WEBVTT - Zack Says It Doesn't Get Easier  

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<v Speaker 1>All right, it is Mojo in the morning show. We

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<v Speaker 1>have a guy that works on our show. His name

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<v Speaker 1>is Zach. He is the person that gets you all

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<v Speaker 1>of our podcast plus any kind of audio that comes

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<v Speaker 1>through your speakers that's not us, just individually speaking, Zach's

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<v Speaker 1>responsible for.

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<v Speaker 2>This guy is the best.

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<v Speaker 1>He's the man that can do. We call him Big Zach,

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<v Speaker 1>the Sultan of the Segues. Yeah, but he's also honestly

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<v Speaker 1>one of the sweetest, most sensitive guys I've ever met.

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<v Speaker 1>I love this kid like he's my son. And this

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<v Speaker 1>is a really tough time for Zach right now, and

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<v Speaker 1>he's gonna explain the reason why.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I'm gonna try not to get too emotional. I

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<v Speaker 2>think you guys notice that I've been very not myself lately.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it started back in November. But I'm I'm

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<v Speaker 2>pretty depressed right now, and that's because I you know,

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<v Speaker 2>around this time of year, I have anniversary dates like

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<v Speaker 2>death date or you know, things that get brought up

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<v Speaker 2>and makes me feel emotional. And what's coming up now

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<v Speaker 2>is my mom's birthday is this week and it's great.

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<v Speaker 2>I love celebrating her. But uh, for those don't know,

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<v Speaker 2>my mom did pass away when I was twelve, and

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<v Speaker 2>it made me realize that it's now been eighteen years

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<v Speaker 2>since my mom has been gone. This is the eighteenth year.

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<v Speaker 2>And I don't I don't think I'm over it yet.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's kind of why I wanted to talk to

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<v Speaker 2>you guys. I mean, this is like my therapy, but

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<v Speaker 2>I just I don't think it ever gets easier. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>the time does heal the wounds. It's just it comes

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<v Speaker 2>in waves, and right now I'm like in that wave. Yeah, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>tough for you. Yeah. Days.

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<v Speaker 3>Her mom's actual birthdays.

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<v Speaker 2>The fifteenth, so Thursday, okay, Yeah. What was your mom's name? Debbie? Debbie? Yeah?

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<v Speaker 1>And what do you remember the most about your mom?

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<v Speaker 2>Her passion and and her like being like a prankster. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>So you never really heard you talk about your mom?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, I mean.

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<v Speaker 3>Like her personality. You mentioned your mom a lot, but

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<v Speaker 3>I've never heard you.

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<v Speaker 2>Most of my memories are her, like sick in hospitals.

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<v Speaker 2>You know.

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<v Speaker 4>You told me a story about your favorite memory with

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<v Speaker 4>her ones and I liked it. You should tell it.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't. I don't know if I remember what I

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<v Speaker 2>told you, but I have a lot of she was

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<v Speaker 2>very caring. She was a gift giver. She would find

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<v Speaker 2>you know that my little pony that was limited edition

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<v Speaker 2>for my sister, and she would get it, or she

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<v Speaker 2>would give me, you know, wrestling action figures. And it's

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<v Speaker 2>just I'm really missing her right now. What was some

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<v Speaker 2>of like the prank she used to so Halloween was

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<v Speaker 2>her favorite holiday, so she would like put like grapes

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<v Speaker 2>and she would skin them off and then put them

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<v Speaker 2>in a bowl and then have kids. You know, Like

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<v Speaker 2>that really gravitated towards me.

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<v Speaker 5>Do you miss her?

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<v Speaker 4>How?

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<v Speaker 2>Like? What do you do?

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<v Speaker 5>Do you?

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<v Speaker 2>I get in this funkho, No, No, I don't because

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. And maybe I need to embrace that more.

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<v Speaker 2>But I don't have a lot of photos with her.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't have any videos with her, you know. And

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<v Speaker 2>it's just I get in this funk and I start

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<v Speaker 2>thinking about things, and your sister talk about it. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>And and we started talking about this last week, and

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's why I wanted to bring it up

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<v Speaker 2>on air, because again I didn't realize that it was

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<v Speaker 2>the eighteenth anniversary this year.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you mentioned earlier this morning when we were talking

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<v Speaker 1>about the show, and in the show out and we

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<v Speaker 1>were going to bring this out that for you. One

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<v Speaker 1>of the hard parts was that you now have lived

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<v Speaker 1>more life on this earth without her.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. It' I've been an adult more than i've had

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<v Speaker 2>my mom, and I don't even consider myself an adult.

