S1: A listener production.
S2: Activate your internet because the Hamish and Andy podcast starts
S2: in three two.
UU: Sorry, it's still buffering. One.
S3: Ahoy to me! Waning gibbous.
S4: Hamish, I think I know what I am. Would Jack
S4: be a waxing gibbous? He's a.
S3: Waxing crescent.
S4: Crescent? Yeah. We're moon's. We're in the sky. We're moon's baby.
S4: We're moon's phases of the moon.
S5: Yes. Did you know that? I did know a waxing
S5: and waning and I'm.
S3: Did you know.
S4: Gibbous?
S5: I assumed that gibbous was the second half of the
S5: waxing and waning.
S4: Because I didn't quite know. Gibbous, I suppose because it's
S4: a different word for the other one.
S3: So. Crescent, obviously you have a smaller. The a smaller
S3: portion of the moon is lit up. Um, and then
S3: the gibbous is when the bigger side of the moon is.
S4: That's the gibbous. But it's on its it's on its way.
S3: Yeah, but it's on some more. Yes.
S4: Come on, baby, fill up.
S3: And waxing is when the moon shape is growing in size. Yeah.
S4: Waning, shrinking. Yeah. A lot of good moons. Moon chat. Ah,
S4: thank you to Mike.
S3: And take the rest of the week off, Mike.
S4: Well, that must be exhausted.
S3: That's a big one.
S4: That's obviously come with a page with lots of descriptions.
S3: Ahoy! Also to, uh, Courtney from Emerald, who used the
S3: very easy to use system. Com to upload this bit
S3: of audio.
S6: Hi, Hamish and Andy and big boy Jack, it's Courtney
S6: here from Emerald. I was just vacuuming the floor and
S6: I very quickly filled up the vacuum canister with dust.
S6: My husband, Chris, then asked me if I wanted to
S6: empty the vacuum canister, to which I gave him my
S6: now stock standard response, which is that's a Chris job.
S6: That's a Chris job. So thanks for that one, Andy.
S4: And it would have annoyed you a bit too, Andy,
S4: that she kept the vacuum cleaner going there to record
S4: the audio. I did. I did see her purse of
S4: the lips as Andy. talked a little bit of I
S4: had a bit of Atmos. Atmos?
S3: That's nice. I just felt sorry for Chris because we've
S3: all been there. I've always have to, um, empty the
S3: vacuum cleaner. That's strictly in my job. For some reason, I.
S4: I'm just always of the feeling. And you'd be in
S4: this camp to Jack. I reckon that it's always just
S4: got one more trip in it.
S5: Oh, my God, how's the last time I took one out?
S5: It was so full. It's like touching a water balloon.
S4: I'm like, ours is so dense because I'm always thinking
S4: to myself, well, if you can suck air through, dust
S4: ain't that much bigger. So we got a little bit
S4: more space in there. Like it's almost a briquette. We
S4: probably should probably should keep ours to build, like a
S4: small igloo out of them or something. It'd be very dense.
S3: Material, losing the overall sucking functionality with too much in there.
S3: I mean, it can't, it can't probably.
S4: But I find if you run it back and forth
S4: over the cheerio enough, eventually it'll hit a good patch
S4: of wind and and it will hoist that heavy piece
S4: of cereal up the neck. Hey, um, um, speaking of, um,
S4: our partners guys, I wanted to start today with what
S4: I hope is just a little safe space for the
S4: lads here and not, you know, I know it's a
S4: public forum, but the reason I wanted to designate this, um,
S4: the start of the show was, I think, in my relationship.
S4: And I'm guessing it's the same for you guys. There
S4: are often times when I bring a joke to the relationship.
S4: Usually it's just between Zo and I. This one is,
S4: and I go, hey, how funny is this? And it
S4: doesn't get the response that I think it deserves. And
S4: I'll often try again which has a low hit rate
S4: of increasing. It hasn't happened where Zo turns around and goes,
S4: oh yeah, now I get it. That's really funny. It's
S4: usually just these are the ones where I'm like, I
S4: feel like I should be getting more for this. And
S4: I thought, if this is happening, where, where else can
S4: I get the kind of feedback that I'm yearning for
S4: this joke, if not with you two gentlemen.
S5: All right, let's hear it.
S4: All right. Well, I've got I've got a I've got
S4: something I want to start with.
S3: I've got one as well, actually.
S4: Yeah. Great. Have you got one, Jay?
S5: I got one that I, you wouldn't even call it
S5: a joke anymore, but I use it almost daily. Okay.
S4: This like my question to you guys is tell me
S4: if this is funny and, you know, brackets hint it is.
S4: So I don't know I don't know I don't know
S4: why Zo isn't laughing at this Little couple of weekends ago,
S4: I went on a on a road trip like a
S4: little boys weekend away. Now, there was four of us.
S4: Two of the members were my old housemates, Haider and John,
S4: who I lived with for ten years. Right. So I will,
S4: I understand perhaps those resistance to be like, okay, that's
S4: kind of the scene I rescued you from. Yes. That
S4: was your wilder times, less domesticated times. You and maybe.
S3: And she and she admitted. And you've admitted that she
S3: then took pig management to a new level for about
S3: ten years to see the man we have now.
S4: Sharpen him up, trimmed him back, stopped him wearing t
S4: shirts with logos on them, stuff like that. Said, hey,
S4: we can lose the Spanish motorbike companies that don't exist.
S4: You don't need to wear those t shirts anymore, things
S4: like that. So yeah, over time, sculpted him, gentrified him
S4: into the into the pleasant shopping mall that he is now.
