltimore in Pennsylvania. And we lost
Speaker 5: our minds because he's never shared that it's in Pennsylvania.
Speaker 5: And he was like, technically, it's in Pennsylvania. Go technically, technically, no,
Speaker 5: actually it's actually in Pennsylvania. You actually slept in Pennsylvania
Speaker 5: every night. And then Leanne got her little matt lock, Wait,
Speaker 5: what's your driver's lissense? Is it Maryland or Pennsylvania? And
Speaker 5: he goes, technically it's Pennsylvania. Technically it's Pennsylvania. And I
Speaker 5: said to him, I said, I can bust your balls
Speaker 5: in perpetuity, or you can take this, and I'm still
Speaker 5: offering it. You can, and I'll allow you to do
Speaker 5: it right now. It'll be the very beginning of this bet.
Speaker 5: I said, I will never bring it up ever again.
Speaker 5: If until New Year's Eve, every time I bring up, hey, man,
Speaker 5: where are you from? He has to say a small
Speaker 5: town in Pennsylvania. And then I go, wait, did you
Speaker 5: grow up in or near any big cities? And you go,
Speaker 5: and he can say I wasn't even close to and
Speaker 5: he can't say Baltimore. He's gonna go. He has to
Speaker 5: say I wasn't even close to Baltimore really, and and
Speaker 5: and the bets here or and now, and he shades
Speaker 5: things like what's the best part is that he like,
Speaker 5: he I'm not gonna get to look, he doesn't want
Speaker 5: me to talk about homeschool.
Speaker 2: Dude. We found out he was homeschooled.
Speaker 9: Wait too late.
Speaker 2: We were hold on, this is so good. He was.
Speaker 5: We were on set of TV on my TV show,
Speaker 5: and we're all sitting in the most beautiful girl shows
Speaker 5: up and she's a little bit of a weirdo and
Speaker 5: we're talking to her and she's like, oh, I'm I'm
Speaker 5: an outlier, like I don't I don't answer any question right,
Speaker 5: And then we're like, where did you grow up? She
Speaker 5: goes like, the Philippines, but really Orlando, and I'm like okay,
Speaker 5: and I was like, we're in Orlando, you go to
Speaker 5: school and she goes, well, kind of this place, but
Speaker 5: I was really homeschooled, and she was so pretty. He
Speaker 5: let a secret slip and he goes, I was homeschooled,
Speaker 5: and everyone what? And then and then he tried to
Speaker 5: cover it and he goes, I wouldn't even bring that
Speaker 5: to everyone. Everyone already knows everything. We've been keeping it
Speaker 5: from you. Bert, don't tell anyone. And I called Pete immediately.
Speaker 5: I go, did you know Kyle's homeschool And he goes, no,
Speaker 5: So he was homeschooled in Pennsylvania, but slips out that
Speaker 5: he grew up in the mean streets of Baltimore. He
Speaker 5: wears cowboy outfits and roper gloves, but he grew up
Speaker 5: in pennsylvani the city of Brotherly Loved. He should be
Speaker 5: an Eagles fan. If you're a Ravens fan, do you
Speaker 5: claim him? And then and then the best is on
Speaker 5: the bus. He's with comics, so he's like, you understand,
Speaker 5: It's like, it's like forty minutes. And then who was
Speaker 5: on the bus? Hospital he goes Washington, d C. Is
Speaker 5: thirty minutes outside of baal time. Someone called in today.
Speaker 5: I googled the name of the city. She goes, I'm
Speaker 5: from White Plains, Maryland, and I went to that's crazy
Speaker 5: how she said the little city she's from. And by
Speaker 5: the way, she's twenty five minutes outside Baltimore. I googled
Speaker 5: it when it happened. Buddy, if you don't have a
Speaker 5: muse like this, life isn't worth living.
Speaker 1: By the way, for this store, are you want to
Speaker 1: bust this story?
Speaker 5: I low my bus. I'm gonna be buried in my bus.
Speaker 5: I wish I had started drinking earlier, but I'm so
Speaker 5: glad I didn't. I'm gonna be buried in my bus.
Speaker 1: How many people are on like are you? Is everybody
Speaker 1: with you?
Speaker 5: This? Two dude's sleeping right now, John Feidelberg and Pete
Speaker 5: Lee they're with me tonight. And then Dewey are bus
Speaker 5: drivers watching golf? I've saved two bus drivers lives. Blood pressure,
Speaker 5: blood pressure. We got to get yours under control. Do
Speaker 5: you I have some beta blockers in my bad I do,
Speaker 5: and I haven't even taken them, and they're so awesome.
Speaker 5: You're gonna love them.
Speaker 1: Do you take on this question? Do you take beta
Speaker 1: blockers before you go on stage?
Speaker 5: No? The reason I'm not taking them now is because
Speaker 5: I don't want your head to be all over the place.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 5: I like, I like, I don't have any stress going
Speaker 5: on stage. I love going on stage. Oh it's you're
Speaker 5: comfort when I hear my music. Yeah, Oh my heart races,
Speaker 5: my chill bumps.
Speaker 3: Yes. No, when we were talking about that, like, this
Speaker 3: is my most comfortable place. Yes yet in here, dude,
Speaker 3: I don't.
Speaker 1: Think, oh boy, well you got COVID.
Speaker 5: I think I think what's crazy is and I have
Speaker 5: to say this, and I hope you clipped this out
Speaker 5: and use this as a promo.
Speaker 1: I have COVID.
Speaker 5: I've got full blown aids I'm riddled with it. Ask
Speaker 5: me how I got it from an African prostitute? Have
Speaker 5: you ever seen that clip from Les? Google it?
Speaker 2: It's the best.
Speaker 5: But but uh, having done them, I do three podcasts.
Speaker 5: And you said about Mel Robbins and that was a
Speaker 5: very nice compliment. Thank you.
Speaker 3: You know who else was really really good. I watched
Speaker 3: Margo Price. She was fantastic.
Speaker 1: She was great.
Speaker 5: The two of you together were great. I will tell you,
Speaker 5: thank you very much. I when we you know, I'm
Speaker 5: not in the weeds. But like with Birdcast, we try
Speaker 5: to make sure it's just straight up comedy or with
Speaker 5: Two Bears comedy, it's fun, it's light, Something's Burning is
Speaker 5: a cooking show. That's its thing. With bird Cast, I
Speaker 5: kind of had to reimagine it because a lot of
Speaker 5: people were like, why would I watch this if I
Speaker 5: could just watch them on bird Cast. So I just
Speaker 5: kind of tried to focus on music with bird Cast.
Speaker 5: I really love music. And then I decided at the
Speaker 5: beginning of the year to demonetize it at the beginning
Speaker 5: of this year because I was like, I don't want
Speaker 5: to have to put it out every week because I
Speaker 5: do have o's at bird Cast, right but it bums
Speaker 5: me out that not more people watch. Like I had
Speaker 5: a band on that wasn't very popular at the time
Speaker 5: that I thought was great and they made me cry
Speaker 5: watching them play, and I brought everyone from my office
Speaker 5: up to watch them play, and we were all drinking
Speaker 5: and the band was Red Clay Strays, right, and then
Speaker 5: they got popular. But I wish people cared before, meaning
Speaker 5: like Margo Price is brilliant. She is one of the
Speaker 5: most talented musicians.
Speaker 1: She's played with everybody and she knows everyone.
Speaker 5: For whatever reason, my podcast isn't in that algorithm where
Speaker 5: people discover brilliant artists. Like I had Warren hazeon and
Speaker 5: it's like people are like, he's the most brilliant guitarist.
Speaker 5: I have Marcus King on Marcus King fell off the wagon.
Speaker 5: Marcus King is a prodigy guitar player. Sure he fell
Speaker 5: off the wagon. Came to my house and he's like, Buddy,
Speaker 5: I'm off the wagon. This is a bad day for me.
Speaker 5: I could use a drink and maybe talk about it.
Speaker 5: And we talked about sobriety for two hours, getting drunk
Speaker 5: as crap. Right, But they don't get views because they're
Speaker 5: not click baby now having said that the flowers go
Speaker 5: to you, because to do this every day is an
Speaker 5: actual talent that I don't think anyone understands how brilliant
Speaker 5: that Italian and how how bright that light shines. And
Speaker 5: I'm being serious when I say this, because I'm tapped out.
Speaker 5: Like I'm tapped out. I could get I could get
Speaker 5: rid of all my podcasts and be a happier man.
Speaker 5: But the way you do this is so it's like,
Speaker 5: do you ever see I love analogies. You ever see
Speaker 5: like clouds over the ocean and then all of a
Speaker 5: sudden it opens up and one sunshine comes out right,
Speaker 5: and it hits the thing and it sparkles on the ocean.
Speaker 5: But not everyone sees it. It's not a sunset. It's
Speaker 5: just one sunshine, right, And if you see it, you'll
Speaker 5: track it. You'll track it all the way to it
Speaker 5: gets to the beach. And it's fun for you. And
Speaker 5: that's what being a fan of a radio show is is.
Speaker 5: It's not it's not for everyone, obviously, but it's yours
Speaker 5: and it's your thing, and you never stop shining. And
Speaker 5: that is as a guy that's doing this and has
Speaker 5: been doing this for now fifteen years.
Speaker 2: I hate it like I can't.
Speaker 5: I'm the podcasting is exhausting, right, it is exhausting every
Speaker 5: now and then I get that sunshine, but not every day,
Speaker 5: and you do it every day and anytime I come
Speaker 5: in here, I love it. But every time I come
Speaker 5: in here, I've been coming in for twenty years, right,
Speaker 5: It's always my favorite thing I've ever done. But you
Speaker 5: thank you.
