Speaker 1: All right, Mojoe in the morning, Kevin cutting a family
Speaker 1: member off, yeah, my or distancing like you said, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I don't think you can never like I
Speaker 2: could never fully cut them off, but I definitely have
Speaker 2: to limit the amount of access that I provide to
Speaker 2: this person because it is affecting me negatively. And I
Speaker 2: would love some advice if you all have had to
Speaker 2: go through a situation. Now, my situation probably isn't the same.
Speaker 2: This is somebody that has dealt with mental health battles
Speaker 2: and addiction. But even though your situation may not be
Speaker 2: the exact same, there may be something that I can
Speaker 2: glean from it. But this is a person that I love,
Speaker 2: dearly family member who has been going through a struggle,
Speaker 2: and I've had to willingly, you know, show up in
Speaker 2: their life in more ways than I ever imagined for
Speaker 2: a considerable amount of time. And it just gets to
Speaker 2: a point where I'm at now where I realize that
Speaker 2: I feel like I can do no more. I have
Speaker 2: to leave it in God's hands after fully believing that
Speaker 2: I have done everything possible, And you run into a
Speaker 2: situation where this person just does not see who they
Speaker 2: are right now. They don't believe anybody's words and their
Speaker 2: interactions with you always leave you feeling.
Speaker 3: Drained, angry.
Speaker 2: They screaming at you, cussing at you, saying all kinds
Speaker 2: of things that you never would imagine that they would
Speaker 2: say to you. And you do your best understand that
Speaker 2: this isn't that person.
Speaker 3: But kind of is.
Speaker 2: You know, some days and the interactions just aren't healthy.
Speaker 2: And it's at a point now where it's like I
Speaker 2: just can't go through this no more. So I'd rather
Speaker 2: just distance myself. And you know, it's no more I
Speaker 2: can do for real.
Speaker 1: I think sometimes you have to for your own well being, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, but you don't want to, Like you said,
Speaker 1: You're what you said is distancing is better than saying
Speaker 1: cut off because you can never cut them off their family.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I mean I still love them.
Speaker 2: So it's like my heart isn't hardened, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, to where it's like it's impenetrable.
Speaker 4: In this situation. Are you telling are you going to
Speaker 4: vocalize to this person, Hey, I am going to pray
Speaker 4: for you, I'm going to be here for you, but
Speaker 4: I'm taking a step back from the situation.
Speaker 3: Or do you just take a step back.
Speaker 2: I've had that conversation and it was a very tough conversation,
Speaker 2: and I pray that they understand it. They took a
Speaker 2: lot for me to get there. This isn't like a
Speaker 2: one time you did me wrong thing. I'm gonna take
Speaker 2: my hands off. This has been like a year, two years,
Speaker 2: three years, repetitive cycle where I've consistently showed up and
Speaker 2: now the majority of our interactions are either screaming matches
Speaker 2: or you view me as a financial relationship more than
Speaker 2: anything beyond that, and it's like we just can't. I
Speaker 2: can't exist in this world that you've created for us.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I gotta I gotta go left. How do
Speaker 3: you distance? I mean they do?
Speaker 2: They call you a lot? Yeah, yeah, to pick up. No,
Speaker 2: I just don't answer a lot. I don't respond to
Speaker 2: text messages. Like I said, my heart isn't fully heartened.
Speaker 2: So there are moments where I'll answer, but then it's
Speaker 2: the same thing, is hey can I get do at
Speaker 2: I or I see him and it's it's on fire?
Speaker 5: Do you uh?
Speaker 1: Do you ever feel when in this case and maybe
Speaker 1: it's too soon to understand this, but like you worry
Speaker 1: about them to a point where you're like, if I
Speaker 1: distance myself from them and something happens to them, I've.
Speaker 2: Made peace with God with that, to be completely honest
Speaker 2: with you, And again, it's taken a while to get there,
Speaker 2: and you'll never know, God forbid that day comes how
Speaker 2: I will feel.
Speaker 3: But I fully believe.
Speaker 2: And you know, you can find confirmation in many different things,
Speaker 2: and Odyssey confirmed something for me as well.
Speaker 3: It was like I forgot what she said.
Speaker 2: I ain't trying to wait no spoilers, but like, maybe
Speaker 2: it's the will of the gods, and we always want
Speaker 2: to put our two sents in and try to figure
Speaker 2: it out and try to save And it's like, maybe
Speaker 2: that's why the situation is what it is, and maybe
Speaker 2: there's a bigger plan at play that I can't control.
Speaker 4: So I also think it would be super unhealthy for
Speaker 4: you too, and you know this, so I'm just reiterating
Speaker 4: what you already know. But to to continue a relationship
Speaker 4: that is mentally and physically affecting you because of the
Speaker 4: thought of, oh my God, if something happened to them, like,
Speaker 4: that's not any sort of reason to put yourself through
Speaker 4: that and stay in contact.
