WEBVTT - Plain Glass, Stained Glass with Pastor Chad Hovind 10/29/2025 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:01.639 We do it every single Wednesday. 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:04.480 We get together with our buddy pastor Chad, the lead 0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:08.480 pastor at the Horizon Community Church in Newtown, right on 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:10.440 the banks of the Little Miami River. 0:00:11.039 --> 0:00:12.719 Good morning, sir, How are you today? 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:15.280 Yeah, I'm doing great. How about yourself? 0:00:15.360 --> 0:00:16.079 Doing all right? 0:00:16.760 --> 0:00:21.560 Little rainy day, but had some wonderful crisp fall days 0:00:21.560 --> 0:00:23.560 coming up to usn't night last couple of weeks. 0:00:23.720 --> 0:00:25.560 Absolutely, and it looks like we're gonna have some good 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:28.280 ones over the weekend after some rain today and tomorrow 0:00:28.280 --> 0:00:31.440 and clearing up apparently tomorrow night. You know, in the 0:00:31.480 --> 0:00:34.239 news a lot lately, and there was a big story 0:00:34.280 --> 0:00:37.920 that's on going up in Waynesville, Ohio about a man 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:41.600 who's been an administrator there, a coach for forty seven years, 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:44.520 or an athletic director, and now all of a sudden, 0:00:44.520 --> 0:00:47.080 people sort of I guess, for lack of a better term, 0:00:47.120 --> 0:00:49.920 coming out of the woodwork some thirty plus years later 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.559 about inappropriate behavior. Whether it's true or not, we don't know, 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:57.160 but it is an ongoing big story in Waynesville, and 0:00:57.200 --> 0:00:59.880 it brings to mind the role of not only coaches 0:01:00.000 --> 0:01:04.040 but also parents. And you know, let's start with parents 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:08.399 because I heard a lengthy, uh. 0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:12.119 What's a word, a sermon for lack of a better term. 0:01:12.160 --> 0:01:14.119 I think it was from Chip Ingram the other day 0:01:14.120 --> 0:01:18.640 talking about, you know, structure in the household and closest. 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:20.440 So so let's start with parents. 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.160 It seems to me a lot of the parents that 0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:26.600 I'm around right now, Chad Hoban want to be a 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:32.360 friend of their kids. Can parents be friends of their 0:01:32.440 --> 0:01:33.800 young kids? 0:01:34.880 --> 0:01:36.840 Well, I guess it depends on how you define friendship. 0:01:36.920 --> 0:01:39.199 I mean, when I first had my kids, when I 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:43.399 were first born, my vision statements for my parenting was 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.560 a fifty year friendship with my kids. However, that doesn't 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:50.360 mean every stage you're accommodating to them or acting like 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:53.040 they are moral equal. But my goal is to raise 0:01:53.640 --> 0:01:56.280 kids who would be you know, responsible adults, would have 0:01:56.320 --> 0:01:58.680 the tools they need for that and have the emotional 0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:01.120 closeness so that we would have a fifty year friendship. 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:03.000 So I'm not sure it's either or. But if you 0:02:03.080 --> 0:02:06.400 define friendship as a lack of structure, a lack of discipline, 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:08.880 that I'd say you're missing out. It was a study 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:12.240 in Minnesota years ago called the Minnesota Study, and they 0:02:12.520 --> 0:02:15.600 rated on an X and Y axis. What's needed for parenting, 0:02:15.680 --> 0:02:19.000 for coaching, for mentoring, in any relationship, and that was 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:23.200 structure on the Y axis, and it was emotional closeness 0:02:23.200 --> 0:02:27.280 on the X axis. And strangely, they found that parents 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:31.160 and coaches who had high emotional closeness I care about you, 0:02:31.320 --> 0:02:34.320 I love you, I appreciate you, they had all emotional 0:02:34.320 --> 0:02:38.800 closeness but no structure, no discipline, no calling to account, 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:43.720 no accountability. Strangely, the parents who had the most emotional 0:02:43.800 --> 0:02:47.920 closeness but the least amount of structure, without any at all. 0:02:47.919 --> 0:02:50.720 On the other side, they raised the most insecure kids, 0:02:51.200 --> 0:02:54.080 which you think would be the oppoctity. Now, the other 0:02:54.200 --> 0:02:58.160 contrast was those who had high discipline. I'm not listening 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:01.919 to your perspective. Your voice hasn't heard. I'm not trying 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.280 to understand the whole side, but just discipline, discipline, discipline. 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:07.240 I'm the authoritarian, I make the rules and you obey it. 