S4: But he was once a wilder suburb. And this is
S4: maybe this is where her resistance is. So I go, hey,
S4: are like, so forgot to tell you, um, we did
S4: this really funny joke while we were away with John, and, um,
S4: it started where we, like, any time John was on
S4: his phone, we'd go in like, go to the bathroom
S4: and get like, 6 or 7 tissues, scrunch them up,
S4: go in and sprinkle them around him, and then take
S4: a photo of him. I'm going to send you guys
S4: a bunch of them now. That's a great joke. It
S4: was a very funny joke. And I'd be like, I'd
S4: be like, we did it once. And then it just
S4: became a thing where every time we'd see John by himself,
S4: preferably on his phone you'd like. I'd always have a
S4: pocket full of tissues and just run up and chuck
S4: them at his feet. And so it just looked like
S4: he was enjoying himself everywhere, everywhere. We went on our trip,
S4: no matter where we were, like the pub, it just
S4: became this great joke. Anyway, those face is like totally
S4: blank as I'm saying this. Like so, you know, you know,
S4: it's great because the photos like, look at this. You know,
S4: I'd go to him, hey, mate, did you see what's
S4: on the WhatsApp? He'd look at the WhatsApp. Yeah, he's
S4: very good, right? Like we're in the camper van. He'd
S4: look at the WhatsApp, I'd chuck the tissues over him
S4: and take a photo of him. So it just looks
S4: like he's having these huge sessions. Nothing. Jack. You're looking
S4: at them.
S3: Even at the.
S4: Bar. Even at the pub.
S5: It that's a ten out of ten for me. Yeah.
S4: I mean, that's what I thought. I'm like, am I
S4: going crazy here? This is a great joke.
S3: Well now now this is a safe space I'm going
S3: to bring up mine that I keep doing to Beck. Who?
S3: And I've actually been banned from doing it, which I
S3: think is unfair because I think it's a funny joke.
S3: But whenever I'm in public and it's very rare. But
S3: we catch paparazzi there. Oh yeah.
S4: Yeah, yeah.
S3: I get down on one knee and pretend to propose.
S4: Okay.
S3: Most recently, the baggage claim at Melbourne Airport.
S7: Okay.
S4: No, I can't see why Becker would.
S3: But it's nice to be here with you guys appreciating
S3: the joke that that would be a hell of a
S3: scoop after ten years of dating, especially. Decided to do
S3: it right on the baggage claim.
S5: And the joke there is not really on Bec. It's
S5: on the paparazzi because the second they think.
S4: Yes, you're right, Jack, it's on the high, it's on
S4: the insatiable media, it's on the clickbait industry. Exactly.
S3: That's why I try to explain.
S7: I don't you see.
S4: Honey, I'm making a political statement about the state of
S4: our not.
S3: Smiling at that.
S7: No.
S4: Coalition starved clickbait economy that people are being sucked into. Yes,
S4: I'm a performance artist.
S7: Jack. Do you have one?
S5: Now, now, the thing I thought of when you started this.
S5: It's not even really a joke by the standards of
S5: what you guys are bringing to the table. I mean,
S5: Andy's is.
S4: I don't even steaks, I'll.
S7: Tell you that.
S5: I don't even want to say what mine is. But
S5: the thing I do almost daily that never gets a
S5: laugh from Bianca, but I still do. It is when
S5: she asked me to do some sort of chore around
S5: the house, like, can you take the bin out or
S5: can you do the dishes? Let's do.
S3: It. By the way, just do it for once without
S3: being asked.
S7: In your life. That would be hilarious.
S5: If she asked me to do a household chore. I'll say,
S5: But I'm just a little boy.
S7: And now I wish I hadn't told you.
S5: Now I wish, I actually.
S7: I wish has.
S4: It ever worked?
S5: And it's never worked.
S7: You've had the best one.
S4: Okay, you know what you need to do, Jack? You
S4: gotta like, you need to wait for the next time
S4: she tells you, like, do this. And you as she's
S4: leaving the house. Right. So this could take a while,
S4: but you need to get, you know, the tiny hands. Like,
S4: I bought a pair the other week. They've got them
S4: at the post office, you know, with like, the you
S4: can put them on one finger and it's a tiny
S4: pair of hands, like.
S3: People on the top of pens sometimes.
S4: Doll hands. Yeah, yeah, they're like little doll hands. People.
S4: Kind of. There's a thing on Instagram I've seen where
S4: you can massage cats faces with them. So it looks
S4: like the cat's getting at like a or it's a
S4: giant cat getting a massage. Just wait till she leaves
S4: and then film some videos of your like, little tiny
S4: hands trying to take out the things would be like, see,
S4: I can't do it. I am a tiny boy.
S3: I'm. There's a lot of reasons to listen to this show,
S3: but I'd say the main one is to get the
S3: upper hand on everybody socially. Uh, or in the workplace, uh, professionally.
S4: It used to be that you could buy two very
S4: good books for that reason, the Power Moves books. Do
S4: we still have any power moves? Volume two taking advantage
S4: of a madman. Books left or did they sell out
S4: over Christmas?
S3: I know we've got plenty. We've got more.
S4: Don't tell me the madman ordered another shipping container full? No.
S4: So it's still available. So still, if you prefer the
S4: book form, obviously. Yes, certainly. Volume two remains available.
S3: Com, um, due to Horgs.
S4: Ordering slightly more books than there are people in Australia. Um,
S4: but but now that we've sorted that out. Yes, this
S4: is the only place the podcast remains. The only place
S4: you can get the fresh stuff. Mhm. Um, the books
S4: are more like, you know, uh, when you dry garlics
S4: and chilies and you can still sell them. Yeah. Still delicious.
