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Speaker 1: I'm excited.

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Speaker 2: Donna Dee here with doctor Wes and what we're kind

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Speaker 2: of calling this relationship Radio.

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Speaker 1: I think is your Micah.

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Speaker 2: You used to be a DJ doctors a long time ago,

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Speaker 2: so yeah, you know what is exciting about this is

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Speaker 2: that we deep dive into some of these important topics,

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Speaker 2: and tonight we're going to talk about the all elusive love.

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Speaker 2: Have you ever been in love? Have you ever been

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Speaker 2: in love? And how do you know what love is?

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Speaker 2: This is a big question. We know that the quality

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Speaker 2: of your life is determined on the quality of your relationships.

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Speaker 3: And it's it's so interesting.

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Speaker 2: I was watching this interview with Jennifer Lopez, right, very

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Speaker 2: successful woman.

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Speaker 1: She was on with Howard Stern.

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Speaker 2: I mean, she's gorgeous, she's you know, talented, she has

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Speaker 2: a ton of money.

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Speaker 3: You know, she's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: He asked her the question, have you ever truly been

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Speaker 2: loved in your life? And she said no, married four times,

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Speaker 2: divorce four times. And then he asked her, have you

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Speaker 2: ever loved someone truly?

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Speaker 3: And she said yes. So how do you know when

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Speaker 3: you're in love?

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Speaker 2: Maybe it's infatuation, maybe it's you're just trying to get somebody,

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Speaker 2: or you just want to be with somebody because there's

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Speaker 2: you know, people that are with people that shouldn't be

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Speaker 2: with each other because they're lonely or they think that

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Speaker 2: they're lonely. Right, So have you Let's start with you,

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Speaker 2: doctor West, and we want this to be interactive, so

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Speaker 2: we want you to call us five one, three seven

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Speaker 2: over nine seven eight hundred, the big one. We want

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Speaker 2: you to call because we have a licensed marriage family

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Speaker 2: therapist here that is going to take questions and we're

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Speaker 2: going to deep dive into this.

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Speaker 3: So have you ever been in love? And how do

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Speaker 3: you know, doctor Wes.

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Speaker 1: I've been in love, Yes, I initially it began that

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Speaker 1: way because we we had positive regard for each other.

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Speaker 1: So that means we really we were each other as cheerleaders.

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Speaker 1: We were we looked each other in the eye, we

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Speaker 1: held hands, We we wanted to spend every moment we

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Speaker 1: could together. We uh, you know, we're curious about each other.

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Speaker 1: Do I feel like uh, well, I mean I've gone

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Speaker 1: through a divorce and do I feel like that love lasted? No?

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Speaker 1: It didn't. No?

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Speaker 2: No, Well, I mean there are a lot of people

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Speaker 2: that go through divorce and were in love. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I'm right with you on that because I've been married

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Speaker 2: and was in love and loved my husband. In fact,

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Speaker 2: I still do because I don't think that once you

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Speaker 2: love some that love ever goes away completely.

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Speaker 1: I mean I.

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Speaker 2: Still love my ex husband in a way that I'm

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Speaker 2: rooting for him. I want him to do well. I

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Speaker 2: want him to be happy and he's in a new

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Speaker 2: relationship and I want him to be loved and know

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Speaker 2: how to do that as well as an important thing

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Speaker 2: to do is to know how to love someone. Bob

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Speaker 2: Marley wrote a whole song, could You Be Loved and

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Speaker 2: Be Love? Right? It's really important to figure out what

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Speaker 2: love is and how you have been able to figure

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Speaker 2: this out. So again five one, three seven four ninety

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Speaker 2: seven thousand, we're asking and starting tonight's topic with have

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Speaker 2: you ever been in love? And how did you know?

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Speaker 2: Like there are some signs and we're going to get

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Speaker 2: into that, but you counsel thousands of couples over your

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Speaker 2: tenure as a licensed marriage family therapist out of Nashville.

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Speaker 2: Are there signs that couples that you know that that

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Speaker 2: they look like they love love each other or act

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Speaker 2: like they love each other.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they they make eye contact, they they reach for

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Speaker 1: each other physically. They make bids for connections so they

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Speaker 1: they know what each other's favorite snack might be, they

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Speaker 1: know what each other would want at the store, they

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Speaker 1: pick things up for each other. They make these small

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Speaker 1: bids for connection throughout the day, and they stay connected

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Speaker 1: in that way.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So if some give me an example of a

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Speaker 2: small bid of connection, what does that mean?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So what I would say about bid for connection

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Speaker 1: would be would be when when let's say in the

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Speaker 1: early in the morning, you look over and you say

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Speaker 1: good morning, you as a direct bid for connection. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's a direct bid for connection. Another bid for connection

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Speaker 1: may be coming up behind someone and just gently, you know,

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Speaker 1: maybe just just touching their arm and you're reaching for affection,

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Speaker 1: and if the other person just ignores it, flat out

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Speaker 1: ignores it, then that's a that's a failed bid for connection. Yeah. Right,

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Speaker 1: So there can be more subtle, more less less direct

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Speaker 1: bids for connection. Yeah, that that certainly can. And if

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Speaker 1: those failed bids for connection continue, that's going to one

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Speaker 1: partner will get discouraged. They stop growing. I think couples

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Speaker 1: that fall out of love they stop growing together, They move.

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Speaker 2: In different directions, they stop caring about what the other

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Speaker 2: person feels or their personal happiness even probably at times,

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Speaker 2: because there are couples that I know that you're like,

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Speaker 2: oh man, what are they doing together?

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Speaker 1: Like they probably shouldn't.

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Speaker 2: And there are people that stay together just because it's

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Speaker 2: comfortable or convenient, and they would you say that that's

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Speaker 2: somewhat giving up on the love that they've had.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it is. It is giving up on the love

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Speaker 1: they had. They they've they have lost the desire to

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Speaker 1: try to choose. I say, love is a verb. It

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Speaker 1: is something you you choose to do every day. Mm hmm.

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Speaker 1: It's and and it and it's so it's action, it's action.

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Speaker 1: It's not something that people will say that that I've

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Speaker 1: I just I just fell out of love. And I'm

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Speaker 1: always really curious about that because I'm I'm because I

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Speaker 1: want to know, Okay, what did you do to fall

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Speaker 1: out of love? Because you made decisions to not reach

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Speaker 1: for each other. You made a conscious decision to stop

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Speaker 1: growing together. Yes, it's not something that just randomly happens

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Speaker 1: to you. There were decisions that you made throughout the

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Speaker 1: day to not engage with your partner, to choose something else.

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Speaker 2: And are those the couples when they're in therapy, because

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Speaker 2: you see couples at like their trauma, like you're at

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Speaker 2: you're at they're at, kind.

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Speaker 3: Of like we need to do something.

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Speaker 2: Most often, I'm sure there are couples that go to

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Speaker 2: counseling to prevent some of that from happening. But the majority,

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Speaker 2: you would say, come when they really need your help.

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Speaker 2: So are the are the couples that reach for each other?

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Speaker 2: Do they do? They look at each other and look

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Speaker 2: in their eyes when they're talking. I mean, how does that?

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Speaker 1: There's eye contact? Yeah, yeah, there is vulnerability. They are

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Speaker 1: willing to ask each other questions and be honest with

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Speaker 1: each other. The ones that don't make it are very

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Speaker 1: shallow in their questions that they ask each other. They

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Speaker 1: don't they don't go deep with their questions at all.

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Speaker 1: I recently, I've I've been seeing couples that they have

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Speaker 1: so much contempt. You've heard me talk about that, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: but they have so much contempt for each other that

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Speaker 1: it's almost as if there are stranger. They're strangers. They

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Speaker 1: just it's almost like they can't stand to be in

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Speaker 1: the same room with each other.

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Speaker 3: Right, you know you just said some thing that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I almost stopped listening because it struck me

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Speaker 2: so hard when you said they're vulnerable with each other

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Speaker 2: because I remember one of the things, one of those

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Speaker 2: moments in my marriage, and we were connected for a

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Speaker 2: long time, we really were, but there was something that

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Speaker 2: he lied to me about and I caught him, and

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Speaker 2: I and I didn't trust him and didn't feel like

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Speaker 2: I could go deep with him because I caught him lying.

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Speaker 2: And then I thought, well, it was such a silly

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Speaker 2: thing to lie to me about too, So like what

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Speaker 2: else am I not seeing? And I started questioning in

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Speaker 2: my mind, like does this guy have my back? What is?

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Speaker 2: And then I became guarded. I put up a wall

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Speaker 2: after that, and that was maybe one of the starts

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Speaker 2: to the downhill that happened in our marriage. So people,

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Speaker 2: couples that are vulnerable, you have to have trust that

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Speaker 2: they have your back.

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Speaker 1: Right, absolutely, Yeah, absolutely, you have to have vulnerability and trust.

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Speaker 1: And contempt is really when a partner treats the other

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Speaker 1: with disrespect. They feel superior to that person, They feel

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Speaker 1: discussed a name, called call each other names. Yeah, that mocking,

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Speaker 1: eye rolling, They have hostile humor towards each other. That

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Speaker 1: is one of the strongest predictors of divorce separation, which

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Speaker 1: is what contempt.

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Speaker 2: So, yeah, when somebody says a joke and you don't

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Speaker 2: think it's funny because it's aimed at you, that's that's

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Speaker 2: what did you just call that?

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Speaker 1: Contempt? No?

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Speaker 2: No, no, the hostile hostile humor, hostile humor. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's not funny if both people are loved.

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Speaker 1: No, I mean that is.

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Speaker 2: I've watched couples, you know, when you're out to dinner

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Speaker 2: with a couple and one of them says something kind

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Speaker 2: of tricky like that, and the other one takes it

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Speaker 2: personally and maybe rightfully, so a little bit because there

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Speaker 2: was some some some sticky stuff in there. It's just

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Speaker 2: uncomfortable for everybody. Everybody feels real weird when it's hostile humor.

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Speaker 1: I got to write that down. Yeah, hostile humor. The

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Speaker 1: story of us. I noticed that couples that really are

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Speaker 1: successful have a story of us. So they have shared meaning,

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Speaker 1: they have shared values. Okay, they they have a shared narrative,

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Speaker 1: like their their stories are consistent and they match and

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Speaker 1: they are compatible with each other. When you start to

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Speaker 1: have differing stories of the relationship where they're coming in

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Speaker 1: they're telling on each other, and they're wanting me to tell.

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Speaker 1: They're wanting me to be the referee to say who's right.

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Speaker 1: I know, I've got a difficult couple, got a long journey.

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Speaker 1: I got a long journey. Yeah, because they are they

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Speaker 1: now are no longer sharing the narrative of their of

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Speaker 1: their love for each other.

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Speaker 2: Well, and listen, we're not saying that this should all

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Speaker 2: be you know, rainbows and butterflies all the time. Relationships

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Speaker 2: are hard. That's why we're talking about it. It is

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Speaker 2: that they're not. This is an easy stuff here. So

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Speaker 2: when somebody has contempt and I know that that's a

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Speaker 2: sure sign of divorce, has anyone ever come back from

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Speaker 2: that in your couples? Like, I know it's hard to

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Speaker 2: predict or whatever, but it feels like if both if

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Speaker 2: you've had some contempt once in a while and something,

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Speaker 2: but contempt is over time, it really is a strong.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like it's like, I hope I have to

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Speaker 1: poke holes in that wall consistently each week. So I

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Speaker 1: have to get them. What I mean by that is

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Speaker 1: I have to get them to a vulnerable place where

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Speaker 1: they own their part of that contempt. And that's so challenging.

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Speaker 1: People are so threatened in those relationships that they will

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Speaker 1: not be vulnerable with me. Wow a lot of times.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So they have to own their contempt. They have

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Speaker 2: to own So you have to say, did you just

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Speaker 2: hear the way you spoke to him?

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Speaker 1: That's right? And own it and express why why you

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Speaker 1: were being contemptuous? What is it you're afraid of? Where

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Speaker 1: is the pain point? I talk with couples about their

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Speaker 1: pain points. Yeah, what what is it that's really hurting you?

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Speaker 1: What are what are you thinking about? What are you

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Speaker 1: when you look at your partner? What are the negative

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Speaker 1: thoughts that come up? What are the negative feelings? Attachment injuries?

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Speaker 1: I work a lot with that. We hold on to

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Speaker 1: those attachment wounds and they don't get healed, and they

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Speaker 1: just keep festering. Where do those come from? That's when

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Speaker 1: you failed? You were you weren't there for me. I

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Speaker 1: needed you to show up for me, and you well,

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Speaker 1: I mean the greatest attachment injury is infidelity. Yeah, right,

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Speaker 1: of course, but it also could be consistently I reach

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Speaker 1: for you in a very vulnerable place and I need

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Speaker 1: you to speak with me, and you just ignore me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, So a bit for connection is is doesn't get answered,

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Speaker 2: doesn't get that's that?

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So what if I'm tired from work and I come

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Speaker 2: home and my partner wants he wants, you know, he's

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Speaker 2: looking for a bid for connection, and I'm just so tired.

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Speaker 3: I just need some space.

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Speaker 2: I just need or the kids are running around and

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Speaker 2: the dogs need to be fed. You've got to cook

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Speaker 2: dinner and that kind of stuff. How important is timing

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Speaker 2: when you're looking for a bid for connection?

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Speaker 1: I would just touch base with each other and say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I notice that you're reaching for me right now, and

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Speaker 1: given you see what's happening right now, we don't have

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Speaker 1: the time to really connect, but I want to. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I want to, and I want to come back to that.

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Speaker 1: So let's make a point to come back to that

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Speaker 1: before the night ends. Okay.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so you can say, listen, let me get dinner ready,

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Speaker 2: let me get this going, and then before we wrap

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Speaker 2: it up for the night, we'll we'll make time for

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Speaker 2: each other.

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Speaker 1: You acknowledge it, and you acknowledge that you see the bid,

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Speaker 1: and then you validate the emotion that I feel what

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Speaker 1: you're fing to. I want to connect with you too.

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Speaker 1: That's really what it's about is you want to feel

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Speaker 1: that you want to touch base. I call it a

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Speaker 1: secure base. Yeah, it's like you leave for the day

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Speaker 1: and you want to come back, you want to touch

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Speaker 1: base and just make sure we're still connected, and then

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Speaker 1: you leave and you come back and it's back and forth.

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Speaker 1: But couples that lose that secure base there, they don't

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Speaker 1: have they don't have that foundation.

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Speaker 2: They don't have each other's back, and that's what's really important.

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Speaker 2: So there are a couple of signs that you might

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Speaker 2: this might be a love relationship. The first one is

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Speaker 2: you feel like you're yourself around this person, and you know,

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Speaker 2: sometimes like and you can be open and honest and

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Speaker 2: all that stuff with somebody. But I kind of have

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Speaker 2: that with the barista at Starbucks. I mean I can

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Speaker 2: be open and honest with a lot of people. So

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Speaker 2: for me, I just feel comfortable around, you know, a

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Speaker 2: lot of people. So but I do understand that if

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Speaker 2: you have to put on a facade and make like

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Speaker 2: you're you know, you're somebody else for somebody important, maybe

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Speaker 2: that's not a good fit. And maybe that's just kind

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Speaker 2: of like an infatuation or you know, because butterflies are

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Speaker 2: great in the beginning, but that wears off, and if

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Speaker 2: you're looking for a loving relationship, then it's got to

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Speaker 2: go deeper and just butterflies and being excited.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: The other one is they are the first person you

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Speaker 2: want to share good news with.

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Speaker 1: I love that.

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Speaker 2: I mean I have a twin sister, so she comes

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Speaker 2: first for me all the time, So I mean she's

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Speaker 2: the first person I tell. But in a loving relationship

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Speaker 2: with my ex husband, I absolutely love telling him good

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Speaker 2: news first and foremost.

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Speaker 1: Do you agree with that? Absolutely? That's that's what I

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Speaker 1: miss from my marriage actually my I mean, I'm divorced now,

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Speaker 1: but that's one of the things that I do miss

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Speaker 1: about my ex wife and I is that we when

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Speaker 1: we were good, we would share those wins throughout the

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Speaker 1: day and it felt really good to just touch base

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Speaker 1: and just send each other those text messages and connect. Yep.

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Speaker 1: So yes, I definitely agree with that.

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Speaker 2: Well, we're gonna get more into I've got about six

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Speaker 2: more signs, so these are good and they do get

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Speaker 2: really good. Give us a call five one, three, seven, four, nine,

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Speaker 2: seven thousand. We're going to be back with more signs

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Speaker 2: on whether this is a loving relationship or it's just

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Speaker 2: kind of infatuation. So five three, seven, four, nine, seven

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Speaker 2: thousand Donna Dy with doctor Wes Saturday Night, seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati,

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Speaker 2: Beautiful Night in Cincinnati. Donnad here with doctor Wes, a

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Speaker 2: licensed marriage family therapist, and we are talking about, you know,

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Speaker 2: the crazy concept of love.

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Speaker 1: Right.

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Speaker 2: The quality of our our life is determined on the

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Speaker 2: quality of our relationships. And we talk about how important

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Speaker 2: it is to be courageous in loving others and being loved.

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Speaker 2: Being loved is kind of harder for people then to

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Speaker 2: love somebody. But we do have some signs We're talking

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Speaker 2: about this earlier, doctor West, signs that you are in

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Speaker 2: a loving relationship. We gave the first three that listen,

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Speaker 2: you feel like yourself around this person. This could be

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Speaker 2: you know, the first couple of weeks or a month

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Speaker 2: that you're with somebody, you really feel like yourself and

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Speaker 2: you like yourself when you're with that person. They're the

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Speaker 2: first person you want to share good news with. That's

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Speaker 2: always a good sign, like, oh, I need to call

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Speaker 2: this person because I just have the best day right right.

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Speaker 2: Their happiness matters to you. Yes, that's a big deal. Yes,

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Speaker 2: And if you're in a long term relationship and you

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Speaker 2: have that, you care that the person you are with

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Speaker 2: is happy, and if you don't, that's a problem, right, right,

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Speaker 2: You feel safe emotionally and physically.

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Speaker 3: This is a big deal to me.

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Speaker 2: Why is that important to feel safe and emotion and

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Speaker 2: physically when you're with somebody.

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Speaker 1: Well, emotionally, if you don't feel safe, you're not going

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Speaker 1: to be honest, you're not vulnerable. Vulnerable, You're not You're

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Speaker 1: going to put the wall up.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and physically too, Like as a woman, sure, I

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Speaker 2: like a man to be a man, and I like

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Speaker 2: I like somebody that if if I go somewhere, he's

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Speaker 2: going to get me out of there.

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Speaker 1: If there's a mess, right, that's right. Yes, So you

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Speaker 1: want to feel physically that you're safe with your partner.

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Speaker 3: What would be a physical.

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Speaker 2: Safety for you with a woman, Like physically is she

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Speaker 2: if she shows emotion in public with you?

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Speaker 3: Is that something that's would be a safety.

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Speaker 2: Net for you?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think emotionally, I mean men in general, men

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Speaker 1: in general, Yeah, I think emotional regulation is very important. Yes,

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Speaker 1: for sure, with both partners. The ability to regulate your

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Speaker 1: emotions can create a sense of physical safety when you're

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Speaker 1: out Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Generally when you think physical, for me as a woman,

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Speaker 2: he's a protector. That's just because he's the lion and

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Speaker 2: he's a protector. That's what I mean. For a man,

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Speaker 2: what is physical? What does physical safety mean with a woman?

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Speaker 2: Is that even a thing is and you know that

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Speaker 2: she's not going to leave you in a party when

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Speaker 2: she's talking to somebody.

