1 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,200 Speaker 1: I got a DM on my Instagram this morning an 2 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: hour ago, says, good morning, John Jay. I was wondering 3 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:17,800 Speaker 1: if maybe you could ask your listeners on the radio 4 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: for some advice. 5 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 2: Please don't say my name. 6 00:00:22,160 --> 00:00:25,880 Speaker 1: My wife asked for a separation, not divorce as of yet. 7 00:00:26,079 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: My wife asked for a separation back in October, and 8 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: when she left, she left the kids and me. All 9 00:00:31,720 --> 00:00:34,000 Speaker 1: she's been doing is going out and having girls' nights, 10 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: and yet barely sees the kids. Now, my question is, 11 00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 1: with Christmas coming around the corner, should I still have 12 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:43,960 Speaker 1: the obligation to get her a present? Yes, I still 13 00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 1: love her and I'm giving her the space she asked 14 00:00:46,120 --> 00:00:48,240 Speaker 1: for before we decide to divorce or work it out. 15 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: But the going out all the time tells me something else. 16 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:55,360 Speaker 1: What should I do? And I said, hey, I'll bring 17 00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: it up. You want to come on the air with us? 18 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:58,800 Speaker 1: And he goes, I've been in such a dark space 19 00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: since she left. I feel lost, confused. So that eight 20 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,400 Speaker 1: seven seven nine seven, Alicia, you have advice for him? 21 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I think it depends on if she's 22 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,840 Speaker 3: going to be spending Christmas with him and the kids. 23 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 3: I think you know, setting that example for the kids. 24 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,800 Speaker 3: When you care for somebody or you love somebody, this 25 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 3: is how you treat them, and you know, getting her something. 26 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be extravagant, but a little something 27 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:31,119 Speaker 3: to show that I care about you, because right now 28 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,000 Speaker 3: that's kind of what is his role is setting that 29 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 3: example for the kids and so you know, just to 30 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:40,640 Speaker 3: kind of make it easier on them and and showing 31 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,480 Speaker 3: them that this is how you treat somebody that you 32 00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,759 Speaker 3: care about. I think that's probably the most important thing. 33 00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 3: And she's going to be separate for Christmas. I say, 34 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 3: don't worry about it unless you really feel like you 35 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 3: want to. 36 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:53,320 Speaker 1: But that's interesting, I said him, he hasn't responded to 37 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 1: your best And does she still live with you? 38 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:56,640 Speaker 2: Guys? Because she still lives with them? Then you're there 39 00:01:56,680 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 2: having Christmas? How do you get Mama present? 40 00:01:59,280 --> 00:02:04,600 Speaker 3: But if you don't want to, it's like if she's there. 41 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 3: You have to set that example for other kids, because 42 00:02:07,880 --> 00:02:10,000 Speaker 3: I think that's really important so that they grow up 43 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,160 Speaker 3: to know how to treat you know, their significant other. 44 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,320 Speaker 3: There the may they care about and they love. 45 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:19,160 Speaker 1: Thanks, Alicia, have a great day, you just thinks he Nicole, 46 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 1: what advice do you have for this person. 47 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,079 Speaker 4: Well, first off. 48 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 5: The word obligation to me is kind of problematic. So 49 00:02:26,919 --> 00:02:28,359 Speaker 5: I hate that word. So I don't want to be 50 00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,720 Speaker 5: obligate to do anything for anybody. I do things because 51 00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 5: I want to do that for that person. So if 52 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,160 Speaker 5: you're giving a gift, it should be because you want 53 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:37,600 Speaker 5: the person to have the gift, not because you know. 54 00:02:37,639 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 5: If you're giving it because of their wants or their needs, 55 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:42,640 Speaker 5: then that can result in obviously some many you know, 56 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 5: you feeling resentment like did they like it? Was it 57 00:02:45,320 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 5: good enough? 58 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:45,920 Speaker 6: That? 59 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,079 Speaker 5: Whatever that is about? Like, So for me, my rule 60 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,520 Speaker 5: and gift giving is always is it something that I 61 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:52,320 Speaker 5: want the person to have or is it something I 62 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 5: want to do for the person, rather than you know, 63 00:02:54,480 --> 00:02:56,840 Speaker 5: focusing on people's wants or needs, because then you're giving 64 00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 5: it because of them, not because of you. That's just 65 00:02:59,000 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 5: my thoughts. 66 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 1: Man, you seem like you're a professional counselor think. 