Speaker 2: But that's not that way for Margot Price.
Speaker 5: When it comes to myself, She's like, well, he really
Speaker 5: phoned it in. He doesn't know any of my songs.
Speaker 5: He's just don't the first two on the to Margo
Speaker 5: Prize everybody You and.
Speaker 1: Margot discussed them that I thought was interesting.
Speaker 3: Though the you asked her if she could love someone
Speaker 3: who didn't like music, and then she said, could you
Speaker 3: love someone who didn't like comedy?
Speaker 1: But you never answered the question.
Speaker 5: I love my.
Speaker 11: Wife because she if she didn't like comedy, if she
Speaker 11: was the girl back when you answered by going, I
Speaker 11: dated a girl who was like, yeah, if Sindbad can
Speaker 11: do it, anybody can do it.
Speaker 5: Yes, let me let me. I'll give you a even
Speaker 5: deeper question. I was gonna have a hard time loving
Speaker 5: my daughters if they didn't like comedy. Ooh so ooh.
Speaker 5: We did fully Loaded the first year and I got it.
Speaker 5: I don't know if fully Loaded will ever come back.
Speaker 5: I think it was fun. Yeah, and I say that
Speaker 5: Candile Beakusse, I think everyone's in movies now, everyone's doing
Speaker 5: bigger things.
Speaker 2: It was a it was a really special thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I mean you look at the lineup.
Speaker 5: If you look at the lineup of the first fully
Speaker 5: Loaded we did, or maybe the second one, that bill
Speaker 5: that the lineup bill is now.
Speaker 2: A five million dollar bill, right, it's Shane.
Speaker 5: Gillis, Stabby, Mark Norman, Dan Soder, Big Jokerson, Bruce Bruce.
Speaker 5: I mean it's crazy bill. It's a crazy bill, Nicky Lazer,
Speaker 5: Tony Andecliff. Right, the first day we did it, it
Speaker 5: was the lineup was Big, Jockerson, Salvacano and Shane Gillis.
Speaker 5: Now everyone knows I love Shane, but I liked him
Speaker 5: before you liked him. But I need to say that
Speaker 5: because I was. I really enjoyed him. I enjoyed him
Speaker 5: and I and I wanted my daughters to like him.
Speaker 5: And he is aggressive a time on stage. And Georgia
Speaker 5: went and watched Shane and David Tell, David Tel's my
Speaker 5: favorite comic to ever done comedy, So I'm not certain
Speaker 5: I can love my daughter. She doesn't love David Tel
Speaker 5: because she woke.
Speaker 2: David tells.
Speaker 1: How old was she when she saw David Tel?
Speaker 5: Eighteen years old?
Speaker 1: Oh, I bet she hated him.
Speaker 5: And she watched. She watched Shane first. Shane went up
Speaker 5: before a Tell, and I watched her and her friend
Speaker 5: Daisy and they were watching and Shane had a joke
Speaker 5: about going to a plantation something and being like a
Speaker 5: slave master, and then the black Eye talks to him
Speaker 5: and he's like, you can't talk to me like that,
Speaker 5: and she went like this. They both went I said,
Speaker 5: what's that? She goes, you do not have to say that.
Speaker 5: I said, why not? She was, You're gonna get in trouble.
Speaker 5: I go by who. She goes, well, you can't talk
Speaker 5: like that, dad, And I went by who. Everyone just laughed.
Speaker 2: Did you laugh?
Speaker 5: She goes, yeah, that's why I covered my mouth. I go,
Speaker 5: oh no, no, no, no, let yourself laugh. That's what
Speaker 5: comedy is. She's like, you can say that. And then
Speaker 5: Shane's next jokes like I don't like Navy seals something.
Speaker 5: It was like, I mean's wild. It was his act
Speaker 5: at the time was wild, right, And she started laughing
Speaker 5: as Shane Gillis and I and my heart swelled. I
Speaker 5: went David Tell's opening joke was I like a woman
Speaker 5: who's unshaved. I needed to look like Osama bin Lauden
Speaker 5: down there. And she started laughing hysterically, and I was like,
Speaker 5: oh my god, I can love my daughter. I thought
Speaker 5: I never gonna love you. My favorite moment of all
Speaker 5: of it is and I know I've told this. I'm
Speaker 5: sorry I have is at the end of she loves
Speaker 5: Shane Gillis so much she trusted him. We have a
Speaker 5: picture of Shane and our in our family photos on
Speaker 5: our mantle. That's how much my daughters love Shane Gillis.
Speaker 5: No Slight, No Slight. When matt Rive's Special came out,
Speaker 5: her and all her girlfriends came to our screening room
Speaker 5: and watched it. Halfway through, they switched it over to
Speaker 5: Shane's Beautiful Dogs, and she goes, this is who you
Speaker 5: gotta see, my daughter. Okay, I love you, my ride.
Speaker 5: I'm not a flight, no flight, You're so talented, but
Speaker 5: my kids are a Sane Gillis fan we're a sane
Speaker 5: Gillow's family.
Speaker 1: Having them at home. Yes, Oh, isn't it the worst?
Speaker 5: Can you even?
Speaker 3: Do?
Speaker 1: You go visit them?
Speaker 5: I do?
Speaker 2: It's not someone playing cotton Eye Joe. No, yeah, I do.
Speaker 5: I do.
Speaker 3: It sucks, it's I hate.
Speaker 5: Drives me nuts, yea. And they'll never hear this is
Speaker 5: that Georgia's friend group. The dads are all party animals,
Speaker 5: you know, and I never hear this.
Speaker 2: They bite a.
Speaker 5: Can and it's sprays, and then they shotgun beers and
Speaker 5: George is like yeah, and then her dad is like
Speaker 5: a functioning alcoholic and she can't appreciate how beautiful my
Speaker 5: I am the party. Every kid at her school wants
Speaker 5: to party with me. It's like dad, tone of town.
Speaker 8: If you can't get.
Speaker 5: COVID, you can't get a d all right? Can we
Speaker 5: do word association? Yes?
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something.
Speaker 5: To you, and I want.
Speaker 1: You what's wrong?
Speaker 5: Anything? Dance?
Speaker 6: Do you have to go?
Speaker 5: Man? Knock me? Come from? I got from?
Speaker 2: This was groundbreaking.
Speaker 5: I realized someone was like someone was like like, what
Speaker 5: this is better than pizza?
Speaker 6: Woa?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 1: We're association?
Speaker 5: You're ready?
Speaker 1: Whoa boys?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 3: I'm good I'm good, all right, I'm gonna say something
Speaker 3: to you, and I don't want just a one word answer.
Speaker 5: Walk me through what.
Speaker 2: Comes to your mind. Are you ready?
Speaker 1: You're ready. We're gonna get some pizza.
Speaker 5: Listen, Blake Casper. We're not just getting pizza. We're fighting
Speaker 5: over pizza. You better not get one pizza. And I
Speaker 5: don't think that I'm not eating the first piece of
Speaker 5: pizza first. I'm gonna I'm gonna save on that first
Speaker 5: crust because I want to get the second piece ahead
Speaker 5: of you. This is a race and it's down to
Speaker 5: the I mean, by the way you could do this,
Speaker 5: I could talk about pizza for pizza is one of
Speaker 5: my favorite things in the world.
Speaker 1: You don't get where I saw that.
Speaker 3: But when you were like, oh no, no, no, no,
Speaker 3: like you start doing math with the people in the room.
Speaker 5: Oh can I So? Who told me the other day
Speaker 5: that Ryan Sickler, who's from Baltimore, not from New Maryland,
Speaker 5: found Pennsylvania, right said like his he told me this
Speaker 5: one time he goes his buddy. His dad was a
Speaker 5: big fat guy, and his buddy was a big fat guy,
Speaker 5: and his mom was warnering pizzas for a birthday party.
Speaker 5: I wish I can remember who this was. And they
Speaker 5: went and his dad goes, why don't you come get
Speaker 5: a pizza with me and the pizzas. So they go
Speaker 5: and they pick up the pizzas and it's three pizzas,
Speaker 5: but there's four, and he goes, what's the fourth pizza?
Speaker 5: And he goes, it's a road pie. He goes, we
Speaker 5: eat it on the ride back that way. We bring
Speaker 5: in the pizzas and everyone we go, no, no, no,
Speaker 5: you guys help yourselves.
Speaker 2: We'll get to it later. I wish I could remember
Speaker 2: who said that.
Speaker 3: I wish people could see the look Burt just gave me, like,
Speaker 3: remember that.
Speaker 5: Son, That is the most brilliant thing when you find
Speaker 5: chea codes like that in life. Shut up. That was
Speaker 5: the next for me when I'm gonna do zanax to
Speaker 5: me and was like, yo, you take half his handex
Speaker 5: and you have had twenty beers. I go, oh, what
Speaker 5: are we doing? Why are we waiting time for the beers?
Speaker 5: A kick in? Oh? Okay?
Speaker 1: Then I know I know that you apparently you're not
Speaker 1: here all morning. That's fine, that's fine.
Speaker 2: What are you talking about?
Speaker 1: The I was told that there is an exit time.
Speaker 5: No, No, never speak for me. I grew up in Tampa, Florida.
Speaker 5: Do we need to take the bus? He takes the
Speaker 5: bus and I uber to the bus. Never speak for me. God, God,
Speaker 5: no exit time. That's my favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 5: Are you kidding me?
Speaker 3: Game three of the World Series. I had no idea
Speaker 3: you were there. Oh yeah, dude, that was eighteen innies.
Speaker 5: I was. I was behind Justin Bieber and Jacin Jakin Adorney,
Speaker 5: Jakeen and Doorney, Jacon and Dorney. Say again, Jacin, Jacob,
Speaker 5: Jacob Jacob al Doorney.
