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Speaker 1: It's still marks among show on seven tenor.

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Speaker 2: Well, hey, got a lot to talk about this our

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Speaker 2: New Jersey. Hew, do you get rid of Phil Murphy?

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Speaker 2: How do we get rid of Phil Murphy? We have

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Speaker 2: to call it an exterminator extra system. This guy just

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Speaker 2: doesn't leave. He's term limited out, but here he is.

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Speaker 2: He's all over the place talking about this and that.

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Speaker 2: He's on some aipprom, this program that's go away. He

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Speaker 2: was governor for eight years, got absolutely nothing accomplished. At

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Speaker 2: the end of his eight years, it's still the ridiculously

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Speaker 2: high taxes. Things are still out of control in New Jersey.

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Speaker 2: Nothing got fixed. The budget is totally out of control,

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Speaker 2: and here he is sounding off.

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Speaker 3: You wake up in the second Trump administration trying to

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Speaker 3: balance two opposite realities. Number one, always standing up for

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Speaker 3: our values, our communities under attack. On the other hand,

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Speaker 3: you're trying, like heck to start World War three with

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Speaker 3: these guys in Washington.

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Speaker 2: What a blowheart? Standing up for your values? What are

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Speaker 2: your values? Ridiculously high taxes, unbelievably high property tax, a

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Speaker 2: budget that's quadruple what it should be, wasting money, bloat, fraud,

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Speaker 2: that your values are fighting for the guy will not

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Speaker 2: go away. Doesn't he have a big gavilla in Italy?

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Speaker 2: Go there, leave us alone for a while. Hey, it's

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Speaker 2: a three day weekend. Monday is Martin Luther King Day.

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Speaker 2: I think Curtis will be here filling in for me. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: on Monday, Martin Luther King Day. That'll be great. Hey,

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Speaker 2: the movie Marty Supreme. It's a great movie. It's doing

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Speaker 2: very very well. I think it's up to about ninety

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Speaker 2: million at the box office already. A phenomenal movie. If

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Speaker 2: you haven't seen it, go see Marty Supreme. You love it. Now.

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Speaker 2: There was a real Marty Supreme And if you check

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Speaker 2: out my Instagram today, there's a picture of me with him.

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Speaker 2: We were good friends back in the nineties. The real

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Speaker 2: Marty Supreme was a guy named Marty Reisman, and he

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Speaker 2: was the world champion ping pong player, Champion of the

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Speaker 2: world in the fifties and sixties, and now when I

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Speaker 2: knew it was later in the nineties, but he was

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Speaker 2: retired from all that, but he was still he ran

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Speaker 2: like a little ping pong center and he would go

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Speaker 2: around doing exhibitions. And if you go on YouTube, you

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Speaker 2: can find a couple of David Letterman appearances where he'd

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Speaker 2: do some ping pong tricks. Now in real life he

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Speaker 2: was not. I mean, in the movie there's gangsters and

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Speaker 2: gunshots and car chases, and I don't think a lot

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Speaker 2: took place in real life. But Marty supreme, phenomenal movie.

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Speaker 2: If you want to see what the real guy look like,

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Speaker 2: check it out. I got a picture of me and

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Speaker 2: him on my Instagram. Mark Simone NYC at Instagram. And

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Speaker 2: what is this big Instagram trend going on right now

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Speaker 2: twenty sixteen with the hashtag everybody it's Facebook too, You're

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Speaker 2: supposed to put up pictures of you pictures from twenty sixteen.

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Speaker 2: I have no idea. I don't know where, cape why,

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Speaker 2: just because it's ten years ago. Was there something special

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Speaker 2: about two and sixteen? No, actually there was. That was

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Speaker 2: the year Donald Trump won the presidency. But I think

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Speaker 2: it's just like the new throwback Thursday, which is long gone,

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Speaker 2: but this is like the new version. So hey, Sean

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Speaker 2: Hannity last night, Great Show. He had ro Kanna on,

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Speaker 2: who a lot of people think has a shot at

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty eight being the Democratic nominee. But it didn't

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Speaker 2: go well for roe Kanna because there he was yelling

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Speaker 2: and screaming, renee good, renee good, renee good, renee good.

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Speaker 2: And then Sean said, wait a minute. You know you've

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Speaker 2: had so many American citizens killed by illegals? Can you

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Speaker 2: name one of them? Do you know their names? Can

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Speaker 2: you name us? And he couldn't. It looked quite flustered

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Speaker 2: by the question, and it was more of those sorts

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Speaker 2: of questions and the guy looked totally unprepared. It was

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Speaker 2: not a great moment, but there were people thinking to

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Speaker 2: him as the twenty twenty eight guy, not so much

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Speaker 2: after last night. Gavin Newsom, if you think he's the

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Speaker 2: leader in twenty twenty eight, he's upset a lot of Democrats.

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Speaker 2: Now he does this ridiculous podcast. You know, you're the

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Speaker 2: governor of California. You're supposed to be busy, not supposed

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Speaker 2: to have time to do a podcast. And he invites

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Speaker 2: conservatives on, which is good. That's good, give him credit.

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Speaker 2: He has a conservatives on on people from all points

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Speaker 2: of view. But it was Ben Shapiro, who's a very

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Speaker 2: smart guy. Shapiro's got like an IQ, like one ninety

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Speaker 2: and they start talking about trans and Shapiro starts to

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Speaker 2: get into you know, a man can't actually be a woman.

