1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:01,120 Speaker 1: You're pretty smart, right. 2 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,880 Speaker 2: I like to think so. Yeah. 3 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 3: I like to think so too, Brent. You sounded anyway, Bryn. 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,920 Speaker 1: When you are having an argument and somebody is starting 5 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: to raise their voice because they're mad at you, which 6 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,759 Speaker 1: two word phrases are you never supposed to tell somebody 7 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 1: who's mad and they're yelling at you? 8 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:24,319 Speaker 4: Calm down? 9 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,360 Speaker 1: No, perfect, that's your number one, right there, that's your 10 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: number one. 11 00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 3: It is funny how everybody knows that. No, it really is. 12 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 5: I think we've had to go over that with you. 13 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, I'm bad at that that one. I'm bad 14 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: at what's the other one? 15 00:00:41,280 --> 00:00:43,559 Speaker 4: Oh? I don't know. 16 00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 6: No, Kristen just wrote what she's saying. 17 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:46,760 Speaker 3: You done? 18 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 1: No, No, come on, calm down, You're absolutely right, Brin. 19 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: That's number one? What's number two? What's number two? 20 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:57,560 Speaker 3: And I mean. 21 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 1: Obviously like somebody's mad and somebody's yelling, where like you're 22 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: you don't think it's. 23 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 3: Going to get physical, that's that's a whole other thing. 24 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:06,120 Speaker 1: But somebody's just arguing it is upset and mad at you, 25 00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:10,160 Speaker 1: and they're yelling. What's the other one? Calm down? Everybody 26 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: knows that. I guess the other one? Come on, Brent, 27 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: I was counting on you. You were so smart. 28 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:21,440 Speaker 4: I know, maybe like you're fine. 29 00:01:23,520 --> 00:01:27,800 Speaker 3: No, no, that's okay, that's a good guess. The the yeah, no, no, 30 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:28,640 Speaker 3: there's nothing. 31 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:29,560 Speaker 6: Wrong with I can't think of one. 32 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 5: That's two words. 33 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 1: Yes, you can hold tight, bran hold on one second? 34 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 3: Why what did you have that wasn't two words? 35 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 6: Keep it down? 36 00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 1: Ooh uh uh, I don't. 37 00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:47,199 Speaker 5: Like the maker scene maker. That's two words, that's hyphenated. 38 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,440 Speaker 3: I guess keep it down. 39 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: No, I'm not even yelling. 40 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 6: Yet making a scene. 41 00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,440 Speaker 3: The well, we're at home. 42 00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:57,120 Speaker 1: Who am I? 43 00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 3: What am I? 44 00:01:59,040 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 5: Office? 45 00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:01,559 Speaker 6: That's all right? It was like at a restaurant or something. 46 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 3: Thank you? 47 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, And that's that's the That's great 48 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:10,560 Speaker 1: because it could be anywhere. People fight at work, people 49 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 1: argue at work. How about like come on, no like 50 00:02:17,280 --> 00:02:20,080 Speaker 1: that that that is I mean you probably. 51 00:02:19,680 --> 00:02:20,520 Speaker 3: Shouldn't say that. 52 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:26,720 Speaker 5: Come on now, Oh that's three I'm sorry to just 53 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:28,359 Speaker 5: immediately extinguish it. 54 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:34,000 Speaker 1: Yes, even though people will say like even somebody's yelling 55 00:02:34,040 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 1: at you and they're mad, and some people go, oh, 56 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,160 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, uh uh. 57 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:43,960 Speaker 5: Are you not right? It's more like I'm sorry. 58 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: No, no, I don't think so like because it even 59 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:50,160 Speaker 1: says a knee jerk. Apology can backfire in a different way. 60 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:55,680 Speaker 1: It signals the other person's intimidation is working. It might 61 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 1: stop them the yelling in the moment, but it teaches 62 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,120 Speaker 1: them that rage gets results. 63 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 3: I like that phrase. 64 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:11,000 Speaker 5: But this is enough for you. This is for the 65 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:12,160 Speaker 5: people you're yelling at. 66 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,160 Speaker 1: So somebody's yelling at me, right, No, No, somebody's yelling 67 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 1: at me. 68 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 3: No, no, no, come on? This is fun? 69 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:20,679 Speaker 5: Is it? Opposite day? 70 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,919 Speaker 3: No, somebody's somebody? 