WEBVTT - Second Date Update: HIV+

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<v Speaker 1>Just a second date update a mojo in the morning.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, So Nick went on a date, thought things

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<v Speaker 2>were good, and now was getting ghosted. We're going to

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<v Speaker 2>find out exactly why a guy's getting ghosted.

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<v Speaker 3>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>This is Nick and a guy that he went on

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<v Speaker 2>a date with. And Nick, how did you guys meet?

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<v Speaker 2>We met through some friends, okay, And so was it

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<v Speaker 2>a one time date or did you guys talk for

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<v Speaker 2>a while and go on a couple of dates with

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<v Speaker 2>each other?

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<v Speaker 1>No, we went on a couple of dates.

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<v Speaker 4>We were talking, we were texting, we it was actually

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<v Speaker 4>about a month we were together.

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<v Speaker 2>So it was a little relationship that was going on

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<v Speaker 2>for a month. And his name is Leo. Leo is

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<v Speaker 2>not calling you back. Yeah, I hate to hear this.

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<v Speaker 2>I do hate to hear that you guys spend a

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<v Speaker 2>month together and then somebody doesn't at least just say hey,

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<v Speaker 2>this is the reason why.

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<v Speaker 1>Leo is on with us.

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<v Speaker 2>Right now, Nick said hi to Leoh.

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<v Speaker 5>Hey, what's up?

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<v Speaker 4>You tell me you ghosted me?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, so you.

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<v Speaker 2>Get so let me ask you a couple of questions

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<v Speaker 2>because I know this is awkward for you to have

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<v Speaker 2>to answer to that right away.

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<v Speaker 3>Leo, So.

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<v Speaker 1>You guys hung out with each other.

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<v Speaker 2>For a month and then what was it that, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>made you just not at least like call him back

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<v Speaker 2>and go, hey, man, you know, either I'm not interested

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<v Speaker 2>or I'm busy or what's going on? Like why why

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<v Speaker 2>not at least give him the let's maybe pick this

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<v Speaker 2>up at a later time whatever the deal is.

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<v Speaker 5>Just felt like there were just too many.

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<v Speaker 6>Things that he wasn't uh disclosing, you know, like there's

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<v Speaker 6>just too many secrets.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you have kids or something? Would you know what?

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<v Speaker 1>First off? Nick? Would you know what he's talking about

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<v Speaker 1>when he talks about secrets?

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<v Speaker 4>You know, you know, I think I have an idea why,

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<v Speaker 4>But you know, I if it's not that, then I

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<v Speaker 4>don't want to say it.

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<v Speaker 3>So I mean, you know, he could just answer.

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<v Speaker 1>HM, well what is it?

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<v Speaker 3>Man?

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<v Speaker 5>What did you realize he was keeping from you?

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<v Speaker 7>Well?

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<v Speaker 5>She you know, I guess like it's some medical stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>And hold on, yeah, I mean hold on, what would

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<v Speaker 2>you say, lydia? They cannot hear Leo? Why would they

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<v Speaker 2>not be able to hear Leo?

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 5>I got like three calls, so they can't hear him.

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<v Speaker 1>They can't not here Leo Leo speak up?

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<v Speaker 5>Can you you can't hear me?

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like we can. I can hear you? Can

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<v Speaker 2>you hear h? Check one two? Check one two?

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<v Speaker 1>Hello?

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<v Speaker 5>Here you guys fine area?

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<v Speaker 8>No?

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<v Speaker 2>Can I can I say this to you? I know

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<v Speaker 2>this is gonna sound weird because it's very rare that

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<v Speaker 2>we do have same sex relationships. I think sometimes people

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<v Speaker 2>hear one voice and not know whose voice is what.

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<v Speaker 1>So that's the thing. So Nick, so Nick Nick? Is Nick? Nick?

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<v Speaker 1>Say hello?

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<v Speaker 5>All right?

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<v Speaker 1>That's Nick? Leo say hello hello?