67 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 7: It through, But do you want them to have something 68 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 7: they want or need? 69 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:08,360 Speaker 8: Well? 70 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:11,959 Speaker 5: I do, But again if that makes me feel obligated. Again, 71 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 5: that keyword for me is the obligation word. They if 72 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 5: I feel obligated to get into them because they want it, 73 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 5: or they need it, then am I truly giving the 74 00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 5: gift because of what I want them to have? You 75 00:03:21,160 --> 00:03:21,639 Speaker 5: know what I mean. 76 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,799 Speaker 9: I think he's asking something a little different than your answer, though. 77 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,799 Speaker 9: I think he's saying, like, Hey, she decided she wanted 78 00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,920 Speaker 9: to split, I'm gonna give her space, But do I 79 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,720 Speaker 9: need to get her a present for Christmas? Or did 80 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:36,200 Speaker 9: she make her decision? And my good right, I think 81 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,040 Speaker 9: that's what he's asking. 82 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 5: Well, I think and I hear that. But at the 83 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,280 Speaker 5: end of the day, if he's granting her the space 84 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:43,400 Speaker 5: that she asked for, because she didn't just walk out 85 00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 5: her leave, clearly they must have had some kind of 86 00:03:44,880 --> 00:03:48,360 Speaker 5: discussion or conversation about the separation and now he's looking 87 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 5: at her social media or whatever, her going out with 88 00:03:50,320 --> 00:03:52,760 Speaker 5: her girlfriends, and he's putting weight on that decision. Now 89 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:54,920 Speaker 5: he's feeling obligated. If that's the case, If you don't 90 00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,840 Speaker 5: want to give her space, then break up. Then you 91 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,440 Speaker 5: file for divorce, don't wait for her to do it. 92 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,440 Speaker 5: At the end of the day, if you're giving her space, 93 00:04:00,680 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 5: love her the same as you did and if she 94 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:05,160 Speaker 5: wants to that's my dog Jimmy in as well. If 95 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 5: if you want to give her a gift. 96 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,400 Speaker 9: You give her the gift that you want her. 97 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 5: To have, not because of feeling obligated. That's my thought. 98 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 1: Thank you, Nicole. Jessica, before you give us advice, I 99 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: asked him, I said, does she still live with you? 100 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,120 Speaker 1: In JUSTI in Bacio's no, she moved out the day 101 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 1: she asked to be separated. Okay, Jessica, what's your advice? 102 00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 10: Yeah, I kind of figure this out one because she 103 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,400 Speaker 10: said the kids hardly see him. So my advice is 104 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,840 Speaker 10: just to don't waste the money on her, but focus 105 00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:34,640 Speaker 10: on the kids because I've been through it as well, 106 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,480 Speaker 10: so I very much know you have to focus on 107 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 10: the kids because I know I focus, but they feel 108 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,800 Speaker 10: it more. So you need this because she might not 109 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,280 Speaker 10: show up, So he has to make sure that they 110 00:04:47,320 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 10: have a happy Christmas regardless. She's happy, regardless what she's doing, 111 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 10: and they are number one in your life, so I 112 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:57,880 Speaker 10: feel like he should focus on them. 113 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 5: Don't waste money on her. She shows up, she'd as 114 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,599 Speaker 5: if not, my kids. 115 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:02,200 Speaker 11: Are going to be happy. 116 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 1: Curious, See I thought that she didn't that she did 117 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:06,720 Speaker 1: live there, because he knew she was going out on 118 00:05:06,760 --> 00:05:07,400 Speaker 1: girls nights. 119 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:08,960 Speaker 7: All the time, maybe she's posting it or something. 120 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 2: Thanks Jessica, Shane. What's up here on there? 121 00:05:11,480 --> 00:05:17,119 Speaker 1: Good morning, Shane, Shane, Shane, let's go. 122 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 12: Good morning, John Jay. So, in my opinion, gifts are 123 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 12: never an obligation. There's no rule book that says you 124 00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 12: have to buy a gift for somebody. If you buy 125 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 12: him out of the kindness, out of your own heart, 126 00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,040 Speaker 12: if you if you're wanting to buy a gift, buy 127 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,680 Speaker 12: a gift. Doesn't matter how big, doesn't matter how small. 128 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 12: But just the fact that your question in it makes 129 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 12: me believe that maybe you shouldn't. That's my opinion. 130 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 2: All right, Thank you, Shane Kendall, good morning, you're in there. 131 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:50,080 Speaker 11: Hi, good morning. 132 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 2: What's your advice. 133 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,240 Speaker 11: So my opinion is, I don't think he should buy 134 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 11: a gift for her, but depending on the kid's age, 135 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 11: she should let them pick something out for her because 136 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:02,160 Speaker 11: regardless of the statum, so. 137 00:06:02,680 --> 00:06:03,560 Speaker 13: Her kids as well. 138 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 2: That's really good advice. 