S4: They absolutely have a place in the home. But this
S4: is the fresh stuff. This is the market where you
S4: get get the good power moves. Okay. No, sorry. I'm
S4: not trying to talk anyone out of a sale of
S4: the book. I know.
S7: I know.
S4: I know, we need sales. Is the panic still delicious? Better.
S4: Some would say more. More aged in the, uh.
S3: Sounded a little desperate, didn't it?
S4: Still delicious. Um, and this comes in from Joe. Um,
S4: Joe is a lifesaver. Sorry, a lifeguard. Okay. Which would
S4: become apparent in a sec, because if you're a lifeguard
S4: at a pool. Brackets different to a lifesaver. It seems
S4: very keen to tell everyone why.
S3: Why is that a different?
S4: I think it's a lower qualification alive.
S7: Life saver.
S4: Let me put it to you this way. I think
S4: a lifeguard and I'm just making this up. But the
S4: the difference between the word guard and save is like,
S4: I would take it that a lifeguard is like, oh,
S4: don't go in there once you do. I tried I
S4: tried to guard it. I tried to guard the ball.
S4: The saver can get in and do some saving stuff afterwards.
S3: But isn't he being particular about life guard? Yeah.
S4: So he's he's saying he's he's like not like I'm
S4: not alive.
S3: I'm not he's being humble.
S4: He's being humble. Yeah. He's unusual. And that's.
S3: This show. And for.
S7: Me, I.
S5: Didn't even understand the concept.
S7: I had.
S4: I unfortunately wrote back to him, said I can't read
S4: the rest of your email. No, you don't really suit
S4: the tone of the show, he's saying. So he works
S4: at a pool and he goes, are we gonna pull?
S4: It's got signs indicating the speeds of the lane e.g.
S4: fast lane, medium lane, slow lane when people are doing laps,
S4: he said. When a swimmer is getting ready to go
S4: into the fast lane, putting on their goggles, etc., I
S4: walk over and switch the fast sign to a slow sign.
S4: Then I give them a bit of a thumbs up.
S4: And you're right to go now, mate.
S3: Lock it. This comes in from Declan Bremner. Power move.
S3: Anytime a friend, coworker or stranger tells you a story
S3: about themselves, reply with. That tells me a lot about
S3: the type of person you are. Yeah.
S7: Good.
S4: I love a wildcard. I love a wildcard one. This
S4: could be another wildcard one. This is from Tyler. Um,
S4: when you're out with friends, wait for someone to excuse
S4: themselves to go to the bathroom, stop them and say, wait,
S4: are you mad at me? They'll usually respond confused and say, no. Why?
S4: At this point say loudly so everyone can hear. I've
S4: just noticed you tend to poo a lot more when
S4: you're angry. Now if you could.
S3: Pick it off.
S5: Didn't need.
S7: Didn't need, you.
S4: Could pull it off seamlessly. I take my hat.
S7: Off to you happily.
S3: Gus. Bev from the US. Sorry. I take.
S4: It back. That is not a wild card. Can't do that.
S7: Can't do that.
S3: Um, interview based power move. Have you been interviewed by
S3: a panel? Um, when finishing up an interview with a panel,
S3: conclude the meeting by saying. Nice meeting, most of you.
S7: Yeah. Good.
S3: It'll confuse the paddle and they'll wonder which one of
S3: them's the bad egg of the bunch. You probably won't
S3: get the job, but. But it will be burned into
S3: their memory forever.
S4: I back, it's smart play. You look at any any
S4: show like a survivor, right? If there's like a five
S4: against one situation alliance. What is. What's the one shot
S4: the one person has? Create some discord.
S7: Yes you can.
S4: You don't know how, But if.
S7: You.
S4: Just create some.
S7: Discord, you.
S4: Could be a chance. Mhm. Um. And this comes in
S4: from America. US power move from Lucas because uh, Hoiberg
S4: is in number six. My wife loves this power move.
S4: And I know you guys would too. Whenever someone posts
S4: some unfortunate news or perhaps some sad news on their
S4: social media, um, reply with your I mean, this is ballsy,
S4: but reply with your condolences, but always mention a cool
S4: slash exotic location. Your sincere condolences from example. Thinking of
S4: you from the Maldives. Condolences from Barbados. And a andjack.
S4: Lots of, um, lots of stuff coming in from the
S4: chocolate world. Um, and sorry, Jackie, the reason I said
S4: oh sorry. And Jackie, because I was surprised to see
S4: you here because I assume sometimes, you know, since this
S4: is like a day you've set aside for the hobby,
S4: you would be off gathering leads. Um, and continuing to get, um,
S4: Intel on door stopping the CEO of Mars. Quick update.
S3: On. Where are you on that?
S5: Yeah, we're getting very close.
S4: Who's we?
S5: How close are just being the public? Um, who are
S5: helping give me leads? We're down to the top. Three
S5: guys or girls at Mars. What? What do you mean? You're,
S5: like narrowing it down to.
S7: To locate. Need to be. Doesn't need to.
S4: Be narrowed down. You already picked number one. The CEO,
S4: whoever he or she may be. Yeah, and that.
S5: Wouldn't be a secret, would it? What I was trying
S5: to say is like, we've got three names of who
S5: the key CEO might be.
S3: It's not.
S7: A sign.
S5: Probably just.
S4: Sorry. The challenge. The challenge wasn't to find out the CEO.
S4: The challenge was to talk to them. Yeah.
S5: No, I think I think, um, we probably don't need that. Oh, great.
S7: No, sorry.