71 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:24,320 Speaker 7: What? 72 00:03:24,520 --> 00:03:24,919 Speaker 3: Come on? 73 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,160 Speaker 5: What's the last time you got yelled at. 74 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 3: At work? 75 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:32,959 Speaker 5: Yes? 76 00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 1: Oh, I don't know, decades, home, somewhat recently the no. No, 77 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 1: But okay, I'm yelling at Diane. I'm yelling at Diane, 78 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: and and I'm going right, I'm angry, I'm spitballing the 79 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 1: whole thing, and Diane goes, I'm sorry. All Diane has 80 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 1: taught me like, I may stop and I go. But 81 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 1: first of all, you go, no, you're not. But you're 82 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,800 Speaker 1: just saying that Number one, it's not sincere. Number two. 83 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: Number two is you've now just told me if I 84 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 1: if I rage, I get the results I want. So 85 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 1: I could just yell at you, like I know someone 86 00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:11,840 Speaker 1: who's horrible. 87 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 6: About that yelling. 88 00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, yelling, but because everybody will just say to him, 89 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: oh hey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He does it all 90 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,599 Speaker 1: the time, even if nobody else, even even if he's 91 00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: the one that jacked up. He'll yell at somebody so 92 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:30,120 Speaker 1: that they think it's them, and he knows that they'll apologize. 93 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,120 Speaker 5: Oh my god, they're taking blame for something that didn't 94 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 5: even do, yes, because. 95 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 3: They they know that that will diffuse it. 96 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 5: But it is yelling the first sort of tear of 97 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:43,280 Speaker 5: this person's. 98 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 3: He gets there pretty quick. Yeah. 99 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:48,040 Speaker 5: So then do they know beyond yelling, it's just gonna 100 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:52,480 Speaker 5: get worse. Yeah, Oh well he's not gonna be physical. 101 00:04:52,680 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 5: Oh okay, do we all know this person? 102 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 3: Yeah? 103 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,640 Speaker 5: I don't know who you're alluding to. Are you even 104 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:02,120 Speaker 5: right down? 105 00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:03,640 Speaker 6: Yeah? 106 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:04,600 Speaker 1: Really? 107 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 3: Oh horrible? 108 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 5: Oh I didn't know that. 109 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 3: Horrible? 110 00:05:09,480 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 5: Oh oh yeah, bad Diane, you want to go with 111 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,599 Speaker 5: my daughter to the eye doctor? The hell was that? 112 00:05:15,640 --> 00:05:17,520 Speaker 5: Did you see how squinty she got? Yeah? 113 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 6: But because look at the way he wrote. 114 00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:23,400 Speaker 1: It though it almost letters E L and you got 115 00:05:23,440 --> 00:05:24,040 Speaker 1: three more to go. 116 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,320 Speaker 7: Well, I wasn't gonna say what the letters were. For example, 117 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 7: the way it's written, I thought the first letter was 118 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:29,960 Speaker 7: a bee. 119 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:34,000 Speaker 3: Which it is not. The no, but anyway, what name 120 00:05:34,040 --> 00:05:36,160 Speaker 3: would that be? Beavis? 121 00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 5: He wrote down butt head? 122 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, anyway, anyway. 123 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,160 Speaker 1: That's why you should never just try to diffuse it 124 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: by saying I'm sorry that even though it may click 125 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 1: in a moment, it doesn't come across as being authentic, 126 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 1: an authentic apology. 127 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,400 Speaker 6: And it didn't make it worse. 128 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 3: And he just make it worse. 129 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,479 Speaker 5: So I hate to go back to this person. But 130 00:05:57,480 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 5: so they have a reputation for raging out and getting results. 131 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 5: I had no idea. Oh yeah, I don't think you've 132 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:12,720 Speaker 5: ever shared that with us. I was never stiesse. 133 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 3: No, it doesn't. I'd have to get into such specific scenario. 134 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 3: But I would have to get into like. 135 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,359 Speaker 5: And don't do that. I'll talk about when that was 136 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 5: very public and involved you in his book. You were 137 00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,039 Speaker 5: the one painted as the maniac. 