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Speaker 2: He can identify a so a man can't actually be

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Speaker 2: a woman. And then he starts confronting Newsome, would you

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Speaker 2: agree with? And then Newsom upset a lot of Democrats

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Speaker 2: because he just dodged the question. He just danced around

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Speaker 2: it and would not answer the question, which if you

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Speaker 2: want to win a Democratic primary, isn't right you go

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Speaker 2: to You can't be that much of a you know,

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Speaker 2: a diplomat. Democrats don't like that. You just avoided and

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Speaker 2: the question Shapiro kept trying to pin him down, knew

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Speaker 2: him afraid to take a side on it, upsetting a

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Speaker 2: lot of Democrats. You know, the problem is with Democrats,

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Speaker 2: and Shapiro got into this. You know, it's simply scientific.

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Speaker 2: You're either born a man or a woman. If you're

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Speaker 2: born a man, you can't decide you're a woman. It

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Speaker 2: goes against science. And the problem with Newsom is he

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Speaker 2: couldn't He didn't want to respond. But wasn't it The

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Speaker 2: Democrats were always yelling at you to you have to

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Speaker 2: believe the science. When it comes to climate change. You're

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Speaker 2: not allowed to argue with the science. The science is

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Speaker 2: something you cannot deny. Well, here they are denying it

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Speaker 2: when it comes to whether you're a man or a woman. Hey,

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Speaker 2: speaking of climate change, apparently it's over. There's no more

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Speaker 2: climate change. Apparently it is over. People think that that's

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Speaker 2: been shown now because Kamala Harris, as you, as we

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Speaker 2: mentioned the other day, just purchased an eight million dollar

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Speaker 2: mansion in Malibu right on the Pacific Ocean, right on

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Speaker 2: the water. It's like two inches from the water, right

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Speaker 2: on the beach. So people take that as a sign

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Speaker 2: there because she was the one yelling and screaming about

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Speaker 2: climate change or the sea level is gonna rise, the

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Speaker 2: beaches will be eroded. So the fact that she spent

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Speaker 2: and for her, that's a lot of money. Eight million.

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Speaker 2: You know, if it's Bill Gates, you could find that

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Speaker 2: much eight You can find eight million under his sofa cushion.

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Speaker 2: But for her, it's an enormous part of her savings.

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Speaker 2: So if she spent that on a house literally right

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Speaker 2: on the ocean, apparently climate change is over. You don't

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Speaker 2: have to worry about it anymore. So that's wonderful news. Hey, mom, Donnie,

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Speaker 2: you know text back and forth with Donald Trump. So

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Speaker 2: this is a it's good. It's good that they keep

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Speaker 2: in touch. It's good that he has this relationship with Trump,

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Speaker 2: because Trump knows how to play these guys. He'll kind

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Speaker 2: of woo this guy a little, you know, mom Donnie,

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Speaker 2: He'll express himself to Trump. Trump knows how to uh

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Speaker 2: hang on. Trump knows how to eventually win these guys

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Speaker 2: over to a certain extent. So a reporter confronts mont

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Speaker 2: Donnie at texting Trump.

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Speaker 1: It's been reported, I believe by axious to give credit

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Speaker 1: where credit is due, that you have been texting with

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Speaker 1: President Trump. I'm wondering if you can confirm that. And then,

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Speaker 1: more broadly, this is that moment where New Yorkers are

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Speaker 1: looking at you and saying, mister mayor, what can you

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Speaker 1: do relative to the relationship with President Trump to alleviate

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Speaker 1: some of these concerns?

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Speaker 2: So what can you do, sir?

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Speaker 4: I will continue to make the case for New York City,

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Speaker 4: And I think That's been at the heart of every

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Speaker 4: conversation that I've had with the President, whether it's in

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Speaker 4: the Oval office or through the handful of texts and

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Speaker 4: calls that we've exchanged. It's always about making the case

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Speaker 4: for this city.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, So they do text back and forth. And I

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Speaker 2: was asked how much.

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Speaker 5: Really quickly, how often do you text with Donald Trump?

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Speaker 6: Are you guys texting like every day?

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Speaker 4: We've exchanged a handful of text.

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Speaker 2: Messages, A handful. I would say it's ten, probably ten

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Speaker 2: times they've texted back and forth, but that's in just

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Speaker 2: a few weeks, so it's a couple of times a

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Speaker 2: week they text back and forth.

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Speaker 4: And whenever I reach out to the President or the

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Speaker 4: President reaches out to me, I always make the case

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Speaker 4: for our city. And this is in line with what

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Speaker 4: I've said over the course of the campaign as I

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Speaker 4: ran to become the mayor, is that wherever there is

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Speaker 4: a possibility to advance an agenda that would benefit New Yorkers,

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Speaker 4: I would take that opportunity to speak directly to the President.

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Speaker 4: And wherever there's disagreement, I will also be frank and

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Speaker 4: honest about that disagreement.

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Speaker 2: All right now, And this is the first part again.

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Speaker 4: And whenever I reach out to the President or the

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Speaker 4: President reaches out to me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so that's interesting. Sometimes it's the President contacts him

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Speaker 2: by text, but sometimes he reaches out to the president,

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Speaker 2: so it's not just President Trump chasing him as he admits.

