WEBVTT - Donna D Saturday Night Relationship Show -- 11/29/25

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<v Speaker 1>This moment.

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<v Speaker 2>I love it. Sean McMahon in the producer spot, Doctor

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<v Speaker 2>west crafton with me again. You are back from Nashville.

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<v Speaker 2>You've got a special guest who I've been dying to meet,

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<v Speaker 2>and she's with us too. Channing is your daughter, and

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<v Speaker 2>you're in the studio a nice family Thanksgiving thing that

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<v Speaker 2>we have going on. I say, Hi, Channing. Oh I

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<v Speaker 2>don't hear her, Mike, do you hear it? Yeah? There

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<v Speaker 2>you go, there you go. Hi. Hello. So she looks

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<v Speaker 2>like you, first of all, And we're going to talk

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<v Speaker 2>to her in a minute because we have a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of stuff to go over about family and the main

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<v Speaker 2>thing I want to talk about because you know, this

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<v Speaker 2>is a happy time for a lot of families, right

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<v Speaker 2>There's as it's the Thanksgiving and we're going into Christmas,

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<v Speaker 2>and for some families it's the best time of year.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, you know, I've always enjoyed this. I'm close

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<v Speaker 2>with my family most of them, but a lot of

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<v Speaker 2>times not so great for some families. And we're going

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about families that are estranged. Oprah Winfrey just

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<v Speaker 2>did a huge podcast on this called No Contact Families,

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<v Speaker 2>and what that means basically is that they cut off

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<v Speaker 2>all ties with either your parents' siblings, you know, grandparents too,

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<v Speaker 2>that would be included. And there's it was overall it

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<v Speaker 2>was a set because I knew you watched it too, right,

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<v Speaker 2>doctor Uss. So it was a sad podcast, but there

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<v Speaker 2>was something empowering about it too, And the premise of

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<v Speaker 2>it is that basically roles of parents that you know,

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<v Speaker 2>when we grew up on, you know, respect your mother

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<v Speaker 2>and father. You know, you only have one mom that

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<v Speaker 2>kind of things. Roles of parenting and just having that,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, kind of authority because I'm your parents and

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<v Speaker 2>I tell you what to do, is changed a little

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<v Speaker 2>bit into more of a relationship. Can you speak a

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<v Speaker 2>little bit about that.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's more of a consultant. It's more of a

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<v Speaker 1>consultant type role. So when when parents become when children

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<v Speaker 1>become the same age as their parents, parents are supposed

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<v Speaker 1>to transition from a parental role to a role of

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<v Speaker 1>a consultant where they're there just as a way to

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<v Speaker 1>offer advice, offer feedback, but ultimately the autonomies with the kids,

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<v Speaker 1>the adult children. But some parents can't do that.

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<v Speaker 2>Why because they get into the role of controlling yes

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<v Speaker 2>and helicoptering like a helicopter parent. You should do this,

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<v Speaker 2>You've always been good at that. I think you should

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<v Speaker 2>go to this college, or I think you should marry

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<v Speaker 2>this person, right right. And then it becomes the kid.

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<v Speaker 2>It gets stifled and suffocated and they don't really communicate,

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<v Speaker 2>and then all of a sudden, your son or daughter

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<v Speaker 2>don't want to talk to you because there's this to presentment.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's an emotional issue for the parents most often,

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<v Speaker 1>And what I mean by that is that they can't

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<v Speaker 1>let go. Their identity is so wrapped up in being

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<v Speaker 1>a mom or being a dad that they literally don't

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<v Speaker 1>have an identity apart from that, and so they need

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<v Speaker 1>to be the one to say do this, don't do that.

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<v Speaker 1>And I see it a lot, and I have to

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<v Speaker 1>break that down with my clients, like what is this behavior,

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<v Speaker 1>what's the function of his behavior for you? Well, I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know who I am unless i'm a mom.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, they get wrapped up in those roles, and

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<v Speaker 2>then oftentimes the kids they don't even know how to

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<v Speaker 2>communicate because it's I'm your mother, You do what? Just

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<v Speaker 2>do what I say.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I have some clients to come in and they're

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<v Speaker 1>looking for me to tell them what to do. And

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<v Speaker 1>I say, why are you wanting me, as the therapist

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<v Speaker 1>to tell you what to do? And they'll say, because

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<v Speaker 1>it's always been that way. An authority figure has always

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<v Speaker 1>told me what to do. My mom and dad have

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<v Speaker 1>always told me what to do, So I'm looking for

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<v Speaker 1>you to do the same thing in therapy.

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<v Speaker 2>You know. Oh my gosh, I don't know how much

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<v Speaker 2>I'm going to divulge because literally, literally it just reminded

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<v Speaker 2>me of my ex husband, uh huh, because his parents

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<v Speaker 2>were very involved in his life. They had two kids.

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<v Speaker 2>One went to San Francisco and like did his own thing,

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<v Speaker 2>and they're like, oh, this one's younger. I'm never letting

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<v Speaker 2>this one out of my sight. And that's kind of

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<v Speaker 2>how they They did it, and they were lovely parents.

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<v Speaker 2>They were wonderful parents and they still are. But they

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<v Speaker 2>made the mistake. And even his mother said to me

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<v Speaker 2>one time, I think I overmothered. Yeah, my son. And

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<v Speaker 2>then we went to California and he went through this

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<v Speaker 2>I can't talk to him stage for a little bit,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was hard. It was very, very hard, and

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<v Speaker 2>parents are blown away by that. This was the whole

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<v Speaker 2>thing about the podcast of like you know, this mother

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<v Speaker 2>talked about how they went to ty food and a

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<v Speaker 2>movie and then the next day they she her daughter

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<v Speaker 2>said she didn't want to talk to her anymore. And

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<v Speaker 2>two years go by. How does that happen?

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<v Speaker 1>It's a people finally wake up and realize they're tired

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<v Speaker 1>of not being their own person. They're just tired of it.

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<v Speaker 1>They they their identity has been so enmeshed. And that's

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<v Speaker 1>the that's the key word there, or the term that

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<v Speaker 1>we use, enmeshment. There is no healthy boundary between the two,

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<v Speaker 1>so there's just it. It's like a uh, we call

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<v Speaker 1>it an undifferentiated family ego mass. That's the clinical term,

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<v Speaker 1>which is just like imagine like this big mass of

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<v Speaker 1>just one big ego and it's just a family ego

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<v Speaker 1>and there's no.

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<v Speaker 2>There's roles to play, right, and so if anyone steps

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<v Speaker 2>out of the role, then ruckus happens to the family.

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<v Speaker 2>That's there's there's like somebody steps out of line and

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<v Speaker 2>now we're all suffering.

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<v Speaker 1>That's exactly right, Yeah, okay, yeah, And usually whoever steps

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<v Speaker 1>out along becomes a scapegoat. Yeah, in the family, they're

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<v Speaker 1>the problem child, they're the black sheep. That's right, right,

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<v Speaker 1>But they are the strongest. But I tell my clients,

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<v Speaker 1>but you are actually the strongest one because you've been

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<v Speaker 1>able to stand up against that dysfunctional pattern. It is

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<v Speaker 1>a dysfunctional pattern. Yeah, it really is. Five three seven,

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<v Speaker 1>four hundred, the big run, the big one.

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<v Speaker 2>Have you had to cut ties with family members in

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<v Speaker 2>order to have a more peaceful life or more control

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<v Speaker 2>over your life. There are things that we are all

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<v Speaker 2>destined to do here in this life. And when you

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<v Speaker 2>have somebody that means well, as parents means well, does

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<v Speaker 2>everything for their kid, has good intentions, wants to like

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<v Speaker 2>save them from being hurt or you know, but they

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<v Speaker 2>don't understand that you're stifling this kid. They don't understand

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<v Speaker 2>what they want to do with their lives because they've

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<v Speaker 2>been told by their parents, you should do this, you

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<v Speaker 2>should do that. And that is a very uncomfortable place

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<v Speaker 2>to be. And I think now that you have so

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<v Speaker 2>much therapy online in your therapist and you people go

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<v Speaker 2>to counseling now and understand that hey, there's a little

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<v Speaker 2>manipulation there, or there's a little bit of you know,

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<v Speaker 2>judgment on you, or there's a big control issue with

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<v Speaker 2>somebody in your close proximity. Then they start to see

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<v Speaker 2>it and realize, hey, this hasn't been a relationship, it's

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<v Speaker 2>been a dictatorship kind of a thing. And so is

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<v Speaker 2>there ever a time doctor wes that that these people

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<v Speaker 2>that don't want to connect with their family members other

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<v Speaker 2>than abuse, because I think physical and mental abuse, you

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<v Speaker 2>should get some space and get away from that person

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<v Speaker 2>who's doing that to you. But like, is there a

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<v Speaker 2>way that they can communicate before you cut ties? Because

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<v Speaker 2>when you stop connecting, it's hard to reconnect after that.

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<v Speaker 2>You go two years without texting your mom and dad

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<v Speaker 2>or calling them or anything like that, that's hard to

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<v Speaker 2>come back from. So is there a way to kind

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<v Speaker 2>of stop that from happening before it gets to the sure?

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<v Speaker 1>Well, it can people. The way I assess it, when

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<v Speaker 1>a family comes in my office, I'm noticing who's speaking

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<v Speaker 1>and who's not speaking, And then I'm noticing are they

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<v Speaker 1>using I language I think, I feel I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>do this? Or is one person looking at the other

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<v Speaker 1>person and saying, I don't know, what do you think?

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<v Speaker 1>Or is someone talking over the other person. You can

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<v Speaker 1>start to see the patterns of the family. So the

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<v Speaker 1>way that yes, we can stop this if a therapist

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<v Speaker 1>or somebody helps the family members start to feel strong

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<v Speaker 1>enough to say this is what I think and I feel,

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<v Speaker 1>and I'm going to do this. We can still be

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<v Speaker 1>in relationship with each other, right, And we can disagree.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, and you can step out of the roles for

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<v Speaker 2>a minute and just see this individual person for who

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<v Speaker 2>they are. That's right, right, five three seven four ninety

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<v Speaker 2>seven thousand. We do want this show to be interactive.

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<v Speaker 2>This is something that I want to hear from the listeners.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to hear from you. I want you to

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<v Speaker 2>add either your story or your point of view. Is

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<v Speaker 2>it is it? Are the roles really changing? Is it

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<v Speaker 2>the mom should be respected no matter what? Or is

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<v Speaker 2>it moved more towards a relationship where you have this

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<v Speaker 2>open dialogue and both people understand that it takes two

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<v Speaker 2>people to have a relationship, not one. Right. It's it's

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<v Speaker 2>no matter how well intended you are, if you're not

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<v Speaker 2>letting somebody be who they are, then that's a problem.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's hear from you Channing for a second. Because I

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<v Speaker 2>was talking to doctor Wesh your dad, and I was

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<v Speaker 2>saying how affable and easy it is to talk to

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<v Speaker 2>You're fourteen years old, How did you? How did you

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<v Speaker 2>get to be so open and friendly and and talkative

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<v Speaker 2>and that type of person at fourteen.

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<v Speaker 3>I think I've always been like that from like a

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<v Speaker 3>very young age. I've just always been a very like

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<v Speaker 3>talkative person. I would always just like make small talk

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<v Speaker 3>with like people who I like, didn't know. But I

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<v Speaker 3>also think I've been through so much therapy that I

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<v Speaker 3>think it's helped me. Like it's helped me know myself

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<v Speaker 3>better than like anybody else, Like it's helped me understand

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<v Speaker 3>my feelings more. And because I think as we grow up,

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<v Speaker 3>as like we all mature and grow up, we have

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<v Speaker 3>like big, bigger feelings. Like whenever you were like younger,

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<v Speaker 3>like if you were sad, it would just be sadness.

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<v Speaker 3>But like now it's like if you're sad, it's like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>it's like staying so then it's like turns into like

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<v Speaker 3>a deeper feeling.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think, interesting, Yeah, I think that's how Wait

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<v Speaker 2>until you start paying bills and going out with Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>that's that's when the story gets a little bit crazier too.

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<v Speaker 2>By definitely, once you start paying bills and once you

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<v Speaker 2>start your first heartbreak from your boyfriend right or or

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<v Speaker 2>you know those types of things or friends too. Channing

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<v Speaker 2>like you have friend breakups too, and you're kind of

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<v Speaker 2>going through that right now. I am, Okay, So how

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<v Speaker 2>are you handling that at fourteen years old?

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<v Speaker 3>I'm just I'm It's definitely hard, Don't get me wrong,

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<v Speaker 3>especially when I've been friends with this girl since I

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<v Speaker 3>was so young. I mean, me and her have made

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<v Speaker 3>so many good and countless memories. But I think looking

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<v Speaker 3>at it from the bigger picture and like asking myself, like,

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<v Speaker 3>is this friendship doing me any good? And you know,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm trying. I'm just kind of taking it one day

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<v Speaker 3>at a time. I'm like, I'm not being mean to her,

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not holding a grudge. I'm just kind of like

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<v Speaker 3>being there and just kind of letting everything be because

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<v Speaker 3>I think I've, like with friendship breaks up breakups, I

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<v Speaker 3>have like the tendency to like want to solve it

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<v Speaker 3>like right then and there. Yeah, So I think I'm

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<v Speaker 3>just trying my best to just let things be.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's a really really good approach to that.

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<v Speaker 2>Let people be who they are, let them do what

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<v Speaker 2>they need to do, and if you're meant to be friends.

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<v Speaker 2>Just like any relationship, you'll come back together. Now, I

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<v Speaker 2>notice that you and your dad have a pretty good

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<v Speaker 2>relationship right off the bat. I can tell that you

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<v Speaker 2>guys communicate with each other. What is it that he

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<v Speaker 2>does right as a parent.

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<v Speaker 3>He's just my dad and my mom included. They're just

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<v Speaker 3>both there for me, Like they're there, like they're they're

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<v Speaker 3>not like trying to like control me, because I know

0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:30.800
<v Speaker 3>y'all talked a lot about like parents like controlling and

0:12:30.800 --> 0:12:31.400
<v Speaker 3>stuff like that.

0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:32.600
<v Speaker 2>They don't do that.

0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:34.840
<v Speaker 3>They very much just like are there for me, and

0:12:34.880 --> 0:12:37.200
<v Speaker 3>they're just they just want me to be happy. So

0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.640
<v Speaker 3>it's like whatever that is, they're gonna support me the

0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.240
<v Speaker 3>best of their ability and just I think that really

0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:45.199
<v Speaker 3>helps because it leaves a lottery room for just me.

0:12:45.200 --> 0:12:48.280
<v Speaker 2>To for just me to be myself. Is it nice

0:12:48.320 --> 0:12:49.719
<v Speaker 2>to hear your daughter say that is?

0:12:50.120 --> 0:12:54.480
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely yeah. I think that my strategy all along with

0:12:54.559 --> 0:12:59.160
<v Speaker 1>her has not to be an authoritarian parent where I'm

0:12:59.240 --> 0:13:02.120
<v Speaker 1>like laying down the law. It's more of giving her

0:13:02.160 --> 0:13:07.000
<v Speaker 1>boundaries and saying you can choose within these boundaries what's

0:13:07.080 --> 0:13:09.000
<v Speaker 1>best what you feel like is best for you.

0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.719
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. For instance, we were we went and got a

0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:15.360
<v Speaker 2>smoothie before on air, and we were talking about her

0:13:15.400 --> 0:13:18.600
<v Speaker 2>cheerleading and she doesn't know whether she wants to continue, right,

0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:20.760
<v Speaker 2>And you said, well, I think it's very stressful and

0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:24.120
<v Speaker 2>I don't think you should do it, but it's your decision, correct,

0:13:24.320 --> 0:13:29.240
<v Speaker 2>So you give your advice and she knows that it's

0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:31.839
<v Speaker 2>up to her and you're going to support her either way. Sure,

0:13:31.920 --> 0:13:34.480
<v Speaker 2>I mean really, that's what else? What else do you

0:13:34.520 --> 0:13:37.920
<v Speaker 2>want from a parent in terms of like guidance, right,

0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.560
<v Speaker 2>You want them to be honest with you and tell

0:13:40.600 --> 0:13:44.040
<v Speaker 2>you your you know how how they feel. Sometimes people

0:13:44.080 --> 0:13:47.880
<v Speaker 2>will say, you know you're doing cheerleading because you've already

0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:50.120
<v Speaker 2>done it four years and if you have one more year,

0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:52.360
<v Speaker 2>then you're going to have this amount of you know

0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.560
<v Speaker 2>this and this and this, or you've got you know

0:13:54.679 --> 0:13:58.560
<v Speaker 2>and and it's and it's pressure. Like I bought you

0:13:58.600 --> 0:14:01.080
<v Speaker 2>this trumpet you said you wanted to play, you don't

0:14:01.120 --> 0:14:03.679
<v Speaker 2>like it, you're not turning back now, you're doing it, right,

0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:06.920
<v Speaker 2>So that's also like, you know, that's.

0:14:06.800 --> 0:14:10.280
<v Speaker 1>An authoritarian parents, and we don't want and the lase

0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:13.320
<v Speaker 1>fair would be the opposite extreme, where you just don't

0:14:13.320 --> 0:14:16.199
<v Speaker 1>have any boundaries for your kids, right, yeah, whatever, they

0:14:16.400 --> 0:14:18.559
<v Speaker 1>whereas I'm trying to be right in the middle. I'm

0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.080
<v Speaker 1>trying to get a you know, it's in between lase

0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:23.480
<v Speaker 1>fear parenting and authoritarian parenting.

0:14:23.640 --> 0:14:27.760
<v Speaker 2>So well, and it's a fine, it's fine. I am

0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.520
<v Speaker 2>not a parent. I don't have any kids, and it's

0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:34.120
<v Speaker 2>it's it's an interesting thing because all my sisters have

0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.000
<v Speaker 2>kids and we have a really big family. In fact,

0:14:37.720 --> 0:14:42.200
<v Speaker 2>brother and a sister of mine I don't contact. I

0:14:42.240 --> 0:14:44.960
<v Speaker 2>have no contact with them. And it happened over my

0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:48.120
<v Speaker 2>mother's estate when she died. So it was a money issue,

0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:52.360
<v Speaker 2>which is absolutely dreadful to ruin a relationship over. But

0:14:52.440 --> 0:14:55.200
<v Speaker 2>I have you know, there's four of us, the sisters

0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:58.120
<v Speaker 2>that we're all very close and go on sister's trip with.

0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:04.520
<v Speaker 2>So I understand that there are needs to not have

0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:08.680
<v Speaker 2>any contact with people that are no longer interested in

0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:12.280
<v Speaker 2>your in my well being, and it's just you know,

0:15:12.520 --> 0:15:17.080
<v Speaker 2>there's no good positive communication. So yeah, there's a time

0:15:17.160 --> 0:15:20.520
<v Speaker 2>to let go of those relationships. Is there is that

0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.640
<v Speaker 2>a healthy boundary to say, up, I just can't speak

0:15:24.640 --> 0:15:26.840
<v Speaker 2>to this person, whether they're family or not. You hear

0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:28.520
<v Speaker 2>me talk about the four horsemen all the time.

0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:28.800
<v Speaker 4>Right.

0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:32.800
<v Speaker 1>That can apply for not just romantic relationships, that's for

0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:36.000
<v Speaker 1>family really, that's just for any relationship. So when you're

0:15:36.000 --> 0:15:39.160
<v Speaker 1>getting into an element of contempt and that you're better

0:15:39.200 --> 0:15:42.640
<v Speaker 1>than some yes, that is appropriate time to cut off

0:15:43.080 --> 0:15:45.560
<v Speaker 1>because you're going to do more damage to the relationship

0:15:45.600 --> 0:15:49.000
<v Speaker 1>if you're just critical and defensive and you're stone walling

0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:52.680
<v Speaker 1>each other and you're holding each other in contempt, you

0:15:52.680 --> 0:15:56.040
<v Speaker 1>think you're looking down upon each other. Yeah, it's just

0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.320
<v Speaker 1>not healthy. It's not healthy at all. There's a lot

0:15:58.320 --> 0:16:00.960
<v Speaker 1>of and that can lead to a lot of your

0:16:01.000 --> 0:16:04.560
<v Speaker 1>own anxiety and stress and mental disorders, and.

0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:06.560
<v Speaker 2>So it's almost for the health of yourself and for

0:16:06.600 --> 0:16:08.840
<v Speaker 2>both people. Yeah, for both people, it's time to take

0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:11.560
<v Speaker 2>some space. We're going to talk about how to reconcile

0:16:11.640 --> 0:16:13.720
<v Speaker 2>some of these things and some of the problems that

0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:18.720
<v Speaker 2>you know, we face as a society in especially during

0:16:18.760 --> 0:16:21.400
<v Speaker 2>the holidays, where it's supposed to be all family and

0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:24.280
<v Speaker 2>all friends and everybody's going to be cheery, and sometimes

0:16:24.280 --> 0:16:26.520
<v Speaker 2>it's not like that for some people. We'll be back

0:16:26.960 --> 0:16:29.920
<v Speaker 2>in just a few minutes. Donna d with Doctor West

0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:33.200
<v Speaker 2>Saturday Night. It's seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:34.680
<v Speaker 1>I love it.

0:16:34.480 --> 0:16:38.680
<v Speaker 2>It's a snowy you guys came in from Nashville, so snow.

0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:42.480
<v Speaker 2>You got a nice little Thanksgiving present. There you go.

0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.880
<v Speaker 2>We should get some snow all day tomorrow. I think,

0:16:46.040 --> 0:16:48.400
<v Speaker 2>oh my goodness, I had to check my weather. I

0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:50.320
<v Speaker 2>did just listen to it though. By the way, Donna

0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:53.520
<v Speaker 2>d with doctor Wes licensed marriage family Therapist, Thanks for

0:16:53.560 --> 0:16:56.640
<v Speaker 2>coming in. I love doing the show with you. And

0:16:57.200 --> 0:17:00.280
<v Speaker 2>we're been talking about you know, it's a beauty full

0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.400
<v Speaker 2>time Thanksgiving, we're coming into Christmas, we're at the end

0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:05.800
<v Speaker 2>of the year, New Year's and things like that, and

0:17:05.880 --> 0:17:08.600
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of people that are estranged in their families.

0:17:08.680 --> 0:17:12.720
<v Speaker 2>Right now. We're talking about how the roles have changed

0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:17.600
<v Speaker 2>from respecting your parents and having them. You know, you're

0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:19.560
<v Speaker 2>the mom, you're the dad. You do what I say

0:17:20.280 --> 0:17:20.840
<v Speaker 2>to the kids.

0:17:20.880 --> 0:17:21.400
<v Speaker 4>I'm the mom.

0:17:21.440 --> 0:17:24.240
<v Speaker 2>I'm the dad. You do what I say too. Let's

0:17:24.280 --> 0:17:29.120
<v Speaker 2>have a relationship because that's we're the roles are shifting.

0:17:29.240 --> 0:17:32.879
<v Speaker 2>It's not just mom and dad. You tell me what

0:17:33.000 --> 0:17:34.919
<v Speaker 2>to do and I'll do it. It's I have a

0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:37.600
<v Speaker 2>life and I want to have control of it. I

0:17:37.680 --> 0:17:42.119
<v Speaker 2>respect you, I'm always gonna respect you, but have a

0:17:42.119 --> 0:17:45.159
<v Speaker 2>little bit of a distance. Don't control everything. Now, you

0:17:46.640 --> 0:17:49.280
<v Speaker 2>counsel a lot of couples, but you also do families

0:17:49.320 --> 0:17:49.760
<v Speaker 2>as well.

0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:50.320
<v Speaker 1>That's right.

