1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:01,599 Speaker 1: Ryan Sholl. 2 00:00:03,520 --> 00:00:05,760 Speaker 2: Every Tuesday around this time, we find somebody who's got 3 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 2: something going on. We're like, hey, do you want to 4 00:00:07,080 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 2: be on the radio to talk about this? They're like, yeah, 5 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:12,479 Speaker 2: so let's talk about this. Paul has got something going 6 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 2: on that is kind of a good news kind of 7 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 2: a bad news thing. The good news is Paul has 8 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,600 Speaker 2: found the love of his life and Paul is ready 9 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 2: to pop the question. 10 00:00:22,079 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 3: The bad news is there's some bad news. 11 00:00:26,880 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 4: Okay, Hi, Paul, Hey, how you doing. 12 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,080 Speaker 3: Guys, Good run the radio live right now. Talk to me. 13 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 3: What's going on? Okay? 14 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:41,080 Speaker 4: So I am planning on proposing to my girlfriend, congrats. 15 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 4: And I called up for dad to ask his permission 16 00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 4: to propose, you know, and and her dad was cool, 17 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 4: and he was like. 18 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:51,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely, if you did it on the phone, Okay, 19 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 3: you and I. 20 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:53,720 Speaker 2: Okay, if you did it on the phone, you and 21 00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 2: I are going to have a talk. That would be 22 00:00:55,000 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 2: a sidebar. Okay, let's move past that. Okay, you called dad, 23 00:01:00,720 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 2: you asked for. 24 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,560 Speaker 4: The lived close by, they're not they're not. 25 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:07,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, gotcha, Okay, Okay. He was like, let me 26 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 3: get that out of the way. 27 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 4: So her dad was great. Me and but The problem 28 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 4: is her dad got you know, he got excited, so 29 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:24,160 Speaker 4: he told her mom, Okay, right, normal, right, you would 30 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 4: think that's that's not a problem. Her mom got way 31 00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 4: over the top though. She called me right away and 32 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 4: she's like super excited. She wants to. 33 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 5: Help, Okay, she wants to know when it's happening, what 34 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 5: time she wants to be there. 35 00:01:46,319 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 3: She wants to get. 36 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 4: All these other people involved. And I know, I mean, 37 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 4: I wouldn't care one way or the other if it's 38 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:57,520 Speaker 4: what my girlfriend wanted, but I know it's not what 39 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 4: she wants. You've kind of discussed, like, you know, the 40 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 4: hypothetically if you know, you got proposed to that kind 41 00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 4: of stuff. She's she's had those conversations with me, and 42 00:02:06,640 --> 00:02:09,760 Speaker 4: I know she wants it to be like a private moment, 43 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 4: you know, something where it's just the two of us 44 00:02:12,919 --> 00:02:15,280 Speaker 4: and maybe you know, maybe I'll find somebody to take 45 00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:18,480 Speaker 4: a picture. Yeah it's hiding or whatever. But like she 46 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 4: doesn't want this, and her mom is pushing really hard 47 00:02:23,720 --> 00:02:26,000 Speaker 4: that she wants to be like super involved and make 48 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:26,560 Speaker 4: it this whole. 49 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:27,040 Speaker 3: Wow. 50 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 2: That is a tough one because you can't you can't 51 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 2: tell mom to back out or to back off because 52 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,639 Speaker 2: that is how That's not how you want to kick 53 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:37,000 Speaker 2: off this relationship, because mom is going to hold that 54 00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 2: against you. I'm going to tell you right now, just 55 00:02:39,320 --> 00:02:42,160 Speaker 2: reading between the lines, this mom is somebody who is 56 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 2: going to be putting herself in the middle of your 57 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 2: relationship for a long time. 58 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 6: So are right to the wedding you think it's that extreme. 59 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,079 Speaker 6: I just feel like she's excited, like an excited mom, 60 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 6: and I understand. Trust me, My mom is also very 61 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:01,040 Speaker 6: overbearing in every life. This is but it's because she's 62 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 6: a mom. She loves her son in this case, her daughter, 63 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 6: and she just wants to You know, this is an 64 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,600 Speaker 6: exciting moment to say. 65 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 2: If you love your daughter enough, you love your daughter 66 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:10,919 Speaker 2: enough to give her the independence, just like you push 67 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:12,840 Speaker 2: him out of the nest. You don't be holding on 68 00:03:12,919 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 2: by the collar and going, well, let me control a 69 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,920 Speaker 2: little bits of your life, right. I mean, she's an 70 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:20,160 Speaker 2: adult woman. She doesn't need What does she want to 71 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 2: help with? Does she want to show up? Is she 72 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,000 Speaker 2: going to fly into town and go with you to 73 00:03:25,120 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 2: the stone Arch Bridge or wherever it is and be 74 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: standing there or does she want to help? Does she 75 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 2: want to hold the what does she w what does 76 00:03:32,400 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 2: she want to do? 77 00:03:34,120 --> 00:03:38,800 Speaker 4: I mean, she wants to bring other people, other family members. 