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S3: Ahoy to my branch operator. Hamish. Ah, yes. Thank you sir.
S3: You will not be disappointed with who you put in charge.
S3: We are not closing down this branch. What about the
S3: valuable ones? You absolutely wouldn't. Ahoy to my pump! Operator. Jack. Okay,
S3: we could do without the pump, I think. No. Where
S3: are you going? To get the pressure from. We'll find it.
S3: And I am the station officer. Are we drillers? Are we?
S3: Are we an oil drilling? No. Damn it! I thought
S3: we were a.
S4: Bank when it was the branches.
S3: Or is it train stuff? Ehm. When we talked about
S3: emergency services off air while having lunch before this show,
S3: you said this is the one you'd want to be in. Oh,
S3: is this fire department? Fire department.
S4: You said.
S3: I actually said.
S4: Outside of the hypothetical, I want to be a firefighter.
S3: Yeah, because. But I haven't obviously done the training yet.
S3: Would you? Well, I didn't say I am a firefighter
S3: if you were the branch operator. Ham, this is what
S3: you could look forward to. What would my roles and
S3: responsibilities be? You the firefighter using the hose. You're the
S3: guy that gets awesome. Actually use the hose. Did we
S3: call it the branch? Do we? The branch is what?
S3: The end of the hose is called, right? And it
S3: squirts out the leap.
S4: Well, you need definitely need the pump operator then. Yeah,
S4: if you want some pressure.
S3: So sorry about that, mate. That wasn't good. Firehouse camaraderie. Yeah.
S3: You're just sitting there with a limp hose, wondering, swinging
S3: around a limp branch. No, thanks. I need my pump
S3: man to have a fully pressurized hose. But these firefighters
S3: can change the pattern and flow of the water so
S3: you can. You're in charge of your nozzle at the top. Yes, yes.
S3: So shower spray? Yeah. Um, all the fun ones you
S3: have in the garden square. Triangle. Uh, pump operator Jack
S3: drives the truck.
S4: Oh, really? I thought I was just like, you know,
S4: doing a. Oh, no. Jack, what are you doing?
S3: What are you. Jack? Jack is mimed miming like a bike.
S3: Bike pump? Yeah.
S4: By like, I thought I was pumping pressure for the water. Hey, mate.
S3: Don't worry. We'll splash out on a motorised pump. You
S3: have to pump it up like you're pumping up a
S3: kid's bike. What a worry if you. If my house
S3: is on fire and I haven't been able to take
S3: those three items. That thing you do, squirt, that's not
S3: squirting two metres, you get there and Jack gets out
S3: the pump and just starts pressing down on it.
S4: So it's a name left over, I guess, from when
S4: they did use the bike pump.
S3: Well, no, it's still a pump. No, it's still a
S3: motorised pump.
S4: If I'm driving the truck and I'm flicking the switch
S4: on the pump.
S3: Well, once you drive.
S4: There.
S3: You need I think the truck is actually called the pump.
S3: You need another role, obviously. Stop trying to weasel out
S3: of job the driver.
S4: I did the hard part. I navigated us through traffic
S4: with lights on.
S3: So be good. If we had someone back at the truck. No,
S3: Jack's already done his job. He's having donuts now while
S3: we man the fire. Are we trying? What are you again?
S3: Andoh plays station officer. Just looking over looking all of you.
S3: And tell you what. Jack is not impressed me? Yeah.
S4: Do you not come out to the fires?
S3: No no no no. Come on now these days mate. Nah,
S3: they did it when I was a young Smokey, but, uh,
S3: not anymore mate. Too much shit going on back here.
S3: I'll swing past when it's cinders and have to. We'd
S3: love to be back out there with you boys get
S3: the boots on again. But, you know, mate with my shoulder.
S3: The old compo. Um. Hoy also ham. Oh, sorry. Do
S3: you have another? No, no no, no, that's my end
S3: of my questions about firefighters Ahoy. Also to, uh, Matt Wood, uh,
S3: who used the easy to use system intercom to tell
S3: us what he's been up to. He's, uh, in the
S3: Northern Territory.
S5: Did I? Hi. I'm Andy and number six. How are
S5: we going, boys? It's Matt here, currently traveling from Darwin
S5: to Perth. I'm looking at about 8 to 9 days
S5: of camping ahead of me. So hey, you're an expert.
S5: Share some wisdom if you can. I'm about 800 K's
S5: out of Uluru, so I know you fellows are meant
S5: to be there for your first day back at Cool
S5: Boy in the front man, but unfortunately he couldn't. So
S5: in your honour, I'll be smashing back a few tins
S5: for youse. Cheers. Keep up the good work, fellas.
S3: Oh, what a legend, Matt. Um, my camping tips for Matt. Hey, um,
S3: I know we listen, I know we listen. We've got
S3: studio quality headphones in here, and I'm not sure how
S3: clear people will be listening to this. Depends on your
S3: headphones there. But to my ears, it sounds like the
S3: first camping tip I would give Matt is I think
S3: you've got a flat change.
S4: Your tire. Flat tire didn't.
S3: Sound a bit like you were rumbling along on a flat.
S3: So definitely if you've got 800 CS to cover one
S3: a good I actually know someone that's good with a
S3: bike pump. I can can send him your way, send
S3: out the pump operator. Sounds like you might need a
S3: bit of inflation, but other than that you're doing it perfectly.
S3: You wanted the start of today's show. I did, and
S3: now we get a lot. What? Look, what's what's happened
S3: over the course, I think of the, you know, last
S3: year and this year is we've sort of become the
S3: show to go to when you need to investigate something
S3: going on. Um, in the chocolate world. Yes. Um, and look,
S3: and I think, I think we've done some amazing interesting
S3: when you don't set out. We didn't all have a
S3: team meeting and saying, hey, did not ask to be
S3: these guys know, you know, X men and people like that.
S3: They didn't ask to be mutants. Did they know? And Spider-Man,
S3: he didn't. He didn't ask to be. He didn't want
S3: to do it. No. And, uh, but he does. And
S3: it's a responsibility. He does, he does. And that's and
S3: I think Bruce Wayne, he did want to do it.
