Speaker 1: It's so hard for them to choose somebody to actually
Speaker 1: beat the bachelorette.
Speaker 2: Literally, just be a bit more specific.
Speaker 3: I'm a black woman, seriously a black woman. I don't
Speaker 3: know if anyone's familiar with this show, but I was
Speaker 3: the second fully black woman to become the Bachelorette, right
Speaker 3: after Rachel Lindsay, and so that in itself was a
Speaker 3: historical moment, almost flapping up.
Speaker 4: Y'all you I actually didn't like Reality TV. I'm okay
Speaker 4: with it now having been on it.
Speaker 2: I must be imagined.
Speaker 4: I had never really watched the show. My mom did,
Speaker 4: so I don't even know it ended an engagement, is
Speaker 4: how little I knew about the show. But long story short,
Speaker 4: they actually ended up choosing her on that episode, and
Speaker 4: for me, that was a sign. I called my mama
Speaker 4: and I was hoping for her. It actually talked me
Speaker 4: out of it. You know, she's Nigerian. They don't play that,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 2: Like you know, I want you.
Speaker 1: I want you to imitate your mama. How'd you expect
Speaker 1: how to say it?
Speaker 2: You're going to do? What's now? Joe, Go get your boots, red,
Speaker 2: go on Fundy, what if you need?
Speaker 4: That's essentially verbatim, how what I'm really most of my life,
Speaker 4: most of my adult life.
Speaker 5: I'm curious what you all would say is a piece
Speaker 5: of advice from your single season that helped you prepare
Speaker 5: for this season being engaged.
Speaker 1: What started as a search for understanding became a journey
Speaker 1: of transformation. Every letter that I wrote led me to
Speaker 1: this day.
Speaker 2: The day I.
Speaker 1: Got married November the twenty second, twenty twenty five.
Speaker 6: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how
Speaker 6: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber
Speaker 6: of my soul at the very thought of you.
Speaker 1: This journey has culminated with you as both the award
Speaker 1: and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are
Speaker 1: the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition
Speaker 1: of growth, healing, and becoming the man I needed to be.
Speaker 6: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,
Speaker 6: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.
Speaker 1: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.
Speaker 1: I'm a Terrasaur Whitfield.
Speaker 6: I'm Ashley R.
Speaker 3: Whitfield.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the podcast. Dude's gotta be tall like this?
Speaker 1: This is so disrespectful, just disrespectful.
Speaker 2: Good Lord, what did they what y'all got on? Y'all
Speaker 2: water in New York?
Speaker 1: Jesus Man, Thank y'all so much for coming on a
Speaker 1: Dear Future Wife of podcast.
Speaker 3: How y'all feeling I'm feeling good?
Speaker 4: Good?
Speaker 2: Feeling good?
Speaker 1: Yes, So y'all went a very unconventional way to find love.
Speaker 1: What made you decide to go on the Bachelorette?
Speaker 3: Charity Well backstory. I was originally a contestant on The Bachelor,
Speaker 3: So my story kind of started a year before being
Speaker 3: coming Bachelorette, and I did not seek this out at all.
Speaker 3: My best friend at the time she nominated me put
Speaker 3: in an application. I did not know that she was
Speaker 3: doing this. It was one of those things that she
Speaker 3: just casually joked about with me and I was like, okay.
Speaker 3: I brushed it off. I was like, this isn't happening.
Speaker 3: And about four months later I was in the middle
Speaker 3: of grad school with all of this happening. And so
Speaker 3: four months later, I just finished grad school, working getting
Speaker 3: ready to move. I get a call from a producer
Speaker 3: and I'm like, who is this? I don't know this number,
Speaker 3: and they're wondering if I'm so single if I'm available
Speaker 3: for the Bachelor, and at the time I was, it
Speaker 3: was an immediate no. I was like, I'm not doing
Speaker 3: this and kind of sad on it because the casting
Speaker 3: process is pretty lengthy. It takes about three three to
Speaker 3: six months depending on you know, when they contact you,
Speaker 3: and the whole time I was like, is this an
Speaker 3: opportunity for me? Is this the that I'm supposed to
Speaker 3: be taking to maybe potentially find my husband? I don't know,
Speaker 3: So I really had to like kind of seek in
Speaker 3: and pray. Obviously, like my parents were like, you know,
Speaker 3: lots of questions, lots of raised eyebrows of like, okay,
Speaker 3: it's like the route that you want to take, but
Speaker 3: they were never also like they didn't they didn't full
Speaker 3: stop me. So I think in that season leading up,
Speaker 3: I just was very trying to be as intentional as
Speaker 3: I could with myself about how to prepare myself for
Speaker 3: like what this could be and what potentially could come
Speaker 3: from it. And you know, I got the call that
Speaker 3: I was selected, So I went through the whole Bachelor
Speaker 3: experience and that was obviously did not work out. Praise
Speaker 3: the Lord, and and I became the Bachelorette, which that
Speaker 3: was very another experience that was shocking for me.
