WEBVTT - Interrupting  

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<v Speaker 1>It's Mojo in the morning show boy.

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<v Speaker 2>I love when we get, you know, from more of

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<v Speaker 2>the Roses to am I, the a Hole, the second date,

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<v Speaker 2>updates and all that stuff. But then we got all

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<v Speaker 2>the personal stuff that we talk about, things going on

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<v Speaker 2>in our lives. Shannon's going to get very personal about

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<v Speaker 2>a little I don't know, call it a fight, argument

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<v Speaker 2>or discussion in your marriage.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean, it's all of the above. To be honest

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<v Speaker 3>with you, I need.

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<v Speaker 1>The comfy chair for this one.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 3>So Wes has been on my case lately about something

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<v Speaker 3>I'm doing that he says is impacting our ability to

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<v Speaker 3>communicate with each other right now. And last night he

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<v Speaker 3>got real upset with me about it. And it's my

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<v Speaker 3>tendency to interrupt, so like he'll, yeah, he'll I know,

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<v Speaker 3>I do it too. This is the thing, Like I

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<v Speaker 3>am aware. Lucy has made me aware. It drives her crazy.

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<v Speaker 3>I listened back to our podcast sometimes and I'm like

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<v Speaker 3>and shot up, like let other people speak. But it's

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<v Speaker 3>gotten really bad in our relationship because he said that

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<v Speaker 3>he'll try to tell a story about something that happened

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<v Speaker 3>in his day, or share his opinion or side of

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<v Speaker 3>the story about something that we're talking about, and he

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<v Speaker 3>can't even get three words out before I'm pouncing on

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<v Speaker 3>him with my own thoughts or I'm trying to defend myself,

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<v Speaker 3>or you know, whatever it is. And so last night

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<v Speaker 3>spit hit the fan because he was trying to talk

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<v Speaker 3>to me about something and here I come in and

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<v Speaker 3>interrupt him, and he just sat back in his chair

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<v Speaker 3>at the table and folded his hands and stopped talking,

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<v Speaker 3>and so I knew at that point, I was like, well,

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<v Speaker 3>he missed it. I really messed it. Like it's yeah,

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<v Speaker 3>He's like, we can't even have a discussion without you

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<v Speaker 3>interrupting me. I can't even get out what I want

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<v Speaker 3>to say because you're so bad. And my excuse is

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<v Speaker 3>always I feel like it's ingrained in me because of

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<v Speaker 3>what we do. We're all in here, we're all trying

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<v Speaker 3>to get a word in and jump on top of

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<v Speaker 3>each other and be a part of a discussion. And

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<v Speaker 3>he's like, you have to stop using that as your excuse.

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<v Speaker 3>This is not the show.

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<v Speaker 2>You said that he was telling you about his day.

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<v Speaker 2>Do you you interrupt in just regular conversation a lot?

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<v Speaker 2>Or is are you talking when you're having an argument?

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<v Speaker 2>You're both all of it and interrupted a lot.

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<v Speaker 5>Has this been like something He's like, how soon into

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<v Speaker 5>the relationship did he bring this up?

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<v Speaker 6>I don't remember, keV, but it comes up all the time.

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<v Speaker 5>And have you actively tried to do anything or is

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<v Speaker 5>it you just like you said, blame it on your professor?

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, I do, but then sometimes it comes up so

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<v Speaker 3>often and again that's on me because I'm not doing

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<v Speaker 3>a good job. But then sometimes I get snarky and

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<v Speaker 3>I'll just like sit and not say anything.

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<v Speaker 1>I asked.

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<v Speaker 2>It even worse because I'm like, oh, he wants So

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<v Speaker 2>if you listen to the podcast that Chelsea and I

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<v Speaker 2>do that we don't podcast, we talked specifically about this

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<v Speaker 2>and actually it comes up a ton in our podcast

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<v Speaker 2>where Chelse feels this way that West feels where she

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<v Speaker 2>feels like she's always been interrupted and it's gotten to

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<v Speaker 2>a point where now she will go stop interrupting me,

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<v Speaker 2>like she will literally like call me like she started

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<v Speaker 2>doing what Wes did, where she'll back off and then

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<v Speaker 2>make it apparent that that's the case. But now she'll

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<v Speaker 2>actually go, no, don't cut me off, Like she's like,

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<v Speaker 2>you're not going to cut me off, And it's bad.

