WEBVTT - Can't Go on a Date

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<v Speaker 1>Shannon and can't go on the play date.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I don't know how other parents feel about this

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<v Speaker 2>or deal with this. You guys know, I'm really protective

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<v Speaker 2>of my kids, Lucy and Smith when it comes to sleepovers.

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<v Speaker 3>For one, we don't even do sleepovers.

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<v Speaker 2>Still at this point, sixth grade, second grade, we are

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<v Speaker 2>still saying no to sleepovers. But when it comes to

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<v Speaker 2>play dates and keV, I kind of want your opinion

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<v Speaker 2>on this too, So Smith, excuse me. Smith's second grade.

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<v Speaker 2>He's eight years old, and he got asked to go

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<v Speaker 2>over to a kid in his class's house after school,

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<v Speaker 2>like the mom had reached out to me.

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<v Speaker 4>I do not know.

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<v Speaker 3>I couldn't even picture who this kid is. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't recognize the name, so I didn't know who

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<v Speaker 2>the kid is. I definitely don't know who the family is.

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<v Speaker 2>I couldn't pick the parents out of a crowd. I

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<v Speaker 2>know nothing about them.

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<v Speaker 3>So I very.

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<v Speaker 2>Politely told the mom no, we were not up for

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<v Speaker 2>a play date.

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<v Speaker 3>And I feel like I need at this point.

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<v Speaker 2>And maybe it's because I have scared myself or watched

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<v Speaker 2>too much Dateline, or just being in here and hearing

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<v Speaker 2>news stories like I need to meet.

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<v Speaker 3>These people a few times.

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<v Speaker 2>First, I need to figure out where they live, what

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<v Speaker 2>they're like, Like, I know it sounds nuts, like if

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<v Speaker 2>they have a pool, guns is a house older? Like

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<v Speaker 2>I just feel like that's where I am. But now

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<v Speaker 2>I'm taking a step back and going am I being

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<v Speaker 2>a little too overprotective? Like I don't want it to

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<v Speaker 2>be to the point where I hinder Smith's ability to

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<v Speaker 2>make new friends and friendships and have those experiences because

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so terrified.

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<v Speaker 5>I will tell you as the guy that already raised

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<v Speaker 5>my kids and put them out there in this world.

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<v Speaker 5>Chelsea and I look at the world right now different

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<v Speaker 5>than we looked at it back in the day, and

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<v Speaker 5>it probably was just as scary. But Chelsea always was

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<v Speaker 5>if I don't have a relationship with you, I don't

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<v Speaker 5>want my.

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<v Speaker 3>Kids to be a few hours at your house.

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<v Speaker 1>Over at their Yeah.

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<v Speaker 5>And what we end up doing a lot of times

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<v Speaker 5>was that we went to our kids went to a

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<v Speaker 5>smaller school like it was, you know, a Catholic school

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<v Speaker 5>where there's only like, you know, twenty five kids in

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<v Speaker 5>the classroom or in the class So it was one

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<v Speaker 5>of those things where you kind of knew everybody see.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's not Smith's school, it's a big school.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think you gotta.

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<v Speaker 5>I think that you got to not only just ask

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<v Speaker 5>that question, because anybody can lie in their answers to

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<v Speaker 5>the questions, but you got to really know.

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<v Speaker 1>But sometimes you'll never know, I know, you know, So I.

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<v Speaker 6>Would suggest that they do a play date at like

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<v Speaker 6>a zav zone or something, so at that point they're

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<v Speaker 6>in a mutual area. They can still go out and

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<v Speaker 6>have fun. But during that time is when you can

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<v Speaker 6>talk to the parents.

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<v Speaker 2>I think I feel even more comfortable if I had

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<v Speaker 2>just if I knew who the mom was. I don't

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<v Speaker 2>even know who this person is.

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<v Speaker 6>Like, you'll have the play date for them, but you

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<v Speaker 6>also have your parent date as well, so you can

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<v Speaker 6>ask those necessary questions. So at least you can just

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<v Speaker 6>feel more comfortable to person. And then you get that

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<v Speaker 6>bad feeling. Man.

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<v Speaker 3>I just remember back in the day, if I asked

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<v Speaker 3>my mom.

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<v Speaker 2>We called them bus passes because you had you had

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<v Speaker 2>to take like your parent note to the office and

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<v Speaker 2>give it to the secretary and then they would give

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<v Speaker 2>you a pass to hand to the bus driver to say,

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<v Speaker 2>like you got to go on a different bus because

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<v Speaker 2>you were going to somebody else's house, my mom. I

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<v Speaker 2>don't think my mom met any of the people that

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<v Speaker 2>I did that, Like, she was really quick to be like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>you want to go to you know, Jenny's house.