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<v Speaker 2>It's just, uh, you know, there's some things I wish.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, I can talk to my sister about anything.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, it's but sometimes she's just not your mom,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, and I don't. It's not that I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm a burden, but I don't. You know, everyone

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<v Speaker 2>has limited time.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's not you know, I want you to not

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<v Speaker 1>think of when you talk to all of us about this,

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<v Speaker 1>like you're burdening us. Honestly, I'm thrilled to hear about

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<v Speaker 1>your mom. I want to first off, I want to

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<v Speaker 1>know who created and who molded this amazing guy.

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<v Speaker 2>It never gets easier. I hate to say it, it

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<v Speaker 2>really doesn't.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know what, it's not supposed to because if

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<v Speaker 1>it was supposed to, she wouldn't have been your mom.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's the thing I think, Zach, that you have

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<v Speaker 1>to you have to look at as use dates in

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<v Speaker 1>these anniversaries, and it's tough to say this because I

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<v Speaker 1>don't do it enough as times to celebrate them and

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<v Speaker 1>not mourning them, because that's probably what she.

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<v Speaker 2>Would want you to do. You know, you are an

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<v Speaker 2>amazing guy.

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<v Speaker 1>Like I will say this that there are not a

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<v Speaker 1>lot of people that I think that there is one

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<v Speaker 1>hundred percent affinity for in this world, Like there's no

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<v Speaker 1>you know, we live in such a polarizing thing. Either

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<v Speaker 1>people love or you hate somebody. You are not just love,

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<v Speaker 1>you're beloved.

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<v Speaker 2>And I know your.

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<v Speaker 1>Dad wasn't really a part of your life. Your mom's

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<v Speaker 1>a reason why, and your sister, but your mom, and

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<v Speaker 1>I think that's what a great celebration of her life,

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<v Speaker 1>you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And it sucks I.

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<v Speaker 1>Every time he talks, I literally go okay, oh my god.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel like he's literally me. I wish I had

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<v Speaker 1>more pictures. I wish I had more videos.

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<v Speaker 5>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>My biggest mistake is I wish I got to say goodbye.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think I think about that off more than anything,

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that's what hurts the most because I'm like, man,

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<v Speaker 2>if I just had that one closure moment or something,

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<v Speaker 2>but and people don't get that, and I think I

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<v Speaker 2>dwell on that where were you when she died. So

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<v Speaker 2>I was in the hospital. She was in her hospital,

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<v Speaker 2>and they were planning on pulling the plug, and I

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<v Speaker 2>knew that I couldn't see it, so I went in

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<v Speaker 2>the gift shop and I bought a Webkins at the time,

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<v Speaker 2>and I bought it for my cousin. And as soon

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<v Speaker 2>as I got up, she was gone. And you were

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<v Speaker 2>also twelve years old. Yeah, yeah, and I don't think

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<v Speaker 2>she wanted me.

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<v Speaker 1>To yeah, to see Yeah, at twelve, you would not

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<v Speaker 1>have said what you would say now. But right now,

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<v Speaker 1>if you had a chance to talk to mom, what

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<v Speaker 1>would you what would you say to her? If I

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<v Speaker 1>could talk to her now, I would ask her if

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<v Speaker 1>she's proud of me.

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<v Speaker 2>I guarantee she is.

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<v Speaker 3>And you know, you can just talk. You can talk,

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<v Speaker 3>You can talk to her.

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<v Speaker 4>Are there any moments that you ever feel her presence,

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<v Speaker 4>like when you're doing something or just since she's with you.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, some people get those, and I envy that

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<v Speaker 2>because some people are like, oh my mom came to

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<v Speaker 2>me in my dreams, and I'm like, damn, dude, I

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<v Speaker 2>want that, like at least once, like can you come

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<v Speaker 2>come say high or something? And I think it's just

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<v Speaker 2>because my mind blocked out so much when I was

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<v Speaker 2>younger that my mind is still doing that now. Like

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<v Speaker 2>protecting me in a way doesn't mean I still Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>I've never had that.

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<v Speaker 1>Man, I feel her presence talking about her right now,

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<v Speaker 1>I really do. I feel like her here in this

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<v Speaker 1>room with us. You know what a weird thing is.