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<v Speaker 2>I know, it's funny that we blame it on what

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<v Speaker 2>we do for a living and we blame it on

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<v Speaker 2>this well, I think that honestly, there is a similarity

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<v Speaker 2>and personality sometimes of you and I. Yeah things, So

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<v Speaker 2>I definitely don't know if it is this job that

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<v Speaker 2>does it or if it's just that's how we were raised.

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<v Speaker 2>I was raised as the baby of the family of six,

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<v Speaker 2>and if you didn't speak up, you didn't get hurt.

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<v Speaker 2>But that shouldn't affect my family and my wife, and

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<v Speaker 2>obviously you know, Wes shouldn't be affected by yours either,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean.

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<v Speaker 3>And it's gotten to the point where he, like you said, Chelsea,

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<v Speaker 3>will say you're doing it again, you're interrupting me.

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<v Speaker 6>Stop interrupting me, or he'll he just shuts down.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he just SUTs down.

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<v Speaker 3>And then if we're and if we're talking about something important,

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<v Speaker 3>that the discussion's over and it's just like, let we're

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<v Speaker 3>left hanging, and I feel like crap.

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<v Speaker 5>But I people want to be heard, people want to

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<v Speaker 5>be understood, and they want to be seen. And when

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<v Speaker 5>I'm telling you over and over again that you're not

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<v Speaker 5>seeing me, and one you don't get it, and then

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<v Speaker 5>two you patronize me by being snarky. It's almost like,

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<v Speaker 5>not only do you not care what I'm telling you,

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<v Speaker 5>you don't care how it makes me feel. And when

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<v Speaker 5>you don't care how it makes me feel, since you're

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<v Speaker 5>not protecting me, I have to protect me. So I'm

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<v Speaker 5>not gonna say anything.

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<v Speaker 3>I think hard part two, and I'm making excuses for myself.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm very aware I'm doing this is if he's saying

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<v Speaker 3>something that I know is wrong, I want to defend

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<v Speaker 3>myself before he goes any further.

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<v Speaker 2>The problem, though, is that you aren't listening. And that's

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<v Speaker 2>what I but I've been told. But I'm speaking from

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<v Speaker 2>experience of of this because I do the same thing.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'm a kettle in the pot and I'm black.

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<v Speaker 2>But you wanted but but I do I listen. I

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<v Speaker 2>I it's tough to be married to somebody that's always

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<v Speaker 2>interrupting you. I feel horrible for Wes. I feel horrible

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<v Speaker 2>for my wife. I feel horrible for anybody else that

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<v Speaker 2>deals with this. West is only interrupt me.

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<v Speaker 5>West forget what I got to say.

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<v Speaker 6>Just interrupted him.

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<v Speaker 2>Wes, good morning, You got you and Chelsea should have

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<v Speaker 2>like a do you guys have your own text exchange

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<v Speaker 2>that you guys talk to each other and don't interrupt

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<v Speaker 2>each other.

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<v Speaker 7>Yeah, we'll call it. Why did we say yes?

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<v Speaker 1>So what's going on?

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<v Speaker 8>Man?

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<v Speaker 7>I thought you, Kevin and Shannon did a very good

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<v Speaker 7>job of explaining everything. That's not much I can really

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<v Speaker 7>add to it. That means that you're aware, and when

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<v Speaker 7>you're aware, it becomes a choice. And when it's a choice,

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<v Speaker 7>it's hurtful. So that's just not a fun place to

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<v Speaker 7>be because I think Shannon knows one of the big

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<v Speaker 7>things in our relationship that I think she shared in

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<v Speaker 7>the past is for me, one of the biggest things

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<v Speaker 7>is to be acknowledged and validated in conversation to then

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<v Speaker 7>have a deep, meaningful relationship. And so that's really important.

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<v Speaker 7>When somebody cuts you off and assumes either your intent

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<v Speaker 7>or assumes your response, then they don't care, and that

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<v Speaker 7>can be pretty hurtful.

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<v Speaker 6>Mhm. Can you tell he's still mad at me?

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<v Speaker 2>By the way, Kristin wants to comment Kristin.

