WEBVTT - Kev is Cutting Them Off 

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<v Speaker 1>All right, Mojoe in the morning, Kevin cutting a family

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<v Speaker 1>member off, yeah, my or distancing like you said, right.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because I don't think you can never like I

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<v Speaker 2>could never fully cut them off, but I definitely have

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<v Speaker 2>to limit the amount of access that I provide to

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<v Speaker 2>this person because it is affecting me negatively. And I

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<v Speaker 2>would love some advice if you all have had to

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<v Speaker 2>go through a situation. Now, my situation probably isn't the same.

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<v Speaker 2>This is somebody that has dealt with mental health battles

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<v Speaker 2>and addiction. But even though your situation may not be

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<v Speaker 2>the exact same, there may be something that I can

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<v Speaker 2>glean from it. But this is a person that I love,

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<v Speaker 2>dearly family member who has been going through a struggle,

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<v Speaker 2>and I've had to willingly, you know, show up in

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<v Speaker 2>their life in more ways than I ever imagined for

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<v Speaker 2>a considerable amount of time. And it just gets to

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<v Speaker 2>a point where I'm at now where I realize that

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I can do no more. I have

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<v Speaker 2>to leave it in God's hands after fully believing that

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<v Speaker 2>I have done everything possible, And you run into a

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<v Speaker 2>situation where this person just does not see who they

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<v Speaker 2>are right now. They don't believe anybody's words and their

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<v Speaker 2>interactions with you always leave you feeling.

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<v Speaker 3>Drained, angry.

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<v Speaker 2>They screaming at you, cussing at you, saying all kinds

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<v Speaker 2>of things that you never would imagine that they would

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<v Speaker 2>say to you. And you do your best understand that

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<v Speaker 2>this isn't that person.

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<v Speaker 3>But kind of is.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, some days and the interactions just aren't healthy.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's at a point now where it's like I

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<v Speaker 2>just can't go through this no more. So I'd rather

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<v Speaker 2>just distance myself. And you know, it's no more I

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<v Speaker 2>can do for real.

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<v Speaker 1>I think sometimes you have to for your own well being, right,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, but you don't want to, Like you said,

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<v Speaker 1>You're what you said is distancing is better than saying

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<v Speaker 1>cut off because you can never cut them off their family.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I mean I still love them.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's like my heart isn't hardened, you know what

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, to where it's like it's impenetrable.

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<v Speaker 4>In this situation. Are you telling are you going to

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<v Speaker 4>vocalize to this person, Hey, I am going to pray

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<v Speaker 4>for you, I'm going to be here for you, but

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<v Speaker 4>I'm taking a step back from the situation.

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<v Speaker 3>Or do you just take a step back.

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<v Speaker 2>I've had that conversation and it was a very tough conversation,

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<v Speaker 2>and I pray that they understand it. They took a

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<v Speaker 2>lot for me to get there. This isn't like a

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<v Speaker 2>one time you did me wrong thing. I'm gonna take

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<v Speaker 2>my hands off. This has been like a year, two years,

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<v Speaker 2>three years, repetitive cycle where I've consistently showed up and

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<v Speaker 2>now the majority of our interactions are either screaming matches

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<v Speaker 2>or you view me as a financial relationship more than

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<v Speaker 2>anything beyond that, and it's like we just can't. I

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<v Speaker 2>can't exist in this world that you've created for us.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so I gotta I gotta go left. How do

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<v Speaker 3>you distance? I mean they do?

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<v Speaker 2>They call you a lot? Yeah, yeah, to pick up. No,

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<v Speaker 2>I just don't answer a lot. I don't respond to

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<v Speaker 2>text messages. Like I said, my heart isn't fully heartened.

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<v Speaker 2>So there are moments where I'll answer, but then it's

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<v Speaker 2>the same thing, is hey can I get do at

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<v Speaker 2>I or I see him and it's it's on fire?

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<v Speaker 5>Do you uh?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you ever feel when in this case and maybe

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<v Speaker 1>it's too soon to understand this, but like you worry

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<v Speaker 1>about them to a point where you're like, if I

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<v Speaker 1>distance myself from them and something happens to them, I've.

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<v Speaker 2>Made peace with God with that, to be completely honest

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<v Speaker 2>with you, And again, it's taken a while to get there,

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<v Speaker 2>and you'll never know, God forbid that day comes how

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<v Speaker 2>I will feel.