S3: He has to want to do it because he's making
S3: all the stuff he didn't get. He's actually not a superhero.
S3: He hasn't been. Yeah, a third party didn't anoint him.
S3: He's just well, rich and rich. Yeah. Like a lot
S3: of gadgets. What we're saying is when you're in the
S3: justice game, sometimes it's foisted upon you, sometimes you want,
S3: you know, sometimes you you just choose to do it. Yeah.
S3: We fell into it. We were probably a different category
S3: as well. We fell into it. We you know, we've
S3: investigated many, many controversies and conspiracies within the chocolate world.
S3: Probably the biggest one of all is the flake luxury.
S3: Is it a twirl? Yes. Is it not a twirl that,
S3: you know, getting to the bottom of that? Yep. And
S3: one of the big issues that came up in that
S3: case in the flake luxury versus twirl case was the
S3: on packet graphic. Yes. Remember it was exactly the same
S3: picture on the packet. And that's what really made us
S3: go hang on a sec Cadbury in this case the defendant,
S3: they are having a laugh. They are having they're having
S3: a laugh with us because they're just shipping out the
S3: same bar and just dolling it up a different way. Sorry.
S3: Park that for a sec. Side note remember then how
S3: we were talking about the breakaway, how that that was
S3: actually a rebadged time out went from Time out. Zo
S3: bought one the other day, right. Bought a breakaway. She's
S3: eating it at home. She goes, oh God. Breakaway is
S3: a nice. And I said, you know, it's just a
S3: remade time out. No it's not. They're delicious. And I said, yeah,
S3: I'm pretty sure like knowing full well she hadn't she
S3: doesn't very often listen to the podcast. And I floored
S3: her with my knowledge of the breakaway packet. Like, look,
S3: she goes, oh my God, it is. I said, yeah,
S3: you got to ask me some stuff, babe, because there's
S3: a lot of things I know.
S4: It's just equally as shocking that she goes breakaway as
S4: her choice of chocolate bar.
S3: Someone gave her one and she really liked it. And
S3: then she she she grabbed one at the. She grabbed
S3: a few at the supermarket and put them. I know
S3: she's got the, you know the high up in the fridge.
S3: The is that for cheese. That compartment at the top.
S3: We don't have any cheese in it. That's just those
S3: chunky breakaway. You don't go in there, um, recklessly. Okay.
S3: So that's that's where it was living. Anyway. Someone's bought
S3: another case to us. Molly. Great. And she's like, I
S3: think I've found another chocolate crime. Pods, specifically the Mars
S3: and the Twix variety of pods. Now, pods are a
S3: format that I think is just it's just Mars. Cadbury
S3: don't do pods do that. It's it's Mars. It's a
S3: it's a format they came up with to go, let's
S3: take our beloved chocolate bars and put them in pod form,
S3: which is a sort of a biscuit cup. And then
S3: the chocolate layering in there. Good idea. I'm not for them.
S3: I'm not. I'm actually.
S4: I like a pod.
S3: Really, I find them. You like anything sweet, Jack? I've seen.
S4: Jack just wander around and just skirmish.
S3: Anything he can. The problem with pods is they're not
S3: satisfying by themselves. And you can eat a whole bag
S3: very fast right there, there. And which, obviously, the company knows.
S3: And that's how they make their money. So here's the thing. I've.
S3: I've got us all a bag of some pods here.
S3: We've got Twix and Mars pods. Right. Open them up.
S3: The first thing I want you to do, I've got
S3: my bag here, and now you got your bag. First
S3: thing I want you to do is you look at
S3: the back. Would you. Would you? Well, you got to
S3: compare that. You've got to compare them. Jack, could you
S3: watch one of you?
S4: I've got Twix.
S3: Would you prefer Jack read out, read out the read
S3: out the definition of the Twix.
S4: All right. Gooey dollop of Twix caramel in a crispy
S4: baked wafer topped off with a delicious milk chocolate.
S3: Now read out Mars Andy. Delicious rich Mars caramel cradle
S3: in a crispy baked.
S4: Wafer topped.
S3: Off with creamy.
S4: Milk chocolate.
S3: Now, Jack, you give yours back to Andy. You look
S3: at these side by side. The contention for Molly is
S3: these are the same thing in 1 in 1. They've
S3: changed the adjective. You've got deliciously rich Mars caramel versus
S3: gooey dollop of Twix caramel. Yes, both. Both admit it's
S3: a crispy wafer. Yes. On the Mars One, it's cradled
S3: in a crispy wafer in the Twix one it doesn't
S3: say cradled, but apart from that, you look at it,
S3: you look at the picture andoh, well, the.
S6: Pictures are exactly the same.
S3: The pictures are exactly the same.
S6: They've put a black stripe behind the Mars and orange stripe.
S3: I'm glad you picked up on that. That's the that.
S3: And then look, there's a drip as well in the
S3: top left hand corner. They've changed the on the Twix.
S3: The big drip is brown. The small drip is caramel.
S3: On the Mars the big drip is caramel. The small
S3: drip is brown. We obviously have to do a taste.
S4: Test, obviously.
S3: Now here's the other thing. You look at these and
S3: you're like, okay. The big question here is at the
S3: Mars factory, like where they make all our favorite Mars
S3: confectionery M&Ms. Twix. Mars. Maltesers. At the factory, they've got
S3: two main products that use caramel. Yes. You've got Mars. Yep.
S3: And you've got Twix. Mm.hmm. Do they expect us to
S3: believe that there is a secret recipe for the Mars
S3: caramel cake versus the Twix caramel? That's really what this
S3: comes down to. Or as as Molly suspects, and I
S3: think there's a lot of listeners now are suspecting, is
S3: it the same damn pipe? So Twix has.
S6: A biscuit in it, doesn't it? Yeah.
S4: The chocolate bars themselves are definitely chocolate.