Speaker 4: El Dori.
Speaker 5: That's him. Beautiful man. He is the most beautiful man
Speaker 5: I've ever seen in my entire life. By the way,
Speaker 5: Justin Bieber striking young man, much taller than you think,
Speaker 5: right much, scrawny scrappler. You don't want to mess with
Speaker 5: that kid. But that Jacob Aldherty, Lordie, Jacob Delordy, whatever
Speaker 5: his name.
Speaker 2: Is is, John Dolorean is beautiful. No one gets hi reference Did.
Speaker 1: You stay for the whole thing?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 1: Bird? What did you leave that?
Speaker 5: What was it go? Eighteen? When eighteen I left in
Speaker 5: the beginning of the seventeenth it was aggressive. You know
Speaker 5: what's so funny is at the beginning of the game
Speaker 5: real talk. I okay, let's talk real talk.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 5: Right, So my best friend Tony Hernandez produces everything I do,
Speaker 5: my TV shows, my specials, everything is.
Speaker 2: I grew up with them in Tampa.
Speaker 5: He happens to be one of the biggest producers in comedy, right,
Speaker 5: and he does everything. He calls me up and he goes, Yo,
Speaker 5: let's get tickets to the game to the World Series.
Speaker 5: We always do big tickets, and they're expensive. I think
Speaker 5: they're I think they were like ten granded ticket, five
Speaker 5: grand a ticket. They're expensive, right, And he goes, you
Speaker 5: know what, we'll get four We'll invite Netflix and and
Speaker 5: you know some you know, we'll make it a business thing.
Speaker 5: I was like, all right, great, and he goes, yo,
Speaker 5: is it cool if I invite like talent that i'd
Speaker 5: like to work with. I go, yeah, one hundred percent.
Speaker 5: I'd love to sit next to you know, uh, Sidney Sweeney,
Speaker 5: whoever you want to work with.
Speaker 2: Of course. So we get there and it's Adam Ray.
Speaker 5: A good I just pay ten thousand dollars to sit
Speaker 5: next to Adam Ray, and Adam Ray is so excited.
Speaker 2: I go I bet you are.
Speaker 5: You just got a free World Series ticket and you're
Speaker 5: Adam Ray and I'm me and we're sitting and he goes,
Speaker 5: how great is this? I go, I pay for though
Speaker 5: we're talking about great is this? It sucks? But then
Speaker 5: I got to sit next to Adam Ray, which was
Speaker 5: hysterical because he he was heckling Jason Aunthorty the whole time.
Speaker 5: He's like, how dorny beeber beaber beaber you suck?
Speaker 2: He was the best.
Speaker 5: I spin over the border, but he was the best.
Speaker 5: And then we brought Netflix. We brought some producers. I
Speaker 5: didn't know, but I saw it. So you crashed CNN
Speaker 5: at one point, I don't remember that. I was very drunk,
Speaker 5: so I did a gangster move right before the seventh inning.
Speaker 3: Let's ballpark this right, okay, because okay, go ahead, I
Speaker 3: know exactly where you're going, but go ahead, go ahead,
Speaker 3: you tell it. No, so at you you end up
Speaker 3: on CNN, right, and on CNN you do. You end
Speaker 3: up talking to them, and they were very nice. They
Speaker 3: brought you on in the whole thing.
Speaker 1: The But you're you have a you have a tall
Speaker 1: boy in your.
Speaker 2: Hand, and it's the sixteenth thing.
Speaker 3: It's at that point it was the sixteenth inning. You're right,
Speaker 3: because they were They were talking about like CNN went Live.
Speaker 3: They were like, it's the World Series, but we're also
Speaker 3: sixteen innings in. They stopped serving at the seeventh inning. Right,
Speaker 3: where were you? Where were you storing beers? Because at
Speaker 3: first I thought you must have been in a suite,
Speaker 3: but apparently we I said.
Speaker 5: When we got there, and I swear all my children's life,
Speaker 5: I said, this is going twenty two innings. Everyone buckled
Speaker 5: down for the longest game of their lives, and I
Speaker 5: at the seventh inning, I looked at Adam, and I
Speaker 5: looked at Tony, and I looked at Andy Wheel, I
Speaker 5: looked at everyone that I paid for their ticket, and
Speaker 5: I said, well, let's go get beers. And they were like, Andy,
Speaker 5: we all had to catch flight to New York that night.
Speaker 5: And he was like, okay, So he got two beers.
Speaker 5: The tall boys, right, Adam got two beers, Tony sober.
Speaker 5: Tony got two beers. And then the girl that produces
Speaker 5: something I don't know, some TV shows with the Crazy
Speaker 5: Little Things or something, she got two beers. She doesn't drink.
Speaker 5: So we were lined up. Me and Adam got lit.
Speaker 5: We had each had like a tall boy for every inning,
Speaker 5: and and of eight penn and edibles. I was so
Speaker 5: wasted that I don't remember seeing end video at all.
Speaker 5: I don't remember it at all. Are you serious at all?
Speaker 5: I don't remember it at all. All I know is
Speaker 5: at one point they were like, yo, we gotta get
Speaker 5: you out of here, like this is you can't last
Speaker 5: all night, And I go, I cannot drink them, all right.
Speaker 5: If they're gonna keep pitching doors, you like this, all right,
Speaker 5: I'll drink them. It was, dude.
Speaker 2: It was one one of the craziest games I've ever
Speaker 2: I loved it. I loved it.
Speaker 5: I love I love epic events like that. I love
Speaker 5: when it rains at a football game, right. I love
Speaker 5: when it stows at a football game. I love when
Speaker 5: there's extra endings. I love a doubleheader. I like the event.
Speaker 5: I don't like just you know. That's why I go
Speaker 5: when I do these tours and they go, you want
Speaker 5: to put three? Yeah, I'm gonna put the money into
Speaker 5: the tour because I wanted. I want people to go, Wow,
Speaker 5: that was fun, right, because that's what life's about. Life's
Speaker 5: not about like it was good. If it was just good,
Speaker 5: then you're like, it's like when I come on the show,
Speaker 5: I hope, I hope half the people are like, that
Speaker 5: was crazy. He got drunk. He doesn't need to get drunk.
Speaker 5: He doesn't need to share all these secrets. It's like
Speaker 5: the best. The best moment I ever had in radio, ever,
Speaker 5: is when I gave Leann's number out on radio. When
Speaker 5: no one remembers that it because I gave out Liann's.
Speaker 5: I gave out my Facebook and Leanne's number, right, and
Speaker 5: it was the that I live for moments like that
Speaker 5: in life. Let's do it again, two one, three numbers?
Speaker 5: She would be living.
Speaker 1: Hey did you ever get her to do semi tasteful nudes?
Speaker 5: Are you serious? Did you? I learned how to have
Speaker 5: a hidden folder. This is so good. I don't know
Speaker 5: how to get into it. But did she do them? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Are you serious?
Speaker 5: Does she look so good?
Speaker 4: Is it the ones that you've got on your Instagram?
Speaker 5: No, that's different, I got No, that's not I can't
Speaker 5: show I would. Okay, So here's what it sounds. So
Speaker 5: I've taken a couple behind her back? What is that bad?
Speaker 5: I've taken a couple behind her back because you didn't
Speaker 5: know about it, right, okay, a little sneaky sneaky piets
Speaker 5: And so I got I would and and and I
Speaker 5: want if Leanne gave me the green light to show you,
Speaker 5: I would show you and you would say, wow, she
Speaker 5: looks amazing. You should post those online. And then I
Speaker 5: and then and then I'm obsessed with aiing her. Yes,
Speaker 5: I ai her all the time. That's the stuff that's
Speaker 5: on instrument.
Speaker 2: I heard NonStop.
Speaker 5: And and I've gotten it down pretty good where I
Speaker 5: got it to where it's what she looks like. But
Speaker 5: I have and then and then we've agreed. We've agreed
Speaker 5: that I am allowed to take non identifiable pictures of
Speaker 5: her body part, uh body parts, and and keep them
Speaker 5: for myself non identifiable.
Speaker 3: Oh so you can take a picture of a boo,
Speaker 3: but it can't be with her face.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: I was like, it's a boob. You should be able
Speaker 3: to identify that. You just mean, as long as you can't,
Speaker 3: I just know it belongs.
Speaker 5: To I know whose freckles those are. And it's crazy
Speaker 5: how a freckle can turn you on where you're like, whoa,
Speaker 5: that's her, And there's I'm being serious.
Speaker 2: There's one nude picture.
Speaker 5: I grabbed her where she is at the bathroom and
Speaker 5: she's got her arm up and an arm like this,
Speaker 5: and I snuck it. She looks amazing. I'm I'm almost
Speaker 5: certain that if I showed you she'd be cool with it.
Speaker 5: But let's see, I wish I could, she would be living,
Speaker 5: she would I never get another nude. She looks so good,
Speaker 5: so good that you're I'm being like, she would want
Speaker 5: that online. He almost crazy for me not to leak it.
Speaker 5: It's like in the Nickson tapes, that being just on
Speaker 5: stand up and he was like, I don't know how
Speaker 5: great would Trump tapes be. We can leak his I
Speaker 5: love I'm not good at pressing. Are we drinking half
Speaker 5: a bottle? Vagamy in you? Let's do it all right?
Speaker 5: What else? The oh?
Speaker 1: I was waiting for you to pour.
Speaker 5: Little little one? Little one?
Speaker 1: Do you want one for the ride home?
Speaker 2: You said, I have one for the right for the
Speaker 2: right home.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, Two things.