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<v Speaker 3>But I fully believe.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, you can find confirmation in many different things,

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<v Speaker 2>and Odyssey confirmed something for me as well.

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<v Speaker 3>It was like I forgot what she said.

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<v Speaker 2>I ain't trying to wait no spoilers, but like, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>it's the will of the gods, and we always want

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<v Speaker 2>to put our two sents in and try to figure

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<v Speaker 2>it out and try to save And it's like, maybe

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<v Speaker 2>that's why the situation is what it is, and maybe

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<v Speaker 2>there's a bigger plan at play that I can't control.

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<v Speaker 4>So I also think it would be super unhealthy for

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<v Speaker 4>you too, and you know this, so I'm just reiterating

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<v Speaker 4>what you already know. But to to continue a relationship

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<v Speaker 4>that is mentally and physically affecting you because of the

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<v Speaker 4>thought of, oh my God, if something happened to them, like,

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<v Speaker 4>that's not any sort of reason to put yourself through

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<v Speaker 4>that and stay in contact.

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<v Speaker 6>Had you tried to distance yourself before a little bit,

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<v Speaker 6>but always come back because again you love the person

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<v Speaker 6>and ye never and yeah, but since it is something

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<v Speaker 6>that's you know, kind of out of their control.

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<v Speaker 2>But at this point it's not because you're not listening

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<v Speaker 2>to the people. You're not listening to your family, not

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<v Speaker 2>listening to the doctors. You believe you know everything. So

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<v Speaker 2>it's like at a certain point you're like, Okay, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm done with this, and it's like, no, I love

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<v Speaker 2>you so much I can never be done.

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<v Speaker 3>But now we're at a place where you got to

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<v Speaker 3>for your own Yeah. Fact, man, what's up Lauren High?

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<v Speaker 5>Hi?

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<v Speaker 3>How are you good?

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<v Speaker 1>keVs sharing a very personal moment right now and it

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<v Speaker 1>resonated with you that it got you to call us up.

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<v Speaker 3>What'd you want to say?

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, my mom got into a car accident from a

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<v Speaker 7>drunk driver back in nineteen ninety seven, so she has

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<v Speaker 7>a traumatic brain injury. And she was like, I call

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<v Speaker 7>her like a control of addicts because everything that she

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<v Speaker 7>takes is described was she definitely can't function without.

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<v Speaker 6>Like the.

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<v Speaker 7>Paying medication and the like barbituous and stuff. But she

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<v Speaker 7>like she's so bad that she thought Luke Bryan was

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<v Speaker 7>coming to marry her a couple of years ago. Uh,

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<v Speaker 7>and so I totally get like having to cut people

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<v Speaker 7>off that are close to you. My dad just passed

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<v Speaker 7>about a year ago from cancer too, so like dealing

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<v Speaker 7>with everything, it's all right.

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<v Speaker 3>So you'd kind of lost your dad and your mom.

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<v Speaker 7>Yes, yeah, I never really had a good relationship with

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<v Speaker 7>my mo. She just always blamed me growing up for

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<v Speaker 7>why her and my dad didn't get along, but it

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<v Speaker 7>was because of her head trauma.

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<v Speaker 5>That it was.

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<v Speaker 7>It's just it sucks, but you have to do it

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<v Speaker 7>best for you and like you said, like to make

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<v Speaker 7>peace with God to kind of because you're like, well,

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<v Speaker 7>I you can't blame yourself for what other people do.

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<v Speaker 7>I had a little bit of a drug problem too,

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<v Speaker 7>and I realized, like I have to get help for myself.

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<v Speaker 7>It's not to anybody else. So I just think it's

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<v Speaker 7>really important for you to take care of you and

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<v Speaker 7>just not let anybody like shame you for that because

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<v Speaker 7>at the end of the day, you have your son

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<v Speaker 7>and you to look after her.

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<v Speaker 2>Nice your sobriety and your recovery.

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<v Speaker 5>Thanks.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, I said at seventeen, it'll be fifteen in November,

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<v Speaker 7>so definitely something to look too better for you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and you got to do it for him too, right,

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<v Speaker 1>you got to make sure you're healthy for your son.

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<v Speaker 3>What's up, bree Hey, Kevin.

