Speaker 1: Yeah, oh Money, you'll love this. Listen anything by the mac.
Speaker 2: You know what, I I don't want to say taking
Speaker 2: a lot of.
Speaker 3: You know what.
Speaker 1: I'm proud and I.
Speaker 4: Can get the work.
Speaker 3: Maney Rishman.
Speaker 4: He is a health and community psychologist and just a
Speaker 4: lovely person. The bathroom Divorce, Money, Leishman, thank you for
Speaker 4: staying up nicson late Good.
Speaker 2: Morning, Good morning, How are we.
Speaker 4: Well given the circumstances of the world tested, I got
Speaker 4: to say, but.
Speaker 3: We won't come back to that in just a moment.
Speaker 4: I love that little piece that we read maybe a
Speaker 4: few days ago, now the time for the bathroom divorce.
Speaker 3: It made me laugh.
Speaker 4: And then I discussed it with some people over the weekend,
Speaker 4: the bathroom divorce.
Speaker 3: And they said, oh, no, that makes sense. It's a thing.
Speaker 2: It's a thing. It's a thing. And I think whenever
Speaker 2: things are on a social media and they're trending, then
Speaker 2: it's definitely a thing, isn't it.
Speaker 4: So just explain for those that may not have seen that,
Speaker 4: to just explain the idea of it, about the frustration
Speaker 4: that many have about maybe a partner's or family members'
Speaker 4: bathroom habit. Sounds a bit naughty, but I don't think
Speaker 4: it is quite that naughty funny.
Speaker 2: It's definitely not the naughty parts of it. It's actually
Speaker 2: the more irritating discussing parts of it. And I think
Speaker 2: I think a lot of couples get into conflict for
Speaker 2: a variety of reasons. We know relationships breakdown for a
Speaker 2: myriad of reasons. But the bathroom divorce is more about
Speaker 2: having separate bathroom spaces to avoid conflict. So it might
Speaker 2: be different toilets in the house that you know each
Speaker 2: partner uses, Yeah, and a totally different bathroom space because
Speaker 2: a lot of people have different personal habits, and a
Speaker 2: lot of people have different hygiene preferences. And as you
Speaker 2: can imagine, if you're sharing a toilet, a sink, a mirror,
Speaker 2: and a shower, it can be quite irritating kind of
Speaker 2: other people's behaviors.
Speaker 3: Grew up in a house.
Speaker 4: When I say grew up, I was married in a house, wife,
Speaker 4: two daughters.
Speaker 3: How do you think that works out?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Poor you?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Or poor? Then maybe I don't know.
Speaker 3: Well, they would probably say the same.
Speaker 4: I love them all, but o mg, in the bathrooms
Speaker 4: exactly exactly.
Speaker 2: And you know, there are so many different behaviors that
Speaker 2: I think we all talk about, don't we that is
Speaker 2: really irritating. It might be leaving the toilet seed up,
Speaker 2: It might be leaving kind of hair in the sink,
Speaker 2: or squeezing the toothpaste, you know, at the beginning and
Speaker 2: not at the end.
Speaker 4: Start.
Speaker 2: But these little things, particularly when we communicate to others
Speaker 2: that we don't like them and they don't listen, it
Speaker 2: just gets repeated every day. Can build up, can't it,
Speaker 2: And it could, amongst other things in a relationship, actually
Speaker 2: contribute to a relationship breakdown. So it's worth talking about,
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 4: And I think when you talk about bathroom you can
Speaker 4: almost move that into the laundry as well. Why did
Speaker 4: you Why do you leave the clothes on the bathroom
Speaker 4: floor when you know that they need to be Why
Speaker 4: don't you move them into Why is it the expectation
Speaker 4: that mum and dad or somebody else in the house
Speaker 4: do it into.
Speaker 2: The laundry exactly? And there's also that kind of self absorption.
