Speaker 1: The Dam Ryan Show. Okay, so we have Nikki on
Speaker 1: the phone. He sent us an email about something that
Speaker 1: kind of happened, a confrontation with her sister over Thanksgiving. So, Nikki,
Speaker 1: what is going on with you for group therapy today? I?
Speaker 2: Well, I've been single for about nine years, I would say,
Speaker 2: and I've I've dated a bit here and there, but
Speaker 2: I really haven't had a boyfriend for a while. And
Speaker 2: then I met this guy and there was just this
Speaker 2: really strong connection right off the bat, and I I
Speaker 2: really think that he might be the one that I'm
Speaker 2: going to marry. Okay, And it was It's kind of
Speaker 2: like a whirlwind, you know. And he does like so
Speaker 2: many really wonderful and kind things for me that I
Speaker 2: really love.
Speaker 1: Like what.
Speaker 2: Well, like pretty much every time I see him, he
Speaker 2: has some kind of like little gift for me, so
Speaker 2: maybe like a candle or a Starbucks gift card. He
Speaker 2: just really thoughtful. And he'll text me in the morning
Speaker 2: a good morning, and every night he texted me good night,
Speaker 2: and he'll say a lot of the time that we're
Speaker 2: meant to be together. And we have a song he
Speaker 2: sent me a buff Do you know that Savage Garden song?
Speaker 2: I knew I loved you.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 4: This it's like I'm the nineties fall.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's the way, and back.
Speaker 1: And forth like okay, yeah, I love that song.
Speaker 2: I love that song too, so he said, that's our song.
Speaker 2: So so it's been going really, really great. But this
Speaker 2: past week I went to my grandma's for Thanksgiving and
Speaker 2: he was texting me a ton and I didn't really
Speaker 2: think anything of it because that's how we normally communicate.
Speaker 2: And he was texting me like, how are you what
Speaker 2: are you eating? What's the best dessert? Are you watching
Speaker 2: the football game? You know, stuff like that. And I
Speaker 2: showed my sister because I thought it was really sweet.
Speaker 2: And then my sister was like, this is love bombing.
Speaker 2: It's not okay, you shouldn't see him anymore. And I
Speaker 2: don't know. I was just kind of taken aback by that.
Speaker 2: And I don't know if I'm naive, but this is
Speaker 2: this dangerous?
Speaker 1: Is it bad?
Speaker 2: I don't know. I just thought he was being sweet.
Speaker 5: So you so you've been single for nine years now,
Speaker 5: you think you found the one because he's doing all
Speaker 5: these romantic things.
Speaker 4: But your sister thinks it's love bombing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, She like, really she just made me feel really
Speaker 2: bad about it, to be honest, and I thought it
Speaker 2: was really so much interested in my day, in what
Speaker 2: was going on. But she thinks it's love bombing.
Speaker 1: So my question is, you guys have been dating for
Speaker 1: how long? This is new? Right?
Speaker 3: Yeah, we've it's been almost two months.
Speaker 1: Okay, So I mean it sounds like right off the bat, yeah,
Speaker 1: you like had pretty strong feelings for him, but then
Speaker 1: he jumped right into like what sounds like getting you
Speaker 1: gifts and like kind of surprising you with sweet things.
Speaker 4: He sent her a song.
Speaker 5: But there are people already texting saying love bomb, love bomb.
Speaker 5: Somebody said, I'm such a paranoid free but I'm hearing
Speaker 5: love bombing.
Speaker 1: Okay, So if you don't know what love bombing is,
Speaker 1: it's basically when you start in a relationship and someone
Speaker 1: goes like crazy with the affection, attention, gives gifts, stuff
Speaker 1: like that. But it's more of like try and create
Speaker 1: this emotional bond independence on the other person so that
Speaker 1: the person doesn't leave.
Speaker 5: Almost what's wrong with I hear what you're saying, But
Speaker 5: what's wrong with me showing you affection?
Speaker 4: Especially so early?
Speaker 5: That's when they call it the honeymoon phase, the cupcake phase,
Speaker 5: when everything's like, Oh, I love you, I love you too.
