WEBVTT - Love Beyond The Cameras (Guests: Charity Lawson & Dotun Olubeko) 0:00:00.280 --> 0:00:03.360 It's so hard for them to choose somebody to actually 0:00:03.400 --> 0:00:04.320 beat the bachelorette. 0:00:04.360 --> 0:00:05.640 Literally, just be a bit more specific. 0:00:05.720 --> 0:00:11.040 I'm a black woman, seriously a black woman. I don't 0:00:11.080 --> 0:00:13.200 know if anyone's familiar with this show, but I was 0:00:13.240 --> 0:00:16.240 the second fully black woman to become the Bachelorette, right 0:00:16.239 --> 0:00:19.000 after Rachel Lindsay, and so that in itself was a 0:00:19.200 --> 0:00:21.799 historical moment, almost flapping up. 0:00:21.880 --> 0:00:25.439 Y'all you I actually didn't like Reality TV. I'm okay 0:00:25.440 --> 0:00:26.720 with it now having been on it. 0:00:26.840 --> 0:00:28.680 I must be imagined. 0:00:28.840 --> 0:00:30.840 I had never really watched the show. My mom did, 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:32.839 so I don't even know it ended an engagement, is 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:35.480 how little I knew about the show. But long story short, 0:00:35.720 --> 0:00:38.280 they actually ended up choosing her on that episode, and 0:00:38.360 --> 0:00:40.080 for me, that was a sign. I called my mama 0:00:40.159 --> 0:00:41.720 and I was hoping for her. It actually talked me 0:00:41.760 --> 0:00:44.320 out of it. You know, she's Nigerian. They don't play that, 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:44.720 you know. 0:00:44.840 --> 0:00:46.040 Like you know, I want you. 0:00:46.080 --> 0:00:48.960 I want you to imitate your mama. How'd you expect 0:00:49.000 --> 0:00:49.599 how to say it? 0:00:49.800 --> 0:00:53.639 You're going to do? What's now? Joe, Go get your boots, red, 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:55.400 go on Fundy, what if you need? 0:00:55.720 --> 0:01:01.400 That's essentially verbatim, how what I'm really most of my life, 0:01:01.440 --> 0:01:02.480 most of my adult life. 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:05.640 I'm curious what you all would say is a piece 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:09.080 of advice from your single season that helped you prepare 0:01:09.240 --> 0:01:10.959 for this season being engaged. 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:18.160 What started as a search for understanding became a journey 0:01:18.360 --> 0:01:22.080 of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:22.640 this day. 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:24.399 The day I. 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:28.120 Got married November the twenty second, twenty twenty five. 0:01:28.800 --> 0:01:34.360 Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how 0:01:34.400 --> 0:01:38.840 long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber 0:01:38.880 --> 0:01:40.920 of my soul at the very thought of you. 0:01:42.360 --> 0:01:45.959 This journey has culminated with you as both the award 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:49.400 and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:53.320 the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition 0:01:53.400 --> 0:01:56.080 of growth, healing, and becoming the man I needed to be. 0:01:56.920 --> 0:02:01.720 And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance, 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:06.720 the gift promised to those who refuse to faint. 0:02:07.160 --> 0:02:11.440 This isn't just our story, this is for all of us. 0:02:11.840 --> 0:02:13.320 I'm a Terrasaur Whitfield. 0:02:13.680 --> 0:02:14.720 I'm Ashley R. 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:15.360 Whitfield. 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:23.040 Welcome to the podcast. Dude's gotta be tall like this? 0:02:23.040 --> 0:02:26.480 This is so disrespectful, just disrespectful. 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:30.600 Good Lord, what did they what y'all got on? Y'all 0:02:30.600 --> 0:02:31.520 water in New York? 0:02:32.760 --> 0:02:39.960 Jesus Man, Thank y'all so much for coming on a 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:41.080 Dear Future Wife of podcast. 0:02:41.080 --> 0:02:43.520 How y'all feeling I'm feeling good? 0:02:43.320 --> 0:02:43.480 Good? 0:02:43.560 --> 0:02:44.160 Feeling good? 0:02:44.360 --> 0:02:49.440 Yes, So y'all went a very unconventional way to find love. 0:02:51.600 --> 0:02:54.359 What made you decide to go on the Bachelorette? 0:02:54.480 --> 0:03:00.000 Charity Well backstory. I was originally a contestant on The Bachelor, 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:03.359 So my story kind of started a year before being 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:07.799 coming Bachelorette, and I did not seek this out at all. 0:03:08.040 --> 0:03:11.359 My best friend at the time she nominated me put 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:14.720 in an application. I did not know that she was 0:03:14.760 --> 0:03:17.040 doing this. It was one of those things that she 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.280 just casually joked about with me and I was like, okay. 0:03:19.320 --> 0:03:21.680 I brushed it off. I was like, this isn't happening. 