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Speaker 4: And whenever I reach out to the President of the president.

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Speaker 2: Reaches sometimes he starts the conversation, which means he's trying

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Speaker 2: to keep this relationship going with President Trump. Now I

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Speaker 2: hope he's not listening. But here's some insight info. A

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Speaker 2: lot of people this time around have the president's cell phone.

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Speaker 2: This term, he has given a cell phone number to

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Speaker 2: everybody who wants it. Everybody knows or runs into. Every

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Speaker 2: reporter has his cell number now, and if he texts

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Speaker 2: back and forth, if you text him or he texts you,

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Speaker 2: now I can understand, Ma'm donnie texted him. He is

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Speaker 2: the most powerful guy in the world. Of course you'd

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Speaker 2: love having this relationship with him. But why would Trump

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Speaker 2: text him? Well, he's just playing him a little. But

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Speaker 2: it's probably the Trump is watching TV. Watches a lot

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Speaker 2: of TV, and if all of a sudden there's something

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Speaker 2: about Mam Donnie on the screen, he is, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: that guy, let me text him something. So he's kind

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Speaker 2: of stringing him along. Now, if you can text the President,

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Speaker 2: he texts you back. That's good. You've got a little

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Speaker 2: relationship with the president. But when you're really friendly with

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Speaker 2: the president, you're getting calls from him. He usually sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's during the week, he'll give you a call. Sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's late at night he'll give you a call. But

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Speaker 2: a lot of times it's Saturday morning and Sunday morning.

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Speaker 2: He loves to make a lot of calls because Saturday

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Speaker 2: and Sunday he's not working. He's not in the Oval office.

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Speaker 2: He's up in the residence, or many times he's in

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Speaker 2: Palm Beach. He's gonna play golf later, like eleven o'clock,

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Speaker 2: he's gonna go play golf. But from eight in the

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Speaker 2: morning to eleven, he's watching TV. But a lot of

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Speaker 2: times he makes a lot of phone calls on a

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Speaker 2: Saturday morning to friends of his in New York, to

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Speaker 2: friends of his around the country, just to check in people.

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Speaker 2: He likes to hear what they got to say, if

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Speaker 2: they got any advice, if they got any opinions, or

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Speaker 2: some of them. He calls because he wants to know

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Speaker 2: what's going on in your business, your city. You're friends

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Speaker 2: of his people he's known. So that's the good news, Mom,

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Speaker 2: Donnie's not getting any of these Saturday morning phone calls.

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Speaker 2: You know. The text is like a minute or two

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Speaker 2: back and forth. If you call him and you get

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Speaker 2: him in the Oval office. If he answers the call,

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Speaker 2: you're going to have two or three minutes on the phone.

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Speaker 2: If you get one of those Saturday morning calls, you're

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Speaker 2: going to have ten minutes, twenty minutes. That's a long

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Speaker 2: time with the President of the United States. So Mom,

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Speaker 2: Donnie has got the lowest level of relationship right now

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Speaker 2: with Trump. But I think he's just stringing him along,

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Speaker 2: keeping him on the fishing, you know, on the line.

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Speaker 2: At some point he may want to reel him in

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Speaker 2: a little but not yet. So now Maria Machado, she's

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Speaker 2: the opposition leader in Venezuela. She's the one that got

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Speaker 2: the Nobel Prize. You know, she's out of Venezuela and

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Speaker 2: she'd like to come back and be the leader. Trump

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Speaker 2: has a lot of respect for her. She was at

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Speaker 2: the White House yesterday. From what I hear, he's not

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Speaker 2: sure she'd be good as the leader of Venezuela. She's

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Speaker 2: very is nothing wrong with her, just they don't know

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Speaker 2: that she has the clout or the gravitas or the

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Speaker 2: law of the Venezuelan and people to be a believed.

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Speaker 2: But she wants to be there so she visited the

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Speaker 2: President yesterday. She won the Nobel Peace Prize Maria Machado,

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Speaker 2: and she gave President Trump the Nobel Prize. It's the

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Speaker 2: actual medallion. You can't give the Nobel Prize to somebody,

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Speaker 2: Like if you're an Oscar winner, you could give your

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Speaker 2: Oscar to somebody, say here, you keep this in your house,

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Speaker 2: put it on your mantle, but they're not an Oscar winner.

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Speaker 2: You're still the Oscar winner. So she gave him the

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Speaker 2: Nobel Prize Nobel Committee, which is it's a very partisan

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Speaker 2: left wing award. You have to be a left wing

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Speaker 2: Democrat to win a Nobel Prize. It's the most partisan

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Speaker 2: award in the world. Remember Barack Obama, when he got

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Speaker 2: elected president, was immediately given the award. He hadn't even

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Speaker 2: taken office yet. He then literally has done nothing and

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Speaker 2: he gets the award. It is a Democrat. Jimmy Carter

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Speaker 2: completely screws up the whole world and gets a Nobel Prize.

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Speaker 2: He's a Democrat. Trump settles the Six Wars so far,

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Speaker 2: no prize. You can't get it if you're a Republican,

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Speaker 2: if you're George Bush, if you're H. W. Bush, Reagan

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Speaker 2: you're not getting a Nobel Prize. Trump knows that, so

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Speaker 2: that's why he loves to needle them. So she gave

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Speaker 2: him the Nobel Price. He's put it in I think

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Speaker 2: ut least I heard he put it in the dining room.