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<v Speaker 1>On a totally different note, next time you're masturbating knowing

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<v Speaker 1>that your mom. I think about it sometimes going off

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<v Speaker 1>to that my mom is seeing to do this.

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<v Speaker 2>Jesse, So you know we have different New Year's resolutions,

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<v Speaker 2>my man, Dave, what's going on? Hey, Mojo Zach.

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<v Speaker 6>I just want to say that I lost my mom

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<v Speaker 6>when I was five. It doesn't never get easier. She

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<v Speaker 6>had only cancer and that on Thanksgiving one of the worst,

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<v Speaker 6>probably one of the worst things I had to go through.

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<v Speaker 6>But things don't ever get easier. If you have memories

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<v Speaker 6>of her, think about that, Try to think about the

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<v Speaker 6>positive things. Try to think about you know, everyone believes

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<v Speaker 6>in something. I always like pray to my mom. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 6>I don't have any I guess advice and how to

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<v Speaker 6>make things easier, because I don't think it ever will

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<v Speaker 6>get easier. But you're an awesome, dude, And I can

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<v Speaker 6>promise you that she's proud of you.

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<v Speaker 2>Appreciate you, dude. You're the man.

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<v Speaker 1>Wouldn't be wild to think that our moms are and

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<v Speaker 1>I would like to think that this is what happens,

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<v Speaker 1>Like Dave's mom and my mom and your mom and

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<v Speaker 1>just all our grandparents that have passed are all just listening, going,

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<v Speaker 1>why did Mojo.

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<v Speaker 2>Just say that about Master? What's what's up, Jessica.

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<v Speaker 7>So I just wanted to.

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<v Speaker 5>Say that, first of all, when you lose someone like that,

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<v Speaker 5>especially your mother, like you're literally learning to do life

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<v Speaker 5>without the person who gave it to you. So it's

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<v Speaker 5>never the same, it's just different. My mom's been going

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<v Speaker 5>about five years and this year is her sixtieth birthday

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<v Speaker 5>on Monday, and one of the things that I decided

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<v Speaker 5>to do was rewrite her obituary because I always read

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<v Speaker 5>it and I go, this isn't enough, Like there was

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<v Speaker 5>still so much more to be said. And I think

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<v Speaker 5>one of the things that we can always do is

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<v Speaker 5>exactly what you're doing now is continue to talk about it,

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<v Speaker 5>continue to tell her story, continue to keep those memories

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<v Speaker 5>and things of her alive. And I was, I was like,

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<v Speaker 5>even if you know only a handful of our friends

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<v Speaker 5>and family read it, at least people can remember still

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<v Speaker 5>who she is and who she was.

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<v Speaker 3>That's actually a really good and interesting thing, Zach. Do

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<v Speaker 3>you are there other family members that you could talk

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<v Speaker 3>to to get Because you were only twelve, there's probably

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<v Speaker 3>so much about your mom that you don't even know. Maybe,

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<v Speaker 3>like that's that would be a therapeutic thing for you

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<v Speaker 3>to learn a little bit more about your mom and

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<v Speaker 3>her personality and what she was like in more stories

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<v Speaker 3>that you know.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've had these waves before. When I turned twenty one,

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<v Speaker 2>I got to talk to my aunts, and before my

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<v Speaker 2>grandma died, I got to talk to her. But you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's just still one of those things.

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<v Speaker 1>Yea, you know, Hey, Medina, what's happening?

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<v Speaker 7>Okay? I understand completely. Was that just going through? And

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<v Speaker 7>the only thing I said, only adverse because I can

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<v Speaker 7>give you, was to embrace all of the good memories.

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<v Speaker 7>This year, I absolutely despised the holidays because I lost

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<v Speaker 7>my mom. But this year, almost twelve years later, I

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<v Speaker 7>literally embraced the s out of Christmas. My house was

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<v Speaker 7>grinched out and everything, and I was determined to have a.

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<v Speaker 5>Good holiday because I.

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<v Speaker 7>Have not had a good holiday in about fifteen years.