138 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,159 Speaker 3: Yeah, very much though how. 139 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:34,839 Speaker 5: Toxic was that environment? I was loved by them, though, 140 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 5: But I'm just saying in terms of like the overall 141 00:06:39,760 --> 00:06:45,480 Speaker 5: feel Yeah, yes, are both angry. I thought you were 142 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:48,359 Speaker 5: the insane one who would hit Remember we did the 143 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:49,559 Speaker 5: whole thing with the hockey stick. 144 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:50,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, not in here? 145 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 5: You do that here? Would you go in the hallway 146 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:58,200 Speaker 5: and sick slap shots? Yeah, and you're saying he's the 147 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:07,440 Speaker 5: crazy one. Yes, God, anyway, anyway, anyway, where was I? Oh, 148 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 5: so that's what you're sorry? 149 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 2: Oh? 150 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you. Don't say I'm sorry. 151 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 5: I said it. 152 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:14,800 Speaker 3: So that begs what question? 153 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 5: What should you say? 154 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 3: Thank you? Thank you? No, don't say thank you. 155 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: Don't say thank you, but thank you for getting the 156 00:07:23,920 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 1: question right. 157 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 5: So now everybody in this office listen on another common response, 158 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 5: so bothered by that. It's the same week when you 159 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 5: referred to someone in this office as diarrhea, not having diarrhea. 160 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,400 Speaker 5: You called someone diarrhea? 161 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 3: I did, Yes, who is I called diarrhea? Wait? Do 162 00:07:42,520 --> 00:07:43,600 Speaker 3: you remember? Yes? 163 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,440 Speaker 1: Wait, but what does that have to do with right now? 164 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,040 Speaker 5: It was a kind of out of left field because 165 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,880 Speaker 5: he's he's looking at me each time I say or 166 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:53,040 Speaker 5: to turn it up in the pit or in sales, 167 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 5: and as if I'm talking out of my ass. 168 00:07:56,600 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: Wait, who did I call diarrhea? And Kristin knows too? 169 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:01,920 Speaker 2: Wait? 170 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:02,880 Speaker 3: Wait how long ago? 171 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 6: Yesterday? 172 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,520 Speaker 1: It might have been before? Okay, wait, I called the 173 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 1: person diarrhea. Yes, I said they had diarrhea. 174 00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 5: You were giving us the list of people who have 175 00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:15,360 Speaker 5: had diarrhea in the office, and then said, and this 176 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 5: person just is diarrhea. 177 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 3: That's a good one, that's a good roast. 178 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:27,200 Speaker 5: So stop giving me that glance, like, come on, I 179 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:27,840 Speaker 5: would never. 180 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 1: Experts say the goal isn't to make the other person 181 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 1: stop feeling angry. It's to make a real conversation possible. Again, 182 00:08:39,520 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: so a lot of times somebody will go, like, calm 183 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: down so that they're not angry, or I'm sorry, so 184 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:48,560 Speaker 1: that they're not angry. They're going to be angry. So 185 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 1: but how do you how do you get it back 186 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:55,200 Speaker 1: to being a conversation. That's the goal that requires doing 187 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:58,719 Speaker 1: two things at once. This, according to experts, protecting your 188 00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 1: own boundaries, because no one deserves to be berated. 189 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,679 Speaker 3: I disagree with that a little bit. Some people do, no, no, 190 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:08,400 Speaker 3: I do. Sometimes no I will. Sometimes people need to 191 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 3: be yelled at. 192 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 1: While also making the other person genuinely heard, because a 193 00:09:16,320 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: lot of times people will get mad or if they 194 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:24,560 Speaker 1: feel like they're being dismissed, right, yeah. Another common response 195 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,840 Speaker 1: to being yelled at is to interrupt defend and point 196 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,480 Speaker 1: out everything the other person got wrong. 197 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 6: I feel like you see that a lot. 198 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:36,000 Speaker 7: It's like people will just be like, I'm just going 199 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,800 Speaker 7: to talk over you, because then nobody's hearing what the 200 00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 7: other person's saying. 201 00:09:42,640 --> 00:09:44,960 Speaker 5: Now, where are you looking when she made that comment? 