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:12.440 Those parents raise the most rebellious children because they had 0:03:12.480 --> 0:03:15.160 all that structure. But the minute that structure was gone, there, 0:03:15.200 --> 0:03:18.079 out of there. And it's actually a little verse in 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:21.160 the Bible that says where the law increases, sin increases 0:03:21.200 --> 0:03:23.359 even more. And you've probably see in your own life. 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:25.839 You're walking along on a path, suddenly see a sign 0:03:25.919 --> 0:03:29.200 that says stay off the grass. I wasn't even thinking 0:03:29.200 --> 0:03:33.040 about stepping on the ground. Show that I see the sign, 0:03:33.840 --> 0:03:36.160 I'm like, well, maybe I want to. So really, the 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:39.360 key is not rules for rule's sake, But how do 0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:42.880 you teach principles? I would say all the time, I 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.160 got a little inner rebel in me. I've never found 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.240 a rule I didn't want to break, but a principle 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:49.960 I don't want to love. So part of coaching and 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:53.720 part of parenting is trying to teach this principle behind 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:57.520 this application is so important. It's important to your life. 0:03:57.520 --> 0:03:59.520 It's going to serve you well. And so what we 0:03:59.560 --> 0:04:03.000 want to do we want to combine emotional closeness and 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:07.560 the structure and discipline because those who actually combine both 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:11.400 of those raise the most secure children. And same thing 0:04:11.440 --> 0:04:14.760 in a boss situation, you say, wow, my boss Ray 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:17.520 loves me, But man, this place is run an incompetent way. 0:04:17.800 --> 0:04:20.719 People getting away with murder around here, and there's no accountability. 0:04:21.120 --> 0:04:23.960 What you're calling for is some degree of structure increase. 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:28.039 Other times you have a boss or situation where it's like, man, 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:30.080 you know this place is run well, but I think 0:04:30.080 --> 0:04:32.000 I'm a cog in the wheel. No one cares about me, 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:34.480 No one asks about me, No one ever says anything 0:04:34.520 --> 0:04:36.680 nice about my contribution except the once a year when 0:04:36.680 --> 0:04:39.480 I do an annual review. So how do we combine 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:41.919 both those things? And I think if you are a 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:45.799 person who's been coached, you realize the benefit of coaching. 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:48.240 You know, whether your parent died well or coached well, 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:51.000 or the other side, you weren't coached well, or you 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:54.200 weren't parented well, you felt a deficit of that. Man, 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:56.000 you know what I want to do better than what 0:04:56.120 --> 0:04:58.599 was trusted to me. That's really what a coach does. 0:04:58.600 --> 0:05:01.880 It creates a whole environment in a family, all environment 0:05:01.960 --> 0:05:05.440 in an area of your company. Who can't control the 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:08.320 whole environment in your department, you see, I want to 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:12.640 coach people who can coach people to coach people. I 0:05:12.640 --> 0:05:14.440 think about like a parenting. I want to coach my 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:17.560 kids so they end up being able to coach my grandkids, 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:21.080 so they can coach my great grandkids. It's a culture 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:24.440 of humility, it's a culture of teachability. I mean, I'm 0:05:24.480 --> 0:05:26.440 been a public speaker now for I don't know, forty 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:29.200 five years if you take the time back when I 0:05:29.240 --> 0:05:32.120 was on stage and doing plays and stuff to be 0:05:32.160 --> 0:05:35.479 a professional communicator, and every week I have six people 0:05:35.520 --> 0:05:39.720 critique me because I watch my videos every single week, 0:05:39.839 --> 0:05:42.279 because I want to be communicating and doing my best 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.200 work next week, next month, next year, not last week, 0:05:45.720 --> 0:05:49.200 last month. But that requires humility. It's not well, you know, 0:05:49.240 --> 0:05:53.159 I've got a covered bob. You know I've learned a lot, 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:56.839 but other people are going to see things I don't see. 0:05:57.080 --> 0:05:59.080 Doesn't mean I always jump at all the feedback on 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:01.600 hundred percent, but I want to be open to feedback. 