S4: Wouldn't it be hilarious to see Jack in a real
S4: work environment?
S5: I think that sometimes you.
S7: Yeah, it'd be incredible. What would.
S4: What would be? What would you fear the most, Jack?
S5: Like going into any meeting where you had to, like,
S5: have done your homework and done preparation and present your
S5: findings and working out just anything.
S4: This is a weird. This is a weird tangent, but
S4: at any stage, were you ever going to be a
S4: sports teacher?
S5: No no no no. Why?
S4: I just I don't know, I just get sometimes I
S4: get sports teacher vibes. I think because at my kids
S4: school there are two sports teachers who were not dissimilar
S4: to you. Yeah. And sometimes I look at them and
S4: I go, I could have been Jack. Could have been
S4: Jack just carrying a giant sack of balls from the
S4: shed to the bus, a little bit like, you know,
S4: aware that it's it's like 9:00, the.
S3: Training.
S4: 9:00, and you're like, oh, my God, I gotta go
S4: do the whole session. And they just sometimes, sometimes give
S4: me jack vibes. But no, never sports teaching.
S5: Well, you know, I'm not much of a sportsman after
S5: the cricket game that we played together. That still haunts me,
S5: even though it's over 12 years ago that we played.
S3: Still haunts me.
S4: But you, I mean, you showed great. You showed great intent.
S4: Like you, you enthusiasm.
S5: I want it to be good. But when you're facing
S5: a ball, you can't just summon a whole lot of
S5: cricket abilities that you don't have.
S4: No, no. But again, you. I admired the courage of going. Yes,
S4: I'll join your indoor cricket team, having not played that
S4: sport before.
S7: You know.
S5: I actually thought I was like, maybe I will be
S5: good at it, but with no evidence because I haven't played.
S4: So is the thought I have when I try every sport.
S7: I.
S4: I this could be the one.
S3: I watched a movie on the plane. Um, About golf.
S3: It's a pretty boring movie, but it's about a guy
S3: called Maurice. True story 1976. The British Open was opened
S3: to everyone. Yep. And he just ticked the form that
S3: he was a professional and liked the idea of playing around.
S3: And he'd never played a round before. How'd he go?
S3: He got the highest score ever. Yeah. That's bad. That's
S3: bad golf. It's bad in golf.
S5: I thought the true story was going to be. And
S5: like anyone, the open. No.
S3: He just hoped he was good.
S4: So the point. So the point of the doco was.
S3: You can't just.
S7: Yeah.
S4: We with with gradual accumulation of practice you will get
S4: increasingly better at a sport.
S3: He did wear a fake moustache and pretended to be
S3: a Frenchman the next year and got in again.
S7: That should have been the point of the talk. Sorry.
S7: All right.
S4: So we've got we've got slightly off topic.
S7: Here, but.
S4: Jack, on the topic of fake moustaches. Think about it.
S4: Think about it. For your door stopping of the Mars CEO.
S4: We've got so much chocolate news coming in. Um, can
S4: I like there's. I think, Andy, you said. You said
S4: we're not just going to be the repository here for
S4: for mis coatings. Now, I know we spent a lot
S4: of time on the all kit. No, Kat. Yeah, like,
S4: we sort of rectified that. We've unfortunately opened a box
S4: of worms or slash Cadbury favourites. Slash not having a
S4: go at Cadbury could be one of the other brands
S4: mixed chocolate bags. Not being able to coat the chocolate
S4: just seems like not being able to coat the item
S4: with the chocolate seems like it's a very common mishap,
S4: at least once for every missing.
S3: Missing internal delight we.
S4: Have got from Jeff. Um, the Cadbury? No Mello koala. Yeah. Um. okay.
S4: Just a solid koala from Melanie. Um, two Tim Tams
S4: in the pack were nude. No chocolate coating. Just. But
S4: the rest of the pack was covered in chocolate. Ooh,
S4: curly wurly one from Brendan. Um, it's, uh, just the
S4: caramel all curl. No word. Well, so there were. There
S4: is a bunch. There is a bunch coming through now.
S4: I'm as surprised as you guys. Like, you shouldn't let
S4: the chocolate vat ever run empty.
S3: Yeah, yeah. Which which I think happens often because you
S3: think the chocolate squirting over them seems to be the constant.
S3: Keep that up. That vat is full.
S4: And it does seem like it's a problem specific to
S4: chocolate companies. Do you know what I mean? Like, there
S4: are no no one's ever. Like, I.
S3: Ordered the car without the medal.
S4: I got a I got a Mitsubishi Outlander.
S7: It was.
S4: Just a.
S7: Chassis.
S4: And the engine and they forgot to put panels on. Yeah.
S4: You know. No, that's true. So it just seems to
S4: be like no other. There's just no other product out
S4: there that seems to get away with this level of, oh, well,
S4: it's hit and miss. You know, we.
S3: Haven't had we haven't had the wrong drink in the
S3: wrong canister and I'd assume that that would happen. Would you.
S4: Oh, it's so easy to fake. Would you love to
S4: see a solo in a Coke bottle kind of thing.
S3: Wouldn't that be crazy?
S5: But different machines, different ends of the.
S3: Chocolate, chalky milks or strawberry milk? They'd have a they
S3: have a.
S4: Big M factory, which could happen at all milk.
S3: And then just squirting the flavoring in or.
S5: I think, like we guessed last time, it only takes
S5: a worker at one of those, um, factories to go.
S5: Wouldn't it be funny to move one of the strawberry
S5: ones over to the chocolate milk? Um.
S4: Yeah. I mean, it's it is a good joke.
S3: It would be.