Speaker 1: That's a god moment because I'm it's so hard for
Speaker 1: them to choose somebody to actually be the bachelorette. So
Speaker 1: I want you to testify about how did that And.
Speaker 3: You said it so hard for them to choose who
Speaker 3: was going to be the bachelorette, but also.
Speaker 2: More specifically black woman.
Speaker 3: I was getting there. I was about to get there
Speaker 3: literally a black woman. So I don't know if anyone's
Speaker 3: familiar with this show, but I was the second mono racial,
Speaker 3: so fully black woman to become the Bachelorette, right after
Speaker 3: Rachel Lindsay. And so that in itself was I mean
Speaker 3: a historical moment almost. And yeah, that that process leading up,
Speaker 3: I think there was a lot of things that I
Speaker 3: was experiencing why probably discounted my role in this of like, oh,
Speaker 3: it could be me. I definitely went through it and
Speaker 3: obviously giving historical context to the show and knowing like, Okay,
Speaker 3: it's been all of this for you know, twenty something years.
Speaker 3: It's not going to be me. They're just going through
Speaker 3: the motions. And so I went through all of like
Speaker 3: the interview process, right after I got off the Bachelor,
Speaker 3: doing what I need to do. But I was like,
Speaker 3: you know, it's not me. I'm just going to hang
Speaker 3: this up. This was a fun opportunity, fun experience. Cool.
Speaker 3: And I got told at our reunion, which is I'll
Speaker 3: let you share your story in a second. But I
Speaker 3: got told at our reunion that I was going to
Speaker 3: be the Bachelorette, and that moment really did. I mean,
Speaker 3: it rattled something inside of me. I was like, wow,
Speaker 3: like it was so much bigger than just my journey
Speaker 3: true of finding my future husband. But it was a
Speaker 3: moment for me to represent for black women. It was
Speaker 3: a moment for there to be just black women to see, Okay,
Speaker 3: she's a lead of a show, Like there's desirability there.
Speaker 3: Like the way that it just it came to be was,
Speaker 3: like you said, it was so much bigger than myself.
Speaker 3: And I really had to just really take a pause
Speaker 3: and just give things to God because I was like, oh, wow,
Speaker 3: like this this came to me, It came to me
Speaker 3: of all people, so yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, amen, yeah, so don't it made you to go
Speaker 1: on the Bachelorette to find love?
Speaker 4: So similar kind of crazy. I'm actually, as she were
Speaker 4: asking that. I realized I have a few records on
Speaker 4: the Bachelorette, besides being the first to get two back
Speaker 4: to back dates thanks to this one, and being the
Speaker 4: tallest contest, that I actually was also the shortest cast.
Speaker 4: So I was two weeks out from filming, so sort
Speaker 4: of a long story we don't have time to get into,
Speaker 4: but essentially someone dropped out already had the cast all set,
Speaker 4: and it was a domino effect of something happening in
Speaker 4: La from them dropping out, and I'm in New York.
Speaker 2: My roommate ended up at the time being.
Speaker 4: Able to have the opportunity to essentially put throw my
Speaker 4: hat in the in the in the drawing to fill
Speaker 4: that last spot, and I thought he was kidding. It
Speaker 4: was I remember, like yesterday, it was two o'clock in
Speaker 4: the afternoon, just working, working from home, and then he
Speaker 4: was like, send me some pictures and I was like,
Speaker 4: what's this for? Like I ain't about that, you know, like, hey,
Speaker 4: what's this?
Speaker 2: Where is this going? And then an hour later I had.
Speaker 4: The casting agent hit me up and went through the interview.
Speaker 4: She loved me, and so I spent the next two
Speaker 4: weeks doing essentially sick month's worth of the casting process,
Speaker 4: thousands of questions, says six months, six months. Yeah, so
Speaker 4: most people are six months out, nine months, even up
Speaker 4: to a year before they actually end up on the show.
Speaker 4: So that two weeks was very rough, but made it work.
Speaker 4: And there was all these little moments that because I
Speaker 4: actually didn't like reality TV, I'm okay with it now
Speaker 4: having been on it, but I must be imagined. But
Speaker 4: at the time I was, I was like, Oh, it's
Speaker 4: the worst. It's not good for you, and it's not
Speaker 4: something that would ever want to do. I'm not someone
Speaker 4: who loves attention like that. I've gotten to my whole
Speaker 4: life being this height. So I was cool just being
Speaker 4: in the background. But there's all these little signs that
Speaker 4: kept happening that was like, hey you should maybe you
Speaker 4: don't close that door, like like your wife might be there.
Speaker 4: And I think the two final straws for me was
Speaker 4: this was about like forty eight hours before Flights. They
Speaker 4: had just offered me the role, like you got it,
Speaker 4: if you want it, please sign it. And and I
Speaker 4: remember I didn't.
Speaker 2: Want to be like a token black.
Speaker 4: Person on that show, because that's what happens a lot.
Speaker 2: They'll bring a.
Speaker 4: Black person on that show and they'll make it to
Speaker 4: top five just for optics, and then they get booted.