202 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 3: I can't tell she's talking about me. 203 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:52,400 Speaker 6: No, I wasn't. But you, I mean, you've seen that 204 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 6: a million times. 205 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,960 Speaker 7: Oh yeah, of course, where people are just screaming at 206 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,679 Speaker 7: each other and it's but a lot of nobody's hearing. 207 00:09:58,520 --> 00:10:01,480 Speaker 1: Anything right, And a lot of times it's like, oh, well, 208 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:02,800 Speaker 1: here's what you do right. 209 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 7: Yeah, it's like, you know, you got some valid points, 210 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 7: but I can't hear them because I'm talking. 211 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:10,199 Speaker 1: When people are angry, they may not be thinking at 212 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 1: their most clear, so they say acting that way or 213 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:17,080 Speaker 1: doing those things is pouring gasoline on the fire. 214 00:10:18,280 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 3: They can't hear you because they're angry. 215 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:26,040 Speaker 1: And people get angry, but they do have they do 216 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,840 Speaker 1: have some good options that you should do. 217 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 3: Line one, Hi, elliot. 218 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: In the morning, Yeah, Hi, who's this? 219 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 3: That's yes, sir? What can I do for you? 220 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,680 Speaker 2: You say it all the time. 221 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: Excuse me, but that doesn't make that doesn't upset people, 222 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,040 Speaker 1: there's usually not a question mark on it. 223 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,120 Speaker 3: Put no excuse me, that's anal. 224 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:54,800 Speaker 1: I probably got dumb d av all right, very good, 225 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 1: very good, Thank you sir, Thank you. 226 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:02,560 Speaker 5: All right, that's the first thing you as the Can 227 00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 5: I first go to line four attacking your neck? 228 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:05,520 Speaker 3: No? 229 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 1: No, nor should that? Hi, yelliot in the morning. 230 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 4: Hey, hey elliot, it's Mark in Long Island. 231 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:11,719 Speaker 8: How are you? 232 00:11:13,080 --> 00:11:13,840 Speaker 3: What can I do for you? 233 00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:14,120 Speaker 2: Sir? 234 00:11:15,679 --> 00:11:17,439 Speaker 4: It doesn't have to be two words? 235 00:11:17,559 --> 00:11:17,719 Speaker 7: Right? 236 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 3: Why what are you going with? 237 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:22,320 Speaker 2: Take a breath? 238 00:11:23,040 --> 00:11:24,720 Speaker 3: Okay, that that, sir. 239 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 1: You may as well pour gas on the fire again 240 00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: if you're if somebody's yelling and you're like, take a breath. 241 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,160 Speaker 4: Take a deep breath. Take a deep breath. 242 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:39,680 Speaker 1: And now you're talking, baby tone, take a deep breath, 243 00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,679 Speaker 1: Take a deep breath. 244 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 4: It calms the situation down. 245 00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 6: No, it doesn't. 246 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: Yes, bye by infuriating the person. 247 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:49,400 Speaker 3: Thank you, Mark. 248 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 2: All right. 249 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,120 Speaker 3: Let's get to some real answers that are helpful. 250 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,679 Speaker 1: And this is what the person is what the so 251 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 1: it's that of going hey, calm down, Hey, take a breath. 252 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:07,400 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Here's what you should say. A number one. 253 00:12:08,760 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: Help me understand what happened from your perspective. 254 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 5: It's a mouthful, But can you see Caruso saying that 255 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 5: I actually can. So that's a good one. 256 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:27,080 Speaker 1: Then help me understand what happened from your perspective. 257 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 3: This signals that you're willing to listen. 258 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:36,719 Speaker 1: And often lowers the other person's defenses and that they 259 00:12:36,760 --> 00:12:39,160 Speaker 1: can begin explaining instead of yelling. 260 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,640 Speaker 5: How do you feel about that one? 261 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:43,839 Speaker 3: I don't like that one. 262 00:12:44,320 --> 00:12:46,719 Speaker 1: I don't like that one because I feel like, like. 263 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:47,880 Speaker 3: Oh my god, you should know. 264 00:12:49,280 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 5: It almost sounds like you're putting down the yeller, like 265 00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:57,240 Speaker 5: you're like. 266 00:12:57,400 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 3: Well, no, I think that and that's a tone issue. 267 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:03,960 Speaker 5: Okay, so I'm misinterpreting it. 268 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:08,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, help me, Diane, help me, help me, Please, help 269 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:10,160 Speaker 1: me understand your perspective. 