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Speaker 1: Forever, like, and I was tired all week. And I

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Speaker 1: mean you see couples and you see them in person

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Speaker 1: all the time. So for couples therapy and do they

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Speaker 1: do you find that during this time there's more couples

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Speaker 1: that are irritated at each other.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: The fuses are shorter, much shorter. There's much more irritable.

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Speaker 3: People start to feel a little claustrophobic. I think, yes,

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Speaker 3: and they need more space and they don't really they

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Speaker 3: can't get out. I know there were a number of

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Speaker 3: couples who lost their power in Nashville for like nine

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Speaker 3: days and seven, you know, seven to nine days, and

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Speaker 3: so that was tough for a lot of them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and when you're snowed in and you don't have power,

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Speaker 1: I really can put relationships are hard, period, but that

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Speaker 1: can really put it to the test.

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Speaker 3: Well, even during COVID when everyone was you know, when

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Speaker 3: that happened, we saw a lot of relationships fail because

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Speaker 3: people were they couldn't get out of their house.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and they're like, wow, I don't really even know

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Speaker 1: you and I don't.

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Speaker 2: Think I like you anymore.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I done with you, right five one, three, seven,

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Speaker 1: four ninety seven. Do you like this weather. Is this

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Speaker 1: weather something? Because my nephew loves it. He loves taking

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Speaker 1: the kids out and goes sleddering.

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Speaker 2: He did just get the flu, so uh, he didn't

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Speaker 2: love that.

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Speaker 1: But you know, sometimes people enjoy this type of weather.

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Speaker 1: I just don't happen to be one of them. But

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Speaker 1: do you feel like you have this sad? Do you

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Speaker 1: have you have you understood or or recognized this within

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Speaker 1: yourself that there is such a I mean, science based

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Speaker 1: disorder during this time where there's not a lot of sunlight,

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Speaker 1: there's lots of cold weather.

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Speaker 2: There's been lots of snow.

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Speaker 1: And when you see snow and it's falling and it's

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Speaker 1: nice and everything around the holidays, it's cute and charming

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Speaker 1: Norman Rockwell painting right right. But when it's lasting for

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Speaker 1: weeks and it's piled up in front of your driveway

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Speaker 1: and you're trying to still get in and out just

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Speaker 1: to put a whole foods down the street or something,

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Speaker 1: it can be difficult. And I don't really know that

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Speaker 1: people understand that it's not them in this moment, it's

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Speaker 1: actually what's taking place in this disorder. So what do

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Speaker 1: you think, doctor West? Like, I mean it comes from

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Speaker 1: less sunlight. We know that less vitamin D, the vitamin

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Speaker 1: D change, loss of social context because you're inside a lot.

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Speaker 2: You spoke on that a minute ago.

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Speaker 1: But also when life quiets down and you're not around

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Speaker 1: a bunch of people, your mind also gets active and

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Speaker 1: it picks up all these emotional patterns we used to have.

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Speaker 1: So what do you think we can do about it

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Speaker 1: during this time? Because I know my neighbors I was

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Speaker 1: just pulling in, they were pulling out.

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Speaker 2: We've got two.

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Speaker 1: More months of this, that's what she said. Gosh, we're

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Speaker 1: going to go into March end of March with this.

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Speaker 2: I mean, if we have to, we have to.

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Speaker 1: But what are some things that you think we can

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Speaker 1: do to help support this type of energy?

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Speaker 3: Well, I definitely think we're talking about it off the air.

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Speaker 3: But a light box can help.

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Speaker 1: Oh, my sister bought me one for Christmas and I

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Speaker 1: turn it on every day.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's at my computer.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, in the morning when you first wake up or

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Speaker 3: what do you do?

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Speaker 1: Well, when I get on my computer, which is in

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Speaker 1: the morning, so it's connected. It's plugged into my computer,

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Speaker 1: so you can put it on a bunch of different

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Speaker 1: speeds and a bunch.

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Speaker 2: Of different lights.

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Speaker 1: Like they have the yellow light, I like the real

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Speaker 1: yellow light the sun, they have a bluer light. There's

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Speaker 1: all kinds of different lights, and I really can tell

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Speaker 1: a difference.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so start with that, and then I think monitoring

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Speaker 3: your thoughts and catching the automatic negative thoughts are going

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Speaker 3: to be very important because we can catastrophize, we can

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Speaker 3: start to our brain has a negativity bias where we

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Speaker 3: start to think about the worst case and we start

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Speaker 3: thinking this is going to like you just said, geez,

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Speaker 3: two more months, you know, And so yeah're focusing on

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Speaker 3: doom and gloom, that's right, and then see how that's

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Speaker 3: connected to your feelings and then your behaviors. So we

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Speaker 3: want to catch it at the thought level.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I love that you said this first of all,

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Speaker 1: and I want to hear the other stuff too.

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Speaker 2: But like your thoughts, ye create your.

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Speaker 1: Your energy or your emotions, which creates a vibration, right,

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Speaker 1: which you send out and then that comes back like

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Speaker 1: magnet to you. So if they're heavy, dark, negative, that's

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Speaker 1: the stuff you're going to bring back to yourself exactly.

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Speaker 2: So pay attention to your thoughts.

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Speaker 1: And that's a really good piece of advice always, always,

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Speaker 1: but especially when you're going through a seasonal disorder.

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Speaker 3: Correct, Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, because your thoughts will

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Speaker 3: be connected to your feelings and then your feelings to

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Speaker 3: your behaviors.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, good advice. What else did we have? Yep?

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Speaker 3: So I think after that I would try and get

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Speaker 3: connected with people, so FaceTime, right, actually seeing people, yes,

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Speaker 3: not just audio, but actually getting on the video chats

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Speaker 3: if you can, and connecting and doing some of these

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Speaker 3: technology I think you can do like watch parties together.

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Speaker 3: You can watch movies together and stuff like oh like

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Speaker 3: on I think I don't know Netflix has it, but

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Speaker 3: there are some Amazon someone has it. I saw it

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Speaker 3: where you can actually do a watch party. Oh so

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Speaker 3: you're watching the movie, but you're actually there's a little

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Speaker 3: box where you're seeing each other a live feet of

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Speaker 3: each other, right, so crazy, that's the way you can connect. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: so just using technology to connect in that way.

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Speaker 1: It's too cold and you don't want to start your

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Speaker 1: car for twenty minutes before, so you can go to

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Speaker 1: your friend's house.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, so a check in text. Obviously you

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Speaker 3: can't really do a walk when it's so freezing cold

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Speaker 3: outside and there's ice.

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Speaker 1: And there's only a certain amount of time you should

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Speaker 1: be outside when it's like thirteen degrees exactly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so yeah, we can't do that, but we can

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Speaker 3: engage with like what's your morning ritual? So coffee, coffee,

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Speaker 3: A lot of people love to drink, you know that

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Speaker 3: morning ritual coffee, tea, whatever it might be, and so

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Speaker 3: creating a ritual it so really I would kick it

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Speaker 3: off by starting to do some journaling. I'm a huge

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Speaker 3: fan of journaling. Yeah, and noticing what your thoughts are.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, would you say, would you say working out? Yea,

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Speaker 1: even if I mean, so you can't be outside for

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Speaker 1: too long, but like if you have a treadmill or

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Speaker 1: you can do weights, because I think when you move

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Speaker 1: your body, good things happen. You start to feel good

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Speaker 1: you move, you know, so I think that might be

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Speaker 1: a good one.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, lower your expectations to normalize that this is going

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Speaker 3: to be a time when you're going to feel a

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Speaker 3: little bit more sad, You're going to have more irritability,

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Speaker 3: you're going to have more negativity. So lower the expectations.

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Speaker 3: It's a season. It's not a failure. You're not a failure.

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Speaker 3: You're not. Some people get really judgmental of themselves, yes,

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Speaker 3: and so that makes it worse. Yeah, so we don't

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Speaker 3: want to do that. We also want to build small

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Speaker 3: pleasures into your day. So I talked about rituals. I

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Speaker 3: talked about you know, warm drinks, cozy lighting. Yes, that

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Speaker 3: can help. And then tracking your patterns. So that's going

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Speaker 3: to be where I would have you do like a

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Speaker 3: thought record of if you notice that you're feeling down,

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Speaker 3: just watch what you're thinking. And so I would have

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Speaker 3: you do like a thought record every day to write

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Speaker 3: down what your thoughts were and what your emotions were,

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Speaker 3: and what your behaviors were.

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Speaker 1: So it's kind of very much like journaling yep, but

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Speaker 1: specific about your thoughts and your emotions, because yeah, I

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Speaker 1: don't even think people understand that they're being heavy and

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Speaker 1: negative because it becomes just part of of you know,

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Speaker 1: daily grind kind of a thing. And if you knew

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Speaker 1: that you could be happier and pick it up just

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Speaker 1: a couple of notches, you would do it.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: So if you're journaling, what did you say to write

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Speaker 1: down about their thoughts their thoughts?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and specifically if you want to research this more

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Speaker 3: research cognitive distortions. Okay, because that's going to be things

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Speaker 3: like catastrophizing. Your brain is only seeing the worst case

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Speaker 3: scenario of an outcome. So you're going to be seeing

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Speaker 3: the worst case about the weather, the worst case about

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Speaker 3: everything in your life, which is going to make you

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Speaker 3: feel worse, which is then going to feed into your behavior.

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Speaker 3: You're not going to want to move or do anything.

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Speaker 3: You're going to want to withdraw, isolate right over generalization,

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Speaker 3: So we make kind of a broad interpretation about a

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Speaker 3: really single event. So you can see the theme here

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Speaker 3: that catastrophizing, over generalization, jumping to conclusions, fortune telling, mind reading,

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Speaker 3: these are all the ways that our brain just uses

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Speaker 3: it tricks us into thinking worst case.

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Speaker 1: We have to watch it, like ah, I mean, we

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Speaker 1: really have to pay attention to the things that we're

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Speaker 1: saying to ourselves.

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Speaker 2: One of the things I love that you just said.

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Speaker 1: Two things actually that I love that you said because

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm a big fan of Louise Hay and she

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Speaker 1: has you know, she started the Hey how She's all

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Speaker 1: about self love and taking care of you know, taking

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Speaker 1: care of yourself, and a lot of people say, all right,

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Speaker 1: how do you love yourself? Right, And she said she's

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Speaker 1: got a list, She's got a list of things on

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Speaker 1: a list of ways on how to love yourself. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to plug my computer and and.

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Speaker 2: And I love the top two. You know.

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Speaker 1: The other ones are, you know, make sure you're eating

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Speaker 1: well and taking care of yourself and getting a good

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Speaker 1: night's sleep. Those are all important too, But the top

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Speaker 1: two are really important. And the first one is stop

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Speaker 1: criticizing yourself.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: So when you're critical of yourself, you almost can't hear

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Speaker 1: anything from anyone else, right, So immediately stop criticizing yourself

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Speaker 1: and other people. And when you set that intention, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to criticize myself anymore, you really start

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Speaker 1: to understand.

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Speaker 2: How critical you are. It's crazy how that comes up.

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Speaker 1: And then the second thing, which is what you been

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Speaker 1: talking about, is stop scaring the hell out of yourself, right,

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Speaker 1: Stop scaring yourself.

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Speaker 2: Most of the things that you fear don't come to fruition.

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Speaker 2: So when you.

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Speaker 1: Have these doom and gloom scenarios and you think like, oh,

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Speaker 1: this is just protecting me, so I can no, it's

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Speaker 1: scaring you to death. It's like watching a scary movie

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Speaker 1: all day, every day. And then your nervous system gets active.

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Speaker 1: We talk about this all the time, so in particular

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Speaker 1: situations like and we're going to bring up the Savannah

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Speaker 1: Guph three kidnapping because there's been an update on that

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Speaker 1: and we're going to talk about that in just a minute.

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Speaker 2: But if if you're in.

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Speaker 1: A place where you could be depressed because it's cold

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Speaker 1: and dark and snowy and we've been here for a

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Speaker 1: while now, you have to pay close attention to whether

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Speaker 1: you're affected by it, whether your thoughts are are tough

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Speaker 1: and you're being critical on yourself and others and your

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Speaker 1: doom's daying, that's everything, Like we're never gonna hand it.

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Speaker 2: It's going to be cold.

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Speaker 3: Here forever, right exactly right? Yeah, I love so all

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Speaker 3: are nothing thinking? Catch that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: All or nothing thinking? And then I always tell my

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Speaker 3: clients to watch out for the should statements I should

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Speaker 3: be doing this or I shouldn't be doing that. That's

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Speaker 3: closely related to judging.

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Speaker 1: Yeah you should have kuda and those are never good. Well,

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Speaker 1: I will say this because I am a positive person,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I really like living in Cincinnati. I've

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Speaker 1: been back for you know, over three years, and it's

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Speaker 1: home it's definitely a home for me. It's cold, but

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Speaker 1: then there's other parts of the country that you know,

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Speaker 1: it's beautiful, but they have their.

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Speaker 2: Issues and stuff.

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Speaker 1: Is this time of year, right around February that we

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Speaker 1: all are kind of like done with it, but spring

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Speaker 1: is on this way.

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Speaker 2: That's what we're supposed to look at.

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Speaker 1: Open your blinds in the morning, get some of that

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Speaker 1: fresh even if the sun is not shining, get some

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Speaker 1: of that energy to come in your house, open your

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Speaker 1: windows for a minute, clear some things out, and it'll

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Speaker 1: be spring soon, so you keep it real positive.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: We're running late, so we're going to come back when

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Speaker 2: we do.

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Speaker 1: There is an update on the Savannah Guthrie, her mom's kidnapping.

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Speaker 1: We're going to talk about that and what that is

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Speaker 1: doing to affect them and their family. Savannah Guthrie and

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Speaker 1: her siblings just did a new video, so we'll get

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Speaker 1: with that. It's Donna d with Doctor Wes on a

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Speaker 1: Saturday night here Cincinnati, seven hundred WLW. It's Saturday, seven

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Speaker 1: hundred WLW, Donna d here along with Doctor Wes.

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Speaker 2: It is the night where we go into.

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Speaker 1: Deep dive into relationship stuff and try and figure out

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Speaker 1: the whole thing. We know the quality of your life,

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Speaker 1: as Sesterra Perel always says, is determined by the quality

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Speaker 1: of your relationships. But first I want to talk doctor

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Speaker 1: Wes about this Savannah Guthrie thing. What a sad, horrific

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Speaker 1: situation going on. She and her brother and her sister

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Speaker 1: shared a new heartbreaking video about their mother's and to

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Speaker 1: their mother's abductor, Savannah spoke and I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: play it, but I'll just mention what she said briefly.

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Speaker 2: We received your message. We understand.

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Speaker 1: We beg you now to return our mother to us

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Speaker 1: so that we can celebrate with her. This is the

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Speaker 1: only way we will have peace. This is very valuable

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Speaker 1: to us, and we will pay. How heartbreaking is this

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Speaker 1: for the family?

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Speaker 2: They looked.

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Speaker 1: I mean, this is day seven, doctor Wes of this story.

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Speaker 1: The mother is in her early eighties, she's got a pacemaker,

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Speaker 1: she takes meds every day. The police suspected foul play

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Speaker 1: immediately because they found her blood on the walkway of

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Speaker 1: her house, and they've gotten ransom notes. It just feels

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Speaker 1: like this is not going in the good in a

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Speaker 1: good direction, and they look absolutely exhausted.

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Speaker 2: How long, what do you think is.

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Speaker 1: The emotional trauma that this family can expect, even even

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Speaker 1: if they did at this point get their mom back,

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Speaker 1: which doesn't look that great.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well obviously there, I mean, it goes out saying

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Speaker 3: they're under an acute stress response right now, I would say,

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Speaker 3: but but if it goes on, for the risk here

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Speaker 3: is is post traumatic stress and obviously not a lot

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Speaker 3: of sleep. Who can sleep in this situation, right, So,

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Speaker 3: so their bodies just physically exhausted. Their their mental health

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Speaker 3: is being impacted because of the lack of sleep and

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Speaker 3: the but the trauma of just the paranoia and the

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Speaker 3: not being able to trust headaches. So I'm just going

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Speaker 3: over some of these common experiences that people don't always

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Speaker 3: label us post from my stress, but it definitely feeling unreal,

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Speaker 3: not being able to trust your reality, foggy, being disconnected.

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Speaker 3: Right now, they're just in that shock and denial. I

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Speaker 3: would say a first stage of grief is shock and

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Speaker 3: denial and anger. But they may not even be there

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Speaker 3: yet because they probably are in that feeling of just unreal,

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Speaker 3: how can this even be?

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Speaker 2: Having this hopeful still? Probably?

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Speaker 1: I mean we were just talking about how hard the

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Speaker 1: doomsday scenario when you're thinking about this.

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Speaker 2: How can you not think about that?

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Speaker 1: And that's prevalent in everything that you do from the

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Speaker 1: last seven days that they're and they're still I mean

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Speaker 1: they were holding hands in the video. Thankfully they have

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Speaker 1: their sys Savannah Haser siblings there. They literally were gripping

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Speaker 1: on tight to one another and pleading for their mother

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Speaker 1: to be home safely.

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Speaker 2: They'll pay anything.

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Speaker 1: This is like a horror film, and I know that

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Speaker 1: this happens to families, but we're seeing it from a

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Speaker 1: very public figure. It's not always easy to be a

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Speaker 1: public figure, that's for sure. Do you think there's going

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Speaker 1: to be some guilt. We don't know who this person

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Speaker 1: is that has taken her mother, but I can't imagine

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Speaker 1: Savannah Guthrie thinking that her job didn't have something to

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Speaker 1: do with it.

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Speaker 2: We're all thinking that right in a small way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's definitely a question that I've had in my

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Speaker 3: mind of how is there a connection? There? Is it related?

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Speaker 3: But changes in mood, beliefs and self concept are common.

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Speaker 3: That's a common trauma response. So that can be guilt,

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Speaker 3: shame or self blame that can be a part of

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Speaker 3: that response. Negative beliefs like I'm not safe the world

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Speaker 3: is dangerous, I'm broken, loss of interest in things, feeling

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Speaker 3: detached from others, disassociation. I mentioned that a minute ago.

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Speaker 3: But these are all symptoms that they could be feeling

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Speaker 3: right now, and just deep deep obviously, just sadness and hurt.

