Speaker 1: Hey, this week on the we Don't podcast, and you
Speaker 1: can get that on the iHeartRadio app just search Mojo
Speaker 1: we Don't. That's the podcast I do with Chelse, my wife,
Speaker 1: and I get into a conversation that was really like
Speaker 1: eye opening for me. But after seeing the dms that
Speaker 1: the listeners have been sending more eye opening about you
Speaker 1: and it's no friends equals red flag. So Chelse and
Speaker 1: I started this whole thing off with me singing you
Speaker 1: got a friend and me, you got a friend, and
Speaker 1: then it turned out that I don't have a friend
Speaker 1: with Chelsea's you know that I realized that Chelsea, Chelsea
Speaker 1: doesn't want to be my friend. Chelsea talked about the
Speaker 1: hardest time in our relationship was when she and I
Speaker 1: were together too much and that I was her her
Speaker 1: friend and she was my only friend. And it's weird
Speaker 1: because here we are talking about Onlyfrians, but it's only
Speaker 1: only friend. On the podcast, we talked about the hardest
Speaker 1: time in our relationship was when we went through a
Speaker 1: phase where she was my only person and I had
Speaker 1: her as my friend, my ride or die, you know,
Speaker 1: but also my every problem, my bad day, my every need.
Speaker 1: I would go straight to her. And how it cost
Speaker 1: for a lot of pain in our relationship. Now. I
Speaker 1: have always felt like I'm a guy that has friends,
Speaker 1: but I don't have the type of friendships that Chelsea has.
Speaker 1: Chelsea has like three people in her life that are
Speaker 1: really her everything friends, Like she can call them up
Speaker 1: if she's having a struggle with me, and she knows
Speaker 1: that they are a vault for her. I probably have
Speaker 1: a couple people too, but I don't necessarily always call
Speaker 1: them up. You ain't never called me just when you
Speaker 1: think you know, I'll be honest. You're too close to
Speaker 1: my wife. Well, alcohol, I'm a still vault. Actually, I
Speaker 1: would probably think about calling you, but you weren't in
Speaker 1: my life at this time. You understand that that it's
Speaker 1: this time that this happened was when Chelsea and I
Speaker 1: were going through one of our first struggles as a
Speaker 1: married couple where I would have really bad issues at work.
Speaker 1: I would go home and right away everything was a negative.
Speaker 1: Then I would have really bad issues with my family,
Speaker 1: meaning my brothers and sisters and my dad's relationship, and
Speaker 1: I would go home and talk to her about that.
Speaker 1: Then I would have issues with raising the boys, talk
Speaker 1: to her about that. Then I would have issues in
Speaker 1: our marriage and I would talk to her about that,
Speaker 1: and she said, eventually, you got to stop talking to
Speaker 1: me about everything that you have problems with, and our
Speaker 1: relationship is not us having a relationship where we are
Speaker 1: able to enjoy some things, you know. And I was
Speaker 1: probably going through probably a bad negative time too in
Speaker 1: my life, like where things weren't going right, and it
Speaker 1: got me thinking that I do need to find the
Speaker 1: ride or die friends deep because I have like you
Speaker 1: have them.
Speaker 2: I have one guys like Brad Yeager, he's your best
Speaker 2: buddy from when you were in elementary school. The issue
Speaker 2: is he doesn't live here, so you can't be like, hey, Brad,
Speaker 2: I need to get away.
Speaker 3: I need to get out of my house for a
Speaker 3: couple of hours.
Speaker 1: Yes, you know, so.
Speaker 3: You do have those pupe. Yeah, those people, they're just not.
Speaker 1: You don't have the person. And Chelsea's got one friend
Speaker 1: that lives here in town that's her ride or died,
Speaker 1: and the other two aren't. But she is on the
Speaker 1: phone with them constantly, Like she talks to them as
Speaker 1: much as we talk to each other, maybe even more.
Speaker 1: But it's interesting because I'm gonna throw this out there
Speaker 1: when I started reading some of the dms on the
Speaker 1: We Don't podcast. It was all women who listened to
Speaker 1: the podcast yesterday, and they all felt the same way
Speaker 1: in their relationship. They were all women, and primarily there's
Speaker 1: probably more women that listen to We Don't than guys,
Speaker 1: but we do get a lot of guys out there
Speaker 1: that said, oh my god, I related to this so much.
Speaker 1: It's such a struggle. My husband doesn't have a lot
Speaker 1: of guy friends. And it was wild to how that
Speaker 1: doesn't have a lot of guy friends puts pressure on
Speaker 1: their relationships like it did on our relationship. And we
Speaker 1: talked about the vulnerability of the struggles always of you know,
Speaker 1: having to be the one person for you and the
Speaker 1: good thing, and some people say some people actually commented, Hey,
Speaker 1: I don't think you should share anything about your relationship
Speaker 1: outside of your relationship. You know, you shouldn't have to.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't be telling people about, you know, Mojo or Mojo.