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<v Speaker 2>Okay, So Leo is the one that's not calling back,

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<v Speaker 2>and Nick wants to know what's going on. Leo says

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<v Speaker 2>it's because Nick's not telling him about some medical stuff. Nick,

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<v Speaker 2>Are you okay with Leo telling you know the whatever

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<v Speaker 2>it is that he's going to tell because you obviously

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<v Speaker 2>know what he's talking about.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah now yeah, now I obviously know what he's talking about.

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<v Speaker 4>And he's he's saying it's because I'm HIV positive.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh okay, are you okay with Are you okay with

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<v Speaker 2>talking about this?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, it's fine because I'm also undetectable and untransmittable, so

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<v Speaker 4>it's it's a non issue.

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<v Speaker 2>So you're so medically you're still okay to be in

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<v Speaker 2>relationship with somebody, which is the case for anybody that

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<v Speaker 2>is HIV positive. So, Leo, why why does that bother

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<v Speaker 2>you so much? I mean, you know, we were a

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<v Speaker 2>month in before he told me, and you think that

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<v Speaker 2>you think that he should have told you that right

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<v Speaker 2>off the bat.

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<v Speaker 5>Absolutely, have you.

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<v Speaker 1>Rea intimate at all?

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<v Speaker 9>I mean not, you know in a way that would

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<v Speaker 9>you know risk that, but I mean, you know kind of,

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<v Speaker 9>and I like, it's just yeah, it's it's I mean,

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<v Speaker 9>I got tested and I'm.

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<v Speaker 5>Clean, but you know, it's just you're not gonna tell me.

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<v Speaker 2>Right he told he told you Leo before though, that

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<v Speaker 2>you guys were going to ever do any kind of

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<v Speaker 2>uh intercourse with each other?

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<v Speaker 1>Am I safe to say that? Okay?

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<v Speaker 2>It sounds like maybe some off stuff though? But Nick, Nick,

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<v Speaker 2>quick quick question for you, why did you wait so long?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, because it's you know, it's an embarrassing topic obviously,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, it's it's a personal metal thing. And again

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<v Speaker 4>I'm undetectable and untransmittable, so that's it's not putting any

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<v Speaker 4>body in danger, like I understand. And and the reason

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<v Speaker 4>I do also wait, is because of reactions like this,

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<v Speaker 4>I mean people just us. Oh you know, oh you

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<v Speaker 4>you've uh tested positive before, so now you know you're

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<v Speaker 4>you're like a leopard.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 4>This isn't the nineties anymore. So it's a personal I understand.

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<v Speaker 4>If you're putting somebody at risk, you know, then you

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<v Speaker 4>know it's it's a you have responsibility to say something.

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<v Speaker 4>But this is at this point, with current medicine and

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<v Speaker 4>it being undetectable, it's just a personal, private medical thing

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<v Speaker 4>for me.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 2>And just to ask this question, you guys did not

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<v Speaker 2>have sexual intercourse with each other. I'm assuming you guys

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<v Speaker 2>kissed or something, and I just you know, we.

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<v Speaker 4>We folded around and staid, but no before we had it, Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>any intercourse.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I did tell him, yes, okay, And that's when

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<v Speaker 2>you told them, And in all fairness us to do

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<v Speaker 2>research on this one. You cannot get HIV from normal

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<v Speaker 2>close mouth kissing or social kissing. And that's pretty much

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<v Speaker 2>all you guys were doing with each other.

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<v Speaker 5>Well a little bit more than that, yeah, Well.

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<v Speaker 2>And you told him before there was any kind of

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<v Speaker 2>more that happened between you guys. Yeah, and this is normal, Nick,

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<v Speaker 2>that you in relationships have not told people.

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<v Speaker 1>Right away that's correct?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, okay, And Leo, do you at least look at

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<v Speaker 2>this and say, hey, I probably should have just said

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<v Speaker 2>to him, you know what, I'm not that you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not interested, or or said hey, this is the

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<v Speaker 2>reason I'm not interested.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you ever think about that?

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<v Speaker 5>I mean, yeah, I should have done all that, but

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<v Speaker 5>you know, it's just.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 5>I didn't, but yeah, don't.

