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Speaker 1: You're listening to KFI AM sixty on demand. Claudia, Welcome

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Speaker 1: to the Jesus Christ Show.

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Speaker 2: Oh Hi, Jesus Hill. At the end of today, I'm

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Speaker 2: an older mom, single mom, and I have a beautiful

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Speaker 2: twenty eight year old son with severe cerebral palsy. He's

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Speaker 2: got a double curved spine, non verbal, in diapers, and

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Speaker 2: I've had to place him in a home that I

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Speaker 2: and I live close by and support care. Now he's

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Speaker 2: he's twenty eight years old, and I'm just returning to

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Speaker 2: my faith after many years. And I was just looking

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Speaker 2: at a lot of these healing scriptures I had in

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Speaker 2: my original Bible, and where Jesus, you know, used to

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Speaker 2: pull a bessada and mud and spittle. And what does

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Speaker 2: a point when a person gets to the point where faith,

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Speaker 2: hope and prayer for you know, their loved one neck's

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Speaker 2: sick or afflicted. I don't know where to get the

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Speaker 2: strength any more. Where do you go? And faith helping

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Speaker 2: prayer just don't seem to be enough.

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Speaker 1: Well, when you say that it is too much, what

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Speaker 1: part of it is weighs the heaviest to you.

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Speaker 2: It's crushing to see your child like that, To see them,

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Speaker 2: you know, suffer in many ways and handled by strangers,

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Speaker 2: and yeah, there was a lot of stuffering. He evolved

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Speaker 2: for him and he can't tell me with words. I

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Speaker 2: think a lot of the times he's not suffering, but

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Speaker 2: the seizures have returned. Which it's been twenty five years.

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Speaker 2: And I was always told, well, once God heals something,

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Speaker 2: it's done, and that was in a Pentecostal church at

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Speaker 2: the time, which was fine. But so it's twenty five

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Speaker 2: six years later and they came back strong. But so

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Speaker 2: I think it's very heartbreaking, and that's a lot of years.

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Speaker 2: I was also just being an axe nine thirty three

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Speaker 2: where is it a? And Peter found a certain man

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Speaker 2: name is it Anius a Naeus Annius an Annius, And

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Speaker 2: he kept his bed eight years and was sick with

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Speaker 2: the palsy, and Peter said, Jesus Christ, make it the

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Speaker 2: whole like that's eight years is a long time. But

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Speaker 2: I'm not going on twenty eight years, and I need

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Speaker 2: to keep the strength to keep going.

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Speaker 1: Are you spending any time with yourself?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: Are you doing things that you enjoy?

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Speaker 2: Probably not enough that I enjoyed, but I'm in school

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Speaker 2: full time and probably could do a little bit more

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Speaker 2: of things I actually enjoy, like outdoors.

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Speaker 1: Well, you need to rejuven it yourself to have strength

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Speaker 1: for him. You're kind of living for two people here,

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Speaker 1: and in that process you have to build yourself up

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Speaker 1: to have the strength to impart that strength to him.

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Speaker 1: You are the only constant, and you are a pillar

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Speaker 1: in his life, and that constant is important. It is.

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Speaker 1: It is a different life, most certainly, and there's going

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Speaker 1: to be times where yes, he's in pain, or he's frustrated,

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Speaker 1: or he's experiencing something, But the reality is he's not

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Speaker 1: known different. He's this that is his life. But the

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Speaker 1: constant there, the one thing that is constant in the

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Speaker 1: ups and downs of his illness is mom and what

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Speaker 1: you're going through, the bravery that you have, and the

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Speaker 1: description and to hold strength when all those things so

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Speaker 1: beautifully put to see someone that you love being handled

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Speaker 1: by strangers, and to go through all of that. How

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Speaker 1: long has he been in this facility?

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Speaker 2: He just changed into a different home about two weeks ago,

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Speaker 2: so about I think approximately eight years. I had to

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Speaker 2: put him in a home, and that's.

