1 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:12,039 Speaker 1: From WBZ News Radio in Boston. This is New England Weekend. 2 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:14,600 Speaker 1: Each week right here, we come together and talk about 3 00:00:14,600 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: all the topics important to you and the place where 4 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 1: you live. Great to have you with us this week. 5 00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: I'm Nicole Davis. So back over the summer, the National 6 00:00:22,320 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 1: Alliance for Caregiving and AARP put out a report and 7 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: in that report they said almost one out of every 8 00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: four adult Americans right now are acting as unpaid caregivers 9 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:34,760 Speaker 1: for someone they love. Many of us even just part time, 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:37,559 Speaker 1: or taking care of our parents or older family members. 11 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:40,960 Speaker 1: Others are caregiving for children or people who have disabilities 12 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:44,440 Speaker 1: or chronic illness. Whatever the reason, whoever it is, it 13 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:47,159 Speaker 1: requires a lot of energy. And we're not just talking 14 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 1: physical energy, we're talking emotional, mental, and fiscal. But it 15 00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,280 Speaker 1: of course is worth it to make sure our loved 16 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:56,040 Speaker 1: one maintains their independence for as long and as much 17 00:00:56,080 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: as possible. Let's talk more about this now with Kate Granigan. 18 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 1: She's the CEO of Alder in Newton. Their job there 19 00:01:02,880 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: is helping local families navigate the aging process and make 20 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:08,479 Speaker 1: sure they have all the support they need. Kate, it's 21 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:10,080 Speaker 1: so good to have you here. Thank you for coming 22 00:01:10,080 --> 00:01:11,759 Speaker 1: on the show, and I'm going to start with this 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: because it seems like from the data I've seen and 24 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,120 Speaker 1: the research I've read, more and more Americans of a 25 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:20,440 Speaker 1: certain age every year are taking on these roles more 26 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:21,200 Speaker 1: than ever before. 27 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:25,080 Speaker 2: The aging population is growing, and we're about to be 28 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,040 Speaker 2: at the height of that in the next few years. 29 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 2: And caregiving itself is a you know, it's a marathon, 30 00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 2: not a sprint. People are living longer. We have multiple 31 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:40,559 Speaker 2: family levels that you know need care often because somebody 32 00:01:40,640 --> 00:01:43,039 Speaker 2: is living longer. You may have two or three or 33 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 2: more elders in your life that may need assistance on 34 00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 2: a sort of a small basis initially, and sort of 35 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 2: slowly that creeps up to more and more things. And 36 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:58,480 Speaker 2: I think often people don't even identify themselves as caregivers 37 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:02,120 Speaker 2: until they're pretty deep in the process in my experience, 38 00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,680 Speaker 2: and so I think having a National Caregiver Month is 39 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,480 Speaker 2: critical because it really begins to bring awareness to, quite frankly, 40 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:13,639 Speaker 2: what has become a pretty big challenge for so many 41 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:17,359 Speaker 2: Americans across the country and of many ages. I think 42 00:02:17,400 --> 00:02:21,000 Speaker 2: that's a misunderstanding. A lot of people don't notice or 43 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,840 Speaker 2: recognize that people that are raising their own very small children. 44 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: Often we have people who are still college age that 45 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 2: are caring for a family member, a parent that has 46 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:37,240 Speaker 2: a diagnosis of young onset Alzheimer's or dementia. So it 47 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:42,320 Speaker 2: is across generations and you know, economics, all kinds of things. 48 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,799 Speaker 2: People are involved in caregiving, and you talk. 49 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:48,400 Speaker 1: About cross generations. It's not even just people helping their parents. 50 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,520 Speaker 1: This could be somebody who has a disabled child. This 51 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,359 Speaker 1: could be somebody who is raising very small children themselves. 52 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:57,320 Speaker 1: I mean, caregiving, as you mentioned, it comes in so 53 00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 1: many shapes and sizes, that's. 54 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,880 Speaker 2: Right, And you know, you hear the term is sort 55 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:04,920 Speaker 2: of out there called the sandwich generation, and it really 56 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 2: is true. People really do feel sandwiched when they're trying 57 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:12,200 Speaker 2: to balance the needs of their own young family or 58 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 2: perhaps you know, their own aging parents, their own health 59 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 2: care needs, and there's often maybe a disabled family member 60 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 2: as well. So I think there's so many forms that 61 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,600 Speaker 2: caregiving comes in, and people are often finding themselves trying 62 00:03:27,639 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 2: to make choices between taking care of mom's medical needs 63 00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 2: and their own, quite frankly, or you know, taking a 64 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 2: leave of absence from work due to the increased needs 65 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,480 Speaker 2: that they have no real understanding of how to get 66 00:03:40,480 --> 00:03:43,680 Speaker 2: help or where the resources are can be very, very challenging. 