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Speaker 1: I mean, what is that? Yeah, that could be. That

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Speaker 1: could be emotional and psychological safety if you if you

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Speaker 1: feel that you can trust your partner, you're you're a

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Speaker 1: female partner to not to be honest, to be loyal

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Speaker 1: to you, loyal to you, A loyalty could be a

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Speaker 1: part of that physical safety too. But I don't know

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Speaker 1: about that. It just depends on the gender roles, right right.

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Speaker 2: I mean that's what when I think about it. The

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Speaker 2: man really has the responsibility in the physical area of

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Speaker 2: making women feel safety safe with them physically. That's a

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Speaker 2: big deal to women, I think. Okay, so I just

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Speaker 2: don't know what my role is as a woman in

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Speaker 2: the relationship of making them feel emotionally, yes, physical what

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Speaker 2: is that?

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Speaker 4: I mean?

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Speaker 1: What is let's yeah, what is that?

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Speaker 2: Five three seven, four nine seven thousand Men? I would

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Speaker 2: love to hear from you what do you want from

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Speaker 2: your woman in terms of physical safety. One of them

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Speaker 2: might be that she's not loud and tries to, you know,

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Speaker 2: create a ruckus so he doesn't have to get involved.

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Speaker 1: That would be.

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Speaker 2: Somebody that's going to get their man out of there too.

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Speaker 2: I remember there was one time I was and it

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Speaker 2: wasn't even a boyfriend of mine. I was with a

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Speaker 2: crowd of people. We were at a crowd of people

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Speaker 2: and we were at a bar. This was many, many

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Speaker 2: years ago, and for some reason, this guy just went

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Speaker 2: to a friend of ours and just wanted to start trouble.

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Speaker 2: And I saw what was happening, and I literally grabbed

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Speaker 2: his hand and moved him and got him out of

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Speaker 2: there and said let's go.

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Speaker 3: And he turned to me.

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Speaker 2: And said because he didn't want to get we were

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Speaker 2: all having the best time.

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Speaker 3: And he turned to me and said, thank you.

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Speaker 1: So that very much could be it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I just thought of that. Yeah, five one, three, seven, four, nine,

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Speaker 2: seven thousand. If you have something to add to that,

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Speaker 2: because I would love to hear what you're what you

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Speaker 2: would love for women to do in terms of physical safety.

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Speaker 2: Emotional and physical is important for women, and you know,

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Speaker 2: the gender roles are a really important thing. I mean,

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Speaker 2: I want I want a man to get me out

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Speaker 2: of there in that situation. Right, let's go to Mike

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Speaker 2: and see if he's on I think Joe, did you

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Speaker 2: get him? Yeah, let's see, Hey, Mike from Independence, what

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Speaker 2: do you think on this?

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Speaker 5: Yeah? So for me, a couple of things. I want

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Speaker 5: somebody who's not afraid to show affection and that we

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Speaker 5: are together when we're out. And then the other thing

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Speaker 5: you kind of touched on, but there's a female causing problems.

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Speaker 5: I want to have the girl I might be able

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Speaker 5: to kind of stand up for.

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Speaker 6: Us as a couple without me getting involved with another.

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Speaker 5: Female that's causing issues. So that's kind of where I'm

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Speaker 5: at on that situation.

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Speaker 1: No, so I brought that up.

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Speaker 2: That is such a good point, Mike, because I said,

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Speaker 2: is it you want your woman to show that you're

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Speaker 2: loved and adored by your woman in public?

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Speaker 3: So that is important to you, Mike?

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Speaker 5: Absolutely, Yep. I don't want to have to me try

415
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Speaker 5: to show the dominance and everybody'll say she's with me.

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Speaker 5: I want her to be able to to reciprocate that

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Speaker 5: that emotion and kind of feeling towards me.

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Speaker 3: I think that. Do you agree with that?

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Speaker 1: Jestuus, Yeah, that makes complete sense.

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Speaker 2: Well, I agree, and I think I think most men

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Speaker 2: would want that. I mean, there are guys that don't want,

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Speaker 2: you know, to show, you know, what is that. There

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Speaker 2: are people that don't want to be physically and you know,

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Speaker 2: kissing in public or holding hands.

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Speaker 3: Some guys don't like it.

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Speaker 2: I'm one of those people that show emotion and show

427
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Speaker 2: physical touch and yeah, in public, and I don't think

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Speaker 2: there's anything wrong with that.

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Speaker 1: So I think the world jealous. Exactly, you're in love

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Speaker 1: and make everybody sick about it. There's no reason why

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Speaker 1: you can't do that.

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Speaker 2: Mike, thank you so much for the call. I really

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Speaker 2: appreciate it. So, I there is something about physicalness that

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Speaker 2: makes men feel safety and make.

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Speaker 1: The world jealous. That's what he just said. I love that.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we're going to finish up this topic. What about

437
00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 2: you're growing together? That's another That's another key indicator that

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00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 2: you still have a lot of love in your relationship,

439
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 2: is that you're willing to grow together.

440
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,280
Speaker 1: What does that mean, doctor Weiss? So, I think that

441
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:58,520
Speaker 1: you remain curious about each other you continue to you

442
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,399
Speaker 1: continue to to seek each other's dreams. So you're trying

443
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 1: to like talk about where do you want us to

444
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:07,679
Speaker 1: go in the next five years, ten years, And so

445
00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,679
Speaker 1: I think that that is about growing together and also

446
00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 1: emotionally continuing to check in. Like I talked about on

447
00:24:14,320 --> 00:24:16,119
Speaker 1: the last show, that that emotional check in.

448
00:24:16,520 --> 00:24:21,840
Speaker 2: Okay, So there are times when you have a lot

449
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:23,679
Speaker 2: of love to give and you just might need to

450
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:25,639
Speaker 2: do a little bit of work, right, That's what you

451
00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 2: coach couples on.

452
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:28,960
Speaker 3: That's right, and it's it's it's.

453
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:34,000
Speaker 2: Listen, listen more or you know, everybody's different, especially in

454
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:38,159
Speaker 2: a couple. But when there is a time, and I

455
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 2: have experienced it, because listen, I've been divorced and that

456
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:45,280
Speaker 2: is one of the hardest things that I've ever gone

457
00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 2: through in my life. Anybody that has ever gone through

458
00:24:48,720 --> 00:24:51,480
Speaker 2: a divorce, you have been in pain and you have

459
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,959
Speaker 2: overcome it, and it is there's no way around it.

460
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:59,280
Speaker 2: You literally have to go through the storm of that relationship.

461
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:02,679
Speaker 2: And there is a time, and I do believe it was.

462
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,320
Speaker 2: We gave it a really good run. Married for almost

463
00:25:05,320 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 2: twenty years, and we gave it a really good run.

464
00:25:07,840 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 2: We're friends now, so no harm, no foul. It was painful.

465
00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 2: But the one thing about it is we didn't have kids,

466
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,920
Speaker 2: and I have had sisters that have gone through divorce

467
00:25:18,080 --> 00:25:23,239
Speaker 2: with kids, and there's nothing like pain like that. And

468
00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,959
Speaker 2: it's it's hard because you have to co parent with

469
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 2: this person. And it's probably why I never did have kids,

470
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 2: because I saw how hard it was for some of

471
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 2: my sisters and many of my friends. And when you

472
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,000
Speaker 2: have like, for instance, Halloween is coming up, a lot

473
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 2: of people are doing Halloween stuff this weekend and certainly

474
00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:47,960
Speaker 2: next weekend. But you know, sometimes one of the parents

475
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:52,280
Speaker 2: gets the child and you get to see the Halloween

476
00:25:52,320 --> 00:25:54,600
Speaker 2: costume on social media or texts?

477
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: Right right?

478
00:25:55,600 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 2: How hard is that and how how challenging is it

479
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,920
Speaker 2: to have to co parent? But I want to know

480
00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,240
Speaker 2: what are what are parents doing that are in this

481
00:26:10,320 --> 00:26:13,000
Speaker 2: situation that they're doing right in co parenting?

482
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: Right right?

483
00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:17,800
Speaker 3: What would be something that.

484
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 2: That you would tell your couples if they had decided

485
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 2: that they were gonna split up, right and they've got kids,

486
00:26:24,160 --> 00:26:26,400
Speaker 2: And what would be one advice that you would give

487
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,120
Speaker 2: them to say, all right, well, you.

488
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 1: Never want to put the kid in the middle. You

489
00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:36,320
Speaker 1: don't want to create a loyalty conflict. So I say

490
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: that that there needs to be an alternating schedule. You

491
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 1: need to stick to your parenting plan. But I also

492
00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: would would say, is there is it possible that you

493
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 1: all can share holidays together? Is it possible that that

494
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,679
Speaker 1: we could coach you all to where you could be

495
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: in a place where you could do what's best for

496
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,239
Speaker 1: your child and and actually share the holidays. There are

497
00:26:57,280 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 1: some couples that do that.

498
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, I and eventually they got there on my side

499
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,359
Speaker 2: of the family, Like, eventually they did get there and

500
00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,280
Speaker 2: it was great and it is great today. What have

501
00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 2: you found that is working in your co parenting relationship?

502
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 2: Five one, three, seven, four ninety seven thousand, one eight

503
00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,240
Speaker 2: hundred The Big One. We want this to be interactive.

504
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 2: It is a fun call in relationship show, but we

505
00:27:21,160 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 2: also want to get to the heart of some of

506
00:27:23,440 --> 00:27:25,640
Speaker 2: this stuff and make a difference, because if we can

507
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 2: do something positive and make somebody's life better, Yeah, that's

508
00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 2: an intention that we have to do on this show.

509
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 3: We want to have fun and we want to talk

510
00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 3: about some silly stuff too.

511
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 2: But you know, when you think about how many people

512
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:44,200
Speaker 2: have to go through co parenting and blended families, and

513
00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:49,560
Speaker 2: now people have ex husbands and new husbands and families

514
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:54,600
Speaker 2: from You really have to figure out what works best

515
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,400
Speaker 2: for the children or the children. And I don't know

516
00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:02,679
Speaker 2: that kids, you know, they're trick or treaty. They just

517
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 2: want to have fun. It's more difficult sometimes for the

518
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:09,119
Speaker 2: parents and the extended family like the aunties and the

519
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,960
Speaker 2: uncles out there that want to see their nieces and

520
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 2: nephews on on Halloween and see their cue costumes and

521
00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:15,760
Speaker 2: stuff like that.

522
00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,439
Speaker 3: And it's not always going to be the case.

523
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:20,560
Speaker 1: No, you got to do a lot of emotional work

524
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:22,679
Speaker 1: on yourself to be able to not put that on

525
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: your kid. So you need to be able to talk

526
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:29,479
Speaker 1: to someone about your emotions. You don't want to make

527
00:28:29,520 --> 00:28:33,120
Speaker 1: your kid feel guilty that they weren't with you during

528
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: the holiday, right, So that's very important.

529
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 2: That is a really good point. So how do you

530
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 2: how do you not make the kids feel guilty? How

531
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:43,239
Speaker 2: do you do that?

532
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:43,720
Speaker 7: Well?

533
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: I would avoid saying things like, man, I really wish

534
00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: I could have been there with you, yes, or you know,

535
00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: men must your mom must have she really lucked out

536
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: this year having you right, comments like that that it

537
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:00,680
Speaker 1: puts the case in the middle.

538
00:29:01,600 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 2: Right, So, and also avoid name calling your parents. Don't ever,

539
00:29:05,400 --> 00:29:08,560
Speaker 2: don't ever keep a solid front. See, even if you

540
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:12,480
Speaker 2: don't get along with your ex, right, it's really important

541
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:17,200
Speaker 2: to make sure that that kid, your child, doesn't hear

542
00:29:17,280 --> 00:29:18,720
Speaker 2: the negative stuff between you.

543
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: That's right, Right, that's the most destructive. It's when the

544
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,480
Speaker 1: kids put in the middle. Is what research shows is

545
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: the most destructive part of divorce for kids is when

546
00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:31,200
Speaker 1: they are the messenger. Oh boy, so there you know,

547
00:29:31,240 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 1: you're you're asking your kid for information about what's going

548
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:39,280
Speaker 1: on with the other parent, or the parents can't talk

549
00:29:39,320 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: to each other, and so the one parent will say, hey,

550
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 1: when you're with your dad, make sure you tell them X,

551
00:29:44,760 --> 00:29:47,600
Speaker 1: Y and Z. Right, make sure you do that for me.

552
00:29:47,760 --> 00:29:50,480
Speaker 1: It's it just it puts them in a parental position.

553
00:29:50,640 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 2: Tell them he's got to pay for your school, right shoes?

554
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,920
Speaker 2: And yeah, yeah, that that does get a little tricky.

555
00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 3: That's probably not the best way.

556
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 2: There's a movie that I saw that was probably one

557
00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:10,320
Speaker 2: of the worst divorce cases with involving the child. It

558
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:15,320
Speaker 2: was called Irreconcilable Differences, and Shelley Long and Ryan O'Neill

559
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 2: and Young Lil Drew Barrymore, and what she did was

560
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 2: she took her parents to court because she couldn't stand

561
00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 2: the bickering anymore in the back and forth and they

562
00:30:26,720 --> 00:30:29,160
Speaker 2: were literally a tug of war at the end where

563
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 2: she was like, I want to go live with their housekeeper.

564
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,680
Speaker 3: She wanted to live with the housekeeper.

565
00:30:35,240 --> 00:30:38,880
Speaker 2: And it was such a crazy movie that you know,

566
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 2: put a huge spotlight on how bad it could get

567
00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 2: and involving the kids so much that she took their

568
00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 2: parents to court.

569
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 1: And she won and she went to live with her.

570
00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 2: But they learned a big in the end, they learned

571
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 2: a very big valuable lesson, like, neither one of us

572
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:00,880
Speaker 2: have our daughter now because she doesn't want to be

573
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 2: with either one of us because we were so we

574
00:31:03,720 --> 00:31:05,440
Speaker 2: just handled things so badly.

575
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 1: That's right.

576
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,959
Speaker 2: And sometimes when you're in the you can't see the

577
00:31:08,960 --> 00:31:11,680
Speaker 2: forest through the trees because you're in it, and you

578
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:15,400
Speaker 2: don't sometimes realize how challenging it can be for the kids.

579
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's you got to do your own work,

580
00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 1: so you don't make your kid do the work for you.

581
00:31:22,400 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 1: You got to really do your own work.

582
00:31:24,240 --> 00:31:28,200
Speaker 2: I've won three seven four nine, seven thousand. What's working

583
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,760
Speaker 2: with co parenting with you, right, what have you done

584
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 2: that's going right? I mean in the end, with many

585
00:31:37,760 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 2: of the relationships as they have aged and gotten wiser.

586
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 2: In terms of some of my friends and family members

587
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 2: that have gone through this, we've gotten wiser all of

588
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:51,080
Speaker 2: us together, And like, okay, I could have done this differently,

589
00:31:52,040 --> 00:31:56,000
Speaker 2: But hindsight is twenty twenty, right, So you can only

590
00:31:56,080 --> 00:32:00,440
Speaker 2: do what you're capable of, right, But there were things

591
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:04,000
Speaker 2: that I know that you know, my sister would have

592
00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 2: done differently, absolutely looking back and now how much that

593
00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 2: that she's learned and grown from and everybody's friends and

594
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,880
Speaker 2: and that kind of stuff. It's it's important to put

595
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,640
Speaker 2: the focus on the child, but it's also important to

596
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:24,320
Speaker 2: put the focus on yourself. So that if there's bitterness,

597
00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:29,760
Speaker 2: if there's anger, if there's resentment that happens to all

598
00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:32,680
Speaker 2: of us that have gone through a divorce or a

599
00:32:32,720 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 2: breakup in any way, shape or form, there's gonna be

600
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:39,400
Speaker 2: stuff in there, residual stuff, right, So if you can

601
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 2: look at and take responsibility for, I mean, if you're

602
00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 2: if you're going through a breakup, The best advice I

603
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,880
Speaker 2: ever heard was put your health first.

604
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:54,080
Speaker 3: Take care of yourself.

605
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 2: Because if you're working out, you're eating right, you're sleeping well,

606
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 2: and you're taking care of yourself, and you're putting yourself

607
00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:05,360
Speaker 2: a priority, you love yourself, right, and if you love

608
00:33:05,440 --> 00:33:10,080
Speaker 2: yourself and you're taking care of yourself, only good things

609
00:33:10,160 --> 00:33:12,480
Speaker 2: can happen from there, and then maybe the resentment and

610
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,480
Speaker 2: all the other stuff melts away a little bit.

611
00:33:14,640 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, that's really great advice. You got it. You

612
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 1: gotta love yourself. You have to.

613
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:25,080
Speaker 2: I'm sure it's important because if you don't, who is

614
00:33:25,160 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 2: going to do that?

615
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 1: That's right, you have to. Literally.

616
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,360
Speaker 2: I love Mel Robbins. She has a great podcast, and

617
00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,960
Speaker 2: you know, as silly as this sounds, as silly as

618
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 2: it sounds, she literally wakes up in the morning and

619
00:33:36,800 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 2: she gives herself a high five in the mirror. Right,

620
00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:43,600
Speaker 2: She's like, I got you. I am I am the

621
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:45,920
Speaker 2: best friend I was looking for. I am the mother

622
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 2: I wanted. I am the father I wanted, I want,

623
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:49,720
Speaker 2: I am the child I wanted.

624
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 1: I got you.

625
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:52,160
Speaker 3: I'm going to take care of you.

626
00:33:52,760 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 2: And when you have your back like that, you're not

627
00:33:55,760 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 2: going to allow anybody else to.

628
00:33:57,280 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 1: Not have your back, right, that's right. I love that.

629
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:02,240
Speaker 1: You got to give.

630
00:34:02,080 --> 00:34:04,480
Speaker 2: Yourself a high five, and then well that's Mel Robbins.

631
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,680
Speaker 2: I mean she's great. She has that great book called

632
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:08,919
Speaker 2: Let Them, which I still not read, but so many

633
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,359
Speaker 2: of my friends love it.

634
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 3: Okay, so we got to take a break Saturday night.

635
00:34:14,040 --> 00:34:14,879
Speaker 3: This is so fun.

636
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:18,120
Speaker 2: We're going to get into quite a few things, including

637
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,640
Speaker 2: how we talked about wisdom and as you get older,

638
00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 2: love after fifty and how great that can be. We

639
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:29,680
Speaker 2: we'll get into that in a minute. Saturday Night, Donna

640
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:35,959
Speaker 2: D Doctor Wes seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati. I love this song,

641
00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:43,600
Speaker 2: Pearl Jam. It's such a fun surfer song. Donna D

642
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,600
Speaker 2: with Doctor Wes on Saturday Night. It's already in the

643
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:49,560
Speaker 2: ten o'clock hour. We want this show to be interactive.

644
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:51,960
Speaker 2: Five one, three, seven, four, nine, seven thousand. We have

645
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:55,719
Speaker 2: a licensed marriage family therapist with us tonight, doctor West.

646
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:57,880
Speaker 2: So if you have something that you want to ask

647
00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 2: him while he's here, please feel free to call in.

648
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 3: If you've never called.

649
00:35:02,160 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 2: Into a radio show, it can be very fun and

650
00:35:04,960 --> 00:35:08,080
Speaker 2: be a little scary, but tonight's the night that maybe

651
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 2: you change something and you ask a question or you

652
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,160
Speaker 2: comment on what we were talking about and I was

653
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 2: telling you off air.

654
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 3: I saw this video of.

655
00:35:18,960 --> 00:35:21,239
Speaker 2: It was on an It was an Instagram video and

656
00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,880
Speaker 2: this guy was interviewing they were at Costco, right, And

657
00:35:23,880 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 2: this guy was interviewing all these guys at Costco and

658
00:35:27,239 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 2: he said, on a zero to one to ten, what

659
00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 2: is your how how much do you love going to

660
00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 2: Costco with your wife?