Speaker 1: You shouldn't be telling people about Chelsea. You guys should
Speaker 1: talk about it with each other or through a therapist.
Speaker 1: And I disagree with that. I do think that if
Speaker 1: you have a friend that is not going to judge
Speaker 1: past the point of you talking like there have been
Speaker 1: times in Brad's one of them. I've told Brad when
Speaker 1: I hated Chelsea and when I thought that we should
Speaker 1: get divorced. He never once said go get a divorce.
Speaker 1: He just listened to me, and then he gave me
Speaker 1: advice of, Hey, if you guys go through that, I
Speaker 1: will still remain friendly with Chelsea. I will not leave Chelsea.
Speaker 1: And that's I think when you know you have a
Speaker 1: friend that's your writer or die. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, How do y'all feel about when you had those
Speaker 4: relationships where people say, I want you to tell me everything.
Speaker 4: I want to be your best friend. I want to
Speaker 4: be the person you can bide in if you're going
Speaker 4: through things. I want you to come talk to me, like,
Speaker 4: because I feel like there is a space for those
Speaker 4: people as well. And if you do go tell somebody
Speaker 4: else something and don't tell your spouse, they're like, well, damn,
Speaker 4: what am I here for?
Speaker 1: Why didn't you come tell me that?
Speaker 5: Well?
Speaker 1: I don't never keep things from Chelsea, like I don't
Speaker 1: never try to keep you know, stuff from her. But
Speaker 1: I will say this, those people that want you to
Speaker 1: tell I always wonder what they're reasoning and why they want, like.
Speaker 4: Why can't it be for better or for worse? I'm
Speaker 4: your everything, You're my everything. We should know everything, saying
Speaker 4: your spouse that you're with.
Speaker 2: So I had this west and I have had conversations
Speaker 2: about both of these things just hit so close to home.
Speaker 2: I feel like I have so much to say about it.
Speaker 2: But with that keV, I had to explain to him
Speaker 2: because he was like, I want to I want to
Speaker 2: be your safe space for everything, and I'm like, I
Speaker 2: love that about you.
Speaker 3: That is such a good quality.
Speaker 2: However, there are different things that I, as Shannon, need
Speaker 2: to process with different people. There are things that happened
Speaker 2: to me that I want to process with my sister.
Speaker 2: There are things that happen to me that I want
Speaker 2: to process by myself. There are things that happened to
Speaker 2: me I want to process with my therapist or with
Speaker 2: my friends. And then there's a ton that, of course
Speaker 2: I want to bring to you. But like you, you
Speaker 2: are not my end all be all. I know that
Speaker 2: sounds mean, but like I like to, it's just the
Speaker 2: way I process that I have different people that I
Speaker 2: feel like could really help in those certain situations. Now
Speaker 2: after I do if it's something obviously detrimental that relates
Speaker 2: to me as a person or our relationship, especially of
Speaker 2: course I'm going to bring it to him, but I
Speaker 2: may need to process it with somebody else.
Speaker 3: And that was very hard thing for him to hear that.
Speaker 3: It was very honest.
Speaker 1: Chelsea said the same exact thing, that sometimes you need
Speaker 1: to have those friends that you process it with so
Speaker 1: that they can tell you when you're wrong.
Speaker 2: A million percent, which my which my sister and my
Speaker 2: friends do. And that brings me to, you know, the
Speaker 2: friend thing where I had to tell him he has
Speaker 2: his fist of five. He calls it his five best friends.
Speaker 2: Some one lives here. Most of them live in Canada,
Speaker 2: where he's from. So he didn't have the somebody here
Speaker 2: that he could call and just be like, hey, I
Speaker 2: need to like blow off some steam. Let's go grab
Speaker 2: a coffee or a drink or whatever. And he and
Speaker 2: I was that person for him, and it is it
Speaker 2: is so much pressure. And I was like, you need
Speaker 2: to have other people that you can process things with.
Speaker 3: It's like that is so much on me. I can't
Speaker 3: do that.
Speaker 1: And he recently went through a job change too, and
Speaker 1: I bet you that's a struggle too that yo, And thank.
Speaker 2: God he's so close with his siblings, and he does
Speaker 2: have great friends he has built he has. I give
Speaker 2: him a lot of credit because at the beginning of
Speaker 2: our marriage was a strong We struggled with this so much.
Speaker 2: He has built a great group of friends now in
Speaker 2: the past year or two. I'm so thankful he has.
Speaker 2: And he has his to five in Canada. But like,
Speaker 2: I think guys are just different with friends too, like women.
Speaker 2: Hold not to say that you don't have great friends.
Speaker 2: You have a lot of friends, but women play such
Speaker 2: an important importance in emphasis on girlfriends and scheduling time
Speaker 2: with girlfriends.
