Speaker 1: I ran into a buddy and it was over this
Speaker 1: this past weekend, and later I asked him. I asked
Speaker 1: him about a girl that he has been kind of
Speaker 1: hanging out with, and I asked him, I said, so,
Speaker 1: have you guys hooked up yet? And he said no,
Speaker 1: And he told me something that was wild. He told
Speaker 1: her on their first date with each other, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to make the first move. If we're going to
Speaker 1: have sex, you're going to be the one that has
Speaker 1: to initiate it. And his logic behind this is he
Speaker 1: doesn't want to look like he's chasing sex or risking
Speaker 1: her feeling uncomfortable to have sex. And he's also kind
Speaker 1: of terrified to look like he's being creepy or pushy.
Speaker 1: And it got me to think about this. That seems
Speaker 1: like it would be a turnoff if I was a girl,
Speaker 1: I would feel like, wait a second, you're not even
Speaker 1: attracted to me if you're not going to make the
Speaker 1: first move. But he's verbalizing it to her, And so
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask this question of the girls on
Speaker 1: the show, the women. You don't like to call women
Speaker 1: or girls because I think that girls.
Speaker 2: Makes you feel like you're younger. Call them ladies.
Speaker 3: Lady, I hate late, like when something like that lady
Speaker 3: over there, it makes me sound like I'm eighty and
Speaker 3: I were.
Speaker 1: Would this be something weird for you, like if a
Speaker 1: guy said to you that you got to make you
Speaker 1: know the first move if we're going to have sex,
Speaker 1: or isn't that part of the foreplay of the potential sex,
Speaker 1: like him doing something like he says, they make out,
Speaker 1: they have you know, they'll you know, heavy pat or something.
Speaker 2: I don't know they do.
Speaker 1: But he said that he's not going to like, he's
Speaker 1: not going to like, you know, what's actually her, he
Speaker 1: vocalized to her right off the bat. After they kissed.
Speaker 1: The first time they kissed, it was great. Second time
Speaker 1: they went out, they kissed again, they made out again
Speaker 1: and everything was good. He just said to her, he goes. Afterwards,
Speaker 1: he goes, I'm going to tell you something real quick
Speaker 1: before we go any further. I don't want you to
Speaker 1: think that I'm just out for sex. Obviously, if you
Speaker 1: want to have sex, we're going to have sex. But
Speaker 1: because I'm a guy, and most guys will never turn
Speaker 1: down an opportunity to have sex, I don't think I've
Speaker 1: known of a guy that turns on an opportunity to
Speaker 1: have sex. And he just said, I don't want you
Speaker 1: to feel like I don't like you if I'm not
Speaker 1: coming on to you, because you know how women sometimes go,
Speaker 1: what's going on? Why has he not made that move
Speaker 1: because every other guy has. He's like, that's not me.
Speaker 1: So if we're going to have sex, I want you
Speaker 1: to say or to push it to that level we're
Speaker 1: having sex. And it got me like I got thought
Speaker 1: to myself, and I'm like, okay, I get it, Like listen,
Speaker 1: I will tell you this. I think dating now is
Speaker 1: kindkind of weird because or wild because obviously you can
Speaker 1: meet somebody on an app in five seconds if you
Speaker 1: want to, and I will say this to you. I
Speaker 1: also wouldn't want to have anybody want to or try
Speaker 1: to accuse me if we just met of doing something
Speaker 1: that I shouldn't have been doing, or you.
Speaker 2: Know what I mean.
Speaker 3: So that this almost exact thing happened with myself and less,
Speaker 3: and I've talked about this before that our relationship, like
Speaker 3: I wasn't even sure that I really wanted to be
Speaker 3: dating or in a relationship, and I kind of, you know,
Speaker 3: I went on our first coffee date and was like, wait,
Speaker 3: I actually kind of like this guy. I want to
Speaker 3: see where it goes. And he was very very what's
Speaker 3: the word I'm looking for, like cautious and aware of
Speaker 3: He wanted to make sure that very respectful, and so
Speaker 3: he said like that basically the same thing. This is
Speaker 3: not what I am after. I want to get to
Speaker 3: know you. I want to you know, develop a relationship
Speaker 3: with you. When you are ready for us to like
Speaker 3: be there. You let me know, and dude, I will
Speaker 3: never forget the night. I was like, all right, like,
Speaker 3: let's let's do he picked me up and ran something.
Speaker 2: What'd you say, like hay tonight's night or I.
Speaker 3: Think, yeah something. I don't remember exactly what I saw him,
Speaker 3: but just.
Speaker 2: That night or did you tell him like a day
Speaker 2: before so at least.
Speaker 3: No, No, it was like in a moment, yeah.
Speaker 4: See, I kind of like it, but I would definitely
Speaker 4: need like other things happening, like Mojo you said, they
Speaker 4: still make out, they still do whatever they do. Like
Speaker 4: if you're not touching me at all, I'm.