139 00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:09,600 Speaker 11: Yeah, but leave the relationship. 140 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:09,440 Speaker 8: Out of it. 141 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:10,560 Speaker 5: Do it for the kids. 142 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:13,240 Speaker 2: Thank you, Latina, good morning. 143 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,480 Speaker 14: Good morning. I definitely would say that because I've been 144 00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:21,640 Speaker 14: in that position before. I did leave my kids and 145 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,159 Speaker 14: my husband about ten years ago. When we separated and 146 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 14: I was doing the same thing, and the ones I 147 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 14: get hurt the most are the kids. And when we 148 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 14: finally got back together and we discussed it, the biggest 149 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:37,280 Speaker 14: thing was being there for the kids and letting the 150 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 14: kids see. 151 00:06:37,760 --> 00:06:39,560 Speaker 4: That I still did love them. 152 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 14: So for him to keep his feelings out of it, 153 00:06:43,440 --> 00:06:45,600 Speaker 14: as much as you know, he might want to say, hey, 154 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 14: why is this happening, and work on hisself, and she 155 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:51,800 Speaker 14: has to work on herself too, but for the kids 156 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:56,000 Speaker 14: to still be involved and hopefully she comes over and 157 00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,200 Speaker 14: them pick something out for her, because that's gonna make 158 00:07:00,279 --> 00:07:02,400 Speaker 14: them happier, because in the end, it's the kids that 159 00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 14: get hurt the worst. 160 00:07:04,240 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 2: So you went back. Now you guys are together. 161 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 4: Yeah? 162 00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, when you left, you left for how long? 163 00:07:11,240 --> 00:07:12,080 Speaker 14: I left for? 164 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 5: Eight years? 165 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:20,800 Speaker 9: Dang I almost yeah, I'm almost never heard of that 166 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 9: separation that lung, that's it, gets back together. 167 00:07:24,240 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 2: You're a rare one. 168 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 5: Yeah we stayed. 169 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:30,760 Speaker 14: Yeah, we stayed married. And you know, I went through 170 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 14: two other relationships and it was really an eye opener 171 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 14: and a wasted time because at the end of the day, 172 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:39,239 Speaker 14: out of each of those two relationships, they both said 173 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 14: how much they hated my husband because I cared about 174 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 14: him and my kids the most instead of them, and 175 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 14: so it just, you know, it was it was a 176 00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:50,200 Speaker 14: struggle and it was a you know, a big life 177 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:53,560 Speaker 14: lesson on both of our ends. But now we're stronger 178 00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,960 Speaker 14: than ever and whatever thing we go through, we. 179 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 4: We can do it. 180 00:07:57,360 --> 00:07:58,640 Speaker 14: You know, we know we can do it. 181 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 2: That's great advice. Thanks Latina. Juan, good morning. You're on 182 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 2: the air. 183 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,200 Speaker 12: Oh, good morning. 184 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 11: What do you Yeah, So I feel like that ship 185 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,520 Speaker 11: has failed for that guy. 186 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 8: You know, it's probably just sending them a rough message 187 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 8: to the kids. 188 00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: By alling, allowing all that other and all the gift 189 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 1: giving and all that. 190 00:08:22,120 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 4: Just that bird left the next bud he it's time 191 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 4: to move on. 192 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:26,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, tough words. 193 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: That's how guys are Ye you left your out Melissa, 194 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:33,800 Speaker 1: good morning, go ahead, you're on the air. 195 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:39,280 Speaker 15: Yes. So she also might take the gifts the wrong way, 196 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:41,960 Speaker 15: like he's trying to win her back with monetary things, 197 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:44,840 Speaker 15: and the gift doesn't have to be an item. 198 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:45,800 Speaker 4: He could just. 199 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 15: Write or something and be vulnerable and write how the 200 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 15: separation has been affecting him right, Like what he's going 201 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:59,320 Speaker 15: to do to actually change and affect the relationship in 202 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 15: a positive way to have her come back. 203 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,640 Speaker 1: I guess it depends what the kids is like if 204 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:05,400 Speaker 1: you got her, like, here's some tilent all because you 205 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:06,640 Speaker 1: go out every night your girlfriends and to. 206 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:07,360 Speaker 2: Help me to hang over. 207 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:10,120 