WEBVTT - Trying to control 'the binge' and gaslighting men 0:00:02.240 --> 0:00:03.520 Nine podcasts. 0:00:06.080 --> 0:00:18.240 Try Try, Try. 0:00:17.760 --> 0:00:20.200 Do you like that that I've added? 0:00:20.320 --> 0:00:26.840 Dicky Dicky Die, we ad that Enrich. You're in a 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:30.280 weird mood today. I don't feel quite I feel I 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:31.840 had a really good sleep last night, which is rare 0:00:31.880 --> 0:00:33.920 for me, and so I feel quiet. And I just 0:00:33.920 --> 0:00:35.560 did have a coffee and I don't usually have a 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:37.920 coffee after midday. It's so strange to see you so positive, 0:00:37.960 --> 0:00:40.160 because I'm not gonna lie. You have been a Debbie mcdowney. 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:41.839 You know you've been a Debbie mcdown. 0:00:41.840 --> 0:00:43.560 I've been actually quite good the past couple of weeks. 0:00:43.560 --> 0:00:44.320 That's quite positive. 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:48.720 No, you're always down on yourself, but I feel like 0:00:48.720 --> 0:00:50.760 I've been better in terms of other. 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:51.680 I don't know anyway. 0:00:51.760 --> 0:00:53.880 No, you've got to understand that when you're down on yourself, 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.680 it brings others down. So you're not not as much 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.880 as you. I really am not as negative as Do. 0:01:00.880 --> 0:01:04.320 You notice that? Yeah, okay, I don't notice that. Okay, whatever. 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:11.400 Anyway, speaking of negative things today, we want to discuss 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:15.280 something that we have both been doing for a while now. 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:20.520 We originally thought this was a bit of a non issue, 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:25.680 a bit of a lighthearted situation, but as recently, we 0:01:26.080 --> 0:01:29.920 are now realizing it is quite a serious problem that. 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:33.880 We both have, and that is binge shopping. 0:01:35.280 --> 0:01:38.280 So what we're trying to do this week is identify, 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:43.360 work through, and ultimately curb our binge shopping spreeze, which 0:01:43.400 --> 0:01:46.080 is going to be a lot harder than we initially 0:01:46.160 --> 0:01:49.280 hoped for an anticipated Well, I genuinely feel like when 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:52.320 people listen to this, they're probably gonna laugh a little 0:01:52.320 --> 0:01:55.480 bit and be like, oh, you just love our shopping spree. 0:01:55.600 --> 0:01:56.600 You know who doesn't. 0:01:57.680 --> 0:02:00.720 But when we have done some research on this, because 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:06.240 I recently had quite a significant episode of this episode 0:02:07.400 --> 0:02:10.360 and delved a bit further into my behaviors and then 0:02:10.600 --> 0:02:14.800 the feelings that resulted from it, it clicked for me 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:18.200 that this is actually more than just a love of shopping, 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:20.440 because I actually don't love shops neither. 0:02:20.720 --> 0:02:21.239 Do you know what? 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:25.600 That's an Epiphan actually don't like shopping, especially when I 0:02:25.639 --> 0:02:27.240 feel really crap about my body. 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.120 Same but yet the crapper I feel, the more I. 0:02:30.320 --> 0:02:36.240 Correct So it's a compulsive shopping disorder or shopping addiction, 0:02:36.320 --> 0:02:39.120 otherwise known as I don't know if I'm saying this correctly. 0:02:39.520 --> 0:02:41.920 One omnia Right now. 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:46.200 Can I just also state before you give us proper definitions, 0:02:46.360 --> 0:02:51.200 no doubt you have seen them, sooked them, sort them. Ah, 0:02:51.960 --> 0:02:54.680 we were like this before the block. We've been like 0:02:54.720 --> 0:02:57.200 this for long. So it's not that we've come into 0:02:57.200 --> 0:02:58.919 a little bit of money and been like, well, make 0:02:58.960 --> 0:03:01.920 it rain. We've always made it rain, even when we 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:04.480 haven't had anything to make it rain with. 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:07.040 Yeah. Uh, and we just make it work. 0:03:08.880 --> 0:03:14.359 And this topic is extremely timely for us, especially because 0:03:14.480 --> 0:03:20.360 this morning three shoe boxes landed in our mail room. 0:03:20.480 --> 0:03:24.120 And that's because I purchased three pairs of ankle boots 0:03:24.600 --> 0:03:28.480 from the same store in a forty percent of sale. 0:03:28.960 --> 0:03:31.399 One pairs black, one is tan, and one is cream. 