Speaker 2: Feeling for sure.
Speaker 4: But if we're doing it and you're just letting me
Speaker 4: be like okay, now I'm ready, I kind of like that.
Speaker 2: Would you not feel like weird?
Speaker 1: Like because I said to him, I go, when you're
Speaker 1: like making out with her and stuff like that, are
Speaker 1: you getting into it to a point like are you
Speaker 1: getting a boner? You know basically, And he's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, he goes, I just I want her, And
Speaker 1: I said, then I'd be weirded out that you already
Speaker 1: told her this and you already gave her the notice
Speaker 1: of hey, if you want to do it, and she
Speaker 1: doesn't say anything, then I'd be like, crap, what's wrong
Speaker 1: with me?
Speaker 3: I feel like it just has to be a very
Speaker 3: fluid conversation and can't be rigid like tonight at nine thirty,
Speaker 3: we are we are going to have sex because I
Speaker 3: am ready, Like it's just more in the moment of
Speaker 3: like okay, I like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, when I when I was dating and actually kind
Speaker 1: of even now being a married guy. I want preparation too,
Speaker 1: Like I want to go to like to the gym
Speaker 1: so to speak, you know what I mean, Like I
Speaker 1: want to like pump some weight.
Speaker 4: No, I.
Speaker 1: Want to I want to make sure that I'm all
Speaker 1: like cleaned out a little bit, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Like I want to make sure Yeah, like you want
Speaker 1: to kind of like go like so you can go right.
Speaker 2: You want to make sure because otherwise it's ready, stay ready, because.
Speaker 1: How many times does a guy have you ever had
Speaker 1: a girl stop short on you and you're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you get blue balls? Oh no, that's that's a pain.
Speaker 1: You have a pain I wouldn't wear the worst, isn't
Speaker 1: it for these guys. These guys have no idea what
Speaker 1: bluebot No, it's literally a pain, an actual pain.
Speaker 5: All the blood rushes to the place and it's ready
Speaker 5: to come out, and it doesn't.
Speaker 2: Pay when it does come out.
Speaker 3: Like milking the boobs when you need a breast feature.
Speaker 2: I think it kind of is.
Speaker 3: Honestly, that is so painful. Shy are the only thing
Speaker 3: I can equate it?
Speaker 2: Are you there?
Speaker 6: Shy A yeah, the first time, long time. First, I
Speaker 6: I be listening to us since I was a kid,
Speaker 6: just to make you feel old.
Speaker 2: Well, thank you.
Speaker 1: As we're talking about Saxson, milking the cows and all
Speaker 1: that stuff, what's going on.
Speaker 6: I feel like I can appreciate when the guy wants
Speaker 6: to sit or to make sure that I'm comfortable and ready.
Speaker 6: I know many of guys who feel like that, but
Speaker 6: also on the up flip side of today's side society.
Speaker 6: It's hard for us to just as a woman to
Speaker 6: come out and say hey, yes, I want this right now,
Speaker 6: and you'll look at us different a certain way, like oh,
Speaker 6: she's easy, or whatever the case may be. So I
Speaker 6: feel like it should be a nice mix, like you
Speaker 6: should let me know that you find me desirable and
Speaker 6: that you want to do this, but you're not going
Speaker 6: to press the issue until I feel comfortable. But I
Speaker 6: can agree stuff I talk to women. A lot of
Speaker 6: women feel like it is a turnoff for a man
Speaker 6: to have want to present the whole way or not
Speaker 6: to even look at you because he don't want you
Speaker 6: to feel uncomfortable. They want to feel desired, but not
Speaker 6: like the first night on the date you're trying to
Speaker 6: take me home.
Speaker 1: What is it though, that makes you because I think
Speaker 1: I think that this is a question you have to
Speaker 1: ask women, and I'm gonna ask you this, shy. Most
Speaker 1: guys want to have sex with every woman around you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? It doesn't make a difference except
Speaker 1: for their mothers and sisters. For women, how do you
Speaker 1: know when you see a guy and you're like, I
Speaker 1: definitely want this guy to do things.
Speaker 6: You know, for me, I feel like there's levels to it.
Speaker 6: Off of first initial look like, okay, he's attractive, he's
Speaker 6: attractive to the I want to do that. But then
Speaker 6: it takes as they say, Aura, I'm a how you
Speaker 6: carry yourself, your presence, your mannerism, that's what's going to
Speaker 6: make me be like, okay, yeah we can do this.
Speaker 6: How you carry yourself, how you treat me, things like that.
Speaker 2: Because I will.
Speaker 1: You know, as a guy, you know you never knew
Speaker 1: exactly like what it was, and you always sometimes you
Speaker 1: got mixed signals. And the worst thing is you don't
Speaker 1: want to be the one that thinks okay, I think
Speaker 1: she's into me, and then you try something and then
Speaker 1: she stops, and then you feel like man, you feel
Speaker 1: honestly like you should be arrested at that moment.