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Speaker 1: So that he get the care that he needs.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I couldn't handle it on my own anymore.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because his body grows and he gets bigger and older,

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Speaker 1: but still has the same constraints, and to have to

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Speaker 1: help him in and out of everything and all those

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Speaker 1: things is a huge burden for anyone, let alone a

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Speaker 1: single mother. So that's an you've come to terms obviously

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Speaker 1: after eight years, that that was a necessity. You're not

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Speaker 1: abandoning him, you know that, correct? Okay, good? So really

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Speaker 1: it's about you reviving yourself to be that strength for him,

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Speaker 1: and to pray for strength for yourself to not be

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Speaker 1: taken down by the imagery or the concerns that you mentioned,

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Speaker 1: and being taken care of by strangers, all of those things.

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Speaker 1: This is what it is. And I know the Pentecostal

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Speaker 1: Church was telling you once God heals something and all

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Speaker 1: that stuff, but really the reality is in this world,

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Speaker 1: there is pain in this world. There is suffering in

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Speaker 1: this world. There is sickness, and your son is sick,

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Speaker 1: and that is Yes. God can do miracles, most certainly,

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Speaker 1: but God also uses these things to strengthen one another

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Speaker 1: and to show the preciousness of life as it stands.

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Speaker 1: And it sounds to me like you're dealing with it wonderfully.

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Speaker 1: That's a very heavy burden, and for whatever reason, God

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Speaker 1: believed that you could handle this burden and therefore it's

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Speaker 1: at your feet. Is an important one. So it's time

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Speaker 1: for you to spend time with yourself, to keep yourself,

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Speaker 1: you know, to live life in a way that you

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Speaker 1: can bring that. It's kind of like you are a

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Speaker 1: lifeline to the outside for your son, and if you're

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Speaker 1: not living that, if you're not experiencing those things, you're

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Speaker 1: not bringing that in with you when you visit him,

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Speaker 1: when you spend time with him, And so it might

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Speaker 1: seem selfish, but it really isn't. You end up bringing

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Speaker 1: those things to him, and he sees them and he

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Speaker 1: smells them and and he can touch them when they

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Speaker 1: come in via you. You are his conduit to what's

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Speaker 1: going on in the world, and that's important for him. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I know there's a lot going on. But when

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Speaker 1: you pray, it's like people pray, you know, hey, I

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Speaker 1: wish this burden was gone, or I wish he was well.

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Speaker 1: All those things are fine, and they're great to pray for,

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Speaker 1: but really you need to pray for peace and strength

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Speaker 1: for yourself to be able to bring that to him

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Speaker 1: when you see him, and that he is able to

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Speaker 1: recognize it and to pray peace upon him in a

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Speaker 1: time of fear or anything like that. It's tough, but

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Speaker 1: it's something that you've lived with for this long. Each

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Speaker 1: year it might change a little bit as to who

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Speaker 1: he is or what his needs are, and you love

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Speaker 1: him regardless. You love him through whatever he's going through

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Speaker 1: at any time, just like you would with any child

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Speaker 1: in any situation. It doesn't change because his particular illness.

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Speaker 1: You just be mom to the best of your ability

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Speaker 1: and don't beat yourself up for anything.

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Speaker 2: That's kind of a hard one, but yeah, it's a

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Speaker 2: long roaded Why do we hang things like I hang

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Speaker 2: I have a rosary hung above his head. You know,

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Speaker 2: there's really nothing in that rosary, but for some reason,

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Speaker 2: it makes me feel peace that it's above his bead.

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Speaker 2: You know. I kind of want you to know your

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Speaker 2: thoughts on that kind of thing. And I have a

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Speaker 2: scripture about Andrew, who's like patience and enduring and they

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Speaker 2: that wait upon the Lord. I think it is for

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Speaker 2: the for Andrew and the Bible and that kind of thing,

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Speaker 2: but really they're just would yes.

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Speaker 1: But to you it's It's not about it being would

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Speaker 1: It's about it being a symbol that you know God

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Speaker 1: is watching over him as well. Okay, that you're a

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Speaker 1: sen mother, but you're not alone. And I think that's it.