0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:53.240
<v Speaker 2>And we were talking about earlier how you can notice

0:17:53.680 --> 0:17:57.199
<v Speaker 2>the roles within the family while you're counseling them and

0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:59.760
<v Speaker 2>those that interrupt, those that don't speak very much and

0:18:00.119 --> 0:18:03.399
<v Speaker 2>at the floor, so you can tell what types of

0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:06.440
<v Speaker 2>family dynamics they are just by coming in the room. Now,

0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:09.760
<v Speaker 2>how do you handle some of these things that you

0:18:09.880 --> 0:18:15.040
<v Speaker 2>find within communication flaws maybe would say, or different types

0:18:15.119 --> 0:18:17.400
<v Speaker 2>of patterns you see within the family.

0:18:17.680 --> 0:18:19.680
<v Speaker 1>Well, first thing I do is I call it out.

0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:20.560
<v Speaker 1>I just name.

0:18:20.400 --> 0:18:25.000
<v Speaker 2>It, like what, so somebody is interrupting I keep interrupting you.

0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, and I'll just say, hey, I'm noticing let me

0:18:27.920 --> 0:18:29.639
<v Speaker 1>interject for a minute. I'm going to interrupt you for

0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:32.480
<v Speaker 1>a minute, right, And I say, I'm noticing that that's

0:18:32.520 --> 0:18:35.560
<v Speaker 1>a pattern for you that you tend to interrupt or

0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:38.960
<v Speaker 1>you speak for someone else. And I'm wondering what's happening

0:18:39.000 --> 0:18:42.720
<v Speaker 1>for you, what's going on in your body, what's happening

0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:46.880
<v Speaker 1>in your feelings in your are you are you feeling anxious?

0:18:47.080 --> 0:18:50.240
<v Speaker 1>Are you feeling that your heart rate is increasing, is

0:18:50.280 --> 0:18:53.200
<v Speaker 1>your body temperature, are you feeling like flushed in your face?

0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:56.040
<v Speaker 1>What's happening for you that causes you to feel the

0:18:56.080 --> 0:19:00.679
<v Speaker 1>need to interject? And then what's your goal in doing that?

0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:05.399
<v Speaker 2>What do you think interrupting means? Because I know a

0:19:05.480 --> 0:19:12.400
<v Speaker 2>lot myself included my interrupt go fake here. But I

0:19:12.400 --> 0:19:14.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm also a good listener too, so I don't have

0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:18.399
<v Speaker 2>an agenda to interrupt. Sometimes I just have something that

0:19:18.440 --> 0:19:21.360
<v Speaker 2>I think is absolutely amazing. I want to say and

0:19:21.920 --> 0:19:25.160
<v Speaker 2>say it. What is? What is it though that some

0:19:25.160 --> 0:19:26.520
<v Speaker 2>somebody constantly interrupts.

0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:29.000
<v Speaker 1>There's a couple of different I do think that there's

0:19:29.119 --> 0:19:32.400
<v Speaker 1>there's different types of interruptions. There is the one that's

0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:36.480
<v Speaker 1>just the person has is excited to get it, get

0:19:36.520 --> 0:19:39.400
<v Speaker 1>in their message. They're they're so excited and passionate about

0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:43.320
<v Speaker 1>the dialogue that they just they don't have the ability

0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:45.639
<v Speaker 1>to in that moment, their brain just kind of just

0:19:45.680 --> 0:19:46.160
<v Speaker 1>takes over.

0:19:46.359 --> 0:19:50.040
<v Speaker 2>And that's not that's not the person you were talking about.

0:19:50.119 --> 0:19:53.199
<v Speaker 2>That's what is the person that you're talking about in

0:19:53.240 --> 0:19:54.560
<v Speaker 2>your office that keeps.

0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:57.960
<v Speaker 1>Saying that person, that person feels the need to control

0:19:58.280 --> 0:20:02.399
<v Speaker 1>uh huh, and that come from fear. Yeah, in my

0:20:02.520 --> 0:20:05.879
<v Speaker 1>opinion it comes from and in my clinical assessment of

0:20:06.200 --> 0:20:10.520
<v Speaker 1>the family, it's whenever someone starts, whenever the family starts

0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:13.960
<v Speaker 1>to get a little bit too autonomous. People are starting

0:20:14.000 --> 0:20:16.879
<v Speaker 1>to speak their mind a little bit more. The person

0:20:16.920 --> 0:20:19.879
<v Speaker 1>who's in charge of the family starts to get a

0:20:19.920 --> 0:20:20.560
<v Speaker 1>little afraid.

0:20:20.760 --> 0:20:23.760
<v Speaker 2>Okay, right, they're not listening to me anymore. I have

0:20:23.840 --> 0:20:26.320
<v Speaker 2>no more authority. They're going to go do what they

0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:29.080
<v Speaker 2>want and nobody's going to care what I think anymore.

0:20:29.240 --> 0:20:34.280
<v Speaker 2>That's right, right, So what happens to the to the

0:20:34.560 --> 0:20:40.200
<v Speaker 2>mom or the dad that doesn't say anything or much,

0:20:40.359 --> 0:20:44.280
<v Speaker 2>the one that keeps quiet, what is that they about?

0:20:44.600 --> 0:20:49.680
<v Speaker 1>They end up developing bitterness and resentment. They end up well,

0:20:50.000 --> 0:20:53.919
<v Speaker 1>they also have fear. They're afraid of the repercussions, usually

0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:57.800
<v Speaker 1>of the criticism, the contemptuous. Usually the person who's in

0:20:57.960 --> 0:21:02.520
<v Speaker 1>charge has there are family rules. There are definitely family rules,

0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:06.640
<v Speaker 1>and they learned that if I, if I challenge, then

0:21:06.640 --> 0:21:08.840
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to have this repercussion coming back on me,

0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:12.320
<v Speaker 1>and I don't want that repercussion, whatever that might be.

0:21:12.600 --> 0:21:15.960
<v Speaker 1>So it is power and control and the family rules

0:21:17.160 --> 0:21:20.000
<v Speaker 1>are here ad here too until a therapist comes like

0:21:20.080 --> 0:21:22.159
<v Speaker 1>me comes up, and my job is to start to

0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:25.919
<v Speaker 1>learn the family rules. It's like a family game that

0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:29.920
<v Speaker 1>these families play, and I'll start learning charge schoos in charge.

0:21:30.200 --> 0:21:33.040
<v Speaker 1>And then how do you send messages back to each other?

0:21:33.119 --> 0:21:36.840
<v Speaker 1>And what are the even the messages of silence? Silence

0:21:36.880 --> 0:21:40.200
<v Speaker 1>is a messenger too. When people are silent, they're speaking,

0:21:40.359 --> 0:21:41.320
<v Speaker 1>they're sending a message.

0:21:41.359 --> 0:21:43.840
<v Speaker 2>You know that means because I to be honest, the

0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:45.960
<v Speaker 2>silent treatment is the worst kind of pain.

0:21:46.080 --> 0:21:46.480
<v Speaker 1>Oh it is.

0:21:46.600 --> 0:21:51.159
<v Speaker 2>I absolutely hate this. You can yell at me. I

0:21:51.200 --> 0:21:53.879
<v Speaker 2>would prefer you yell at me, then give me the

0:21:53.960 --> 0:21:56.960
<v Speaker 2>silent treatment. It's like you're turning your back on me.

0:21:58.400 --> 0:22:03.200
<v Speaker 2>There's nothing I can do if my partner does not engage.

0:22:03.680 --> 0:22:07.280
<v Speaker 2>And so what is the silent treatment about. That's power,

0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:13.440
<v Speaker 2>that's control. It is of course it's stone walling, exactly, stonewalling.

0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:17.800
<v Speaker 2>Just ignore the other person. And and what a what

0:22:17.880 --> 0:22:19.680
<v Speaker 2>a horrible thing to do to somebody?

0:22:20.240 --> 0:22:20.479
<v Speaker 1>Is it?

0:22:20.520 --> 0:22:24.080
<v Speaker 2>Because somebody is always interrupting? Is that why?

0:22:24.280 --> 0:22:24.560
<v Speaker 1>I mean?

0:22:24.640 --> 0:22:26.400
<v Speaker 2>Is that why people say forget it? You don't care

0:22:26.440 --> 0:22:27.800
<v Speaker 2>what I have to say anyway? So I'm not going to.

0:22:27.800 --> 0:22:31.920
<v Speaker 1>Say, well, that's actually called fawning. So there's fight, Yeah,

0:22:31.920 --> 0:22:35.719
<v Speaker 1>there's flight, Yeah, there's freeze, and there's fawning. Those are

0:22:35.720 --> 0:22:39.000
<v Speaker 1>the responses that typically people take, and falling.

0:22:38.720 --> 0:22:40.720
<v Speaker 2>Fawning kind of sounds like a nice thing.

0:22:41.119 --> 0:22:43.240
<v Speaker 1>It's all it's like, okay, fine, you know whatever it's

0:22:43.720 --> 0:22:46.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to give up. I'm going to stop arguing.

0:22:46.600 --> 0:22:50.000
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to stop you. You have it your way, Yeah,

0:22:50.280 --> 0:22:51.040
<v Speaker 1>you have it your way.

0:22:51.119 --> 0:22:54.160
<v Speaker 2>Well I don't. I think that's apathy and I don't

0:22:54.160 --> 0:22:56.560
<v Speaker 2>think that's good for any real No, of course not no,

0:22:56.600 --> 0:22:59.240
<v Speaker 2>but no, that's that's a that's a terrible thing. Five

0:22:59.240 --> 0:23:02.520
<v Speaker 2>one three for a hundred, the big one. How have

0:23:02.600 --> 0:23:05.680
<v Speaker 2>the holidays been for you so far? Has it been

0:23:06.119 --> 0:23:09.280
<v Speaker 2>a fun festive thing? Have you have you never had

0:23:09.320 --> 0:23:11.480
<v Speaker 2>an issue with your family? Or is it hard for

0:23:11.560 --> 0:23:13.240
<v Speaker 2>you right now? We want to hear from you. Five

0:23:13.240 --> 0:23:16.439
<v Speaker 2>one three sevenber nine, seven thousand. So there are some

0:23:16.640 --> 0:23:21.440
<v Speaker 2>ways to reconcile with family members that you've not had

0:23:21.480 --> 0:23:24.679
<v Speaker 2>contact with for a few a few years or a

0:23:24.680 --> 0:23:28.280
<v Speaker 2>few months, or even a few days. Sometimes people really

0:23:28.320 --> 0:23:30.760
<v Speaker 2>need space, and when they do, you should give it

0:23:30.800 --> 0:23:34.399
<v Speaker 2>to them. But doctor West, when a does it become

0:23:34.440 --> 0:23:39.479
<v Speaker 2>a problem, like when when? When is the space that

0:23:39.520 --> 0:23:44.120
<v Speaker 2>they need getting too long, right, Like all right, clearly

0:23:44.160 --> 0:23:46.479
<v Speaker 2>they just want to be away from me, right, they

0:23:46.520 --> 0:23:49.080
<v Speaker 2>don't want to speak to me at all, or you know,

0:23:49.200 --> 0:23:52.440
<v Speaker 2>three days is three Three days is a long time too.

0:23:53.960 --> 0:23:58.639
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, three days is a long time. Typically, Like I

0:23:58.720 --> 0:24:01.879
<v Speaker 1>tell couples to take breaks from each other, but I

0:24:02.040 --> 0:24:04.159
<v Speaker 1>try and have them do a repair attempt within the

0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:07.120
<v Speaker 1>same day. Yeah, right, I don't want them to go

0:24:07.720 --> 0:24:11.040
<v Speaker 1>into the next day, right, So I would encourage families

0:24:11.080 --> 0:24:14.159
<v Speaker 1>to do the same thing that take take that break.

0:24:14.200 --> 0:24:16.760
<v Speaker 1>If you know, at their dinner table, if all hades

0:24:16.840 --> 0:24:20.080
<v Speaker 1>is breaking loose, then just everybody go and chill out

0:24:20.119 --> 0:24:22.720
<v Speaker 1>for a little bit. Thirty minutes is what you really

0:24:22.760 --> 0:24:24.880
<v Speaker 1>need to help your brain to kind of calm down

0:24:25.440 --> 0:24:27.840
<v Speaker 1>and then come back together and say, okay, let's talk

0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:32.440
<v Speaker 1>about let's go around the room, and and everybody you're listening,

0:24:32.880 --> 0:24:36.479
<v Speaker 1>not to agree to or to disagree, you're listening, just

0:24:36.600 --> 0:24:40.359
<v Speaker 1>to listen. And everyone says, this is what I feel

0:24:40.480 --> 0:24:43.359
<v Speaker 1>in this moment. It's not about I think, it's what

0:24:43.440 --> 0:24:47.520
<v Speaker 1>I feel, right, focus on feelings and then everything.

0:24:47.119 --> 0:24:50.920
<v Speaker 2>About acknowledging that somebody has these feelings.

0:24:50.960 --> 0:24:53.359
<v Speaker 1>That's what Yeah, exactly right, That's the next step is

0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:56.240
<v Speaker 1>that the people will then acknowledge that what I hear

0:24:56.320 --> 0:24:58.760
<v Speaker 1>you saying is that you are feeling hurt in this,

0:24:58.960 --> 0:25:00.800
<v Speaker 1>in this dialogue that we just had.

0:25:00.960 --> 0:25:05.040
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so acknowledging listen, you need space. So there's clearly

0:25:05.160 --> 0:25:08.560
<v Speaker 2>some kind of break in our communication. So I get that,

0:25:09.040 --> 0:25:11.560
<v Speaker 2>but I want us to come together. So I'm gonna

0:25:11.680 --> 0:25:14.320
<v Speaker 2>I just want you to say whatever it is you

0:25:14.359 --> 0:25:16.480
<v Speaker 2>want to say, and I'm going to listen. I'm gonna listen,

0:25:16.760 --> 0:25:18.320
<v Speaker 2>and then I'm going to echo back what I heard

0:25:18.359 --> 0:25:21.560
<v Speaker 2>you say. And then I'm going to say what I

0:25:21.640 --> 0:25:26.680
<v Speaker 2>know about you meant that makes sense to me. That's validation, right.

0:25:27.480 --> 0:25:29.600
<v Speaker 2>That doesn't mean I agree with you. It just means

0:25:29.600 --> 0:25:32.520
<v Speaker 2>what I know about you and our relationship, I can

0:25:32.600 --> 0:25:39.040
<v Speaker 2>see how you would feel that way. Okay, So how important?

0:25:39.520 --> 0:25:42.880
<v Speaker 2>And I think it's pretty important, Which is the question.

0:25:43.320 --> 0:25:48.560
<v Speaker 2>I want you to validate me on this west self reflection, right,

0:25:49.560 --> 0:25:51.520
<v Speaker 2>And and I want to talk to Channing in a

0:25:51.560 --> 0:25:54.240
<v Speaker 2>moment about this, because she and I talked about this

0:25:54.320 --> 0:25:56.400
<v Speaker 2>early on. And Dick, I'll get to you in a minute.

0:25:57.520 --> 0:26:02.080
<v Speaker 2>Self reflection is important whether you're in or not in

0:26:02.359 --> 0:26:07.920
<v Speaker 2>a conflict. Right, always observing what how you are with

0:26:08.000 --> 0:26:11.879
<v Speaker 2>yourself and other people? Yes, would you call that a

0:26:11.880 --> 0:26:12.680
<v Speaker 2>top three thing?

0:26:12.960 --> 0:26:13.120
<v Speaker 4>Oh?

0:26:13.160 --> 0:26:16.199
<v Speaker 1>Absolutely, a top three Yeah. I'm teaching all of my

0:26:16.320 --> 0:26:19.080
<v Speaker 1>clients to be really self aware of what they're thinking,

0:26:19.200 --> 0:26:23.840
<v Speaker 1>what they're feeling at all times. That's really a daily occurrence.

0:26:24.000 --> 0:26:25.480
<v Speaker 1>Like in the morning, what am I feeling?

0:26:25.480 --> 0:26:28.159
<v Speaker 2>I'm frustrated? I woke up on the wrong side of

0:26:28.200 --> 0:26:31.280
<v Speaker 2>the bed, so like, I really need to pay attention

0:26:31.440 --> 0:26:35.119
<v Speaker 2>to how I'm treating people today because I can already

0:26:35.200 --> 0:26:38.720
<v Speaker 2>feel a little frustration. Let's go to Dick and Dayton. Dick,

0:26:38.800 --> 0:26:41.000
<v Speaker 2>how you doing? Nice to speak to you?

0:26:41.240 --> 0:26:43.960
<v Speaker 5>Happy holidays? Yeah, I would just tell it you're good.

0:26:43.960 --> 0:26:48.320
<v Speaker 5>To talk to you, I would just telling you're on

0:26:48.400 --> 0:26:53.000
<v Speaker 5>my dad's side. That live order Ohio and uh, I

0:26:53.040 --> 0:26:56.040
<v Speaker 5>look forward to every year. When I was young, the

0:26:56.119 --> 0:27:00.679
<v Speaker 5>family and the cousins developed a relationship and music like

0:27:00.760 --> 0:27:04.000
<v Speaker 5>the uh ah it with Italian music, and I learned

0:27:04.280 --> 0:27:08.600
<v Speaker 5>river Boat and uh all of us. I think you know,

0:27:08.720 --> 0:27:11.320
<v Speaker 5>I played in two or three group, but I find

0:27:11.400 --> 0:27:15.159
<v Speaker 5>relationships like at your church or like you go to

0:27:15.240 --> 0:27:19.560
<v Speaker 5>social groups like music and uh just things like that,

0:27:19.800 --> 0:27:22.600
<v Speaker 5>you know, like singles clubs and stuff, and uh I

0:27:22.680 --> 0:27:25.879
<v Speaker 5>always was. Uh I still play my music and you know,

0:27:25.960 --> 0:27:28.600
<v Speaker 5>I get around and stuff. But I think that's something

0:27:28.680 --> 0:27:31.280
<v Speaker 5>that you get from your family, know what I'm saying.

0:27:31.440 --> 0:27:35.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so my my family was musical as well, and

0:27:35.200 --> 0:27:38.640
<v Speaker 2>my mom used to play world music and she's from Canada,

0:27:38.760 --> 0:27:42.360
<v Speaker 2>so she would play all kinds of fun and you know, yeah,

0:27:42.880 --> 0:27:45.919
<v Speaker 2>people I've never heard. I've always, you know, for the

0:27:45.960 --> 0:27:49.040
<v Speaker 2>last probably thirty years, played guitar and there's all my

0:27:49.160 --> 0:27:50.160
<v Speaker 2>exsh time.

0:27:50.640 --> 0:27:54.639
<v Speaker 5>Actually I started a mandolin, but I can play you now.

0:27:56.720 --> 0:28:00.879
<v Speaker 2>Too, uh huh. But it is its too, you know,

0:28:01.400 --> 0:28:03.960
<v Speaker 2>it's a different dick. Thank you so much for Colin.

0:28:04.040 --> 0:28:07.000
<v Speaker 2>I appreciate it. Happy holidays. Nice to hear from you too,

0:28:08.440 --> 0:28:10.959
<v Speaker 2>Thank you here, welcome by bye. So it is a

0:28:11.000 --> 0:28:17.160
<v Speaker 2>different dynamic to when you connect with another like some

0:28:17.200 --> 0:28:20.760
<v Speaker 2>sort of a side project or some sort of you know,

0:28:20.840 --> 0:28:24.520
<v Speaker 2>like music brings the family together. That's that's also you know,

0:28:24.640 --> 0:28:27.080
<v Speaker 2>everyone lay the Partridgs family who didn't want to be

0:28:27.119 --> 0:28:29.919
<v Speaker 2>the Partridge family growing up? Do you even know who

0:28:29.960 --> 0:28:34.320
<v Speaker 2>the Partridge family is? Channing? No, Well, let's get to

0:28:34.400 --> 0:28:37.280
<v Speaker 2>Channing here real quick, because we talked about this in

0:28:37.320 --> 0:28:41.160
<v Speaker 2>self reflection you're fourteen years old. Your doctor, I understand

0:28:41.200 --> 0:28:44.440
<v Speaker 2>your doctor Wes's daughter, and you have had a therapy

0:28:44.480 --> 0:28:46.760
<v Speaker 2>in your whole life, and he's a counselor and things

0:28:46.800 --> 0:28:51.600
<v Speaker 2>like that. What do you do to to look at

0:28:51.600 --> 0:28:55.320
<v Speaker 2>yourself and reflect on how you're feeling, how you're doing.

0:28:57.520 --> 0:29:00.880
<v Speaker 3>I'm trying to think. I always like to ground myself.

0:29:00.960 --> 0:29:03.440
<v Speaker 3>I feel like grounding myself, like I would like That's

0:29:03.440 --> 0:29:06.000
<v Speaker 3>one like the coping strategies that I've learned is like

0:29:06.040 --> 0:29:08.400
<v Speaker 3>placing my feet on the ground, or sometimes if like

0:29:08.440 --> 0:29:11.160
<v Speaker 3>I'm having really big feelings, then I'll just like I'll

0:29:11.240 --> 0:29:13.480
<v Speaker 3>lay on the ground, like I'll literally lay flat on

0:29:13.520 --> 0:29:17.000
<v Speaker 3>my back and I will like do like five things

0:29:17.000 --> 0:29:18.680
<v Speaker 3>I can see, like stuff like that, And it kind

0:29:18.680 --> 0:29:22.520
<v Speaker 3>of helps ground myself with my emotions because like I

0:29:22.560 --> 0:29:25.920
<v Speaker 3>oftentimes have big emotions, like if I'm feeling mad, I

0:29:26.000 --> 0:29:27.560
<v Speaker 3>just need to ground myself and breathe.

0:29:28.240 --> 0:29:31.120
<v Speaker 2>So I often do that a lot. Do you feel like,

0:29:31.400 --> 0:29:35.240
<v Speaker 2>because you're in such a different generation, do you feel

0:29:35.320 --> 0:29:40.240
<v Speaker 2>like the cell phone and social media and your computers

0:29:40.800 --> 0:29:44.560
<v Speaker 2>are they a burden or a blessing?

0:29:45.080 --> 0:29:47.479
<v Speaker 3>They're honestly, I feel like they're both. Yeah, but I

0:29:47.520 --> 0:29:51.480
<v Speaker 3>feel like they can also be a burden because I

0:29:51.600 --> 0:29:54.000
<v Speaker 3>tell my parents all the time, I'm like, guys, I

0:29:54.040 --> 0:29:56.280
<v Speaker 3>think I was supposed to be born in the two thousands,

0:29:56.360 --> 0:30:00.400
<v Speaker 3>because like, I like my cell phone. I love my

0:30:00.440 --> 0:30:03.320
<v Speaker 3>cell phone. I spend way too much time on it. Yeah,

0:30:03.400 --> 0:30:05.360
<v Speaker 3>but I feel like it takes me away from like

0:30:05.440 --> 0:30:07.800
<v Speaker 3>the world. Like I feel like once I get on

0:30:07.840 --> 0:30:09.600
<v Speaker 3>my phone and I just start doom scrolling, I just

0:30:09.600 --> 0:30:10.440
<v Speaker 3>feel like it just takes me.

0:30:10.600 --> 0:30:13.880
<v Speaker 2>And it can be an hour or longer before you

0:30:13.960 --> 0:30:16.400
<v Speaker 2>even feel like, oh my gosh, i'ven't taken a deep breath.

