Speaker 1: I don't want to be an American.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 1: Yes is the most dangerous word in the dictionary because
Speaker 1: it could lead to your own demise. Billio Vincent Gambudo
Speaker 1: is here. Please don't subscribe. He is a master saying
Speaker 1: no with something that most people are bad at. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the show.
Speaker 2: Are you? Thanks so much? Thanks for having me. I'm
Speaker 2: good I said yes to this happily. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Why are you saying yes to me? That would be
Speaker 1: the ultimate. It's like, hey, you want to get on
Speaker 1: and talk about you know, unsubscribed. No, I'm good, I've
Speaker 1: got too much, got too much going on, kind of
Speaker 1: self defeeding. You picked the important stuff, and I think
Speaker 1: that's true though we all have to. Man, I guess
Speaker 1: I need to do this in order to fulfill some
Speaker 1: sort of goal that I have, which would be to
Speaker 1: sell books. I appreciate that, and I appreciate taking time.
Speaker 1: I've come on, But so yeah, why say? Where do
Speaker 1: you draw a line of things?
Speaker 2: Do you?
Speaker 1: How do you determine what's in and what's out? In
Speaker 1: some days? I think for most of us, it depends
Speaker 1: on how we feel at that exact moment in time.
Speaker 1: Do you catch me the right time? I might say yes,
Speaker 1: you catch meet the wrong time, I'm probably gonna I know, yeah.
Speaker 2: And you know what, either way is okay. The kind
Speaker 2: of first, the first and important part of saying no
Speaker 2: right is understanding that it's okay and we've all been really,
Speaker 2: really conditioned and souls are really sexy story you know,
Speaker 2: in America in the last twenty years, that we've got
Speaker 2: to say yes, right, say you know, Carpadium, say yes
Speaker 2: to the dress. Right. But you know, yes is the
Speaker 2: answer to everything we've always wanted. And I think we
Speaker 2: live in a different time now right where your work
Speaker 2: constantly bombarded left, right and center with messages, with information,
Speaker 2: with things to process, not only just commitments and requests,
Speaker 2: but just you know, life is overwhelming, and so learning
Speaker 2: how to be savvy about saying no really really really
Speaker 2: is important. But the first step really is to understand
Speaker 2: that you can say it right without without with out
Speaker 2: sort of losing at all, which is I think the
Speaker 2: fear that we have.
Speaker 1: Well yea, and the message bombarding it doesn't begin and
Speaker 1: end with it. But it's the mobile device. It's a text,
Speaker 1: it's something on social media, it's a direct message, it's
Speaker 1: an email, it's a call, we are bombarded NonStop with asks.
Speaker 1: That largely is the I think the tipping point for
Speaker 1: this conversation isn't it is If we got rid of
Speaker 1: our mobile device and just didn't respond, we'd be in
Speaker 1: much better headspace.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's really important, you know. I mean
Speaker 2: these times, this technology it calls for us to be
Speaker 2: you know, really really specific and intentional about how we
Speaker 2: use these devices. I mean, you know, the companies that
Speaker 2: sell them, they want us to use it in a
Speaker 2: certain way, and we've got to sort of wake up
Speaker 2: to the fact that that way is not serving us well. Right,
Speaker 2: Being connected twenty four hours a day, being always on,
Speaker 2: being accessible, having no boundaries, right, these things are not
Speaker 2: serving us. There's not helping life be better, richer, deeper,
Speaker 2: more satisfying. And so, you know, from a very very
Speaker 2: surface level logistically, right, we've got to make decisions about
Speaker 2: how we use these devices. My laptop is for this,
Speaker 2: my phone is for that. I'm going to set some
Speaker 2: rules and parameters for myself. Uh. You know, those are
Speaker 2: the things that have been eroded, and they've been eroded
Speaker 2: on purpose, right, so that we just feel constantly connected
Speaker 2: and on uh and uh and and it's really kind
Speaker 2: of time in the in the large scale or in
Speaker 2: the large view here, Uh to just thatt some some
Speaker 2: clearer and clearer boundaries.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, let's talk about taking back our time. How
Speaker 1: do we set those boundaries? And it's easier said than done.
