WEBVTT - Marny Lishman with Tony McManus - Mon 23 Jun, 2025

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, oh Money, you'll love this. Listen anything by the mac.

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<v Speaker 2>You know what, I I don't want to say taking

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of.

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<v Speaker 3>You know what.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm proud and I.

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<v Speaker 4>Can get the work.

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<v Speaker 3>Maney Rishman.

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<v Speaker 4>He is a health and community psychologist and just a

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<v Speaker 4>lovely person. The bathroom Divorce, Money, Leishman, thank you for

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<v Speaker 4>staying up nicson late Good.

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<v Speaker 2>Morning, Good morning, How are we.

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<v Speaker 4>Well given the circumstances of the world tested, I got

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<v Speaker 4>to say, but.

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<v Speaker 3>We won't come back to that in just a moment.

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<v Speaker 4>I love that little piece that we read maybe a

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<v Speaker 4>few days ago, now the time for the bathroom divorce.

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<v Speaker 3>It made me laugh.

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<v Speaker 4>And then I discussed it with some people over the weekend,

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<v Speaker 4>the bathroom divorce.

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<v Speaker 3>And they said, oh, no, that makes sense. It's a thing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a thing. It's a thing. And I think whenever

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<v Speaker 2>things are on a social media and they're trending, then

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<v Speaker 2>it's definitely a thing, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 4>So just explain for those that may not have seen that,

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<v Speaker 4>to just explain the idea of it, about the frustration

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<v Speaker 4>that many have about maybe a partner's or family members'

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<v Speaker 4>bathroom habit. Sounds a bit naughty, but I don't think

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<v Speaker 4>it is quite that naughty funny.

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<v Speaker 2>It's definitely not the naughty parts of it. It's actually

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<v Speaker 2>the more irritating discussing parts of it. And I think

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<v Speaker 2>I think a lot of couples get into conflict for

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<v Speaker 2>a variety of reasons. We know relationships breakdown for a

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<v Speaker 2>myriad of reasons. But the bathroom divorce is more about

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<v Speaker 2>having separate bathroom spaces to avoid conflict. So it might

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<v Speaker 2>be different toilets in the house that you know each

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<v Speaker 2>partner uses, Yeah, and a totally different bathroom space because

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of people have different personal habits, and a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of people have different hygiene preferences. And as you

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<v Speaker 2>can imagine, if you're sharing a toilet, a sink, a mirror,

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<v Speaker 2>and a shower, it can be quite irritating kind of

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<v Speaker 2>other people's behaviors.

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<v Speaker 3>Grew up in a house.

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<v Speaker 4>When I say grew up, I was married in a house, wife,

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<v Speaker 4>two daughters.

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<v Speaker 3>How do you think that works out?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>Poor you?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>Or poor? Then maybe I don't know.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, they would probably say the same.

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<v Speaker 4>I love them all, but o mg, in the bathrooms

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<v Speaker 4>exactly exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know, there are so many different behaviors that

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<v Speaker 2>I think we all talk about, don't we that is

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<v Speaker 2>really irritating. It might be leaving the toilet seed up,

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<v Speaker 2>It might be leaving kind of hair in the sink,

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<v Speaker 2>or squeezing the toothpaste, you know, at the beginning and

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<v Speaker 2>not at the end.

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<v Speaker 4>Start.

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<v Speaker 2>But these little things, particularly when we communicate to others

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<v Speaker 2>that we don't like them and they don't listen, it

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<v Speaker 2>just gets repeated every day. Can build up, can't it,

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<v Speaker 2>And it could, amongst other things in a relationship, actually

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<v Speaker 2>contribute to a relationship breakdown. So it's worth talking about,

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<v Speaker 2>I think.

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<v Speaker 4>And I think when you talk about bathroom you can

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<v Speaker 4>almost move that into the laundry as well. Why did

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<v Speaker 4>you Why do you leave the clothes on the bathroom

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<v Speaker 4>floor when you know that they need to be Why

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<v Speaker 4>don't you move them into Why is it the expectation

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<v Speaker 4>that mum and dad or somebody else in the house

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<v Speaker 4>do it into.

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<v Speaker 2>The laundry exactly? And there's also that kind of self absorption.