0:30:16.440 --> 0:30:18.480
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what time it is, I haven't talked

0:30:18.480 --> 0:30:21.880
<v Speaker 2>to any friends or family, or you know, I haven't

0:30:21.880 --> 0:30:25.320
<v Speaker 2>been outside right back in the day. And even doctor

0:30:25.360 --> 0:30:29.400
<v Speaker 2>West is younger than me. We we never I didn't

0:30:29.400 --> 0:30:32.080
<v Speaker 2>even have a cell phone until I was twenty two,

0:30:32.120 --> 0:30:36.280
<v Speaker 2>twenty four, and certainly there was no social media, thank heavens.

0:30:36.320 --> 0:30:38.440
<v Speaker 2>When I was growing up, we spend all of our

0:30:38.480 --> 0:30:41.320
<v Speaker 2>time outside. We did, you know, we had you know,

0:30:41.440 --> 0:30:43.920
<v Speaker 2>seven kids, so they would go go go get them

0:30:44.000 --> 0:30:46.880
<v Speaker 2>and we'll play, you know, breakout up at the top

0:30:46.920 --> 0:30:51.080
<v Speaker 2>of the hill. You know, So I miss that for

0:30:51.160 --> 0:30:55.680
<v Speaker 2>your generation. I really wish you guys had more of

0:30:57.600 --> 0:31:01.960
<v Speaker 2>outdoor time, more social time with friends, and you know

0:31:02.000 --> 0:31:03.920
<v Speaker 2>what I mean, Like that's such a big deal. And

0:31:04.000 --> 0:31:09.040
<v Speaker 2>even parents, myself included, are on their phones. So even

0:31:09.040 --> 0:31:12.160
<v Speaker 2>when you get off your phone, probably a parent is

0:31:12.240 --> 0:31:16.240
<v Speaker 2>on their phone. And it's like we communicate fifteen twenty

0:31:16.280 --> 0:31:19.560
<v Speaker 2>minutes in a day, And how the heck does that positive? Right?

0:31:19.800 --> 0:31:21.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Like I was having a meal with my mom

0:31:22.000 --> 0:31:24.800
<v Speaker 3>and my sister the other day and I finally got

0:31:24.800 --> 0:31:25.320
<v Speaker 3>off my phone.

0:31:25.360 --> 0:31:29.120
<v Speaker 2>I looked up in there on their phone, just exactly, like,

0:31:29.640 --> 0:31:32.480
<v Speaker 2>let's everybody. I even make it a point like when

0:31:32.560 --> 0:31:35.560
<v Speaker 2>we're all having dinner, like everybody put their cellphones away,

0:31:35.600 --> 0:31:38.640
<v Speaker 2>because that's the least we can do, have one hour

0:31:38.680 --> 0:31:40.440
<v Speaker 2>together and look each other in the eyes.

0:31:40.680 --> 0:31:43.840
<v Speaker 1>How important is that, doctor West. It's very important. It's

0:31:44.080 --> 0:31:48.280
<v Speaker 1>absolutely important. It's the digital divide. It's it's actually a

0:31:48.360 --> 0:31:51.320
<v Speaker 1>it's actually like a third party in the relationship. It's

0:31:51.360 --> 0:31:54.000
<v Speaker 1>like you're having a it's like an a fair right,

0:31:54.160 --> 0:31:56.959
<v Speaker 1>it really is. It's like you have developed this relationship

0:31:57.040 --> 0:31:57.680
<v Speaker 1>with your phone.

0:31:57.720 --> 0:32:00.719
<v Speaker 2>No. I totally understand because some times when I go

0:32:00.840 --> 0:32:03.200
<v Speaker 2>long periods and I'm out of town and I and

0:32:03.280 --> 0:32:06.000
<v Speaker 2>I you know, I've been at events and I even't

0:32:06.040 --> 0:32:07.920
<v Speaker 2>had my phone. I like to be alone with my

0:32:08.000 --> 0:32:10.600
<v Speaker 2>phone and catch up on all the things that I missed.

0:32:10.640 --> 0:32:13.120
<v Speaker 2>It's like Christmas morning. It's terrible.

0:32:13.280 --> 0:32:16.640
<v Speaker 1>It's guaranteed validation though, I mean, you can get validated

0:32:16.680 --> 0:32:18.160
<v Speaker 1>on that phone.

0:32:18.400 --> 0:32:21.960
<v Speaker 2>It's like, how are we We can we can watch movies,

0:32:22.040 --> 0:32:25.800
<v Speaker 2>we can order food, we can order any services or

0:32:25.880 --> 0:32:30.240
<v Speaker 2>product that we want online. We can social media, we

0:32:30.320 --> 0:32:32.960
<v Speaker 2>can text, we can email, we can call. I mean,

0:32:33.280 --> 0:32:38.320
<v Speaker 2>it's everything inch of gratification, but it's also exhausting and

0:32:38.440 --> 0:32:43.720
<v Speaker 2>mind bending control with the addiction of the cell phones.

0:32:43.800 --> 0:32:46.720
<v Speaker 1>I saw on the news yesterday it was at least

0:32:46.800 --> 0:32:51.280
<v Speaker 1>fifty percent of the population of adults reports being lonely.

0:32:51.960 --> 0:32:52.840
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:32:53.080 --> 0:32:55.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, but yet we're so connected, right.

0:32:55.880 --> 0:32:59.720
<v Speaker 2>But it's it's electronics. So it's not where we're three

0:32:59.840 --> 0:33:02.400
<v Speaker 2>looking at each other in the studio and we see

0:33:02.440 --> 0:33:05.280
<v Speaker 2>each other's eyes and I can see channing nodding when

0:33:05.320 --> 0:33:09.200
<v Speaker 2>she's agreeing with me. There's a there's a real connection.

0:33:09.520 --> 0:33:12.240
<v Speaker 2>I mean, we don't we all know this, but there's

0:33:12.240 --> 0:33:14.080
<v Speaker 2>a real connection when you're out in the world and

0:33:14.120 --> 0:33:16.000
<v Speaker 2>you put your cell phones down. We got to take

0:33:16.000 --> 0:33:18.760
<v Speaker 2>a quick break. When we come back, we're gonna lighten

0:33:18.800 --> 0:33:21.560
<v Speaker 2>it up a little bit and talk about holiday parties

0:33:21.880 --> 0:33:24.720
<v Speaker 2>and what is the worst bad behavior you've ever seen

0:33:24.760 --> 0:33:27.959
<v Speaker 2>at a holiday party? Ours is coming up on Wednesday.

0:33:28.040 --> 0:33:30.880
<v Speaker 2>Everybody has holiday parties coming up, so we're gonna get

0:33:30.920 --> 0:33:33.880
<v Speaker 2>into that. And even Sterling, I think, is gonna call

0:33:34.960 --> 0:33:36.960
<v Speaker 2>in for this one because we were both together at

0:33:37.000 --> 0:33:40.480
<v Speaker 2>the holiday party last year. Donnade along with doctor Wes

0:33:40.640 --> 0:33:45.560
<v Speaker 2>and Channing Saturday Night, seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati. Wooh, it's

0:33:45.600 --> 0:33:48.400
<v Speaker 2>a cold one twenty It's thirty five but feels like

0:33:48.400 --> 0:33:51.480
<v Speaker 2>twenty five. There's a winter weather advisory. In effact we

0:33:51.480 --> 0:33:54.640
<v Speaker 2>were it was snowing when we came in, so it's

0:33:54.680 --> 0:33:56.600
<v Speaker 2>that's kind of nice. And it is the time of

0:33:56.720 --> 0:33:59.920
<v Speaker 2>year to have snow. If we're gonna have snow, it's

0:34:00.200 --> 0:34:03.520
<v Speaker 2>be around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don and d Saturday Night,

0:34:03.600 --> 0:34:08.640
<v Speaker 2>seven hundred WLW alongside doctor West, who I always love

0:34:08.840 --> 0:34:10.719
<v Speaker 2>when you're in the studio with me and you drive

0:34:10.760 --> 0:34:12.439
<v Speaker 2>a long way, not that far. I mean, I don't

0:34:12.440 --> 0:34:15.480
<v Speaker 2>want to be ridiculous about it. You come out of Nashville,

0:34:15.560 --> 0:34:17.880
<v Speaker 2>that's right, I do. What was the temperature in Nashville

0:34:17.880 --> 0:34:18.439
<v Speaker 2>when you left.

0:34:18.680 --> 0:34:20.759
<v Speaker 1>What was it, Channing, do you remember.

0:34:20.600 --> 0:34:27.080
<v Speaker 2>Seventy sixty seventy I'm on it, guys. It was pretty

0:34:27.360 --> 0:34:27.680
<v Speaker 2>it was.

0:34:28.080 --> 0:34:30.239
<v Speaker 1>It was not what is here, I can tell you

0:34:30.280 --> 0:34:30.760
<v Speaker 1>that much.

0:34:30.920 --> 0:34:35.520
<v Speaker 2>We've got Channing. It's okay, we got it. It was

0:34:35.600 --> 0:34:40.160
<v Speaker 2>warmer than it is here in Cincinnati. So but again,

0:34:40.280 --> 0:34:43.120
<v Speaker 2>you know, this is the time where we have holiday

0:34:43.160 --> 0:34:47.919
<v Speaker 2>parties and Thanksgiving and Christmas and love them or hate them.

0:34:48.000 --> 0:34:50.360
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I was just telling you, doctor Wes. I

0:34:50.480 --> 0:34:54.200
<v Speaker 2>had a Tuesday event last week, a Wednesday, a Thursday,

0:34:54.239 --> 0:34:57.080
<v Speaker 2>obviously in Thanksgiving, and I had my girlfriends over Friday.

0:34:57.160 --> 0:35:00.000
<v Speaker 2>So four nights in a row. That that's why I

0:35:00.120 --> 0:35:02.359
<v Speaker 2>have no makeup on in the studio and I look

0:35:02.440 --> 0:35:03.719
<v Speaker 2>absolutely hidious.

0:35:04.560 --> 0:35:06.359
<v Speaker 1>But no negative self talk.

0:35:06.760 --> 0:35:09.440
<v Speaker 2>I know, I know, but only if it's only if

0:35:09.480 --> 0:35:13.200
<v Speaker 2>it's in humor, and it is. So We've got our

0:35:13.280 --> 0:35:17.440
<v Speaker 2>Christmas party, our holiday party on Wednesday this week, and

0:35:17.520 --> 0:35:21.720
<v Speaker 2>I have another one on Friday and Saturday. My co host.

0:35:22.000 --> 0:35:24.239
<v Speaker 2>In the weekends. We were supposed to be on three

0:35:24.239 --> 0:35:28.120
<v Speaker 2>to six, but you see football kind of canceled us.

0:35:28.120 --> 0:35:30.760
<v Speaker 2>Sterling is on with me right now.

0:35:31.880 --> 0:35:34.520
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, yeah, yeah, So we should have been on Bearcats

0:35:34.719 --> 0:35:35.759
<v Speaker 6>could have waited.

0:35:36.080 --> 0:35:40.120
<v Speaker 4>And not lost, but and then they had lightning to lay.

0:35:40.200 --> 0:35:42.760
<v Speaker 6>And now it's snowing, and Doc West in the future

0:35:42.760 --> 0:35:46.440
<v Speaker 6>of the world channing. There's rain, probably in Nashville, but

0:35:46.880 --> 0:35:48.240
<v Speaker 6>you get to experience some snow.

0:35:48.400 --> 0:35:51.880
<v Speaker 2>That's right, That's exactly right. Hey, at least all the

0:35:52.000 --> 0:35:55.160
<v Speaker 2>other Cincinnati teams have won. I know you watched the

0:35:55.160 --> 0:35:59.080
<v Speaker 2>Big Game Thursday night with Joe Burrow. How amazing was that?

0:35:59.160 --> 0:36:01.680
<v Speaker 4>Sterling couldn't ask for much more?

0:36:01.760 --> 0:36:05.400
<v Speaker 6>I mean, he came back unbelievable, settled in. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

0:36:05.440 --> 0:36:07.080
<v Speaker 6>I'm trying not to interrupt. I'm afraid that I'm an

0:36:07.120 --> 0:36:10.279
<v Speaker 6>interrupt or. I was listening and I'm thinking, is this

0:36:10.320 --> 0:36:13.080
<v Speaker 6>all directed at me? Is this like an intervention? Do

0:36:13.160 --> 0:36:15.239
<v Speaker 6>I have a problem beyond what I already know to

0:36:15.239 --> 0:36:18.600
<v Speaker 6>be a problem. No, this isn't solve deprecation. I'm just

0:36:18.640 --> 0:36:19.400
<v Speaker 6>trying to be better.

0:36:19.640 --> 0:36:22.359
<v Speaker 2>No, Sterling. What happened was, I was talking to Tom

0:36:22.400 --> 0:36:25.400
<v Speaker 2>Brenneman one the other day and I said, you know,

0:36:25.520 --> 0:36:27.799
<v Speaker 2>he said, I think you and Sterling sounds so great,

0:36:27.800 --> 0:36:30.839
<v Speaker 2>but you got to listen more instead of interrupting him.

0:36:30.920 --> 0:36:34.360
<v Speaker 2>He's only and I said, but Sterling goes on forever.

0:36:34.600 --> 0:36:35.839
<v Speaker 2>I got to interrupt him.

0:36:35.840 --> 0:36:40.200
<v Speaker 6>I really, you know why, because I'm an only child,

0:36:40.360 --> 0:36:43.920
<v Speaker 6>and usually it's the voices in my head and I'm

0:36:44.360 --> 0:36:46.839
<v Speaker 6>but I try to listen. I know enough to know

0:36:46.960 --> 0:36:49.359
<v Speaker 6>that I need to listen more because I don't know enough.

0:36:50.480 --> 0:36:53.120
<v Speaker 2>We all have to listen more. That's the whole point

0:36:53.160 --> 0:36:56.360
<v Speaker 2>of this show, by the way. Uh So, speaking of

0:36:56.760 --> 0:36:59.040
<v Speaker 2>so we're gonna lighten it up a tiny little bit.

0:36:59.200 --> 0:37:03.200
<v Speaker 2>And what's the worst thing you can do at a holiday,

0:37:03.280 --> 0:37:07.600
<v Speaker 2>work party or otherwise any kind of bad behavior? And

0:37:07.640 --> 0:37:10.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to give you the number one answer, Sterling,

0:37:10.400 --> 0:37:14.040
<v Speaker 2>of what is the absolute worst thing that you can do?

0:37:14.200 --> 0:37:18.320
<v Speaker 2>And you've never done it? I have, but not really bad.

0:37:18.480 --> 0:37:21.520
<v Speaker 2>The worst thing you can do is get too tipsy,

0:37:22.680 --> 0:37:26.240
<v Speaker 2>drinking too much eggnog and anything else like that, getting

0:37:26.320 --> 0:37:29.600
<v Speaker 2>to hit the bottle hitting the bottle, right, I mean,

0:37:29.640 --> 0:37:31.719
<v Speaker 2>and you know we have open bar. You know at

0:37:32.040 --> 0:37:36.000
<v Speaker 2>our most holiday parties are going to have some festive

0:37:36.320 --> 0:37:40.480
<v Speaker 2>drinks on the menu. Right, But what have you seen

0:37:41.320 --> 0:37:44.279
<v Speaker 2>that you would consider bad behavior? And just know we're

0:37:44.320 --> 0:37:45.960
<v Speaker 2>all getting together on Wednesday.

0:37:47.320 --> 0:37:49.600
<v Speaker 6>Well, I think you hit it right off the bat.

0:37:49.760 --> 0:37:52.239
<v Speaker 6>I mean, you got to know your limits and you know,

0:37:52.360 --> 0:37:55.000
<v Speaker 6>open bar or otherwise. One if it's work related, keep

0:37:55.040 --> 0:37:57.640
<v Speaker 6>it together because it's not really fun time, as much

0:37:57.640 --> 0:37:59.880
<v Speaker 6>as it may be social, and you're not there to

0:37:59.880 --> 0:38:03.160
<v Speaker 6>make an assy yourself. Pardon my expression, Channing, I apologized.

0:38:05.880 --> 0:38:07.680
<v Speaker 6>I am wholesome and naive to the ways of the world,

0:38:07.760 --> 0:38:12.279
<v Speaker 6>no matter how bad my language. But I think that's

0:38:12.280 --> 0:38:15.879
<v Speaker 6>probably the worst. I've never seen much when it comes

0:38:15.880 --> 0:38:19.439
<v Speaker 6>to business party kind of scenarios. But when I worked

0:38:19.440 --> 0:38:23.719
<v Speaker 6>at Hara Arena as a teenager growing up, I had

0:38:23.719 --> 0:38:25.959
<v Speaker 6>a chance a couple of times to get extra work

0:38:25.960 --> 0:38:29.160
<v Speaker 6>because they used to have a convention center facility and

0:38:29.160 --> 0:38:33.400
<v Speaker 6>they would do banquets and parties, holiday season, graduations, wedding stuff.

0:38:33.440 --> 0:38:37.160
<v Speaker 6>All that stuff was huge business for them. And a

0:38:37.200 --> 0:38:41.160
<v Speaker 6>couple of times holiday season one I saw someone get

0:38:41.239 --> 0:38:44.520
<v Speaker 6>so messed up. They like trashed a couple of Christmas trees.

0:38:44.239 --> 0:38:47.799
<v Speaker 4>That were so oh yeah, they were a mess. It

0:38:47.840 --> 0:38:48.560
<v Speaker 4>was entertaining.

0:38:48.600 --> 0:38:50.200
<v Speaker 6>I didn't have to clean it up, and it wasn't

0:38:50.200 --> 0:38:53.400
<v Speaker 6>my tree, bulbs and all the decorations, but was that

0:38:53.480 --> 0:38:56.440
<v Speaker 6>was ugly And that was I think a little over indulgence, you.

0:38:56.360 --> 0:39:02.000
<v Speaker 2>Know, Okay, have you ever witnessed And I don't know

0:39:02.040 --> 0:39:04.200
<v Speaker 2>that I've ever seen it, but I you know how

0:39:04.200 --> 0:39:07.120
<v Speaker 2>we always talk about sterling. We see all these fights

0:39:07.160 --> 0:39:10.200
<v Speaker 2>on x and Instagram and stuff like that. Have you

0:39:10.239 --> 0:39:14.440
<v Speaker 2>ever seen a fight at a holiday party, like like

0:39:15.120 --> 0:39:18.440
<v Speaker 2>friends getting into a fistfight or something like that, because

0:39:18.480 --> 0:39:22.320
<v Speaker 2>that would be pretty bad.

0:39:20.520 --> 0:39:27.320
<v Speaker 6>It's not at a holiday party, but at a wedding reception.

0:39:27.480 --> 0:39:29.719
<v Speaker 6>I saw that once and it was a couple of guys.

0:39:29.719 --> 0:39:31.400
<v Speaker 6>I think you'd had maybe too much of the brown

0:39:31.440 --> 0:39:34.360
<v Speaker 6>liquor and got stupid.

0:39:34.719 --> 0:39:40.279
<v Speaker 2>But I think that's worse. If there's anything worse than

0:39:40.400 --> 0:39:43.600
<v Speaker 2>getting into a fight at a holiday party, please tell

0:39:43.640 --> 0:39:46.280
<v Speaker 2>me what that is. Even if somebody's gotten a little

0:39:46.280 --> 0:39:48.919
<v Speaker 2>too tipsy and they've been drinking too much in their

0:39:48.960 --> 0:39:52.120
<v Speaker 2>slurners and that kind of stuff, and it's not a

0:39:52.120 --> 0:39:55.840
<v Speaker 2>good look, but they're not bothering anybody. Putting your hands

0:39:55.840 --> 0:39:57.960
<v Speaker 2>on people is probably the worst thing you can do.

0:39:58.960 --> 0:40:01.080
<v Speaker 6>I don't know what let up do it. I only

0:40:01.080 --> 0:40:02.680
<v Speaker 6>got to see a little of the interaction and they

0:40:02.719 --> 0:40:05.120
<v Speaker 6>were pulled out of it. But at a holiday party

0:40:05.160 --> 0:40:12.080
<v Speaker 6>get together, sometimes people their inhibitions clearly are lower after

0:40:12.200 --> 0:40:16.399
<v Speaker 6>a little bit of say lubrication or intoxication of one

0:40:16.440 --> 0:40:17.080
<v Speaker 6>type or another.

0:40:17.719 --> 0:40:20.240
<v Speaker 4>And I've seen.

0:40:20.040 --> 0:40:23.440
<v Speaker 6>People that have a couple of times not work as

0:40:23.480 --> 0:40:26.319
<v Speaker 6>far as I know, or you know, end up in

0:40:26.360 --> 0:40:28.759
<v Speaker 6>a situation like in a coat room or something like

0:40:28.800 --> 0:40:30.880
<v Speaker 6>that where there might have been some type of romantic

0:40:30.960 --> 0:40:33.799
<v Speaker 6>kind of vibe going on in the season under the missiletoe,

0:40:33.840 --> 0:40:36.880
<v Speaker 6>what have you, but not making too much of a

0:40:36.920 --> 0:40:39.319
<v Speaker 6>nuisance of themselves. I mean, people will get excited and

0:40:39.360 --> 0:40:42.279
<v Speaker 6>happy and romantic and stuff sometimes, but yeah, I've seen

0:40:42.280 --> 0:40:44.520
<v Speaker 6>some vomiting. I've seen some trees knocked down.

0:40:45.360 --> 0:40:45.640
<v Speaker 4>You know.

0:40:46.680 --> 0:40:48.680
<v Speaker 6>The big thing I think is just, I mean, handle

0:40:48.719 --> 0:40:51.799
<v Speaker 6>yourself an act that it's like New Year's it's amateur nights,

0:40:51.880 --> 0:40:54.040
<v Speaker 6>So you've got to act like you've been there before.

0:40:54.400 --> 0:40:59.239
<v Speaker 2>Right by the way, flirting with someone who's taken is

0:40:59.320 --> 0:41:02.000
<v Speaker 2>on the list, sterling. So you kind of hit the

0:41:02.080 --> 0:41:05.640
<v Speaker 2>nail on the head with you know, somebody that's uh,

0:41:06.239 --> 0:41:09.799
<v Speaker 2>you know, going into a coat room or or just

0:41:09.920 --> 0:41:12.399
<v Speaker 2>grabbing the missile toe and putting it over somebody's head.

0:41:12.760 --> 0:41:15.040
<v Speaker 4>Have you ever had that grabbing something else?

0:41:16.400 --> 0:41:18.760
<v Speaker 2>You thought I was going to say that, doctor West,

0:41:18.840 --> 0:41:23.120
<v Speaker 2>what what is the what is the getting too drunk

0:41:23.320 --> 0:41:26.480
<v Speaker 2>thing or you know, getting into it. What what what

0:41:26.520 --> 0:41:30.480
<v Speaker 2>would cause somebody who's a rational person to just do

0:41:30.560 --> 0:41:32.320
<v Speaker 2>something like that at a holiday party?

0:41:32.400 --> 0:41:35.080
<v Speaker 1>Well, I think the obvious answer there would be just

0:41:35.160 --> 0:41:37.239
<v Speaker 1>they just want to have fun, They want to kick back,

0:41:37.280 --> 0:41:42.360
<v Speaker 1>they want to lower their inhibitions and and experience themselves

0:41:42.440 --> 0:41:45.719
<v Speaker 1>differently with the coworkers. But obviously that doesn't go well.

0:41:46.040 --> 0:41:48.520
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so they're buttoned up at work all the time.