0:03:22.560 --> 0:03:25.959 And about four months later I was in the middle 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:27.840 of grad school with all of this happening. And so 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:31.840 four months later, I just finished grad school, working getting 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:33.720 ready to move. I get a call from a producer 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.640 and I'm like, who is this? I don't know this number, 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:39.960 and they're wondering if I'm so single if I'm available 0:03:40.040 --> 0:03:42.520 for the Bachelor, and at the time I was, it 0:03:42.520 --> 0:03:44.119 was an immediate no. I was like, I'm not doing 0:03:44.160 --> 0:03:47.520 this and kind of sad on it because the casting 0:03:47.560 --> 0:03:50.880 process is pretty lengthy. It takes about three three to 0:03:50.960 --> 0:03:53.520 six months depending on you know, when they contact you, 0:03:53.880 --> 0:03:57.440 and the whole time I was like, is this an 0:03:57.480 --> 0:04:01.040 opportunity for me? Is this the that I'm supposed to 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:04.840 be taking to maybe potentially find my husband? I don't know, 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:07.800 So I really had to like kind of seek in 0:04:08.080 --> 0:04:10.800 and pray. Obviously, like my parents were like, you know, 0:04:10.960 --> 0:04:14.120 lots of questions, lots of raised eyebrows of like, okay, 0:04:14.280 --> 0:04:16.200 it's like the route that you want to take, but 0:04:16.240 --> 0:04:19.160 they were never also like they didn't they didn't full 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:23.240 stop me. So I think in that season leading up, 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:26.040 I just was very trying to be as intentional as 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:29.159 I could with myself about how to prepare myself for 0:04:29.400 --> 0:04:31.920 like what this could be and what potentially could come 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:34.640 from it. And you know, I got the call that 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:36.960 I was selected, So I went through the whole Bachelor 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:40.120 experience and that was obviously did not work out. Praise 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:45.440 the Lord, and and I became the Bachelorette, which that 0:04:46.080 --> 0:04:50.320 was very another experience that was shocking for me. 0:04:50.720 --> 0:04:54.200 That's a god moment because I'm it's so hard for 0:04:54.240 --> 0:04:57.080 them to choose somebody to actually be the bachelorette. So 0:04:57.120 --> 0:05:01.160 I want you to testify about how did that And. 0:05:01.240 --> 0:05:05.320 You said it so hard for them to choose who 0:05:05.560 --> 0:05:08.880 was going to be the bachelorette, but also. 0:05:08.480 --> 0:05:09.880 More specifically black woman. 0:05:10.240 --> 0:05:12.080 I was getting there. I was about to get there 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:16.080 literally a black woman. So I don't know if anyone's 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:19.800 familiar with this show, but I was the second mono racial, 0:05:19.839 --> 0:05:22.599 so fully black woman to become the Bachelorette, right after 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:26.159 Rachel Lindsay. And so that in itself was I mean 0:05:26.520 --> 0:05:34.400 a historical moment almost. And yeah, that that process leading up, 0:05:34.440 --> 0:05:36.040 I think there was a lot of things that I 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:41.720 was experiencing why probably discounted my role in this of like, oh, 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:45.080 it could be me. I definitely went through it and 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:49.280 obviously giving historical context to the show and knowing like, Okay, 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:53.559 it's been all of this for you know, twenty something years. 