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<v Speaker 2>I think we see it a lot with teenagers, but

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of grown adults do it as well, where

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<v Speaker 2>they're actually not thinking about everybody else, you know, who's

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<v Speaker 2>going to be using the bathroom after them? They'll leave

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<v Speaker 2>towels on the floor, not to toilet rolls, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>leaving make up. You know, a lot of women leave

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<v Speaker 2>makeup all in the sink. There's a lot of things

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<v Speaker 2>that we do that is very ego centric almost, and

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<v Speaker 2>we're not really respecting other people in the house. And

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<v Speaker 2>that's kind of almost symbolized with some of those behaviors

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<v Speaker 2>that you're not thinking of others.

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<v Speaker 4>Maney, the toilet roll paper from the front down or

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<v Speaker 4>from the back down.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, it's the front down, isn't it.

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<v Speaker 3>Of course it is, of course it is.

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<v Speaker 4>We're just wrong, it's really wrong. In fact, anybody who

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<v Speaker 4>does it that way it should be imprisoned.

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<v Speaker 2>Exactly. But I'm sure a lot of people would argue

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<v Speaker 2>argue with you on that, but it is its very subjective.

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<v Speaker 3>Isn't it change the laws? They should go to.

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<v Speaker 2>Prison, exactly, They need to be banned. Yeah, that's the

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<v Speaker 2>material definitely is the thing.

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<v Speaker 4>You go to these beautiful, beautiful homes, display homes and things,

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<v Speaker 4>and those of us that maybe didn't have the luxury

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<v Speaker 4>some of those gorgeous bathrooms that are now available where

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<v Speaker 4>you could have you have three people in the shower,

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<v Speaker 4>you have two or three beautiful things, lots of mirror space,

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<v Speaker 4>lots of heating.

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<v Speaker 3>Different world. That's not the world that most of us

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<v Speaker 3>grew up.

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<v Speaker 2>In though, well no, no, And I think you know

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<v Speaker 2>in many houses people only they only have one bathroom.

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<v Speaker 2>So yeah, really, yeah, it is about having those boundaries,

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<v Speaker 2>isn't it. And really it really comes down to communication.

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<v Speaker 2>I think you've got to be able to let people,

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<v Speaker 2>particularly if you're in a partnership with someone, you need

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<v Speaker 2>to let them know how you feel about things, why

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<v Speaker 2>you're feeling like that, and what type of behavior needs

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<v Speaker 2>to change for you not to feel like that. And

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<v Speaker 2>I think if the other person's not respecting it, then

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<v Speaker 2>there's something deeper there going on.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, something far deeper.

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<v Speaker 4>We'll take some calls on a bathroom habits and bathroom divorces,

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<v Speaker 4>which I just think in itself is a very funny

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<v Speaker 4>and interesting expression. Bathroom divorces one double three six, nine

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<v Speaker 4>to three madey while we've got you here, Given what's

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<v Speaker 4>unfolded recently and certainly yesterday, I think it happened around

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<v Speaker 4>about ten o'clock. We saw the news first up yesterday morning,

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<v Speaker 4>Sunday morning, where the bombing was taking place in Iran

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<v Speaker 4>and what's leading up to that, and the world in

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<v Speaker 4>general at the moment it's you would have seen no

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<v Speaker 4>doubt that people have anxiety levels that have skyrocketed, certainly

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<v Speaker 4>in the last twelve or eighteen months.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, definitely, definitely. I think it's been skyrocketing in for years.

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<v Speaker 2>I think people are just absorbing the global crisis because

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<v Speaker 2>and it feels like it's just one after another, doesn't it.

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<v Speaker 2>And the thing is, we can literally see we literally

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<v Speaker 2>can see war, can't we and every crisis and tragedy

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<v Speaker 2>playing out at the end of our fingertips almost, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>And it's happening in real time. So I think a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of us are absorbing it, but we feel very

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<v Speaker 2>much connected to it. Very different to probably fifty years

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<v Speaker 2>ago when you read a newspaper and the event had happened,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like a week or so after we've before

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<v Speaker 2>we've read it. There's almost a disconnection there, whereas now

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<v Speaker 2>we're actually absorbing at all in real time, and I

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<v Speaker 2>think our brain at some level, yes, it feels so

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<v Speaker 2>real that it's happening to us right now.

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<v Speaker 3>We went.

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<v Speaker 4>For a cup of coffee a little cafe not far

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<v Speaker 4>away from we were living from Berwick. So you get

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<v Speaker 4>in there and you're sort of sort of sitting there

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<v Speaker 4>and you're having.

