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Speaker 1: Let's say good morning now to the author of the

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Speaker 1: Most Human Reconciling with My Father. It's about his relationship

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Speaker 1: with his famous dad, Leonard Nimoy. Please welcome, Adam Nimoy.

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Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us today.

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Speaker 2: Adam, thanks for having me. I appreciate it.

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Speaker 1: Okay. I have to tell you that on Sunday, I

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Speaker 1: was awakened at about four o'clock in the morning because

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Speaker 1: the rain was coming down so heavy, and it woke

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Speaker 1: me up and I couldn't go back to sleep, and

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Speaker 1: so I thought, well, you know what, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: get a jumpstart on reading the book ahead of our interview.

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Speaker 1: So I started reading at about four am. Think can

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Speaker 1: I just read a couple of chapters, and instead I

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Speaker 1: just read and read and read and read, and finished

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Speaker 1: the book at about noon when the rain was still falling.

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Speaker 1: It was such a good book, Adam, I mean, like

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Speaker 1: so engaging, so well written. So it was just a

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Speaker 1: joy to read. Why did you write this book?

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Speaker 2: Well? What first, I really appreciate you taking the time

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Speaker 2: to read it. I wrote the book because it's sort

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Speaker 2: of you know, it's a celebration of my relationship with

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Speaker 2: my dad, and we had a lot of obstacles in

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Speaker 2: the way of connecting with one another since I was

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Speaker 2: very young. I've been in recovery now for twenty years,

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Speaker 2: and I often share about how the tools of twelve

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Speaker 2: step recovery enabled me to figure out a way to

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Speaker 2: connect with my dad, to have a relationship with him

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Speaker 2: because we were strange for a number of years. I

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Speaker 2: shared this anonymously at these meetings. I'm what we call

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Speaker 2: a double winner going on, which is for family members

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Speaker 2: who have a family member who has a drigger alcohol problem,

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Speaker 2: and my dad was an admitted alcoholic and I'm in AA.

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Speaker 2: I would share this story anonymously and it seemed to

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Speaker 2: resonate with people. It inspired them to try to figure

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Speaker 2: out a way to reconnect with their own family member.

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Speaker 2: And I just thought, you know, it's time to come

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Speaker 2: out and do a more detailed kind of chronic of

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Speaker 2: how it went down with my dad and how we

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Speaker 2: were able to really have a closer, loving relationship the

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Speaker 2: last years of his life, which I.

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Speaker 1: Think is so great because on the surface, you know,

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Speaker 1: we see photos of you with your dad and he's

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Speaker 1: in his spock outfit, and you've got smocky years on,

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Speaker 1: and you look at that time and you go, oh,

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Speaker 1: everything looks so idyllic, but in reality it was much

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Speaker 1: more complicated than that. Uh.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean this is the weird part of being

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Speaker 2: you know, uh, being raised in the family with Leonard

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Speaker 2: Nimoy and being the son of Leonard Nimoy is that

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Speaker 2: it's this it's this combin you know, these incredible experiences

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Speaker 2: like being on the set where that picture was taken,

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Speaker 2: and having a myriad of experiences with my dad because

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Speaker 2: of his tremendous success, but coupled with episodes and regular episodes,

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Speaker 2: have flat out verbal conflict with him because we didn't

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Speaker 2: have the tools to resolve any differences of opinion that

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Speaker 2: we had with one another.

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Speaker 1: And so I got the feeling from reading the book

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Speaker 1: that your dad kind of was Spock. Do you get

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Speaker 1: that feeling too.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, there's a lot of Leonard and Spock, and

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of Spock in Leonard. Yeah. This was

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Speaker 2: the issue I had with my dad growing up. He

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Speaker 2: was a very kind of reserved, introverted, introspective, remote, distant,

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Speaker 2: cool kind of person. He was not a warman, busy guy.

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Speaker 2: My mother played the role of the warm and fuzzy parent. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and then, and so I had trouble relating to him

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Speaker 2: as a kid. Then when the Spock years came and

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Speaker 2: he was talking about the fact many times he talked

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Speaker 2: about the fact you have trouble getting in and out

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Speaker 2: of character. Now, not only did I have Leonard to

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Speaker 2: deal with at home, I had Spock living with us

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Speaker 2: at home. So yeah, I mean, yeah, they're very you know,

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Speaker 2: there's it's just it's hard to separate the two, it

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Speaker 2: really is sometimes.

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Speaker 1: I also loved how in the book, Adam you were

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Speaker 1: talking about, you know, your life experience in and then

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Speaker 1: you'd kind of mix in Star Trek references, and for

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Speaker 1: Star Trek fans like me, I think it not only

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Speaker 1: helps keep us engage, but it also shows how much

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Speaker 1: of a role Star Trek played in your lives. Even

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Speaker 1: though the series only lasted for three seasons.