0:41:48.560 --> 0:41:52.640
<v Speaker 2>But this is a radio station, so like we we

0:41:53.160 --> 0:41:55.040
<v Speaker 2>you know, kind of have fun with each other all

0:41:55.080 --> 0:41:57.759
<v Speaker 2>the time. Anyway, Sterling, I was just talking about this

0:41:57.960 --> 0:42:00.360
<v Speaker 2>just as a side note to Sterling and I have

0:42:00.400 --> 0:42:03.319
<v Speaker 2>been that we're closing up on three years over three

0:42:03.400 --> 0:42:06.319
<v Speaker 2>years together, and we've not been that long. It has

0:42:06.360 --> 0:42:09.439
<v Speaker 2>been that long because our Instagram is done twenty twenty three,

0:42:09.920 --> 0:42:10.840
<v Speaker 2>so we're getting to.

0:42:11.040 --> 0:42:14.200
<v Speaker 6>Feel that long or longer. See that's my word is

0:42:14.200 --> 0:42:16.920
<v Speaker 6>that like deep down you're like, uh, this is really

0:42:16.960 --> 0:42:20.520
<v Speaker 6>feeling like a long time, like you in something in

0:42:20.520 --> 0:42:22.799
<v Speaker 6>a bad situation. It goes fast because you're having a

0:42:22.800 --> 0:42:25.400
<v Speaker 6>good time. Yeah most of our shows do, yes, but

0:42:25.600 --> 0:42:28.000
<v Speaker 6>it's going bad. You feel like time is stopped and

0:42:28.040 --> 0:42:29.719
<v Speaker 6>that I don't want to be the guy causing that

0:42:30.080 --> 0:42:30.440
<v Speaker 6>you're not.

0:42:31.840 --> 0:42:34.280
<v Speaker 2>I would yes, and you, but I have a question

0:42:35.280 --> 0:42:36.640
<v Speaker 2>because because I'm not.

0:42:36.600 --> 0:42:39.600
<v Speaker 6>Good at that, I'm better at asking questions than answering.

0:42:39.680 --> 0:42:43.720
<v Speaker 6>It's it's very it's go ahead. I'm sorry, that's I'm

0:42:43.719 --> 0:42:45.319
<v Speaker 6>not I'm just against all right?

0:42:45.440 --> 0:42:49.440
<v Speaker 2>Zip it? Man? What you you? Literally? You and I

0:42:49.480 --> 0:42:52.040
<v Speaker 2>have never had one conflict, not one. And in the

0:42:52.200 --> 0:42:55.960
<v Speaker 2>in the radio industry, that's kind of a that's kind

0:42:56.000 --> 0:42:58.400
<v Speaker 2>of a big deal when you're on air with somebody.

0:42:58.440 --> 0:43:00.879
<v Speaker 2>Now we only do weekends together other and fill ins

0:43:00.920 --> 0:43:05.040
<v Speaker 2>and stuff like that, but in three years we've never

0:43:05.400 --> 0:43:11.719
<v Speaker 2>even had an argument across word or or anything like that. Sterling,

0:43:11.800 --> 0:43:14.440
<v Speaker 2>what do you what do you attribute that to? Am

0:43:14.440 --> 0:43:16.560
<v Speaker 2>I just like the nicest person to work with?

0:43:17.400 --> 0:43:20.960
<v Speaker 6>Oh yeah, you know, just the most amazing, incredible, super

0:43:21.080 --> 0:43:25.480
<v Speaker 6>talented start and all those things, and you know, and

0:43:25.560 --> 0:43:27.839
<v Speaker 6>you shower for me and get put makeup on when

0:43:27.880 --> 0:43:28.920
<v Speaker 6>you show up like that.

0:43:29.239 --> 0:43:30.640
<v Speaker 4>What I heard you say earlier.

0:43:30.320 --> 0:43:31.759
<v Speaker 2>Not tonight, I couldn't do it.

0:43:31.840 --> 0:43:35.360
<v Speaker 4>I couldn't do it me either. Uh here here's I

0:43:35.400 --> 0:43:36.399
<v Speaker 4>have a question for you though.

0:43:36.920 --> 0:43:39.120
<v Speaker 6>Is it that unusual to work with someone in that

0:43:39.120 --> 0:43:41.200
<v Speaker 6>because see, I'm not used to working with a partner,

0:43:41.239 --> 0:43:45.040
<v Speaker 6>although the last couple of years we have and it

0:43:45.080 --> 0:43:49.440
<v Speaker 6>doesn't seem irregular to not have a conflict. It seems okay,

0:43:50.080 --> 0:43:52.200
<v Speaker 6>and we both seem to you know, if there's an

0:43:52.239 --> 0:43:55.200
<v Speaker 6>idea that we have about a topic or a direction

0:43:55.320 --> 0:43:58.120
<v Speaker 6>of the conversation, we seem to be a good match.

0:43:58.120 --> 0:43:59.839
<v Speaker 6>I'll blame Rhino because he was like, I know who

0:43:59.880 --> 0:44:01.880
<v Speaker 6>you need to work with, and he's a fan and this,

0:44:02.000 --> 0:44:04.080
<v Speaker 6>that and the other, and then and it's the greatest

0:44:04.080 --> 0:44:07.560
<v Speaker 6>thing ever. I don't want to I mean, so I

0:44:07.560 --> 0:44:10.240
<v Speaker 6>don't know, are you just holding it in and waiting

0:44:10.280 --> 0:44:13.040
<v Speaker 6>to like really like snap, like one of those people

0:44:13.040 --> 0:44:14.440
<v Speaker 6>who just doesn't say anything.

0:44:14.480 --> 0:44:19.120
<v Speaker 4>And then mindly it's like, it's true.

0:44:19.520 --> 0:44:24.279
<v Speaker 1>It is true. That's true. Because couples that don't argue,

0:44:24.360 --> 0:44:26.880
<v Speaker 1>and I'm calling you all a couple, a radio a

0:44:26.880 --> 0:44:27.440
<v Speaker 1>work couple.

0:44:27.480 --> 0:44:28.800
<v Speaker 2>It's my radio husband.

0:44:28.800 --> 0:44:32.880
<v Speaker 1>Okay, that's fine. Couples that don't argue, they don't they

0:44:32.920 --> 0:44:35.160
<v Speaker 1>don't fare very well, they don't do very well.

0:44:35.200 --> 0:44:37.440
<v Speaker 2>But what if couples only see each other once or

0:44:37.440 --> 0:44:43.480
<v Speaker 2>twice a week, because maybe Sterling, it is unusual for

0:44:43.640 --> 0:44:45.680
<v Speaker 2>me because I would be.

0:44:45.640 --> 0:44:48.160
<v Speaker 4>On working people you fought with regularly.

0:44:48.360 --> 0:44:53.319
<v Speaker 2>Not regularly, but like fought with I mean like five

0:44:53.440 --> 0:44:56.279
<v Speaker 2>days a week and then a four hour show and

0:44:56.360 --> 0:44:59.040
<v Speaker 2>then you know, show prep before, show prep after. So

0:44:59.160 --> 0:45:01.879
<v Speaker 2>I'm literally eight hours with this person five days a week,

0:45:02.239 --> 0:45:05.759
<v Speaker 2>and then sometimes on the weekends for remotes and things

0:45:05.800 --> 0:45:09.759
<v Speaker 2>like that. So so yeah, I would say it's unusual

0:45:09.800 --> 0:45:12.920
<v Speaker 2>that we've gone three years, and I am applauding us

0:45:12.960 --> 0:45:16.520
<v Speaker 2>even though doctor West is concerned. I am applauding us.

0:45:16.640 --> 0:45:19.240
<v Speaker 4>I'm concerned that the good doctor is concerned.

0:45:20.360 --> 0:45:22.120
<v Speaker 2>Maybe we need to get into a fight.

0:45:22.360 --> 0:45:23.920
<v Speaker 1>And in fact, at.

0:45:23.719 --> 0:45:29.719
<v Speaker 6>The holidays, I'm the clients in everybody.

0:45:29.680 --> 0:45:32.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and this place is packed, Sterling, let's totally get

0:45:32.960 --> 0:45:33.360
<v Speaker 2>into a.

0:45:33.840 --> 0:45:35.200
<v Speaker 4>Fight to do it Wednesday.

0:45:38.080 --> 0:45:40.640
<v Speaker 2>I don't even know what I would argue with you about.

0:45:40.960 --> 0:45:44.360
<v Speaker 2>That is the craziest thing. What would I argue with

0:45:44.480 --> 0:45:46.480
<v Speaker 2>Sterling about he's.

0:45:46.040 --> 0:45:48.040
<v Speaker 4>The nicest not wearing a blazer.

0:45:48.440 --> 0:45:53.000
<v Speaker 2>Yes, that would that would would work if.

0:45:52.880 --> 0:45:55.640
<v Speaker 6>You brought up numerous times from the last year, since

0:45:55.800 --> 0:45:59.279
<v Speaker 6>last Christmas time, And the only reason I didn't have

0:45:59.320 --> 0:46:02.680
<v Speaker 6>it was because I over rebar on the freeway in construction.

0:46:02.840 --> 0:46:05.160
<v Speaker 6>I had other stuff to worry about, and swinging back

0:46:05.160 --> 0:46:05.960
<v Speaker 6>by to get the cod.

0:46:06.080 --> 0:46:07.160
<v Speaker 4>I'm like, I'm all right.

0:46:07.000 --> 0:46:07.520
<v Speaker 1>Over here, Jack.

0:46:07.680 --> 0:46:10.000
<v Speaker 2>He showed up. He showed up at the Christmas party,

0:46:10.040 --> 0:46:13.360
<v Speaker 2>and he was so flustered because he got a flat

0:46:13.400 --> 0:46:15.000
<v Speaker 2>tire on the way and I was like, what happened

0:46:15.000 --> 0:46:17.439
<v Speaker 2>to your blazer? He was like, I can't.

0:46:17.520 --> 0:46:19.719
<v Speaker 4>I don't even care. I'm just glad to be here.

0:46:19.719 --> 0:46:20.600
<v Speaker 4>Where's a drink?

0:46:22.640 --> 0:46:23.880
<v Speaker 2>Sterling? I love you.

0:46:24.200 --> 0:46:24.759
<v Speaker 7>I mean that.

0:46:24.960 --> 0:46:27.960
<v Speaker 2>And we've been together for so long, for three years.

0:46:28.000 --> 0:46:30.200
<v Speaker 2>I'm not that I'm going anywhere, but I'm glad that

0:46:30.280 --> 0:46:33.400
<v Speaker 2>you stayed up and called and and we get.

0:46:33.280 --> 0:46:34.440
<v Speaker 4>To going somewhere.

0:46:34.560 --> 0:46:37.319
<v Speaker 2>No, yeah, you're gonna go. You're gonna go to the

0:46:37.360 --> 0:46:39.759
<v Speaker 2>Christmas party on Wednesday. That's why are you.

0:46:39.800 --> 0:46:40.200
<v Speaker 4>Done with me?

0:46:40.239 --> 0:46:40.359
<v Speaker 2>Now?

0:46:40.360 --> 0:46:42.680
<v Speaker 6>It sounds like you're closing this up, doctor West. I mean,

0:46:42.760 --> 0:46:43.399
<v Speaker 6>is this over now?

0:46:43.480 --> 0:46:45.400
<v Speaker 4>Is that what you're saying about a fight? And this

0:46:45.480 --> 0:46:46.000
<v Speaker 4>is ending?

0:46:48.200 --> 0:46:49.960
<v Speaker 2>I've got my hand on the mouse.

0:46:52.560 --> 0:46:55.799
<v Speaker 4>You got a Prematurelotte, click me off. I understand. I

0:46:55.920 --> 0:46:56.839
<v Speaker 4>do it all the time.

0:46:57.000 --> 0:47:00.000
<v Speaker 2>You do do it all the time, Sterling. I love you,

0:47:00.120 --> 0:47:02.560
<v Speaker 2>love you, love you to death. Thank you for calling in.

0:47:03.480 --> 0:47:05.840
<v Speaker 6>Well, Channing, I didn't even get to talk to Channing. Channing,

0:47:05.920 --> 0:47:09.360
<v Speaker 6>let me just tell you you sound so smart and

0:47:09.680 --> 0:47:14.400
<v Speaker 6>well put together and fully like functional and mentally like together,

0:47:14.520 --> 0:47:17.360
<v Speaker 6>emotionally and fantactically. I could not have been on the

0:47:17.440 --> 0:47:20.400
<v Speaker 6>radio talking the way you were talking. And I realized,

0:47:20.560 --> 0:47:23.960
<v Speaker 6>Donna can make you very comfortable. Obviously, your pops is

0:47:24.320 --> 0:47:29.200
<v Speaker 6>someone who's well educated and experienced and interpersonal stuff in therapy.

0:47:29.920 --> 0:47:32.360
<v Speaker 6>But as a dad, I mean, how do you feel

0:47:32.360 --> 0:47:34.680
<v Speaker 6>so comfortable in that environment doing what you did in

0:47:34.719 --> 0:47:36.080
<v Speaker 6>the conversation I heard earlier.

0:47:36.360 --> 0:47:39.400
<v Speaker 3>I have no idea. I think I've just it's just

0:47:39.800 --> 0:47:43.399
<v Speaker 3>I just talked to a lot of people. So once

0:47:43.440 --> 0:47:48.080
<v Speaker 3>I get comfortable with somebody, I'm just I'm there, Like, yeah.

0:47:47.880 --> 0:47:51.160
<v Speaker 2>It is. It is a good question. And because we

0:47:51.160 --> 0:47:53.319
<v Speaker 2>were just talking about this, there's a new study that

0:47:53.719 --> 0:48:00.279
<v Speaker 2>preteen preteen girls specifically have high anxiety. They're there there.

0:48:00.440 --> 0:48:05.640
<v Speaker 2>It's really based on phone usage and social media, and

0:48:05.680 --> 0:48:08.239
<v Speaker 2>you were just talking about how it does affect you

0:48:08.440 --> 0:48:11.600
<v Speaker 2>because when people are doing things and stuff and you

0:48:11.640 --> 0:48:14.600
<v Speaker 2>see them all happy and you're not invited talk about that.

0:48:14.920 --> 0:48:18.879
<v Speaker 3>Well, yeah, I catch myself getting down a lot on

0:48:18.920 --> 0:48:22.080
<v Speaker 3>myself because I have always.

0:48:21.800 --> 0:48:23.320
<v Speaker 2>Struggled with friends.

0:48:24.560 --> 0:48:27.520
<v Speaker 3>I've always like, I've always felt really out of place

0:48:27.719 --> 0:48:30.000
<v Speaker 3>wherever I'm at, and I've been trying to find like

0:48:30.040 --> 0:48:33.240
<v Speaker 3>my friend group. So just scrolling on TikTok and seeing

0:48:33.280 --> 0:48:35.520
<v Speaker 3>all my like other like friends or the people that

0:48:35.560 --> 0:48:37.720
<v Speaker 3>I go to school with them having their friend groups,

0:48:38.080 --> 0:48:40.280
<v Speaker 3>it just it really makes me feel down on myself

0:48:40.360 --> 0:48:43.760
<v Speaker 3>because I'm like, am I falling behind? Like oh my gosh,

0:48:43.800 --> 0:48:46.120
<v Speaker 3>my life is like not together, and it just it

0:48:46.160 --> 0:48:49.399
<v Speaker 3>makes me feel super super down about myself. And I'm

0:48:49.440 --> 0:48:53.760
<v Speaker 3>constantly comparing myself to other people like, oh my gosh,

0:48:53.800 --> 0:48:56.640
<v Speaker 3>like her body, like I wish I had that, or

0:48:56.680 --> 0:48:59.360
<v Speaker 3>like I wish I had this, and it's just it's it's.

0:48:59.239 --> 0:49:03.640
<v Speaker 2>Really so when you say you catch yourself when you

0:49:03.680 --> 0:49:07.640
<v Speaker 2>see yourself doing that and it doesn't feel good, like

0:49:07.760 --> 0:49:10.439
<v Speaker 2>it feels terrible to do that, how do you pull

0:49:10.440 --> 0:49:13.000
<v Speaker 2>yourself out of that? Talking to people?

0:49:13.080 --> 0:49:15.400
<v Speaker 3>Like sometimes I'll be text I'll text my mom and

0:49:15.440 --> 0:49:17.680
<v Speaker 3>I'll be like, Mom, I'm like I'm having a moment

0:49:17.680 --> 0:49:20.000
<v Speaker 3>where I'm just I'm feeling really down on myself and

0:49:20.040 --> 0:49:23.360
<v Speaker 3>she'll talk me through it, which really helps me because

0:49:23.400 --> 0:49:26.239
<v Speaker 3>it just she validates my emotions because she knows that

0:49:26.320 --> 0:49:29.759
<v Speaker 3>I experience this, so it makes me feel better just

0:49:29.840 --> 0:49:32.239
<v Speaker 3>communicating with other people because it doesn't feel good, and

0:49:32.239 --> 0:49:33.239
<v Speaker 3>never I bottle stuff in.

0:49:33.400 --> 0:49:35.640
<v Speaker 2>It really doesn't know. And you do get a lot

0:49:35.640 --> 0:49:40.480
<v Speaker 2>of therapy from you know, a certain counselor that you're seeing,

0:49:40.520 --> 0:49:43.480
<v Speaker 2>and certainly your dad is a big support as well.

0:49:43.920 --> 0:49:48.320
<v Speaker 2>Because listen, these sterling we were talking about this earlier,

0:49:48.680 --> 0:49:51.840
<v Speaker 2>how in our day we used to you know, be

0:49:51.920 --> 0:49:54.200
<v Speaker 2>outside all the time. You talk about being a free

0:49:54.320 --> 0:49:59.120
<v Speaker 2>range kid, and you used to have you know, friends

0:49:56.920 --> 0:50:01.680
<v Speaker 2>and your free break latch key kid. You used to

0:50:01.719 --> 0:50:05.000
<v Speaker 2>go and get yourself into all kinds of trouble, but

0:50:05.080 --> 0:50:05.799
<v Speaker 2>we would.

0:50:05.600 --> 0:50:08.000
<v Speaker 4>Play an adventure. I wouldn't say trouble.

0:50:11.160 --> 0:50:15.200
<v Speaker 2>Adventures, right. But kids now they get off the bus,

0:50:15.520 --> 0:50:17.879
<v Speaker 2>they go home, they lay on their bed in their

0:50:17.960 --> 0:50:20.920
<v Speaker 2>four hours on social media and scrolling and all that other.

0:50:21.280 --> 0:50:25.240
<v Speaker 2>Different homework isn't even way different homework isn't even done.

0:50:25.600 --> 0:50:28.920
<v Speaker 2>It's it's it's now the the iPhone, the social media,

0:50:29.280 --> 0:50:31.839
<v Speaker 2>and it gets depressing. And a lot of times you

0:50:31.920 --> 0:50:35.920
<v Speaker 2>probably wouldn't even be depressed if you didn't doom scroll

0:50:36.160 --> 0:50:37.080
<v Speaker 2>is what we all call it.

0:50:37.200 --> 0:50:39.440
<v Speaker 6>Time to unplug a little bit, and that's got to

0:50:39.480 --> 0:50:42.719
<v Speaker 6>be hard. I can't imagine coming up now the way

0:50:42.880 --> 0:50:46.160
<v Speaker 6>you are chanting and others of your generation in that situation.

0:50:47.280 --> 0:50:49.160
<v Speaker 4>But to just know that that.

0:50:49.160 --> 0:50:51.640
<v Speaker 6>They may not necessarily be real, and it's good to

0:50:51.680 --> 0:50:53.440
<v Speaker 6>have a close circle of friends and just I know

0:50:53.600 --> 0:50:56.080
<v Speaker 6>time is shorter coming up on the tenth report, of course,

0:50:57.120 --> 0:51:01.880
<v Speaker 6>I will say that it's situation where you are talking

0:51:01.920 --> 0:51:04.319
<v Speaker 6>about friends and so forth. I moved around a lot

0:51:04.360 --> 0:51:06.840
<v Speaker 6>through the first part of high school and stuff. I

0:51:06.880 --> 0:51:09.360
<v Speaker 6>didn't fall into the same a good group of friends

0:51:09.360 --> 0:51:13.200
<v Speaker 6>that was steady until I was probably fifteen sixteen, Yeah,

0:51:13.239 --> 0:51:15.840
<v Speaker 6>and it was by happenstance, and the same group of

0:51:15.880 --> 0:51:18.279
<v Speaker 6>friends a part of that. I am now in my

0:51:18.320 --> 0:51:21.840
<v Speaker 6>mid fifties and it is like brotherhood. Yeah, and the

0:51:21.920 --> 0:51:24.160
<v Speaker 6>guys that I've grown up with and non longer than

0:51:24.200 --> 0:51:25.520
<v Speaker 6>we've not known each other in.

0:51:25.480 --> 0:51:26.400
<v Speaker 2>Our lives and that's what.

0:51:28.440 --> 0:51:31.120
<v Speaker 6>Yeah, And you may find that, So don't worry about it.

0:51:31.160 --> 0:51:33.200
<v Speaker 6>In time, it'll do it. I mean, you just just

0:51:33.239 --> 0:51:36.640
<v Speaker 6>be yourself and not worry about all the social media,

0:51:36.680 --> 0:51:38.319
<v Speaker 6>which is easy for me to say because I'm going

0:51:38.360 --> 0:51:40.920
<v Speaker 6>to hang up and you know, go along with my

0:51:41.000 --> 0:51:41.959
<v Speaker 6>day and you're living it.

0:51:42.040 --> 0:51:44.960
<v Speaker 2>All right, I'm gonna text. I'm going to text in

0:51:45.040 --> 0:51:48.760
<v Speaker 2>a minute, Sterling, thank you so much. Coming up. Oh

0:51:49.000 --> 0:51:52.480
<v Speaker 2>oh oh, he does it all the time too.

0:51:52.680 --> 0:51:53.680
<v Speaker 1>How the turntable?

0:51:54.719 --> 0:51:57.759
<v Speaker 2>How the turntables? Exactly? He does it all the time.

0:51:57.800 --> 0:52:01.200
<v Speaker 2>Coming up. Uh, we're going to talk about something you

0:52:01.400 --> 0:52:03.880
<v Speaker 2>used to value that you no longer value. It's the

0:52:03.960 --> 0:52:05.960
<v Speaker 2>end of the year. We're gonna take sock. We're all

0:52:05.960 --> 0:52:08.879
<v Speaker 2>gonna look at what and how this year has been.

0:52:09.000 --> 0:52:11.720
<v Speaker 2>When we have Channing in doctor Wess in the studio

0:52:11.800 --> 0:52:14.880
<v Speaker 2>with me. It's donn a d seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

0:52:15.520 --> 0:52:19.320
<v Speaker 7>Listening to a woman shop in the produce section isn't funny?

0:52:19.480 --> 0:52:21.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, a sail on cucumbers.

0:52:21.160 --> 0:52:23.920
<v Speaker 7>Listening to a woman poot next to the Granny Smiths

0:52:24.640 --> 0:52:29.000
<v Speaker 7>oops is funny. Eddie and Rocky are also funny. So

0:52:29.080 --> 0:52:32.080
<v Speaker 7>when you think of an apple farterer oops, think of

0:52:32.400 --> 0:52:34.480
<v Speaker 7>Eddie and Rocky, Eddie and Rocky.

0:52:34.719 --> 0:52:37.040
<v Speaker 1>Monday afternoon at three.

0:52:36.800 --> 0:52:38.600
<v Speaker 4>One seven hundred WLW.

0:52:40.960 --> 0:52:43.200
<v Speaker 8>Bad breath is a confidence killer. You can have the

0:52:43.200 --> 0:52:46.759
<v Speaker 8>best outfit, the sharpest resume, the funniest jokes, but if

0:52:46.760 --> 0:52:48.879
<v Speaker 8>your breath smells like the food you just date, that's

0:52:48.920 --> 0:52:51.640
<v Speaker 8>all People remember it's not your fault. Bad breath often

0:52:51.680 --> 0:52:54.280
<v Speaker 8>comes from your gut, and most regular gums and mints

0:52:54.360 --> 0:52:57.600
<v Speaker 8>just cover it up. That's like spring perfume on dirty laundry.