Speaker 1: I think there's a line that can be drawn with
Speaker 1: it where it's like, if you're getting a gift every
Speaker 1: single time you see each other, and you guys are
Speaker 1: seeing each other like four days out of the seven
Speaker 1: of the week, then that's probably a little bit too
Speaker 1: much because then you're just like going to get so
Speaker 1: used to that. But we're we're curious to hear what
Speaker 1: you have to say, if you want to give us
Speaker 1: a call. Six five one nine eight nine, Katie w B. Basically,
Speaker 1: what's going on is NICKI met this guy that she's
Speaker 1: been dating for a couple of months, and right off
Speaker 1: the bat she feels like they hit it off, and
Speaker 1: then you know, he started doing a lot of sweet things,
Speaker 1: giving her gifts pretty consistently. He texts her a lot.
Speaker 1: He apparently says that the Savage Garden song is their song.
Speaker 1: And then over Thanksgiving and her sister was like, Ah,
Speaker 1: this dude is love bombing you. You need to like run,
Speaker 1: So do you feel the same. You can give us
Speaker 1: a call six y one nine y nine, katiew B.
Speaker 1: We'd love to hear what you have to say and
Speaker 1: if Nicky should run? First off is Alex on the phone? Hi, Hi,
Speaker 1: Alex Hi.
Speaker 3: First of all, love you guys so much, love your
Speaker 3: morning show, Love you back. And I think that this
Speaker 3: is love bombing for sure. If it feels too good
Speaker 3: to be true, then it is too good to be true.
Speaker 3: It's like one thing to want to be together and
Speaker 3: know how your day is going, but to be checking
Speaker 3: in that frequently.
Speaker 2: Its red flag?
Speaker 4: How is a red flag?
Speaker 1: So, Alex, have you been in this position before?
Speaker 5: I have?
Speaker 3: Okay, toxic and think about like longevity of this. You
Speaker 3: cannot be checking in with each other this much twenty
Speaker 3: four to seven?
Speaker 5: Why not?
Speaker 1: So? What what do you feel like was toxic with yours?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: How did yours end? Was it a matter of like
Speaker 1: you did start to become like dependent on him or her?
Speaker 3: No, not dependent at all. I felt like there was
Speaker 3: more space that needed to be had and I wasn't
Speaker 3: getting it. And I feel like you've got to be
Speaker 3: able to be your own person and have your person.
Speaker 3: You can't rely on the other person to the extent
Speaker 3: that he's relying on her for happiness.
Speaker 2: It seems so.
Speaker 1: Then I'm assuming you ended the relationship.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, many years ago, married, now two kids, okay,
Speaker 3: drop off, yeah.
Speaker 1: Got it, got it? Okay. So Alex, you're saying it's
Speaker 1: love bombing and you think Nikki should stay get out
Speaker 1: of it. What do you think?
Speaker 3: I think she seek it out of it. She's happy,
Speaker 3: she's happy, but if she has to be able to
Speaker 3: return that energy for the.
Speaker 2: Rest of her life.
Speaker 1: And yeah, I don't underto it.
Speaker 4: I don't get how.
Speaker 5: There's so many I'm not even gonna just say women.
Speaker 5: There are so many people that crave for a man
Speaker 5: or a woman or anybody to give them everything on
Speaker 5: the planet. I am one of those people that I
Speaker 5: love to give my girlfriend a list of the world.
Speaker 5: We've been together going on four years, but me going
Speaker 5: above and beyond, and you guys have had to talk
Speaker 5: me down about buying fifteen things just because she had
Speaker 5: a bad day.
Speaker 1: That when you started dating her, were you constantly showing
Speaker 1: up and giving her a gift every single time you
Speaker 1: saw her?
Speaker 5: Not a gift, but I was definitely on my p's
Speaker 5: and q's because I had to show her that that's
Speaker 5: what I wanted in life.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wanted her.
Speaker 1: I just think that there is a clear difference between
Speaker 1: me interested in showing interest and love bombing. There is
Speaker 1: a difference. There is manipulation when it comes to love bombing,
Speaker 1: where you are literally getting that person so hooked on
Speaker 1: you that you can then potentially manipulate them later in
Speaker 1: the relationship. You were not doing that. You were being sweet,
Speaker 1: you were doing kind things for Alyssa. And now you're
Speaker 1: at a different phase in your life where maybe you
Speaker 1: do all of these things that Nikki is saying, but
Speaker 1: you guys are in a serious relationship and you've gotten
Speaker 1: to that point.
Speaker 5: I guess the only difference is, yeah, Nikki's case that
Speaker 5: this is very, very fresh. I don't know how much
Speaker 5: I was doing compared to this guy because it was
Speaker 5: four years ago.
