WEBVTT - The First Move  

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<v Speaker 1>I ran into a buddy and it was over this

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<v Speaker 1>this past weekend, and later I asked him. I asked

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<v Speaker 1>him about a girl that he has been kind of

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<v Speaker 1>hanging out with, and I asked him, I said, so,

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<v Speaker 1>have you guys hooked up yet? And he said no,

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<v Speaker 1>And he told me something that was wild. He told

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<v Speaker 1>her on their first date with each other, I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>going to make the first move. If we're going to

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<v Speaker 1>have sex, you're going to be the one that has

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<v Speaker 1>to initiate it. And his logic behind this is he

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't want to look like he's chasing sex or risking

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<v Speaker 1>her feeling uncomfortable to have sex. And he's also kind

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<v Speaker 1>of terrified to look like he's being creepy or pushy.

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<v Speaker 1>And it got me to think about this. That seems

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<v Speaker 1>like it would be a turnoff if I was a girl,

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<v Speaker 1>I would feel like, wait a second, you're not even

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<v Speaker 1>attracted to me if you're not going to make the

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<v Speaker 1>first move. But he's verbalizing it to her, And so

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<v Speaker 1>I wanted to ask this question of the girls on

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<v Speaker 1>the show, the women. You don't like to call women

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<v Speaker 1>or girls because I think that girls.

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<v Speaker 2>Makes you feel like you're younger. Call them ladies.

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<v Speaker 3>Lady, I hate late, like when something like that lady

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<v Speaker 3>over there, it makes me sound like I'm eighty and

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<v Speaker 3>I were.

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<v Speaker 1>Would this be something weird for you, like if a

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<v Speaker 1>guy said to you that you got to make you

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<v Speaker 1>know the first move if we're going to have sex,

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<v Speaker 1>or isn't that part of the foreplay of the potential sex,

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<v Speaker 1>like him doing something like he says, they make out,

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<v Speaker 1>they have you know, they'll you know, heavy pat or something.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know they do.

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<v Speaker 1>But he said that he's not going to like, he's

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<v Speaker 1>not going to like, you know, what's actually her, he

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<v Speaker 1>vocalized to her right off the bat. After they kissed.

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<v Speaker 1>The first time they kissed, it was great. Second time

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<v Speaker 1>they went out, they kissed again, they made out again

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<v Speaker 1>and everything was good. He just said to her, he goes. Afterwards,

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<v Speaker 1>he goes, I'm going to tell you something real quick

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<v Speaker 1>before we go any further. I don't want you to

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<v Speaker 1>think that I'm just out for sex. Obviously, if you

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<v Speaker 1>want to have sex, we're going to have sex. But

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm a guy, and most guys will never turn

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<v Speaker 1>down an opportunity to have sex, I don't think I've

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<v Speaker 1>known of a guy that turns on an opportunity to

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<v Speaker 1>have sex. And he just said, I don't want you

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<v Speaker 1>to feel like I don't like you if I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>coming on to you, because you know how women sometimes go,

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<v Speaker 1>what's going on? Why has he not made that move

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<v Speaker 1>because every other guy has. He's like, that's not me.

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<v Speaker 1>So if we're going to have sex, I want you

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<v Speaker 1>to say or to push it to that level we're

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<v Speaker 1>having sex. And it got me like I got thought

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<v Speaker 1>to myself, and I'm like, okay, I get it, Like listen,

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<v Speaker 1>I will tell you this. I think dating now is

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<v Speaker 1>kindkind of weird because or wild because obviously you can

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<v Speaker 1>meet somebody on an app in five seconds if you

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<v Speaker 1>want to, and I will say this to you. I

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<v Speaker 1>also wouldn't want to have anybody want to or try

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<v Speaker 1>to accuse me if we just met of doing something

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<v Speaker 1>that I shouldn't have been doing, or you.

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<v Speaker 2>Know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 3>So that this almost exact thing happened with myself and less,

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<v Speaker 3>and I've talked about this before that our relationship, like

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<v Speaker 3>I wasn't even sure that I really wanted to be

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<v Speaker 3>dating or in a relationship, and I kind of, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I went on our first coffee date and was like, wait,

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<v Speaker 3>I actually kind of like this guy. I want to

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<v Speaker 3>see where it goes. And he was very very what's

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<v Speaker 3>the word I'm looking for, like cautious and aware of

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<v Speaker 3>He wanted to make sure that very respectful, and so

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<v Speaker 3>he said like that basically the same thing. This is

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<v Speaker 3>not what I am after. I want to get to

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<v Speaker 3>know you. I want to you know, develop a relationship

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<v Speaker 3>with you. When you are ready for us to like

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<v Speaker 3>be there. You let me know, and dude, I will

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<v Speaker 3>never forget the night. I was like, all right, like,

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<v Speaker 3>let's let's do he picked me up and ran something.