661
00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: One to ten?

662
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:39,680
Speaker 2: And I think nine out of ten guys picked zero.

663
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:43,600
Speaker 2: Like somebody said, what's negative? What's more negative than zero?

664
00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,080
Speaker 1: Right? Nobody?

665
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 2: None of those guys wanted to be there, So I

666
00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:55,719
Speaker 2: don't understand why they would go to Costco if they

667
00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 2: did not want to go. I mean, couldn't Is it

668
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:01,560
Speaker 2: so bad to tell your wife for your spouse that

669
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:04,800
Speaker 2: you don't want to do something? What are the repercussions?

670
00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 2: Why don't Why aren't they honest? That's the last thing

671
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 2: I want to do is go to Costco with you.

672
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 2: I would have no problem if a guy said that

673
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 2: to me. I do not want to go to Costco.

674
00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 2: We're there for two I don't like that anyway. I mean,

675
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:21,560
Speaker 2: I whatever it is, Costco, Walmart, you but fill fill

676
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 2: in the blank of you know, women like doing it.

677
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 2: I guess men don't want to go with their wives.

678
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:28,839
Speaker 2: What is that about.

679
00:36:28,560 --> 00:36:32,000
Speaker 1: Wes Well, it it could be a number of things.

680
00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:35,080
Speaker 1: It could be they don't want to get criticized. They

681
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:37,319
Speaker 1: don't want to get into an argument. They don't want

682
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 1: it to have to be defensive. They also, you know,

683
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 1: I think that it's about keeping score. We've talked about that. Yeah,

684
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,520
Speaker 1: and and they don't want that to get thrown up

685
00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:50,719
Speaker 1: in their face, that they that they are not. It

686
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,360
Speaker 1: didn't help out It didn't help out right, that they're not.

687
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 1: They're not carrying their weight. That that. I think it's

688
00:36:58,440 --> 00:36:59,960
Speaker 1: it's to prevent an argument on a.

689
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 2: Okay, so if and I agree with you, I think

690
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:06,240
Speaker 2: that's probably the main reason is to prevent an argument.

691
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,840
Speaker 2: But if I said, if I said to you, I

692
00:37:09,840 --> 00:37:11,640
Speaker 2: don't want to go to Costco, or I don't want

693
00:37:11,640 --> 00:37:13,759
Speaker 2: to go to the store fill in the blank of

694
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 2: any store I don't want to go. I will do

695
00:37:16,160 --> 00:37:20,279
Speaker 2: the dishes, I'll vacuum, I'll make make it up to

696
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 2: you in some way, But that going to a store

697
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 2: and being in there for two hours is.

698
00:37:25,000 --> 00:37:25,640
Speaker 1: Not my thing.

699
00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:29,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean the level of guys that said zero

700
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:33,040
Speaker 2: sure on that list, why are they there?

701
00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:37,520
Speaker 1: They're there because I think it's about a transactional relationship.

702
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,319
Speaker 1: I think that if for them, if I do this

703
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: for my wife, well then there has to be something

704
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 1: coming back for me in some way. Well, I get it.

705
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 2: We all have to make sacrifices transactional. I don't necessarily,

706
00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:53,920
Speaker 2: you know, want to take the trash out or do

707
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:56,520
Speaker 2: other things. We all make sacrifices to do that. But

708
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 2: if it's a zero.

709
00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:02,320
Speaker 1: On the list of one to ten, you would be hooved.

710
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 2: I would rather go by myself, you know, I'd rather

711
00:38:05,800 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 2: go by myself than have, you know, my partner, my husband,

712
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:13,040
Speaker 2: my boyfriend, whatever, be miserable being there.

713
00:38:13,080 --> 00:38:15,400
Speaker 1: Well, they're gonna end upetting into an argument anyway.

714
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,680
Speaker 3: Well, men and women, couples, couples argue.

715
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 2: Let's be honest, like, there's always going to be some

716
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:25,000
Speaker 2: fighting that happens in a couple.

717
00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:28,680
Speaker 3: I mean, but what are you fighting for? Is the

718
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:29,560
Speaker 3: is the answer.

719
00:38:29,600 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 2: It's not just because you don't want to go shopping

720
00:38:33,239 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 2: with your partner.

721
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:35,000
Speaker 1: It's not that.

722
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,000
Speaker 2: So what what? Why are they doing it? And what

723
00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:40,759
Speaker 2: are they fighting for? Five one, three, seven, four, nine,

724
00:38:40,880 --> 00:38:42,720
Speaker 2: seven eight hundred The big one?

725
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 3: Why are you? What are you fighting for? In your relationship?

726
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:49,000
Speaker 2: Because if if it's too you need to come with

727
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:51,279
Speaker 2: me to the store so that we can get all

728
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 2: this stuff and I need help bringing it in when

729
00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 2: I would be perfectly fine to do that on my own.

730
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:01,120
Speaker 1: Right, if I if if.

731
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:05,040
Speaker 2: As long as you're not miserable around me, that's the worst.

732
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,879
Speaker 2: I mean, that's nothing's more worse than that is. If

733
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:10,120
Speaker 2: you're miserable.

734
00:39:09,680 --> 00:39:12,680
Speaker 1: Around me, then then I.

735
00:39:12,680 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 3: Want you to do something else, right? Is that fair

736
00:39:15,200 --> 00:39:15,600
Speaker 3: to say?

737
00:39:15,640 --> 00:39:18,200
Speaker 1: That is very fair to say. Yeah, And I would

738
00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:21,440
Speaker 1: rather couples be that honest with each other, you.

739
00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 2: Know, because you can There's always going to be chores,

740
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 2: there's always going to be things to do that you

741
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:27,560
Speaker 2: can make it up.

742
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:27,879
Speaker 1: Right.

743
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 2: Let me see, we do have some callers on here.

744
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:32,680
Speaker 2: I'm just gonna let Joe screen those for a minute.

745
00:39:32,719 --> 00:39:36,319
Speaker 2: Five one, three, seven, four, nine, seven thousand. Oh, I'm

746
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,359
Speaker 2: sorry we didn't get you. But we want to know

747
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 2: what are you fighting for in your relationship? Because when

748
00:39:41,760 --> 00:39:47,479
Speaker 2: you say I wish you'd pick up your shoes because

749
00:39:47,480 --> 00:39:50,040
Speaker 2: they're all I'm always stepping over it? What would that

750
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 2: mean in another way? Because you're you're fighting, but there's

751
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 2: always some form of fighting.

752
00:39:56,239 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's the meaning behind the what's a message?

753
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:01,200
Speaker 4: Right?

754
00:40:01,360 --> 00:40:04,759
Speaker 1: Right? So I'm always having to you never pick up

755
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:07,600
Speaker 1: your shoes. I'm always having to step over your shoes.

756
00:40:07,640 --> 00:40:11,480
Speaker 1: That's a complaint. Instead of making a request, would you

757
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:13,840
Speaker 1: be willing to pick up your shoes for me? Because

758
00:40:13,840 --> 00:40:14,959
Speaker 1: I feel love?

759
00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 2: But is it disrespect exactly? It's yeah, it's about love

760
00:40:19,520 --> 00:40:23,200
Speaker 2: and respect. Let's go to Josh real quick and pleasant Ridge. Josh,

761
00:40:23,239 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 2: what are you fighting for in your relationship? Oh?

762
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:28,480
Speaker 6: I was calling about Costco?

763
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,520
Speaker 1: Oh please tell me.

764
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,240
Speaker 6: I'm not going to talk about my marriage. Okay, Okay,

765
00:40:35,719 --> 00:40:38,759
Speaker 6: I work for Costco. I don't see a lot of

766
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 6: people fighting. I've seen it. You guys didn't mention the

767
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:44,799
Speaker 6: one thing that I.

768
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: Think men don't want to go to Costco.

769
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:50,200
Speaker 6: With their spouse as you spend a lot of money

770
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,439
Speaker 6: at Costco. There's a lot of stuff you don't need.

771
00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:56,759
Speaker 6: You can go for one thing and you come back

772
00:40:56,760 --> 00:40:58,880
Speaker 6: with ten, and you go to spend one hundred and

773
00:40:58,920 --> 00:40:59,959
Speaker 6: you spend four or five.

774
00:41:00,480 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 2: Okay, so you think the real reason, uh huh is

775
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:07,000
Speaker 2: that that they don't want to spend that much money

776
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 2: because when you go to a store.

777
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:16,839
Speaker 6: Like that, yeah, that are more apt to get the

778
00:41:16,840 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 6: thing you don't really need, but it's nice, and it's

779
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 6: you know, you don't really realize what you got til

780
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:23,800
Speaker 6: you check out and it's six hundred bucks.

781
00:41:25,480 --> 00:41:28,120
Speaker 2: So but isn't that the reason why you go to

782
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,800
Speaker 2: a store like that is to buy bulk items? And

783
00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:36,800
Speaker 2: because that's the reason why I think somebody would want

784
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,319
Speaker 2: their partner to go with them, like you got to

785
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:41,919
Speaker 2: carry all this stuff in the car, and it's they're

786
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 2: not fighting. The The guy was asking them, basically, one

787
00:41:47,080 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 2: out of ten, how how how much do you want

788
00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,080
Speaker 2: to be here with your wife? And all of them

789
00:41:52,080 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 2: said zero, every single one of them said zero. But

790
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,200
Speaker 2: and I think it's just shopping in general. It really

791
00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 2: isn't just about one store, right Josh?

792
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:05,120
Speaker 6: Well, yeah, I would say the smartest Costco shoppers don't

793
00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 6: even grab a car. You go in and grab whatever

794
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,560
Speaker 6: you need in your house. But I don't know, I mean,

795
00:42:11,600 --> 00:42:15,080
Speaker 6: how much shopping do you do that's not online? I

796
00:42:15,120 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 6: mean we have everything delivered Amazon?

797
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:17,440
Speaker 1: Right?

798
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:19,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

799
00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:20,400
Speaker 1: Everything?

800
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I get it.

801
00:42:22,160 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 2: Thanks so much, Halloween Costumes, have a good night, Josh,

802
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 2: thank you so much. Let's go to Matt and Cincinnati. Matt, Hi,

803
00:42:29,040 --> 00:42:30,720
Speaker 2: you're on with Donnade and doctor West.

804
00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:32,560
Speaker 7: Hey, how are you guys tonight?

805
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:33,000
Speaker 1: Good.

806
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:35,719
Speaker 7: I just had a little I wanted to share in

807
00:42:35,760 --> 00:42:38,120
Speaker 7: epiphany that I had at the end of a long

808
00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,319
Speaker 7: toxic relationship that really made sense to me and clicked home.

809
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,960
Speaker 7: I kind of sought my girlfriend's approval, like, you know,

810
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,080
Speaker 7: if you if you would just do this or that,

811
00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:51,920
Speaker 7: then I would be happy. Well, one day she just

812
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:54,000
Speaker 7: laid it out to me plain a day and she said,

813
00:42:54,080 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 7: you know, I'm not responsible for your happiness. And I'll

814
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 7: tell you what. That really hit me like a of

815
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:03,319
Speaker 7: bricks and I really changed my way of thinking about

816
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,160
Speaker 7: things and that that really is true. You know, you

817
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:10,160
Speaker 7: can't look for somebody else to do different for you

818
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:12,160
Speaker 7: to be happy. You have to be happy with yourself

819
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 7: and whatever they're doing in order to you know, be

820
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:19,280
Speaker 7: happy with your situation. That really really made a difference

821
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:19,920
Speaker 7: in my life.

822
00:43:20,040 --> 00:43:23,279
Speaker 2: I love that, And you know she's right because it's

823
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,640
Speaker 2: not it's not her job to make you happy, but

824
00:43:26,680 --> 00:43:32,000
Speaker 2: there but happiness can come from your relationship. You can

825
00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:35,359
Speaker 2: be happy with somebody, but it's not up to the

826
00:43:35,440 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 2: other person.

827
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 3: Doctor West to agree with Matt.

828
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,359
Speaker 1: I do I do? I agree? That would hit me too,

829
00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 1: and I just can't rely on it.

830
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:48,120
Speaker 2: Yes, and I and I feel like a lot of

831
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:51,560
Speaker 2: people need to need to understand that even when you know,

832
00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,719
Speaker 2: when you get married. I remember my husband saying on

833
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: our wedding night, you know, in front of we had

834
00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:00,239
Speaker 2: a big, pretty big wedding, two hundred people, and I

835
00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 2: remember him standing up and giving me a toast, a

836
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:05,520
Speaker 2: toast to me, and he said, I'm going to make

837
00:44:05,560 --> 00:44:09,799
Speaker 2: her the happiest person that in her life. And I

838
00:44:09,920 --> 00:44:13,799
Speaker 2: remember thinking, oh sweet. But I thought back then, that's

839
00:44:13,840 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 2: not your responsibility. It's not I have to make myself,

840
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:18,239
Speaker 2: you know.

841
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 7: That was that was the issue that I had with it,

842
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:22,400
Speaker 7: because that's what I always sought to do, you know,

843
00:44:22,520 --> 00:44:25,239
Speaker 7: that was my always goal. So it was hard for

844
00:44:25,280 --> 00:44:28,160
Speaker 7: me to come to terms with that. You can't always

845
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,080
Speaker 7: expect that. You have to lower your expectations. You know,

846
00:44:31,120 --> 00:44:33,319
Speaker 7: if you're a giver, then you have to lower your

847
00:44:33,320 --> 00:44:35,080
Speaker 7: expectations on what you're going to get back.

848
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:36,000
Speaker 6: It's just a fact.

849
00:44:37,320 --> 00:44:39,640
Speaker 1: That is a funny way to put it back. You

850
00:44:39,719 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: got to lower your expectations.

851
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:45,919
Speaker 2: So you're okay, I don't necessarily know if if if

852
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:50,919
Speaker 2: lowering your expectations is what you need to do. But understanding, well,

853
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:54,560
Speaker 2: that right, Matt, like to maybe match to maybe match

854
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 2: what's your what you what you're willing to give.

855
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 7: You can't always expect that match in return, That's all.

856
00:45:00,040 --> 00:45:00,759
Speaker 1: That's what I was saying.

857
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:03,680
Speaker 2: No, no, And I absolutely agree with you on that

858
00:45:03,760 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 2: because if they always say you give to the person

859
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 2: what you are, and that's what you're going to get

860
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:15,479
Speaker 2: like a mirror. So if you're somebody that doesn't give

861
00:45:15,640 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 2: unconditional love, then you're not going to get that from

862
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:19,680
Speaker 2: your partner either.

863
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:23,359
Speaker 7: Absolutely absolutely, Matt. So yeah, I just want to share

864
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,280
Speaker 7: that with you guys. I love I love the segment.

865
00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 2: I appreciate it so much. Thanks and call again because

866
00:45:28,040 --> 00:45:28,800
Speaker 2: you're a great caller.

867
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

868
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 7: Matt.

869
00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 2: Oh, by the way, Matt, you know what, that's my

870
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 2: ex husband's name is Matt Well.

871
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 1: Is that funny?

872
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 2: When I saw that from Cincinnati because that's where I

873
00:45:39,880 --> 00:45:43,400
Speaker 2: met him and that's his name. Thank you, thank you,

874
00:45:44,360 --> 00:45:49,840
Speaker 2: thank you so doctor Wes. How big of a point

875
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 2: was that that he just made. It's not up to

876
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:56,040
Speaker 2: somebody else to make us happy.

877
00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 1: That's right. We have to get that internal validation from ourselves.

878
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:03,240
Speaker 1: And how do we do that. That's through our self talk.

879
00:46:03,719 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, because a lot of people can be we all,

880
00:46:09,200 --> 00:46:12,399
Speaker 2: I mean, I will put myself included in this. We

881
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:16,759
Speaker 2: all can be really hard on ourselves. I mean, and

882
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 2: sometimes you don't even know that you're doing it until

883
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:26,760
Speaker 2: you wake up from that mind maze, chatter of the ego,

884
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 2: just talking talk and talk and talk and talk and

885
00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:32,400
Speaker 2: talking and being real negative. So how do you pull

886
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:35,520
Speaker 2: yourself out of that funk? You're aware the self talk, right,

887
00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 2: and then you change the dialogue.

888
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:40,560
Speaker 1: You change the dialogue. Yeah, I tell my clients put

889
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:43,759
Speaker 1: your thoughts on trial. What's the evidence for the thought?

890
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:45,840
Speaker 1: What's the evidence against the thought?

891
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 8: Oh?

892
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 1: I like that.

893
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 2: So you're saying, is this really real that I'm thinking

894
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,920
Speaker 2: or is it just something that's fear crept in and

895
00:46:54,960 --> 00:46:56,200
Speaker 2: it's causing a disruption?

896
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 1: Yeah. Just because you feel like something's true doesn't mean

897
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 1: it's true.

898
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 2: Right, Right, And we were talking about this about loneliness

899
00:47:05,360 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 2: versus comparison.

900
00:47:06,880 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 1: Right, You may not be.

901
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:16,960
Speaker 2: Lonely, you might just be comparing yourself to other people's lives.

902
00:47:17,160 --> 00:47:17,399
Speaker 4: Right.

903
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:22,879
Speaker 2: So you know, right now, I'm single for the first

904
00:47:22,920 --> 00:47:27,560
Speaker 2: time in a long time, and I see a lot

905
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:31,360
Speaker 2: of my friends and family that are you know, with

906
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:37,280
Speaker 2: really really solid relationships and kids and and everything else.

907
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 2: And so if I compare myself my life right now,

908
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:47,560
Speaker 2: it could look on the surface lonely right because I'm

909
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:50,040
Speaker 2: I'm single for the first time in a long time.

910
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:52,680
Speaker 3: But I chose that.

911
00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 2: And I also understand that because people are with somebody

912
00:47:58,000 --> 00:48:01,399
Speaker 2: doesn't mean they don't have their issues. I can tell

913
00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:04,680
Speaker 2: you that I there was a time in my life

914
00:48:04,719 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 2: I was married and I was sleeping in the bed

915
00:48:09,120 --> 00:48:13,279
Speaker 2: with my husband and I've never felt so lonely in

916
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 2: my life ever, and he was laying right next to me.

917
00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:24,399
Speaker 2: And I've been more alive and content with myself with

918
00:48:24,440 --> 00:48:26,640
Speaker 2: where I am right now than I ever did feeling

919
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:27,479
Speaker 2: that way.

920
00:48:28,000 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so powerful.

921
00:48:30,200 --> 00:48:34,759
Speaker 2: It's it's it's real people go through. I mean, I

922
00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:37,719
Speaker 2: don't care if you're if you're married and you have

923
00:48:37,760 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 2: ten kids and you have a house full of stuff,

924
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:41,799
Speaker 2: you can be lonely in that situation.

925
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 1: It happens to people, it does, it does. It doesn't

926
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,800
Speaker 1: mean that you're when you're when you're single.

927
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:56,960
Speaker 2: And you're alone physically, that you're lonely right right. And

928
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 2: so if you have that mental self talk that can

929
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 2: get negative. You can view it that way, and then

930
00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:07,240
Speaker 2: things get real scary.

931
00:49:06,920 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: They do, right, they do, And then that's a self

932
00:49:09,200 --> 00:49:12,959
Speaker 1: fulfilling prophecy, right, because the fear just feeds more fear

933
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:16,040
Speaker 1: based thinking, and then it's a feedback loop. Then you

934
00:49:16,120 --> 00:49:19,800
Speaker 1: just continue becoming more and more depressed and anxious.