67 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: Oh, I believe it, and independence is important for everybody. 68 00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:49,360 Speaker 1: None of us wants to admit that we might need 69 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 1: a little extra help, and nobody wants to admit that, 70 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I can't do these basic things by 71 00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,119 Speaker 1: myself anymore. Talk to me about what it's like when 72 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:59,120 Speaker 1: you're trying to deal with an aging parent or somebody 73 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: else in your life who is on their end dealing 74 00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: with grieving, essentially losing their independence. 75 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 2: You know, I think that's such an important piece. We 76 00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,760 Speaker 2: don't necessarily focus on that, you know, when the person 77 00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 2: that is in need of help help based on health 78 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 2: changes or cognitive decline. We're talking about people who often 79 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:21,919 Speaker 2: you know, have had very successful careers, raised their own families, 80 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 2: been through generations of challenge and struggle, and succeeded. So 81 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 2: regardless of a de client that may be presenting itself 82 00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:34,320 Speaker 2: now to aging to adult children, these are still people 83 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 2: who have the right to make their own decisions as 84 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:40,120 Speaker 2: much as possible, who are going to be as all 85 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:43,160 Speaker 2: of us would be resistant to someone telling them you 86 00:04:43,279 --> 00:04:46,280 Speaker 2: have to you must, you need to move, you can't. 87 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,680 Speaker 2: And in my experience, you know, my background is as 88 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 2: a licensed to independent clinical social worker, and when you're 89 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,479 Speaker 2: talking to people about those things, the reality is it's 90 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 2: how you approach the topic conversation, not so much what's 91 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 2: needed to be discussed. And that's something we really try 92 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 2: to coach caregivers on because I think when you come 93 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,239 Speaker 2: at your aging parent who raised you, and you start 94 00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:15,159 Speaker 2: telling and they can't live alone anymore, they can't drive, 95 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:18,400 Speaker 2: that's going to be met with some resistance, as you 96 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:22,040 Speaker 2: would imagine, and so it really sometimes is the approach, 97 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:25,279 Speaker 2: it's who's having the question or the conversation. There's a 98 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 2: lot of ways to approach that that can be much 99 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 2: more successful. 100 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:31,920 Speaker 1: I can tell you from personal experience, telling somebody, namely 101 00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:35,039 Speaker 1: your parent, what to do generally doesn't go over well 102 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,839 Speaker 1: because then you quickly get reminded that you're the child. 103 00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 1: But that's the thing. If you're in your thirties and 104 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:43,800 Speaker 1: forties and fifties, yes you're still the child, but you 105 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 1: know there is the whole concept of parentification of the child, 106 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:49,960 Speaker 1: and that's difficult on both ends too. 107 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:52,920 Speaker 2: You mentioned loss earlier. I think there's a lot of 108 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 2: loss that goes on in the aging process if we 109 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 2: focus on it, and I think it's important to acknowledge 110 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:02,560 Speaker 2: it while looking at then what and despite that, and 111 00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:05,560 Speaker 2: I think the loss for you know, adult child, when 112 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,240 Speaker 2: they start seeing someone who they leaned on and depend 113 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:11,360 Speaker 2: on for their lifetime starting to show signs of decline, 114 00:06:11,680 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 2: that's a that's a big loss that needs to be 115 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:17,039 Speaker 2: acknowledged as they're going to take on a role of caregiving. 116 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 2: And then for the adult that's in question that may 117 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 2: have issues that are needing support, you know, really their losses, 118 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 2: you know, very often loss of sight, loss of mobility, 119 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,960 Speaker 2: loss of their social circles. You know, there's and that 120 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,400 Speaker 2: goes on and on. Sometimes spouses are family members, so 121 00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,039 Speaker 2: they have you know, often multiple losses that they're experiencing 122 00:06:39,560 --> 00:06:42,799 Speaker 2: as well. So really taking time and taking a step 123 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:46,760 Speaker 2: back and recognizing all the dynamics that are playing a 124 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,400 Speaker 2: part in this scenario really can help move forward in 125 00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 2: a much more compassionate, successful way so that the adult 126 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,400 Speaker 2: child can feel confident that they're doing their part and 127 