0:03:31.440 --> 0:03:33.239 So at least they're different colors. You know, I could 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:35.040 have got the same color in different shapes. 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:38.920 Do I have other boots? Yes? Do I have a 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:42.960 lot of other boots? Yes, they're all Gooby. They're all 0:03:42.960 --> 0:03:45.200 Gooby Live tells me they're too Goooby. Did I need 0:03:45.320 --> 0:03:45.840 new ones? 0:03:46.040 --> 0:03:46.200 No? 0:03:46.600 --> 0:03:50.040 In my opinion, yes, Did I did I get them 0:03:50.040 --> 0:03:53.480 all anyway? Indeed I did. I did enable that as well. 0:03:53.640 --> 0:03:56.040 I did enable that because all the rest of yours 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:58.360 are Slugooby and they're like, no word of the light, 0:03:58.400 --> 0:03:59.200 I reckon fifteen. 0:03:59.240 --> 0:04:01.080 I think you had when you're at school, to be 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:01.720 honest with you. 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:06.720 Well, so then why do I have a binge shopping addiction? 0:04:06.800 --> 0:04:11.840 If I have heaps of old pairs, you hoard, I hoarde, 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:13.920 and I've been shop anyway. We can will get it. 0:04:13.960 --> 0:04:16.440 We will get into that. But also no one will 0:04:16.480 --> 0:04:17.200 be surprised. 0:04:17.240 --> 0:04:17.920 Then why we. 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:21.119 Took thirteen suitcases to the block. It's all making sense 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:24.320 adding up. Oh, there's so many things in this chat 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:27.000 that are going to kind of bring two and two 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:27.880 together for us. 0:04:27.920 --> 0:04:30.520 All right, So what's oniomania? Okay? 0:04:30.640 --> 0:04:35.279 So this is basically a behavior behavior rule that is 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:39.239 a tough word health condition characterized by an uncontrollable urge 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:42.320 to shop despite negative consequences. 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:47.680 It is an unrestrained and often excessive indulgent characterized by 0:04:47.920 --> 0:04:51.839 symptoms such as excessive shopping behaviors and thoughts about shopping. 0:04:53.000 --> 0:04:57.520 Such thoughts and behaviors generate considerable distress and impairment, And 0:04:57.560 --> 0:04:59.760 it's the compulsive need to buy items, many of which 0:04:59.760 --> 0:05:03.840 are not necessary or needed. Oh my god, god, I 0:05:04.040 --> 0:05:06.840 truly tick every one of those mots. My sight says 0:05:06.839 --> 0:05:08.960 to me, do you need it or do you want it? 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:13.240 And I never ever need it. I reckon ninety percent 0:05:13.440 --> 0:05:15.440 of the time that I shop, I do not need 0:05:15.440 --> 0:05:17.560 it because when you look at how we live and 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:22.720 our lifestyle and what we have, we do not need anything. 0:05:23.080 --> 0:05:24.160 But do you know what I think? 0:05:24.760 --> 0:05:26.919 And this is another little epiphany I'm having as I 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:31.200 seek here. We don't have other priorities, as in, we 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:34.200 don't have children to raise, so the only need is 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:37.560 our own selves and our own wants. And now my 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:41.440 need is my want, and we don't have assets, we 0:05:41.480 --> 0:05:46.920 don't have mortgage. We essentially I'm not saving for anything. 0:05:47.040 --> 0:05:51.440 There's nothing that I necessarily want, like a new car 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:53.080 or a house or anything like that. 0:05:53.120 --> 0:05:55.680 So for me, it's like that's what I spend my 0:05:55.720 --> 0:05:56.120 money on. 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.080 We're not living for the future. And this is quite 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:03.599 disturbing because our mum said to us the. 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.120 Other day I shouldn't love. 0:06:06.839 --> 0:06:09.000 She's like, I need you to put together some sort 0:06:09.040 --> 0:06:11.000 of will in case anything happens to either of you. 