Speaker 4: But he texting us that sounds called dependent. No, I'm
Speaker 4: just a lover.
Speaker 1: Vond is a lover. Here. We got some more people
Speaker 1: on the phone. LeRoy's on the phone, Lera, What do
Speaker 1: you want to say about this group therapy?
Speaker 6: I think that if it is love bombing is just
Speaker 6: a definition that people want to put on it.
Speaker 1: You can't.
Speaker 6: You're not a doctor about it. So if she likes it,
Speaker 6: she likes it. Maybe her sister needs to relax and
Speaker 6: stay out her business because we're all grown ups. And
Speaker 6: that's the problem in as well. We're in each other's
Speaker 6: business too much and we're doing things.
Speaker 1: Okay, Is it fair, though, to be in your sister's business,
Speaker 1: because I think I would probably be in my sister's
Speaker 1: business if I was concerned.
Speaker 6: No, I really don't think it is fair to be
Speaker 6: in people's business because you don't have a clue what's
Speaker 6: going on in that man's mind, and you might not
Speaker 6: have a clue what's going on in your sisters.
Speaker 2: Just because he's.
Speaker 6: Buying things, don't mean he's trying to love bombers.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, I just.
Speaker 6: Think people stay in everybody's business way too much. It's
Speaker 6: become a norm.
Speaker 1: Clearra. You don't think that it was a little bit
Speaker 1: too much for him to say that this is their song?
Speaker 6: Oh no, maybe he actually felt like that. And that's
Speaker 6: what I'm saying. You don't really have a clue on
Speaker 6: what people are feeling, so you can't put him in
Speaker 6: a box. Yeah what's going on? You got to let
Speaker 6: him live their life.
Speaker 1: Okay, I mean that's a different take on it. I
Speaker 1: appreciate you, Lee, right, Thanks so much for calling in.
Speaker 1: We also have Francisco on the phone. Francisco, Nikki got
Speaker 1: into a new relationship. She's been seeing this guy. He
Speaker 1: gives her a lot of guests, he texts her pretty often,
Speaker 1: and now he already says that they have the song
Speaker 1: by Savage Garden. What do you think Francisco has this
Speaker 1: love bombing? Should she run like her sister says or
Speaker 1: stick it out? Yes?
Speaker 7: Hi, Good morning Jenny, Good morning bond. What First off,
Speaker 7: I want to tell Nikki if she is listening, I'm
Speaker 7: just speaking from my experience.
Speaker 4: Yes, I think that's important.
Speaker 7: He wants you to know that from my experience. When
Speaker 7: I first met my wife, we first started talking, I
Speaker 7: knew what I wanted in life, and she fits a
Speaker 7: lot of those things. Well think work. It's more, I
Speaker 7: saw a lot of these characteristics in her, and from
Speaker 7: the beginning I knew I loved that about her and
Speaker 7: I appreciated that. So I made sure in the beginning
Speaker 7: right away to inform her and let her know that
Speaker 7: this is how I'm feeling, this is what I wanted.
Speaker 7: And at the end of the day, it worked out
Speaker 7: because she felt the same way and she reciprocated the
Speaker 7: feet at the end of the day. You know, it's
Speaker 7: really up to you the way you're feeling, Nikki, and
Speaker 7: it's really it's your life at the end of the day.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's your love language, and I think the relationship
Speaker 5: that you develop with your partner. There's so many text
Speaker 5: messages coming in. A lot of people agree with that
Speaker 5: last call of Leeroy. Some other people are saying this
Speaker 5: love bombing stuff is crazy. You can text five three,
Speaker 5: nine to one. By the way, love bombing stuff is crazy.
Speaker 5: Let people be kind and loving and have communication. I've
Speaker 5: been in a relationship for four years and I expect
Speaker 5: this type of communication and being spoiled for my boyfriend,
Speaker 5: and he loves doing that. Let be happy, and that's
Speaker 5: all I'm saying. I don't know what Nikki and this
Speaker 5: guy have agreed on. I just don't see the problem
Speaker 5: with continuing to show your partner affection. And it's only
Speaker 5: been two months, so we have to see how much
Speaker 5: longer this develops.