270 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:13,720 Speaker 5: It's suggesting because you're making no sense right now, So 271 00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:14,880 Speaker 5: help me understand. 272 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, because I don't. 273 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 1: I don't understand what you're all fired up about. 274 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:21,840 Speaker 6: Sex. 275 00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 5: He's the one yelling changing parts, Yeah, Diana, no hide 276 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:28,880 Speaker 5: over here. 277 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 1: You might also say things like I can see how 278 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: important this is to you, or I can see why 279 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 1: maybe this is upsetting. You're recognizing the person's emotion without 280 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 1: suggesting the outburst is acceptable. 281 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:51,960 Speaker 5: I feel like that's obvious that it's important. Now people 282 00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 5: do yell about things I guess that are not as significant. 283 00:13:55,160 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: Let me bring out another example. It was the same one. 284 00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 5: Okay, So that's when it is that they're losing their 285 00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 5: minds over something that really, in the grand scheme of things. 286 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 1: Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, all right, Number two, you're right that. 287 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 1: Now you're right, your right that. Oh okay, So for example, right, 288 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 1: but let me give you let me give you a 289 00:14:27,440 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: common one that that starts a lot of fights with couples. 290 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: Somebody's always late, right. Jackie and I dealt with this 291 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:38,200 Speaker 1: for a long time where she was always late, always 292 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 1: and it would start bad fights. 293 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 6: But she worked on that and it's not the case. 294 00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:42,200 Speaker 5: Yeah. 295 00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:43,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, we've both worked on it. 296 00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 6: We've both worked You've worked on not over reacting. 297 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 3: And she's worked on trying to be better about time. 298 00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 5: Absolutely, So use in a sentence place, doctor Bailey. 299 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 1: So I'm I would be yelling at Jackie, right, I'm 300 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:02,200 Speaker 1: letting her have it. She would say, you're right that 301 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:04,240 Speaker 1: I should have known I was running late. 302 00:15:09,040 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 5: Wait, that just that completely admits that defeat to what 303 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:13,440 Speaker 5: you're doing. 304 00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 3: That well, she was right. She gets results, but she 305 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:16,360 Speaker 3: was wrong. 306 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 5: That's I thought, not the exercise we're doing the. 307 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 1: No no, But that's what you're supposed to say to 308 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:22,560 Speaker 1: stop the person from yelling. 309 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 5: Oh okay, so you don't have to say anything about 310 00:15:26,600 --> 00:15:27,359 Speaker 5: the outburst. 311 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:31,040 Speaker 3: No, just listen. You're right. I should have let you 312 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,360 Speaker 3: know I was going to be running late. 313 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 7: Yeah, and then they might shout for like another second 314 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 7: or two, but then it kind of Yeah. 315 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 3: So it takes me, I know, but you do it 316 00:15:38,960 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 3: all the time. 317 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 1: You're right. I should have let you know that I 318 00:15:42,040 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 1: was running late. I'll say it. I'll say it ten 319 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:47,320 Speaker 1: times while you were still screaming. 320 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:50,800 Speaker 5: Okay, so that one doesn't work, like tardiness can be 321 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,360 Speaker 5: a massive problem, Yes, but it is something. I'll tap 322 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 5: your seat again. Uh huh, that's not a massive problem. 323 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 5: You don't want to the person's not right. You can't 324 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 5: use that example. 325 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 3: I agree. Maybe that's when you use a different one. 326 00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 5: Okay. 327 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 3: Somebody forgets to somebody forgets that they. 328 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 1: Were supposed to give you something at work, right, and 329 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,880 Speaker 1: your manager is really screaming at you, and that's when 330 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 1: you go, you're right, that slip through the cracks. 331 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,360 Speaker 3: M Yeah, so this so what, So what are you 332 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:19,720 Speaker 3: gonna do? 333 00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:23,360 Speaker 1: Keep yelling at me, Keep yelling Aaron, and I'll tell you, yeah, 334 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 1: you're right, that's through the crack. 