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:55.760 It's not going to be me. They're just going through 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:57.479 the motions. And so I went through all of like 0:05:57.520 --> 0:06:00.680 the interview process, right after I got off the Bachelor, 0:06:01.560 --> 0:06:03.000 doing what I need to do. But I was like, 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.160 you know, it's not me. I'm just going to hang 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:08.239 this up. This was a fun opportunity, fun experience. Cool. 0:06:08.880 --> 0:06:13.360 And I got told at our reunion, which is I'll 0:06:13.440 --> 0:06:15.800 let you share your story in a second. But I 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:17.719 got told at our reunion that I was going to 0:06:17.720 --> 0:06:21.640 be the Bachelorette, and that moment really did. I mean, 0:06:21.680 --> 0:06:24.159 it rattled something inside of me. I was like, wow, 0:06:24.279 --> 0:06:27.760 like it was so much bigger than just my journey 0:06:27.920 --> 0:06:32.080 true of finding my future husband. But it was a 0:06:32.120 --> 0:06:34.600 moment for me to represent for black women. It was 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:38.240 a moment for there to be just black women to see, Okay, 0:06:38.360 --> 0:06:41.159 she's a lead of a show, Like there's desirability there. 0:06:41.200 --> 0:06:44.240 Like the way that it just it came to be was, 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:46.400 like you said, it was so much bigger than myself. 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:49.119 And I really had to just really take a pause 0:06:49.160 --> 0:06:51.600 and just give things to God because I was like, oh, wow, 0:06:51.720 --> 0:06:54.839 like this this came to me, It came to me 0:06:54.920 --> 0:06:57.120 of all people, so yeah. 0:06:57.360 --> 0:07:00.600 Yeah, amen, yeah, so don't it made you to go 0:07:01.240 --> 0:07:02.880 on the Bachelorette to find love? 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:07.360 So similar kind of crazy. I'm actually, as she were 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:09.520 asking that. I realized I have a few records on 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:12.600 the Bachelorette, besides being the first to get two back 0:07:12.640 --> 0:07:16.280 to back dates thanks to this one, and being the 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.800 tallest contest, that I actually was also the shortest cast. 0:07:18.800 --> 0:07:22.520 So I was two weeks out from filming, so sort 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:23.800 of a long story we don't have time to get into, 0:07:23.840 --> 0:07:26.560 but essentially someone dropped out already had the cast all set, 0:07:27.200 --> 0:07:29.600 and it was a domino effect of something happening in 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:31.680 La from them dropping out, and I'm in New York. 0:07:31.760 --> 0:07:34.520 My roommate ended up at the time being. 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:36.920 Able to have the opportunity to essentially put throw my 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.080 hat in the in the in the drawing to fill 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:41.520 that last spot, and I thought he was kidding. It 0:07:41.560 --> 0:07:43.520 was I remember, like yesterday, it was two o'clock in 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.720 the afternoon, just working, working from home, and then he 0:07:45.800 --> 0:07:47.160 was like, send me some pictures and I was like, 0:07:47.160 --> 0:07:49.360 what's this for? Like I ain't about that, you know, like, hey, 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:49.960 what's this? 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:53.040 Where is this going? And then an hour later I had. 0:07:52.960 --> 0:07:55.960 The casting agent hit me up and went through the interview. 0:07:56.000 --> 0:07:57.760 She loved me, and so I spent the next two 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:02.920 weeks doing essentially sick month's worth of the casting process, 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:06.200 thousands of questions, says six months, six months. Yeah, so 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.720 most people are six months out, nine months, even up 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:10.960 to a year before they actually end up on the show. 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:15.160 So that two weeks was very rough, but made it work. 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:17.080 And there was all these little moments that because I 0:08:17.240 --> 0:08:19.880 actually didn't like reality TV, I'm okay with it now 0:08:19.960 --> 0:08:24.360 having been on it, but I must be imagined. But 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:26.000 at the time I was, I was like, Oh, it's 0:08:26.000 --> 0:08:27.480 the worst. It's not good for you, and it's not 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:29.200 something that would ever want to do. I'm not someone 0:08:29.200 --> 0:08:32.720 who loves attention like that. I've gotten to my whole 0:08:32.720 --> 0:08:35.040 life being this height. So I was cool just being 0:08:35.040 --> 0:08:36.880 in the background. But there's all these little signs that 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.360 kept happening that was like, hey you should maybe you 0:08:39.360 --> 0:08:41.520 don't close that door, like like your wife might be there. 