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:04.039 I want to be open to other perspectives so that 0:06:04.160 --> 0:06:07.920 I can be my best by having the proverb in 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:11.839 the Bible says iron sharpens iron, we need other people 0:06:11.880 --> 0:06:13.599 to sharpen us unless we get dult. 0:06:14.440 --> 0:06:18.200 You know one word, and I've read that Minnesota study, 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:23.080 one word that seemed to creep into the conversation quite 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.599 a bit. That seemed to be, if not the most 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.839 important word in all of that. Now, I'm going to 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.640 talk specifically for a second and ask you about parenting 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:37.400 has to do with the word obedience and how you know, look, 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:40.480 you're trying to raise your kids, and look, whether you're 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:44.440 a deeply spiritual person or not, is to get them 0:06:44.440 --> 0:06:47.200 to understand. And this is where we see in society 0:06:47.440 --> 0:06:51.640 so frequently now where either parents aren't doing it, parents 0:06:51.680 --> 0:06:54.440 aren't around, and all of a sudden, kids just don't 0:06:54.560 --> 0:06:59.800 understand the importance of obedience as they are growing up. 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:05.480 And then perhaps from a more spiritual standpoint than obedience 0:07:05.680 --> 0:07:06.840 to how they live. 0:07:07.160 --> 0:07:10.040 Is that fair? I think it's very fair. 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:12.000 In fact, I always say, you don't break God's laws, 0:07:12.040 --> 0:07:15.040 you discover them in the same way. It's not just 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.680 spiritual things, but you don't break the law of gravity. 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:20.160 You discover the law of gravity when you think a 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:22.880 step off of a building, and so the same way. 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:25.400 If a child doesn't learn that there is structure and 0:07:25.440 --> 0:07:27.640 there's truth, and there are things that you need to 0:07:27.680 --> 0:07:31.840 submit subordinate yourself too, then you're going to be in 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:34.800 trouble because hey, I finally got rid of mom and dad. Well, 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:37.320 you still got a landlord. I've covered my landlord. Well, 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:39.560 I guess, but you still have roommates, you still have 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:42.800 a boss, you still have These are principles that apply 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:45.120 in every area of life. And if you think you 0:07:45.160 --> 0:07:50.720 can circumvent reality like the hang glider can temporarily circumvent gravity, 0:07:50.880 --> 0:07:53.400 but you're eventually going to go down. And so you 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:55.560 want to say, I'm teaching my children how to deal 0:07:55.600 --> 0:07:58.400 with life. Part dealing with life is dealing with truth. 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:01.920 The part dealing with truth is understanding I need to subordinate, 0:08:02.160 --> 0:08:05.520 subordinate myself to the truth here. And so as a parent, 0:08:05.600 --> 0:08:08.920 you want to teach first time obedience. Yes there's a 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:12.240 place for negotiation. Yes there's a place for appealing and 0:08:12.280 --> 0:08:13.920 what we can talk about that too as a parent, 0:08:14.440 --> 0:08:16.720 but we need to start with if dad or mom 0:08:16.760 --> 0:08:18.640 tells you to do this, I want your first thing 0:08:18.680 --> 0:08:20.160 you say is I'm going to do it. I'm going 0:08:20.240 --> 0:08:23.360 to call you to first time obedience. Now, of course, 0:08:23.400 --> 0:08:25.360 none of us are really good at that head and 0:08:25.400 --> 0:08:28.240 that's why as a parent, you're a teacher. And I 0:08:28.280 --> 0:08:30.400 think a lot of people think of themselves as you know, 0:08:30.680 --> 0:08:34.559 generals or drill sergeants's parents. But the primary role you 0:08:34.600 --> 0:08:36.760 want to see yourself as a teacher. So if your 0:08:36.920 --> 0:08:39.600 child is not giving first time obedience, how can I 0:08:39.679 --> 0:08:42.160 teach them that? How can I show what the consequences 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:44.720 that they don't, but also lovingly teach what it looks like. 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:48.840 Then also say, now, when you're characterized by first time obedience, 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:53.080 there is a place to respectfully disagree, but we don't 0:08:53.080 --> 0:08:55.880 teach that either. How what does it look like to 0:08:55.920 --> 0:09:00.040 respectfully disagree? Well, after you say, dad, i'll do it, it's 0:08:59.679 --> 0:09:02.840 okay the next day an hour later to come up 0:09:02.880 --> 0:09:04.960 and say can I talk to you about something dead? 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:07.760 Or even in the phrases we taught our kids is 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:11.600 can I appeal? Sometimes answer is no, you can't, that's 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:13.960 not on this one. Yeah, other times it's yes, you 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:15.960 can appeal on this one, I'm willing to listen. I'll 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:16.520 give it a second. 