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:13.880 Now I was like, Mum, please tell me what I 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:16.440 put in my will. Do you want my three new 0:06:16.480 --> 0:06:18.800 pairs of ankle boots, because that's all I've got to 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:22.039 offer you most seriously, I mean, to be fair, the 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:25.000 one thing investment that I made before the block, I 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:26.800 saved up all my money and I got a car. 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:29.760 But that's I mean, and I'm. 0:06:29.640 --> 0:06:32.560 Lucky to have a car, great, amazing, But like, we 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:37.440 don't invest in anything, we don't try and save for anything, 0:06:37.560 --> 0:06:40.880 we don't own anything, and I think that's actually to 0:06:40.920 --> 0:06:45.200 our detriment, and that's fueling this spin shopping because we 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:48.240 don't have mortgage repayments. If we did, we physically wouldn't 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:50.880 be able to know you would actually hold yourself back. 0:06:51.400 --> 0:06:53.919 So I wanted to also just see when does it 0:06:54.040 --> 0:06:57.719 cross the line into compulsive shopping from sort of normal 0:06:57.880 --> 0:07:00.960 shopping habits. So there's certain things like yeah, buying things 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.000 that are not needed, sometimes. 0:07:02.560 --> 0:07:04.240 In multiple. 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:09.240 Spending more than a person can afford, hiding shopping, or 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:14.880 the amount spent, losing control during shopping sprees. And also 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:18.000 I find for me, it actually has nothing to do 0:07:18.080 --> 0:07:21.080 with how much money is spent. It's rather the extent 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:25.080 of the preoccupation, level of personal distress and the development 0:07:25.080 --> 0:07:28.320 of adverse consequences and character ristics. 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:28.640 Of the condition. 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.960 So for me, that's like for me, that's what it is. 0:07:32.360 --> 0:07:34.119 I don't understand what you just said. Well, it's basically, 0:07:34.160 --> 0:07:36.360 it's not about the money being spent. It's the reactions 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:38.520 that occur or the behaviors and the results that occur 0:07:38.720 --> 0:07:42.360 from the actual spending within yourself. Yes, okay, Can I 0:07:42.480 --> 0:07:45.080 just say a big one there for me is hiding. 0:07:46.040 --> 0:07:48.000 You hide stuff from me. I've hidden stuff from you, 0:07:48.120 --> 0:07:50.480 And I tell you what. Growing up, we've touched on 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:53.840 this before. We had to hide so much from our 0:07:53.920 --> 0:07:55.760 dad because he grew up with no money and he's 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:59.160 very He lives as if tomorrow he's going to lose 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:02.280 everything really hard. And he also lives for us, live 0:08:02.400 --> 0:08:05.160 like he wants us to have the most amazing life, 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:07.720 which is why he doesn't want to spend money on himself. 0:08:09.640 --> 0:08:13.000 Poor Dad and his calipers. But he married the wrong woman, 0:08:13.160 --> 0:08:13.840 I tell you that. 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:17.400 Yeah. I think Mum's half the reason. I will say 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:21.360 why we are like we are because she throws cautions 0:08:21.560 --> 0:08:25.240 caution to the wind a little bit. But what we 0:08:25.280 --> 0:08:28.760 would do is if we knew we'd bump into Dad 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:30.680 when we got home from a shopping spree, we would 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:32.640 carry around the red pen with us and we would 0:08:32.840 --> 0:08:36.200 get the tags and cross out the prices and put 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:37.640 like ninety percent off. 0:08:38.000 --> 0:08:40.080 This wasn't two hundred dollars, it was you know. 0:08:41.760 --> 0:08:44.280 And he is and thank god Dad doesn't listen to 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:46.439 our podcast, but he is so. 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:50.720 Daft, and he would believe it would be like we've had. 0:08:50.600 --> 0:08:55.280 That jump over sixteen years, like mom still does. We'll say, 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:57.720 is that you and Mom would be like, oh, don't 0:08:57.720 --> 0:08:59.000 be ridiculous, I've had it for years. 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:02.040 He's like, Okay, I didn't. Really. Poor guy probably thinks 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:05.040 he's going crazy. We're making it and then gas lights to. 0:09:05.120 --> 0:09:07.360 Be like, how dare you not remember that I had 0:09:07.400 --> 0:09:08.920 his top for sixteen years even though. 