WEBVTT - Lopsided Friendship 

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<v Speaker 1>Shannon is going to bring something up here right now

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<v Speaker 1>that I wonder if any other people can relate to.

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<v Speaker 1>And it involves your friendships. What's going on?

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like I am in a lobsided friendship. And

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<v Speaker 2>what I mean by that is I Tonight, I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to have dinner. Wes and I are going to have

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<v Speaker 2>dinner with our favorite friends, Justin and doctor Matt. You've

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<v Speaker 2>heard me talk about them before. They're the ones that

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<v Speaker 2>throw a party for their stairs, Yes, when their stairs called.

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<v Speaker 2>I love them. So dinner is tonight. Justin is a chef,

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<v Speaker 2>so the food is always beyond incredible. Matt is the

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<v Speaker 2>host of hosts. He's always making sure that the decor

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<v Speaker 2>is on point, and like, are your feet cold? I

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<v Speaker 2>can get you a pair of slippers, Like they're just

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<v Speaker 2>They're just the best. And I always feel so lucky

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<v Speaker 2>and so very spoiled when we go over to their house. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>I told Wes last night as we were kind of

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<v Speaker 2>going through a weekend, I'm like, I feel like this

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<v Speaker 2>friendship is kind of lobsided because we have never, I

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<v Speaker 2>think ever ever had them over to our house, not

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<v Speaker 2>even for drinks or apps. And part of it is

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<v Speaker 2>I think I'm self conscious because I don't cook at all.

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<v Speaker 3>Really.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I can make basics, but I would be

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<v Speaker 2>so nervous to cook for Justin a chef, like a

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<v Speaker 2>great chef. But like, we've never had them over, and

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<v Speaker 2>so I'm like, it's always them having us. They always

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<v Speaker 2>want to invite us over, which is so awesome, but

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<v Speaker 2>I feel kind of bad. And I'll always bring something

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<v Speaker 2>like you know this mojo. I'll always bring wine or champagne.

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<v Speaker 2>They love champagne. I always bring champagne when we go.

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<v Speaker 2>But I'm like, that still doesn't feel equal to me,

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<v Speaker 2>not but it has to know. But this has been

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<v Speaker 2>years of this, and they especially love Wes. So like

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<v Speaker 2>I've known Justin, for God since before my kids were born,

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<v Speaker 2>so I've known him for a long time. But now

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<v Speaker 2>that like, I'm married to Wes and they love Wes.

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<v Speaker 2>Wes and I have gone over to their house like

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<v Speaker 2>a dozen times, but we've never hit them over to ours.

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<v Speaker 1>Do you think they look at you guys as leeches?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, they're the.

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<v Speaker 2>One always inviting.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I wish I would Justin and Matt ever sit

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<v Speaker 1>there on the couch on a Saturday night. They had

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<v Speaker 1>no plans and go be nice. If West and Shannon

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<v Speaker 1>inviting us over tonight.

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<v Speaker 2>Like I have to invite them over at some point because.

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<v Speaker 1>You're doing carry out.

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<v Speaker 2>I guess we could do carry out and they probably

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<v Speaker 2>wouldn't care. It's more me getting anxiety over it.

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<v Speaker 1>Do any listeners have this lopsided friendships where they're always

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<v Speaker 1>uh doing the entertaining and their friends are always the takers. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you're the givers.

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<v Speaker 3>It never helps people in my spot j G and

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<v Speaker 3>John say yeah, pretty much the taker.

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<v Speaker 1>J G.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I feel like there are certain roles within your

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<v Speaker 3>friend group, Like you have friends who are the hosters

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<v Speaker 3>and they throw the party. I played a role of,

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<v Speaker 3>you know, bringing energy in the playlist. That's where often

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<v Speaker 3>do they need the energy in the playoffs? It all works.

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<v Speaker 1>Together, Yeah, it works together.

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<v Speaker 3>Johnson, we JJ got the spot and he might do

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<v Speaker 3>to fool everybody pretty much, bring a bottle. I'm bringing

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<v Speaker 3>the vibes in the they buy you drive. That's like that.

