WEBVTT - How to Stay Sane When It Feels Like the World is Ending 

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<v Speaker 1>Thanks for downloading the show. It's better than yesterday. Useful tools,

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<v Speaker 1>useful conversations here to make your day to day better

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<v Speaker 1>than yesterday. Every week since twenty thirteen. My name Josha Ginsburg.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm glad you're here. Every morning usually starts about the same.

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<v Speaker 1>I shuffle out of bed, flick on the expresso machine.

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<v Speaker 1>Have we grind my beans as I wait for the

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<v Speaker 1>thing to heat up, which is good because my feet

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<v Speaker 1>are cold on the kitchen floor. Flick open a news

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<v Speaker 1>app the other day, as I'm grinding my beans, thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about my cold feet, I read in very bold font

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<v Speaker 1>us attacks Iran Now like you probably did. I had

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<v Speaker 1>quite a physical reaction to this because I know that

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<v Speaker 1>as a world, as a planet, we don't really come

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<v Speaker 1>back from something like that easily. The last three years

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<v Speaker 1>or so, though, has been a steadily escalating level of

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<v Speaker 1>chaos in our news feeds, no matter where we look

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<v Speaker 1>or try not to look, And depending on your algorithm,

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<v Speaker 1>you're getting a perspective on death and destruction, calamity and

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<v Speaker 1>chaos and fire and flood and horror and more and

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<v Speaker 1>more and more and more and more and more and more.

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<v Speaker 1>It can be a lot. The other day chatting with

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<v Speaker 1>Sally Gould. She's a paramedic who's written a book about

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<v Speaker 1>her job and the things she's learned doing that job.

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<v Speaker 1>She talks about keeping a bucket empty and that there's

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<v Speaker 1>only really so much space between our ears for all

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<v Speaker 1>that kind of stuff, and you've got to actively work

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<v Speaker 1>to keep that bucket empty, and that is really important.

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<v Speaker 1>So the other day when a friend of mine who

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<v Speaker 1>lives in Africa, she's Dutch, she lives out of there,

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<v Speaker 1>she reached out to me the other day It's gone,

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<v Speaker 1>how the fuck am I supposed to handle all of

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<v Speaker 1>this at the same time as raising my door? I

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<v Speaker 1>love to a voice note, but I thought, you know what,

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<v Speaker 1>this might actually be useful. That's what I want to

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<v Speaker 1>talk about today. Right after the break gooda, thanks for

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<v Speaker 1>being here. Just really quickly. We have a live show

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<v Speaker 1>coming up on the sixth of July. Phil O'Neil, Mary Watt's,

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<v Speaker 1>Marley Silver, Nadia Townsend, Zoe Don't Lodge and myself will

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<v Speaker 1>be telling stories at story Club. It's a live comedy

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<v Speaker 1>storytelling show. We do it once a month, six point

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<v Speaker 1>thirty on the sixth of July. Tickets are in the

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<v Speaker 1>show notes it's a super fun show. It's really really great.

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<v Speaker 1>I'd love you to be there. There's also a substack

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<v Speaker 1>for that as well as that. In the show notes,

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<v Speaker 1>there is a link where you can pre order my

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<v Speaker 1>new book, So What Now What, illustrated by Campbell Walker,

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<v Speaker 1>also Not as Truthless. It's an incredibly powerful book, and

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<v Speaker 1>there's a little bit from that book. I want to

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<v Speaker 1>talk to you about today because I got a text

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<v Speaker 1>the other day from my friend she lives in Africa, Osha,

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<v Speaker 1>how are you are you finding ways to saying these days?

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<v Speaker 1>It's all such a mess? And she and I kind

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<v Speaker 1>of had a bit of a back and forth, mostly

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<v Speaker 1>voice notes and stuff, But the core of what I

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<v Speaker 1>was telling her is that, look, it takes work. It

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<v Speaker 1>takes work to say sane in these days and ages,

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<v Speaker 1>this day and age, these days and ages. I don't

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<v Speaker 1>know what the grammatically correct way of saying this, but

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<v Speaker 1>at the core of it is a willingness to be

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<v Speaker 1>with how messy things are and still go about your

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<v Speaker 1>day in alignment with what you value. You can notice

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<v Speaker 1>those emotions, you can still enjoy the delicious cup of coffee,

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<v Speaker 1>the call of a bird in the morning, the smile

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<v Speaker 1>of your child, because when I was really, really sick,

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<v Speaker 1>I know what it feels like. When I was really sick,

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<v Speaker 1>I couldn't hear the giggle of a child. Or I could,

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<v Speaker 1>but I wouldn't do anything to me. I couldn't see

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<v Speaker 1>an azua blue sky just peerless and just piercing. I

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<v Speaker 1>couldn't notice the beauty of nature and physics and symmetry

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<v Speaker 1>that exists in a flower. I couldn't appreciate how incredible

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<v Speaker 1>each of those things is because I had such a global,

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<v Speaker 1>catastrophic sandbag of doom stuck on my brain with just

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<v Speaker 1>like ruminating anxiety and terrifying paranoid delusions. It was fucked.