Speaker 13: And do we know if he wants to get back 208 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:10,920 Speaker 13: together with her. 209 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,320 Speaker 2: He sounds like it. 210 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 7: It does kind of sound like he doesn't want it 211 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,680 Speaker 7: to be over because he has hope. 212 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,240 Speaker 1: Let's see what Roy says, Roy, good morning, you're on 213 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: the air. Hey, good morning morning Roy. 214 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,520 Speaker 8: That ship or so that lad if if she already 215 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 8: left him and the kids a bit of a guy 216 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:33,400 Speaker 8: that did that, you guys would be saying, oh, you 217 00:09:33,400 --> 00:09:35,559 Speaker 8: guys would be on the guy. But but the girl 218 00:09:35,679 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 8: doing that, that's just that's just wrong. You don't leave 219 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 8: your family. I was looking on dad for thirteen years. 220 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,079 Speaker 12: And she left. 221 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:47,080 Speaker 8: She left, and I just raised them and just did 222 00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:50,640 Speaker 8: did my own. You just got to move on, all. 223 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:51,199 Speaker 2: Right, thank you? 224 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:56,319 Speaker 6: Roy. Me See, this is a this is a hot topic. 225 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 6: There's a hot button with people. It's like my time 226 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 6: a hot button. There's a hot button, you guys. I 227 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 6: gotta hit that so hard because he's a button. 228 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:11,079 Speaker 2: He's a break be mad. It's a button, not a whackamle. Wow, 229 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 2: everyone's calling about this, So okay, I was gonna move 230 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:13,079 Speaker 2: on to. 231 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 1: Something else, but if you eight seven seven nine three 232 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,199 Speaker 1: seven one o four seven, I'm messaging. 233 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,800 Speaker 2: I'm still dming with him right now. He's at work. 234 00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 2: I should jump on the air with us. 235 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,679 Speaker 1: He goes, I don't believe I can step away at 236 00:10:22,679 --> 00:10:27,360 Speaker 1: work for the moment, So maybe we'll have more. 237 00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 5: Jean Rich call. 238 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 3: The show at eight seven seven nine seven. 239 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,800 Speaker 1: We are in the middle of the situation with this 240 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,800 Speaker 1: DM I have with the guy that wanted some advice. 241 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,520 Speaker 1: His wife left him and the kids, and he's like, 242 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:46,040 Speaker 1: do I still get her a present? And so an update? 243 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: I said, are you guys spending Christmas together with the kids? 244 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,160 Speaker 1: And he's DM and me right now He's like, I'm 245 00:10:51,160 --> 00:10:54,320 Speaker 1: not sure nothing. He's been communicated to me. The kids 246 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 1: have the communication with her, and they've told me. She 247 00:10:56,800 --> 00:10:59,280 Speaker 1: hasn't said anything to them. The only thing said to 248 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: the kids was presence will be limited from her end. 249 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 1: Kids are seventeen and twelve. That I said, did she 250 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:07,800 Speaker 1: seeing other guys? Does she work? 251 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 2: And I can see the three little dots so he's. 252 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:11,200 Speaker 12: Working on a rea. 253 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, Denise, good morning, Hi to morning. 254 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 4: Has everybody doing great? 255 00:11:18,440 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 5: Fantastic? 256 00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 16: My opinion on this is, never ever compromise who you are, 257 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 16: not ever, especially when the kids are around, because it's 258 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:32,440 Speaker 16: about the example. You know that you're setting for the kids, 259 00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:36,680 Speaker 16: so you know, and even if he didn't get a present, 260 00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:40,840 Speaker 16: right then you know Christmas is happening, and then he's 261 00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,959 Speaker 16: still in all bad. Then now he's in his ceilings 262 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,840 Speaker 16: about not kidding a gift, you know what I mean. 263 00:11:47,280 --> 00:11:49,280 Speaker 16: She's always going to be the mother no matter what. 264 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:52,040 Speaker 2: So you think he should get a gift. 265 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 16: Absolutely Yet oh okay, you can change who he is? 266 00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 16: Not ever? 267 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:01,320 Speaker 9: Well yeah, they always say it's even if your kids 268 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 9: don't understand what you're doing, at some point they'll figure 269 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:09,320 Speaker 9: out for themselves where you stand in the whole separation thing, right, 270 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 9: They'll make their own opinions. So just be a person 271 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 9: of integrity the whole way through. 272 00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,880 Speaker 5: Perfect That's exactly right. 