S3: Bars are completely different. So which is which is why
S3: it would be totally legal to use the same trademark
S3: Mars Caramel. Although when you put them in pod form
S3: and the only ingredient is caramel and chocolate, you now
S3: have the same product again. So you start with two
S3: different chocolate bars. This is the danger. I mean, as
S3: much as we saluted the pod format, this is the
S3: danger of what happens when you pod them. Yes, they
S3: become the same pod. Mhm. So the accusation here is
S3: are they really allowed to have two of the same pod.
S3: Because I mean what makes us laugh is there are
S3: people walking down the aisles going oh do I want
S3: a mars pod or do I want a Twix pod?
S3: I do, because you have a Twix. When you feel
S3: like you need a bit more of a meal, because
S3: I've got a biscuit in it.
S4: I never think that the.
S3: Only candy with the cookie crunch. Okay, two for anyone
S3: that's seen the candy bar lineup episode of Seinfeld.
S6: To the eye, they look exactly the same as you
S6: pull them out of the bag.
S3: They don't. They do, don't they?
S6: Yeah. I'm passing them over to Jack. Make sure you
S6: remember Jack. Which one's your Twix?
S4: Which one's Twix on the right. Mars on.
S3: Mars. Okay, I'll do the same. Twix on the right. Mars.
S4: Exactly the same without extraordinarily similar.
S3: Okay. Twix on the right. Mars on the left. Which
S3: one do we have first? Who should be the hard bit.
S3: They shouldn't be the hard bit. Which one?
S6: Let's take the mouse first. Okay.
S3: Okay. Mars on the left. Okay.
S7: I quite underestimated. This is quite good. They're good.
S3: They're amazing. Like I said, you eat the whole bag.
S3: So you bite through the chocolate pretty fast. You're into
S3: the caramel. Everyone feeling that.
S4: And that does taste like a mask to me.
S6: Yeah. And really, because it.
S3: Has I would say the Twix is more accurate because
S3: it does have a biscuity wafer. But anyway, now, I mean,
S3: it has Mars flavour. Okay. Now the Twix, do we.
S6: We don't have to clean our palettes. We can just
S6: go straight in because.
S3: I don't think so because they're the same thing. Yeah.
S3: I mean, is anyone getting anything different there?
S7: I think I got the same thing.
S4: No. That's fine.
S7: They're the same.
S4: They're the same. I can't believe.
S3: The different bars become the same thing when you modify them.
S6: That is incredible. We've got.
S3: Anthem.
S6: We've got you got the right. Yeah, we've got you.
S3: And now flip around and look at the front. Prepare
S3: for the final piece of mind blowing material. Yep. Jack,
S3: how much energy in kilojoules per serve is the Mars
S3: on the front?
S4: Mars is 503 kilojoules.
S3: Jack, how much energy per serve is the Twix in
S3: kilojoules 505 kilojoules? WTF is going on?
S4: Could we? Maybe we're just not refined enough to taste
S4: two kilojoules more?
S3: It is. It is half a calorie. So it's a
S3: it's a tough thing to taste.
S6: So you reckon they're adding just like a fraction more calories. Caramel. Wow. Try.
S3: No okay. Okay. So there's that. So it could be a.
S4: Taste thing but a ratio could be slightly different.
S3: Right now we go back to the ingredients. Now I've
S3: already done this I'll save you the trouble. Great. First
S3: I'm going to read out the Mars obviously doesn't tell
S3: you exactly the ingredients, but it gives you the breakdown. Yes.
S3: Milk chocolate 51% biscuit 30. Caramel 19%. Yep. Twix. Milk
S3: chocolate 51%. Biscuit 30. Caramel 19%. So it is exactly
S3: the same ratios. No, no. Oh, no. Mars. Yes.
S6: Exactly.
S3: So it's exactly so in the ingredients, they list exactly
S3: the same ratios. For some reason there's two kilojoules difference
S3: in energy. Now we must be talking millionths of percents
S3: of difference. If there is different caramel in these. But
S3: then I'm.
S6: Going through all the rest of it with the cocoa fat.
S3: And I'll save you the I'll save you the time.
S3: It's exactly the same. Exactly the.
S4: Same. They're the same.
S3: Exactly the same. And.
S6: So hang on, hang on, hang on.
S3: Trust me, mate, it's just a formatting thing.
S6: Just the bottom of the Twix, it says, may present peanuts,
S6: tree nuts and barley. We're on the bottom of the Mars.
S6: It just says may present peanuts and tree nuts. There's no.
S6: And barley.
S4: Maybe different factory.
S3: Maybe so. You reckon? Different caramel.
S4: Like, don't they usually say that if they're doing the
S4: Snickers in the same factory and the peanut accidentally falls
S4: over into the caramel? Oh, yeah, I see what you're saying.
S4: So maybe they're in two different coming out of two different.
S4: I know we.
S6: Like speculating here, but we we love it. I feel
S6: like we need we.
S3: Actually do need a mars person, don't.
S6: We? Yeah. Can we get it?
S3: Cause if it comes. If if it if it means
S3: I mean, I think what we're discovering here is like,
S3: are they going to look at us in the eye
S3: and say, yeah, yeah, there's two different caramels.
S6: Yeah. No, I don't think they will know.
S3: It'll be ballsy. So either way, we're just setting up
S3: for a hell of a conclusion here.
S6: Great stuff. Ehm. Ehm. You're a fool if you don't
S6: listen to this podcast. Not because we're entertaining, but you're
S6: getting behind on life, aren't you?
S3: You are. And it's okay. We can call people fools
S3: because they obviously can't hear it. Yeah. Um. And if
S3: you do listen though, you gather up, um, gather up
S3: these power moves. Yeah. You get the dried forth into life,
S3: and you perform at your absolute peak capacity, the highest
S3: voltage in.
S6: Every social situation.
S3: Another batch and, uh. Uh, all right, this comes in
S3: from Nathan. It's an a it's another AFL based one. Now, unfortunately,
S3: we had a, we had a pro like we had like,
S3: you have to be playing in the AFL. Like you
S3: have to be playing at the top level. Um, for
S3: a power move a couple of weeks ago. This doesn't
S3: work at the top level because it's the part at
S3: the end of the game where you do three cheers
S3: for the other team, which you don't you don't do
S3: at the top level, although in in and of itself, again,
S3: for those guys that we know, there are a bunch
S3: of AFL players that do listen to the podcast. Love
S3: to see that, love to see that you beat a
S3: team by 100 points, get your huddle and then go
S3: up to the other team and go and let's have three.