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Speaker 2: It's in a beautiful frame. The Nobel Committee immediately put

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Speaker 2: out a statement, official statement. He may have the medallion,

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Speaker 2: but that does not mean he has a Nobel Prize,

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Speaker 2: and he does not. So here's machalla. You say, I

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Speaker 2: present the President of.

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Speaker 6: The United States the medal of the Noble Priest Prize.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So it's been a beautiful frame. It's sitting in

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Speaker 2: the White House. But again again it does not count

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Speaker 2: as an actual Nobel Price. But it's good that it's

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Speaker 2: in the White House and that Trump has it just

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Speaker 2: to needle that committee. Hey, you know who was at

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Speaker 2: the White House yesterday? They kept it very quiet. Chuck

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Speaker 2: Schumer came to the White House for a private meeting

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Speaker 2: with Donald President Trump invited Schumer to the White House.

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Speaker 2: They wanted to talk about funding for New York City,

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Speaker 2: you know, for that gateway tunnel and project Schumer wanted.

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Speaker 2: Does Schumer hate Trump? Well, he doesn't love Trump, but

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Speaker 2: you know, they've known each other for forty years. These

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Speaker 2: two guys, they're both real New York guys. The first term,

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Speaker 2: whenever you saw Schumer with Trump, Schumer was so dismissive

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Speaker 2: of Trump. And you got to remember, if you're mister

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Speaker 2: king of politics, king of d C, or the Senate

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Speaker 2: leader for a million years and a total amateur guy

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Speaker 2: gets elected, you resent this guy. In any business. You know,

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Speaker 2: it's like like we hate all the podcasters, you know,

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Speaker 2: these amateur housewives who do podcasts. We can't stand this.

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Speaker 2: We're all professionals to see an amateur do it. So

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Speaker 2: it's the same thing with Schumer. When he had to

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Speaker 2: sit in the Oval office, he says, I'm a professional.

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Speaker 2: I've been doing this thirty years. This guy total amateur.

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Speaker 2: He's the president. I got to talk. You could see

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Speaker 2: it in the way he talked to him in the

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Speaker 2: first term. It's different now and now he's come to

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Speaker 2: respect Trump as a politician. He realizes this guy's more

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Speaker 2: of a politician, more skilled politically than he is, so

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Speaker 2: he talks to him differently now. But they had a

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Speaker 2: meeting yesterday. I don't know how it went, but I

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Speaker 2: think you can take away something from the fact that

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Speaker 2: Schumer has kept it very very very quiet, Schumer not

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Speaker 2: saying a word about it. So it's pretty interesting, I

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Speaker 2: guess because he doesn't want his followers to know that

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Speaker 2: he's sitting there being nice to Trump. But for all

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Speaker 2: your Democrats out there, Schumer was in the White House

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Speaker 2: yesterday closing up to Trump being his buddy. Anyway, Hey,

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Speaker 2: we'll take some calls in a minute. Eight hundred three

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Speaker 2: to two one zero seven ten is the number. Eight

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Speaker 2: hundred three to two one zero seven ten. Set up

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Speaker 2: pre sat on the iHeartRadio app to w R to

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Speaker 2: hear Mark live.

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Speaker 1: Set another for Mark's podcast to hear him any time.

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Speaker 5: Now back to Mark Zimon on w o R.

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Speaker 2: Hey, let's take some calls. Let's go to Kenny and

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Speaker 2: Queen's Kenny. How you doing, Kenny?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, Hi, Mark. The day with Obama deport and everybody.

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Speaker 2: I have a different name every time. Yeah, he's saying, no, no.

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Speaker 6: No, Well, Obama had those were encounters at the border

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Speaker 6: there they counted with those states.

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Speaker 2: He did the porter.

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Speaker 6: He wanted to do the Dream Act with Rubio and

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Speaker 6: Hillary and all of them.

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Speaker 2: Well, actually Obama was a big deporter. He used ice

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Speaker 2: right out in the streets, got two point five million

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Speaker 2: and deported them. But he didn't. You can't. You can't believe,

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Speaker 2: you can't. This is the fact. The two point five

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Speaker 2: million deported. He did then carve out an exception for

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Speaker 2: the kids. They called it the dreamers, the dreamers. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: they carved out an exception for them, uh, and allowed

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Speaker 2: them to stay. So he did use ice all over

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Speaker 2: the streets. They rounded up two point five million illegals

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Speaker 2: and support him. But he did have those carve outs,

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Speaker 2: those exceptions. But this whole idea of ice in the

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Speaker 2: streets of our cities grabbing people, this was actually invented

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Speaker 2: by Obama, who does have a legitimate plagiarism suit now

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Speaker 2: against Trump for stealing his program. Let's go to Mike

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Speaker 2: in Florida. Mike, how you doing, good morning, Mark, Yes, Mike.

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Speaker 6: So recently the Golden Globes, another rewards showed that these

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Speaker 6: celebrities showed themselves every few weeks, which, by the way,

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Speaker 6: no legal aliens were ever allowed into. You know, they

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Speaker 6: all and these musicians they're constantly talking about Trump is

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Speaker 6: stealing democracy and the royal he's a dictator. Meanwhile, you know,

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Speaker 6: nothing ever happens. But you've worked in show business for

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Speaker 6: a very long time and you've known many of these people,

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Speaker 6: and they've always been liberal. I understand that, but have

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Speaker 6: they ever been Is this wacky? Is in your memory?

