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Speaker 1: Pastor Chad Hoven, lead pastor at the Horizon Community Church

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Speaker 1: right there in Newtown along the banks of the Little

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Speaker 1: Miami River. What a beautiful morning it is, Pastor Chad.

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Speaker 1: How are you today?

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Speaker 2: I'm doing pretty well. How about yourself?

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Speaker 1: No complaints, absolutely none. It was very I got a

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Speaker 1: little broken up here talking about that new exhibit that

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Speaker 1: is starting down at the Cincinnati Museum Center about Auschwitz,

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Speaker 1: and boy, if people go to Cincinnati Museum dot org

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Speaker 1: they will see just some of the pictures video. It

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Speaker 1: just tears you'll, okay, I tell you what else tears

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Speaker 1: people up this time of year at Chad. We're getting

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Speaker 1: into the holidays, and it's a time of great joy,

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Speaker 1: of thankfulness, of celebration, hopefully spending a lot of time

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Speaker 1: with family and friends. It is also, I would imagine

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Speaker 1: you tell me from your shoes, walking in your shoes,

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Speaker 1: it has to be one of the most stressful times

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Speaker 1: of the year for a lot of folks out there.

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Speaker 2: Well, without a doubt. In fact, if you think about

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Speaker 2: just what we try and accomplish just in Christmas time,

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Speaker 2: for example, you're going to if I told you any

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Speaker 2: other months in the next thirty days, you're going to

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Speaker 2: have five different parties, you're going to buy gifts for

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Speaker 2: everybody you know, you're going to travel to three different

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Speaker 2: locations on and you're going to decorate the house. You

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Speaker 2: can tear everything down. You'd say I would never try

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Speaker 2: and do all that in one thirty day period of time.

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Speaker 2: So just the nature what we take on, and part

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Speaker 2: of those are all wonderful experiences or attempts to create

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Speaker 2: wonderful environments, but just the amount we take on in

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Speaker 2: preparing for that. And then yes, you're with people that

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Speaker 2: you love and care about, but also people that drive

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Speaker 2: you crazy. And so in what's sense, we're all stressed up,

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Speaker 2: all stressed up, but no place to go. And so

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Speaker 2: I do think learning how to deal with our stress.

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Speaker 2: Having expectations often causes stress too, because you're like, hey,

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Speaker 2: I know everyone's going to get along. Well they've never

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Speaker 2: given not everyone has ever gotten along ever before. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's normal to a misunderstanding. It's normal for you know,

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Speaker 2: one person doesn't want this or wants to eat it

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Speaker 2: this time. So I think a lot of it with

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Speaker 2: stress is setting your expectation. And also I think understanding

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Speaker 2: where stress comes from and how to handle it can

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Speaker 2: be helpful especial needs dad. One thing I learned over

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Speaker 2: sixteen years, you know, I've had a special needs son

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Speaker 2: with severe autism, is my circumstances weren't going to change radically.

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Speaker 2: You know, I had a stressful situation. I think for

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Speaker 2: many of us, we think stress is something that happens

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Speaker 2: to you versus something happens in you. There's a big difference. Now,

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Speaker 2: that's not to say they aren't triggers when things happen. Yes,

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Speaker 2: those happened to me. But two people can encounter the

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Speaker 2: exact same circumstance and handle it very differently. Well, that

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Speaker 2: tells you something. That tells you that stress is not

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Speaker 2: primarily what happens to you, is what happens in you.

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Speaker 2: How are you going to process that? I like sometimes

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Speaker 2: the stress of because ongoing chaos of special needs was

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Speaker 2: like driving a car from here to Chicago. And just

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Speaker 2: so when you hop in the car with me, I

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Speaker 2: locked the doors and say, hey, by the way, I

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Speaker 2: enjoy your ride to Chicago. By the way, there's two

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Speaker 2: wasts here. One of the wasts you can see is

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Speaker 2: right there on your windshield. The other one, I'm not

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Speaker 2: sure where it is. Enjoy your ride, and that's how

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Speaker 2: I feel. Sometimes it's like I know one of the

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Speaker 2: things I need to deal with, there's another one hiding

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Speaker 2: in this car, and I can occasionally hear the buzz.

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Speaker 2: What happens then, is your whole body, your your inner

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Speaker 2: RPM goes up to like, you know, seven thousand rpm,

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Speaker 2: and you're like, well, I need to call myself back

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Speaker 2: down to one thousand rpm. I can't. There's two wasps

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Speaker 2: in this car. One I can see, and one's going

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Speaker 2: to bite me at any minute or sting me in minutes.

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Speaker 2: So part of what I had to learn is there

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Speaker 2: were often two wasps, one I knew about and one

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Speaker 2: I didn't. Almost every day, I need to learn how

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Speaker 2: to the one and not say my circumstance is going

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Speaker 2: to change to get me distressed. It's something happened in me.