Speaker 4: You can tell the woman had no intention of being
Speaker 4: with that person. And so they were like, we're gonna
Speaker 4: cat We're gonna announce the bachelorette on the what was
Speaker 4: it again? The Reunions, the reunion special, the Woman's Tell episode,
Speaker 4: and so I remember seeing all the ladies.
Speaker 2: Up there, I'm like, okay, wait, I had it on
Speaker 2: mute too.
Speaker 4: Because I wasn't gonna hear all that, like I was.
Speaker 4: I just wanted to see who the heck the Bachelorette
Speaker 4: was gonna be.
Speaker 2: And then I saw it.
Speaker 4: They were all beautiful, but none was doing it, and
Speaker 4: I was like, see, I can't go on this show.
Speaker 4: But then they would paning this one every once in
Speaker 4: a while, and I was like now. I genuinely thought
Speaker 4: in my head, I was like, now, if they picked her,
Speaker 4: like I might actually do the show. But I was
Speaker 4: just saying that as a joke. It was just comments
Speaker 4: here in my head. I didn't even know that's how
Speaker 4: the process that they actually picked one from the show.
Speaker 4: I had no idea. I had never really watched the show.
Speaker 4: My mom did so I didn't even know what it
Speaker 4: ended an engagement is how little I knew about the show.
Speaker 4: But long story short, they actually ended up choosing her
Speaker 4: on that episode, and for me.
Speaker 2: That was a sign. I called my mama.
Speaker 4: I said, Mom, it's been crazy two weeks. I didn't
Speaker 4: tell her anything about it because it's happened so fast. Said,
Speaker 4: here's what's been going on. And I was hoping for
Speaker 4: her to actually talk me out of it, because like
Speaker 4: my mom, you know, she's Nigerian. They don't play that,
Speaker 4: you know.
Speaker 1: Like, Yo, I want you, I want you to imitate
Speaker 1: your mama. How did you expect how to say it?
Speaker 2: You're going to do? What now? Joe gonna get your
Speaker 2: boots ready? Go on? Funny wife?
Speaker 4: Any touch that's essentially verbatim, how what I've heard really
Speaker 4: most of my life, most of my adult live. But
Speaker 4: my mom actually had a very sentimental and like century
Speaker 4: moment and she was like, you know what, Son, sometimes
Speaker 4: like I've just found you in these positions and you
Speaker 4: thrive and sometimes it's meant for you, so go for it.
Speaker 4: So that was really what made me say, you know, well,
Speaker 4: let me take that risk.
Speaker 5: So what were you doing before the show, Like how
Speaker 5: were you dating, because we don't always see a lot
Speaker 5: of black men as open to finding love on camera
Speaker 5: on reality TV, like what would what was your dating
Speaker 5: journey like that led you to say, Okay, I'm going
Speaker 5: to give this a try.
Speaker 2: You know, I actually was at this stage.
Speaker 4: But right before I met Charity, I was dating very intentionally.
Speaker 4: I'm thirty years old, I've done it all, and I
Speaker 4: was generally looking for a wife and New York is
Speaker 4: actually not a bad place to do it because there
Speaker 4: are so many different people, a lot of open minded people.
Speaker 4: So but my thing was I wanted to not hurt
Speaker 4: anybody anymore, like that is the most important thing.
Speaker 2: After my first two.
Speaker 4: Relationships, I learned that and I do not want that feeling.
Speaker 4: And there's enough pain in this world already. So I
Speaker 4: was dating very intentionally, very honestly, and if it didn't
Speaker 4: work out, I would tell them here, here's the deal,
Speaker 4: like it's probably not going to work out, or if
Speaker 4: I want to see them, I would let them know,
Speaker 4: so zero games. But honestly, I did that in like
Speaker 4: two years, and I started getting down was like, damn,
Speaker 4: I really gonna find somebody, like, you know, because it's
Speaker 4: tough like, you put so much effort into it. I'm
Speaker 4: not dating, you know, with my brain turned off. I'm
Speaker 4: really put an effort to get to know these people.
Speaker 4: See if it would make sense, because I don't want
Speaker 4: to be hurt and I don't want to hurt anybody else.
Speaker 4: And so yeah, luck would have it that again, that
Speaker 4: whole TV experience happened, So.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hopefully that answers it. But I was just
Speaker 2: dating very.
Speaker 4: Intentionally and then really picking doing the online stuff, but
Speaker 4: some people in person too. I didn't really close any
Speaker 4: doors there because Lord knows we all.
Speaker 2: Need all the help and get truly.
Speaker 1: There was a moment on the show asking I we
Speaker 1: watched someone put every scene that y'all were in and
Speaker 1: made like an hour and twenty minute video, And so
Speaker 1: last week I just watched the whole thing and I
Speaker 1: was like, let's see their story. And so of course
Speaker 1: I fell in love with y'all. Didn't get a chance
Speaker 1: to see her dating nobody else. And I heard them
Speaker 1: mention one guy, and I was like, who's this guy?