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<v Speaker 1>It doesn't have to be that bad, though, because there's

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<v Speaker 1>a bit of a trap rolling around, And so I

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<v Speaker 1>was telling my friend, there's a bit of oh, how

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<v Speaker 1>can you blank when children in blank ah blank every

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<v Speaker 1>single day, And that's a bit of a trap, and

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<v Speaker 1>I would advise you to not fall into it, because

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<v Speaker 1>there is a space to grieve the horror of the world,

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<v Speaker 1>the horror of war, the horror of starvation, the horror

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<v Speaker 1>of inequality, and there's also space to connect with the

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<v Speaker 1>world around you and enjoy delight and joy in your

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<v Speaker 1>actual life, the life you can touch, not the far

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<v Speaker 1>away life that people are upset at you because you're

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<v Speaker 1>not being upset. Because I think that is bullshit. All right,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm done with that. It's a lie. It's a trap,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't like that. I don't like this trap

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<v Speaker 1>because it does feel it's got a controlling element to it.

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of need to model it over a bit more.

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<v Speaker 1>But this is what I was telling my friend. It

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<v Speaker 1>feels a bit controlling, a bit. No, no, no, you

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<v Speaker 1>have to be upset and mad and sad or outraged

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<v Speaker 1>at this thing, and if you don't, you are just

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<v Speaker 1>as bad as those people over there. That's fucking bullshit.

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<v Speaker 1>Don't fall for it. We can feel sad, we can grieve,

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<v Speaker 1>we can be present to enormous tragedy, horror, sadness, unfairness, inequality,

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<v Speaker 1>and we can also giggle and enjoy the sound of

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<v Speaker 1>a rainbow lorikeet twiddling by. It's not a zero sum

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<v Speaker 1>game to be able to hear the giggle of a

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<v Speaker 1>child enjoying something and feel that joy. Because you can

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<v Speaker 1>feel that joy, that does not mean that you do

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<v Speaker 1>not care and feel sad and grieve and be aghast

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<v Speaker 1>at the horror of the tragedy of a stranger's child

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<v Speaker 1>who is suffering on the other side of the world.

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<v Speaker 1>You can have both of those things. I've been a

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<v Speaker 1>funerals where people laugh their ass off at the same

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<v Speaker 1>time as having just buried their child. As humans, we

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<v Speaker 1>have the capacity to do both. We can do both,

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<v Speaker 1>and it's okay to do both. And you're not betraying

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<v Speaker 1>one or the other by doing both because we can

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<v Speaker 1>do both. So don't believe that bullshit, all right, don't

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<v Speaker 1>fall into that trap, because it's just going to rob

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<v Speaker 1>your life of fucking joy. To be honest, what good

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<v Speaker 1>are you to anybody if you get stuck in that place.

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<v Speaker 1>If you get stuck there and your kids like, come on,

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<v Speaker 1>let's do this thing, or your partner's like, come on,

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<v Speaker 1>let's do this thing, and you're like, but I can't.

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<v Speaker 1>I've got to read and scroll more about this horrible thing,

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<v Speaker 1>because if I'm dit, I'm going to be and people

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<v Speaker 1>looking upset at me that I like, fuck off. You

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<v Speaker 1>can be upset and sad about one thing and still

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<v Speaker 1>connect with other people with joy and happiness and enjoy

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<v Speaker 1>watching the football team when or your kid dance or whatever.

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<v Speaker 1>But if that position sounds familiar to you and you

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<v Speaker 1>find yourself stuck there, how do you get out of

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<v Speaker 1>that spot? Well, I'll take a leaf out of my

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<v Speaker 1>new book and I'll chat to you about it in

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<v Speaker 1>just to mate. So, what's a way that you can

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<v Speaker 1>get unstuck when you're trapped in a spot where staying

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<v Speaker 1>sane and trying not to be crushed by all the

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<v Speaker 1>negativity in the world is staying to feel beyond your reach. Well,

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<v Speaker 1>it starts by understanding the part of your brain that

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<v Speaker 1>is trapping you there, and then using that part of

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<v Speaker 1>your brain and the thing that it does very well

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<v Speaker 1>to help you get back out of the hole that

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<v Speaker 1>you're in. Let me explain. So, our brains evolved to

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<v Speaker 1>survive in a world where avoiding death was the priority.