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Speaker 2: I need to learn how to better manage the things

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Speaker 2: I have, how to think about it differently. And then

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Speaker 2: I had to practice getting that rpm. I could never

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Speaker 2: get it quite down to one thousand rpm, but I

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Speaker 2: can move from eight to five. And part that's what

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Speaker 2: scientists called neuroplasticity, and that's the ability to actually kind

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Speaker 2: of reform your physical brain with your mind. How am

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Speaker 2: I going to think about this? How can I process that.

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Speaker 2: I've mentioned this before, but one thing helps with stress

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Speaker 2: is what I call hippo wrestling. A lot of times

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Speaker 2: you think you're dealing with the real issue, but you're

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Speaker 2: actually dealing with your hip thalmas. And so when you

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Speaker 2: get triggered for stress, it kind of goes in three stages.

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Speaker 2: Stage one iss a trigger and it could be something

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Speaker 2: happens to you. It could be I think about something

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Speaker 2: that might happen. If I'm a warrior, I could be

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Speaker 2: my own trigger. Well, then what happens is your hippo

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Speaker 2: campus or a hipothalmis kicks in. It begins to release

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Speaker 2: adrenaline and cortisol, and you kick into what's called fight

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Speaker 2: or fight. So back to my wasp example, You're like,

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Speaker 2: oh my goodness, I think I hear the wasp whatever

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Speaker 2: it's over here? Do I need to fight? Am I

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Speaker 2: gonna have to swing at this thing? Am I going

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Speaker 2: to have to jump out of car? And so that's

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Speaker 2: why your RPM goes up because that hippo campus is

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Speaker 2: kicked in. Well, our hippi campus that can help your

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Speaker 2: mini arenas can lie to you. Sometimes you don't have

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Speaker 2: a need to be triggered. But you said the gout

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Speaker 2: the stippo squeezing all the stressed into you, seezing squeezing

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Speaker 2: all this this cortisol on you and adrenaline, and then

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Speaker 2: you get stuck there and where top chronic stresses. You

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Speaker 2: don't realize your hippothomas is uh is taken over. And

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Speaker 2: so part of hippo wrestling is learning, am I really

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Speaker 2: dealing with a real issue or am I dealing with

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Speaker 2: my reaction to real issue? How can I think about

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Speaker 2: this differently? How can I process differently?

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Speaker 1: You know, you use a word that I think that

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Speaker 1: I mean the older I get, and we all try

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Speaker 1: to do things better each and every day. Sometimes we succeed,

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Speaker 1: oftentimes we take two steps back. But it's that word expectations.

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Speaker 1: Give me an example of what you would say to

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Speaker 1: somebody you used, you know, Okay, here comes family. They're

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Speaker 1: going to be staying at our house. Man, We're all

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Speaker 1: going to get along great well. In reality, we probably know,

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Speaker 1: if we're honest with ourselves, which we infrequently are, truth

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Speaker 1: be told that there's going to be some stress. So,

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Speaker 1: you know, kind of going back to what we talked about,

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Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, sort of setting your expectations,

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Speaker 1: maybe having a conversation ahead of time before people come in.

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Speaker 1: Would you suggest things like that?

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Speaker 2: I do think it's helpful because often, you know, when

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Speaker 2: you have multiple personalities in the room, I'll go in

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Speaker 2: family dynamics, and beforehand, I'll say, Hey, like, what time

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Speaker 2: do you like to get up early? What time do

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Speaker 2: you want to do stuff? And so you're trying to

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Speaker 2: kind of set expectations on how things work. Hey, some

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Speaker 2: people like to sleep in, some people don't. Hey, really

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Speaker 2: would be helpful if you didn't bring up that subject.

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Speaker 2: So I'll even start respectfully though, Hey, you're an adult,

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Speaker 2: you can do whatever you want. But as I was

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Speaker 2: thinking about who's going to be together, I think it

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Speaker 2: might be helpful if would you be willing to lots

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Speaker 2: of questions, a lot of respectful keeping my tone and down.

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Speaker 2: But I'm also trying to say I'd like to make

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Speaker 2: this the best experience possible for everybody, And I do

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Speaker 2: think that can be helpful. And I think internally it's

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Speaker 2: almost like I don't know if you remember the old

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Speaker 2: cassette tapes or eight track fires, but sometimes when family

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Speaker 2: gets together, you don't realize that you're playing old tapes

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Speaker 2: in your mind, like maybe your brother drove you crazy.

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Speaker 2: He always talked disrespectful of you. Well, maybe that's still true.

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Speaker 2: But every time he opens his mouth or your sister

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Speaker 2: opens her mouth, you're playing r spect in the back

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Speaker 2: of your head. And so whatever they say, you're interpreting

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Speaker 2: it through the music, the background noise of feeling disrespected.