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<v Speaker 6>It's I don't need the I don't need the kind

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<v Speaker 6>of mental gymnastics that somebody goes through to justify not

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<v Speaker 6>disclosing something like that very early on, because it's like,

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<v Speaker 6>what else are we not going to disclose because it's undetectable,

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<v Speaker 6>you know, in one way or another, or you know

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<v Speaker 6>that kind of yeah, you know, and a million other

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<v Speaker 6>situations like you know what, what are you telling yourself

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<v Speaker 6>to not disclose something?

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<v Speaker 5>And I just I'm good.

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<v Speaker 2>Are comments from listeners on this, and then I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to allow Nick an opportunity to continue. If he doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>want to continue, then I'm okay with that. But Jasmine,

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<v Speaker 2>would you want to.

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<v Speaker 8>Say, you know, I think that Nick is the one

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<v Speaker 8>that has a positive correct, Yes, Nick, yep. I think

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<v Speaker 8>that Nick had every right in the world to not

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<v Speaker 8>want to tell Leo at first. You know, it's really

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<v Speaker 8>prep is really well known in the LBGP community. You know,

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<v Speaker 8>like you said, this isn't the nineties, isn't the eighties anymore?

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<v Speaker 8>And honestly, the likelihood that they probably have herpees is

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<v Speaker 8>way higher. Right, It's like eighty percent of the community

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<v Speaker 8>as a whole, you know, gay, straight, whatever, We basically

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<v Speaker 8>all have some sort of uh, some sort of version

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<v Speaker 8>of like cold source, right, and so I think we

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<v Speaker 8>should be way more worried about that.

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<v Speaker 2>At what point, though, should he say, Hey, I just

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<v Speaker 2>want to let you know, here's what's going on medically

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<v Speaker 2>with me.

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<v Speaker 8>When when he is ready do I think he should

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<v Speaker 8>have gone far and maybe done whatever they did together.

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<v Speaker 3>Before saying it.

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<v Speaker 8>No, However, that's something that they need to communicate about,

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<v Speaker 8>and I think it's a shame on Leo cannot be like, hey,

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<v Speaker 8>you know what, it made me really uncomfy that you

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<v Speaker 8>didn't tell me this, so I need to I need.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and that and that would have been I think

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<v Speaker 2>the thing to do if Leo just said, hey, I

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<v Speaker 2>need to process what you just told me Edward, what's up.

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<v Speaker 10>Yeah, I don't want to tell me, but uh that

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<v Speaker 10>I disagree with a lot of things that she says about,

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<v Speaker 10>like stay with the herpe stuff because like I'll build

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<v Speaker 10>on that.

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<v Speaker 3>I have bolds. I get them.

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<v Speaker 10>If I go out with my friends and I'm drinking beers,

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<v Speaker 10>they want to drink my beer, I tell them like, hey, man,

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<v Speaker 10>you know you have cold stores.

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<v Speaker 1>Right, You're not going to get it.

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<v Speaker 10>But just full disclosure.

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<v Speaker 3>There it is, but also too at the.

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<v Speaker 10>Same time, like, I'm I've been married to my wife,

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<v Speaker 10>I've been together for thirteen years. I've never given her

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<v Speaker 10>a cold sort just because like I'm safe with it and.

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<v Speaker 3>And I don't have like an active.

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<v Speaker 10>Cold sort doesn't and it's very unlikely for me to

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<v Speaker 10>transmit it doesn't make it less of a disclosure. Like, no,

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<v Speaker 10>you you should definitely tell people about these things moving forward.

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<v Speaker 5>I don't care about LGBT you.

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<v Speaker 1>He said, Oh, I'm sorry that yeah, yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh I didn't mean to say spit.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry. Yeah, I get it.

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<v Speaker 5>I know, but and listen, you got to disclose it.