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<v Speaker 1>You and me and everyone you know. We are pretty

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<v Speaker 1>much identical to fossils found three hundred thousand years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Nothing really has changed about us. We are exactly the

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<v Speaker 1>same as these human beings that lived, and so when

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<v Speaker 1>we have this fight or flight thing, it's a very

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<v Speaker 1>valid evolutionary response because unlike your appendix, or if you're

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<v Speaker 1>a man, your nipples fight or flight was really important,

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<v Speaker 1>and it kept us alive. We evolved in a time

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<v Speaker 1>where death was all around us every day, not just

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<v Speaker 1>from other humans who wanted our food as shelter, but

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<v Speaker 1>creatures that would stalk the earth, that would eat us alive.

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<v Speaker 1>Not just saber tooth tigers, but all kinds of horrific,

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<v Speaker 1>bloody beasts. Not just that there was no CPR, there's

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<v Speaker 1>no antibiotics. A cut could kill you dead, all right.

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<v Speaker 1>We as humans evolved with everyone around us dying horribly

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<v Speaker 1>all the time, so we were rightly quite averse to

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<v Speaker 1>that happening to us, and anything that might possibly give

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<v Speaker 1>us clues that this sort of thing was coming towards us,

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<v Speaker 1>that a death was coming for us. We wanted to

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<v Speaker 1>get out of there, all of us. We're all the

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<v Speaker 1>descendants of the most jumpy and the most frightened of

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<v Speaker 1>our ancestors. This evolutionary survival trait, this fire or flight thing,

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<v Speaker 1>also gave us a wonderful gift, the negativity bias, which

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<v Speaker 1>is the thing our brains do. It's really great for

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<v Speaker 1>survival and it delivers fantastic results for reactionary news outlets

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<v Speaker 1>coming up. The devastating scam targeting podcast listeners claims, get

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<v Speaker 1>another victim with police powers to stop it. How you

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<v Speaker 1>can protect yourself and your children. Next, here's an ad

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<v Speaker 1>for some shit that you didn't realize you need until

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<v Speaker 1>just now, But now that you know it's there, you

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<v Speaker 1>can't sleep at night until you own it. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>good business model, man. Here's how it works. The more

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<v Speaker 1>we see terrible things happening, the more we get this

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<v Speaker 1>false view that we live in a world where terrible

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<v Speaker 1>things happen everywhere and all the time. But that is

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<v Speaker 1>not actually true. Yes, it is true. The most awful

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<v Speaker 1>things you could imagine are probably happening as we speak.

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<v Speaker 1>And at the very same time, somewhere there is a

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<v Speaker 1>basketful of labrador puppies making little cooing noises, waggling their

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<v Speaker 1>tails because a little family of toddlers have just walked

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<v Speaker 1>into the same room as them and they're starting to

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<v Speaker 1>pick up these little puppies. Both of those things exist

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<v Speaker 1>in our world at the same time, and they can

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<v Speaker 1>exist at the same time, and they have to exist

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<v Speaker 1>at the same time. Now, we shouldn't eliminate this negativity bias.

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<v Speaker 1>It's quite useful. We do need to manage it, however,

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<v Speaker 1>we need to manage it so we don't make poor

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<v Speaker 1>decisions that are based in fear. But when that negativity

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<v Speaker 1>bias is really hammering us, it can be almost impossible

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<v Speaker 1>to see the beautiful things and the good things all

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<v Speaker 1>around us. So when we start to believe that all

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<v Speaker 1>the world is terrible, we become susceptible to a thing

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<v Speaker 1>known as the frequency illusion. This is the idea that

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<v Speaker 1>this is a bad thing, and that's a bad thing.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh my god, there's bad things everywhere. Now you know

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<v Speaker 1>the frequency illusion. There was a time where as far

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<v Speaker 1>as you were concerned, there was no one anywhere on

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<v Speaker 1>the street ever that ever walked anywhere with a stroller.