Speaker 3: Number one, the uh your TV show, yes, which you
Speaker 3: told his comes out January twenty second.
Speaker 1: No, that's okay, No, because I'm good, I'm gonna want
Speaker 1: better you.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna want better you there somebody that we know,
Speaker 3: this guy Zach who.
Speaker 1: Listens to the show. Really good guy. He's already seen
Speaker 1: the show.
Speaker 5: YEP said it's great, thank you, saying it's really sense
Speaker 5: to this place for me because I'm not an actor,
Speaker 5: so like I'm not I don't know how.
Speaker 1: To I know, I saw the machine.
Speaker 5: Yeah I've gotten better.
Speaker 3: No, no, he said, he said it's fantastic. And I
Speaker 3: don't know, like what what what? Like club that is
Speaker 3: where there's some Netflix people they get to see stuff.
Speaker 2: So uh.
Speaker 5: Uh so you can roll the dice, right, I don't
Speaker 5: know how this is waiting to inside baseball. Okay, you
Speaker 5: can make your show like Tom and Tom's a safe
Speaker 5: place for me to land and he makes a show
Speaker 5: and he goes, no, no, it's I'll do what I want
Speaker 5: to do. Or you can be a little bit old
Speaker 5: school and say like yo, I would love to see
Speaker 5: what people think of it. Yeah, test so that I
Speaker 5: can change. But they don't like test it, and so
Speaker 5: I tested it. I let it test and so they
Speaker 5: release it to people on Netflix and they can watch it,
Speaker 5: and then the testing comes in and then the testing
Speaker 5: is very valuable, you know, like in you know, I
Speaker 5: don't know how much I'm allowed to talk about. But
Speaker 5: like one of the things is like in the testing,
Speaker 5: Leanne wasn't super lovable, and they'd be like, well, I
Speaker 5: don't want that represented in my show. That it's just
Speaker 5: stuff like that, right, And so then you try to
Speaker 5: just round her out a little bit in the edit.
Speaker 5: And so it's not you can't reshoot it, but you
Speaker 5: can just notice that, like maybe some lines that you
Speaker 5: thought were funny come off aggressive from someone that people
Speaker 5: already know. Right. It's not like tom Show, where it's
Speaker 5: a brand new thing something people already know a little
Speaker 5: bit about. So we tested it and tested very well. Yeah,
Speaker 5: and so well he saw it.
Speaker 1: He said it was great. Yeah, yeah, No, he really
Speaker 1: liked it.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you I'm very proud of it. I love it.
Speaker 5: It is it is very funny. It's very funny, and
Speaker 5: it's and it's very different. And I'll tell you a
Speaker 5: secret off air.
Speaker 1: Oh damn it.
Speaker 5: Okay, well I can't tell you on air because but
Speaker 5: like I can't tell you on air, but it's it's
Speaker 5: it's it's amazing. And the and the the plot moves
Speaker 5: from episode one to episode two, it moves entirely in
Speaker 5: a different direction, and when you get to the final episode,
Speaker 5: I think we nail the landing so well that it
Speaker 5: is a great, emotional, amazing I'm so excited for people
Speaker 5: to see it. No, that's good, No, that's awesome. Though
Speaker 5: I wanted to do it, I don't know how to
Speaker 5: promote something like that. It's not stand up so it's
Speaker 5: like I can't just tell a joke about it. It's
Speaker 5: like everyone did a great job. You know, let's do
Speaker 5: a shot the free bird. So you were twenty second.
Speaker 5: I'm not supposed to I'm not supposed to announce it
Speaker 5: until Christmas Day here in DC when I host a
Speaker 5: never mind.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm. That's what I'm.
Speaker 5: That's when we announced Christmas Day against the Cowboys. Netflix
Speaker 5: is gonna call me the the best sketch. Dam don't
Speaker 5: sell your.
Speaker 4: Hot listen to that boys.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, she's great, amazing.
Speaker 1: Damn, hey, when did you almost kiss the cold kidman.
Speaker 5: On the lips?
Speaker 2: New's we even announced that. But I'm doing that show again.
Speaker 5: Uh what are you rolling your eyes out? My queer,
Speaker 5: I'm going down the toilet.
Speaker 2: So Keith Urban liked me right, which tracks right now?
Speaker 2: It does not need a cocaine budget.
Speaker 5: He loved me. He you know, I'm not evn mess around.
Speaker 5: He was the host of New Yar's Eve on CBS
Speaker 5: last year. Correct I swear to god, he said this.
Speaker 5: I did my first read with Jelly and I'd made
Speaker 5: like a gay joke, you know, right, And I wasn't
Speaker 5: supposed to make it. And Keith Urban loved it, and
Speaker 5: he was it was about being bears or what you know,
Speaker 5: where someone's fantasy. I don't forget what it was. Keith
Speaker 5: Urban goes, you should host next year, and I was like, yeah, right,
Speaker 5: so I'm hosting this year. I swear about. Keith Urban
Speaker 5: said that until at the end of the night, it
Speaker 5: was it was everyone was, I spray champagne and we're
Speaker 5: all having a great time. I didn't take my shirt off,
Speaker 5: which is a big thing with CBS. Don't take your
Speaker 5: shirt off. I'm spraying champagne. Keith Urban comes up and
Speaker 5: grabs Leanne and gives her a kiss, and I was like, ah,
Speaker 5: that's what we're doing, you know. And Bunny gives me
Speaker 5: a kiss, and I'm like, oh, I give Jelly a kiss.
Speaker 5: I give a kiss. And then Nicole Gibbons there and
Speaker 5: I was like, I'm giving her a kiss, and she
Speaker 5: was like I literally went in for the kiss and
Speaker 5: she went and then instead like this and again in
Speaker 5: her face. I'm really excited for a new movie. It
Speaker 5: was so bad. Leanne comes up to me and he goes,
Speaker 5: did you just try to kiss Nicole Gimman? I go,
Speaker 5: is it noticeable? She goes, you were We were standing
Speaker 5: in the center of the state, like in the center
Speaker 5: of the the walkout was where And I was like,
Speaker 5: Leann's like open mouths. I go, no, kind of, but
Speaker 5: she's so beautiful. She's so beautiful.
Speaker 1: And then the cruise you had mentioned the cruise is
Speaker 1: the cruise? Is Is this the first cruise? No secone
Speaker 1: second cruise, second cruise.
Speaker 5: Second cruise. It's great, the best, It's the most fun
Speaker 5: you're ever gonna have, is it? I mean? But is it?
Speaker 5: Is it out of control? So last year or the
Speaker 5: time we did it before? We ran out of vodka
Speaker 5: on the first night, so yes, So they sent a
Speaker 5: ship back to the land to go get more vodka
Speaker 5: and bring him back to the boat. Right, and we
Speaker 5: set records for gambling, for booze, for everything we do.
Speaker 1: The smallest penis all right on the boat.
Speaker 5: And I give five thousand dollars for anyone who's got
Speaker 5: the smallest one on the boat. And by the way,
Speaker 5: all you got to do is show it to me.
Speaker 5: I'll give you five thousand dollars. It is the fun
Speaker 5: If you have a small penis right, come on my
Speaker 5: cruiser and make your money back.
Speaker 2: I guarantee it is.
Speaker 5: It is the funnest time I've ever had. The comics
Speaker 5: we bring on are more about are they a good hang,
Speaker 5: right and a great comic as opposed to like, I'm
Speaker 5: not but there's certain comics that are great comics but
Speaker 5: really tough to be around. That we go, I just
Speaker 5: this isn't your thing, right, Let's bring on great comics.
Speaker 1: That are fun to be around.
Speaker 5: Yeah, like, are you garbage guys? They're not doing it
Speaker 5: this year, but they're they're amazing hangs, right, So we
Speaker 5: put them up at a gambling table.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just it's a blast. It's a blast.
Speaker 3: The I want the belly flop contest, which we learned
Speaker 3: is a huge thing on cruise ships.
Speaker 5: Amazing. Who know. You know what we do is we
Speaker 5: bring Miss Pat and then we tell Miss Pat, you
Speaker 5: can bring as many black people as you want, and
Speaker 5: that'll be our black section. And so she brings like
Speaker 5: fifteen black it's all her whole family. I set them
Speaker 5: all up. I put gimal cabins and then they run
Speaker 5: the afternoon dance party and they make it. When we
Speaker 5: did the smallest penis on the boat, Miss Pat was
Speaker 5: the judge. She's like, I never see anything like that.
Speaker 5: Are you giving me asn't any Yeah it was. It's
Speaker 5: the cruise is crazy, right, And I don't think it's
Speaker 5: on sale to the general public right now.
Speaker 3: I think it might be you better somebody like if
Speaker 3: somebody should check, somebody should.
Speaker 5: Yeah, someone check it's uh Burt chreisercruise dot com. But
Speaker 5: it's uh, it's it's amazing comedy, amazing podcasts. I'm all live.
Speaker 1: Oh, pre sale, it's one We're not.
Speaker 5: We're not fully on well because you know, I wanted
Speaker 5: to give time for the people that did last the
Speaker 5: last time to get their tickets, right, and so yeah,
Speaker 5: we're we're we're tracking. I mean, it's gonna sell out,
Speaker 5: but it's just at a certain point, you're like, we
Speaker 5: tried to do a bigger boat. We tried to do Mexico.
Speaker 5: We tried to do bigger things, but I just like
Speaker 5: the energy of this boat. The Norwegian Jewel is awesome.
Speaker 4: The general on sale is today, though.
Speaker 5: Get your tickets today two pm today.