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<v Speaker 7>Go.

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<v Speaker 1>It was really trusting.

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<v Speaker 5>And the other thing too, is that we didn't have

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<v Speaker 5>any devices that you could, you know, watch the kids

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<v Speaker 5>by Holly, what's going on?

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<v Speaker 1>Hi?

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<v Speaker 8>Stay there?

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<v Speaker 9>I just wanted to let you know, I definitely agree

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<v Speaker 9>with Shannon when it comes to, uh, letting our kids,

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<v Speaker 9>you know, mingle with different families. It's just kind of

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<v Speaker 9>it's a scary world right now.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think it always has been, Holly.

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<v Speaker 5>We we we were raised probably in a scary world too.

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<v Speaker 5>Our parents just didn't give a crap. But you heard

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<v Speaker 5>some of those stories. I mean there's there were stories

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<v Speaker 5>of something happened by a dad touching a girl or

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<v Speaker 5>something that's one of the houses, or a brother you know,

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<v Speaker 5>doing something they shouldn't have been doing.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 9>Right absolutely, I think we're just more aware of everything.

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<v Speaker 5>There's more Netflix documentaries. Yeah, what's up, Amanda?

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<v Speaker 8>Hi?

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<v Speaker 10>How are you guys?

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<v Speaker 1>Hey? What's going on?

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<v Speaker 4>Hey? I Santa and I am the exact same way.

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<v Speaker 4>I have six kids. My youngest is only five months,

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<v Speaker 4>my oldest is twelve. And just the other day he

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<v Speaker 4>wanted to go to a friend's house for a half

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<v Speaker 4>day before football practice, and I went over there first.

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<v Speaker 4>I had to meet the parents make sure they were home.

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<v Speaker 4>I everything, it's my kids cannot go to sleepovers. I

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<v Speaker 4>was able to go to sleepovers, but times, I feel

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<v Speaker 4>like times have always been scary, but I feel like

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<v Speaker 4>it's just it's a little bit worse now. You hear

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<v Speaker 4>a lot of scary things and you just don't.

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<v Speaker 5>Know how did the parents take it when you went

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<v Speaker 5>over there and started doing Actually.

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<v Speaker 4>I had pulled up, I had my son's location, and

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<v Speaker 4>I had Kate went over there is by the school,

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<v Speaker 4>and I said, it's his mom there. He said, well,

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<v Speaker 4>his grandma's here. I said, okay, well I need to

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<v Speaker 4>meet her. And she came outside. She was very very kind.

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<v Speaker 4>I explained to her son, you know, my kids, can

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<v Speaker 4>I go anywhere. I usually have to know the parents.

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<v Speaker 4>I said, but he's a little bit older, and you know,

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<v Speaker 4>he's really close with your son. And she goes, I

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<v Speaker 4>completely understand, and she met me and she was wonderful.

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<v Speaker 4>So I was really appreciative and if not, then he

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<v Speaker 4>would have been coming home with me.

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<v Speaker 5>But how many, you know, minutes do you have to

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<v Speaker 5>spend with somebody before you know if they're crazy?

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<v Speaker 1>You know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 5>Like, I think Kev's idea of doing mutual is probably

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<v Speaker 5>the best way. Stacy's got an idea for you, Shannon,

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<v Speaker 5>what's your idea?

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<v Speaker 7>Hi? Guys, By the way, I listen every day I'm

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<v Speaker 7>on the app right now. You are my favorite. Thank you,

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<v Speaker 7>like you like your family to me. But anyway, so

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<v Speaker 7>my kids are older now, but I was the same way,

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<v Speaker 7>super protective. I would always invite them over my house

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<v Speaker 7>and it's kind of still that way.

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<v Speaker 3>The kids all come over now.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I've established that.

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<v Speaker 7>But I feel like then I can kind of keep

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<v Speaker 7>an eye on things and you can get a feel

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<v Speaker 7>for the boys.

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<v Speaker 5>Would any of the parents ask you questions like some

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<v Speaker 5>people have been asking or did you have parents that

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<v Speaker 5>would just drop the kids off and go all right,

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<v Speaker 5>here you go?

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<v Speaker 7>Always just drop them off? Always?

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<v Speaker 5>We had a neighbor We had a neighbor one time

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<v Speaker 5>that did this with us, had a little kid and

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<v Speaker 5>we just moved into the neighborhood. We had obviously kids

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<v Speaker 5>and the kids were their age and their kid came

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<v Speaker 5>over to our house hung out with us. We met

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<v Speaker 5>the parents when we are moving truck. We had moved

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<v Speaker 5>us into the place and we'd been in for a

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<v Speaker 5>couple of three weeks.

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<v Speaker 1>It was a Saturday.