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<v Speaker 1>And then you peed on a stick. There were two

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<v Speaker 1>stripes on that stick. And now everywhere you look you

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<v Speaker 1>are being stalked by the upper baby two point oh like.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a terrifying monster from a Stephen King novel. It

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<v Speaker 1>follows you everywhere. It's in every car park, over, every shoulder,

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<v Speaker 1>every left and ctinema whatever. It's called a frequency illusion.

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<v Speaker 1>Now we can deliberately exploit this thing. Abrain does this

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<v Speaker 1>frequency illusion to get a brain to start to see

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<v Speaker 1>more of the wonderful things around us and start to

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<v Speaker 1>get things back in balance. And it's all got to

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<v Speaker 1>do with getting lucky. And I'm not talking about the

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<v Speaker 1>Pharrell Williams Daft Punk getting lucky. I'm talking about luck.

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<v Speaker 1>And this is the thing I wrote about in the

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<v Speaker 1>new book. So what now what? It's a very simple trick.

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<v Speaker 1>I do it at nighttime when I put Wolfgang to bed.

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<v Speaker 1>Just try to notice three times every day when you

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<v Speaker 1>got lucky. I don't know, you caught a green light,

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<v Speaker 1>you got an excellent casp Today, Audrey and I got

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<v Speaker 1>a bang shotgun Rockstar park right in front of the

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<v Speaker 1>Vinnie with us bootful of stuff. We did a big

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<v Speaker 1>toy clean out. While Wolf is at school. He doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>notice yet that the do blow's gone. Well that's fuck

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<v Speaker 1>off park right in front, like amazing. I don't know.

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<v Speaker 1>You heard a moment where two magpies were having a

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<v Speaker 1>conversation from two different trees. And there's beautiful melody in

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<v Speaker 1>the morning, like little lucky moments like that, just beautiful moments.

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<v Speaker 1>Just look for three. Find another person at the end

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<v Speaker 1>of the day, tell them this is the three you know,

0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:26.559
<v Speaker 1>ask him what three things happened to you? Here's three

0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:29.800
<v Speaker 1>things happened for me is where I got lucky, because

0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:32.520
<v Speaker 1>by starting to notice when things go well, we start

0:12:32.559 --> 0:12:36.040
<v Speaker 1>to notice when things go well, and overtime, our experience

0:12:36.080 --> 0:12:40.160
<v Speaker 1>of the world changes because when we get stuck in

0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:42.240
<v Speaker 1>that negative version, oh my god, we just start to

0:12:42.280 --> 0:12:45.240
<v Speaker 1>see how terrible the parking is, and how magpies are

0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:47.520
<v Speaker 1>terrible and they swoop everywhere, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:50.360
<v Speaker 1>But to make it happen, you've got to do it regularly.

0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:52.320
<v Speaker 1>And to do it regularly you need to make it

0:12:52.360 --> 0:12:53.680
<v Speaker 1>a habit, which is why I do it. At night,

0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.760
<v Speaker 1>when I'm putting Wolf to bed, I either ask him, Hey,

0:12:55.840 --> 0:12:58.360
<v Speaker 1>what went well for you today? Or you know, did

0:12:58.400 --> 0:12:59.800
<v Speaker 1>you get like you did? I got really lucky today.

0:12:59.840 --> 0:13:03.040
<v Speaker 1>This happened. It was incredible. And by doing that every day,

0:13:03.080 --> 0:13:06.199
<v Speaker 1>it starts to help remind us that, yes, while terrible

0:13:06.200 --> 0:13:09.080
<v Speaker 1>things do happen in the world, I'm not saying they don't.

0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:12.640
<v Speaker 1>They absolutely do. The world in itself is not all terrible.

0:13:13.840 --> 0:13:16.960
<v Speaker 1>In the words of Hans Rosling from the brilliant book Factfulness,

0:13:16.960 --> 0:13:20.079
<v Speaker 1>it's this great line, things are bad, but they're getting better.

0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:22.920
<v Speaker 1>That doesn't mean that the bad parts are bad. They

0:13:22.960 --> 0:13:27.199
<v Speaker 1>are bad, but it's not all bad. There's good everywhere,

0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.840
<v Speaker 1>And that's the part that we can actually have some controlling,

0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:32.960
<v Speaker 1>Because when there's everything bad and there's far away, you're

0:13:32.960 --> 0:13:34.440
<v Speaker 1>looking on the telly, you're looking on your phone, and

0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:37.840
<v Speaker 1>it's it's often very far away or not immediate to you,

0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.559
<v Speaker 1>and it feels so uncontrollable and you can't do anything

0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:43.000
<v Speaker 1>about it. The only part of all this that we

0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:45.440
<v Speaker 1>can control is what we choose to put into the

0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:50.160
<v Speaker 1>world around us, the immediate world we live in. Worrying

0:13:50.200 --> 0:13:51.839
<v Speaker 1>about things we can't control and can get us caught

0:13:51.880 --> 0:13:53.680
<v Speaker 1>in a loop that's very hard to get out of.