Speaker 2: I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
Speaker 5: And I have not announced this and unlike everything else,
Speaker 5: I haven't announced. So if you want to do that
Speaker 5: as a Christmas present to the cruise, the cruise, but
Speaker 5: the cruise is next year, I know. But to get
Speaker 5: the tickets now. For the tickets now and then this
Speaker 5: year for Christmas, go hey, I got us the cruise.
Speaker 5: You can pay and down payments, you can. You can
Speaker 5: book your cabin for I think like three hundred bucks, right,
Speaker 5: And I will do. Because I always had a hard time,
Speaker 5: like I would take my kids on trips. I don't
Speaker 5: have a hard time presenting that as a present, right,
Speaker 5: So if you want, I will as a cameo. It's
Speaker 5: not a cameo, you're just doing the cruise. I will
Speaker 5: do a video presentation to you and whoever giving the
Speaker 5: cruise two for Christmas, so you can show them that
Speaker 5: for Christmas' cool. I just came up with that last night.
Speaker 5: I was like, because I'm taking my daughters on a
Speaker 5: trip for Christmas, and I was like, I wish there
Speaker 5: was a better way than just printing out a picture
Speaker 5: of Italy.
Speaker 1: Wait, I thought you were coming to DC for Christmas.
Speaker 5: No, I'm a Christmas present. Oh oh oh, I'll be
Speaker 5: in DC for Christmas for Netflix, NFL me, the Washington
Speaker 5: Commanders and the Dallas Cowboys. I would love to announce
Speaker 5: all the names, but tomser is not cool with it.
Speaker 3: All Right, very good, very good. The permission to Party
Speaker 3: World Tour?
Speaker 2: What's no?
Speaker 1: No, no, permission to Party World Tour?
Speaker 3: Tonight, CFG Bank Arena in Baltimore, Sunday, Aultrea Theater in Richmond.
Speaker 3: The cruise goes on sale at two at two at two,
Speaker 3: and then yeah.
Speaker 1: That's good for now. That's good for now.
Speaker 2: What are you doing?
Speaker 5: What are you?
Speaker 3: I know?
Speaker 5: I'm thinking playing? Is this Margaret Price playing? Caught my
Speaker 5: jee three eleven?
Speaker 1: If you tried to open Mountain kiss his ex.
Speaker 5: Wife pass him in the key urban doesn't sound more
Speaker 5: like he's sweat sweat.
Speaker 2: I did, and I made it awkward.
Speaker 5: Really cuse sweat, Cuth sweat, Keuth sweat. He was like,
Speaker 5: I know, I was like, nouth sweat sweat. He was
Speaker 5: like all right, and then I was like, good sweat.
Speaker 5: And then he turned in and he's like good sweat.
Speaker 5: I was like, yeah, exactly, give me better music, close house,
Speaker 5: something real, something that moves me. You're so good at
Speaker 5: this and you kind of dropped the ball today. And
Speaker 5: maybe it's for bull Rush. Maybe it's the fact you
Speaker 5: never worked for an organization. I don't know, but I
Speaker 5: feel like there's a part of you that this is
Speaker 5: what he did.
Speaker 1: Keith Herman, there's some massive.
Speaker 5: Songs that's pretty good.
Speaker 2: Keth Sweat.
Speaker 5: Stop stop stop. We're going in the wrong direction. Can
Speaker 5: you can you okay? Can I podcast coming out? Marcus King?
Speaker 3: Right?
Speaker 5: The song is on and on. It's on and on, okay,
Speaker 5: and I'm I want to I love Marcus King, but
Speaker 5: this song spoke to me in a crazy way. Do
Speaker 5: you believe Dangelo died with those apps?
Speaker 2: You think he'd never die?
Speaker 1: Right? I like with those abs as you grab your Do.
Speaker 5: You know how much fat I had to touch to
Speaker 5: get agree with that ticket? All right? Let me, hey,
Speaker 5: hang on, let me let me. I'll tell you what
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do. Okay, I'm gonna give you my phone
Speaker 5: and I'm gonna I'm gonna give you.
Speaker 2: It's half a bottle and you're a third of that.
Speaker 12: Well, if you go out and you get too drunk
Speaker 12: calling me asking me to pick you.
Speaker 5: There might be an.
Speaker 12: There.
Speaker 5: All right, just get out of this because I think
Speaker 5: I think there's an F bomb in here and I
Speaker 5: don't want to have some sensor.
Speaker 2: All right, let's let's let's let's get out of this.
Speaker 5: How do we get out of Are you staying Ford
Speaker 5: or no? A hundred Okay, I'm not going anywhere. You
Speaker 5: realize this is my favorite thing in the world.
Speaker 1: Right, Okay, I was told there was an excell time.
Speaker 5: Just so you know, I know the Baltimore I'm a
Speaker 5: hundred and eighty poll.
Speaker 4: Let's see it for it's right on the.
Speaker 12: Lonely thought you lucky here say I'm sorry again, Sensor,
Speaker 12: it doesn't.
Speaker 9: Mean like that.
Speaker 5: Get a little bit of gonna take it.
Speaker 1: You're gonna take a sly nude like you're leanne.
Speaker 5: When I the other day I got an invite from
Speaker 5: And if I need you, if you're black and listening,
Speaker 5: I need you to back me up on this. But
Speaker 5: if you're black and you live in DC, you know
Speaker 5: what I'm about to say. Okay, Chris, Dave, Corey, Henry
Speaker 5: and Marcus King. Right, Oh, an emotional I can write
Speaker 5: invite to go see them at the Blue Note in
Speaker 5: Los Angeles. Now, I've always wanted This is a bad reference.
Speaker 5: I wish I had a different comp but I always
Speaker 5: wanted to be like Bill Cosby. It's a bad camp.
Speaker 5: But if you're my age, you understand what I'm saying. Sure, no,
Speaker 5: but you wanted to be that cool dad that took
Speaker 5: his wife out on dates and did cool. That was
Speaker 5: the guy he was before he rapes everybody. You know.
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, right, It's like on the
Speaker 5: Cosby Show. He was the dad that went to the
Speaker 5: cool jazz club and he had drinks with his wife
Speaker 5: and he loved his family, but they still lived a life.
Speaker 5: And I wanted to be that guy. My dad was
Speaker 5: not that guy. My dad ran marathons, He did his
Speaker 5: own thing. We did our own thing. We all would
Speaker 5: meet up at Disney or what you know or whatever, right,
Speaker 5: coach my baseball whatever. I just thought that that that
Speaker 5: that version of a dad would be cool. And then
Speaker 5: I get this invite from to anyone that's black and
Speaker 5: listening knows two of the best jazz musicians in the world.
Speaker 5: Stevie Wonder's favorite musician is Corey Henry Right and Chris
Speaker 5: Dave is the best drummer effort and Marcus King who
Speaker 5: is a prodigy guitarist. And I get an invite and
Speaker 5: I take thirteen people to go see their show, and
Speaker 5: at fifty three years old, I'm sitting there and I
Speaker 5: go backstage and I hang out with them and we
Speaker 5: talk and we just I'm just to a stand up
Speaker 5: and messing around, and we have a great and there's
Speaker 5: no awkwardness. And I go back and I watch the
Speaker 5: show and I watch three of the greatest musicians in
Speaker 5: the world play, and I realize I'm living. I am
Speaker 5: the fifty three year old I wanted to be. Isn't
Speaker 5: that crazy to go like I wanted as a kid.
Speaker 5: I wanted to be cool, and I wanted to have
Speaker 5: a great family, but I wanted to be tapped in
Speaker 5: And here I am appreciating jazz and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 5: this is amazing. I a wish everyone had the opportunity
Speaker 5: to be.
Speaker 4: The solid.
Speaker 5: You know what cool? You just having all those win
Speaker 5: All right, give me a quick break.
Speaker 1: Diane and Bert have dirt.
Speaker 5: Oh and I have tickets to.
Speaker 1: Give away to your show. Please, I'll do that next.
Speaker 5: All right, give me a quick break. It's Ellie in
Speaker 5: the morning. All right, we got to get into some dirt.
Speaker 1: Right after that, I will have tickets for you can
Speaker 1: go see Burt Kreischer.
Speaker 5: He will be in Baltimore tonight cfg Bank Arena.
Speaker 3: Not only do you get tickets to go see Bert,
Speaker 3: you'll get to go backstage afterwards and meet Bert.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know that you're doing a
Speaker 1: meeting great words, Yes I do.
Speaker 5: I'm so excited.
Speaker 2: If you want COVID come backstage. Is this by Bunny?
Speaker 5: This is by Bunny? This weeks of super Bowl. Look,
Speaker 5: I'm not I don'ts on politics, but I love it. Yeah,
Speaker 5: on vacation, sweet are we? I'm not I'm not talking
Speaker 5: and I'm being dead cherious. This is what we're listening
Speaker 5: to for the super Bowl. Bout me at all? Either,
Speaker 5: I don't know you cancel either? Hold on, that's not
Speaker 5: gonna do any English.
Speaker 1: There's also that's all.
Speaker 5: Now Now I like it.
Speaker 2: You know what the middle finger of the world hold
Speaker 2: in Spanish?
Speaker 5: I love it, don't even give. I would give subtitles,
Speaker 5: but I get the wrong subtitles. I go. I don't
Speaker 5: brother my teeth in the mornings, I judge them in
Speaker 5: the evenings. You don't know who I am. I right
Speaker 5: horses to work in the mornings. I love this. You
Speaker 5: should be able to choose two of one subtitle, like
Speaker 5: the actual words or the fun words, and a comedian
Speaker 5: should write the fun words and so that they can
Speaker 5: enjoy it. Because middle of America is gonna hate this.