335 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,760 Speaker 6: I don't think people are forgiving about something like that, well. 336 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:34,359 Speaker 1: Not asking you know you're wrong, you don't goofed. Yeah, 337 00:16:34,520 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 1: so you could say I'm sorry and then raged equals results, Diane, 338 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:39,960 Speaker 1: you know that. 339 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 5: There is something about now I'm trying to run through 340 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:46,800 Speaker 5: a couple uh versions of your write that in my head. 341 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:53,440 Speaker 5: And if the person storms in there beating their chest 342 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:57,120 Speaker 5: and really wants to lay into you, and you can 343 00:16:57,160 --> 00:17:02,080 Speaker 5: see that point that they're right in me, it does. 344 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so now you're just gonna yell. 345 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:07,000 Speaker 3: Now you're just raging. 346 00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 5: Now that person and you're out of control. Who is 347 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:14,000 Speaker 5: screaming looks like an idiot. Yeah, you may have messed 348 00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,560 Speaker 5: up and done something idiotic. 349 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:17,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, but slipped through the cracks. 350 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:21,040 Speaker 5: But the one who planned on this whole show of 351 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:27,200 Speaker 5: emotion is stuck. Just you're beating a dead horse, being moronic. 352 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe that. 353 00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 5: One's not bad. 354 00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,359 Speaker 3: How about this one. 355 00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 5: I'm willing to talk, but not if we're yelling at 356 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:34,960 Speaker 5: each other. 357 00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:37,040 Speaker 6: That doesn't always work. 358 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 3: Yeah. That that by the way, you just pour gas 359 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:40,600 Speaker 3: on the monster. 360 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, good, then let's just yell. 361 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:51,879 Speaker 3: I love these though, I love them. Hi Elliott in 362 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 3: the morning. 363 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:59,360 Speaker 8: Hi, good morning Elliott. Yes, I don't get yelled at often, 364 00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:03,320 Speaker 8: but times I've diffused the situation by saying, stop yelling 365 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:04,639 Speaker 8: and improve your argument. 366 00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:08,280 Speaker 3: I'm sorry, how how did that help? 367 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 8: It makes them stop and think if they're just using 368 00:18:13,080 --> 00:18:15,400 Speaker 8: me as a punching bag, or they've got a valid. 369 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,720 Speaker 3: Point, And what if they go, I don't have to 370 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 3: improve the argument. I I know what I'm doing. 371 00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,720 Speaker 8: Nobody has yet I'll have to work on it. 372 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 4: Comeback for that. 373 00:18:25,560 --> 00:18:27,000 Speaker 1: Really, So that works. 374 00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,680 Speaker 8: I just tell people to improve their argument if someone's 375 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 8: being unreasonable. It sort of falls in the same lines 376 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:37,360 Speaker 8: as let me understand where you're coming from, like explain yourself. 377 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, but that way, that way, But the experts say that, 378 00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,520 Speaker 1: at least in that one, you're telling them I'm hearing you, 379 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 1: I'm hearing you. 380 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:47,440 Speaker 5: Yeah. 381 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 8: I guess it depends on the context that you're at 382 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:53,800 Speaker 8: work or if it's a family member, wow, something like that. 383 00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 1: I feel like and listen, maybe you're right, I feel 384 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,680 Speaker 1: but in my head, I feel like that would that 385 00:18:58,680 --> 00:18:59,639 Speaker 1: that would trigger me. 386 00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 3: I feel like it would. 387 00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,919 Speaker 8: Well, if I'm not really trying to cause peace, if 388 00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,000 Speaker 8: someone's yelling at me, I need them to. 389 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 4: Get off my back. 390 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: Oh okay, so now we're gonna go all right, I gotcha, 391 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 1: I gotcha? 392 00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,720 Speaker 3: All right, very good. Hey, have a good weekend. 393 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: Thank you, ma'am. I don't like this one. I want 394 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: to hear you and I can't do that while we're 395 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:26,159 Speaker 1: at this level. 396 00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:29,720 Speaker 3: I don't like that one. That's a hard one. 397 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 5: There is some admission that you're curious what the yeller 398 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:38,520 Speaker 5: has to say. 399 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, that's true. 400 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:42,439 Speaker 1: I also don't like, Hey, you know what, let's stop 401 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:44,760 Speaker 1: and come back to this when we've cooled off. 402 00:19:45,280 --> 00:19:46,560 Speaker 5: Yeah, that's not gonna. 