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<v Speaker 8>So I deal with the exact same thing with my

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<v Speaker 8>brother For thirteen years, We've dealt with mental health, addiction,

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<v Speaker 8>alcoholism with him, and it really has taken a toll

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<v Speaker 8>on all the family members, and you know, it's it's

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<v Speaker 8>really difficult to watch somebody you love go through that

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<v Speaker 8>and you know, not want to get the help. And

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<v Speaker 8>it can only help somebody that wants, you know, wants

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<v Speaker 8>to be helped. Right, I can't. I can't be the

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<v Speaker 8>one to do the work for you. And so it

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<v Speaker 8>affected me a lot and my day to day and

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<v Speaker 8>so eventually I had to get to a point where

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<v Speaker 8>I did have to distance myself and I had to

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<v Speaker 8>get to a place where I had to get out

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<v Speaker 8>of the fix it mode or you know, trying to

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<v Speaker 8>get too deep in the weeds. And now I just

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<v Speaker 8>am more of a bystander where I just let him

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<v Speaker 8>talk rather than trying to give advice or you know,

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<v Speaker 8>trying to fix it, and just let him talk and

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<v Speaker 8>just you know, kind of do the nodding of the

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<v Speaker 8>head and let him get it off his chest and

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<v Speaker 8>feel like I'm still there for him, but not deep

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<v Speaker 8>in the weeds where it's affecting my own mental health

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<v Speaker 8>or my own self and what I have going on

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<v Speaker 8>in life.

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<v Speaker 2>I one thing Mojo had asked was do you do

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<v Speaker 2>I ever consider if something should happen to this person,

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<v Speaker 2>how would I react or respond? Have you had to

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<v Speaker 2>deal with that same thought?

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<v Speaker 8>Yeah, you know there's been times where you know, the

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<v Speaker 8>phone rings at two am and I'm like, I don't

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<v Speaker 8>want to answer it. I know he's in a suicidal moment,

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<v Speaker 8>but I always get that feeling of what if I

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<v Speaker 8>don't answer it and he's gone, right, how would I

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<v Speaker 8>live with that? And you know, we've unfortunately had to

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<v Speaker 8>kind of have that conversation of between you know, him

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<v Speaker 8>and I of what that would look like and how

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<v Speaker 8>you know, he's got to understand how that would make

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<v Speaker 8>somebody feel. And you know, at some point, you again,

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<v Speaker 8>you've got to kind of understand what you can control and.

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<v Speaker 5>You know, try not to let that.

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<v Speaker 1>Kevin mbri is it exhausting when they are constantly you know,

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<v Speaker 1>uh believe abusing you guys?

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<v Speaker 8>Oh yeah, I mean it's yeah, it's exhausting. I mean,

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<v Speaker 8>because it gets to a point where, yeah, you do

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<v Speaker 8>take the abuse right, especially being the one and only

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<v Speaker 8>sibling of my brother, you know, I get it a lot,

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<v Speaker 8>and it can be really exhausting. And that's actually where

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<v Speaker 8>I got to the point, whereas it was the exhaustion

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<v Speaker 8>that I just couldn't deal with anymore.

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<v Speaker 3>Is it exhausting, I think there are there are many words.

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<v Speaker 2>It's it's frustrating, it's painful, it's exhausting, it's infuriating, it's confusing.

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<v Speaker 2>There are so many ranges of emotions that you go

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<v Speaker 2>through because you're trying to wrap your head around you

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<v Speaker 2>know that that person that you've loved or in her case,

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<v Speaker 2>person you grew up with. You know they're in there somewhere. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>And at the same time, though, the person that's standing

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<v Speaker 2>in front of you feels like it's a completely different

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<v Speaker 2>spirit or version of this person. And they're still speaking

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<v Speaker 2>truth because they're not just making this stuff up. They

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<v Speaker 2>still saying stuff, and it's hard to separate the two.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's hard to separate the two time and time

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<v Speaker 2>and time and time again. So one day you're just like, okay,

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<v Speaker 2>this is who you are. This is who you choose,

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<v Speaker 2>who you chosen to be.

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<v Speaker 3>Wow.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh, thank you Brave for the call. Appreciate your call.

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<v Speaker 1>K is being voices Guy's initial K.

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<v Speaker 5>Hi.

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<v Speaker 9>Hey there, So I my parent is dealing with the addiction.