Speaker 5: You realize this is this is wildly polarizing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, yeah, No, I mean I get I
Speaker 3: get that it's polarizing it at all.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but you grew up speaking French or something like
Speaker 5: US one language. People are like, yo, do we gotta
Speaker 5: get on to a linga to enjoy the super Bowl.
Speaker 5: I'm not, by the way, I'm not party affiliated at all.
Speaker 5: I'm a dead center guy, right, But that is crazy?
Speaker 5: Who picked the Who picked this? Trump? No, he didn't, Dude,
Speaker 5: if he had his way, he'd send them back to
Speaker 5: that garbage on the news. I'm in the first place.
Speaker 5: I'm doing another shot. This is gonna be a rough
Speaker 5: super Bowl, so I'm gonna I'll tell you what I'm gonna.
Speaker 1: Like, let's hang I gotta have a shot now. February
Speaker 1: is right around the corner.
Speaker 5: That is is this another dueling? All right?
Speaker 2: That doesn't mean I'm in This is the most thing
Speaker 2: I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: This is so cool.
Speaker 5: Yeah, people are gonna watch this super Bowl than ever
Speaker 5: because it's so it's so marketing.
Speaker 2: It's so marketing.
Speaker 5: It's like, yo, put a guy in the tether.
Speaker 3: Do you think that there were people I'm being serious.
Speaker 3: Don't you think there were people that were like, I
Speaker 3: don't like Kendrick Lamar.
Speaker 2: Yeah, white people, Yeah, they didn't at all. I didn't
Speaker 2: mind at all.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I like Kendrick Lamar.
Speaker 2: I like Kendrick Lamar.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And then who was in the year book?
Speaker 3: There was probably like when Prince did it, there were
Speaker 3: probably people who are like, this is ridiculous.
Speaker 5: I don't want to watch hang on, so just argument sake, right,
Speaker 5: can't we like is there like, is there someone we
Speaker 5: can all celebrate? Like like it's like, I'm not no
Speaker 5: nothing against bad Bunny, but I'm saying like when when
Speaker 5: Doctor Dre and Eminem and fifty cented it Snoop Dogg.
Speaker 3: People who hated that do you think yes there, I
Speaker 3: mean maybe not maybe, maybe not a lot.
Speaker 5: I love that she speaks in mind, so I'm probably
Speaker 5: people that didn't like that.
Speaker 3: Okay, So nobody was yelling and screaming about Sandler putting
Speaker 3: bad Bunny in his movie.
Speaker 1: Nobody was yelling and streaming about.
Speaker 5: That Bad Bunny isn't Sandler's movie?
Speaker 6: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Who's bad Bunny?
Speaker 5: I don't think I know who he is? What movie
Speaker 5: was he? Habby Gilmour? Who was he?
Speaker 4: Caddy here?
Speaker 5: Hispanic caddy guy?
Speaker 1: Did you see Habby Gilmour?
Speaker 3: Did?
Speaker 5: Who? Did you think that is that?
Speaker 2: I just thought it was an extra? A?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 2: How bad Buddy's really big?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 4: Enormous eighty million listeners a month.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's cool. It's like telling me your wife can
Speaker 2: do a setup.
Speaker 5: I don't care. I know, I don't mean that, but
Speaker 5: it's not done effect me right, No, maybe me. But
Speaker 5: like I'm saying, like, I don't know bad Buddy. I
Speaker 5: don't listen to this.
Speaker 1: I don't by the way, I don't understand the word either.
Speaker 5: But he's a hell of a performer. That's fine, would
Speaker 5: kill him to one of English. So I need to
Speaker 5: go like I'm not this isn't. I mean, like, I'm
Speaker 5: not a bottle service dude, so I don't know what
Speaker 5: he's saying. It sounds cool, but it just sounds like
Speaker 5: like oh cool. I mean, I okay, ready, and I'm
Speaker 5: gonna say something. H it's aggressive. I don't I if
Speaker 5: maybe if you're not speaking in English, I can't get
Speaker 5: the thing of the song, like you remember words, you
Speaker 5: remember ninety nine red balloons? Yes, okay, let's well, there's
Speaker 5: so this is only for us grown ups, right. There's
Speaker 5: two versions. And I then didn't like the German one.
Speaker 5: I was like, I was like, I don't know what
Speaker 5: they're saying, and it was lost on me. It was
Speaker 5: the same song. Play play it, play right now, play
Speaker 5: it right now.
Speaker 2: It was lost on me.
Speaker 5: And I'm I gotta explain this because I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 5: gonna get in trouble. I'm certain, but I'm not. I'm
Speaker 5: not upset about Bad Bunny playing for the Super Bowl.
Speaker 5: I'm excited to see the outrage. That's what I'm excited
Speaker 5: for sure. Yeah, that's gonna be fun and watch it
Speaker 5: and watch it as a as a vessel to go
Speaker 5: this is what it is. I can't wait to see
Speaker 5: how I feel. But I will say I do understand
Speaker 5: the outrage because it's like it actually is. I mean,
Speaker 5: it's not for everyone. No, it's in a different language,
Speaker 5: but that's okay, it is okay, it's in New America.
Speaker 5: Progress doesn't feel fun. Progress doesn't feel fun and hurts
Speaker 5: it first, Yeah, pronouns weren't fun, right, and then your
Speaker 5: daughter said calls themselves day and You're like, I guess
Speaker 5: I gotta do this for the rest of my life.
Speaker 5: Progress isn't fun, but it's good, right, Yeah, So I'm
Speaker 5: there for it. I'm there for it.
Speaker 2: And yeah, like if Celine Dion.
Speaker 1: Oh God, here we go, Yeah, sang all.
Speaker 2: Her songs in French, right, we'd be like, there's one,
Speaker 2: give me one?
Speaker 5: Can I just get one? Like God, bless America, you know, gimme,
Speaker 5: gimme ninety nine red balloons?
Speaker 4: Which version you means?
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 1: Wait, which version do you want?
Speaker 2: Start? Start German because there's people that have never heard
Speaker 2: this song.
Speaker 9: Okay, Okay, Oh wow, this is a banger, shinely finish
Speaker 9: fun none.
Speaker 5: Okay, fund Okay, now now go to American one hold
Speaker 5: on now, now listen, listen. You just heard you heard
Speaker 5: that song right, and you were like, oh cool, we're
Speaker 5: in Germany. We gotta get socks. It's called the War's coming.
Speaker 5: Y'alla play the real one in a little toss shop.
Speaker 5: Bones for the money. We've gone set them free.
Speaker 10: At the break of Dame to.
Speaker 5: One by one they were gone.
Speaker 1: Back up bass box and the softness flash.
Speaker 4: The message something's on the floating in the summer sky.
Speaker 5: Ninety nine Red Bons Go by Dude.
Speaker 2: Americans so much better.
Speaker 1: It's more comfortable.
Speaker 2: No, yeah, I know this whole thing.
Speaker 1: No, no, I get it.
Speaker 5: You know, I get it. I bet if you're German
Speaker 5: that sounds really great, and when you're American it sounds awesome.
Speaker 5: Listen bad bunny, You're awesome. You're awesome.
Speaker 1: You're awesome.
Speaker 5: It's undeniable. I'm just saying, bro. It was in English,
Speaker 5: I could sing along with it instead of singing like
Speaker 5: I'm shining sn I don't know what you're saying. How
Speaker 5: great this is in America? In nineteen eighty two, this
Speaker 5: was release and then they played the German one.
Speaker 2: I was like, whoa hold on, ready, here we go.
Speaker 5: Reasca. Her voice sounds so when you sing in English,
Speaker 5: you sound like you you'll never know what it's like
Speaker 5: to be curious about your sexuality. In nineteen eighty two,
Speaker 5: it's no your heserosexual, but also going yo. I could
Speaker 5: be either way. Driving down two seventy five, going to
Speaker 5: Berkeley prep hearing this song. You're going, man, I understand
Speaker 5: dator whit fun?
Speaker 3: This is.
Speaker 2: War sounds very different in German. That's all I'll say.
Speaker 2: Can you doish?
Speaker 5: You know what I mean when you sing this is
Speaker 5: war in German? Kyle's never heard this song? Okay, all right,
Speaker 5: can we get into some yes please?
Speaker 11: All right?
Speaker 5: And by the way, sew it here for Bad Bunny.
Speaker 5: I'm so here for Bad Bundy. No, okay, I got it.
Speaker 2: I'm not that guy.
Speaker 5: But I can't wait for the outrage.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be crazy.
Speaker 5: All anyone should do is go to Shane Gillis's Twitter
Speaker 5: and wait for his first text.
Speaker 2: Love, he'sould just if he was smarty?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 2: Love the halftime show question mark?
Speaker 1: All right, let's get into some dirt please.
Speaker 6: I don't forget Commanders playing early on Sunday. They are
Speaker 6: in Spain face off against the Miami Dolphins, so that'll
Speaker 6: be at nine to thirty. Kyle's Ravens or in Cleveland
Speaker 6: on Sunday, really brown.
Speaker 5: And when the Clemanders are in Spain? Is the halftime show,
Speaker 5: Keith Urban, I bet it's not. I bet it's Jean
Speaker 5: Dell ron Law. I'm just saying. I'm not just saying.
Speaker 5: I'm just saying, I hope it'll sell like a like
Speaker 5: a lunatic up here. Half of DC has to agree
Speaker 5: with me. That's the numbers, right, fifty to fifty.
Speaker 4: Glenn Powell hosting SNL this week in Olivia. Dean is
Speaker 4: the music Gwel?
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, I thought he was hold On not the
Speaker 2: political pundit.
Speaker 1: No, the actor.
Speaker 5: No, not Colin Powell.
Speaker 2: No, who's Glenn Powell? Thought he was the dead.