273 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 16: So get the gift and continue to be who you are. 274 00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:24,959 Speaker 16: I mean, don't you know? Still the kids are watching 275 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:28,319 Speaker 16: you know what I mean? They will They're like recorders, 276 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 16: they will repeat it. 277 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,800 Speaker 2: Well, thanks, Denise, thank you, Hey, Ali, before he tells 278 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:34,199 Speaker 2: your opinion. 279 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: He's just updated me. I go, is she seeing other 280 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:39,679 Speaker 1: guys and does she work? He said, yeah. It hurts 281 00:12:39,679 --> 00:12:41,360 Speaker 1: me so much that I feel like I failed my 282 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 1: kids having the family they deserve to have. 283 00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:46,240 Speaker 2: I am not sure if she is. 284 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:46,480 Speaker 8: All. 285 00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:48,680 Speaker 1: I know that before I got hit with the separation, 286 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,080 Speaker 1: she was back in talks with an old friend that 287 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:53,040 Speaker 1: has been married three or four times, and each time 288 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 1: it's to a younger guy. So I'm sure that friend 289 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 1: is introducing her to his younger friends. One thing she 290 00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,000 Speaker 1: did tell me was I got married so young, and 291 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 1: then I got pregnant right after the wedding, so I 292 00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:05,200 Speaker 1: missed out on so much for my youth, which I 293 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 1: took as I stole her going out days. She does work. 294 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,120 Speaker 1: I don't want to give too much because I'm afraid 295 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 1: she could be listening. Okay, Ali, your advice, go ahead. 296 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 5: Okay. 297 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,560 Speaker 4: So if he's going to get her something, he should 298 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 4: get her something useful, like where she gets her hair 299 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 4: done or her nails or something, because I went through 300 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:23,120 Speaker 4: that with the person that I was with for eight years, 301 00:13:23,120 --> 00:13:25,319 Speaker 4: so the father of my child. But it was uncomfortable 302 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,720 Speaker 4: because after we separated. His gift that he got me 303 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 4: was a pair of keys to an apartment. 304 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,160 Speaker 2: Oh nice, that sounds cool. 305 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:39,520 Speaker 4: Oh no, it was it was an apartment for it 306 00:13:39,559 --> 00:13:41,400 Speaker 4: was an apartment for the two of us to move into, 307 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 4: because that's the thing that I wanted the most and 308 00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 4: he never wanted to do that. 309 00:13:47,520 --> 00:13:48,319 Speaker 2: So what did you do? 310 00:13:50,280 --> 00:13:53,760 Speaker 4: I kindly told him no, and I told him that 311 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:57,600 Speaker 4: unfortunately I had made my decision because it had been 312 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 4: eight years and her relationship hadn't gone to go. 313 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:05,160 Speaker 2: Good for you? All right, thank you, Ali? I got more. 314 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,559 Speaker 1: He goes, I said, hey, make sure you listen to 315 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,319 Speaker 1: the podcast today. I don't know if he's listening live 316 00:14:09,440 --> 00:14:11,319 Speaker 1: or not. Say the work, And then he goes, thank you, 317 00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:13,920 Speaker 1: John Jay, Can Kyle and Peyton give me their opinions? 318 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:16,320 Speaker 1: And I think you have right? Or have you not? 319 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 2: Because I was just like, listen to the freaking podcast? 320 00:14:19,160 --> 00:14:20,320 Speaker 2: Think I left? 321 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 13: I think I agree with the first lady that we 322 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:26,480 Speaker 13: talked to, where it was just like, if you are 323 00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 13: spending Christmas with the kids, get her something small, you know, 324 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 13: just so it's you kind of save space, you're keeping 325 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,200 Speaker 13: the peace. But if not, I don't think you need to. 326 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 7: I think I like the idea of going and picking 327 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 7: out a gift for her with the kids. I don't 328 00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,440 Speaker 7: think you're obligated to get her something from you, but 329 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 7: I do think it would be special to have them 330 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:46,800 Speaker 7: pick something out for her. 331 00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, there you go, Kyl and Payton. Fantastic advice. 332 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 1: Grateful that you guys are here. So from what I'm 333 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 1: gathering for the last forty five minutes of the show 334 00:14:56,720 --> 00:14:57,360 Speaker 1: is for Christmas. 335 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 2: I should get Blake Corona apartment. 336 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,400 Speaker 13: And I think I take that out of there you go, 337 00:15:03,760 --> 00:15:05,160 Speaker 13: And I don't think she would like to be. 338 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 16: TV alone for you. 339 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 6: Last night. 340 00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:09,200 Speaker 2: I want to watch my shows on my new TV. 341 00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 2: They're watching the un A basketball game in there. What Gibs, 342 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:14,200 Speaker 2: this is my TV. 343 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,120 Speaker 9: You got the whole houses, my TVs one thing nuts. 344 00:15:17,160 --> 00:15:20,040 Speaker 2: Man. I can't wait for the holidays are over. Everyone 345 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 2: go back to school.