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<v Speaker 9>And something that I've just been learning is that you

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<v Speaker 9>have to draw firm boundaries for you and for them,

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<v Speaker 9>and you have to know those.

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<v Speaker 3>What does that mean for you?

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<v Speaker 9>I'm twenty six, so I would one of them? I

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<v Speaker 9>know that is just like if they're talking down to me,

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<v Speaker 9>just know that, just like ignore them, ignore them and

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<v Speaker 9>know that I'm doing what I can at twenty six

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<v Speaker 9>and that I've come a long way.

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<v Speaker 3>And this is one of your parents. Huh. Yeah, wow?

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<v Speaker 3>Is it very.

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<v Speaker 9>It's hard because it's like they compare me to my

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<v Speaker 9>other siblings. So it's just hard growing up.

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<v Speaker 1>You're twenty six years old. You shouldn't be having to

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<v Speaker 1>deal with this with your parents. That's awful.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Do you have anybody in your life that you

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<v Speaker 3>can talk to about this?

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 9>I talked to my therapists.

0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:41.720
<v Speaker 3>That's good.

0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.760
<v Speaker 9>And then keep my friends only where it's like fun.

0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:49.200
<v Speaker 3>Kevin, do you not draining my friendship or do you

0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:50.000
<v Speaker 3>have like a therapist.

0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:55.240
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I don't have a consistent therapist, but there are

0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:57.800
<v Speaker 2>times when I have gone to therapy where I've had

0:11:57.800 --> 0:12:00.800
<v Speaker 2>this conversation with her. And maybe it's for another one

0:12:00.800 --> 0:12:02.640
<v Speaker 2>because this is a new moment in my life where

0:12:02.640 --> 0:12:05.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm making this conscious decision and I shall probably have

0:12:05.760 --> 0:12:07.720
<v Speaker 2>somebody to talk through, someone a doctor.

0:12:08.160 --> 0:12:11.480
<v Speaker 3>Ago, Sofia wants to say something to you, keV before

0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:15.840
<v Speaker 3>we end this. What's going on? Sofia, I just.

0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:19.120
<v Speaker 5>Wanted to say I can relate with you. I have

0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:23.080
<v Speaker 5>a sister who just you know, sometimes is just out

0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:27.440
<v Speaker 5>there and you know, a pop star, and you know,

0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:30.920
<v Speaker 5>it's like why do you say? Why do you say

0:12:30.960 --> 0:12:35.079
<v Speaker 5>stupid stuff? You know, to people? And she does that

0:12:35.160 --> 0:12:38.440
<v Speaker 5>on purpose, and so sometimes I just got to just

0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:43.480
<v Speaker 5>back away. And I mean, she's my sister. I love

0:12:43.520 --> 0:12:47.200
<v Speaker 5>her and do anything for her, but you know, I

0:12:47.240 --> 0:12:49.880
<v Speaker 5>got to walk away. One time, I walked away for

0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:52.240
<v Speaker 5>three years. We didn't talk.

0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:55.120
<v Speaker 3>What brought you guys back in three years?

0:12:56.720 --> 0:13:00.240
<v Speaker 5>My our kids were all going to be at the

0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:04.280
<v Speaker 5>same high school together, and so I did not wanted

0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:08.880
<v Speaker 5>to affect the kids, you know, as being a husband.

0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:16.800
<v Speaker 5>So I brought us back together but there is a

0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:22.320
<v Speaker 5>line that we do not cross. I do not cross.

0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:26.600
<v Speaker 5>You know, when things get bad again, I go back

0:13:26.640 --> 0:13:29.640
<v Speaker 5>and I'm like, no, you go do your thing. I'm

0:13:29.640 --> 0:13:32.360
<v Speaker 5>going to do my thing, and it's best that way.

0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:34.640
<v Speaker 1>You got to protect your family, but you got to

0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:37.000
<v Speaker 1>protect you and that's the number one thing.

0:13:37.080 --> 0:13:38.840
<v Speaker 3>So well, thank you.

0:13:38.920 --> 0:13:41.960
<v Speaker 1>We're going to pray for all these people that were

0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:45.080
<v Speaker 1>getting in calls and text from and Kevin, honestly pray

0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:47.040
<v Speaker 1>for you and your family member too.

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<v Speaker 5>So