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Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean this is another part of the

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Speaker 2: legacy of Star Trek. It's still going. We're in year

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Speaker 2: fifty nine now, sixty years next year of the airing

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Speaker 2: of the original series, and it's still resonating with people

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Speaker 2: because it's a positive message of the future, and I

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Speaker 2: think people are really glooming onto that, particularly now when

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Speaker 2: we lived in such polarized times, but yeah, this has

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Speaker 2: kind of been the right with being in the name

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Speaker 2: why family, the legacy just goes on. There's images of

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Speaker 2: Spock everywhere. I traveled the world, and I see images

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Speaker 2: as I was in Barcelona a couple of years ago

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Speaker 2: and there's an image of Spock in a Matador outfit

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Speaker 2: in a store window. I mean, it's just it's everywhere.

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Speaker 2: It's so iconic, this character you created. And of course

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Speaker 2: the series continues on, so it's just been amazing. I

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Speaker 2: mean I think it's surprised everybody involved that the series

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Speaker 2: we would still continue to resonate with people today. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think the other thing about this book is it

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Speaker 1: really shares some like some inspirational moments and also some

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Speaker 1: very painful moments. And one of the things that you

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Speaker 1: shared was an email that you got from your dad

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Speaker 1: in two thousand and six. I think you had said

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Speaker 1: you would send him a picture of him on stage,

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Speaker 1: and his response was an email, and I was thinking

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Speaker 1: it was the first punch of a one two punch,

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Speaker 1: because then you got another email. Can you share part

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Speaker 1: of that with us?

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Speaker 2: Well, yeah, I mean this is at a point in

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Speaker 2: time where my dad and I were pretty much a

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Speaker 2: strength from each other. We were both The conflict we

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Speaker 2: had for thirty years was kind of exacerbated by the

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Speaker 2: fact that my dad was drinking and I was pretty

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Speaker 2: much a pottheaded wakem Baker daily. Those elements were no

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Speaker 2: longer in our lives. My dad had gone sober in

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Speaker 2: the nineties. My sobriety birthday is an you were first

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Speaker 2: two thousand and four, but by two thousand and six

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Speaker 2: not much had changed between us. I mean, you take

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Speaker 2: out the drugs and alcohol, but without the tools of recovery,

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Speaker 2: we were really still in a kind of a rut

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Speaker 2: with one another. And my dad was still pretty angry

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Speaker 2: with me that we were disengaged and just estranged from

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Speaker 2: one another. So when I reached out to him, his

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Speaker 2: response my dad really wanted any engagement with me, and

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Speaker 2: if it was negative engagement, that was okay with him.

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Speaker 2: And so he basically wrote me a long letter of

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Speaker 2: why he felt that I was a disappointment to him

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Speaker 2: and that I was the problem in the relationship with him.

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Speaker 2: He just had a lot of anger and resentment that

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Speaker 2: had been built up over the years. I mean, unfortunately,

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Speaker 2: a lot of the things that he wrote in the

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Speaker 2: letter about me were true. I made a lot of

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Speaker 2: mistakes and I had a lot of mishaps. There were

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Speaker 2: a number of times when he tried to help me

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Speaker 2: with my career and it didn't turn out the way

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Speaker 2: we both thought it would and should. But the letter

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Speaker 2: really provided me with an opportunity to grow personally by

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Speaker 2: making amends to him for all the things that I

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Speaker 2: was told to do. This in recovery, that's what we do.

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Speaker 2: I just tried to take responsibility for my part in

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Speaker 2: the failure of our relationship. And it was when I

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Speaker 2: went to him with that letter and apologized to him

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Speaker 2: everything in it that everything started to change between the

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Speaker 2: two of us and we started to rebuild our relationship.

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Speaker 1: That was such a powerful thing in the book. And

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Speaker 1: I hope that you know, the people who are listening

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Speaker 1: to you now will read the book because it really

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Speaker 1: was a beautifully told story. And like I said that

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Speaker 1: one two punch, I mean, I got kicked in the

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Speaker 1: gut when you did when you were telling me about it,

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Speaker 1: and then how you ultimately resolved it and kind of

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Speaker 1: got back on track with your dad. I just thought

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Speaker 1: it was so cool. And there's a part in the

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Speaker 1: book where you're talking about leaving the house that you

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Speaker 1: had spent so many years in, that your kids grew

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Speaker 1: up in, and then ultimately you had to leave so

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Speaker 1: everyone could kind of move on with their lives. And

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Speaker 1: your daughter, Mattie said something as you were leaving that

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Speaker 1: seems to sort of be a recurring theme of the book,

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Speaker 1: and that's that you can't have joy without experiencing sadness.

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Speaker 1: And that just hit home with me too. I thought

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Speaker 1: that that was kind of profound for a kid.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I appreciate your saying that, Yeah, because I mean,

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Speaker 2: this is the whole point is that she was working

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Speaker 2: through feelings that she had and it's not it wasn't bad.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's okay to have those feelings. This was

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Speaker 2: the problem that my dad and I were suffering from

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Speaker 2: for years, is that we were both numbing ourselves help

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Speaker 2: medicating ourselves and not feeling stuff like this and not

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Speaker 2: working through it and talking about it and communicating and connecting.