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Speaker 2: No, they're completely out of control, them completely out of control.

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Speaker 2: That's they've become more and more childish and the more

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Speaker 2: and more division. And uh, let's be honest. Trump doesn't

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Speaker 2: exactly tone it down. He knows how to really poke

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Speaker 2: them and prod them and get them even crazier.

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Speaker 6: He does, and he's and he's very adept at it,

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Speaker 6: you know. And I mean Nixon they drove them crazy,

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Speaker 6: not the way Trump does it. They you know, they

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Speaker 6: just didn't like Nixon in the same you know, sort

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Speaker 6: of you know, vituperative way they don't like Trump. But

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Speaker 6: Trump pokes back and that's what's I think, that's what

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Speaker 6: they're not used to. Republican and advantage.

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Speaker 2: Well, we're very lucky to live through these times. It's

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Speaker 2: fascinating to watch this all happened, Mike, Thanks for Colin.

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Speaker 2: You know, if you watch these a crazy CNN MSS

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Speaker 2: whatever it's called, if you're watching yesterday, you know they

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Speaker 2: stopped a couple people in Minneapolis and asked them for ID.

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Speaker 2: They were after an illegal, criminal illegal, and when they

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Speaker 2: go into the guy's house. Christy Noman explained it in

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Speaker 2: other words, if you're with this illegal, they want to

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Speaker 2: see your papers to make sure you're not also illegally

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Speaker 2: at for instance.

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Speaker 1: Every single action that our ice officers take is according

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Speaker 1: to the law and following protocols that we have used

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Speaker 1: for years that this administration has used that the previous

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Speaker 1: administration used.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well this somewhere she explains this. She said, We're

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Speaker 2: not asking anybody, and everybody shows their papers. It's just

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Speaker 2: if we got a criminal illegal and you're with them,

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Speaker 2: we just got to know that e're a citizen. So

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Speaker 2: on CNN, on all the networks and all the left

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Speaker 2: wing shows that yelling and screaming this is America. You

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Speaker 2: should never be forced to show ID. Well, first of all,

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Speaker 2: I think you'll legally have to carry ID with you.

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Speaker 2: Second of all, and I've been a guest on CNN,

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Speaker 2: I've been a guest on MSNBC. You know, to be

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Speaker 2: a guest, you have to show them ID to get

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Speaker 2: into the building. If you go over to MSNBC or

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Speaker 2: if you go over to CNN. You don't just take

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Speaker 2: out you have to have a driver's life. You have

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Speaker 2: to have a photo ID. You not only show it

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Speaker 2: to them, they take it and they stick it in

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Speaker 2: this little slot where they take a photograph it. They

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Speaker 2: photograph your driver's license and keep it. And if you

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Speaker 2: want to get to the New York Times building, if

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Speaker 2: you want to get in any of these left wing buildings,

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Speaker 2: you got to show photo ID to get in. So

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Speaker 2: talk about the ultimate hypocrisy. Anyway, we got Oh, you know,

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Speaker 2: he'll be with us next Jackie Martling, Jackie the joke Man,

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Speaker 2: the great comedian, and lots to talk to him about.

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Speaker 2: And we'll get to that in a moment on seven

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Speaker 2: to ten w R lest On seven.

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Speaker 1: Ten WR, it's more of the Marsimon show.

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Speaker 2: Well, Jackie Martlin, great comedian, Jackie the joke Man, who,

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Speaker 2: by the way, this coming Thursday next week will be

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Speaker 2: appearing at the Manhasset Cinemas. That's actually a great movie theater,

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Speaker 2: man Hasset, Long Island, Thursday night. He'll be there. You

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Speaker 2: can get a personalized video go to cameo dot com

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Speaker 2: slash Jackie Martlin. You can go to his website jokeland

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Speaker 2: dot com. Jackie Martling, how you doing.

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Speaker 7: Not be better?

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Speaker 5: Mark? Everything is wonderful and you sound good, don't It's

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Speaker 5: almost spring. Two more minutes, it'll be spring.

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Speaker 2: Oh that's yeah, that's good. Now this Manhasset Cinemas. It's

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Speaker 2: a great movie theater. It's one of the few movie

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Speaker 2: theaters with a liquor license. But what are you gonna

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Speaker 2: be doing at a movie theater?

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Speaker 5: Well, they switched it around. It's a performance space. My

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Speaker 5: old friend Jeff Krasner has a come on to take

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Speaker 5: take care of it. I think I'm the first comedian

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Speaker 5: that's working there. But it's a it's a great stage place.

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Speaker 5: You know, a lot of these theaters make perfect comedy clubs,

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Speaker 5: you know.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like the Paramount and Huntington. Wasn't that a movie theater?

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Speaker 5: No, No, that it sounds like it, but no, that wasn't.

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Speaker 5: But you know, like the patch Hog Theater.

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Speaker 7: Players like that were great, you know.

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Speaker 5: But I'm excited, all right, So the girls in the movies,

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Speaker 5: and she says to her.

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Speaker 8: Date Ralphe, the guy next.