935
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:25,280
Speaker 2: And yeah, so when we are in these feedback loops

936
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:28,520
Speaker 2: and you get anxious and depressed, and you can kind

937
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:31,239
Speaker 2: of get into a funk. Oh right, I have a

938
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:35,720
Speaker 2: friend who's going through something right now that's I would

939
00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 2: call a funky place, right, And there are times where

940
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:46,160
Speaker 2: you know, you can pull yourself out of it quickly

941
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 2: or you can live in that for quite a while.

942
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,360
Speaker 3: How do you pull yourself out of a funk?

943
00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 2: Because and I said this the other day to her too,

944
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 2: I said, when when you're healthy, you have a million problems.

945
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 2: When you're sick, you have one problem you have you So,

946
00:50:11,280 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 2: in other words, taking care of your health and being

947
00:50:14,160 --> 00:50:16,560
Speaker 2: healthy is the number one thing everyone should be grateful for.

948
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:17,239
Speaker 1: Because if you.

949
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 3: Don't have that, you you know it's it. Life can get.

950
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 2: Tough, right, So all the other stuff we can fix,

951
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,000
Speaker 2: all the other stuff, the self talk and working out,

952
00:50:28,080 --> 00:50:31,120
Speaker 2: nutrition and sleeping well is going to be a really

953
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:34,319
Speaker 2: good thing. Let's go to Joe. Let's go to Joe

954
00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:38,160
Speaker 2: and Lexington real quick. Oh Joe, I'm so sorry. I

955
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 2: just missed your call. But how else would you pull

956
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,439
Speaker 2: yourself out of hunt knowing of your self talk, being

957
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:45,000
Speaker 2: aware of it.

958
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:45,520
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.

959
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 3: Joe.

960
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,480
Speaker 2: Here you are, Hey Joe from Lexington. You're on with

961
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 2: Donna Dean, doctor Wes. What's up?

962
00:50:52,400 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, I just want to comment on women don't

963
00:50:55,239 --> 00:50:59,000
Speaker 8: like the shop. But I don't know me uh, I

964
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:01,200
Speaker 8: think that for a lot of guys, it's like maybe

965
00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:04,360
Speaker 8: that's the only time them in their lives spend time together.

966
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:08,040
Speaker 8: And it's like me, it's kind of I'd rather spend

967
00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 8: time with you, taking up to dinner, you know, going

968
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:15,080
Speaker 8: on a trip, going on a hike, you know, go fishing,

969
00:51:15,160 --> 00:51:18,200
Speaker 8: do you know, do something. I think for a lot

970
00:51:18,200 --> 00:51:21,160
Speaker 8: of guys, it's like maybe they're depressed cause that's the

971
00:51:21,160 --> 00:51:23,520
Speaker 8: only time we spend time together. It's kind of a

972
00:51:23,560 --> 00:51:26,120
Speaker 8: monumental waste time. I could be home cleaning out together,

973
00:51:26,280 --> 00:51:28,480
Speaker 8: hoing out the garden, working on the house.

974
00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:28,879
Speaker 6: Feeding the dog.

975
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:29,840
Speaker 2: You know.

976
00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,560
Speaker 8: I mean, I don't mind to go shopping, but I

977
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 8: don't know, maybe that's it.

978
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:36,680
Speaker 2: No, So, Joe, would you would you prefer to go

979
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:40,600
Speaker 2: by yourself instead of with your lady?

980
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 8: Oh no, it wouldn't bother me at all to go

981
00:51:44,040 --> 00:51:47,000
Speaker 8: with with with my wife. I wouldn't care to go.

982
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you would just basically, is this the only

983
00:51:50,080 --> 00:51:52,239
Speaker 2: time that we're going to spend together is shopping because

984
00:51:52,239 --> 00:51:55,280
Speaker 2: I'd rather do other things? Yeah?

985
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:57,799
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean I think that might be such a

986
00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:00,680
Speaker 8: negativity of why guys don't like the shop me. It

987
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:03,120
Speaker 8: wouldn't make a difference if you want me to go, fine,

988
00:52:03,600 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 8: but I mean if someone hurts her feelings, I'll go.

989
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:09,160
Speaker 8: I don't care about it. But I'd rather, you know,

990
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:11,640
Speaker 8: stay there and clean and.

991
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:13,840
Speaker 1: Clean up the gothers is pretty intense.

992
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 8: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. And if you want to go

993
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:18,320
Speaker 8: out and spend time together, you know, let's let's.

994
00:52:18,160 --> 00:52:21,200
Speaker 2: Go up, let's go there, let's go play golf, let's

995
00:52:21,239 --> 00:52:21,920
Speaker 2: go for a height.

996
00:52:22,080 --> 00:52:24,720
Speaker 1: I love that, Joe. How long have you been married?

997
00:52:26,440 --> 00:52:27,600
Speaker 8: About? Twelve years?

998
00:52:27,880 --> 00:52:28,320
Speaker 3: Yeah?

999
00:52:28,400 --> 00:52:33,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, uh yeah, yeah, it's uh but you know,

1000
00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:36,040
Speaker 8: I mean, my wife it's kind of like it's kind

1001
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 8: of crazy. I mean, she nothing affects her. And we

1002
00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:40,399
Speaker 8: got hit by a tornado a couple of years ago,

1003
00:52:40,440 --> 00:52:43,440
Speaker 8: and I'm standing there with a bar and gone, a

1004
00:52:43,520 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 8: roof gone, the transformer land across from my truck, part

1005
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:50,960
Speaker 8: of the other house, you know, the roofs torn And

1006
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:54,560
Speaker 8: she pulls in and she looks and she's, well, you know,

1007
00:52:54,600 --> 00:52:57,239
Speaker 8: I'm kind of distraught, kind of in shock. And she says, well,

1008
00:52:57,280 --> 00:52:59,319
Speaker 8: we can just clean up and rebuild, and she goes

1009
00:52:59,360 --> 00:53:04,399
Speaker 8: then mix makes herself a cup of tea. You know nothing, Yeah,

1010
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:06,160
Speaker 8: do you love?

1011
00:53:06,360 --> 00:53:08,759
Speaker 3: Is that the main thing that you love about her?

1012
00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 2: As she stays calm and weathering literally the storm.

1013
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:14,560
Speaker 8: Now what I love her about her?

1014
00:53:14,800 --> 00:53:16,400
Speaker 1: She never talks about people.

1015
00:53:16,520 --> 00:53:19,359
Speaker 8: You know, the whole time I've I've been with her,

1016
00:53:19,440 --> 00:53:22,400
Speaker 8: she hasn't had one negative word to say about anybody.

1017
00:53:22,480 --> 00:53:22,640
Speaker 6: Man.

1018
00:53:22,800 --> 00:53:27,759
Speaker 8: That's yeah, I am not that person. I fall way short.

1019
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:28,239
Speaker 1: Of that, you know.

1020
00:53:28,800 --> 00:53:31,279
Speaker 8: I mean, I don't see how she does that, don't

1021
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:34,279
Speaker 8: I never question it. But but you know, it's not

1022
00:53:34,320 --> 00:53:38,000
Speaker 8: like I talk about people. But you know, sometimes something

1023
00:53:38,040 --> 00:53:43,360
Speaker 8: makes me irritated, you know, But yeah, I don't know. Yeah,

1024
00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 8: but that is.

1025
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:48,640
Speaker 2: Definitely something to love about someone. I absolutely love that,

1026
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 2: and I have never heard that before.

1027
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 3: I have never heard a man say.

1028
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:56,640
Speaker 2: What I love about my wife most is that she

1029
00:53:56,760 --> 00:53:59,480
Speaker 2: doesn't talk about other people. She's never had a bad

1030
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:01,080
Speaker 2: word to say about somebody.

1031
00:54:01,360 --> 00:54:01,959
Speaker 1: Isn't that great?

1032
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:02,480
Speaker 9: Yeah?

1033
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:07,360
Speaker 8: I'm lift and never gets mad Harley, I mean, I've

1034
00:54:07,400 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 8: never really seen her upset.

1035
00:54:08,880 --> 00:54:10,719
Speaker 1: I yeah, I.

1036
00:54:10,680 --> 00:54:12,680
Speaker 8: Mean I just wish I could be half of that.

1037
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 8: That'd be all right anyway.

1038
00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:16,440
Speaker 1: I love it.

1039
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:18,480
Speaker 3: Thank you, Joe appreciate it.

1040
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:21,680
Speaker 2: So I really feel like we need to open the

1041
00:54:21,719 --> 00:54:23,759
Speaker 2: phone lines and we're gonna have to get going here

1042
00:54:23,800 --> 00:54:26,879
Speaker 2: in a minute seven four nine five one three seven

1043
00:54:26,880 --> 00:54:29,320
Speaker 2: four nine, seven thousand. What is the best thing about

1044
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 2: your spouse? What do you love most about them? Considering

1045
00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:36,280
Speaker 2: Joe just came up with something amazing. Donna D Doctor

1046
00:54:36,320 --> 00:54:39,800
Speaker 2: Wes Saturday Night News and Weather and Traffic up next

1047
00:54:39,880 --> 00:54:47,080
Speaker 2: on seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati OO Saturday Night Donna D

1048
00:54:47,200 --> 00:54:51,800
Speaker 2: with Doctor West doing a little different thing on WLW.

1049
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:56,359
Speaker 2: We're talking relationships. I've been calling it relationship radio, and

1050
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,920
Speaker 2: we just had a great that his name is Joe,

1051
00:55:02,080 --> 00:55:05,719
Speaker 2: and he said the best thing about his wife she

1052
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:08,560
Speaker 2: doesn't say a bad word about anyone.

1053
00:55:09,200 --> 00:55:11,360
Speaker 3: He's never heard her gossip.

1054
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,000
Speaker 2: He's never heard her say a bad word about That's

1055
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 2: something to be admired. I don't think that I've ever

1056
00:55:17,560 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 2: heard that before. I mean, I try and be positive,

1057
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:21,400
Speaker 2: but yeah.

1058
00:55:21,200 --> 00:55:22,640
Speaker 1: Sometimes people annoy me.

1059
00:55:22,760 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna be the you know, I work with

1060
00:55:25,520 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 3: Stirling all the times.

1061
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:33,240
Speaker 2: No, but I mean, what a great thing to say

1062
00:55:33,400 --> 00:55:36,839
Speaker 2: about somebody You've never heard her say a bad word.

1063
00:55:36,880 --> 00:55:40,360
Speaker 2: So the question where were we asked right before the

1064
00:55:40,360 --> 00:55:42,800
Speaker 2: break is what is the best thing about your spouse?

1065
00:55:42,840 --> 00:55:45,080
Speaker 2: Five one, three, seven, four ninety seven thousand and one,

1066
00:55:45,360 --> 00:55:48,560
Speaker 2: eight hundred the big one. I have a new Instagram

1067
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:53,440
Speaker 2: relationship Radio Donna d so please join me on that again.

1068
00:55:53,600 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 2: We want this to be interactive. What is the best

1069
00:55:56,640 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 2: thing about your spouse? What do you like most or

1070
00:56:00,719 --> 00:56:04,760
Speaker 2: even what made you fall in love with your spouse?

1071
00:56:04,880 --> 00:56:07,680
Speaker 3: And is that still burning within?

1072
00:56:07,880 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 2: I can tell you, doctor West, because you know, I'm

1073
00:56:11,080 --> 00:56:14,240
Speaker 2: kind of an open book. And I was married for

1074
00:56:14,640 --> 00:56:17,919
Speaker 2: you know, almost twenty years. And one of the best

1075
00:56:17,960 --> 00:56:23,120
Speaker 2: things about my ex husband is he was fun He

1076
00:56:23,280 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 2: was funny, laughed a lot, we were both. He taught

1077
00:56:26,320 --> 00:56:29,319
Speaker 2: me how to play guitar, so he's a musician, a

1078
00:56:29,360 --> 00:56:32,080
Speaker 2: great musician. And we used to play music all the

1079
00:56:32,160 --> 00:56:36,400
Speaker 2: time together. In fact, we still send each other videos

1080
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:38,640
Speaker 2: of songs we used to play all the time.

1081
00:56:39,760 --> 00:56:42,879
Speaker 3: And so I would say that was the best thing.

1082
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:46,200
Speaker 2: And probably the thing that I miss most about him

1083
00:56:46,520 --> 00:56:49,600
Speaker 2: is the way we used to play music together, sing

1084
00:56:49,640 --> 00:56:53,359
Speaker 2: and we even played out when we were in when

1085
00:56:53,680 --> 00:56:57,040
Speaker 2: when I lived in la we played out as a duo.

1086
00:56:57,800 --> 00:57:02,719
Speaker 2: So what is the best thing about your spouse? Five one, three, seven, four, nine,

1087
00:57:02,840 --> 00:57:06,879
Speaker 2: seven thousand, one eight hundred. The big one, the thing

1088
00:57:06,960 --> 00:57:10,400
Speaker 2: about turning that I mean, we've talked a little bit

1089
00:57:10,440 --> 00:57:14,120
Speaker 2: about how hard it is. You know, can whether a

1090
00:57:14,160 --> 00:57:17,880
Speaker 2: relationship is going to work. The four horsemen, whether it's

1091
00:57:17,920 --> 00:57:23,640
Speaker 2: contempt or defensiveness or stone walling or what am I missing?

1092
00:57:23,680 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 3: Criticism? Right, those are the four horsemen.

1093
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:31,760
Speaker 2: So flip it around and look at the positive things

1094
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 2: about the person you're with. And is that because the

1095
00:57:37,960 --> 00:57:40,840
Speaker 2: last time we were on air, which was a couple

1096
00:57:40,800 --> 00:57:43,800
Speaker 2: of weeks ago, one of the things you tell your

1097
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:48,040
Speaker 2: your couples that you counsel is to give them a

1098
00:57:48,080 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 2: little homework, you said, and one of the things is

1099
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 2: what is the best thing that they did in the day,

1100
00:57:54,680 --> 00:57:56,320
Speaker 2: and then come back and report to you on the

1101
00:57:56,320 --> 00:58:00,520
Speaker 2: next session, like pick something out during the day that

1102
00:58:00,560 --> 00:58:02,600
Speaker 2: their spouse had done right.

1103
00:58:02,880 --> 00:58:05,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, And so why do you tell them to

1104
00:58:05,480 --> 00:58:05,800
Speaker 3: do that?

1105
00:58:06,600 --> 00:58:11,440
Speaker 1: Because it forces their brain to go into a positive,

1106
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:15,640
Speaker 1: what's working mindset, right, instead of being so negative and

1107
00:58:15,640 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 1: focusing on what's wrong all the time.

1108
00:58:18,400 --> 00:58:20,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you look for the good instead of always

1109
00:58:20,760 --> 00:58:21,480
Speaker 2: looking for the bad.

1110
00:58:21,600 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 1: That's right.

1111
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 2: And how often does that work with your couples? And

1112
00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:27,320
Speaker 2: do they come back and tell you they do.

1113
00:58:27,360 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 1: They take it serious, and they do find things that

1114
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,200
Speaker 1: they really appreciate about each other, and it does create

1115
00:58:32,320 --> 00:58:35,360
Speaker 1: positive momentum. They'll say that they had a better week,

1116
00:58:35,440 --> 00:58:38,200
Speaker 1: they were less critical of each other because they were

1117
00:58:38,240 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 1: focused on what it's worked.

1118
00:58:39,640 --> 00:58:40,200
Speaker 3: One thing.

1119
00:58:41,040 --> 00:58:44,240
Speaker 2: Oh man, it's amazing because you know, I've learned years

1120
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:47,480
Speaker 2: and years and years ago to do a gratitude journal,

1121
00:58:47,640 --> 00:58:50,800
Speaker 2: and it really does work. I write it at least

1122
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 2: five things that I'm grateful for every single day.

1123
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 1: I get up and do that in the morning, and.

1124
00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:04,680
Speaker 2: I feel different when I don't do it because just writing.

1125
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 3: Those things out, and sometimes it's difficult for me to

1126
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:10,040
Speaker 3: just limit it to five.

1127
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:14,240
Speaker 2: Because the more you start focusing on positive things, the

1128
00:59:14,240 --> 00:59:17,160
Speaker 2: more you have reason, the more things you'll find, and

1129
00:59:17,200 --> 00:59:20,600
Speaker 2: then the more reason you will have to be grateful for.

1130
00:59:20,840 --> 00:59:23,120
Speaker 2: Like I'll sit on my couch and I'll open my

1131
00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 2: window and I'll hear birds chirping, so I'll be grateful

1132
00:59:25,840 --> 00:59:28,920
Speaker 2: for the birds singing in the morning, or I'll grateful

1133
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:31,720
Speaker 2: for hot cup of tea in the morning or something

1134
00:59:31,760 --> 00:59:32,120
Speaker 2: like that.

1135
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 3: And there's so many things.

1136
00:59:34,560 --> 00:59:38,120
Speaker 2: When you turn your focus on looking for the positive,

1137
00:59:38,360 --> 00:59:41,400
Speaker 2: whether it's in yourself or in your spouse, or in

1138
00:59:41,440 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 2: your sister or your mom or your dad or anything

1139
00:59:45,400 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 2: like that, you really can find them.

1140
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:51,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can. You can. And it's a mind it's

1141
00:59:51,600 --> 00:59:55,640
Speaker 1: a mind shift. So that that's a good practice for you, Donna,

1142
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:58,080
Speaker 1: is that you're doing that every morning, and I think

1143
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 1: with consistency, you can start to retrain your brain to

1144
01:00:03,000 --> 01:00:05,720
Speaker 1: start to see those positive aspects about each other.

1145
01:00:05,920 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 2: So when you're when you're and you've counseled you know,

1146
01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:12,600
Speaker 2: thousands of couples and you pretty much been doing this

1147
01:00:12,640 --> 01:00:17,200
Speaker 2: for over ten years, do you ask them when you're

1148
01:00:17,240 --> 01:00:20,760
Speaker 2: sitting on the couch and they're, you know, in sometimes

1149
01:00:20,920 --> 01:00:25,560
Speaker 2: very dark positions, do you ask them what is the

1150
01:00:25,560 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 2: best thing about can you name something good. So even

1151
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 2: if it, you have to get the bad stuff out too.

1152
01:00:32,320 --> 01:00:35,640
Speaker 2: You have to communicate that. But can you disrupt some

1153
01:00:35,840 --> 01:00:38,040
Speaker 2: of that and ask what are they doing?

1154
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:40,200
Speaker 1: Right? Do you do that? I do that? I do that.

1155
01:00:40,280 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'll say, how are you all keeping this from

1156
01:00:42,520 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 1: getting worse? What's something that you're doing that's helping it

1157
01:00:46,760 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 1: not get worse? Because sometimes it's hard for them to

1158
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:52,400
Speaker 1: come up with something good. So I just roll with

1159
01:00:52,440 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 1: it and I'll say, all right, well, then what are

1160
01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:56,200
Speaker 1: you doing to keep it from from really getting bad?

1161
01:00:56,600 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: And that will then cause them to remember things they're

1162
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:01,000
Speaker 1: doing for each other.

1163
01:01:01,080 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 2: Okay, So are there times where couples say I don't

1164
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:05,040
Speaker 2: have anything good to say?

1165
01:01:05,120 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 1: Yeah? For sure, Yeah, wow, yeah, Yeah, that happens. And

1166
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:15,880
Speaker 1: they're usually so stuck in the four horsemen, the criticism, contempt, stonewalling, defensiveness,

1167
01:01:15,960 --> 01:01:20,080
Speaker 1: they've just stopped talking. Sometimes I've had couples say that

1168
01:01:20,360 --> 01:01:22,960
Speaker 1: they look forward to therapy because it is the only

1169
01:01:23,120 --> 01:01:26,640
Speaker 1: hour they talk to their spouse the entire week. Wow.