Speaker 1: And I think in particular, and and I'm generalizing here,
Speaker 1: of course, maybe stereotyping, but it seems like women have
Speaker 1: much more difficulty in men and saying no. They want
Speaker 1: to try to be everything to everybody. They don't want
Speaker 1: to disappoint you, kids and husband, spouses, or certainly their
Speaker 1: girlfriends and people at work, and so they try to
Speaker 1: do everything all the time. And there's plenty of guys
Speaker 1: that do that, don't get me wrong, A lot of
Speaker 1: us do that. But generally you look at this and go, wow,
Speaker 1: that's that that hits women on the head. And I
Speaker 1: think that is why women feel so compromise these days.
Speaker 1: But all right, so how do I begin by saying no?
Speaker 1: How do you train someone to say no who's programmed
Speaker 1: to say yes?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I mean, you know, it is the question of
Speaker 2: our time. I think that that all starts. It all
Speaker 2: starts on the surface, right, I think, And I like
Speaker 2: to look at all of this through the through the
Speaker 2: lens of a sort of three places that we can
Speaker 2: look at and target in our lives. One being the surface, right,
Speaker 2: all the screens, everything that we're touching all day long,
Speaker 2: our digital life. Second being our social networks, both on
Speaker 2: and off, right, sort of learning to speak to them
Speaker 2: and and defy some of the narratives that we have
Speaker 2: and that we share that somehow, you know, success is
Speaker 2: being busy constantly and that you know, we we sort
Speaker 2: of parent these beliefs around to one another all day long, right,
Speaker 2: and kind of learning to say, you know what, I
Speaker 2: don't believe that, I don't think that's true. I think
Speaker 2: I have to sort of create a different space for
Speaker 2: myself and for my family. And then that sort of
Speaker 2: third level, which I talk about in my book, really
Speaker 2: is sort of these underlying subscriptions. What does that mean?
Speaker 2: It just sort of means like the beliefs that we
Speaker 2: hold really really purely, you know, about our identity and
Speaker 2: who we are. I you know, certainly before the pandemic,
Speaker 2: which was a really big turning point for me. I
Speaker 2: know we're all sick of talking about it, but but
Speaker 2: you know this, it was sort of the genesis of
Speaker 2: my work was my life was just constant, right, It
Speaker 2: was just on the go all the time, always everywhere.
Speaker 2: And I can't speak to women specifically, but I can
Speaker 2: speak from my perspective, which is that, you know, I
Speaker 2: was feeling like, oh my god, I have been trained
Speaker 2: to be this upwardly mobile, successful type a person and
Speaker 2: I never stopped back to question any of it. So
Speaker 2: you know, yes, absolutely, I think there are things we
Speaker 2: can do on the surface, but so much of this
Speaker 2: is about digging even deeper to understand. You know, why
Speaker 2: why do we feel the need to people please, Why
Speaker 2: do we feel the need to always link success with
Speaker 2: being busy? Why do we feel the need constantly to
Speaker 2: be accessible to everyone or to not find the words
Speaker 2: to politely say, you know what, my time, attention, money, cash,
Speaker 2: all those things are super important to me and have
Speaker 2: to take precedence right now. And I don't necessarily mean it,
Speaker 2: you know, one to one with everyone, but I do
Speaker 2: mean when you look at the whole of life, right,
Speaker 2: how can I be how can I be a little
Speaker 2: bit more selfish in how I spend my time and
Speaker 2: where I've put my focus, so anyway to be practical
Speaker 2: about it? One of the things that I you know,
Speaker 2: suggest people take a look at is not even necessarily
Speaker 2: you know, do this or do that, but take a
Speaker 2: step back and ask the question, you know, how can
Speaker 2: I slow this down? How can I put more structure in?
Speaker 2: And how can I make this more human? And I
Speaker 2: think those are the three things that have happened in
Speaker 2: the last ten and twenty years in our country because
Speaker 2: of all of this tech, because of how wired we are,
Speaker 2: we have sped it all up. We have taken the
Speaker 2: parameters and the boundaries away, and we've made it less human.
Speaker 2: And so, you know, from a just practical perspective, if
Speaker 2: we can stop in any given moment that's overwhelming to
Speaker 2: us and ask those questions, I think people, you know,
Speaker 2: can find the answers that are specific to their lives
Speaker 2: and helpful to them by by start taking that rap. Yeah.