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<v Speaker 3>A cup of coffee in a bite. Two week and

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<v Speaker 3>we're sitting there chatting. We looked around and on around

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<v Speaker 3>the tables.

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<v Speaker 4>There would have been maybe I'm thinking one, four might

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<v Speaker 4>have been four other tables being used. Each of the

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<v Speaker 4>four tables had two people on them. Of the five tables,

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<v Speaker 4>including ours, four of them, all of them on the

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<v Speaker 4>other four tables were sitting opposite each other looking at

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<v Speaker 4>their phones. Yeah, sound that really remarkable. And it's only,

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<v Speaker 4>you know, ten o'clock on a Saturday morning, not engaging

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<v Speaker 4>at all, but all on their phones, paying the bill,

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<v Speaker 4>walking up, looking at their phones while they were paying

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<v Speaker 4>the bill, walking out of the cafe, looking at their phones.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, yes, yes, it is conditioning us for us not

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<v Speaker 2>to be without it, isn't it Like it's all we

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<v Speaker 2>look at? But which is kind of a dangerous thing.

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<v Speaker 2>And the thing about I guess, connecting to what we're

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<v Speaker 2>talking about, we're looking at our phones and where we're

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<v Speaker 2>engaging with that, and there's also these world events happening,

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<v Speaker 2>is that our brain is almost tuned in to look

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<v Speaker 2>for the negative and the bad things and the scary

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<v Speaker 2>things and the fearful things in our environment. So that's

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<v Speaker 2>why we tend to almost doom scroll without even thinking.

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<v Speaker 2>So we're constantly looking at the bad stuff, often more

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<v Speaker 2>than the good stuff, because our brains tuned in for that.

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<v Speaker 2>But we've got to watch. We have to really be

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<v Speaker 2>careful because if we end up in distress and our

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<v Speaker 2>anxiety skyrocketing and we end up depressed as a result

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<v Speaker 2>of everything we're absorbed, we're not going to be able

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<v Speaker 2>to help. We can't. We'll have to hide away, and

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<v Speaker 2>that's not going to be very beneficial for anyone.

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<v Speaker 4>The other thing that happened to me over the weekend,

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<v Speaker 4>and just to wrap this up because I thought it

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<v Speaker 4>was an interesting experience, there was a person that we

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<v Speaker 4>walk into a particular place, and I won't name the person,

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<v Speaker 4>but it was somebody that I knew who.

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<v Speaker 3>Fell down, who had a trip and fell down.

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<v Speaker 4>Now, fortunately I was just behind this person, so I

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<v Speaker 4>was able to hold this person steady to make sure

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<v Speaker 4>that they were okay. Well, so they were still on

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<v Speaker 4>the ground, retrieved a walking stick, but there were people

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<v Speaker 4>walking past.

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<v Speaker 3>Nobody helped. One eventually did, but nobody helped.

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<v Speaker 4>And I found that about it for some time afterwards,

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<v Speaker 4>and I thought that was really indicative of well, I'm

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<v Speaker 4>not too sure.

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<v Speaker 2>What yeah exactly. I mean, there is a concept of

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<v Speaker 2>psychological kind of concept called the bystander effect. I think

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<v Speaker 2>even before mobiles were around. I think we're so distracted

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<v Speaker 2>with our mobiles we probably don't even see half the

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<v Speaker 2>things that are going on anyway. But yeah, there is

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<v Speaker 2>a concept where people won't go and help people. They'll

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<v Speaker 2>just kind of stand back and kind of wait for

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<v Speaker 2>the first person to do something. Yeah, it's interesting behavior,

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<v Speaker 2>isn't it.

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<v Speaker 3>Look at all these texts, I love the show.

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<v Speaker 4>There is one here that says, agree with you and

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<v Speaker 4>money about going to prison on how the toilet roll paper.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know that you said an idea.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't want to put you into this, yeh with you,

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<v Speaker 4>but it's very very funny. Young son left a pile

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<v Speaker 4>of toilet rolls on the floor his bathroom.

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<v Speaker 3>His bathroom.

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<v Speaker 4>Now it's our bathroom. Marny, thank you for staying up

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<v Speaker 4>nice and it's always good to talk.

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<v Speaker 2>We'll do it again soon.

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<v Speaker 4>By Marny Lischman, health and community psychologist.

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<v Speaker 3>It is Australia overnight