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Speaker 5: To me is masturbating. This is ignore them. She's like,

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Speaker 5: can't he's using my hands?

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Speaker 7: All right?

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Speaker 5: So a doctor calls one of his elderly patients. He says,

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Speaker 5: how you feeling, mister Beurford.

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Speaker 8: You know, doc, I feel fine, but you know it's

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Speaker 8: the damnedest thing. Every night when I get up to

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Speaker 8: pee and I open up the bathroom door, the light

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Speaker 8: goes on from me automatically.

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Speaker 5: Well, a doctor's worried that the old guy's getting a

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Speaker 5: little senile, so he calls the guy's son, and the

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Speaker 5: son's wife fancies He says, missus Bedford, I'm a little concerned.

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Speaker 7: About your father in Lord.

428
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 5: Seems when he gets up in the middle of the

429
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 5: night to Europe to urinate and he opens the bathroom door,

430
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 5: he claims the light goes on automatically, and she says, hey,

431
00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:45,800
Speaker 5: Ernie pops peeing in the refrigerator again. But there's the

432
00:22:45,880 --> 00:22:48,639
Speaker 5: question mark, what should you do if there's a pitbull

433
00:22:48,760 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 5: humping your leg?

434
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 2: Well, I hate to ask, but what.

435
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:58,000
Speaker 7: Let him finish?

436
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 5: So a guy comes home from work and his wife, Honey,

437
00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,080
Speaker 5: I got good news and bad news. You know, listen,

438
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 5: I'm in no mood for any more bad news.

439
00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 7: Just give me the good news. She says.

440
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,080
Speaker 5: The landscaper is in sterile.

441
00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 2: Terribley something You've been on the show for what thirty years?

442
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,360
Speaker 2: You've told you've done fifty million appearances. I've never heard

443
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,560
Speaker 2: your repeated joke. Where the hell do all these jokes?

444
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 7: Well, I go deeper.

445
00:23:24,960 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 5: I go deep in my files and I find them

446
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 5: and they're from forever.

447
00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 7: You know, I got.

448
00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:33,320
Speaker 5: I got a ridiculous amount of jokes. If if anybody's

449
00:23:33,359 --> 00:23:37,040
Speaker 5: interested in how it goes about, I have a documentary

450
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,560
Speaker 5: on Amazon Prime called joke Man, and you can see

451
00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 5: the whole process. I mean, I've been collecting these jokes

452
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:46,160
Speaker 5: forever and ever and ever, and I just love them,

453
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,879
Speaker 5: and I come across them. I'll be driving along and

454
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,560
Speaker 5: I'll think of one. I'll go, oh, I've never told that.

455
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 5: I'm Mark Simona. Make myself a little note, you know,

456
00:23:54,760 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 5: because I like the fact that you don't know any

457
00:23:57,760 --> 00:24:00,040
Speaker 5: of these jokes. And people call me, you know, I

458
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 5: see people on the street they say, every time you're

459
00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:05,360
Speaker 5: on Simon, it's different chokes. I'm like, well, I work hard.

460
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,400
Speaker 7: To do that, you know. Wow, So I work hard

461
00:24:08,400 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 7: for you. I hope you appreciate it.

462
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,760
Speaker 2: Ah, we do. And I've seen that documentary. It's very

463
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,440
Speaker 2: good to watch that documentary. You actually show your house

464
00:24:14,480 --> 00:24:16,320
Speaker 2: where you keep all the jokes in that big room

465
00:24:16,359 --> 00:24:20,960
Speaker 2: and Willie Nelson is you know. Yeah.

466
00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:24,040
Speaker 5: So a kid and his dog are sitting on the

467
00:24:24,119 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 5: stoop the guys walking along. He says, kid, does your

468
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:27,919
Speaker 5: dog bite?

469
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 7: Now he can't fight.

470
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 5: The guy reaches down, pets the dog, and the dog

471
00:24:32,560 --> 00:24:35,720
Speaker 5: bites his fingers and he starts to bleeds. A kid,

472
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:38,640
Speaker 5: I thought you said your dog doesn't bite. The kid

473
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 5: says he don't, just ain't my dog. So the doctor says,

474
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 5: my friend, you've over done it with your sex life.

475
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 7: You're totally burnt out. You know what you got left

476
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 7: the rest of your life? Fourteen orgasms? That's it. Fourteen orgasms.

477
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:00,440
Speaker 5: The guy goes home tells his wife the news. She says,

478
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:04,120
Speaker 5: on now, well, we better make a list of when

479
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 5: you're gonna use him.

480
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 7: He says, I already did? You ain't on it?

481
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:12,960
Speaker 5: All right? Here's one for another question.

482
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 7: If the dove is the.

483
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 5: Bird of peace, what's the bird of true love?

484
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:26,080
Speaker 2: I don't know the swallow way.

485
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 5: So the girl goes to the doctor and her knees

486
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 5: are all cut up. The doctor says, what happened to

487
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 5: your knees?

488
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:36,679
Speaker 7: She says, from making love doggy style.

489
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,480
Speaker 5: He's well, don't you know any other position besides doggy style?

490
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 7: She says, yeah, but my doggie don't. So I cleaned

491
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 7: it up for you today.

492
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,480
Speaker 2: Oh god, I can imagine if we if somebody comes

493
00:25:51,480 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 2: to see you Thursday night, he's gonna beat the Manhasset Cinema.