Speaker 1: By the way, it's Julia Vincent Gambudo on the show
Speaker 1: this morning. Please unsubscribe. Thanks taking back our time, attention
Speaker 1: and purpose and world designed to barius and bs which
Speaker 1: is largely true.
Speaker 2: Uh it just we.
Speaker 1: Pilot on Pilodon polod On. Although I just had this
Speaker 1: conversation with a buddy of mine and he's a guy.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: Gen X are like me, uh, and raised by parents
Speaker 1: and and there and also grandparents too, where work was
Speaker 1: everything for man. Right, It's like, okay, you go when
Speaker 1: you work, you work your work, you work, you work
Speaker 1: all day, you work hard, you work smart, you make
Speaker 1: your money, and then hopefully at the end you start
Speaker 1: to cash out and enjoy the fruits of your labor.
Speaker 1: I think that models changed because we have seen in
Speaker 1: a lot of people are as older certainly would look
Speaker 1: at it and go, oh my god, nobody wants to
Speaker 1: work anymore. And I think it's partly true, and it
Speaker 1: looks and appears that way, but you know, look at
Speaker 1: it this way. When you were working when you were younger,
Speaker 1: Hey can we go and uh, we're gonna go on
Speaker 1: a family vacation. How much time did you spend working
Speaker 1: while on vacation because things are expected you at work
Speaker 1: or weekends or nights, or you may be distracted by
Speaker 1: different projects and things you had to get done. And
Speaker 1: so you know, kids absorbed that like a sponge and
Speaker 1: they say, all right, well, you know, we live a
Speaker 1: nice life. I guess, relatively speaking, we always want more
Speaker 1: as a kid. But at the same time. You know,
Speaker 1: I saw what work has done to my parents. I
Speaker 1: saw the two thousand and eight housing collapse, what that
Speaker 1: did to a lot of people. We saw what happened
Speaker 1: during the pandemic and people losing their jobs, like and
Speaker 1: I think gearing good people looked at that and said,
Speaker 1: you know what, tomorrow is not given. I'm gonna enjoy
Speaker 1: life in the moment, at the moment right now. Now.
Speaker 1: Do they want nice things without putting that kind of
Speaker 1: effort in Absolutely, But you can choose to have. You
Speaker 1: can choose to live that life where you're not consumed
Speaker 1: with work and not consumed with burning the mid not
Speaker 1: all and doing those things at previous generations. But you're
Speaker 1: probably not going to have as much at the end.
Speaker 1: So that is a choice that you will make. I
Speaker 1: respect that out of today said that. They literally, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm going on vacation now. I'm not waiting until I'm
Speaker 1: in my sixties to travel. I think that's an awesome thing.
Speaker 1: But you're doing at the expense of future comfort, and
Speaker 1: that's a trade off you have to accept.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I agree with you. I think, well, first,
Speaker 2: I think our generation. I'm a I'm a zennial. I
Speaker 2: guess they call us these folks who were born, you know,
Speaker 2: late seventies, early eighties, and we're sort of sandwiched in
Speaker 2: the middle. We we we grew up without email and
Speaker 2: without tech, and then graduated college and suddenly the right
Speaker 2: you know, so we went out into the professional world
Speaker 2: really unequipped, really uh to to understand what it's all
Speaker 2: meant and what it what it asks of us. But
Speaker 2: to your point, you know, I think this generation, the
Speaker 2: younger generation, is seeing these things, but they're also seeing
Speaker 2: that the mass doesn't add up, right, and without without
Speaker 2: stoking a political fire, I mean, the truth is that,
Speaker 2: you know, the numbers just do not support working at
Speaker 2: that kind of level. You know that that past generations did. Right,
Speaker 2: We're seeing that we're getting less for our money. We're
Speaker 2: seeing that prices for even homes, right, which is like
Speaker 2: this major symbol of our financial im material success, right,
Speaker 2: that is a different proportion of our income. It is
Speaker 2: a much much larger buy in than it has ever
Speaker 2: been before. We're seeing that even the cost of vacations right,
Speaker 2: proportional to what people make per year has gone up.
Speaker 2: So all those things, I mean, those are small examples,
Speaker 2: but there are plenty in a list as long of
Speaker 2: sort of where the map isn't massing right now.