S3: Let's have three cheers for, uh, for West Coast like, guys, please, please.
S3: You've already beaten us.
S6: We've we used to do it for hockey.
S3: You have to do it. I think you do it
S3: at every sport. Until what state.
S6: Level? We would change up the way and different teams
S6: would try. I used to come at uni.
S3: At uni, like I would come like hung over on
S3: a Saturday morning and watch you play like a good
S3: girlfriend and you would do hip hooray, hip hip hooray.
S6: So you know, do you.
S3: Know that one, Jack?
S6: No. Melbourne. Melbourne. Three cheers for Ringwood. Hip Ray. Hip Ray.
S6: Hip Ray. Yeah.
S3: You would. They would cut a hip out. So you
S3: don't do hip hip.
S6: Because the second hip makes it worse I reckon.
S3: Well it feels very oldie. Like the second hip. You
S3: know what's coming after you do the first hip so
S3: I can see that. But there's no reason to cut
S3: out the hu of the ruck. That's a bit. That's
S3: a bit stingy. It just.
S6: It felt.
S3: What can't you do? Hip hooray! It felt.
S6: Stronger. It felt more like a, you know, a haka.
S6: I suppose we're not there.
S3: The point you're meant to be saying like, congratulations.
S4: It feels like you want to leave early. Like you
S4: did it. Did you want to get off the ground
S4: as soon as possible?
S3: That was my take, too, because I didn't play team
S3: sports growing up. So this is almost like as a
S3: 19 year old was my first introduction to what the
S3: team sports culture is. So I was like, yeah, right.
S3: So at the end, you do this really, um, begrudging
S3: facsimile of a hippie parade. You're like, hey, let's pretend
S3: to thank the other team. No worries. See you mate.
S3: See you mate. See you mate. What?
S6: The other one. We trialled for a while but went
S6: back to him. Do you pray? Pray, pray. We went
S6: hip hip hip. Ray Ray, Ray Basham.
S4: It's like.
S3: You're trying to.
S6: Get it even faster. But yeah, it felt better. Just hip,
S6: hip hooray. I think what we're trying to do three H, three.
S3: R that's we've reduced it to algebra and that's as
S3: fast as we can do it.
S6: It felt like it felt like you were trying to
S6: do this combat sport, and then you had to say hip,
S6: hip hooray for the other team or the start as well. Yeah.
S6: Both that start and finish I thought was overkill.
S3: Well, okay. Well, we know it exists, right? We know
S3: it exists, you know, and I think it exists like
S3: right into the upper levels. Like as adults, you still
S3: have to do, you know, three cheers for the other
S3: team at the end because you are there technically for
S3: good sportsmanship. Anyway, this is from sorry, long road to
S3: get there. Um, but he says after the other team does.
S3: Three cheers for your team. Uh, if you're the person
S3: that calls out, you call out. All right. And two cheers.
S3: So it's from the Hebrew school. It's. It's to show
S3: we're pretending to congratulate you while asserting power.
S6: Love it. This is from Alex. I can't do this, Jack. Hamish,
S6: you can do this. Be it based, not be it based.
S6: Tell me whether you think this would work. If you've
S6: organized a play date for your child with a kid
S6: of a new a new friend. Yep. You haven't met
S6: the parents and that new parent is dropping the kid off.
S3: Okay, drop and go. Usually kicks in around traditionally around about,
S3: you know. Yeah. Six, seven years old before they arrive.
S6: Rip a page out of the coloring book and color
S6: it in your yourself and stick it on the fridge.
S3: That would be a good move when the.
S6: When the parent comments say no big deal.
S3: It's fine. Uh, really good. Um, and oh, this comes
S3: in from Meg. Okay. When somebody gives you some flowers
S3: by way of apology. So a small bunch of flowers
S3: could be partner, could be a friend. Um, if they're
S3: trying to patch something up as they've given you the flowers,
S3: take the flowers over to the sink, unwrap them, and
S3: proceed to cut the stems down to about five centimeters long.
S3: Select only a few of the flowers and pop them
S3: in a tiny vase while maintaining the conversation. Do not
S3: refer to it in any way and then put them
S3: on the table as a pathetic centerpiece.
S6: From Andruw Jones. If you ever caught sleeping at work,
S6: simply say the blood bank told me this would happen.
S6: An apology and a bit of a well done for
S6: donating blood. Yeah.
S3: Um, power move only works if the target's name isn't Billy. Okay,
S3: so this is for, uh. This is for a set
S3: of all humans not equal to Billy. Find a person
S3: you want to exert power over. Start calling them Billy
S3: when they inevitably correct you and say, uh, that's not
S3: their name. I.e., my name is Jack. Just hit them
S3: back with. Oh, no, I'm just saying that because everyone
S3: calls you Billy. It's short for Silly Billy. Hit right.
S3: And a an interesting and serious email has come in
S3: to my side of the fence. Okay. A young man
S3: named Ryan.
S6: Being serious on this show, but I.
S3: Know, and it's quite a long way from it. That's
S3: quite a long. Yeah. That's it. I mean, we're happy
S3: to face up to tackle this, especially if it's something
S3: that a listener is feeling. And I worry that he
S3: might represent the views of many listeners here, too. That's
S3: why I think we've got to give it a bit
S3: of air. Um, but he it is serious and it
S3: raises some big stuff. He says, look, he because he
S3: comes it starts by saying, I've got a serious allegation.
S6: You or I or both of us.
S3: Against the show. So that's mainly you, Jack. Really?
S6: Legally, yeah.
S3: We put your name on the form. We do. Um,
S3: in event, in event of allegation, there's a split ownership
S3: system in event of praise and awards. Absolutely H and
S3: a on stage gripping the trophy. And in event of
S3: allegation then it does defer to Jack. So it's kind
S3: of for you Jack.