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Speaker 1: I think that's a beautiful and important symbol. You're not

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Speaker 1: putting it up there because it's magic. You're putting it

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Speaker 1: up there because you're you know, flying a flag doesn't

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Speaker 1: make you more American. It merely shows others that you are,

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Speaker 1: that you believe in the structure of the United States,

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Speaker 1: and that you want the best for the United States.

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Speaker 1: It's not magic. It's cloth, and as same with a cross,

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Speaker 1: or same with any symbolism. It's showing that you stay

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Speaker 1: united with a belief and an understanding. And when you

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Speaker 1: put rosaries above his bed, or you put a cross

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Speaker 1: above his bed, you're saying, not only is Mommy with you,

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Speaker 1: but so is Father God, and that we are never alone,

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Speaker 1: and more importantly than me watching over you all the time,

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Speaker 1: so is God. And I think that's a beautiful sentiment,

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Speaker 1: and sometimes, quite honestly, you know, you need to utilize

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Speaker 1: that and lean on that. You can think of it

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Speaker 1: that way as well. Whenever there's a burden you have. Symbolically,

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Speaker 1: you can put it into that rosary. When you visit,

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Speaker 1: you put it into that rosary and you give it

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Speaker 1: to God. Symbolically, you take those burdens off your shoulder

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Speaker 1: and you give them to God, and you let God

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Speaker 1: handle that, and you let God help you love that boy. Okay,

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Speaker 1: but I'm serious about beating yourself up. You need to

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Speaker 1: find time for yourself. Take a deep breath, find joy

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Speaker 1: in life, and that will bring that sunshine to him

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Speaker 1: every time you see him. Otherwise, you bring the burden

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Speaker 1: and he knows and he sees it and he feels

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Speaker 1: it because he's more connected with you than anybody else.

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Speaker 1: And the happy year you are, and the more life

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Speaker 1: you have insight you, the more life you bring to

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Speaker 1: him every single time. Clinton, Welcome to the Jesus Christ Show.

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Speaker 3: Hey, good morning. How are you?

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Speaker 1: I am well?

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Speaker 3: How are you?

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Speaker 4: Sir?

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Speaker 3: Well? I could be better? You know, I got a

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Speaker 3: two part question for you. Okay, I'm going through service

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Speaker 3: and whatnot. You know, I've been hearing the pastors always saying,

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Speaker 3: you know, the the second coming of U U and

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Speaker 3: but you know what, in going through the passages and whatnot,

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Speaker 3: I had read that that Okay, that just came down

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Speaker 3: and visited Abraham, and then I figured that's that's the

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Speaker 3: first step. And then then the birth and you know, Bethlehem,

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Speaker 3: and then also after the resurrection coming back down to

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Speaker 3: visit Mary and and whatnot. I'm wondering, you know, when

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Speaker 3: when the phrase comes around for for the second coming, how.

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Speaker 1: How I mean, are you trying to say that there's

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Speaker 1: more than I've been here multiple times?

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Speaker 3: Not?

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Speaker 1: It won't just be the second time. Well, because the

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Speaker 1: eight when you get into the Old Testament stuff, you're

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Speaker 1: dealing with something called a theophony or a christophany, and

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Speaker 1: that's the appearance of Me prior to birth. That's that's different.

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Speaker 1: That's different.

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Speaker 5: So now I'm now I'm wondering. You know, I have

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Speaker 5: been reading that that the next time that our Lord

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Speaker 5: comes down, it's going to be in through Uh. Like

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Speaker 5: in Revelations, you know where it's it's judgement.

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Speaker 1: Yes, in the in the Book of Revelation, it talks

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Speaker 1: about the the second Coming, and that's that's post that's

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Speaker 1: post resurrection. It's not counting every single time. Uh, it's

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Speaker 1: talking about post resurrection and uh, sending into heaven. It's

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Speaker 1: talking about coming back again after that. I know that

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Speaker 1: that does sound a little confusing, but that's that's the

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Speaker 1: reality it's based on. On that. Not every appearance dealing

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Speaker 1: with like I said, the pre incarnate Christ, which is

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Speaker 1: called a christophany, and those are times that prior to

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Speaker 1: birth in the flesh that the Sun, the second person

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Speaker 1: of the Trinity, has appeared in scripture in one form

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Speaker 1: or the other, but that's not counting in the same

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Speaker 1: way in the same sense. Vic, Welcome to the Jesus

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Speaker 1: Christ Show, Chick Morning Jesus Hi, Vic, how can I

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Speaker 1: help you?