78 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 4: She wants to have, you know, have food, and like 79 00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:46,400 Speaker 4: she wants to order a cake. And it's it's almost 80 00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 4: like she's planning the wedding. She thinks the proposal is 81 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:50,520 Speaker 4: going to be the wedding. 82 00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:52,600 Speaker 3: Oh man, she. 83 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,520 Speaker 4: Wants to Yeah, she definitely wants to be there. And 84 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 4: how she's you know, have like other family like her 85 00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 4: cousins and her aunts. She go, everyone should be there 86 00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 4: to see this, and you know, when are we going 87 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,880 Speaker 4: to do it? Like she's saying, what are we going 88 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:06,640 Speaker 4: to do it? That's That's what I'm talking about. 89 00:04:08,360 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 3: All right, we got some advice for you. 90 00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 2: So basically, Paul is saying, Hey, I want to propose 91 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 2: to my girlfriend. I called her dad and I said, hey, 92 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 2: can I get the blessing to ask your daughter and 93 00:04:16,960 --> 00:04:17,359 Speaker 2: marry me? 94 00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:17,839 Speaker 3: Sure? 95 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 2: Dad hangs up the phone, tells mom, guess what Paul 96 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,520 Speaker 2: wants to marry our daughter. Mom's all excited, immediately calls 97 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,080 Speaker 2: Paul and says, what can I do? I want to 98 00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:26,359 Speaker 2: be there. I want to be there every inch of 99 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 2: the way. What can I do to help? Is anybody 100 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 2: on mom's side. 101 00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:34,039 Speaker 3: No, really In texting, I said, it's not really listening. 102 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 2: We got on the phone here at six five one 103 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:41,240 Speaker 2: nine eight nine, KATIEWB Susanne, what do you want to 104 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:42,320 Speaker 2: say to Paul. 105 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 3: Everybody? 106 00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:47,600 Speaker 7: So, I am very aware that I am the potential 107 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 7: of always being that mom, so I have to regulate myself. 108 00:04:51,600 --> 00:04:55,559 Speaker 7: And so the way he can counteract this is let 109 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 7: her know that they've had the discussions and that what 110 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 7: his girlfriend heard really really wants is something private and quiet, 111 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,920 Speaker 7: and she can help him maybe plan that. So she 112 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,599 Speaker 7: feels let in on the secret. She feels let in 113 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,080 Speaker 7: on the planning. But if he tries to send that 114 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,920 Speaker 7: boundary right away of this is what your daughter has 115 00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:21,640 Speaker 7: said that she wants and really stress that, that may help. 116 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:23,640 Speaker 7: Okay it will, but. 117 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,840 Speaker 2: It may help, so, you know, appease her a little 118 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 2: bit by giving her a little bit of a role 119 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:29,320 Speaker 2: in the thing. But she's definitely not going to be 120 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,039 Speaker 2: there holding the ring box while you're proposing. 121 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 7: Maybe she can be there with a camera and videotape 122 00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:36,320 Speaker 7: it for them quietly in the corner. 123 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:37,279 Speaker 3: I think that's smart. 124 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:40,640 Speaker 2: I think that it's interesting that, Susanne, that you admit 125 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:43,000 Speaker 2: that you are that person. It's kind of like admitting 126 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,800 Speaker 2: that you have a gambling problem, and you kind of like, 127 00:05:44,839 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 2: you know, I can't really go near the casino because 128 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 2: I got a gambling problem. 129 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:51,839 Speaker 7: I openly admit that if there's the opportunity for me 130 00:05:51,880 --> 00:05:54,800 Speaker 7: to go overboard, I absolutely will step through that door. 131 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 7: Lose and. 132 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 2: Thank you, Suzanne. Let's talk to June with an idea 133 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,039 Speaker 2: for Paul. What could he do to appease mother in 134 00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 2: law so she doesn't get mad that he won't include. 135 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:08,479 Speaker 3: Her in the proposal. 136 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 4: Well, I was adjusting the savor the state party because 137 00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 4: it sounds like, Mom, what's a party? 138 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:16,359 Speaker 3: Mom planned to. 139 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:18,719 Speaker 8: Say a date party instead of just being there for 140 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 8: the engagement. 