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<v Speaker 1>Can I tell you what is anxiety filled? We're going

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<v Speaker 1>to dial Will they answer the phone?

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<v Speaker 2>Justin we can?

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<v Speaker 5>All right?

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<v Speaker 1>Again, I'm an awkward phone dialer, So just so you know.

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<v Speaker 2>That I have to say no, I would love to.

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<v Speaker 1>I do want. I do want to have them on.

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<v Speaker 1>And I'm going to tell you the biggest reason I

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<v Speaker 1>want to have him on because I want to discuss

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<v Speaker 1>why Lydia is Lydia. You're trying to dial on somebody's line.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I was just calling a texter.

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<v Speaker 1>Sorry, Okay, No. For some reason though, in the phone

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<v Speaker 1>system here, if I pick a line to dial on

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<v Speaker 1>and Lydia chooses it in the other room, it overrides me.

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<v Speaker 1>So I have a I have a reason to bring

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<v Speaker 1>this up. He's already in our system. I like it.

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<v Speaker 1>Justin's already and Shannon's friend Justin, Hi, Justin? How are you?

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<v Speaker 5>Hi?

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<v Speaker 1>Good? I was wondering what your plans are this weekend, Shannon,

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<v Speaker 1>and we are coming over. What are we cooking? Justin?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you feel like this is an unfair friendship, like

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<v Speaker 1>an unbalanced, lopsided friendship that you.

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<v Speaker 2>Always have us over and you cook these beautiful meals,

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<v Speaker 2>but we've never had you over. I love we love entertaining,

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<v Speaker 2>So you know what, you would also not want to

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<v Speaker 2>eat my food?

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<v Speaker 5>I don't know. I wouldn't mind.

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<v Speaker 1>In all fairness, this is what the man does too. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>isn't it? Isn't there? You're an incredible an amazing show, Justin.

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<v Speaker 5>Can I tell you we have a good menu playing

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<v Speaker 5>for tonight?

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<v Speaker 1>What is the what is the plant? We're gonna have

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<v Speaker 1>lamb chops.

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<v Speaker 5>Who've got grilled sausage and then some polenta. What is

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<v Speaker 5>he's it's like grids.

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<v Speaker 1>It looks like it looks it looks like you're eating

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<v Speaker 1>you know, it's it's I always feel like when I

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<v Speaker 1>when I see the planta there, I get all excited

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm like, it's mashed potatoes. Unfortunately it's not mashed potatoes.

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<v Speaker 1>Can I, Justin? Can I bring something up that I

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<v Speaker 1>think that there's a struggle in most people's relationships and

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<v Speaker 1>there's a commonality to this. Having gay friends is tough

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<v Speaker 1>because gay friends are very giving, they are very they

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<v Speaker 1>are very talented, and they do things over the top,

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<v Speaker 1>and unfortunately the heterosexuals don't necessarily do a very good

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<v Speaker 1>job of that. I just want you to know, and

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<v Speaker 1>so so there becomes a little bit of a problem

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<v Speaker 1>with this, like it does. It's anxiety filled if you have,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, friends that are guests.

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<v Speaker 2>Even Justin is so good about dropping off like he'll

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<v Speaker 2>make He does homemade candies and homemade like pastries and breads,

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<v Speaker 2>and he'll be like, are you home, knock, knock, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>coming by to drop off some stuff. How many times

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<v Speaker 2>do I even invite you in? Sometimes I'm like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>my god, is a mask? The dogs kids are so

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<v Speaker 2>I just talked to them on my front porch.

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<v Speaker 1>Yep, that is so funny. So I never think, by

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<v Speaker 1>the way, if I'm having a party of flowers, but

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<v Speaker 1>gay gay men and gay women think of flowers, were going.

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<v Speaker 2>To like natal arrangements and candles and flowers.

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<v Speaker 1>Something different to the house. Yeah, you need to have

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<v Speaker 1>a party and show us.

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<v Speaker 3>Noah, I don't. Ja might come over tomorrow though, before

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<v Speaker 3>our event. Oh really, bring flowers. Just the two of

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<v Speaker 3>you guys appropriate, only the two of us have the event.