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 2: helping an aging parent. And they're also you know, reducing 128 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 2: their stress and guilt, and the aging person is able 129 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:10,600 Speaker 2: to impact their own decisions and are able to be 130 00:07:10,640 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 2: part of a plan, you know, if we do this well. 131 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,200 Speaker 1: And third party caregivers do play a big role in 132 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 1: that because at the end of the day, we as 133 00:07:18,880 --> 00:07:21,000 Speaker 1: the children just want our parents to be safe and 134 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 1: healthy and happy. The parent just doesn't want to burden 135 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,200 Speaker 1: the child, and yet they are also dealing with this 136 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 1: change in their life. Talk to me a little bit 137 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:32,560 Speaker 1: about third party care giving and how you even can 138 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,480 Speaker 1: bring that up to somebody who you know still mentally 139 00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 1: maybe in great shape, their body's just not working as 140 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,840 Speaker 1: well as it used to. What is that process like well. 141 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 2: So some of the challenge often is who's having the 142 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 2: conversation right, Because I will just give you my personal example. 143 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 2: I am a professional that has been doing this work 144 00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:57,120 Speaker 2: in aging life care for over thirty years, and I 145 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,440 Speaker 2: have an aging mother, I've had other aging relative and 146 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 2: I am still the child, I am still the niece. 147 00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:07,920 Speaker 2: So you know, sometimes despite your knowledge, it's really hard 148 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:09,880 Speaker 2: to shake the fact that you're not the person that 149 00:08:09,920 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 2: should be having this conversation all the time. And so 150 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:16,840 Speaker 2: there's a couple options. One is I think approaching conversations 151 00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 2: around these topics with curiosity rather than demands or statements 152 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 2: is really important. It's it's starting. I always say, you know, 153 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 2: have the conversation a little bit all the time. So 154 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 2: don't wait till it's a crisis, and don't approach it 155 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:36,200 Speaker 2: when you need tomorrow to have something you know solved. 156 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,480 Speaker 2: But start talking about this is normal part of you know, planning, 157 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,440 Speaker 2: much like you would for your child that's going to college, 158 00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 2: or you know, planning for your vacation. We're we're talking about, Uh, 159 00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,760 Speaker 2: you would not take a vacation without a roadmap and 160 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:52,160 Speaker 2: just say I want to get over there and I 161 00:08:52,240 --> 00:08:55,240 Speaker 2: guess I'll just wing it. You would you would probably 162 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 2: need some direction, you know, And so there are ways 163 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 2: to get support outside of the family. There are ways 164 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:06,800 Speaker 2: to get coaching around this, and there are you know, 165 00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 2: there's a lot of ways that resources can support those 166 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 2: conversations so that they can be successful, not tense and 167 00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 2: you know negative. So I think just beginning the conversation 168 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:21,079 Speaker 2: with hey, you know, I've been thinking about this. You know, 169 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:24,679 Speaker 2: you're in your house that we grew up in. Dad 170 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,360 Speaker 2: has passed away and you're still here in this big 171 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 2: house with lots and lots of needs that the house 172 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 2: you know is burning you with I wonder if you've 173 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 2: ever thought about relocating. I wonder if there were some 174 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,080 Speaker 2: things we could take off your plate. You know, I 175 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 2: know your knees are bothering you and we're facing surgery, 176 00:09:41,679 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 2: but that's a big decision in the meantime, What would 177 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 2: it be like to bring in someone that would help 178 00:09:46,400 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 2: with the laundry that's down three flights of stairs, or 179 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,160 Speaker 2: you know, bringing in the groceries from the outside so 180 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:55,920 Speaker 2: you could focus on what you like doing and your wellness. 181 00:09:56,040 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 2: And a lot of times that's not saying you can't 182 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 2: do it, it's saying, here's an option to outsource. And 183 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:05,200 Speaker 2: so there's different techniques of approaching this. You know, we 184 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,960 Speaker 2: all outsource things if you think about it, right, And 185 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 2: so the choice is what would you like to outsource 186 00:10:11,320 --> 00:10:14,000 Speaker 2: to keep you well and safe? How do we mitigate 187 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 2: risk if you want to stay in this big house 188 00:10:16,240 --> 00:10:18,720 Speaker 2: that has three sets of stairs. But we know falls 189 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:21,720 Speaker 2: are often the thing that causes people to have to 190 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 2: lead their home. So unless we want to think about that, 191 00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 2: how about we look at making this safe and that 192 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 2: might mean bringing in some additional help or outsourcing. 