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:44.160 And I think the two final straws for me was 0:08:44.480 --> 0:08:47.360 this was about like forty eight hours before Flights. They 0:08:47.360 --> 0:08:49.800 had just offered me the role, like you got it, 0:08:49.840 --> 0:08:53.040 if you want it, please sign it. And and I 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:54.760 remember I didn't. 0:08:54.520 --> 0:08:57.599 Want to be like a token black. 0:08:57.320 --> 0:08:59.439 Person on that show, because that's what happens a lot. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:00.280 They'll bring a. 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:02.000 Black person on that show and they'll make it to 0:09:02.000 --> 0:09:04.280 top five just for optics, and then they get booted. 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:06.720 You can tell the woman had no intention of being 0:09:06.720 --> 0:09:09.440 with that person. And so they were like, we're gonna 0:09:09.600 --> 0:09:13.520 cat We're gonna announce the bachelorette on the what was 0:09:13.520 --> 0:09:17.480 it again? The Reunions, the reunion special, the Woman's Tell episode, 0:09:17.640 --> 0:09:19.439 and so I remember seeing all the ladies. 0:09:19.240 --> 0:09:20.840 Up there, I'm like, okay, wait, I had it on 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:21.480 mute too. 0:09:21.320 --> 0:09:23.560 Because I wasn't gonna hear all that, like I was. 0:09:23.840 --> 0:09:25.880 I just wanted to see who the heck the Bachelorette 0:09:25.960 --> 0:09:26.400 was gonna be. 0:09:26.880 --> 0:09:28.400 And then I saw it. 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:30.079 They were all beautiful, but none was doing it, and 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:31.640 I was like, see, I can't go on this show. 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:33.839 But then they would paning this one every once in 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.319 a while, and I was like now. I genuinely thought 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:37.880 in my head, I was like, now, if they picked her, 0:09:38.400 --> 0:09:40.080 like I might actually do the show. But I was 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:41.720 just saying that as a joke. It was just comments 0:09:41.720 --> 0:09:43.160 here in my head. I didn't even know that's how 0:09:43.200 --> 0:09:44.959 the process that they actually picked one from the show. 0:09:44.960 --> 0:09:47.400 I had no idea. I had never really watched the show. 0:09:47.480 --> 0:09:49.079 My mom did so I didn't even know what it 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:51.840 ended an engagement is how little I knew about the show. 0:09:51.920 --> 0:09:55.120 But long story short, they actually ended up choosing her 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:56.880 on that episode, and for me. 0:09:56.920 --> 0:09:58.280 That was a sign. I called my mama. 0:09:58.800 --> 0:10:01.240 I said, Mom, it's been crazy two weeks. I didn't 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:03.800 tell her anything about it because it's happened so fast. Said, 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:06.440 here's what's been going on. And I was hoping for 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:08.200 her to actually talk me out of it, because like 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:10.679 my mom, you know, she's Nigerian. They don't play that, 0:10:10.800 --> 0:10:11.079 you know. 0:10:11.200 --> 0:10:13.439 Like, Yo, I want you, I want you to imitate 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:16.120 your mama. How did you expect how to say it? 0:10:17.600 --> 0:10:20.719 You're going to do? What now? Joe gonna get your 0:10:20.760 --> 0:10:22.520 boots ready? Go on? Funny wife? 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:28.320 Any touch that's essentially verbatim, how what I've heard really 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.600 most of my life, most of my adult live. But 0:10:31.640 --> 0:10:35.120 my mom actually had a very sentimental and like century 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.800 moment and she was like, you know what, Son, sometimes 0:10:37.800 --> 0:10:40.120 like I've just found you in these positions and you 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:42.160 thrive and sometimes it's meant for you, so go for it. 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:44.520 So that was really what made me say, you know, well, 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:45.880 let me take that risk. 0:10:47.400 --> 0:10:50.719 So what were you doing before the show, Like how 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.559 were you dating, because we don't always see a lot 0:10:53.600 --> 0:10:57.280 of black men as open to finding love on camera 0:10:57.320 --> 0:11:01.080 on reality TV, like what would what was your dating 0:11:01.200 --> 0:11:04.120 journey like that led you to say, Okay, I'm going 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:05.280 to give this a try. 0:11:05.600 --> 0:11:08.760 You know, I actually was at this stage. 