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<v Speaker 1>You guys are they're doing an event together tomorrow, justin

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<v Speaker 1>to lend itself more to the fact that they're affing. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>we didn't book ourselves. Where are you guys at tomorrow?

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<v Speaker 1>We're gonna be at Greek.

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<v Speaker 3>Town Open it up, Open it up, and we'll be

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<v Speaker 3>out there having a good time.

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<v Speaker 1>And you're gonna meet beforehand for what to like prep

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<v Speaker 1>your night toil to carpool you live closer in town

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<v Speaker 1>than Oh my god, that's this is By the way,

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<v Speaker 1>I would like to war the roses you see where

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<v Speaker 1>we'll send a dozen free roses here. Hold on a second, justin,

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<v Speaker 1>We got some listeners here that want to comment on

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<v Speaker 1>Shannon being a bad friend to you. You and Matt.

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<v Speaker 1>What's up? Andrea? How you doing good? What's going on?

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<v Speaker 3>Good?

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<v Speaker 6>I just I.

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<v Speaker 4>Don't agree that it's a gay friend thing versus a

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<v Speaker 4>heterosexual person saying. I think some people just love to

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<v Speaker 4>serve and it's like their favorite thing to do. I

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<v Speaker 4>love hosting people and having them over.

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<v Speaker 1>And they never.

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<v Speaker 4>Think, oh my friends suck because they don't do the

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<v Speaker 4>same something I like.

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<v Speaker 1>To do it. So you never judge them on the

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<v Speaker 1>fact that they're they're mooching off of you.

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<v Speaker 4>No, no, because it's my favorite thing to do. I

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<v Speaker 4>have people over, serve them food and drink, and I

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<v Speaker 4>love to cook and some people and that.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd be honest with you though, I would bet though

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<v Speaker 1>majority of people would have it in the back of

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<v Speaker 1>their mind of are they ever going to invite us out?

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<v Speaker 1>You know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 2>We go out like we'll go out to dinner a lot.

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<v Speaker 1>Who pays?

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<v Speaker 2>When you go on, Justin, who pays? Do we split it.

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<v Speaker 6>Back?

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<v Speaker 5>And I think we kind of, you know, sneaks.

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<v Speaker 1>It because that's a good way to get back. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>like that's a really good way to give back. What's

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<v Speaker 1>going on, Carrie? How you doing good? Martin? I'm doing great.

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<v Speaker 1>I just wanted to say to Shannon, the easiest solution

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<v Speaker 1>is just to have a pizza night and invite them

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<v Speaker 1>all everyone.

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<v Speaker 7>Easy.

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<v Speaker 2>Easy, Like this man is making lamb chops and I'm

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<v Speaker 2>going to be like, we're heaving a pizza night.

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<v Speaker 1>Find a nice place with something different, you know, just

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<v Speaker 1>make sure you install the brick oven first.

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<v Speaker 5>Wait, Shandon, that was what of our options today? We

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<v Speaker 5>were going to make pizza because we had one of

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<v Speaker 5>those Uoni ovens.

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<v Speaker 1>Of course. Hey, by the way, Justin, Chelsea and I

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<v Speaker 1>are great people to be friends, and they're free tonight

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<v Speaker 1>and we might have some people over on Saturday night

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<v Speaker 1>if you guys would like to join us, but maybe

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<v Speaker 1>cancel on on your prior plans. What's up, Hannah?

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<v Speaker 2>Hi, good morning everyone, Good morning.

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<v Speaker 6>I wanted to call because I'm also the hosting friend

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<v Speaker 6>and when I host, like I've smoked a brisket before,

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<v Speaker 6>I've made like a brave ragou. I like do for cash.

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<v Speaker 6>I make everything from scratch. And I do it for

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<v Speaker 6>two reasons. One because, like I'm Latina, we spread love

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<v Speaker 6>and community through food. In the second one, I love

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<v Speaker 6>curating how I get my compliment So it's like, I

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<v Speaker 6>don't know, it's like a dopamine hit whenever someone says

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<v Speaker 6>my food.

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<v Speaker 1>Is so good. So that's why I love sharing.

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<v Speaker 6>But the vibes in the community, I think it's awesome.