0:52:57.719 --> 0:53:01.160
<v Speaker 8>It doesn't solve the problem. That's where Zelman Mintimouth comes in.

0:53:01.360 --> 0:53:04.640
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0:53:04.760 --> 0:53:08.000
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0:53:08.040 --> 0:53:13.440
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0:53:13.480 --> 0:53:16.480
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0:53:16.560 --> 0:53:17.640
<v Speaker 2>You get the confidence of.

0:53:17.600 --> 0:53:20.640
<v Speaker 8>Fresh, clean breath that lasts for hours, because your breath

0:53:20.640 --> 0:53:23.200
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0:53:23.200 --> 0:53:26.319
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0:53:29.880 --> 0:53:32.719
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0:53:33.000 --> 0:53:36.120
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0:53:36.160 --> 0:53:38.720
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0:53:38.840 --> 0:53:40.799
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0:53:41.040 --> 0:53:44.759
<v Speaker 2>Home to the Rachel Meadows Show. More nice because it's

0:53:44.840 --> 0:53:48.920
<v Speaker 2>the holiday and we get snow flurries and just a

0:53:48.960 --> 0:53:53.000
<v Speaker 2>beautiful night in Cincinnati. Boy, the Bengals game was so

0:53:53.080 --> 0:53:57.880
<v Speaker 2>good Thursday, Joe Burrow's return and he killed it Ohio

0:53:57.960 --> 0:54:03.360
<v Speaker 2>State one. We won't talk about ucsarr Sean Sean McMahon

0:54:03.560 --> 0:54:06.360
<v Speaker 2>producing the show tonight. I am Donna Dee with doctor

0:54:06.480 --> 0:54:11.200
<v Speaker 2>Wes crafton, licensed Marriage Family Therapist in from Nashville to

0:54:11.280 --> 0:54:14.960
<v Speaker 2>do the show. We've also had your daughter on and Channing.

0:54:15.000 --> 0:54:18.640
<v Speaker 2>You have been just an unbelievable sport giving us the

0:54:18.719 --> 0:54:23.520
<v Speaker 2>insight to a fourteen year old girls that are you know,

0:54:23.680 --> 0:54:27.480
<v Speaker 2>understanding some of the challenges that you face as a

0:54:27.560 --> 0:54:33.560
<v Speaker 2>child and the bullying and the social media stuff overall.

0:54:33.800 --> 0:54:37.280
<v Speaker 2>Because we're coming to a close of this year, how

0:54:37.360 --> 0:54:40.239
<v Speaker 2>are you doing and how has twenty twenty five been

0:54:40.320 --> 0:54:40.560
<v Speaker 2>for you?

0:54:41.080 --> 0:54:44.360
<v Speaker 3>Twenty twenty five has been definitely a year of growth.

0:54:44.719 --> 0:54:47.640
<v Speaker 3>I feel like I have learned so many new things.

0:54:47.680 --> 0:54:52.239
<v Speaker 3>I've made good memories, I've made mistakes, but ultimately it's

0:54:52.280 --> 0:54:53.240
<v Speaker 3>been a year of growth.

0:54:53.440 --> 0:54:56.120
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So I love that and it's been a year

0:54:56.160 --> 0:54:58.520
<v Speaker 2>of growth for me. And that's really all you can

0:54:58.600 --> 0:55:02.080
<v Speaker 2>if you're if you're growing and you're becoming more loving

0:55:02.960 --> 0:55:04.960
<v Speaker 2>to yourself and others, what else is there?

0:55:05.280 --> 0:55:05.480
<v Speaker 4>Right?

0:55:05.680 --> 0:55:09.239
<v Speaker 2>What? That's really the key to living? But so what

0:55:09.360 --> 0:55:10.879
<v Speaker 2>the question that I want to know, and I want

0:55:10.880 --> 0:55:13.359
<v Speaker 2>to open up the phone lines too as well. What

0:55:13.480 --> 0:55:17.320
<v Speaker 2>is something you used to value that you no longer value? Right?

0:55:17.440 --> 0:55:20.279
<v Speaker 2>So five one three seven four nine seven thousand. We

0:55:20.400 --> 0:55:23.520
<v Speaker 2>have had guests on the show tonight and not a

0:55:23.520 --> 0:55:25.839
<v Speaker 2>lot of callers, so call in for this segment here.

0:55:25.880 --> 0:55:29.000
<v Speaker 2>Five one three seven four nine seven thousand. What did

0:55:29.040 --> 0:55:32.239
<v Speaker 2>you used to value that you no longer value? Doctor Wes.

0:55:32.239 --> 0:55:34.759
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to start with you on this and it

0:55:34.800 --> 0:55:38.279
<v Speaker 2>can be pretty personal. You do whatever you want to do.

0:55:39.600 --> 0:55:42.359
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I think I'm going into next year with an

0:55:42.360 --> 0:55:45.920
<v Speaker 1>intention of self love and so that means I'm going

0:55:46.000 --> 0:55:50.879
<v Speaker 1>to be leaving behind so much of the opinions of others.

0:55:51.360 --> 0:55:55.480
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so valuing the what you used to value.

0:55:55.960 --> 0:55:59.400
<v Speaker 1>Would be the opinions of others and their approval.

0:56:00.040 --> 0:56:03.960
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, so you're leaving that behind. I think that

0:56:04.239 --> 0:56:07.840
<v Speaker 2>is a very courageous choice. And you know the quote

0:56:07.840 --> 0:56:10.279
<v Speaker 2>that I love from Mikaela Catherine Jones, which is it's

0:56:10.320 --> 0:56:13.000
<v Speaker 2>none of my business what other people think of me, right,

0:56:13.160 --> 0:56:15.680
<v Speaker 2>And and that can be written on your arm if

0:56:15.760 --> 0:56:18.440
<v Speaker 2>you want to, just as a reminder, because it really

0:56:18.440 --> 0:56:21.960
<v Speaker 2>messes you up when you care about what other people

0:56:22.000 --> 0:56:25.000
<v Speaker 2>think of you, and that is something we have all

0:56:25.160 --> 0:56:29.400
<v Speaker 2>struggled with. It's like, did I make a fool of myself?

0:56:29.520 --> 0:56:32.560
<v Speaker 2>Did I do something stupid? And now they're talking about me?

0:56:33.080 --> 0:56:37.719
<v Speaker 2>But it really doesn't matter because everybody makes mistakes. Everybody does.

0:56:38.160 --> 0:56:41.840
<v Speaker 2>So Channing, what would you say, what what is something

0:56:41.920 --> 0:56:49.160
<v Speaker 2>that you value that you no longer value? Specific friendships? Okay? Yes, okay,

0:56:49.239 --> 0:56:52.440
<v Speaker 2>So so friendships that you've had that you value that

0:56:52.480 --> 0:56:57.239
<v Speaker 2>you no longer put in that pedestal of she's one

0:56:57.280 --> 0:57:01.239
<v Speaker 2>of my bff. Okay, and how is that going for you?

0:57:01.400 --> 0:57:05.000
<v Speaker 3>It's definitely been hard because a lot of these friendships

0:57:05.040 --> 0:57:08.120
<v Speaker 3>that I don't value as much as I value like

0:57:08.920 --> 0:57:10.239
<v Speaker 3>new connections that I've made.

0:57:10.320 --> 0:57:11.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's definitely been.

0:57:11.200 --> 0:57:14.319
<v Speaker 3>Hard because I mean, I've had such great memories with

0:57:14.360 --> 0:57:18.760
<v Speaker 3>those specific friendships, but I just have just learning that

0:57:18.760 --> 0:57:21.800
<v Speaker 3>those friendships might not be for me and it might

0:57:21.880 --> 0:57:27.000
<v Speaker 3>not benefit me, you know, Like, Yeah.

0:57:26.720 --> 0:57:29.040
<v Speaker 2>It's one of the hardest things to do is let

0:57:29.120 --> 0:57:32.840
<v Speaker 2>people go, definitely, and it's a very courageous thing to

0:57:32.880 --> 0:57:35.640
<v Speaker 2>do because if a relationship is not serving you anymore,

0:57:35.800 --> 0:57:38.080
<v Speaker 2>then you really do have to let go. One of

0:57:38.160 --> 0:57:42.520
<v Speaker 2>the things that I used to value that I no

0:57:42.640 --> 0:57:45.520
<v Speaker 2>longer value on another level. I thought I was over this,

0:57:45.560 --> 0:57:47.720
<v Speaker 2>and then here comes another level of it that I

0:57:47.720 --> 0:57:50.480
<v Speaker 2>have to learn from. And that happens to me all

0:57:50.520 --> 0:57:54.840
<v Speaker 2>the time. But needing to feel right, I don't feel

0:57:54.840 --> 0:57:58.120
<v Speaker 2>like I need to be right anymore. I just and

0:57:58.360 --> 0:58:00.960
<v Speaker 2>and when I always felt like I need to be right,

0:58:01.000 --> 0:58:04.200
<v Speaker 2>I made somebody else wrong and that doesn't feel good either,

0:58:04.280 --> 0:58:07.000
<v Speaker 2>So that doesn't matter to me anymore. I'd rather take

0:58:07.040 --> 0:58:10.960
<v Speaker 2>people for who they are, let them, let them Book

0:58:11.400 --> 0:58:14.960
<v Speaker 2>by Mel Robbins is also a really big thing of like, okay,

0:58:15.320 --> 0:58:17.560
<v Speaker 2>so he doesn't want to text you, It doesn't blah

0:58:17.600 --> 0:58:21.120
<v Speaker 2>blah blah this and that, let them right. It's kind

0:58:21.160 --> 0:58:24.960
<v Speaker 2>of of along those lines, and take people and have compassion,

0:58:25.080 --> 0:58:28.120
<v Speaker 2>understand people make mistakes, and it's not about right or wrong.

0:58:28.240 --> 0:58:32.760
<v Speaker 2>It's about appreciating for somebody for who they are. Maybe

0:58:32.760 --> 0:58:36.640
<v Speaker 2>they're showing me that that's who they are. And then

0:58:37.840 --> 0:58:39.960
<v Speaker 2>you have to make a choice like you are doing

0:58:40.080 --> 0:58:42.040
<v Speaker 2>right now, Channing, and you have to let some of

0:58:42.040 --> 0:58:45.160
<v Speaker 2>those friendships that have been close to you. You kind

0:58:45.200 --> 0:58:47.920
<v Speaker 2>of let them go, and if they're real friendships, they

0:58:47.920 --> 0:58:50.560
<v Speaker 2>come back, or real love affairs, they come back, but

0:58:50.720 --> 0:58:53.080
<v Speaker 2>let them go, and that's kind of hard to do.

0:58:53.440 --> 0:58:55.680
<v Speaker 1>Sure it is. Yeah, there's a quote that I love

0:58:55.800 --> 0:58:58.720
<v Speaker 1>that I just hung up in my place and it says,

0:58:58.760 --> 0:59:02.640
<v Speaker 1>in the end, only three things matter. You may know this, donna,

0:59:02.720 --> 0:59:06.120
<v Speaker 1>how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how

0:59:06.160 --> 0:59:09.360
<v Speaker 1>gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

0:59:09.640 --> 0:59:12.640
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, because if you don't. I hadn't heard that, but

0:59:12.680 --> 0:59:15.920
<v Speaker 2>I agree with it. If you don't let things go

0:59:16.080 --> 0:59:19.040
<v Speaker 2>that are not working for you, how in the world

0:59:19.280 --> 0:59:21.320
<v Speaker 2>are you going to open up to something that would

0:59:21.400 --> 0:59:25.840
<v Speaker 2>be a thousand times more like you, or better for you,

0:59:26.080 --> 0:59:29.000
<v Speaker 2>or more productive, or you know, to help you grow?

0:59:29.200 --> 0:59:32.960
<v Speaker 2>How would you do that if you're hung up on yep,

0:59:33.320 --> 0:59:36.880
<v Speaker 2>on something that's not working for you anymore? Five one, three, seven,

0:59:36.880 --> 0:59:39.800
<v Speaker 2>four nine, seven thousand, one eight hundred The big one?

0:59:40.200 --> 0:59:43.240
<v Speaker 2>What did you used to value that you no longer

0:59:43.360 --> 0:59:50.840
<v Speaker 2>value anymore? You've grown out of hanging your hat on something, right,

0:59:51.240 --> 0:59:57.280
<v Speaker 2>You've grown grown out of of dealing with with toxic

0:59:57.360 --> 1:00:01.520
<v Speaker 2>people just because Wow, I've invested so much in this friendship.

1:00:01.840 --> 1:00:05.400
<v Speaker 2>I've invested so much in this relationship, But every other

1:00:05.560 --> 1:00:08.880
<v Speaker 2>sign is saying you need to run and you need to.

1:00:09.240 --> 1:00:11.520
<v Speaker 2>Why is it that we hold on so much? Wess?

1:00:11.960 --> 1:00:15.520
<v Speaker 2>Why why is it that we Why is letting go

1:00:15.720 --> 1:00:16.240
<v Speaker 2>so hard?

1:00:18.840 --> 1:00:20.480
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I hate to go back to the same

1:00:20.520 --> 1:00:23.000
<v Speaker 1>old answer over and over again. But fear is so

1:00:24.360 --> 1:00:27.880
<v Speaker 1>it's so powerful. Fear, far of what being alone, fear

1:00:27.880 --> 1:00:31.320
<v Speaker 1>of being alone, fear of not knowing yourself. You've identified

1:00:31.360 --> 1:00:34.640
<v Speaker 1>yourself with people, You've identified yourself with relationships.

1:00:34.680 --> 1:00:37.600
<v Speaker 2>So who am I without this person? Exactly right? Yeah?

1:00:37.640 --> 1:00:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Who am I without them? How can I go on?

1:00:42.360 --> 1:00:46.520
<v Speaker 1>What will my day to day life look like? Yeah,

1:00:46.600 --> 1:00:49.440
<v Speaker 1>it's And it could be that you're an approval addict.

1:00:50.080 --> 1:00:52.360
<v Speaker 1>I know I've certainly gotten caught up in that before,

1:00:53.040 --> 1:00:56.760
<v Speaker 1>and I've I've been approved by this person, and so

1:00:56.840 --> 1:00:59.000
<v Speaker 1>I have to have them in my life to feel

1:00:59.040 --> 1:01:01.920
<v Speaker 1>that approval. And if they're not in my life, then

1:01:02.280 --> 1:01:07.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm not approved, right, I'm not okay, right?

1:01:07.840 --> 1:01:11.000
<v Speaker 2>And so if if it's boy, that is a tough

1:01:11.040 --> 1:01:14.640
<v Speaker 2>circle right there. It really is, because if you if

1:01:14.680 --> 1:01:17.720
<v Speaker 2>you're looking for approval or the it's the same thing

1:01:18.080 --> 1:01:21.840
<v Speaker 2>I could say about wanting to be liked, right, And

1:01:22.120 --> 1:01:25.480
<v Speaker 2>and hopefully Channing will turn her head set up on this,

1:01:25.600 --> 1:01:29.200
<v Speaker 2>because this is really important. It's not about being You're

1:01:29.240 --> 1:01:33.160
<v Speaker 2>not gonna not everybody's gonna get you, right, Not everybody

1:01:33.240 --> 1:01:37.360
<v Speaker 2>is gonna understand who Channing is and and and get

1:01:37.400 --> 1:01:41.040
<v Speaker 2>every aspect of you. And then like you, there are

1:01:41.080 --> 1:01:44.520
<v Speaker 2>gonna be some friends or some friends of friends that

1:01:44.880 --> 1:01:49.400
<v Speaker 2>says something about her. I just don't mind when they're like,

1:01:49.480 --> 1:01:53.240
<v Speaker 2>what did I do? I didn't, just myself. But the

1:01:53.760 --> 1:02:00.120
<v Speaker 2>sooner you understand that not everything you do will everyone

1:02:00.200 --> 1:02:03.000
<v Speaker 2>is going to get and you have to be okay

1:02:03.040 --> 1:02:06.640
<v Speaker 2>with that too. Yeah, And because otherwise you're just gonna

1:02:06.680 --> 1:02:10.040
<v Speaker 2>what happens on the flip side, you can form and

1:02:10.080 --> 1:02:14.320
<v Speaker 2>then you're inauthentic, right, And that's the worst when you're

1:02:14.440 --> 1:02:16.280
<v Speaker 2>when you don't mean what you say and say what

1:02:16.320 --> 1:02:18.640
<v Speaker 2>you mean. And I talk about this all the time,

1:02:18.720 --> 1:02:23.320
<v Speaker 2>how important authenticity is. It's it's it's what the definition

1:02:23.400 --> 1:02:27.440
<v Speaker 2>of auth authenticity is. Being authentic is say what you

1:02:27.520 --> 1:02:30.840
<v Speaker 2>mean and mean what you say. And if there's any

1:02:30.920 --> 1:02:33.520
<v Speaker 2>kind of confusion that you're sending a message out to

1:02:33.560 --> 1:02:36.200
<v Speaker 2>the universe. I want to date somebody, and somebody asks

1:02:36.240 --> 1:02:38.560
<v Speaker 2>you and Lina, I'm happy being single, but you really

1:02:38.560 --> 1:02:42.480
<v Speaker 2>want to date somebody. Then there's conflicting messages to the universe,

1:02:42.520 --> 1:02:46.480
<v Speaker 2>and and you you don't get really what you intend,

1:02:46.840 --> 1:02:51.520
<v Speaker 2>which is to date somebody or anything. I like this job,

1:02:51.560 --> 1:02:55.600
<v Speaker 2>but you know, I don't know. I might want this promotion,

1:02:55.720 --> 1:02:59.080
<v Speaker 2>but maybe not. Right, say what you mean, and mean

1:02:59.120 --> 1:03:01.560
<v Speaker 2>what you say. If you want the promotion, go after it.

1:03:01.560 --> 1:03:04.520
<v Speaker 2>You'll probably get it for the most part, right right.

1:03:05.320 --> 1:03:08.400
<v Speaker 2>So when you're inauthentic, which means you're not going to

1:03:08.440 --> 1:03:10.960
<v Speaker 2>be liked by everybody, you have to be okay with that.

1:03:11.280 --> 1:03:15.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And a lot of people are terrified of taking

1:03:15.560 --> 1:03:17.840
<v Speaker 1>that step. So what do they do?

1:03:19.840 --> 1:03:22.880
<v Speaker 2>Look for approval from some other somebody else that's something,

1:03:23.040 --> 1:03:25.480
<v Speaker 2>and they stay stuck in that cycle you're talking about,

1:03:25.560 --> 1:03:28.600
<v Speaker 2>right right, is a terrible cycle. Okay, So we're going

1:03:28.680 --> 1:03:31.960
<v Speaker 2>to talk about also. You know, the other thing I

1:03:32.000 --> 1:03:34.520
<v Speaker 2>wanted to mention to was what do you want to

1:03:34.560 --> 1:03:36.320
<v Speaker 2>have happened before the year ends?

1:03:36.440 --> 1:03:36.680
<v Speaker 1>Too?

1:03:37.200 --> 1:03:39.320
<v Speaker 2>My sister and I always take stock of how was

1:03:39.320 --> 1:03:41.440
<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty five for you? A lot has happened to

1:03:41.520 --> 1:03:44.640
<v Speaker 2>both of us. You know, I ended a relationship that

1:03:44.680 --> 1:03:46.880
<v Speaker 2>I was in, so did she. She's in another one

1:03:47.600 --> 1:03:51.480
<v Speaker 2>that is much more like her than the other one was, so,

1:03:51.880 --> 1:03:55.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, there's there's things that that I have wanted

1:03:55.200 --> 1:03:58.360
<v Speaker 2>to do in my career that I have done this year.

1:03:58.920 --> 1:04:02.440
<v Speaker 2>There's there's things that I've done in terms of like

1:04:02.520 --> 1:04:06.320
<v Speaker 2>giving service, fostering dogs. I've had three dogs that I've fostered,

1:04:06.320 --> 1:04:10.200
<v Speaker 2>one currently with me. What is something that you want

1:04:10.240 --> 1:04:13.520
<v Speaker 2>to do before you close out twenty twenty five? Is

1:04:13.560 --> 1:04:14.760
<v Speaker 2>there something you want to do?

1:04:15.920 --> 1:04:17.800
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I need to let go of some things not

1:04:17.960 --> 1:04:23.040
<v Speaker 1>meant for me, Like that quote says, yeah, yeah, there

1:04:23.040 --> 1:04:25.400
<v Speaker 1>are certainly some things that I need to let go of,

1:04:25.920 --> 1:04:28.520
<v Speaker 1>and I'm actively working to do that. Okay, but it

1:04:28.640 --> 1:04:33.160
<v Speaker 1>is a daily choice for me, for all of us. Yeah, right,

1:04:33.400 --> 1:04:35.600
<v Speaker 1>So letting go is one of the hardest things. And

1:04:35.640 --> 1:04:38.720
<v Speaker 1>then when you realize, oh man, why did I hang

1:04:38.760 --> 1:04:42.760
<v Speaker 1>on to that for so long, you realize I need

1:04:42.800 --> 1:04:45.440
<v Speaker 1>to let go a little bit sooner I really do,

1:04:45.480 --> 1:04:47.720
<v Speaker 1>so letting go Channing, Do you have one? What do

1:04:47.720 --> 1:04:49.919
<v Speaker 1>you want to do before twenty twenty five?

1:04:50.040 --> 1:04:50.280
<v Speaker 2>Ns?

1:04:50.360 --> 1:04:52.840
<v Speaker 3>I could think of some funny things that I want

1:04:52.880 --> 1:04:57.400
<v Speaker 3>to do, but letting go to just learning to let

1:04:57.440 --> 1:05:01.480
<v Speaker 3>go of these friendships and work towards making new ones.

1:05:01.840 --> 1:05:04.080
<v Speaker 2>There's a really good book, and I think you got

1:05:04.080 --> 1:05:07.200
<v Speaker 2>it because I read it by doctor David Hawkins called

1:05:07.320 --> 1:05:10.880
<v Speaker 2>letting Go, and it talks about the science of actually

1:05:11.000 --> 1:05:14.360
<v Speaker 2>letting go. And when I mean, obviously, and we just

1:05:14.480 --> 1:05:18.000
<v Speaker 2>touched on this point too, is when you let go,

1:05:18.280 --> 1:05:22.479
<v Speaker 2>you absolutely open up opportunities. So you close the door,

1:05:23.000 --> 1:05:26.240
<v Speaker 2>slam it shut, and then a window opens and then

1:05:26.360 --> 1:05:30.440
<v Speaker 2>there's wow, there's new air, there's new light, there's new energy,

1:05:30.480 --> 1:05:35.120
<v Speaker 2>there's new passion, there's new fun. Right, So holding on

1:05:35.240 --> 1:05:41.880
<v Speaker 2>seems a little a little I don't know, would you

1:05:42.200 --> 1:05:47.240
<v Speaker 2>it's stifling because but it's so hard. It's so people

1:05:47.240 --> 1:05:51.560
<v Speaker 2>have been in relationships for so long where I'm like, wow,

1:05:51.600 --> 1:05:54.840
<v Speaker 2>they're still together? How they still together? How does that

1:05:54.920 --> 1:05:57.600
<v Speaker 2>even work? They're still together. You've got to see this

1:05:57.680 --> 1:06:00.160
<v Speaker 2>in your office all the time, too, where where there

1:06:00.200 --> 1:06:03.680
<v Speaker 2>are relationships where you've said, all right, I don't think

1:06:03.680 --> 1:06:05.240
<v Speaker 2>you guys should be together anymore.