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine them not thinking all of those things

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Speaker 1: you just mentioned.

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Speaker 2: I mean every feeling, the.

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Speaker 1: Gripping, the pain, the agony of living through such a

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Speaker 1: horrible nightmare.

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Speaker 2: Man, why do we go through these things? I can't.

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Speaker 1: I can't imagine, but there have been. You know, there's

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Speaker 1: still hope. First of all, there's still hope, and we'll

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Speaker 1: keep you updated on that. But I can't imagine the trauma. Again,

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Speaker 1: like I said, at least she has her siblings there

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Speaker 1: to comfort her, and there's three of them and they're

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Speaker 1: all there together.

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Speaker 3: They're helping to ground each other, probably because it's probably

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Speaker 3: the time has just stopped for them, Like whenever there's

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Speaker 3: they found out about what's happened with their mother, that's it.

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Speaker 3: And that happens with people with trauma. They can become

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Speaker 3: stuck in time at the age of the event.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm just praying. We'll keep you updated on that.

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Speaker 1: I do I do remember when my mother was we

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Speaker 1: all flew to Florida. There's seven kids in my family,

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Speaker 1: so there's a lot. And I have four sisters, that

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Speaker 1: makes me five, and we have two brothers, and we

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Speaker 1: all went down there to Florida, you know, for my

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Speaker 1: mom on her deathbed. Really and if I didn't have

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Speaker 1: my sisters, I can tell you my brother, one of

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Speaker 1: my brothers didn't make it, but the other one didn't.

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Speaker 2: He was real important to have.

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Speaker 1: But if I didn't have my sisters to be with

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Speaker 1: me during that time, I don't know what I would

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Speaker 1: have done. I mean, siblings are really really important. A

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Speaker 1: sister bond is one of the deepest relationships, in my opinion,

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Speaker 1: that I've experienced in this life. And you know, it

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Speaker 1: is important to strengthen those relationships. And over time, my

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Speaker 1: sisters and I have worked really hard on continuing to

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Speaker 1: build because as we get older, you know, none of

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Speaker 1: us are getting out of here alive. You want to

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Speaker 1: make sure that you're telling the people that you love

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Speaker 1: them on a daily basis, because it's painful when you

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Speaker 1: have a sister. I have friends, I have two of them,

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Speaker 1: very very close friends that have sisters that don't have

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Speaker 1: a relationship with them, like literally, they don't. They don't

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Speaker 1: speak to one another, and it's painful for them. And

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Speaker 1: you know, I guess one of the things that I

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Speaker 1: would ask about this because there's there's roles, and it's

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Speaker 1: usually the older sister that is the more challenging.

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Speaker 2: I have found.

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Speaker 1: And I can see on the phone my sister's calling

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Speaker 1: me right now. Let me get to Erica real quick

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Speaker 1: and let me see because I can see her calling

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Speaker 1: the station Erica from Louisiana.

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Speaker 2: Is this my sister? It is I to see Hi.

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Speaker 2: How are you? I'm talking about you? Is that why

387
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Speaker 2: you called?

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Speaker 4: Yes?

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Speaker 5: Of course, Well, I wanted to say that I was

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Speaker 5: so grateful to see that she had her sisters and

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Speaker 5: they were all standing together. That made me at least

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Speaker 5: give me some comfort for that family.

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Speaker 1: Savannah Guthrie, Yeah, she has a brother and a sister,

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Speaker 1: so they Yeah, the two sisters and the brother were

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Speaker 1: there holding hands. It was comforting to me that they

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Speaker 1: had each other. And I can't imagine ever going, you know,

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Speaker 1: like when our mom was dying, how hard it would

398
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Speaker 1: have been.

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Speaker 2: I call her. Her name is Erica, but I call

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Speaker 2: her Duke.

401
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Speaker 1: How hard it would have been, Duke without our sisters.

402
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Speaker 2: How important And I.

403
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Speaker 1: Know I don't have to ask you this, but how

404
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Speaker 1: important is the role of sister to you?

405
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Speaker 2: How serious do you take that? Gosh? Literally?

406
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Speaker 5: My sisters are my best friends. They have been They've

407
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Speaker 5: known you through every season, every change in your life.

408
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:55,320
Speaker 5: If you've had a relationship with them, and there's nobody

409
00:20:55,359 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 5: that knows you better, that shared the same light you

410
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:04,320
Speaker 5: know and family and upbringing, well, I think the sister

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Speaker 5: relationship is one of the strongest bombs that you'll ever have.

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Speaker 2: And you know I feel the same way.

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Speaker 1: This morning, you know, Duke, you and I writing a

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Speaker 1: screenplay together and we talk on the phone all the time.

415
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Speaker 1: This morning you caught me and like one of those

416
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Speaker 1: seasonal effective disorder ball yes, where you called me and

417
00:21:27,160 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 1: like you, I had to I was going to teach yoga.

418
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Speaker 2: I was rushed.

419
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Speaker 1: You called me and you were trying to tell me

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Speaker 1: a story, and you there was so much noise in

421
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Speaker 1: the background she was doing, she was making I was like, okay,

422
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Speaker 1: there was so much ruckus going on behind her, and

423
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Speaker 1: I'm like, just put me on mute, dude.

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Speaker 2: Just put me on mute and then do it.

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Speaker 1: And and she said, all right, I don't want to

426
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Speaker 1: annoy you.

427
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Speaker 2: I love you. I'm gonna let you go because I

428
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Speaker 2: know you're in a hurry night.

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Speaker 1: And I called her back and this is what I mean,

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Speaker 1: and and Wes you talk about this all the time,

431
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:07,680
Speaker 1: about repair the repair mode. So I texted her and

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Speaker 1: I said, Duke, let's get on the phone because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to hang up like that. So of course

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Speaker 1: she calls me back because she gets my bid for connection.

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00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 1: And she is right there and I said, listen, I'm sorry.

436
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Speaker 6: You were going to make me laugh.

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00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:26,359
Speaker 2: I did. That's why should tell her?

438
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Speaker 1: And I said, I promise I will make you laugh

439
00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 1: at something. And I go, hey, I'm so glad you

440
00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:37,720
Speaker 1: called me back. And I really appreciate it. I'm sorry

441
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,679
Speaker 1: I was irritated. I wasn't at you. It was the

442
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,159
Speaker 1: you know, the the timing and the ruckus and all that,

443
00:22:44,720 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 1: and she and Duke, what did you say, all right,

444
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:49,119
Speaker 1: tell me something that's going to make me laugh.

445
00:22:51,480 --> 00:22:55,600
Speaker 5: I was ready to move on, which we stuff very quickly,

446
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:56,920
Speaker 5: very quickly.

447
00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:59,920
Speaker 2: Yes, would you say, doctor Westby?

448
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,160
Speaker 1: Because Erica is my older sister, so I have a twin,

449
00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: so she's got twin sisters daughters too.

450
00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 2: Can you imagine.

451
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:10,960
Speaker 5: I do have daughters.

452
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,879
Speaker 1: Well, she was like a mom to us growing up.

453
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 1: My other sister, Gretchen was as well. They're too older

454
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:20,400
Speaker 1: and Claire and I are younger. How important are the

455
00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 1: roles like the age, the older sister and the younger

456
00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:26,560
Speaker 1: sister in terms of connecting.

457
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,919
Speaker 3: So it is they've done a lot of research into this.

458
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 3: And you mentioned that that Duke is is maybe leadership oriented.

459
00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,919
Speaker 3: Is that right? Is she is? She kind of the leader.

460
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,720
Speaker 1: She's motherly is what I would say. She's a little

461
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:45,920
Speaker 1: bit of a caretaker. Okay, so she wants to make you.

462
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,959
Speaker 1: You know, she would give us the sponge bath and

463
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,120
Speaker 1: get us in her pajamas and put us in bed

464
00:23:50,160 --> 00:23:51,359
Speaker 1: when my mom was working.

465
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:51,760
Speaker 2: Yep.

466
00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:54,360
Speaker 3: That was her role yep. Okay. And then the middle child,

467
00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:55,160
Speaker 3: who's the middle child.

468
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: Gretchen is the older one and she is more detail oriented.

469
00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:02,640
Speaker 2: Okay, structure, I'm.

470
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 5: Doctor West, I'm dead stop center middle. I've got an

471
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 5: older brother, two older sisters, a younger brother, and two young.

472
00:24:09,680 --> 00:24:13,240
Speaker 3: Oh okay, yeah, wow.

473
00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,360
Speaker 5: Okay, I have every middle child to attribute that there

474
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:21,720
Speaker 5: is yeah, okay, literally like the poster child for the

475
00:24:21,760 --> 00:24:22,439
Speaker 5: middle child.

476
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:22,959
Speaker 2: Yeah.

477
00:24:23,320 --> 00:24:25,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then Donna, you're the youngest, Is that right?

478
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,600
Speaker 1: Claire and are you're the youngest because we're twins. I'm

479
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:31,400
Speaker 1: ten minutes older than her, so technically Claire is.

480
00:24:31,359 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 2: The young baby. Yeah, she's the baby. Yeah.

481
00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:39,400
Speaker 3: So the roles are are helpful to organize the family system,

482
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 3: and it does kind of create kind of the hierarchy

483
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,159
Speaker 3: of the of the family. But I will say that

484
00:24:45,200 --> 00:24:48,040
Speaker 3: it's not always. As you get older, those roles can

485
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,600
Speaker 3: can start to flatten. The hierarchy can flatten, and you

486
00:24:51,640 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 3: all can start to relate.

487
00:24:52,600 --> 00:24:53,199
Speaker 2: Absolutely.

488
00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely think I agree with that.

489
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:58,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I do too.

490
00:24:58,680 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: So five one, three seven of our ninety seven thousand,

491
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 1: do you get along with your sister? What is your

492
00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:08,199
Speaker 1: relationship like and has it gotten better as you've aged?

493
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:12,440
Speaker 1: Because do well, we'll publicly say that there were maybe

494
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:15,440
Speaker 1: a year we didn't speak, which was the worst year ever.

495
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:19,600
Speaker 1: We got into a stupid fight and we I think

496
00:25:19,640 --> 00:25:22,320
Speaker 1: we went maybe less than a year where we didn't talk,

497
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,720
Speaker 1: and after that we said we will never and I

498
00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 1: mean never ever get into a silly argument again and

499
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:34,400
Speaker 1: waste one more second without behind our sisters.

500
00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 5: Yeah, when time elapses like that too. It's you know,

501
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:41,399
Speaker 5: as you get older, you know how precious that gift

502
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 5: really is. And a year's time, that's that's a long time.

503
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:50,880
Speaker 5: We've never gone like that again, and I'm so grateful

504
00:25:50,960 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 5: for it.

505
00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,680
Speaker 1: Oh same, And we've now decided that we have Sister's

506
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,800
Speaker 1: Trip and it's started one time a year and now

507
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: it goes three times a year. But you, if there

508
00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 1: are Duke, if there is somebody, and I know you

509
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:07,000
Speaker 1: have friends that don't get along with their sisters as well,

510
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 1: what what advice would you give to be able to

511
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,040
Speaker 1: get along with with your sister?

512
00:26:15,960 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 5: First, I would just ask them if they loved them

513
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:21,280
Speaker 5: and if they were important to them, And if that

514
00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:27,760
Speaker 5: is the case, then try everything, try anything, anything, because

515
00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:30,000
Speaker 5: it's such an important relationship.

516
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:31,800
Speaker 2: It really is.

517
00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 1: Even if you can do one small thing to connect

518
00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: with your sister, if you're having anything. Yeah, so I

519
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:44,720
Speaker 1: read doctor West one of the biggest sister relationship killers

520
00:26:45,119 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 1: is talking about her instead of talking to her. Yes, so,

521
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,880
Speaker 1: I mean, and we always say this all the time.

522
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 1: Communication is the key to help and support any relationship.

523
00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:00,719
Speaker 1: If there is a if there if there's been a

524
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,880
Speaker 1: gap in time, let's say a couple of years, one

525
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 1: of my friends is going through. They just don't get

526
00:27:06,160 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 1: along at all, and trust has been absolutely broken in

527
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 1: their sister sisterhood. Both of them might feel like if

528
00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: they could get together, they would They just are two

529
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:19,879
Speaker 1: different planets.

530
00:27:20,080 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 2: How do you go about that?

531
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:25,919
Speaker 1: Is it better to just wish them well from afar

532
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,240
Speaker 1: and not have a relationship.

533
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 2: If they're just too different.

534
00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:35,040
Speaker 3: I would try and figure out what is the Okay, Okay,

535
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 3: so they're too different you mean personality wise, or there's

536
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:38,600
Speaker 3: been a conflict.

537
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:41,439
Speaker 1: What do you mean by it seems like they see

538
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 1: things completely different the same scenario, completely different?

539
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:49,919
Speaker 3: Okay? Yeah, I would want to validate each other's positions,

540
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,280
Speaker 3: so i'd want to listen. I'd want to help them learn.

541
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 3: So validation is not the same as agreeing with each other.

542
00:27:55,400 --> 00:27:59,040
Speaker 3: But you can validate each other's position by just echoing

543
00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 3: back what I heard you say say. Does that make sense?

544
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 7: You know?

545
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:03,679
Speaker 3: Does it make sense that?

546
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:03,879
Speaker 2: Did?

547
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 3: Did I get you right? You probably do this now, Donna,

548
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 3: you do it pretty well. You're a good communicator. But

549
00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,320
Speaker 3: that's what I would recommend that people do. And then

550
00:28:12,720 --> 00:28:15,800
Speaker 3: if you can't do that, though, then I would say

551
00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 3: it's better to not get into an argument in a conflict,

552
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 3: give each other space.

553
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:21,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, even if it's years.

554
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, better than better than arguing and making it worse.

555
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 3: But I would I that, yeah, I would try those

556
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,959
Speaker 3: some some some techniques before you get there.

557
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:33,760
Speaker 1: I always love when you say this, doctor Wes, and

558
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: I I really have gotten this. On another level, you

559
00:28:38,480 --> 00:28:42,760
Speaker 1: can validate somebody's feelings without agreeing with that. Correct, So

560
00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: you can say, so, Duke this morning, here's this scenario,

561
00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:52,280
Speaker 1: Duke this morning. Right, So if I were to say, Duke,

562
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 1: I do understand why you got off the phone abruptly with.

563
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,000
Speaker 2: Me because you didn't want to annoy me.

564
00:28:59,200 --> 00:29:03,160
Speaker 1: And I don't agree necessarily with your way of handling it,

565
00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:09,600
Speaker 1: but I understand why you did. What would your way

566
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:14,080
Speaker 1: of validating me on this on this morning's conversation.

567
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 5: Let's see, Chunk, I think that your patience is really

568
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:22,280
Speaker 5: low today, So I'm going.

569
00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 2: To stop talking, to stop it asking the questions.

570
00:29:27,360 --> 00:29:29,080
Speaker 5: Because then you'll say, are you there?

571
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 2: Are you there?

572
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 5: I'm reputing you because I'm tract coffee.

573
00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 1: I don't necessarily think eric, I guess the validation thing.

574
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: But listen, we gotta jump. I'm so glad you called, Duke,

575
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 2: I love you, Thank you so much, here so much.

576
00:29:47,400 --> 00:29:49,640
Speaker 1: Okay, bye, Then we're going to get back to you

577
00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: in a minute. We got to take a quick break.

578
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:55,600
Speaker 1: We're going to come back with more on this and

579
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:56,360
Speaker 1: other things.

580
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,160
Speaker 2: You can get involved. Five Win three ninety seven thousand.

581
00:29:59,200 --> 00:30:03,400
Speaker 1: It's Donna d Doctor wes On seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

582
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 6: That shouldn't be laughed about because it really does exist,

583
00:30:09,560 --> 00:30:12,920
Speaker 6: and if you have it, you can't go out and

584
00:30:12,960 --> 00:30:14,680
Speaker 6: do normal things.

585
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:15,000
Speaker 3: Right.

586
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 1: So, Ben, I feel like I need to address this

587
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 1: because you've mentioned a couple of things that I've said.

588
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 1: I certainly am not laughing about this. I know I

589
00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,400
Speaker 1: have felt it this year myself, in terms of low

590
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:34,920
Speaker 1: motivation and even brain fog and irritability. I just spoke

591
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 1: about it with my sister because I was irritable this morning.

592
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 1: So I think anybody can get this when you're stuck

593
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 1: in your house and you've got a foot of snow

594
00:30:46,280 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 1: outside or more because we just got four more inches

595
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: yesterday in addition to what we already had. So this

596
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: is definitely not a laughing matter, and I understand that

597
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 1: it is frustrating. It's frustrating to feel isolated. It's frustrating

598
00:31:06,440 --> 00:31:10,000
Speaker 1: to not be able to walk outside. You're worried about

599
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,960
Speaker 1: I'm worried about slipping on my my sidewalk and my

600
00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 1: car getting out of my driveway.

601
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:18,360
Speaker 2: This is we're all kind of dealing with it now.

602
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: What I said was some people actually love having this

603
00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 1: much snow and the cold weather and this kind of stuff.

604
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 2: I don't happen to be one of those people.

605
00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: So that being said, with Ben Ben asking the question,

606
00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:35,880
Speaker 1: doctor West, what is it that he can do to

607
00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,239
Speaker 1: pull himself a little bit out of this until it

608
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 1: gets a little bit warmer and the sun shines a

609
00:31:41,840 --> 00:31:42,680
Speaker 1: little bit brighter.