Speaker 1: I hate the fact by the way that older people
Speaker 1: in particular maybe, but you know, you can work hard
Speaker 1: to our three or four jobs. But that's not the
Speaker 1: same as it was when we were young, when you
Speaker 1: were when I was young, certainly, and for you, and
Speaker 1: if you're older, if you know your sixties, seventies, eighties
Speaker 1: or whatever, it's a whole different dynamic.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: You could work, you know, four different full time jobs
Speaker 1: and still have a hard time servicing your debt. There's inflation.
Speaker 1: Inflation has gone up, and wages have not kept up,
Speaker 1: and we've seen the gap between GDP and wages just
Speaker 1: continue to grow further and further apart. It's a real deal.
Speaker 1: Don't be dismissive of younger people say, man, I'm working,
Speaker 1: you know, I just I can't get ahead. Well, you
Speaker 1: need to work harder. Well, you know, if you're up
Speaker 1: there in age, yeah, maybe you worked hard, but your
Speaker 1: money went a lot further than today. And we're not
Speaker 1: going to talking about getting buried in college dead and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. And so I think that work is
Speaker 1: becoming less important to individuals. But I would say that
Speaker 1: work is the business of the United States, the business
Speaker 1: of America's business, and that means people have to work.
Speaker 1: And so if you're not willing to do that at
Speaker 1: some point, or you're going to do it less, and
Speaker 1: God bless you if you that's your choice, but you
Speaker 1: stand a high likelihood that AI is going to come
Speaker 1: in and fill that void.
Speaker 2: Well, I think now it is going to not only
Speaker 2: fill the void, it's going to blow the void the
Speaker 2: ras here. And I think where we are, you know,
Speaker 2: not necessarily completely emotionally prepared for what's about to happen,
Speaker 2: for the losses that we're going to see. Card not
Speaker 2: to be doosday about it, because I think there's there
Speaker 2: is a scenario where this can be helpful to humanity.
Speaker 2: This can be helpful to UH, to the economy, and
Speaker 2: also to our to our day to day. But we've
Speaker 2: got to have really, really much larger conversations and at
Speaker 2: the highest levels of power about how we use AI
Speaker 2: in order to benefit the masses. Right and right now,
Speaker 2: it's in the hands of a handful of corporations that
Speaker 2: are only going to use it for their specific gain
Speaker 2: and goals, and so it's it's really, you know, now
Speaker 2: is the time to be having a conversation, to be
Speaker 2: pushing back and to be speaking to power, to say, hey,
Speaker 2: you know, while this is going to change humanity, how
Speaker 2: is everyone going to benefit? Right? And I don't think
Speaker 2: everyone needs to necessarily. I'm not talking about, you know,
Speaker 2: outright socialism. I'm talking about having conversations about how we
Speaker 2: fuel capitalism with things like AI. Right, this is world changing,
Speaker 2: This is life altering for all of humanity. And I
Speaker 2: think we've got to wake up to how significant a
Speaker 2: change is coming and start to really have serious conversations
Speaker 2: about how that gets spread out right among three hundred
Speaker 2: million people here in the US and obviously more across
Speaker 2: the world. But how do you bring that benefit? And
Speaker 2: I'm not an AI specialist, but the question to be
Speaker 2: asked is how do you bring that benefit to as
Speaker 2: many people as possible?
Speaker 1: Probably going to make things worse where we're saying, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, look at the ads for everything that's technolog's
Speaker 1: going to make your life so much either. No, it's
Speaker 1: not just going to make it more complex. I'll have
Speaker 1: more different things to do and more passwords to remember
Speaker 1: and crap like that. And I get why younger people
Speaker 1: are checking out, and maybe we've peaked at that too,
Speaker 1: because how much of this do you think we had
Speaker 1: a glimpse of life when COVID went on. I mean,
Speaker 1: we look back at COVID. It was a scary time.
Speaker 1: For sure, we didn't know where this thing was headed.
Speaker 1: But for a lot of people listening to the early
Speaker 1: days anyway, it was like, wait a minute, hold on
Speaker 1: a second, I can work from home. I can work remotely.
Speaker 1: I don't have that now if you lost your job
Speaker 1: obviously because of that's a different story or a riff.
