Speaker 1: Ah.
Speaker 2: Yes, when you hear don't stop believing. That means it's
Speaker 2: time for our weekly get together with Pastor Chad Hoven
Speaker 2: from the Horizon Community Church right there in Newtown, Ohio,
Speaker 2: right along the bank, so the little Miami River, beautiful
Speaker 2: setting over there.
Speaker 3: Lake right out the back of the church. All right.
Speaker 2: We decided three weeks ago, and Chad came up with
Speaker 2: the title of our four part series. A lot of
Speaker 2: people like to make New Year's resolutions, and so maybe
Speaker 2: different than your say, physical health or whatever it might be.
Speaker 2: He calls this series the me I Want to Be
Speaker 2: Today is part three. But Chad, for those that may
Speaker 2: have missed parts one and two, let's start with number one.
Speaker 2: If you can just you know, sort of prioritize or
Speaker 2: summarize more accurately.
Speaker 3: Number one, I'm not too busy. It's just not a priority.
Speaker 1: Yeah, say, mass praise to yourself is really helpful because
Speaker 1: it helps you remember that when you choose not to
Speaker 1: do something, it's because you're choosing not to do something.
Speaker 3: The kind of.
Speaker 1: False belief that we're too busy. We're going to fill
Speaker 1: our life with things that are important to us, and
Speaker 1: so if you're not prioritizing something, it's because you're not
Speaker 1: prioritizing something. Sep phrase is really helpful in aligning what
Speaker 1: it is you're really choosing to do and choosing not
Speaker 1: to do. Okay, the first week and the second week
Speaker 1: we talked about to be list should be what drives
Speaker 1: your to do list, which is who do you want
Speaker 1: to be, who you're becoming, who you're forming yourself into.
Speaker 1: Then how do you make sure that what you're choosing
Speaker 1: to prioritize or engage in, or when life kind of
Speaker 1: comes at you and you can't choose it, how do
Speaker 1: I use this to become a more generous person, to
Speaker 1: become a less worryful person, How do I become more
Speaker 1: courageous person? And that can really bring meaning and purpose
Speaker 1: even when you're under dress.
Speaker 2: You know, I loved as part of that second part
Speaker 2: of our series about where you talked about making a
Speaker 2: list of character qualities that you saw in the oh
Speaker 2: that you have respect for. It could be a loved
Speaker 2: one in your case, it was a grandfather for some others,
Speaker 2: it could be somebody you work with.
Speaker 3: It could be a friend. It could be one of
Speaker 3: your children.
Speaker 2: Something you look at them and you're like, man, I
Speaker 2: wish I were more like that in that way.
Speaker 1: Right without a doubt. Yeah, exactly, And I think it
Speaker 1: actually infused it with meaning because you're like, it's not
Speaker 1: just a theoretical idea. I've seen this lived out. I've
Speaker 1: seen this personalized in someone, and this is what a
Speaker 1: life well lived can look like. And obviously no one
Speaker 1: is perfect that you might say, Hey, that particular quality
Speaker 1: of that person, I like you. I want to leave
Speaker 1: the other things behind on that person, this other person,
Speaker 1: I want to pick up what their strengths are. So
Speaker 1: it really gives you a vision for what living in
Speaker 1: a profoundly human way looks like. And you start seeing
Speaker 1: that there's almost intangible, immaterial, almost supernatural qualities behind that,
Speaker 1: and you're like, man, I want to partner with that.
Speaker 2: We call it plain glass, stained glass. We do it
Speaker 2: every Wednesday with Pastor Chad Hooven from the Horizon Community Church. Okay,
Speaker 2: now we get to part three series of the me
Speaker 2: I want to be make a hierarchy of needs? What
Speaker 2: does that mean? Yeah, well you.
Speaker 1: Mean remember from psychology class if not, there is a
Speaker 1: gun named aslov who create a hierarchy of needs and
Speaker 1: thinking it like the food pyramid. At the bottom, he said,
Speaker 1: our foundational need is a biological needs food and water.
Speaker 1: Then on top of that is the next most important
Speaker 1: thing safety. Then the third thing is love and belonging.