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<v Speaker 7>And I made all of that every Christmas movie that

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<v Speaker 7>she forced me to watch. I watched it, everything that

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<v Speaker 7>she wanted to do on her birthday previously. I did

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<v Speaker 7>it just because sometimes and some of those things I

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<v Speaker 7>did alone, but I needed that alone time as well,

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<v Speaker 7>all of those feelings that like you are allowed to

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<v Speaker 7>feel things, and I'm su use that because I'm crying

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<v Speaker 7>and it's Monday morning. Great topic. This is a great

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<v Speaker 7>topic because I feel like we don't talk about loss, no, no,

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<v Speaker 7>but yeah, just just embrace it and just hold up

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<v Speaker 7>to those great memories. And for sure, one hundred percent,

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<v Speaker 7>she is extremely proud of you, extremely proud of you.

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<v Speaker 1>Again, if they weren't so great, it wouldn't hurt as

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<v Speaker 1>much as it hurts.

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<v Speaker 7>Exactly the exact thing. And we are all praying for

0:12:32.200 --> 0:12:35.800
<v Speaker 7>you that I really hope that you can can embrace

0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:38.520
<v Speaker 7>that and come out of this month because people who

0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:40.960
<v Speaker 7>have lost Charence and we all know what that punk is.

0:12:41.800 --> 0:12:43.920
<v Speaker 2>I really appreciate you and I want you to know

0:12:43.960 --> 0:12:44.800
<v Speaker 2>that I'm proud of you.

0:12:45.920 --> 0:12:49.160
<v Speaker 7>Well, thank you, try more, Okay, have a good morning.

0:12:50.880 --> 0:12:52.040
<v Speaker 3>Say something.

0:12:55.280 --> 0:12:57.360
<v Speaker 1>I love that you brought this up on the air

0:12:57.559 --> 0:12:59.080
<v Speaker 1>because I think that we need to bring your mom

0:12:59.160 --> 0:13:01.920
<v Speaker 1>up more often. I really do, and I think, honestly,

0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:04.200
<v Speaker 1>it's one of those things. You guys got a chance

0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:06.520
<v Speaker 1>this past year to kind of see more of my

0:13:06.559 --> 0:13:09.440
<v Speaker 1>family with everything that we had. I know, I've met

0:13:09.440 --> 0:13:12.880
<v Speaker 1>your sister and gotten a chance to see what she's like.

0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:17.160
<v Speaker 1>I think sometimes you don't understand how being around people

0:13:17.200 --> 0:13:21.679
<v Speaker 1>that know who you are when you had your innocence

0:13:21.720 --> 0:13:24.040
<v Speaker 1>and stuff like that, you're being a child and stuff.

0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:25.920
<v Speaker 1>And I will say this, I know for a fact

0:13:26.000 --> 0:13:28.840
<v Speaker 1>this because I lived it. You did not live a

0:13:28.840 --> 0:13:32.040
<v Speaker 1>normal childhood, you know what I mean. You lived probably

0:13:32.160 --> 0:13:33.720
<v Speaker 1>in the fear that your mom was gonna die at

0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:36.920
<v Speaker 1>any moment all the time. And that's the hardest thing

0:13:37.240 --> 0:13:39.199
<v Speaker 1>to live with, you know what I mean. And that's

0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:41.360
<v Speaker 1>why I sit there and I think to myself, with you,

0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:46.080
<v Speaker 1>there is one of those things where your mom you

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.480
<v Speaker 1>didn't get to say goodbye to, but you all through

0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:51.520
<v Speaker 1>the years were saying goodbye to her, you know. And

0:13:52.280 --> 0:13:55.080
<v Speaker 1>I wouldn't hold that too hard to and you can

0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:56.880
<v Speaker 1>talk to her now, for God's sakes, you know what

0:13:56.920 --> 0:13:57.240
<v Speaker 1>I mean.

0:13:58.160 --> 0:14:01.040
<v Speaker 2>So I appreciate you and thanks for giving me this time.

0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.439
<v Speaker 2>Well you went over by about tour and a half minutes.

0:14:04.520 --> 0:14:06.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm not the guy controlling the four.

0:14:07.240 --> 0:14:09.440
<v Speaker 1>How much do we love this guy so much?

0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:12.719
<v Speaker 4>I love you guys blowing up my phone right now

0:14:12.760 --> 0:14:14.400
<v Speaker 4>saying I love sex so much.

0:14:14.640 --> 0:14:16.400
<v Speaker 2>Tell her I love her. I hope you get laid

0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:18.600
<v Speaker 2>off of this topic. That's not the four.

0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:21.240
<v Speaker 1>Any girls out there that are literally single and want

0:14:21.280 --> 0:14:23.000
<v Speaker 1>to just really make a man feel good.

0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 2>Jesus, but my phone number is seven.