1170
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:33,440
Speaker 2: And I have to think if you're at that point

1171
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:37,920
Speaker 2: in a relationship, you just don't feel heard and just

1172
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:42,800
Speaker 2: talking to somebody about some of the issues that you have.

1173
01:01:43,600 --> 01:01:48,720
Speaker 2: Just kind of feeling heard is important, but how you

1174
01:01:48,760 --> 01:01:54,480
Speaker 2: communicate that is really important because you know, if I'm

1175
01:01:54,520 --> 01:02:00,080
Speaker 2: sitting in couples therapy and my partner doesn't speak to me,

1176
01:02:00,680 --> 01:02:03,800
Speaker 2: but then I hear all these things that he says

1177
01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:08,920
Speaker 2: to the therapist that he cannot communicate to me directly,

1178
01:02:09,560 --> 01:02:11,800
Speaker 2: that would be hard to drive home.

1179
01:02:12,200 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, out of that therapy office. Do you see that?

1180
01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:16,800
Speaker 1: Yeah? And I have them I say, don't tell me,

1181
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:19,760
Speaker 1: tell your partner. Try and look at your partner and

1182
01:02:19,880 --> 01:02:22,720
Speaker 1: just say that to them, don't talk to me about it.

1183
01:02:23,560 --> 01:02:27,000
Speaker 1: And so I have them look at each other on

1184
01:02:27,040 --> 01:02:30,880
Speaker 1: the couch. Sometimes they'll say, that's too hard for me

1185
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:32,640
Speaker 1: to look at them in the eye right now. That's

1186
01:02:32,680 --> 01:02:34,320
Speaker 1: too hard for me to say that to them.

1187
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 2: Wow.

1188
01:02:35,640 --> 01:02:38,240
Speaker 1: So I'll say, okay, well, then talk through me for

1189
01:02:38,320 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 1: right now.

1190
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 2: Okay, And so how does the other person handle that,

1191
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:46,040
Speaker 2: because that would be really hard.

1192
01:02:46,280 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, they are very they're hurt, and then I have

1193
01:02:49,720 --> 01:02:53,439
Speaker 1: to spend time processing with them. They're hurt and their

1194
01:02:53,480 --> 01:02:56,960
Speaker 1: sadness and they're maybe they lost hope in that moment.

1195
01:02:57,480 --> 01:03:00,400
Speaker 1: So it is a back and forth where I'm basically

1196
01:03:00,560 --> 01:03:03,480
Speaker 1: they're at that point I've got people in two different places,

1197
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,640
Speaker 1: and so I'm having to kind of, you know, attend

1198
01:03:06,680 --> 01:03:07,640
Speaker 1: to them wherever they are.

1199
01:03:07,960 --> 01:03:10,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, one of them is hurt and one

1200
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:13,520
Speaker 2: of them's angry, right, one of them, I mean and

1201
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:15,920
Speaker 2: and and it does happen. So what would be the

1202
01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:20,320
Speaker 2: advice you would give to somebody that's going through something

1203
01:03:20,440 --> 01:03:24,200
Speaker 2: like this in their relationship. They have a lot to say,

1204
01:03:25,680 --> 01:03:30,440
Speaker 2: but they don't feel comfortable saying it to their partner.

1205
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:33,760
Speaker 2: Would they write something down?

1206
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:36,280
Speaker 1: Yeah? They journal if they can. If they can journal it,

1207
01:03:36,400 --> 01:03:38,800
Speaker 1: if they can get their thoughts out on paper, that

1208
01:03:38,840 --> 01:03:41,320
Speaker 1: will at least help them to feel that they're valid

1209
01:03:42,160 --> 01:03:42,760
Speaker 1: that there.

1210
01:03:42,920 --> 01:03:48,240
Speaker 2: Would you ever suggest texting or emailing your partners so

1211
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:52,280
Speaker 2: that they can read it instead of instead of like

1212
01:03:52,960 --> 01:03:55,280
Speaker 2: being defensive about it.

1213
01:03:55,280 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 1: Does that work? That can work? Emails can work. I

1214
01:03:59,360 --> 01:04:02,520
Speaker 1: often will say, write a letter and then bring it

1215
01:04:02,560 --> 01:04:05,240
Speaker 1: to therapy and let's read it. Read it here in

1216
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:08,120
Speaker 1: the therapy session with me in the room. That way

1217
01:04:08,160 --> 01:04:09,439
Speaker 1: I can help. Yeah.

1218
01:04:09,720 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, So would you say your job for couples that

1219
01:04:13,240 --> 01:04:18,480
Speaker 2: are in that kind of trauma just facilitating any kind

1220
01:04:18,480 --> 01:04:20,200
Speaker 2: of communication at that point.

1221
01:04:20,080 --> 01:04:23,720
Speaker 1: Right, Usually it's they have learned to trust me, so

1222
01:04:23,880 --> 01:04:28,720
Speaker 1: I'm their safety net. They can start to through me.

1223
01:04:29,560 --> 01:04:32,200
Speaker 1: They know I've got their back. Yeah, they know I've

1224
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:32,600
Speaker 1: got them.

1225
01:04:32,680 --> 01:04:36,680
Speaker 2: You're there to help, You're there not to criticize or judge,

1226
01:04:36,960 --> 01:04:41,320
Speaker 2: or you're there to support. And that is really really

1227
01:04:41,360 --> 01:04:43,919
Speaker 2: important to feel like, Okay, I can say a few

1228
01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:49,160
Speaker 2: things without somebody screaming at me or trying to defend themselves.

1229
01:04:49,600 --> 01:04:54,360
Speaker 2: That is that is important. So how important do you think,

1230
01:04:54,400 --> 01:04:59,960
Speaker 2: because there's maybe some stigma about therapy still, I mean,

1231
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:04,040
Speaker 2: and how important is it? And and maybe not waiting

1232
01:05:04,160 --> 01:05:07,880
Speaker 2: to get to the point of the real trauma that

1233
01:05:07,960 --> 01:05:11,200
Speaker 2: you see couples in when they come and see you.

1234
01:05:11,720 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 2: How important it is to get a jump on that

1235
01:05:14,120 --> 01:05:16,080
Speaker 2: before it gets to be that bad.

1236
01:05:16,440 --> 01:05:22,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, I recommend premiure, I recommend premierital. I recommend if

1237
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:25,040
Speaker 1: you're not getting if you're just cohabitating, go to therapy

1238
01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 1: before you have problems. It should be like any other

1239
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:31,600
Speaker 1: you know, checkup you have, like a six month checkup

1240
01:05:31,680 --> 01:05:34,440
Speaker 1: or a you know, a three month checkup with your doctor.

1241
01:05:34,480 --> 01:05:37,479
Speaker 1: You should go in and do a pre get ahead

1242
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:40,600
Speaker 1: of it proactively. It's a lot easier to correct problems

1243
01:05:40,600 --> 01:05:41,160
Speaker 1: at that point.

1244
01:05:41,400 --> 01:05:44,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can learn how to communicate with each other.

1245
01:05:45,080 --> 01:05:47,920
Speaker 2: That's that's a skill that a lot of people think.

1246
01:05:48,400 --> 01:05:53,760
Speaker 2: It's always so funny to me when when you know somebody,

1247
01:05:53,760 --> 01:05:56,160
Speaker 2: you'll say to me, relationships should be easy.

1248
01:05:56,280 --> 01:05:58,800
Speaker 1: They're not. They're hard work.

1249
01:05:59,480 --> 01:06:02,120
Speaker 3: It's the relationship thing is not that easy.

1250
01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:05,680
Speaker 2: And the more skills that you have in terms of

1251
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:11,120
Speaker 2: being able to communicate with and it's not just marriages, partners,

1252
01:06:11,120 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 2: and it's not just that it's mom and daughter, it's sisters,

1253
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:21,800
Speaker 2: it's fathers and sons. It's those types of relationships that

1254
01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:27,160
Speaker 2: you know, if you can take out being offended, which

1255
01:06:27,200 --> 01:06:29,680
Speaker 2: I think stops all kinds of communication. If you were

1256
01:06:29,720 --> 01:06:32,160
Speaker 2: to say something to me and I was offended by it,

1257
01:06:34,320 --> 01:06:37,000
Speaker 2: that would be hard to communicate with me. Like, how

1258
01:06:37,040 --> 01:06:39,040
Speaker 2: hard would it be to come and talk to me

1259
01:06:39,120 --> 01:06:43,120
Speaker 2: again if I'm offended and think you're just just dismiss

1260
01:06:43,320 --> 01:06:46,560
Speaker 2: everything that you've said because that's not me. Yeah, you're

1261
01:06:46,600 --> 01:06:48,240
Speaker 2: looking at me in the wrong light.

1262
01:06:48,360 --> 01:06:50,360
Speaker 1: Right, it shuts it completely down.

1263
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:55,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, So with tools to say, Okay, i'm feeling this

1264
01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:58,680
Speaker 2: energy because you just said some weird stuff about me,

1265
01:06:59,160 --> 01:07:02,720
Speaker 2: and I'm feeling that energy, let me just sit back

1266
01:07:02,840 --> 01:07:05,680
Speaker 2: and take a breath so that I can maybe even

1267
01:07:05,720 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 2: go walk outside for five minutes so that I can

1268
01:07:08,640 --> 01:07:11,640
Speaker 2: come back in and listen to what you have to say,

1269
01:07:11,640 --> 01:07:16,120
Speaker 2: because I know you have something that that that's bothering

1270
01:07:16,120 --> 01:07:17,920
Speaker 2: you and I want to hear it.

1271
01:07:18,880 --> 01:07:20,720
Speaker 1: Most couples don't do what you just said, though, they

1272
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:23,840
Speaker 1: don't ever come back to it. They'll just sweep it

1273
01:07:23,920 --> 01:07:24,479
Speaker 1: under the rug.

1274
01:07:25,400 --> 01:07:28,720
Speaker 2: But then you get a giant mohill under or a

1275
01:07:28,880 --> 01:07:31,600
Speaker 2: mountain under that rug you do, and then it gets

1276
01:07:31,720 --> 01:07:35,320
Speaker 2: harder to look at. It gets harder to look at,

1277
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:39,520
Speaker 2: I mean, and that and that comes with again, any relationships.

1278
01:07:39,600 --> 01:07:43,080
Speaker 2: I mean, I was just visiting a friend of mine

1279
01:07:43,680 --> 01:07:47,919
Speaker 2: and she and her mom kind of they've always been good,

1280
01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:50,320
Speaker 2: but they still do argue, and they still have things

1281
01:07:50,360 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 2: that they have to work out. My friend has done

1282
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,600
Speaker 2: a ton of work on herself, so she's able to

1283
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:59,080
Speaker 2: communicate fairly well. But you can see there's there's things

1284
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:03,080
Speaker 2: that they just decide, Okay, let's never talk about that.

1285
01:08:03,160 --> 01:08:07,320
Speaker 2: Politics is one of them. Politics is one and uh,

1286
01:08:07,360 --> 01:08:12,520
Speaker 2: and so they just decide, okay, you we just cannot

1287
01:08:12,600 --> 01:08:13,640
Speaker 2: talk politics.

1288
01:08:14,120 --> 01:08:14,360
Speaker 1: Is that?

1289
01:08:14,680 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 2: Is that something you would suggest if there's a topic

1290
01:08:17,760 --> 01:08:21,240
Speaker 2: that always comes up, and there's always an argument just

1291
01:08:21,280 --> 01:08:23,080
Speaker 2: to say let's not go there.

1292
01:08:23,320 --> 01:08:26,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, the relationship is more important than than that.

1293
01:08:26,360 --> 01:08:30,360
Speaker 2: Any one thing. Yeah right, Okay, So we're gonna come back.

1294
01:08:30,920 --> 01:08:31,719
Speaker 1: We're gonna we're.

1295
01:08:31,560 --> 01:08:35,599
Speaker 2: Gonna talk about love in a in in later years,

1296
01:08:36,360 --> 01:08:39,000
Speaker 2: which is gonna be a really fun topic and I

1297
01:08:39,040 --> 01:08:42,360
Speaker 2: am excited to go into that. So Donna d Doctor Wes,

1298
01:08:42,400 --> 01:08:44,519
Speaker 2: it has been so fun. Please make sure you're calling

1299
01:08:44,640 --> 01:08:47,360
Speaker 2: us five one, three, seven, four, nine, seven thousand. We'll

1300
01:08:47,400 --> 01:08:51,640
Speaker 2: be right back with with love in later years and

1301
01:08:51,680 --> 01:08:54,880
Speaker 2: how fun that can be on seven hundred WLW Cincinnati.

1302
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:56,879
Speaker 3: It's always such.

1303
01:08:56,720 --> 01:09:00,559
Speaker 2: A fun time of year, Halloween and then we're it's

1304
01:09:00,640 --> 01:09:04,599
Speaker 2: getting chilly here in Cincinnati, beautiful time.

1305
01:09:04,720 --> 01:09:05,720
Speaker 1: I love the holidays.

1306
01:09:05,760 --> 01:09:09,200
Speaker 2: So this is like some of my favorite favorite times

1307
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:12,880
Speaker 2: to be in Cincinnati all the way up to I

1308
01:09:12,920 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 2: think January and then and then it's like, uh, Donna

1309
01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:20,920
Speaker 2: Dee with doctor Wes, we're talking about relationships today. We

1310
01:09:21,000 --> 01:09:23,400
Speaker 2: have had some great callers and we always want you

1311
01:09:23,479 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 2: to call in and be a part of the show.

1312
01:09:26,000 --> 01:09:28,360
Speaker 2: Five one, three, seven, four nine seven thousand, even if

1313
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:30,519
Speaker 2: you have just a question that doesn't relate to the

1314
01:09:30,600 --> 01:09:33,639
Speaker 2: topics that we're talking about. We do have doctor Wes

1315
01:09:33,680 --> 01:09:37,720
Speaker 2: who's an LMFT licensed Marriage Family therapist, and he's here

1316
01:09:38,160 --> 01:09:40,120
Speaker 2: to help guide us and support us.

1317
01:09:40,120 --> 01:09:42,040
Speaker 3: This is what you do, doctor Wes.

1318
01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:45,519
Speaker 2: You counsel couples all the time, and it's important to

1319
01:09:45,640 --> 01:09:50,520
Speaker 2: understand how important it is to be able to communicate

1320
01:09:50,600 --> 01:09:54,920
Speaker 2: with one another. Correct, Yes, absolutely, it is. Yeah, communication

1321
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:59,920
Speaker 2: is is very important, and it's it has to start

1322
01:10:00,080 --> 01:10:04,040
Speaker 2: from within your ability to be vulnerable with yourself really

1323
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:07,720
Speaker 2: and to be able to have the courage to bring

1324
01:10:07,840 --> 01:10:11,280
Speaker 2: up what you're feeling. But that requires a sense of

1325
01:10:11,280 --> 01:10:15,120
Speaker 2: security and safety in a relationship. Yeah, and being vulnerable

1326
01:10:15,360 --> 01:10:20,480
Speaker 2: like oh man, I because sometimes when you're in a relationship,

1327
01:10:20,520 --> 01:10:25,240
Speaker 2: you can feel your absolute worst and most insecure. And

1328
01:10:25,320 --> 01:10:28,720
Speaker 2: if you can't go and talk to your partner about it,

1329
01:10:29,400 --> 01:10:32,240
Speaker 2: if you can't open up and be vulnerable and talk

1330
01:10:32,280 --> 01:10:36,519
Speaker 2: to your partner about it, who are you going to like?

1331
01:10:36,880 --> 01:10:39,000
Speaker 2: There will be you know, you can talk to a

1332
01:10:39,040 --> 01:10:41,280
Speaker 2: therapist and I think that's always really good. And then

1333
01:10:41,400 --> 01:10:43,559
Speaker 2: certainly your closest friends. I can't do it without my

1334
01:10:43,600 --> 01:10:48,400
Speaker 2: women friends. I can't. I cannot have I can't. I

1335
01:10:48,439 --> 01:10:53,360
Speaker 2: am not a good communicator if I don't have my

1336
01:10:53,520 --> 01:10:55,840
Speaker 2: women friends hang and let's get a let's get a

1337
01:10:55,880 --> 01:11:00,800
Speaker 2: call real quick. Jim, we're talking about couples slang. Jim

1338
01:11:00,840 --> 01:11:02,640
Speaker 2: from Fairfield, what do you have to say on this

1339
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:05,160
Speaker 2: topic about counseling with couples.

1340
01:11:06,200 --> 01:11:09,040
Speaker 9: Well, my wife and I we did couples counseling, and

1341
01:11:11,520 --> 01:11:14,840
Speaker 9: but the first couple of times when we got back

1342
01:11:14,880 --> 01:11:16,760
Speaker 9: in the cars, he was uptight because she felt like

1343
01:11:16,760 --> 01:11:20,519
Speaker 9: the therapist was a quote unquote on my side, you know,

1344
01:11:21,160 --> 01:11:24,800
Speaker 9: and and and you know, yeah, and I know your

1345
01:11:24,840 --> 01:11:28,639
Speaker 9: guys a couple therapists. But really where we we started

1346
01:11:28,640 --> 01:11:32,000
Speaker 9: making progress when we started, when we got away from

1347
01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:35,040
Speaker 9: the couple's part and we started doing individual therapy because

1348
01:11:35,520 --> 01:11:37,680
Speaker 9: for me at least, it got the ego out of

1349
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:40,360
Speaker 9: the way where when she would say something, I didn't

1350
01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:41,639
Speaker 9: want her to make me look.

1351
01:11:41,520 --> 01:11:42,839
Speaker 1: Bad in front of the therapist.

1352
01:11:42,840 --> 01:11:45,759
Speaker 9: And when we started, when we started working on ourselves

1353
01:11:45,840 --> 01:11:49,960
Speaker 9: individually and our perception, you know, working on it separately

1354
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:54,360
Speaker 9: without the you know, the like the embarrassment of looking bad,

1355
01:11:54,439 --> 01:11:57,880
Speaker 9: we started doing a lot better. And then the other

1356
01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:00,840
Speaker 9: thing that I found that all of our kids are

1357
01:12:00,880 --> 01:12:02,160
Speaker 9: gone now right and I'm sixty.

1358
01:12:02,240 --> 01:12:03,559
Speaker 1: My wife's fifty two.

1359
01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:07,360
Speaker 9: And you know what, one of our big without the kids,

1360
01:12:07,400 --> 01:12:09,640
Speaker 9: when it's just us, it's way easier. You know, we

1361
01:12:09,720 --> 01:12:12,320
Speaker 9: raise four children, and you know, when we were in therapy,

1362
01:12:12,360 --> 01:12:16,480
Speaker 9: we had we had children, and man, you know, they're

1363
01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:19,479
Speaker 9: just trying to have relationships with your children also with

1364
01:12:19,520 --> 01:12:21,400
Speaker 9: your wife at the same time as a lot. But

1365
01:12:21,439 --> 01:12:23,880
Speaker 9: now when I just can focus on her, me and

1366
01:12:23,960 --> 01:12:25,920
Speaker 9: her and we're doing we do way better well.

1367
01:12:26,000 --> 01:12:26,200
Speaker 8: Man.

1368
01:12:26,720 --> 01:12:28,400
Speaker 3: So those are two good things, right.

1369
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:30,799
Speaker 2: So I thought you were going to say something different,

1370
01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:33,280
Speaker 2: Jim about the empty nester and you don't have any

1371
01:12:33,800 --> 01:12:35,880
Speaker 2: anything to talk to your wife about.

1372
01:12:35,960 --> 01:12:37,240
Speaker 3: So you surprised me.