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<v Speaker 7>Hello, I I.

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<v Speaker 4>I do the same thing, and I was really bad

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<v Speaker 4>for a long time. So you know, I did some

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<v Speaker 4>deep diving into my childhood and I'm an only child,

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<v Speaker 4>and I really feel like every time I did it

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<v Speaker 4>it was just a defense mechanism of needing to be

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<v Speaker 4>heard because as an only child, I was kind of ignored.

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<v Speaker 4>I grew up in a little bit of a difficult household.

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<v Speaker 4>So you know, I really think you that if you

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<v Speaker 4>think about when you're interrupting, and you think about all

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<v Speaker 4>those times, that's that's where it comes from. It's like, hey,

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<v Speaker 4>listen to me, I'm important. I have to say is important.

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<v Speaker 4>So that's that's just personally what I thought.

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<v Speaker 1>That's it.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, and I think everybody's got a different reason of

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<v Speaker 2>why why they do do it, But the biggest thing

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<v Speaker 2>is acknowledging that you do it and then trying to

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<v Speaker 2>stop yourself from doing it.

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<v Speaker 1>Kelly, what's up? Hey, how are you?

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<v Speaker 9>My husband and I do the exact same thing. I

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<v Speaker 9>interrupt him constantly. He'll just stop the conversation and tell

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<v Speaker 9>me that he's not talking to you when I'm interrupting,

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<v Speaker 9>and I tell him it's all about ADHD that's my excuse.

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<v Speaker 9>But in reality, in reality, it's about like something comes

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<v Speaker 9>in my head and I just have a like it's

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<v Speaker 9>just comes out of my mouth without me even thinking

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<v Speaker 9>when they when I hear you're making a decision to interrupt,

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<v Speaker 9>I'm not.

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<v Speaker 6>It's just it just happens without.

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<v Speaker 9>Even a thought it I got something to say, it's

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<v Speaker 9>coming out.

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<v Speaker 2>You hear the pain in Wes's voice, though, Did you

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<v Speaker 2>hear that when he just said what he said?

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<v Speaker 5>He's very eloquent. I mean, that's yeah, that's yeah. And

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<v Speaker 5>I don't know you, but that's all like an excuse

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<v Speaker 5>to me. And obviously I'm not a medical professional. Notice

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<v Speaker 5>is just one man's opinion from the west side of

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<v Speaker 5>the tree. But I do think that once your spouse

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<v Speaker 5>brings up that it is affecting them then, and I

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<v Speaker 5>hope you are more intentional when you have conversations that, hey,

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<v Speaker 5>I need to lock in and listen like that. I

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<v Speaker 5>think that's and correct me if I'm wrong, Wes, when

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<v Speaker 5>you say, it's a choice, but I can understand just

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<v Speaker 5>the old random conversation let me blurt something out. But

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<v Speaker 5>when we're sitting down and we're having a conversation, hopefully

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<v Speaker 5>you understand that you need to switch and we need

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<v Speaker 5>to have an intentional conversation. You don't need to interrupt

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<v Speaker 5>every time, Wes.

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<v Speaker 7>There's exceptions if there's a pattern and you call out

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<v Speaker 7>that pattern, and then it's a choice. You don't need

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<v Speaker 7>that'll for the five K. You need one for coaching

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<v Speaker 7>your bugs.

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<v Speaker 1>Quick question, Wes, when's it? When's it hurt more?

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<v Speaker 2>When you're just telling a random this is what my

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<v Speaker 2>day was like, or when you're in the midst of

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<v Speaker 2>an argument, it's the same.

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<v Speaker 7>It's it could be Hey, I'm excited about something at work,

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<v Speaker 7>or it's like, hey, let's talk about our plan for

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<v Speaker 7>the weekend, or hey, let's talk about something going on

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<v Speaker 7>with the kids in the house.

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<v Speaker 1>But what about an argument though, because you're.

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<v Speaker 7>In an argument. No, because if you kind of expect

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<v Speaker 7>that in an argument. As far as I'm concerned, that's

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<v Speaker 7>what I know that you're going up against a bit.