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<v Speaker 1>That is honestly, that sounds wonderful. What are you doing tonight? Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>we'll be right over. We'll be over at seven o'clock.

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<v Speaker 1>I like. I like friends also that invite you over

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<v Speaker 1>at an earlier hour. That's the other bad thing with

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<v Speaker 1>having friends who are gay. They like to they like

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<v Speaker 1>to entertain at eight o'clock at night. This man, this

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<v Speaker 1>man is in a coma at eight o'clock at night.

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<v Speaker 1>What time is are they inviting you over at?

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<v Speaker 2>What time?

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<v Speaker 6>Is it?

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<v Speaker 2>Seven?

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<v Speaker 6>Seven? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 5>But no, we normally eat at like nine.

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<v Speaker 1>Christ Caldian wedding. This is crazy, that's unbelievable. You know

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<v Speaker 1>that She's not gonna be able to digest that food

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<v Speaker 1>the next day. It's gonna be bad. She's gonna go

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<v Speaker 1>You're gonna go to bed with a full stomach, with

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<v Speaker 1>a full stomach, AVI, what's going on? AVI? Hey, what's up?

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<v Speaker 1>Hi buddy? Say hi to Justin Shannon's friend Justin. They

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<v Speaker 1>just didn't.

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<v Speaker 7>So I'm literally the always the one making plans for

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<v Speaker 7>our group chat, Like I'm the only one messaging in

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<v Speaker 7>there like, hey, what are you guys doing this weekend?

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<v Speaker 7>Let's do something.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's do something for fourth of July.

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<v Speaker 7>Always nobody ever message, And then when we plan, it's

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<v Speaker 7>either it happens or don't.

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<v Speaker 2>You have to do a little experiment and just go

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<v Speaker 2>silent and not plan anything for a couple of weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>We all have.

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<v Speaker 7>So for four to July, we've had something planning. We'll

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<v Speaker 7>all going camping, and we had everything planning, had to budget,

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<v Speaker 7>everything planned out.

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<v Speaker 1>And then everybody went sound. So I was like, okay,

0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:34.360
<v Speaker 1>I'll go silent.

0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:36.679
<v Speaker 7>I went silent, and me and my family we went

0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:38.439
<v Speaker 7>on to do something ourselves.

0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:42.600
<v Speaker 1>Okay, you know what that is. Uh, it's tough in

0:11:42.679 --> 0:11:45.120
<v Speaker 1>a couple's friendship like this. It seems like it's easier.

0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:48.000
<v Speaker 1>But if you are the friend group and you have that,

0:11:48.280 --> 0:11:53.400
<v Speaker 1>then it comes across like nobody's participating. So hey, justin

0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.560
<v Speaker 1>real quick, I'm gonna and we'll let you go because

0:11:55.600 --> 0:11:57.760
<v Speaker 1>I know that we've taken a ton of your time.

0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:04.040
<v Speaker 1>If Shannon shows up with in candy grapes tonight, she

0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:06.920
<v Speaker 1>got the idea from somebody else on the show.

0:12:07.120 --> 0:12:11.840
<v Speaker 3>Okay, yeah, it'll be your appetizer, A great way to

0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:16.960
<v Speaker 3>start through. Yeah, nothing says Nothing says like lamb chops

0:12:17.000 --> 0:12:18.240
<v Speaker 3>and cotton Caney grapes.

0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:22.040
<v Speaker 1>Will you guys, Will you guys also take a picture

0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:24.360
<v Speaker 1>of their staircase, because I know he talked about Justin

0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:25.280
<v Speaker 1>and Matt's staircase.

0:12:25.360 --> 0:12:26.760
<v Speaker 2>I will take a picture of a.

0:12:28.280 --> 0:12:31.559
<v Speaker 1>Yeah please, all right, we'll have dinner on the staircase,

0:12:31.600 --> 0:12:34.200
<v Speaker 1>and I would like a picture for the the Graham

0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:39.120
<v Speaker 1>of your lamb chops. Okay, we'll talk to you later.

0:12:39.160 --> 0:12:41.040
<v Speaker 1>See you, Justin, take car