Speaker 1: So I would to go look at that, like you
Speaker 1: better not try to take my minute, Like I already
Speaker 1: know the whole story had took place, but I was like,
Speaker 1: I know they better not had liked him, and so
Speaker 1: I went and start getting my feelings involved, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I forgot the years past.
Speaker 2: They already worked out.
Speaker 1: But it was a moment in there that that touched
Speaker 1: my heart because I had the same moment with Ashley.
Speaker 1: And I told Ashley last year that if she's not
Speaker 1: my wife, I don't know who my wife is.
Speaker 2: I just don't know who. I don't know who she is.
Speaker 1: You had that moment where she was in this decision
Speaker 1: where she had to choose you in another guy, and
Speaker 1: you felt that same feeling. Speak from a man's heart
Speaker 1: and tell me what were you feeling in that moment,
Speaker 1: and just share your heart.
Speaker 4: That last final Rose, that's what they call it. From
Speaker 4: this last two people, you called the final Rose. It's
Speaker 4: got to be some of the most intense moments and
Speaker 4: hours leading up to it because you've I've spent my
Speaker 4: time truly falling for this person.
Speaker 2: Literally because you'all went Scott.
Speaker 4: Literally yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: One of our days we went Bundy jumping off the
Speaker 4: highest bunge jump in North America is crazy, and we
Speaker 4: did it twice.
Speaker 2: But that was actually a really good bonding moment. And
Speaker 2: like one of.
Speaker 4: The great reflections I had was that date, you know,
Speaker 4: in the moments where she was about to make her
Speaker 4: decision and I'm just thinking about how much I connected
Speaker 4: with her, and it became very heavy, and it was
Speaker 4: it was always very serious. But man, just knowing that
Speaker 4: I might lose this person and you might lose this
Speaker 4: connection that feels so divine. It's a really tough pill
Speaker 4: to swallow. But I was very humble in the way
Speaker 4: I approached it. I let her know that I again,
Speaker 4: I don't want to hurt nobody, so you can choose
Speaker 4: whoever is best for you. I let that be known
Speaker 4: to her, and if it's mine, then she will come
Speaker 4: to me. And that's what happened. And so once I
Speaker 4: got that, you know, even her, she was trying to
Speaker 4: give me some signs at the final rows because she
Speaker 4: can't say who it is. So I'm standing there and
Speaker 4: I'm nervous, and she's like, she's give me a little
Speaker 4: signs like it's gonna be okay, Like don't worry, she's smiling.
Speaker 2: She wouldn't do none those things. She's gonna axtend me.
Speaker 3: Is he about to turn me down.
Speaker 4: That was not that I'll tell you, because you don't
Speaker 4: want to lose it. Like I didn't want to lose
Speaker 4: it that bad, because it'd be such a devastating feeling
Speaker 4: to have be like, yeah, I got.
Speaker 2: This in the bag, and like, you know, to lose that.
Speaker 4: So I was just very humble and I know that
Speaker 4: I gave her the option to choose freely and that yeah,
Speaker 4: she chose me to be meant for me. So very heavy, intense,
Speaker 4: but very worthwhile experience.
Speaker 3: And when did you know? I mean that question, I'm like,
Speaker 3: I feel like it changes, but it doesn't, because there
Speaker 3: was a moment that was so clear on our season
Speaker 3: that was like, wow, that's when the tide really turned.
Speaker 3: And if you did watch our season. If not, it's okay,
Speaker 3: I'll give context, but I want to say it was
Speaker 3: our maybe like our third like one on one moment together.
Speaker 3: We were in Oceanside, California, and I brought him up
Speaker 3: so that he could have just kind of the safe
Speaker 3: space to like have more depth, vulnerable conversations. And I
Speaker 3: knew that that was something that he would value and
Speaker 3: probably needed, and so I was like, let me do
Speaker 3: that for him. And I think he paid so much
Speaker 3: attention to that, and again, like I said, value that.
Speaker 3: But when we were having that conversation, it was an
Speaker 3: emotional conversation, which I was not expecting. I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: we're just going to have this like cute little talk
Speaker 3: and then all go on about our night, but okay, please,
Speaker 3: But basically he started talking about how he was so
Speaker 3: observant of my role as bachelorette, and not as bachelorette,
Speaker 3: but like really who I was, like who Charity was,
Speaker 3: and without giving all of my therapy notes. That was
Speaker 3: so profound for me because I don't, like, I don't
Speaker 3: think anybody in my life really had been able to
Speaker 3: recall in that moment or just recall ever back to
Speaker 3: me things that they observed about my personality and my
Speaker 3: character and what they saw and how they loved it.
Speaker 3: And so it was really just like almost an hour
Speaker 3: long conversation of him just wearing his heart and I
Speaker 3: really couldn't get much words out because I was just
Speaker 3: brought to tears. But it was such a moment that
Speaker 3: even the camera crew they had to be like, what's
Speaker 3: going on because the whole room was just filled with
Speaker 3: so much love like you could just sense it, and
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah.