Speaker 2: I think we see it a lot with teenagers, but
Speaker 2: a lot of grown adults do it as well, where
Speaker 2: they're actually not thinking about everybody else, you know, who's
Speaker 2: going to be using the bathroom after them? They'll leave
Speaker 2: towels on the floor, not to toilet rolls, you know,
Speaker 2: leaving make up. You know, a lot of women leave
Speaker 2: makeup all in the sink. There's a lot of things
Speaker 2: that we do that is very ego centric almost, and
Speaker 2: we're not really respecting other people in the house. And
Speaker 2: that's kind of almost symbolized with some of those behaviors
Speaker 2: that you're not thinking of others.
Speaker 4: Maney, the toilet roll paper from the front down or
Speaker 4: from the back down.
Speaker 2: Well, it's the front down, isn't it.
Speaker 3: Of course it is, of course it is.
Speaker 4: We're just wrong, it's really wrong. In fact, anybody who
Speaker 4: does it that way it should be imprisoned.
Speaker 2: Exactly. But I'm sure a lot of people would argue
Speaker 2: argue with you on that, but it is its very subjective.
Speaker 3: Isn't it change the laws? They should go to.
Speaker 2: Prison, exactly, They need to be banned. Yeah, that's the
Speaker 2: material definitely is the thing.
Speaker 4: You go to these beautiful, beautiful homes, display homes and things,
Speaker 4: and those of us that maybe didn't have the luxury
Speaker 4: some of those gorgeous bathrooms that are now available where
Speaker 4: you could have you have three people in the shower,
Speaker 4: you have two or three beautiful things, lots of mirror space,
Speaker 4: lots of heating.
Speaker 3: Different world. That's not the world that most of us
Speaker 3: grew up.
Speaker 2: In though, well no, no, And I think you know
Speaker 2: in many houses people only they only have one bathroom.
Speaker 2: So yeah, really, yeah, it is about having those boundaries,
Speaker 2: isn't it. And really it really comes down to communication.
Speaker 2: I think you've got to be able to let people,
Speaker 2: particularly if you're in a partnership with someone, you need
Speaker 2: to let them know how you feel about things, why
Speaker 2: you're feeling like that, and what type of behavior needs
Speaker 2: to change for you not to feel like that. And
Speaker 2: I think if the other person's not respecting it, then
Speaker 2: there's something deeper there going on.
Speaker 3: Yeah, something far deeper.
Speaker 4: We'll take some calls on a bathroom habits and bathroom divorces,
Speaker 4: which I just think in itself is a very funny
Speaker 4: and interesting expression. Bathroom divorces one double three six, nine
Speaker 4: to three madey while we've got you here, Given what's
Speaker 4: unfolded recently and certainly yesterday, I think it happened around
Speaker 4: about ten o'clock. We saw the news first up yesterday morning,
Speaker 4: Sunday morning, where the bombing was taking place in Iran
Speaker 4: and what's leading up to that, and the world in
Speaker 4: general at the moment it's you would have seen no
Speaker 4: doubt that people have anxiety levels that have skyrocketed, certainly
Speaker 4: in the last twelve or eighteen months.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, definitely. I think it's been skyrocketing in for years.
Speaker 2: I think people are just absorbing the global crisis because
Speaker 2: and it feels like it's just one after another, doesn't it.
Speaker 2: And the thing is, we can literally see we literally
Speaker 2: can see war, can't we and every crisis and tragedy
Speaker 2: playing out at the end of our fingertips almost, you know,
Speaker 2: And it's happening in real time. So I think a
Speaker 2: lot of us are absorbing it, but we feel very
Speaker 2: much connected to it. Very different to probably fifty years
Speaker 2: ago when you read a newspaper and the event had happened,
Speaker 2: you know, like a week or so after we've before
Speaker 2: we've read it. There's almost a disconnection there, whereas now
Speaker 2: we're actually absorbing at all in real time, and I
Speaker 2: think our brain at some level, yes, it feels so
Speaker 2: real that it's happening to us right now.
Speaker 3: We went.
Speaker 4: For a cup of coffee a little cafe not far
Speaker 4: away from we were living from Berwick. So you get
Speaker 4: in there and you're sort of sort of sitting there
Speaker 4: and you're having.
