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Speaker 1: This moment.

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Speaker 2: I love it. Sean McMahon in the producer spot, Doctor

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Speaker 2: west crafton with me again. You are back from Nashville.

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Speaker 2: You've got a special guest who I've been dying to meet,

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Speaker 2: and she's with us too. Channing is your daughter, and

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Speaker 2: you're in the studio a nice family Thanksgiving thing that

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Speaker 2: we have going on. I say, Hi, Channing. Oh I

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Speaker 2: don't hear her, Mike, do you hear it? Yeah? There

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Speaker 2: you go, there you go. Hi. Hello. So she looks

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Speaker 2: like you, first of all, And we're going to talk

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Speaker 2: to her in a minute because we have a lot

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Speaker 2: of stuff to go over about family and the main

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Speaker 2: thing I want to talk about because you know, this

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Speaker 2: is a happy time for a lot of families, right

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Speaker 2: There's as it's the Thanksgiving and we're going into Christmas,

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Speaker 2: and for some families it's the best time of year.

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Speaker 2: I mean, you know, I've always enjoyed this. I'm close

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Speaker 2: with my family most of them, but a lot of

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Speaker 2: times not so great for some families. And we're going

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Speaker 2: to talk about families that are estranged. Oprah Winfrey just

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Speaker 2: did a huge podcast on this called No Contact Families,

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Speaker 2: and what that means basically is that they cut off

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Speaker 2: all ties with either your parents' siblings, you know, grandparents too,

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Speaker 2: that would be included. And there's it was overall it

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Speaker 2: was a set because I knew you watched it too, right,

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Speaker 2: doctor Uss. So it was a sad podcast, but there

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Speaker 2: was something empowering about it too, And the premise of

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Speaker 2: it is that basically roles of parents that you know,

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Speaker 2: when we grew up on, you know, respect your mother

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Speaker 2: and father. You know, you only have one mom that

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Speaker 2: kind of things. Roles of parenting and just having that,

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Speaker 2: you know, kind of authority because I'm your parents and

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Speaker 2: I tell you what to do, is changed a little

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Speaker 2: bit into more of a relationship. Can you speak a

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Speaker 2: little bit about that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's more of a consultant. It's more of a

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Speaker 1: consultant type role. So when when parents become when children

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Speaker 1: become the same age as their parents, parents are supposed

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Speaker 1: to transition from a parental role to a role of

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Speaker 1: a consultant where they're there just as a way to

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Speaker 1: offer advice, offer feedback, but ultimately the autonomies with the kids,

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Speaker 1: the adult children. But some parents can't do that.

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Speaker 2: Why because they get into the role of controlling yes

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Speaker 2: and helicoptering like a helicopter parent. You should do this,

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Speaker 2: You've always been good at that. I think you should

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Speaker 2: go to this college, or I think you should marry

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Speaker 2: this person, right right. And then it becomes the kid.

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Speaker 2: It gets stifled and suffocated and they don't really communicate,

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Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, your son or daughter

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Speaker 2: don't want to talk to you because there's this to presentment.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's an emotional issue for the parents most often,

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Speaker 1: And what I mean by that is that they can't

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Speaker 1: let go. Their identity is so wrapped up in being

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Speaker 1: a mom or being a dad that they literally don't

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Speaker 1: have an identity apart from that, and so they need

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Speaker 1: to be the one to say do this, don't do that.

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Speaker 1: And I see it a lot, and I have to

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Speaker 1: break that down with my clients, like what is this behavior,

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Speaker 1: what's the function of his behavior for you? Well, I

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Speaker 1: don't know who I am unless i'm a mom.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, they get wrapped up in those roles, and

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Speaker 2: then oftentimes the kids they don't even know how to

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Speaker 2: communicate because it's I'm your mother, You do what? Just

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Speaker 2: do what I say.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I have some clients to come in and they're

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Speaker 1: looking for me to tell them what to do. And

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Speaker 1: I say, why are you wanting me, as the therapist

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Speaker 1: to tell you what to do? And they'll say, because

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Speaker 1: it's always been that way. An authority figure has always

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Speaker 1: told me what to do. My mom and dad have

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Speaker 1: always told me what to do, So I'm looking for

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Speaker 1: you to do the same thing in therapy.

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Speaker 2: You know. Oh my gosh, I don't know how much

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Speaker 2: I'm going to divulge because literally, literally it just reminded

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Speaker 2: me of my ex husband, uh huh, because his parents

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Speaker 2: were very involved in his life. They had two kids.

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Speaker 2: One went to San Francisco and like did his own thing,

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Speaker 2: and they're like, oh, this one's younger. I'm never letting

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Speaker 2: this one out of my sight. And that's kind of

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Speaker 2: how they They did it, and they were lovely parents.

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Speaker 2: They were wonderful parents and they still are. But they

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Speaker 2: made the mistake. And even his mother said to me

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Speaker 2: one time, I think I overmothered. Yeah, my son. And

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Speaker 2: then we went to California and he went through this

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Speaker 2: I can't talk to him stage for a little bit,

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Speaker 2: and it was hard. It was very, very hard, and

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Speaker 2: parents are blown away by that. This was the whole

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Speaker 2: thing about the podcast of like you know, this mother

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Speaker 2: talked about how they went to ty food and a

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Speaker 2: movie and then the next day they she her daughter

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Speaker 2: said she didn't want to talk to her anymore. And

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Speaker 2: two years go by. How does that happen?

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Speaker 1: It's a people finally wake up and realize they're tired

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Speaker 1: of not being their own person. They're just tired of it.

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Speaker 1: They they their identity has been so enmeshed. And that's

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Speaker 1: the that's the key word there, or the term that

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Speaker 1: we use, enmeshment. There is no healthy boundary between the two,

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Speaker 1: so there's just it. It's like a uh, we call

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Speaker 1: it an undifferentiated family ego mass. That's the clinical term,

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Speaker 1: which is just like imagine like this big mass of

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Speaker 1: just one big ego and it's just a family ego

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Speaker 1: and there's no.

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Speaker 2: There's roles to play, right, and so if anyone steps

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Speaker 2: out of the role, then ruckus happens to the family.

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Speaker 2: That's there's there's like somebody steps out of line and

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Speaker 2: now we're all suffering.

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Speaker 1: That's exactly right, Yeah, okay, yeah, And usually whoever steps

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Speaker 1: out along becomes a scapegoat. Yeah, in the family, they're

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Speaker 1: the problem child, they're the black sheep. That's right, right,

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Speaker 1: But they are the strongest. But I tell my clients,

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Speaker 1: but you are actually the strongest one because you've been

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Speaker 1: able to stand up against that dysfunctional pattern. It is

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Speaker 1: a dysfunctional pattern. Yeah, it really is. Five three seven,

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Speaker 1: four hundred, the big run, the big one.

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Speaker 2: Have you had to cut ties with family members in

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Speaker 2: order to have a more peaceful life or more control

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Speaker 2: over your life. There are things that we are all

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Speaker 2: destined to do here in this life. And when you

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Speaker 2: have somebody that means well, as parents means well, does

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Speaker 2: everything for their kid, has good intentions, wants to like

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Speaker 2: save them from being hurt or you know, but they

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Speaker 2: don't understand that you're stifling this kid. They don't understand

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Speaker 2: what they want to do with their lives because they've

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Speaker 2: been told by their parents, you should do this, you

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Speaker 2: should do that. And that is a very uncomfortable place

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Speaker 2: to be. And I think now that you have so

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Speaker 2: much therapy online in your therapist and you people go

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Speaker 2: to counseling now and understand that hey, there's a little

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Speaker 2: manipulation there, or there's a little bit of you know,

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Speaker 2: judgment on you, or there's a big control issue with

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Speaker 2: somebody in your close proximity. Then they start to see

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Speaker 2: it and realize, hey, this hasn't been a relationship, it's

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Speaker 2: been a dictatorship kind of a thing. And so is

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Speaker 2: there ever a time doctor wes that that these people

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Speaker 2: that don't want to connect with their family members other

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Speaker 2: than abuse, because I think physical and mental abuse, you

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Speaker 2: should get some space and get away from that person

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Speaker 2: who's doing that to you. But like, is there a

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Speaker 2: way that they can communicate before you cut ties? Because

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Speaker 2: when you stop connecting, it's hard to reconnect after that.

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Speaker 2: You go two years without texting your mom and dad

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Speaker 2: or calling them or anything like that, that's hard to

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Speaker 2: come back from. So is there a way to kind

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Speaker 2: of stop that from happening before it gets to the sure?

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Speaker 1: Well, it can people. The way I assess it, when

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Speaker 1: a family comes in my office, I'm noticing who's speaking

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Speaker 1: and who's not speaking, And then I'm noticing are they

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Speaker 1: using I language I think, I feel I'm going to

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Speaker 1: do this? Or is one person looking at the other

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Speaker 1: person and saying, I don't know, what do you think?

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Speaker 1: Or is someone talking over the other person. You can

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Speaker 1: start to see the patterns of the family. So the

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Speaker 1: way that yes, we can stop this if a therapist

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Speaker 1: or somebody helps the family members start to feel strong

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Speaker 1: enough to say this is what I think and I feel,

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to do this. We can still be

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Speaker 1: in relationship with each other, right, And we can disagree.

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Speaker 2: Right, and you can step out of the roles for

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Speaker 2: a minute and just see this individual person for who

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Speaker 2: they are. That's right, right, five three seven four ninety

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Speaker 2: seven thousand. We do want this show to be interactive.

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Speaker 2: This is something that I want to hear from the listeners.

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Speaker 2: I want to hear from you. I want you to

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Speaker 2: add either your story or your point of view. Is

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Speaker 2: it is it? Are the roles really changing? Is it

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Speaker 2: the mom should be respected no matter what? Or is

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Speaker 2: it moved more towards a relationship where you have this

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Speaker 2: open dialogue and both people understand that it takes two

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Speaker 2: people to have a relationship, not one. Right. It's it's

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Speaker 2: no matter how well intended you are, if you're not

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Speaker 2: letting somebody be who they are, then that's a problem.

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Speaker 2: Let's hear from you Channing for a second. Because I

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Speaker 2: was talking to doctor Wesh your dad, and I was

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Speaker 2: saying how affable and easy it is to talk to

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Speaker 2: You're fourteen years old, How did you? How did you

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Speaker 2: get to be so open and friendly and and talkative

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Speaker 2: and that type of person at fourteen.

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Speaker 3: I think I've always been like that from like a

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Speaker 3: very young age. I've just always been a very like

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Speaker 3: talkative person. I would always just like make small talk

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Speaker 3: with like people who I like, didn't know. But I

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Speaker 3: also think I've been through so much therapy that I

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Speaker 3: think it's helped me. Like it's helped me know myself

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Speaker 3: better than like anybody else, Like it's helped me understand

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Speaker 3: my feelings more. And because I think as we grow up,

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Speaker 3: as like we all mature and grow up, we have

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Speaker 3: like big, bigger feelings. Like whenever you were like younger,

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Speaker 3: like if you were sad, it would just be sadness.

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Speaker 3: But like now it's like if you're sad, it's like, oh,

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Speaker 3: it's like staying so then it's like turns into like

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Speaker 3: a deeper feeling.

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Speaker 2: So I think, interesting, Yeah, I think that's how Wait

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Speaker 2: until you start paying bills and going out with Yeah,

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Speaker 2: that's that's when the story gets a little bit crazier too.

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Speaker 2: By definitely, once you start paying bills and once you

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Speaker 2: start your first heartbreak from your boyfriend right or or

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Speaker 2: you know those types of things or friends too. Channing

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Speaker 2: like you have friend breakups too, and you're kind of

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Speaker 2: going through that right now. I am, Okay, So how

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Speaker 2: are you handling that at fourteen years old?

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Speaker 3: I'm just I'm It's definitely hard, Don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 3: especially when I've been friends with this girl since I

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Speaker 3: was so young. I mean, me and her have made

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Speaker 3: so many good and countless memories. But I think looking

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Speaker 3: at it from the bigger picture and like asking myself, like,

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Speaker 3: is this friendship doing me any good? And you know,

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Speaker 3: I'm trying. I'm just kind of taking it one day

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Speaker 3: at a time. I'm like, I'm not being mean to her,

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Speaker 3: I'm not holding a grudge. I'm just kind of like

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Speaker 3: being there and just kind of letting everything be because

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Speaker 3: I think I've, like with friendship breaks up breakups, I

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Speaker 3: have like the tendency to like want to solve it

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Speaker 3: like right then and there. Yeah, So I think I'm

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Speaker 3: just trying my best to just let things be.

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Speaker 2: I think that's a really really good approach to that.

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Speaker 2: Let people be who they are, let them do what

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Speaker 2: they need to do, and if you're meant to be friends.

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Speaker 2: Just like any relationship, you'll come back together. Now, I

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Speaker 2: notice that you and your dad have a pretty good

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Speaker 2: relationship right off the bat. I can tell that you

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Speaker 2: guys communicate with each other. What is it that he

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Speaker 2: does right as a parent.

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Speaker 3: He's just my dad and my mom included. They're just

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Speaker 3: both there for me, Like they're there, like they're they're

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Speaker 3: not like trying to like control me, because I know

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Speaker 3: y'all talked a lot about like parents like controlling and

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Speaker 3: stuff like that.

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Speaker 2: They don't do that.

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Speaker 3: They very much just like are there for me, and

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Speaker 3: they're just they just want me to be happy. So

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Speaker 3: it's like whatever that is, they're gonna support me the

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Speaker 3: best of their ability and just I think that really

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Speaker 3: helps because it leaves a lottery room for just me.

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Speaker 2: To for just me to be myself. Is it nice

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Speaker 2: to hear your daughter say that is?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely yeah. I think that my strategy all along with

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Speaker 1: her has not to be an authoritarian parent where I'm

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Speaker 1: like laying down the law. It's more of giving her

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Speaker 1: boundaries and saying you can choose within these boundaries what's

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Speaker 1: best what you feel like is best for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. For instance, we were we went and got a

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Speaker 2: smoothie before on air, and we were talking about her

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Speaker 2: cheerleading and she doesn't know whether she wants to continue, right,

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Speaker 2: And you said, well, I think it's very stressful and

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Speaker 2: I don't think you should do it, but it's your decision, correct,

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Speaker 2: So you give your advice and she knows that it's

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Speaker 2: up to her and you're going to support her either way. Sure,

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Speaker 2: I mean really, that's what else? What else do you

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Speaker 2: want from a parent in terms of like guidance, right,

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Speaker 2: You want them to be honest with you and tell

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Speaker 2: you your you know how how they feel. Sometimes people

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Speaker 2: will say, you know you're doing cheerleading because you've already

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Speaker 2: done it four years and if you have one more year,

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Speaker 2: then you're going to have this amount of you know

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Speaker 2: this and this and this, or you've got you know

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Speaker 2: and and it's and it's pressure. Like I bought you

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Speaker 2: this trumpet you said you wanted to play, you don't

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Speaker 2: like it, you're not turning back now, you're doing it, right,

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Speaker 2: So that's also like, you know, that's.

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Speaker 1: An authoritarian parents, and we don't want and the lase

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Speaker 1: fair would be the opposite extreme, where you just don't

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Speaker 1: have any boundaries for your kids, right, yeah, whatever, they

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Speaker 1: whereas I'm trying to be right in the middle. I'm

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Speaker 1: trying to get a you know, it's in between lase

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Speaker 1: fear parenting and authoritarian parenting.

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Speaker 2: So well, and it's a fine, it's fine. I am

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Speaker 2: not a parent. I don't have any kids, and it's

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Speaker 2: it's it's an interesting thing because all my sisters have

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Speaker 2: kids and we have a really big family. In fact,

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Speaker 2: brother and a sister of mine I don't contact. I

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Speaker 2: have no contact with them. And it happened over my

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Speaker 2: mother's estate when she died. So it was a money issue,

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Speaker 2: which is absolutely dreadful to ruin a relationship over. But

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Speaker 2: I have you know, there's four of us, the sisters

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Speaker 2: that we're all very close and go on sister's trip with.

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Speaker 2: So I understand that there are needs to not have

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Speaker 2: any contact with people that are no longer interested in

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Speaker 2: your in my well being, and it's just you know,

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Speaker 2: there's no good positive communication. So yeah, there's a time

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Speaker 2: to let go of those relationships. Is there is that

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Speaker 2: a healthy boundary to say, up, I just can't speak

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Speaker 2: to this person, whether they're family or not. You hear

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Speaker 2: me talk about the four horsemen all the time.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: That can apply for not just romantic relationships, that's for

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Speaker 1: family really, that's just for any relationship. So when you're

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Speaker 1: getting into an element of contempt and that you're better

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Speaker 1: than some yes, that is appropriate time to cut off

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Speaker 1: because you're going to do more damage to the relationship

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Speaker 1: if you're just critical and defensive and you're stone walling

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Speaker 1: each other and you're holding each other in contempt, you

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Speaker 1: think you're looking down upon each other. Yeah, it's just

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Speaker 1: not healthy. It's not healthy at all. There's a lot

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Speaker 1: of and that can lead to a lot of your

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Speaker 1: own anxiety and stress and mental disorders, and.

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Speaker 2: So it's almost for the health of yourself and for

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Speaker 2: both people. Yeah, for both people, it's time to take

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Speaker 2: some space. We're going to talk about how to reconcile

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Speaker 2: some of these things and some of the problems that

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Speaker 2: you know, we face as a society in especially during

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Speaker 2: the holidays, where it's supposed to be all family and

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Speaker 2: all friends and everybody's going to be cheery, and sometimes

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Speaker 2: it's not like that for some people. We'll be back

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Speaker 2: in just a few minutes. Donna d with Doctor West

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Speaker 2: Saturday Night. It's seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

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Speaker 1: I love it.

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Speaker 2: It's a snowy you guys came in from Nashville, so snow.

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Speaker 2: You got a nice little Thanksgiving present. There you go.

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Speaker 2: We should get some snow all day tomorrow. I think,

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Speaker 2: oh my goodness, I had to check my weather. I

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Speaker 2: did just listen to it though. By the way, Donna

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Speaker 2: d with doctor Wes licensed marriage family Therapist, Thanks for

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Speaker 2: coming in. I love doing the show with you. And

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Speaker 2: we're been talking about you know, it's a beauty full

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Speaker 2: time Thanksgiving, we're coming into Christmas, we're at the end

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Speaker 2: of the year, New Year's and things like that, and

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of people that are estranged in their families.

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Speaker 2: Right now. We're talking about how the roles have changed

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Speaker 2: from respecting your parents and having them. You know, you're

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Speaker 2: the mom, you're the dad. You do what I say

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Speaker 2: to the kids.

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Speaker 4: I'm the mom.

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Speaker 2: I'm the dad. You do what I say too. Let's

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Speaker 2: have a relationship because that's we're the roles are shifting.

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Speaker 2: It's not just mom and dad. You tell me what

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Speaker 2: to do and I'll do it. It's I have a

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Speaker 2: life and I want to have control of it. I

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Speaker 2: respect you, I'm always gonna respect you, but have a

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Speaker 2: little bit of a distance. Don't control everything. Now, you

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Speaker 2: counsel a lot of couples, but you also do families

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Speaker 2: as well.

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Speaker 1: That's right.

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Speaker 2: And we were talking about earlier how you can notice

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Speaker 2: the roles within the family while you're counseling them and

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Speaker 2: those that interrupt, those that don't speak very much and

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Speaker 2: at the floor, so you can tell what types of

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Speaker 2: family dynamics they are just by coming in the room. Now,

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Speaker 2: how do you handle some of these things that you

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Speaker 2: find within communication flaws maybe would say, or different types

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Speaker 2: of patterns you see within the family.

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Speaker 1: Well, first thing I do is I call it out.

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Speaker 1: I just name.

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Speaker 2: It, like what, so somebody is interrupting I keep interrupting you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'll just say, hey, I'm noticing let me

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Speaker 1: interject for a minute. I'm going to interrupt you for

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Speaker 1: a minute, right, And I say, I'm noticing that that's

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Speaker 1: a pattern for you that you tend to interrupt or

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Speaker 1: you speak for someone else. And I'm wondering what's happening

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Speaker 1: for you, what's going on in your body, what's happening

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Speaker 1: in your feelings in your are you are you feeling anxious?

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Speaker 1: Are you feeling that your heart rate is increasing, is

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Speaker 1: your body temperature, are you feeling like flushed in your face?

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Speaker 1: What's happening for you that causes you to feel the

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Speaker 1: need to interject? And then what's your goal in doing that?

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Speaker 2: What do you think interrupting means? Because I know a

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Speaker 2: lot myself included my interrupt go fake here. But I

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Speaker 2: I'm also a good listener too, so I don't have

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Speaker 2: an agenda to interrupt. Sometimes I just have something that

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Speaker 2: I think is absolutely amazing. I want to say and

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Speaker 2: say it. What is? What is it though that some

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Speaker 2: somebody constantly interrupts.

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Speaker 1: There's a couple of different I do think that there's

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Speaker 1: there's different types of interruptions. There is the one that's

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Speaker 1: just the person has is excited to get it, get

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Speaker 1: in their message. They're they're so excited and passionate about

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Speaker 1: the dialogue that they just they don't have the ability

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Speaker 1: to in that moment, their brain just kind of just

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Speaker 1: takes over.

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Speaker 2: And that's not that's not the person you were talking about.

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Speaker 2: That's what is the person that you're talking about in

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Speaker 2: your office that keeps.

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Speaker 1: Saying that person, that person feels the need to control

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Speaker 1: uh huh, and that come from fear. Yeah, in my

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Speaker 1: opinion it comes from and in my clinical assessment of

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Speaker 1: the family, it's whenever someone starts, whenever the family starts

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Speaker 1: to get a little bit too autonomous. People are starting

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Speaker 1: to speak their mind a little bit more. The person

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Speaker 1: who's in charge of the family starts to get a

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Speaker 1: little afraid.

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Speaker 2: Okay, right, they're not listening to me anymore. I have

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Speaker 2: no more authority. They're going to go do what they

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Speaker 2: want and nobody's going to care what I think anymore.

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Speaker 2: That's right, right, So what happens to the to the

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Speaker 2: mom or the dad that doesn't say anything or much,

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Speaker 2: the one that keeps quiet, what is that they about?

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Speaker 1: They end up developing bitterness and resentment. They end up well,

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Speaker 1: they also have fear. They're afraid of the repercussions, usually

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Speaker 1: of the criticism, the contemptuous. Usually the person who's in

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Speaker 1: charge has there are family rules. There are definitely family rules,

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Speaker 1: and they learned that if I, if I challenge, then

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Speaker 1: I'm going to have this repercussion coming back on me,

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Speaker 1: and I don't want that repercussion, whatever that might be.

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Speaker 1: So it is power and control and the family rules

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Speaker 1: are here ad here too until a therapist comes like

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Speaker 1: me comes up, and my job is to start to

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Speaker 1: learn the family rules. It's like a family game that

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Speaker 1: these families play, and I'll start learning charge schoos in charge.

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Speaker 1: And then how do you send messages back to each other?

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Speaker 1: And what are the even the messages of silence? Silence

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Speaker 1: is a messenger too. When people are silent, they're speaking,

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Speaker 1: they're sending a message.

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Speaker 2: You know that means because I to be honest, the

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Speaker 2: silent treatment is the worst kind of pain.

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Speaker 1: Oh it is.

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Speaker 2: I absolutely hate this. You can yell at me. I

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Speaker 2: would prefer you yell at me, then give me the

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Speaker 2: silent treatment. It's like you're turning your back on me.

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Speaker 2: There's nothing I can do if my partner does not engage.

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Speaker 2: And so what is the silent treatment about. That's power,

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Speaker 2: that's control. It is of course it's stone walling, exactly, stonewalling.

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Speaker 2: Just ignore the other person. And and what a what

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Speaker 2: a horrible thing to do to somebody?

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Speaker 1: Is it?

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Speaker 2: Because somebody is always interrupting? Is that why?

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Speaker 1: I mean?

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Speaker 2: Is that why people say forget it? You don't care

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Speaker 2: what I have to say anyway? So I'm not going to.

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Speaker 1: Say, well, that's actually called fawning. So there's fight, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's flight, Yeah, there's freeze, and there's fawning. Those are

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Speaker 1: the responses that typically people take, and falling.

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Speaker 2: Fawning kind of sounds like a nice thing.

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Speaker 1: It's all it's like, okay, fine, you know whatever it's

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Speaker 1: I'm going to give up. I'm going to stop arguing.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to stop you. You have it your way, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: you have it your way.

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Speaker 2: Well I don't. I think that's apathy and I don't

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Speaker 2: think that's good for any real No, of course not no,

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Speaker 2: but no, that's that's a that's a terrible thing. Five

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Speaker 2: one three for a hundred, the big one. How have

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Speaker 2: the holidays been for you so far? Has it been

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Speaker 2: a fun festive thing? Have you have you never had

432
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,480
Speaker 2: an issue with your family? Or is it hard for

433
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 2: you right now? We want to hear from you. Five

434
00:23:13,240 --> 00:23:16,439
Speaker 2: one three sevenber nine, seven thousand. So there are some

435
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:21,440
Speaker 2: ways to reconcile with family members that you've not had

436
00:23:21,480 --> 00:23:24,679
Speaker 2: contact with for a few a few years or a

437
00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:28,280
Speaker 2: few months, or even a few days. Sometimes people really

438
00:23:28,320 --> 00:23:30,760
Speaker 2: need space, and when they do, you should give it

439
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:34,399
Speaker 2: to them. But doctor West, when a does it become

440
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:39,479
Speaker 2: a problem, like when when? When is the space that

441
00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:44,120
Speaker 2: they need getting too long, right, Like all right, clearly

442
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,479
Speaker 2: they just want to be away from me, right, they

443
00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,080
Speaker 2: don't want to speak to me at all, or you know,

444
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 2: three days is three Three days is a long time too.

445
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 1: Yeah, three days is a long time. Typically, Like I

446
00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:01,879
Speaker 1: tell couples to take breaks from each other, but I

447
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 1: try and have them do a repair attempt within the

448
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 1: same day. Yeah, right, I don't want them to go

449
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: into the next day, right, So I would encourage families

450
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,159
Speaker 1: to do the same thing that take take that break.

451
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:16,760
Speaker 1: If you know, at their dinner table, if all hades

452
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 1: is breaking loose, then just everybody go and chill out

453
00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 1: for a little bit. Thirty minutes is what you really

454
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 1: need to help your brain to kind of calm down

455
00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: and then come back together and say, okay, let's talk

456
00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 1: about let's go around the room, and and everybody you're listening,

457
00:24:32,880 --> 00:24:36,479
Speaker 1: not to agree to or to disagree, you're listening, just

458
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,359
Speaker 1: to listen. And everyone says, this is what I feel

459
00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 1: in this moment. It's not about I think, it's what

460
00:24:43,440 --> 00:24:47,520
Speaker 1: I feel, right, focus on feelings and then everything.

461
00:24:47,119 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 2: About acknowledging that somebody has these feelings.

462
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,359
Speaker 1: That's what Yeah, exactly right, That's the next step is

463
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 1: that the people will then acknowledge that what I hear

464
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,760
Speaker 1: you saying is that you are feeling hurt in this,

465
00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:00,800
Speaker 1: in this dialogue that we just had.

466
00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:05,040
Speaker 2: Okay, so acknowledging listen, you need space. So there's clearly

467
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 2: some kind of break in our communication. So I get that,

468
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,560
Speaker 2: but I want us to come together. So I'm gonna

469
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 2: I just want you to say whatever it is you

470
00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:16,480
Speaker 2: want to say, and I'm going to listen. I'm gonna listen,

471
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,320
Speaker 2: and then I'm going to echo back what I heard

472
00:25:18,359 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 2: you say. And then I'm going to say what I

473
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:26,680
Speaker 2: know about you meant that makes sense to me. That's validation, right.

474
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 2: That doesn't mean I agree with you. It just means

475
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,520
Speaker 2: what I know about you and our relationship, I can

476
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 2: see how you would feel that way. Okay, So how important?

477
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:42,880
Speaker 2: And I think it's pretty important, Which is the question.

478
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:48,560
Speaker 2: I want you to validate me on this west self reflection, right,

479
00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 2: And and I want to talk to Channing in a

480
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,240
Speaker 2: moment about this, because she and I talked about this

481
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 2: early on. And Dick, I'll get to you in a minute.

482
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 2: Self reflection is important whether you're in or not in

483
00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:07,920
Speaker 2: a conflict. Right, always observing what how you are with

484
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,879
Speaker 2: yourself and other people? Yes, would you call that a

485
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:12,680
Speaker 2: top three thing?

486
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:13,120
Speaker 4: Oh?

487
00:26:13,160 --> 00:26:16,199
Speaker 1: Absolutely, a top three Yeah. I'm teaching all of my

488
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,080
Speaker 1: clients to be really self aware of what they're thinking,

489
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:23,840
Speaker 1: what they're feeling at all times. That's really a daily occurrence.

490
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 1: Like in the morning, what am I feeling?

491
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,159
Speaker 2: I'm frustrated? I woke up on the wrong side of

492
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,280
Speaker 2: the bed, so like, I really need to pay attention

493
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,119
Speaker 2: to how I'm treating people today because I can already

494
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:38,720
Speaker 2: feel a little frustration. Let's go to Dick and Dayton. Dick,

495
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,000
Speaker 2: how you doing? Nice to speak to you?

496
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,960
Speaker 5: Happy holidays? Yeah, I would just tell it you're good.

497
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:48,320
Speaker 5: To talk to you, I would just telling you're on

498
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 5: my dad's side. That live order Ohio and uh, I

499
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,040
Speaker 5: look forward to every year. When I was young, the

500
00:26:56,119 --> 00:27:00,679
Speaker 5: family and the cousins developed a relationship and music like

501
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 5: the uh ah it with Italian music, and I learned

502
00:27:04,280 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 5: river Boat and uh all of us. I think you know,

503
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 5: I played in two or three group, but I find

504
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:15,159
Speaker 5: relationships like at your church or like you go to

505
00:27:15,240 --> 00:27:19,560
Speaker 5: social groups like music and uh just things like that,

506
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 5: you know, like singles clubs and stuff, and uh I

507
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,879
Speaker 5: always was. Uh I still play my music and you know,

508
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,600
Speaker 5: I get around and stuff. But I think that's something

509
00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 5: that you get from your family, know what I'm saying.

510
00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:35,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, so my my family was musical as well, and

511
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:38,640
Speaker 2: my mom used to play world music and she's from Canada,

512
00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:42,360
Speaker 2: so she would play all kinds of fun and you know, yeah,

513
00:27:42,880 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 2: people I've never heard. I've always, you know, for the

514
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:49,040
Speaker 2: last probably thirty years, played guitar and there's all my

515
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:50,160
Speaker 2: exsh time.

516
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:54,639
Speaker 5: Actually I started a mandolin, but I can play you now.

517
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:00,879
Speaker 2: Too, uh huh. But it is its too, you know,

518
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 2: it's a different dick. Thank you so much for Colin.

519
00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 2: I appreciate it. Happy holidays. Nice to hear from you too,

520
00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:10,959
Speaker 2: Thank you here, welcome by bye. So it is a

521
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:17,160
Speaker 2: different dynamic to when you connect with another like some

522
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 2: sort of a side project or some sort of you know,

523
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 2: like music brings the family together. That's that's also you know,

524
00:28:24,640 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 2: everyone lay the Partridgs family who didn't want to be

525
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:29,919
Speaker 2: the Partridge family growing up? Do you even know who

526
00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 2: the Partridge family is? Channing? No, Well, let's get to

527
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 2: Channing here real quick, because we talked about this in

528
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:41,160
Speaker 2: self reflection you're fourteen years old. Your doctor, I understand

529
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 2: your doctor Wes's daughter, and you have had a therapy

530
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 2: in your whole life, and he's a counselor and things

531
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 2: like that. What do you do to to look at

532
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 2: yourself and reflect on how you're feeling, how you're doing.

533
00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 3: I'm trying to think. I always like to ground myself.

534
00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 3: I feel like grounding myself, like I would like That's

535
00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:06,000
Speaker 3: one like the coping strategies that I've learned is like

536
00:29:06,040 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 3: placing my feet on the ground, or sometimes if like

537
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 3: I'm having really big feelings, then I'll just like I'll

538
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:13,480
Speaker 3: lay on the ground, like I'll literally lay flat on

539
00:29:13,520 --> 00:29:17,000
Speaker 3: my back and I will like do like five things

540
00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:18,680
Speaker 3: I can see, like stuff like that, And it kind

541
00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:22,520
Speaker 3: of helps ground myself with my emotions because like I

542
00:29:22,560 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 3: oftentimes have big emotions, like if I'm feeling mad, I

543
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,560
Speaker 3: just need to ground myself and breathe.

544
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 2: So I often do that a lot. Do you feel like,

545
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 2: because you're in such a different generation, do you feel

546
00:29:35,320 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 2: like the cell phone and social media and your computers

547
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:44,560
Speaker 2: are they a burden or a blessing?

548
00:29:45,080 --> 00:29:47,479
Speaker 3: They're honestly, I feel like they're both. Yeah, but I

549
00:29:47,520 --> 00:29:51,480
Speaker 3: feel like they can also be a burden because I

550
00:29:51,600 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 3: tell my parents all the time, I'm like, guys, I

551
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 3: think I was supposed to be born in the two thousands,

552
00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:00,400
Speaker 3: because like, I like my cell phone. I love my

553
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,320
Speaker 3: cell phone. I spend way too much time on it. Yeah,

554
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,360
Speaker 3: but I feel like it takes me away from like

555
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:07,800
Speaker 3: the world. Like I feel like once I get on

556
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 3: my phone and I just start doom scrolling, I just

557
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 3: feel like it just takes me.

558
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 2: And it can be an hour or longer before you

559
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:16,400
Speaker 2: even feel like, oh my gosh, i'ven't taken a deep breath.

560
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:18,480
Speaker 2: I don't know what time it is, I haven't talked

561
00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,880
Speaker 2: to any friends or family, or you know, I haven't

562
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,320
Speaker 2: been outside right back in the day. And even doctor

563
00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:29,400
Speaker 2: West is younger than me. We we never I didn't

564
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,080
Speaker 2: even have a cell phone until I was twenty two,

565
00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 2: twenty four, and certainly there was no social media, thank heavens.

566
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,440
Speaker 2: When I was growing up, we spend all of our

567
00:30:38,480 --> 00:30:41,320
Speaker 2: time outside. We did, you know, we had you know,

568
00:30:41,440 --> 00:30:43,920
Speaker 2: seven kids, so they would go go go get them

569
00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 2: and we'll play, you know, breakout up at the top

570
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:51,080
Speaker 2: of the hill. You know, So I miss that for

571
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:55,680
Speaker 2: your generation. I really wish you guys had more of

572
00:30:57,600 --> 00:31:01,960
Speaker 2: outdoor time, more social time with friends, and you know

573
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:03,920
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like that's such a big deal. And

574
00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:09,040
Speaker 2: even parents, myself included, are on their phones. So even

575
00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:12,160
Speaker 2: when you get off your phone, probably a parent is

576
00:31:12,240 --> 00:31:16,240
Speaker 2: on their phone. And it's like we communicate fifteen twenty

577
00:31:16,280 --> 00:31:19,560
Speaker 2: minutes in a day, And how the heck does that positive? Right?

578
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like I was having a meal with my mom

579
00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 3: and my sister the other day and I finally got

580
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 3: off my phone.

581
00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 2: I looked up in there on their phone, just exactly, like,

582
00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 2: let's everybody. I even make it a point like when

583
00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 2: we're all having dinner, like everybody put their cellphones away,

584
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,640
Speaker 2: because that's the least we can do, have one hour

585
00:31:38,680 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 2: together and look each other in the eyes.

586
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: How important is that, doctor West. It's very important. It's

587
00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:48,280
Speaker 1: absolutely important. It's the digital divide. It's it's actually a

588
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: it's actually like a third party in the relationship. It's

589
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,000
Speaker 1: like you're having a it's like an a fair right,

590
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,959
Speaker 1: it really is. It's like you have developed this relationship

591
00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:57,680
Speaker 1: with your phone.

592
00:31:57,720 --> 00:32:00,719
Speaker 2: No. I totally understand because some times when I go

593
00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 2: long periods and I'm out of town and I and

594
00:32:03,280 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 2: I you know, I've been at events and I even't

595
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 2: had my phone. I like to be alone with my

596
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 2: phone and catch up on all the things that I missed.

597
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 2: It's like Christmas morning. It's terrible.

598
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 1: It's guaranteed validation though, I mean, you can get validated

599
00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:18,160
Speaker 1: on that phone.

600
00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,960
Speaker 2: It's like, how are we We can we can watch movies,

601
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 2: we can order food, we can order any services or

602
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 2: product that we want online. We can social media, we

603
00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:32,960
Speaker 2: can text, we can email, we can call. I mean,

604
00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:38,320
Speaker 2: it's everything inch of gratification, but it's also exhausting and

605
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 2: mind bending control with the addiction of the cell phones.

606
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 1: I saw on the news yesterday it was at least

607
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: fifty percent of the population of adults reports being lonely.

608
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:52,840
Speaker 2: Yeah.

609
00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, but yet we're so connected, right.

610
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,720
Speaker 2: But it's it's electronics. So it's not where we're three

611
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:02,400
Speaker 2: looking at each other in the studio and we see

612
00:33:02,440 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 2: each other's eyes and I can see channing nodding when

613
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 2: she's agreeing with me. There's a there's a real connection.

614
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,240
Speaker 2: I mean, we don't we all know this, but there's

615
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,080
Speaker 2: a real connection when you're out in the world and

616
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 2: you put your cell phones down. We got to take

617
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 2: a quick break. When we come back, we're gonna lighten

618
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,560
Speaker 2: it up a little bit and talk about holiday parties

619
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:24,720
Speaker 2: and what is the worst bad behavior you've ever seen

620
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:27,959
Speaker 2: at a holiday party? Ours is coming up on Wednesday.

621
00:33:28,040 --> 00:33:30,880
Speaker 2: Everybody has holiday parties coming up, so we're gonna get

622
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,880
Speaker 2: into that. And even Sterling, I think, is gonna call

623
00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:36,960
Speaker 2: in for this one because we were both together at

624
00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:40,480
Speaker 2: the holiday party last year. Donnade along with doctor Wes

625
00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:45,560
Speaker 2: and Channing Saturday Night, seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati. Wooh, it's

626
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 2: a cold one twenty It's thirty five but feels like

627
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:51,480
Speaker 2: twenty five. There's a winter weather advisory. In effact we

628
00:33:51,480 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 2: were it was snowing when we came in, so it's

629
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 2: that's kind of nice. And it is the time of

630
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 2: year to have snow. If we're gonna have snow, it's

631
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 2: be around Thanksgiving and Christmas. Don and d Saturday Night,

632
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:08,640
Speaker 2: seven hundred WLW alongside doctor West, who I always love

633
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:10,719
Speaker 2: when you're in the studio with me and you drive

634
00:34:10,760 --> 00:34:12,439
Speaker 2: a long way, not that far. I mean, I don't

635
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 2: want to be ridiculous about it. You come out of Nashville,

636
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 2: that's right, I do. What was the temperature in Nashville

637
00:34:17,880 --> 00:34:18,439
Speaker 2: when you left.

638
00:34:18,680 --> 00:34:20,759
Speaker 1: What was it, Channing, do you remember.

639
00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 2: Seventy sixty seventy I'm on it, guys. It was pretty

640
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:27,680
Speaker 2: it was.

641
00:34:28,080 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: It was not what is here, I can tell you

642
00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:30,760
Speaker 1: that much.

643
00:34:30,920 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 2: We've got Channing. It's okay, we got it. It was

644
00:34:35,600 --> 00:34:40,160
Speaker 2: warmer than it is here in Cincinnati. So but again,

645
00:34:40,280 --> 00:34:43,120
Speaker 2: you know, this is the time where we have holiday

646
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:47,919
Speaker 2: parties and Thanksgiving and Christmas and love them or hate them.

647
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,360
Speaker 2: I mean, I was just telling you, doctor Wes. I

648
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:54,200
Speaker 2: had a Tuesday event last week, a Wednesday, a Thursday,

649
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:57,080
Speaker 2: obviously in Thanksgiving, and I had my girlfriends over Friday.

650
00:34:57,160 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 2: So four nights in a row. That that's why I

651
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,359
Speaker 2: have no makeup on in the studio and I look

652
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 2: absolutely hidious.

653
00:35:04,560 --> 00:35:06,359
Speaker 1: But no negative self talk.

654
00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 2: I know, I know, but only if it's only if

655
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,200
Speaker 2: it's in humor, and it is. So We've got our

656
00:35:13,280 --> 00:35:17,440
Speaker 2: Christmas party, our holiday party on Wednesday this week, and

657
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:21,720
Speaker 2: I have another one on Friday and Saturday. My co host.

658
00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:24,239
Speaker 2: In the weekends. We were supposed to be on three

659
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:28,120
Speaker 2: to six, but you see football kind of canceled us.

660
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,760
Speaker 2: Sterling is on with me right now.

661
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:34,520
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So we should have been on Bearcats

662
00:35:34,719 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 6: could have waited.

663
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:40,120
Speaker 4: And not lost, but and then they had lightning to lay.

664
00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,760
Speaker 6: And now it's snowing, and Doc West in the future

665
00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 6: of the world channing. There's rain, probably in Nashville, but

666
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:48,240
Speaker 6: you get to experience some snow.

667
00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:51,880
Speaker 2: That's right, That's exactly right. Hey, at least all the

668
00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,160
Speaker 2: other Cincinnati teams have won. I know you watched the

669
00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 2: Big Game Thursday night with Joe Burrow. How amazing was that?

670
00:35:59,160 --> 00:36:01,680
Speaker 4: Sterling couldn't ask for much more?

671
00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:05,400
Speaker 6: I mean, he came back unbelievable, settled in. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

672
00:36:05,440 --> 00:36:07,080
Speaker 6: I'm trying not to interrupt. I'm afraid that I'm an

673
00:36:07,120 --> 00:36:10,279
Speaker 6: interrupt or. I was listening and I'm thinking, is this

674
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:13,080
Speaker 6: all directed at me? Is this like an intervention? Do

675
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:15,239
Speaker 6: I have a problem beyond what I already know to

676
00:36:15,239 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 6: be a problem. No, this isn't solve deprecation. I'm just

677
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:19,400
Speaker 6: trying to be better.

678
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:22,359
Speaker 2: No, Sterling. What happened was, I was talking to Tom

679
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,400
Speaker 2: Brenneman one the other day and I said, you know,

680
00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 2: he said, I think you and Sterling sounds so great,

681
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,839
Speaker 2: but you got to listen more instead of interrupting him.

682
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,360
Speaker 2: He's only and I said, but Sterling goes on forever.

683
00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:35,839
Speaker 2: I got to interrupt him.

684
00:36:35,840 --> 00:36:40,200
Speaker 6: I really, you know why, because I'm an only child,

685
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 6: and usually it's the voices in my head and I'm

686
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:46,839
Speaker 6: but I try to listen. I know enough to know

687
00:36:46,960 --> 00:36:49,359
Speaker 6: that I need to listen more because I don't know enough.

688
00:36:50,480 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 2: We all have to listen more. That's the whole point

689
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:56,360
Speaker 2: of this show, by the way. Uh So, speaking of

690
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 2: so we're gonna lighten it up a tiny little bit.

691
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:03,200
Speaker 2: And what's the worst thing you can do at a holiday,

692
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:07,600
Speaker 2: work party or otherwise any kind of bad behavior? And

693
00:37:07,640 --> 00:37:10,320
Speaker 2: I'm going to give you the number one answer, Sterling,

694
00:37:10,400 --> 00:37:14,040
Speaker 2: of what is the absolute worst thing that you can do?

695
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:18,320
Speaker 2: And you've never done it? I have, but not really bad.

696
00:37:18,480 --> 00:37:21,520
Speaker 2: The worst thing you can do is get too tipsy,

697
00:37:22,680 --> 00:37:26,240
Speaker 2: drinking too much eggnog and anything else like that, getting

698
00:37:26,320 --> 00:37:29,600
Speaker 2: to hit the bottle hitting the bottle, right, I mean,

699
00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:31,719
Speaker 2: and you know we have open bar. You know at

700
00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:36,000
Speaker 2: our most holiday parties are going to have some festive

701
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 2: drinks on the menu. Right, But what have you seen

702
00:37:41,320 --> 00:37:44,279
Speaker 2: that you would consider bad behavior? And just know we're

703
00:37:44,320 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 2: all getting together on Wednesday.

704
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 6: Well, I think you hit it right off the bat.

705
00:37:49,760 --> 00:37:52,239
Speaker 6: I mean, you got to know your limits and you know,

706
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 6: open bar or otherwise. One if it's work related, keep

707
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 6: it together because it's not really fun time, as much

708
00:37:57,640 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 6: as it may be social, and you're not there to

709
00:37:59,880 --> 00:38:03,160
Speaker 6: make an assy yourself. Pardon my expression, Channing, I apologized.

710
00:38:05,880 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 6: I am wholesome and naive to the ways of the world,

711
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 6: no matter how bad my language. But I think that's

712
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,879
Speaker 6: probably the worst. I've never seen much when it comes

713
00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:19,439
Speaker 6: to business party kind of scenarios. But when I worked

714
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:23,719
Speaker 6: at Hara Arena as a teenager growing up, I had

715
00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:25,959
Speaker 6: a chance a couple of times to get extra work

716
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 6: because they used to have a convention center facility and

717
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 6: they would do banquets and parties, holiday season, graduations, wedding stuff.

718
00:38:33,440 --> 00:38:37,160
Speaker 6: All that stuff was huge business for them. And a

719
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 6: couple of times holiday season one I saw someone get

720
00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:44,520
Speaker 6: so messed up. They like trashed a couple of Christmas trees.

721
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,799
Speaker 4: That were so oh yeah, they were a mess. It

722
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 4: was entertaining.

723
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 6: I didn't have to clean it up, and it wasn't

724
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 6: my tree, bulbs and all the decorations, but was that

725
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 6: was ugly And that was I think a little over indulgence, you.

726
00:38:56,360 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 2: Know, Okay, have you ever witnessed And I don't know

727
00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 2: that I've ever seen it, but I you know how

728
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 2: we always talk about sterling. We see all these fights

729
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:10,200
Speaker 2: on x and Instagram and stuff like that. Have you

730
00:39:10,239 --> 00:39:14,440
Speaker 2: ever seen a fight at a holiday party, like like

731
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 2: friends getting into a fistfight or something like that, because

732
00:39:18,480 --> 00:39:22,320
Speaker 2: that would be pretty bad.

733
00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:27,320
Speaker 6: It's not at a holiday party, but at a wedding reception.

734
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:29,719
Speaker 6: I saw that once and it was a couple of guys.

735
00:39:29,719 --> 00:39:31,400
Speaker 6: I think you'd had maybe too much of the brown

736
00:39:31,440 --> 00:39:34,360
Speaker 6: liquor and got stupid.

737
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 2: But I think that's worse. If there's anything worse than

738
00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,600
Speaker 2: getting into a fight at a holiday party, please tell

739
00:39:43,640 --> 00:39:46,280
Speaker 2: me what that is. Even if somebody's gotten a little

740
00:39:46,280 --> 00:39:48,919
Speaker 2: too tipsy and they've been drinking too much in their

741
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 2: slurners and that kind of stuff, and it's not a

742
00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,840
Speaker 2: good look, but they're not bothering anybody. Putting your hands

743
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:57,960
Speaker 2: on people is probably the worst thing you can do.

744
00:39:58,960 --> 00:40:01,080
Speaker 6: I don't know what let up do it. I only

745
00:40:01,080 --> 00:40:02,680
Speaker 6: got to see a little of the interaction and they

746
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 6: were pulled out of it. But at a holiday party

747
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:12,080
Speaker 6: get together, sometimes people their inhibitions clearly are lower after

748
00:40:12,200 --> 00:40:16,399
Speaker 6: a little bit of say lubrication or intoxication of one

749
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 6: type or another.

750
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,240
Speaker 4: And I've seen.

751
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:23,440
Speaker 6: People that have a couple of times not work as

752
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 6: far as I know, or you know, end up in

753
00:40:26,360 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 6: a situation like in a coat room or something like

754
00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 6: that where there might have been some type of romantic

755
00:40:30,960 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 6: kind of vibe going on in the season under the missiletoe,

756
00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 6: what have you, but not making too much of a

757
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:39,319
Speaker 6: nuisance of themselves. I mean, people will get excited and

758
00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:42,279
Speaker 6: happy and romantic and stuff sometimes, but yeah, I've seen

759
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:44,520
Speaker 6: some vomiting. I've seen some trees knocked down.

760
00:40:45,360 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 4: You know.

761
00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 6: The big thing I think is just, I mean, handle

762
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 6: yourself an act that it's like New Year's it's amateur nights,

763
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 6: So you've got to act like you've been there before.

764
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 2: Right by the way, flirting with someone who's taken is

765
00:40:59,320 --> 00:41:02,000
Speaker 2: on the list, sterling. So you kind of hit the

766
00:41:02,080 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 2: nail on the head with you know, somebody that's uh,

767
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 2: you know, going into a coat room or or just

768
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:12,399
Speaker 2: grabbing the missile toe and putting it over somebody's head.

769
00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:15,040
Speaker 4: Have you ever had that grabbing something else?

770
00:41:16,400 --> 00:41:18,760
Speaker 2: You thought I was going to say that, doctor West,

771
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 2: what what is the what is the getting too drunk

772
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 2: thing or you know, getting into it. What what what

773
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 2: would cause somebody who's a rational person to just do

774
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 2: something like that at a holiday party?

775
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: Well, I think the obvious answer there would be just

776
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,239
Speaker 1: they just want to have fun, They want to kick back,

777
00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:42,360
Speaker 1: they want to lower their inhibitions and and experience themselves

778
00:41:42,440 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 1: differently with the coworkers. But obviously that doesn't go well.

779
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 2: Okay, so they're buttoned up at work all the time.

780
00:41:48,560 --> 00:41:52,640
Speaker 2: But this is a radio station, so like we we

781
00:41:53,160 --> 00:41:55,040
Speaker 2: you know, kind of have fun with each other all

782
00:41:55,080 --> 00:41:57,759
Speaker 2: the time. Anyway, Sterling, I was just talking about this

783
00:41:57,960 --> 00:42:00,360
Speaker 2: just as a side note to Sterling and I have

784
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,319
Speaker 2: been that we're closing up on three years over three

785
00:42:03,400 --> 00:42:06,319
Speaker 2: years together, and we've not been that long. It has

786
00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:09,439
Speaker 2: been that long because our Instagram is done twenty twenty three,

787
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 2: so we're getting to.

788
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 6: Feel that long or longer. See that's my word is

789
00:42:14,200 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 6: that like deep down you're like, uh, this is really

790
00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 6: feeling like a long time, like you in something in

791
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:22,799
Speaker 6: a bad situation. It goes fast because you're having a

792
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,400
Speaker 6: good time. Yeah most of our shows do, yes, but

793
00:42:25,600 --> 00:42:28,000
Speaker 6: it's going bad. You feel like time is stopped and

794
00:42:28,040 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 6: that I don't want to be the guy causing that

795
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:30,440
Speaker 6: you're not.

796
00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:34,280
Speaker 2: I would yes, and you, but I have a question

797
00:42:35,280 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 2: because because I'm not.

798
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 6: Good at that, I'm better at asking questions than answering.

799
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:43,720
Speaker 6: It's it's very it's go ahead. I'm sorry, that's I'm

800
00:42:43,719 --> 00:42:45,319
Speaker 6: not I'm just against all right?

801
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:49,440
Speaker 2: Zip it? Man? What you you? Literally? You and I

802
00:42:49,480 --> 00:42:52,040
Speaker 2: have never had one conflict, not one. And in the

803
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:55,960
Speaker 2: in the radio industry, that's kind of a that's kind

804
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,400
Speaker 2: of a big deal when you're on air with somebody.

805
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:00,879
Speaker 2: Now we only do weekends together other and fill ins

806
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 2: and stuff like that, but in three years we've never

807
00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:11,719
Speaker 2: even had an argument across word or or anything like that. Sterling,

808
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,440
Speaker 2: what do you what do you attribute that to? Am

809
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 2: I just like the nicest person to work with?

810
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,960
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, you know, just the most amazing, incredible, super

811
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:25,480
Speaker 6: talented start and all those things, and you know, and

812
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:27,839
Speaker 6: you shower for me and get put makeup on when

813
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 6: you show up like that.

814
00:43:29,239 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 4: What I heard you say earlier.

815
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:31,759
Speaker 2: Not tonight, I couldn't do it.

816
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,360
Speaker 4: I couldn't do it me either. Uh here here's I

817
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:36,399
Speaker 4: have a question for you though.

818
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 6: Is it that unusual to work with someone in that

819
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 6: because see, I'm not used to working with a partner,

820
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 6: although the last couple of years we have and it

821
00:43:45,080 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 6: doesn't seem irregular to not have a conflict. It seems okay,

822
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 6: and we both seem to you know, if there's an

823
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,200
Speaker 6: idea that we have about a topic or a direction

824
00:43:55,320 --> 00:43:58,120
Speaker 6: of the conversation, we seem to be a good match.

825
00:43:58,120 --> 00:43:59,839
Speaker 6: I'll blame Rhino because he was like, I know who

826
00:43:59,880 --> 00:44:01,880
Speaker 6: you need to work with, and he's a fan and this,

827
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,080
Speaker 6: that and the other, and then and it's the greatest

828
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:07,560
Speaker 6: thing ever. I don't want to I mean, so I

829
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,240
Speaker 6: don't know, are you just holding it in and waiting

830
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:13,040
Speaker 6: to like really like snap, like one of those people

831
00:44:13,040 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 6: who just doesn't say anything.

832
00:44:14,480 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 4: And then mindly it's like, it's true.

833
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:24,279
Speaker 1: It is true. That's true. Because couples that don't argue,

834
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,880
Speaker 1: and I'm calling you all a couple, a radio a

835
00:44:26,880 --> 00:44:27,440
Speaker 1: work couple.

836
00:44:27,480 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 2: It's my radio husband.

837
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 1: Okay, that's fine. Couples that don't argue, they don't they

838
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:35,160
Speaker 1: don't fare very well, they don't do very well.

839
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:37,440
Speaker 2: But what if couples only see each other once or

840
00:44:37,440 --> 00:44:43,480
Speaker 2: twice a week, because maybe Sterling, it is unusual for

841
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:45,680
Speaker 2: me because I would be.

842
00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:48,160
Speaker 4: On working people you fought with regularly.

843
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:53,319
Speaker 2: Not regularly, but like fought with I mean like five

844
00:44:53,440 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 2: days a week and then a four hour show and

845
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 2: then you know, show prep before, show prep after. So

846
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,879
Speaker 2: I'm literally eight hours with this person five days a week,

847
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:05,759
Speaker 2: and then sometimes on the weekends for remotes and things

848
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:09,759
Speaker 2: like that. So so yeah, I would say it's unusual

849
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:12,920
Speaker 2: that we've gone three years, and I am applauding us

850
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:16,520
Speaker 2: even though doctor West is concerned. I am applauding us.

851
00:45:16,640 --> 00:45:19,240
Speaker 4: I'm concerned that the good doctor is concerned.

852
00:45:20,360 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 2: Maybe we need to get into a fight.

853
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:23,920
Speaker 1: And in fact, at.

854
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:29,719
Speaker 6: The holidays, I'm the clients in everybody.

855
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and this place is packed, Sterling, let's totally get

856
00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 2: into a.

857
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:35,200
Speaker 4: Fight to do it Wednesday.

858
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 2: I don't even know what I would argue with you about.

859
00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 2: That is the craziest thing. What would I argue with

860
00:45:44,480 --> 00:45:46,480
Speaker 2: Sterling about he's.

861
00:45:46,040 --> 00:45:48,040
Speaker 4: The nicest not wearing a blazer.

862
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:53,000
Speaker 2: Yes, that would that would would work if.

863
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 6: You brought up numerous times from the last year, since

864
00:45:55,800 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 6: last Christmas time, And the only reason I didn't have

865
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 6: it was because I over rebar on the freeway in construction.

866
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,160
Speaker 6: I had other stuff to worry about, and swinging back

867
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:05,960
Speaker 6: by to get the cod.

868
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:07,160
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm all right.

869
00:46:07,000 --> 00:46:07,520
Speaker 1: Over here, Jack.

870
00:46:07,680 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 2: He showed up. He showed up at the Christmas party,

871
00:46:10,040 --> 00:46:13,360
Speaker 2: and he was so flustered because he got a flat

872
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 2: tire on the way and I was like, what happened

873
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,439
Speaker 2: to your blazer? He was like, I can't.

874
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 4: I don't even care. I'm just glad to be here.

875
00:46:19,719 --> 00:46:20,600
Speaker 4: Where's a drink?

876
00:46:22,640 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 2: Sterling? I love you.

877
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 7: I mean that.

878
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,960
Speaker 2: And we've been together for so long, for three years.

879
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 2: I'm not that I'm going anywhere, but I'm glad that

880
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:33,400
Speaker 2: you stayed up and called and and we get.

881
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:34,440
Speaker 4: To going somewhere.

882
00:46:34,560 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 2: No, yeah, you're gonna go. You're gonna go to the

883
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:39,759
Speaker 2: Christmas party on Wednesday. That's why are you.

884
00:46:39,800 --> 00:46:40,200
Speaker 4: Done with me?

885
00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:40,359
Speaker 2: Now?

886
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,680
Speaker 6: It sounds like you're closing this up, doctor West. I mean,

887
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:43,399
Speaker 6: is this over now?

888
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,400
Speaker 4: Is that what you're saying about a fight? And this

889
00:46:45,480 --> 00:46:46,000
Speaker 4: is ending?

890
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 2: I've got my hand on the mouse.

891
00:46:52,560 --> 00:46:55,799
Speaker 4: You got a Prematurelotte, click me off. I understand. I

892
00:46:55,920 --> 00:46:56,839
Speaker 4: do it all the time.

893
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 2: You do do it all the time, Sterling. I love you,

894
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:02,560
Speaker 2: love you, love you to death. Thank you for calling in.

895
00:47:03,480 --> 00:47:05,840
Speaker 6: Well, Channing, I didn't even get to talk to Channing. Channing,

896
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:09,360
Speaker 6: let me just tell you you sound so smart and

897
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 6: well put together and fully like functional and mentally like together,

898
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:17,360
Speaker 6: emotionally and fantactically. I could not have been on the

899
00:47:17,440 --> 00:47:20,400
Speaker 6: radio talking the way you were talking. And I realized,

900
00:47:20,560 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 6: Donna can make you very comfortable. Obviously, your pops is

901
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:29,200
Speaker 6: someone who's well educated and experienced and interpersonal stuff in therapy.

902
00:47:29,920 --> 00:47:32,360
Speaker 6: But as a dad, I mean, how do you feel

903
00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:34,680
Speaker 6: so comfortable in that environment doing what you did in

904
00:47:34,719 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 6: the conversation I heard earlier.

905
00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,400
Speaker 3: I have no idea. I think I've just it's just

906
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,399
Speaker 3: I just talked to a lot of people. So once

907
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:48,080
Speaker 3: I get comfortable with somebody, I'm just I'm there, Like, yeah.

908
00:47:47,880 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 2: It is. It is a good question. And because we

909
00:47:51,160 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 2: were just talking about this, there's a new study that

910
00:47:53,719 --> 00:48:00,279
Speaker 2: preteen preteen girls specifically have high anxiety. They're there there.

911
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:05,640
Speaker 2: It's really based on phone usage and social media, and

912
00:48:05,680 --> 00:48:08,239
Speaker 2: you were just talking about how it does affect you

913
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 2: because when people are doing things and stuff and you

914
00:48:11,640 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 2: see them all happy and you're not invited talk about that.

915
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I catch myself getting down a lot on

916
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:22,080
Speaker 3: myself because I have always.

917
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:23,320
Speaker 2: Struggled with friends.

918
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,520
Speaker 3: I've always like, I've always felt really out of place

919
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 3: wherever I'm at, and I've been trying to find like

920
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:33,240
Speaker 3: my friend group. So just scrolling on TikTok and seeing

921
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,520
Speaker 3: all my like other like friends or the people that

922
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:37,720
Speaker 3: I go to school with them having their friend groups,

923
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,280
Speaker 3: it just it really makes me feel down on myself

924
00:48:40,360 --> 00:48:43,760
Speaker 3: because I'm like, am I falling behind? Like oh my gosh,

925
00:48:43,800 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 3: my life is like not together, and it just it

926
00:48:46,160 --> 00:48:49,399
Speaker 3: makes me feel super super down about myself. And I'm

927
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:53,760
Speaker 3: constantly comparing myself to other people like, oh my gosh,

928
00:48:53,800 --> 00:48:56,640
Speaker 3: like her body, like I wish I had that, or

929
00:48:56,680 --> 00:48:59,360
Speaker 3: like I wish I had this, and it's just it's it's.

930
00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:03,640
Speaker 2: Really so when you say you catch yourself when you

931
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 2: see yourself doing that and it doesn't feel good, like

932
00:49:07,760 --> 00:49:10,439
Speaker 2: it feels terrible to do that, how do you pull

933
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 2: yourself out of that? Talking to people?

934
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 3: Like sometimes I'll be text I'll text my mom and

935
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:17,680
Speaker 3: I'll be like, Mom, I'm like I'm having a moment

936
00:49:17,680 --> 00:49:20,000
Speaker 3: where I'm just I'm feeling really down on myself and

937
00:49:20,040 --> 00:49:23,360
Speaker 3: she'll talk me through it, which really helps me because

938
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:26,239
Speaker 3: it just she validates my emotions because she knows that

939
00:49:26,320 --> 00:49:29,759
Speaker 3: I experience this, so it makes me feel better just

940
00:49:29,840 --> 00:49:32,239
Speaker 3: communicating with other people because it doesn't feel good, and

941
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:33,239
Speaker 3: never I bottle stuff in.

942
00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,640
Speaker 2: It really doesn't know. And you do get a lot

943
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:40,480
Speaker 2: of therapy from you know, a certain counselor that you're seeing,

944
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 2: and certainly your dad is a big support as well.

945
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:48,320
Speaker 2: Because listen, these sterling we were talking about this earlier,

946
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,840
Speaker 2: how in our day we used to you know, be

947
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 2: outside all the time. You talk about being a free

948
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 2: range kid, and you used to have you know, friends

949
00:49:56,920 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 2: and your free break latch key kid. You used to

950
00:50:01,719 --> 00:50:05,000
Speaker 2: go and get yourself into all kinds of trouble, but

951
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:05,799
Speaker 2: we would.

952
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:08,000
Speaker 4: Play an adventure. I wouldn't say trouble.

953
00:50:11,160 --> 00:50:15,200
Speaker 2: Adventures, right. But kids now they get off the bus,

954
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:17,879
Speaker 2: they go home, they lay on their bed in their

955
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 2: four hours on social media and scrolling and all that other.

956
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:25,240
Speaker 2: Different homework isn't even way different homework isn't even done.

957
00:50:25,600 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 2: It's it's it's now the the iPhone, the social media,

958
00:50:29,280 --> 00:50:31,839
Speaker 2: and it gets depressing. And a lot of times you

959
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 2: probably wouldn't even be depressed if you didn't doom scroll

960
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:37,080
Speaker 2: is what we all call it.

961
00:50:37,200 --> 00:50:39,440
Speaker 6: Time to unplug a little bit, and that's got to

962
00:50:39,480 --> 00:50:42,719
Speaker 6: be hard. I can't imagine coming up now the way

963
00:50:42,880 --> 00:50:46,160
Speaker 6: you are chanting and others of your generation in that situation.

964
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:49,160
Speaker 4: But to just know that that.

965
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:51,640
Speaker 6: They may not necessarily be real, and it's good to

966
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:53,440
Speaker 6: have a close circle of friends and just I know

967
00:50:53,600 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 6: time is shorter coming up on the tenth report, of course,

968
00:50:57,120 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 6: I will say that it's situation where you are talking

969
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:04,319
Speaker 6: about friends and so forth. I moved around a lot

970
00:51:04,360 --> 00:51:06,840
Speaker 6: through the first part of high school and stuff. I

971
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:09,360
Speaker 6: didn't fall into the same a good group of friends

972
00:51:09,360 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 6: that was steady until I was probably fifteen sixteen, Yeah,

973
00:51:13,239 --> 00:51:15,840
Speaker 6: and it was by happenstance, and the same group of

974
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:18,279
Speaker 6: friends a part of that. I am now in my

975
00:51:18,320 --> 00:51:21,840
Speaker 6: mid fifties and it is like brotherhood. Yeah, and the

976
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 6: guys that I've grown up with and non longer than

977
00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:25,520
Speaker 6: we've not known each other in.

978
00:51:25,480 --> 00:51:26,400
Speaker 2: Our lives and that's what.

979
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:31,120
Speaker 6: Yeah, And you may find that, So don't worry about it.

980
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:33,200
Speaker 6: In time, it'll do it. I mean, you just just

981
00:51:33,239 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 6: be yourself and not worry about all the social media,

982
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:38,319
Speaker 6: which is easy for me to say because I'm going

983
00:51:38,360 --> 00:51:40,920
Speaker 6: to hang up and you know, go along with my

984
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:41,959
Speaker 6: day and you're living it.

985
00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,960
Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna text. I'm going to text in

986
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:48,760
Speaker 2: a minute, Sterling, thank you so much. Coming up. Oh

987
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:52,480
Speaker 2: oh oh, he does it all the time too.

988
00:51:52,680 --> 00:51:53,680
Speaker 1: How the turntable?

989
00:51:54,719 --> 00:51:57,759
Speaker 2: How the turntables? Exactly? He does it all the time.

990
00:51:57,800 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 2: Coming up. Uh, we're going to talk about something you

991
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:03,880
Speaker 2: used to value that you no longer value. It's the

992
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:05,960
Speaker 2: end of the year. We're gonna take sock. We're all

993
00:52:05,960 --> 00:52:08,879
Speaker 2: gonna look at what and how this year has been.

994
00:52:09,000 --> 00:52:11,720
Speaker 2: When we have Channing in doctor Wess in the studio

995
00:52:11,800 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 2: with me. It's donn a d seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

996
00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:19,320
Speaker 7: Listening to a woman shop in the produce section isn't funny?

997
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:21,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, a sail on cucumbers.

998
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 7: Listening to a woman poot next to the Granny Smiths

999
00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:29,000
Speaker 7: oops is funny. Eddie and Rocky are also funny. So

1000
00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:32,080
Speaker 7: when you think of an apple farterer oops, think of

1001
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 7: Eddie and Rocky, Eddie and Rocky.

1002
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 1: Monday afternoon at three.

1003
00:52:36,800 --> 00:52:38,600
Speaker 4: One seven hundred WLW.

1004
00:52:40,960 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 8: Bad breath is a confidence killer. You can have the

1005
00:52:43,200 --> 00:52:46,759
Speaker 8: best outfit, the sharpest resume, the funniest jokes, but if

1006
00:52:46,760 --> 00:52:48,879
Speaker 8: your breath smells like the food you just date, that's

1007
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:51,640
Speaker 8: all People remember it's not your fault. Bad breath often

1008
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:54,280
Speaker 8: comes from your gut, and most regular gums and mints

1009
00:52:54,360 --> 00:52:57,600
Speaker 8: just cover it up. That's like spring perfume on dirty laundry.

1010
00:52:57,719 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 8: It doesn't solve the problem. That's where Zelman Mintimouth comes in.

1011
00:53:01,360 --> 00:53:04,640
Speaker 8: Zelmans is not just another mint. Zelman's tiny dual action

1012
00:53:04,760 --> 00:53:08,000
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1013
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:13,440
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1014
00:53:13,480 --> 00:53:16,480
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1015
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 2: You get the confidence of.

1016
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:20,640
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1017
00:53:20,640 --> 00:53:23,200
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1018
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1019
00:53:26,560 --> 00:53:29,759
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1020
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:32,719
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1021
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1022
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1023
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1024
00:53:41,040 --> 00:53:44,759
Speaker 2: Home to the Rachel Meadows Show. More nice because it's

1025
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:48,920
Speaker 2: the holiday and we get snow flurries and just a

1026
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:53,000
Speaker 2: beautiful night in Cincinnati. Boy, the Bengals game was so

1027
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:57,880
Speaker 2: good Thursday, Joe Burrow's return and he killed it Ohio

1028
00:53:57,960 --> 00:54:03,360
Speaker 2: State one. We won't talk about ucsarr Sean Sean McMahon

1029
00:54:03,560 --> 00:54:06,360
Speaker 2: producing the show tonight. I am Donna Dee with doctor

1030
00:54:06,480 --> 00:54:11,200
Speaker 2: Wes crafton, licensed Marriage Family Therapist in from Nashville to

1031
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:14,960
Speaker 2: do the show. We've also had your daughter on and Channing.

1032
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:18,640
Speaker 2: You have been just an unbelievable sport giving us the

1033
00:54:18,719 --> 00:54:23,520
Speaker 2: insight to a fourteen year old girls that are you know,

1034
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:27,480
Speaker 2: understanding some of the challenges that you face as a

1035
00:54:27,560 --> 00:54:33,560
Speaker 2: child and the bullying and the social media stuff overall.

1036
00:54:33,800 --> 00:54:37,280
Speaker 2: Because we're coming to a close of this year, how

1037
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:40,239
Speaker 2: are you doing and how has twenty twenty five been

1038
00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:40,560
Speaker 2: for you?

1039
00:54:41,080 --> 00:54:44,360
Speaker 3: Twenty twenty five has been definitely a year of growth.

1040
00:54:44,719 --> 00:54:47,640
Speaker 3: I feel like I have learned so many new things.

1041
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:52,239
Speaker 3: I've made good memories, I've made mistakes, but ultimately it's

1042
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:53,240
Speaker 3: been a year of growth.

1043
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:56,120
Speaker 2: Okay, So I love that and it's been a year

1044
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 2: of growth for me. And that's really all you can

1045
00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:02,080
Speaker 2: if you're if you're growing and you're becoming more loving

1046
00:55:02,960 --> 00:55:04,960
Speaker 2: to yourself and others, what else is there?

1047
00:55:05,280 --> 00:55:05,480
Speaker 4: Right?

1048
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:09,239
Speaker 2: What? That's really the key to living? But so what

1049
00:55:09,360 --> 00:55:10,879
Speaker 2: the question that I want to know, and I want

1050
00:55:10,880 --> 00:55:13,359
Speaker 2: to open up the phone lines too as well. What

1051
00:55:13,480 --> 00:55:17,320
Speaker 2: is something you used to value that you no longer value? Right?

1052
00:55:17,440 --> 00:55:20,279
Speaker 2: So five one three seven four nine seven thousand. We

1053
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 2: have had guests on the show tonight and not a

1054
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:25,839
Speaker 2: lot of callers, so call in for this segment here.

1055
00:55:25,880 --> 00:55:29,000
Speaker 2: Five one three seven four nine seven thousand. What did

1056
00:55:29,040 --> 00:55:32,239
Speaker 2: you used to value that you no longer value? Doctor Wes.

1057
00:55:32,239 --> 00:55:34,759
Speaker 2: I'm going to start with you on this and it

1058
00:55:34,800 --> 00:55:38,279
Speaker 2: can be pretty personal. You do whatever you want to do.

1059
00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:42,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I'm going into next year with an

1060
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:45,920
Speaker 1: intention of self love and so that means I'm going

1061
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:50,879
Speaker 1: to be leaving behind so much of the opinions of others.

1062
00:55:51,360 --> 00:55:55,480
Speaker 2: Okay, so valuing the what you used to value.

1063
00:55:55,960 --> 00:55:59,400
Speaker 1: Would be the opinions of others and their approval.

1064
00:56:00,040 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, so you're leaving that behind. I think that

1065
00:56:04,239 --> 00:56:07,840
Speaker 2: is a very courageous choice. And you know the quote

1066
00:56:07,840 --> 00:56:10,279
Speaker 2: that I love from Mikaela Catherine Jones, which is it's

1067
00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:13,000
Speaker 2: none of my business what other people think of me, right,

1068
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 2: And and that can be written on your arm if

1069
00:56:15,760 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 2: you want to, just as a reminder, because it really

1070
00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:21,960
Speaker 2: messes you up when you care about what other people

1071
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:25,000
Speaker 2: think of you, and that is something we have all

1072
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:29,400
Speaker 2: struggled with. It's like, did I make a fool of myself?

1073
00:56:29,520 --> 00:56:32,560
Speaker 2: Did I do something stupid? And now they're talking about me?

1074
00:56:33,080 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 2: But it really doesn't matter because everybody makes mistakes. Everybody does.

1075
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:41,840
Speaker 2: So Channing, what would you say, what what is something

1076
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:49,160
Speaker 2: that you value that you no longer value? Specific friendships? Okay? Yes, okay,

1077
00:56:49,239 --> 00:56:52,440
Speaker 2: So so friendships that you've had that you value that

1078
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:57,239
Speaker 2: you no longer put in that pedestal of she's one

1079
00:56:57,280 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 2: of my bff. Okay, and how is that going for you?

1080
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 3: It's definitely been hard because a lot of these friendships

1081
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:08,120
Speaker 3: that I don't value as much as I value like

1082
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:10,239
Speaker 3: new connections that I've made.

1083
00:57:10,320 --> 00:57:11,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's definitely been.

1084
00:57:11,200 --> 00:57:14,319
Speaker 3: Hard because I mean, I've had such great memories with

1085
00:57:14,360 --> 00:57:18,760
Speaker 3: those specific friendships, but I just have just learning that

1086
00:57:18,760 --> 00:57:21,800
Speaker 3: those friendships might not be for me and it might

1087
00:57:21,880 --> 00:57:27,000
Speaker 3: not benefit me, you know, Like, Yeah.

1088
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 2: It's one of the hardest things to do is let

1089
00:57:29,120 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 2: people go, definitely, and it's a very courageous thing to

1090
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 2: do because if a relationship is not serving you anymore,

1091
00:57:35,800 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 2: then you really do have to let go. One of

1092
00:57:38,160 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 2: the things that I used to value that I no

1093
00:57:42,640 --> 00:57:45,520
Speaker 2: longer value on another level. I thought I was over this,

1094
00:57:45,560 --> 00:57:47,720
Speaker 2: and then here comes another level of it that I

1095
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:50,480
Speaker 2: have to learn from. And that happens to me all

1096
00:57:50,520 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 2: the time. But needing to feel right, I don't feel

1097
00:57:54,840 --> 00:57:58,120
Speaker 2: like I need to be right anymore. I just and

1098
00:57:58,360 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 2: and when I always felt like I need to be right,

1099
00:58:01,000 --> 00:58:04,200
Speaker 2: I made somebody else wrong and that doesn't feel good either,

1100
00:58:04,280 --> 00:58:07,000
Speaker 2: So that doesn't matter to me anymore. I'd rather take

1101
00:58:07,040 --> 00:58:10,960
Speaker 2: people for who they are, let them, let them Book

1102
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 2: by Mel Robbins is also a really big thing of like, okay,

1103
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 2: so he doesn't want to text you, It doesn't blah

1104
00:58:17,600 --> 00:58:21,120
Speaker 2: blah blah this and that, let them right. It's kind

1105
00:58:21,160 --> 00:58:24,960
Speaker 2: of of along those lines, and take people and have compassion,

1106
00:58:25,080 --> 00:58:28,120
Speaker 2: understand people make mistakes, and it's not about right or wrong.

1107
00:58:28,240 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 2: It's about appreciating for somebody for who they are. Maybe

1108
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:36,640
Speaker 2: they're showing me that that's who they are. And then

1109
00:58:37,840 --> 00:58:39,960
Speaker 2: you have to make a choice like you are doing

1110
00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:42,040
Speaker 2: right now, Channing, and you have to let some of

1111
00:58:42,040 --> 00:58:45,160
Speaker 2: those friendships that have been close to you. You kind

1112
00:58:45,200 --> 00:58:47,920
Speaker 2: of let them go, and if they're real friendships, they

1113
00:58:47,920 --> 00:58:50,560
Speaker 2: come back, or real love affairs, they come back, but

1114
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:53,080
Speaker 2: let them go, and that's kind of hard to do.

1115
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:55,680
Speaker 1: Sure it is. Yeah, there's a quote that I love

1116
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:58,720
Speaker 1: that I just hung up in my place and it says,

1117
00:58:58,760 --> 00:59:02,640
Speaker 1: in the end, only three things matter. You may know this, donna,

1118
00:59:02,720 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 1: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how

1119
00:59:06,160 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 1: gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.

1120
00:59:09,640 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, because if you don't. I hadn't heard that, but

1121
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:15,920
Speaker 2: I agree with it. If you don't let things go

1122
00:59:16,080 --> 00:59:19,040
Speaker 2: that are not working for you, how in the world

1123
00:59:19,280 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 2: are you going to open up to something that would

1124
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:25,840
Speaker 2: be a thousand times more like you, or better for you,

1125
00:59:26,080 --> 00:59:29,000
Speaker 2: or more productive, or you know, to help you grow?

1126
00:59:29,200 --> 00:59:32,960
Speaker 2: How would you do that if you're hung up on yep,

1127
00:59:33,320 --> 00:59:36,880
Speaker 2: on something that's not working for you anymore? Five one, three, seven,

1128
00:59:36,880 --> 00:59:39,800
Speaker 2: four nine, seven thousand, one eight hundred The big one?

1129
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:43,240
Speaker 2: What did you used to value that you no longer

1130
00:59:43,360 --> 00:59:50,840
Speaker 2: value anymore? You've grown out of hanging your hat on something, right,

1131
00:59:51,240 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 2: You've grown grown out of of dealing with with toxic

1132
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:01,520
Speaker 2: people just because Wow, I've invested so much in this friendship.

1133
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 2: I've invested so much in this relationship, But every other

1134
01:00:05,560 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 2: sign is saying you need to run and you need to.

1135
01:00:09,240 --> 01:00:11,520
Speaker 2: Why is it that we hold on so much? Wess?

1136
01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:15,520
Speaker 2: Why why is it that we Why is letting go

1137
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:16,240
Speaker 2: so hard?

1138
01:00:18,840 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 1: I mean, I hate to go back to the same

1139
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,000
Speaker 1: old answer over and over again. But fear is so

1140
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:27,880
Speaker 1: it's so powerful. Fear, far of what being alone, fear

1141
01:00:27,880 --> 01:00:31,320
Speaker 1: of being alone, fear of not knowing yourself. You've identified

1142
01:00:31,360 --> 01:00:34,640
Speaker 1: yourself with people, You've identified yourself with relationships.

1143
01:00:34,680 --> 01:00:37,600
Speaker 2: So who am I without this person? Exactly right? Yeah?

1144
01:00:37,640 --> 01:00:42,040
Speaker 1: Who am I without them? How can I go on?

1145
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:46,520
Speaker 1: What will my day to day life look like? Yeah,

1146
01:00:46,600 --> 01:00:49,440
Speaker 1: it's And it could be that you're an approval addict.

1147
01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:52,360
Speaker 1: I know I've certainly gotten caught up in that before,

1148
01:00:53,040 --> 01:00:56,760
Speaker 1: and I've I've been approved by this person, and so

1149
01:00:56,840 --> 01:00:59,000
Speaker 1: I have to have them in my life to feel

1150
01:00:59,040 --> 01:01:01,920
Speaker 1: that approval. And if they're not in my life, then

1151
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:07,680
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not approved, right, I'm not okay, right?

1152
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:11,000
Speaker 2: And so if if it's boy, that is a tough

1153
01:01:11,040 --> 01:01:14,640
Speaker 2: circle right there. It really is, because if you if

1154
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:17,720
Speaker 2: you're looking for approval or the it's the same thing

1155
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 2: I could say about wanting to be liked, right, And

1156
01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:25,480
Speaker 2: and hopefully Channing will turn her head set up on this,

1157
01:01:25,600 --> 01:01:29,200
Speaker 2: because this is really important. It's not about being You're

1158
01:01:29,240 --> 01:01:33,160
Speaker 2: not gonna not everybody's gonna get you, right, Not everybody

1159
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:37,360
Speaker 2: is gonna understand who Channing is and and and get

1160
01:01:37,400 --> 01:01:41,040
Speaker 2: every aspect of you. And then like you, there are

1161
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:44,520
Speaker 2: gonna be some friends or some friends of friends that

1162
01:01:44,880 --> 01:01:49,400
Speaker 2: says something about her. I just don't mind when they're like,

1163
01:01:49,480 --> 01:01:53,240
Speaker 2: what did I do? I didn't, just myself. But the

1164
01:01:53,760 --> 01:02:00,120
Speaker 2: sooner you understand that not everything you do will everyone

1165
01:02:00,200 --> 01:02:03,000
Speaker 2: is going to get and you have to be okay

1166
01:02:03,040 --> 01:02:06,640
Speaker 2: with that too. Yeah, And because otherwise you're just gonna

1167
01:02:06,680 --> 01:02:10,040
Speaker 2: what happens on the flip side, you can form and

1168
01:02:10,080 --> 01:02:14,320
Speaker 2: then you're inauthentic, right, And that's the worst when you're

1169
01:02:14,440 --> 01:02:16,280
Speaker 2: when you don't mean what you say and say what

1170
01:02:16,320 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 2: you mean. And I talk about this all the time,

1171
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 2: how important authenticity is. It's it's it's what the definition

1172
01:02:23,400 --> 01:02:27,440
Speaker 2: of auth authenticity is. Being authentic is say what you

1173
01:02:27,520 --> 01:02:30,840
Speaker 2: mean and mean what you say. And if there's any

1174
01:02:30,920 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 2: kind of confusion that you're sending a message out to

1175
01:02:33,560 --> 01:02:36,200
Speaker 2: the universe. I want to date somebody, and somebody asks

1176
01:02:36,240 --> 01:02:38,560
Speaker 2: you and Lina, I'm happy being single, but you really

1177
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:42,480
Speaker 2: want to date somebody. Then there's conflicting messages to the universe,

1178
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:46,480
Speaker 2: and and you you don't get really what you intend,

1179
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:51,520
Speaker 2: which is to date somebody or anything. I like this job,

1180
01:02:51,560 --> 01:02:55,600
Speaker 2: but you know, I don't know. I might want this promotion,

1181
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:59,080
Speaker 2: but maybe not. Right, say what you mean, and mean

1182
01:02:59,120 --> 01:03:01,560
Speaker 2: what you say. If you want the promotion, go after it.

1183
01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:04,520
Speaker 2: You'll probably get it for the most part, right right.

1184
01:03:05,320 --> 01:03:08,400
Speaker 2: So when you're inauthentic, which means you're not going to

1185
01:03:08,440 --> 01:03:10,960
Speaker 2: be liked by everybody, you have to be okay with that.

1186
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:15,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, And a lot of people are terrified of taking

1187
01:03:15,560 --> 01:03:17,840
Speaker 1: that step. So what do they do?

1188
01:03:19,840 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 2: Look for approval from some other somebody else that's something,

1189
01:03:23,040 --> 01:03:25,480
Speaker 2: and they stay stuck in that cycle you're talking about,

1190
01:03:25,560 --> 01:03:28,600
Speaker 2: right right, is a terrible cycle. Okay, So we're going

1191
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:31,960
Speaker 2: to talk about also. You know, the other thing I

1192
01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:34,520
Speaker 2: wanted to mention to was what do you want to

1193
01:03:34,560 --> 01:03:36,320
Speaker 2: have happened before the year ends?

1194
01:03:36,440 --> 01:03:36,680
Speaker 1: Too?

1195
01:03:37,200 --> 01:03:39,320
Speaker 2: My sister and I always take stock of how was

1196
01:03:39,320 --> 01:03:41,440
Speaker 2: twenty twenty five for you? A lot has happened to

1197
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:44,640
Speaker 2: both of us. You know, I ended a relationship that

1198
01:03:44,680 --> 01:03:46,880
Speaker 2: I was in, so did she. She's in another one

1199
01:03:47,600 --> 01:03:51,480
Speaker 2: that is much more like her than the other one was, so,

1200
01:03:51,880 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 2: you know, there's there's things that that I have wanted

1201
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:58,360
Speaker 2: to do in my career that I have done this year.

1202
01:03:58,920 --> 01:04:02,440
Speaker 2: There's there's things that I've done in terms of like

1203
01:04:02,520 --> 01:04:06,320
Speaker 2: giving service, fostering dogs. I've had three dogs that I've fostered,

1204
01:04:06,320 --> 01:04:10,200
Speaker 2: one currently with me. What is something that you want

1205
01:04:10,240 --> 01:04:13,520
Speaker 2: to do before you close out twenty twenty five? Is

1206
01:04:13,560 --> 01:04:14,760
Speaker 2: there something you want to do?

1207
01:04:15,920 --> 01:04:17,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I need to let go of some things not

1208
01:04:17,960 --> 01:04:23,040
Speaker 1: meant for me, Like that quote says, yeah, yeah, there

1209
01:04:23,040 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 1: are certainly some things that I need to let go of,

1210
01:04:25,920 --> 01:04:28,520
Speaker 1: and I'm actively working to do that. Okay, but it

1211
01:04:28,640 --> 01:04:33,160
Speaker 1: is a daily choice for me, for all of us. Yeah, right,

1212
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 1: So letting go is one of the hardest things. And

1213
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:38,720
Speaker 1: then when you realize, oh man, why did I hang

1214
01:04:38,760 --> 01:04:42,760
Speaker 1: on to that for so long, you realize I need

1215
01:04:42,800 --> 01:04:45,440
Speaker 1: to let go a little bit sooner I really do,

1216
01:04:45,480 --> 01:04:47,720
Speaker 1: so letting go Channing, Do you have one? What do

1217
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:49,919
Speaker 1: you want to do before twenty twenty five?

1218
01:04:50,040 --> 01:04:50,280
Speaker 2: Ns?

1219
01:04:50,360 --> 01:04:52,840
Speaker 3: I could think of some funny things that I want

1220
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:57,400
Speaker 3: to do, but letting go to just learning to let

1221
01:04:57,440 --> 01:05:01,480
Speaker 3: go of these friendships and work towards making new ones.

1222
01:05:01,840 --> 01:05:04,080
Speaker 2: There's a really good book, and I think you got

1223
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 2: it because I read it by doctor David Hawkins called

1224
01:05:07,320 --> 01:05:10,880
Speaker 2: letting Go, and it talks about the science of actually

1225
01:05:11,000 --> 01:05:14,360
Speaker 2: letting go. And when I mean, obviously, and we just

1226
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:18,000
Speaker 2: touched on this point too, is when you let go,

1227
01:05:18,280 --> 01:05:22,479
Speaker 2: you absolutely open up opportunities. So you close the door,

1228
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:26,240
Speaker 2: slam it shut, and then a window opens and then

1229
01:05:26,360 --> 01:05:30,440
Speaker 2: there's wow, there's new air, there's new light, there's new energy,

1230
01:05:30,480 --> 01:05:35,120
Speaker 2: there's new passion, there's new fun. Right, So holding on

1231
01:05:35,240 --> 01:05:41,880
Speaker 2: seems a little a little I don't know, would you

1232
01:05:42,200 --> 01:05:47,240
Speaker 2: it's stifling because but it's so hard. It's so people

1233
01:05:47,240 --> 01:05:51,560
Speaker 2: have been in relationships for so long where I'm like, wow,

1234
01:05:51,600 --> 01:05:54,840
Speaker 2: they're still together? How they still together? How does that

1235
01:05:54,920 --> 01:05:57,600
Speaker 2: even work? They're still together. You've got to see this

1236
01:05:57,680 --> 01:06:00,160
Speaker 2: in your office all the time, too, where where there

1237
01:06:00,200 --> 01:06:03,680
Speaker 2: are relationships where you've said, all right, I don't think

1238
01:06:03,680 --> 01:06:05,240
Speaker 2: you guys should be together anymore.

1239
01:06:05,280 --> 01:06:08,480
Speaker 1: Now I tell people that the relationship's over. It's the

1240
01:06:08,560 --> 01:06:13,160
Speaker 1: recurrent relationship, as you know, it is over. So your choices,

1241
01:06:13,240 --> 01:06:16,080
Speaker 1: you're in my office, the choices. We either work on

1242
01:06:16,160 --> 01:06:18,800
Speaker 1: helping you all separate in a healthy way, or we

1243
01:06:18,840 --> 01:06:21,760
Speaker 1: start a new relationship. But that has to begin with friendship.

1244
01:06:22,960 --> 01:06:26,320
Speaker 2: Do you think the end of a year you have

1245
01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:31,600
Speaker 2: an opportunity to really figure out the things that you want.

1246
01:06:32,000 --> 01:06:34,440
Speaker 2: I mean, it's a looking back, but we're starting a

1247
01:06:34,480 --> 01:06:38,080
Speaker 2: new year in twenty twenty six. There's a resurgence, there's

1248
01:06:38,080 --> 01:06:41,480
Speaker 2: a renewal, there's a set of intentions. You want to

1249
01:06:41,800 --> 01:06:45,920
Speaker 2: How important is it to have goals like that in

1250
01:06:46,560 --> 01:06:48,320
Speaker 2: the beginning of a year and let go of some

1251
01:06:48,360 --> 01:06:50,320
Speaker 2: of the things that didn't work in twenty twenty five.

1252
01:06:50,360 --> 01:06:53,720
Speaker 1: Well, I think that we are constructing our reality every

1253
01:06:53,800 --> 01:06:55,800
Speaker 1: day of our lives, and it's based on what we

1254
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:58,720
Speaker 1: are the stories that we tell ourselves about our lives.

1255
01:06:59,320 --> 01:07:03,360
Speaker 1: So those in tensions are very important because that is

1256
01:07:03,400 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 1: exactly how your life will end up is based on

1257
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:10,320
Speaker 1: the story you're telling yourself. And that's something that I

1258
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:13,840
Speaker 1: oftentimes will challenge myself on what is the story I'm

1259
01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:16,320
Speaker 1: telling myself in this exact moment. And I tell my

1260
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:20,120
Speaker 1: clients that if they have a dip in their depression

1261
01:07:20,360 --> 01:07:23,920
Speaker 1: or their anxiety, what were you just thinking right before

1262
01:07:24,320 --> 01:07:26,240
Speaker 1: you had that dip in your mood?

1263
01:07:26,760 --> 01:07:26,960
Speaker 4: You know?

1264
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:30,760
Speaker 2: I teach yoga on Saturday mornings, and one of the

1265
01:07:30,760 --> 01:07:34,080
Speaker 2: things I talked about is you know we have sixty

1266
01:07:34,120 --> 01:07:37,480
Speaker 2: to eighty thousand thoughts a day. Sixty to eighty thousand,

1267
01:07:37,600 --> 01:07:41,280
Speaker 2: and eighty to ninety percent of those thoughts are negative, repetitive,

1268
01:07:41,280 --> 01:07:44,720
Speaker 2: and useless. I mean, it is the same things we

1269
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:49,320
Speaker 2: think about this morning that you think about tomorrow morning,

1270
01:07:49,440 --> 01:07:52,680
Speaker 2: and the same things. And so you literally have to

1271
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:59,120
Speaker 2: alter and intentionally decide no, when I start going down

1272
01:07:59,120 --> 01:08:02,880
Speaker 2: that rabbit hole, don't feel good. So you literally have

1273
01:08:02,960 --> 01:08:05,840
Speaker 2: to control your mind. Just as if you were to say,

1274
01:08:06,240 --> 01:08:08,600
Speaker 2: if you were to scream your name in your head,

1275
01:08:08,680 --> 01:08:12,320
Speaker 2: doctor Wes, Right now you scream your name, and then

1276
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:15,880
Speaker 2: you can say it's softly, whisper it, whisper your name

1277
01:08:15,880 --> 01:08:20,200
Speaker 2: in your head. Right, you have control of your talk,

1278
01:08:20,520 --> 01:08:23,400
Speaker 2: your mind, talk, your chatter. You have control over it.

1279
01:08:23,640 --> 01:08:26,360
Speaker 2: The key is to become aware of it and then

1280
01:08:26,439 --> 01:08:29,519
Speaker 2: to as Wayne Dyer used to say, doctor Wayne Dyer,

1281
01:08:29,640 --> 01:08:32,320
Speaker 2: change your thoughts, change your life. You get a whole buck.

1282
01:08:32,360 --> 01:08:35,519
Speaker 2: Yet about eighty of these books on changing your thoughts

1283
01:08:35,600 --> 01:08:39,120
Speaker 2: change your life, and it does work. Yeah, you have

1284
01:08:39,200 --> 01:08:41,080
Speaker 2: to become aware of it, and you have to be

1285
01:08:41,240 --> 01:08:43,920
Speaker 2: clear in what you want, right clear and what you

1286
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:46,600
Speaker 2: want and what you're aware, and then that's where mantras

1287
01:08:46,640 --> 01:08:49,559
Speaker 2: come in and setting your intentions and things like that.

1288
01:08:49,760 --> 01:08:52,639
Speaker 2: You know, I can go down this road for hours

1289
01:08:52,680 --> 01:08:53,000
Speaker 2: an hour.

1290
01:08:53,240 --> 01:08:56,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a great I think something for twenty twenty

1291
01:08:56,320 --> 01:08:59,479
Speaker 1: six would be daily mantras. Doc what you said?

1292
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:03,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, like like things that you want, write it down

1293
01:09:03,479 --> 01:09:05,439
Speaker 2: and say it out loud as many times as you can.

1294
01:09:05,479 --> 01:09:09,320
Speaker 2: There's people that do these these chantings right before they

1295
01:09:09,360 --> 01:09:11,040
Speaker 2: go to bed, because you can get in a dream

1296
01:09:11,080 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 2: state and manifest it. So if you say things five times,

1297
01:09:14,000 --> 01:09:16,720
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be the first millionaire in my family, I'm

1298
01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:19,080
Speaker 2: gonna I'm gonna make a million b time by the

1299
01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:21,439
Speaker 2: time I'm thirty years old. And you say these things

1300
01:09:21,479 --> 01:09:23,320
Speaker 2: over and over again right before you go to bed,

1301
01:09:23,360 --> 01:09:26,479
Speaker 2: and there's uh, there's that this has worked for people

1302
01:09:26,479 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 2: and how they have manifested it. It's pretty interesting. It's

1303
01:09:30,439 --> 01:09:32,960
Speaker 2: very interesting. All Right, we're up against clock. What's the

1304
01:09:33,000 --> 01:09:35,479
Speaker 2: scariest thing that can happen to you on a first date.

1305
01:09:35,560 --> 01:09:40,240
Speaker 2: We're going to get into yes, first date scenarios, worst, best,

1306
01:09:40,280 --> 01:09:43,400
Speaker 2: and everything in between. We are going there in the

1307
01:09:43,439 --> 01:09:47,920
Speaker 2: eleven o'clock hours. Don Indeed, doctor Wes and Channing tonight

1308
01:09:47,960 --> 01:09:51,560
Speaker 2: along for the Ride, Saturday Night, seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati.

1309
01:09:55,120 --> 01:09:57,559
Speaker 9: I'm Scottsloan here, and you don't need me to tell

1310
01:09:57,600 --> 01:09:59,640
Speaker 9: you about the fast paced world we live in, right,

1311
01:10:00,000 --> 01:10:02,439
Speaker 9: Sometimes it's so fast and so heckic. You may miss

1312
01:10:02,479 --> 01:10:04,439
Speaker 9: part of my show, but don't sweat it.

1313
01:10:04,439 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 1: If you do.

1314
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:07,920
Speaker 9: You can always touch the podcast on the iHeartRadio app

1315
01:10:07,960 --> 01:10:10,639
Speaker 9: and here what you missed. It's perfect listening for when

1316
01:10:10,680 --> 01:10:14,280
Speaker 9: you're on the toilet, or at a funeral, or when

1317
01:10:14,280 --> 01:10:17,880
Speaker 9: you're around people you want to ignore. It's the one

1318
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:20,640
Speaker 9: hundred and twenty fifth season of Cincinnati men's basketball.

1319
01:10:20,800 --> 01:10:21,479
Speaker 4: Celebrate them.

1320
01:10:21,760 --> 01:10:25,759
Speaker 2: It's done a d Saturday Night along with me, Doctor West,

1321
01:10:26,080 --> 01:10:30,679
Speaker 2: licensed marriage family Therapists out of Tennessee. So we're talking

1322
01:10:30,720 --> 01:10:34,800
Speaker 2: about we're talking about things that you want to do

1323
01:10:35,640 --> 01:10:40,280
Speaker 2: for the new year and things you want to leave behind,

1324
01:10:40,400 --> 01:10:43,080
Speaker 2: like old relationships and that could lead to dating.

1325
01:10:43,439 --> 01:10:43,679
Speaker 1: Right.

1326
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:47,880
Speaker 2: I watched this comedian say what's the scariest thing that

1327
01:10:47,920 --> 01:10:50,000
Speaker 2: can happen to you on a first date? And she

1328
01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:53,280
Speaker 2: asked the men and the men said catfish.

1329
01:10:53,680 --> 01:10:53,880
Speaker 4: Right.

1330
01:10:54,040 --> 01:10:58,000
Speaker 2: So basically, oh, she doesn't look like her photos, right,

1331
01:10:58,120 --> 01:11:01,800
Speaker 2: She usual looks a little off catfishing is a real thing.

1332
01:11:01,960 --> 01:11:03,640
Speaker 2: I get it. I'm not saying it. But then she

1333
01:11:03,760 --> 01:11:06,719
Speaker 2: asked the ladies, what's the scariest thing that can happen

1334
01:11:06,760 --> 01:11:10,880
Speaker 2: to you on the first date? And they all said murder? Right, Yeah,

1335
01:11:10,960 --> 01:11:15,960
Speaker 2: you see how men and women look at things so differently.

1336
01:11:16,240 --> 01:11:19,800
Speaker 1: You have to. Women have to in today's You just

1337
01:11:19,840 --> 01:11:24,880
Speaker 1: have to because of the risk of just the just

1338
01:11:24,920 --> 01:11:28,800
Speaker 1: the very differences between men and women. I mean, let's

1339
01:11:28,800 --> 01:11:29,680
Speaker 1: just talk about it, right.

1340
01:11:29,680 --> 01:11:32,040
Speaker 2: You've got a daughter. I've got a daughter, Yeah, fourteen,

1341
01:11:32,160 --> 01:11:35,599
Speaker 2: she's Fourteen's going to be dating at some point, that's right.

1342
01:11:35,720 --> 01:11:38,599
Speaker 2: So how do you look at it as a dad

1343
01:11:38,680 --> 01:11:42,120
Speaker 2: as as you have to girl? Dads have to look

1344
01:11:42,120 --> 01:11:44,040
Speaker 2: at things a little bit differently.

1345
01:11:43,760 --> 01:11:46,880
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely they do. I have to be thinking about

1346
01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:51,400
Speaker 1: teaching her about how to be smart when it comes

1347
01:11:51,400 --> 01:11:55,160
Speaker 1: to protecting you know, her, not giving out all of

1348
01:11:55,160 --> 01:11:59,320
Speaker 1: her information, not be sharing her location, all of those things,

1349
01:11:59,360 --> 01:12:01,880
Speaker 1: you know, even the devices that we have right now,

1350
01:12:02,200 --> 01:12:04,160
Speaker 1: things like that. That's something that I'm talking to her

1351
01:12:04,160 --> 01:12:06,479
Speaker 1: about all the time. And and people that are trying

1352
01:12:06,520 --> 01:12:11,320
Speaker 1: to purchase purchase gifts for people, you know, trying to

1353
01:12:11,760 --> 01:12:15,080
Speaker 1: groom them into these relationships. You got to be careful

1354
01:12:15,120 --> 01:12:15,519
Speaker 1: about that.

1355
01:12:16,600 --> 01:12:20,280
Speaker 2: So yeah, when once you are online and you have

1356
01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:23,240
Speaker 2: social media, and I say this to parents all the time,

1357
01:12:23,280 --> 01:12:25,680
Speaker 2: I don't know how you do it because it's so

1358
01:12:25,800 --> 01:12:28,360
Speaker 2: scary for the kids out there, right, it can be

1359
01:12:28,439 --> 01:12:30,920
Speaker 2: so scary. And I know, Channing, you're shaking your head.

1360
01:12:31,160 --> 01:12:36,320
Speaker 2: There's uh, there's one there. It's not just the scary

1361
01:12:36,520 --> 01:12:40,000
Speaker 2: aspect of dating, because there's there's that, but it's also

1362
01:12:40,200 --> 01:12:44,840
Speaker 2: like sometimes very uncomfortable too, because when you're dating it

1363
01:12:44,880 --> 01:12:48,439
Speaker 2: could feel like a job interview. It feels like you

1364
01:12:48,560 --> 01:12:50,880
Speaker 2: try and ask questions and you try and get to

1365
01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:54,759
Speaker 2: know somebody, but it's not always like I don't always

1366
01:12:54,760 --> 01:12:57,240
Speaker 2: feel like people are being one hundred percent honest. Like

1367
01:12:57,720 --> 01:13:01,439
Speaker 2: if you're an outdoors person and you say that you're

1368
01:13:01,439 --> 01:13:05,120
Speaker 2: an outdoor person, great, you go skiing and you know,

1369
01:13:05,280 --> 01:13:08,280
Speaker 2: play hoops with your friends on the weekends, whatever, that's great.

1370
01:13:08,680 --> 01:13:11,200
Speaker 2: But if you're not, just say you're not. If you're

1371
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:13,679
Speaker 2: a couch potato would like to watch football all day

1372
01:13:14,000 --> 01:13:16,920
Speaker 2: on Saturday and all day on Sunday, then just be

1373
01:13:17,040 --> 01:13:19,839
Speaker 2: honest about it. How important is it to be honest

1374
01:13:20,880 --> 01:13:23,040
Speaker 2: on the first date so that you can figure out

1375
01:13:23,040 --> 01:13:25,919
Speaker 2: whether you're a match because if you're saying you're outdoors

1376
01:13:25,960 --> 01:13:30,400
Speaker 2: and you're really not, maybe somebody that that would love

1377
01:13:30,439 --> 01:13:33,840
Speaker 2: a couch potato that stays home and watches sports all weekend,

1378
01:13:34,320 --> 01:13:36,920
Speaker 2: there would be your perfect match. I wouldn't love that,

1379
01:13:38,120 --> 01:13:40,200
Speaker 2: you know, all weekend to stay home on the couch

1380
01:13:40,240 --> 01:13:43,120
Speaker 2: and watch sports. But you know sometimes on Sunday watch

1381
01:13:43,120 --> 01:13:44,120
Speaker 2: them bangles of course.

1382
01:13:44,240 --> 01:13:44,439
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1383
01:13:44,520 --> 01:13:46,559
Speaker 1: No, it's like layers of an onion for me. And

1384
01:13:46,600 --> 01:13:48,920
Speaker 1: for what I mean by that is you want to

1385
01:13:48,960 --> 01:13:51,680
Speaker 1: start with the just the basic small talk, but then

1386
01:13:51,720 --> 01:13:54,040
Speaker 1: you do I think need to just I think you

1387
01:13:54,120 --> 01:13:58,400
Speaker 1: need to in that second layer, be honest about who

1388
01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:01,760
Speaker 1: you are as a person, what your identity is as

1389
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:04,400
Speaker 1: a person, and what you like and what you don't like.

1390
01:14:04,880 --> 01:14:07,600
Speaker 1: And so it's very important, I mean, But unfortunately, I

1391
01:14:07,640 --> 01:14:10,400
Speaker 1: think dating right now is a lot of It's like Donna,

1392
01:14:10,479 --> 01:14:12,080
Speaker 1: you and I have talked about it. It's like shopping

1393
01:14:12,120 --> 01:14:15,439
Speaker 1: almost online. This online dating is like shopping, and people

1394
01:14:15,439 --> 01:14:18,000
Speaker 1: are putting out like the ad campaigns on themselves, Like

1395
01:14:18,040 --> 01:14:20,519
Speaker 1: there's certain pictures that they're putting off that aren't really

1396
01:14:20,720 --> 01:14:24,879
Speaker 1: who they are, and so they're trying to advertise themselves

1397
01:14:24,960 --> 01:14:25,559
Speaker 1: in such a way.

1398
01:14:25,680 --> 01:14:27,920
Speaker 2: It's not a whole new world. It's right, it's not

1399
01:14:27,960 --> 01:14:30,640
Speaker 2: who they really are, that is the first. That is

1400
01:14:30,680 --> 01:14:33,400
Speaker 2: the thing I did in twenty twenty five that I

1401
01:14:33,439 --> 01:14:35,080
Speaker 2: never thought I was going to do is get on

1402
01:14:35,120 --> 01:14:38,559
Speaker 2: a dating app. And it's been interesting and I've met

1403
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:42,120
Speaker 2: some very nice people. I think dating apps are great.

1404
01:14:42,680 --> 01:14:47,040
Speaker 2: I know so many people that have found matches on

1405
01:14:48,600 --> 01:14:52,479
Speaker 2: Bumble and the like that that are truly like in love,

1406
01:14:52,520 --> 01:14:56,559
Speaker 2: in life partners. I mean, I have three people around

1407
01:14:56,600 --> 01:14:59,519
Speaker 2: me in my you know, in my close circle, that

1408
01:14:59,640 --> 01:15:04,519
Speaker 2: have found people on Bumble and and and it's been

1409
01:15:04,680 --> 01:15:07,960
Speaker 2: or or another dating app. And it's been a really

1410
01:15:08,000 --> 01:15:11,599
Speaker 2: good experience for some it's been terrible for others. And

1411
01:15:11,680 --> 01:15:15,519
Speaker 2: what makes it and I Doctor West, tell me if

1412
01:15:15,560 --> 01:15:20,000
Speaker 2: I'm wrong here, please, but I think what makes your

1413
01:15:20,080 --> 01:15:24,479
Speaker 2: experience on something that's uncomfortable, like a dating app or

1414
01:15:24,520 --> 01:15:29,880
Speaker 2: whatever that could be uncomfortable, is your perspect perspective about it. Right,

1415
01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:32,960
Speaker 2: So if you say, listen, this is fun, I'm having

1416
01:15:33,040 --> 01:15:36,320
Speaker 2: I'm having fun. I like dating. I'm I'm I'm not

1417
01:15:36,439 --> 01:15:39,599
Speaker 2: ready to settle down yet. I'd like to meet somebody

1418
01:15:39,600 --> 01:15:41,960
Speaker 2: that I match with, but I'm okay with just dating

1419
01:15:42,000 --> 01:15:44,960
Speaker 2: for a while, and because I see some people put

1420
01:15:45,000 --> 01:15:47,040
Speaker 2: on like I can't wait to get off this app.

1421
01:15:47,040 --> 01:15:49,320
Speaker 2: I think it's terrible. Blah blah blah blah blah. How

1422
01:15:49,360 --> 01:15:51,200
Speaker 2: are you going to have a good experience?

1423
01:15:51,240 --> 01:15:53,240
Speaker 1: If you're like that, you're not going to eat. But

1424
01:15:53,320 --> 01:15:56,720
Speaker 1: you can't be attached to an outcome. I think that's key.

1425
01:15:56,800 --> 01:15:59,559
Speaker 1: You cannot be attached to an outcome because if you're

1426
01:15:59,560 --> 01:16:02,479
Speaker 1: attached an outcome, you become imprisoned by that outcome.

1427
01:16:02,800 --> 01:16:08,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I completely agree. But even your perspective, perspective is

1428
01:16:08,760 --> 01:16:14,800
Speaker 2: everything it is. It's if it's a cold, snowy Cincinnati

1429
01:16:15,040 --> 01:16:17,960
Speaker 2: mourning and you got to go walk the dog. It

1430
01:16:18,280 --> 01:16:22,439
Speaker 2: can be fresh and beautiful and bundle up and cozy,

1431
01:16:22,479 --> 01:16:24,760
Speaker 2: you know all that's it just depends on how you

1432
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:27,679
Speaker 2: look at things. And I really do feel like dating

1433
01:16:28,160 --> 01:16:31,559
Speaker 2: and dating apps are really important to pay attention to

1434
01:16:31,640 --> 01:16:34,560
Speaker 2: your perspective on it, as if it's not going to

1435
01:16:34,640 --> 01:16:36,160
Speaker 2: be good. I have people that are on there and

1436
01:16:36,200 --> 01:16:38,519
Speaker 2: says it's the worst I can stand it. And then

1437
01:16:38,640 --> 01:16:41,839
Speaker 2: like I said, people that have found great people matches.

1438
01:16:42,040 --> 01:16:44,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, the people that are on there, they're saying I

1439
01:16:44,560 --> 01:16:47,000
Speaker 1: getting on this app was the most horrible thing I've

1440
01:16:47,040 --> 01:16:50,400
Speaker 1: ever done. That they're not going to attract anyone. That's

1441
01:16:50,439 --> 01:16:53,599
Speaker 1: just negative energy. Yeah, who wants to date someone with

1442
01:16:53,840 --> 01:16:57,720
Speaker 1: negative energy? So no, that's not going to work. You know,

1443
01:16:58,160 --> 01:17:00,840
Speaker 1: you want to be able to be honest but also

1444
01:17:00,960 --> 01:17:03,240
Speaker 1: have a little bit of a positive attitude about it.

1445
01:17:03,320 --> 01:17:06,120
Speaker 2: I think it's important. It is really important. Five three

1446
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:10,200
Speaker 2: seven four ninety seven thousand. Everybody's been so quiet tonight.

1447
01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:12,639
Speaker 2: We've had a really good discussion. Tell me about this though.

1448
01:17:12,640 --> 01:17:14,120
Speaker 2: How do you feel about dating apps?

1449
01:17:14,520 --> 01:17:15,960
Speaker 1: How do I feel about dating apps?

1450
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:18,600
Speaker 2: I'm asking the our asking our listeners. How do you

1451
01:17:18,640 --> 01:17:21,680
Speaker 2: feel about dating apps? How? How has it been for you?

1452
01:17:21,760 --> 01:17:24,479
Speaker 2: Have you found a match? This is how we all

1453
01:17:24,560 --> 01:17:29,200
Speaker 2: live now. Everybody is on dating apps. Channing, you're fourteen. Now,

1454
01:17:29,240 --> 01:17:31,920
Speaker 2: I'm not going to ask if you're dating. You're not

1455
01:17:32,040 --> 01:17:34,280
Speaker 2: dating anyone, right, Your dad is right here.

1456
01:17:34,640 --> 01:17:38,760
Speaker 1: She's not dating anyone until she's late late twenties and

1457
01:17:38,800 --> 01:17:40,880
Speaker 1: then they have to put in the application to meet.

1458
01:17:41,520 --> 01:17:44,439
Speaker 2: But you meet kids at school still, right? Is that

1459
01:17:44,520 --> 01:17:46,880
Speaker 2: how you do it? Now? You're fourteen, so you know

1460
01:17:46,960 --> 01:17:50,080
Speaker 2: I would suggest you going at least you know, three

1461
01:17:50,240 --> 01:17:52,400
Speaker 2: or four more years before you start. I mean that

1462
01:17:53,000 --> 01:17:56,280
Speaker 2: I am not exaggerating. Seventeen eighteen. Maybe that's when you

1463
01:17:56,320 --> 01:17:59,519
Speaker 2: start looking to like meet somebody and get your first

1464
01:17:59,560 --> 01:18:02,840
Speaker 2: experience of like actually having a love of your life

1465
01:18:02,920 --> 01:18:03,519
Speaker 2: kind of a thing.

1466
01:18:04,080 --> 01:18:04,320
Speaker 7: Is that?

1467
01:18:04,520 --> 01:18:08,360
Speaker 2: Have you experienced any kind of a minimal crush or

1468
01:18:08,439 --> 01:18:09,240
Speaker 2: something like that?

1469
01:18:09,479 --> 01:18:14,360
Speaker 3: Yes, obviously crushes, I've experienced many throughout school. As far

1470
01:18:14,400 --> 01:18:16,920
Speaker 3: as like long term like relationships, I have not.

1471
01:18:17,360 --> 01:18:20,479
Speaker 2: I have not yet. Well, you're fourteen. I literally said,

1472
01:18:22,840 --> 01:18:23,920
Speaker 2: I'm hoping.

1473
01:18:24,080 --> 01:18:26,519
Speaker 3: To experience one, but I'm kind of just letting it

1474
01:18:26,560 --> 01:18:27,639
Speaker 3: happen how it's supposed to happen.

1475
01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:28,519
Speaker 2: Okay, that's good.

1476
01:18:28,680 --> 01:18:34,080
Speaker 3: Crushes Obviously, crush on somebody back in the day.

1477
01:18:34,320 --> 01:18:37,400
Speaker 2: This is so embarrassing. But I used to have a

1478
01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:45,960
Speaker 2: crush on Andy Gibb and Very Manilow. How crazy is that?

1479
01:18:46,520 --> 01:18:48,679
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. Do you have crushes like for rock

1480
01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:51,479
Speaker 2: stars and stuff? Oh? Yes, do you? I just saw

1481
01:18:51,520 --> 01:18:53,840
Speaker 2: you saw Bruno Mars out in the hallway. Guys, I

1482
01:18:55,400 --> 01:18:56,719
Speaker 2: really like Joe Jonas.

1483
01:18:57,000 --> 01:19:00,600
Speaker 3: Okay, but he could be my father, so I it's

1484
01:19:00,840 --> 01:19:02,760
Speaker 3: the But yes, I have.

1485
01:19:03,200 --> 01:19:06,120
Speaker 2: Crushes on random rock stars. So I've won three seven

1486
01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:09,360
Speaker 2: for ninety seven thousand. How do you feel about dating apps?

1487
01:19:09,439 --> 01:19:11,639
Speaker 2: Is it the worst thing in the world or are

1488
01:19:11,640 --> 01:19:16,800
Speaker 2: you having some success in it? The thing about understanding

1489
01:19:17,080 --> 01:19:20,439
Speaker 2: how how to date, because if you haven't been out there,

1490
01:19:20,479 --> 01:19:23,040
Speaker 2: I haven't I was in a relationship for a while,

1491
01:19:23,120 --> 01:19:27,479
Speaker 2: you as well. You really have to practice it like

1492
01:19:27,640 --> 01:19:34,600
Speaker 2: anything else. And if you if you're thin skinned in

1493
01:19:34,680 --> 01:19:37,120
Speaker 2: the dating world right now, that's going to be a

1494
01:19:37,120 --> 01:19:40,679
Speaker 2: pro that's going to be hard. What advice doctor Wes

1495
01:19:40,720 --> 01:19:45,120
Speaker 2: would you give in terms of of of of being

1496
01:19:45,280 --> 01:19:48,960
Speaker 2: honest about yourself and authentic about who you are, but

1497
01:19:49,080 --> 01:19:53,360
Speaker 2: also like not getting offended and being thicker skinned if

1498
01:19:53,360 --> 01:19:56,559
Speaker 2: somebody because you you, somebody can unmatch you in a

1499
01:19:56,600 --> 01:20:00,719
Speaker 2: second on on you know, the dating apps or somebody

1500
01:20:00,800 --> 01:20:04,479
Speaker 2: can you know, decide after a first date that hey,

1501
01:20:04,520 --> 01:20:07,720
Speaker 2: this isn't a match. How do you not take that?

1502
01:20:07,800 --> 01:20:12,679
Speaker 1: Personally, you have to love yourself. You gotta love yourself

1503
01:20:12,800 --> 01:20:15,840
Speaker 1: first and foremost. You have to know that you are

1504
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:18,360
Speaker 1: a catch yourself and write down the reasons why you're

1505
01:20:18,360 --> 01:20:20,639
Speaker 1: a catch. I think you have to put those front

1506
01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:23,360
Speaker 1: and center in your mind because if you are seeking

1507
01:20:23,439 --> 01:20:27,080
Speaker 1: that external validation from the apps, you're going to get disappointed,

1508
01:20:27,880 --> 01:20:28,720
Speaker 1: right so, and.

1509
01:20:28,720 --> 01:20:31,200
Speaker 2: It's kind of like what we talked about earlier in

1510
01:20:31,320 --> 01:20:34,840
Speaker 2: terms of not getting validated by other people. Better if

1511
01:20:34,880 --> 01:20:38,519
Speaker 2: you could actually if I don't think it's a match,

1512
01:20:39,120 --> 01:20:41,360
Speaker 2: but I didn't get to say it before he did,

1513
01:20:41,400 --> 01:20:44,280
Speaker 2: and he you know, it would be like I already

1514
01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:47,280
Speaker 2: feel like it's not a match too, so by right,

1515
01:20:47,479 --> 01:20:50,599
Speaker 2: it could be one of those things. Or it could

1516
01:20:50,600 --> 01:20:53,639
Speaker 2: be like why didn't he like me? Because even though

1517
01:20:53,720 --> 01:20:56,080
Speaker 2: you didn't feel like it was, it was a good

1518
01:20:56,160 --> 01:20:59,280
Speaker 2: match too, you might feel like, oh, abandoned by it?

1519
01:20:59,400 --> 01:21:01,360
Speaker 2: Or what would be the technical term of that.

1520
01:21:01,800 --> 01:21:04,799
Speaker 1: No, abandoned would be a good term for that. Yeah,

1521
01:21:04,920 --> 01:21:09,479
Speaker 1: you would feel abandoned, You would feel invalidated, you would

1522
01:21:09,479 --> 01:21:11,200
Speaker 1: feel rejected.

1523
01:21:11,360 --> 01:21:15,200
Speaker 2: Rejected is the word that I was looking for. Rejected

1524
01:21:15,280 --> 01:21:20,559
Speaker 2: would be rejecting me before I could reject, which is

1525
01:21:20,600 --> 01:21:23,559
Speaker 2: always a bummer you. I will always want to reject

1526
01:21:23,560 --> 01:21:28,600
Speaker 2: somebody before they can reject me. But really everybody nowadays,

1527
01:21:28,640 --> 01:21:32,679
Speaker 2: it's kind of it is kind of like shopping online

1528
01:21:32,680 --> 01:21:36,000
Speaker 2: shopping and you're like trying to pick pick the one

1529
01:21:36,040 --> 01:21:39,479
Speaker 2: that you think would like a nice par of jeans, right,

1530
01:21:39,560 --> 01:21:42,320
Speaker 2: like a nice comfy para jeans. You're like, man, these

1531
01:21:42,360 --> 01:21:45,960
Speaker 2: don't fit that well, they looked better on the hangar, right,

1532
01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:48,639
Speaker 2: and then it doesn't fit very well. But it's something

1533
01:21:48,680 --> 01:21:52,280
Speaker 2: that we're all getting used to in society online dating.

1534
01:21:52,520 --> 01:21:57,280
Speaker 1: We are, we are, and it is very much there's

1535
01:21:57,320 --> 01:22:00,240
Speaker 1: got to you gotta, I think, go into it with

1536
01:22:00,439 --> 01:22:05,000
Speaker 1: a beginner's mind, without having a lot of expectations. But

1537
01:22:05,120 --> 01:22:06,960
Speaker 1: also I think you've got to be careful to not

1538
01:22:07,000 --> 01:22:09,400
Speaker 1: get hurt. So you got to put you got to

1539
01:22:09,439 --> 01:22:13,200
Speaker 1: put a lot of parameters up around not giving out,

1540
01:22:13,960 --> 01:22:16,400
Speaker 1: not giving out too much information too soon.

1541
01:22:16,960 --> 01:22:19,439
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I can't believe you just said it,

1542
01:22:19,479 --> 01:22:22,840
Speaker 2: because that's kind of how people get violated. So I

1543
01:22:22,880 --> 01:22:26,280
Speaker 2: don't need to know that you didn't get along with

1544
01:22:26,320 --> 01:22:28,599
Speaker 2: your on the first date. I don't need to know

1545
01:22:28,640 --> 01:22:31,960
Speaker 2: that you didn't get along with your wife, right, and

1546
01:22:32,000 --> 01:22:37,000
Speaker 2: that your family is now disgruntled and they don't get

1547
01:22:37,040 --> 01:22:39,400
Speaker 2: along with her and the kids are I don't need

1548
01:22:39,439 --> 01:22:41,840
Speaker 2: to know all that on the first date right now,

1549
01:22:42,080 --> 01:22:44,519
Speaker 2: and why you broke up and why. I mean, I

1550
01:22:44,600 --> 01:22:48,120
Speaker 2: think it's important to understand, but like just what books

1551
01:22:48,120 --> 01:22:50,960
Speaker 2: have you read late lately? I mean, that's kind of

1552
01:22:51,360 --> 01:22:53,120
Speaker 2: where the first date should be.

1553
01:22:53,400 --> 01:22:55,639
Speaker 1: That's a sign of somebody that needs to go to therapy.

1554
01:22:55,760 --> 01:22:57,720
Speaker 1: If they're telling you all that on a first date,

1555
01:22:58,240 --> 01:22:59,680
Speaker 1: they should go to therapy.

1556
01:22:59,520 --> 01:23:02,600
Speaker 2: Because they have to get it out. That's what they're doing.

1557
01:23:02,479 --> 01:23:05,160
Speaker 1: Right, But they're just moving from one relationship to the next,

1558
01:23:05,200 --> 01:23:06,160
Speaker 1: to the next to the next.

1559
01:23:06,960 --> 01:23:09,200
Speaker 2: I actually said, and I really like this guy, and

1560
01:23:09,280 --> 01:23:12,320
Speaker 2: I thought thought he was super nice, and he got

1561
01:23:12,360 --> 01:23:14,800
Speaker 2: a little bit into that and I said, you're you're

1562
01:23:14,800 --> 01:23:19,439
Speaker 2: telling me too much stuff. And I realize not everybody

1563
01:23:19,520 --> 01:23:21,640
Speaker 2: has a twin sister like I do and talk for

1564
01:23:21,680 --> 01:23:26,479
Speaker 2: two hours and get everything out. But it is, it is.

1565
01:23:27,840 --> 01:23:30,880
Speaker 2: It can be too much for the listener and too much,

1566
01:23:31,280 --> 01:23:35,759
Speaker 2: certainly for somebody. That's Sharon. Let's go to Brian and Amelia. Brian,

1567
01:23:36,640 --> 01:23:39,160
Speaker 2: I don't know what you're you're married for thirty seven years.

1568
01:23:39,160 --> 01:23:41,599
Speaker 2: Tell me about the dating life that you no longer

1569
01:23:41,680 --> 01:23:42,439
Speaker 2: have to deal with.

1570
01:23:44,400 --> 01:23:48,640
Speaker 10: Well, I work for a company where there are a

1571
01:23:48,720 --> 01:23:52,439
Speaker 10: lot of women and I don't even pay attention to them.

1572
01:23:52,439 --> 01:23:56,080
Speaker 10: I treat them like they're toxic because there's too much.

1573
01:23:55,920 --> 01:23:56,840
Speaker 4: Trouble these days.

1574
01:23:56,840 --> 01:24:00,840
Speaker 10: You can get into. But my point being is when

1575
01:24:01,960 --> 01:24:06,840
Speaker 10: my wife and I met each other, we were engaged

1576
01:24:06,880 --> 01:24:07,840
Speaker 10: for a year.

1577
01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:10,519
Speaker 4: We dated for a year.

1578
01:24:10,520 --> 01:24:12,840
Speaker 10: We were engaged for a year and then we got married,

1579
01:24:12,880 --> 01:24:15,960
Speaker 10: and in that time we talked about all the things

1580
01:24:16,000 --> 01:24:19,720
Speaker 10: that we wanted to achieve, how many children, where we

1581
01:24:19,760 --> 01:24:24,160
Speaker 10: wanted to live. We're both Catholic. That was a good

1582
01:24:24,200 --> 01:24:30,639
Speaker 10: point that she wanted from me, and things have worked out.

1583
01:24:30,760 --> 01:24:35,439
Speaker 10: We've got four boys who are all Eagle Scouts in

1584
01:24:35,479 --> 01:24:38,519
Speaker 10: their contributing members of society and none of them have

1585
01:24:38,600 --> 01:24:39,200
Speaker 10: been in jail.

1586
01:24:40,160 --> 01:24:43,840
Speaker 2: Well, that is about That is definitely a positive thing.

1587
01:24:44,160 --> 01:24:48,679
Speaker 2: So you've been married for thirty seven years, Brian, Yes, okay?

1588
01:24:49,080 --> 01:24:50,880
Speaker 2: Are you still are you still.

1589
01:24:52,560 --> 01:24:53,000
Speaker 10: Eighty eight?

1590
01:24:53,080 --> 01:24:57,559
Speaker 2: Okay? Do you still have good communication with your wife? Yes?

1591
01:24:57,720 --> 01:25:01,840
Speaker 10: Things have gotten better. Unfortunately issues out of work and

1592
01:25:01,920 --> 01:25:04,800
Speaker 10: I get to see her more often and our relationship

1593
01:25:04,800 --> 01:25:07,479
Speaker 10: has gotten a lot better. We only have one of

1594
01:25:07,520 --> 01:25:11,599
Speaker 10: the four boys left at home and he's about about

1595
01:25:11,680 --> 01:25:16,240
Speaker 10: do I believe get married and move out so we

1596
01:25:16,400 --> 01:25:17,839
Speaker 10: will be empty nesters?

1597
01:25:19,479 --> 01:25:23,040
Speaker 2: And what do you? Because I again this is perspective

1598
01:25:23,080 --> 01:25:25,719
Speaker 2: because I have friends that are going through empty nest

1599
01:25:26,200 --> 01:25:30,880
Speaker 2: empty nesters right now, and they they're re establishing, many

1600
01:25:30,920 --> 01:25:36,320
Speaker 2: of them, they're reestablishing the deeper connection by being alone.

1601
01:25:36,560 --> 01:25:39,360
Speaker 2: What do you? How do you see that, Wes, doctor Wes.

1602
01:25:39,360 --> 01:25:41,880
Speaker 2: Some people grow apart in some people, Yeah, some people

1603
01:25:41,920 --> 01:25:44,519
Speaker 2: grow apart. But but Brian, you and your wife, it

1604
01:25:44,560 --> 01:25:48,280
Speaker 2: sounds like you all. I'm wondering what intentional steps you

1605
01:25:48,360 --> 01:25:52,160
Speaker 2: all took throughout your marriage to stay connected, because what

1606
01:25:52,280 --> 01:25:56,439
Speaker 2: can often happen is is that couples grow apart because

1607
01:25:56,479 --> 01:25:58,760
Speaker 2: of all because of all the parenting and all the

1608
01:25:58,880 --> 01:26:03,000
Speaker 2: different roles, and they when they become empty nesters, they

1609
01:26:03,120 --> 01:26:06,240
Speaker 2: end up separating or divorcing. So you all have done

1610
01:26:06,240 --> 01:26:07,000
Speaker 2: something different.

1611
01:26:07,360 --> 01:26:13,759
Speaker 10: It sounds like, well, we've had we've had our rocky

1612
01:26:13,880 --> 01:26:17,040
Speaker 10: times in the marriage. I won't I won't lie to

1613
01:26:17,120 --> 01:26:20,559
Speaker 10: you that we've not seen an eye on a few things.

1614
01:26:20,600 --> 01:26:25,639
Speaker 10: But the communication is what counts. Okay, if you truly

1615
01:26:25,800 --> 01:26:30,120
Speaker 10: love someone, you will look past a lot of things

1616
01:26:30,200 --> 01:26:34,040
Speaker 10: because you want that person for who they are, not

1617
01:26:34,240 --> 01:26:36,960
Speaker 10: for that certain belief, for that that little.

1618
01:26:36,760 --> 01:26:37,680
Speaker 1: Quirk that they have.

1619
01:26:39,320 --> 01:26:43,720
Speaker 2: No. I honestly agree with Brian one hundred it's important.

1620
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:47,400
Speaker 2: People oftentimes feel like the grass is always greener on

1621
01:26:47,439 --> 01:26:49,880
Speaker 2: the other side, and Brian, that's not always the case.

1622
01:26:50,360 --> 01:26:57,120
Speaker 2: And when you know, and when you yeah.

1623
01:26:54,920 --> 01:26:57,920
Speaker 10: I can't give up all we've worked together to build

1624
01:26:58,560 --> 01:27:00,799
Speaker 10: that would be stepping too far back.

1625
01:27:01,160 --> 01:27:03,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, And if you have two people in a

1626
01:27:03,920 --> 01:27:08,479
Speaker 2: relationship that understand that, that's where the that's that's step one.

1627
01:27:09,000 --> 01:27:13,800
Speaker 2: And then learning how to communicate and understand each other's idiosyncrasies.

1628
01:27:13,880 --> 01:27:15,960
Speaker 2: Like they're not always gonna you're not always going to

1629
01:27:16,040 --> 01:27:19,040
Speaker 2: agree with them. There's always going to be some tough times. Brian,

1630
01:27:19,080 --> 01:27:21,479
Speaker 2: thank you so much for the call. I really appreciate it.

1631
01:27:22,320 --> 01:27:24,599
Speaker 10: You're awake, We're welcome. Don I have a good night

1632
01:27:24,720 --> 01:27:25,040
Speaker 10: you too.

1633
01:27:25,320 --> 01:27:27,840
Speaker 2: So I really do feel like that that was such

1634
01:27:27,880 --> 01:27:32,200
Speaker 2: a good call because it shows that even though you

1635
01:27:32,280 --> 01:27:34,840
Speaker 2: have rough times, you can still work it out. Obviously,

1636
01:27:35,439 --> 01:27:37,599
Speaker 2: we're gonna we're going to talk about this and when

1637
01:27:37,640 --> 01:27:40,240
Speaker 2: you should leave a relationship, because there are times. We're

1638
01:27:40,240 --> 01:27:42,800
Speaker 2: going to finish out the segment when we come back,

1639
01:27:43,360 --> 01:27:45,679
Speaker 2: Doctor West is going to talk about when you should

1640
01:27:45,720 --> 01:27:48,800
Speaker 2: give up on a relationship, when those things, when those

1641
01:27:48,840 --> 01:27:53,000
Speaker 2: signs happen. So coming back donner d with Doctor West

1642
01:27:53,120 --> 01:27:58,840
Speaker 2: Saturday night. It's seven hundred WLW Cincinnati when or Winter

1643
01:27:59,000 --> 01:28:03,160
Speaker 2: Weather Advisor, if I can say that it's called out.

1644
01:28:03,320 --> 01:28:06,680
Speaker 2: It feels like twenty five it's going to be snowing, tomorrow.

1645
01:28:07,200 --> 01:28:10,760
Speaker 2: It's done a d on a Saturday night here with

1646
01:28:10,880 --> 01:28:15,400
Speaker 2: my buddy doctor Wes seven hundred WLWS Doctor Wes. We've

1647
01:28:15,439 --> 01:28:19,040
Speaker 2: been talking about this, you know, finding love in today's world,

1648
01:28:19,080 --> 01:28:23,360
Speaker 2: and oftentimes it's on dating sites. You know, it's you know,

1649
01:28:23,439 --> 01:28:26,040
Speaker 2: it's the way that we meet people now, and sometimes

1650
01:28:26,080 --> 01:28:28,240
Speaker 2: it works and sometimes it doesn't. I have friends that

1651
01:28:28,320 --> 01:28:32,240
Speaker 2: are in long term relationships from meeting on a dating app.

1652
01:28:32,360 --> 01:28:36,240
Speaker 2: And you know, if you're in a long term relationship

1653
01:28:36,360 --> 01:28:39,360
Speaker 2: and things are going great and then after a year

1654
01:28:39,479 --> 01:28:43,800
Speaker 2: or two, thoughts are coming in, maybe this isn't my

1655
01:28:43,920 --> 01:28:48,120
Speaker 2: person right, Maybe he isn't what I thought he was.

1656
01:28:48,240 --> 01:28:50,880
Speaker 2: We haven't been getting along. Why are we not getting long?

1657
01:28:52,320 --> 01:28:54,439
Speaker 2: So the question I have for you when should you

1658
01:28:54,560 --> 01:28:57,839
Speaker 2: give up on a relationship? I was watching this video

1659
01:28:58,600 --> 01:29:01,200
Speaker 2: of this cute young guy, right, he's so cute and

1660
01:29:01,240 --> 01:29:03,960
Speaker 2: he's talking to this therapist and he's struggling to figure

1661
01:29:03,960 --> 01:29:06,680
Speaker 2: out his relationship. And he asked her when should I

1662
01:29:06,720 --> 01:29:09,400
Speaker 2: give up on a relationship? And her response was when

1663
01:29:09,439 --> 01:29:12,240
Speaker 2: they're not interested in you? And he said, but what

1664
01:29:12,360 --> 01:29:15,880
Speaker 2: if they say they're interested in me and that they

1665
01:29:15,920 --> 01:29:18,599
Speaker 2: love me but don't show it, then they're not interested

1666
01:29:18,640 --> 01:29:21,120
Speaker 2: in you, and they don't love you, she said, because

1667
01:29:21,479 --> 01:29:24,960
Speaker 2: you can't believe what people say, you have to believe

1668
01:29:25,040 --> 01:29:28,280
Speaker 2: how they act. So behavior is a language. It is

1669
01:29:28,600 --> 01:29:30,920
Speaker 2: really when is it, and I know we talk about

1670
01:29:30,960 --> 01:29:34,920
Speaker 2: the four horsemen a lot, When is it time where

1671
01:29:34,960 --> 01:29:37,920
Speaker 2: you can feel like I've done everything I can and

1672
01:29:38,360 --> 01:29:40,560
Speaker 2: this person is just not for me. I need to

1673
01:29:40,640 --> 01:29:41,639
Speaker 2: let go of this person.

1674
01:29:42,960 --> 01:29:47,040
Speaker 1: It's usually when there's a total lack of reciprocity, so

1675
01:29:47,080 --> 01:29:51,280
Speaker 1: there's no emotional engagement at all. You can literally be

1676
01:29:51,360 --> 01:29:54,640
Speaker 1: vulnerable with this person and they will just they'll just

1677
01:29:54,720 --> 01:29:57,639
Speaker 1: totally disengage with you. They won't even really acknowledge your

1678
01:29:57,640 --> 01:30:02,559
Speaker 1: emotional like you're saying to them, you're reaching out to them,

1679
01:30:02,560 --> 01:30:06,080
Speaker 1: you're pursuing them, and they're they're just totally stonewalling you.

1680
01:30:06,800 --> 01:30:10,919
Speaker 1: We've talked about the four horsemen of the apocalypse for relationships. Yeah,

1681
01:30:10,960 --> 01:30:17,519
Speaker 1: so there's criticism contempt. Contempt is when you just generally

1682
01:30:17,520 --> 01:30:20,000
Speaker 1: look down upon your partner and you think you're better

1683
01:30:20,080 --> 01:30:23,639
Speaker 1: than them, and you are rolling your eyes at them,

1684
01:30:23,880 --> 01:30:28,160
Speaker 1: or you're just constantly just thinking about the worst in them.

1685
01:30:28,800 --> 01:30:32,920
Speaker 1: So there's criticism, there's contempt, there's defensiveness, where you're just

1686
01:30:32,960 --> 01:30:37,600
Speaker 1: constantly defensive. No matter what is said in the relationship,

1687
01:30:37,880 --> 01:30:42,280
Speaker 1: you're constantly defensive. And then there's stonewalling. Stonewalling is the

1688
01:30:42,360 --> 01:30:44,880
Speaker 1: ultimately the end of a relationships.

1689
01:30:45,040 --> 01:30:50,000
Speaker 2: So stonewalling is when you get no response, no response

1690
01:30:50,040 --> 01:30:53,240
Speaker 2: at all. You walk in and you see, you know,

1691
01:30:53,360 --> 01:30:56,559
Speaker 2: your husband on the phone and you say, sweetheart, we

1692
01:30:57,280 --> 01:30:59,320
Speaker 2: you know I did this today, I did that today,

1693
01:30:59,360 --> 01:31:00,880
Speaker 2: and he doesn't look up from his.

1694
01:31:00,840 --> 01:31:02,000
Speaker 1: Phone, doesn't look up.

1695
01:31:02,280 --> 01:31:04,559
Speaker 2: And that's not even like in an argument, it's just

1696
01:31:04,640 --> 01:31:06,639
Speaker 2: kind of his basic way of being.

1697
01:31:06,800 --> 01:31:10,680
Speaker 1: And he's not mad either. He's got no emotional response

1698
01:31:10,840 --> 01:31:12,320
Speaker 1: at all. He just doesn't look up.

1699
01:31:13,240 --> 01:31:16,640
Speaker 2: Okay, So if you have one or more of the

1700
01:31:16,680 --> 01:31:20,760
Speaker 2: four horsemen, chances are it's going to be a tough road. Yeah,

1701
01:31:21,360 --> 01:31:22,040
Speaker 2: to heal.

1702
01:31:22,640 --> 01:31:25,639
Speaker 1: Contempt is the biggest predictor of separation and divorce.

1703
01:31:26,000 --> 01:31:26,960
Speaker 2: And what's contempt.

1704
01:31:26,960 --> 01:31:29,559
Speaker 1: Contempt is really looking down upon your partner, thinking that

1705
01:31:29,560 --> 01:31:34,960
Speaker 1: you're better than your partner, holding them just in a

1706
01:31:35,120 --> 01:31:38,720
Speaker 1: in a in a belief that you're better than them,

1707
01:31:38,760 --> 01:31:41,559
Speaker 1: and your feelings matter more than them, and and all

1708
01:31:41,600 --> 01:31:43,960
Speaker 1: of that, you know they're beneath you in some way.

1709
01:31:44,520 --> 01:31:49,760
Speaker 2: Would contempt be and you said better than them, and

1710
01:31:49,840 --> 01:31:52,320
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I'm I'm just hearing the words that

1711
01:31:52,360 --> 01:31:58,720
Speaker 2: you were just saying. You think you're better than your partner? Yeah,

1712
01:31:58,720 --> 01:32:02,280
Speaker 2: how do people get that mindset? How do how does

1713
01:32:02,360 --> 01:32:07,400
Speaker 2: that happen? Because if if if you're better than he,

1714
01:32:07,600 --> 01:32:09,640
Speaker 2: let's say, I feel like I'm better than you and

1715
01:32:09,720 --> 01:32:12,920
Speaker 2: we're in a relationship, how is that ever going to work?

1716
01:32:13,160 --> 01:32:17,960
Speaker 1: It's not. It can't. It can't because there's never a

1717
01:32:18,120 --> 01:32:20,360
Speaker 1: because if if one person's better than the other one,

1718
01:32:20,880 --> 01:32:24,840
Speaker 1: then their their needs matter more and their feelings matter more.

1719
01:32:25,000 --> 01:32:27,920
Speaker 1: They're they should be getting what that there's like a

1720
01:32:28,000 --> 01:32:31,320
Speaker 1: hierarchy in the relationship. You know, one's higher than the other.

1721
01:32:31,520 --> 01:32:35,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And isn't that the eye rolling thing? Contempt

1722
01:32:35,080 --> 01:32:40,280
Speaker 2: is like eye rolling? So can't could it possibly be

1723
01:32:40,520 --> 01:32:44,880
Speaker 2: that they take turns with inferior and superior in in

1724
01:32:44,880 --> 01:32:50,599
Speaker 2: in in in daily life? Could he feel superior at

1725
01:32:50,600 --> 01:32:52,920
Speaker 2: some point and she feel inferior?

1726
01:32:53,040 --> 01:32:53,280
Speaker 1: Sure?

1727
01:32:53,520 --> 01:32:55,519
Speaker 2: Can that that can gr out?

1728
01:32:55,720 --> 01:32:58,320
Speaker 1: It can, but it's still contempt on both sides.

1729
01:32:58,439 --> 01:33:02,080
Speaker 2: Okay, so so, so contempt could be on both sides

1730
01:33:02,680 --> 01:33:08,920
Speaker 2: and the inferior superior show up in both sides. Yes, Okay,

1731
01:33:09,120 --> 01:33:11,679
Speaker 2: that is that hard to recover? That's hard to be, that's.

1732
01:33:11,520 --> 01:33:12,320
Speaker 1: Hard to recover from?

1733
01:33:12,360 --> 01:33:13,960
Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, so.

1734
01:33:13,840 --> 01:33:15,920
Speaker 1: That would be if a couple's in my office and

1735
01:33:15,920 --> 01:33:18,519
Speaker 1: I'm seeing that, that is a very strong predictor that

1736
01:33:18,600 --> 01:33:20,280
Speaker 1: it might be time to Is.

1737
01:33:20,240 --> 01:33:23,640
Speaker 2: It usually one person though, that has the contempt for

1738
01:33:23,720 --> 01:33:24,320
Speaker 2: the other.

1739
01:33:25,680 --> 01:33:27,880
Speaker 1: Especially if there's been an affair or there's been some

1740
01:33:28,000 --> 01:33:31,519
Speaker 1: type of an attachment injury or attachment wound. Yeah, yes,

1741
01:33:32,680 --> 01:33:36,200
Speaker 1: Or one person's been pursuing for so long that they

1742
01:33:36,240 --> 01:33:40,520
Speaker 1: have finally just given up. Then then they can Oftentimes

1743
01:33:40,840 --> 01:33:43,960
Speaker 1: I see them stone walling and and being in contempt.

1744
01:33:44,080 --> 01:33:47,360
Speaker 2: And why would they be in your office in counseling.

1745
01:33:48,080 --> 01:33:50,760
Speaker 1: You know, some people do it just to just.

1746
01:33:50,760 --> 01:33:53,120
Speaker 2: To say we've tried everything.

1747
01:33:53,200 --> 01:33:57,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean there could be some hope. Sometimes

1748
01:33:57,960 --> 01:34:00,880
Speaker 1: the other partner begs them to go just please, let's

1749
01:34:00,880 --> 01:34:04,719
Speaker 1: go to therapy, and then I have the very difficult

1750
01:34:04,800 --> 01:34:08,320
Speaker 1: job of in that case saying to them, this isn't

1751
01:34:08,360 --> 01:34:11,719
Speaker 1: going to work and it's current state, the relationship is over.

1752
01:34:12,000 --> 01:34:14,599
Speaker 1: We're going to have to recreate a new relationship, and

1753
01:34:14,640 --> 01:34:17,439
Speaker 1: do you all want to do that or not? And

1754
01:34:18,240 --> 01:34:21,400
Speaker 1: I've had it, even most recently within the past week.

1755
01:34:23,040 --> 01:34:26,280
Speaker 1: Both of them couldn't give me an answer right, So.

1756
01:34:26,400 --> 01:34:29,799
Speaker 2: So neither one of them could say we want.

1757
01:34:29,680 --> 01:34:32,479
Speaker 1: To work on it, right, And they're so they're in

1758
01:34:32,520 --> 01:34:35,760
Speaker 1: my office and I think they just need permission to

1759
01:34:35,840 --> 01:34:37,400
Speaker 1: say that maybe this is over.

1760
01:34:37,640 --> 01:34:40,439
Speaker 2: Well, we talked about how hard it is to let go. Yeah,

1761
01:34:40,520 --> 01:34:43,120
Speaker 2: it's hard to let gown when you know that this

1762
01:34:43,240 --> 01:34:46,760
Speaker 2: relationship isn't working, and you know that you have put

1763
01:34:46,800 --> 01:34:49,839
Speaker 2: a bid in for connection and that that has fallen

1764
01:34:49,920 --> 01:34:53,280
Speaker 2: flat and you and you can't connect with someone because

1765
01:34:53,320 --> 01:34:57,479
Speaker 2: they're so defensive. They can't listen, or they're criticizing you

1766
01:34:57,720 --> 01:35:01,519
Speaker 2: and you can't you can't toller rate that. How can

1767
01:35:01,560 --> 01:35:05,519
Speaker 2: you have a connection with someone if you're constantly criticized, right,

1768
01:35:05,680 --> 01:35:10,280
Speaker 2: that's right. Or there's stonewalling and they're not listening or

1769
01:35:10,320 --> 01:35:13,679
Speaker 2: caring what you say and they're not responding to anything

1770
01:35:13,720 --> 01:35:17,280
Speaker 2: that you say, or they have contempt for you, right,

1771
01:35:18,080 --> 01:35:21,080
Speaker 2: any one of those would be hard to overcome. It

1772
01:35:21,120 --> 01:35:23,920
Speaker 2: would be are you seeing relationships that have all four?

1773
01:35:24,280 --> 01:35:29,280
Speaker 1: Yes? Yes, I do see those and and usually those

1774
01:35:29,320 --> 01:35:31,799
Speaker 1: relationships have been in that place for years.

1775
01:35:32,840 --> 01:35:36,559
Speaker 2: So is it that they're staying for the kids? Is it?

1776
01:35:36,600 --> 01:35:39,280
Speaker 2: Is it you know, financial is it.

1777
01:35:39,560 --> 01:35:40,840
Speaker 1: Both of those reasons come.

1778
01:35:40,760 --> 01:35:45,439
Speaker 2: Up religious because there's there's a religious thing that you know,

1779
01:35:45,479 --> 01:35:48,320
Speaker 2: once you marry somebody, you're not supposed to get divorced.

1780
01:35:48,360 --> 01:35:52,439
Speaker 2: There's there's still that happening, even though there's a high

1781
01:35:52,520 --> 01:35:56,640
Speaker 2: rate of divorce and society. So when you come across

1782
01:35:56,840 --> 01:36:00,240
Speaker 2: couples that have these issues and you can see them

1783
01:36:00,280 --> 01:36:03,519
Speaker 2: clearly and neither one of them want to really do

1784
01:36:03,600 --> 01:36:06,840
Speaker 2: the work to be able to fix it, which would

1785
01:36:06,880 --> 01:36:10,800
Speaker 2: take a lot of self reflection and looking in it,

1786
01:36:11,080 --> 01:36:13,240
Speaker 2: do you say, you guys need to go your own way.

1787
01:36:13,680 --> 01:36:15,960
Speaker 1: I will tell them that I will be there to

1788
01:36:15,960 --> 01:36:19,439
Speaker 1: help them whatever way they wanted, whichever way they want

1789
01:36:19,439 --> 01:36:22,400
Speaker 1: to go, but that the relationship in its current format,

1790
01:36:22,520 --> 01:36:26,800
Speaker 1: its current form with the four Horsemen, yeah, will not

1791
01:36:27,280 --> 01:36:28,519
Speaker 1: statistically won't survive.

1792
01:36:28,680 --> 01:36:32,479
Speaker 2: Do you ask them, would you like separate counseling? Yeah,

1793
01:36:32,600 --> 01:36:35,600
Speaker 2: Because we had a caller here one time on this

1794
01:36:35,760 --> 01:36:39,800
Speaker 2: show and he said, when we got into separate count

1795
01:36:39,840 --> 01:36:42,000
Speaker 2: because they got into an argument. Do you remember that

1796
01:36:43,000 --> 01:36:45,559
Speaker 2: they were they were on their way home and they

1797
01:36:45,840 --> 01:36:50,200
Speaker 2: did their first couples therapy together, and he said she

1798
01:36:50,439 --> 01:36:54,400
Speaker 2: was upset because she felt like the therapist was siding

1799
01:36:54,479 --> 01:37:00,320
Speaker 2: with him, and he was upset because she spilled out

1800
01:37:00,360 --> 01:37:02,720
Speaker 2: some of the things that he felt like she was

1801
01:37:02,800 --> 01:37:06,240
Speaker 2: tattling on him and he was embarrassed. So they decided

1802
01:37:06,560 --> 01:37:10,040
Speaker 2: that they would go to counseling, but separately, and they

1803
01:37:10,040 --> 01:37:14,960
Speaker 2: said they both had maybe four counseling sessions and they

1804
01:37:15,000 --> 01:37:18,040
Speaker 2: were great. They needed to get it out separately. So

1805
01:37:18,240 --> 01:37:19,880
Speaker 2: is that something you suggest as well?

1806
01:37:20,040 --> 01:37:23,120
Speaker 1: I will suggest that in collaboration with couples with a

1807
01:37:23,120 --> 01:37:26,120
Speaker 1: different therapist, So yes, I will suggest that they each

1808
01:37:26,120 --> 01:37:29,800
Speaker 1: go get their own individual therapists. They work on individual issues,

1809
01:37:29,920 --> 01:37:33,040
Speaker 1: and then we do couples therapy. As they're learning and

1810
01:37:33,120 --> 01:37:37,040
Speaker 1: growing and increasing in self awareness and self reflection, then

1811
01:37:37,080 --> 01:37:38,240
Speaker 1: they can come back to couples.

1812
01:37:39,120 --> 01:37:44,440
Speaker 2: How important is it? How important is it to maintain

1813
01:37:47,160 --> 01:37:51,759
Speaker 2: a level of interest in your partner?

1814
01:37:52,680 --> 01:37:52,880
Speaker 7: Right?

1815
01:37:53,000 --> 01:37:57,080
Speaker 2: So if you're curious and you're interested and you care,

1816
01:37:58,840 --> 01:38:03,000
Speaker 2: why you know, why wouldn't you show it? Because if

1817
01:38:03,000 --> 01:38:07,240
Speaker 2: somebody turns their back on me in a relationship, which

1818
01:38:07,280 --> 01:38:09,439
Speaker 2: has happened before, and I've had to deal with that,

1819
01:38:09,560 --> 01:38:12,360
Speaker 2: I'm like, I've tried to talk to you, I've tried

1820
01:38:12,400 --> 01:38:15,160
Speaker 2: to work things out, and it's not getting better. What

1821
01:38:15,200 --> 01:38:17,320
Speaker 2: are we doing here? Why are we? Why are we

1822
01:38:17,360 --> 01:38:22,840
Speaker 2: in this? And it seems like they could care, They

1823
01:38:22,840 --> 01:38:27,639
Speaker 2: could care less, otherwise they would work on it, couldn't

1824
01:38:27,760 --> 01:38:31,320
Speaker 2: Isn't it easy to just say, you know, I get it.

1825
01:38:31,560 --> 01:38:37,280
Speaker 2: I've been a total you know, mean whatever in the

1826
01:38:37,360 --> 01:38:39,400
Speaker 2: last week, and I don't know what's wrong with me.

1827
01:38:39,479 --> 01:38:42,519
Speaker 2: It's my fault. Let me let me get a little

1828
01:38:42,520 --> 01:38:45,200
Speaker 2: bit of space around what I've done and why I'm

1829
01:38:45,240 --> 01:38:47,200
Speaker 2: doing it, and then let's connect.

1830
01:38:48,000 --> 01:38:51,120
Speaker 1: That would be wonderful. I couldn't say that, But.

1831
01:38:51,800 --> 01:38:57,280
Speaker 2: It's easier said. Then it's easier done than said. It's

1832
01:38:57,320 --> 01:39:00,760
Speaker 2: not that hard to take responsibility and understand that, hey,

1833
01:39:01,120 --> 01:39:05,280
Speaker 2: it's me, not you. Right, Sometimes it doesn't seem like

1834
01:39:05,360 --> 01:39:08,120
Speaker 2: it's easy because you're admitting guilt and you think somebody

1835
01:39:08,200 --> 01:39:12,679
Speaker 2: might hold it against you or whatever. But just own

1836
01:39:12,800 --> 01:39:17,000
Speaker 2: your bad behavior and say I'm going to work on it. Yeah,

1837
01:39:17,040 --> 01:39:19,960
Speaker 2: and what can I do better? I've already seen that

1838
01:39:20,040 --> 01:39:22,760
Speaker 2: I can do this, this and this. But what do

1839
01:39:22,800 --> 01:39:25,479
Speaker 2: you need from me that we can come back and

1840
01:39:25,479 --> 01:39:26,400
Speaker 2: connect a little bit.

1841
01:39:26,560 --> 01:39:28,559
Speaker 1: If you were in my office and you said that

1842
01:39:28,600 --> 01:39:32,479
Speaker 1: to your partner, we would be onto something big time. Okay,

1843
01:39:32,880 --> 01:39:35,439
Speaker 1: we really would be yeah, but the problem is people

1844
01:39:35,479 --> 01:39:35,960
Speaker 1: are so.

1845
01:39:36,439 --> 01:39:37,719
Speaker 2: Dug into their side.

1846
01:39:37,800 --> 01:39:38,000
Speaker 1: Yes.

1847
01:39:39,040 --> 01:39:42,920
Speaker 2: See. This goes back to why I used to value

1848
01:39:42,960 --> 01:39:46,879
Speaker 2: being right, and I don't value that at all anymore.

1849
01:39:47,000 --> 01:39:51,360
Speaker 2: I'd rather work on communication and get and because we

1850
01:39:51,400 --> 01:39:54,640
Speaker 2: both know Esther Pirell, the quality of your life is

1851
01:39:54,680 --> 01:39:59,280
Speaker 2: determined by the quality or relationships. If you're with somebody

1852
01:39:59,400 --> 01:40:02,920
Speaker 2: that you don't, don't love, don't even like sometimes in

1853
01:40:03,000 --> 01:40:06,519
Speaker 2: the house, if you're with them, you're doing something wrong.

1854
01:40:07,120 --> 01:40:10,160
Speaker 2: If you're just saying, oh, they're this, there's that, there's

1855
01:40:10,439 --> 01:40:12,800
Speaker 2: you know, that's my wife. I mean I I went

1856
01:40:12,880 --> 01:40:15,800
Speaker 2: to a dinner where all these guys were talking so

1857
01:40:15,920 --> 01:40:18,640
Speaker 2: badly about their wives, and I'm like, they have to

1858
01:40:18,680 --> 01:40:20,439
Speaker 2: go home and sleep in the same bed with them,

1859
01:40:20,520 --> 01:40:23,559
Speaker 2: Like what are they doing right? Why why are they

1860
01:40:23,600 --> 01:40:26,519
Speaker 2: talking so badly about their wives? And and and and

1861
01:40:26,560 --> 01:40:29,240
Speaker 2: then what are the wives saying about their husbands? How

1862
01:40:29,240 --> 01:40:32,200
Speaker 2: do you? How do you? How do you manage that?

1863
01:40:34,000 --> 01:40:36,360
Speaker 2: How how do you how do you stay in a lot,

1864
01:40:36,640 --> 01:40:39,479
Speaker 2: in a in a long term relationship and not even.

1865
01:40:39,479 --> 01:40:42,560
Speaker 1: Like the person not very well? I think that's what

1866
01:40:42,680 --> 01:40:44,519
Speaker 1: a lot of people are doing that and it's a

1867
01:40:44,560 --> 01:40:48,760
Speaker 1: transactional relationship and I do think it's based upon finances,

1868
01:40:49,000 --> 01:40:52,479
Speaker 1: it's based upon child rearing, it's based upon religious reasons.

1869
01:40:53,160 --> 01:40:56,080
Speaker 1: It's not based upon authentic true love anymore. And it's

1870
01:40:56,120 --> 01:40:59,160
Speaker 1: really sad. That's why we have the level of divorce

1871
01:40:59,640 --> 01:41:00,519
Speaker 1: in our country.

1872
01:41:00,960 --> 01:41:06,400
Speaker 2: But it can be fixed it well, if you reach

1873
01:41:06,479 --> 01:41:09,360
Speaker 2: out and say you mean something to me. Sometimes that's

1874
01:41:09,400 --> 01:41:12,640
Speaker 2: all people care about. That's right, is that, yes, you

1875
01:41:12,720 --> 01:41:15,360
Speaker 2: mean something to me. We've had a rocky patch. Even Brian,

1876
01:41:15,400 --> 01:41:18,320
Speaker 2: who's been married for thirty seven years, will say, we

1877
01:41:18,360 --> 01:41:21,400
Speaker 2: went through some hard times. And it's whether you're going

1878
01:41:21,439 --> 01:41:23,439
Speaker 2: to dig in and get and stay in that boat

1879
01:41:23,439 --> 01:41:25,759
Speaker 2: with that somebody that you love. You've had four kids

1880
01:41:25,760 --> 01:41:29,080
Speaker 2: with and they're worth it. If you just said you're

1881
01:41:29,120 --> 01:41:30,400
Speaker 2: worth it to me, yeah.

1882
01:41:30,240 --> 01:41:33,360
Speaker 1: And that's a bid for connection. I think Brian and

1883
01:41:33,400 --> 01:41:37,439
Speaker 1: his wife developed bids for connection, yeah, and consistently reached

1884
01:41:37,479 --> 01:41:40,920
Speaker 1: out yes, and that is what That's what made the

1885
01:41:40,920 --> 01:41:42,080
Speaker 1: difference in that relationship.

1886
01:41:42,120 --> 01:41:44,280
Speaker 2: I can't agree more. While we are at a time

1887
01:41:44,320 --> 01:41:48,320
Speaker 2: another Saturday night, Wow, it's gone by so fast, doctor Wes,

1888
01:41:48,439 --> 01:41:51,519
Speaker 2: thank you for being in you. You know, we have

1889
01:41:51,680 --> 01:41:55,000
Speaker 2: had a very surprise guest here and she has been

1890
01:41:55,120 --> 01:41:58,439
Speaker 2: absolutely amazing. I didn't understand how great this little girl

1891
01:41:58,560 --> 01:42:01,840
Speaker 2: is and how how what a deep soul she is

1892
01:42:02,240 --> 01:42:04,720
Speaker 2: at the age of fourteen. But you know, you have

1893
01:42:04,800 --> 01:42:07,320
Speaker 2: been so amazing and you should be very proud of

1894
01:42:07,320 --> 01:42:07,840
Speaker 2: your daughter.

1895
01:42:08,080 --> 01:42:10,920
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. I have so

1896
01:42:11,040 --> 01:42:11,719
Speaker 3: much fun.

1897
01:42:12,000 --> 01:42:15,680
Speaker 2: Well, we'll have you back again. We're back next Saturday.

1898
01:42:15,840 --> 01:42:19,560
Speaker 2: So we're going to you know, kick off December and

1899
01:42:19,560 --> 01:42:22,720
Speaker 2: and go through some more of this relationship stuff. We're

1900
01:42:22,920 --> 01:42:25,320
Speaker 2: deep diving in to figure out how we can make

1901
01:42:25,360 --> 01:42:28,320
Speaker 2: our own lives better through the quality of our relationships.

1902
01:42:28,360 --> 01:42:31,599
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. Thank you Sean McMahon for producing

1903
01:42:31,640 --> 01:42:34,439
Speaker 2: the show tonight. We'll be back next Saturday and have

1904
01:42:34,560 --> 01:42:37,479
Speaker 2: a wonderful, wonderful Sunday, everybody. Thanks again.