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<v Speaker 2>What'd you say, like hay tonight's night or I.

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<v Speaker 3>Think, yeah something. I don't remember exactly what I saw him,

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<v Speaker 3>but just.

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<v Speaker 2>That night or did you tell him like a day

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<v Speaker 2>before so at least.

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<v Speaker 3>No, No, it was like in a moment, yeah.

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<v Speaker 4>See, I kind of like it, but I would definitely

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<v Speaker 4>need like other things happening, like Mojo you said, they

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<v Speaker 4>still make out, they still do whatever they do. Like

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<v Speaker 4>if you're not touching me at all, I'm.

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<v Speaker 2>Feeling for sure.

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<v Speaker 4>But if we're doing it and you're just letting me

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<v Speaker 4>be like okay, now I'm ready, I kind of like that.

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<v Speaker 2>Would you not feel like weird?

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<v Speaker 1>Like because I said to him, I go, when you're

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<v Speaker 1>like making out with her and stuff like that, are

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<v Speaker 1>you getting into it to a point like are you

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<v Speaker 1>getting a boner? You know basically, And he's like, oh

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<v Speaker 1>my god, he goes, I just I want her, And

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<v Speaker 1>I said, then I'd be weirded out that you already

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<v Speaker 1>told her this and you already gave her the notice

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<v Speaker 1>of hey, if you want to do it, and she

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<v Speaker 1>doesn't say anything, then I'd be like, crap, what's wrong

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<v Speaker 1>with me?

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<v Speaker 3>I feel like it just has to be a very

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<v Speaker 3>fluid conversation and can't be rigid like tonight at nine thirty,

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<v Speaker 3>we are we are going to have sex because I

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<v Speaker 3>am ready, Like it's just more in the moment of

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<v Speaker 3>like okay, I like.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, when I when I was dating and actually kind

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<v Speaker 1>of even now being a married guy. I want preparation too,

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<v Speaker 1>Like I want to go to like to the gym

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<v Speaker 1>so to speak, you know what I mean, Like I

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<v Speaker 1>want to like pump some weight.

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<v Speaker 4>No, I.

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<v Speaker 1>Want to I want to make sure that I'm all

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<v Speaker 1>like cleaned out a little bit, you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I want to make sure Yeah, like you want

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<v Speaker 1>to kind of like go like so you can go right.

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<v Speaker 2>You want to make sure because otherwise it's ready, stay ready, because.

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<v Speaker 1>How many times does a guy have you ever had

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<v Speaker 1>a girl stop short on you and you're like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you get blue balls? Oh no, that's that's a pain.

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<v Speaker 1>You have a pain I wouldn't wear the worst, isn't

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<v Speaker 1>it for these guys. These guys have no idea what

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<v Speaker 1>bluebot No, it's literally a pain, an actual pain.

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<v Speaker 5>All the blood rushes to the place and it's ready

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<v Speaker 5>to come out, and it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 2>Pay when it does come out.

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<v Speaker 3>Like milking the boobs when you need a breast feature.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it kind of is.

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<v Speaker 3>Honestly, that is so painful. Shy are the only thing

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<v Speaker 3>I can equate it?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you there?

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<v Speaker 6>Shy A yeah, the first time, long time. First, I

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<v Speaker 6>I be listening to us since I was a kid,

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<v Speaker 6>just to make you feel old.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>As we're talking about Saxson, milking the cows and all

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<v Speaker 1>that stuff, what's going on.

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<v Speaker 6>I feel like I can appreciate when the guy wants

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<v Speaker 6>to sit or to make sure that I'm comfortable and ready.

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<v Speaker 6>I know many of guys who feel like that, but

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<v Speaker 6>also on the up flip side of today's side society.