1:06:05.280 --> 1:06:08.480
<v Speaker 1>Now I tell people that the relationship's over. It's the

1:06:08.560 --> 1:06:13.160
<v Speaker 1>recurrent relationship, as you know, it is over. So your choices,

1:06:13.240 --> 1:06:16.080
<v Speaker 1>you're in my office, the choices. We either work on

1:06:16.160 --> 1:06:18.800
<v Speaker 1>helping you all separate in a healthy way, or we

1:06:18.840 --> 1:06:21.760
<v Speaker 1>start a new relationship. But that has to begin with friendship.

1:06:22.960 --> 1:06:26.320
<v Speaker 2>Do you think the end of a year you have

1:06:26.400 --> 1:06:31.600
<v Speaker 2>an opportunity to really figure out the things that you want.

1:06:32.000 --> 1:06:34.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, it's a looking back, but we're starting a

1:06:34.480 --> 1:06:38.080
<v Speaker 2>new year in twenty twenty six. There's a resurgence, there's

1:06:38.080 --> 1:06:41.480
<v Speaker 2>a renewal, there's a set of intentions. You want to

1:06:41.800 --> 1:06:45.920
<v Speaker 2>How important is it to have goals like that in

1:06:46.560 --> 1:06:48.320
<v Speaker 2>the beginning of a year and let go of some

1:06:48.360 --> 1:06:50.320
<v Speaker 2>of the things that didn't work in twenty twenty five.

1:06:50.360 --> 1:06:53.720
<v Speaker 1>Well, I think that we are constructing our reality every

1:06:53.800 --> 1:06:55.800
<v Speaker 1>day of our lives, and it's based on what we

1:06:55.880 --> 1:06:58.720
<v Speaker 1>are the stories that we tell ourselves about our lives.

1:06:59.320 --> 1:07:03.360
<v Speaker 1>So those in tensions are very important because that is

1:07:03.400 --> 1:07:06.720
<v Speaker 1>exactly how your life will end up is based on

1:07:06.920 --> 1:07:10.320
<v Speaker 1>the story you're telling yourself. And that's something that I

1:07:10.360 --> 1:07:13.840
<v Speaker 1>oftentimes will challenge myself on what is the story I'm

1:07:13.880 --> 1:07:16.320
<v Speaker 1>telling myself in this exact moment. And I tell my

1:07:16.360 --> 1:07:20.120
<v Speaker 1>clients that if they have a dip in their depression

1:07:20.360 --> 1:07:23.920
<v Speaker 1>or their anxiety, what were you just thinking right before

1:07:24.320 --> 1:07:26.240
<v Speaker 1>you had that dip in your mood?

1:07:26.760 --> 1:07:26.960
<v Speaker 4>You know?

1:07:27.040 --> 1:07:30.760
<v Speaker 2>I teach yoga on Saturday mornings, and one of the

1:07:30.760 --> 1:07:34.080
<v Speaker 2>things I talked about is you know we have sixty

1:07:34.120 --> 1:07:37.480
<v Speaker 2>to eighty thousand thoughts a day. Sixty to eighty thousand,

1:07:37.600 --> 1:07:41.280
<v Speaker 2>and eighty to ninety percent of those thoughts are negative, repetitive,

1:07:41.280 --> 1:07:44.720
<v Speaker 2>and useless. I mean, it is the same things we

1:07:44.760 --> 1:07:49.320
<v Speaker 2>think about this morning that you think about tomorrow morning,

1:07:49.440 --> 1:07:52.680
<v Speaker 2>and the same things. And so you literally have to

1:07:52.840 --> 1:07:59.120
<v Speaker 2>alter and intentionally decide no, when I start going down

1:07:59.120 --> 1:08:02.880
<v Speaker 2>that rabbit hole, don't feel good. So you literally have

1:08:02.960 --> 1:08:05.840
<v Speaker 2>to control your mind. Just as if you were to say,

1:08:06.240 --> 1:08:08.600
<v Speaker 2>if you were to scream your name in your head,

1:08:08.680 --> 1:08:12.320
<v Speaker 2>doctor Wes, Right now you scream your name, and then

1:08:12.360 --> 1:08:15.880
<v Speaker 2>you can say it's softly, whisper it, whisper your name

1:08:15.880 --> 1:08:20.200
<v Speaker 2>in your head. Right, you have control of your talk,

1:08:20.520 --> 1:08:23.400
<v Speaker 2>your mind, talk, your chatter. You have control over it.

1:08:23.640 --> 1:08:26.360
<v Speaker 2>The key is to become aware of it and then

1:08:26.439 --> 1:08:29.519
<v Speaker 2>to as Wayne Dyer used to say, doctor Wayne Dyer,

1:08:29.640 --> 1:08:32.320
<v Speaker 2>change your thoughts, change your life. You get a whole buck.

1:08:32.360 --> 1:08:35.519
<v Speaker 2>Yet about eighty of these books on changing your thoughts

1:08:35.600 --> 1:08:39.120
<v Speaker 2>change your life, and it does work. Yeah, you have

1:08:39.200 --> 1:08:41.080
<v Speaker 2>to become aware of it, and you have to be

1:08:41.240 --> 1:08:43.920
<v Speaker 2>clear in what you want, right clear and what you

1:08:43.960 --> 1:08:46.600
<v Speaker 2>want and what you're aware, and then that's where mantras

1:08:46.640 --> 1:08:49.559
<v Speaker 2>come in and setting your intentions and things like that.

1:08:49.760 --> 1:08:52.639
<v Speaker 2>You know, I can go down this road for hours

1:08:52.680 --> 1:08:53.000
<v Speaker 2>an hour.

1:08:53.240 --> 1:08:56.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's a great I think something for twenty twenty

1:08:56.320 --> 1:08:59.479
<v Speaker 1>six would be daily mantras. Doc what you said?

1:08:59.560 --> 1:09:03.360
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, like like things that you want, write it down

1:09:03.479 --> 1:09:05.439
<v Speaker 2>and say it out loud as many times as you can.

1:09:05.479 --> 1:09:09.320
<v Speaker 2>There's people that do these these chantings right before they

1:09:09.360 --> 1:09:11.040
<v Speaker 2>go to bed, because you can get in a dream

1:09:11.080 --> 1:09:14.000
<v Speaker 2>state and manifest it. So if you say things five times,

1:09:14.000 --> 1:09:16.720
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna be the first millionaire in my family, I'm

1:09:16.720 --> 1:09:19.080
<v Speaker 2>gonna I'm gonna make a million b time by the

1:09:19.120 --> 1:09:21.439
<v Speaker 2>time I'm thirty years old. And you say these things

1:09:21.479 --> 1:09:23.320
<v Speaker 2>over and over again right before you go to bed,

1:09:23.360 --> 1:09:26.479
<v Speaker 2>and there's uh, there's that this has worked for people

1:09:26.479 --> 1:09:30.360
<v Speaker 2>and how they have manifested it. It's pretty interesting. It's

1:09:30.439 --> 1:09:32.960
<v Speaker 2>very interesting. All Right, we're up against clock. What's the

1:09:33.000 --> 1:09:35.479
<v Speaker 2>scariest thing that can happen to you on a first date.

1:09:35.560 --> 1:09:40.240
<v Speaker 2>We're going to get into yes, first date scenarios, worst, best,

1:09:40.280 --> 1:09:43.400
<v Speaker 2>and everything in between. We are going there in the

1:09:43.439 --> 1:09:47.920
<v Speaker 2>eleven o'clock hours. Don Indeed, doctor Wes and Channing tonight

1:09:47.960 --> 1:09:51.560
<v Speaker 2>along for the Ride, Saturday Night, seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

1:09:55.120 --> 1:09:57.559
<v Speaker 9>I'm Scottsloan here, and you don't need me to tell

1:09:57.600 --> 1:09:59.640
<v Speaker 9>you about the fast paced world we live in, right,

1:10:00.000 --> 1:10:02.439
<v Speaker 9>Sometimes it's so fast and so heckic. You may miss

1:10:02.479 --> 1:10:04.439
<v Speaker 9>part of my show, but don't sweat it.

1:10:04.439 --> 1:10:04.880
<v Speaker 1>If you do.

1:10:05.120 --> 1:10:07.920
<v Speaker 9>You can always touch the podcast on the iHeartRadio app

1:10:07.960 --> 1:10:10.639
<v Speaker 9>and here what you missed. It's perfect listening for when

1:10:10.680 --> 1:10:14.280
<v Speaker 9>you're on the toilet, or at a funeral, or when

1:10:14.280 --> 1:10:17.880
<v Speaker 9>you're around people you want to ignore. It's the one

1:10:18.000 --> 1:10:20.640
<v Speaker 9>hundred and twenty fifth season of Cincinnati men's basketball.

1:10:20.800 --> 1:10:21.479
<v Speaker 4>Celebrate them.

1:10:21.760 --> 1:10:25.759
<v Speaker 2>It's done a d Saturday Night along with me, Doctor West,

1:10:26.080 --> 1:10:30.679
<v Speaker 2>licensed marriage family Therapists out of Tennessee. So we're talking

1:10:30.720 --> 1:10:34.800
<v Speaker 2>about we're talking about things that you want to do

1:10:35.640 --> 1:10:40.280
<v Speaker 2>for the new year and things you want to leave behind,

1:10:40.400 --> 1:10:43.080
<v Speaker 2>like old relationships and that could lead to dating.

1:10:43.439 --> 1:10:43.679
<v Speaker 1>Right.

1:10:43.840 --> 1:10:47.880
<v Speaker 2>I watched this comedian say what's the scariest thing that

1:10:47.920 --> 1:10:50.000
<v Speaker 2>can happen to you on a first date? And she

1:10:50.120 --> 1:10:53.280
<v Speaker 2>asked the men and the men said catfish.

1:10:53.680 --> 1:10:53.880
<v Speaker 4>Right.

1:10:54.040 --> 1:10:58.000
<v Speaker 2>So basically, oh, she doesn't look like her photos, right,

1:10:58.120 --> 1:11:01.800
<v Speaker 2>She usual looks a little off catfishing is a real thing.

1:11:01.960 --> 1:11:03.640
<v Speaker 2>I get it. I'm not saying it. But then she

1:11:03.760 --> 1:11:06.719
<v Speaker 2>asked the ladies, what's the scariest thing that can happen

1:11:06.760 --> 1:11:10.880
<v Speaker 2>to you on the first date? And they all said murder? Right, Yeah,

1:11:10.960 --> 1:11:15.960
<v Speaker 2>you see how men and women look at things so differently.

1:11:16.240 --> 1:11:19.800
<v Speaker 1>You have to. Women have to in today's You just

1:11:19.840 --> 1:11:24.880
<v Speaker 1>have to because of the risk of just the just

1:11:24.920 --> 1:11:28.800
<v Speaker 1>the very differences between men and women. I mean, let's

1:11:28.800 --> 1:11:29.680
<v Speaker 1>just talk about it, right.

1:11:29.680 --> 1:11:32.040
<v Speaker 2>You've got a daughter. I've got a daughter, Yeah, fourteen,

1:11:32.160 --> 1:11:35.599
<v Speaker 2>she's Fourteen's going to be dating at some point, that's right.

1:11:35.720 --> 1:11:38.599
<v Speaker 2>So how do you look at it as a dad

1:11:38.680 --> 1:11:42.120
<v Speaker 2>as as you have to girl? Dads have to look

1:11:42.120 --> 1:11:44.040
<v Speaker 2>at things a little bit differently.

1:11:43.760 --> 1:11:46.880
<v Speaker 1>Yes, absolutely they do. I have to be thinking about

1:11:47.040 --> 1:11:51.400
<v Speaker 1>teaching her about how to be smart when it comes

1:11:51.400 --> 1:11:55.160
<v Speaker 1>to protecting you know, her, not giving out all of

1:11:55.160 --> 1:11:59.320
<v Speaker 1>her information, not be sharing her location, all of those things,

1:11:59.360 --> 1:12:01.880
<v Speaker 1>you know, even the devices that we have right now,

1:12:02.200 --> 1:12:04.160
<v Speaker 1>things like that. That's something that I'm talking to her

1:12:04.160 --> 1:12:06.479
<v Speaker 1>about all the time. And and people that are trying

1:12:06.520 --> 1:12:11.320
<v Speaker 1>to purchase purchase gifts for people, you know, trying to

1:12:11.760 --> 1:12:15.080
<v Speaker 1>groom them into these relationships. You got to be careful

1:12:15.120 --> 1:12:15.519
<v Speaker 1>about that.

1:12:16.600 --> 1:12:20.280
<v Speaker 2>So yeah, when once you are online and you have

1:12:20.360 --> 1:12:23.240
<v Speaker 2>social media, and I say this to parents all the time,

1:12:23.280 --> 1:12:25.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't know how you do it because it's so

1:12:25.800 --> 1:12:28.360
<v Speaker 2>scary for the kids out there, right, it can be

1:12:28.439 --> 1:12:30.920
<v Speaker 2>so scary. And I know, Channing, you're shaking your head.

1:12:31.160 --> 1:12:36.320
<v Speaker 2>There's uh, there's one there. It's not just the scary

1:12:36.520 --> 1:12:40.000
<v Speaker 2>aspect of dating, because there's there's that, but it's also

1:12:40.200 --> 1:12:44.840
<v Speaker 2>like sometimes very uncomfortable too, because when you're dating it

1:12:44.880 --> 1:12:48.439
<v Speaker 2>could feel like a job interview. It feels like you

1:12:48.560 --> 1:12:50.880
<v Speaker 2>try and ask questions and you try and get to

1:12:50.960 --> 1:12:54.759
<v Speaker 2>know somebody, but it's not always like I don't always

1:12:54.760 --> 1:12:57.240
<v Speaker 2>feel like people are being one hundred percent honest. Like

1:12:57.720 --> 1:13:01.439
<v Speaker 2>if you're an outdoors person and you say that you're

1:13:01.439 --> 1:13:05.120
<v Speaker 2>an outdoor person, great, you go skiing and you know,

1:13:05.280 --> 1:13:08.280
<v Speaker 2>play hoops with your friends on the weekends, whatever, that's great.

1:13:08.680 --> 1:13:11.200
<v Speaker 2>But if you're not, just say you're not. If you're

1:13:11.240 --> 1:13:13.679
<v Speaker 2>a couch potato would like to watch football all day

1:13:14.000 --> 1:13:16.920
<v Speaker 2>on Saturday and all day on Sunday, then just be

1:13:17.040 --> 1:13:19.839
<v Speaker 2>honest about it. How important is it to be honest

1:13:20.880 --> 1:13:23.040
<v Speaker 2>on the first date so that you can figure out

1:13:23.040 --> 1:13:25.919
<v Speaker 2>whether you're a match because if you're saying you're outdoors

1:13:25.960 --> 1:13:30.400
<v Speaker 2>and you're really not, maybe somebody that that would love

1:13:30.439 --> 1:13:33.840
<v Speaker 2>a couch potato that stays home and watches sports all weekend,

1:13:34.320 --> 1:13:36.920
<v Speaker 2>there would be your perfect match. I wouldn't love that,

1:13:38.120 --> 1:13:40.200
<v Speaker 2>you know, all weekend to stay home on the couch

1:13:40.240 --> 1:13:43.120
<v Speaker 2>and watch sports. But you know sometimes on Sunday watch

1:13:43.120 --> 1:13:44.120
<v Speaker 2>them bangles of course.

1:13:44.240 --> 1:13:44.439
<v Speaker 7>Yeah.

1:13:44.520 --> 1:13:46.559
<v Speaker 1>No, it's like layers of an onion for me. And

1:13:46.600 --> 1:13:48.920
<v Speaker 1>for what I mean by that is you want to

1:13:48.960 --> 1:13:51.680
<v Speaker 1>start with the just the basic small talk, but then

1:13:51.720 --> 1:13:54.040
<v Speaker 1>you do I think need to just I think you

1:13:54.120 --> 1:13:58.400
<v Speaker 1>need to in that second layer, be honest about who

1:13:58.560 --> 1:14:01.760
<v Speaker 1>you are as a person, what your identity is as

1:14:01.760 --> 1:14:04.400
<v Speaker 1>a person, and what you like and what you don't like.

1:14:04.880 --> 1:14:07.600
<v Speaker 1>And so it's very important, I mean, But unfortunately, I

1:14:07.640 --> 1:14:10.400
<v Speaker 1>think dating right now is a lot of It's like Donna,

1:14:10.479 --> 1:14:12.080
<v Speaker 1>you and I have talked about it. It's like shopping

1:14:12.120 --> 1:14:15.439
<v Speaker 1>almost online. This online dating is like shopping, and people

1:14:15.439 --> 1:14:18.000
<v Speaker 1>are putting out like the ad campaigns on themselves, Like

1:14:18.040 --> 1:14:20.519
<v Speaker 1>there's certain pictures that they're putting off that aren't really

1:14:20.720 --> 1:14:24.879
<v Speaker 1>who they are, and so they're trying to advertise themselves

1:14:24.960 --> 1:14:25.559
<v Speaker 1>in such a way.

1:14:25.680 --> 1:14:27.920
<v Speaker 2>It's not a whole new world. It's right, it's not

1:14:27.960 --> 1:14:30.640
<v Speaker 2>who they really are, that is the first. That is

1:14:30.680 --> 1:14:33.400
<v Speaker 2>the thing I did in twenty twenty five that I

1:14:33.439 --> 1:14:35.080
<v Speaker 2>never thought I was going to do is get on

1:14:35.120 --> 1:14:38.559
<v Speaker 2>a dating app. And it's been interesting and I've met

1:14:38.600 --> 1:14:42.120
<v Speaker 2>some very nice people. I think dating apps are great.

1:14:42.680 --> 1:14:47.040
<v Speaker 2>I know so many people that have found matches on

1:14:48.600 --> 1:14:52.479
<v Speaker 2>Bumble and the like that that are truly like in love,

1:14:52.520 --> 1:14:56.559
<v Speaker 2>in life partners. I mean, I have three people around

1:14:56.600 --> 1:14:59.519
<v Speaker 2>me in my you know, in my close circle, that

1:14:59.640 --> 1:15:04.519
<v Speaker 2>have found people on Bumble and and and it's been

1:15:04.680 --> 1:15:07.960
<v Speaker 2>or or another dating app. And it's been a really

1:15:08.000 --> 1:15:11.599
<v Speaker 2>good experience for some it's been terrible for others. And

1:15:11.680 --> 1:15:15.519
<v Speaker 2>what makes it and I Doctor West, tell me if

1:15:15.560 --> 1:15:20.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm wrong here, please, but I think what makes your

1:15:20.080 --> 1:15:24.479
<v Speaker 2>experience on something that's uncomfortable, like a dating app or

1:15:24.520 --> 1:15:29.880
<v Speaker 2>whatever that could be uncomfortable, is your perspect perspective about it. Right,

1:15:30.040 --> 1:15:32.960
<v Speaker 2>So if you say, listen, this is fun, I'm having

1:15:33.040 --> 1:15:36.320
<v Speaker 2>I'm having fun. I like dating. I'm I'm I'm not

1:15:36.439 --> 1:15:39.599
<v Speaker 2>ready to settle down yet. I'd like to meet somebody

1:15:39.600 --> 1:15:41.960
<v Speaker 2>that I match with, but I'm okay with just dating

1:15:42.000 --> 1:15:44.960
<v Speaker 2>for a while, and because I see some people put

1:15:45.000 --> 1:15:47.040
<v Speaker 2>on like I can't wait to get off this app.

1:15:47.040 --> 1:15:49.320
<v Speaker 2>I think it's terrible. Blah blah blah blah blah. How

1:15:49.360 --> 1:15:51.200
<v Speaker 2>are you going to have a good experience?

1:15:51.240 --> 1:15:53.240
<v Speaker 1>If you're like that, you're not going to eat. But

1:15:53.320 --> 1:15:56.720
<v Speaker 1>you can't be attached to an outcome. I think that's key.

1:15:56.800 --> 1:15:59.559
<v Speaker 1>You cannot be attached to an outcome because if you're

1:15:59.560 --> 1:16:02.479
<v Speaker 1>attached an outcome, you become imprisoned by that outcome.

1:16:02.800 --> 1:16:08.280
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I completely agree. But even your perspective, perspective is

1:16:08.760 --> 1:16:14.800
<v Speaker 2>everything it is. It's if it's a cold, snowy Cincinnati

1:16:15.040 --> 1:16:17.960
<v Speaker 2>mourning and you got to go walk the dog. It

1:16:18.280 --> 1:16:22.439
<v Speaker 2>can be fresh and beautiful and bundle up and cozy,

1:16:22.479 --> 1:16:24.760
<v Speaker 2>you know all that's it just depends on how you

1:16:24.880 --> 1:16:27.679
<v Speaker 2>look at things. And I really do feel like dating

1:16:28.160 --> 1:16:31.559
<v Speaker 2>and dating apps are really important to pay attention to

1:16:31.640 --> 1:16:34.560
<v Speaker 2>your perspective on it, as if it's not going to

1:16:34.640 --> 1:16:36.160
<v Speaker 2>be good. I have people that are on there and

1:16:36.200 --> 1:16:38.519
<v Speaker 2>says it's the worst I can stand it. And then

1:16:38.640 --> 1:16:41.839
<v Speaker 2>like I said, people that have found great people matches.

1:16:42.040 --> 1:16:44.440
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, the people that are on there, they're saying I

1:16:44.560 --> 1:16:47.000
<v Speaker 1>getting on this app was the most horrible thing I've

1:16:47.040 --> 1:16:50.400
<v Speaker 1>ever done. That they're not going to attract anyone. That's

1:16:50.439 --> 1:16:53.599
<v Speaker 1>just negative energy. Yeah, who wants to date someone with

1:16:53.840 --> 1:16:57.720
<v Speaker 1>negative energy? So no, that's not going to work. You know,

1:16:58.160 --> 1:17:00.840
<v Speaker 1>you want to be able to be honest but also

1:17:00.960 --> 1:17:03.240
<v Speaker 1>have a little bit of a positive attitude about it.

1:17:03.320 --> 1:17:06.120
<v Speaker 2>I think it's important. It is really important. Five three

1:17:06.120 --> 1:17:10.200
<v Speaker 2>seven four ninety seven thousand. Everybody's been so quiet tonight.

1:17:10.280 --> 1:17:12.639
<v Speaker 2>We've had a really good discussion. Tell me about this though.

1:17:12.640 --> 1:17:14.120
<v Speaker 2>How do you feel about dating apps?

1:17:14.520 --> 1:17:15.960
<v Speaker 1>How do I feel about dating apps?

1:17:16.000 --> 1:17:18.600
<v Speaker 2>I'm asking the our asking our listeners. How do you

1:17:18.640 --> 1:17:21.680
<v Speaker 2>feel about dating apps? How? How has it been for you?

1:17:21.760 --> 1:17:24.479
<v Speaker 2>Have you found a match? This is how we all

1:17:24.560 --> 1:17:29.200
<v Speaker 2>live now. Everybody is on dating apps. Channing, you're fourteen. Now,

1:17:29.240 --> 1:17:31.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to ask if you're dating. You're not

1:17:32.040 --> 1:17:34.280
<v Speaker 2>dating anyone, right, Your dad is right here.

1:17:34.640 --> 1:17:38.760
<v Speaker 1>She's not dating anyone until she's late late twenties and

1:17:38.800 --> 1:17:40.880
<v Speaker 1>then they have to put in the application to meet.