Speaker 4: Paying attention to the moment's off camera, like yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: you know, because it's so easy to just watch, Okay,
Speaker 4: some camera and she's but I was paying very close
Speaker 4: attention to who she was when the cameras weren't rolling,
Speaker 4: and I was just in awe and I was just
Speaker 4: truly amazing.
Speaker 2: Yeah there's someone special there.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So when he thinks you yeah, so when he
Speaker 3: when we had that moment, I was like, okay, like
Speaker 3: I'm locked in. Let me let me do the same back.
Speaker 3: And honestly, the show could go either way, like it could,
Speaker 3: I mean, the next day it could be like very
Speaker 3: clear he's not it. But it just progressively blossomed and
Speaker 3: like I mean, I didn't have to do anything extra.
Speaker 3: It was just so present and I was like, wow,
Speaker 3: like it's here, Like I just have to like dive in,
Speaker 3: take it for what it is face value. And I
Speaker 3: did exactly that. I was a very intentional bachelorette. A
Speaker 3: lot of them will not say this, but I journaled.
Speaker 3: I wrote down almost like key points from every single conversations.
Speaker 3: I would like pray over that every night because I
Speaker 3: don't have I can't talk to my parents. I can't
Speaker 3: talk to my mom. Like my mom would know everything
Speaker 3: about this process, I could not talk to her, and
Speaker 3: so that was really hard, and I had to rely
Speaker 3: just solely on myself and what I knew about myself
Speaker 3: and my experiences. And that's challenging. It's really challenging if
Speaker 3: you're not prepared for that. But I did as much
Speaker 3: as work as I could leading up to that moment,
Speaker 3: and so I think that's also a testament to just
Speaker 3: how I was able to really just dive in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let me ask you this.
Speaker 1: Y'all get a lot of pushback for this. Let's give context.
Speaker 1: The show seven weeks is the seven weeks?
Speaker 3: Oh so correct you, it's actually ten weeks.
Speaker 2: It's ten weeks.
Speaker 3: I had the short season as bachelorette.
Speaker 2: Normally you won't talk about that.
Speaker 1: So ten weeks. Then y'all get engaged. When did the
Speaker 1: engagement take place?
Speaker 3: The engagement is the very last day.
Speaker 2: I mean what year three? So twenty three is twenty
Speaker 2: twenty six.
Speaker 1: And then when I posted said that y'all are going
Speaker 1: to be on the podcast, it was one comment and
Speaker 1: that said, why aren't they married yet? And it was
Speaker 1: interesting because a couple of days later, you made a
Speaker 1: carousel post where you talked about the journey and a
Speaker 1: lot of people don't put contacts around it that you
Speaker 1: meet a total stranger and in seven weeks y'all get engaged.
Speaker 1: How many y'all would get engaged with somebody in seven
Speaker 1: weeks that you just met?
Speaker 4: Ain't nobody raising that? That's when darvil far Well, I
Speaker 4: love it, y'all.
Speaker 5: Let's qualify it, because seven weeks dating could be every
Speaker 5: day with that person.
Speaker 1: What about if you, yeah, seven weeks and they were
Speaker 1: dating twenty other people?
Speaker 2: There we go. Now we're getting close to the true.
Speaker 3: We'rell out another one and you spent maybe a total
Speaker 3: of forty eight hours with.
Speaker 2: Them, a total combine? Yeah, forty eight hours? How y'all
Speaker 2: do that? Probably not nobody?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 2: Correct?
Speaker 1: And so you made a post I want you to
Speaker 1: share for those that may not even know what post
Speaker 1: I'm talking about, share what you've shared that in that post?
Speaker 1: And why did you decide to share that this week?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So honestly, it's just kind of a way for
Speaker 3: me to self reflect and part of just our journey
Speaker 3: in engagement season. But essentially I made a post that
Speaker 3: kind of summed up just lessons that I've learned in
Speaker 3: this season, which basically said, we had a long engagement,
Speaker 3: here's what it taught me. And I included roughly like
Speaker 3: six or five posts. The first one was marriage is
Speaker 3: a goal, not a finish line. So to give context
Speaker 3: to that is exactly referencing why we didn't rush to
Speaker 3: just immediately get married right away. There is so much
Speaker 3: that I don't think people realize. It's like, you guys
Speaker 3: obviously see the show and it's buttoned up and it's
Speaker 3: you know, edited, so you see as much personality as
Speaker 3: you think that you see about us, but there's still
Speaker 3: so much that is missing from that. And when the
Speaker 3: cameras stopped rolling, that's really when I we like to say,
Speaker 3: when the bubble pops and when real life really begins
Speaker 3: and it is truly a journey. It is not as
Speaker 3: easy as I think people think it. It is on
Speaker 3: the outside looking in. And I say that with like,
Speaker 3: obviously we're sitting up here today and there's so much
Speaker 3: beauty in that, but it is it's challenging, and I
Speaker 3: think we came to terms and we realized that like
Speaker 3: very early on, that it's like Okay, there's so much
Speaker 3: more that we have to learn about each other and
Speaker 3: to do the work behind that, like you have to
Speaker 3: you have to put in the work, like you have
Speaker 3: to foster it. And so to us, it was never
Speaker 3: like we knew we were committed to each other, but
Speaker 3: it was not about like, Okay, let's see who can
Speaker 3: get to the to the marriage line on the fastest,
Speaker 3: like it's it's not it really is not a race.