1373
01:12:37,280 --> 01:12:40,600
Speaker 2: On that saying we get along way better and the

1374
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:42,479
Speaker 2: kids are out of the house and we can focus

1375
01:12:42,520 --> 01:12:47,080
Speaker 2: on each other. What an amazing thing too, because I

1376
01:12:47,120 --> 01:12:49,360
Speaker 2: know a lot of couples that I've talked about it.

1377
01:12:49,479 --> 01:12:51,559
Speaker 2: I was on with Eddie and Rocky, and that was

1378
01:12:51,640 --> 01:12:54,880
Speaker 2: one thing that Rocky said, what happens when your kids

1379
01:12:54,880 --> 01:12:57,080
Speaker 2: are going? I know, this is a big fear with

1380
01:12:57,600 --> 01:13:01,400
Speaker 2: what if we don't have anything in common anymore because

1381
01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:05,479
Speaker 2: the kids were our main focus during the relationship and

1382
01:13:05,520 --> 01:13:06,200
Speaker 2: it's so.

1383
01:13:06,479 --> 01:13:08,360
Speaker 9: Well, you know what I did, Yeah, you know what

1384
01:13:08,400 --> 01:13:13,240
Speaker 9: I had to do. Is you know, it's all we'll

1385
01:13:13,280 --> 01:13:16,160
Speaker 9: just call them a mentor. But I had to when

1386
01:13:16,160 --> 01:13:18,360
Speaker 9: we first got when I had to make a list

1387
01:13:18,360 --> 01:13:20,800
Speaker 9: of things to talk with her about because we were

1388
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:24,080
Speaker 9: so frantic with the kids, like simple stuff like what's

1389
01:13:24,120 --> 01:13:26,960
Speaker 9: your what was your favorite favorite subject in high school?

1390
01:13:27,000 --> 01:13:27,680
Speaker 1: I never asked her.

1391
01:13:27,880 --> 01:13:30,000
Speaker 9: You know, there was a million a million things that

1392
01:13:30,080 --> 01:13:31,920
Speaker 9: I didn't really know because we were in the frenzy

1393
01:13:31,960 --> 01:13:34,280
Speaker 9: of tried to raise four kids and we didn't have

1394
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:36,880
Speaker 9: time for that. Man, and I just I just made

1395
01:13:36,920 --> 01:13:39,200
Speaker 9: a list. And you know now, I look, I'm on

1396
01:13:39,240 --> 01:13:40,799
Speaker 9: my way home from a gig. I'm a musician.

1397
01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:43,120
Speaker 1: I can't wait to get home, you know. I mean,

1398
01:13:43,200 --> 01:13:45,360
Speaker 1: it would do way better just me and her. I

1399
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:45,800
Speaker 1: love it.

1400
01:13:46,360 --> 01:13:50,080
Speaker 2: And you're smart make a list of things to ask

1401
01:13:50,120 --> 01:13:53,920
Speaker 2: her because yeah, you forget to do that, is he

1402
01:13:54,640 --> 01:13:58,080
Speaker 2: and and and and doctor West please talk to about

1403
01:13:58,120 --> 01:14:01,880
Speaker 2: what Jim said about guy could be embarrassed and like

1404
01:14:02,040 --> 01:14:05,080
Speaker 2: feel humiliated if the wife is calling him out and stuff,

1405
01:14:05,080 --> 01:14:07,519
Speaker 2: and how important it was to do so.

1406
01:14:08,280 --> 01:14:11,519
Speaker 1: I recommend individual therapy all the time for that for

1407
01:14:11,600 --> 01:14:12,320
Speaker 1: that reason.

1408
01:14:12,320 --> 01:14:14,760
Speaker 2: Because and Jim, you put it in such a great

1409
01:14:14,800 --> 01:14:18,200
Speaker 2: way that you know you you didn't. I wouldn't even

1410
01:14:18,240 --> 01:14:21,759
Speaker 2: have thought of like maybe being embarrassed that she's saying

1411
01:14:22,160 --> 01:14:25,000
Speaker 2: some of the things he's doing wrong. I wouldn't have

1412
01:14:25,080 --> 01:14:27,519
Speaker 2: thought of that. I'm sure you see that a lot though.

1413
01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:32,080
Speaker 9: Yeah, and the egos get the ego rises, even though

1414
01:14:32,080 --> 01:14:34,120
Speaker 9: it's supposed to be I mean, I know, and I

1415
01:14:34,160 --> 01:14:36,679
Speaker 9: know of course that it's you know that the therapist

1416
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:38,240
Speaker 9: is not going to walk around talk about it, but

1417
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:40,600
Speaker 9: it's still when it's in front of another person, it

1418
01:14:40,760 --> 01:14:43,240
Speaker 9: just it just it feels like a shot at you.

1419
01:14:43,240 --> 01:14:45,479
Speaker 9: Even if it's just a statement. You know, you feel

1420
01:14:45,479 --> 01:14:49,000
Speaker 9: like you're not doing it right. I'm doing it. I'm

1421
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:51,640
Speaker 9: I'm doing it wrong, and she's tattling on me in

1422
01:14:51,680 --> 01:14:52,360
Speaker 9: front of this guy.

1423
01:14:52,479 --> 01:14:55,680
Speaker 1: You know. So I didn't like that. I did. I

1424
01:14:55,720 --> 01:14:57,400
Speaker 1: did a lot. We did a lot better when we

1425
01:14:57,439 --> 01:14:57,640
Speaker 1: got it.

1426
01:14:57,760 --> 01:14:59,640
Speaker 9: Sought individual therapy, and we didn't have to do it

1427
01:14:59,720 --> 01:15:02,439
Speaker 9: very much maybe, you know, I think we did about

1428
01:15:02,439 --> 01:15:06,320
Speaker 9: four visits each and then then I felt like we

1429
01:15:06,360 --> 01:15:07,439
Speaker 9: got back on the right track.

1430
01:15:07,479 --> 01:15:09,640
Speaker 2: You know, man, that is so great. Whose idea was

1431
01:15:09,640 --> 01:15:12,280
Speaker 2: it Jim to go to therapy? Was it your wife

1432
01:15:12,400 --> 01:15:13,599
Speaker 2: or was it a mutual?

1433
01:15:13,880 --> 01:15:14,520
Speaker 1: Yeah?

1434
01:15:14,760 --> 01:15:17,240
Speaker 9: It was my wife's and so you know, it was

1435
01:15:17,360 --> 01:15:19,840
Speaker 9: my wife's idea. And I'm like, the only reason I'm

1436
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:21,760
Speaker 9: so brave and laughing right now is because he's not

1437
01:15:21,760 --> 01:15:22,439
Speaker 9: in the car with me.

1438
01:15:23,080 --> 01:15:23,280
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1439
01:15:24,040 --> 01:15:27,439
Speaker 9: Yeah, but I did find it hilarious that, you know,

1440
01:15:27,520 --> 01:15:30,800
Speaker 9: the issues that came up in our first couple of sessions.

1441
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:33,360
Speaker 9: You know, it did kind of feel like the therapist

1442
01:15:33,400 --> 01:15:35,360
Speaker 9: was on my side a little bit, which was awesome

1443
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:39,920
Speaker 9: for me, but not so awesome for her. I almost

1444
01:15:40,000 --> 01:15:41,880
Speaker 9: felt like we made we got back in the car.

1445
01:15:42,040 --> 01:15:43,760
Speaker 9: She was a mad or at me afterwards then she

1446
01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:44,679
Speaker 9: was before we went.

1447
01:15:44,920 --> 01:15:49,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I always this is going to sound a

1448
01:15:49,680 --> 01:15:52,000
Speaker 2: little bit different, but I was on a morning show

1449
01:15:52,160 --> 01:15:55,040
Speaker 2: and my co host used to always get in trouble

1450
01:15:55,080 --> 01:15:57,960
Speaker 2: by the program director, and so I would feel so

1451
01:15:58,320 --> 01:16:00,559
Speaker 2: bad for him and I would go, oh, oh, don't

1452
01:16:00,880 --> 01:16:03,080
Speaker 2: don't get mad at Jesse, and he would go, thank you.

1453
01:16:03,040 --> 01:16:07,439
Speaker 1: Sir, may have another like he literally kept kept these.

1454
01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:10,800
Speaker 2: He handled it well, but like in the other room,

1455
01:16:11,160 --> 01:16:13,760
Speaker 2: he would say, he's always on me, He's always this.

1456
01:16:13,880 --> 01:16:17,080
Speaker 2: And I actually felt that did you feel bad for

1457
01:16:17,160 --> 01:16:17,679
Speaker 2: your wife?

1458
01:16:17,800 --> 01:16:17,920
Speaker 1: If?

1459
01:16:19,479 --> 01:16:19,679
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1460
01:16:19,680 --> 01:16:23,240
Speaker 9: I did, because you know, man, I don't mind telling

1461
01:16:23,280 --> 01:16:25,120
Speaker 9: you since it's the radio. But I'm in recovery, so

1462
01:16:25,200 --> 01:16:27,720
Speaker 9: I already had kind of a already had my own

1463
01:16:27,800 --> 01:16:29,720
Speaker 9: kind of therapy going on anyway, you know.

1464
01:16:29,720 --> 01:16:31,439
Speaker 1: It's the twelve steps and all that stuff.

1465
01:16:31,479 --> 01:16:34,120
Speaker 9: So I wanted it. I really did kind of wanted

1466
01:16:34,200 --> 01:16:35,840
Speaker 9: to go her way. And when it didn't, like, I

1467
01:16:35,880 --> 01:16:38,080
Speaker 9: did feel bad, you know, So I felt a little

1468
01:16:38,120 --> 01:16:38,519
Speaker 9: bit guilty.

1469
01:16:38,680 --> 01:16:40,840
Speaker 1: But you know that's the way it is, you know.

1470
01:16:41,040 --> 01:16:43,680
Speaker 1: I mean, we're doing great now. And now that we

1471
01:16:43,760 --> 01:16:44,040
Speaker 1: got the.

1472
01:16:44,080 --> 01:16:46,800
Speaker 9: Damn kids out of out of the equation, we're doing

1473
01:16:46,920 --> 01:16:51,680
Speaker 9: much better. Other little guys earlier, they're all in college now.

1474
01:16:51,760 --> 01:16:53,840
Speaker 9: So now that just me and her, we're rocking it.

1475
01:16:54,000 --> 01:16:55,920
Speaker 9: I mean, I also before I hang up, yeah, I

1476
01:16:56,000 --> 01:16:58,920
Speaker 9: love the programming. We're not talking about sports or politics.

1477
01:16:58,920 --> 01:16:59,320
Speaker 1: I like that.

1478
01:16:59,600 --> 01:17:02,520
Speaker 2: I know it's a nice change.

1479
01:17:02,680 --> 01:17:05,000
Speaker 3: Thank you, Jack, thank you very much.

1480
01:17:05,040 --> 01:17:09,040
Speaker 2: And I will tell you your authenticity just really comes

1481
01:17:09,080 --> 01:17:11,920
Speaker 2: through and I appreciate you so much. Thank you so much.

1482
01:17:14,600 --> 01:17:19,080
Speaker 2: What So, two great points there. If it's not working

1483
01:17:19,439 --> 01:17:23,960
Speaker 2: as a couple, right and you know it, like he said,

1484
01:17:23,960 --> 01:17:26,479
Speaker 2: four or five visits for each of them, they both

1485
01:17:26,520 --> 01:17:28,120
Speaker 2: decided that they were going to go on their own.

1486
01:17:28,360 --> 01:17:31,519
Speaker 2: If it's not working, would you suggest they go on

1487
01:17:31,600 --> 01:17:33,880
Speaker 2: their own and then do you ever.

1488
01:17:33,800 --> 01:17:37,120
Speaker 3: Have them come back again? Okay, how does that work?

1489
01:17:37,360 --> 01:17:42,760
Speaker 1: Yeah? So we just reintegrate, or we integrate what they

1490
01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:46,920
Speaker 1: learned in their individual sessions into their couple dynamic. So

1491
01:17:46,960 --> 01:17:49,040
Speaker 1: what have you learned in each of your sessions and

1492
01:17:49,080 --> 01:17:51,439
Speaker 1: how can that help you create a brand new cycle

1493
01:17:51,720 --> 01:17:53,519
Speaker 1: of interaction in your marriage?

1494
01:17:53,840 --> 01:17:57,080
Speaker 2: Like he said, and I really did not even consider

1495
01:17:57,200 --> 01:18:02,720
Speaker 2: the idea of someone being embarrassed about Tadlin like she's

1496
01:18:02,760 --> 01:18:05,360
Speaker 2: you know, and that could be hard, That could be

1497
01:18:05,560 --> 01:18:09,000
Speaker 2: very hard. Like he, you know, got mad at me

1498
01:18:09,120 --> 01:18:13,280
Speaker 2: the other day and said this horrible thing, and and

1499
01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:16,639
Speaker 2: she told on him, and then that could almost feel

1500
01:18:17,080 --> 01:18:21,559
Speaker 2: like a violation, Right, So how do you get past that?

1501
01:18:22,160 --> 01:18:25,040
Speaker 2: You go on, you go and do your own until

1502
01:18:25,080 --> 01:18:27,280
Speaker 2: you can both hear it from each other.

1503
01:18:27,920 --> 01:18:30,680
Speaker 1: Is that what it is? That's what it is. So

1504
01:18:31,080 --> 01:18:31,679
Speaker 1: oh my gosh.

1505
01:18:31,760 --> 01:18:33,720
Speaker 2: And then the other thing he just said, which was

1506
01:18:33,720 --> 01:18:35,519
Speaker 2: so great, that was my favorite call to night.

1507
01:18:35,600 --> 01:18:36,639
Speaker 3: Thank you so much, Jim.

1508
01:18:36,920 --> 01:18:40,400
Speaker 2: When he talked about how because I know this is

1509
01:18:40,439 --> 01:18:44,719
Speaker 2: a very big fear for couples is when the kids leave,

1510
01:18:46,280 --> 01:18:46,799
Speaker 2: what are.

1511
01:18:46,640 --> 01:18:48,760
Speaker 3: We going to have to talk about? What are we

1512
01:18:48,880 --> 01:18:49,280
Speaker 3: going to do?

1513
01:18:49,320 --> 01:18:54,240
Speaker 2: I'm I have a very close friend that was devastated

1514
01:18:54,280 --> 01:18:58,479
Speaker 2: when her kids left, and and I'm like, well, your

1515
01:18:58,560 --> 01:18:59,400
Speaker 2: husband's still there.

1516
01:18:59,479 --> 01:19:01,280
Speaker 1: I don't care. I want my kids back.

1517
01:19:02,360 --> 01:19:07,240
Speaker 2: And so his take on that was ouch so refreshed.

1518
01:19:07,479 --> 01:19:11,320
Speaker 2: I just hit my elbow so kind of it's such

1519
01:19:11,320 --> 01:19:15,479
Speaker 2: a new take on that very painful subject of what

1520
01:19:15,520 --> 01:19:18,840
Speaker 2: do we do when the kids that he actually enjoys it,

1521
01:19:19,120 --> 01:19:22,720
Speaker 2: and not only that, but that he's doing things in

1522
01:19:22,760 --> 01:19:26,080
Speaker 2: the right direction of like writing things down and asking

1523
01:19:26,120 --> 01:19:27,479
Speaker 2: her questions.

1524
01:19:27,080 --> 01:19:29,439
Speaker 1: What did you what did you major in high school?

1525
01:19:29,479 --> 01:19:32,760
Speaker 1: I never knew that. Yeah, yeah, And that's what we

1526
01:19:32,800 --> 01:19:36,559
Speaker 1: would call love maps, doctor John Gotman would call love maps.

1527
01:19:36,760 --> 01:19:39,479
Speaker 1: And so you could just research that on your own

1528
01:19:39,479 --> 01:19:42,600
Speaker 1: if you're interested in that. But there's also also a

1529
01:19:42,640 --> 01:19:45,760
Speaker 1: New York Times article the fifty Ways People Fall or

1530
01:19:45,800 --> 01:19:48,479
Speaker 1: fifty questions to help You fall in love. That's another

1531
01:19:48,520 --> 01:19:52,160
Speaker 1: good one that I recommend a couples too. Just give

1532
01:19:52,240 --> 01:19:56,120
Speaker 1: some good questions to ask you fifty questions. Say that again,

1533
01:19:56,360 --> 01:19:58,920
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, fifty questions to fall in love. The

1534
01:19:58,960 --> 01:20:01,880
Speaker 1: New York Times article, Oh I'm sorry, it's thirty six questions.

1535
01:20:02,280 --> 01:20:04,840
Speaker 1: Thirty six questions that lead to love. Yeah, you can

1536
01:20:04,880 --> 01:20:05,400
Speaker 1: just google that.

1537
01:20:05,680 --> 01:20:07,320
Speaker 3: Me give me what do you have one pulled up?

1538
01:20:07,760 --> 01:20:10,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, given the choice of anyone in the world, whom

1539
01:20:10,280 --> 01:20:13,200
Speaker 1: would you want as your dinner guest? Would you like

1540
01:20:13,240 --> 01:20:19,840
Speaker 1: to be famous? That's another question? Uh, these sound like bumble? Yeah?

1541
01:20:19,920 --> 01:20:20,840
Speaker 1: Do they sound like bumble?

1542
01:20:20,920 --> 01:20:21,080
Speaker 8: Well?

1543
01:20:21,080 --> 01:20:25,040
Speaker 1: Maybe maybe? Maybe I am new to a dating app.

1544
01:20:25,120 --> 01:20:28,800
Speaker 2: Let's talk about let's go there, Wes, because I am

1545
01:20:28,920 --> 01:20:32,200
Speaker 2: new to, you know, a dating app.

1546
01:20:32,840 --> 01:20:34,519
Speaker 3: Prior to that, I had never been.

1547
01:20:34,640 --> 01:20:37,240
Speaker 2: But I have very good friends and family members that

1548
01:20:37,400 --> 01:20:41,400
Speaker 2: met literally the love of their life on on on

1549
01:20:41,840 --> 01:20:43,720
Speaker 2: bumble or you know, one of the one of the

1550
01:20:43,840 --> 01:20:47,280
Speaker 2: dating apps. Right, So you know I'm newly single and

1551
01:20:47,680 --> 01:20:52,760
Speaker 2: obviously I'm trying it and a lot of am icy

1552
01:20:52,880 --> 01:20:55,800
Speaker 2: empty nester looking for long term relation of that kind

1553
01:20:55,840 --> 01:20:58,080
Speaker 2: of stuff. So I see that on there. But some

1554
01:20:58,200 --> 01:21:01,120
Speaker 2: of those questions dinner days, who would you have?

1555
01:21:01,320 --> 01:21:07,240
Speaker 1: Those are? Maybe they looked at the because it give

1556
01:21:07,280 --> 01:21:09,519
Speaker 1: me another one. Let me say, I'll just closed it out,

1557
01:21:09,560 --> 01:21:10,160
Speaker 1: let me pull it up.

1558
01:21:10,240 --> 01:21:13,519
Speaker 2: Okay, So what what dinner guest? I think I've answered

1559
01:21:13,520 --> 01:21:18,320
Speaker 2: that before too. Somebody's thing Because you know, as much

1560
01:21:18,360 --> 01:21:24,360
Speaker 2: as people don't want to admit, and there's this funny, funny,

1561
01:21:24,360 --> 01:21:28,000
Speaker 2: funny guy that I mean, I swiped right on him

1562
01:21:28,200 --> 01:21:31,479
Speaker 2: just because of this one funny thing he said, because

1563
01:21:31,520 --> 01:21:34,439
Speaker 2: he goes, I'm willing to lie about how we met,

1564
01:21:34,600 --> 01:21:40,280
Speaker 2: which is hilarious because top secretly, right, everybody feels like

1565
01:21:40,600 --> 01:21:44,479
Speaker 2: dating apps are there's their taboo and they're for desperate people.