0:09:08.840 --> 0:09:11.559 I bought it today. Oh my god, that's awful. But 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:15.880 I would totally do that as if I had a partner. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:09:16.120 --> 0:09:17.840 that was a bit cautious. 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:18.400 Yeah. 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:19.960 Well but men. Sorry. 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:22.720 As a whole, I'm generalizing that they don't really understand 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:23.959 how much things cost. 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.080 Or the amount of times that we make up how 0:09:26.120 --> 0:09:26.840 much this is costible. 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:29.760 It's like so ridiculous, like to the point of if 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:31.760 something costs five thousand dollars, we would say it's one 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:32.880 hundred and fifty dollars. 0:09:32.920 --> 0:09:33.679 And he wouldn't know. 0:09:33.840 --> 0:09:36.079 So can I just also say that Dad's favorite store, 0:09:36.120 --> 0:09:41.079 just for context, here is Rivers going into liquidation. It's 0:09:41.080 --> 0:09:43.920 going into liquidation because they sell items for like fifty cents. 0:09:44.440 --> 0:09:45.560 It loves Rivers. 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.640 It actually costs more than manufacturing than they sell it for. 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.120 So true, But like I can't tell you. You take 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:54.920 one look at this man and you're just like his 0:09:55.080 --> 0:09:59.400 head to Rivers. He loves a river's bargain and he 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:02.440 actually he gets anxious when we buy him more expensive. 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:04.480 Yes, he doesn't like, he doesn't love it. 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:07.320 His sphinx to tightens and he's like, how like, I 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:10.560 hope he didn't spend too much on this anyway? 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.000 Like the hiding is it? The hiding is a really 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:13.679 big isn't it? 0:10:13.920 --> 0:10:14.199 Oh? 0:10:14.360 --> 0:10:16.480 Well, do we even hide from each other? I know 0:10:16.559 --> 0:10:19.599 we do, And there's something nqi if we both have 0:10:19.679 --> 0:10:22.439 the same problem, but we both know because like truly and. 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:24.960 Honestly, who gives a shit? We're like thirty forty year 0:10:25.000 --> 0:10:25.480 old woman. 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:29.400 But can I say you make me feel bad about 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:30.360 my shopping habits you? 0:10:30.400 --> 0:10:31.640 I do enable mindset. 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:33.160 I think we need to meet someone in the middle 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:36.120 to make me feel more guilty and I need to. 0:10:36.160 --> 0:10:39.960 Enable yours to make myself feel better. 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:42.240 I do that, and I think you bring me down 0:10:42.679 --> 0:10:45.719 because it's tiny. It's like you're talking to yourself by 0:10:45.800 --> 0:10:46.360 yelling at me. 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.120 Correct for Overspender, Correct, this is exactly right. 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:55.520 So it's often linked to underlying mental health conditions like anxiety, depression, 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.400 or though self esteem, or attempts to cope with stress. 0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:02.000 Tickety t did thea tickety bloody boom. 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:03.760 But I just want to quickly touch on before we 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:07.920 get into where we think we fall. There's another form 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.079 of shopping, which is impulsive shopping. 0:11:10.200 --> 0:11:11.800 So I touched on the compulsive. 0:11:12.240 --> 0:11:15.520 This is the impulsive, so buying items you weren't planning 0:11:15.559 --> 0:11:18.600 to purchase. This happens to most people on occasion and 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:23.959 can be harmless. There's feelings of instant gratification after unplanned purchases, 0:11:24.679 --> 0:11:28.199 inspired by a can't miss sale or suddenly coming across 0:11:28.240 --> 0:11:31.880 covetable items that are too tempting to pass up. Now 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:35.560 some reasons people make impulsive or compulsive purchases. 