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<v Speaker 5>I'll never forget it, and he came over to hang

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<v Speaker 5>out with us. Because in the Midwest, you just go

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<v Speaker 5>right to the back screen door and you know what

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<v Speaker 5>I mean, in the sliding doors open. The kid came over.

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<v Speaker 5>We're like, hey, you have to go back home. We're

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<v Speaker 5>going to be leaving. My parents aren't home. Where are they?

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<v Speaker 5>Mom was at the mall. The mall was thirty minutes

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<v Speaker 5>from She used us as a babysitter. And I'll never

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<v Speaker 5>forget that. Chelsey is like, we would never do. She

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<v Speaker 5>had to look at me, like, you're never going to

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<v Speaker 5>do this. But I think even you know, the smallest

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<v Speaker 5>time knowing people like you have your you have your

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<v Speaker 5>circle of your friends right and you know them, you

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<v Speaker 5>can trust them.

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<v Speaker 1>There's people, those are people that you've been sometime, but

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<v Speaker 1>you know, you'll.

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<v Speaker 5>Never forgive yourself if something happens right exitro what's up, Hi.

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<v Speaker 8>Good morning, how are you beautiful people.

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<v Speaker 1>We're great. How you doing.

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<v Speaker 8>I'm good in traffic in fifty nine. But listen, my daughter,

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<v Speaker 8>this is me all day.

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<v Speaker 9>You know.

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<v Speaker 8>She couldn't go anywhere in elementary okay, not even family really.

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<v Speaker 8>Then in middle school a little bit, I had to

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<v Speaker 8>go in the house. Look who feed it, who lives there?

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<v Speaker 8>And all that. Even as she's grown, and I'm still

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<v Speaker 8>like that, like I think, I think with you, you

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<v Speaker 8>know it's her.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, let me ask her how old is she?

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<v Speaker 8>Twenty three?

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<v Speaker 5>So she goes on a date that she meets on Tinder,

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<v Speaker 5>I'd be more petrified over that.

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<v Speaker 8>Oh my god, I life.

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<v Speaker 4>And all like who the hell I mean excuse me?

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<v Speaker 8>I mean you know I'm like that with my nieces

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<v Speaker 8>and nephew that me and my sister and brother called

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<v Speaker 8>me call your niece or nephews because I will even

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<v Speaker 8>do them like that, like who is this?

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<v Speaker 3>Send me that?

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<v Speaker 8>I you know, it's crazy. It's not like the village

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<v Speaker 8>we had. I'm fifty one, you know, and it was crapy,

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<v Speaker 8>but we know the creeks and.

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<v Speaker 1>You know who had what cousin?

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<v Speaker 8>You know you used to anna, I mean yoho wife,

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<v Speaker 8>like infanty night shout out, Oh my gosh. All right,

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<v Speaker 8>y'all have.

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<v Speaker 1>Yourself. What's up, Jane High?

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<v Speaker 11>Okay, so everyone is a green Shannon, I don't. I

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<v Speaker 11>feel like y'all are taking away like their core childhood

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<v Speaker 11>memories like we got to have on them and sleepovers

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<v Speaker 11>and everything, And it's crazy to take that away of

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<v Speaker 11>the experience as a kid, because I feel like if

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<v Speaker 11>you take that away now, when they grow up.

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<v Speaker 10>Later, they're gonna go wild.

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<v Speaker 11>They're gonna go crazy going on.

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<v Speaker 3>No, I get it.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, what is the balance though, you know, keeping

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<v Speaker 2>them safe and feeling comfortable as mom and also like

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<v Speaker 2>giving them that that freedom.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know.

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<v Speaker 8>I also think it's important to explain to them, like

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<v Speaker 8>why you're doing it, because I think when I was

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<v Speaker 8>growing up I heard know a lot, but never why

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<v Speaker 8>it was a nom Well.

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<v Speaker 5>I think you definitely got to make them aware too

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<v Speaker 5>that if something that seems abnormal happens when you are

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<v Speaker 5>somewhere that you and if it's not normal to you,

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<v Speaker 5>you got to say something to me, and it may

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<v Speaker 5>be something that's Can I.

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<v Speaker 3>Tell you something?

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<v Speaker 2>Lucy and I went on, I can't even remember where

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<v Speaker 2>we were going. Her and I were going somewhere by ourselves.

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<v Speaker 2>It might have been her girl Scout camp last year

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<v Speaker 2>or something like that, and I had found this We

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<v Speaker 2>were just like talking about just like different questions, different things.

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<v Speaker 2>I'd found this list of questions to ask your daughter

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<v Speaker 2>before she becomes a teenager.

0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.120
<v Speaker 3>And I was like, Okay, this is a great opportunity.