S7: Funny, but.
S3: But it's.
S4: You just have to believe that it's out there because
S4: you're never going to get the evidence. We got a pretty,
S4: pretty irate, um, podcaster and okay, that's having a go
S4: at you. And they've done quite a bit of heavy
S4: maths here, but I won't. Yeah, I won't, I won't
S4: bore you with the maths. I've run it. It does
S4: check out um it's from they call themselves Cocoa Cop.
S4: So they're not um they're not, they're not giving their
S4: real name, although it is clearly visible in their Gmail address. Um,
S4: but we'll go with Choco. Choco cop here.
S7: Cocoa cop.
S4: They said they've got they've had enough with your your
S4: aspersions towards cat chunky. Um, they, they cite the many
S4: times that you have said that the chunkies are terrible
S4: because you don't like the wafer ratio, um, compared to
S4: the normal KitKat bars. Yes. You've gone on record many
S4: times on the show. I think I've actually backed you
S4: up a few times, but I'm happy to throw you
S4: under the bus. Um, saying, yeah, it's too much wafer
S4: and it's not enough chocolate.
S3: Yeah, it's also.
S4: It's too big a finger and like, the ratio is
S4: out of whack, which you hearing it, you could absolutely.
S4: You know, I could get behind that sort of logic. Um,
S4: well they've done the maths and they've gone through and
S4: had a look. And this is obviously something that Kit-cat
S4: have thought about too, because the difference between a normal
S4: Kit Kat and one and the chunky is 4% chocolate.
S3: So there is a difference.
S4: Well, there's a tiny difference, but it's 4% enough to.
S5: Throw it off. 4% less.
S4: 4% lower. Yeah. Um, well, then he's right.
S5: That only confirms what Andy thought.
S4: He's saying that's below the detectable human threshold.
S5: That's his detector.
S4: Well, he's challenging you, Andy, to figure out the difference
S4: between a normal Kit Kat and one with 4% of
S4: the chocolate scraped off. So he's saying, if you think
S4: you can detect 4%, we get eight bars, right? Like
S4: we get eight fingers of regular Kit Kat. And on
S4: one of them, we scrape off 4% of the chocolate
S4: and you have to eat all eight and go number
S4: three had 4% less chocolate. He's saying if your mouth
S4: is this delicate, if you if you're this finely tuned
S4: a machine, you should be able to do it.
S3: Yeah, I'm happy to have a crack at that. But my,
S3: my issue is also, I think in its smaller dose
S3: it just snaps and crisps. It's better than the, the
S3: bigger block of wafer it's about. It might not be
S3: about the ratio, it's about how big a chunk the
S3: wafer is.
S4: Yeah. He might say you're changing your tune on that.
S4: He certainly is under the impression that you've had a
S4: you've you've had an ingredients based gripe. Well do you
S4: think you could detect 4%.
S3: Yeah.
S5: I think you could.
S3: You could. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so do I.
S4: So let's see how you go. Um, I mean, I
S4: don't have it prepared, but let's let's certainly do it
S4: in coming weeks, okay? I mean, we haven't done a
S4: special skill for ages. It feels selfish to do one
S4: of you, but I'm I'm happy to back that.
S3: Um, okay.
S4: Done. And if. Yeah, if you get it, then, um.
S4: Oh my God, imagine if you got it the same
S4: episode Jack has. What was her name again? The CEO.
S5: No, I don't know yet.
S4: We know.
S3: Just popping back in here. I'm not going to do
S3: the test. I don't, all right? Because I'm just I
S3: just I just had a googled the chunky and again was,
S3: you know, disgusted.
S4: Are you just stand by. So you're just not going
S4: to enter into this.
S3: Yeah. Because the thing is, is it's a huge block
S3: of wafer and then a much thicker block of chocolate around.
S3: If I had a malteser the size of an apple
S3: that had the same ratio.
S4: Tesla. But go on.
S3: Sorry Morteza, Tesla.
S5: It's not as enjoyable to eat.
S3: It wouldn't be as enjoyable to eat. And that's the
S3: problem with it. Yeah, that is true.
S4: You can't just keep increasing and increasing and increasing candies
S4: expecting us to fall for it. Although Toblerone has tried
S4: that and.
S3: We've fallen for.
S7: That.
S4: And you certainly obviously lose some customers, but they're much, um,
S4: I think for the 5000 year anniversary of the pyramids,
S4: they're doing pyramids sized like a full scale, pyramid sized Toblerone.
S4: And that's certainly one I wouldn't expect you to have
S4: a crack at there, Jack. So I do take your point. Yeah. Um,
S4: and so it's a it's just.
S3: I mean, in our own time, just I just don't
S3: think it's going to be interesting. No.
S4: Yeah. Fair enough.
S3: Hey, can we play a game? Which is a fierce
S3: game that we, you know, we take it very, very seriously.
S3: We don't here to give away hats. Yeah.
S4: Um, we're here to hoard hats. That's our job. We're
S4: like hat dragons. And you're the knights who must steal
S4: our hats.
S3: Yes, it's game called. Tell us something we haven't thought
S3: of for a while. Um, you've got to basically ring
S3: up and suggest someone that Hamish or I haven't thought
S3: about this year. So the game gets easier. Sorry. Game gets, uh,
S3: harder as the year goes on. We're vulnerable.
S4: Right now because we haven't had much time to think
S4: of anything this year, but he's barely started.
S3: And I don't know how it came about. But people
S3: send in hats and that's what you have the chance
S3: to win. Um, I'll quickly go through the hats. Uh,
S3: first of all, tactile systems, um, it's just a it's
S3: a flexi flit cap. Um, gray. grey. Pretty ugly.