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:36.760 They feel the need to. 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.400 Purchase items that are on sale and the deal is 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:41.959 too good to pass up, and wawe, this is you 0:11:42.040 --> 0:11:44.640 in headlights. They may feel the need to have extra 0:11:44.720 --> 0:11:47.120 items on hand. For example, you can never have too 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:51.240 much toilet paper. That was literally literally during the week. 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.880 I literally did a post a little while ago saying 0:11:53.880 --> 0:11:56.760 that I see half price toilet paper and I have 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.600 to buy it, so I have got I can't even 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:02.320 fit the amount of toilet paper I have in my 0:12:02.920 --> 0:12:04.120 bathroom cupboards. 0:12:04.640 --> 0:12:06.960 It's just there's toilet paper bleeding out everywhere. 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.880 So I will say, we have an ida that's literally 0:12:10.280 --> 0:12:12.760 in the bottom of our building that we could just 0:12:12.880 --> 0:12:16.560 jog down to within thirty seconds and buy some more urgently. 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:17.160 Needed to know what live. 0:12:17.200 --> 0:12:18.960 I feel like the toilet paper was a relatable thing. 0:12:18.960 --> 0:12:20.520 A lot of people DMed us and said they're the 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:22.640 same since COVID because there was a shortage and so 0:12:22.679 --> 0:12:25.440 you must simply buy. You must buy bye bye the 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:28.200 toilet paper. Imagine if you're caught without something to wipe, 0:12:28.240 --> 0:12:28.960 you'r a nurse. 0:12:28.920 --> 0:12:30.680 But like jump in the shower. That's what I would 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:31.080 always say. 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:34.599 I found it weird during COVID when when that was 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:37.520 the thing that people sort of bin shopped, because I'm like, 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:38.720 everyone's just at home. 0:12:38.920 --> 0:12:41.400 If you really got stuck jump in the show and 0:12:41.440 --> 0:12:43.840 wipe the shill your asshole, or just use a. 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:47.480 Sock and junk it in the wash, or just use 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:54.600 your hand, like seriously, just do a clean break and 0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:56.959 then just do a little pat to check there's no. 0:12:57.200 --> 0:13:02.560 Dingleberries anyway, which category do you reckon? You fall into? Well, 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:03.400 here's the thing. 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:10.920 The compulsive shopping is described as involving a significant disruption 0:13:11.160 --> 0:13:16.160 to daily life, causing emotional and financial harm. 0:13:16.600 --> 0:13:20.280 I don't think that's me. I don't think i'm compulsive 0:13:20.440 --> 0:13:21.439 as you're impulsive. 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:24.680 I think I'm impulsive, but I think I'm probably a 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:29.360 really strong impulsive because I would never spend like we 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:31.640 don't have credit cards. I want to say that God, 0:13:32.000 --> 0:13:35.439 so we don't spend beyond our means. And I think 0:13:35.480 --> 0:13:37.840 if I had a child to provide for, I wouldn't 0:13:37.840 --> 0:13:40.520 be taking away my child's money to buy things. It's 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:43.000 just because I can that I do. And yes I 0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:45.040 should be saving it to put towards a house or whatever, 0:13:45.080 --> 0:13:47.199 but I just ain't. So I would like to think 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:50.520 that if I needed to, I could pull back. And 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:57.480 you're you're the short term gain, long term pain less. 0:13:57.880 --> 0:13:59.600 You're very short term minded. 0:13:59.760 --> 0:14:02.360 I'm very just need to do it now sort it 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.839 feel good and worry about it later. But then when 0:14:04.840 --> 0:14:06.680 I get to the later, I also don't worry about 0:14:06.679 --> 0:14:09.760 it really, and so I think that's the problem. It's 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.000 like with cleaning my room. It's like I'll get to 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:13.960 it and I just never do. And it's like I 0:14:14.000 --> 0:14:15.840 wish I felt pain from that, but I don't. 0:14:16.240 --> 0:14:18.920 But so you've you've spoken to your psychologist about this, 0:14:19.000 --> 0:14:21.360 I have. Can I just say you do you reckon? 