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<v Speaker 6>It's hard for us to just as a woman to

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<v Speaker 6>come out and say hey, yes, I want this right now,

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<v Speaker 6>and you'll look at us different a certain way, like oh,

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<v Speaker 6>she's easy, or whatever the case may be. So I

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<v Speaker 6>feel like it should be a nice mix, like you

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<v Speaker 6>should let me know that you find me desirable and

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<v Speaker 6>that you want to do this, but you're not going

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<v Speaker 6>to press the issue until I feel comfortable. But I

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<v Speaker 6>can agree stuff I talk to women. A lot of

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<v Speaker 6>women feel like it is a turnoff for a man

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<v Speaker 6>to have want to present the whole way or not

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<v Speaker 6>to even look at you because he don't want you

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<v Speaker 6>to feel uncomfortable. They want to feel desired, but not

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<v Speaker 6>like the first night on the date you're trying to

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<v Speaker 6>take me home.

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<v Speaker 1>What is it though, that makes you because I think

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<v Speaker 1>I think that this is a question you have to

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<v Speaker 1>ask women, and I'm gonna ask you this, shy. Most

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<v Speaker 1>guys want to have sex with every woman around you

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<v Speaker 1>know what I mean? It doesn't make a difference except

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<v Speaker 1>for their mothers and sisters. For women, how do you

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<v Speaker 1>know when you see a guy and you're like, I

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<v Speaker 1>definitely want this guy to do things.

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<v Speaker 6>You know, for me, I feel like there's levels to it.

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<v Speaker 6>Off of first initial look like, okay, he's attractive, he's

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<v Speaker 6>attractive to the I want to do that. But then

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<v Speaker 6>it takes as they say, Aura, I'm a how you

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<v Speaker 6>carry yourself, your presence, your mannerism, that's what's going to

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<v Speaker 6>make me be like, okay, yeah we can do this.

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<v Speaker 6>How you carry yourself, how you treat me, things like that.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I will.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, as a guy, you know you never knew

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<v Speaker 1>exactly like what it was, and you always sometimes you

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<v Speaker 1>got mixed signals. And the worst thing is you don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to be the one that thinks okay, I think

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<v Speaker 1>she's into me, and then you try something and then

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<v Speaker 1>she stops, and then you feel like man, you feel

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<v Speaker 1>honestly like you should be arrested at that moment.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what I mean? I hate right, right?

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<v Speaker 5>I mean, you feel like you sha said something I'm

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<v Speaker 5>gonna push back on, which I would absolutely love if

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<v Speaker 5>a woman said exactly what it was that she wanted

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<v Speaker 5>and when she wanted it. I think as a guy,

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<v Speaker 5>you do have this dance of trying to well, I mean,

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<v Speaker 5>I think it's all any approach because some people, I've

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<v Speaker 5>been completely upfront with my intentions and I wanted the

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<v Speaker 5>reason why I even wanted to reach out to you

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<v Speaker 5>was because I find you attractive and not necessarily saying

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<v Speaker 5>I want to smash, but like you knew why I've

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<v Speaker 5>reached out to you, so it's clear. So and then

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<v Speaker 5>there are other times in the dance where you do

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<v Speaker 5>have to whine and done so to speak, and in

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<v Speaker 5>order to get to that level of comfortability where she

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<v Speaker 5>feels as though that's not the only reason you're.

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<v Speaker 3>Here, but I feel like you, at least from the

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<v Speaker 3>time I've known you, have have always been very clear

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<v Speaker 3>about what your intention is, whether it's I find you,

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<v Speaker 3>I find you attractive and I just want to hook

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<v Speaker 3>up with you, or I really like you, I want

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<v Speaker 3>to start a relationship.

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<v Speaker 5>But if a girl were to be that upfront, by

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<v Speaker 5>the way you marry her, I'll be like, let's oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 5>what's going on, Lindsey.

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<v Speaker 7>Hi, good morning?

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<v Speaker 6>II.

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<v Speaker 7>Hey, So I was just on my way to work

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<v Speaker 7>and I heard you.

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<v Speaker 2>Guys talk about this.

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<v Speaker 7>And it's bizarre because when I met my now husband

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<v Speaker 7>eight years ago, we met on you know, match dot

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<v Speaker 7>com or whatever, and I'm a more forward person, but

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<v Speaker 7>when we kind of went on our first date, I

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<v Speaker 7>kind of let him know like I'm kind of shy

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<v Speaker 7>when it comes to like sexual stuff at first because

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<v Speaker 7>it makes me kind of nervous. I was a little

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<v Speaker 7>bit older, single mom, so of course I had some reservations.