S5: Pretty dull colour. Why? Why do you settle on that grey?
S3: Yeah, a dull, a dull colour. And I would say,
S3: with all due respect to tactile systems, who I'm sure
S3: do a great job. Um, pretty dull, um, logo as well,
S3: I reckon.
S4: They've come up, they've gone. Hey, we've got three options
S4: for the hats. The promotional hats. Um, obviously option one
S4: is cheaper and they get more expensive and they've gone
S4: just go for option one. We just need to get
S4: some hats. Yeah, we don't need to put much effort
S4: into it, so I wouldn't.
S3: Recommend that one. But hey, it's their own. This one's
S3: a cracker. Mitch's lawn.
S4: Care. Oh, he's back, it's back. We've seen Mitch for ages.
S7: Yes, he's.
S4: Done it again. That's one of our favorite hats of
S4: all time. Mitch was one of the hats for Mitch's
S4: logo was a hat from my four years ago. Yeah, yeah,
S4: I've still got mine at home.
S3: I'm not sure if it's new and improved, but it's
S3: a Legionnaires. Same hat. It's the same hat.
S4: Mitch either ordered a ton of stock or it keeps
S4: re-upping because they're so popular. I hope it's the second.
S3: Orange with a bright green Mitch's lawn care logo on
S3: the front, which is I'm.
S4: Biased. I'm biased because I took one of those hats home.
S4: But it is. I mean, embroidered. Special note to Mitch's
S4: lawn care you may or may not remember, and one
S4: of the first businesses to verify that the loyalty card
S4: was accepted at their, um. Oh.
S7: Good memory.
S3: Um, finally, probably the best cause got you for life
S3: has sent one in. That's suicide prevention. Um, so, again,
S3: it's actually a pretty good cap.
S4: It is actually a good cap. That's. They've also gone
S4: for option two or maybe even three when presented with
S4: the options.
S3: And they're not showing off with it. They're not trying
S3: to put too much on it. Um, they're just.
S4: Quietly supporting a great.
S3: Cause there. The three, um, we've got people standing by.
S3: Let's jump into it.
S7: It's been a while since I've.
S3: Thought about Kieren Perkins.
S4: Oh, yeah, I have.
UU: Yeah, it's been a while since I've seen them.
S3: Really thought about Kieren Perkins.
S4: He was in the news not too long ago. Um, uh,
S4: he's the sports minister now, isn't he? Or he is? Ehm.
S4: He's something in the Department of Sport. No head of
S4: sports somewhere.
S3: Head of like Australian Sports Corporation or something.
S4: Something. Something high up. But he was on the news going, um, because,
S4: you know, they're talking about the steroids games or the
S4: drugs that we were allowed to dope. Really? He was
S4: against it. Sorry. Just to make that clear, he was
S4: coming out going, hey, this is we. Have we all
S4: gone mad? Like, this is silly. He was a bit
S4: more forceful than that, but, um, that's where I. Yeah.
S4: That's right. Well, I bumped.
S3: Into him and realised I hadn't thought of him for
S3: a while until I was right in front of him.
S3: And I said, are you back in? Have you been
S3: back in the pool? Yeah. And, uh, for people who
S3: don't know Kieren Perkins, he won. He was one of
S3: our golden boys. Won gold, he said. Haven't swum again
S3: since giving it up. Wow. I said, what what about
S3: what about recreation? He's like, no, don't go in there.
S5: What about just a dip in the ocean?
S7: Won't do.
S3: Say whether he.
S4: Takes one of those hydrofoil surfboards with him everywhere he goes.
S4: We'll not touch water.
S7: We'll not touch water.
S5: Doesn't even have a bath.
S3: So for those hoping to get a glimpse of Perkins
S3: back at it, I wouldn't go lurking around your local pools.
S3: Because you won't.
S7: You won't.
S3: See.
S4: Kids come out. No, we're doing something else this weekend.
S7: I thought we were working.
S4: No, I just said on the podcast.
S7: We're looking for a we're.
S4: Doing a.
S7: Perk and look and no.
S4: I just it doesn't sound like he's going to be there.
S7: I thought he might be.
S4: What else do we do? Should we see if Andrew
S4: Gaze is playing basketball?
S7: Yeah, we could go and.
S4: Gaze and a gaze.
S5: Kieren Perkins is CEO of the Australian Sports Commission and
S5: the Australian Institute.
S7: What did you say that earlier? Jake just came to me.
S7: Just a fact I havent thought of in a while,
S7: but it did pop back into my head.
S3: Adrien, how do you tell us something we haven't thought
S3: of for a while?
S8: Ahoy, Hamish, Andy and Jack. Um, the person who I'm
S8: thinking that you hopefully haven't thought of in a while
S8: is Dog the Bounty Hunter.
S7: Oh.
S3: Um. Sorry.
S7: Oh. Come on.
S4: When did you think of Dog the Bounty Hunter?
S3: I had to wear the glasses like bounty hunter style
S3: glasses on an episode of the 100 this season.
S4: And they were saying, you look like dog.
S3: And they. I said, can we can we get some
S3: kind of. I didn't want to say speed dealer glasses
S3: at the time, so I was trying to I think
S3: we get bounty hunter glasses and they. That doesn't really
S3: make sense either.
S4: No, it kind of sounds like something from Star Wars. Yes.
S3: So then I said, oh, you know, Dog the Bounty
S3: Hunter and I sent a photo, a text message, a
S3: photo of the style of glasses that were required to
S3: be picked up. It would have been all.
S4: Clear for me.