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Speaker 4: Well, I'd like some words of comfort that he if

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Speaker 4: you may provide them. About a year and a half ago,

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Speaker 4: my twenty eight year old son, who is a law

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Speaker 4: student and two months away from getting his law degree

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Speaker 4: and was on the Dan's list for complex Legal analysis,

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Speaker 4: committed suicide. He left a note, and the note started

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Speaker 4: up by saying, may God forgive me for what I

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Speaker 4: am about to do, and ended the note saying there

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Speaker 4: is much evil in the world. Focus on the good

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Speaker 4: and the beauty. When we were able to get into laptop,

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Speaker 4: we found that on the day he committed the suicide,

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Speaker 4: he had done research beginning in the morning on Christian

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Speaker 4: views on suicide, and we're Armenian. We're army in uh

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Speaker 4: race and as you know, the Armenian race, Armenians were

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Speaker 4: the first except Christianity as a nation.

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Speaker 2: Hm.

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Speaker 4: I'm hoping that he will be forgiven because as he

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Speaker 4: read online that distress minds in distorted minds, uh, you know,

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Speaker 4: are a reason that God would forgive uh the act

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Speaker 4: of suicide. And I guess that gave him the green

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Speaker 4: light to do it. He was he was first an officer,

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Speaker 4: and then he decided to go to law school, so

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Speaker 4: he had the means, he had the web and then

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Speaker 4: he did it on a Sunday and we didn't know

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Speaker 4: whether it was depression or anxiety or a combination or

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Speaker 4: the medications he was taken. He just shut off his

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Speaker 4: phone at three o'clock and at ten o'clock that evening,

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Speaker 4: you know, he committed the act. And you know, I'm

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Speaker 4: hoping God will forgive him for that. I think, you know,

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Speaker 4: I'm praying that he will because that's the only thing

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Speaker 4: we have left to cling onto. And one to get

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Speaker 4: your views on that.

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Speaker 1: Well, the weight of the situation is a great one.

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Speaker 1: I understand that to have something like that, and even

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Speaker 1: you giving the list of accolades and strengths and the

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Speaker 1: trajectory of his life, and then ending I love that

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Speaker 1: you are honoring him as a person and not just

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Speaker 1: as the way he died. But something was troubling him,

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Speaker 1: and did he talk specifically about what it was or

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Speaker 1: he was he was delusional.

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Speaker 4: There was times where he would say things that were

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Speaker 4: plausible but out of the ordinary. We never thought that

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Speaker 4: he would take it to this extent, obviously, because he

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Speaker 4: was such a brilliant man, young man. He was handsome,

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Speaker 4: he had he was a center of attention. When he

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Speaker 4: entered a room. He was the first to go to

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Speaker 4: somebody and pick him up and bring him to the

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Speaker 4: party and make sure that nobody was alone and everybody

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Speaker 4: was having a good time. He just felt for everybody

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Speaker 4: and he just had a great following. And we never suspected.

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Speaker 4: I mean, he was quiet at times. He would go

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Speaker 4: to his room and watch videos, you know, normal things.

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Speaker 4: When he would be home from school and San Diego,

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Speaker 4: he would do the normal things. So nothing prepared this

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Speaker 4: for this.

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Speaker 1: But you say that he was delusional. You feel that

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Speaker 1: he had some mental issues that weren't showing themselves. In

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Speaker 1: their fullness until it was too late.