Speaker 3: A cup of coffee in a bite. Two week and
Speaker 3: we're sitting there chatting. We looked around and on around
Speaker 3: the tables.
Speaker 4: There would have been maybe I'm thinking one, four might
Speaker 4: have been four other tables being used. Each of the
Speaker 4: four tables had two people on them. Of the five tables,
Speaker 4: including ours, four of them, all of them on the
Speaker 4: other four tables were sitting opposite each other looking at
Speaker 4: their phones. Yeah, sound that really remarkable. And it's only,
Speaker 4: you know, ten o'clock on a Saturday morning, not engaging
Speaker 4: at all, but all on their phones, paying the bill,
Speaker 4: walking up, looking at their phones while they were paying
Speaker 4: the bill, walking out of the cafe, looking at their phones.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, it is conditioning us for us not
Speaker 2: to be without it, isn't it Like it's all we
Speaker 2: look at? But which is kind of a dangerous thing.
Speaker 2: And the thing about I guess, connecting to what we're
Speaker 2: talking about, we're looking at our phones and where we're
Speaker 2: engaging with that, and there's also these world events happening,
Speaker 2: is that our brain is almost tuned in to look
Speaker 2: for the negative and the bad things and the scary
Speaker 2: things and the fearful things in our environment. So that's
Speaker 2: why we tend to almost doom scroll without even thinking.
Speaker 2: So we're constantly looking at the bad stuff, often more
Speaker 2: than the good stuff, because our brains tuned in for that.
Speaker 2: But we've got to watch. We have to really be
Speaker 2: careful because if we end up in distress and our
Speaker 2: anxiety skyrocketing and we end up depressed as a result
Speaker 2: of everything we're absorbed, we're not going to be able
Speaker 2: to help. We can't. We'll have to hide away, and
Speaker 2: that's not going to be very beneficial for anyone.
Speaker 4: The other thing that happened to me over the weekend,
Speaker 4: and just to wrap this up because I thought it
Speaker 4: was an interesting experience, there was a person that we
Speaker 4: walk into a particular place, and I won't name the person,
Speaker 4: but it was somebody that I knew who.
Speaker 3: Fell down, who had a trip and fell down.
Speaker 4: Now, fortunately I was just behind this person, so I
Speaker 4: was able to hold this person steady to make sure
Speaker 4: that they were okay. Well, so they were still on
Speaker 4: the ground, retrieved a walking stick, but there were people
Speaker 4: walking past.
Speaker 3: Nobody helped. One eventually did, but nobody helped.
Speaker 4: And I found that about it for some time afterwards,
Speaker 4: and I thought that was really indicative of well, I'm
Speaker 4: not too sure.
Speaker 2: What yeah exactly. I mean, there is a concept of
Speaker 2: psychological kind of concept called the bystander effect. I think
Speaker 2: even before mobiles were around. I think we're so distracted
Speaker 2: with our mobiles we probably don't even see half the
Speaker 2: things that are going on anyway. But yeah, there is
Speaker 2: a concept where people won't go and help people. They'll
Speaker 2: just kind of stand back and kind of wait for
Speaker 2: the first person to do something. Yeah, it's interesting behavior,
Speaker 2: isn't it.
Speaker 3: Look at all these texts, I love the show.
Speaker 4: There is one here that says, agree with you and
Speaker 4: money about going to prison on how the toilet roll paper.
Speaker 3: I don't know that you said an idea.
Speaker 4: I don't want to put you into this, yeh with you,
Speaker 4: but it's very very funny. Young son left a pile
Speaker 4: of toilet rolls on the floor his bathroom.
Speaker 3: His bathroom.
Speaker 4: Now it's our bathroom. Marny, thank you for staying up
Speaker 4: nice and it's always good to talk.
Speaker 2: We'll do it again soon.
Speaker 4: By Marny Lischman, health and community psychologist.
Speaker 3: It is Australia overnight