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<v Speaker 2>I I and I get that, and I get your situation,

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<v Speaker 2>but I also feel like there's probably a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>people out there that won't look at somebody even just

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<v Speaker 2>to go out on a dinner date with, even if

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<v Speaker 2>there's nothing happened in other than just going to dinner

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<v Speaker 2>because they're so worried about it or uneducated about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Tay is somebody who can't call it in And Tay,

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<v Speaker 2>you told Lydia that you.

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<v Speaker 1>Are HIV positive?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>Well and and.

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<v Speaker 2>Tay, what are your thoughts on wa Nick did by

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<v Speaker 2>not saying anything right away?

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<v Speaker 7>Personally, I understand his feelings of like, oh, I hate

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<v Speaker 7>getting like judge a certain type of way, but being

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<v Speaker 7>someone who has like like lived, I do phil as

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<v Speaker 7>if that he should have said something sooner, Like I

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<v Speaker 7>get that, like, if that's something private. First date, maybe

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<v Speaker 7>not say nothing because you're still trying to figure it out.

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<v Speaker 7>Second date, when you know I actually like this person,

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<v Speaker 7>you should say something waiting a month. That does kind

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<v Speaker 7>of open it up for people to be like, well,

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<v Speaker 7>why didn't two satans say anything? If you feel that

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<v Speaker 7>everything is fine, then why couldn't do say anythings sooner?

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<v Speaker 1>If you're talking to somebody, like I said.

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<v Speaker 3>Like a I would say like second date, because like

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<v Speaker 3>first date, you're really just like figuring it out. It's

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<v Speaker 3>just like, hey, who are you this, this, and that.

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<v Speaker 3>By the second date, you kind of have more of

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<v Speaker 3>a vibe like I actually like this person, I actually

0:12:24.600 --> 0:12:27.040
<v Speaker 3>want to do. Date number three, you should probably say

0:12:27.080 --> 0:12:28.199
<v Speaker 3>something that what.

0:12:28.120 --> 0:12:31.920
<v Speaker 11>Has been your experience when you have had those conversations,

0:12:32.160 --> 0:12:35.400
<v Speaker 11>how has that been received, and what if people acted

0:12:35.480 --> 0:12:40.120
<v Speaker 11>or said to you once you explain that to them.

0:12:40.240 --> 0:12:43.600
<v Speaker 7>I will say that I haven't necessarily had any negative

0:12:44.440 --> 0:12:48.800
<v Speaker 7>like reactions towards it. I'm one that's a little more

0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:51.239
<v Speaker 7>selective with who I even think.

0:12:51.080 --> 0:12:52.920
<v Speaker 3>That could take that conversation.

0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:55.320
<v Speaker 7>Like again, that's what I said, like I've kind of

0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:57.880
<v Speaker 7>fell people out before I even open myself up like

0:12:57.920 --> 0:13:00.640
<v Speaker 7>that because I mean, no that dang like everybody like business.

0:13:00.720 --> 0:13:02.920
<v Speaker 7>But I mean I still kind of give it some

0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:05.920
<v Speaker 7>a time just to really feel as if I can

0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:08.600
<v Speaker 7>think that someone is mature enough to have this real,

0:13:09.360 --> 0:13:11.480
<v Speaker 7>real conversation.

0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:11.800
<v Speaker 3>Then yeah.

0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:14.080
<v Speaker 7>But yeah, I don't just open up to just like

0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:17.720
<v Speaker 7>any and everybody. So I understand that that that feeling

0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:19.880
<v Speaker 7>of not wanting to just be like, you know, just put.

0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:21.080
<v Speaker 3>It out there and all of this.

0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:24.839
<v Speaker 7>But yeah, if I feel serious about somebody, then I'm

0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:26.080
<v Speaker 7>gonna say something, h.

0:13:26.200 --> 0:13:29.680
<v Speaker 2>Nick, Do you regret not saying anything after hearing Leo

0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:30.679
<v Speaker 2>talk here this morning?

0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:33.200
<v Speaker 1>No?

0:13:33.200 --> 0:13:37.040
<v Speaker 4>No, I don't regret because it's clearly obvious that he

0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:41.680
<v Speaker 4>had this very immature and uneducated reaction.