S6: It does make it feel like you're Greg from succession right.
S3: Here a little Greg Litt um, it's in relation to
S3: the handling of the H and A coins. So it's
S3: a Treasury issue. Narayan believes the coins have been, quote,
S3: handed out in an arbitrary fashion lately. He says, I
S3: lay out to you an examples from recent episodes. My
S3: concern started from ep 203. The guy who could guess
S3: items in the kitchen got every question wrong except one
S3: about rural Queensland properties. That's true. And that earned him
S3: a coin.
S6: Did we give him a coin?
S4: Yeah, I thought that was weird because he he I
S4: remember the cupboard had something real obvious like Andy.
S3: Hidden hands here, Andy, as he worries about the legal
S3: ramifications for Jack. Uh, a concerned a concerned friend who
S3: doesn't like, doesn't like another friend's chances of beating this
S3: in episode 206 with the cordial guy. Hamish and Andy
S3: both agreed that the absolute bare minimum is four out
S3: of five. Then when he gets the first two wrong
S3: in a row and he changes the rules to three
S3: out of five, then during episode seven, the guy with
S3: the special skills to guess the movie did not get
S3: a coin. Despite far superior skills, he guessed the movies correctly.
S3: Hamish then asked 1 or 2, a rule that wasn't
S3: introduced earlier. Um, that was I think that was for.
S6: The movie Guessing.
S3: Game. So what was it? Was it like Austin Powers
S3: or something like powers? Yeah, and I went 1 or 2.
S6: Men in Black as.
S3: Well. Men in black, 1 or 2. Yeah. Anyway, he
S3: got that wrong on the one he got Men in Black,
S3: and then he got it wrong on the 1 or
S3: 2 he says magic Mike. I think he means podcast. Mike, uh,
S3: recognized this, but was dismissed by Andy.
S6: Dismissed. That sounds like.
S3: Top it off, he wasn't given five movies to guess
S3: in the end. Felt like he was robbed. This prompted
S3: me to investigate further. I went all the way back
S3: to the start of the podcast.
S6: Wow.
S3: On episode eight of the podcast.
S6: He's gone.
S3: So deep. Both coin guesser and menu guesser got H
S3: and A coins when neither of them deserved it, as
S3: they both were far off thinkers. I do remember that
S3: with the guys like, yeah, what do you say? You
S3: tell me a menu and I'll tell you the price.
S6: Yeah, that's right, that's right, the garlic.
S3: What are the classics? What are the garlic bread undid
S3: him didn't it? This is obviously a great undertaking to
S3: review all the episodes of cases where H and R
S3: coins were handed out, and I believe that I've only
S3: scratched the surface. Oh, well, I think he's onto something big.
S6: I'd like to hush him up.
S3: Yes, I was one of them. That is an option
S3: available to us.
S6: To coin mine. So he says, go away quietly.
S3: Well, he proposes two things, okay. One establishment of an
S3: H and a coin taskforce that's responsible for reviewing questionable
S3: handing out of coins throughout the history of the podcast.
S3: So it's almost like a royal commission. Um, um, hacked.
S6: Off would be the, um.
S3: Yeah, actually.
S6: The H and a coin taskforce, but we.
S4: Would never take coins off people we've given them to. Surely.
S3: I think that's what he's saying. Wow. He's looking to
S3: right the wrongs of history. Wow. Um, and then number two,
S3: once the task force report is ready and reviewed by Hamish, Andy,
S3: a mechanism by which H and A coins are recalled.
S6: Whoa! Whoa.
S3: So a two part proposal here. Establish the task force
S3: that then, I guess, prepares a report. And then the
S3: second part is we then look at what we're going
S3: to do with the report. It's interesting here because royal
S3: commissions of course exist in democracies. And I. And the
S3: question for us is how much of a democracy. I mean,
S3: how much power do you give?
S6: We love pretending we're one. Yeah, yeah. Like that's one
S6: of our favorite things.
S4: But I think sometimes even with the government don't they
S4: do those kind of reports where they're like, now we
S4: got the report and we'll definitely look at that.
S3: Nothing really. I mean, what happened with the banking one?
S3: I don't I don't I.
S6: Didn't that's right.
S3: Pretty sure all the banks are still in business.
S6: Yes.
S3: So we could certainly I mean this is banking. This
S3: is finance based. I mean the general vibe of when
S3: you do a finance look into the financial, you know,
S3: any corruption of a financial level, it's the government's job.
S3: And that would be us in this case to nod
S3: solemnly and go, mm. Many, many good points raised.
S6: Yeah.
S3: Yeah, yeah. And then um, just hope the new cycle
S3: washes that one away. But what about, what about.
S6: This I have is narayane sounds like the kind of
S6: guy that would be playing Michael Keaton's character in spotlight.
S6: If you've seen that film where he doesn't.
S3: I haven't, but I know the kind of character Michael
S3: Keaton's able to play.
S6: I don't think he's gonna stop, is my point. He's
S6: the Erin Brockovich of the coin situation.
S3: Okay, wait, you know what, Andrew? He's actually listening. He
S3: can join. He can join us now. Narayan, tentatively. Good morning.
S8: Ahoy, boys. It's good to be with you.
S6: Oh, with you.
S3: Now, Narayan. You, sir raised some. I'm not going to
S3: say whether they're valid or invalid, but you certainly raise points.
S3: And I'd like to just get the temperature if I could.
S3: First up, of how, um, disgruntled you are with possibly
S3: what you're onto here.
S8: Look, I have had the conversation you boys have been having.
S8: And look, if you want this, use controversy to go away.
S8: You could give me a coin and no one will know.
S8: Never know a thing now. And he would and he would.
S8: He would be the easiest coin that's ever been handed
S8: out on the show. That's the point.
S6: It wouldn't be. It wouldn't be.
S3: It wouldn't even be the loosest coin. Yes. Okay, well,
S3: now we have it. This is certainly an interesting development
S3: because the head of our anti-corruption task force has specifically
S3: asked for a bribe.