Speaker 1: But for most people it's like, okay, i can work
Speaker 1: from home. What does that look like. I'm in my
Speaker 1: pajamas and it's like, you know what, nothing, We're not
Speaker 1: going to go out and socialized because everything's closed. It's
Speaker 1: it's amazing how in just a few years we've gotten
Speaker 1: way far away from that. We had a taste of
Speaker 1: like slowing life downe but clearly those Americans we don't
Speaker 1: want that. We've you know, returned to office is a thing.
Speaker 1: We've ramped it all up, and I think we exceeded
Speaker 1: where we were in twenty twenty before COVID really hit.
Speaker 2: I mean, so many of the numbers are bearing out
Speaker 2: that we are back with ADVENU, Yeah, no doubt, you know,
Speaker 2: And I think part of that. You know, there's a
Speaker 2: lot of reasons you could point to for why we
Speaker 2: went back to normal, but one of the things I
Speaker 2: think that's really important is that we were committed to it. Right.
Speaker 2: We had we had a thirty year mortgage, right, not
Speaker 2: a five or ten or fifteen, right, We had a
Speaker 2: we had jobs that all of it. I'm not ever
Speaker 2: saying that, you know, people don't have to go and
Speaker 2: work and make a living, but I do think that
Speaker 2: we went back very easily, and we went back sort
Speaker 2: of because the story was sold to us that, you know,
Speaker 2: normal is normal is good. Normal is what we need
Speaker 2: in our lives. And we've got to get back to
Speaker 2: the over consumption and we've got to get back to
Speaker 2: the go, go go and the run run run, you know.
Speaker 2: And I think it just behooves all of us to
Speaker 2: kind of just remember that in those moments when the
Speaker 2: chips were down and things looked really dark, you know
Speaker 2: what was important to us, Right? What did we run to?
Speaker 2: Who are the people we turned to? What are the
Speaker 2: things that we did? I mean there's no way to
Speaker 2: recreate that moment, and I wouldn't want to, but there
Speaker 2: was a great value in it, right, There was great
Speaker 2: value in sort of understanding like, oh wow, my life
Speaker 2: actually boiled down to these ten fifteen people, these few
Speaker 2: things that I love to do, these people that I love,
Speaker 2: this recipe that I like to make, whatever it is, right, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: And tearing that forward can be a difficult process. But
Speaker 2: I think you know, the first step that sort of
Speaker 2: recognizing it, even writing it down, being really aware of
Speaker 2: kind of you know, what was it in that moment
Speaker 2: that I ran to that was valuable to me and
Speaker 2: meaningful for me? And how can I bring that forward
Speaker 2: in my life? But I think you're totally right that
Speaker 2: COVID with this weird exercise and anti socialism, Right, guys,
Speaker 2: are we went?
Speaker 1: We really don't want this or that's not expected of
Speaker 1: us anymore. It's it is fascinating. Please unsubscribe.
Speaker 2: Thanks.
Speaker 1: It's Julio Vincent Cambudo on the Sconcherland Show seven hundred
Speaker 1: WW taking back your time and attention and purpose in
Speaker 1: this world, in this crazy, crazy world. Thanks for coming
Speaker 1: on the show, all the.
Speaker 2: Best, Thanks for having me. You well too long.
Speaker 1: Didn't read just say no. Sometimes I'll say no a
Speaker 1: lot more often and at least his equal number of
Speaker 1: yess that you give. Keep saying yes to stuff all
Speaker 1: the time, You're headed that cycle of burnout. Now, that's
Speaker 1: real because it comes at us all the time, not saying,
Speaker 1: you know, stop being charitable or hopeful, or be a
Speaker 1: good friend or a husband, or a mother or a
Speaker 1: son or a daughter, saying you know you Sometimes you'll
Speaker 1: just got the carved room out for yourself. I get that, now,
Speaker 1: get that later in life.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 1: Maybe it involves sitting around drinking, having something to eat.
Speaker 1: Maybe it involves sports this weekend coming got you covered there.
Speaker 1: Austin Elmore from ESPN fifteen thirty jumps in next that
Speaker 1: the Bengals even stand a chance against Jared Goff and
Speaker 1: the Detroit Lions. The odds makers say no, simply because
Speaker 1: they are ten point underdogs at home at pay Court
Speaker 1: on Sunday on the Home of the Best Bengals coverage
Speaker 1: seven hundred ww