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Speaker 2: And that was the kind of the dysfunction I was

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Speaker 2: trying to break with my own kids, to be pressed

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Speaker 2: for them by being sober, having experiences like this where

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Speaker 2: we could really process it together, go through it together,

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Speaker 2: and you know, and know that we're not alone. I mean,

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Speaker 2: even though her mother and I split up, I'm still

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Speaker 2: very close to, you know, my ex wife because we

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Speaker 2: it's really important that we stay connected and that we

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Speaker 2: have we work through this stuff together. That's the whole

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Speaker 2: I think that's the message book. So I really appreciate

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Speaker 2: you know, you're pointing out that point of part of it,

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Speaker 2: because that was really, you know, part of the emphasis

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Speaker 2: of what I was trying to accomplish with my own kids.

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Speaker 1: Cool, Okay, Adam, what do you think your dad would

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Speaker 1: think of this book?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think he'd appreciate it, you know, I mean, uh,

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Speaker 2: I you know, really in the end, I'm celebrating the

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Speaker 2: fact that that really figured it out. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 2: I have some personal tragedy that happens near the end

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Speaker 2: of the book, and my dad showed up for me.

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Speaker 2: He became the parent I needed him to be. I

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Speaker 2: think he was very proud of the fact that he

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Speaker 2: could be present from me finally in my life. I mean,

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Speaker 2: he himself admitted that that being you know, in the

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Speaker 2: you know, supporting the family, being involved with the family

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Speaker 2: connected with but then was not a priority for him

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Speaker 2: when he was in the Star Trek years, he was

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Speaker 2: just trying to focus on his career and get something

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Speaker 2: going because you know, it was a hustle for him.

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Speaker 2: It was before Star Trek we were very hand them

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Speaker 2: out family. We just didn't have a lot of economic security.

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Speaker 2: So later in life things changed for my dad and

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Speaker 2: he really came through. He became the father and needed

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Speaker 2: him to be. And I think that's really what the

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Speaker 2: celebration of the book is about, and I think he'd

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Speaker 2: be pretty happy with that message.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. I love that. Okay, So I

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Speaker 1: got to tell you before I let you go that

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Speaker 1: I learned something in your book. It's on page two

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Speaker 1: seventeen when you were teaching your wife Martha some Yiddish,

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Speaker 1: and that is that Laverne and Shirley hated their company

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Speaker 1: because I didn't know what Schlamiel and Schlamazel meant until

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Speaker 1: I read your book.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, well I'm glad I couldn't lighten you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: we were going through all the sah whor so funny. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: they were kind of like putting each other down. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that was a wonderful experience with her. You know, I

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Speaker 2: really was lucky to know her and to have gone

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Speaker 2: through all that with her and be present for her,

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Speaker 2: you know, and I have my dad be present for me.

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Speaker 2: I mean, that's the whole point of that part of

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Speaker 2: the story. But yeah, I really appreciate you saying.

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Speaker 1: That, and it was a beautiful part of the story.

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Speaker 1: And I know it was also very painful for you.

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Speaker 1: But I don't want to tell the whole thing because

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Speaker 1: I want people to read it and kind of experience it,

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Speaker 1: because you told the story with with a lot of grace,

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Speaker 1: you know, because I know that was a really painful

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Speaker 1: time and having your dad show up, I was like that.

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Speaker 1: What I took away from a lot of that with

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Speaker 1: your dad was that you were a lot more verbal

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Speaker 1: and he was not as verbal. But that's his love language,

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Speaker 1: you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly. I mean, this is the thing about making

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Speaker 2: amends and recovery is that, you know, I made an

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Speaker 2: apology to him. I actually did a step nine my

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Speaker 2: dad's amends to me what we call living amends. He

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Speaker 2: was not the kind of guy to say I'm sorry

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Speaker 2: about stuff I didn't expect him to. But by helping

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Speaker 2: me out and present from me and supportive at a

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Speaker 2: time when I really needed him, that's an amazing in

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Speaker 2: and of itself. That's his way of saying, I'm sorry

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Speaker 2: about what happened in the past. I'm here for you now,

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Speaker 2: so you know, and that's really what the celebration of

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Speaker 2: the book is about. So thank you for acknowledging that.

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Speaker 1: Of course, the book is called The Most Human Reconciling

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Speaker 1: with My Father. It is written by Adam Nimoy. Thank

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Speaker 1: you so much. Adam loved the book and I hope

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Speaker 1: our wake up Call listeners will read the book because

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Speaker 1: it's a good one.

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Speaker 2: Amy, I thank you so much. I just also wanted

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Speaker 2: to say that I'm going to be at book Soup

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Speaker 2: on Friday, signing and talking about the book in Hollywood

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Speaker 2: at seven o'clock, So if your listeners are in the neighborhood,

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Speaker 2: please drop by and as always, live long, and produitable