Speaker 3: Where guys are like, oh, there's a game tonight, we go.
Speaker 3: We're we're like so intentional with.
Speaker 1: Like we golf and we golf. We don't necessarily talk
Speaker 1: about our relationships. Or we go to watch a game.
Speaker 1: We watch the game, right, We don't sit there and yeah,
Speaker 1: women sit down, man. They open up a bottle.
Speaker 2: Of wine, take girls trips. We have nut girls' nights.
Speaker 1: What's up, Sean, yell.
Speaker 5: What's up? Sake time?
Speaker 6: Long time?
Speaker 1: Yo?
Speaker 5: Anybody I'll the goal man. Hey, I love y'all. Hey Shannon,
Speaker 5: happy you made it back. Hope you have vacation was good.
Speaker 5: Thank you. I want to say it. I just wanted
Speaker 5: to say. You know, I've been in my relationship with
Speaker 5: my wife for uh we've been together almost fourteen years now,
Speaker 5: and uh, you know, the communication that we've built up
Speaker 5: from the foundation of us finding out how we are
Speaker 5: going to love each other is you know, saying, when
Speaker 5: we have certain things that we want to talk about,
Speaker 5: we talk about them as if it's like a third
Speaker 5: person kind of view, you know what I'm saying. So like,
Speaker 5: when I have something I need to talk about, I
Speaker 5: talk to her about it and I say like, hey,
Speaker 5: I don't want you to say anything back to me
Speaker 5: about this or you know how you feel about it
Speaker 5: right now, I just want to get this out. And
Speaker 5: then after I get it out, then you can give
Speaker 5: me your feedback or how you feel about it. And
Speaker 5: that built up a way of how we can communicate
Speaker 5: to become stronger, because if you don't do that, you
Speaker 5: don't know how each other feels. And men feel different
Speaker 5: than you know, saying the way that women feel, and
Speaker 5: we both have different kinds of things of how we
Speaker 5: you know, want to approach you know, the way how
Speaker 5: we feel but uh, it just goes to show, like
Speaker 5: you know, changing the way that you are to be
Speaker 5: better for not only for yourself but your partner, it
Speaker 5: makes you stronger.
Speaker 1: Well and honestly, and that's a great way to handle
Speaker 1: that in your relationship. I also encourage too with the
Speaker 1: UH for those that don't have the friends. One of
Speaker 1: the things that I did was I just found a
Speaker 1: good therapist that I could go to and really kind
Speaker 1: of look as a guy friend that can give me
Speaker 1: the professional advice on things, because sometimes you don't want
Speaker 1: everything that you come to your spouse with being a
Speaker 1: Let's try to figure out how to process this thing
Speaker 1: like I want sometimes just to be able to go, hey,
Speaker 1: how are you doing, how are we doing? Let's have
Speaker 1: fun together? What's going on? Melissa?
Speaker 7: Hey everyone, longtime listener.
Speaker 5: Love you guys.
Speaker 1: Love you are your first time caller or you have
Speaker 1: called before?
Speaker 7: No, no, I love time in and absolutely, you know,
Speaker 7: it sounds to me like a lot of people are
Speaker 7: getting in relationships before they actually really know who they
Speaker 7: are and what they want. And when you know who
Speaker 7: you are and what you want, you have those conversations
Speaker 7: and you learn how to communicate with someone and so
Speaker 7: the topic of the conversation should really never be an issue.
Speaker 7: And even that, like if you do need to maybe
Speaker 7: bend to other friends because you're just not sure. If
Speaker 7: you have a friend that you're worried about judging you,
Speaker 7: is that really a friend? And again that that goes
Speaker 7: back to you.
Speaker 4: So a lot of.
Speaker 7: Times it comes down to figure out what you want
Speaker 7: and learn how to communicate that and then go out
Speaker 7: and enjoy other people. But you shouldn't be keeping anything
Speaker 7: from your spouse or even your friends if there's true
Speaker 7: to you.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, this is not about keeping things from your spouse.
Speaker 1: This is about only going to your spouse and not
Speaker 1: having the friendships to be able to go and ask,
Speaker 1: you know, one of your mutual friends, especially somebody that
Speaker 1: has you know, is married just like you, Hey, how
Speaker 1: can I deal with something like this and get somebody
Speaker 1: that's not going to judge you? What's going on? Morgan?
Speaker 8: Hey?
Speaker 6: So, I was just gonna say, my husband and I
Speaker 6: have been married for almost ten years, and I think
Speaker 6: by developing friendships outside of our marriage, because we've always
Speaker 6: considered each other our best friends, it has actually helped
Speaker 6: to take us out of that roommate phase that we've
Speaker 6: found ourselves in and kind of like rejuvenated making cookies
Speaker 6: and other aspects of our lives.