1566
01:21:44,560 --> 01:21:46,200
Speaker 1: But that's the way we date now.

1567
01:21:46,240 --> 01:21:50,519
Speaker 2: It's the way we find people is because everybody is

1568
01:21:50,560 --> 01:21:54,439
Speaker 2: on them and and and that's how you meet people

1569
01:21:54,520 --> 01:21:58,439
Speaker 2: now with all everything digital, we stay home and we're

1570
01:21:58,439 --> 01:22:01,080
Speaker 2: on dating apps. Sometimes it's nice to go out and

1571
01:22:01,120 --> 01:22:03,720
Speaker 2: meet people in the real world, and I still do.

1572
01:22:04,400 --> 01:22:08,599
Speaker 2: But everybody is on dating apps and there's nothing wrong

1573
01:22:08,760 --> 01:22:09,080
Speaker 2: with it.

1574
01:22:10,000 --> 01:22:12,320
Speaker 3: Nothing. Do you agree? What you pulled it up was that?

1575
01:22:12,520 --> 01:22:16,120
Speaker 1: Yeah? What would constitute a perfect day for you? Okay,

1576
01:22:16,200 --> 01:22:18,719
Speaker 1: when did you last sing to yourself? Sing?

1577
01:22:19,080 --> 01:22:21,559
Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be right before I got on air?

1578
01:22:21,880 --> 01:22:24,360
Speaker 1: Yeah? For what in your life? Do you feel most grateful?

1579
01:22:25,160 --> 01:22:27,479
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, the list is long. My health is

1580
01:22:27,520 --> 01:22:30,680
Speaker 2: always number one. My health is always number one? Am

1581
01:22:30,680 --> 01:22:35,000
Speaker 2: I supposed to be answering these? What are you most

1582
01:22:35,040 --> 01:22:36,439
Speaker 2: grateful for? Doctor Wes?

1583
01:22:36,920 --> 01:22:37,519
Speaker 1: Definitely health.

1584
01:22:37,840 --> 01:22:40,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's got to be number one because, like I said,

1585
01:22:41,360 --> 01:22:44,439
Speaker 2: if when you're healthy, you have a million problems, right right,

1586
01:22:44,479 --> 01:22:48,120
Speaker 2: This is the quote I've just recently adapted. And when

1587
01:22:48,120 --> 01:22:50,519
Speaker 2: you're sick or you have a health issue, you have

1588
01:22:50,640 --> 01:22:51,479
Speaker 2: one problem.

1589
01:22:51,600 --> 01:22:54,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, so health is always going to be I'm so sorry.

1590
01:22:54,200 --> 01:22:55,639
Speaker 2: I was going to pick up this call and they

1591
01:22:55,720 --> 01:23:00,360
Speaker 2: just dropped it because I really love our listeners from

1592
01:23:00,360 --> 01:23:03,160
Speaker 2: Fairfield was so every one of our listeners were so

1593
01:23:03,240 --> 01:23:06,040
Speaker 2: great tonight five one, three, seven, four ninety seven thousand.

1594
01:23:06,080 --> 01:23:08,840
Speaker 2: If you have a comment on anything that we spoke about,

1595
01:23:08,960 --> 01:23:11,679
Speaker 2: or even have a question, we have one more segment

1596
01:23:11,720 --> 01:23:15,160
Speaker 2: after this. It's already almost eleven thirty Doctor West. This

1597
01:23:15,320 --> 01:23:19,080
Speaker 2: time flies when we're going through this relationship show, and

1598
01:23:19,120 --> 01:23:22,680
Speaker 2: it is very different that we're doing this on WLW.

1599
01:23:22,720 --> 01:23:26,479
Speaker 2: As Jim said, it is normally sports, you know, and

1600
01:23:26,800 --> 01:23:28,720
Speaker 2: and and politics and things like that.

1601
01:23:28,840 --> 01:23:30,320
Speaker 3: Those are important things to talk about.

1602
01:23:30,360 --> 01:23:32,519
Speaker 2: Streling and I still do a weekend show together, which

1603
01:23:32,560 --> 01:23:36,560
Speaker 2: I love, and ours is somewhat music related and topical

1604
01:23:36,600 --> 01:23:38,720
Speaker 2: stuff that we talk about and have fun with. But

1605
01:23:38,840 --> 01:23:45,519
Speaker 2: this is really based around relationships and those things that

1606
01:23:45,680 --> 01:23:49,040
Speaker 2: are that we're all going through, and we're all going

1607
01:23:49,120 --> 01:23:56,080
Speaker 2: through something, whether it's you know, breakups, divorce, which is

1608
01:23:56,160 --> 01:23:59,439
Speaker 2: always very hard. New loves like new loves, and we

1609
01:23:59,439 --> 01:24:03,400
Speaker 2: were talking about this new loves later on in life

1610
01:24:03,840 --> 01:24:08,120
Speaker 2: and how fun that can be. You should never ever

1611
01:24:08,240 --> 01:24:10,960
Speaker 2: give up on love. I just read that John Travolta,

1612
01:24:11,000 --> 01:24:14,479
Speaker 2: who is seventy five years old, is now dating Kristin Davis,

1613
01:24:14,479 --> 01:24:16,479
Speaker 2: who is sixty one. She's from Sex and the City.

1614
01:24:16,520 --> 01:24:18,760
Speaker 2: She was Charlotte from Sex and the City. And they're

1615
01:24:18,760 --> 01:24:22,439
Speaker 2: in love. And his wife, you know, many people know,

1616
01:24:22,840 --> 01:24:27,320
Speaker 2: Kelly Preston died, so he was a widow widower and

1617
01:24:27,400 --> 01:24:31,240
Speaker 2: to find love at seventy five and they look so

1618
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:32,759
Speaker 2: cute together and they're so happy.

1619
01:24:32,760 --> 01:24:33,280
Speaker 1: It's amazing.

1620
01:24:33,320 --> 01:24:37,479
Speaker 2: Another one, Robin Wright, married in divorce three times. She

1621
01:24:37,560 --> 01:24:40,719
Speaker 2: was married to Sean Penn and otherwise. She's almost sixty

1622
01:24:41,200 --> 01:24:43,759
Speaker 2: and she thought, oh, I'm probably going to be alone

1623
01:24:44,200 --> 01:24:48,840
Speaker 2: for the rest of my life. And she found love

1624
01:24:48,960 --> 01:24:51,080
Speaker 2: and she has a new boyfriend who's an architect, and

1625
01:24:51,160 --> 01:24:53,840
Speaker 2: they're great. So we've got another gym. This is so funny.

1626
01:24:53,840 --> 01:24:56,840
Speaker 2: We have so many gems on the call today. Jim

1627
01:24:56,960 --> 01:24:59,799
Speaker 2: James James from Amelia. Jim, how are you doing tonight?

1628
01:25:01,400 --> 01:25:03,720
Speaker 4: Hey, guys love you, I mean guys, but you know

1629
01:25:03,800 --> 01:25:04,280
Speaker 4: what I mean.

1630
01:25:04,400 --> 01:25:04,720
Speaker 1: I do.

1631
01:25:04,920 --> 01:25:07,200
Speaker 2: I absolutely you can call me guys, and we're I

1632
01:25:07,320 --> 01:25:08,840
Speaker 2: just realized we're up against time.

1633
01:25:09,280 --> 01:25:11,559
Speaker 3: What what can what? What do you have to add?

1634
01:25:12,120 --> 01:25:17,800
Speaker 4: I was just saying that when our son to join

1635
01:25:17,880 --> 01:25:21,559
Speaker 4: the army and what to Afghanistan and he had to

1636
01:25:21,600 --> 01:25:24,559
Speaker 4: come back. But that was when we broke up. It

1637
01:25:24,640 --> 01:25:27,599
Speaker 4: was like when the you know, when the kid laughed

1638
01:25:27,600 --> 01:25:31,320
Speaker 4: and then he really left. It was like a big

1639
01:25:31,400 --> 01:25:34,760
Speaker 4: deal and it was I understand what you guys were

1640
01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:37,000
Speaker 4: saying about all that stuff.

1641
01:25:37,640 --> 01:25:40,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, so and and and Jim, thank you for the call,

1642
01:25:40,240 --> 01:25:42,200
Speaker 2: and please call back on the next segment because I

1643
01:25:42,200 --> 01:25:45,680
Speaker 2: want to hear from you about that. It is important

1644
01:25:45,720 --> 01:25:49,599
Speaker 2: to understand that not always, it doesn't always go well

1645
01:25:50,000 --> 01:25:53,519
Speaker 2: for everybody. We all have our own different circumstances on

1646
01:25:53,640 --> 01:25:57,960
Speaker 2: how our relationships work and things like that. Just because

1647
01:25:58,040 --> 01:26:00,720
Speaker 2: the other the previous gym, it worked that when his

1648
01:26:00,840 --> 01:26:03,400
Speaker 2: kids left, he was able to focus on his relationship.

1649
01:26:03,400 --> 01:26:06,599
Speaker 2: It does not always go that way. So we've got

1650
01:26:06,600 --> 01:26:09,040
Speaker 2: to take a quick break. That's how we pay the bills,

1651
01:26:09,479 --> 01:26:12,360
Speaker 2: and we're gonna come back and talk about why you

1652
01:26:12,400 --> 01:26:15,400
Speaker 2: should never give up on love and doctor Wes is

1653
01:26:15,439 --> 01:26:18,840
Speaker 2: going to give three things to bring more love into

1654
01:26:18,880 --> 01:26:22,360
Speaker 2: your life. That's coming back, Donna D Doctor West, Saturday Night,

1655
01:26:22,400 --> 01:26:24,400
Speaker 2: seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

1656
01:26:27,120 --> 01:26:27,360
Speaker 1: Wow.

1657
01:26:27,400 --> 01:26:30,639
Speaker 2: I can't believe this is our last break of the night.

1658
01:26:30,800 --> 01:26:34,479
Speaker 2: It's been so great being with you, Doctor West. Donna

1659
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:37,720
Speaker 2: d Doctor Wes. We're doing our relationship radio stuff and

1660
01:26:37,760 --> 01:26:42,080
Speaker 2: it's been really important to dive into some of these

1661
01:26:42,640 --> 01:26:46,680
Speaker 2: matters of the heart, especially when we're talking about breakups

1662
01:26:46,760 --> 01:26:51,280
Speaker 2: and how important it is for couples therapy because and

1663
01:26:51,439 --> 01:26:55,880
Speaker 2: just like our last caller, Jim from Fairfield was so

1664
01:26:56,080 --> 01:27:01,000
Speaker 2: great and how we understood that when his life suggested

1665
01:27:01,640 --> 01:27:05,120
Speaker 2: to go to therapy and they went as a couple

1666
01:27:05,560 --> 01:27:09,759
Speaker 2: and she was, you know, revealing some some some things,

1667
01:27:09,840 --> 01:27:13,200
Speaker 2: some issues that she's had with him, and he felt

1668
01:27:13,560 --> 01:27:15,120
Speaker 2: like she was tattling us.

1669
01:27:15,600 --> 01:27:18,480
Speaker 1: That's right, that can happen, and then.

1670
01:27:18,640 --> 01:27:22,160
Speaker 2: She felt like the therapist was on his side, so

1671
01:27:22,240 --> 01:27:24,639
Speaker 2: she felt horrible after the therapy session.

1672
01:27:24,760 --> 01:27:25,200
Speaker 1: That's right.

1673
01:27:25,439 --> 01:27:29,200
Speaker 2: And they decided to go their own way and in

1674
01:27:29,320 --> 01:27:32,200
Speaker 2: terms of therapy and go one on one sessions instead

1675
01:27:32,240 --> 01:27:34,160
Speaker 2: of the couple. And he said, we went four or

1676
01:27:34,200 --> 01:27:37,599
Speaker 2: five times and and that's all they needed to get

1677
01:27:37,600 --> 01:27:39,400
Speaker 2: themselves back on track.

1678
01:27:39,520 --> 01:27:42,719
Speaker 1: And that is amazing. Yeah, it is, and that will

1679
01:27:42,720 --> 01:27:46,680
Speaker 1: happen where couples will I actually tell my couples that

1680
01:27:46,760 --> 01:27:50,680
Speaker 1: sometimes it may sound like I'm on the side of

1681
01:27:51,439 --> 01:27:53,680
Speaker 1: one of you, but I'm actually on the side of

1682
01:27:53,720 --> 01:27:56,920
Speaker 1: the relationship. The relationship is my client.

1683
01:27:57,080 --> 01:28:03,800
Speaker 2: And how amazing is it right to find this renewed love?

1684
01:28:04,680 --> 01:28:08,200
Speaker 2: For if you're in a long term relationship, you do

1685
01:28:08,520 --> 01:28:11,120
Speaker 2: a couple of things, a little tweaks here and there,

1686
01:28:11,200 --> 01:28:15,720
Speaker 2: You go through the stuff that's hard, and you look

1687
01:28:15,760 --> 01:28:19,360
Speaker 2: at yourself and take personal responsibility so that you're able

1688
01:28:19,400 --> 01:28:21,400
Speaker 2: to listen to your partner.

1689
01:28:21,479 --> 01:28:24,960
Speaker 3: And then you find, like Jim was saying, how.

1690
01:28:24,800 --> 01:28:29,040
Speaker 2: Great his marriage is now, they're totally on track. It

1691
01:28:29,080 --> 01:28:33,840
Speaker 2: took four or five individual sessions and they're doing great.

1692
01:28:33,880 --> 01:28:36,920
Speaker 2: And I feel like it's the same thing about when

1693
01:28:37,000 --> 01:28:39,720
Speaker 2: you find love later on in life too. Like I

1694
01:28:39,840 --> 01:28:43,320
Speaker 2: told you, we were talking about John Travolta, who had

1695
01:28:43,360 --> 01:28:46,479
Speaker 2: that devastating loss of his wife, Kelly Preston. She had

1696
01:28:46,520 --> 01:28:50,400
Speaker 2: cancer and passed away, and he's been single ever since.

1697
01:28:50,439 --> 01:28:53,799
Speaker 2: And now he's dating sixty one year old Kristin Davis

1698
01:28:53,800 --> 01:28:56,240
Speaker 2: from Sex and the city, he's seventy five and they

1699
01:28:56,520 --> 01:28:59,800
Speaker 2: found love again. You don't ever want to give up

1700
01:28:59,800 --> 01:29:04,040
Speaker 2: on love, right, And that's really important whether you're in

1701
01:29:04,040 --> 01:29:06,599
Speaker 2: a long term relationship and you have some really good

1702
01:29:06,640 --> 01:29:10,320
Speaker 2: bones in the relationship, you have really good structure, and

1703
01:29:10,400 --> 01:29:12,640
Speaker 2: you just figure out how to communicate.

1704
01:29:12,920 --> 01:29:15,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think couples, some couples give up too soon.

1705
01:29:16,760 --> 01:29:19,559
Speaker 2: And the grass isn't always greener by the way. I

1706
01:29:19,600 --> 01:29:23,639
Speaker 2: mean loving somebody later on in life. There's so many

1707
01:29:23,680 --> 01:29:28,240
Speaker 2: good things about it, right because you've been there, you've

1708
01:29:28,240 --> 01:29:32,000
Speaker 2: been in relationships, and you've loved and lost, and you've

1709
01:29:32,080 --> 01:29:35,080
Speaker 2: learned a lot, so you're a lot wiser going into

1710
01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:36,200
Speaker 2: a relationship.

1711
01:29:36,560 --> 01:29:36,760
Speaker 1: Right.

1712
01:29:37,240 --> 01:29:43,519
Speaker 2: Also things that that nitpicking stuff Like I look at

1713
01:29:43,640 --> 01:29:45,519
Speaker 2: some of the things that used to drive me nuts

1714
01:29:45,520 --> 01:29:47,840
Speaker 2: with my ex husband, no big deal.

1715
01:29:48,160 --> 01:29:50,320
Speaker 3: I'd look at him now and say, it wasn't that

1716
01:29:50,360 --> 01:29:53,120
Speaker 3: big of a deal. Why would I get so bothered

1717
01:29:53,200 --> 01:29:53,639
Speaker 3: by it?

1718
01:29:53,920 --> 01:29:57,599
Speaker 2: So as you, as you age and you evolve, and

1719
01:29:57,680 --> 01:30:01,760
Speaker 2: you get to a point where that used to bother me,

1720
01:30:01,800 --> 01:30:04,920
Speaker 2: it doesn't bother me at all anymore, right, And so

1721
01:30:05,040 --> 01:30:10,120
Speaker 2: you hopefully we do as we age that you get

1722
01:30:10,160 --> 01:30:15,360
Speaker 2: wiser and you evolve, you do in your relationships and

1723
01:30:15,560 --> 01:30:18,760
Speaker 2: within yourself. Like one of the things my twin sister

1724
01:30:18,800 --> 01:30:22,719
Speaker 2: and I always talk about is like, let's not get

1725
01:30:22,840 --> 01:30:27,080
Speaker 2: bothered by stuff anymore, right, Let's just try and.

1726
01:30:27,040 --> 01:30:28,040
Speaker 3: Get over that.

1727
01:30:28,400 --> 01:30:30,559
Speaker 2: I mean, we spend hours on the phone sometimes, so

1728
01:30:30,560 --> 01:30:32,600
Speaker 2: I'm like, are you eating again on the phone or

1729
01:30:32,920 --> 01:30:34,040
Speaker 2: you doing the dishes?

1730
01:30:34,080 --> 01:30:36,000
Speaker 3: Are you putting your dishes? It's so loud.

1731
01:30:36,600 --> 01:30:37,000
Speaker 1: Now.

1732
01:30:37,120 --> 01:30:40,679
Speaker 2: We try, we really try, and we'll put each other

1733
01:30:40,720 --> 01:30:43,160
Speaker 2: on mute oftentimes because we just stay on the phone

1734
01:30:43,160 --> 01:30:45,479
Speaker 2: for hours and.

1735
01:30:45,360 --> 01:30:48,160
Speaker 3: We have to do some things while we're on the phone.

1736
01:30:48,320 --> 01:30:50,880
Speaker 2: So we just try and have so much patience with

1737
01:30:50,960 --> 01:30:53,920
Speaker 2: each other, and it's such a better way to go.

1738
01:30:54,320 --> 01:30:56,439
Speaker 2: So we've got a few minutes, and I want to

1739
01:30:56,520 --> 01:31:01,880
Speaker 2: talk about three things doctor Wes that you can do

1740
01:31:02,000 --> 01:31:04,479
Speaker 2: to bring more love in your life. Right, So I want,

1741
01:31:04,520 --> 01:31:09,000
Speaker 2: I always want to leave the show with some positive

1742
01:31:09,120 --> 01:31:11,200
Speaker 2: energy and some things that we can all take away,

1743
01:31:11,280 --> 01:31:14,800
Speaker 2: Like if we were talking to you in your in

1744
01:31:14,840 --> 01:31:17,960
Speaker 2: your office and we're there to get some counseling and

1745
01:31:18,000 --> 01:31:23,320
Speaker 2: things like that, how can because you see, sometimes as

1746
01:31:23,360 --> 01:31:26,639
Speaker 2: you get older, some people are more get off my lawn,

1747
01:31:27,120 --> 01:31:33,639
Speaker 2: you know, and grumpy, and it's hard to live that way.