Speaker 1: The way towards the top of the pyramid is esteem,
Speaker 1: and then lastly at the very top, if you really
Speaker 1: have time for self actualization, spiritual values, et cetera, I'd
Speaker 1: like to propose that you should actually turn those values
Speaker 1: upside down and inside out, which is what if you
Speaker 1: know a lot of people have their physical needs mets
Speaker 1: and their safety needs met, and yet they're discouraged, they're depressed,
Speaker 1: they're not happy. And it's not to say the food
Speaker 1: and water and safety is important, but what if the
Speaker 1: focus is to turn that upside down. I'm always focusing
Speaker 1: on my externals, not focused on my internals. I need
Speaker 1: to turn inside out, which is what's really going on
Speaker 1: inside of me. There's an old French philosopher Pierre. I
Speaker 1: can't Heber's last name, but he says man is not
Speaker 1: primarily a human being having a spiritual experience. Mankind is
Speaker 1: primarily a spiritual being having a human experience. Do you
Speaker 1: think of it this way? Like every human being you
Speaker 1: feel it. I feel it. Everyone you know humans are
Speaker 1: obsessed with finding meaning and purpose, Like, why would that
Speaker 1: be except that we are created from a meaningful process.
Speaker 1: I mean, if the whole world was created in a random,
Speaker 1: meaningless way, it would not create creatures that are obsessed
Speaker 1: with meaning. So in saying that, say, then okay, then
Speaker 1: what are my self actualization one of my core values?
Speaker 1: What are the things I really need to focus on?
Speaker 1: That hierarchy of needs? And when you know that, you
Speaker 1: start realizing when you come to decisions, I know what
Speaker 1: to say yes to and what to say no to.
Speaker 1: For many of us, we focus on staying busy, being productive.
Speaker 1: And I love staying busy and I love being productive.
Speaker 1: But what if instead you said, while I'm doing that,
Speaker 1: the real hierarchy is I need to go deep. I
Speaker 1: need to pay attention to my body. My body is
Speaker 1: telling me right now, I'm discouraged. My body's telling me
Speaker 1: right now, I am stressed. My mind is racing. What
Speaker 1: if I was focused on I need to prioritize that, Yes,
Speaker 1: I want to work hard, Yes, I want to be
Speaker 1: the best employee I can. Yes, I want to provide
Speaker 1: for my financial needs. For my goodness I've been ignoring
Speaker 1: my body. I've been ignoring my mind racing. I've been
Speaker 1: ignoring that, whether it's depression, or whether it's anxiety, or
Speaker 1: whether it's worry or maybe I saw on my parents, man,
Speaker 1: they were so fearful their whole life. I've now inherited
Speaker 1: some of that. I need to go deep. I need
Speaker 1: to get to the bottom of this. I need to
Speaker 1: what I'm doing, why I'm doing it, how I do it,
Speaker 1: and why. I think that's going to force you to
Speaker 1: keep being good at what you do, but not ignore
Speaker 1: the symptoms all around you that you said, Ah, that's
Speaker 1: the top of the pyramid. What a luxury to think
Speaker 1: about that kind of stuff versus that might be your
Speaker 1: body and mind really crying out to you about what
Speaker 1: really matters.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm kind of curious. It's sparked the question
Speaker 2: I've often wondered. And you talked to so many people
Speaker 2: on so many different levels of things they're going through.
Speaker 2: It could be a breakup of a marriage, it could
Speaker 2: be the loss of a loved one, grief, et cetera.
Speaker 2: All kinds of deal issues with a child who perhaps
Speaker 2: has gone astray. One thing that made me wonder when
Speaker 2: you were just talking about something there about for us
Speaker 2: to go deep? Okay, do you think and based on
Speaker 2: your experience, do you think that a person, if they
Speaker 2: really want to go deep, that they have to resolve
Speaker 2: some issues of maybe some things in their past that
Speaker 2: they've never dealt with. And I'm not talking here now
Speaker 2: about serious trauma. I'm not talking about someone who is
Speaker 2: physically or sexually of you.
Speaker 3: It's a whole different level. And there's no doubt about
Speaker 3: the answer to that question.
Speaker 2: But I'm talking you know, maybe your parents had a
Speaker 2: terrible div uh, maybe you and your sister, how whatever
Speaker 2: it could be, is it important for you to go
Speaker 2: deep as you just made reference to, do you have
Speaker 2: to be able to put some of those other things
Speaker 2: to bed that may have happened five years ago, forty
Speaker 2: years ago before you can go deep?
Speaker 1: Well? Yeah, I think it might even be the very
Speaker 1: definition of going to deep as a deal with those things.