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Speaker 2: And if you can instead say, you know, I need

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Speaker 2: to turn down my background music and realize that maybe

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Speaker 2: I'm not reacting to what they're saying. I'm reacting to

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Speaker 2: this old tape from the past. That's where kind of

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Speaker 2: moved from stained glass to playing glass of stained glass.

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Speaker 2: The Bible says that one way you handle stress is

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Speaker 2: you take every thought captive, and part of those expectations

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Speaker 2: are what was I expecting here? Was that a realistic expectation?

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Speaker 2: Need to have that expectation, you know, is it really

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Speaker 2: that important that I die on every single hill here?

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Speaker 2: And then on the other side, the Bible says, renew

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Speaker 2: your mind, and so you can think differently about this.

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Speaker 2: You know, is it okay that your family doesn't get along, Well,

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Speaker 2: there's the difference between everyone should be happy all the time,

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Speaker 2: at Christmas. Okay, well you could try that right crazy,

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Speaker 2: or you can say I'd like everyone to get along,

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Speaker 2: but it's okay if they don't, but we're going to

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Speaker 2: have try and have a good time as often as possible.

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Speaker 2: That's a very different background noise. Otherwise, you every time conflict,

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Speaker 2: and again I'm a person who doesn't like conflict either,

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Speaker 2: but every time you hear conflict coming, the background music

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Speaker 2: starts playing Jaws. You know, Yeahohn, I think you're about

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Speaker 2: to blow up. Done and that blows up because it's

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Speaker 2: the self dolling prophecy versus. Hey, you know what, the

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Speaker 2: kids are going to sometimes disagree on politics or whatever

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Speaker 2: it is. But I might call in the dance and say, hey, guys,

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Speaker 2: we know those different opinion politics and the family before

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Speaker 2: we get to the kitchen table. I know you've got

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Speaker 2: some wonderful singers about whatever your political side is. Could

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Speaker 2: you not do those at the dinner table if you

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Speaker 2: and that person want to go have a conversation, you know,

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Speaker 2: in the other room later on. Because you enjoy that

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Speaker 2: kind of thing, A lot of us don't enjoy that

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Speaker 2: kind of thing. And I've got a couple of family

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Speaker 2: members whore like that. They love talking politics and they

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Speaker 2: love engaging in debates other people drives them crazy, So

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't say at the table sometimes, hey, we all

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Speaker 2: know that so and so the politics driver crazy. So hey,

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Speaker 2: let's hold that off till later and just enjoy the meal.

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Speaker 2: Or hey, we put a card on your table for Thanksgiving,

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Speaker 2: we're going to talk with things we're thankful for today,

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Speaker 2: and so we'll do a little guided questions and things

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Speaker 2: like that. But I do think it's appropriate, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: you can't control it. You know, you can't control people

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Speaker 2: or circumstances. Other times sometimes you can guide it gently,

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Speaker 2: nudget or at least try and ask everyone for mutual respect,

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Speaker 2: so that I think. I think underneath the stress level

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Speaker 2: and the triggers that people have and the hippos kind

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Speaker 2: of get kicked in and a family gathering, I think

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Speaker 2: people would like to enjoy themselves. I think that the

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Speaker 2: whole world. But of course, when you travel to your

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Speaker 2: travel the kids were upset, yeah, and we got managed

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Speaker 2: to them. So you're not at your best either. You're

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Speaker 2: not sleeping your same mattress. So even then to say

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Speaker 2: everyone is not in the best circumstance, meaning thirty days

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Speaker 2: of trying to do a thousand things. I'm going to

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Speaker 2: give double doses of patience, double doses of grace. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to assume the best. I think if if we

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Speaker 2: would just come into circumstances with a family and say,

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Speaker 2: more often than not, I'm going to give the benefit

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Speaker 2: of doubt and I'm going to assume the best. And

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Speaker 2: I'm going to imagine that someone is carrying something that

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Like if I told you, hey, someone

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Speaker 2: got really ticked off at you today in traffic or

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Speaker 2: mad at you or an employee or a coworker, and

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Speaker 2: you were telling me the story, but how inappropriate was

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Speaker 2: and I said, well, did you know they just found

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Speaker 2: out they got cancer. Your whole perspective would change. It

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Speaker 2: still doesn't mean that what they said was appropriate or

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Speaker 2: way the handle is appropriate, but suddenly that stress would

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Speaker 2: be Oh, I can change my mindset, have some compassion

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Speaker 2: towards the person rather than irritation as a person. Now

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Speaker 2: that's the first one to you know, my instinct is

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Speaker 2: to judge and to you know, realize, you know, they

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Speaker 2: should be handling that correctly. Blah blah blah blah. I

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Speaker 2: would have done that, of course, I would have done that.

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Speaker 2: So I think they have and some perspective can really

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Speaker 2: help you, but everyone around you as well.