Speaker 6: Had you tried to distance yourself before a little bit,
Speaker 6: but always come back because again you love the person
Speaker 6: and ye never and yeah, but since it is something
Speaker 6: that's you know, kind of out of their control.
Speaker 2: But at this point it's not because you're not listening
Speaker 2: to the people. You're not listening to your family, not
Speaker 2: listening to the doctors. You believe you know everything. So
Speaker 2: it's like at a certain point you're like, Okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm done with this, and it's like, no, I love
Speaker 2: you so much I can never be done.
Speaker 3: But now we're at a place where you got to
Speaker 3: for your own Yeah. Fact, man, what's up Lauren High?
Speaker 5: Hi?
Speaker 3: How are you good?
Speaker 1: keVs sharing a very personal moment right now and it
Speaker 1: resonated with you that it got you to call us up.
Speaker 3: What'd you want to say?
Speaker 7: Yeah, my mom got into a car accident from a
Speaker 7: drunk driver back in nineteen ninety seven, so she has
Speaker 7: a traumatic brain injury. And she was like, I call
Speaker 7: her like a control of addicts because everything that she
Speaker 7: takes is described was she definitely can't function without.
Speaker 6: Like the.
Speaker 7: Paying medication and the like barbituous and stuff. But she
Speaker 7: like she's so bad that she thought Luke Bryan was
Speaker 7: coming to marry her a couple of years ago. Uh,
Speaker 7: and so I totally get like having to cut people
Speaker 7: off that are close to you. My dad just passed
Speaker 7: about a year ago from cancer too, so like dealing
Speaker 7: with everything, it's all right.
Speaker 3: So you'd kind of lost your dad and your mom.
Speaker 7: Yes, yeah, I never really had a good relationship with
Speaker 7: my mo. She just always blamed me growing up for
Speaker 7: why her and my dad didn't get along, but it
Speaker 7: was because of her head trauma.
Speaker 5: That it was.
Speaker 7: It's just it sucks, but you have to do it
Speaker 7: best for you and like you said, like to make
Speaker 7: peace with God to kind of because you're like, well,
Speaker 7: I you can't blame yourself for what other people do.
Speaker 7: I had a little bit of a drug problem too,
Speaker 7: and I realized, like I have to get help for myself.
Speaker 7: It's not to anybody else. So I just think it's
Speaker 7: really important for you to take care of you and
Speaker 7: just not let anybody like shame you for that because
Speaker 7: at the end of the day, you have your son
Speaker 7: and you to look after her.
Speaker 2: Nice your sobriety and your recovery.
Speaker 5: Thanks.
Speaker 7: Yeah, I said at seventeen, it'll be fifteen in November,
Speaker 7: so definitely something to look too better for you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you got to do it for him too, right,
Speaker 1: you got to make sure you're healthy for your son.
Speaker 3: What's up, bree Hey, Kevin.
Speaker 8: So I deal with the exact same thing with my
Speaker 8: brother For thirteen years, We've dealt with mental health, addiction,
Speaker 8: alcoholism with him, and it really has taken a toll
Speaker 8: on all the family members, and you know, it's it's
Speaker 8: really difficult to watch somebody you love go through that
Speaker 8: and you know, not want to get the help. And
Speaker 8: it can only help somebody that wants, you know, wants
Speaker 8: to be helped. Right, I can't. I can't be the
Speaker 8: one to do the work for you. And so it
Speaker 8: affected me a lot and my day to day and
Speaker 8: so eventually I had to get to a point where
Speaker 8: I did have to distance myself and I had to
Speaker 8: get to a place where I had to get out
Speaker 8: of the fix it mode or you know, trying to
Speaker 8: get too deep in the weeds. And now I just
Speaker 8: am more of a bystander where I just let him
Speaker 8: talk rather than trying to give advice or you know,
Speaker 8: trying to fix it, and just let him talk and
Speaker 8: just you know, kind of do the nodding of the
Speaker 8: head and let him get it off his chest and
Speaker 8: feel like I'm still there for him, but not deep
Speaker 8: in the weeds where it's affecting my own mental health
Speaker 8: or my own self and what I have going on
Speaker 8: in life.
Speaker 2: I one thing Mojo had asked was do you do
Speaker 2: I ever consider if something should happen to this person,
Speaker 2: how would I react or respond? Have you had to
Speaker 2: deal with that same thought?
Speaker 8: Yeah, you know there's been times where you know, the
Speaker 8: phone rings at two am and I'm like, I don't
Speaker 8: want to answer it. I know he's in a suicidal moment,
Speaker 8: but I always get that feeling of what if I
Speaker 8: don't answer it and he's gone, right, how would I
Speaker 8: live with that? And you know, we've unfortunately had to
Speaker 8: kind of have that conversation of between you know, him
Speaker 8: and I of what that would look like and how
Speaker 8: you know, he's got to understand how that would make
Speaker 8: somebody feel. And you know, at some point, you again,
Speaker 8: you've got to kind of understand what you can control and.