Speaker 1: It's how did I become who I am? And what
Speaker 1: part of that is me reacting to the past, What
Speaker 1: part of that is me repeating the past? And how
Speaker 1: do I move to a place where I'm responding to
Speaker 1: the past. What's the difference? Responding is I know what happened,
Speaker 1: I know what part of it I'm choosing to leave behind.
Speaker 1: I know what part of it is I have healed from.
Speaker 1: There's a there's a psychology called love attachment theory, and
Speaker 1: it says that the problems in your marriage didn't begin
Speaker 1: in your marriage. And you think, God, if only my
Speaker 1: spouseuld blah blah blah. But really, if you've picked up
Speaker 1: patterns from the past, you're still caring wounds or wounded
Speaker 1: miss And you know this, We all know this. How
Speaker 1: wonderful your life is. And here in America and living
Speaker 1: in twenty twenty six, you know we all are very,
Speaker 1: very blessed. However, life is brutal, and it is hostile
Speaker 1: often and the things we endured, the difficulties, and sometimes
Speaker 1: that's expectations to for many of us. Yeah, often you
Speaker 1: can't enjoy the life you could have until you have
Speaker 1: to grieve the life you should have. And many of
Speaker 1: us had expectations. My life should be like this. I'm
Speaker 1: now forty years old, I'm now sixty years old. I
Speaker 1: should be X, Y and Z. And because of some
Speaker 1: brutal part of your life, something that happened that was
Speaker 1: beyond your control, or you know, we all make bone
Speaker 1: heeaded decisions too. We go, then we beat ourselves up
Speaker 1: over if only I hadn't done that, said that been
Speaker 1: there across that line. So a lot of times it's grieving,
Speaker 1: and I don't think a lot of us know how
Speaker 1: to grieve. And grieving is saying, man, I know what happens,
Speaker 1: I know what I wanted to happen. I did my darkness.
Speaker 1: I mean there's times like I remember my book came out.
Speaker 1: I did my darkness to.
Speaker 3: Kind of.
Speaker 1: Check every dot, every eye, cross every tee to make
Speaker 1: sure I had done my part to make it successful.
Speaker 1: And it was moderately successful, but not at the level
Speaker 1: I hoped for. And you know, I had to grieve that.
Speaker 1: You know, I thought that would be you know, A
Speaker 1: B and C. And it was, you know, maybe better
Speaker 1: than others. Other times it's more deeper stuff. You're looking
Speaker 1: at past and saying, my goodness, I'm still carrying the
Speaker 1: wounds of you know, needing to be a mediator between
Speaker 1: my mom and my dad, you might think, or growing up,
Speaker 1: you might say, I had a very volatile childhood and
Speaker 1: because of that, it just bread a lot of worry
Speaker 1: or anxiety in me. And if I don't consciously deal
Speaker 1: with that, I probably already bread some of that to
Speaker 1: my kids. You might say, Man, I want to show them,
Speaker 1: even as an adult, now that they're in the twenties
Speaker 1: or thirties, that dad is still growing. And there's a
Speaker 1: tendency I think in all of us to think chronological
Speaker 1: time is going to magically heal the stuff inside you.
Speaker 1: You know, we all know that. You know, you can
Speaker 1: be chronologically getting older, and you can be developmentally getting
Speaker 1: more and more immature, or more and more grumpy, or
Speaker 1: more and more self focused. So if you're not intentional
Speaker 1: about it, the current of life, the current of your
Speaker 1: own trajectory, is to often take you towards more self centeredness,
Speaker 1: more miism, and those festering wounds. And last week the
Speaker 1: church I talked about Mount Saint Helen's and what made
Speaker 1: Mount Saint Helens so devastating is when the when the
Speaker 1: explosion went off of that cryptodoom dome off the side
Speaker 1: of the mountain a thousand years earlier, all these sulphuric
Speaker 1: gases underneath the mountain had basically created a teflon plate.
Speaker 1: So about sort of the mountain's just ready to slide off.
Speaker 1: So that explosion triggered a slide that went back to
Speaker 1: one thousand years older, and many geolgists called it a
Speaker 1: sick mountain. It looked beautiful on the outside, but inside
Speaker 1: there was just some sickness. There was some there was
Speaker 1: unresolved sulfuric acid that had basically created a slide plane
Speaker 1: that created devastation later. So it often it says, I
Speaker 1: need to drill down, figure out what smells the batter
Speaker 1: I'm here, I got the superic acid. The smell some
Speaker 1: area of my life. I need to stop ignoring that.
