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Speaker 1: My This is Olivia from Waverley.

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Speaker 2: From Waverley, Hey, Olivia, how are you?

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Speaker 1: I'm doing pretty good?

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Speaker 2: You I'm doing great? Are you? You were in the

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Speaker 2: foster system?

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Speaker 1: Yes, me and my sister. I have another sister who

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Speaker 1: was also in a foster system. And my other sister

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Speaker 1: is sitting right one of my sisters is sitting right

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Speaker 1: here with me too.

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Speaker 2: I gotcha?

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Speaker 3: Hey, can I can I? Can I ask you a

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Speaker 3: couple of questions? You're not gonna be upset with me? Right?

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Speaker 1: No? No?

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Speaker 4: No?

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Speaker 2: Okay? So you you.

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Speaker 3: End up going to live with with foster parents? Can

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Speaker 3: I can I ask what?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 3: I don't need specific details, but what happened with your

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Speaker 3: biological parents?

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Speaker 5: All right?

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Speaker 6: Well?

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Speaker 7: For mine?

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Speaker 1: Hey, my mom she was.

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Speaker 4: Is it?

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Speaker 1: She wasn't really in the picture. Well she was, but

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Speaker 1: she did a lot of work. But she but as

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Speaker 1: her mother, which was my mom my right, was very abusive.

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Speaker 2: Gotcha? Gotcha?

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Speaker 1: And I was taken out of the home well from

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Speaker 1: school one day by social services.

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Speaker 2: Right now, one of the things.

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Speaker 3: That was back in twenty eleven, okay, one of the

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Speaker 3: things we learned yesterday. And I don't know if if

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Speaker 3: your mom or your biological mom or your grandmother were

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Speaker 3: like this. But there was there was a there was

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Speaker 3: a guy who called in yesterday and we talked to him,

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Speaker 3: and he had foster kids, and if I get part

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Speaker 3: of the story wrong, you guys will help me. But

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Speaker 3: he was talking about how the the foster kids biological

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Speaker 3: parents would call the police and say that they needed

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Speaker 3: a welfare check, that this foster parent was being abusive

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Speaker 3: or or or or just mistreating the foster child, and

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Speaker 3: it would turn into these lengthy, lengthy investigations that were.

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Speaker 2: Just being coming from jail from.

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Speaker 3: Jail, but it was done really just to to with

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Speaker 3: the person f with the person, or to go after

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Speaker 3: the foster parent, and even though there was no basis

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Speaker 3: to it, but it still had to be investigated.

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Speaker 2: And then we learned that goes on pretty regularly.

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Speaker 3: I had no idea and so, like I was saying,

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Speaker 3: I don't know if your if your biological mom or

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Speaker 3: grandmother was like that at all where they went after

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Speaker 3: your foster parents.

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Speaker 1: No, but they've.

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Speaker 7: Tried to tell me during visits that they had that

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Speaker 7: my foster parents got me because they put money, like

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Speaker 7: bought a bunch of computer systems for social services in dingwitty.

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Speaker 3: So just trying to say your foster parents don't care

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Speaker 3: about you. The only reason they got them, they got

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Speaker 3: you was like they were essentially But yeah, right.

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Speaker 5: But.

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Speaker 2: Horrible, horrible. Are you close with you or you're close

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Speaker 2: with your foster parents?

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Speaker 8: Right?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? They adopted me and my other two siblings, the

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Speaker 1: ones that are also adopted from other families.

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Speaker 2: I got you, you know what. Good for them? Good

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Speaker 2: for them?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, because the one that I'm twenty four, my other

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Speaker 1: sister is.

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Speaker 7: Nineteen, and the other one is eleven.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, all from different families.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, right, but all of you were foster children that

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Speaker 3: your parents adopted.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's cool, that's cool. Good for you, Good for you. Hey,

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Speaker 2: I appreciate the call. Thank you, ma'am.

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Speaker 1: You're welcome.

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Speaker 2: You got it. Talk to you later, learning too. Hi,

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Speaker 2: Elliott the morning.

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Speaker 5: Hey, good morning?

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Speaker 9: Hey?

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Speaker 2: Who's this.

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Speaker 9: Nikki?

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Speaker 2: Nikki? Are you? Are you a foster child or a

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Speaker 2: foster parent?

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Speaker 9: I am currently foster?

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Speaker 2: Are you really? Is it hard? Is it hard?

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Speaker 4: It is?

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Speaker 9: People don't understand, but it is hard. This is our

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Speaker 9: second foster child we've had. They're they're both challenging in

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Speaker 9: different ways, but very rewarding.

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Speaker 2: And have you run into so Jackie.

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Speaker 3: Jackie has a really good friend who is a She

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Speaker 3: and her husband are foster parents and they've adopted I

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Speaker 3: think three of the of the kids that they fostered for.

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Speaker 3: So I had Jackie reach out to her yesterday because

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Speaker 3: we were talking about that one guy who said that

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Speaker 3: the parents, the biological parents, called from jail to do

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Speaker 3: a to do a welfare check. Now, Jackie reached out

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Speaker 3: to her friend and said, we never had a CPS

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Speaker 3: incident with the biological parents calling on us, but we

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Speaker 3: were threatened in court by the biological parents that they

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Speaker 3: would find us and kill us and get their kids back.

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Speaker 9: Wo oh gosh.

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Speaker 2: She said.

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Speaker 3: The judge had us escorted out into our cars by

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Speaker 3: the deputies in the courtroom. We also had one father

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Speaker 3: tell his three and five year old kids that I

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Speaker 3: was an f and bitch and they should make my

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Speaker 3: life a living hell, though we did have to have

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Speaker 3: them remove because it was impacting the other kids. And

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Speaker 3: then they said, we've had two CPS visits and investigated

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Speaker 3: us on two separate occasions, but both were dismissed.

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Speaker 2: Obviously, what a pain in that way.

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Speaker 9: We didn't have anything like that happened now? So is

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Speaker 9: that we had them talk badly about us and and

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Speaker 9: things like that to the kids, but never like the

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Speaker 9: first set. The first little boy we had, his mom

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Speaker 9: just couldn't care less. But when his dad we found

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Speaker 9: out who his dad was, they had phone conversations and

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Speaker 9: he would talk badly about us and that he was

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Speaker 9: coming to get home, and he never did.

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Speaker 4: So.

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Speaker 2: But is that?

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Speaker 3: So?

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Speaker 2: Is the is the And do I believe it's very rewarding? Yes?

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Speaker 3: Do I believe that that parents who go on and

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Speaker 3: like like Jackie's friend did, and adopt you know, three

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Speaker 3: of three of the kids that you know that it

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Speaker 3: it turns out to and it has in their case

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Speaker 3: been a great situation and a great family.

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Speaker 2: The So I do believe that. But is it.

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Speaker 3: Does the biologicals being being I don't know what else

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Speaker 3: to call them other than that, but the biological parents

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Speaker 3: bioparents being real pieces of crap or trying to really

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Speaker 3: make things rough?

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Speaker 2: Is that?

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Speaker 3: Is that more commonplace than because when we heard about

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Speaker 3: it yesterday, I'd never heard of that before. Is that

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Speaker 3: more common than we think it is?

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Speaker 9: Yeah? I think so. The first one we had that

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Speaker 9: was really difficult she'd only show up once in a

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Speaker 9: while to court, and then once tpr parent prontal rights

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Speaker 9: have been terminated, then it gets a lot easier because

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Speaker 9: you don't have to worry about the bioparents. So the

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Speaker 9: little girl we have now we are actually in the

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Speaker 9: midst of adopting her. She came to us with no

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Speaker 9: parental rights from the family. So oh, that's.

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Speaker 2: Well, I say that's good, but yes, well it is good.

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Speaker 3: It is good that way you don't have to worry

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Speaker 3: about all the drama in it. The part that I

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Speaker 3: don't understand I can.

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Speaker 4: I can't.

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Speaker 3: When I say I can, I can understand. I can

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Speaker 3: wrap my head around a biological parent, whether they're in jail,

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Speaker 3: no matter where they are going. You know what, those

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Speaker 3: are my kids, and being just being angry and wanting

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Speaker 3: to quote make your life miserable, tend to kill you. No.

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Speaker 2: No, Well, the.

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Speaker 9: First little boy we had, she had five kids, she'd

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Speaker 9: lost them all, and the last time I spoke to

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Speaker 9: her at court, she thanked me for taking such good

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Speaker 9: care of him. So even though the beginning was rocky,

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Speaker 9: she could tell that he was in a better place.

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Speaker 2: Well, that's what I was going to say.

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Speaker 3: Don't they realize, And maybe they don't just because they're

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Speaker 3: so angry, but with with with making you know, threats,

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Speaker 3: and and you know, talking bad to the kids like.

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Speaker 2: You're you're just putting your kids in the middle of it.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you actually met our Richmond. You gave

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Speaker 9: her a shirt at River City when Diana was bowling.

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Speaker 2: Oh I did, right. I didn't say anything to her,

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Speaker 2: did I.

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Speaker 9: No. We tried to get her to say blah boa,

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Speaker 9: but she was so embarrassed. But you gave her a

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Speaker 9: bowling shirt. Anyways.

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Speaker 5: Oh okay, all right, I hope the bioparents not listening.

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Speaker 3: No, all right, very good, very Hey, how what what

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Speaker 3: made you? How did what made you get involved in

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Speaker 3: being a foster parent?

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Speaker 9: Well, well, originally it was because we couldn't have our

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Speaker 9: own kids, but then once we started the process, it

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Speaker 9: just was very rewarding.

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Speaker 2: Good for you, good for you. Yeah, all right, I

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Speaker 2: appreciate it. Thank you, ma'am, thank you.

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Speaker 5: How does one get involved? Is it through the state?

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Speaker 2: I don't know, like I know, I can't say I

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Speaker 2: know this.

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Speaker 3: I'm just trying to go off of the bits and

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Speaker 3: pieces that I try to remember from.

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Speaker 2: Jackie's fram But I do think you have to be.

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Speaker 2: I mean you have to be.

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Speaker 3: There's some program that like does background and you have

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Speaker 3: to be to get approved, right.

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Speaker 2: But I don't I don't even know how you do it.

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Speaker 2: I have no idea, and I and and listen.

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Speaker 3: I think it's great, but I also think that it's

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Speaker 3: not for everybody.

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Speaker 5: But it is for those that can and want to

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Speaker 5: do it. It's a vital network.

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Speaker 2: I agree.

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Speaker 5: For children's futures.

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Speaker 8: Are you seeing Diane, Yeah, there's a bunch of I

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Speaker 8: mean there's there's there's local ones, and then there's something

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Speaker 8: is adopt us kids or I mean I don't want

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Speaker 8: to endorse anything without you know, yeah, sure like vetting

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Speaker 8: them or foster va.

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Speaker 5: You can foster through the adopt website.

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Speaker 8: Uh, it looks like, yeah, don't you get paid.

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Speaker 2: There's a there's a stip.

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Speaker 5: I didn't know that.

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Speaker 2: I don't think you're I don't think it's a get

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Speaker 2: rich quick scheme. Is it just meant for I think

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Speaker 2: it's just essentials, right.

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Speaker 5: Or is it not even enough to cover that? It's

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Speaker 5: really just almost like pat on the back.

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Speaker 9: Yeah.

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Speaker 8: Depending on their age, they said anywhere from five eighty

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Speaker 8: to eight sixty a month per child, like a expense.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, teenager is going to be more so.

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Speaker 3: The I just remember Jackie with her with her friend

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Speaker 3: doing like pillowcase stuffing events because a lot of times

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Speaker 3: when when when foster kids get taken from their biologicals,

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Speaker 3: it's in the middle of the night, right, You got

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Speaker 3: like whoever goes in and gets I don't know who

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Speaker 3: Child Protective Services or whoever goes in and gets them.

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Speaker 3: It's not like it's okay, you know what, this is

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Speaker 3: the most calm, relaxing situation we have.

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Speaker 2: Let's take our I'll pick you up on Tuesday. You

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Speaker 2: grab and so it's just stuff in a pillow case.

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Speaker 2: But they don't even have pick trash bag. Yeah, that's it.

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Speaker 2: Where am I going? Line one? Hi Ellie in the morning. Yeah? Hi,

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Speaker 2: who's this.

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Speaker 6: John?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? That's okay. You don't have to say much. Hey

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Speaker 2: what is the are you? Are you a foster parent?

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Speaker 6: No? My oldest son was uh in foster care his

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Speaker 6: whole wood, his whole youth life. We were great parents,

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Speaker 6: did everything, and they he just didn't want to listen,

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Speaker 6: and they'd send him the five to ten different foster

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Speaker 6: cares between eleven and sixteen.

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Speaker 2: Can I can I ask a question?

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Speaker 3: I'm I'm forgive me because I'm not following your Your

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Speaker 3: son was was it was taken and put in foster care?

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Speaker 6: Yes, because he was a troubled youth and we did

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Speaker 6: everything possible as parents to prevent all.

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Speaker 2: Of it, right, and you just weren't just you just

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Speaker 2: weren't able to.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, he did, and he still doesn't get it. He

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Speaker 6: still doesn't get it. And he's almost thirty now.

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Speaker 2: And where where is he now?

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Speaker 6: Uh? In Maryland?

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Speaker 8: Oh, but you don't have contact.

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Speaker 9: I do.

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Speaker 6: But it's it is what it is when we see.

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Speaker 3: Right, I understand what is the But when when he

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Speaker 3: was with a foster parent, you didn't You didn't go

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Speaker 3: out of your way to make it hard on him

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Speaker 3: or the parent?

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Speaker 4: Did you?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 6: I did? I inde if everything that they asked from us,

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Speaker 6: I would even make to two to three hour trip

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Speaker 6: to go up and watching play football. Then later on

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Speaker 6: that night he would get in trouble and back in

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Speaker 6: the lock up he would go.

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Speaker 2: Right, I'm just glad to hear that.

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Speaker 1: You.

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Speaker 2: I mean, listen, I can't imagine that situation. Right.

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Speaker 6: Oh, it's been rough, it's been rough, Elliot, it's been

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Speaker 6: it's rough with him.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I'm sure, I'm sure, but I'm just I'm glad

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Speaker 3: to hear that your way of dealing with that wasn't

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Speaker 3: calling the foster parents and threatening them or or him.

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Speaker 6: Oh, absolutely absolutely not. We agreed with him ninety nine

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Speaker 6: percent of the time.

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Speaker 2: Right, I understand, I understand.

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Speaker 3: Well, I'm glad there's some relationship, even though you said

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Speaker 3: it's not. It's not great, but there's there's some relationship there.

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Speaker 6: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's gonna be rough. All right, dude, I appreciate it.

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Speaker 2: Thank you much.

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Speaker 6: I want to make it to you. I want to

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Speaker 6: call last week when you were talking about hockey. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: I'm on the Hershey Bears, wrink crew. Are you really

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Speaker 6: when they Yeah, when they lost it every time. The

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Speaker 6: other night there was ever eight thousand people throwing stuff

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Speaker 6: going to the ice and the refs.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Because yeah, it didn't look like it went in, but

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Speaker 6: when I went home and looked at it, it went in.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Hey, do you know the old PA announcer Jared.

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Speaker 6: I've only been doing it for about two or three

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Speaker 6: years now, gotcha?

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Speaker 2: Gotcha? All right, brother, I appreciate it. Thank you, later I.

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Speaker 5: Realize that everything is probably a case by case. But

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Speaker 5: when it comes to a future role, everyone understands it's

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Speaker 5: not going to be a media There's a reason the

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Speaker 5: child is being removed from a bioparent situation. Right, But

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Speaker 5: is the ultimate goal I don't want to say shared parenting,

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Speaker 5: but but some sort of role that the bioparent then

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Speaker 5: plays again.

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Speaker 3: Well, you know what, that's a good that's a good question.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what the what the yeah, I have

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Speaker 2: no idea.

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Speaker 5: And I'm not saying the child grows up and then

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Speaker 5: tries to track down And that's what they are systems.

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Speaker 5: Is the system's goal for one day the biological parent

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Speaker 5: or parents to be back in that kid's life.

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Speaker 2: Let me go to line three.

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Speaker 4: Hi Elliott in the morning, Good morning.

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Speaker 2: Hi, who's this?

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Speaker 4: This is Lyle.

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Speaker 2: Yes, what can I do for you?

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Speaker 4: Well, I'm a social worker in loud and foster care

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Speaker 4: and I was just listening to the entire conversation and yeah,

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Speaker 4: God bless foster parents and in the system, and you know,

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Speaker 4: everybody that works in child services. It's an amazing thing

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Speaker 4: and the children that go through it. I'm actually out

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Speaker 4: with a crew of youth, right, now going to the

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Speaker 4: White House to visit the White House and watch the

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Speaker 4: marine one fly up, and they're all listening to you,

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Speaker 4: and they all saying, hey, boy, I know it.

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Speaker 3: Oh you know what, We're gonna end with a with

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Speaker 3: a unison butthole where everybody will get hey.

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Speaker 2: Let me ask you this, Tyler.

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Speaker 3: Tyler had a very good question in the world of

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Speaker 3: in the world of of fostering, is the is the

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Speaker 3: goal that the that the biological parents have some role

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Speaker 3: with the kid or no?

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Speaker 4: That is case by case. So I mean, yeah, you

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Speaker 4: always the child is always going to want to have

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Speaker 4: a relationship with the family, right, it doesn't matter what happened.

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Speaker 4: Sure you know that that commitment and that connection is blood.

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Speaker 2: I understand that.

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Speaker 4: So so you're always trying to foster and you know,

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Speaker 4: facilitate that relationship as long as it's healthy. You're trying

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Speaker 4: to facilitate that. And because eventually at eighteen years old,

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Speaker 4: some at some point there's a lot of questions, is

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Speaker 4: always going to want to be that connection. So as

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Speaker 4: healthy as it isn't at this time, maybe it's someday

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Speaker 4: it could get healthier. You know, things, people life changes,

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Speaker 4: So it depends though I mean, if if there's things

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Speaker 4: that have happened that are very egregious, that are irrepairable,

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Speaker 4: you know, those are those are different types of cases.

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Speaker 3: And what about like we we had we had heard

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Speaker 3: yesterday from somebody I'd never heard it before of a

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Speaker 3: biological parent who was incarcerated, who was making phone calls

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Speaker 3: that the kids were unsafe and getting the foster parents investigated.

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Speaker 2: And I had never I had never heard of that before.

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Speaker 4: That's mostly not it. It's actually mostly the uh, we

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Speaker 4: get attacked a lot of social workers a lot. I mean,

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Speaker 4: I've been threatened. People have come to my house, you know,

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Speaker 4: and we're just trying to put you know, and make

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Speaker 4: sure children are safe and they're going to a safe

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Speaker 4: home and that they're cared for, they're nurtured, they're loved,

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Speaker 4: and most of the time, biological families are on board.

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Speaker 4: They want what's best for their children.

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Speaker 3: And when you say that, you that as a social worker,

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Speaker 3: you would you would be on the receiving end of

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Speaker 3: that because the parent, the biological parent would think you're

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Speaker 3: the one who decided to come in and take my

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Speaker 3: kid away from me.

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Speaker 4: Correct, got gotcha? Yeah, And so you know that's it's

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Speaker 4: the beginning phase. And you know, as the other foster

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Speaker 4: mom had said before the termination of pronal rights phase

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Speaker 4: is it's the worst day. It doesn't matter what the

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Speaker 4: parent did. It's the worst day I have in social work.

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Speaker 4: But the best day is adoption day, right, so you

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Speaker 4: know it's the best days. And I was forced to

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Speaker 4: go one time many years ago, after twenty eight years

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Speaker 4: of being a social worker. I was forced to go

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Speaker 4: and I was like, I'm not gonna cry. I'm not

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Speaker 4: gonna I cried. I'm like, this is amazing. This is

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Speaker 4: the other end of it. It's the most amazing day.