0:13:43.400 --> 0:13:46.840
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so will you continue then? If you are dating,

0:13:47.480 --> 0:13:50.040
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure you are going to date. Will you continue

0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:53.120
<v Speaker 2>to wait until you feel like it's right then to

0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:53.720
<v Speaker 2>say something?

0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:56.440
<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

0:13:56.480 --> 0:14:00.400
<v Speaker 4>You know, I I heard the last person and maybe

0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:03.480
<v Speaker 4>the second date, you know that I could consider instead

0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:05.600
<v Speaker 4>of instead of a month, But like, this is still

0:14:05.640 --> 0:14:09.880
<v Speaker 4>not something that I feel something needs to be disclosed immediately.

0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:12.080
<v Speaker 1>Like on the first date, Mark is a caller, would

0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:12.760
<v Speaker 1>you want to say Mark?

0:14:14.400 --> 0:14:17.640
<v Speaker 12>Good morning? Guys. I just want to say that I'm

0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:20.520
<v Speaker 12>sorry to say this, but I don't know this whole

0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:24.160
<v Speaker 12>thing about the undetoutable. But I did time in prison

0:14:24.240 --> 0:14:26.720
<v Speaker 12>for a drug case, and I was in prison with

0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:31.640
<v Speaker 12>a guy that was HIV positive and did not disclose it,

0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:35.160
<v Speaker 12>and his partner whoever he swift that he didn't tell,

0:14:35.480 --> 0:14:38.240
<v Speaker 12>got HIV and he got two years for not doing that,

0:14:40.520 --> 0:14:44.760
<v Speaker 12>two years, So very serious. I I just and I

0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:48.280
<v Speaker 12>feel for for Leo like that that was kind of

0:14:48.280 --> 0:14:50.320
<v Speaker 12>hope man, and then you played MEO really bad.

0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.440
<v Speaker 2>But what if But what if you're not sexually active

0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.280
<v Speaker 2>with the person, but you're just going on dates with them?

0:14:56.840 --> 0:14:58.560
<v Speaker 12>I mean, I guess that's fine too, But I mean,

0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:01.720
<v Speaker 12>if you're HIV positive and you know that things are

0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.360
<v Speaker 12>going to happen, you have to disclose that. That is

0:15:04.440 --> 0:15:05.720
<v Speaker 12>something really serious.

0:15:06.000 --> 0:15:06.240
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:15:06.280 --> 0:15:12.440
<v Speaker 11>Part of Google's it says undetectable equals untransmittable. So you know,

0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:15.480
<v Speaker 11>there's longer definitions and stuff. But do your research. I

0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:17.520
<v Speaker 11>think that's a huge piece of it too. Like there's

0:15:17.560 --> 0:15:22.160
<v Speaker 11>such a stigma around any std str that immediately when

0:15:22.160 --> 0:15:24.760
<v Speaker 11>you hear what people have you say, hands off, and

0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:27.040
<v Speaker 11>I'm not trying to go down that path. And you know,

0:15:27.160 --> 0:15:29.440
<v Speaker 11>like my man's I don't remember which man's has said it.

0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:31.600
<v Speaker 11>I think it was Leo or Leo the one Leo.

0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:32.880
<v Speaker 1>Okay, Leo.

0:15:33.440 --> 0:15:36.600
<v Speaker 11>You know there have been advancements in medical you know,

0:15:36.640 --> 0:15:37.480
<v Speaker 11>in the medical world.

0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:39.760
<v Speaker 2>That is now what you're talking about. Next to that, Yeah,

0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:43.040
<v Speaker 2>that's Nick is the one that's getting ghosted has Okay, Yeah,

0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.440
<v Speaker 2>like you know, do your research. Man didn't make a decision.

0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:51.120
<v Speaker 1>Second date update. It finds a lot to tell your

0:15:51.120 --> 0:15:55.120
<v Speaker 1>mom phones cams and Shannon's dirty on the thirty in

0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:55.520
<v Speaker 1>the morning