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<v Speaker 2>Of a wall, because I was wondering that because when

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<v Speaker 2>you are the thing that would mean to me looking

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<v Speaker 2>like I like seeing that you guys are going through this,

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<v Speaker 2>because we're going through this too, and I like to

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<v Speaker 2>know that other people are. Now with that said, I

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<v Speaker 2>got to fix mine. I can't worry about everybody else's

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<v Speaker 2>and mine is bad too. But when you're talking about yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just trying to tell her about my day and

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<v Speaker 2>she's interrupting me and telling me all this stuff. What

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<v Speaker 2>that is is that is not showing you any of

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<v Speaker 2>the respect that your day matters at all. And so

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<v Speaker 2>and I do that to Chelse all the time, Like

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<v Speaker 2>I'll sit there and have a conversation with Chelsea and

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<v Speaker 2>then what ends up happening is the only time that

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<v Speaker 2>I understand or or realize when I am interrupting is

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<v Speaker 2>when we are in an argument and our voices raise,

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<v Speaker 2>and she will That's when she'll do the don't cut

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<v Speaker 2>me off, Like she'll actually call out that, don't cut

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<v Speaker 2>me off. And when she does that, like, I go, okay, whatever,

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<v Speaker 2>But to now look back at the fact that I'm

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<v Speaker 2>not even like making her seem like her day matters

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<v Speaker 2>at all. And Shannon, I don't know if you even

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<v Speaker 2>realize when you're doing this that you're making West feel like, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>the guy is not mannering like you know, you're more

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<v Speaker 2>important than he is.

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<v Speaker 1>So this is a great, real great.

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<v Speaker 5>This is the last thing I say because some just

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<v Speaker 5>popped to my mind where in my previous relationship where

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<v Speaker 5>I made an error and I've said it before, but

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<v Speaker 5>I think sometimes the connect is between value and vision,

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<v Speaker 5>and we don't always have a value problem. We have

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<v Speaker 5>a vision problem. And obviously you two value each other,

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<v Speaker 5>you value each other's hearts. I know you value Wes's

0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.800
<v Speaker 5>perspective and you want to make sure that he's safe.

0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:17.120
<v Speaker 5>But maybe it's just like you got the glasses on.

0:12:17.240 --> 0:12:19.880
<v Speaker 5>Maybe it's the way that you're seeing these certain situations

0:12:20.240 --> 0:12:22.480
<v Speaker 5>and you don't see it as a problem even though

0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:25.560
<v Speaker 5>you value him. And I think if we change the

0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:28.520
<v Speaker 5>way that we look at something, then the person that

0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.480
<v Speaker 5>we're changing it for will feel valued. But it's just

0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:33.520
<v Speaker 5>from our perspective. It's just how we see it.

0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:37.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Kevin has all of these great quotes in the minds,

0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:42.920
<v Speaker 2>but no, woman, what's going There's got to be something.

0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:51.440
<v Speaker 2>Can I talk to you your ex mistakes? Hey, Wes,

0:12:51.920 --> 0:12:54.840
<v Speaker 2>Shannon's wearing glasses today. I'm wondering, is she wearing glasses

0:12:54.840 --> 0:12:59.640
<v Speaker 2>because you guys were up all night arguing. No, I'm

0:12:59.679 --> 0:13:01.559
<v Speaker 2>just trying to because sometimes you get tired because you're

0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:02.319
<v Speaker 2>up all night talking.

0:13:02.400 --> 0:13:04.240
<v Speaker 6>I wear them when I drive, and I just wore

0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:04.800
<v Speaker 6>them into day.

0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:06.200
<v Speaker 1>They're so cute.

0:13:06.840 --> 0:13:09.800
<v Speaker 2>I Uh, I do think that it would be great

0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:14.480
<v Speaker 2>if there was a like how Lydia went to that retreat,

0:13:14.559 --> 0:13:16.920
<v Speaker 2>the church retreat. It'd be nice to go to a

0:13:17.040 --> 0:13:21.360
<v Speaker 2>retreat for like a couples where you go for the weekend.

0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:23.560
<v Speaker 2>You have no phones, you have nothing else there and

0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:27.360
<v Speaker 2>literally all you do is talk to each other and

0:13:27.400 --> 0:13:29.880
<v Speaker 2>communicate with each other, and somebody is there to acknowledge,

0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:31.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, a good and bad communication.