610
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:46,520
Speaker 3: Well, I think number one, Ben, I appreciate you calling

611
00:31:46,560 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 3: in and number one telling your story that And you know,

612
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,080
Speaker 3: I think I you know I I without working one

613
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,560
Speaker 3: on one for a while, would you know we have

614
00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,200
Speaker 3: to do that. I'm not suggesting we do that, but

615
00:31:58,240 --> 00:32:00,680
Speaker 3: I'm saying that that that I think if you're talking

616
00:32:00,760 --> 00:32:02,800
Speaker 3: to a therapist, or if you can speak with someone,

617
00:32:03,080 --> 00:32:06,120
Speaker 3: cognitive behavioral therapy has been known to be really helpful

618
00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:10,400
Speaker 3: with seasonal effective disorder. Is Cognitive behavioral therapy is just

619
00:32:10,440 --> 00:32:12,760
Speaker 3: a way that that kind of gets into the thoughts

620
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:17,000
Speaker 3: and be emotions and behaviors. It's not going to take

621
00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 3: away you know, you've talked Ben about the physical immobility

622
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:24,760
Speaker 3: that you're experiencing, and that's where that's where I would refer,

623
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 3: you know, to a make sure that just get a

624
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 3: complete checkup. But the psychological component of this can be

625
00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 3: helped with cognitive behavioral therapy, so germs checking out the

626
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:41,000
Speaker 3: way that you're thinking about what's going on. And Ben,

627
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 3: I really do appreciate you calling in tonight and giving

628
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 3: voice to the fact that this is a very serious,

629
00:32:48,880 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 3: serious disorder. Because so many disorders, You're right, Ben, people

630
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 3: can overlook them and they can make them, make them

631
00:32:56,840 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 3: feel as if that it's Sometimes people can say, oh,

632
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,760
Speaker 3: it's all in your head, and it's not. It's not

633
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:08,080
Speaker 3: all it physically it impacts you physically beyond just psychologically.

634
00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,520
Speaker 3: So I really do I appreciate that, Ben, but I

635
00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:14,560
Speaker 3: would I would maybe read up on cognitive behavioral therapy

636
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 3: if you haven't, that can be helpful for you potentially

637
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:21,440
Speaker 3: been and telling your story and getting in touch with

638
00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 3: people you know, community can be very helpful. And those

639
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:28,880
Speaker 3: are just a couple of ideas off the start. But

640
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 3: if you were in my office, Ben, we would be

641
00:33:31,120 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 3: doing some cognitive behavioral therapy to.

642
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: Writing writing thoughts down so that you can look at

643
00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:37,880
Speaker 1: them outside of your head.

644
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 2: Then have you tried to do that? Have you? Are

645
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 2: you aware of what you've been thinking lately?

646
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 6: Well, I mean I completely understand that. I think a

647
00:33:47,840 --> 00:33:52,280
Speaker 6: lot of the generalization of not only you know, we

648
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:57,080
Speaker 6: hear about post traumatic stress disorder. Everyone's got it, everyone's

649
00:33:57,120 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 6: got sad, everyone's got this, because it's just part of

650
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 6: the whole social Well, I have this, and I have that,

651
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,839
Speaker 6: and I've been diagnosed with this, and I've been all

652
00:34:09,960 --> 00:34:15,520
Speaker 6: self diagnosis or diagnosis from you know, people that aren't

653
00:34:15,520 --> 00:34:18,680
Speaker 6: really looking out for your best interests, and it becomes.

654
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 2: Almost a joking matter.

655
00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,760
Speaker 6: And for people that really suffer from it to hear

656
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:27,799
Speaker 6: someone laugh or someone oh, I have this or I

657
00:34:27,880 --> 00:34:28,239
Speaker 6: have that.

658
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:30,720
Speaker 7: When you don't, you've.

659
00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:35,160
Speaker 6: Never been clinically, you know, told that you have this,

660
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:39,680
Speaker 6: then it makes everyone else that really suffers from it

661
00:34:39,719 --> 00:34:42,560
Speaker 6: become a joking matter. And I don't think it's anything

662
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:46,080
Speaker 6: to laugh about or joke about, because it.

663
00:34:45,920 --> 00:34:47,800
Speaker 2: Does exist, absolutely.

664
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:52,000
Speaker 6: And people do have this, and for everyone to commonize

665
00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:57,719
Speaker 6: it into oh, well, it's just this is not helpful.

666
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:05,080
Speaker 6: I just think a lot more needs to to just

667
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 6: step back a little bit and go, hey, you know this,

668
00:35:09,440 --> 00:35:12,359
Speaker 6: this really is something that needs to be looked at,

669
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:16,440
Speaker 6: and it's why we're talking about it to everyone.

670
00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,160
Speaker 1: No, no, this is why we're talking about it because it

671
00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:22,800
Speaker 1: is a real diagnosis. So Ben, thank you, and I

672
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:24,880
Speaker 1: wish you the best of luck and I hope that

673
00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:27,200
Speaker 1: you can find whatever it is that's that's going to

674
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,920
Speaker 1: heal you and do it quickly. So but but but

675
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:32,840
Speaker 1: we understand, and thanks so much for the call, and

676
00:35:32,880 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 1: thanks so much for waiting for so long to be

677
00:35:35,320 --> 00:35:38,200
Speaker 1: able to get through appreciate it. Uh So, I mean,

678
00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:42,520
Speaker 1: you know he's he's right that, Yeah, this is this

679
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,040
Speaker 1: is why we're talking about there there are real people

680
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:50,360
Speaker 1: that deal with this issue, and you know, as we've stated,

681
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 1: there are plenty of ways to work on how to

682
00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:56,359
Speaker 1: get it. But I would suggest, I think you were

683
00:35:56,440 --> 00:35:59,760
Speaker 1: right on the money with Ben and the cognitive therapy

684
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 1: and stuff writing down your thoughts, understanding that those are

685
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: very powerful and it creates feelings and energy and emotions

686
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 1: within you and that's kind of that's the pattern that happens.

687
00:36:12,280 --> 00:36:15,400
Speaker 1: So if you can, you know, redirect your thoughts in

688
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:19,439
Speaker 1: some way, start doing things that can possibly lift up

689
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 1: the energy and your thoughts and not doom and gloom.

690
00:36:22,440 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: We went over that and how important that is. But

691
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:27,600
Speaker 1: I do want to talk about something else, doctor West,

692
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 1: because and that was a very important column, and we

693
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 1: do understand and agree with Ben that is an important issue.

694
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 1: I also have another important issue, and that is why

695
00:36:38,560 --> 00:36:39,279
Speaker 1: is it so.

696
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:41,600
Speaker 2: Hard for people to apologize?

697
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: I mean, I've been seeing this everywhere lately, and both

698
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 1: of us just said we were sorry that he was

699
00:36:49,360 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 1: going through. We both apologize to Ben that he had

700
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 1: to go through something like this.

701
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 2: But I mean, what is it is it?

702
00:36:56,760 --> 00:37:01,000
Speaker 1: Is it that they don't want to admit that they're wrong,

703
00:37:01,239 --> 00:37:04,600
Speaker 1: because what does that say about them? What you say

704
00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:09,040
Speaker 1: on people that can't apologize? And I'm thinking specifically, I

705
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,560
Speaker 1: know this has been coming up in my life, but

706
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:16,640
Speaker 1: a very public thing would be, you know, the president

707
00:37:16,840 --> 00:37:20,240
Speaker 1: and the meme that he had going around.

708
00:37:21,120 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that, And I'm just thinking about the

709
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,800
Speaker 3: couples that I can work with sometimes in my office

710
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:32,239
Speaker 3: and the people that come in and they're in conflict.

711
00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:38,439
Speaker 3: Usually they don't want to It's an experiential avoidance, which

712
00:37:38,440 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 3: I've talked about, but primarily it could be pride, it

713
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 3: could be a level of arrogance. But it's also wanting

714
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:48,279
Speaker 3: to avoid the emotions that they're going to feel if

715
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:52,040
Speaker 3: I do apologize, which could be guilt, it could be shame,

716
00:37:52,680 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 3: it could be any.

717
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:54,240
Speaker 2: Number of the nations.

718
00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 1: Admit it, right, then it's actually real and it's inside

719
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:01,239
Speaker 1: them and not in the project did person that day,

720
00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:02,239
Speaker 1: whatever that is.

721
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 3: They're trying to avoid an experience of a feeling, the

722
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 3: emotions that may come up if they do apologize. That

723
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 3: could be something that's going on there.

724
00:38:11,719 --> 00:38:15,560
Speaker 1: Okay, So I mean, because people get so dug into

725
00:38:15,600 --> 00:38:20,279
Speaker 1: their positions and even if they're wrong, and let's say

726
00:38:20,400 --> 00:38:23,760
Speaker 1: nine out of ten and you're the tenth, everyone says

727
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 1: that didn't seem right, and you still can't say listen,

728
00:38:28,719 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 1: you know. Let's take for example, Us Sterling and I

729
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 1: were talking about the meme that President Trump put on

730
00:38:36,560 --> 00:38:42,880
Speaker 1: his true Social can't you know his true true social

731
00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 1: That he had a meme of Michelle and Barack Obama

732
00:38:48,280 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 1: as apes and some form of some form of apes.

733
00:38:54,000 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: It wasn't right, everybody said, he it wasn't right to

734
00:38:57,920 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: do it. Obviously, there were three different excuses, four different excuses.

735
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 2: None of it really made sense.

736
00:39:07,120 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: Wouldn't it have been better if he said, listen, this

737
00:39:10,920 --> 00:39:14,120
Speaker 1: was in bad taste and I apologize. I think it

738
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,880
Speaker 1: would have gone away a lot faster. Now everyone's like,

739
00:39:17,120 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 1: you need to apologize, and he's dug in and saying

740
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:23,080
Speaker 1: for what Why would I apologize? I mean, it's just

741
00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:29,560
Speaker 1: one thing that you see with What did you say? Prideful?

742
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:31,719
Speaker 1: What would be another word for that? Well?

743
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:37,280
Speaker 3: People don't want to feel vulnerable either, vulnerability. If you apologize,

744
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:40,719
Speaker 3: then you are opening yourself up to being very vulnerable.

745
00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:44,319
Speaker 3: And you're now it's like, what else? What else do

746
00:39:44,400 --> 00:39:47,200
Speaker 3: I need to apologize for? If I'm at this point,

747
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:51,600
Speaker 3: I'm putting myself into an inferior position in this relationship

748
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:54,440
Speaker 3: by apologizing. And some people don't want to be in

749
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:56,759
Speaker 3: an inferior position. They want to be superior.

750
00:39:57,200 --> 00:40:02,359
Speaker 1: Right, But doesn't isn't I mean I always feel superior

751
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 1: when I apologize.

752
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,360
Speaker 3: Sure, I mean so, But yes, and that would be

753
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:09,719
Speaker 3: someone who for you, Donna, You've done a lot of

754
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 3: self reflective work and you see it as a strength

755
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:14,799
Speaker 3: to be able to apologize.

756
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 2: Yes, not a weakness.

757
00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:17,840
Speaker 3: Right, some people see it as a weakness.

758
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, and so so with the digging in and

759
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:25,640
Speaker 1: people can do this. I mean I've I've had family

760
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: members that have dug in so deep to try and

761
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 1: defend something so ridiculous, right that they'll spend a lifetime

762
00:40:34,000 --> 00:40:38,320
Speaker 1: defending something just so they don't look what weak.

763
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:44,879
Speaker 3: Mm hmm yeah yeah, weak, Yeah, powerless. They don't want

764
00:40:44,920 --> 00:40:48,000
Speaker 3: to They don't want to open themselves up to critique

765
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:51,919
Speaker 3: or to skepticism or any kind of emotion that might

766
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:54,520
Speaker 3: make them feel powerless or inferior.

767
00:40:54,640 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 2: What does that say about your relate?

768
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,919
Speaker 1: Because you can't You're gonna make mistakes, There's no way

769
00:41:00,920 --> 00:41:01,319
Speaker 1: about it.

770
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 2: Human beings make mistakes.

771
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:09,480
Speaker 1: And if you can't apologize, how is any relationship going

772
00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 1: to How you're going to get connected to any anybody?

773
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 3: It's going to be a struggle. It will be because

774
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:17,399
Speaker 3: you're not being authentic. You're not being That's the word

775
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 3: that comes up for me, is is you're hiding behind

776
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:23,799
Speaker 3: a wall. You're masking. Yeah, right, by saying that you're

777
00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 3: you're so perfect you don't need to apologize.

778
00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:28,760
Speaker 2: Right, I had.

779
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,879
Speaker 1: Something that's so weird that you just you're using these

780
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,439
Speaker 1: words that come into my head the second I think

781
00:41:33,480 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: about it, perfectionism. I had somebody say, well, I'm a perfectionist.

782
00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 1: What kind of pressure are you putting on yourself to

783
00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:45,359
Speaker 1: be a perfectionist? First, well, there's no such thing. And

784
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 1: then how are you going to be able to hear

785
00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:50,160
Speaker 1: something you've done wrong to be able to do better

786
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,680
Speaker 1: if you're a perfectionist and you hold yourself to this

787
00:41:52,800 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 1: crazy standard?

788
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:54,600
Speaker 2: How is that?

789
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 1: Is a perfectionist a certain thing? I mean, is it

790
00:41:58,640 --> 00:42:01,320
Speaker 1: something real that people actually think that they are.

791
00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 3: Well, sure, I mean there can be people who think

792
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:08,359
Speaker 3: that they are they are perfect, yeah for sure, but

793
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 3: that but yeah, yeah, so yeah.

794
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:14,000
Speaker 1: People can think it, But I don't think that that's

795
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: gonna be a good thing. Okay, we've got to we've

796
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:17,880
Speaker 1: got to run. We're going to come back and continue

797
00:42:17,920 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: this conversation. Do you think President Trump should have apologized?

798
00:42:22,080 --> 00:42:22,879
Speaker 2: Is it a thing?

799
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 1: Should should he have apologized for something that the majority

800
00:42:26,680 --> 00:42:29,600
Speaker 1: of the country, including a bunch of Republicans on his

801
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 1: friend you know that's never really disagreed with him, has

802
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,560
Speaker 1: asked him to apologize, And people are still saying the

803
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,160
Speaker 1: president should apologize and he's not done, so, should he

804
00:42:39,239 --> 00:42:41,919
Speaker 1: do it? Five one three, seven, four, nine, eight hundred

805
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:43,920
Speaker 1: the big one. When we come back, we're going to

806
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 1: take your calls.

807
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 2: It's Donna d.

808
00:42:45,880 --> 00:42:49,200
Speaker 1: Doctor Wes on seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

809
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,239
Speaker 2: All right, we're back Saturday night.

810
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:56,640
Speaker 1: Dona d Way, doctor Wes, licensed marriage family therapist and

811
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:01,600
Speaker 1: my partner here on Saturday nights we deep dive into

812
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:09,280
Speaker 1: relationship stuff. We were talking about those people, those people

813
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,439
Speaker 1: that don't like to apologize, and there are some that

814
00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:18,480
Speaker 1: never apologize, And specifically we were talking about our president,

815
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:22,880
Speaker 1: President Trump. Should he have apologized for the meme that

816
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:27,320
Speaker 1: he posted on his true social account about Barack Obama

817
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 1: and Michelle Obama and the video and I think everybody

818
00:43:30,920 --> 00:43:35,759
Speaker 1: in this country has seen it. Should he apologize? A

819
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 1: lot of people on the left, a lot of people

820
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,439
Speaker 1: on the right are calling President Trump to apologize. He's

821
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:44,840
Speaker 1: not done so, I mean, why wouldn't he do that, Wes.

822
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't he just say, look, I'm sorry, it was

823
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:52,440
Speaker 1: in bad taste, it was my fault. I take responsibility

824
00:43:52,480 --> 00:43:53,200
Speaker 1: for it.

825
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:55,560
Speaker 2: He would make him feel so much better.

826
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:58,520
Speaker 1: I think five one three, seven, four, nine seven thousand.

827
00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:02,919
Speaker 1: Should President then Trump apologize? Let's get to Kenny, because

828
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 1: he's been waiting for a long time. Kenny and Hamilton,

829
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:06,400
Speaker 1: what do you think.

830
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 4: He got the realize acepting the person who did that

831
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,800
Speaker 4: had to tell of President Trump what he did before

832
00:44:15,840 --> 00:44:20,200
Speaker 4: he did it. So sump tump, justin Ky, he's trying

833
00:44:20,239 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 4: to everything he can't before. He got one shot at

834
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 4: this before he got office. So I think he should apologize,

835
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 4: But he had never apologized because that's the way he is.

836
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 4: He's like a kid, a five year old kid. They

837
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:38,000
Speaker 4: can't get his way, and he poked his nip out

838
00:44:38,239 --> 00:44:39,439
Speaker 4: because he can't get his way.

839
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:40,200
Speaker 2: So he did that.

840
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:43,520
Speaker 4: He knows, apologize to him. That's the shame. Yeah, really

841
00:44:43,560 --> 00:44:43,919
Speaker 4: the shame.

842
00:44:44,040 --> 00:44:44,200
Speaker 3: You know.

843
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 1: So you're talking about the where President Trump said an

844
00:44:48,160 --> 00:44:52,759
Speaker 1: intern posted this at eleven forty five at night on

845
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 1: his true social and and a lot of people are

846
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:58,960
Speaker 1: asking who is this person and how do they have

847
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:01,879
Speaker 1: control of your How did they have control of your

848
00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:05,400
Speaker 1: account to post something like this. I mean, something like

849
00:45:05,520 --> 00:45:08,759
Speaker 1: this you would think would need approval. Is that what

850
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:09,640
Speaker 1: you're saying, Kenny.

851
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,160
Speaker 4: That's why I say, yeah, I'm saying he didn't known

852
00:45:12,200 --> 00:45:14,160
Speaker 4: it about it before he did it. Yeah, yes he did.

853
00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 2: Okay, so you can't be posted or not.

854
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:17,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, I didn't care.

855
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:19,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that just.

856
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:24,280
Speaker 4: Kind of showed disrespect to President Obama and his wife.

857
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 4: That's really disrespectful, it is.

858
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:30,200
Speaker 1: And I agree, and I think the country agrees. And

859
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:34,080
Speaker 1: you know, at first the White House was saying, you know,

860
00:45:34,160 --> 00:45:37,359
Speaker 1: they were kind of like, don't get that fake outrage, right,

861
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,680
Speaker 1: And then they said, you know, it was somebody else

862
00:45:40,719 --> 00:45:45,240
Speaker 1: who did it. And then you know, President Trump said

863
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 1: didn't they didn't say the end of the video, and

864
00:45:48,160 --> 00:45:50,239
Speaker 1: it was just it's just kind of a mess. Why

865
00:45:50,239 --> 00:45:52,880
Speaker 1: wouldn't he Thank you, Kenny for the call, really appreciate it,

866
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,680
Speaker 1: and thanks for holding for so long, doctor West. Why

867
00:45:55,840 --> 00:46:00,560
Speaker 1: is it that people like this, in this clear situation

868
00:46:01,320 --> 00:46:06,000
Speaker 1: that somebody should be responsible and apologize for this. Why

869
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 1: can't the president do that?