Speaker 3: Like what we're trying to build is supposed to be
Speaker 3: beyond marriage. It's supposed to last beyond these years. It's
Speaker 3: not Okay, we don't want to be just another exclusive
Speaker 3: press like Okay, Charity and got married. It's like, no,
Speaker 3: we want to have the story to share for years
Speaker 3: to come and know that what we built and what
Speaker 3: we foster is going to be long lasting. So that
Speaker 3: was essentially the first slide, and then the next slide
Speaker 3: was to become one. I basically talked about building like
Speaker 3: healthy boundaries in engagement season, but also like obviously in marriage,
Speaker 3: so finances, communication, all those things that are just like
Speaker 3: so important that you really need to have hard boundaries
Speaker 3: and you need to talk about and they ain't gonna
Speaker 3: be nice but you got to talk about and come
Speaker 3: to a reasonable agreement on them. And then I'm trying
Speaker 3: to think, I'm blinking on what else I put.
Speaker 1: I mean, the main part was just it was just
Speaker 1: I mean, it was basically just sharing the realistic, uh journey.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Love that it doesn't have to be And I'm glad
Speaker 1: you said that. Is that people don't know that there's pressure.
Speaker 2: Behind the songs. Oftentimes I don't get merrid what'll do
Speaker 2: and what I do? You'll have to be the success story.
Speaker 1: You're like, No, I want our marriage to be a secresy,
Speaker 1: not the story to be a surred And that's that's
Speaker 1: the key.
Speaker 2: Do I have a date picked out?
Speaker 3: We do have a date, and we've been had a date.
Speaker 3: We just have not released it to the public and
Speaker 3: we're not going to. It's just something that we again
Speaker 3: want to maintain as privacy to us because it's just
Speaker 3: it's a beautiful, intimate moment and we share so much
Speaker 3: already that that's something that we just want to it's
Speaker 3: good keep to ourselves. But you guys will see the pictures.
Speaker 2: That's good. Sod.
Speaker 1: When you when you look back over this journey, you've
Speaker 1: been a person that's not wanting to be in the
Speaker 1: public eye like that. You don't you don't really care
Speaker 1: too much about that. How have you had to adjust
Speaker 1: to the lifestyle of your wife to let her show
Speaker 1: up in her full glory without dimming her light, but
Speaker 1: also give space because you're really big about mental health
Speaker 1: and all that, but to give space to your own
Speaker 1: needs so that you don't do self infliction mentally to
Speaker 1: yourself to say, I this is times I will post
Speaker 1: as the times I would do this or maybe say
Speaker 1: no to certain things.
Speaker 2: How have you found that balance?
Speaker 4: I think luckily we sort of have a natural balance
Speaker 4: in that way, and just in a way, I was
Speaker 4: sort of prepared for this in my whole life again
Speaker 4: just being tall and having the attention, you know, for
Speaker 4: a long time. I was also a last born until
Speaker 4: my little brother came along twelve years later. But like
Speaker 4: I'm used to sort of having attention naturally, so it
Speaker 4: was very good at knowing how to step back and
Speaker 4: like so, you know, Charity can be short of the
Speaker 4: opposite too, in the sense, you know, she sometimes she
Speaker 4: wants to be in the center and she likes that.
Speaker 2: That's just like you.
Speaker 4: Know, yeah, a little bit you know wrong with that,
Speaker 4: So it works out perfectly actually because she can help
Speaker 4: take some pressure off me and I'm able to allow
Speaker 4: her to shine. Yeah, that the part of that journey
Speaker 4: is also just learning your partner and learning you know,
Speaker 4: the little ins and outs of how they want to
Speaker 4: show up in these in these moments, and so that
Speaker 4: was a little bit of a learning curve too. But overall,
Speaker 4: I think it's just been a really good balance naturally.
Speaker 4: So like, I'm very grateful for that because I know
Speaker 4: a lot of times it's not the case. A lot
Speaker 4: of times both people here want to be in the
Speaker 4: front and want to be in the center of attention,
Speaker 4: and I'm sure that's a downfall of many relationships from
Speaker 4: reality TV, along with a few other things. And so yeah,
Speaker 4: just again one of those things. We're just really blessed
Speaker 4: and lucky that we sort of have that balance. But
Speaker 4: ultimately we're both also very much just down with the
Speaker 4: realness and so like when we need to really pull back,
Speaker 4: we will both pull back, and we're always on the
Speaker 4: same page in that in that regard. So yeah, in
Speaker 4: that specific sense, I think we got a little lucky.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm going to add to that to you I
Speaker 3: think early on, like immediately after this show, that was
Speaker 3: one of the first things that I think we set
Speaker 3: boundaries on, was like our relationship with like how much
Speaker 3: which we were sharing on social media, or just also
Speaker 3: our relationship with social media, and it's it's had its
Speaker 3: seasons because obviously at the end of the day, like
Speaker 3: we still have like work associated with it, so we
Speaker 3: have to show up in that capacity and that has
Speaker 3: been challenging trying to like, you know, figure out how
Speaker 3: much of that and how how little of that we're.