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? I hate right, right?
Speaker 5: I mean, you feel like you sha said something I'm
Speaker 5: gonna push back on, which I would absolutely love if
Speaker 5: a woman said exactly what it was that she wanted
Speaker 5: and when she wanted it. I think as a guy,
Speaker 5: you do have this dance of trying to well, I mean,
Speaker 5: I think it's all any approach because some people, I've
Speaker 5: been completely upfront with my intentions and I wanted the
Speaker 5: reason why I even wanted to reach out to you
Speaker 5: was because I find you attractive and not necessarily saying
Speaker 5: I want to smash, but like you knew why I've
Speaker 5: reached out to you, so it's clear. So and then
Speaker 5: there are other times in the dance where you do
Speaker 5: have to whine and done so to speak, and in
Speaker 5: order to get to that level of comfortability where she
Speaker 5: feels as though that's not the only reason you're.
Speaker 3: Here, but I feel like you, at least from the
Speaker 3: time I've known you, have have always been very clear
Speaker 3: about what your intention is, whether it's I find you,
Speaker 3: I find you attractive and I just want to hook
Speaker 3: up with you, or I really like you, I want
Speaker 3: to start a relationship.
Speaker 5: But if a girl were to be that upfront, by
Speaker 5: the way you marry her, I'll be like, let's oh, yeah,
Speaker 5: what's going on, Lindsey.
Speaker 7: Hi, good morning?
Speaker 6: II.
Speaker 7: Hey, So I was just on my way to work
Speaker 7: and I heard you.
Speaker 2: Guys talk about this.
Speaker 7: And it's bizarre because when I met my now husband
Speaker 7: eight years ago, we met on you know, match dot
Speaker 7: com or whatever, and I'm a more forward person, but
Speaker 7: when we kind of went on our first date, I
Speaker 7: kind of let him know like I'm kind of shy
Speaker 7: when it comes to like sexual stuff at first because
Speaker 7: it makes me kind of nervous. I was a little
Speaker 7: bit older, single mom, so of course I had some reservations.
Speaker 7: And he was a cop and he hold your red flags.
Speaker 7: He worked for a police department in the sexual like
Speaker 7: crimes area and he did a social media investigation. And
Speaker 7: he was kind of telling.
Speaker 8: Me that.
Speaker 7: He doesn't want me to feel like I am not
Speaker 7: desired and that he's not interested in me, but he's
Speaker 7: gonna be a little bit more apprehensive about making the
Speaker 7: first move sexually more than just like you know, first base,
Speaker 7: because he wasn't want he doesn't want me to feel
Speaker 7: like I'm pushing to.
Speaker 2: And he sees it he sees all these jobs.
Speaker 1: Yeah, God, that would suck. That would be a hard job, right,
Speaker 1: be around all that all day? Yeah, So how did
Speaker 1: you feel it?
Speaker 7: Does it gets in your head a little bit right,
Speaker 7: like you're like, oh, maybe you don't like me, but
Speaker 7: he just find other ways to make me feel comfortable
Speaker 7: and desired and not you know, it wasn't vanilla or anything.
Speaker 7: But it wasn't comfortable, you know, So I think it's respectable.
Speaker 7: I mean, I married him eight years later. You know
Speaker 7: we're here now and married.
Speaker 2: Oh that's sweet.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 7: So I mean, I just it's important to be respectful.
Speaker 1: But like, and this guy, this guy that I know
Speaker 1: that's a friend of mine that's doing this. This guy
Speaker 1: is a really good guy. And I think that he's
Speaker 1: been in a lot of like weird bad situations, like
Speaker 1: with relationships, and I think he's taking it completely different.
Speaker 1: He's taken a totally different I'm going to be a gentleman.
Speaker 1: What's up, Tom?
Speaker 6: Hey?
Speaker 8: What up?
Speaker 2: What's going on?
Speaker 8: Nothing? Man, I just wanted to say that, like I'll
Speaker 8: shoot my shot twice if she denies, or like, if
Speaker 8: she denies and we keep hanging out making out balls
Speaker 8: in her court, I'll let her know. Hey, it's in
Speaker 8: your court now. I'm not trying to, you know, get
Speaker 8: shot down three times.
Speaker 2: You don't want to get denied three yeah?
Speaker 8: No, man, Then you struck out, you know exactly.
Speaker 2: You become more cautious.
Speaker 1: Although I got to tell you, if we're using baseball terms,
Speaker 1: it's better to go in with a three and one
Speaker 1: count than it is.
Speaker 2: Oh and two.
Speaker 1: I just want you to know that, so oh and
Speaker 1: two you're a little defensive the rest of the time
Speaker 1: in that relationship. That's right, all right, Well, thank you
Speaker 1: for the call. I appreciate it. Trying to take out
Speaker 1: the ball