870
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 2: Well?

871
00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:12,840
Speaker 3: I think I go back to my original answer. Pride, arrogance,

872
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:17,880
Speaker 3: and fear of vulnerability, perhaps not wanting to be vulnerable,

873
00:46:18,080 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 3: not wanting to be humble. There could be a lot

874
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 3: of personality reasons why somebody may not want to, So.

875
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:28,880
Speaker 1: Couldn't it you know, how you say you valadate, So

876
00:46:29,000 --> 00:46:32,080
Speaker 1: couldn't he just even do that because you don't have

877
00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 1: to agree with everybody else's opinion. If he said something

878
00:46:37,160 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 1: like I can tell everybody's upset, sure, and I didn't

879
00:46:42,120 --> 00:46:46,280
Speaker 1: want anybody to be upset. It was a lion king reference,

880
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:51,440
Speaker 1: and President Trump was depicted as the king of the jungle,

881
00:46:52,040 --> 00:46:56,440
Speaker 1: and he thought it was funny, but it wasn't. It

882
00:46:56,480 --> 00:46:59,399
Speaker 1: didn't come off funny or clever or anything to many

883
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:05,120
Speaker 1: of us. It was actually very racist. Could have Could

884
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 1: he say something in terms of validating without actually believing that.

885
00:47:09,760 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 2: He was wrong? He could.

886
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 3: Validation is not the same as agreeing with the other

887
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:18,879
Speaker 3: person that you're disagreeing with. It's just simply saying that

888
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:24,359
Speaker 3: that I can I hear your position and that your

889
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:28,000
Speaker 3: position makes sense. But see, I don't even know if

890
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:30,960
Speaker 3: in this situation that case, because it.

891
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:35,280
Speaker 1: Was a terrible thing, I mean, and accidental. Somebody else

892
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:38,000
Speaker 1: did it, I don't know, But you can still handle it.

893
00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:39,920
Speaker 2: It was up for almost twelve hours.

894
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,560
Speaker 3: Right, And what I'm saying is that that not this

895
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:48,239
Speaker 3: particular situation, but with when when you're wanting to validate

896
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 3: in a couple relationship, a family relationship, that key is empathy,

897
00:47:53,920 --> 00:47:57,280
Speaker 3: that you empathize with the other person and what they felt.

898
00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:59,760
Speaker 3: That's the key. And if you don't have the ability

899
00:47:59,760 --> 00:48:02,799
Speaker 3: to endmpathize, you can't do what I'm asking you to do, right,

900
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:05,799
Speaker 3: So you have to be able to empathize, and then

901
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 3: that empathy allows you to say what you are experiencing

902
00:48:09,320 --> 00:48:12,799
Speaker 3: makes sense to me? What you write, what like like

903
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 3: your emotional reaction, you're like, your position makes sense to me.

904
00:48:16,800 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 3: And while we don't agree it, I at least makes

905
00:48:19,600 --> 00:48:22,640
Speaker 3: sense and I can validate that. But that requires empathy.

906
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:24,160
Speaker 2: So that's huge.

907
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: And when you're counseling couples in your office, is lack

908
00:48:29,719 --> 00:48:34,840
Speaker 1: of empathy and lack of being vulnerable enough to apologize.

909
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:35,080
Speaker 2: A big issue?

910
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:35,719
Speaker 3: Absolutely?

911
00:48:35,760 --> 00:48:36,000
Speaker 2: It is.

912
00:48:36,120 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 1: So who I'm sure it's not one or the other

913
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 1: types of gender that's better at this, but there's got

914
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:49,120
Speaker 1: to be one that does apologize and one that doesn't

915
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:51,560
Speaker 1: often or the or do they switch roles often?

916
00:48:51,600 --> 00:48:52,760
Speaker 2: How does that work?

917
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:57,240
Speaker 3: Usually if they switch roles, it's not really one versus

918
00:48:57,239 --> 00:49:00,239
Speaker 3: the other in terms of I mean the gender roles.

919
00:49:00,280 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 3: I don't really see one versus the other. It's usually

920
00:49:03,400 --> 00:49:06,440
Speaker 3: more so the offender versus the who's been offended against.

921
00:49:06,880 --> 00:49:10,360
Speaker 3: That usually the one who is being accused is the

922
00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:13,080
Speaker 3: one that's really not wanting to drop the defense and

923
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:14,960
Speaker 3: being vulnerable, right.

924
00:49:15,080 --> 00:49:17,319
Speaker 2: Does that entail?

925
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: I mean because listen, we've all if you're over the

926
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:24,200
Speaker 1: age of sixteen, you've been you've been hurt in a relationship.

927
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 1: We talk about this all the time. When you have

928
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,760
Speaker 1: lack of trust in a relationship, then you don't feel

929
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:36,320
Speaker 1: like somebody's got your back, and so then being vulnerable,

930
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:41,720
Speaker 1: being vulnerable enough to apologize becomes very hard.

931
00:49:41,880 --> 00:49:43,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very scary.

932
00:49:43,640 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 2: How do you come back from that?

933
00:49:45,920 --> 00:49:49,720
Speaker 1: How do you get Is it just rebuilding the trust

934
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 1: in a relationship?

935
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 2: Yeah?

936
00:49:52,200 --> 00:49:54,560
Speaker 3: To rebuild trust in a relationship, you got to do

937
00:49:54,600 --> 00:49:59,799
Speaker 3: a lot of individual work on yourself, which would require empathy. Yeah,

938
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 3: So you got to do a lot of individual work.

939
00:50:02,160 --> 00:50:05,279
Speaker 3: You got to figure out where you are in this relationship,

940
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 3: what's worth it to you, what's not worth it to you? Yeah,

941
00:50:10,120 --> 00:50:13,239
Speaker 3: And to then really depend on yourself. I think we

942
00:50:13,239 --> 00:50:16,520
Speaker 3: talked about this last week, depending on yourself as a

943
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:19,040
Speaker 3: secure base instead of the partner that you can't trust,

944
00:50:19,120 --> 00:50:21,360
Speaker 3: because you don't have anybody. When you can't trust your partner,

945
00:50:21,400 --> 00:50:23,839
Speaker 3: you don't have anybody to depend on. In a relationship,

946
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 3: you have to depend on yourself.

947
00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:29,040
Speaker 2: So would you say exercises like.

948
00:50:31,440 --> 00:50:35,440
Speaker 1: Writing or speaking talking about if you're in a couple

949
00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:40,080
Speaker 1: and you're having issues, challenging issues of trust and not

950
00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:43,279
Speaker 1: being able to apologize and things like that, would you say,

951
00:50:43,320 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 1: the exercises of listening and being honest with your feelings

952
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 1: and not defending. Echoing? Yes, talk about echoing, because I

953
00:50:55,320 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 1: know that that's and we talk about it, but it

954
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 1: really sometimes that even takes me three, four or five

955
00:51:02,239 --> 00:51:05,040
Speaker 1: conversations with you to really let it sink in on

956
00:51:05,080 --> 00:51:06,240
Speaker 1: what exactly that means.

957
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:09,600
Speaker 3: The echoing technique literally is you echoing back what you

958
00:51:09,640 --> 00:51:12,319
Speaker 3: heard your partner say. One is the speaker, one is

959
00:51:12,360 --> 00:51:16,600
Speaker 3: the listener. So you're going to be the listener of

960
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:19,840
Speaker 3: your partner and they're gonna and they're going to share

961
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:22,240
Speaker 3: their feelings about what happened.

962
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:23,680
Speaker 2: Okay, so let's do it.

963
00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 1: You and I, Right, So I'll be the speaker, okay,

964
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 1: I and I will say, Wes, what you said hurt

965
00:51:32,640 --> 00:51:34,719
Speaker 1: me to the core, and I don't know if I

966
00:51:34,760 --> 00:51:37,279
Speaker 1: can come back from that. I am very upset and

967
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do with my feelings.

968
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:41,799
Speaker 3: Yeah, So, Donna, what I heard you say, is that

969
00:51:42,320 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 3: what I said hurt you to the core and you

970
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:50,280
Speaker 3: don't know if if you're able to come back from it, right.

971
00:51:50,400 --> 00:51:54,719
Speaker 2: Because it was a little dramatic. Yeah to the core?

972
00:51:55,680 --> 00:51:59,760
Speaker 1: Right, it sounded very dramatic to me. Does that happen

973
00:52:00,360 --> 00:52:02,719
Speaker 1: when you echo back? Some people say, all right, I

974
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:04,160
Speaker 1: sounds a little ridiculous.

975
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:06,600
Speaker 3: Well, that's where I say, did I get that right? Yes,

976
00:52:06,719 --> 00:52:08,799
Speaker 3: I'll ask, I'll ask did I get that right? And

977
00:52:08,840 --> 00:52:11,480
Speaker 3: then yeah, okay, And so you don't know if you're

978
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 3: going to be able to come back from that? So

979
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:14,040
Speaker 3: did I get that right?

980
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:17,279
Speaker 2: Yes? You did? I said it. Maybe I was a

981
00:52:17,280 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 2: little extreme in saying that.

982
00:52:19,239 --> 00:52:22,399
Speaker 1: I didn't you know, now that I hear it back, Yes,

983
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:23,840
Speaker 1: I think it was a little extreme.

984
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:26,600
Speaker 3: But I am very upset. Okay, And that makes sense

985
00:52:26,680 --> 00:52:30,160
Speaker 3: to me that you're upset. That makes sense to me.

986
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 1: Okay, So you're you're saying your feedback, You're giving them

987
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:38,680
Speaker 1: feedback on what you just heard, and then you're validating

988
00:52:38,719 --> 00:52:39,400
Speaker 1: your feel.

989
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:41,360
Speaker 3: That makes sense to me, And that is not the

990
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:43,799
Speaker 3: same as agreeing. What that is saying is that I'm

991
00:52:43,880 --> 00:52:46,920
Speaker 3: using empathy, and I'm saying that as a human being

992
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:50,240
Speaker 3: it makes sense to me that I could I also

993
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 3: can be hurt. Right. I may not understand exactly how

994
00:52:53,560 --> 00:52:55,759
Speaker 3: I hurt you, but it makes sense to me that

995
00:52:55,800 --> 00:53:01,200
Speaker 3: you are feeling hurt. You're having the experience of being hurt. Yes, right, Yes,

996
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:03,640
Speaker 3: because I also know what it's like to be hurt.

997
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 3: So that's all you're doing with that with validation.

998
00:53:07,120 --> 00:53:08,480
Speaker 2: You're not saying.

999
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 1: That you agree with the way that she took the

1000
00:53:12,080 --> 00:53:14,960
Speaker 1: way that I took that. No, you're just saying I

1001
00:53:15,040 --> 00:53:18,040
Speaker 1: understand that that can be hurtful to you. Yeah, you

1002
00:53:18,080 --> 00:53:22,399
Speaker 1: can do this in your sister relationships too. I mean,

1003
00:53:22,520 --> 00:53:26,520
Speaker 1: in any relationship that you care about, any anyone that

1004
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,399
Speaker 1: you want to go deeper and not just having those

1005
00:53:29,520 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 1: puddle relationships where they're that they're that deep. You want

1006
00:53:33,040 --> 00:53:35,960
Speaker 1: to you want to get closer because I feel like

1007
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: the work that you do on yourself when you're growing

1008
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 1: you whoever is able because there's some people that you

1009
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:48,320
Speaker 1: know have four kids and they don't have time to

1010
00:53:49,000 --> 00:53:52,680
Speaker 1: do this work on yourself. On yourself, you can really

1011
00:53:52,719 --> 00:53:56,440
Speaker 1: be able to navigate a relationship and be the leader

1012
00:53:56,800 --> 00:53:58,520
Speaker 1: if you're the one doing the work and you have

1013
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:01,920
Speaker 1: an open per like Duke can I this morning with

1014
00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 1: our conversation, I said, let's not hang up the phone

1015
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 1: like that. It's my fault. I was irritated. I didn't

1016
00:54:07,960 --> 00:54:10,399
Speaker 1: have I didn't. I had a short fuse this morning

1017
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:13,160
Speaker 1: and you were banging your dishes and things like that.

1018
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:18,279
Speaker 1: She was so open to listening and accepting my apology.

1019
00:54:18,400 --> 00:54:20,680
Speaker 2: We just clearly just all right, let it go. And

1020
00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:21,120
Speaker 2: then we.

1021
00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:24,440
Speaker 3: Laughed, yeah, right, exactly right, but.

1022
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 2: Letting that go. Right.

1023
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:28,960
Speaker 1: So instead of addressing it, let's say I got off

1024
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,360
Speaker 1: the phone with her and she said I love you

1025
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:34,240
Speaker 1: goodbye and hung up and I didn't call her back.

1026
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:36,480
Speaker 2: That may have festered in me.

1027
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:40,520
Speaker 3: Well that's actually yes, because there was no repair attempt

1028
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:44,520
Speaker 3: r all, you initiated a repair attempt. That's the difference

1029
00:54:44,560 --> 00:54:47,719
Speaker 3: between couples or family members relationships that make it and

1030
00:54:47,760 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 3: those that don't. Research has shown that it's really about

1031
00:54:51,200 --> 00:54:54,040
Speaker 3: the repair attempt. You're going to have conflict, it's inevitable,

1032
00:54:54,800 --> 00:54:57,120
Speaker 3: can you repair it or not? And how quickly can

1033
00:54:57,160 --> 00:54:57,680
Speaker 3: you prepare it?

1034
00:54:57,760 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 2: Quickly?

1035
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 1: So you know, I literally she got off the phone

1036
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:03,239
Speaker 1: and I text her said we're not getting off of

1037
00:55:03,440 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 1: we we we love each other way too much we're

1038
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:08,280
Speaker 1: not getting off the phone like that. We haven't gotten

1039
00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:11,400
Speaker 1: into even a little tiff in years, so we're not

1040
00:55:11,520 --> 00:55:15,040
Speaker 1: letting this go. So and she I said, please call

1041
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:16,799
Speaker 1: me back. And she called me back and I picked

1042
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,600
Speaker 1: up and I said, thank you for calling me back,

1043
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:24,160
Speaker 1: and then we we It took literally three or four

1044
00:55:24,200 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 1: minutes to get through. Hey, I apologize. It didn't mean it.

1045
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:30,480
Speaker 1: You know you were banging. You know your part in it,

1046
00:55:30,840 --> 00:55:33,520
Speaker 1: your role was banging all kinds of stuff. You're right,

1047
00:55:33,560 --> 00:55:35,920
Speaker 1: it was, And I'm sorry, and and now make me

1048
00:55:36,000 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 1: laugh and we did and moved on. And so the

1049
00:55:39,239 --> 00:55:41,879
Speaker 1: repair attempt and we talk about this WES all the time,

1050
00:55:41,960 --> 00:55:44,680
Speaker 1: and I honestly am getting this on another level. The

1051
00:55:44,800 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 1: repair attempt is everything in a relationship. There's going to

1052
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:52,200
Speaker 1: be conflicts, there's no way around it.

1053
00:55:52,239 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 2: And what and and you know that's okay, it's normal.

1054
00:55:57,120 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 2: It's normal too.

1055
00:55:59,200 --> 00:56:03,840
Speaker 1: And so when you have conflicts, which is normal and

1056
00:56:04,000 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 1: is going to happen, what is another great way to repair?

1057
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:14,759
Speaker 1: Is it always going to be someone reaching out to say, hey,

1058
00:56:14,840 --> 00:56:17,200
Speaker 1: how do you feel about what just happened? Is it

1059
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:22,800
Speaker 1: always going to be that? Or can it be making

1060
00:56:22,840 --> 00:56:24,560
Speaker 1: their favorite dinner?

1061
00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 3: Sure, it can be something like that.

1062
00:56:26,280 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 1: Can it be something like a wave in the white

1063
00:56:29,200 --> 00:56:32,200
Speaker 1: flag in peace treaty? Like here, I made this for you.

1064
00:56:32,719 --> 00:56:35,640
Speaker 1: If someone's not the best at communicating.

1065
00:56:35,239 --> 00:56:36,839
Speaker 3: Yes, you could do that. You could do that and

1066
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:40,319
Speaker 3: say that and maybe say something like, you know, I'm

1067
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 3: not a good communicator. This is the way that I'm

1068
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 3: extending the olive branch here, This is the way that

1069
00:56:45,239 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 3: I'm saying, let's repair this.

1070
00:56:46,640 --> 00:56:49,680
Speaker 2: And then how would that other person react to that?

1071
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I'm hoping they would share their emotions, right

1072
00:56:53,200 --> 00:56:55,600
Speaker 3: and say that means a lot to me, thank you

1073
00:56:55,680 --> 00:57:00,959
Speaker 3: for that, right, And maybe I would like to help

1074
00:57:01,040 --> 00:57:03,680
Speaker 3: both partners share what they needed in that situation.

1075
00:57:04,040 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 2: So give me an example.

1076
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, like what I needed from I appreciate you making

1077
00:57:10,200 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 3: this dish. This is wonderful. It's my favorite, and I'm

1078
00:57:12,600 --> 00:57:17,040
Speaker 3: really glad and thankful. And going back to our disagreement,

1079
00:57:17,080 --> 00:57:20,320
Speaker 3: what I really needed in that moment was to know

1080
00:57:20,400 --> 00:57:23,840
Speaker 3: that whatever it would, you know, whatever it might be. Yeah,

1081
00:57:23,880 --> 00:57:26,840
Speaker 3: So the goal is that, I guess I guess there's

1082
00:57:26,840 --> 00:57:28,880
Speaker 3: the therapist in me that's like wanting them to still

1083
00:57:28,920 --> 00:57:31,520
Speaker 3: talk right, right, right, So it's.

1084
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 1: Hard to go around here's my favorite dinner. Yeah, right,

1085
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:37,480
Speaker 1: it is. There's going to have to be some level

1086
00:57:37,480 --> 00:57:40,280
Speaker 1: of communication. And the quicker the better.

1087
00:57:40,320 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 3: The quicker the better.