Speaker 4: Going to do.
Speaker 3: But I think establishing all that early on was probably
Speaker 3: the most beneficial thing that we did in our relationship,
Speaker 3: because social media can be a beast of its own,
Speaker 3: as we know, and if you don't have a healthy
Speaker 3: relationship with it, it's easy that it can take over
Speaker 3: for share.
Speaker 2: As we get ready to conclude, are you aout to
Speaker 2: say song?
Speaker 5: I was, I was just gonna say, since this is
Speaker 5: a singles event, I'm curious what you all would say,
Speaker 5: is a piece of advice from your single season that
Speaker 5: you that helped you prepare for this season?
Speaker 3: Being engaged you want to go sorry.
Speaker 4: I think the big thing is be ready and willing
Speaker 4: to take the right risks because sometimes it's worth it.
Speaker 4: We all end up just staying in our little bubble,
Speaker 4: living life day to day sort of similar, but expecting
Speaker 4: mister magic and magic to pop up in front of you.
Speaker 2: Be ready to take that risk. And that risk doesn't mean.
Speaker 4: Jumping on a TV show, obviously that's a rare opportunity.
Speaker 2: But it might mean being more vulnerable than you might be.
Speaker 4: You know, it might mean going to therapy and assessing
Speaker 4: what's going on underneath the hood and being able to
Speaker 4: share that that's what it might be, So try to
Speaker 4: find that little switch or change that might open up
Speaker 4: something better. But again, just just being mindful of Yeah,
Speaker 4: just that pretty much, Yeah, anymore, keep.
Speaker 2: It at that.
Speaker 3: I would have to say, for me, it's pretty like
Speaker 3: I feel like cliche, but it's not being okay with
Speaker 3: being single, like not rushing your journey out of that.
Speaker 3: For me, before Bachelor and Bachelorette, I did not date.
Speaker 3: I was not dating before, like for the whole entire
Speaker 3: year leading up to it, And I think it really
Speaker 3: did prepare me because my ability and how in tune
Speaker 3: I was with myself helped me on the show. It
Speaker 3: helped me, like ask certain questions. It helped me like
Speaker 3: see things that I was like, nope, I've seen this before,
Speaker 3: Like you're out of here, and I think again. Sometimes
Speaker 3: there can be a negative connotation that comes with singleness season,
Speaker 3: but I'm like, I love my singleness season and I
Speaker 3: love my engagement future wifee season, but it is okay.
Speaker 3: And putting that reminder and giving grace to yourself that
Speaker 3: there's beauty in it and in the right timing and
Speaker 3: due season is coming. I promise that it really is.
Speaker 2: And that's good. Good.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna let that be the final question that was
Speaker 1: so powerful. We're all nervous about.
Speaker 2: Doing this a little bit.
Speaker 3: Wow, I don't know, Just like always, it's the other world,
Speaker 3: it's the other side of the outside.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh well, I'll say this as we wrap up.
Speaker 1: How do y'all cover each other in that? How do
Speaker 1: y'all cover each other from the world, not allowing what
Speaker 1: other people say to affect and infact your relationship?
Speaker 2: How do you do that?
Speaker 3: I'll be very honest, It's something that I struggle the
Speaker 3: most with out of the both of us. I'm someone
Speaker 3: that's like, oh, like, because I think I know our
Speaker 3: intentions and I know our heart. I want everyone else
Speaker 3: to see that. And so when it's not shown, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 3: I need to like sometimes prove myself. But it's like, no,
Speaker 3: I don't have to do that work, Like that's not
Speaker 3: my job. And I will say Dot you can hop
Speaker 3: in here. He does a very fantastic job just keeping
Speaker 3: you know, keeping us in the straight and narrow.
Speaker 4: I try too, Yeah, yeah, I don't. I mean, I
Speaker 4: call people think, but I don't care what people think.
Speaker 4: You know what I'm saying, Like, I know, I'm a
Speaker 4: good person. And so I was very lucky to again
Speaker 4: be a little bit older going in the show and
Speaker 4: come in with that. And we had a very really
Speaker 4: good trial period. But Charity going on desk with the
Speaker 4: Stars right after the show, and that was when I
Speaker 4: really learned, we both really learned how deep this internet
Speaker 4: stuff can go, and how rude people can get in
Speaker 4: racist and the level.
Speaker 2: Of protection that we would need.
Speaker 4: And so that actually helped us and force us to
Speaker 4: have really deep conversations about what's important. So listen, I
Speaker 4: ain't afraid to pull the currents back. I'm not selling
Speaker 4: ourselves for no money or none of that. Like never,
Speaker 4: I will pull back if if that means protecting our mentals,
Speaker 4: So I try to do my best to be there
Speaker 4: and support her and also just tak care myself in
Speaker 4: the process.