Speaker 3: Colin Powell or Glen Powell. Colin Powell's dead, Pal's dead. No,
Speaker 3: he's actually gonna be on the NL tomorrow.
Speaker 4: Glen Powell, the hop top gun Maverick.
Speaker 5: It was like Glen Palell. P there's a Glen Pale
Speaker 5: that was like a political pundit. Glen Pale, Are you
Speaker 5: thinking of Carmel? No, Glen Palell, Glen Palella, Glen.
Speaker 1: Pal Glen p you're an American actor?
Speaker 2: No, Glen Powell.
Speaker 5: No, actually it.
Speaker 1: Says say Glen Palell avoids political talk.
Speaker 5: Good for him, and he loves him. At the super Bowl,
Speaker 5: I can't wait. Do you realize what a loaded gun
Speaker 5: this is? Because they're gonna cut at the Super Bowl
Speaker 5: shots of celebrities going like are you cool with bad Bunny,
Speaker 5: and they're gonna have to be like, oh, yeah, you know,
Speaker 5: and then they're gonna cut people that aren't like Vince.
Speaker 2: Fallen, who's just like stone face.
Speaker 5: The bud. But I want to get invited to the
Speaker 5: Budweiser Box, right with with with Post Malone and and
Speaker 5: Shane and and Vince Fallen and all those guys that
Speaker 5: hack the Butweiser Box has to have the arms folded.
Speaker 5: And then if they were smart, they do this and
Speaker 5: they go bad. Buddy didn't Bad.
Speaker 4: Buddy and Post Wollon performed together at Coachella.
Speaker 2: I don't know, Buddy, I'm the wrong person.
Speaker 4: I thought you did a music podcast.
Speaker 2: Do you remember post was when he did hip hop
Speaker 2: or country?
Speaker 4: This would have been three so before.
Speaker 2: Who knows.
Speaker 5: I can't all these transitions. This is reminiscence of THESS.
Speaker 5: I told you it doesn't feel good. No one enjoys progress.
Speaker 5: I mean some people do, but most people go it
Speaker 5: feels uncomfortable to me, right, and then they go, it's
Speaker 5: not bad on the other side. Yeah, no, exactly, yeah exactly.
Speaker 5: But you tell the good is coming, the good's coming. Yeah,
Speaker 5: if the good means we all speak Spanish, I'm quick
Speaker 5: and maybe I have fifty years left to learn Spanish.
Speaker 5: But no, it's great, it's great.
Speaker 3: My grandfather senty years life with that longevity, Coach, you're
Speaker 3: in the right way.
Speaker 5: I wish I had. They have a new thing where
Speaker 5: it's an app where you're get a holo hologram of
Speaker 5: your of your grandparents.
Speaker 3: Careful here, what's your grandfather gonna say about that?
Speaker 2: He's not going to the super Bowl?
Speaker 5: That just slipped up down. My grandfather's gonna be like
Speaker 5: what I thought they were done. We took care of them,
Speaker 5: all right.
Speaker 1: Please keep going, Please keep going. Glenn, you just one
Speaker 1: flip cup without even trying.
Speaker 4: I know.
Speaker 5: That's amazing. Is Glenn Paral not a political pundit?
Speaker 4: Glenn Beck?
Speaker 5: That's it? Sorry, Yeah, I'm sorry. Go ahead, I'm sorry,
Speaker 5: You're right, Colon pal.
Speaker 6: Glenn Powell has the new movie The Running Man, which
Speaker 6: is out this weekend.
Speaker 4: The remake of the movie I read the book.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, he's beautiful, he's great.
Speaker 6: Peacock canceling poker Face after two seasons, but the creators
Speaker 6: are developing a new version that will have Peter Dinkledge
Speaker 6: replacing Natasha Leone as the detective. So they're going to
Speaker 6: do like I like that, They're going to do a
Speaker 6: two season order and then every two seasons they're going
Speaker 6: to rotate in.
Speaker 4: A different different Oh, just somebody else, a different celebrity
Speaker 4: in that role.
Speaker 5: Also, so most underrated hot chick in the world.
Speaker 3: Oh, I agree, there's something like there's some dirty sexy.
Speaker 4: It's the smoking, the what's wrong.
Speaker 5: It's like when her liver failed in the hospital and
Speaker 5: you're like, and you're back, yeah, yeah, yeah, you mean
Speaker 5: an next heroin atic.
Speaker 2: It's like, yo, I don't care, let's do it. I'll
Speaker 2: put on a scheme mask and lay upside down on
Speaker 2: the bed.
Speaker 6: Lady College athletic director John Bean, featured on the Netflix
Speaker 6: show Last Chance You was shot in Oakland, California, on
Speaker 6: campus yesterday. We haven't gotten an update on his condition,
Speaker 6: but he was in critical condition as of last night.
Speaker 6: They're still investigating, they said He was featured on season
Speaker 6: five of that show, which is all about college football
Speaker 6: athletics and.
Speaker 4: Their struggle struggles.
Speaker 6: The season focusing on him aired in twenty twenty, David
Speaker 6: Coverdale announcing his retirement after a more than fifty year
Speaker 6: career on Instagram. He explained that recent years have made
Speaker 6: it clear it's time too. As he put it, hang
Speaker 6: up my rock and roll platform shoes and my skin
Speaker 6: tight genes.
Speaker 4: So with David Coverdale like white stay yeah, no.
Speaker 1: Whitesnake yeah yeah, Okay, I'm just asking.
Speaker 6: Kevin Hart Keenan Thompson are going to host Good Sports,
Speaker 6: which is a new weekly talk show that'll debut on
Speaker 6: the twenty fifth on Amazon Prime.
Speaker 4: So this is sort of piggyback.
Speaker 2: We just talked about Kevin Hart today.
Speaker 1: Is he really great.
Speaker 5: Bunny?
Speaker 2: But he's awesome.
Speaker 5: He's got so much energy. He always shows up. Yeah,
Speaker 5: we were just talking today when I walked in and
Speaker 5: I said, I wish you could be more like him,
Speaker 5: Like I wish you could be more like every outfit
Speaker 5: he's in. It's like he looks like he's presentable. He
Speaker 5: got like.
Speaker 1: Stomach.
Speaker 2: The thing I am is comfortable, but I'm not like
Speaker 2: I guess I'm more.
Speaker 5: I don't know. I don't I couldn't even tell you.
Speaker 5: But like, as I moved forward to my career, I
Speaker 5: woke up this morning and I put on this jacket
Speaker 5: because I was like, I was like, I wish I
Speaker 5: could be like Kevin because he's like when you see
Speaker 5: him me, you're like, oh, I got to step up
Speaker 5: my game. When I show up, You're like, oh, I
Speaker 5: can lower my guard. So I was like one, two
Speaker 5: or four, and I was like, I'm going to what's like,
Speaker 5: what's wrong in my brain? Keep going?
Speaker 6: Amy Schumer Chris Fisher reportedly devoted to making their marriage work,
Speaker 6: despite some recent rumors that have been swirling that they
Speaker 6: could be headed for divorce.
Speaker 1: Secret time go, secret time go.
Speaker 5: No nothing, shh. Here's the deal. She looks incredible, she does, No,
Speaker 5: she does, she looks great, and he's stuck with her
Speaker 5: through all the fat days.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: Oh wait, so you think he doesn't like her?
Speaker 9: Now? No?
Speaker 1: No, no, because there are people no I say this
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 5: I say this all the time.
Speaker 3: There are people who get mad if their spouse balloons
Speaker 3: up and you're and they're like, oh, that's not what
Speaker 3: I like. And then there are people who like their
Speaker 3: their their spouse heavy and then they lose a lot
Speaker 3: of weight and go, that's not that's not what I like.
Speaker 1: That's not what I married.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, you're right. And I did not realize
Speaker 5: you were what you were saying. So Leanne, Leanne, No, no, Leanne.
Speaker 5: I like Leanne a little bigger, right, I don't know.
Speaker 5: I just like because we have sex in the dark,
Speaker 5: so I just feel So it's like I was like,
Speaker 5: this is great, it's more things to touch, right, And
Speaker 5: then when she got really skinny, it wasn't that I
Speaker 5: didn't like her, but it's like things didn't fill out
Speaker 5: the way I liked. Right. No, I understand. I understand that.
Speaker 1: I understand what you're saying.
Speaker 5: Yeah, nobody. I assumed she was cheating on him.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, never mind.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I just I mean, I just assumed.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, Amy, you can assume what everyone about me.
Speaker 6: I know you have.
Speaker 5: But the truth is she looks incredible. She does, right, majorno.
Speaker 5: She looks incredible. And I was just like, I don't know,
Speaker 5: old school party, Amy was a wild person. I mean,
Speaker 5: we're all we're all friends here, right, Yeah, she was
Speaker 5: a wild person and then she, you know, got bigger,
Speaker 5: met this autistic dude. They got married and they had kids,
Speaker 5: and you were like, dude, that's a guy. Guy's a
Speaker 5: baller because he was like with her during all her
Speaker 5: big faces, right and like Rosetia, I have it too,
Speaker 5: I'm not. But then she got hot and I was like,
Speaker 5: she's off to the races, That's what I thought. And
Speaker 5: this dude's sitting with his kids, like, Yo, where are
Speaker 5: you going? She's like, I got a party live at
Speaker 5: these legs.
Speaker 9: Dude.
Speaker 2: I looked like Sydney Sweeney, but she could read.
Speaker 1: Yet don't.
Speaker 6: Congratulations to Kenny Chesney his new book Heart Life Music,
Speaker 6: topping the New York Times Bestsellers list.