193 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:34,079 Speaker 1: Cost of course, is a big issue when it comes 194 00:10:34,120 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: to people who are aging. Many people who are older 195 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:39,319 Speaker 1: are on a fixed budget. Many people who are disabled 196 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: are on a very fixed budget. How can people bring 197 00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:45,560 Speaker 1: care giving into the conversation knowing that there's not a 198 00:10:45,559 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 1: lot of money always to go around here? 199 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, that's an excellent question, and there's no 200 00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:53,920 Speaker 2: one answer to that I would tell you. There are 201 00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 2: you know, there are certain resources if you qualify financially 202 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:03,000 Speaker 2: that may their give cost cuts in those in that 203 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 2: in those cases there's some state federal services that may 204 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 2: be applicable. Those are you know, they are they're sensitive 205 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 2: to someone's incommon assets, so you know, you go through 206 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,840 Speaker 2: state agencies to evaluate whether that's a resource that you 207 00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 2: can take advantage of. There are ways to you know, 208 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 2: assess what is the most important times of day or 209 00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 2: different ways to utilize support so that it's not a 210 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:36,240 Speaker 2: huge expense, but it's a relatively small expense to the 211 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 2: other expense, which might mean leaving the home and moving 212 00:11:38,840 --> 00:11:43,480 Speaker 2: into an assisted living community or you know, or the like. 213 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:47,920 Speaker 2: Those can sometimes be much more expensive. And so comparing 214 00:11:47,960 --> 00:11:50,760 Speaker 2: costs and looking at what might be applicable, what they 215 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 2: might be eligible for, what insurance might pay for short times, 216 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 2: we often will look at people's you know, if they 217 00:11:57,520 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 2: have a long term care insurance policy hidden in your 218 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,840 Speaker 2: drawer somewhere, which actually often happens. Kids will pull something 219 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 2: out and say I found this, and we will review 220 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,880 Speaker 2: that and say in back, you have some benefits you're 221 00:12:08,880 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 2: not taking advantage of. So I think there can be 222 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:15,760 Speaker 2: a small cost to looking at even getting that kind 223 00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,679 Speaker 2: of expert advice and assessment. That can be a couple 224 00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:21,679 Speaker 2: of hours with someone who can really. 225 00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,840 Speaker 3: Guide you to what the right resources are, how to 226 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,080 Speaker 3: access them, what your eligibilities are, and then what the 227 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 3: financial picture would look like if you stayed home and 228 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 3: as needs increased, potentially based on a new diagnosis, or 229 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:40,000 Speaker 3: there's also veterans benefits. 230 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:44,280 Speaker 2: There are sometimes grants for home modification. So having an 231 00:12:44,280 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 2: expert that understands and knows those resources inside and out 232 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,839 Speaker 2: and can point you in the direction of those things 233 00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,839 Speaker 2: can often, believe it or not, be cost savings. 234 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: Now you're putting the money out at first, but you're 235 00:12:58,040 --> 00:13:00,000 Speaker 1: getting a lot of savings back, so that makes sense. 236 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 2: That's right, Yeah, that's right. 237 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,439 Speaker 1: There is a lot of guilt I think for many 238 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 1: adult children who may not live close at home now gratefully. 239 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 1: A lot of people have children nearby and they can 240 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,360 Speaker 1: do the sort of diy caregiving thing, you know, stop 241 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: by every day, make sure mom's got what she needs 242 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:16,920 Speaker 1: in the freezer, and make sure dad's stuff is all 243 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,200 Speaker 1: taken care of. But then there are other adults who 244 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:23,480 Speaker 1: live across the country, across the world, and they must, 245 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 1: or they do often feel a lot of guilt you're 246 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 1: not being able to be there. So to me, it 247 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 1: seems like having that third party caregiver can also be 248 00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,760 Speaker 1: a sort of touch point to make sure that everybody 249 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 1: stays connected and that the adult child doesn't necessarily have 250 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:40,040 Speaker 1: to uplift their entire life to make sure their parents 251 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:42,079 Speaker 1: are Okay, that's right, and. 252 00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:44,440 Speaker 2: You're referring to a caregiver, I'll use some terms that 253 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,040 Speaker 2: are slightly different. There are third party or private caregivers 254 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,640 Speaker 2: that are also you know, there's unpaid caregivers is a 255 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:53,840 Speaker 2: term that's used, and that's typically referring to the family itself. 