403 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: Work now, Like at that point, that's just a long 404 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:49,600 Speaker 1: version of calm down? 405 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,600 Speaker 3: Where am I going? Kristen Line seven? Hi Elliott the morning? 406 00:19:59,240 --> 00:19:59,600 Speaker 2: Hello? 407 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:00,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, Hi, who's this? 408 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 2: Yeah? How's it going? Man? This is Marcus? 409 00:20:03,920 --> 00:20:05,200 Speaker 3: Yes, sir? What can I do for you? 410 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:09,399 Speaker 2: Well, my only opinion on it is, as I was saying, 411 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 2: like with somebody, like, think about it. When you walk 412 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:14,280 Speaker 2: into your office or your business. This's first thing in 413 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,600 Speaker 2: the morning. Somebody's just really got it on their back 414 00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:20,640 Speaker 2: like you wanted to give like a two word sentence. Now, 415 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,720 Speaker 2: sometimes it will turn into like f off or f 416 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:25,840 Speaker 2: off or. 417 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:28,399 Speaker 3: You know. 418 00:20:28,920 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 2: Sometimes it's there may be a hand raised that does 419 00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:36,040 Speaker 2: not get thrown, but go away. Oh my god, look 420 00:20:36,040 --> 00:20:36,520 Speaker 2: in your eyes. 421 00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:42,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, what do you? Where do you work that? It's 422 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,720 Speaker 1: it's so bad like that. It's cool to raise a 423 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: hand to somebody. 424 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:48,679 Speaker 4: Restaurants. 425 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,720 Speaker 3: I get it, I get it. No, I get it. Absolutely. 426 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,359 Speaker 2: The moody came in, they had a hard night yelling 427 00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:58,040 Speaker 2: at the wife or drinking god knows what, or their 428 00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:04,080 Speaker 2: team lost and I don't care what you take it. 429 00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:07,240 Speaker 1: Over there, friend, friend, Yeah, I like that. 430 00:21:07,840 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 3: I like that very good. Thank you sir. 431 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 5: Yes, Even though we all sort of came around to 432 00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:18,119 Speaker 5: the your right, then you're right that come back or response, 433 00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,080 Speaker 5: Hugh does point out that he doesn't see your right 434 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:29,479 Speaker 5: that I'm diarrhea, it could work. So yeah, again, there 435 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:32,639 Speaker 5: are exceptions to every rule. Even if we felt like 436 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 5: we had come to terms with that one. 437 00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,040 Speaker 3: Where am I gun? 438 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,960 Speaker 1: Line five? 439 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 3: Hi Elliott in the morning? Hey, Yeah, Hi, who's. 440 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 2: This is Kyle? 441 00:21:46,880 --> 00:21:47,719 Speaker 6: How you doing Elliott? 442 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,320 Speaker 3: I'm doing great? What can I do for you, sir, 443 00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:50,720 Speaker 3: Hey man, I. 444 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:53,120 Speaker 2: Think one way you could uh shot a You got 445 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:54,280 Speaker 2: to use the cheech and chong. 446 00:21:54,160 --> 00:22:00,399 Speaker 1: About it, man, you gotta go hey, mellow man, sweet 447 00:22:00,520 --> 00:22:01,240 Speaker 1: cheech and chong. 448 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:01,800 Speaker 3: Recall. 449 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:06,239 Speaker 5: All right, very good, thank you, sir, thank you. But 450 00:22:06,240 --> 00:22:09,240 Speaker 5: these are all good, These are all helpful. Have to 451 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:10,760 Speaker 5: list you said you didn't. 452 00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:14,159 Speaker 3: Like again, you have to find your spot. 453 00:22:15,119 --> 00:22:19,360 Speaker 5: But you're also coming from the perspective as the extremist. 454 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:21,840 Speaker 5: Yeah a little bit, yeller? Yeah, how about this one? 455 00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:26,560 Speaker 1: So you're getting berated, right, somebody's going off and you go, 456 00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:29,040 Speaker 1: I have an idea that might help. 457 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 3: Do you want to hear it? What? What's wrong with 458 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:39,679 Speaker 3: that you're you're offering? I have an idea? Do you 459 00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:40,239 Speaker 3: want to hear it? 460 00:22:40,280 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 6: Maybe it's just your tone. 461 00:22:42,000 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 5: Well, I think Diane may be the best judge of 462 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,800 Speaker 5: these because she is in the office a lot when 463 00:22:49,840 --> 00:22:54,280 Speaker 5: you're not happy. Kirsten will be in her studio, I'll 464 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:57,840 Speaker 5: be in here. Diane does bear witness