S6: As.
S3: His opening statement.
S6: Wonderful. It's. Can we just say.
S3: We're very interested in making this go away? But I
S3: do worry, though, that obviously now more people have heard
S3: this and this this. Now the cat is out of
S3: the bag, Genie's out of the bottle. Someone else is
S3: going to take this up?
S6: Yes. Putting her iron on hold for a second.
S3: Thank you. Ryan. Interesting.
S4: I want him to hear it all.
S6: No, don't want him to hear. Okay, so I think
S6: we take the bribe.
S3: No. He's asking. You mean give the bribe?
S6: Yeah. So I think we.
S3: No, no, Ryan, we'll accept the coin.
S6: No, we take them off. We take the.
S3: Offer to give the bribe.
S6: Yeah, right. Yes, yes.
S3: What are you. But what do you say about this?
S3: Just opening an absolute avalanche of people asking for the
S3: same bribe everywhere. Ignored task force. Task force requests coming
S3: in left, right and center.
S4: What do you set up, like? An email filter that
S4: looks for the word task force and put it straight
S4: in the bin.
S6: That is a good solution. That is a good solution.
S3: This is such a fascinating peek into the how you
S3: run a corrupt government.
S6: I don't think we can set up this task force.
S3: You don't want to. You want to set up a.
S3: We don't have to. You can't. We wouldn't be giving
S3: them royal commission powers. We'd be setting up an advisory
S3: task force.
S6: This is classic. I mean, this is going back to
S6: radio days, where it was all self-regulated. Yeah, and you
S6: don't want another body regulating you.
S3: What about.
S6: Okay, so they'd always go, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
S6: We'll make sure Kyle Sandilands doesn't say that. We'll be
S6: fine I got it I got it. And then they go.
S3: Why don't we go yeah, yeah we go back and
S3: we go okay, I think I've got it. You want
S3: to go back to Ryan okay.
S4: Yeah okay. He can hear us now? Yeah.
S3: Now. Ryan.
S8: Yes.
S6: Obviously.
S3: Um, we're deeply concerned, um, by the issues you bring up,
S3: because here at, uh, Hamish and Andy, um, headquarters, we
S3: strive to run a transparent and authentic and a consistent
S3: coin giving operation. The last thing we want is for
S3: Jack to be dragged through legal mud. Because there's been
S3: a problem with the coin system. So we really take
S3: this seriously. And because you're the first person to raise
S3: this and raise this concern, we would like to pay
S3: you a consultancy fee for the work you've already done. Um,
S3: of one Hamish and Andy Coin.
S6: And the continued work.
S3: And the continued work you've done since you're the first
S3: person to do this work. Now, if someone else did
S3: this work, they're just copying off you and they don't
S3: get a coin. But since you're the first person to
S3: do this consultancy's work, we'd like to pay you a
S3: fee of one coin, and we'd like to absolutely take
S3: this to conduct a thorough internal review, um, and present
S3: our findings in a few episodes. How does that sound?
S8: I think that sounds fair. That sounds fair.
S6: Great. We will give you that payment in a paper
S6: bag in a car park. Um, it will.
S3: Have the unique coin number scratched off. That's that's just
S3: that's just because of a shipping issue. Nothing to see.
S3: There it is. Totally above board payment sounding good in Orion.
S8: That sounds excellent.
S3: Great pleasure doing business with you. We'll get straight onto
S3: forming the taskforce. I'll chair it. Andy. Great.
S6: It has been but a few weeks since I was
S6: chastised by the two of you, the beard boys, again
S6: aligning against me.
S3: I don't know what this is about, but I stand
S3: by whatever we did. We're both just as you again.
S3: If you won't. If you open your mouth, I.
S6: Think you're crazy was uttered at me. Um. This wild.
S4: Oh, I bet I know. Is it. Is it the toothpaste?
S4: Tiny amount of toothpaste? It's. I think about it every
S4: time I clean my teeth. I think about you.
S3: Do you know what I do? I put the I
S3: put the toothpaste on at night, and I go. I
S3: look at myself in the mirror and I go, you're living, boy. Yeah.
S4: And I and I.
S3: Go, keep it up, wild man. Keep it up, Blake.
S3: Because you know what? Right now, Andy's in his bathroom. Well,
S3: probably many hours after me. But that, thus is the
S3: joys of no children. Yes, and he's in his bathroom.
S3: He's got one human hair out as a stencil to
S3: make sure. To make sure the toothpaste doesn't. Doesn't rise
S3: above the one micron thickness across the top of the bristles.
S3: And look at you, mate. Squirt it on, slather it around.
S3: Enjoy yourself. You're 41. You'll be dead soon. You don't
S3: regret the toothpaste usage.
S6: I felt like it was the right amount. A lot
S6: of people have come out of the woodwork saying, you're right.
S6: Andy and I got a lot of messages of support.
S6: A lot of emails came in. I thought, what better
S6: way to do it is to get them to record
S6: what they wrote. Exactly. And so you could hear some
S6: of the things that are being said with regards to
S6: toothpaste gate.
S3: Prepare to hear some fun people check.
S9: Mate, I use even less than yours anymore and my
S9: mouth would be overflowing with suds.
S10: I do the same as you Andy. I have a
S10: very extreme dental hygiene routine, but you only need to
S10: use a little bit of toothpaste.
S11: Dentist here. The recommended amount of toothpaste is the size
S11: of a green pea, so Hamish and Jack are using
S11: way too much. You're closer to the right amount. Andy.
S9: As a fellow dentist, I 100% agree. Very common man
S9: to be conservative with the toothpaste. Make those dollars stretch.
S12: So my partner actually thought you were crazy at first,
S12: but then he tried it and now he's converted. Like
S12: way less clean up required.
S4: You are 100% correct.
S9: And no one will convince me otherwise.
S1: You are spot on and it is more than enough
S1: to clean your teeth. Only reason it is more in
S1: the ads is because they want you to use it
S1: quicker and buy more toothpaste. Same with shampoo and washing detergent. Hey,
S1: you know what else?