141 00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 3: So give mom a role, Yeah, give mom a. 142 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:23,320 Speaker 7: Dude, I'm a job job. 143 00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 6: Yeah. 144 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,360 Speaker 9: A lot of texts are saying like he should redirect 145 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:29,840 Speaker 9: her somehow into planning an engagement party right afterwards. Then 146 00:06:29,839 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 9: she can put all of her energy into that party. 147 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:34,840 Speaker 9: And that's a lot of people are agreeing with her, 148 00:06:35,080 --> 00:06:39,000 Speaker 9: saying some kind of party or yeah, proposal party, engagement party, 149 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 9: some kind of family get together after the proposal happens, 150 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:44,680 Speaker 9: so that the proposal can happen, and then you know, 151 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,279 Speaker 9: you walk your girlfriend to another room and like, oh. 152 00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 3: Your entire family, oh yeah, and then have the. 153 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 1: Mom plan that I think so much of it depends 154 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:57,280 Speaker 1: on do you want that right? I mean, I think 155 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,400 Speaker 1: sometimes when you propose you want to go to quiet, beautiful, 156 00:07:00,480 --> 00:07:04,080 Speaker 1: romantic dinner by yourself, yeah, or you know, I mean 157 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:09,760 Speaker 1: it for sure, Jamie. Advice for Paul Paul is listening. Paul, 158 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: you're still there. Yeah, I'm here, he's listening. What do 159 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,720 Speaker 1: you got for him, Jamie, Hi, Well. 160 00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:18,440 Speaker 8: I would just say I think you should set the 161 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 8: boundary now, just because if you don't, if you don't 162 00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 8: set that boundary and just say like, hey, I appreciate 163 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:25,480 Speaker 8: that you want to be a part of this. I 164 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:28,520 Speaker 8: am thrilled that you're thrilled for the next chapter of 165 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 8: our lives. But that's just this, Like, this is our lives, 166 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 8: this is what she wants. I want to make this 167 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 8: magical for her. And I'm not trying to sound rude 168 00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 8: and I'm not trying to sound any type of other way, 169 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 8: but like you had your day, you had your time, 170 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 8: let this be hurt. I appreciate that you want to 171 00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 8: be there and just know that you'll be there in 172 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,400 Speaker 8: spirit in everything. But I feel like if she's that 173 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:55,760 Speaker 8: enthusiastic already and she can't keep the cap on, what 174 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 8: happens if she's a part of it and you go 175 00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 8: and you do this, and she's that secret person taking 176 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,840 Speaker 8: a picture and she flies off the handle and it's 177 00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,800 Speaker 8: not it doesn't go the way you want it to go. 178 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 8: Like I think you just have to be respectful about 179 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:11,280 Speaker 8: it and just say, like, look, I'm thrilled or thrilled 180 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 8: for us, but like this, this is something that I 181 00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 8: want to do for her eyes. 182 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 2: I worry that this mother is going to be there, 183 00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 2: like through every step, she'll be there in the delivery room, 184 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,800 Speaker 2: she'll be there planning the wedding. She'll be insisting that 185 00:08:24,840 --> 00:08:27,720 Speaker 2: she gets to plan. I worry for you, Paul, But 186 00:08:28,120 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 2: you got. 187 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 8: To set that boundary. 188 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,040 Speaker 7: And like, I mean, this is just my experience. 189 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:34,679 Speaker 8: I didn't set a boundary with my mother in law 190 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:36,960 Speaker 8: very well, and like when it came time for me 191 00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,480 Speaker 8: to have my child, my mother in law was more 192 00:08:39,559 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 8: upset that she was not in the room over my 193 00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,360 Speaker 8: like she felt she had more of a right to 194 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 8: be in the room than my own mother. 195 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 2: Well, that's her son's baby, you know. Thank you, guys, Paul, 196 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 2: good Luck. I think the thing is you got to 197 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 2: talk to mother in law and just say, hey, didn't 198 00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,520 Speaker 2: we decide this is what your daughter wants. But you 199 00:09:02,559 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 2: can plan the post engagement party or the what. 200 00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:08,200 Speaker 9: Even if it's the next day or the next week 201 00:09:08,320 --> 00:09:09,960 Speaker 9: or whatever, just so you can. 202 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:14,840 Speaker 3: Plan this in another state. Yeah, state, Luck, thanks for 203 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 3: being on man. I appreciate it. 204 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 4: Good luck, Thank you. 205 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 3: All right. 206 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 2: If you have a group therapy, it's something you're wrestling 207 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,160 Speaker 2: with and you want to talk to us about it, 208 00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 2: then send an email into Ryan's show at katiewb dot com.