S3: She was a part of the.
S4: I think I booked a cameo from dog. Did I
S4: send that to you, Andy? Was it.
S7: Someone else? No, it wasn't for me. How many cameos
S7: are you.
S5: Booking that you don't know where they're going.
S7: To?
S4: I, I go through patches and there was one where
S4: I got dog who was bloody expensive.
S7: How much?
S4: Oh, like over $100.
S7: Really?
S4: And I can.
S7: You remember.
S4: I got to say he's delivery because, you know, I
S4: think they have to talk for 30s. Really? And he
S4: was doing a fair bit of looking off camera, so
S4: he'd written a cue card for himself, and it was
S4: just a lot of pause where you want it to
S4: be personalized. There was like a fair bit of pausing.
S7: And.
S4: It.
S7: Just.
S4: It deletes the personalized fear. It's like if.
S7: Someone, hey, how are you.
S4: Going? Mitch heard about all the lawn care you're doing.
S3: Well, though, good suggestion for Mitch. Yes, to get a
S3: personalized message. Adrian. Well done. Bad luck. Uh, it was Adrian. Yeah.
S3: I mean, yeah, it was, although we have thought of him. Uh, Nick,
S3: ahoy to you. Oh, we boys.
S7: Gusto to you.
S3: And gusto to you. To you. Um, tell us something
S3: we haven't thought of for a while.
S9: Stuart diver.
S3: Oh, yeah, that's a good one.
S7: That's a good one. That's a really.
S3: Good. That's a really good one.
S4: There we go. Three green lights straight away. No harm
S4: to the diver for a while. Yes.
S3: And I mean for people who remember, we should recall
S3: there's a lot of younger listeners. He was part of
S3: one of the great catastrophes in Australia.
S7: Tragedy, Thredbo.
S4: Tragedy. Trapped in.
S7: A thread.
S4: I can't remember how many days, but he made it out. Yeah. Yep.
S4: Heroic story. Um. And then became rhyming slang for $5 note. Yeah. So.
S3: Exactly. Um, which which puts you at high risk of
S3: being remembered more Stewie Diver. But I can't say I've
S3: said that this year.
S4: I wouldn't have said it this year.
S3: Um. Nick. Congratulations. What are you going to go for? Mitch's, uh,
S3: lawn care, the legionnaire's hat got you for life. Or, um,
S3: we wouldn't recommend this, but the very bland, tactile systems. Australia.
S9: I've got to go for Mitch's lawn care. Surely you have.
S3: To. Yeah. Well done. Makes sense.
S4: Hold on. If you'd have said tactile systems, I would
S4: have smelt a huge rat. But not only have tactile
S4: systems sent us the hat, they've then flooded the phones
S4: with their employees to talk about how good the hat is.
S3: Uh, James, Ahoy to you.
S9: Ahoy, boys! And President Weasel. Uh.
S7: Ahoy!
S3: James, tell us something we haven't thought of for a while.
S9: Hoping you haven't recently heard of, uh, m Night Shyamalan.
S3: Oh, sorry.
S7: Yeah, I think.
S4: I have. This year.
S3: Tim and I would Shyamalan a bit, um, because, well,
S3: we had him on for the for the radio back
S3: in the day. Yes. And but and no.
S4: But no offense to him, but I would have stopped
S4: thinking about that interview.
S3: Well, it's the it's the it's the name that was
S3: always hard to remember. Yeah. And I think one of
S3: us added an extra syllable.
S4: I mean, I mean those. That was a different time,
S4: I suppose, when you just needed to try and remember
S4: the name. But. Yeah. So. But do you still think
S4: of that?
S3: Yes. Now I think about that. The fact that one
S3: of us during the interview said Qomolangma or something, it was,
S3: it was, it was longer than it should have been. And,
S3: and and now, I.
S4: Mean, odds are it's me, and not for any kind
S4: of insensitive reasons. I'm just, you know, I've only just
S4: recently learnt Andy's name. Just not one of my fortes
S4: is remembering the name accurately, so I tried. I seem
S4: to have unfortunately passed on to my daughter, who just
S4: cannot remember names. It makes me think it's genetic. She's
S4: very young.
S3: She's just learning basic maths at the moment.
S4: No, I mean, she's six and I go like she's.
S4: They do French at her school, I mean, only once
S4: a week. But she's been doing it for a year
S4: and a half. Hasn't remembered a word.
S7: All right. Yeah. I think she under duress.
S4: She said, I think non-juror is how you say it.
S7: I was like, oh, come on, Ruth.
S3: I also think, um, M Knight has got a new TV.
S7: Series coming out. Here we.
S4: Go. Not not not confident enough to say his name,
S4: I actually.
S3: Ah. How how is it? What is.
S4: It? No. We running out of time.
S7: Okay. So. You know, on the.
S4: Internet, you know, on the internet to get full up
S4: from the podcast episode. Only a limited number of bandwidth.
S3: Sorry, James. Uh, Stephen, Ahoy to you.
S8: Ahoy, boys.
S3: Tell us something we haven't thought of for a while.
S9: Have you recently.
S8: Thought of exhibit host of pimp my ride?
S4: No, no. Thought of T-Pain. This morning, Jack and I
S4: talked about T-Pain. Um, we did. Also a rapper, but no,
S4: no exhibit.
S3: No, I don't think I would have I he'd be
S3: in there, but I don't think you know him in
S3: a lineup. I don't know, I would.
S4: Have, I would have even, I would have possibly thought
S4: of the show, but maybe not thought of exhibit. Yeah.
S7: So that's another safe.
S4: Safe for me. Well.