0:11:08.760 --> 0:11:11.680 But right before I met Charity, I was dating very intentionally. 0:11:12.000 --> 0:11:14.840 I'm thirty years old, I've done it all, and I 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:17.079 was generally looking for a wife and New York is 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:18.520 actually not a bad place to do it because there 0:11:18.559 --> 0:11:20.760 are so many different people, a lot of open minded people. 0:11:20.840 --> 0:11:25.360 So but my thing was I wanted to not hurt 0:11:25.360 --> 0:11:27.959 anybody anymore, like that is the most important thing. 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:29.160 After my first two. 0:11:29.760 --> 0:11:33.760 Relationships, I learned that and I do not want that feeling. 0:11:33.800 --> 0:11:36.440 And there's enough pain in this world already. So I 0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:39.520 was dating very intentionally, very honestly, and if it didn't 0:11:39.520 --> 0:11:41.040 work out, I would tell them here, here's the deal, 0:11:41.080 --> 0:11:42.560 like it's probably not going to work out, or if 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:43.800 I want to see them, I would let them know, 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:49.040 so zero games. But honestly, I did that in like 0:11:49.080 --> 0:11:51.520 two years, and I started getting down was like, damn, 0:11:51.559 --> 0:11:54.040 I really gonna find somebody, like, you know, because it's 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:56.200 tough like, you put so much effort into it. I'm 0:11:56.200 --> 0:11:58.960 not dating, you know, with my brain turned off. I'm 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:00.400 really put an effort to get to know these people. 0:12:00.400 --> 0:12:02.040 See if it would make sense, because I don't want 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:04.200 to be hurt and I don't want to hurt anybody else. 0:12:04.600 --> 0:12:07.360 And so yeah, luck would have it that again, that 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:10.120 whole TV experience happened, So. 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:11.920 Yeah, I hopefully that answers it. But I was just 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:12.640 dating very. 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:15.760 Intentionally and then really picking doing the online stuff, but 0:12:16.080 --> 0:12:18.800 some people in person too. I didn't really close any 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:21.280 doors there because Lord knows we all. 0:12:21.080 --> 0:12:22.360 Need all the help and get truly. 0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:27.240 There was a moment on the show asking I we 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:30.880 watched someone put every scene that y'all were in and 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:33.880 made like an hour and twenty minute video, And so 0:12:34.000 --> 0:12:36.640 last week I just watched the whole thing and I 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:39.079 was like, let's see their story. And so of course 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:40.720 I fell in love with y'all. Didn't get a chance 0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:43.040 to see her dating nobody else. And I heard them 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:44.840 mention one guy, and I was like, who's this guy? 0:12:44.960 --> 0:12:46.240 So I would to go look at that, like you 0:12:46.280 --> 0:12:49.120 better not try to take my minute, Like I already 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:51.320 know the whole story had took place, but I was like, 0:12:51.440 --> 0:12:53.600 I know they better not had liked him, and so 0:12:54.480 --> 0:12:56.880 I went and start getting my feelings involved, and I 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:58.840 was like, I forgot the years past. 0:12:59.080 --> 0:12:59.880 They already worked out. 0:13:00.320 --> 0:13:04.520 But it was a moment in there that that touched 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:07.560 my heart because I had the same moment with Ashley. 0:13:08.160 --> 0:13:12.640 And I told Ashley last year that if she's not 0:13:12.800 --> 0:13:14.720 my wife, I don't know who my wife is. 0:13:16.000 --> 0:13:18.199 I just don't know who. I don't know who she is. 0:13:18.880 --> 0:13:22.920 You had that moment where she was in this decision 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:25.360 where she had to choose you in another guy, and 0:13:25.960 --> 0:13:29.640 you felt that same feeling. Speak from a man's heart 0:13:29.720 --> 0:13:32.680 and tell me what were you feeling in that moment, 0:13:32.840 --> 0:13:34.520 and just share your heart. 