0:09:17.200 --> 0:09:17.520 Listen. 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:20.560 And many times I came back and changed my mind. 0:09:20.880 --> 0:09:23.120 I came back and apologized by the way I handled 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:25.760 it because I wanted to demonstrate to my kids not 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:27.600 only do I want them to be teachable, but I 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:30.040 want to be teachable, And so I think you can 0:09:30.080 --> 0:09:32.760 combine both those things. The question you want to ask 0:09:32.800 --> 0:09:35.600 yourself as a parent to coach a boss is am 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:41.680 I living an imitatable life? Like when people see how 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:45.360 I'm leading, how I'm acting, how I'm parenting, But your 0:09:45.440 --> 0:09:47.640 kids say, you know, Dad's not perfect, but he owns 0:09:47.679 --> 0:09:50.560 it when he's not. That's an imitatable life and that's 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:51.280 what a coach does. 0:09:52.040 --> 0:09:52.400 All right. 0:09:52.480 --> 0:09:54.280 Before I let you go, though, I want to ask 0:09:54.320 --> 0:09:57.880 you. You know, we get into vicious cycles, right, you know, 0:09:58.040 --> 0:10:00.840 over and over. Okay, let's it's him for a second. 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:03.240 That you were a kid who didn't grow up with 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:05.120 a lot of these things. Maybe you didn't get a 0:10:05.160 --> 0:10:07.680 lot of love, Maybe you didn't have a lot of structure. 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.640 How do you change that so when you become a 0:10:10.679 --> 0:10:11.760 parent it's different. 0:10:13.760 --> 0:10:15.160 Well, you know, I just read a great story the 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:18.080 other day about the movie Maverick with Jodie Foster and 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:21.400 Mel Gibson, and mel Gibson kind of lost his temper 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:24.520 on set and and Jody tooka is this good chemistry? 0:10:24.520 --> 0:10:25.280 I After you saw Maverick? 0:10:25.280 --> 0:10:25.880 It was pretty cool. 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:28.440 A little movie with James Gardner. And he gets all 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.280 upset and he comes back to the next shot and 0:10:31.280 --> 0:10:33.319 he knew he'd stepped in it. And he bought her 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.200 some flowers and he wrote her a note and he said, 0:10:35.240 --> 0:10:37.520 I was raised by a man who taught me to 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:39.840 fight first, but I'm trying to be a better man, 0:10:39.960 --> 0:10:43.400 I'm sorry. There's somebody who acknowledges I didn't come with 0:10:43.440 --> 0:10:46.280 all the tools I needed, and certainly mel Gibson got 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:49.439 the whole train wreck of bad decisions. But he's trying 0:10:49.480 --> 0:10:51.160 to make progress. And I think that's what you want 0:10:51.200 --> 0:10:53.439 to do as a parent, to say it's not perfection. 0:10:53.720 --> 0:10:57.400 I'm pursuing progress. And I tell you that grace goes 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.440 a long way. When you come back and your kids 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:00.880 for the first time, I'm in a long time here, 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:03.160 you say, you know what, I could have handled that better. 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:06.280 So like, oh my goodness, the klophone is going off 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:09.000 and my dad's answering it. The kluphone is shrinking, and 0:11:09.040 --> 0:11:11.839 my mom answered it. Same thing you think with your kids. 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:14.160 You're like, oh my goodness, the son the klophone has 0:11:14.200 --> 0:11:17.520 been ringing for like six months and it's founding on 0:11:17.559 --> 0:11:20.000 your door. It's going to be painful if you don't 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:23.280 pick it up. So again, you want to model the 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:25.600 same thing. It's okay to say I'm not good at this. Guys, 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:27.480 you know I'm not good at this. You watch me 0:11:27.559 --> 0:11:29.480 every day. But I want to at least be better 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.440 at this. And you'd be amazed at the forgiveness and 0:11:32.559 --> 0:11:35.080 grace people give each other when they realize you're at 0:11:35.160 --> 0:11:36.840 least trying to aim in the right direction. 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.360 Great stuff as always, Pastor Chad Hoven. Can't thank you 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:42.520 enough for your time and hope you have a great 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:45.640 rest of your week and UH and thanks as always, sir, 0:11:45.760 --> 0:11:46.559 Great talking. 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:48.599 To you, sounds good talking a 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:52.679 Pastor Chad Holen always great talking with him, always incredible wisdom.