Speaker 2: That's good. That's good man. Thank y'all for being transparent
Speaker 2: and vulnerable. Thank y'all.
Speaker 1: Thank y'all, because a lot of times people have PTSD
Speaker 1: when they get ready to do an interview and they'd
Speaker 1: be like, how this is going to show up and
Speaker 1: it can go all kinds of ways.
Speaker 2: Trust me.
Speaker 1: May the love you shared today outlive the season you in.
Speaker 5: May marry you through the days when words are few and.
Speaker 2: Faith has to do the talking. Y'all give it up
Speaker 2: from y'all. Thank you. Listen.
Speaker 1: Ladarian thrust it suddenly into child protective Services in twenty fifteen.
Speaker 2: My nephew, black a boy.
Speaker 1: The likelihood have been adopted outside of kinship. Slim to
Speaker 1: none Rmione, sixteen years old, black a boy with five
Speaker 1: years in the Falseter care system before I even knew
Speaker 1: his name. The likelihood have ever been adopted?
Speaker 2: Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.
Speaker 1: While Ladarian and OURMIONI were trying to survive and barely
Speaker 1: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false care system. I
Speaker 1: was living my own life, doing well professionally, having been
Speaker 1: a single father with a daughter who at that point
Speaker 1: was doing well in college.
Speaker 2: It was my time to live my life right.
Speaker 3: Wrong.
Speaker 1: I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated. There are just too many
Speaker 1: of our Black children stuck in ambiguity and in the
Speaker 1: limbo of the Falter care system. In twenty seventeen, I
Speaker 1: legally adopted my nephew Ladarian. Fast forward to twenty nineteen.
Speaker 1: I had no ties to this other young king, but
Speaker 1: I felt God instructed me to adopt him also, bab
Speaker 1: Starting over with parenting should have been enough. Right, Working
Speaker 1: with various foster care and adoption agencies to help bring
Speaker 1: awareness to the countless young Black kings and the Falster
Speaker 1: care system should have decreased my agitation. Right join the
Speaker 1: board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization that
Speaker 1: helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in false care
Speaker 1: should have led to some type of resolve.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: No, not at all. None of it felt like I
Speaker 1: had done enough. I now realized that every one of
Speaker 1: those experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.
Speaker 1: Kingdom Royal Kingdom, Royal would be a luxury, state of.
Speaker 2: The art home for foster boys.
Speaker 1: Our first location will be in the Dallas Fort Word Metroplex.
Speaker 1: We will utilize the whole person approach that instills identity,
Speaker 1: empowers them to advocate for themselves, and enlightens them regarding
Speaker 1: new perspectives and limitless options that they thought were impossible.
Speaker 1: Though the young Kings will attend the local public schools
Speaker 1: that are in proximity to King of Royal, Our at
Speaker 1: home curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts,
Speaker 1: attending various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted
Speaker 1: discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts, introducing
Speaker 1: them to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our
Speaker 1: animals on our form and on site stables. We just
Speaker 1: launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising
Speaker 1: two point eight million dollars.
Speaker 2: Now why two point eight million dollars? Well.
Speaker 1: In twenty seventeen, I created a web series in which
Speaker 1: I performed random acts of kindness for targeting the homeless community.
Speaker 1: One of the most notable successes was that one of
Speaker 1: the videos went viral, garnering twenty eight million views. However,
Speaker 1: one of my biggest regrets is that I didn't raise
Speaker 1: a single dollar to help in implementing a more sustainable
Speaker 1: plan for the homeless community. So, throughout the years, with
Speaker 1: much remorse, reflect and are not maximizing that moment.
Speaker 2: I knew if at that time.
Speaker 1: Just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we
Speaker 1: would have raised at least two point eight million dollars
Speaker 1: that could have really established long term support for the
Speaker 1: homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative.
Speaker 2: To do so.
Speaker 1: This is my do over, this is our new beginning. Together,
Speaker 1: we can attack this at the route by specifically helping
Speaker 1: our homeless Black boys who are already disproportionately represented in
Speaker 1: the American fossil care system. I'm the Terisar Wheifield. I've
Speaker 1: been nominated for three regional Emmys documenting my work with
Speaker 1: the homeless as well as my personal adoption journey. Despite
Speaker 1: those accolades, the greatest award for me is truly providing
Speaker 1: the infrastructure for a transformed life. Visit Kingdomroyal dot com
Speaker 1: for more details Crown of King and make a donation today.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Dear Future
Speaker 1: WIFEI podcast Remember be lit, live intentionally and transparently, and
Speaker 1: don't stop loving. Make sure to subscribe to our Dear
Speaker 1: Future WIFEI YouTube channel. We're available on Apple Podcasts, Little Podcasts, Spotify,
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Speaker 2: Be welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your
Speaker 2: friends and family.