Speaker 2: Thank yeah, give me an example before I let you go.
Speaker 2: We're talking about making a hierarchy of needs, and you
Speaker 2: made the comment, look, something is going to be quote
Speaker 2: unquote cheated right when your time, your energy, maybe your
Speaker 2: money is limited. And how important I've often said, the
Speaker 2: most powerful or one of the most powerful words in
Speaker 2: the English language is two simple letters. No. You just
Speaker 2: said the ability sometimes to say no. Give us an
Speaker 2: example of something that if you're making a hierarchy of needs,
Speaker 2: that you might find yourself having to say no to
Speaker 2: where you weren't before.
Speaker 1: Well, I think sometimes as hobbies during this particular season.
Speaker 1: I love this hobby, but it's not as important as
Speaker 1: whatever My health that's as important as my marriage, is
Speaker 1: not important as my time with my kids. It might be, Man,
Speaker 1: I've been really good at managing controlling things. Man, it
Speaker 1: has really caused all kinds of anxiety and pressure delude
Speaker 1: myself into thinking I can control people in circumstances, and
Speaker 1: I need to start prioritizing, surrender, letting go. Really, I
Speaker 1: can't control things. It also could be as simple as
Speaker 1: do you know. I was talking to an executive about
Speaker 1: four months ago, and she was saying to me that
Speaker 1: I only take certain requests for speaking engagements and for priorities,
Speaker 1: things that are related to these topics. And she's very
Speaker 1: well known, she's very sought after. What she says, of
Speaker 1: the hundred things I could do, I say not to
Speaker 1: things that are not This passion point related to specific
Speaker 1: coaching for companies and related to this specific thing related
Speaker 1: to marriages, because my husband and I went to a
Speaker 1: difficult thing. We wrote a book about it, and we
Speaker 1: want to help other marriages do what we did. So
Speaker 1: that person knew their mission. They were qualified to do
Speaker 1: a thousand things. What they said, I only say yes,
Speaker 1: to speak, engagements relate to a or B. I talked
Speaker 1: to a church recently who they say yes to everything.
Speaker 1: The whole staff has overwhelmed, all the organizations overwhelmed because
Speaker 1: I say yes to everything, and I say, listen, you
Speaker 1: don't really have a mission statement for your company or
Speaker 1: for yourself if you don't know what you say no to,
Speaker 1: because when you know what you're good at, what you're
Speaker 1: focused on, and even as a person like for me,
Speaker 1: I could do a lot of things. I'm a generalist
Speaker 1: very much so, and I enjoy that. But I'm trying
Speaker 1: to organize my business life around what are the things
Speaker 1: only I can do for the company, What are the
Speaker 1: things I uniquely can do to advances forward? Then how
Speaker 1: do I delegate the things that I could do but
Speaker 1: other people are better at. So do you know what
Speaker 1: you uniquely can do? And say I want to prioritize
Speaker 1: what I uniquely can do for my family, for my company,
Speaker 1: for my kids. No one else can be my kid's
Speaker 1: dad but me, no one else can may be maybe
Speaker 1: the strategic thinker. You've got to be putting more and
Speaker 1: more time into the strategic thinking, and you get aust
Speaker 1: of the bureaucracy you're doing. I'm a creative teacher. I
Speaker 1: need to spend lots of time creating and focusing on that.
Speaker 1: So I got to say no to a lot of
Speaker 1: meetings I might want to be part of, might want
Speaker 1: to be important, but it's not going to help me
Speaker 1: do what I uniquely can do for the sake my company.
Speaker 2: Great stuff, U, pastor, Chad Hoven, Thank you so much,
Speaker 2: as always for your time. We'll get to part four
Speaker 2: in our series The Me I Want to Be next week.
Speaker 2: Hope you have a great rest of your day and
Speaker 2: a great weekend, My friend you too, all right, Chad
Speaker 2: Hoven kind enough to join us plain Glass, Stained Glass
Speaker 2: each and every Wednesday right here on the Morning show.
Speaker 2: That's great stuff, I mean great stuff. You don't have
Speaker 2: to be some you know, Jesus believer, you don't have
Speaker 2: to be some fuck. These are very very simple sorts
Speaker 2: of things that we can do to be the me
Speaker 2: I want to be.