S3: Well done. Steven.
S4: One, um.
S3: Two options for you. Trucker hat, trusty royal blue. Gotcha.
S3: For life. Or the very dull, um, lead grey, uh,
S3: tactile systems. Hats. Flexi fit.
S8: Which one would you guys go for?
S3: Well, I don't lead the witness, but the tactile was
S3: pretty ugly.
S8: Uh, I'll go for the first. Then.
S3: I have led the witness.
S4: Not the most impartial court I've ever seen. Um, you've
S4: got great selection.
S3: You've got a mate.
S7: Well done. Thank you.
S3: I'm. I've got to keep it or delete it.
S7: We rarely.
S4: Delete. Have we deleted one? Yeah. We've deleted.
S3: Before.
S4: Yeah, we have deleted.
S3: Yeah. We deleted my golf story. Oh, yeah. That's time
S3: you weren't interested in. But times have changed now, and
S3: you may be interested in it because you're both golfing.
S3: But this is because we know that we're a pre-recorded
S3: medium and podcast. Yeah. Um, we don't take anything out
S3: unless Darcy just gets his old little scissors at it
S3: and removes things that he doesn't like reflecting on him.
S4: Related.
S3: Yes, but, um, this one is because I'm unsure about
S3: the content, as.
S4: In, it's not good enough for broadcast.
S3: I think it's good enough. I just think it's probably not.
S3: I mean, we're not highbrow, but this is definitely lowbrow.
S4: Okay. Well, you know, we've we've had we have been.
S5: Down there.
S4: Have had some examples previously.
S7: Mhm.
S5: So I'll give you what I thought of was when.
S5: Hamish farted in your face to see if you could
S5: smell what he had for lunch.
S4: That was to measure the speed of my digestion. Yes.
S4: That was. And it was remarkably quick. It was able
S4: to get able to get through in a few hours,
S4: which we had. We had doctors saying impossible. And we're like, yeah,
S4: we'll tell it to that guy because he smelt fish
S4: and chips I got.
S3: How did that happen? That was remarkable. Um, it's funny
S3: you bring up that, Jack, because it is the same realm.
S3: It comes in from a guy called Nick. Um, he said, uh,
S3: on your last episode, which was 240, this was the
S3: last year you're trying to figure out who farted throughout
S3: the year?
S4: Um, no. Yeah. I mean, we had a lot of that.
S3: Reminded me of something I have at work. We've got
S3: a WhatsApp group called Only Farts, where you're only allowed
S3: to post voice memos of your farts on the chat.
S3: There's no other chat.
S7: Allowed.
S3: You must post farts regularly or else you remove from
S3: the chat.
S4: Oh, you'd be out, Jack.
S7: We haven't heard from Jack for seven months.
S3: You can only join the group if you've shown potential
S3: to contribute good content. We celebrate all farts. Loud. Soft, long, short,
S3: squeaky or wet. Hit me up if you'd like to hear.
S4: If you want more.
S3: And that's where we're at now. I've, I've, I did
S3: hit him up. I've got I've compiled them all.
S4: God I would love to hear that phone call. Ah. Hi.
S4: This is Andy calling for the farts.
S3: So I suppose this is where we're going to play
S3: the opener of keep it or delete it. And it'll
S3: either go to the next segment because we've heard them
S3: all and I think that's appropriate.
S4: Are we going to hear some farts.
S3: We're going to hear them. But whether everyone else in
S3: the way we.
S4: Subject everyone else to. Yeah, I think I think again,
S4: not knowing whether this will just skip straight to the
S4: deleted it or we'll hear the full thing. I think
S4: going into this, our best shot of not having this
S4: deleted would just be to go quality, I think over
S4: quantity to hear some good.
S7: Good.
S4: Quick good quick variety. I think everyone would be interested
S4: in that. And then it probably comes down to brevity.
S7: Okay, Jack.
UU: Keep it or delete it. Jesus.
S4: That's number one. Big day at work.
S5: Can't play this.
S4: Jack's tapped out early. Jack, we found Jack's limit. I
S4: still think we can.
S7: Oh, I didn't lock. Okay.
S4: Okay. I just, I sorry, I thought there was some
S4: level of, like, kind of packaging around it, like, creative,
S4: creative wise.
S7: No there wasn't.
S4: What a dilemma. What a dilemma.
S5: It's the dilemma is there was real curiosity for me
S5: there before we started.
S4: And there will be for people, if we.
S5: People will feel that, they'll be.
S4: Outraged because people will be imagining that they missed out
S4: on a great treat. So the question to you is like,
S4: do you just let the public have all the information
S4: and then we bear the brunt of any backlash or
S4: you get people going, great. I'm really glad you played that,
S4: that I was interested to see what level and quality
S4: of thoughts would be on a WhatsApp like that. Maybe
S4: we start one at our own work.
S9: Jack.
S5: People delete it. It's a delete for me.
S4: I'm no mate. This is tough. This is what it's
S4: like to be a newspaper editor, I think. You know,
S4: it's 1159 at night. You're on whatever floor in Manhattan.
S4: The New York Times is set to print.
S3: Are we going with the story or not?
S4: Are we running this headline or not? Yeah.
S5: Do we? It's hard to hear, but maybe people need
S5: to hear the truth.
S4: You can't print this. Yeah, but don't we haven't we
S4: made a name for ourselves? Aren't we still relevant after
S4: all these? Because we dare to do what common sense
S4: tells us otherwise not to do. Mhm. It's a, it's
S4: a keep it from me. It's keep it from me.
S2: Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return
S2: next week. Catch up or contribute at Hamish and Andy. Com.