S13: Electric toothbrush heads are so small. I think that also
S13: says a lot about the amount that you should use.
S6: I'm a.
S4: Dentist and.
S6: Hamish and Jack's.
S4: Amount is actually a really dangerous amount of toothpaste.
S9: Too much of that.
S4: Can build up a toxin called methyl leonide.
S9: Which could potentially.
S4: Make your teeth like chalk.
S6: I think Andy's using the perfect amount of toothpaste, and
S6: I should also point out that he hasn't lost touch
S6: with the common man, and he certainly doesn't have an
S6: IP if in my opinion, not an SP, but just
S6: an RP regular P regretful p. Okay, besides the last one, why.
S3: Do I feel like you know, it was like we're
S3: at a at a at a Donald Trump rally?
S6: Yeah. Besides the last one, all actual words written into
S6: this show or to me. Are you worried about that
S6: dentist saying that you got that dangerous? Toxic? That might
S6: be from.
S3: Too much toothpaste? I mean, get your act together. Dentistry. When?
S3: As if. Who's ever heard of that, Jack? I mean,
S3: your dentists have been too busy tickling your feet or
S3: gently blowing on your earlobes to worry about your actual mouth.
S6: Did you ask your dentist, Jack? And did he say,
S6: what's toothpaste?
S4: He. He knows about dental hygiene. He what?
S6: Are. What is it? What is your.
S3: Holistic. So you.
S4: He was very. He was very big on flossing. He didn't.
S4: He didn't care too much about, uh, how much toothpaste
S4: you use. But I will next time I'm there. I'm
S4: definitely gonna ask. Yeah.
S3: Just chew up a mouthful of crystals or something.
S4: You know, I've had. I don't want to sound like
S4: Andy here, but I've had a lot of people also
S4: write to me and ask for the details of the
S4: holistic dentist.
S6: Guys, let's just turn.
S3: This show.
S6: Into a montage TV show, into fake testimonials.
S3: And a little while ago on the show, uh, we
S3: had a special skill nominated, which was, um, uh, someone
S3: that could feel could tell the type of chocolate bar
S3: just purely by feeling it through the wrapper. Um, and
S3: you sort of put your hand up and went, yeah,
S3: but I think I could do that. And I gave
S3: you a fair and honest trial, and you couldn't quite
S3: do it. You got very close. Um, but to be fair,
S3: through a few logistical issues, I don't I didn't get
S3: some of the A-list chocolate bars I was after. No, no,
S3: I got some more lesser known actors. Yes.
S6: Support bands.
S3: Peppermint crisp. Yeah. Chiquita chick.
S6: Chiquita I hadn't seen for 20 years. They're still gigging.
S3: So jury's out on whether that was fair or not.
S3: But look, another special skill came in this week, and
S3: I looked at it and went, okay, in the similar vein,
S3: this isn't you putting your hand up because you don't
S3: know what this is yet, but I actually. Do. I
S3: looked at this and I went, I think, again, I
S3: think this is one that a normal human could do. Right.
S3: And I nominate Andy as our resident normal human. Yeah.
S3: Comes in from Joanna and she starts off by saying, hey,
S3: I'm a Libra. Okay. So immediately you're like, I know
S3: that's got your attention. And it because if there's one
S3: guy I know that likes star signs, sorry. And she says,
S3: I've got the uncanny ability and very special skill of
S3: being a human scale. This is where you need to
S3: know that the sign for the Libra is the I
S3: think it's oh, justice a justice.
S6: Yeah, she's.
S3: Got the scales and the sword. Does she have a sword?
S3: I don't know, maybe that's. Is that Statue of Liberty?
S6: No, no, she doesn't have a sword. Apparently they're shaking
S6: their heads out of here furiously. No, whatever.
S3: Anyway, Libra is a scale. Yeah. Um, so she says
S3: I'm a human scale. So immediately I go, okay, this
S3: is good. Because, remember, one of the very first special
S3: skills was, um, just deli meat by feel. Yes. And
S3: I was like, that's. We loved that one. Yeah. She said,
S3: but this is this is what Joanna means. If you
S3: put two things in each of my hands, I can
S3: act as a scale and tell you which is heavier
S3: by feel. So she's one of those scales that just tips? Yeah,
S3: she's a yoldi scale, which I'd actually never thought of before,
S3: but I guess that is the point of those scales
S3: to go which is heavier. Or do you put 500g
S3: on one side and you just fill it up till
S3: it's level? That's what you.
S6: Used to do. Yeah. Gotcha.
S3: That makes my grandparents.
S6: Had one which I loved playing with. But you put
S6: different size weights on one side and then pour your
S6: rice on the other. We had hours of fun.
S3: How cool. And these days kids have to put up
S3: with switch. Um, so she's like, if something's 3.2 kilos
S3: and something's three, I can detect the heavier. Mm. I'm
S3: just a human scale, she repeats.
S6: Can we all do that?
S4: I thought so.
S3: I wondered if this is actually just more of a
S3: human trait. Yes. Um. So she's gone. Look, my husband
S3: thinks I'm an idiot for my special skill, but I
S3: know it's the best in the world.
S6: What's not?
S3: And again, I was just like, I think I'm not
S3: taking away any instances where she correctly called it. And
S3: there was and someone was impressed nearby, but I don't
S3: know if it would qualify as a special skill. We
S3: could be wrong. So to run the test, Ando, bring
S3: in the bags I have.
S4: What were the, uh, sizes? She used the dimensions 3
S4: to 3.2.
S3: I've gone actually a little bit harsher for Ando here.
S3: If she was.
S4: Doing like grams, then you go. Yeah, great. You got
S4: something that was three grams more, but.
S6: But 200g.
S4: More. That feels considerable.
S3: Significant 200 is a significant. Yes. Again, to not to.
S3: I want us to not just always bring everything back
S3: to chocolate bars, but that's for Snickers. Like you could
S3: you could tell. So. All right Ando, you've now you've
S3: got grapes, you've got rice.
S6: Grapes and you've got ham.