256 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:56,840 Speaker 2: These are people who are carrying the burden of caregiving, 257 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,720 Speaker 2: often up to twenty hours a week with their full 258 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:03,599 Speaker 2: time job, and they're caring for their aging parents, and 259 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,560 Speaker 2: they're sort of referred to in the industry as the 260 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 2: unpaid caregiver. There's the third party or the private caregiver 261 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,080 Speaker 2: that's hired as someone outside that might be in a 262 00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 2: home care agency or some sort that would be coming 263 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 2: in and providing. They're typically providing more sort of hands 264 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:22,680 Speaker 2: on care, helping with meal preparation, activities of daily living. 265 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,040 Speaker 2: And then there's a resource in which the company that 266 00:14:26,280 --> 00:14:30,800 Speaker 2: I am with alder that we provide, which is that coaching, 267 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 2: that level of care support. We call it life care management. 268 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 2: And these are folks who are clinically, you know, professionally 269 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,600 Speaker 2: trained experts, master's levels, social workers, nurses, those that have 270 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 2: experience in the aging field, and then bring that expertise 271 00:14:48,120 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 2: to the family. They are an objective observer and they're 272 00:14:52,440 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 2: able to guide the family to what it looks like 273 00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:59,200 Speaker 2: in their eyes as somebody who has not had the 274 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 2: emotion connection. They're able to really give the sort of 275 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:07,520 Speaker 2: give the picture and then give a roadmap that roadmap 276 00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 2: we talked about, and then they're able to in the 277 00:15:11,680 --> 00:15:16,040 Speaker 2: case of your question about long distance caregivers, they are 278 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:19,720 Speaker 2: able to actually remain involved if the family would like, 279 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 2: as a sort of contact locally, and we call it 280 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:26,720 Speaker 2: boots on the ground, right, And that's what most families 281 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 2: feel most guilty about. When mom or dad gets up 282 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 2: in the middle of night, has a fall and ends 283 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 2: up in the emergency room and they're a plane ride away, 284 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,320 Speaker 2: and they have small children that they have to arrange for, 285 00:15:37,800 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 2: you know, so for care for before they can get 286 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:44,240 Speaker 2: to mom or dad. That feels horrible. And so in 287 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 2: those cases, having a local resource like a life care 288 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:51,680 Speaker 2: manager that can you know, be at bedside, be at 289 00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 2: the hospital, communicate on the behalf of the family knows 290 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 2: the loved one, the aging loved one, can report on 291 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,000 Speaker 2: you know, what medication they're currently taking, what is their 292 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:06,760 Speaker 2: typical state, you know, are they typically disconfused or could 293 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:09,400 Speaker 2: it be some medical thing that's happening. Did they have 294 00:16:09,440 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 2: a fall, are they are they have a mobility issue 295 00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 2: or is this new? So there's a lot of resources 296 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 2: and data that they can bring to the to the scene, 297 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:21,360 Speaker 2: to the doctor's office. They can attend doctor's visits that 298 00:16:21,760 --> 00:16:24,040 Speaker 2: you know, families often would be at if they could. 299 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,240 Speaker 2: And that's a good example of an expense that may 300 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,200 Speaker 2: at first seem like, you know, sort of frivolous or oh, 301 00:16:32,240 --> 00:16:34,480 Speaker 2: I should be there myself. That's where a lot of 302 00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 2: guilt comes in. On the other hand, when you're hopping 303 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,320 Speaker 2: on a plane last minute, or you're leaving work every 304 00:16:40,320 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 2: other week unexpectedly and flying across the country to attend 305 00:16:44,400 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 2: to emergencies for an aging parent, that can add up 306 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 2: to yeah. 307 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,800 Speaker 1: I can, I guess. My final question is, if you 308 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:55,320 Speaker 1: are a caregiver, an unpaid caregiver, so on and so forth, 309 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 1: tell me how people can best avoid getting burned out 310 00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,560 Speaker 1: than calling and bringing somebody in, which is of course 311 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,119 Speaker 1: a great option if that's where you're. 312 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,760 Speaker 2: At, if that possible, but if if. 313 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: You're not at that point yet or financially you can't 314 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,639 Speaker 1: make it happen, what is your advice for people? 