0:13:55.480 --> 0:13:57.520
<v Speaker 1>What we can control is how much good we put

0:13:57.520 --> 0:14:00.680
<v Speaker 1>into the world around us. Are we giving the benefit

0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:04.720
<v Speaker 1>of the doubt to our spouse? Are we being kind

0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.360
<v Speaker 1>making sure we're calm around our kids and trying to

0:14:07.400 --> 0:14:09.480
<v Speaker 1>understand that the air they're tired, their brains are growing,

0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:12.600
<v Speaker 1>they don't have any impulse control. Are we holding the

0:14:12.640 --> 0:14:15.640
<v Speaker 1>door open for a stranger. Are we offering to grab

0:14:15.720 --> 0:14:17.960
<v Speaker 1>a coffee for somebody when we're heading down the shops?

0:14:17.960 --> 0:14:21.200
<v Speaker 1>Are we helping out the people around us because helping

0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:24.000
<v Speaker 1>other humans and being kind to other people. That really

0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:26.520
<v Speaker 1>is the only thing that we can control. It puts

0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:28.720
<v Speaker 1>good into the world that we live in, that we

0:14:28.800 --> 0:14:31.240
<v Speaker 1>exist in, and makes the world that we exist in

0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:34.360
<v Speaker 1>a better place to be. And also it unlocks things

0:14:34.440 --> 0:14:37.800
<v Speaker 1>inside us that make us feel good. Helping another human

0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:41.120
<v Speaker 1>really is one of the only things that helps bring

0:14:41.200 --> 0:14:46.320
<v Speaker 1>sustainable happiness. That's another wonderful evolutionary trait we are wired

0:14:46.400 --> 0:14:48.880
<v Speaker 1>to connect. It's survival of the friendliest. In the words

0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:52.200
<v Speaker 1>of Richker Brickman, like I said, I'm not saying terrible

0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.600
<v Speaker 1>things in this world need be ignored. That's not the

0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:58.400
<v Speaker 1>case at all. But I am saying it's no good

0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:02.600
<v Speaker 1>to get caught in a trap of like cyclical morning

0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:06.560
<v Speaker 1>and then feeling your pressured to write something a comment

0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:09.120
<v Speaker 1>or a post or whatever, and you get stuck and

0:15:09.280 --> 0:15:11.920
<v Speaker 1>like trying to one up yourself on how bad can

0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:14.080
<v Speaker 1>you get and scratching that itch, and it's like ex

0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:19.720
<v Speaker 1>mera and blur. It's a fucking trap. Man. You are

0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:23.840
<v Speaker 1>capable of having something good and something hard in your

0:15:23.840 --> 0:15:27.040
<v Speaker 1>brain at the same time. You are. You have the

0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:30.440
<v Speaker 1>space inside of you. The more we practice it, the

0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.000
<v Speaker 1>better we get at it. The better we get at it,

0:15:33.040 --> 0:15:36.320
<v Speaker 1>the less the news can destroy us. And that's the

0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:38.520
<v Speaker 1>long version of what I sent to my friend in

0:15:38.560 --> 0:15:42.640
<v Speaker 1>a voice note far far away in Africa. I hope

0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:46.320
<v Speaker 1>it was helpful. If you want to get that book,

0:15:46.760 --> 0:15:49.600
<v Speaker 1>where a Little Better is from The Getting Lucky Trick,

0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:51.960
<v Speaker 1>you can find the link in the show notes. If

0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:53.920
<v Speaker 1>you want to come and hear me tell a story

0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:57.360
<v Speaker 1>about my neighbors when I was fifteen, because that's the

0:15:57.360 --> 0:15:59.800
<v Speaker 1>theme of our next Story Club show, Everybody Needs Good Neighbors,

0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:01.840
<v Speaker 1>you can find that link in the show notes as well.

0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:06.360
<v Speaker 1>Get on substack. If you need to email me, send

0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:08.200
<v Speaker 1>us your email at gmail dot com. I'll see you

0:16:08.240 --> 0:16:10.040
<v Speaker 1>back here on Wednesday. Thanks for listening.