0:13:31.880 --> 0:13:32.880
<v Speaker 6>I think they have those.

0:13:33.480 --> 0:13:34.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and then you.

0:13:34.559 --> 0:13:36.040
<v Speaker 5>Guess I couldn't go because you know, I don't have

0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:36.400
<v Speaker 5>a woman.

0:13:36.520 --> 0:13:39.079
<v Speaker 1>And then no, you come in at the end as

0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:47.679
<v Speaker 1>the guys swinging whatever. That's really hold on, last call here, Taylor,

0:13:47.720 --> 0:13:48.440
<v Speaker 1>What did you want to say?

0:13:48.440 --> 0:13:48.760
<v Speaker 9>Taylor?

0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:55.840
<v Speaker 8>Honestly, you and Kevin kind of put it, put what

0:13:55.920 --> 0:13:58.720
<v Speaker 8>I wanted to say in the words too, because, like

0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:01.400
<v Speaker 8>you said too, you can really hear the pain West's voice.

0:14:01.400 --> 0:14:04.120
<v Speaker 8>And I've actually have been there personally. You know, I

0:14:04.120 --> 0:14:05.920
<v Speaker 8>grew up at a household with a lot of kids,

0:14:05.920 --> 0:14:07.680
<v Speaker 8>and you know, you had to speak your mind. You

0:14:07.760 --> 0:14:09.280
<v Speaker 8>had to, you know, if you wanted to be urge,

0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:11.320
<v Speaker 8>you had to say it. But at the same time,

0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:13.559
<v Speaker 8>you have to know how to control it. When you're

0:14:13.600 --> 0:14:15.559
<v Speaker 8>in a relationship with someone you care about, someone you're

0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.040
<v Speaker 8>supposed to communicate with because you are making them feel

0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:21.040
<v Speaker 8>like they don't matter their feelings and their day, and

0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:23.960
<v Speaker 8>they're whatever they have to say doesn't matter because you

0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:27.000
<v Speaker 8>keep interrupting them because clearly what you have to say

0:14:27.040 --> 0:14:28.680
<v Speaker 8>is more important what they're telling you.

0:14:29.560 --> 0:14:32.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, thanks, Taylor, appreciated it.

0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:36.560
<v Speaker 8>It's really important to acknowledge, you know, when you're doing something,

0:14:36.600 --> 0:14:39.200
<v Speaker 8>when you're not doing something. And Well said it too.

0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:42.000
<v Speaker 8>You know, obviously in an argument you expect each other

0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:43.960
<v Speaker 8>to kind of interrupt each other to get your point

0:14:43.960 --> 0:14:46.320
<v Speaker 8>of view out, to defend each other. You know, in

0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:49.280
<v Speaker 8>an argument that's essentially what you're doing. You're defending yourself.

0:14:49.480 --> 0:14:51.880
<v Speaker 8>So but you know, when it comes to other things,

0:14:51.880 --> 0:14:54.640
<v Speaker 8>you just have to try to recognize that you know

0:14:54.680 --> 0:14:56.680
<v Speaker 8>you care about this person and you do want to

0:14:56.680 --> 0:14:58.360
<v Speaker 8>hear what they say.

0:14:58.600 --> 0:15:00.560
<v Speaker 1>Can I interrupt Tailor and just say we gotta go?

0:15:01.120 --> 0:15:03.040
<v Speaker 4>No? I do.

0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:04.440
<v Speaker 1>I do applauge with Shannon.

0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:04.560
<v Speaker 9>No.

0:15:05.160 --> 0:15:07.360
<v Speaker 5>I do applage because I do think you want to change.

0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:08.720
<v Speaker 5>That's why you brought it up. I don't think you're

0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:10.520
<v Speaker 5>just doing this for the topic. I think deep down

0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:12.320
<v Speaker 5>you see how it's affecting West and you want to try.

0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:14.640
<v Speaker 6>Like sometimes I do a good job, right Wes.

0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:16.880
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I like.

0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:18.960
<v Speaker 7>Your bringing up as a topic because we didn't talk.

0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:23.720
<v Speaker 6>I got a lot of topic for tomorrow.

0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:29.520
<v Speaker 1>I love you, I love you so