315 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:16,840 Speaker 2: My advice is start early. My advice is name the 316 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 2: caregiving role as quickly as it becomes apparent to you. 317 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,639 Speaker 2: You know. Again, it starts with I'm just going to 318 00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,600 Speaker 2: grab groceries when I grab my groceries every week, and 319 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:27,760 Speaker 2: that's it. And then all of a sudden, you're being 320 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 2: called at two in the morning because someone is confused, 321 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,400 Speaker 2: or you're being attending every doctor's visit, and those things 322 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,760 Speaker 2: quickly add up to burnout because you're also trying to 323 00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:39,760 Speaker 2: balance your own life, and so I think calling in 324 00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:43,920 Speaker 2: the resources that you can. Often there are siblings across 325 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 2: the country in different areas, and so you know, identifying 326 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 2: the need and the role early setting boundaries on that role. 327 00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,159 Speaker 2: That's a really hard one, a whole other topic, I'm sure, 328 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,360 Speaker 2: but we all know that saying no is sometimes really 329 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 2: important for our own well being and if we don't, 330 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:07,359 Speaker 2: we can get quickly overwhelmed and inundated. So when you 331 00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:09,399 Speaker 2: have a sibling that lives around the corner but you 332 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:12,240 Speaker 2: seem to be a little closer, you're the one that 333 00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:15,000 Speaker 2: always goes say I'm sorry. I can do this on 334 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:19,840 Speaker 2: Tuesdays and Fridays, but I'm off on Wednesdays and Sundays. 335 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,800 Speaker 2: I'm going to need you to be the one on call. 336 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:26,320 Speaker 2: So ask for help. People often very vaguely say, oh, 337 00:18:26,359 --> 00:18:28,400 Speaker 2: I'm sorry about your mom and dad, I'd love to help. 338 00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,480 Speaker 2: Let me know. Well, take that as a you know 339 00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 2: what I need. Every Thursday she goes to bingo and 340 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 2: I need you to pick her up and the end 341 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 2: of the day and stop by the the place she 342 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,840 Speaker 2: loves to grab her pastry. So be specific about what 343 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:45,879 Speaker 2: you need. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Start 344 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,640 Speaker 2: early and look at resources. Local councils on aging are 345 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,679 Speaker 2: fantastic resources. They're not just for the I had clients 346 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 2: that were in their nineties and say I'll go there 347 00:18:55,280 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 2: when I'm old. I would joke and say, they're not 348 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:00,560 Speaker 2: just for old people anymore. I'm dying to get in 349 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:00,920 Speaker 2: the door. 350 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 1: I cannot wait. Go bring it on now. 351 00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,879 Speaker 2: And they're not just bingo. They are doing lifelong learning. 352 00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 2: They have book clubs, they have exercise and yoga and zumba. 353 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:13,400 Speaker 2: And so check out your local or your parents' local 354 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:17,800 Speaker 2: resources and start early and become an educated consumer. And 355 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:20,280 Speaker 2: don't do it alone. You don't need to do it alone. 356 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:22,000 Speaker 1: No you don't. All right, Well, how can we find 357 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:23,920 Speaker 1: out more about the work you're doing at older Tell 358 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: us a bit, how we can get in touch with 359 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:25,960 Speaker 1: you if need. 360 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,360 Speaker 2: Be sure thing? Yeah, So we are located in the 361 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,200 Speaker 2: Boston area, but we cover all of Massachusetts. We're boots 362 00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 2: on the ground all of Massachusetts, the islands Cape cod 363 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:41,520 Speaker 2: and uh southern New Hampshire into Rhode Island and expanding. 364 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,600 Speaker 2: You can call our office for more information at six 365 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,760 Speaker 2: one seven nine two eight zero two zero zero or 366 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 2: you can check us out at Askalder dot com and 367 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:55,719 Speaker 2: we're happy to answer questions. It's a complimentary call, no pressure. 368 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,880 Speaker 2: We're happy to listen to your story, and if we're 369 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:00,200 Speaker 2: not the right resources, we will always point you in 370 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 2: the direction that you need. 371 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 1: Okay, ask a l dr askalder dot com. Correct, it 372 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:07,119 Speaker 1: is correct? 373 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:07,640 Speaker 2: All right? 374 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 1: Great, well, Kate, this has been wonderful conversation, great advice, 375 00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,440 Speaker 1: really important insight for so many of us who are 376 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,639 Speaker 1: caregiving our loved ones. Thank you for the time on 377 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,000 Speaker 1: the show. 378 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,200 Speaker 2: You're welcome and thanks for having me. 379 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: Have a safe and happy and healthy holiday season. After 380 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,640 Speaker 1: the first of the year, We've got some great content 381 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: coming up, so be sure to stick around for that. 382 00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: I'm Nicole Davis from WBZ News Radio on iHeartRadio.