0:14:21.440 --> 0:14:22.560 Who's worse at this point? 0:14:22.800 --> 0:14:22.880 Me? 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:25.880 You are worse as of recently, I think I am. 0:14:26.080 --> 0:14:29.720 I was worse than you, and now you're worse than me, 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:32.520 which makes me actually feel extremely good about myself. 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:34.120 Well done. What do you think you are? 0:14:34.760 --> 0:14:37.240 I'm compulsive for sure, but I want to delve it 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:39.200 way deeper into mind. So I want you to touch 0:14:39.280 --> 0:14:42.680 on your the conversations that you've had with your SiGe. 0:14:42.720 --> 0:14:44.800 We'll see impulsive shopping here. 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:49.560 It just says an occasional splurg But compulsive is reoccurring 0:14:49.600 --> 0:14:53.400 behavior with a significant impact on day light. Well, it 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.480 is reoccurring in that it is a bit reoccurring. Probably 0:14:56.480 --> 0:14:58.320 have a bit of each, but I reckon, I'm. 0:14:58.200 --> 0:14:59.680 Somewhere in the middle. 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:03.800 In the Yeah, so themes of shopping can sometimes appear 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:10.400 in OCD. For someone with OCD, shopping can become less 0:15:10.440 --> 0:15:15.880 about enjoyment and more about an intense need for certainty 0:15:16.640 --> 0:15:21.560 or perfection. And this is how my psyche described it 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:24.240 to me, because I've flagged it with her previously. An 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:28.120 element of OCD is manifesting itself in the form of 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:31.800 bing shopping. In me, it's about soothing this desire for 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:37.600 control and perfection. For me, I feel really shit about 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.480 my body on the daily, so knowing I have enough 0:15:40.560 --> 0:15:44.040 things that cover the right bits makes me feel more 0:15:44.080 --> 0:15:49.120 confident I'm controlling the things that are seemingly out of control. 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:51.480 Really is that CHRUSCT makes total sense? 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:54.640 And I'm the same with packing or you know, should 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:55.479 I say overpacking? 0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:57.360 But I must have everything. 0:15:57.480 --> 0:16:01.720 Being caught unprepared is truly my worst nightmare. 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.480 How do you feel when you do these shopping binges? 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:05.000 Now? 0:16:05.080 --> 0:16:08.560 I want to touch first on what my episode was 0:16:08.640 --> 0:16:12.280 recently and where I fall. Okay, so I definitely have 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:15.400 elements of both the impulsive and compulsive, but my behavior 0:16:15.440 --> 0:16:19.480 is for way more in the compulsive category, which is 0:16:19.480 --> 0:16:22.400 actually quite scary, particularly because when we were writing our notes, 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:27.120 you wrote, I think we're more impulsive. Compulsive is really hardcore. Yeah, 0:16:27.120 --> 0:16:29.400 it is hardcore. It's really hardcore from what I was reading. 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:33.080 It's having a significant impact on daylight emotionally and financially 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:34.880 during these episodes that I have. 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.400 It does so for me everything is planned out. 0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:40.760 I raally just go into a store without knowing what 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:44.080 I want to buy and just buy it. Here's how 0:16:44.120 --> 0:16:46.600 I know why I'm compulsive, because I do all of 0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:50.000 these things below. So it actually makes me feel quite 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:52.080 sick and ashamed when I say this out loud. So 0:16:52.120 --> 0:16:56.040 there's four stages to compulsive buying. One anticipation, so becoming 0:16:56.120 --> 0:17:00.400 preoccupied with thoughts and urges towards buying something. To operation, 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:03.880 starting to think about where they will purchase, what sources 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:05.640 of finance they will use, and even what. 