Speaker 5: You know, try not to let that.
Speaker 1: Kevin mbri is it exhausting when they are constantly you know,
Speaker 1: uh believe abusing you guys?
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, I mean it's yeah, it's exhausting. I mean,
Speaker 8: because it gets to a point where, yeah, you do
Speaker 8: take the abuse right, especially being the one and only
Speaker 8: sibling of my brother, you know, I get it a lot,
Speaker 8: and it can be really exhausting. And that's actually where
Speaker 8: I got to the point, whereas it was the exhaustion
Speaker 8: that I just couldn't deal with anymore.
Speaker 3: Is it exhausting, I think there are there are many words.
Speaker 2: It's it's frustrating, it's painful, it's exhausting, it's infuriating, it's confusing.
Speaker 2: There are so many ranges of emotions that you go
Speaker 2: through because you're trying to wrap your head around you
Speaker 2: know that that person that you've loved or in her case,
Speaker 2: person you grew up with. You know they're in there somewhere. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And at the same time, though, the person that's standing
Speaker 2: in front of you feels like it's a completely different
Speaker 2: spirit or version of this person. And they're still speaking
Speaker 2: truth because they're not just making this stuff up. They
Speaker 2: still saying stuff, and it's hard to separate the two.
Speaker 2: And it's hard to separate the two time and time
Speaker 2: and time and time again. So one day you're just like, okay,
Speaker 2: this is who you are. This is who you choose,
Speaker 2: who you chosen to be.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 1: Uh, thank you Brave for the call. Appreciate your call.
Speaker 1: K is being voices Guy's initial K.
Speaker 5: Hi.
Speaker 9: Hey there, So I my parent is dealing with the addiction.
Speaker 9: And something that I've just been learning is that you
Speaker 9: have to draw firm boundaries for you and for them,
Speaker 9: and you have to know those.
Speaker 3: What does that mean for you?
Speaker 9: I'm twenty six, so I would one of them? I
Speaker 9: know that is just like if they're talking down to me,
Speaker 9: just know that, just like ignore them, ignore them and
Speaker 9: know that I'm doing what I can at twenty six
Speaker 9: and that I've come a long way.
Speaker 3: And this is one of your parents. Huh. Yeah, wow?
Speaker 3: Is it very.
Speaker 9: It's hard because it's like they compare me to my
Speaker 9: other siblings. So it's just hard growing up.
Speaker 1: You're twenty six years old. You shouldn't be having to
Speaker 1: deal with this with your parents. That's awful.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Do you have anybody in your life that you
Speaker 3: can talk to about this?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 9: I talked to my therapists.
Speaker 3: That's good.
Speaker 9: And then keep my friends only where it's like fun.
Speaker 3: Kevin, do you not draining my friendship or do you
Speaker 3: have like a therapist.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't have a consistent therapist, but there are
Speaker 2: times when I have gone to therapy where I've had
Speaker 2: this conversation with her. And maybe it's for another one
Speaker 2: because this is a new moment in my life where
Speaker 2: I'm making this conscious decision and I shall probably have
Speaker 2: somebody to talk through, someone a doctor.
Speaker 3: Ago, Sofia wants to say something to you, keV before
Speaker 3: we end this. What's going on? Sofia, I just.
Speaker 5: Wanted to say I can relate with you. I have
Speaker 5: a sister who just you know, sometimes is just out
Speaker 5: there and you know, a pop star, and you know,
Speaker 5: it's like why do you say? Why do you say
Speaker 5: stupid stuff? You know, to people? And she does that
Speaker 5: on purpose, and so sometimes I just got to just
Speaker 5: back away. And I mean, she's my sister. I love
Speaker 5: her and do anything for her, but you know, I
Speaker 5: got to walk away. One time, I walked away for
Speaker 5: three years. We didn't talk.
Speaker 3: What brought you guys back in three years?
Speaker 5: My our kids were all going to be at the
Speaker 5: same high school together, and so I did not wanted
Speaker 5: to affect the kids, you know, as being a husband.
Speaker 5: So I brought us back together but there is a
Speaker 5: line that we do not cross. I do not cross.
Speaker 5: You know, when things get bad again, I go back
Speaker 5: and I'm like, no, you go do your thing. I'm
Speaker 5: going to do my thing, and it's best that way.
Speaker 1: You got to protect your family, but you got to
Speaker 1: protect you and that's the number one thing.
Speaker 3: So well, thank you.
Speaker 1: We're going to pray for all these people that were
Speaker 1: getting in calls and text from and Kevin, honestly pray
Speaker 1: for you and your family member too.
Speaker 5: So