494
00:25:54,400 --> 00:25:56,000
Speaker 2: You will get the uncleaned up version.

495
00:25:57,320 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, it'll be an hour's worth of little brutal jokes.

496
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:03,359
Speaker 5: And now what I've been doing is I do my

497
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:05,760
Speaker 5: show and afterwards I do a long Q and A

498
00:26:06,320 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 5: because they have so many questions about the about the

499
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:13,359
Speaker 5: Stern show, and about stand up, about Long Island comedy.

500
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,639
Speaker 5: And you know, my show is like an hour and

501
00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 5: a lot of times the Q and A goes another hour,

502
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,360
Speaker 5: and I, you know, I love it because it's always interesting,

503
00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 5: always different, and it's usually pretty funny. So come on out,

504
00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 5: Manhassett said him at eight pm.

505
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,160
Speaker 7: That's next Thursday.

506
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:33,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, explain Long Island comedy. Because you guys, Long Island,

507
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 2: You've produced a lot of great comedians. Jimmy Felos the latest,

508
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,879
Speaker 2: but a lot of them. Why is that?

509
00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:42,640
Speaker 5: I always say it's the water, it's the salt. Water

510
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 5: makes everybody horny, and people are horny. They tell jokes,

511
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,680
Speaker 5: they want to meet girls, they want to be funny.

512
00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 5: So I've always thought it was the you know, the seafood.

513
00:26:52,359 --> 00:26:55,359
Speaker 5: You know the boys from Bagel Seafood. They say, you know,

514
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 5: the people come in and buy the seafood, then they

515
00:26:58,040 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 5: come back in with a big smile on their face.

516
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,480
Speaker 7: Is because you know, the seafood.

517
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 5: Is good for sex, you know, clams and oysters and shrimp.

518
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 5: That guess makes you crazy. I know it gets me crazy,

519
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 5: but I don't need that to get crazy.

520
00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 2: You could, you could. There have a million great comedians

521
00:27:13,400 --> 00:27:15,720
Speaker 2: from Long Island. Can you name a great comedian from Connecticut?

522
00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:16,359
Speaker 2: I don't think so.

523
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,000
Speaker 5: You know, I'm sure there are, and I'm going to

524
00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,160
Speaker 5: get in trouble. You know, the comedians that are great

525
00:27:24,160 --> 00:27:27,960
Speaker 5: from from Connecticut are ones that have moved there from

526
00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 5: New York. There ain't a lot of them. Used to

527
00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 5: be a lot. Hey, hey, Mark, why is sex better

528
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:40,720
Speaker 5: than bowling? Why the balls are lighter and you don't

529
00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:47,639
Speaker 5: have to change your shoes. So a guy meets a

530
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:49,679
Speaker 5: girl in the bar and they wind up parking in

531
00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 5: his car, so they're making out hot and heavy and

532
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:53,840
Speaker 5: giving each other hickeys and.

533
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 7: Really going to it.

534
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 5: And she says, hey, you want to get in the

535
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,800
Speaker 5: back seat. Oh no, I'm staying up here with you.

536
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 7: So I'm wrong.

537
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,399
Speaker 5: I'm working all over. I got another gig coming up

538
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:13,520
Speaker 5: at March sixth. I'm out at McGuire's out in Bohemia

539
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:16,679
Speaker 5: and going to Florida. You know, at my age, you know,

540
00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,600
Speaker 5: Valentine's dam I'm going to be seventy eight years old.

541
00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:23,719
Speaker 7: WHOA how that happened? Well, yeah, but I'm I'm still rolling.

542
00:28:23,800 --> 00:28:24,720
Speaker 7: I'm still rolling.

543
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 5: Mark.

544
00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, Hey, I like this playing the movie theaters. So

545
00:28:28,400 --> 00:28:30,440
Speaker 2: there's a lot of movie theaters that we really don't

546
00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:32,600
Speaker 2: need anymore. People don't go to the theater see movie.

547
00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:35,080
Speaker 2: But they got seats, they got a stage, right, they

548
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 2: could all be great theaters, better than comedy.

549
00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 5: They're all they're exactly the right size. They're all perfect,

550
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,360
Speaker 5: you know, they're just perfect. And I always enjoy them,

551
00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 5: you know, because you know, because people it's not you know,

552
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,840
Speaker 5: there's not waitresses and drinks. You know, they're sitting watching

553
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 5: the show, you know.

554
00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, when people are sitting at a round table, you know,

555
00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 2: like like in a restaurant, and you got to do comedy.

556
00:28:57,560 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 7: It's not.

557
00:28:58,000 --> 00:28:59,600
Speaker 2: But when they had to sit in theater seats looking

558
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:02,720
Speaker 2: right at psychologically, they pay more attention, don't they.

559
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:04,440
Speaker 7: It's perfect.

560
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 5: And not only that, but the closest people are right

561
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,040
Speaker 5: in front of you, like right at your knees, which

562
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 5: is I love it where I can see the people.

563
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 5: You know, I'm watching them because their laughter is what

564
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 5: propels you, you know.

565
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, well see Jackie Martlin.

566
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,960
Speaker 5: Girl, go ahead.

567
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 2: Manhasset Cinemas. I think it's Plandome Road right Thursday night and.