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<v Speaker 7>And he was a cop and he hold your red flags.

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<v Speaker 7>He worked for a police department in the sexual like

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<v Speaker 7>crimes area and he did a social media investigation. And

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<v Speaker 7>he was kind of telling.

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<v Speaker 8>Me that.

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<v Speaker 7>He doesn't want me to feel like I am not

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<v Speaker 7>desired and that he's not interested in me, but he's

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<v Speaker 7>gonna be a little bit more apprehensive about making the

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<v Speaker 7>first move sexually more than just like you know, first base,

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<v Speaker 7>because he wasn't want he doesn't want me to feel

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<v Speaker 7>like I'm pushing to.

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<v Speaker 2>And he sees it he sees all these jobs.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, God, that would suck. That would be a hard job, right,

0:11:11.440 --> 0:11:14.839
<v Speaker 1>be around all that all day? Yeah, So how did

0:11:14.840 --> 0:11:15.840
<v Speaker 1>you feel it?

0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:18.640
<v Speaker 7>Does it gets in your head a little bit right,

0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:20.640
<v Speaker 7>like you're like, oh, maybe you don't like me, but

0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:23.920
<v Speaker 7>he just find other ways to make me feel comfortable

0:11:23.960 --> 0:11:27.520
<v Speaker 7>and desired and not you know, it wasn't vanilla or anything.

0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:32.559
<v Speaker 7>But it wasn't comfortable, you know, So I think it's respectable.

0:11:32.760 --> 0:11:34.640
<v Speaker 7>I mean, I married him eight years later. You know

0:11:34.679 --> 0:11:36.040
<v Speaker 7>we're here now and married.

0:11:36.080 --> 0:11:36.800
<v Speaker 2>Oh that's sweet.

0:11:38.240 --> 0:11:38.480
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:41.760
<v Speaker 7>So I mean, I just it's important to be respectful.

0:11:41.800 --> 0:11:44.240
<v Speaker 1>But like, and this guy, this guy that I know

0:11:44.320 --> 0:11:46.640
<v Speaker 1>that's a friend of mine that's doing this. This guy

0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:48.960
<v Speaker 1>is a really good guy. And I think that he's

0:11:49.000 --> 0:11:52.200
<v Speaker 1>been in a lot of like weird bad situations, like

0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:55.520
<v Speaker 1>with relationships, and I think he's taking it completely different.

0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:57.880
<v Speaker 1>He's taken a totally different I'm going to be a gentleman.

0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:00.200
<v Speaker 1>What's up, Tom?

0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:00.760
<v Speaker 6>Hey?

0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:01.160
<v Speaker 8>What up?

0:12:01.600 --> 0:12:02.240
<v Speaker 2>What's going on?

0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:06.040
<v Speaker 8>Nothing? Man, I just wanted to say that, like I'll

0:12:06.040 --> 0:12:10.120
<v Speaker 8>shoot my shot twice if she denies, or like, if

0:12:10.120 --> 0:12:13.360
<v Speaker 8>she denies and we keep hanging out making out balls

0:12:13.360 --> 0:12:14.840
<v Speaker 8>in her court, I'll let her know. Hey, it's in

0:12:14.880 --> 0:12:18.080
<v Speaker 8>your court now. I'm not trying to, you know, get

0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:19.120
<v Speaker 8>shot down three times.

0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:21.160
<v Speaker 2>You don't want to get denied three yeah?

0:12:21.520 --> 0:12:24.480
<v Speaker 8>No, man, Then you struck out, you know exactly.

0:12:24.800 --> 0:12:26.120
<v Speaker 2>You become more cautious.

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:29.120
<v Speaker 1>Although I got to tell you, if we're using baseball terms,

0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:31.120
<v Speaker 1>it's better to go in with a three and one

0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:31.920
<v Speaker 1>count than it is.

0:12:31.960 --> 0:12:32.480
<v Speaker 2>Oh and two.

0:12:32.600 --> 0:12:35.640
<v Speaker 1>I just want you to know that, so oh and

0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:37.720
<v Speaker 1>two you're a little defensive the rest of the time

0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:41.280
<v Speaker 1>in that relationship. That's right, all right, Well, thank you

0:12:41.280 --> 0:12:45.880
<v Speaker 1>for the call. I appreciate it. Trying to take out

0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:46.160
<v Speaker 1>the ball