0:13:35.520 --> 0:13:39.200 That last final Rose, that's what they call it. From 0:13:39.240 --> 0:13:41.800 this last two people, you called the final Rose. It's 0:13:41.840 --> 0:13:44.520 got to be some of the most intense moments and 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:48.320 hours leading up to it because you've I've spent my 0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:50.720 time truly falling for this person. 0:13:51.920 --> 0:13:53.319 Literally because you'all went Scott. 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:59.520 Literally yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. 0:14:01.960 --> 0:14:02.400 I don't know. 0:14:02.480 --> 0:14:04.880 One of our days we went Bundy jumping off the 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:08.480 highest bunge jump in North America is crazy, and we 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:09.120 did it twice. 0:14:09.840 --> 0:14:11.640 But that was actually a really good bonding moment. And 0:14:11.679 --> 0:14:12.480 like one of. 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.240 The great reflections I had was that date, you know, 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:16.600 in the moments where she was about to make her 0:14:16.640 --> 0:14:18.840 decision and I'm just thinking about how much I connected 0:14:18.880 --> 0:14:21.160 with her, and it became very heavy, and it was 0:14:21.840 --> 0:14:24.720 it was always very serious. But man, just knowing that 0:14:24.760 --> 0:14:27.200 I might lose this person and you might lose this 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:31.880 connection that feels so divine. It's a really tough pill 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:33.960 to swallow. But I was very humble in the way 0:14:33.960 --> 0:14:36.480 I approached it. I let her know that I again, 0:14:36.520 --> 0:14:38.800 I don't want to hurt nobody, so you can choose 0:14:38.840 --> 0:14:41.480 whoever is best for you. I let that be known 0:14:41.480 --> 0:14:44.000 to her, and if it's mine, then she will come 0:14:44.000 --> 0:14:47.120 to me. And that's what happened. And so once I 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:49.200 got that, you know, even her, she was trying to 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:51.200 give me some signs at the final rows because she 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:53.360 can't say who it is. So I'm standing there and 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:55.360 I'm nervous, and she's like, she's give me a little 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:57.840 signs like it's gonna be okay, Like don't worry, she's smiling. 0:14:58.200 --> 0:15:00.000 She wouldn't do none those things. She's gonna axtend me. 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:01.800 Is he about to turn me down. 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:04.280 That was not that I'll tell you, because you don't 0:15:04.280 --> 0:15:05.920 want to lose it. Like I didn't want to lose 0:15:05.960 --> 0:15:08.440 it that bad, because it'd be such a devastating feeling 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:09.720 to have be like, yeah, I got. 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:11.720 This in the bag, and like, you know, to lose that. 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:14.000 So I was just very humble and I know that 0:15:14.160 --> 0:15:16.600 I gave her the option to choose freely and that yeah, 0:15:16.720 --> 0:15:19.240 she chose me to be meant for me. So very heavy, intense, 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:21.280 but very worthwhile experience. 0:15:22.120 --> 0:15:26.080 And when did you know? I mean that question, I'm like, 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.840 I feel like it changes, but it doesn't, because there 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:31.120 was a moment that was so clear on our season 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:33.960 that was like, wow, that's when the tide really turned. 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:37.080 And if you did watch our season. If not, it's okay, 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.640 I'll give context, but I want to say it was 0:15:39.680 --> 0:15:43.680 our maybe like our third like one on one moment together. 0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:47.920 We were in Oceanside, California, and I brought him up 0:15:48.160 --> 0:15:50.040 so that he could have just kind of the safe 0:15:50.040 --> 0:15:54.200 space to like have more depth, vulnerable conversations. And I 0:15:54.280 --> 0:15:57.360 knew that that was something that he would value and 0:15:58.360 --> 0:16:00.680 probably needed, and so I was like, let me do 0:16:00.720 --> 0:16:03.000 that for him. And I think he paid so much 0:16:03.000 --> 0:16:05.320 attention to that, and again, like I said, value that. 