1088
00:57:41,120 --> 00:57:45,480
Speaker 1: Okay, So what happens if you get into let's just

1089
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:48,160
Speaker 1: say randomly, you go out with your friends and you

1090
00:57:48,200 --> 00:57:51,600
Speaker 1: get into an argument and you know, people had drinks

1091
00:57:52,200 --> 00:57:55,640
Speaker 1: and everybody's laughing and joking, and something gets taken the

1092
00:57:55,680 --> 00:58:00,360
Speaker 1: wrong way. And then you go home and you're in

1093
00:58:00,360 --> 00:58:03,160
Speaker 1: an argument with your friend, your buddy, and you are

1094
00:58:03,240 --> 00:58:05,760
Speaker 1: having such a great time, and then this, and then

1095
00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:11,320
Speaker 1: how do I deal with it? What is the length

1096
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:17,080
Speaker 1: of time that you should go to with trying to

1097
00:58:17,120 --> 00:58:18,640
Speaker 1: get that repair? You know?

1098
00:58:19,040 --> 00:58:21,080
Speaker 2: Yeah? A week too long?

1099
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:22,360
Speaker 3: No, I would do next day.

1100
00:58:22,640 --> 00:58:23,640
Speaker 2: Okay, next day.

1101
00:58:23,640 --> 00:58:25,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, I wouldn't let it go beyond that.

1102
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:28,680
Speaker 1: Would you ever send a text and say, listen, sorry

1103
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:29,840
Speaker 1: about what happened last year?

1104
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:32,400
Speaker 3: If that helps you to be able to maybe some

1105
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 3: people it's easier to write out, and I have clients

1106
00:58:36,120 --> 00:58:41,920
Speaker 3: write letters, apology letters, they write letters to parents. Yes,

1107
00:58:42,080 --> 00:58:44,480
Speaker 3: if it's easier to write it out, then write it out.

1108
00:58:44,520 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 3: Put in a text message? Yeah, But is.

1109
00:58:47,360 --> 00:58:49,280
Speaker 2: It better to call and communicate?

1110
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,360
Speaker 1: Is it better to be face to face is there

1111
00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:54,880
Speaker 1: any Is there such thing as a better way to communicate?

1112
00:58:55,440 --> 00:58:58,760
Speaker 3: No, Well, it's going to be whichever allows you to

1113
00:58:58,800 --> 00:59:02,880
Speaker 3: be authentic and to access empathy. So, if you're feeling

1114
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 3: threatened face to face, started out with a text message,

1115
00:59:05,720 --> 00:59:07,680
Speaker 3: then work up to the face to face communication.

1116
00:59:08,040 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 2: What if.

1117
00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:15,600
Speaker 1: You reach out to repair and your bid for connection

1118
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:16,320
Speaker 1: is not met?

1119
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 2: Yep? What do you do?

1120
00:59:17,520 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 3: I would then reflect back, Okay, this seems to me

1121
00:59:21,480 --> 00:59:24,080
Speaker 3: this is really hard for you to receive what I'm

1122
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:26,560
Speaker 3: trying to say right now. This is really difficult for

1123
00:59:26,640 --> 00:59:29,840
Speaker 3: you to hear that, And I can accept that. It's

1124
00:59:29,840 --> 00:59:33,000
Speaker 3: really sad for me. But I can accept that, and

1125
00:59:33,160 --> 00:59:35,480
Speaker 3: perhaps you can let me know when you're ready to

1126
00:59:36,040 --> 00:59:39,760
Speaker 3: talk about this. Yeah, so you just validate, you validate

1127
00:59:39,800 --> 00:59:41,520
Speaker 3: their reaction to you.

1128
00:59:42,000 --> 00:59:42,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1129
00:59:42,840 --> 00:59:47,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I understand that it's hard for you to deal

1130
00:59:47,960 --> 00:59:50,200
Speaker 1: with this right now in any way, shape or form.

1131
00:59:50,600 --> 00:59:53,760
Speaker 1: I get it, And when you're ready, I'll be available

1132
00:59:53,800 --> 00:59:57,840
Speaker 1: to talk. Does it seem like because even there, I

1133
00:59:57,920 --> 01:00:03,840
Speaker 1: just felt a twinge of emotion of it feels like

1134
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 1: you're caving in when you are vulnerable and you and

1135
01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:14,560
Speaker 1: you it's almost like you're admitting this is why people

1136
01:00:14,560 --> 01:00:17,000
Speaker 1: don't do it because I just felt that, I literally

1137
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: felt it to it. This is why people don't do

1138
01:00:20,240 --> 01:00:23,880
Speaker 1: it is because they feel like they're admitting that they've.

1139
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:24,560
Speaker 2: Done something wrong.

1140
01:00:24,720 --> 01:00:29,880
Speaker 1: Sure, that's right, validating even when that's not admitting that

1141
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:33,880
Speaker 1: you're doing something wrong, it's it's admitting that they feel hurt.

1142
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 3: That's right, we're.

1143
01:00:36,240 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 2: Upset in some way. You can, you can, it's not

1144
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:41,320
Speaker 2: that hard to do that.

1145
01:00:42,200 --> 01:00:45,600
Speaker 3: But it's it's kind, it's kind, but it's also very

1146
01:00:45,720 --> 01:00:48,760
Speaker 3: risky in a relation, in any kind of situation, you're

1147
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:52,680
Speaker 3: you're dropping your defenses completely. When you're sharing a primary

1148
01:00:52,680 --> 01:00:56,640
Speaker 3: emotion like that. You can, Oh, you're opening yourself up

1149
01:00:56,680 --> 01:01:00,480
Speaker 3: to being hurt at a deep level, right, because you're

1150
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 3: so vulnerable.

1151
01:01:01,440 --> 01:01:04,880
Speaker 1: So what if different in the same scenario and you say,

1152
01:01:04,920 --> 01:01:10,200
Speaker 1: I understand that you're hurt and you're feeling this certain way,

1153
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:10,880
Speaker 1: reach out.

1154
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:13,959
Speaker 3: What if weeks go by and they don't reach out,

1155
01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:19,400
Speaker 3: that's their communication. So I would say behavior is a

1156
01:01:19,400 --> 01:01:21,920
Speaker 3: form of communication. Yeah, and so.

1157
01:01:21,800 --> 01:01:25,560
Speaker 2: They're telling you that, what are they telling you in

1158
01:01:25,560 --> 01:01:26,160
Speaker 2: that scenario?

1159
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:29,200
Speaker 3: They're not ready to repair, right, They're just not ready yet.

1160
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:31,840
Speaker 3: And so in that case, how do you stay sane.

1161
01:01:32,480 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 3: In that case, you've got to do a lot of

1162
01:01:34,400 --> 01:01:36,760
Speaker 3: self soothing of your own. Yes, you've got to be

1163
01:01:36,800 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 3: able to go back to the cognitive behavioral therapy that

1164
01:01:40,120 --> 01:01:41,640
Speaker 3: I talked about earlier in the show. You got to

1165
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:43,440
Speaker 3: check out your thinking, you got to check out your

1166
01:01:43,440 --> 01:01:44,920
Speaker 3: emotions and your behaviors.

1167
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:48,440
Speaker 1: Yep, Okay, we are going to come back when we do.

1168
01:01:48,560 --> 01:01:50,720
Speaker 1: This is all such great stuff. You know, I can

1169
01:01:50,760 --> 01:01:53,880
Speaker 1: talk about this forever when we come back. The super

1170
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 1: Bowl tomorrow there's two halftime shows. Are we this divided

1171
01:01:57,560 --> 01:02:00,160
Speaker 1: in this country that we need two halftimes?

1172
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 2: Are you going to watch Bad Bunny or are you

1173
01:02:01,720 --> 01:02:02,720
Speaker 2: going to watch Kid Rock?

1174
01:02:02,960 --> 01:02:04,960
Speaker 1: We're going to talk about that when you come When

1175
01:02:04,960 --> 01:02:07,919
Speaker 1: we come back, it's Donna d Doctor Wes On seven

1176
01:02:07,960 --> 01:02:09,680
Speaker 1: hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

1177
01:02:10,200 --> 01:02:13,040
Speaker 3: Flexibility and curiosity.

1178
01:02:12,360 --> 01:02:12,800
Speaker 6: In our worlds.

1179
01:02:12,840 --> 01:02:13,280
Speaker 2: I agree.

1180
01:02:13,480 --> 01:02:15,920
Speaker 1: You know the attention span thing, when you said that,

1181
01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:21,200
Speaker 1: I can tell my attention span has shrunk since since

1182
01:02:21,360 --> 01:02:22,880
Speaker 1: the scrolling of social media.

1183
01:02:23,080 --> 01:02:23,960
Speaker 2: And it's terrible.

1184
01:02:24,000 --> 01:02:26,320
Speaker 1: And I and I'm saying to myself when I am

1185
01:02:26,680 --> 01:02:29,760
Speaker 1: when I am scrolling on social media, I am saying

1186
01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:33,680
Speaker 1: to myself, get off this phone. Yeah, and I still

1187
01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:36,920
Speaker 1: keep scrolling and then I'll I'll say, all right, that's it.

1188
01:02:36,800 --> 01:02:39,400
Speaker 3: And AI is going to make it worse. It's just

1189
01:02:39,440 --> 01:02:41,360
Speaker 3: going to make it worse because we don't know what's

1190
01:02:41,520 --> 01:02:42,880
Speaker 3: real and what's not.

1191
01:02:43,320 --> 01:02:47,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know that there's there's good things about social media,

1192
01:02:47,760 --> 01:02:51,439
Speaker 1: and then there's that where it feels like it's it's

1193
01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:54,200
Speaker 1: you're almost in an alternate universe and you're trapped in

1194
01:02:54,240 --> 01:02:56,080
Speaker 1: there and you don't know how long you've been in

1195
01:02:56,240 --> 01:02:56,880
Speaker 1: and you don't.

1196
01:02:56,720 --> 01:02:57,640
Speaker 2: Know how to get out of it.

1197
01:02:57,680 --> 01:03:03,120
Speaker 1: Sometimes I just read, you know, so Mark Zuckerberg beat

1198
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:05,160
Speaker 1: out a bunch of billionaire I mean, he's like one

1199
01:03:05,160 --> 01:03:08,360
Speaker 1: of the fourth richest man in the world right now,

1200
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:11,040
Speaker 1: Mark zucker But he's always in the top ten, I think.

1201
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 1: But he's just made a ton of money. So so tomorrow,

1202
01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:17,520
Speaker 1: like we were talking about the Super Bowl game, are

1203
01:03:17,520 --> 01:03:20,040
Speaker 1: you gonna watch it? Do you even care? Are you

1204
01:03:20,120 --> 01:03:23,280
Speaker 1: gonna watch Bad Bunny? Are you gonna watch Kid Rock?

1205
01:03:23,320 --> 01:03:23,520
Speaker 2: Five?

1206
01:03:23,520 --> 01:03:26,400
Speaker 1: One, three, seven, four, nine, seven, eight hundred? The Big One?

1207
01:03:26,920 --> 01:03:29,280
Speaker 2: I mean, I can tell you I'm going to a

1208
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:30,080
Speaker 2: super Bowl party.

1209
01:03:30,120 --> 01:03:32,680
Speaker 1: A friend of mine is having one, and she's got

1210
01:03:32,720 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 1: like three or four TV set up, and so I

1211
01:03:35,080 --> 01:03:38,600
Speaker 1: will definitely watch both. I'll watch Bad Bunny. I've I've

1212
01:03:38,640 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 1: always loved the super Bowl halftime show. I mean, if

1213
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:45,840
Speaker 1: I had to pick one of my favorites, one of

1214
01:03:45,840 --> 01:03:51,360
Speaker 1: my favorite super Bowl halftime shows, it would be it

1215
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 1: would probably be Prince playing Purple Rain when it was raining.

1216
01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:57,520
Speaker 1: I know it sounds cliche and so corny, but I

1217
01:03:57,560 --> 01:04:00,840
Speaker 1: love that moment of him doing that. Is do you

1218
01:04:00,880 --> 01:04:04,320
Speaker 1: have a favorite? You have a favorite super Bowl halftime show?

1219
01:04:04,640 --> 01:04:08,200
Speaker 3: I don't think so. What do you mean how to

1220
01:04:08,280 --> 01:04:10,280
Speaker 3: watch enough of them to have a favorite? Because I

1221
01:04:10,320 --> 01:04:12,320
Speaker 3: think I told you, yeah, I don't really watch them,

1222
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:12,960
Speaker 3: to be honest.

1223
01:04:13,040 --> 01:04:15,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. Don't you even watch your music guy too?

1224
01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:19,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't you even watch the highlights like Lady Gaga

1225
01:04:20,040 --> 01:04:22,760
Speaker 1: was would probably be one of my Michael Jackson.

1226
01:04:22,440 --> 01:04:24,600
Speaker 3: You're going to go along with that, Yeah, absolutely.

1227
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:28,200
Speaker 1: I mean there's been so many great artists that have

1228
01:04:28,280 --> 01:04:30,480
Speaker 1: played the super Bowl. This is one of the biggest

1229
01:04:30,480 --> 01:04:33,200
Speaker 1: events in the world, and the NFL is trying to

1230
01:04:33,520 --> 01:04:37,520
Speaker 1: This is where I think they they they decided on

1231
01:04:37,640 --> 01:04:40,520
Speaker 1: a Bad Bunny to perform. They want a younger audience,

1232
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:43,320
Speaker 1: and they want to go global, so you know, like

1233
01:04:43,440 --> 01:04:48,080
Speaker 1: soccer is so giant across the world. NFL and football

1234
01:04:48,280 --> 01:04:51,439
Speaker 1: is a big sport here in the States, and that's

1235
01:04:51,440 --> 01:04:55,400
Speaker 1: why they've played over in Brazil this year and other places.

1236
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:59,080
Speaker 1: They're trying to make it more global, like a soccer

1237
01:04:59,280 --> 01:05:01,120
Speaker 1: like okay, you know that kind of stuff. So that's

1238
01:05:01,120 --> 01:05:07,280
Speaker 1: why I think Bad Bunny was chosen for the Super

1239
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 1: Bowl this year. But I really feel like if there was,

1240
01:05:11,040 --> 01:05:16,440
Speaker 1: if there was a great performer, somebody that I respected,

1241
01:05:16,560 --> 01:05:21,920
Speaker 1: there's there's so many. I mean, Aerosmith performed, you know,

1242
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:23,000
Speaker 1: their whole catalog.

1243
01:05:23,200 --> 01:05:25,439
Speaker 2: I mean, Janet Jackson.

1244
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:30,680
Speaker 3: Was justin Timberlake. And that's why, Yes, I remember that one. Yeah,

1245
01:05:30,720 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 3: Wharry poled her top wardrobe malfunction.

1246
01:05:33,640 --> 01:05:37,480
Speaker 1: That's actually the first time YouTube was created because there

1247
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,880
Speaker 1: were so many people that tried to find that video.

1248
01:05:40,080 --> 01:05:45,280
Speaker 1: YouTube started during that wardrobe malfunction with justin Timberlake, who

1249
01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:50,480
Speaker 1: had to apologize and Janet Jackson who also apologized and

1250
01:05:50,520 --> 01:05:52,919
Speaker 1: said that was in the end, it went all wrong.

1251
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 2: They were actually they staged.

1252
01:05:55,280 --> 01:06:01,120
Speaker 1: It and and and they ended. I was like, you know,

1253
01:06:01,360 --> 01:06:04,160
Speaker 1: they did it just to appease people. Hey, I'm sorry

1254
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:07,320
Speaker 1: if you took it the wrong way. What was your

1255
01:06:07,400 --> 01:06:10,040
Speaker 1: favorite halftime show. If I've went three, four, nine, seven,

1256
01:06:10,120 --> 01:06:12,760
Speaker 1: thou eight hundred, the Big One, another one that was

1257
01:06:12,840 --> 01:06:17,440
Speaker 1: so good. Bruno Mars was great. In fact, Kendrick Lamar

1258
01:06:18,440 --> 01:06:21,840
Speaker 1: was another kind of he was. He's been upcoming in

1259
01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:25,720
Speaker 1: the pop culture, but he's been pretty big in the

1260
01:06:26,280 --> 01:06:28,120
Speaker 1: hip hop culture, so a lot of people knew who

1261
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,800
Speaker 1: Kendrick Lamar was. Had a big hit with the Drake

1262
01:06:31,440 --> 01:06:35,560
Speaker 1: Drake song. When he performed it was really good. I

1263
01:06:35,640 --> 01:06:37,560
Speaker 1: was surprised how good that was. And a lot of

1264
01:06:37,600 --> 01:06:40,320
Speaker 1: people are saying bad Bunny is going to be an

1265
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:45,400
Speaker 1: unbelievable performance for me. You know, Prince, the ones that

1266
01:06:45,440 --> 01:06:47,960
Speaker 1: I've known for years and years, the ones that have

1267
01:06:48,040 --> 01:06:52,920
Speaker 1: had that giant catalog, the Madonnas, the Prince, the Michael Jackson,

1268
01:06:53,640 --> 01:06:57,480
Speaker 1: the Janet Jackson, Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars. Those are

1269
01:06:57,760 --> 01:07:01,840
Speaker 1: some of the biggest artists I feel had very successful

1270
01:07:01,880 --> 01:07:02,720
Speaker 1: halftime shows.

1271
01:07:03,040 --> 01:07:03,840
Speaker 2: You're nodding, but.

1272
01:07:04,520 --> 01:07:05,959
Speaker 3: I'm nodding because I'm out.

1273
01:07:06,160 --> 01:07:07,160
Speaker 2: I don't really care.

1274
01:07:07,480 --> 01:07:11,560
Speaker 3: No, No, I think that it's it's great to see perform.

1275
01:07:11,720 --> 01:07:17,280
Speaker 3: It's a really so I am who would I like

1276
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:22,120
Speaker 3: to see perform? H Does it have to be like

1277
01:07:22,120 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 3: a current artist.

1278
01:07:24,640 --> 01:07:26,720
Speaker 1: No. We had somebody call in today when I was

1279
01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:30,720
Speaker 1: on with Sterling and said, Dolly Parton, he'll be great.

1280
01:07:30,800 --> 01:07:34,040
Speaker 1: She just turned eighty. She's actually turned down the super

1281
01:07:34,040 --> 01:07:35,000
Speaker 1: Bowl several times.

1282
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:35,600
Speaker 2: She didn't want to.