1748
01:31:33,760 --> 01:31:37,200
Speaker 2: It is so hard to be grumpy about things, and

1749
01:31:37,240 --> 01:31:40,800
Speaker 2: you can change that, Yes, you can change that by

1750
01:31:40,800 --> 01:31:43,400
Speaker 2: bringing more love into your life. So so with that

1751
01:31:43,439 --> 01:31:45,720
Speaker 2: being said, three things that we can do to bring

1752
01:31:45,760 --> 01:31:46,840
Speaker 2: more love into our life.

1753
01:31:46,920 --> 01:31:49,840
Speaker 1: Well, number one would be to be more loving to

1754
01:31:50,000 --> 01:31:51,679
Speaker 1: yourself and others.

1755
01:31:52,560 --> 01:31:58,160
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, so to be more loving to myself and

1756
01:31:58,200 --> 01:31:58,719
Speaker 2: to others.

1757
01:31:58,920 --> 01:32:00,040
Speaker 1: So that means.

1758
01:32:01,280 --> 01:32:08,080
Speaker 2: Taking care of myself, gratitude journal, which helps me to

1759
01:32:08,160 --> 01:32:15,439
Speaker 2: be more loving to myself, learning where I'm bothered by something,

1760
01:32:15,680 --> 01:32:19,479
Speaker 2: and then trying to change that, address that, look at it,

1761
01:32:19,560 --> 01:32:22,080
Speaker 2: become aware of it, and then trying that's more loving

1762
01:32:22,120 --> 01:32:25,559
Speaker 2: because I am I'm so much happier when I'm not bothered.

1763
01:32:25,840 --> 01:32:28,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, even when.

1764
01:32:28,560 --> 01:32:30,519
Speaker 2: Like a friend of mine, we were talking about this,

1765
01:32:31,240 --> 01:32:33,679
Speaker 2: she goes out with a friend of hers and she's

1766
01:32:33,760 --> 01:32:38,120
Speaker 2: always arguing with the waitress, or there's you know, some

1767
01:32:38,280 --> 01:32:41,439
Speaker 2: server that's done something, or you know, traffic is always

1768
01:32:41,479 --> 01:32:44,000
Speaker 2: I mean we all have issues with traffic sometimes.

1769
01:32:44,000 --> 01:32:46,640
Speaker 3: But when you don't get bothered.

1770
01:32:46,200 --> 01:32:49,040
Speaker 2: By that kind of stuff, you really feel more in

1771
01:32:49,120 --> 01:32:52,840
Speaker 2: control and you're like, man, look at how much I've evolved.

1772
01:32:53,520 --> 01:32:56,559
Speaker 2: I remember in one of those I used to be

1773
01:32:56,760 --> 01:32:58,960
Speaker 2: a part of this program called Seat of the Soul,

1774
01:33:00,040 --> 01:33:02,680
Speaker 2: and it was all about authentic power. And one of

1775
01:33:02,680 --> 01:33:06,040
Speaker 2: the questions we had was, how did you deal with

1776
01:33:06,080 --> 01:33:08,880
Speaker 2: a difficult situation before and how do you deal with

1777
01:33:08,960 --> 01:33:12,240
Speaker 2: it now? Right? And I remember thinking when I was

1778
01:33:12,280 --> 01:33:15,280
Speaker 2: getting upset with my my husband, my ex, I said,

1779
01:33:15,280 --> 01:33:18,080
Speaker 2: this is gonna sound so bad and so childish.

1780
01:33:18,360 --> 01:33:20,440
Speaker 3: But I used to walk up the stairs.

1781
01:33:20,040 --> 01:33:21,479
Speaker 1: And I used to stop my feet.

1782
01:33:21,600 --> 01:33:25,479
Speaker 2: Oh, he's gonna know I'm pissed, right right, He's gonna

1783
01:33:25,479 --> 01:33:29,080
Speaker 2: know I'm mad, passive, aggressive, Huh right, I'm just like

1784
01:33:29,720 --> 01:33:32,679
Speaker 2: I didn't know any bod I just thought, I'm mad

1785
01:33:32,800 --> 01:33:34,240
Speaker 2: and everyone's gonna feel it.

1786
01:33:34,280 --> 01:33:36,160
Speaker 1: I'm just going to fill up the room with it.

1787
01:33:36,600 --> 01:33:40,760
Speaker 2: And then I really saw how much I had evolved

1788
01:33:40,800 --> 01:33:42,920
Speaker 2: from the work that I had been doing two years

1789
01:33:42,920 --> 01:33:46,000
Speaker 2: in and now I would go and sit quietly and

1790
01:33:46,160 --> 01:33:50,560
Speaker 2: breathe and take responsibility for my own energy because nobody

1791
01:33:50,600 --> 01:33:53,080
Speaker 2: can make me feel a certain way, right, That's right?

1792
01:33:53,640 --> 01:33:57,160
Speaker 1: That is true. Yeah, that no one can make you feel.

1793
01:33:56,960 --> 01:33:59,920
Speaker 2: They have to have permission from me in order to

1794
01:34:00,160 --> 01:34:02,920
Speaker 2: feel a certain way. So if I'm angry and I

1795
01:34:03,080 --> 01:34:07,479
Speaker 2: blame you for it, that doesn't really make sense. Okay,

1796
01:34:07,520 --> 01:34:09,000
Speaker 2: what's number two? What's another way?

1797
01:34:09,120 --> 01:34:12,080
Speaker 1: So number two would be get out of your comfort zone,

1798
01:34:12,960 --> 01:34:18,000
Speaker 1: picking up new habits, right, doing something every day that

1799
01:34:18,080 --> 01:34:19,559
Speaker 1: gets you out of your comfort zone.

1800
01:34:19,760 --> 01:34:22,519
Speaker 2: So if you want to bring more love into your life,

1801
01:34:22,960 --> 01:34:26,040
Speaker 2: because there is a ceiling that we all have, so

1802
01:34:27,600 --> 01:34:30,679
Speaker 2: and you can call it happiness or love or whatever,

1803
01:34:30,720 --> 01:34:35,439
Speaker 2: there's a ceiling that we have that is a comfort

1804
01:34:35,520 --> 01:34:39,840
Speaker 2: It's more of a comforting thing, how comfortable. That's the

1805
01:34:39,880 --> 01:34:43,920
Speaker 2: ceiling of how we allow ourselves to be happy is

1806
01:34:43,960 --> 01:34:48,560
Speaker 2: the ceiling. So if you get comfortable with being uncomfortable,

1807
01:34:48,640 --> 01:34:52,160
Speaker 2: you raise that happiness ceiling or that love ceiling.

1808
01:34:52,400 --> 01:34:54,200
Speaker 3: Right, So that's really good.

1809
01:34:54,280 --> 01:34:54,760
Speaker 1: I love that.

1810
01:34:54,880 --> 01:35:01,640
Speaker 2: So give me some examples of doing something different, like

1811
01:35:01,680 --> 01:35:02,120
Speaker 2: what do you.

1812
01:35:02,120 --> 01:35:10,519
Speaker 1: Mean well, changing your daily routine, daily habits. So getting

1813
01:35:10,560 --> 01:35:13,600
Speaker 1: out of your comfort zone could be, you know, confronting

1814
01:35:13,680 --> 01:35:14,720
Speaker 1: a fear that you have.

1815
01:35:15,320 --> 01:35:16,840
Speaker 3: Okay, So let's say.

1816
01:35:18,120 --> 01:35:21,400
Speaker 2: I played tennis my whole life in the past ten years.

1817
01:35:21,439 --> 01:35:24,000
Speaker 2: I haven't picked up a racket, so then going and

1818
01:35:24,080 --> 01:35:27,880
Speaker 2: joining a racket club would be a fun, cool new thing,

1819
01:35:27,960 --> 01:35:30,439
Speaker 2: and I'd beat a ton of people and then I'd

1820
01:35:30,439 --> 01:35:35,200
Speaker 2: feel proud of myself and love myself for going out

1821
01:35:35,240 --> 01:35:37,280
Speaker 2: of my comfort zone to do something different.

1822
01:35:37,479 --> 01:35:39,960
Speaker 1: That's right, Okay, I love that. Okay.

1823
01:35:40,000 --> 01:35:43,000
Speaker 2: So third thing that we can do to bring more

1824
01:35:43,120 --> 01:35:46,439
Speaker 2: love and or happiness into your life is.

1825
01:35:46,360 --> 01:35:49,479
Speaker 1: What call the people in your life and make bids

1826
01:35:49,520 --> 01:35:50,160
Speaker 1: for connection.

1827
01:35:51,040 --> 01:35:54,160
Speaker 3: Okay, this is a big one. I love this one.

1828
01:35:54,320 --> 01:35:58,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, as nobody picks up the phone anymore, no, right,

1829
01:35:58,920 --> 01:36:03,000
Speaker 2: I mean it's texting or email. So when somebody call,

1830
01:36:03,120 --> 01:36:05,360
Speaker 2: and I've been doing this lately, so I got to

1831
01:36:05,360 --> 01:36:07,160
Speaker 2: give myself some props a pat on the back.

1832
01:36:07,280 --> 01:36:09,280
Speaker 1: Oh good, Okay, because.

1833
01:36:10,400 --> 01:36:15,600
Speaker 2: When somebody calls me, if if I'm busy, I'll just

1834
01:36:15,640 --> 01:36:17,960
Speaker 2: send it to voicemail or send a text and say

1835
01:36:18,000 --> 01:36:20,160
Speaker 2: I'll call you back. But I've been picking up the

1836
01:36:20,280 --> 01:36:23,839
Speaker 2: phone because they want to talk to me. If somebody

1837
01:36:23,920 --> 01:36:26,360
Speaker 2: is calling me, they want to talk to me. So

1838
01:36:26,560 --> 01:36:31,439
Speaker 2: even if I'm busy, I will hear their voice, they'll

1839
01:36:31,439 --> 01:36:34,439
Speaker 2: hear mine. They know I care about them enough to

1840
01:36:34,479 --> 01:36:36,240
Speaker 2: pick up the phone, and I'll say I don't have

1841
01:36:36,320 --> 01:36:39,200
Speaker 2: time to talk right now, let's schedule it for later.

1842
01:36:39,520 --> 01:36:44,800
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, I love that because you're acknowledging you're accepting

1843
01:36:44,840 --> 01:36:49,720
Speaker 1: their bid for connection. You're acknowledging. You're acknowledging their emotional

1844
01:36:50,000 --> 01:36:53,920
Speaker 1: their emotional bid for a connection with you. You're validating it,

1845
01:36:54,160 --> 01:36:56,160
Speaker 1: and you're setting the intention to come back to it.

1846
01:36:56,280 --> 01:36:59,400
Speaker 2: And you know what, doctor West who like Because I

1847
01:36:59,720 --> 01:37:02,160
Speaker 2: work during the day and I'm on calls and zooms

1848
01:37:02,160 --> 01:37:06,439
Speaker 2: all the time. So I used to even there's a slight, slight,

1849
01:37:06,560 --> 01:37:10,559
Speaker 2: slight part of me that would get annoyed if somebody

1850
01:37:10,560 --> 01:37:12,719
Speaker 2: called me, I'm like, oh, I just don't have time

1851
01:37:12,760 --> 01:37:16,559
Speaker 2: for this. But now I look at anybody that calls

1852
01:37:16,600 --> 01:37:19,120
Speaker 2: me or sends me a text or sends me an email.

1853
01:37:19,360 --> 01:37:22,680
Speaker 2: I'm grateful for somebody that cares enough that wants to

1854
01:37:22,760 --> 01:37:26,599
Speaker 2: talk to me and cares enough that sends me a text,

1855
01:37:26,680 --> 01:37:30,240
Speaker 2: And every single time I use it as an alert

1856
01:37:30,840 --> 01:37:33,439
Speaker 2: to be grateful for the people in my life.

1857
01:37:33,640 --> 01:37:35,600
Speaker 1: That's great. I love that.

1858
01:37:36,080 --> 01:37:38,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love that too. That's a new awakening.

1859
01:37:39,080 --> 01:37:42,520
Speaker 1: Yeah that's awesome. That was really good. Those they're your three.

1860
01:37:42,720 --> 01:37:46,360
Speaker 2: But I love all those things because it's never I

1861
01:37:46,400 --> 01:37:52,160
Speaker 2: feel like we have so much more potential to give

1862
01:37:52,200 --> 01:37:56,960
Speaker 2: and receive love to our starting with ourselves. So the

1863
01:37:57,080 --> 01:38:01,639
Speaker 2: kinder that I am with the people in my life,

1864
01:38:03,640 --> 01:38:07,439
Speaker 2: then kindness is what I'm giving, and that's what I'm

1865
01:38:07,479 --> 01:38:11,040
Speaker 2: going to receive. Love is what I'm giving, So that's

1866
01:38:11,080 --> 01:38:16,599
Speaker 2: what I will receive. Yeah, and if I'm irritated, guess

1867
01:38:16,600 --> 01:38:21,400
Speaker 2: what I'm gonna get irritation or if I'm angry or

1868
01:38:22,120 --> 01:38:25,920
Speaker 2: get off my lawn woman where I'm like, you know,

1869
01:38:27,439 --> 01:38:29,280
Speaker 2: don't I'm bothered by something.

1870
01:38:29,320 --> 01:38:32,040
Speaker 3: Those bothered things are not a good look.

1871
01:38:32,400 --> 01:38:33,280
Speaker 1: I mean, you know.

1872
01:38:33,360 --> 01:38:38,919
Speaker 2: So, so working on giving what I want to receive

1873
01:38:40,080 --> 01:38:43,000
Speaker 2: is going to provide you know that It's like a mirror, right.

1874
01:38:43,520 --> 01:38:46,960
Speaker 1: I've often said that relationships are like a mirror. So

1875
01:38:47,120 --> 01:38:48,479
Speaker 1: if if.

1876
01:38:49,560 --> 01:38:52,559
Speaker 2: If you want, if you're in a relationship right now,

1877
01:38:53,080 --> 01:38:57,200
Speaker 2: doctor Wes, and there's something that you're not getting, you

1878
01:38:57,280 --> 01:38:59,040
Speaker 2: should be giving, that's right.

1879
01:38:59,120 --> 01:38:59,439
Speaker 1: Right.

1880
01:39:00,120 --> 01:39:06,439
Speaker 2: So if somebody feels alone and not seen or not heard,

1881
01:39:07,840 --> 01:39:10,559
Speaker 2: maybe they're not picking up the phone when someone calls,

1882
01:39:10,680 --> 01:39:11,080
Speaker 2: that's right.

1883
01:39:14,000 --> 01:39:16,200
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm just getting I'm putting this all together.

1884
01:39:16,280 --> 01:39:21,320
Speaker 2: The light bulbs are going off, right, So it's almost

1885
01:39:21,360 --> 01:39:24,760
Speaker 2: like who said it, be the change you want to see, gandhi, right,

1886
01:39:25,040 --> 01:39:27,280
Speaker 2: be the change you want to see, Be the change

1887
01:39:27,280 --> 01:39:29,000
Speaker 2: you want to see in your relationships.

1888
01:39:29,360 --> 01:39:33,080
Speaker 1: Start with just tiny little things.

1889
01:39:33,760 --> 01:39:36,920
Speaker 2: If you want to BackRub, or you want a foot massage,

1890
01:39:37,360 --> 01:39:40,479
Speaker 2: or you want to hug, go give it. That's right,

1891
01:39:40,720 --> 01:39:43,400
Speaker 2: and then maybe someone will say, oh, that was so nice.

1892
01:39:44,240 --> 01:39:49,439
Speaker 2: I want to Or if you're not getting respect or

1893
01:39:49,479 --> 01:39:53,519
Speaker 2: the respect that you feel like you deserve, maybe that's

1894
01:39:53,560 --> 01:39:55,519
Speaker 2: what you're withholding from your partner.

1895
01:39:57,479 --> 01:39:59,679
Speaker 3: So it all comes back.

1896
01:39:59,720 --> 01:40:03,360
Speaker 2: It all as stems from you know me, you, It

1897
01:40:03,520 --> 01:40:08,400
Speaker 2: always stems with the eye in the relationship. It's not

1898
01:40:08,560 --> 01:40:11,600
Speaker 2: what my partner is not giving me so much, right,

1899
01:40:11,840 --> 01:40:14,600
Speaker 2: it's what I'm not giving out.

1900
01:40:14,760 --> 01:40:18,960
Speaker 1: And to myself. Yes, that's exactly right.

1901
01:40:19,640 --> 01:40:23,639
Speaker 2: So I do want to touch because we have one

1902
01:40:23,720 --> 01:40:27,719
Speaker 2: more minute here on on how important counseling is because

1903
01:40:28,080 --> 01:40:31,479
Speaker 2: we're even we're getting it as we're talking.

1904
01:40:31,520 --> 01:40:32,519
Speaker 3: That's why it's important.

1905
01:40:32,520 --> 01:40:36,120
Speaker 2: Communication is everything, right, It is how how you figure

1906
01:40:36,160 --> 01:40:36,719
Speaker 2: stuff out.

1907
01:40:36,720 --> 01:40:38,559
Speaker 3: We can't do it alone. We have to do it

1908
01:40:38,560 --> 01:40:39,840
Speaker 3: with our partners in this life.

1909
01:40:40,280 --> 01:40:44,599
Speaker 2: So if you could recommend if somebody doesn't want to

1910
01:40:44,720 --> 01:40:48,720
Speaker 2: go to therapy, what should they start doing journaling or what?

1911
01:40:49,240 --> 01:40:55,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, journaling reading blogs like the Gotman blog is a

1912
01:40:55,439 --> 01:41:00,280
Speaker 1: really good one. Doctor John Gottman. Psychology Today dot Com

1913
01:41:00,400 --> 01:41:01,800
Speaker 1: has some really good blogs on it.

1914
01:41:02,360 --> 01:41:06,520
Speaker 2: Even even there's some really good podcasts and certainly relationship

1915
01:41:06,640 --> 01:41:11,680
Speaker 2: radio shows like this one seven hundred WLW, which is

1916
01:41:11,720 --> 01:41:15,880
Speaker 2: Saturday nights now nine to midnight, which I'm very very

1917
01:41:15,920 --> 01:41:16,719
Speaker 2: excited about.

1918
01:41:16,960 --> 01:41:18,479
Speaker 3: I can talk about this stuff forever.

1919
01:41:18,680 --> 01:41:23,960
Speaker 2: I really nothing fires me up more than being able

1920
01:41:24,040 --> 01:41:28,120
Speaker 2: to talk about how we can all live and thrive

1921
01:41:28,400 --> 01:41:32,160
Speaker 2: with one another, because can you imagine doing this on

1922
01:41:32,200 --> 01:41:36,240
Speaker 2: your own? You can't do it. No, So another great show.

1923
01:41:36,320 --> 01:41:39,000
Speaker 2: Thank you joshor Ross for coming in, Thanks for having

1924
01:41:39,080 --> 01:41:42,040
Speaker 2: me and I appreciate it. Thank you for all of

1925
01:41:42,080 --> 01:41:46,280
Speaker 2: our callers today. Our listeners are the best of the best.

1926
01:41:46,840 --> 01:41:50,599
Speaker 2: We're going to be back next Saturday, nine to midnight,

1927
01:41:50,720 --> 01:41:53,880
Speaker 2: right here on this most amazing session. Go Bengals. We

1928
01:41:53,920 --> 01:41:57,679
Speaker 2: should get a win tomorrow one o'clock at pay Corps,

1929
01:41:57,840 --> 01:42:01,519
Speaker 2: and we really should win that game. I think I

1930
01:42:01,560 --> 01:42:02,960
Speaker 2: may have to even put on that.

1931
01:42:04,120 --> 01:42:07,040
Speaker 1: We're gonna win. Come on, we're gonna do that. Go Bangles.

1932
01:42:07,040 --> 01:42:11,400
Speaker 2: We'll see you next Saturday on seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati,