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Speaker 1: Okay, I think I know what that is.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is the Woody Show. Well, ladies, gentlemen, boys

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Speaker 2: and girls, please welcome to the Woody Show studio. The

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Speaker 2: Machine Bird Kreischer.

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Speaker 3: Tom Scura gives you a shout out. I was talking

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Speaker 3: to him to this to him this morning on the car. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: he said, what are you doing? I said, I'm going

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Speaker 3: into radio, And he goes, radio radio, who are you doing?

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Speaker 3: And I said, and he goes, oh that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: He goes, yeah, Well, we still have a goal. We

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Speaker 2: just crossed off a bucket list item for Menace going

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Speaker 2: first class to Dubai on Emirates Airlines. We still have

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Speaker 2: a bucket list item for the show is to get

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Speaker 2: Tom in here like we've never had that. I know

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Speaker 2: he doesn't do a lot of stuff and he probably

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Speaker 2: will never come in I'm saying, but it's on there,

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Speaker 2: and so whenever you have one of those conversations, please

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Speaker 2: mention to him.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to include ecstasy. Fine, I'm sure need

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Speaker 3: to do hist him on a bender, like a Tuesday

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Speaker 3: night bender. Yeah, where we take ecstacy around four in

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Speaker 3: the morning. Okay, and I'll be like, let's stop by

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Speaker 3: Woody yeah.

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Speaker 2: Perfect, We'll tell Tom we said hi, and he still

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Speaker 2: counts because we love him.

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Speaker 3: He just finished his tour, his Specials coming out Christmas Day. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and it's going to be so good.

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Speaker 2: Nice. Well, let me let me talk real quick about

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Speaker 2: what Bert's got going on, because man, there's so much

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Speaker 2: stuff happened in all these different Woody show cities. Well,

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Speaker 2: we'll start with just this week. So Sunday, Bert's going

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Speaker 2: to be in Saint Louis, so for friends listening on

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Speaker 2: one O five to seven point, he'll be at the

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Speaker 2: Enterprise Center. And then January twenty second, twenty third, Austin, Texas,

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Speaker 2: so everybody listening on one oh one X there in Austin.

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Speaker 2: He'll be at the Moody Theater. On February twenty sixth,

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Speaker 2: Fort Wayne, Indiana at the Allen County War Memorial Colisseum.

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Speaker 2: And then uh, let's see you got March twentieth, Pittsburgh

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Speaker 2: at PPG Paines Arena, So one of five nine the

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Speaker 2: X listeners get ready to go see Bert there April third,

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Speaker 2: sitting New Jersey, so our friends listening to one of

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Speaker 2: four five and then Indio, California, so all ninety eighty

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Speaker 2: seven or Palm Springs affiliate May twenty second, you can

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Speaker 2: go see Bird there. But even before, not before all that,

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Speaker 2: but in addition to all of that, he's hosting this

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Speaker 2: full throttle festival, which I've seen me talk about it

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Speaker 2: on your Instagram. It's like a pre party at the

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Speaker 2: Daytona five hundred. That's on Valentine's Day. It's Saturday, February fourteenth.

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Speaker 2: Tell us more about that, because this sounds pretty crazy badass.

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Speaker 3: So, I have a great relationship with NASCAR, and we've

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Speaker 3: worked with him with Something's Burning In on Two Bears,

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Speaker 3: and I enjoy NASCAR, and so I and I and

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Speaker 3: oddly enough, you know, they're kind of my people. If

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Speaker 3: I go to a NASCAR event, I'm like, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean you are Florida Me. Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: So I said, you know, let's do something in this

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Speaker 3: comedy medium. Rare, who puts on all the big events,

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Speaker 3: was like, let's do like a pre party. And I

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Speaker 3: was like, They're like comedy, I go, you gotta do

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Speaker 3: music too. You got to Here's the thing about NASCAR.

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Speaker 3: You go in and you bring your camper and you

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Speaker 3: unpack everything and you and that is your spot kind

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Speaker 3: of locked down and you have planned events for you

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Speaker 3: not to leave. So I go, if you go there,

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Speaker 3: you've got to make an event that's big enough for

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Speaker 3: someone to pack up the bikes, put everything down, put

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Speaker 3: the grill away, and come over. And so they're like,

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Speaker 3: what do you mean. I was like, there's only one

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Speaker 3: name that comes to mind. It's Leonard Skinnered. If I

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Speaker 3: can get Leonard Skinnered and get Diplo, diplow is gonna

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Speaker 3: do the after Leonard Slendard Skinnered and Diplo. And then

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Speaker 3: I just sent it BAXT to all my comedy friends

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Speaker 3: and I was like, I was like, if you want

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Speaker 3: to be on the show Favorite Nations, I'll I'll bring

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Speaker 3: you out. I'll pay you. But like, I'm not gonna

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Speaker 3: promote it with comics. I'm gonna put all the music

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Speaker 3: out and then we'll just go up and like in

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Speaker 3: between acts throughout the day and just everyone do sets.

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Speaker 3: We'll mess around. We'll make it fun and loose. We

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Speaker 3: got barbecue we bring in Ernest. There's an amazing talent,

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Speaker 3: uh barbecue beer. It's going to be a blast.

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Speaker 4: That's awesome and the medium rare people that those are

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Speaker 4: the best parties I've ever been to in my best.

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Speaker 3: They locked down the best print partners in the world.

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Speaker 4: No, you'll have the best time any of these parties

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Speaker 4: that they put on.

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Speaker 3: But I mean we went to Shacks Funhouse and it

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Speaker 3: was they do Shas House. They do the Fronks Beach Party.

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Speaker 3: They we know.

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Speaker 2: We know about all those ye dude, yeah over the top,

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Speaker 2: yeah yeah. So when you buy a ticket to this,

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Speaker 2: like you also see the race or is like I don't.

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Speaker 2: So this is like the day before, this is.

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Speaker 3: The day of Force. Everyone gets everyone goes to NASCAR

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Speaker 3: and gets there the day before, two days before. I mean,

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Speaker 3: NASCAR is a weekend event and.

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Speaker 2: It's so for tickets for the again, it's the pre

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Speaker 2: party for the Daytona five hundred Saturday February fourteenth. Just

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Speaker 2: go to Bert Bertburt dot com. And then the other

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Speaker 2: thing that looks super fun is the Fully Loaded at Sea.

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Speaker 2: It's a it's a cruise which is happening. It's next year.

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Speaker 2: It's twenty twenty sixth November, so nineteenth through the twenty

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Speaker 2: third out of Miami goes to like Cosamel and a

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Speaker 2: bunch of your other comic friends and stuff will be

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Speaker 2: I know. Whitney Commings is part of that, there's gonna

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Speaker 2: be some music on there.

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Speaker 3: And the crazy thing is, I look at these events

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Speaker 3: I've put together so like we're talking about being an

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Speaker 3: adult the other day or just earlier, and I've always

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Speaker 3: had I've always had a crisis with like the kind

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Speaker 3: of adult I am. Like all my friends invested in companies,

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Speaker 3: you know, like they're like, oh, we need.

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Speaker 2: And you invested, like in an ice machine or something.

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Speaker 3: Can I tell you a company I didn't invest in

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Speaker 3: that my that I really regret? Uh? Was it? Fifteen

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Speaker 3: years ago? A cody called Pallenteer?

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Speaker 2: Pallenteer?

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Speaker 3: What do they make or what do they do? They're

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Speaker 3: running the world?

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Speaker 2: Right? They changed their name or they changed fair in general,

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Speaker 2: pl A and T I are Peter's company. Oh yes,

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Speaker 2: and now he does this company. No no, no, that's

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Speaker 2: the new one, the new one. I could have invested

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Speaker 2: in that too. Damn.

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Speaker 3: I'm friends with this billionaire who just likes my comedy.

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Speaker 2: And the software powers real time AI driven decisions and

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Speaker 2: critical government and commercial process.

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Speaker 3: Okay, well, fifteen years ago, can I tell you even

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Speaker 3: a bigger miss? You ready for even a bigger miss?

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Speaker 3: One day? I'm on Rogan and Brian Redband goes, we

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Speaker 3: should buy this thing called bitcoin. Yeah, and I didn't

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Speaker 3: have any money, and Joe's like, what is it? We

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Speaker 3: were breaking it down. This is at the beginning of

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Speaker 3: bitcoin and do.

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Speaker 2: You understand it now? I still don't it.

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Speaker 3: But I also don't get Picasso right, like I don't

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Speaker 3: get I remember do you remember the craze when everyone

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Speaker 3: was doing what was the art? Thing?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 3: Tom came to me, this is this is the crisis

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Speaker 3: I'm having with my identity. Tom came to me and

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Speaker 3: he's like, Yo, n f T S We're gonna go

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Speaker 3: big on him. I'm gonna sell n FTS from the show.

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Speaker 3: So I want to sell the kool Aid n f

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Speaker 3: T And I was like, what is it. He goes,

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Speaker 3: someone will own the moment you said, I drink thirty

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Speaker 3: pounds of kool aid. I how can that happen? He goes,

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Speaker 3: We'll make like a picture and we'll send it to

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Speaker 3: them and then they own it.

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Speaker 2: But it's like, really, like do they're paying like ten

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Speaker 2: thousand dollars for it?

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Speaker 1: I was like, for the time, I said something, whatever

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Speaker 1: they want.

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Speaker 3: Tom made a killing on NFTs. I refused to do it.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, I don't understand it, and I

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Speaker 3: feel like people are gonna get upset one day when

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Speaker 3: they go you keep saying kool aid. I own that

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Speaker 3: you can't say kool aid or what.

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Speaker 2: I don't know exactly, I'm the same I got what

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Speaker 2: are you actually Even when you get explained it, it

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Speaker 2: doesn't make sense, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, But I mean the NFT art thing was obviously

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Speaker 4: it was really stupid, but the NFT like access thing

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Speaker 4: was actually really cool. And that's the thing that kind

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Speaker 4: of like has stood out so like somebody could maybe

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Speaker 4: buy NFT to do be to go to every mean

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Speaker 4: greed that Bert ever does for the rest of his life.

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Speaker 2: So it's like a golden ticket.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, basically it's transformed into that cancer. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I have so many people with cancer on my phone

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Speaker 3: right now. Yeah, I have so many people with cancer

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Speaker 3: on my phone.

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Speaker 1: I make a wish gun.

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Speaker 3: No, Okay, So I had this one time. This is

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Speaker 3: what happened. I had a joke. I'm not I'm not

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Speaker 3: telling it on staging works. It really messed me up.

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Speaker 3: I was doing I was doing crowd work when I

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Speaker 3: was a younger comic. Ikind of do crowd work clips

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Speaker 3: because crowd work. When I was doing it was only

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Speaker 3: when you were in trouble on stage. And now I'm

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Speaker 3: working on it because I'd like to get better at it,

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Speaker 3: but I'm also working on it now. We're special anyway.

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Speaker 3: So I was in Cincinnati and there was a group

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Speaker 3: of black women. They're all wearing the same shirt, and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, Hey, what's up, sisters? There is there a

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Speaker 3: family reunion this week? And they're like, huh, I when's

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Speaker 3: the cookout? And they're like, what are you talking about.

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Speaker 3: I go where's Big Mama? And they're like, we're not related.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, oh, I'm sorry. You guys are

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Speaker 3: all wearing the same colored shirt and they're like, it's pink.

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Speaker 3: I was like and and they're like, we have breast cancer.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, oh my god. I was like,

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Speaker 3: what an unlucky family. And they're like, we're not related,

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Speaker 3: we're just all black. And so the show goes horribly.

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Speaker 3: I cannot get out of the hole. I'm like, you

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Speaker 3: guys are doing good right now, and the one girl's like, no,

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Speaker 3: mine came back and it doesn't look good. I'm stage

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Speaker 3: four and I'm like how many stages are there? And

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Speaker 3: she's like four, and I was like, oh, that doesn't

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Speaker 3: sound good. So I go, can you do this side

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Speaker 3: of tequila? And she was like, oh yeah, I'm dying

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Speaker 3: do whatever I want. I can ride a motorcycle tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: So I was like all right. At the end of

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Speaker 3: the show, the woman comes up to me. She goes, hey,

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Speaker 3: that sucked. I want my money back. I was broke,

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Speaker 3: and I was like, listen, I can't give you your

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Speaker 3: money back. I don't make that much money. I say,

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Speaker 3: here's what I'll do. I owe you, So I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: give you my number. And then anytime you're feeling down,

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Speaker 3: you get feeling lonely, you're feel inside, you feel scared,

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Speaker 3: you call me. I'm gonna write jokes just for you,

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Speaker 3: just for you. I'm gonna write a ton of jokes

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Speaker 3: just for you that I think you'll like. And I

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Speaker 3: will start telling you jokes you just don't.

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Speaker 2: Want, jumps that kill Yeah, get out now, that's a

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Speaker 2: good one.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. So two weeks later, in my backyard, I'm

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Speaker 3: having red wine and my phone rings and I look

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Speaker 3: at it and it says black cancer. I didn't. I didn't.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to be prepared, Burt.

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Speaker 2: That's what you put her on the phone. Yeah, I don't.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, what am I gonna put Latifa?

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Speaker 2: And then that's how the places where they put on

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Speaker 2: the receipt, Yeah exactly, they get fired.

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Speaker 3: That would be a funny. Starbucks just described you double

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Speaker 3: chin smells like whiskey. Black cancer. Also black cancer calls.

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Speaker 3: So black cancer calls, and I go, I knew it was.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't gonna go well when I go, hey, you're

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Speaker 3: still alive. She went start with the jokes. So the

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Speaker 3: first joke I told her, I was like, what did

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Speaker 3: mister tisay after he pushed fifty cent in the pool?

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Speaker 3: It's quiet for sa? She goes, what now? I go,

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Speaker 3: I'm fitty the pool and she hung up. She hung up.

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Speaker 3: This is like fifteen years ago, so I was thinking

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Speaker 3: of putting that in the New Hour.

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Speaker 2: So I messing.

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Speaker 3: When I went on stage, I went to the front row.

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Speaker 3: Abby shout out to Abby, I hope you're listening. She goes,

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Speaker 3: I have cancer. I said what. She goes, I have cancer?

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Speaker 3: And I said, well, Abby, give me your phone number,

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Speaker 3: and I go, have you ever sad or if you

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Speaker 3: ever feel like I go, you can call me. It

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Speaker 3: works great. Abby's beating her cancer. She went in for

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Speaker 3: it's great by start doing that at my shows and

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Speaker 3: not everyone beats cancer. Yeah, and you're and you're dealing

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Speaker 3: with I have this. I mean not to get like

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Speaker 3: too deep, but I have like a fourteen year old

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Speaker 3: that I'm texting with and I am not equipped to

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Speaker 3: deal with what he's going through. I don't. And it's

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Speaker 3: like two morons.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I mean, I was like, have you

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Speaker 2: been laid yet? Like?

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Speaker 3: Can we get you laid? And might make this happen.

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Speaker 2: I know you're trying to be nice, but you may

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Speaker 2: end up in jail. I know. I don't, I.

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Speaker 3: Know, And I'm like, I don't know what to say

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Speaker 3: to him. He's sixteen, he's sixteens. He gets he just

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Speaker 3: his dis's bad and he can't drive enough. I hope

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Speaker 3: he's not listening if he is, are you guys in

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Speaker 3: the Oregon.

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Speaker 2: H Yeah yeah yeah, but uh, he's not out to Colton.

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Speaker 3: He's a great kid. He's a great kid. But I

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Speaker 3: realize I'm ill equipped to deal with what these what

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Speaker 3: people are going through. I'm trying the kids, man.

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Speaker 2: I'll tell you what.

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Speaker 3: The Gangster movie I'm really into hats right, I'm really

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Speaker 3: into hats. But I'm also very I'm very cheap. So

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Speaker 3: I have this company, Clinkroom, who sends me custom hats.

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Speaker 3: They it's made by designers, no one else. They're one offs.

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Speaker 3: No one ever else gets them. I mean, you can

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Speaker 3: buy them on this clink Room site. But they're dope

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Speaker 3: and they're fitted, and they send me like twelve hats

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Speaker 3: at the beginning of every month, and they're really sick.

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Speaker 3: So I say to my office, I go, yo, Colton

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Speaker 3: is losing his hair. He loved his hair. Colton, if

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Speaker 3: you're listening, I hope you know. I'm just giving you love. Buddy.

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Speaker 3: He's losing his hair. He loved his hair. He's getting

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Speaker 3: a little insecure. I want you to send him a

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Speaker 3: ton of hats because we have snapback hats that I'll

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Speaker 3: never wear, and we have a lot of cool ones.

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Speaker 3: So Colton texts me a picture and it's him with

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Speaker 3: like fifteen clink Room hats. And my first instinct where

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Speaker 3: I go, were those my hats? They send him my hat?

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Speaker 3: I those are good hats. I got really upset. I go,

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Speaker 3: I go, hey, guys, don't send him my hats. Those

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Speaker 3: are my hats. And then They're like, no. We reached

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Speaker 3: out to clink Room. They sent him his fitted sized

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Speaker 3: hats and I went, oh, okay, I have other hats.

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Speaker 2: Well, burt Cer the machine is here. He's hanging out

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Speaker 2: with us for the hour. We're gonna take a quick

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Speaker 2: break and then we'll come back. You're on the Woody

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Speaker 2: Show More with Bert next, my cancer ad my ankle.

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Speaker 5: Do you feel each individual pump pump?

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Speaker 2: We've spent so much money over the past at a

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Speaker 2: handful of months on these prizes and.

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Speaker 3: Stuff, you'd be shocked. You'd be shocked that my wife

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Speaker 3: is so I don't know if the word is cheap

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Speaker 3: or good with money. That our mortgage I think is

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Speaker 3: like three grand.

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Speaker 2: Wow, that's insane.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and it's a we live on an acre.

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Speaker 3: And when La.

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Speaker 2: Putney eight percent down, okay, right, I.

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Speaker 3: Think she paid for the I think she paid for

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Speaker 3: the lot in cash, yeah, and then paid for the

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Speaker 3: rent of I think we were just paying off the renovation.

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Speaker 2: Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, she's just so good with it.

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Speaker 2: It's like MENACE's wife. MENACE's wife is really good. Like

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Speaker 2: she'll get free rental cars when yeah, you know, I

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Speaker 2: will go to the same place at the same time. Right,

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Speaker 2: their rental car was free. Mine was like five hundred

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Speaker 2: bucks for thirty one hours. Yeah, you know, how did

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Speaker 2: that happen? Greg's wind was blown the other day. I'm like,

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Speaker 2: I don't even know who the mortgage company is. Now,

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Speaker 2: how do you not know?

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna blow you away? Right now, I'm gonna blow

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Speaker 3: you away. I found out recently. We have our old

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Speaker 3: house we rent to my sister's this old assistant, her family.

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Speaker 3: There's a young family, and it's the mortgage is literally nothing,

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Speaker 3: and we don't ask for more than the mortgage because

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Speaker 3: a little bit more just in case there her damages,

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Speaker 3: but so that it's a great deal. It's in Valley Village. Wow.

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Speaker 3: And my sister Kytie goes, yeah, they're there. They don't

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Speaker 3: use air conditioning or lights ever. So their electric bill

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Speaker 3: was nothing, and I went, wait, electric bills are on

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Speaker 3: how much you use electricity? You didn't know that? And

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Speaker 3: I go, no, I had no clue. I'm gonna blow

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Speaker 3: your mind. I'm gonna I'm gonna make somebody was a standard. Okay,

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Speaker 3: hear hear me out, hear me out. I move into

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Speaker 3: a dorm at eighteen, I then move into a fraternity house.

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Speaker 3: Everything's all in one six hundred dollars a month. That's it,

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Speaker 3: all right, And then I move into apartment with a

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Speaker 3: bunch of guys six hundred dollars a month. That's it.

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Speaker 3: I go then move to New York eight hundred dollars

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Speaker 3: a month. That's it. It's all inclusive, Okay. I then

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Speaker 3: move in. I moved out to La I sublet a

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Speaker 3: room twelve hundred dollars a month.

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Speaker 2: That's it.

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Speaker 3: Thirteen hundred dollars a month in the next place. That's it.

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Speaker 3: It's one cover. I then get Lamb pregnant.

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Speaker 2: We move in together.

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Speaker 3: She runs the apartment building. I've never paid a bill

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Speaker 3: in my life. I had no clue the whole I

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Speaker 3: thought it was a live tale when they go when

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Speaker 3: they go uh hey h turn the light off when

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Speaker 3: you leave a room. I was like, oh, what a

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Speaker 3: friend of goats. I'm gonna blow your mind this one. Okay,

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Speaker 3: all right, everyone started zero and I'm gonna I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: hear something. So someone told me that there's four time

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Speaker 3: zones in America, in continental or continental US. Okay, you

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Speaker 3: didn't know that. Now I know that you travel if

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Speaker 3: you do if you if you tell me the math,

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Speaker 3: I go, oh yeah, yeah, that doesn't make sense. You

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Speaker 3: got you got Eastern, uh, Central, right, Mountain, Mountain, Pacific. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: but the time difference from l A to New York

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Speaker 3: is only three hours? Correct? So where's the fourth hour?

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Speaker 2: M hm uh oh? Like how is there? How can

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Speaker 2: there be four times?

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Speaker 1: There's three hour difference total?

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Speaker 2: All right, that's a really good question.

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Speaker 5: Hold on, but aren't three in the contiguous and then

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Speaker 5: you have like Alaska and Hawaii? No, no, no, no,

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Speaker 5: you're talking about just yeah. So, by the way, by

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Speaker 5: the way, I just want to thank everyone in this

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Speaker 5: room for being as stupid as I was.

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Speaker 2: Eastern is three three hours, Central is two hours behind

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Speaker 2: one mountains.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and then there's there's ours, I mean yeah, then

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Speaker 1: there's specific.

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Speaker 3: Where's the fourth hour?

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Speaker 2: What do you mean the fourth Oh yeah?

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Speaker 3: Hours time difference? What time is it right now? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: All right, so yeah, I got it, seven thirty.

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Speaker 3: Seven thirty.

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Speaker 2: What time is it?

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Speaker 3: It's tenth, ten thirty.

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Speaker 2: So where's the fourth It's nine thirty in Central, eight thirty.

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Speaker 3: It's just.

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Speaker 2: The fourth is wherever you're zero zero stuff like that.

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Speaker 3: I got I figured that out. Okay, it's like I

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Speaker 3: got time travel wherever the fourth I was with the

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Speaker 3: Scholar brothers and they're like, hold on, you're confusing us.

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Speaker 3: Now it worked.

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Speaker 2: You're in an time zone.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, you're in two. That's right, Three, then four, then

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Speaker 5: by yeah, you see. I wish we could go back

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Speaker 5: in time to where I was nodding because.

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Speaker 2: It's the idiot film Dumb while the Machine. Bert Kreischer

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Speaker 2: is here. We talked about the Tona five hundred party

390
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:23,639
Speaker 2: that's happening, the Full Throttle Festival that's not until February.

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00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 2: Then he's got the fully Loaded at Sea twenty twenty

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Speaker 2: six cruise. Information about both those events you can get

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Speaker 2: by going to Bert bert bert dot com. Also, Bert's

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Speaker 2: got a new Netflix series it's going to be released

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Speaker 2: on January twenty seconds called Free Bert Nice. And I've

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Speaker 2: seen you posting different things when you were filming and

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Speaker 2: doing that stuff. But it's six episodes, right, It's basically

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Speaker 2: it's a it's a scripted version of like your life,

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Speaker 2: fictionalizedized fictionalized life. I don't think I've ever lived life.

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Speaker 3: In my life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was gonna say, it's kind of like everybody

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Speaker 2: loves Raymow, but not really that. It's more like a

403
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,119
Speaker 2: cur you're enthusias because it's not Larry David, but it's

404
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:05,560
Speaker 2: a fictionalized, you know, version of It's.

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Speaker 3: It's it's a it's a it's I mean, it's tough

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Speaker 3: to explain, but it's because it's a really wild series.

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Speaker 2: Is it much like time Zone, It's hard to explain. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's uh, it takes a wild turn. It's a it's

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Speaker 2: it is.

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Speaker 3: It's about the time of my life when I was

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Speaker 3: at an identity crist I'm always in an identity crisis,

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Speaker 3: but it was like the girls were going to school.

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Speaker 3: I kind of felt like a loser because all the

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Speaker 3: dads had jobs and I was like this guy and

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Speaker 3: flip flops and yeah, workout shorts and a sleeveless sweatshirt

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Speaker 3: and I always smelled like booze and I just was

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Speaker 3: an outsider and I and then there was a period

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Speaker 3: where I tried to like I tried to reinvent myself

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Speaker 3: and fit in and it it did not work in

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Speaker 3: real life. It put back where horrifically. I just started

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Speaker 3: dress trying to dress the part and and like I

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00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 3: you know, like grow up yeah, and it just did

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Speaker 3: not work. And and so it's based on that period

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Speaker 3: and and much like my regular life. I mean, i'll

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00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:02,200
Speaker 3: give you a little but the story arc is I

426
00:20:02,560 --> 00:20:05,720
Speaker 3: overshare about my daughters on a podcast or on a

427
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 3: TV show, Like when I told about Isla's period on Conan.

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Speaker 3: We wanted to use that exact one, but it was

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Speaker 3: it was too close to home, and I just said no.

430
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:16,960
Speaker 3: And so it's I overshare about my daughters and I

431
00:20:17,040 --> 00:20:19,159
Speaker 3: mess everything up for my daughters in school, and I

432
00:20:19,240 --> 00:20:21,119
Speaker 3: try to fix it and I make it worse and

433
00:20:21,240 --> 00:20:25,040
Speaker 3: it turns into a wild spiral. And so it's it's

434
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 3: very enjoyable. I really hope people like it.

435
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,200
Speaker 1: It's a cautionary tail, it is.

436
00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:33,680
Speaker 3: And it's a hard R comedy. Great so I mean

437
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 3: aggressive family, like a nice hard one like like like

438
00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:42,639
Speaker 3: and the little girl, the little girls in it, Eva

439
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:45,440
Speaker 3: and Leelu are monsters. But I will say that little

440
00:20:45,480 --> 00:20:50,200
Speaker 3: girl Leelu like she steals it. It is she plays Isla.

441
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:54,080
Speaker 3: And imagine if you lived with a child for eighteen

442
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,040
Speaker 3: nineteen years and then you wheeled it down to six episodes,

443
00:20:57,080 --> 00:20:59,960
Speaker 3: You're like, this kid is insane.

444
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 2: Well, it's called free Bert. It's gonna be on Netflix

445
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,120
Speaker 2: on January twenty second. Is it one of those where

446
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,520
Speaker 2: all six episodes will be released at the same time

447
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 2: or is it like.

448
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:13,440
Speaker 3: A one a week and so that you watch the

449
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 3: very end of one and you're dying to see what

450
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 3: happens in two, and you watch the very end of

451
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 3: two and you're like, oh my god, what happened to

452
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 3: a woody show? The machine?

453
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:30,440
Speaker 2: Bert Kreischer with us. You can check him out on

454
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:33,840
Speaker 2: all social media platforms at Burt Kreischer. His website is

455
00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,000
Speaker 2: Bert Bertburt dot com, which is where you can find

456
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,679
Speaker 2: all the information about that pre party, the Full Throttle

457
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 2: Festival happening before the Daytona five hundred in February, the

458
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:47,240
Speaker 2: Burt Kreischer Fully Loaded at Sea Cruise that's happening November

459
00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:49,399
Speaker 2: of next year. They get Burt burtbert dot com and

460
00:21:49,480 --> 00:21:53,119
Speaker 2: of course this weekend he'll be in Saint Louis. Then

461
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:56,639
Speaker 2: he's going to Austin, Texas in January February, Fort Wayne, Indiana,

462
00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:01,400
Speaker 2: March twentieth, Pittsburgh April third, Atlantic City, New Jersey, May

463
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:05,320
Speaker 2: twenty second, Indio, California. All we do show cities, so uh,

464
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:08,840
Speaker 2: go see Burt Kreischer details and more again Bert bert

465
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:13,399
Speaker 2: Bert dot com. We'd have while you're here. We figured

466
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 2: you'd be a good person to have in studio because

467
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 2: Gina has had a question for the Fellas.

468
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 1: I've been thinking about this. I don't know what you

469
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:19,199
Speaker 1: really are.

470
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:20,639
Speaker 2: A man's man, a man.

471
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:23,160
Speaker 1: To have an answer.

472
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:27,680
Speaker 2: I cry. You cry more than the average guy does cry.

473
00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:32,359
Speaker 2: You cry more than anybody I know. What is that?

474
00:22:32,640 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 2: Is it always been that way? No, It's just I

475
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:36,600
Speaker 2: was just gonna say, because dude, I don't know what's

476
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 2: going on?

477
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:37,320
Speaker 5: Man?

478
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:41,120
Speaker 2: How old are you again? You're okay? So I'm forty nine?

479
00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:41,800
Speaker 2: Is it low? T? No?

480
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 3: Because he does right mystery? Twenty five pounds? Bro?

481
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:49,240
Speaker 2: Yeah? Movie has it? Has it chilled? Since you started with? No? No? No?

482
00:22:49,920 --> 00:22:52,720
Speaker 3: If there are certain stories that if I start telling,

483
00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 3: you start crying, And there are stories that don't matter

484
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,560
Speaker 3: that if I tell, like if we watched our we

485
00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:01,120
Speaker 3: watched the pilot or the trailer to my new show,

486
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 3: and uh Leanne can tell when I start crying, then

487
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:05,720
Speaker 3: no one sees it.

488
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:10,840
Speaker 2: And she I cry watching it, put her hand on

489
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 2: my leg and I was like, sorry, I cry so much.

490
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 2: My wife will ridicule me. You're getting soft. It's fun

491
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 2: to cry, it's nice, but it's weird when you cry.

492
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:21,920
Speaker 2: It like weird things.

493
00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:27,400
Speaker 3: It's like the end of Endgame, right with when when

494
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,920
Speaker 3: Spider Man starts to disintegrate and he looks and he

495
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 3: looks and Iron Man and he goes, iron Man tell

496
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,680
Speaker 3: me I don't want to die. And I started, and

497
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 3: my daughter goes, I know you're a big Spider Man fan.

498
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 3: I was like, no, it's it's like I feel. I'm

499
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,640
Speaker 3: going to tell you a video of me crying. I'll

500
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 3: get it, I'll get it loaded, and i'll give it

501
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:50,040
Speaker 3: to you.

502
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 2: I did not want to.

503
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 3: I was driving down the street. It was last Saturday,

504
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 3: and Uh, a widespread panic sake song came on and

505
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 3: I just heard the lyrics clearly for the first time,

506
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:05,680
Speaker 3: and I started crying. On the corner of UH, in

507
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:08,879
Speaker 3: the corner of Woodman and Chandler. I just sobbing, crying,

508
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,800
Speaker 3: and then I was like, what, what's the what's the song? Uh?

509
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:15,720
Speaker 3: Uh picking up the pieces?

510
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,800
Speaker 2: No, No, it's uh ain't like grand.

511
00:24:18,960 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 3: Uh No, it's plane.

512
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 2: No.

513
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,960
Speaker 3: Wait wait, I didn't know you were watched for a panafan. No.

514
00:24:25,320 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 2: I just know a few songs. Oh, well, look it up.

515
00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 1: Very important.

516
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a man's man kind of question. Yeah, and uh,

517
00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:37,480
Speaker 2: we'll see, we'll see what all the fellows in the

518
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:39,760
Speaker 2: room thing and everybody listen, of course, fellows chime in

519
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:41,560
Speaker 2: on the text over to two two nine eight seven,

520
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:42,200
Speaker 2: because I think.

521
00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 1: We all think we know the answer, but I want

522
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,639
Speaker 1: to hear it from you guys. We who ladies, Yeah, ladies. Okay,

523
00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:53,920
Speaker 1: what has been consistently the best throughout your life? Hand parties,

524
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,320
Speaker 1: mouth parties, or sex?

525
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:02,680
Speaker 2: Like asistently consistently What's I think women.

526
00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:04,479
Speaker 1: Would just be like out sex, But I've heard from

527
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 1: guys that that is not the case, and I'm curious.

528
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,760
Speaker 2: All right, So either handy, mouth party, or or what's

529
00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 2: been consistently the best?

530
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:14,119
Speaker 3: Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. I'm gonna take this one.

531
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,159
Speaker 3: And as a man that's going through a lot of

532
00:25:16,240 --> 00:25:21,920
Speaker 3: issues with this, I will say, mouth parties wildly dropped off. Yeah,

533
00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:26,200
Speaker 3: I mean quantity, No, no, no, I'm.

534
00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:27,920
Speaker 2: I was.

535
00:25:28,080 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 3: I was. I thought you were asking which maintained its

536
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:33,840
Speaker 3: enjoyment the most. Man Like the first time you got

537
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 3: a hand party, you're like, oh, You're like this is

538
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:42,160
Speaker 3: pretty good. It was nothing compared to a mouth party.

539
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:43,840
Speaker 2: Well, big wheels are cool until you get a bike.

540
00:25:44,119 --> 00:25:46,000
Speaker 2: Bike is cool ontil you get a car. The car

541
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 2: is good until you have like a private jet or something, right,

542
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,840
Speaker 2: I mean like it's just a based on your experience.

543
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:54,200
Speaker 3: But it's it's it's more. You can't go big wheels,

544
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 3: all right, You gotta think, you gotta think all equal

545
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:59,920
Speaker 3: forms of transportation tricycle. Okay. So like, uh, let's just

546
00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,520
Speaker 3: say a hand party is a car, okay, what it is?

547
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 3: All right? A mouth party is a motorcycle, okay.

548
00:26:08,240 --> 00:26:08,680
Speaker 2: Dangerous.

549
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,399
Speaker 3: And then the first time you have sex, it's like

550
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 3: it's like a hoverboard. I mean, unprotected sex is better

551
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 3: than cocaine the first time. The first time you have

552
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:22,359
Speaker 3: it is like.

553
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 2: There is a lord and I want to live in here. Dangerous.

554
00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,080
Speaker 2: I think I think we all, I think we all

555
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:33,200
Speaker 2: agree that. Okay, So can we all eliminate as fellas?

556
00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 2: Can we all eliminate hand party?

557
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,919
Speaker 1: Keep the handy on the table right now.

558
00:26:39,359 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 3: I'll tell you right now if if mouth parties are motorcycles,

559
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 3: I've seen the fatality numbers and I'm not getting on them,

560
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,560
Speaker 3: and I'll tell you, I'll tell you.

561
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 2: So what's the problem with hold on? What's so? What's

562
00:26:50,040 --> 00:26:51,239
Speaker 2: the problem with the mouth party? Now?

563
00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 3: It's just not as they're still nice. But I can't

564
00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 3: if the first one I ever got, first mouth party

565
00:26:59,320 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 3: I ever got, was in Room one eleven in Sally Hall,

566
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 3: in a bunk bed, in a bunk bed, and her

567
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,199
Speaker 3: head was hitting the ceiling, and I remember going, I'm

568
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:15,840
Speaker 3: gonna get abbestos from But I remember that feeling was

569
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 3: overwhelming and I was in and out in a matter

570
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:20,840
Speaker 3: of seconds. I mean, I think, I mean, really, it

571
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:22,560
Speaker 3: was like watching a kid play with a loaded gun.

572
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 3: You just didn't know what happened. And then next you know,

573
00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:30,159
Speaker 3: she was like back into the left, like JFK. But

574
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:33,560
Speaker 3: now I look at those and if you said to me, hey, listen,

575
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:36,120
Speaker 3: I need you to you're gonna get a mouth party

576
00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 3: from your wife, and you need to complete said mouth

577
00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:41,840
Speaker 3: party before the end of this Game of Thrones episode,

578
00:27:41,840 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 3: I'd be.

579
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:42,680
Speaker 2: Like, good luck.

580
00:27:43,160 --> 00:27:46,199
Speaker 3: Really, yeah, I just they don't is that I.

581
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 2: Don't know that sounds like a criticism of style points.

582
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,320
Speaker 3: First time I got a mouth party from my wife,

583
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:56,359
Speaker 3: I was like, this chick might be a slut. She

584
00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:57,360
Speaker 3: is so good.

585
00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 2: I mean, how many of these has she ten thousand hours?

586
00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 2: It's like watching they are Can you break into the

587
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,480
Speaker 2: main frame and the guy goes, give me your computer.

588
00:28:08,800 --> 00:28:09,680
Speaker 2: You're like, WHOA.

589
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 3: But but I will say, if we're talking consistency, a

590
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 3: hand party has always delivered the same exact way.

591
00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:19,959
Speaker 2: It is not changed.

592
00:28:20,240 --> 00:28:22,960
Speaker 3: It's not better or worse. It is like pasta. It's

593
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:28,080
Speaker 3: always good. Say cheeseburger. Hand party is a cheeseburger. It's

594
00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:31,440
Speaker 3: hard to play with a cheeseburger. A mouth party is sushi. Yeah,

595
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,679
Speaker 3: you're rolling the dice on it sometimes.

596
00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 2: Wow.

597
00:28:33,960 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 3: I don't know.

598
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 2: I feel like consistency would be the mouth party, right,

599
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,080
Speaker 2: I have a vastly different answer. I think I think

600
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:42,840
Speaker 2: the one that's like hit or miss could be the

601
00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 2: hand party. Yeah, maybe you haven't had the right hand party.

602
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,120
Speaker 2: That it's it's it's so it's it's almost interesting. It's

603
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 2: like it's fun, unaggressive party, like a surprise hand party.

604
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:57,160
Speaker 2: But when I was.

605
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 5: When I was with Surprise, when I was Chicks, I

606
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 5: would just say sex but consistently good throughout life.

607
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:08,520
Speaker 2: Mouth party. Wow, Yeah, sure that would.

608
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 3: Be the top mouth party.

609
00:29:09,720 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 1: I just heard horror stories about hand parties, like because.

610
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 2: Dry take aggress like you get what you can get. Listen,

611
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 2: but they usually start unexpected like hand parties kind of

612
00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 2: like dry humping and like like it's like that that

613
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 2: seems to be the training wheels of your of your

614
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:32,600
Speaker 2: sex life. I just said to my wife the other day, like,

615
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 2: there's so like when I hand party myself. There's certain

616
00:29:36,600 --> 00:29:38,880
Speaker 2: things I can't watch porn anymore. I don't know why.

617
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 3: It just doesn't. It's I don't know, everyone's too young,

618
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:43,800
Speaker 3: and it's just not not what I I'm used to doing, you.

619
00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 2: Know, crying too much, crying black dudes.

620
00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:52,640
Speaker 3: So and so I said to her, I said, there's

621
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 3: three things I think of in our in our sex

622
00:29:55,720 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 3: that I go back to moments where you got a

623
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 3: little unbridled where it caught me off guard and I

624
00:30:00,200 --> 00:30:02,080
Speaker 3: loved it. And she goes really and one of them

625
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 3: is a hand party. One of them was just a

626
00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 3: I mean, I'll give you the details so that you

627
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,360
Speaker 3: understand what I'm talking about. We do we do her

628
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 3: mouth party first right a little bit, and so normally

629
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 3: we go straight to sex and that's what happens. But

630
00:30:15,560 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 3: there's something on this woman. There's like the there's a

631
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:23,600
Speaker 3: full moon, and she changed, she got she caught side

632
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,480
Speaker 3: guard on me. Okay, side guard meaning I'm in like

633
00:30:27,520 --> 00:30:29,880
Speaker 3: a uma plata like it's a it's a it's She

634
00:30:30,000 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 3: went jiu jitsu on me, you making it like and

635
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 3: just like from one from her and then right not

636
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,480
Speaker 3: to sex and got on me and just started going

637
00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:41,600
Speaker 3: to town. And within minutes I went hand party and

638
00:30:41,720 --> 00:30:46,240
Speaker 3: caught me off guard. I catched so quick, really, and

639
00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 3: I and I go. I didn't expect that. I didn't

640
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,840
Speaker 3: want that, but it's what I needed. Yeah.