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:10.120 But when we were having that conversation, it was an 0:16:10.120 --> 0:16:12.920 emotional conversation, which I was not expecting. I was like, Okay, 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:14.680 we're just going to have this like cute little talk 0:16:14.760 --> 0:16:19.800 and then all go on about our night, but okay, please, 0:16:21.760 --> 0:16:26.160 But basically he started talking about how he was so 0:16:26.280 --> 0:16:31.160 observant of my role as bachelorette, and not as bachelorette, 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:34.520 but like really who I was, like who Charity was, 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:39.640 and without giving all of my therapy notes. That was 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:42.040 so profound for me because I don't, like, I don't 0:16:42.040 --> 0:16:45.200 think anybody in my life really had been able to 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:48.400 recall in that moment or just recall ever back to 0:16:48.480 --> 0:16:52.720 me things that they observed about my personality and my 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:55.360 character and what they saw and how they loved it. 0:16:55.560 --> 0:16:58.560 And so it was really just like almost an hour 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:01.680 long conversation of him just wearing his heart and I 0:17:01.720 --> 0:17:03.840 really couldn't get much words out because I was just 0:17:03.880 --> 0:17:06.000 brought to tears. But it was such a moment that 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:08.560 even the camera crew they had to be like, what's 0:17:08.640 --> 0:17:10.919 going on because the whole room was just filled with 0:17:10.960 --> 0:17:13.760 so much love like you could just sense it, and 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:16.480 I mean, yeah. 0:17:16.520 --> 0:17:20.240 Paying attention to the moment's off camera, like yeah, yeah, 0:17:20.560 --> 0:17:22.240 you know, because it's so easy to just watch, Okay, 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:25.440 some camera and she's but I was paying very close 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:28.119 attention to who she was when the cameras weren't rolling, 0:17:28.480 --> 0:17:30.399 and I was just in awe and I was just 0:17:30.400 --> 0:17:31.080 truly amazing. 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:32.560 Yeah there's someone special there. 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:36.560 Yeah. So when he thinks you yeah, so when he 0:17:36.880 --> 0:17:38.840 when we had that moment, I was like, okay, like 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:43.040 I'm locked in. Let me let me do the same back. 0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:47.240 And honestly, the show could go either way, like it could, 0:17:47.520 --> 0:17:50.200 I mean, the next day it could be like very 0:17:50.240 --> 0:17:53.920 clear he's not it. But it just progressively blossomed and 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.280 like I mean, I didn't have to do anything extra. 0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:58.879 It was just so present and I was like, wow, 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:02.359 like it's here, Like I just have to like dive in, 0:18:02.520 --> 0:18:04.800 take it for what it is face value. And I 0:18:04.840 --> 0:18:08.359 did exactly that. I was a very intentional bachelorette. A 0:18:08.359 --> 0:18:10.600 lot of them will not say this, but I journaled. 0:18:11.080 --> 0:18:14.600 I wrote down almost like key points from every single conversations. 0:18:14.640 --> 0:18:16.879 I would like pray over that every night because I 0:18:16.920 --> 0:18:18.680 don't have I can't talk to my parents. I can't 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:21.280 talk to my mom. Like my mom would know everything 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:23.679 about this process, I could not talk to her, and 0:18:23.760 --> 0:18:26.520 so that was really hard, and I had to rely 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:29.160 just solely on myself and what I knew about myself 0:18:29.200 --> 0:18:32.800 and my experiences. And that's challenging. It's really challenging if 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:35.040 you're not prepared for that. But I did as much 0:18:35.080 --> 0:18:37.399 as work as I could leading up to that moment, 0:18:37.480 --> 0:18:40.320 and so I think that's also a testament to just 0:18:40.359 --> 0:18:43.240 how I was able to really just dive in. 0:18:43.720 --> 0:18:44.840 Yeah, let me ask you this. 0:18:44.960 --> 0:18:51.920 Y'all get a lot of pushback for this. Let's give context. 0:18:52.200 --> 0:18:55.240 The show seven weeks is the seven weeks? 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:58.320