S3: Yep. Okay. Make sure you pick it up in the
S3: correct order. Yes. Um, but with your left and right hand,
S3: please pick up the grapes now and tell me what
S3: you feel.
S4: And he's picking up grapes. Two bags of grape. One
S4: in his left, one in his right. He's actually making
S4: like he's pretending he's a scale.
S6: Actually, I'm gonna put them on top of my hand
S6: rather than having them. Yeah, that will kind of.
S3: That's actually a pretty smart idea, isn't it? Because the
S3: hands are more sensitive.
S6: I think the left is is heavier.
S3: Left is 300g. The right is 330.
S4: Oh, wow.
S6: It. I found it very tough.
S3: But okay.
S6: If she could do it within I mean 30g in
S6: a lot.
S3: That was 30g. That was, that was. That's 10%. 10% variance. Yes. Okay.
S3: Do the ham for me now. Okay. Ham left and right.
S4: Ham getting the ham is in the bag and Andy
S4: is pretending he's a scale. Thank you. Jack.
S3: Jack, a lot of people like you.
S6: Think.
S3: Like, what's Jack's superpower? You just saw it, like, again.
S3: Just detected the pause, jumped in.
S6: Do you think that, um, tennis players couldn't do this
S6: because they have.
S3: Overdeveloped biceps.
S6: And one arm like you? Can they.
S3: But do they have I mean, they have incredible senses,
S3: you would think in their hands, like, even just to
S3: feel the and sometimes the slightest change of the racket.
S4: Would you say when they grab a tennis ball and
S4: they sort of like almost they do do it up
S4: in their hand like, no, not that one. They get
S4: a new one.
S3: Yeah, they actually do do it. That's what I thought
S3: you were getting.
S6: Based that I think it's a squeeze for pressure maybe.
S3: I always thought it was just chemistry tests. Like the
S3: first date. Yeah.
S4: Like, were you vibing it?
S3: Yeah, I'm vibing this ball.
S6: Okay, back to the ham. This seems again really close.
S6: I mean, I can't do anything with I can't tell
S6: you with confidence here. So it's. I feel like it's
S6: exactly the same.
S3: Left 110g, right 100g. So again a 1010 or it's
S3: ten grams. That was 10% variance I was going for.
S3: I mean, that'd be too easy if I was doing big,
S3: big numbers. Okay. But she.
S4: Said what did she say three.
S3: Three and 3.2 I actually made Andy's a bit harder
S3: because I just thought that sounded too easy. Well yeah. Okay. Yeah. Rice.
S4: And he's got two big plastic bags of rice. Thank you.
S6: Jaco the rice. It feels definitely heavier in my right hand.
S3: That is 50g heavier, 1000g place 1050.
S4: Well done Andy.
S6: Maybe the that one, that one. I felt like I
S6: could tell maybe.
S3: Is it something to do with the shape of. Because
S3: like rice sits the easiest?
S6: Well, it's also the biggest difference.
S4: And they're so light. They other ones are so light.
S3: So okay so once it got to 50g you could
S3: feel it. It felt.
S6: Yeah. Well that's what you would think.
S3: You would think 200g is fillable. I should have actually
S3: got you hers.
S4: But yeah. Yeah that would have made. That would have
S4: made sense.
S14: Well Jack.
S3: Jack, I gambled, okay? I gambled because I thought it
S3: would be cool. Okay. Actually, Carl's I assume we've got
S3: scales here. Do we have scales here? We've got.
S6: Scales here. Yeah, yeah. We got. Yeah.
S3: All right, go take the rice outside and make it
S3: so it's a 200 gram difference. Oh, yeah.
S6: Okay.
S3: Do you know what I mean? Like it.
S6: Doesn't, but we.
S4: Know you can do rice already.
S3: Yeah I know, but Jack. Well I'm the one saying
S3: I think he's done better because he's detected 50g difference.
S6: In the meantime, while we just give her a bit
S6: of time to do the rice. Um, during the week,
S6: two people said to me, g'day, Hamish. Right. I'm thinking
S6: that I was Hamish. Yeah. And there was and it
S6: was in two very different situations.
S4: Okay. Does that happen often happens.
S6: Bit one.
S3: Yeah, I get it. I get Andy's.
S6: One was at the, um, uh, airport, uh, one of
S6: the security guards. Oh, great to see you, Hamish. I
S6: was like, yeah, well, I'll take it. Like, do a.
S4: Great time to do a crime. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
S3: What was it, a strip club where Andy was going
S3: around saying, I'm. How are you going? Hamish? Hamish Blake,
S3: good to meet you.
S6: It made me think. That the Andes sightings that you've
S6: been having people write in about.
S4: Could be mistakes.
S6: Might be about. Could be about Hamish.
S3: You think so? But then you hear the behaviour and
S3: Jack and I immediately go, That's Andy.
S4: Like, what about the person smoking a cigarette at the, uh,
S4: at the tobacco.
S3: Pushing, rushing into the smoke Mark? I've never been single
S3: in my life. Well, that's why your nicknames Weaver. Brando.
S3: That's why everyone's calling you the weaver.
S6: Sigourney Weaver.
S14: I hope that name catches on if people call you
S14: the weaver. We got the weasel and the weaver. Anyway,
S14: the rice is coming back in. It was a good
S14: little interlude.
S6: And we'll get back to the game.
S14: Oh, I forgot about that. Nice.
S6: A nice little moment of levity.
S14: Before we get that.
S3: Fun to have a laugh in the commentary.
S14: Box.
S3: Okay, end of the game. Here we go. There is
S3: now a 200 gram deficiency or differential.
S6: Oh, yeah.
S14: Yeah, yeah.
S3: Easy.
S6: Yeah, yeah. That's left left hand side. Yeah. She's just
S6: thumbs up. No worries.
S3: Leave it to Weaver. She'll get it. I don't think
S3: it's impressive enough. Is it, Ender. Well done. You got 50.
S6: It's not impressive enough to be a special skill. But
S6: we did have some fun.
S2: Thanks for listening. The Hamish and Andy podcast will return
S2: next week. Catch up or contribute at Hamish and Andy. Com.