641
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 2: See, totally agree with Bert. Hand party is all reliable, reliable.

642
00:30:58,320 --> 00:31:00,239
Speaker 3: Hey, listen, when you're in the car and you get

643
00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,520
Speaker 3: you get a hand party out of nowhere, You're like,

644
00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 3: what the come on?

645
00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 2: It always shows up, it always delivers.

646
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,120
Speaker 3: It's like your high school coach.

647
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:08,200
Speaker 2: He's never gonna let you down.

648
00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 1: So you're saying that a hand party always can add

649
00:31:11,040 --> 00:31:15,320
Speaker 1: the element of surprise. Looks sex is sex is a.

650
00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 3: It's a family dinner for Thanksgiving, a lot to set

651
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 3: up a lot of mood.

652
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:21,880
Speaker 2: Both of you have to into it. Both of you

653
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 2: have to be into it right.

654
00:31:23,160 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 3: If her AD's not into it, then all of a

655
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,560
Speaker 3: sudden you're having sex and she's got a weird look

656
00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:28,800
Speaker 3: on her face, like and then you feel creepy, and

657
00:31:28,800 --> 00:31:30,920
Speaker 3: then you feel creepy, and then she breaks a sweat

658
00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:36,040
Speaker 3: and you're like, uh, oh, dude, a surprise hand surprise party.

659
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 3: You're driving back from the beach, and then all of

660
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:43,720
Speaker 3: a sudden she just leans over. You're like, oh, okay,

661
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 3: in context, yeah, context if you're watching TV and all

662
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,320
Speaker 3: of a sudden somebody's playing down there, and then you

663
00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:53,520
Speaker 3: realize we're taking this all the way, it makes it better.

664
00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:58,080
Speaker 3: And then a surprise mouth party sometimes is a little

665
00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 3: much like the cars next to us.

666
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 2: Conscious You're like, oh god, did I excuse it? You know, yeah,

667
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 2: I worked out this morning. Text says, uh, they're votes

668
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:10,680
Speaker 2: for sex. Women aren't great at hand parties, and mouth

669
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 2: parties have dropped off.

670
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:12,640
Speaker 3: For me over the years.

671
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:15,200
Speaker 2: Okay, I see that's I don't know. That's always the

672
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 2: welcome guest is the mouth party. The hand party is

673
00:32:17,560 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 2: kind of inconsistent. Sex seems to be more like kind

674
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,480
Speaker 2: of old reliable because as a dude from me, I

675
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:24,520
Speaker 2: could see where it's very intermiss because you know that

676
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,320
Speaker 2: you guys are more complicated, but mouth. Parties are like camping.

677
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 2: They're fun when you're young, but when you're older, you're like.

678
00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:36,880
Speaker 1: This is very interesting. Wow, wow, all right, well no,

679
00:32:37,080 --> 00:32:40,000
Speaker 1: this is helpful, this is really so.

680
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 2: You're also talking to a married man. Yeah, I only

681
00:32:42,960 --> 00:32:44,800
Speaker 2: shop at one store. I get it now.

682
00:32:45,560 --> 00:32:50,320
Speaker 3: If we're in a car, it's some sweetish chick. My

683
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:57,040
Speaker 3: wife's dad, My wife dad rest in peace. I don't

684
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:58,880
Speaker 3: know if I want the eye contact from a stranger.

685
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's a good place to end, don't you.

686
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:05,040
Speaker 1: Thank you absolutely.

687
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:09,120
Speaker 2: Bert Kreischer. Ladies and gentlemen at Bert Kreischer on all

688
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:11,400
Speaker 2: the social media platforms you can find them Bert bert

689
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 2: bert dot com. Check out the details on the pre

690
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 2: party for the Daytona five hundred, the Full Throttle Festival

691
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:21,720
Speaker 2: happening in February, the Fully Loaded at Sea cruise next November.

692
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 2: Of course all the shows. The guy just can't be home.

693
00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,400
Speaker 2: He's like minutes, just can't bet. I'm gonna see if

694
00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 2: I can sneak home and get a hand party in

695
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,840
Speaker 2: the now. She just got out of bed. Always got

696
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 2: to be on the run. And then the Netflix series

697
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,720
Speaker 2: Free Bert will be released on January twenty second, six episodes.

698
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:45,400
Speaker 2: Check it out The Machine, Bert Kreischer every day. We

699
00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 2: love you so much.

700
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,720
Speaker 3: I'm gonna send you a gift box for free Bert

701
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,360
Speaker 3: when it comes out, but I need you to open

702
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:50,760
Speaker 3: it on air.

703
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:53,800
Speaker 2: Oh sweet, Yeah, you know what. We never get those.

704
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,760
Speaker 2: I know obvious. See all the other shows to get

705
00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:57,880
Speaker 2: those like these cool gifts and they post them on

706
00:33:57,880 --> 00:33:58,640
Speaker 2: their social media.

707
00:33:58,880 --> 00:33:59,560
Speaker 3: We don't get anything.

708
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:00,600
Speaker 2: We'll get one for Burt.

709
00:34:01,000 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 3: You're giving one and boy, you're gonna love it and

710
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:06,200
Speaker 3: it's gonna live in this studio for the rest of We.

711
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,919
Speaker 2: Love you man than you guys, I love you coming

712
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,719
Speaker 2: in and say hi to Tom for us and like

713
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 2: legitimately and uh uh, you know I'm not I'm not

714
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 2: saying that because he hates radio. He said, we counted,

715
00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: so yeah, that's a legitimate Hello. All right, we got

716
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 2: to t get a quick break. More Wood he show

717
00:34:22,880 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 2: his next Hanging the Woody Show.

718
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:25,719
Speaker 3: We'll be right back.

719
00:34:26,160 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 2: Where's you your mother