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Speaker 4: And you get to see that relationship and that nurturing

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Speaker 4: just all come together and it's it's everything stops in

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Speaker 4: the courtroom and it's nothing else matters. It's is amazing.

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Speaker 2: That's cool. Hey, what is the what if somebody wanted

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Speaker 2: to foster?

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Speaker 3: What is the how does how does somebody even get

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Speaker 3: into that that that position?

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Speaker 4: We it's amazing. So and LOUD and there's a program

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Speaker 4: you would go through. You call LOUD and Department of

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Speaker 4: Social Services and we have a team of folks that

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Speaker 4: are foster parent trainers and but all agencies have them.

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Speaker 4: So you'd call the local social services and talk to

390
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Speaker 4: this old services division and ask who is the foster

391
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Speaker 4: care training coordinators And in ours we have a great

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Speaker 4: group of folks Beth Mason and Teresa Doll and they're

393
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,560
Speaker 4: they're just amazing. But you can do that in any

394
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:21,239
Speaker 4: jurisdiction Arlington, Fairfax, you know, Frederick County and say this

395
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Speaker 4: is what I want to do. There's also private agencies

396
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Speaker 4: that you can call, you know, to do fostering. And

397
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Speaker 4: even if you're not going to foster fully and be

398
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Speaker 4: a foster parent, you can still be a mentor. You

399
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:36,399
Speaker 4: don't have to go all in, you know, and you know,

400
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Speaker 4: have a child in your home, you can actually mentor

401
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Speaker 4: a child. Especially men. I found that as a man,

402
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,960
Speaker 4: there's a need for a lot more men to be

403
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Speaker 4: involved in fostering and that connection, you know, I get.

404
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,480
Speaker 3: That is there is there a hesitancy amongst men to

405
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Speaker 3: get involved.

406
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Speaker 4: Well, I think it's just the society creates that. You know,

407
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 4: where you have this role, you have that role, and

408
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:05,399
Speaker 4: you know a lot of teachers are female, and you

409
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Speaker 4: know a lot of things. It's just I think there's

410
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Speaker 4: the need because we have sometimes we love groups of

411
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Speaker 4: young men, young boys, and you know children, and I

412
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Speaker 4: think men are just more afraid to get into that

413
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Speaker 4: realm of uh, you know, caring nurturing and that they

414
00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:22,280
Speaker 4: shouldn't be afraid. It's my point.

415
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Speaker 2: I got the court.

416
00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:27,919
Speaker 4: The courts are supportive, you know, agencies are supportive. A

417
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:31,080
Speaker 4: lot of support there for men and for families in general,

418
00:20:31,880 --> 00:20:36,439
Speaker 4: single or you know, with families, gotch gotcha, couples. It

419
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:39,640
Speaker 4: doesn't matter. As long as you're a caring, nurturing adult

420
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:43,600
Speaker 4: and that are stable, can go through a background FBI

421
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:48,280
Speaker 4: background check, CPS background check, and do the training. You're

422
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,360
Speaker 4: you know, they do very very good. They're very good

423
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Speaker 4: foster parents.

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Speaker 2: And you you said you're on your way to the

425
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Speaker 2: White House.

426
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Speaker 4: Right now, we're passing with Pennsylvania, Wisconsin right as we speak. Excellent.

427
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Speaker 2: You want to see if everybody on the bus wants

428
00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:05,680
Speaker 2: to yell butthole.

429
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:10,120
Speaker 4: Go ahead. They want to say, you want to say butthole?

430
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:18,840
Speaker 4: They're like, no way, A nervous I got it.

431
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Speaker 2: Hey, I appreciate it, thank you.

432
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Speaker 9: Thank you.

433
00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:21,560
Speaker 6: There you go.

434
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Speaker 2: That's seems I'm fine. Foster.

435
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:28,720
Speaker 5: You're a mentor. You decided that was what you're meant.

436
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:32,440
Speaker 2: Fascinating.

437
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:36,200
Speaker 5: Though fascinating, I can't believe they get to talk to

438
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Speaker 5: two presidents today.

439
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:42,400
Speaker 3: The one of the US and one of Disjobs.

440
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Speaker 2: Special day Kidsay, it really is