Speaker 1: I agree. I think though, on the flip side of things,
Speaker 1: is like, you've never been in a position before to
Speaker 1: have been love bombed where someone has completely like turned
Speaker 1: the table on you out of nowhere after they just
Speaker 1: showed you all of this like emotional connection, and then
Speaker 1: out of nowhere, they're like just kidding. So like, there
Speaker 1: is people who have experienced actual love bombing, and so
Speaker 1: they are scarred from that, and they don't want this
Speaker 1: girl to get hurt the way that they did. I
Speaker 1: know someone I'm very close with who got love bombed
Speaker 1: reala recently and it broke her. And I literally like
Speaker 1: I wanted to just shake that person, because how dare
Speaker 1: you pretend like you like someone so much and do
Speaker 1: kind things for them and then just be like it
Speaker 1: psych just kidding and then like leave.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's fine.
Speaker 5: I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but I'm just saying
Speaker 5: we can't jump the concludion it's only been two months
Speaker 5: of this guy doing this stuff, for sure.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously we don't know what their relationship actually
Speaker 1: is like between the two of them. We are basing
Speaker 1: this off of a two minute conversation with Nikki, but
Speaker 1: I think her sister's looking out for her. If you
Speaker 1: missed it, Nikki basically was that Thanksgiving and she was
Speaker 1: telling her sister about how this new guy she's been
Speaker 1: seeing he was texting her like pretty consistently asking her
Speaker 1: a million questions throughout Thanksgiving, and he also gives her
Speaker 1: a lot of gifts. He already has a song for them,
Speaker 1: and her sister was like, that's love bombing and it's
Speaker 1: you should run. It's not okay. But yeah, so we've
Speaker 1: had quite a few texts. We'll do one more phone
Speaker 1: call and we're gonna wrap this up. We have Lisa
Speaker 1: on the phone. Hi, Lisa, Hi, what did you want
Speaker 1: to say about group therapy?
Speaker 8: I just went to the same thing. I start of
Speaker 8: seeing some guy.
Speaker 6: He got me.
Speaker 8: Roses, he told me he loved me, he sent me
Speaker 8: texts all the time. But then after like a month
Speaker 8: and a half, I started turning really bad.
Speaker 2: He was rude to me.
Speaker 8: I felt a kindom of lies. I'm like, it was horrible.
Speaker 8: But this guy that she's seeing isn't doing like, isn't lying,
Speaker 8: is still sweet, It's okay with being apart from her
Speaker 8: and not trying to move in or anything like that.
Speaker 8: I'd tell her to take take her chances.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you've even experienced it and you're saying, still,
Speaker 1: maybe do it, but just be cautious because obviously, like
Speaker 1: it turned for you, it turned into a pretty negative
Speaker 1: situation for you.
Speaker 8: Yes, very bad. Like it's like roses little sweet, nothing's
Speaker 8: always pain. I'm like to a complete listening to flying
Speaker 8: to me you want to And because they couldn't move in,
Speaker 8: he threw a big fit. He talked badly about me
Speaker 8: to a friends and family and like that was like
Speaker 8: a true case of love bombing. But if this guy
Speaker 8: is still doing the things for her and it's not
Speaker 8: fighting with her and not saying bad things about her,
Speaker 8: and it's still perfect, and I tell her to take
Speaker 8: my chances of okay, I like that.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've gotten a lot of different things and
Speaker 1: so many text messages that have come in. We can
Speaker 1: read a couple of these, but then we'll wrap up.
Speaker 1: Love Bombing is mostly applied when one person feels like
Speaker 1: they're about to lose the other person, not in the
Speaker 1: first phases. Someone says, someone else says, I'm a therapist.
Speaker 1: And people who say love bombing is so great and
Speaker 1: just one way of showing affection don't truly understand what
Speaker 1: love bombing is. People who are bombing do not like boundaries.
Speaker 1: So she could test it by setting a small limit
Speaker 1: and seeing how he reacts, and if he gets upset
Speaker 1: then that it would be her sign to run, and
Speaker 1: that comes from a therapist.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we just don't We don't know if they set boundaries,
Speaker 5: or if she's okay with it or what because she
Speaker 5: has been fine with it. I'm just saying we cannot
Speaker 5: put the we cannot jump the conclusion and say that
Speaker 5: he's love bombing, because if that's the case, anytime anybody
Speaker 5: shows any affection in a relationship, but we jump to that,
Speaker 5: I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: You'll probably be single for a while.