1283
01:07:36,480 --> 01:07:38,600
Speaker 1: She didn't want to be nominated for the Rock and

1284
01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:39,400
Speaker 1: Roll Hall of Fame.

1285
01:07:39,640 --> 01:07:43,120
Speaker 2: What about that guy behind you on the TV? John Mellencamp, Oh.

1286
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:47,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So I like yacht rock music.

1287
01:07:47,240 --> 01:07:54,080
Speaker 1: Okay, yes, I love yacht Brosia right login there you go,

1288
01:07:54,200 --> 01:07:58,840
Speaker 1: Okay Logins. I actually saw him perform at a great

1289
01:07:58,920 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 1: casino in in California and Temechula, California, and on the

1290
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:08,080
Speaker 1: outskirts of Temecula and was so great in concert. He's

1291
01:08:08,120 --> 01:08:11,960
Speaker 1: getting up there now. But but yeah, I don't know

1292
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:16,519
Speaker 1: how how the kiddos trying to create a little bit

1293
01:08:16,560 --> 01:08:17,280
Speaker 1: of buzz.

1294
01:08:17,600 --> 01:08:21,080
Speaker 3: Rock rock music, But I love it.

1295
01:08:22,240 --> 01:08:23,200
Speaker 2: I love it.

1296
01:08:23,479 --> 01:08:26,000
Speaker 1: Who was the big who was like another big yacht

1297
01:08:26,120 --> 01:08:30,320
Speaker 1: rock And in fact, somebody said today Chicago and earth

1298
01:08:30,360 --> 01:08:32,880
Speaker 1: Wind and Fire there you would have been a great

1299
01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:37,080
Speaker 1: super Bowl halftime show. Let's see. Oh yeah, I love

1300
01:08:37,160 --> 01:08:39,799
Speaker 1: this one. Blinda. We're going to go to you in Kentucky. Belinda,

1301
01:08:39,800 --> 01:08:46,559
Speaker 1: Who do you think what was your favorite halftime Showana.

1302
01:08:47,479 --> 01:08:49,120
Speaker 2: She was pregnant during the time.

1303
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:52,880
Speaker 1: She was very pregnant, very very pregnant during the time,

1304
01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:55,679
Speaker 1: still dancing, still sounded great.

1305
01:08:55,840 --> 01:09:00,719
Speaker 2: I loved that performance. Rihanna was so good. Who would

1306
01:09:00,760 --> 01:09:02,080
Speaker 2: you want to see?

1307
01:09:02,600 --> 01:09:04,760
Speaker 1: And are you gonna watch Bad Bunny or are you

1308
01:09:04,800 --> 01:09:05,840
Speaker 1: gonna watch Kid Rock?

1309
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:09,519
Speaker 2: I'm gonna watch the commercials.

1310
01:09:10,120 --> 01:09:10,760
Speaker 3: There you go.

1311
01:09:11,720 --> 01:09:14,080
Speaker 1: Who would you want to see play the next super

1312
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:15,080
Speaker 1: Bowl halftime show?

1313
01:09:17,880 --> 01:09:21,479
Speaker 2: Ego? Who Ebo?

1314
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 1: Divo? Wow, that's an old band back in the day,

1315
01:09:26,200 --> 01:09:26,800
Speaker 1: right whip it?

1316
01:09:28,400 --> 01:09:28,599
Speaker 7: Yes?

1317
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:29,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.

1318
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:32,759
Speaker 1: Okay, I loved Rihanna, be Blinda. I really liked your choice.

1319
01:09:32,760 --> 01:09:34,680
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for calling. Appreciate it.

1320
01:09:35,760 --> 01:09:37,120
Speaker 2: Yes, have a good night.

1321
01:09:37,439 --> 01:09:39,519
Speaker 1: So yeah, I forgot about her. She was great and

1322
01:09:39,920 --> 01:09:43,160
Speaker 1: her catalog was huge. She probably had ten songs. I

1323
01:09:43,240 --> 01:09:45,639
Speaker 1: knew every single one of them. That's what I mean

1324
01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:49,080
Speaker 1: about an artist playing the super Bowl. Okay, is like, Okay,

1325
01:09:49,680 --> 01:09:53,320
Speaker 1: I don't know one song and Bad Bunny just won

1326
01:09:53,360 --> 01:09:56,080
Speaker 1: three Grammys at the Grammys just now, but I don't

1327
01:09:56,120 --> 01:09:56,960
Speaker 1: know one song.

1328
01:09:57,160 --> 01:09:59,479
Speaker 3: Yeah that he plays. I still don't know who Bad

1329
01:09:59,520 --> 01:10:01,880
Speaker 3: Bunny is, but I can look Bad Bunny up. I

1330
01:10:01,920 --> 01:10:04,760
Speaker 3: guess are you just going to be watching the commercial. Yeah, yeah,

1331
01:10:04,800 --> 01:10:07,719
Speaker 3: I'll just watch the commercials. I agree, I agree, yeah.

1332
01:10:08,120 --> 01:10:11,120
Speaker 1: Or you probably won't since you're you're not really into

1333
01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:15,080
Speaker 1: the super Bowl. What do you do when when eighty

1334
01:10:15,120 --> 01:10:17,439
Speaker 1: percent of the country is watching the super Bowl and.

1335
01:10:17,400 --> 01:10:18,240
Speaker 2: You're not one of them?

1336
01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:21,360
Speaker 1: Doctor catch up on some are you reading and sleeping?

1337
01:10:22,640 --> 01:10:24,320
Speaker 1: Super Bowl Set six? You're not going to go to

1338
01:10:24,320 --> 01:10:28,160
Speaker 1: bed at six o'clock tomorrow night? Okay, So if you

1339
01:10:28,360 --> 01:10:30,679
Speaker 1: do not want to, if you don't care about the game,

1340
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:33,080
Speaker 1: and you really don't care about the halftime show, what

1341
01:10:33,160 --> 01:10:35,160
Speaker 1: are the greatest snacks that you can have at the

1342
01:10:35,200 --> 01:10:37,799
Speaker 1: Super Bowl? I mean, if you look up the most

1343
01:10:37,840 --> 01:10:42,200
Speaker 1: popular snacks to eat at the super Bowl, they're going

1344
01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:46,040
Speaker 1: to be chicken wings. Chicken wings and or nachos. Those

1345
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:46,960
Speaker 1: are the two big ones.

1346
01:10:47,040 --> 01:10:49,639
Speaker 3: I love it. I'll come for the food, right, I'll

1347
01:10:49,640 --> 01:10:50,360
Speaker 3: be there for the food.

1348
01:10:51,200 --> 01:10:54,519
Speaker 1: Well, that is funny, I mean, and and it is

1349
01:10:54,600 --> 01:10:58,120
Speaker 1: one of the It's like Thanksgiving and Christmas wrapped up

1350
01:10:58,360 --> 01:11:01,799
Speaker 1: and one of the biggest sporting events in this country

1351
01:11:01,840 --> 01:11:02,840
Speaker 1: and certainly in the world.

1352
01:11:02,920 --> 01:11:03,360
Speaker 2: There'll be.

1353
01:11:04,960 --> 01:11:09,599
Speaker 1: Millions of people watching the super Bowl tomorrow and talking

1354
01:11:09,640 --> 01:11:14,080
Speaker 1: about betting. It's almost. It's the biggest betting event in

1355
01:11:14,160 --> 01:11:19,120
Speaker 1: the world. I think it's the numbers are astounding, and

1356
01:11:19,320 --> 01:11:23,200
Speaker 1: they even bet on small things like the coin toss,

1357
01:11:23,240 --> 01:11:25,160
Speaker 1: who's going to get who's going to win the coin toss,

1358
01:11:25,200 --> 01:11:28,000
Speaker 1: how long the national anthem is going to be? I mean,

1359
01:11:28,040 --> 01:11:31,920
Speaker 1: they play, they bet on everything. For the super Bowl.

1360
01:11:32,000 --> 01:11:37,200
Speaker 1: It's big money and you can you can literally people

1361
01:11:37,200 --> 01:11:40,760
Speaker 1: are placing bets as we speak right now on the

1362
01:11:40,800 --> 01:11:46,879
Speaker 1: super Bowl. It's a big day.

1363
01:11:46,600 --> 01:11:48,240
Speaker 3: Commercials, it's pop culture.

1364
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:50,479
Speaker 1: And I'm not trying to talk you into doctor West

1365
01:11:50,520 --> 01:11:52,920
Speaker 1: because I know you're you can be very studious and

1366
01:11:52,960 --> 01:11:55,360
Speaker 1: you like your time and you work really hard, and

1367
01:11:55,479 --> 01:11:58,040
Speaker 1: both of us do as well. But sometimes you got

1368
01:11:58,040 --> 01:12:00,639
Speaker 1: to kick your feet, your shoes off, put your feet

1369
01:12:00,720 --> 01:12:02,919
Speaker 1: up in a recliner, hang out with some friends.

1370
01:12:03,120 --> 01:12:05,559
Speaker 2: You can turn on the super Bowl at one time. Event.

1371
01:12:07,120 --> 01:12:09,280
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not going to force you into telling me

1372
01:12:10,880 --> 01:12:15,439
Speaker 1: who you would have on the yacht Rock. But if

1373
01:12:15,439 --> 01:12:20,760
Speaker 1: you had yacht Rock, if I had Journey count, yeah,

1374
01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:24,080
Speaker 1: absolutely only with Steve Perry.

1375
01:12:24,920 --> 01:12:26,120
Speaker 2: If they could do it.

1376
01:12:26,360 --> 01:12:28,360
Speaker 3: That would be good. That would be good. I'm really

1377
01:12:28,360 --> 01:12:30,240
Speaker 3: okay with anybody who would you pick out a.

1378
01:12:30,280 --> 01:12:34,080
Speaker 2: Yacht rock well on a yacht rock. You know.

1379
01:12:36,160 --> 01:12:43,320
Speaker 1: Oh well, I love Michael McDonald and that's a voice

1380
01:12:43,360 --> 01:12:47,160
Speaker 1: I can't whenever Michael McDonald and or the Doobie Brothers

1381
01:12:47,160 --> 01:12:53,040
Speaker 1: come on, I can't change the stakes. Michael McDonald, all right,

1382
01:12:53,880 --> 01:12:59,479
Speaker 1: all right, coming up, we're going to talk about there's

1383
01:12:59,560 --> 01:13:03,000
Speaker 1: been and especially in the in the cold winter months,

1384
01:13:03,000 --> 01:13:06,719
Speaker 1: and we've talked about sad seasonal effect.

1385
01:13:06,960 --> 01:13:08,759
Speaker 3: I always forget season effective disorder.

1386
01:13:09,000 --> 01:13:13,280
Speaker 1: Yes, whereas you're kind of stuck, you're locked in. There's

1387
01:13:13,320 --> 01:13:16,599
Speaker 1: a new study that we're going to talk about how

1388
01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:21,120
Speaker 1: important human touch is to other people, and all these

1389
01:13:21,160 --> 01:13:23,720
Speaker 1: new studies that are coming out in terms of your

1390
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:30,840
Speaker 1: health and and how it benefits even blood pressure, heart

1391
01:13:30,920 --> 01:13:35,680
Speaker 1: pressure and things like that. But I want to I

1392
01:13:35,720 --> 01:13:39,599
Speaker 1: want to ask you, first of all, if you live

1393
01:13:39,640 --> 01:13:45,160
Speaker 1: alone and you're in this type of weather and you

1394
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:50,240
Speaker 1: don't have the human touch, what should you do about that? Like,

1395
01:13:50,400 --> 01:13:52,800
Speaker 1: if it's so important for your health and to get out.

1396
01:13:53,280 --> 01:13:57,200
Speaker 1: Everybody has somebody that they know in an area or something,

1397
01:13:57,520 --> 01:14:01,960
Speaker 1: would you make the the the attempt to go meet

1398
01:14:02,000 --> 01:14:05,280
Speaker 1: out once a week or it is? Because human touch

1399
01:14:05,360 --> 01:14:08,200
Speaker 1: is very different than being on a phone, texting, zooms

1400
01:14:08,240 --> 01:14:08,920
Speaker 1: and things like that.

1401
01:14:09,400 --> 01:14:12,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, absolutely. I mean we talked about the meetup

1402
01:14:12,280 --> 01:14:14,720
Speaker 3: app as an option last week, I think on our

1403
01:14:14,760 --> 01:14:17,880
Speaker 3: show for people that are looking to find other people

1404
01:14:17,960 --> 01:14:18,680
Speaker 3: to connect with.

1405
01:14:19,400 --> 01:14:22,639
Speaker 2: But yeah, I think, just well, how important is human touch?

1406
01:14:22,760 --> 01:14:27,200
Speaker 3: Human touch is very important for regulating emotions, for being

1407
01:14:27,280 --> 01:14:29,960
Speaker 3: able to work on your anxiety and your stress and

1408
01:14:30,000 --> 01:14:34,040
Speaker 3: your depression. It helps the part of the brain that

1409
01:14:34,160 --> 01:14:36,479
Speaker 3: has the fight, fight or freeze response. It helps to

1410
01:14:36,520 --> 01:14:40,120
Speaker 3: calm that part of the brain. So anytime when you're

1411
01:14:40,760 --> 01:14:44,120
Speaker 3: what I say is being flooded or you're being escalated,

1412
01:14:44,960 --> 01:14:47,240
Speaker 3: if you can just hug. I told my couples just

1413
01:14:47,520 --> 01:14:50,439
Speaker 3: and it's really counterintuitive, they think because they're mad at

1414
01:14:50,479 --> 01:14:52,800
Speaker 3: each other, But I say, if you all can just

1415
01:14:52,800 --> 01:14:55,560
Speaker 3: just hug right in the middle, like like right in

1416
01:14:55,560 --> 01:14:57,839
Speaker 3: the middle of an argument, if you can hug each other, Yeah,

1417
01:14:57,880 --> 01:15:00,200
Speaker 3: it's gonna help that. It's going to help the fight

1418
01:15:00,280 --> 01:15:03,480
Speaker 3: fight er freeze part of your brain, shut off the amygdala,

1419
01:15:03,640 --> 01:15:07,320
Speaker 3: and it's going to increase oxytocin, which is the love hormone,

1420
01:15:07,800 --> 01:15:09,919
Speaker 3: and they're probably not going to fight anymore.

1421
01:15:10,760 --> 01:15:12,800
Speaker 1: You know what's interesting When I go out with my

1422
01:15:12,880 --> 01:15:15,599
Speaker 1: friends too, they're always hitting me on my shoulder.

1423
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:16,640
Speaker 2: They're always touching me.

1424
01:15:16,880 --> 01:15:19,840
Speaker 1: We always give each other hugs when we meet and

1425
01:15:19,880 --> 01:15:23,880
Speaker 1: then and then when we leave. But there's always in

1426
01:15:24,000 --> 01:15:28,519
Speaker 1: being a twin, we would always walk like, we would

1427
01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:31,479
Speaker 1: always walk towards each other to where we were always

1428
01:15:31,600 --> 01:15:34,800
Speaker 1: leaning on each other's shoulders or leaning on it. And

1429
01:15:35,160 --> 01:15:37,479
Speaker 1: I find myself doing that with my friends. Is it

1430
01:15:37,560 --> 01:15:43,519
Speaker 1: an automatic why your body just automatically wants to I

1431
01:15:43,560 --> 01:15:47,840
Speaker 1: mean because even when I was teaching yoga, and I

1432
01:15:47,920 --> 01:15:51,559
Speaker 1: taught a class this morning, literally, I would make people say,

1433
01:15:52,120 --> 01:15:54,040
Speaker 1: come up and give me a hug, because you need

1434
01:15:54,080 --> 01:15:56,519
Speaker 1: to have ten of those a day in order to

1435
01:15:56,560 --> 01:15:59,719
Speaker 1: feel good. And I'm the recipient of it. I'm happy

1436
01:15:59,760 --> 01:16:01,639
Speaker 1: to take it. Come up and give me a hug.

1437
01:16:01,680 --> 01:16:03,800
Speaker 1: And there were some people that didn't want to do it,

1438
01:16:04,520 --> 01:16:07,520
Speaker 1: and I could see them thinking about it and contemplating

1439
01:16:07,560 --> 01:16:10,040
Speaker 1: whether they would go up and give because maybe that's

1440
01:16:10,080 --> 01:16:15,559
Speaker 1: not something that they normally do. But usually when I say, everybody,

1441
01:16:15,560 --> 01:16:17,439
Speaker 1: come up and give me a hug because I need

1442
01:16:17,439 --> 01:16:19,559
Speaker 1: ten hugs a day, you need ten hugs a day.

1443
01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:24,479
Speaker 1: There's something about it that even when you just give

1444
01:16:24,520 --> 01:16:28,599
Speaker 1: somebody a hug, you just as you said with your couples,

1445
01:16:28,640 --> 01:16:31,160
Speaker 1: even if you're an argument or you're not in an argument. Yeah,

1446
01:16:31,200 --> 01:16:34,880
Speaker 1: you can tell there's a washing over somebody, right. That

1447
01:16:35,040 --> 01:16:37,040
Speaker 1: just makes you feel better. It's a calming thing.

1448
01:16:37,200 --> 01:16:40,760
Speaker 3: It is very much. And dogs, your dog can definitely

1449
01:16:40,960 --> 01:16:45,080
Speaker 3: help that also, by the way, releases oxytocin the love hormone,

1450
01:16:45,160 --> 01:16:47,559
Speaker 3: can love the cuddle hormone. Yeah, when you're just patting

1451
01:16:47,600 --> 01:16:47,920
Speaker 3: your dog.

1452
01:16:48,360 --> 01:16:51,080
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Mine is a stage five clinger, so he's

1453
01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:57,280
Speaker 1: on my lap all the time, you know, there is.

1454
01:16:57,360 --> 01:17:00,920
Speaker 1: And I as we were talking about this, I just

1455
01:17:01,040 --> 01:17:04,120
Speaker 1: remembered that I used to have people do that to

1456
01:17:04,160 --> 01:17:06,439
Speaker 1: me all the time, with giving me a hug after

1457
01:17:06,439 --> 01:17:09,840
Speaker 1: their yoga class. And some people automatically do now, but

1458
01:17:09,920 --> 01:17:11,920
Speaker 1: I used to say, come up and give me a hug.