1:17:41.520 --> 1:17:44.439
<v Speaker 2>But you meet kids at school still, right? Is that

1:17:44.520 --> 1:17:46.880
<v Speaker 2>how you do it? Now? You're fourteen, so you know

1:17:46.960 --> 1:17:50.080
<v Speaker 2>I would suggest you going at least you know, three

1:17:50.240 --> 1:17:52.400
<v Speaker 2>or four more years before you start. I mean that

1:17:53.000 --> 1:17:56.280
<v Speaker 2>I am not exaggerating. Seventeen eighteen. Maybe that's when you

1:17:56.320 --> 1:17:59.519
<v Speaker 2>start looking to like meet somebody and get your first

1:17:59.560 --> 1:18:02.840
<v Speaker 2>experience of like actually having a love of your life

1:18:02.920 --> 1:18:03.519
<v Speaker 2>kind of a thing.

1:18:04.080 --> 1:18:04.320
<v Speaker 7>Is that?

1:18:04.520 --> 1:18:08.360
<v Speaker 2>Have you experienced any kind of a minimal crush or

1:18:08.439 --> 1:18:09.240
<v Speaker 2>something like that?

1:18:09.479 --> 1:18:14.360
<v Speaker 3>Yes, obviously crushes, I've experienced many throughout school. As far

1:18:14.400 --> 1:18:16.920
<v Speaker 3>as like long term like relationships, I have not.

1:18:17.360 --> 1:18:20.479
<v Speaker 2>I have not yet. Well, you're fourteen. I literally said,

1:18:22.840 --> 1:18:23.920
<v Speaker 2>I'm hoping.

1:18:24.080 --> 1:18:26.519
<v Speaker 3>To experience one, but I'm kind of just letting it

1:18:26.560 --> 1:18:27.639
<v Speaker 3>happen how it's supposed to happen.

1:18:27.720 --> 1:18:28.519
<v Speaker 2>Okay, that's good.

1:18:28.680 --> 1:18:34.080
<v Speaker 3>Crushes Obviously, crush on somebody back in the day.

1:18:34.320 --> 1:18:37.400
<v Speaker 2>This is so embarrassing. But I used to have a

1:18:37.880 --> 1:18:45.960
<v Speaker 2>crush on Andy Gibb and Very Manilow. How crazy is that?

1:18:46.520 --> 1:18:48.679
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh. Do you have crushes like for rock

1:18:48.680 --> 1:18:51.479
<v Speaker 2>stars and stuff? Oh? Yes, do you? I just saw

1:18:51.520 --> 1:18:53.840
<v Speaker 2>you saw Bruno Mars out in the hallway. Guys, I

1:18:55.400 --> 1:18:56.719
<v Speaker 2>really like Joe Jonas.

1:18:57.000 --> 1:19:00.600
<v Speaker 3>Okay, but he could be my father, so I it's

1:19:00.840 --> 1:19:02.760
<v Speaker 3>the But yes, I have.

1:19:03.200 --> 1:19:06.120
<v Speaker 2>Crushes on random rock stars. So I've won three seven

1:19:06.200 --> 1:19:09.360
<v Speaker 2>for ninety seven thousand. How do you feel about dating apps?

1:19:09.439 --> 1:19:11.639
<v Speaker 2>Is it the worst thing in the world or are

1:19:11.640 --> 1:19:16.800
<v Speaker 2>you having some success in it? The thing about understanding

1:19:17.080 --> 1:19:20.439
<v Speaker 2>how how to date, because if you haven't been out there,

1:19:20.479 --> 1:19:23.040
<v Speaker 2>I haven't I was in a relationship for a while,

1:19:23.120 --> 1:19:27.479
<v Speaker 2>you as well. You really have to practice it like

1:19:27.640 --> 1:19:34.600
<v Speaker 2>anything else. And if you if you're thin skinned in

1:19:34.680 --> 1:19:37.120
<v Speaker 2>the dating world right now, that's going to be a

1:19:37.120 --> 1:19:40.679
<v Speaker 2>pro that's going to be hard. What advice doctor Wes

1:19:40.720 --> 1:19:45.120
<v Speaker 2>would you give in terms of of of of being

1:19:45.280 --> 1:19:48.960
<v Speaker 2>honest about yourself and authentic about who you are, but

1:19:49.080 --> 1:19:53.360
<v Speaker 2>also like not getting offended and being thicker skinned if

1:19:53.360 --> 1:19:56.559
<v Speaker 2>somebody because you you, somebody can unmatch you in a

1:19:56.600 --> 1:20:00.719
<v Speaker 2>second on on you know, the dating apps or somebody

1:20:00.800 --> 1:20:04.479
<v Speaker 2>can you know, decide after a first date that hey,

1:20:04.520 --> 1:20:07.720
<v Speaker 2>this isn't a match. How do you not take that?

1:20:07.800 --> 1:20:12.679
<v Speaker 1>Personally, you have to love yourself. You gotta love yourself

1:20:12.800 --> 1:20:15.840
<v Speaker 1>first and foremost. You have to know that you are

1:20:15.880 --> 1:20:18.360
<v Speaker 1>a catch yourself and write down the reasons why you're

1:20:18.360 --> 1:20:20.639
<v Speaker 1>a catch. I think you have to put those front

1:20:20.680 --> 1:20:23.360
<v Speaker 1>and center in your mind because if you are seeking

1:20:23.439 --> 1:20:27.080
<v Speaker 1>that external validation from the apps, you're going to get disappointed,

1:20:27.880 --> 1:20:28.720
<v Speaker 1>right so, and.

1:20:28.720 --> 1:20:31.200
<v Speaker 2>It's kind of like what we talked about earlier in

1:20:31.320 --> 1:20:34.840
<v Speaker 2>terms of not getting validated by other people. Better if

1:20:34.880 --> 1:20:38.519
<v Speaker 2>you could actually if I don't think it's a match,

1:20:39.120 --> 1:20:41.360
<v Speaker 2>but I didn't get to say it before he did,

1:20:41.400 --> 1:20:44.280
<v Speaker 2>and he you know, it would be like I already

1:20:44.320 --> 1:20:47.280
<v Speaker 2>feel like it's not a match too, so by right,

1:20:47.479 --> 1:20:50.599
<v Speaker 2>it could be one of those things. Or it could

1:20:50.600 --> 1:20:53.639
<v Speaker 2>be like why didn't he like me? Because even though

1:20:53.720 --> 1:20:56.080
<v Speaker 2>you didn't feel like it was, it was a good

1:20:56.160 --> 1:20:59.280
<v Speaker 2>match too, you might feel like, oh, abandoned by it?

1:20:59.400 --> 1:21:01.360
<v Speaker 2>Or what would be the technical term of that.

1:21:01.800 --> 1:21:04.799
<v Speaker 1>No, abandoned would be a good term for that. Yeah,

1:21:04.920 --> 1:21:09.479
<v Speaker 1>you would feel abandoned, You would feel invalidated, you would

1:21:09.479 --> 1:21:11.200
<v Speaker 1>feel rejected.

1:21:11.360 --> 1:21:15.200
<v Speaker 2>Rejected is the word that I was looking for. Rejected

1:21:15.280 --> 1:21:20.559
<v Speaker 2>would be rejecting me before I could reject, which is

1:21:20.600 --> 1:21:23.559
<v Speaker 2>always a bummer you. I will always want to reject

1:21:23.560 --> 1:21:28.600
<v Speaker 2>somebody before they can reject me. But really everybody nowadays,

1:21:28.640 --> 1:21:32.679
<v Speaker 2>it's kind of it is kind of like shopping online

1:21:32.680 --> 1:21:36.000
<v Speaker 2>shopping and you're like trying to pick pick the one

1:21:36.040 --> 1:21:39.479
<v Speaker 2>that you think would like a nice par of jeans, right,

1:21:39.560 --> 1:21:42.320
<v Speaker 2>like a nice comfy para jeans. You're like, man, these

1:21:42.360 --> 1:21:45.960
<v Speaker 2>don't fit that well, they looked better on the hangar, right,

1:21:46.000 --> 1:21:48.639
<v Speaker 2>and then it doesn't fit very well. But it's something

1:21:48.680 --> 1:21:52.280
<v Speaker 2>that we're all getting used to in society online dating.

1:21:52.520 --> 1:21:57.280
<v Speaker 1>We are, we are, and it is very much there's

1:21:57.320 --> 1:22:00.240
<v Speaker 1>got to you gotta, I think, go into it with

1:22:00.439 --> 1:22:05.000
<v Speaker 1>a beginner's mind, without having a lot of expectations. But

1:22:05.120 --> 1:22:06.960
<v Speaker 1>also I think you've got to be careful to not

1:22:07.000 --> 1:22:09.400
<v Speaker 1>get hurt. So you got to put you got to

1:22:09.439 --> 1:22:13.200
<v Speaker 1>put a lot of parameters up around not giving out,

1:22:13.960 --> 1:22:16.400
<v Speaker 1>not giving out too much information too soon.

1:22:16.960 --> 1:22:19.439
<v Speaker 2>Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just said it,

1:22:19.479 --> 1:22:22.840
<v Speaker 2>because that's kind of how people get violated. So I

1:22:22.880 --> 1:22:26.280
<v Speaker 2>don't need to know that you didn't get along with

1:22:26.320 --> 1:22:28.599
<v Speaker 2>your on the first date. I don't need to know

1:22:28.640 --> 1:22:31.960
<v Speaker 2>that you didn't get along with your wife, right, and

1:22:32.000 --> 1:22:37.000
<v Speaker 2>that your family is now disgruntled and they don't get

1:22:37.040 --> 1:22:39.400
<v Speaker 2>along with her and the kids are I don't need

1:22:39.439 --> 1:22:41.840
<v Speaker 2>to know all that on the first date right now,

1:22:42.080 --> 1:22:44.519
<v Speaker 2>and why you broke up and why. I mean, I

1:22:44.600 --> 1:22:48.120
<v Speaker 2>think it's important to understand, but like just what books

1:22:48.120 --> 1:22:50.960
<v Speaker 2>have you read late lately? I mean, that's kind of

1:22:51.360 --> 1:22:53.120
<v Speaker 2>where the first date should be.

1:22:53.400 --> 1:22:55.639
<v Speaker 1>That's a sign of somebody that needs to go to therapy.

1:22:55.760 --> 1:22:57.720
<v Speaker 1>If they're telling you all that on a first date,

1:22:58.240 --> 1:22:59.680
<v Speaker 1>they should go to therapy.

1:22:59.520 --> 1:23:02.600
<v Speaker 2>Because they have to get it out. That's what they're doing.

1:23:02.479 --> 1:23:05.160
<v Speaker 1>Right, But they're just moving from one relationship to the next,

1:23:05.200 --> 1:23:06.160
<v Speaker 1>to the next to the next.

1:23:06.960 --> 1:23:09.200
<v Speaker 2>I actually said, and I really like this guy, and

1:23:09.280 --> 1:23:12.320
<v Speaker 2>I thought thought he was super nice, and he got

1:23:12.360 --> 1:23:14.800
<v Speaker 2>a little bit into that and I said, you're you're

1:23:14.800 --> 1:23:19.439
<v Speaker 2>telling me too much stuff. And I realize not everybody

1:23:19.520 --> 1:23:21.640
<v Speaker 2>has a twin sister like I do and talk for

1:23:21.680 --> 1:23:26.479
<v Speaker 2>two hours and get everything out. But it is, it is.

1:23:27.840 --> 1:23:30.880
<v Speaker 2>It can be too much for the listener and too much,

1:23:31.280 --> 1:23:35.759
<v Speaker 2>certainly for somebody. That's Sharon. Let's go to Brian and Amelia. Brian,

1:23:36.640 --> 1:23:39.160
<v Speaker 2>I don't know what you're you're married for thirty seven years.

1:23:39.160 --> 1:23:41.599
<v Speaker 2>Tell me about the dating life that you no longer

1:23:41.680 --> 1:23:42.439
<v Speaker 2>have to deal with.

1:23:44.400 --> 1:23:48.640
<v Speaker 10>Well, I work for a company where there are a

1:23:48.720 --> 1:23:52.439
<v Speaker 10>lot of women and I don't even pay attention to them.

1:23:52.439 --> 1:23:56.080
<v Speaker 10>I treat them like they're toxic because there's too much.

1:23:55.920 --> 1:23:56.840
<v Speaker 4>Trouble these days.

1:23:56.840 --> 1:24:00.840
<v Speaker 10>You can get into. But my point being is when

1:24:01.960 --> 1:24:06.840
<v Speaker 10>my wife and I met each other, we were engaged

1:24:06.880 --> 1:24:07.840
<v Speaker 10>for a year.

1:24:09.000 --> 1:24:10.519
<v Speaker 4>We dated for a year.

1:24:10.520 --> 1:24:12.840
<v Speaker 10>We were engaged for a year and then we got married,

1:24:12.880 --> 1:24:15.960
<v Speaker 10>and in that time we talked about all the things

1:24:16.000 --> 1:24:19.720
<v Speaker 10>that we wanted to achieve, how many children, where we

1:24:19.760 --> 1:24:24.160
<v Speaker 10>wanted to live. We're both Catholic. That was a good

1:24:24.200 --> 1:24:30.639
<v Speaker 10>point that she wanted from me, and things have worked out.

1:24:30.760 --> 1:24:35.439
<v Speaker 10>We've got four boys who are all Eagle Scouts in

1:24:35.479 --> 1:24:38.519
<v Speaker 10>their contributing members of society and none of them have

1:24:38.600 --> 1:24:39.200
<v Speaker 10>been in jail.

1:24:40.160 --> 1:24:43.840
<v Speaker 2>Well, that is about That is definitely a positive thing.

1:24:44.160 --> 1:24:48.679
<v Speaker 2>So you've been married for thirty seven years, Brian, Yes, okay?

1:24:49.080 --> 1:24:50.880
<v Speaker 2>Are you still are you still.

1:24:52.560 --> 1:24:53.000
<v Speaker 10>Eighty eight?

1:24:53.080 --> 1:24:57.559
<v Speaker 2>Okay? Do you still have good communication with your wife? Yes?

1:24:57.720 --> 1:25:01.840
<v Speaker 10>Things have gotten better. Unfortunately issues out of work and

1:25:01.920 --> 1:25:04.800
<v Speaker 10>I get to see her more often and our relationship

1:25:04.800 --> 1:25:07.479
<v Speaker 10>has gotten a lot better. We only have one of

1:25:07.520 --> 1:25:11.599
<v Speaker 10>the four boys left at home and he's about about

1:25:11.680 --> 1:25:16.240
<v Speaker 10>do I believe get married and move out so we

1:25:16.400 --> 1:25:17.839
<v Speaker 10>will be empty nesters?

1:25:19.479 --> 1:25:23.040
<v Speaker 2>And what do you? Because I again this is perspective

1:25:23.080 --> 1:25:25.719
<v Speaker 2>because I have friends that are going through empty nest

1:25:26.200 --> 1:25:30.880
<v Speaker 2>empty nesters right now, and they they're re establishing, many

1:25:30.920 --> 1:25:36.320
<v Speaker 2>of them, they're reestablishing the deeper connection by being alone.

1:25:36.560 --> 1:25:39.360
<v Speaker 2>What do you? How do you see that, Wes, doctor Wes.

1:25:39.360 --> 1:25:41.880
<v Speaker 2>Some people grow apart in some people, Yeah, some people

1:25:41.920 --> 1:25:44.519
<v Speaker 2>grow apart. But but Brian, you and your wife, it

1:25:44.560 --> 1:25:48.280
<v Speaker 2>sounds like you all. I'm wondering what intentional steps you

1:25:48.360 --> 1:25:52.160
<v Speaker 2>all took throughout your marriage to stay connected, because what

1:25:52.280 --> 1:25:56.439
<v Speaker 2>can often happen is is that couples grow apart because

1:25:56.479 --> 1:25:58.760
<v Speaker 2>of all because of all the parenting and all the

1:25:58.880 --> 1:26:03.000
<v Speaker 2>different roles, and they when they become empty nesters, they

1:26:03.120 --> 1:26:06.240
<v Speaker 2>end up separating or divorcing. So you all have done

1:26:06.240 --> 1:26:07.000
<v Speaker 2>something different.

1:26:07.360 --> 1:26:13.759
<v Speaker 10>It sounds like, well, we've had we've had our rocky

1:26:13.880 --> 1:26:17.040
<v Speaker 10>times in the marriage. I won't I won't lie to

1:26:17.120 --> 1:26:20.559
<v Speaker 10>you that we've not seen an eye on a few things.

1:26:20.600 --> 1:26:25.639
<v Speaker 10>But the communication is what counts. Okay, if you truly

1:26:25.800 --> 1:26:30.120
<v Speaker 10>love someone, you will look past a lot of things

1:26:30.200 --> 1:26:34.040
<v Speaker 10>because you want that person for who they are, not

1:26:34.240 --> 1:26:36.960
<v Speaker 10>for that certain belief, for that that little.

1:26:36.760 --> 1:26:37.680
<v Speaker 1>Quirk that they have.

1:26:39.320 --> 1:26:43.720
<v Speaker 2>No. I honestly agree with Brian one hundred it's important.

1:26:44.000 --> 1:26:47.400
<v Speaker 2>People oftentimes feel like the grass is always greener on

1:26:47.439 --> 1:26:49.880
<v Speaker 2>the other side, and Brian, that's not always the case.

1:26:50.360 --> 1:26:57.120
<v Speaker 2>And when you know, and when you yeah.

1:26:54.920 --> 1:26:57.920
<v Speaker 10>I can't give up all we've worked together to build

1:26:58.560 --> 1:27:00.799
<v Speaker 10>that would be stepping too far back.

1:27:01.160 --> 1:27:03.880
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, right, And if you have two people in a

1:27:03.920 --> 1:27:08.479
<v Speaker 2>relationship that understand that, that's where the that's that's step one.

1:27:09.000 --> 1:27:13.800
<v Speaker 2>And then learning how to communicate and understand each other's idiosyncrasies.

1:27:13.880 --> 1:27:15.960
<v Speaker 2>Like they're not always gonna you're not always going to

1:27:16.040 --> 1:27:19.040
<v Speaker 2>agree with them. There's always going to be some tough times. Brian,

1:27:19.080 --> 1:27:21.479
<v Speaker 2>thank you so much for the call. I really appreciate it.

1:27:22.320 --> 1:27:24.599
<v Speaker 10>You're awake, We're welcome. Don I have a good night

1:27:24.720 --> 1:27:25.040
<v Speaker 10>you too.

1:27:25.320 --> 1:27:27.840
<v Speaker 2>So I really do feel like that that was such

1:27:27.880 --> 1:27:32.200
<v Speaker 2>a good call because it shows that even though you

1:27:32.280 --> 1:27:34.840
<v Speaker 2>have rough times, you can still work it out. Obviously,

1:27:35.439 --> 1:27:37.599
<v Speaker 2>we're gonna we're going to talk about this and when

1:27:37.640 --> 1:27:40.240
<v Speaker 2>you should leave a relationship, because there are times. We're

1:27:40.240 --> 1:27:42.800
<v Speaker 2>going to finish out the segment when we come back,

1:27:43.360 --> 1:27:45.679
<v Speaker 2>Doctor West is going to talk about when you should

1:27:45.720 --> 1:27:48.800
<v Speaker 2>give up on a relationship, when those things, when those

1:27:48.840 --> 1:27:53.000
<v Speaker 2>signs happen. So coming back donner d with Doctor West

1:27:53.120 --> 1:27:58.840
<v Speaker 2>Saturday night. It's seven hundred WLW Cincinnati when or Winter

1:27:59.000 --> 1:28:03.160
<v Speaker 2>Weather Advisor, if I can say that it's called out.

1:28:03.320 --> 1:28:06.680
<v Speaker 2>It feels like twenty five it's going to be snowing, tomorrow.

1:28:07.200 --> 1:28:10.760
<v Speaker 2>It's done a d on a Saturday night here with

1:28:10.880 --> 1:28:15.400
<v Speaker 2>my buddy doctor Wes seven hundred WLWS Doctor Wes. We've

1:28:15.439 --> 1:28:19.040
<v Speaker 2>been talking about this, you know, finding love in today's world,

1:28:19.080 --> 1:28:23.360
<v Speaker 2>and oftentimes it's on dating sites. You know, it's you know,

1:28:23.439 --> 1:28:26.040
<v Speaker 2>it's the way that we meet people now, and sometimes

1:28:26.080 --> 1:28:28.240
<v Speaker 2>it works and sometimes it doesn't. I have friends that

1:28:28.320 --> 1:28:32.240
<v Speaker 2>are in long term relationships from meeting on a dating app.

1:28:32.360 --> 1:28:36.240
<v Speaker 2>And you know, if you're in a long term relationship

1:28:36.360 --> 1:28:39.360
<v Speaker 2>and things are going great and then after a year

1:28:39.479 --> 1:28:43.800
<v Speaker 2>or two, thoughts are coming in, maybe this isn't my

1:28:43.920 --> 1:28:48.120
<v Speaker 2>person right, Maybe he isn't what I thought he was.

1:28:48.240 --> 1:28:50.880
<v Speaker 2>We haven't been getting along. Why are we not getting long?

1:28:52.320 --> 1:28:54.439
<v Speaker 2>So the question I have for you when should you

1:28:54.560 --> 1:28:57.839
<v Speaker 2>give up on a relationship? I was watching this video

1:28:58.600 --> 1:29:01.200
<v Speaker 2>of this cute young guy, right, he's so cute and

1:29:01.240 --> 1:29:03.960
<v Speaker 2>he's talking to this therapist and he's struggling to figure

1:29:03.960 --> 1:29:06.680
<v Speaker 2>out his relationship. And he asked her when should I

1:29:06.720 --> 1:29:09.400
<v Speaker 2>give up on a relationship? And her response was when

1:29:09.439 --> 1:29:12.240
<v Speaker 2>they're not interested in you? And he said, but what

1:29:12.360 --> 1:29:15.880
<v Speaker 2>if they say they're interested in me and that they

1:29:15.920 --> 1:29:18.599
<v Speaker 2>love me but don't show it, then they're not interested

1:29:18.640 --> 1:29:21.120
<v Speaker 2>in you, and they don't love you, she said, because

1:29:21.479 --> 1:29:24.960
<v Speaker 2>you can't believe what people say, you have to believe

1:29:25.040 --> 1:29:28.280
<v Speaker 2>how they act. So behavior is a language. It is

1:29:28.600 --> 1:29:30.920
<v Speaker 2>really when is it, and I know we talk about

1:29:30.960 --> 1:29:34.920
<v Speaker 2>the four horsemen a lot, When is it time where

1:29:34.960 --> 1:29:37.920
<v Speaker 2>you can feel like I've done everything I can and

1:29:38.360 --> 1:29:40.560
<v Speaker 2>this person is just not for me. I need to

1:29:40.640 --> 1:29:41.639
<v Speaker 2>let go of this person.

1:29:42.960 --> 1:29:47.040
<v Speaker 1>It's usually when there's a total lack of reciprocity, so

1:29:47.080 --> 1:29:51.280
<v Speaker 1>there's no emotional engagement at all. You can literally be

1:29:51.360 --> 1:29:54.640
<v Speaker 1>vulnerable with this person and they will just they'll just

1:29:54.720 --> 1:29:57.639
<v Speaker 1>totally disengage with you. They won't even really acknowledge your

1:29:57.640 --> 1:30:02.559
<v Speaker 1>emotional like you're saying to them, you're reaching out to them,

1:30:02.560 --> 1:30:06.080
<v Speaker 1>you're pursuing them, and they're they're just totally stonewalling you.

1:30:06.800 --> 1:30:10.919
<v Speaker 1>We've talked about the four horsemen of the apocalypse for relationships. Yeah,

1:30:10.960 --> 1:30:17.519
<v Speaker 1>so there's criticism contempt. Contempt is when you just generally

1:30:17.520 --> 1:30:20.000
<v Speaker 1>look down upon your partner and you think you're better

1:30:20.080 --> 1:30:23.639
<v Speaker 1>than them, and you are rolling your eyes at them,

1:30:23.880 --> 1:30:28.160
<v Speaker 1>or you're just constantly just thinking about the worst in them.

1:30:28.800 --> 1:30:32.920
<v Speaker 1>So there's criticism, there's contempt, there's defensiveness, where you're just

1:30:32.960 --> 1:30:37.600
<v Speaker 1>constantly defensive. No matter what is said in the relationship,

1:30:37.880 --> 1:30:42.280
<v Speaker 1>you're constantly defensive. And then there's stonewalling. Stonewalling is the

1:30:42.360 --> 1:30:44.880
<v Speaker 1>ultimately the end of a relationships.

1:30:45.040 --> 1:30:50.000
<v Speaker 2>So stonewalling is when you get no response, no response

1:30:50.040 --> 1:30:53.240
<v Speaker 2>at all. You walk in and you see, you know,

1:30:53.360 --> 1:30:56.559
<v Speaker 2>your husband on the phone and you say, sweetheart, we

1:30:57.280 --> 1:30:59.320
<v Speaker 2>you know I did this today, I did that today,

1:30:59.360 --> 1:31:00.880
<v Speaker 2>and he doesn't look up from his.

1:31:00.840 --> 1:31:02.000
<v Speaker 1>Phone, doesn't look up.

1:31:02.280 --> 1:31:04.559
<v Speaker 2>And that's not even like in an argument, it's just

1:31:04.640 --> 1:31:06.639
<v Speaker 2>kind of his basic way of being.

1:31:06.800 --> 1:31:10.680
<v Speaker 1>And he's not mad either. He's got no emotional response

1:31:10.840 --> 1:31:12.320
<v Speaker 1>at all. He just doesn't look up.

1:31:13.240 --> 1:31:16.640
<v Speaker 2>Okay, So if you have one or more of the

1:31:16.680 --> 1:31:20.760
<v Speaker 2>four horsemen, chances are it's going to be a tough road. Yeah,

1:31:21.360 --> 1:31:22.040
<v Speaker 2>to heal.

1:31:22.640 --> 1:31:25.639
<v Speaker 1>Contempt is the biggest predictor of separation and divorce.

1:31:26.000 --> 1:31:26.960
<v Speaker 2>And what's contempt.

1:31:26.960 --> 1:31:29.559
<v Speaker 1>Contempt is really looking down upon your partner, thinking that

1:31:29.560 --> 1:31:34.960
<v Speaker 1>you're better than your partner, holding them just in a

1:31:35.120 --> 1:31:38.720
<v Speaker 1>in a in a belief that you're better than them,

1:31:38.760 --> 1:31:41.559
<v Speaker 1>and your feelings matter more than them, and and all

1:31:41.600 --> 1:31:43.960
<v Speaker 1>of that, you know they're beneath you in some way.

1:31:44.520 --> 1:31:49.760
<v Speaker 2>Would contempt be and you said better than them, and

1:31:49.840 --> 1:31:52.320
<v Speaker 2>oh my gosh, I'm I'm just hearing the words that

1:31:52.360 --> 1:31:58.720
<v Speaker 2>you were just saying. You think you're better than your partner? Yeah,

1:31:58.720 --> 1:32:02.280
<v Speaker 2>how do people get that mindset? How do how does

1:32:02.360 --> 1:32:07.400
<v Speaker 2>that happen? Because if if if you're better than he,

1:32:07.600 --> 1:32:09.640
<v Speaker 2>let's say, I feel like I'm better than you and

1:32:09.720 --> 1:32:12.920
<v Speaker 2>we're in a relationship, how is that ever going to work?

1:32:13.160 --> 1:32:17.960
<v Speaker 1>It's not. It can't. It can't because there's never a

1:32:18.120 --> 1:32:20.360
<v Speaker 1>because if if one person's better than the other one,

1:32:20.880 --> 1:32:24.840
<v Speaker 1>then their their needs matter more and their feelings matter more.

1:32:25.000 --> 1:32:27.920
<v Speaker 1>They're they should be getting what that there's like a

1:32:28.000 --> 1:32:31.320
<v Speaker 1>hierarchy in the relationship. You know, one's higher than the other.

1:32:31.520 --> 1:32:35.000
<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, And isn't that the eye rolling thing? Contempt

1:32:35.080 --> 1:32:40.280
<v Speaker 2>is like eye rolling? So can't could it possibly be

1:32:40.520 --> 1:32:44.880
<v Speaker 2>that they take turns with inferior and superior in in

1:32:44.880 --> 1:32:50.599
<v Speaker 2>in in in daily life? Could he feel superior at

1:32:50.600 --> 1:32:52.920
<v Speaker 2>some point and she feel inferior?

1:32:53.040 --> 1:32:53.280
<v Speaker 1>Sure?

1:32:53.520 --> 1:32:55.519
<v Speaker 2>Can that that can gr out?

1:32:55.720 --> 1:32:58.320
<v Speaker 1>It can, but it's still contempt on both sides.

1:32:58.439 --> 1:33:02.080
<v Speaker 2>Okay, so so, so contempt could be on both sides

1:33:02.680 --> 1:33:08.920
<v Speaker 2>and the inferior superior show up in both sides. Yes, Okay,

1:33:09.120 --> 1:33:11.679
<v Speaker 2>that is that hard to recover? That's hard to be, that's.

1:33:11.520 --> 1:33:12.320
<v Speaker 1>Hard to recover from?

1:33:12.360 --> 1:33:13.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, yeah, so.

1:33:13.840 --> 1:33:15.920
<v Speaker 1>That would be if a couple's in my office and

1:33:15.920 --> 1:33:18.519
<v Speaker 1>I'm seeing that, that is a very strong predictor that

1:33:18.600 --> 1:33:20.280
<v Speaker 1>it might be time to Is.

1:33:20.240 --> 1:33:23.640
<v Speaker 2>It usually one person though, that has the contempt for

1:33:23.720 --> 1:33:24.320
<v Speaker 2>the other.

1:33:25.680 --> 1:33:27.880
<v Speaker 1>Especially if there's been an affair or there's been some

1:33:28.000 --> 1:33:31.519
<v Speaker 1>type of an attachment injury or attachment wound. Yeah, yes,

1:33:32.680 --> 1:33:36.200
<v Speaker 1>Or one person's been pursuing for so long that they

1:33:36.240 --> 1:33:40.520
<v Speaker 1>have finally just given up. Then then they can Oftentimes

1:33:40.840 --> 1:33:43.960
<v Speaker 1>I see them stone walling and and being in contempt.

1:33:44.080 --> 1:33:47.360
<v Speaker 2>And why would they be in your office in counseling.

1:33:48.080 --> 1:33:50.760
<v Speaker 1>You know, some people do it just to just.

1:33:50.760 --> 1:33:53.120
<v Speaker 2>To say we've tried everything.

1:33:53.200 --> 1:33:57.879
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, I mean there could be some hope. Sometimes

1:33:57.960 --> 1:34:00.880
<v Speaker 1>the other partner begs them to go just please, let's

1:34:00.880 --> 1:34:04.719
<v Speaker 1>go to therapy, and then I have the very difficult

1:34:04.800 --> 1:34:08.320
<v Speaker 1>job of in that case saying to them, this isn't

1:34:08.360 --> 1:34:11.719
<v Speaker 1>going to work and it's current state, the relationship is over.

1:34:12.000 --> 1:34:14.599
<v Speaker 1>We're going to have to recreate a new relationship, and

1:34:14.640 --> 1:34:17.439
<v Speaker 1>do you all want to do that or not? And

1:34:18.240 --> 1:34:21.400
<v Speaker 1>I've had it, even most recently within the past week.

1:34:23.040 --> 1:34:26.280
<v Speaker 1>Both of them couldn't give me an answer right, So.

1:34:26.400 --> 1:34:29.799
<v Speaker 2>So neither one of them could say we want.

1:34:29.680 --> 1:34:32.479
<v Speaker 1>To work on it, right, And they're so they're in

1:34:32.520 --> 1:34:35.760
<v Speaker 1>my office and I think they just need permission to

1:34:35.840 --> 1:34:37.400
<v Speaker 1>say that maybe this is over.

1:34:37.640 --> 1:34:40.439
<v Speaker 2>Well, we talked about how hard it is to let go. Yeah,

1:34:40.520 --> 1:34:43.120
<v Speaker 2>it's hard to let gown when you know that this

1:34:43.240 --> 1:34:46.760
<v Speaker 2>relationship isn't working, and you know that you have put

1:34:46.800 --> 1:34:49.839
<v Speaker 2>a bid in for connection and that that has fallen

1:34:49.920 --> 1:34:53.280
<v Speaker 2>flat and you and you can't connect with someone because

1:34:53.320 --> 1:34:57.479
<v Speaker 2>they're so defensive. They can't listen, or they're criticizing you

1:34:57.720 --> 1:35:01.519
<v Speaker 2>and you can't you can't toller rate that. How can

1:35:01.560 --> 1:35:05.519
<v Speaker 2>you have a connection with someone if you're constantly criticized, right,

1:35:05.680 --> 1:35:10.280
<v Speaker 2>that's right. Or there's stonewalling and they're not listening or

1:35:10.320 --> 1:35:13.679
<v Speaker 2>caring what you say and they're not responding to anything

1:35:13.720 --> 1:35:17.280
<v Speaker 2>that you say, or they have contempt for you, right,

1:35:18.080 --> 1:35:21.080
<v Speaker 2>any one of those would be hard to overcome. It

1:35:21.120 --> 1:35:23.920
<v Speaker 2>would be are you seeing relationships that have all four?

1:35:24.280 --> 1:35:29.280
<v Speaker 1>Yes? Yes, I do see those and and usually those

1:35:29.320 --> 1:35:31.799
<v Speaker 1>relationships have been in that place for years.

1:35:32.840 --> 1:35:36.559
<v Speaker 2>So is it that they're staying for the kids? Is it?

1:35:36.600 --> 1:35:39.280
<v Speaker 2>Is it you know, financial is it.

1:35:39.560 --> 1:35:40.840
<v Speaker 1>Both of those reasons come.

1:35:40.760 --> 1:35:45.439
<v Speaker 2>Up religious because there's there's a religious thing that you know,

1:35:45.479 --> 1:35:48.320
<v Speaker 2>once you marry somebody, you're not supposed to get divorced.

1:35:48.360 --> 1:35:52.439
<v Speaker 2>There's there's still that happening, even though there's a high

1:35:52.520 --> 1:35:56.640
<v Speaker 2>rate of divorce and society. So when you come across

1:35:56.840 --> 1:36:00.240
<v Speaker 2>couples that have these issues and you can see them

1:36:00.280 --> 1:36:03.519
<v Speaker 2>clearly and neither one of them want to really do

1:36:03.600 --> 1:36:06.840
<v Speaker 2>the work to be able to fix it, which would

1:36:06.880 --> 1:36:10.800
<v Speaker 2>take a lot of self reflection and looking in it,

1:36:11.080 --> 1:36:13.240
<v Speaker 2>do you say, you guys need to go your own way.

1:36:13.680 --> 1:36:15.960
<v Speaker 1>I will tell them that I will be there to

1:36:15.960 --> 1:36:19.439
<v Speaker 1>help them whatever way they wanted, whichever way they want

1:36:19.439 --> 1:36:22.400
<v Speaker 1>to go, but that the relationship in its current format,

1:36:22.520 --> 1:36:26.800
<v Speaker 1>its current form with the four Horsemen, yeah, will not

1:36:27.280 --> 1:36:28.519
<v Speaker 1>statistically won't survive.

1:36:28.680 --> 1:36:32.479
<v Speaker 2>Do you ask them, would you like separate counseling? Yeah,

1:36:32.600 --> 1:36:35.600
<v Speaker 2>Because we had a caller here one time on this

1:36:35.760 --> 1:36:39.800
<v Speaker 2>show and he said, when we got into separate count

1:36:39.840 --> 1:36:42.000
<v Speaker 2>because they got into an argument. Do you remember that

1:36:43.000 --> 1:36:45.559
<v Speaker 2>they were they were on their way home and they

1:36:45.840 --> 1:36:50.200
<v Speaker 2>did their first couples therapy together, and he said she

1:36:50.439 --> 1:36:54.400
<v Speaker 2>was upset because she felt like the therapist was siding

1:36:54.479 --> 1:37:00.320
<v Speaker 2>with him, and he was upset because she spilled out

1:37:00.360 --> 1:37:02.720
<v Speaker 2>some of the things that he felt like she was

1:37:02.800 --> 1:37:06.240
<v Speaker 2>tattling on him and he was embarrassed. So they decided

1:37:06.560 --> 1:37:10.040
<v Speaker 2>that they would go to counseling, but separately, and they

1:37:10.040 --> 1:37:14.960
<v Speaker 2>said they both had maybe four counseling sessions and they

1:37:15.000 --> 1:37:18.040
<v Speaker 2>were great. They needed to get it out separately. So

1:37:18.240 --> 1:37:19.880
<v Speaker 2>is that something you suggest as well?

1:37:20.040 --> 1:37:23.120
<v Speaker 1>I will suggest that in collaboration with couples with a

1:37:23.120 --> 1:37:26.120
<v Speaker 1>different therapist, So yes, I will suggest that they each

1:37:26.120 --> 1:37:29.800
<v Speaker 1>go get their own individual therapists. They work on individual issues,

1:37:29.920 --> 1:37:33.040
<v Speaker 1>and then we do couples therapy. As they're learning and

1:37:33.120 --> 1:37:37.040
<v Speaker 1>growing and increasing in self awareness and self reflection, then

1:37:37.080 --> 1:37:38.240
<v Speaker 1>they can come back to couples.

1:37:39.120 --> 1:37:44.440
<v Speaker 2>How important is it? How important is it to maintain

1:37:47.160 --> 1:37:51.759
<v Speaker 2>a level of interest in your partner?

1:37:52.680 --> 1:37:52.880
<v Speaker 7>Right?

1:37:53.000 --> 1:37:57.080
<v Speaker 2>So if you're curious and you're interested and you care,

1:37:58.840 --> 1:38:03.000
<v Speaker 2>why you know, why wouldn't you show it? Because if

1:38:03.000 --> 1:38:07.240
<v Speaker 2>somebody turns their back on me in a relationship, which

1:38:07.280 --> 1:38:09.439
<v Speaker 2>has happened before, and I've had to deal with that,

1:38:09.560 --> 1:38:12.360
<v Speaker 2>I'm like, I've tried to talk to you, I've tried

1:38:12.400 --> 1:38:15.160
<v Speaker 2>to work things out, and it's not getting better. What

1:38:15.200 --> 1:38:17.320
<v Speaker 2>are we doing here? Why are we? Why are we

1:38:17.360 --> 1:38:22.840
<v Speaker 2>in this? And it seems like they could care, They

1:38:22.840 --> 1:38:27.639
<v Speaker 2>could care less, otherwise they would work on it, couldn't

1:38:27.760 --> 1:38:31.320
<v Speaker 2>Isn't it easy to just say, you know, I get it.

1:38:31.560 --> 1:38:37.280
<v Speaker 2>I've been a total you know, mean whatever in the

1:38:37.360 --> 1:38:39.400
<v Speaker 2>last week, and I don't know what's wrong with me.

1:38:39.479 --> 1:38:42.519
<v Speaker 2>It's my fault. Let me let me get a little

1:38:42.520 --> 1:38:45.200
<v Speaker 2>bit of space around what I've done and why I'm

1:38:45.240 --> 1:38:47.200
<v Speaker 2>doing it, and then let's connect.

1:38:48.000 --> 1:38:51.120
<v Speaker 1>That would be wonderful. I couldn't say that, But.

1:38:51.800 --> 1:38:57.280
<v Speaker 2>It's easier said. Then it's easier done than said. It's

1:38:57.320 --> 1:39:00.760
<v Speaker 2>not that hard to take responsibility and understand that, hey,

1:39:01.120 --> 1:39:05.280
<v Speaker 2>it's me, not you. Right, Sometimes it doesn't seem like

1:39:05.360 --> 1:39:08.120
<v Speaker 2>it's easy because you're admitting guilt and you think somebody

1:39:08.200 --> 1:39:12.679
<v Speaker 2>might hold it against you or whatever. But just own

1:39:12.800 --> 1:39:17.000
<v Speaker 2>your bad behavior and say I'm going to work on it. Yeah,

1:39:17.040 --> 1:39:19.960
<v Speaker 2>and what can I do better? I've already seen that

1:39:20.040 --> 1:39:22.760
<v Speaker 2>I can do this, this and this. But what do

1:39:22.800 --> 1:39:25.479
<v Speaker 2>you need from me that we can come back and

1:39:25.479 --> 1:39:26.400
<v Speaker 2>connect a little bit.

1:39:26.560 --> 1:39:28.559
<v Speaker 1>If you were in my office and you said that

1:39:28.600 --> 1:39:32.479
<v Speaker 1>to your partner, we would be onto something big time. Okay,

1:39:32.880 --> 1:39:35.439
<v Speaker 1>we really would be yeah, but the problem is people

1:39:35.479 --> 1:39:35.960
<v Speaker 1>are so.

1:39:36.439 --> 1:39:37.719
<v Speaker 2>Dug into their side.

1:39:37.800 --> 1:39:38.000
<v Speaker 1>Yes.

1:39:39.040 --> 1:39:42.920
<v Speaker 2>See. This goes back to why I used to value

1:39:42.960 --> 1:39:46.879
<v Speaker 2>being right, and I don't value that at all anymore.

1:39:47.000 --> 1:39:51.360
<v Speaker 2>I'd rather work on communication and get and because we

1:39:51.400 --> 1:39:54.640
<v Speaker 2>both know Esther Pirell, the quality of your life is

1:39:54.680 --> 1:39:59.280
<v Speaker 2>determined by the quality or relationships. If you're with somebody

1:39:59.400 --> 1:40:02.920
<v Speaker 2>that you don't, don't love, don't even like sometimes in

1:40:03.000 --> 1:40:06.519
<v Speaker 2>the house, if you're with them, you're doing something wrong.

1:40:07.120 --> 1:40:10.160
<v Speaker 2>If you're just saying, oh, they're this, there's that, there's

1:40:10.439 --> 1:40:12.800
<v Speaker 2>you know, that's my wife. I mean I I went

1:40:12.880 --> 1:40:15.800
<v Speaker 2>to a dinner where all these guys were talking so

1:40:15.920 --> 1:40:18.640
<v Speaker 2>badly about their wives, and I'm like, they have to

1:40:18.680 --> 1:40:20.439
<v Speaker 2>go home and sleep in the same bed with them,

1:40:20.520 --> 1:40:23.559
<v Speaker 2>Like what are they doing right? Why why are they

1:40:23.600 --> 1:40:26.519
<v Speaker 2>talking so badly about their wives? And and and and

1:40:26.560 --> 1:40:29.240
<v Speaker 2>then what are the wives saying about their husbands? How

1:40:29.240 --> 1:40:32.200
<v Speaker 2>do you? How do you? How do you manage that?

1:40:34.000 --> 1:40:36.360
<v Speaker 2>How how do you how do you stay in a lot,

1:40:36.640 --> 1:40:39.479
<v Speaker 2>in a in a long term relationship and not even.

1:40:39.479 --> 1:40:42.560
<v Speaker 1>Like the person not very well? I think that's what

1:40:42.680 --> 1:40:44.519
<v Speaker 1>a lot of people are doing that and it's a

1:40:44.560 --> 1:40:48.760
<v Speaker 1>transactional relationship and I do think it's based upon finances,

1:40:49.000 --> 1:40:52.479
<v Speaker 1>it's based upon child rearing, it's based upon religious reasons.

1:40:53.160 --> 1:40:56.080
<v Speaker 1>It's not based upon authentic true love anymore. And it's

1:40:56.120 --> 1:40:59.160
<v Speaker 1>really sad. That's why we have the level of divorce

1:40:59.640 --> 1:41:00.519
<v Speaker 1>in our country.

1:41:00.960 --> 1:41:06.400
<v Speaker 2>But it can be fixed it well, if you reach

1:41:06.479 --> 1:41:09.360
<v Speaker 2>out and say you mean something to me. Sometimes that's

1:41:09.400 --> 1:41:12.640
<v Speaker 2>all people care about. That's right, is that, yes, you

1:41:12.720 --> 1:41:15.360
<v Speaker 2>mean something to me. We've had a rocky patch. Even Brian,

1:41:15.400 --> 1:41:18.320
<v Speaker 2>who's been married for thirty seven years, will say, we

1:41:18.360 --> 1:41:21.400
<v Speaker 2>went through some hard times. And it's whether you're going

1:41:21.439 --> 1:41:23.439
<v Speaker 2>to dig in and get and stay in that boat

1:41:23.439 --> 1:41:25.759
<v Speaker 2>with that somebody that you love. You've had four kids

1:41:25.760 --> 1:41:29.080
<v Speaker 2>with and they're worth it. If you just said you're

1:41:29.120 --> 1:41:30.400
<v Speaker 2>worth it to me, yeah.

1:41:30.240 --> 1:41:33.360
<v Speaker 1>And that's a bid for connection. I think Brian and

1:41:33.400 --> 1:41:37.439
<v Speaker 1>his wife developed bids for connection, yeah, and consistently reached

1:41:37.479 --> 1:41:40.920
<v Speaker 1>out yes, and that is what That's what made the

1:41:40.920 --> 1:41:42.080
<v Speaker 1>difference in that relationship.

1:41:42.120 --> 1:41:44.280
<v Speaker 2>I can't agree more. While we are at a time

1:41:44.320 --> 1:41:48.320
<v Speaker 2>another Saturday night, Wow, it's gone by so fast, doctor Wes,

1:41:48.439 --> 1:41:51.519
<v Speaker 2>thank you for being in you. You know, we have

1:41:51.680 --> 1:41:55.000
<v Speaker 2>had a very surprise guest here and she has been

1:41:55.120 --> 1:41:58.439
<v Speaker 2>absolutely amazing. I didn't understand how great this little girl

1:41:58.560 --> 1:42:01.840
<v Speaker 2>is and how how what a deep soul she is

1:42:02.240 --> 1:42:04.720
<v Speaker 2>at the age of fourteen. But you know, you have

1:42:04.800 --> 1:42:07.320
<v Speaker 2>been so amazing and you should be very proud of

1:42:07.320 --> 1:42:07.840
<v Speaker 2>your daughter.

1:42:08.080 --> 1:42:10.920
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much for having me. I have so

1:42:11.040 --> 1:42:11.719
<v Speaker 3>much fun.

1:42:12.000 --> 1:42:15.680
<v Speaker 2>Well, we'll have you back again. We're back next Saturday.

1:42:15.840 --> 1:42:19.560
<v Speaker 2>So we're going to you know, kick off December and

1:42:19.560 --> 1:42:22.720
<v Speaker 2>and go through some more of this relationship stuff. We're

1:42:22.920 --> 1:42:25.320
<v Speaker 2>deep diving in to figure out how we can make

1:42:25.360 --> 1:42:28.320
<v Speaker 2>our own lives better through the quality of our relationships.

1:42:28.360 --> 1:42:31.599
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much. Thank you Sean McMahon for producing

1:42:31.640 --> 1:42:34.439
<v Speaker 2>the show tonight. We'll be back next Saturday and have

1:42:34.560 --> 1:42:37.479
<v Speaker 2>a wonderful, wonderful Sunday, everybody. Thanks again.