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Speaker 4: Yes, he in his note, he says he wrote us

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Speaker 4: a full page note, and he says, I've been delusional

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Speaker 4: these past few weeks, and when I found out, I

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Speaker 4: knew what had to be done. And I'm thinking that

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Speaker 4: he found out three days ago, three days before he

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Speaker 4: committed the active when his brother entered the house late

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Speaker 4: and he slept with his guns. For some reason, he

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Speaker 4: had thoughts of people were after him. He would see people,

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Speaker 4: he would thank you so to see people staring at him,

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Speaker 4: and you know kind of you know, being on a

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Speaker 4: way that they're always observing him. And he thought that

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Speaker 4: because he had been on the police force, that somebody

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Speaker 4: outside where he may have arrested a while back, may

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Speaker 4: have come back to hurt the family. So in a way,

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Speaker 4: what we're thinking, putting the pieces together, is he died

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Speaker 4: as a martyr protecting us because when my son, my

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Speaker 4: younger son came home that night so late, my older

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Speaker 4: son jumped up and grabbed his gun in his bed

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Speaker 4: and said, I could have killed you. You know, it

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Speaker 4: just spooked him, you know, So he had trouble sleeping.

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Speaker 4: There was nights where you know, he just couldn't sleep,

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Speaker 4: and he was taking a medication that they taken schools

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Speaker 4: to stay up and study. And I think it was

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Speaker 4: a cataclysmic collision of all of these you know, events

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Speaker 4: taking place, and it just came to an end on

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Speaker 4: that day. He turned off his phone, so there's no

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Speaker 4: way we could get a hold of him or anything.

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Speaker 1: So I just yeah, he was determined, very determined. I'm

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Speaker 1: so sorry. I know that this weighs on you and

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Speaker 1: your family, Vic, and that people when they participate in

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Speaker 1: the act of suicide sometimes to alleviate pain, they end

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Speaker 1: up passing on that pain to everyone else who lives.

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Speaker 1: And I know that that is a heavy burden to bear.

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Speaker 1: Now about the theology part of it, So here's the

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Speaker 1: dilemma I have. As you told the story of your

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Speaker 1: son's struggle and that he had done some research about

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Speaker 1: the theological ramifications of the act of suicide, you said

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Speaker 1: that some of the studies that he did probably gave

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Speaker 1: him the okay to do it. Yes, yes, So you

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Speaker 1: can understand my dilemma that when it comes to the

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Speaker 1: theology behind this is my concern is giving a theological

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Speaker 1: answer that somebody would hear as a green light to

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Speaker 1: do it. So I will say that the act of

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Speaker 1: suicide is self murder. Murder can be forgiven. The assumption

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Speaker 1: is that suicide could be forgiven. The concern there theologically

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Speaker 1: is that one can repent from murder, but you can't

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Speaker 1: repent from suicide because you've cut off all options. Right

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Speaker 1: having said that God is not bound to the time continuum,

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Speaker 1: and as it says in scriptures, a days as a

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Speaker 1: thousand years, and a thousand years as a day, that

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Speaker 1: there is moments in the process of one leaving their body,

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Speaker 1: that certainly there can be connection with God and a

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Speaker 1: point of turning away from the weight or understanding. And

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Speaker 1: therefore no one knows. But there's no reason to believe

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Speaker 1: that it's an automatic sentence to hell, although there are

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Speaker 1: some people of faith that believe that that is not

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Speaker 1: the state of this program. So I will say that

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Speaker 1: although I believe that it can be forgiven, the weight

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Speaker 1: of it is measured upon the individual case. In this case,

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Speaker 1: it might truly be a mental disorder that showed itself

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Speaker 1: in the end in which he's he's not capable of

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Speaker 1: processing what he's doing or the weight of what he's

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Speaker 1: doing because of paranoia, because of delusions and things that

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Speaker 1: were going on.

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Speaker 4: So I believe that too. I believe that, you know,

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Speaker 4: he wouldn't have done this otherwise because we're just a

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Speaker 4: We were a four person loving family.

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Speaker 5: I have no doubt, you know, we.