to a lot 465 00:22:57,920 --> 00:23:02,439 Speaker 5: of the people who in for this segment. Right, So 466 00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 5: if someone said to Elliott, do you want to hear it? 467 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 6: I don't even think you're taking your headphones off? 468 00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,600 Speaker 3: No, because I'm into it already. I'm getting after it. 469 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:15,800 Speaker 3: I'm getting after it. 470 00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:18,800 Speaker 5: Is that part of his response I feel like because 471 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 5: I've seen him ignore people like that. Yeah, but he'll 472 00:23:21,520 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 5: yell with the headphones on and hear them. 473 00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:24,320 Speaker 4: No. 474 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 7: A lot of it's pretending like he doesn't know you're there. 475 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:32,080 Speaker 7: Although there's a massive reflect right frame. Yeah, it's all 476 00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,560 Speaker 7: windows and he's looking at a monitor that's reflecting the 477 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 7: Soul Asylum right. 478 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 5: Posting glass on the ten feet tall by five. 479 00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,000 Speaker 3: Feet wall, and you can you can see what's going 480 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 3: on behind you. Why would I admit that. 481 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:50,440 Speaker 5: You can see people at the printer in the pit? Yeah, 482 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,600 Speaker 5: that's a good what twenty feet twenty five feet from 483 00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 5: the door? 484 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:55,560 Speaker 3: If not? 485 00:23:55,640 --> 00:24:01,920 Speaker 1: More so? Do you want to hear it? The I 486 00:24:02,000 --> 00:24:07,280 Speaker 1: can't Where am I? Gun Line eight? Hi Elliott the morning? 487 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:09,439 Speaker 2: Hello, that's me? 488 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:12,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, Hi, who's y Hi? 489 00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:13,120 Speaker 4: Uh? 490 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,159 Speaker 2: This is James. 491 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 4: I'm driving through Prinsville right now. 492 00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:17,200 Speaker 2: Oh but. 493 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,639 Speaker 4: Yeah, I Uh. I get an argument with my partner 494 00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 4: about like different things, and I've apologized before. It's like 495 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,640 Speaker 4: I'm sorry in like the moment, and it's like out 496 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 4: of fear. But I found that if you instead say 497 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:40,800 Speaker 4: I understand you're upset, and I'm sorry that I upset you. 498 00:24:40,800 --> 00:24:44,359 Speaker 4: You're not apologizing to like the thing you did, but 499 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:47,000 Speaker 4: you're apologizing that you caused that much. 500 00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:47,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I understand. 501 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:51,080 Speaker 1: I understand that that that's that, that's that gray area place. 502 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:51,600 Speaker 3: I get that. 503 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,560 Speaker 1: I don't listen may and if it works, God blessed. 504 00:24:56,600 --> 00:24:58,880 Speaker 1: I just know on hear the experts say you shouldn't 505 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,960 Speaker 1: say that for what what ever? That's worth, whatever that's worth. 506 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 1: But I understand, I understand the point that you're trying 507 00:25:04,640 --> 00:25:04,960 Speaker 1: to make. 508 00:25:07,040 --> 00:25:11,600 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's it does work, but just saying like I'm sorry, 509 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,360 Speaker 4: it's usually like a peer response, right. 510 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: Well, they do say that it's fear and and it 511 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:19,960 Speaker 1: teaches rage gets results. 512 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:26,320 Speaker 4: Yeah, it's really bad. But if you if you start 513 00:25:26,320 --> 00:25:29,680 Speaker 4: a sentence with like I understand while they're upset, usually. 514 00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:34,399 Speaker 1: Have you gone with you know what, help me understand 515 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,160 Speaker 1: what happens from your perspective. 516 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,000 Speaker 3: If I try that, it doesn't. 517 00:25:41,640 --> 00:25:44,680 Speaker 1: Work as well in my case, because I almost feel 518 00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,159 Speaker 1: like if I were the person yelling, I'd be like, 519 00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 1: I've just I've been telling you that idiot, like I've 520 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:50,199 Speaker 1: been telling you what the problem is. 521 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:54,159 Speaker 4: Yeah, that's kind of what I've got and it's like, 522 00:25:55,359 --> 00:25:57,640 Speaker 4: you should know, you should know why I'm upset. I've 523 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:02,000 Speaker 4: been yelling at you for the past. 524 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 3: Why all right, dude, appreciate it. Thank you, Sir Yesler. 525 00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:08,960 Speaker 5: From Instagram zero two one hundred with help me understand 526 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:15,080 Speaker 5: from my husband that one could trigger for sure, but 527 00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:16,240 Speaker 5: that's why they gave you a list. 528 00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 3: That one could trigger.