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:07.560 They will wear to do the shop. 0:17:08.040 --> 0:17:11.320 Three shopping the actual experience of shopping, which can produce 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:12.400 pleasure and excitement. 0:17:12.440 --> 0:17:13.880 And then for the spending. 0:17:14.080 --> 0:17:16.160 After the purchase is made and the money is spent, 0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:19.400 people often feel a sense of guilt, disappointment, or let down. 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:23.520 So my most recent episode was probably the worst I 0:17:23.600 --> 0:17:24.080 have had. 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:27.920 So when I'm on Instagram or TikTok or any social 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:31.040 media platforms. I take screenshots of the things that I 0:17:31.320 --> 0:17:33.720 that I want than that I like, and I save 0:17:33.800 --> 0:17:36.360 them into a folder in my phone that's called things 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:36.840 I Want. 0:17:37.000 --> 0:17:40.240 Mm hmm, that's very cool. I've got things very in 0:17:40.280 --> 0:17:41.080 a shock to know one. 0:17:41.119 --> 0:17:43.760 I have lists, yes, and so I then search these 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:48.080 on my phone and my computer browser and have countless 0:17:48.119 --> 0:17:52.199 tabs open with all the different items in there. I 0:17:52.240 --> 0:17:55.119 then have a notes tab that is dedicated to this 0:17:55.240 --> 0:17:58.359 on my phone that I have little those little thick 0:17:58.400 --> 0:18:00.960 circles that you can tick them off, you know how 0:18:01.000 --> 0:18:02.840 you can put the like dot points that you can 0:18:02.880 --> 0:18:08.000 tick off. I constantly browse to try and find the nicest, best, 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:12.359 best value of that item. And I will continue doing 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:15.399 this for days and days and days, and I go 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:17.040 back to it and then I click out of it, 0:18:17.080 --> 0:18:18.959 and then I go back to it again, and it 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:22.639 becomes all consuming, and I think about these items until 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:23.400 they're purchased. 0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:25.440 I didn't realize it was that bad for you. It's 0:18:25.480 --> 0:18:26.200 so bad. 0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:30.320 I I'm also heavily influenced by things that I see 0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:33.880 online and influencers, So even though I know it's probably 0:18:33.880 --> 0:18:35.360 not going to look as good on. 0:18:35.440 --> 0:18:38.080 Me same, I have to have the latest trend of something. 0:18:38.200 --> 0:18:40.200 Just farlow booboos. That's the only thing I'm not. 0:18:40.119 --> 0:18:42.160 Buying into, even though these people probably get them as 0:18:42.160 --> 0:18:45.920 freebies or you know, heavily heavily discounted or as gifts. 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:48.160 I just have to have them. 0:18:48.960 --> 0:18:51.200 Once I have my list of everything that I need 0:18:51.240 --> 0:18:55.200 to purchase and where I want to get it from, I. 0:18:55.240 --> 0:18:57.639 Then do this big spending binge. 0:18:58.040 --> 0:18:59.840 So I have to get it all over and done 0:18:59.880 --> 0:19:03.760 with in one go almost so it's I don't know, 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:06.200 less time to think about it, or it's gonna lessen 0:19:06.240 --> 0:19:08.960 the side effects that I'm going to experience from not 0:19:09.000 --> 0:19:12.320 only experiencing the regret and mighty once yes, yeah, but 0:19:12.680 --> 0:19:16.040 heavily Oh my god. Then once I have the binge episode, 0:19:16.080 --> 0:19:19.959 I will literally not buy anything for like months on end. 0:19:20.440 --> 0:19:22.399 So that's why it definitely is a binge and this 0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:25.320 compulsive thing for me, because I do it in a 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:28.920 huge burst and then I won't do it again for months. 0:19:29.200 --> 0:19:32.199 So for example, I had my binge episode and then 0:19:32.240 --> 0:19:34.040 I went to Nike on the weekend with our little 0:19:34.080 --> 0:19:37.320 sister who had forty percent off through her work, and 0:19:37.359 --> 0:19:40.320 I didn't buy one because I wasn't in the binge. Yeah, 0:19:40.359 --> 0:19:43.840 I know, I feel I didn't feel panicked. But previously, 0:19:43.880 --> 0:19:45.120 if I was in the binge, I would have bought 0:19:45.119 --> 0:19:47.280 a thousand things there because I would have been like, 0:19:47.320 --> 0:19:51.200