1459
01:17:12,200 --> 01:17:14,160
Speaker 3: And I'm going to start doing that again. And if

1460
01:17:14,160 --> 01:17:18,240
Speaker 3: you're alone and you're wanting to there's a butterfly hug.

1461
01:17:18,880 --> 01:17:21,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, does that help?

1462
01:17:21,720 --> 01:17:24,400
Speaker 3: It does help. Research shows that absolutely.

1463
01:17:23,960 --> 01:17:27,679
Speaker 1: Helps you wrap your arms around yourself and you hug yourself.

1464
01:17:27,760 --> 01:17:29,639
Speaker 2: Yep. That is so sweet.

1465
01:17:29,920 --> 01:17:32,040
Speaker 3: And that helps to regulate that part of your brain

1466
01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:34,160
Speaker 3: as well. Have you Migdala. The fight fight Er freeze

1467
01:17:34,200 --> 01:17:35,520
Speaker 3: helps to calm it down.

1468
01:17:36,160 --> 01:17:39,160
Speaker 1: And then get used to get used to asking for hugs,

1469
01:17:39,200 --> 01:17:41,080
Speaker 1: Get used to telling people that you want to hug.

1470
01:17:41,080 --> 01:17:42,439
Speaker 2: Give me a hug, Give me a hug.

1471
01:17:42,680 --> 01:17:44,400
Speaker 1: Right, it is a nice thing to do. All right,

1472
01:17:44,439 --> 01:17:48,200
Speaker 1: we have one more break. We're coming back. Your chance

1473
01:17:48,439 --> 01:17:51,679
Speaker 1: to get interactive. As my co host Sterling would say,

1474
01:17:51,720 --> 01:17:53,879
Speaker 1: five one, three, seven, four, nine, seven thousand.

1475
01:17:54,000 --> 01:17:55,439
Speaker 2: I know we've got some calls coming in.

1476
01:17:55,720 --> 01:17:58,800
Speaker 1: We'll get you on the other side of the break news, weather,

1477
01:17:58,880 --> 01:18:02,680
Speaker 1: traffic coming up. It's Donna d with Doctor West Saturday Night,

1478
01:18:02,720 --> 01:18:08,599
Speaker 1: seven hundred WLW Cincinnati Amazing Station seven hundred WLWIM Donna

1479
01:18:08,640 --> 01:18:13,880
Speaker 1: D along with doctor Wes, licensed marriage family therapist out

1480
01:18:13,880 --> 01:18:16,960
Speaker 1: in Nashville. Thanks for coming in and always so fun

1481
01:18:17,040 --> 01:18:20,400
Speaker 1: going over some of this stuff for you, doctor, including

1482
01:18:20,520 --> 01:18:21,519
Speaker 1: yacht Rock tonight.

1483
01:18:21,680 --> 01:18:25,880
Speaker 2: Absolutely, there is a Super Bowl tomorrow, the Big Game.

1484
01:18:26,800 --> 01:18:29,639
Speaker 1: All eyes are going to be on, or most eyes

1485
01:18:29,680 --> 01:18:34,880
Speaker 1: will be going on watching the halftime show with Bad Bunny.

1486
01:18:34,920 --> 01:18:39,400
Speaker 1: There is an alternate show with TPUSA. Kid Rock is

1487
01:18:39,439 --> 01:18:42,120
Speaker 1: going to be performing and headlining that show. We were

1488
01:18:42,160 --> 01:18:46,800
Speaker 1: asking who would you like to see perform at the

1489
01:18:46,800 --> 01:18:47,400
Speaker 1: Super Bowl.

1490
01:18:47,479 --> 01:18:50,320
Speaker 2: Paul, you had to get you had wanted to weigh

1491
01:18:50,400 --> 01:18:51,080
Speaker 2: in here.

1492
01:18:51,720 --> 01:18:53,880
Speaker 7: Yeah, I got a couple of ideas. I don't know

1493
01:18:53,880 --> 01:18:58,439
Speaker 7: if you saw the College Championship game, but Jack White

1494
01:18:58,560 --> 01:19:02,439
Speaker 7: did the halftime show. He does that Seventh Nation Army

1495
01:19:02,439 --> 01:19:04,160
Speaker 7: that everybody does in the stadium anyway.

1496
01:19:04,400 --> 01:19:09,320
Speaker 2: I mean the bum bomb bomb bump bum white stripes,

1497
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:10,559
Speaker 2: that's right.

1498
01:19:10,720 --> 01:19:12,559
Speaker 7: Yeah, And so you know he'd be great.

1499
01:19:12,680 --> 01:19:13,639
Speaker 2: He would be great.

1500
01:19:14,120 --> 01:19:15,880
Speaker 7: The only reason I know Bad Bunny is because I

1501
01:19:15,920 --> 01:19:19,120
Speaker 7: watched Saturday Night Live and he's appeared on there. But

1502
01:19:19,280 --> 01:19:22,320
Speaker 7: otherwise I wouldn't know him. Now as far as yacht rock,

1503
01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:26,960
Speaker 7: wouldn't it be amazing. We'd get Steely Dan up there.

1504
01:19:29,320 --> 01:19:30,840
Speaker 7: Rights that would be great.

1505
01:19:31,479 --> 01:19:34,200
Speaker 1: So are you gonna watch the halftime show? A lot

1506
01:19:34,200 --> 01:19:36,800
Speaker 1: of people said they're not interested. We we did this

1507
01:19:36,920 --> 01:19:40,280
Speaker 1: topic earlier today was Sterling and I uh three to six,

1508
01:19:40,360 --> 01:19:42,040
Speaker 1: and you know a lot of people were like, I

1509
01:19:42,040 --> 01:19:43,720
Speaker 1: don't really care. I'm going to go to use the

1510
01:19:43,760 --> 01:19:45,560
Speaker 1: bathroom and then watch the commercials.

1511
01:19:46,040 --> 01:19:46,280
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1512
01:19:46,320 --> 01:19:48,519
Speaker 7: I go back and forth with it. I'd like to

1513
01:19:48,640 --> 01:19:50,960
Speaker 7: I like the spectacle, so you know, I like to

1514
01:19:51,000 --> 01:19:53,280
Speaker 7: see they get everything out there in the middle of

1515
01:19:53,280 --> 01:19:55,000
Speaker 7: the field and all the lights and all that stuff.

1516
01:19:55,040 --> 01:19:57,000
Speaker 7: So I kind of like, it doesn't really matter that

1517
01:19:57,080 --> 01:19:59,639
Speaker 7: much to me. Who's It's not my kind of music.

1518
01:19:59,760 --> 01:20:01,880
Speaker 7: But I did want to tell you that my my

1519
01:20:01,960 --> 01:20:06,880
Speaker 7: son lives in Denver, Colorado, and he has a super

1520
01:20:06,880 --> 01:20:09,760
Speaker 7: Bowl party and he served the Skyline Chili dip.

1521
01:20:10,120 --> 01:20:11,120
Speaker 2: Oh.

1522
01:20:11,240 --> 01:20:13,760
Speaker 7: The folks out there don't get you know. I have

1523
01:20:13,880 --> 01:20:14,880
Speaker 7: been introduced to it.

1524
01:20:15,400 --> 01:20:17,200
Speaker 2: He gets it shipped from Skyline.

1525
01:20:18,240 --> 01:20:22,160
Speaker 7: He gets Yeah, there's a Croger or it's a whatever.

1526
01:20:22,160 --> 01:20:24,320
Speaker 7: They're not Kroger, so I know what it is.

1527
01:20:24,439 --> 01:20:27,680
Speaker 1: It's oh gosh, I used to live in Denver. I

1528
01:20:27,800 --> 01:20:30,960
Speaker 1: know what is the name of that grocery store.

1529
01:20:32,080 --> 01:20:35,639
Speaker 7: Well, I'm glad you can't remember it either, because yeah

1530
01:20:35,720 --> 01:20:39,400
Speaker 7: they Yeah, so they stock it. They have Grads and

1531
01:20:39,520 --> 01:20:43,200
Speaker 7: Skyline in this particular store, because the one of the

1532
01:20:43,240 --> 01:20:44,560
Speaker 7: managers is from Cincinnati.

1533
01:20:44,800 --> 01:20:45,479
Speaker 2: I know what it is.

1534
01:20:45,479 --> 01:20:49,719
Speaker 1: It's King Supers, that's it. Yeah, King Supers. I didn't

1535
01:20:49,720 --> 01:20:51,960
Speaker 1: even look that up, by the way, but I lived

1536
01:20:51,960 --> 01:20:54,839
Speaker 1: in Denver for a year, so that they do stock

1537
01:20:55,400 --> 01:20:57,280
Speaker 1: Skyline and Graters and stuff there.

1538
01:20:57,320 --> 01:20:59,000
Speaker 2: That's so funny. Good for him.

1539
01:20:59,000 --> 01:21:01,120
Speaker 1: He's got a little bit of sinnati for the super

1540
01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:02,040
Speaker 1: Bowl party.

1541
01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:04,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, who you rooting for? Do you care?

1542
01:21:06,000 --> 01:21:09,280
Speaker 7: I don't really care too. I guess I'm leaning on Seattle.

1543
01:21:09,520 --> 01:21:11,920
Speaker 7: I just think, I mean, I think they're the ones

1544
01:21:11,960 --> 01:21:13,400
Speaker 7: going to win, but I don't really I'm just.

1545
01:21:13,400 --> 01:21:14,240
Speaker 6: Root for a good game.

1546
01:21:14,840 --> 01:21:18,519
Speaker 1: Well and and Chick Ludwig was talking about how there's

1547
01:21:18,560 --> 01:21:21,559
Speaker 1: a lot of Ohio State players on both sides, so

1548
01:21:21,720 --> 01:21:24,240
Speaker 1: that doesn't matter. But yeah, I would like to see

1549
01:21:24,280 --> 01:21:26,479
Speaker 1: Seattle win because New England has won so many so

1550
01:21:26,520 --> 01:21:29,920
Speaker 1: it'd be nice to see Seattle Seattle win.

1551
01:21:30,320 --> 01:21:32,400
Speaker 2: Paul, thank you so much for the colin. Thanks for

1552
01:21:32,439 --> 01:21:35,080
Speaker 2: holding for so long. Appreciate it, you got it.

1553
01:21:35,120 --> 01:21:35,840
Speaker 7: I enjoy your show.

1554
01:21:36,000 --> 01:21:37,280
Speaker 2: Thank you, bye bye.

1555
01:21:37,760 --> 01:21:40,120
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean like to finish off the Bad

1556
01:21:40,160 --> 01:21:43,800
Speaker 1: Bunny thing and and and the super Bowl, and everybody's

1557
01:21:43,880 --> 01:21:46,800
Speaker 1: going to be talking about the numbers tomorrow because I

1558
01:21:46,840 --> 01:21:49,920
Speaker 1: mean on Monday, people are going to say did they

1559
01:21:50,080 --> 01:21:53,240
Speaker 1: turn off the Super Bowl to turn over to a

1560
01:21:53,320 --> 01:21:57,360
Speaker 1: YouTube channel or X channel to go see Turning Point

1561
01:21:57,400 --> 01:22:01,000
Speaker 1: USA to watch kid Rock And you know, Jason Alden

1562
01:22:01,120 --> 01:22:04,320
Speaker 1: is going to be on there, I believe, and Jelly Role.

1563
01:22:04,200 --> 01:22:05,840
Speaker 2: I think is going to be performing as well.

1564
01:22:06,080 --> 01:22:09,839
Speaker 1: Who is going to win that, I mean, it's probably

1565
01:22:09,920 --> 01:22:12,120
Speaker 1: going to be more that they're going to stay on

1566
01:22:12,200 --> 01:22:14,320
Speaker 1: the super Bowl because nobody's going to want to change

1567
01:22:14,320 --> 01:22:16,600
Speaker 1: the channel on that. It'll be interesting to see the

1568
01:22:16,720 --> 01:22:19,800
Speaker 1: numbers that kid rockets and pulls in last minute for

1569
01:22:20,360 --> 01:22:23,840
Speaker 1: a show like that. I love that stuff, So I

1570
01:22:23,920 --> 01:22:27,000
Speaker 1: will be one of those people that a watch the commercials,

1571
01:22:27,040 --> 01:22:29,600
Speaker 1: a talk about the halftime show, a talk about the

1572
01:22:29,680 --> 01:22:32,600
Speaker 1: numbers for which, and you know, hopefully it'll be a

1573
01:22:32,600 --> 01:22:33,639
Speaker 1: good football game too.

1574
01:22:33,720 --> 01:22:34,720
Speaker 2: Went on top of it.

1575
01:22:35,120 --> 01:22:36,920
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, they're playing a football game too.

1576
01:22:37,160 --> 01:22:38,880
Speaker 2: Yeah. So we are a week away.

1577
01:22:39,520 --> 01:22:42,200
Speaker 1: This is our last break, and I wanted to keep

1578
01:22:42,200 --> 01:22:45,360
Speaker 1: it a little bit lighthearted because Valentine's Day is coming

1579
01:22:45,439 --> 01:22:51,000
Speaker 1: up a week from today. And you know, it's so

1580
01:22:51,120 --> 01:22:54,000
Speaker 1: funny because for a couple of years in a row,

1581
01:22:54,600 --> 01:22:57,280
Speaker 1: my friends, my sister and my friend Lisa, the three

1582
01:22:57,280 --> 01:22:59,200
Speaker 1: of us would meet out and we would forget that

1583
01:22:59,280 --> 01:23:02,280
Speaker 1: it was I say. We be like, wow, there's a

1584
01:23:02,280 --> 01:23:05,519
Speaker 1: lot of couples out tonight and I'm like, oh my gosh,

1585
01:23:05,560 --> 01:23:08,080
Speaker 1: it's Valentine's Day. We have done that a couple of

1586
01:23:08,160 --> 01:23:11,160
Speaker 1: years in a row. It is so silly. But do

1587
01:23:11,800 --> 01:23:16,000
Speaker 1: people care about this holiday? Is it hallmark holiday that

1588
01:23:16,080 --> 01:23:20,479
Speaker 1: people don't really care about? Do people do couples still

1589
01:23:20,600 --> 01:23:24,519
Speaker 1: celebrate I mean, ladies, do you want the flowers on

1590
01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:29,639
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day? Because I've heard men say my wife doesn't

1591
01:23:29,640 --> 01:23:32,120
Speaker 1: even want me to spend money on flowers to get

1592
01:23:32,120 --> 01:23:35,720
Speaker 1: her flowers. Now, for me, I love flowers. I love

1593
01:23:35,840 --> 01:23:38,479
Speaker 1: to get them. I love to give them. I think

1594
01:23:38,520 --> 01:23:41,280
Speaker 1: it's really nice to do. What about you, doctor Wes.

1595
01:23:41,560 --> 01:23:45,160
Speaker 3: I definitely give flowers to my ex wife, and then

1596
01:23:45,320 --> 01:23:47,559
Speaker 3: because she's the mother of my child, Yeah, she always

1597
01:23:47,560 --> 01:23:51,759
Speaker 3: get flowers, and then to a girl I'm seeing currently,

1598
01:23:51,840 --> 01:23:52,679
Speaker 3: and then to my mom.

1599
01:23:52,960 --> 01:23:57,599
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you send three sets of flowers. Wow, that's nice.

1600
01:23:57,840 --> 01:23:58,080
Speaker 2: Yep.

1601
01:23:58,479 --> 01:24:00,760
Speaker 1: I mean that's given a lot of luck. Yeah, on

1602
01:24:00,880 --> 01:24:01,840
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day?

1603
01:24:01,880 --> 01:24:06,519
Speaker 2: Sure? Yeah. Do you get presence back to I don't

1604
01:24:06,560 --> 01:24:08,080
Speaker 2: think so, but that's okay.

1605
01:24:08,640 --> 01:24:12,160
Speaker 1: Do guys normally get anything on Valentine I mean, honestly,

1606
01:24:12,200 --> 01:24:14,599
Speaker 1: do guys get anything on Valentine's Day?

1607
01:24:14,640 --> 01:24:16,280
Speaker 2: Let's let's weigh in here.

1608
01:24:16,360 --> 01:24:18,280
Speaker 1: We'll ask the listeners to call in five one three,

1609
01:24:18,439 --> 01:24:21,680
Speaker 1: four nine seven thousand, the last little bit of the

1610
01:24:21,760 --> 01:24:24,639
Speaker 1: show before we get off. We've got about ten minutes left.

1611
01:24:24,640 --> 01:24:27,880
Speaker 1: Five one three, seven, four seven thousand. Do you care

1612
01:24:27,960 --> 01:24:31,320
Speaker 1: about Valentine's Day? Do you do you want your Is

1613
01:24:31,360 --> 01:24:33,960
Speaker 1: it meaningful for your partner to get you something for

1614
01:24:34,080 --> 01:24:36,960
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day? I always think it is a nice thing

1615
01:24:38,160 --> 01:24:40,599
Speaker 1: to do something nice, to something for somebody, and if

1616
01:24:40,640 --> 01:24:43,800
Speaker 1: it's an occasion to do that, right, it's nice to

1617
01:24:43,840 --> 01:24:44,439
Speaker 1: do right.

1618
01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:48,559
Speaker 3: Sure, Yeah, it's just honoring them, honoring their place in

1619
01:24:48,600 --> 01:24:52,200
Speaker 3: our lives and the relationships that we have. And so

1620
01:24:52,320 --> 01:24:55,240
Speaker 3: I think it's a good I'm all about rituals. I

1621
01:24:55,240 --> 01:24:57,439
Speaker 3: think rituals there's a lot of meaning to it, and

1622
01:24:57,479 --> 01:24:59,960
Speaker 3: it creates some security too, and some groundedness.

1623
01:25:00,360 --> 01:25:03,559
Speaker 1: Well even just like, oh gosh, that's so nice. I've

1624
01:25:03,600 --> 01:25:07,000
Speaker 1: been married for you know, fifteen years and he still

1625
01:25:07,040 --> 01:25:10,120
Speaker 1: gets me flowers on Valentine's Day. I mean, would you

1626
01:25:10,479 --> 01:25:14,400
Speaker 1: if if a couple were in your office and and

1627
01:25:14,400 --> 01:25:17,720
Speaker 1: and they said, you know, if you even said this

1628
01:25:17,760 --> 01:25:19,519
Speaker 1: week now, are you going to get her anything for

1629
01:25:19,640 --> 01:25:21,680
Speaker 1: Valentine's No, we don't celebrate it.