568
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:28,640
Speaker 5: Four point thirty Planned Home Road, Thursday January twenty second,

569
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 5: eight pm.

570
00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 2: All right, we'll give us a couple more before we

571
00:29:31,280 --> 00:29:32,880
Speaker 2: have to go.

572
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:35,960
Speaker 5: So why is the sheep better than a woman?

573
00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 2: Oh god? Oh no?

574
00:29:39,080 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 5: Why a sheep doesn't care if you have sex with her?

575
00:29:43,920 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 7: Sister? I got a classic for you.

576
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:50,760
Speaker 5: Well say goodbye with this one.

577
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,080
Speaker 7: Go to Bayville Seafood. I love the boys.

578
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:55,120
Speaker 5: They take care of me and Valentine's.

579
00:29:55,280 --> 00:29:57,640
Speaker 2: You know you always mentioned this Payville Seafood. You really

580
00:29:57,640 --> 00:30:00,640
Speaker 2: eat a lot of seafood, don't you.

581
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 5: You know? I bring like a couple of pounds of

582
00:30:03,080 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 5: shrimp to every family party, and my girlfriend, Barbara just

583
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 5: loves halibit and we like to get the baked clams,

584
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:13,680
Speaker 5: you know, and they're there was literally a one minute

585
00:30:13,720 --> 00:30:14,640
Speaker 5: walk from my house.

586
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 7: Is good.

587
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: This is very healthy. If you were plug plugging a

588
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:20,719
Speaker 2: butcher all the time, that'd be unhealthy, but a seafood perfect.

589
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,080
Speaker 5: No, No, it's really healthy. And they're really good to me.

590
00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 5: They're really great guys, and they listen to your show

591
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,400
Speaker 5: every day, so when I come on, it just makes

592
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:30,240
Speaker 5: them happy. I go in there and they're all glowing,

593
00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:33,200
Speaker 5: you know. So I'll see them later today and they'll

594
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:35,880
Speaker 5: they'll critique me. They'll say, oh, the jokes are okay,

595
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 5: or they'll say, wow, you're a riot today.

596
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 7: So let's wish me luck.

597
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 2: Well, we got to go in the second, give us

598
00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:43,360
Speaker 2: one more so.

599
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:45,440
Speaker 5: A guy sitting in the living room when his wife

600
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 5: walks in wearing just a man tailied shirt and panties.

601
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,320
Speaker 5: She says, honey, have you ever seen fifty bucks all

602
00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:53,120
Speaker 5: crumpled up?

603
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:54,320
Speaker 8: He say no.

604
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,880
Speaker 5: She smiles at him with sexy smile, unbuttons the top

605
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 5: three buttons, reaches down into her cleavage and pulls out

606
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 5: a crumpled fifty dollar bill. She hands them the fifty

607
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:07,920
Speaker 5: and says, have you ever seen.

608
00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 7: One thousand dollars all crumpled up? He says no.

609
00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,600
Speaker 5: She reaches into her panties and pulled.

610
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:17,880
Speaker 7: Out a crumpled thousand dollar bill.

611
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:20,959
Speaker 5: She hands them the one thousand dollar bill and says, now,

612
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:25,280
Speaker 5: have you ever seen fifty thousand dollars.

613
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:26,960
Speaker 7: All crumpled up? He says what?

614
00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 5: No? She says, go look in the garage.

615
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 7: I will talk to you next time.

616
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 2: Mark talk a lot to see Jackie Martlin Thursday night,

617
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,040
Speaker 2: Manasset Cinemas. Thanks for being with us.

618
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:44,800
Speaker 7: I'll be there. Thanks, Mark, all right.

619
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 2: Take care, hey, and not forget coming up at noon,

620
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:49,239
Speaker 2: Buck and Clay. It's a great show every day at

621
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 2: twelve noon. Most listen to radio show in America is

622
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:55,640
Speaker 2: right here on WR. Three o'clock every day, Sean Hannity,

623
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: then Jesse Kelly at six, and you love Jimmy Fayla.

624
00:32:00,160 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 2: He's really good, very funny. Every night nine to midnight.

625
00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:06,520
Speaker 2: That's all here on seven ten WR.

626
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 4: It's more of Martin, Mark Simone on sevent tenor.

627
00:32:14,400 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 2: Well we're out of time, you know. It's a three

628
00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,400
Speaker 2: day weekend. Monday is a holiday. It's Martin Luther King Day.

629
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,240
Speaker 2: I'll be off on Monday. Curtis Sleewell will be here

630
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,440
Speaker 2: filling in for me on Monday. It's going to be

631
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 2: cold this weekend. It'll be a little snow, maybe Saturday,

632
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 2: maybe Sunday. Now, the good news is sunset is now

633
00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 2: after five pm. The days get longer every day now

634
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:43,240
Speaker 2: and sunset started Thursday is now taking place after five o'clock.

635
00:32:43,280 --> 00:32:45,160
Speaker 2: So that's good news. But I want you to have

636
00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:48,600
Speaker 2: a great weekend. Don't forget if you're a podcast listener

637
00:32:49,320 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 2: on the weekends, there's a bonus segment you get, like

638
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 2: an extra show if you're a podcast listener. So I'll

639
00:32:54,680 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: see you actually Tuesday. So have a great weekend. Seven

640
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,160
Speaker 2: to ten WR