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Speaker 4: Are just always there for each other. It's just hard

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Speaker 4: to imagine that, you know. It's easier to imagine if

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Speaker 4: there were troubles. Sure, that's what I'm saying. Then you

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Speaker 4: can stand point and put your finger on and say, Okay,

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Speaker 4: he was that was the reason, or she was the reason,

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Speaker 4: or this was the reason. But in this case, you know,

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Speaker 4: he had it all. He had a brilliant career ahead

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Speaker 4: of him, He had a beautiful girlfriend that you know,

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Speaker 4: and he had a life to look forward to, and

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Speaker 4: it just shorts. I think his mind just short circuited,

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Speaker 4: and he was determined, as you said, to do what

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Speaker 4: he had to do, but to protect us. And that's

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Speaker 4: why I call him my martyr. And I firmly believe that.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that you don't. You look towards his life

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Speaker 1: and not towards his death to define him. I think

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Speaker 1: that's wonderful. I just to close the loop on the

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Speaker 1: theology part, is there are different beliefs. It is the

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Speaker 1: belief of this program that God is bigger than any sin,

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Speaker 1: and therefore the blood on the cross can cover it.

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Speaker 1: There is some major concerns I attach to that as

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Speaker 1: I'm sure you would agree that people should not use

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Speaker 1: that as a green light to do this act, because

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Speaker 1: it is probably one of the most insanely intense and

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Speaker 1: saddening acts to God, because it is taking away the

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Speaker 1: free gift of life and the grace that comes with it,

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Speaker 1: and with that is a very weighty proposition to be

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Speaker 1: sitting there and saying I'm going to throw away this

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Speaker 1: gift of life that God has given. So I, by

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Speaker 1: no means want people to take that theological response as

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Speaker 1: an okay to do such a heinous act that really

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Speaker 1: spreads the pain to the rest of the family loved

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Speaker 1: ones that have to experience life without that individual. But

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Speaker 1: know that God is bigger than all of these things,

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Speaker 1: VIC and that you should know that everything that can

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Speaker 1: be done was done, and that God loves him more

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Speaker 1: than you ever could and did everything possible to make

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Speaker 1: sure that he is with him in heaven. Life on

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Speaker 1: this planet can be exhausting, fear inducing, and difficult to

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Speaker 1: see hope and faith through the fog and haze of

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Speaker 1: the intensity of the news and the happenings across the planet.

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Speaker 1: And it is very easy to get caught up in

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Speaker 1: all of the ugliness and the sadness and feel deep despair.

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Speaker 1: But that's where faith should shine. And if it wasn't

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Speaker 1: for the faithful, if it wasn't for those that have hope,

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Speaker 1: then all would be lost. But things aren't hope less

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Speaker 1: until people are without hope, until you, as an individual,

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Speaker 1: are without hope. So whenever I get asked about, well,

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Speaker 1: how you know do I get through this? Or how

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Speaker 1: why is the world going down this direction? Or does

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Speaker 1: it mean Armageddon's coming or any of these things, that

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Speaker 1: the reality is as long as there's hope, as long

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Speaker 1: as each individual you listening practice daily hope seeing the

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Speaker 1: silver lining, not being paullyanna, not being unrealistic, but having

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Speaker 1: that faith, that faith that's put into practice, and its

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Speaker 1: value only coming from that belief. Faith, belief, trust, hope.

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Speaker 1: All of these things are different words for the same thing.

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Speaker 1: And so I ask of you as your homework for

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Speaker 1: this week is to find ways not only to have hope,

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Speaker 1: but to share it, Because for every dark ugly thing

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Speaker 1: you hear in the news, I assure you there are wonderful,

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Speaker 1: beautiful things that are happening all over the world. Babies

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Speaker 1: are being born, people are overcoming adversity. There is wonderful,

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Speaker 1: wonderful things taking place that you should be proud and

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Speaker 1: excited about, that you should share as equally. I know

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Speaker 1: when it comes to social media that bad, ugly news

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Speaker 1: travels fast. But it's your job to be the light

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Speaker 1: and the structure of hope in a world that feels hopeless.

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Speaker 1: And more importantly than all these things that are weighing

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Speaker 1: you down in life, remember these simple words, I Am

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Speaker 1: with you Always. KFI AM six forty on demand