1630
01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:23,400
Speaker 2: Would you would you say.

1631
01:25:24,200 --> 01:25:26,320
Speaker 1: Maybe it's maybe it would be a nice thing that

1632
01:25:26,400 --> 01:25:31,240
Speaker 1: you guys did something different this year and started celebrating.

1633
01:25:31,240 --> 01:25:33,240
Speaker 1: Would that be a good thing for a relationship?

1634
01:25:33,520 --> 01:25:35,800
Speaker 3: So I would ask about if it's not Valentine's Day,

1635
01:25:35,840 --> 01:25:38,759
Speaker 3: What are their rituals of connection? How do they connect

1636
01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:41,280
Speaker 3: with each other? Because maybe it looks completely different than

1637
01:25:41,880 --> 01:25:43,160
Speaker 3: around a holiday.

1638
01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:48,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and so right, if it's if it's every

1639
01:25:48,960 --> 01:25:52,080
Speaker 1: Tuesday night, we decide we're going to go out and

1640
01:25:52,080 --> 01:25:55,759
Speaker 1: try a new restaurant. Right, and okay, we don't celebrate

1641
01:25:55,840 --> 01:25:58,639
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day because we don't think it's a real holiday.

1642
01:25:58,960 --> 01:26:01,559
Speaker 2: Right, we do that, we go.

1643
01:26:01,720 --> 01:26:05,640
Speaker 1: So if they do, if couple, because what happens is

1644
01:26:06,400 --> 01:26:08,800
Speaker 1: I think couples get comfortable, and certainly has happened to

1645
01:26:08,840 --> 01:26:11,479
Speaker 1: me in my relationship. I was married for twenty years,

1646
01:26:11,479 --> 01:26:15,280
Speaker 1: and I know for a fact that, yeah, I said,

1647
01:26:16,160 --> 01:26:18,240
Speaker 1: I don't care, I don't need anything. We don't need

1648
01:26:18,240 --> 01:26:20,000
Speaker 1: to go and we can just stay home and you know,

1649
01:26:20,080 --> 01:26:23,479
Speaker 1: play guitar or I'll cook something and it'll be fine.

1650
01:26:23,840 --> 01:26:26,240
Speaker 1: But top secretly, would I have liked him to get

1651
01:26:26,280 --> 01:26:27,599
Speaker 1: me flowers? Yeah, I would have.

1652
01:26:27,720 --> 01:26:28,200
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1653
01:26:28,240 --> 01:26:30,639
Speaker 1: I mean I didn't really even know it at the time.

1654
01:26:31,360 --> 01:26:34,599
Speaker 1: You know, I'm trying to think back then. It would

1655
01:26:34,600 --> 01:26:37,800
Speaker 1: have been meaningful, you know, even if I said, don't

1656
01:26:37,840 --> 01:26:40,360
Speaker 1: worry about it. And I don't even think he should

1657
01:26:40,360 --> 01:26:43,439
Speaker 1: have asked me do you want anything for Valentine's Day?

1658
01:26:43,520 --> 01:26:46,920
Speaker 2: Write that kind of defeats the purpose, right, it does.

1659
01:26:47,160 --> 01:26:47,479
Speaker 2: It does.

1660
01:26:47,800 --> 01:26:52,599
Speaker 1: So is it normal to see that people will get

1661
01:26:52,680 --> 01:26:56,360
Speaker 1: out of doing nice things because you've been around somebody?

1662
01:26:56,439 --> 01:26:58,320
Speaker 2: Is that called taking advantage?

1663
01:26:58,800 --> 01:27:03,400
Speaker 3: Becoming comfortable and you stop pursuing each other, you stop

1664
01:27:03,479 --> 01:27:05,000
Speaker 3: dating each other, Yes.

1665
01:27:05,560 --> 01:27:09,880
Speaker 1: And then it becomes business as usual. Right, It's not

1666
01:27:10,160 --> 01:27:13,400
Speaker 1: fun because what the dating part? And I know it

1667
01:27:13,439 --> 01:27:17,639
Speaker 1: can't always be in the love relationship kind of a thing,

1668
01:27:18,120 --> 01:27:23,400
Speaker 1: but you can still date your wife and your husband

1669
01:27:24,000 --> 01:27:27,200
Speaker 1: after fifteen years of marriage. I think that's a very

1670
01:27:27,240 --> 01:27:28,440
Speaker 1: healthy relationship.

1671
01:27:29,200 --> 01:27:32,000
Speaker 3: Of course. Yeah, you do need to continue dating. You

1672
01:27:32,000 --> 01:27:35,320
Speaker 3: do need to continue pursuing and discovering new things about

1673
01:27:35,320 --> 01:27:38,840
Speaker 3: each other because people change, they grow, and they move

1674
01:27:39,040 --> 01:27:41,639
Speaker 3: in different directions throughout life. So you want to stay

1675
01:27:41,680 --> 01:27:43,400
Speaker 3: connected if you.

1676
01:27:45,400 --> 01:27:50,080
Speaker 1: If you feel like it's it's gotten, you know, stale

1677
01:27:50,760 --> 01:27:54,840
Speaker 1: or old or what have you, wouldn't Valentine's Day be

1678
01:27:54,920 --> 01:28:00,920
Speaker 1: a good reason? I mean it's it's for lovers quote unquote,

1679
01:28:00,960 --> 01:28:03,760
Speaker 1: and there is a Gallantine's Day to hang out with

1680
01:28:03,800 --> 01:28:06,519
Speaker 1: your girlfriends. That's how important it is to hang out

1681
01:28:06,560 --> 01:28:10,920
Speaker 1: with your girlfriends because they have a specific Day.

1682
01:28:11,600 --> 01:28:12,519
Speaker 2: For those that.

1683
01:28:12,920 --> 01:28:17,240
Speaker 1: Don't have a Valentine you will always have a Gallantine

1684
01:28:17,560 --> 01:28:19,479
Speaker 1: uh huh, And I celebrate that every.

1685
01:28:19,439 --> 01:28:21,960
Speaker 3: They're doing that in my office, my therapy office. Yeah,

1686
01:28:21,960 --> 01:28:24,160
Speaker 3: they're doing a whole Gallantine's week.

1687
01:28:24,520 --> 01:28:30,440
Speaker 1: Are they. Yeah, I mean that's a deal beyond Yeah,

1688
01:28:30,560 --> 01:28:32,960
Speaker 1: I have not heard of that a Gallantine's week. But

1689
01:28:33,000 --> 01:28:36,000
Speaker 1: it is fun and it is also really special to

1690
01:28:36,080 --> 01:28:39,840
Speaker 1: celebrate your friends in that way, because, Yeah, there are

1691
01:28:39,960 --> 01:28:43,880
Speaker 1: people that are single and don't you know, for whatever reason,

1692
01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:46,280
Speaker 1: maybe they don't want to be single, maybe they do,

1693
01:28:46,400 --> 01:28:49,280
Speaker 1: maybe they're in the middle of a breakup, and then

1694
01:28:49,320 --> 01:28:50,679
Speaker 1: you have Valentine's Day.

1695
01:28:50,720 --> 01:28:51,679
Speaker 2: That can be you.

1696
01:28:51,560 --> 01:28:56,000
Speaker 1: Know, the heartbreaking or or you know, but lonely. I mean,

1697
01:28:56,040 --> 01:29:01,320
Speaker 1: people can can feel lonely during holidays like that. To

1698
01:29:01,439 --> 01:29:04,519
Speaker 1: have your friends say all right, we're all gonna go

1699
01:29:04,560 --> 01:29:07,720
Speaker 1: and celebrate and go hang out at Gallentine for Gallentine's Day,

1700
01:29:07,960 --> 01:29:09,080
Speaker 1: there's something great.

1701
01:29:09,200 --> 01:29:10,959
Speaker 2: And a connection too.

1702
01:29:10,920 --> 01:29:15,280
Speaker 3: Yes, connection bids for connection, rituals of connection. Those are

1703
01:29:15,280 --> 01:29:18,240
Speaker 3: all so important and I would encourage you to keep

1704
01:29:18,280 --> 01:29:19,240
Speaker 3: those up for sure.

1705
01:29:19,320 --> 01:29:22,519
Speaker 2: All right, let's go to Kevin and find out what's

1706
01:29:22,560 --> 01:29:28,280
Speaker 2: going on. Hi, Kevin, how are you there?

1707
01:29:28,320 --> 01:29:28,599
Speaker 7: You go.

1708
01:29:28,680 --> 01:29:29,120
Speaker 2: I'm good.

1709
01:29:29,200 --> 01:29:31,599
Speaker 1: It's don a d with doctor Wes. Do you buy

1710
01:29:31,640 --> 01:29:34,360
Speaker 1: your your significant other flowers?

1711
01:29:37,000 --> 01:29:38,879
Speaker 4: I want to send my wife flower.

1712
01:29:40,200 --> 01:29:44,480
Speaker 2: You do, Okay? Yeah, that's great.

1713
01:29:45,880 --> 01:29:46,120
Speaker 4: Dad.

1714
01:29:46,280 --> 01:29:51,320
Speaker 2: Seven months ago? Oh goodness, gracious, but.

1715
01:29:51,400 --> 01:29:54,519
Speaker 4: I'm on the flower.

1716
01:29:57,520 --> 01:30:00,840
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh boy, there's some still some raw pain. I

1717
01:30:00,880 --> 01:30:06,200
Speaker 2: can hear. Kevin, are you doing okay? Yeah, I'm getting better.

1718
01:30:06,720 --> 01:30:12,840
Speaker 2: It's been seven months. Seven months, Yeah, that's still real.

1719
01:30:13,120 --> 01:30:19,839
Speaker 1: Soon, I mean, doctor West, do you have anything words

1720
01:30:19,840 --> 01:30:21,160
Speaker 1: of words of wisdom?

1721
01:30:21,280 --> 01:30:24,520
Speaker 2: I mean when somebody that you love passes away.

1722
01:30:26,680 --> 01:30:30,280
Speaker 1: And then you get to, like a Valentine's Day holiday,

1723
01:30:30,320 --> 01:30:32,040
Speaker 1: the first one after.

1724
01:30:33,560 --> 01:30:36,360
Speaker 2: The passing, how hall Christmas?

1725
01:30:36,760 --> 01:30:37,000
Speaker 1: God?

1726
01:30:37,920 --> 01:30:46,000
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I would imagine. Yeah, well, you're a good woman.

1727
01:30:48,400 --> 01:30:50,200
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, I'm there.

1728
01:30:50,840 --> 01:30:54,479
Speaker 1: That's okay, It's okay, it's okay. I mean I did listen.

1729
01:30:55,160 --> 01:30:59,000
Speaker 1: It's it's the grieving process. You have to go through it,

1730
01:30:59,600 --> 01:31:04,120
Speaker 1: and and I'm so sorry that you've lost her.

1731
01:31:04,800 --> 01:31:06,320
Speaker 2: How long were you married.

1732
01:31:07,560 --> 01:31:08,719
Speaker 4: For? Five years?

1733
01:31:08,800 --> 01:31:09,400
Speaker 1: Oh boy?

1734
01:31:10,640 --> 01:31:14,280
Speaker 2: Oh boy? You had an awesome woman for forty five years? Kevin.

1735
01:31:15,320 --> 01:31:16,160
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm bad.

1736
01:31:16,920 --> 01:31:18,080
Speaker 2: I know. That's kind.

1737
01:31:18,320 --> 01:31:20,120
Speaker 4: I have two kids.

1738
01:31:20,920 --> 01:31:26,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, hopefully they'll be with you on Valentine's Day.

1739
01:31:26,360 --> 01:31:27,400
Speaker 2: Do they live near you?

1740
01:31:30,400 --> 01:31:30,599
Speaker 4: Yes?

1741
01:31:31,600 --> 01:31:34,920
Speaker 1: Okay, well that's got to be comforting. I mean, to

1742
01:31:35,000 --> 01:31:36,480
Speaker 1: have your kids around.

1743
01:31:38,120 --> 01:31:38,640
Speaker 4: It is.

1744
01:31:39,920 --> 01:31:43,439
Speaker 1: Well, Kevin, I am so sorry, Wes any any words

1745
01:31:43,439 --> 01:31:43,960
Speaker 1: of wisdom.

1746
01:31:44,560 --> 01:31:47,720
Speaker 3: I just think honoring this, this woman that you had

1747
01:31:47,760 --> 01:31:49,600
Speaker 3: in your life for forty five years, figuring out a

1748
01:31:49,600 --> 01:31:53,000
Speaker 3: way to honor her on Valentine's Day in some way, right,

1749
01:31:53,240 --> 01:31:55,360
Speaker 3: would be so powerful. Flower.

1750
01:31:55,760 --> 01:31:58,479
Speaker 2: Yeah, you were her favorite flowers.

1751
01:32:00,439 --> 01:32:02,840
Speaker 4: Very tired, but I'll get her.

1752
01:32:04,439 --> 01:32:07,720
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, and you can remember her. I love that,

1753
01:32:07,880 --> 01:32:09,160
Speaker 2: doctor West. Honor her.

1754
01:32:09,320 --> 01:32:12,160
Speaker 1: Have the red roses in the house. You'll be able

1755
01:32:12,200 --> 01:32:16,240
Speaker 1: to still feel her presence, talk to her. Yeah, and

1756
01:32:16,240 --> 01:32:18,000
Speaker 1: that would be a nice tribute.

1757
01:32:17,920 --> 01:32:18,479
Speaker 2: Yes, it will.

1758
01:32:18,560 --> 01:32:21,639
Speaker 1: Kevin, thank you so much for calling. And I'm so sorry.

1759
01:32:22,400 --> 01:32:30,719
Speaker 1: Hang in there, buddy. Well all right, people, I'm sorry

1760
01:32:30,800 --> 01:32:31,559
Speaker 1: I didn't hear that.

1761
01:32:31,640 --> 01:32:36,240
Speaker 2: What Kevin, there were three hundred people are to you know?

1762
01:32:36,520 --> 01:32:41,559
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's lovely. That what a nice tribute to her.

1763
01:32:42,880 --> 01:32:48,240
Speaker 2: I'm so sorry she loved Yeah, yeah, you can hear it, did, Kevin?

1764
01:32:48,320 --> 01:32:54,599
Speaker 1: Take care and you know, our deepest condolences absolutely, Okay,

1765
01:32:54,600 --> 01:32:55,000
Speaker 1: bye bye.

1766
01:32:55,120 --> 01:32:55,320
Speaker 7: Wow.

1767
01:32:55,520 --> 01:32:56,200
Speaker 2: So hard.

1768
01:32:56,439 --> 01:33:00,160
Speaker 1: That is so hard to you know, just like I said,

1769
01:33:00,160 --> 01:33:03,280
Speaker 1: there are times where people don't have anyone, and there's

1770
01:33:03,320 --> 01:33:08,040
Speaker 1: times when you've loved and lost somebody. Hey, loving somebody

1771
01:33:08,080 --> 01:33:11,439
Speaker 1: for forty five years, that's an amazing gift right there.

1772
01:33:11,479 --> 01:33:11,800
Speaker 2: It is.

1773
01:33:12,080 --> 01:33:14,400
Speaker 3: That's unheard of almost forty five years.

1774
01:33:14,560 --> 01:33:17,400
Speaker 1: Oh boy, oh, I hate to end the show like that,

1775
01:33:17,520 --> 01:33:21,759
Speaker 1: but you know, as a nice tribute to Kevin's wife,

1776
01:33:21,960 --> 01:33:26,960
Speaker 1: we can all maybe maybe by by yourself some flowers.

1777
01:33:27,000 --> 01:33:30,040
Speaker 1: Miley Cyrus had a nice song. By yourself, some flowers,

1778
01:33:30,120 --> 01:33:33,000
Speaker 1: by your partner, some flowers. Do something nice for somebody

1779
01:33:33,040 --> 01:33:36,439
Speaker 1: next Saturday, or even tomorrow for the super Bowl when

1780
01:33:36,439 --> 01:33:38,680
Speaker 1: you get I'm going to bring my friend Lisa some

1781
01:33:38,760 --> 01:33:41,920
Speaker 1: flowers tomorrow. Okay, that's what She's having a super Bowl

1782
01:33:41,960 --> 01:33:44,679
Speaker 1: party and I'm going to bring her some flowers tomorrow.

1783
01:33:44,800 --> 01:33:45,160
Speaker 3: All right.

1784
01:33:45,200 --> 01:33:48,400
Speaker 1: That is what I'm in honor of Kevin's wife. That's

1785
01:33:48,400 --> 01:33:51,000
Speaker 1: what I am going to do. Doctor West always so great,

1786
01:33:51,120 --> 01:33:53,640
Speaker 1: Thank you to having a show with me. We we

1787
01:33:53,720 --> 01:33:56,160
Speaker 1: always go through these tough topics and we go deep,

1788
01:33:56,200 --> 01:34:00,000
Speaker 1: and that's what is is important in how I've learned

1789
01:34:00,000 --> 01:34:03,640
Speaker 1: earned and how we can continue to communicate with everybody.

1790
01:34:03,680 --> 01:34:07,400
Speaker 2: Any last last words, enjoy.

1791
01:34:07,160 --> 01:34:08,200
Speaker 3: The Big Game. Tomorrow.

1792
01:34:09,320 --> 01:34:14,080
Speaker 1: Will everybody. Thank you so much. We'll be back next Saturday.

1793
01:34:14,320 --> 01:34:18,120
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Go Seattle, go New England, whoever

1794
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:21,559
Speaker 1: is your rooting for, and have a great Super Bowl Sunday.

1795
01:34:21,840 --> 01:34:24,799
Speaker 1: Sterling will be back on I think twelve to one thirty,

1796
01:34:24,840 --> 01:34:28,880
Speaker 1: I think before the Super Bowl and and we will

1797
01:34:28,920 --> 01:34:30,000
Speaker 1: be back next Saturday.

1798
01:34:30,040 --> 01:34:31,200
Speaker 2: Thanks so much. It's done.

1799
01:34:31,200 --> 01:34:34,200
Speaker 1: A date with Doctor Wes seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati,