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Speaker 1: Okay, we started this series two weeks ago and it's

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Speaker 1: the tongue series. So in part one you made sort

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Speaker 1: of the analogy the picture if you will, about the

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Speaker 1: tongue as a bucket to the well of your heart.

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Speaker 1: Recap that if you wouldn't mind before we move on

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Speaker 1: to issue number two here with the tongue.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I of us think we have a tongue problem.

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Speaker 3: But if the tongue is more like a traditional old

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Speaker 3: fashioned well where every time you're talking is because you

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Speaker 3: drew out of a deeper source.

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Speaker 2: And I'm saying a tongue problem is really a mouth problem.

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Speaker 3: So if you think about you're, well, you know what

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Speaker 3: kind of bitterness do I have in me?

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Speaker 2: Am I?

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Speaker 3: Am I sleeping? Well, I'm just am I talking out

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Speaker 3: of my own tiredness? Am I talking out of my

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Speaker 3: own anger? My talking about my own hurts? Instead of

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Speaker 3: just working harder to try and tame the tongue and

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Speaker 3: keep your foot out of your mouth? How do I

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Speaker 3: get myself to a healthier play where I'm drawing out

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Speaker 3: of my heart my thoughts as a healthier place.

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Speaker 2: What comes out of me is an expression of what's

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Speaker 2: in me. That's kind of what we started two weeks ago.

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Speaker 1: Okay, let's pick it up now from there, and the

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Speaker 1: opening sentence of part two of our series is the

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Speaker 1: tongue is a source of life or death depending on

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Speaker 1: how we use it. And look whether you're talking about

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Speaker 1: the way you speak and the language you use with

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Speaker 1: your spouse.

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Speaker 2: So this could be for men or women.

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Speaker 1: This isn't just for men or your kids, or your

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Speaker 1: co workers or your friends. You have a choice. Are

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Speaker 1: you giving life with your tongue or tearing people down

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Speaker 1: with your tongue?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we've all been on the receiving end of it too.

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Speaker 3: You've had a surprise moment where somebody with it's your

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Speaker 3: spouse or your boss or a colleague, notice is something

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Speaker 3: you did and you've been doing it for a while,

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Speaker 3: but you're like, get said being noticed.

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Speaker 2: You just fill the whole room gets filled with life.

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Speaker 3: If you've got a department where somebody leads that department

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Speaker 3: that they're encouraging people, affirming people, catching people doing something, well,

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Speaker 3: if you're head parents who had a tendency to notice

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Speaker 3: all the good things you did, rather than you get

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Speaker 3: a report card with mostly a's in one c and

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Speaker 3: all they want to talk about the C.

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Speaker 2: So we need to talk about the C.

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Speaker 3: But what does it look like to walk into a

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Speaker 3: room and say, how do I give life? I mean,

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Speaker 3: the tongue is designed to be a lego builder more

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Speaker 3: than a machete, And so you walk in a room

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Speaker 3: and say, hey, there's pieces all over the place. How

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Speaker 3: do I, like legos build someone up? And that's an

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Speaker 3: analogy using the Bible edifying to build someone up. I

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Speaker 3: come into a room, most of us have a tendency

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Speaker 3: to think about ourselves.

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Speaker 2: What are people thinking about me? What are people saying

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Speaker 2: about me?

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Speaker 3: What if I came in with the mindset, well, how

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Speaker 3: could I leave this place a little bit more built

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Speaker 3: up than I am? How can I encourage put courage

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Speaker 3: into somebody? How can I affirm? And that is the

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Speaker 3: motif the Bible uses of life and death, which is

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Speaker 3: even throughout the hebrewscriptures. It says, you know, are you

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Speaker 3: giving words of life or words of death?

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Speaker 2: And you've seen it. You've seen a place where just

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Speaker 2: you know, the life gets sucked out of somebody.

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Speaker 3: We say that because of what they said, how they

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Speaker 3: said it, the way they said it. On the other hand,

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Speaker 3: you've seen somebody who came in with their shoulders kind

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Speaker 3: of down a little bit, and because of a word,

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Speaker 3: because of a comment, because somebody looked them in the

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Speaker 3: eye and just affirm something, even their posture changes.

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Speaker 2: And yet we all know that we've all not done that. Right.

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Speaker 2: I've used my tongue as a machete.

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Speaker 3: I've had you seen tears in my daughter's eyes because

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Speaker 3: I was too sarcastic, or I wasn't a sensitive to

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Speaker 3: the situation, or you know, I've seen my wife just

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Speaker 3: react because of the tone I used, or the self

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Speaker 3: righteousness in the way I spoke.

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Speaker 2: And so really, I think that life.

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Speaker 3: Death motif is to acknowledge. Man, I've used my tongue

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Speaker 3: as a machete today. Sometimes intentionally I don't unhurt or anger.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I've used it just out of inexperience. Man, I

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Speaker 3: grew up seeing the tongue use as a machete, And honestly,

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Speaker 3: it can be hilarious to see people cut other people down.

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Speaker 3: And one since you're supposed to not you know, you're

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Speaker 3: supposed to condemn it, but you also go, boy, that

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Speaker 3: was really cool the way that I commanded this presence,

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Speaker 3: the way he took control of the room, And so

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Speaker 3: we had these bad habits, and we saw the upsides

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Speaker 3: of the bad habits, but we didn't see the downsides

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Speaker 3: of bad habits. And often a win in the moment

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Speaker 3: is a pretty tragic withdrawal from the relationship. And the

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Speaker 3: same leader or boss or manager you had that had

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Speaker 3: a quick whip and would you know, make something sarcastic meeting.

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Speaker 3: It might have been a good laugh for a moment,

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Speaker 3: but eventually all the good people eventually.

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Speaker 2: Don't want to work there.

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Speaker 3: You don't want to work in a place where there's

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Speaker 3: machetes running around because if somebody's going to talk about

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Speaker 3: a colleague that way when they're not in the room,

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Speaker 3: you kind of wonder whether they're saying about.

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Speaker 1: Me or I'm not there, sure, you know, and I

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Speaker 1: want to circle back to something here in a second.

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Speaker 1: But you know, it's almost like you'll hear oftentimes I've

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Speaker 1: heard this with coaches, but there are people in life

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Speaker 1: in general that this is held true. But you know,

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Speaker 1: it's sort of like the analogy of it. If you

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Speaker 1: walk in a room and there's some trash in the room, right,

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Speaker 1: why not leave it better than when you walked in? Now,

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Speaker 1: look in no shape or form because you know, knowing

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Speaker 1: your personality. I mean, look, we're not saying you can't

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Speaker 1: when you're hanging out with your buddies, that you can't

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Speaker 1: give them a hard time and rib them and take

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Speaker 1: shots at him and that kind of thing. That's not

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Speaker 1: what we're talking about here. We're talking about words that

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Speaker 1: you can use. And you gave I thought a really

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Speaker 1: interesting sample of something that your son remembered that you

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Speaker 1: never even remembered, of a way that you referred to

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Speaker 1: him many many years ago, as an illustration of how

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Speaker 1: long something like that might actually harbor in somebody.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was the Allison Wonderland movie come out with

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Speaker 3: Johnny Depp, and in one.

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Speaker 2: Of the scenes, he just turns this kid says, it'll

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Speaker 2: be a mumbler.

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Speaker 3: And so I was trying to help my son be

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Speaker 3: a little more confident on the phone back in the

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Speaker 3: days like eight or whatever it was, and I said, hey,

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Speaker 3: try and articulate, trying to speak up and getting better

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Speaker 3: at it. And so as you got a film, I said,

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Speaker 3: don't be a mumbler. And so that was kind of

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Speaker 3: like a shorthand to say it. But man, that I

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Speaker 3: found out ten years later that it stuck with him again.

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Speaker 3: He was very much gracious and accept in my apology,

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Speaker 3: but I didn't even realize that was the case. But

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Speaker 3: to your point too, I do think, yeah, we live

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Speaker 3: in a culture that's obsessed with being obsessed with being offended.

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Speaker 3: And one of the things I love about being a

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Speaker 3: gen xer, And I don't know if this is true

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Speaker 3: across the board, but certainly as a gen xer, one

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Speaker 3: of the ways as guys you show affection is you

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Speaker 3: harass each other. And of course there's times that you

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Speaker 3: cross the line, other times.

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Speaker 2: That you know, pushed a little too hard, a little

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Speaker 2: too sarcastic. But often as guys, we show affection by

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Speaker 2: ribbing each other. And there's certainly times that you know, hey,

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Speaker 2: I look too far. Hey sorry man, I did anything

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Speaker 2: by that.

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Speaker 3: I've done that meetings recently, after a meeting, hey, I

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Speaker 3: didn't mean to come across that way once, you know,

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Speaker 3: I appreciate that we clarify anything, but I do think

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Speaker 3: in a culture that's kind of racing to see who

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Speaker 3: can be the most offended, suddenly everything becomes way too

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Speaker 3: overly sensitized and way too overly offended by. But I

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Speaker 3: do think if that death life motif is correct, then

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Speaker 3: what that means is the set of like, I'm a

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Speaker 3: bad person. I need to get better and try harder.

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Speaker 3: If it's a life source and I got a dead

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Speaker 3: spot in my heart, I got a dead spot in

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Speaker 3: my mouth, I got a dead spot in my thoughts,

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Speaker 3: then I don't need to go from bad to good.

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Speaker 3: I need to go from death to life. And the

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Speaker 3: problem is I'm not a good life source, right. I

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Speaker 3: can't produce life. So I need a life source to

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Speaker 3: produce life in me. And so God says he's the

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Speaker 3: ultimate life source. So if you find yourself using your

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Speaker 3: tongue in a way that is honestly producing a lot

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Speaker 3: of dead stuff, you find yourself kind of being a

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Speaker 3: bit of a zombie in the way you're using your tongue.

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Speaker 3: You've tried harder to make it better, but it's not working.

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Speaker 3: Trying harder is probably not going to get it done.

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Speaker 3: Insteading to say, man, I need a life source beyond myself.

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Speaker 3: It's like, right before I'm about to speak, I shoot

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Speaker 3: up a quick prayer. God, I need you to give

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Speaker 3: me your perspective. Quick prayer, God, I need some life

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Speaker 3: breathed into the situation right now, Hey, my wife's listening.

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Speaker 3: I'm starting to get defensive and starting to get angry

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Speaker 3: right now, God help me, life source.

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Speaker 2: I need your life to be able to listen before

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Speaker 2: I react.

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Speaker 3: Just those little short I call them popcorn prayers, a

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Speaker 3: little quick popcorn prayers in a situation, and think about

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Speaker 3: like with a cell phone, like we'll even say, Hey,

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Speaker 3: I can't hear you right now, or can you hear

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Speaker 3: me now? I'm in a dead spot. So if you're

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Speaker 3: in a dead spot with a cell phone, what do

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Speaker 3: you do? You don't go, I'm gonna try harder to

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Speaker 3: make the cell phone work. I need to move to

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Speaker 3: a better spot to get better reception. So as you

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Speaker 3: see yourself with you know some dead spots in your communication,

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Speaker 3: dead spots in the way you're using your tongue in

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Speaker 3: a destructive way.

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Speaker 2: I would just encourage you. You know, wherever you are

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Speaker 2: in your relationship.

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Speaker 3: With God, whether you call it a higher power or

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Speaker 3: your follower of Jesus as I am, you need to

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Speaker 3: get to a better reception or I have access to

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Speaker 3: someone else's self control because mine's run out, someone else's compassion,

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Speaker 3: because mine's run out someone else's peace. And joy because

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Speaker 3: mine's run out. How do I organize my life to say?

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Speaker 3: How can I throw up maybe two or three quick

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Speaker 3: prayers in a given day about to going to this meeting?

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Speaker 3: God give me the wisdom not to say everything the

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Speaker 3: minute it comes into my head.

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Speaker 2: Let me make sure I assess the situation before I

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Speaker 2: respond to it.

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Speaker 3: Okay, And that can be just a really practical way

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Speaker 3: to deal with that in a given day.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's a stained glass side of it. Okay, a

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Speaker 1: lot of people out there understand that. Let's just assume

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Speaker 1: for a second we move into the plane glass side. Okay,

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Speaker 1: is there something?

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Speaker 4: Is there?

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Speaker 2: I mean, is it?

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Speaker 3: Is it?

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Speaker 1: Something? Is easy? You know when I hear somebody tell

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Speaker 1: me take a breath and count to ten. You and

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Speaker 1: I both know that in theory that sounds great, But

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Speaker 1: when you're engaging, that's why I like to pop up

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Speaker 1: thing because that can take two seconds. But you know,

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Speaker 1: but I mean, do you recommend, like, hey, just take

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Speaker 1: a breath, take two breaths, count to five. What would

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Speaker 1: you suggest before? Because you know when something's about to

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Speaker 1: come out, right, most times you do?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And I was say, typically what happens, it's

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Speaker 3: trigger than talk. I was triggered by that event, triggered

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Speaker 3: by what you said, triggered by what I thought you said,

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Speaker 3: And so it's trigger talks. I would say on the

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Speaker 3: plane cleft side, I want to try and recognize that

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Speaker 3: it actually goes trigger thought talk. So I'm having a thought.

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Speaker 3: My wife is communicating something. I could be totally innocent,

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Speaker 3: Like my wife when we were first married, would say

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Speaker 3: I think I heard a sound in the car. I

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Speaker 3: quickly would react with no, I think it's fine. What

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Speaker 3: do you think it's fine?

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Speaker 2: He's saying I didn't hear something. I heard something.

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Speaker 3: I didn't recognize that I actually had a thought that

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Speaker 3: I didn't know it no I had, which is trigger

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Speaker 3: My wife says it's a sound in the car. The

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Speaker 3: thought I didn't realize I had was oh, my goodness,

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Speaker 3: I wish I'd made more money so we didn't have

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Speaker 3: such crappy cars that are always breaking down. I don't

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Speaker 3: really have the budget to fix this. Whatever it is, Uh,

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Speaker 3: it's going to be killer for our budget. I'm reacting.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't even really reacting to what my wife said,

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Speaker 3: or even reacting to the car itself. I was reacting

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Speaker 3: to some internal like frustration that man I always feel

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Speaker 3: with fix the car. So what you want to do

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Speaker 3: is you want to say, Okay, there is a trigger

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Speaker 3: thought talk.

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Speaker 2: I don't always recognize.

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Speaker 3: That before I talk. I've already thought my wife is

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Speaker 3: attacking me, and she's like, what are we doing attacking me?

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Speaker 3: And of course she'd probably your wife, and you could

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Speaker 3: probably do a better job of wording hee's better.

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Speaker 2: But I need to I need to create some space.

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Speaker 2: I think that's what I recommend.

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Speaker 3: I need to create a pause in my in my

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Speaker 3: process or space to let another voice speak in another

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Speaker 3: thought come in. So think to yourself when you're about

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Speaker 3: to speak. I just went from trigger to talk in

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Speaker 3: like half a second. I want to try and get

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Speaker 3: even one second in there came I'm about to gossip.

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Speaker 2: I'm about to try and get control. I'm try and

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Speaker 2: win this.

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Speaker 3: What if I had a thought to say listen first,

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Speaker 3: just that I want to get just enough and say

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Speaker 3: listen first. May there's enough legitimate things to get angry

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Speaker 3: about in life. We all often get angry at misinterpretations

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Speaker 3: and miscommunications. So just real quick to say to yourself,

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Speaker 3: don't react until you make sure you know what they're saying,

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Speaker 3: you know, so trigger thought, talk and if you can

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Speaker 3: create that space and that pause, that's where and that's

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Speaker 3: where breathing can help.

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Speaker 2: That's where walking away can help. But even a quick

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Speaker 2: prayer can help.

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Speaker 3: But really I'm trying to say, I want to engage

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Speaker 3: the rational part of my brain into that moment when

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Speaker 3: the emotional side of my brain has taken over. Because

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Speaker 3: the emotional side goes trigger, I'm under attack. I'm either

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Speaker 3: gonna fight or gonna fight. I gotta smack back at you.

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Speaker 3: Let you know you can't talk to me that way.

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Speaker 3: I gotta win this argument. So that's the main thing

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Speaker 3: I would say, move from trigger to thought to talk

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Speaker 3: and trying to create.

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Speaker 1: That instead of fire. Aim ready, okay, yeah, right right, Chad,

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Speaker 1: thanks as always for your time. Well that part three,

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Speaker 1: the tongue as a puzzle. We'll look forward to that

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Speaker 1: next week. I hope you have a great rest of

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Speaker 1: your day. Thank you.

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Speaker 2: That's good. Tug you soon. All right.

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Speaker 1: At eight fifty three, let's check those roadways. I mean,

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Speaker 1: people can get triggered. I think there's a whole lot

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Speaker 1: of bad language. Maybe this morning going on shot.

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Speaker 4: There probably was because there were an awful lot of

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Speaker 4: ams earlier. I don't think so much now. This from

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Speaker 4: the u See Health Tramphing Center at u See Health.

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Speaker 4: They never miss a beat. Your heart shouldn't either. If

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Speaker 4: you have signs of a cardiac rhythm disorder, don't we

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Speaker 4: to be seen. Schedule online at ucehealth dot com. Southbound

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Speaker 4: seventy five is the last of the slow going that's

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Speaker 4: in and outam Lachland and next to three to four

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Speaker 4: minutes will do the trick. Northbound seventy five pretty much

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Speaker 4: clear out of Earlblinger into downtown. Same for northbound fourth

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Speaker 4: seventy one. Chucking from News Radio seven hundred wlw R

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Speaker 4: WCPO nine First Warning Forecast presented by Jennifer Ketchmark Man.

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Speaker 1: It's a good one. I mean it's a really good one. Today.

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Speaker 1: We're looking at sunshine. We're up to fifty two degrees tonight.

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Speaker 1: If you're out and about, you know, get home from

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Speaker 1: workout for a walk, it's still going to be in

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Speaker 1: the mid to upper forties. Now overnight there is a

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Speaker 1: chance we get some light snow, very light, but it

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Speaker 1: could affect your commute to school, work, et cetera. Tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: But that's in the morning because by lunchtime, it's going

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Speaker 1: to be sunny and fifty or forty seven degrees. I'll

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Speaker 1: get to the fifties here in a minute, because that's

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Speaker 1: coming on Friday, Friday sunshine high at fifty five Saturday sunshine.

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Speaker 1: We're getting up to sixty degrees on Saturday. We might

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Speaker 1: next week, you know, continue in the forty degree range.

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Speaker 1: But let's really enjoy today, Tomorrow, Friday, Saturday, thank God,

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Speaker 1: going to be beautiful, beautiful days. Scott Sloane, of course,

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Speaker 1: is coming up here at nine o'clock, and then Willie's

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Speaker 1: back today. You'll be here at high noon. I talk

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Speaker 1: all the time about the difference in your life if

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Speaker 1: you go get a shelter dog or cat. No matter

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Speaker 1: how crummy your day is, there's always a happy face

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Speaker 1: waiting for you to get home. Why not experience that

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Speaker 1: face each and every day. It is eight fifty five

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Speaker 1: on seven hundred WLW, Cincinnati,