Speaker 1: Love Kenny ches too right there with you.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: New Kids on the Block announcing sixteen new dates through
Speaker 6: twenty twenty six at their Las Vegas residency at Dolby
Speaker 6: Lyn At Park MGM.
Speaker 5: What Great, No No Love, Donnie Yeah Yeah.
Speaker 6: Obviously. Cardi be welcoming baby number four. It's Little Boy,
Speaker 6: her first one with boyfriend Stefan Diggs.
Speaker 4: Also Bravo con happening this weekend in Las Vegas.
Speaker 3: All the Oh Boy Now now now you pissed Diana,
Speaker 3: like all the Bravo, the Real Housewives and the fand
Speaker 3: Andy Cohen and.
Speaker 2: Shout out the Bravo. They're the only network that's still around.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Comedy Central's gone, Travel Channel's gone, everything's gone, and
Speaker 5: Bravo is still killing it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, they're they're doing well. Travel Channel went downhill
Speaker 1: when when Thank You.
Speaker 5: Absolutely was when Bourdaine and Oh and Boordain left and.
Speaker 2: They were like, oh wheel the boat afloat, oh oh sucked.
Speaker 6: The fan that went after Ariana Grande at that red
Speaker 6: carpet event in Singapore is now going to be facing
Speaker 6: official charges of final about two thousand dollars after he's
Speaker 6: expected to plead guilty to being a public nuisance. But
Speaker 6: I guess he's been kind of known to do things
Speaker 6: like that in the past.
Speaker 5: That doesn't just show up right right, that doesn't show
Speaker 5: up on a Thursday, you're a lunatic.
Speaker 2: There was a guy that broke.
Speaker 5: Into our show one time and he climbed, he climbed
Speaker 5: the things in the back and then broke into the
Speaker 5: back and then put on a janitor's uniform and then
Speaker 5: he was hanging out in the green room in the
Speaker 5: janitor's uniform and then our security was like, yo, why
Speaker 5: are you a janitor? And you're in the green room
Speaker 5: and he took a swing and he hit my security guy.
Speaker 5: A fight broke out and they broke his finger or
Speaker 5: maybe something, but they arrested him. And I remember Big
Speaker 5: jokes and was like, dude, he's a fan, and I
Speaker 5: was like, no, he's not right. No, a fan doesn't
Speaker 5: steal a janitor's uniform. Yeah right, And then I was like, Jay,
Speaker 5: that's legionis kank? Stuff like that's not regular human being,
Speaker 5: stuff like you don't steal a uniform and break in
Speaker 5: and like dude making mopping up, like big fan, can
Speaker 5: you get a picture real quick? Yeah?
Speaker 2: That's wild.
Speaker 1: Did you jump into the fight?
Speaker 2: No, I wasn't even there.
Speaker 1: Or did you treat it like the nurse on that flight?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 4: And the permission to party World Tour tonight in Baltimore.
Speaker 3: Up.
Speaker 1: No, but your hair goes from side to stomach tonight.
Speaker 2: I am so hammered. I did not expect to get
Speaker 2: this trunk.
Speaker 1: I didn't expect you to either. I expect you and
Speaker 1: you that's more than it's actually more than half.
Speaker 5: It's going to be such a great day. We got
Speaker 5: a seafood restaurant. The ravens are showing up. He's from Baltimore.
Speaker 1: All right, tonight, Burt Kreischer.
Speaker 2: I love you, guys. I think I love you more
Speaker 2: than you love me.
Speaker 5: That's you're wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'll tell you why.
Speaker 5: I took a year and a half off of stand up,
Speaker 5: and I realized how much I love my fans versus
Speaker 5: they loving me like day.
Speaker 2: Not a lot of them hit me up like yo,
Speaker 2: where are you? But I kept going where are you?
Speaker 5: Guys? If I, if I, if I God forbid, beat
Speaker 5: up Leanna killed her murder right, God forbid, God forbid,
Speaker 5: I'd be sitting in a prison cellar going what are
Speaker 5: my fans doing? None of them would be like I
Speaker 5: miss bird. They give up on me. That's why I
Speaker 5: don't kill my wife. It's a selfish reason. This is
Speaker 5: the best radio I've ever done in my life. Always,
Speaker 5: every time. And I said that. I said that one
Speaker 5: time to cowhead, Right, I said, one of my best
Speaker 5: friends is Mike Caltaz in Tampa, said, can't tell you
Speaker 5: what I love about Elliott? He said what I said,
Speaker 5: do you go in? And he does the best interview
Speaker 5: you've ever done. And it's like top to bottom for
Speaker 5: like two hours. He'll let it run. It's always inquisitive,
Speaker 5: it's always questionable, and it's always like fun and interactive.
Speaker 5: And I watched his eyes to flate and he was like,
Speaker 5: I also do a radio show. And I was like,
Speaker 5: I forgot I was talking to you. That's a true story.
Speaker 5: That's a true story.
Speaker 1: All right, Well we did we did good today. We
Speaker 1: did two twenty today.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we did two twenty flew by barely even finished
Speaker 3: a bottle of vodka.
Speaker 1: No for the ride home.
Speaker 5: For the ride home, make it interesting.
Speaker 4: You've got a bus driver.
Speaker 5: Yeah, this is that sounds Chesney? No, no, no, we
Speaker 5: end strong.
Speaker 2: Hold on, hold on, let me tell you what we
Speaker 2: end all Okay.
Speaker 1: Usually is so good that we just said we love Chesney.
Speaker 5: I know, but it's not what we close on.
Speaker 2: Oh the fun is it?
Speaker 1: Tipple.
Speaker 5: That's why it's on training this.
Speaker 1: Have a little help town crazy cheeseburgers. Don't make it
Speaker 1: a downers.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 2: I haven't announced this yet.
Speaker 5: This is brings in. I haven't announced this yet. This
Speaker 5: will not be announced the December first.
Speaker 1: December first, we're going We're going good and early.
Speaker 5: Yes, if I ever tell secrets, it's always on this show.
Speaker 5: On the eve of Nascar, I'm throwing a party. I'm
Speaker 5: a team of Nascar and UH and we will throw
Speaker 5: in Daytona a party of the night before Nascar. I
Speaker 5: have acquired some amazing talent diplo, Ernest myself, comedians, but
Speaker 5: more important than anyone. They were like, yo, you get
Speaker 5: to pick one band headline. I was like, you know
Speaker 5: a lot of great bands, but I know Nascar. I
Speaker 5: do know Nascar. I've been to a lot of races,
Speaker 5: and I know that in order to go to an event,
Speaker 5: you got to pack up the whole tent. You got
Speaker 5: to pack up the RV, you gotta put the grill away.
Speaker 5: You gotta not want to eat there. You gotta want
Speaker 5: to eat there. And I was like, what band gets
Speaker 5: you to leave your place and go there? And they
Speaker 5: came in a bunch of names and I and I
Speaker 5: read all the names and I settled on one name.
Speaker 5: And this is how we start. We go out. Now,
Speaker 5: I'm gonna send you the name. Okay, I was hoping.
Speaker 4: He realized he hadn't done it yet, so I.
Speaker 5: Wish it was echoing the bunny man.
Speaker 1: I was in heavy for that.
Speaker 5: Okay, Now you gotta.
Speaker 1: You know the five hundred is always right around my birthday.
Speaker 5: Buddy, we've already teamed up there go so uh now
Speaker 5: there's a bunch of ones, Okay, but I want you
Speaker 5: to pick the right one so that we enjoy it
Speaker 5: and don't go stereotypical.
Speaker 4: People are strange or the killing men.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So now so now pick a good one.
Speaker 5: I hope it's bad Bunny. It's why wouldn't I pick
Speaker 5: bad bunny? Why wouldn't I pick bad bunny? Why wouldn't
Speaker 5: I pick bad bunny? Listen, we have not gone on
Speaker 5: sale with these tickets. Uh, these are There's not for
Speaker 5: another two months that we're coming out with this. This
Speaker 5: is announced.
Speaker 1: Don't tell anybody.
Speaker 2: Don't tell anybody.
Speaker 5: But on eve of of of the Daytona five hundred,
Speaker 5: the night before it's me Ernest Diplo, a bunch of comics.
Speaker 5: We've got barbecue, we've got food, we've got beer. We're
Speaker 5: just doing a party. That's all you gotta do is
Speaker 5: come to party. And I they had one band and
Speaker 5: my first pick was this band, and no one agreed
Speaker 5: to it. Everyone was like, j Boozy boozy, can we
Speaker 5: edit that out? Joy Chaboozy, I gotta we can't edit
Speaker 5: that out. I gotta announce him next week at the
Speaker 5: c M as shaboozy, shaboozy.
Speaker 4: Now you're acting like Pete Davidson.
Speaker 5: Why what do you do?
Speaker 4: Don't as people call you all the time.
Speaker 5: Shaboozy to edit stuck out? Oh yeah, wait, how did
Speaker 5: you know that?
Speaker 6: You told us.
Speaker 5: There? So I said, this is who I want to play.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna do a shot at vodka. Tell you guys,
Speaker 5: I love you with all my heart. I love you too,
Speaker 5: And let's close out on this. This is this is
Speaker 5: who doesn't want this? I have the Amber hooding. We're
Speaker 5: going all right.
Speaker 13: Burt Chreischer Tonight, CFG Bank Arena and Baltimore Sunday night,
Speaker 13: the Audrey of Theater in.
Speaker 8: Richmond, Tomorrow night.
Speaker 13: Pershy, the fully loaded cruise goes on sale in two
Speaker 13: hours at twenty minutes January.
Speaker 1: Twenty second, free Bird on Netflix and the night before
Speaker 1: the Daytona five hundred