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Speaker 1: You know, I talked about a study that came out

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Speaker 1: not a study, where a former head of the psychiatric

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Speaker 1: division of the FDA came out yesterday and talked about

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Speaker 1: how antidepressants, in his estimation, are so overprescribed. In your job,

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Speaker 1: So much of your job as a pastor is to

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Speaker 1: walk people through some very tough days and nights. You

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Speaker 1: hear all the time, man, I'm so stressed out. Are

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Speaker 1: are we saying we're more stressed out than we are?

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Speaker 1: Or are we really more stressed out now more than ever?

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Speaker 2: Well, the word is stressed became popular in nineteen seventies

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Speaker 2: as kind of normal vernacular. It's actually developed in nineteen

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Speaker 2: thirties and forties by an endocrinologist and he defined it

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Speaker 2: as a non specific response to a demand for change.

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Speaker 2: And so I think it has become like the go

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Speaker 2: to thing to say, and like to say, how you doing?

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Speaker 2: I'm busy and I'm stressed, the two things everybody does.

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Speaker 2: So I do think it's become the current vernacular for

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Speaker 2: describing things. And I think it's actually kind of a

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Speaker 2: deficiency of being able to say what's really going on.

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Speaker 2: I'm worried, I'm fearful, I'm angry. It's like stresses, this

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Speaker 2: neutral word that we all accept as appropriate versus kind

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Speaker 2: of being more honest. But I think also a little

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Speaker 2: philosophy for a second. We're living in a culture of materialism,

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Speaker 2: meaning we think human beings a roly material. So if

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Speaker 2: you're only material, then we just need to give you

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Speaker 2: a medicine that's going to help take care of your

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Speaker 2: material body. If you realize the human beings both material

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Speaker 2: and I material, meaning to have a soul, what you think,

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Speaker 2: what you feel, and what you want, as well as

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Speaker 2: a body, then you say, oh, my spiritual dimension, my

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Speaker 2: soul is dimension. I can handle this with medicine, yes,

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Speaker 2: but also with learning how to talk about my feelings,

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Speaker 2: learning how to take captive the feelings that are inaccurate,

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Speaker 2: learning how to renew my mind and think better thoughts

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Speaker 2: towards the circumstance. So I think it's a whole philosophical

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Speaker 2: problem that we don't realize human beings are far more

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Speaker 2: than just you know, meat facts that can be medicated.

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Speaker 2: We're souls. And think about it like when you're stressed.

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Speaker 2: When we're stressed, we talk to ourselves. If you're a worrier,

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Speaker 2: I wonder if this happens, when this happens, What this

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Speaker 2: happens in change, reaction, anxiety. You're talking to yourself even

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Speaker 2: anger fantasies. Right, you're here, I'm guys, that's confidence my boss.

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Speaker 2: And I'm gonna say this, and you going to say that,

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Speaker 2: I'm you know, just see, you're talking to yourself. What

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Speaker 2: if there was another source, a person to talk to,

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Speaker 2: you know, I would call it prayer, You call it meditation.

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Speaker 2: But instead of talking to yourself when you have a problem,

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Speaker 2: what if you could talk to someone who's the ultimate

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Speaker 2: source of strength and comfort and wisdom. Well, just sare

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Speaker 2: at sound smarter, doesn't it? I know all my resources

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Speaker 2: talking to myself, and I already know my limited resources.

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Speaker 2: If I could have figured this out, I probably would have.

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Speaker 2: I need outside wisdom, outside strength. So God says that

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Speaker 2: you can cast all your anxieties upon him. You can

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Speaker 2: take every thought captive, you can renew your mind, you

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Speaker 2: can meditate on things that are good and pure in

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Speaker 2: a good rapport, and you can reach out to him

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Speaker 2: and say God, I need wisdom and how to handle

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Speaker 2: the situation. I can't control the universe or my mother

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Speaker 2: in law or my kids, but I do want you

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Speaker 2: to help me control how I'm going to handle it.

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Speaker 1: It's great stuff, great great stuff. We can continue this topic,

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Speaker 1: I think, for multiple weeks because there are a lot

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Speaker 1: of people that and each and every one of us

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Speaker 1: is one of them. Where we have all these expectations,

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Speaker 1: we get stressed out ahead of time, we get stressed

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Speaker 1: out during and maybe just a deep breath, maybe a conversation,

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Speaker 1: maybe prayer can help dramatically change that. Chad, we thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for your time and your expertise. I

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Speaker 1: know we're going to miss you next week, but we'll

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Speaker 1: look forward to catching up with you the week after.

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Speaker 2: Sounds great. I appreciate it all right, mister.

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Speaker 1: Chad Open from the Horizon Community Church. Great Stuff, Plain Glass,

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Speaker 1: Stained Glass every Wednesday at eight thirty eight