Speaker 1: Okay, so it actually rejuvenated your sex life by doing this,
Speaker 1: you might need some friends.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I mean it was never like bad per se,
Speaker 6: but I feel like rather than all were just two
Speaker 6: people living together with kids. Now that you know, I
Speaker 6: have girls that I can turn to and hang out
Speaker 6: with outside of my marriage, I feel more like I'm
Speaker 6: actually with this person and attracted in you know, a
Speaker 6: sexual manner.
Speaker 1: I actually find that when Chelsea is with her friends
Speaker 1: and comes home, our relationship is so much better because
Speaker 1: she is so excited that she was just with all
Speaker 1: of her friends too. Like I think that there is
Speaker 1: a level of her friendships fulfill her, not more than
Speaker 1: I fulfill her, but fulfill her in a totally different way.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like, you know, going and you know,
Speaker 1: having a great night with your buddies. You come home
Speaker 1: and you're like, man, this is who I get to
Speaker 1: come home to, and I just had a great night,
Speaker 1: and you get to talk about what you guys did
Speaker 1: or what you guys talked about.
Speaker 4: Too when they complain about their husbands and yeah, right,
Speaker 4: that's true.
Speaker 1: He's like, man, I'm so glad I'm married to you, Briana.
Speaker 1: What's going on? It's Mojoe in the morning.
Speaker 5: Hi, Hi, how are you right?
Speaker 1: Good? What's going on?
Speaker 6: Not much?
Speaker 8: So I was just calling because I actually don't have
Speaker 8: like any friends or girlfriends, so I can only talk
Speaker 8: to my spouse about all of my problems and issues.
Speaker 8: And it's nice and he's super supportive, but I actually
Speaker 8: kind of hate it because sometimes I just want someone
Speaker 8: to talk to and to listen to me, and I
Speaker 8: don't want to be therapized. And that's like what he's
Speaker 8: always doing because he wants to, you know, be supportive,
Speaker 8: which is nice, but I definitely wish I had like
Speaker 8: a girlfriend or a friend to go to to be like, hey,
Speaker 8: this is my problem, this is my issue. Like what
Speaker 8: do you what is your opinion or what's your like
Speaker 8: outside view about it?
Speaker 6: Why?
Speaker 1: Why do you think you don't have friends?
Speaker 5: No?
Speaker 6: I literally don't have friends.
Speaker 8: Why because well I did when I was younger, but
Speaker 8: I'm thirty now and I just I don't know, I
Speaker 8: don't have friends. It's kind of sad.
Speaker 5: It's a new going to.
Speaker 1: Find some interesting. I talked also about the level of friendships,
Speaker 1: like you got those that know you from birth, you know,
Speaker 1: or like your brothers and sisters and stuff like that.
Speaker 1: You got those that know you from you know, the
Speaker 1: earliest age of your life, grade school, high school, whatever
Speaker 1: the deal is. And then you go through college friends.
Speaker 1: Then you go through your kids that you know, friendships
Speaker 1: that you have with your kids, you know, growing up,
Speaker 1: Like there's levels of different friendships Chelsea. Actually, one of
Speaker 1: the things is some of Chelsea's newest friends are some
Speaker 1: of her better friends. And I think it's because they
Speaker 1: know a version of Chelsea that is a healthier version,
Speaker 1: because she's healthier now. She feels like than she was
Speaker 1: when she was younger, she was just trying to figure
Speaker 1: herself out. And I would say.
Speaker 4: Real is an interesting term to use because I don't
Speaker 4: think it's always like defined properly how you mean it.
Speaker 4: But like there's the more current or realer version of
Speaker 4: who you are now, you that will that understands what
Speaker 4: I'll put up with, what I won't pull up put
Speaker 4: up with. That me that's more intention you know, me
Speaker 4: who actually knows who I am and the things I
Speaker 4: like and the things I dislike. Those people who I'm
Speaker 4: connected with now, are more so connected to who I
Speaker 4: am and not who I've been trying to become at
Speaker 4: earlier points in my life, you know what I mean,
Speaker 4: when I didn't fully understand what.
Speaker 1: Was Yeah, although I do like to call those earlier
Speaker 1: friends when I was kind of like a mess, and
Speaker 1: I like to call them just to get honestly their perspective.
Speaker 1: Hunt was that really that good? Was that really a good?
Speaker 1: That good of a situation that you know that we had,
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean, Like you look back
Speaker 1: I call those might beat ninety six friends from that
Speaker 1: from back in that day. Were we really like, you know,
Speaker 1: do we do the crazy stuff that we always say
Speaker 1: we did?
Speaker 5: All? Right?
Speaker 1: Listen to that podcast it's that we don't podcast. It's
Speaker 1: mojo we don't on the iHeart Radio app, or just
Speaker 1: search more Mojo in the more Mojo podcast