0:09:59.160 --> 0:09:59.880
<v Speaker 3>We're going on a road trip.

0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:02.840
<v Speaker 2>And one of the things she told me about something

0:10:02.880 --> 0:10:05.360
<v Speaker 2>that made her uncomfortable during a play date. She was

0:10:05.400 --> 0:10:07.720
<v Speaker 2>on forever change to my mind, and it was about

0:10:07.760 --> 0:10:09.280
<v Speaker 2>something I'm not going to get into it, but it

0:10:09.360 --> 0:10:13.080
<v Speaker 2>was concerning the dad. It wasn't sexual in nature or

0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:16.160
<v Speaker 2>anything like that. But what she told me made me go, Okay,

0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.440
<v Speaker 2>I like really have to kind of buckle down and

0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:19.600
<v Speaker 2>be way more careful here.

0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:20.800
<v Speaker 3>And it was somebody I knew.

0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:22.719
<v Speaker 1>Wow, so important to talk to you.

0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:26.040
<v Speaker 5>Yes, Courtney has a dilemma. Your daughter's how old.

0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:30.160
<v Speaker 10>Gosh, she'll be seventeen. She's sixteen right now.

0:10:30.320 --> 0:10:32.880
<v Speaker 5>And she got invited to go hang out with friends,

0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:33.760
<v Speaker 5>not a playdate, but.

0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:38.720
<v Speaker 10>What her She got invited with her best friend's family

0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:40.679
<v Speaker 10>to go to Cancun over spring break.

0:10:40.840 --> 0:10:41.400
<v Speaker 1>Oh jeez.

0:10:42.000 --> 0:10:44.600
<v Speaker 10>And I've always been a pretty lenient parent. I live

0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:47.320
<v Speaker 10>in a very small town. We all know each other,

0:10:47.440 --> 0:10:50.480
<v Speaker 10>so play dates and sleepovers have always been a pretty

0:10:50.480 --> 0:10:53.640
<v Speaker 10>open thing with us. Yeah, but I'm really struggling with

0:10:53.679 --> 0:10:55.440
<v Speaker 10>this decision, and I know the parent.

0:10:55.559 --> 0:10:56.360
<v Speaker 1>That's what I was going to say.

0:10:56.400 --> 0:10:58.520
<v Speaker 6>With her being the best friend, you've obviously come in

0:10:58.559 --> 0:11:02.000
<v Speaker 6>contact with the parents before. Your level of comfortability still

0:11:02.040 --> 0:11:05.000
<v Speaker 6>isn't there though, to see your daughter overseas.

0:11:04.520 --> 0:11:11.400
<v Speaker 5>It will, well, Mexican, I can't be honest with different country,

0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:15.920
<v Speaker 5>I'd be I'd be afraid, honestly nowadays, just even going

0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.559
<v Speaker 5>anywhere because of travel could you never know what can happen?

0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.640
<v Speaker 5>And there have been alerts of alerts of traveling in

0:11:22.720 --> 0:11:25.679
<v Speaker 5>Mexico lately. So here's my thing with that. I think

0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:27.360
<v Speaker 5>if you're not going, she's not going.

0:11:28.880 --> 0:11:29.800
<v Speaker 10>Maybe that's kind of.

0:11:35.000 --> 0:11:37.559
<v Speaker 5>And man, you heard the story about that girl and

0:11:37.640 --> 0:11:42.480
<v Speaker 5>Punta Kana that went missing. One story like that, One

0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:45.120
<v Speaker 5>story like that keeps me from ever not being there

0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:48.960
<v Speaker 5>for you also got to know your child though too well,

0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:49.720
<v Speaker 5>he could.

0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:51.360
<v Speaker 1>I'm sure that mom knew her child.

0:11:52.720 --> 0:11:55.600
<v Speaker 5>They say that that kid was honestly an honorable kid

0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.160
<v Speaker 5>who never had a boyfriend. They said the girl they

0:11:58.240 --> 0:12:01.200
<v Speaker 5>went missing, and she met the kid from another school

0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.240
<v Speaker 5>and then they went out in the water and supposedly

0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:03.760
<v Speaker 5>she's gone.

0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:07.480
<v Speaker 1>You know, I don't know. I'd be sick as hell.

0:12:07.559 --> 0:12:10.360
<v Speaker 1>You told me I could go can Coon though. By

0:12:10.360 --> 0:12:12.439
<v Speaker 1>the way, by the way, uh, we got to get

0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.560
<v Speaker 1>you a map. Shut up, Shanny. Just because you went

0:12:14.600 --> 0:12:16.160
<v Speaker 1>to Boston and got you a Harvard had no mean

0:12:18.120 --> 0:12:18.600
<v Speaker 1>realized