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Speaker 1: So do you know what is the number one cause

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Speaker 1: of fights among couples? Not the owner and fans, but

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Speaker 1: among couples.

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Speaker 2: Now, are these married or people who are just in

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Speaker 2: a relationship?

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Speaker 1: Just in a relationship, they can be married. The most

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Speaker 1: common reason couples.

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Speaker 2: Fight, well, I don't know, because you know my approach

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Speaker 2: on things. And your husband thought this was I told

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Speaker 2: him this at Libby's birthday party and he thought it

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Speaker 2: was the most brilliant thing ever in all things. And

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Speaker 2: this is when you get seasoned in life. My approach

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Speaker 2: to whatever thing that is in front of me is

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Speaker 2: what do I want my life to look like thirty

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Speaker 2: minutes from now?

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Speaker 1: So what does future Rob want to deal with? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: And so it's really helped me. So I don't know

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Speaker 2: what do couples actually fight about?

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Speaker 1: What is the most It's not money, nope, It's not sex, nope,

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Speaker 1: not parenting.

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Speaker 2: I would hope if you're just in a relationship, you're

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Speaker 2: not fighting about those things, because that should be a

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Speaker 2: red flag.

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Speaker 1: It is the tone of your voice. Oh yeah, the

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Speaker 1: sharp the sharp tone, maybe the eye roll a sigh.

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Speaker 1: Study say it's uh, that is the number one cause

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Speaker 1: of fights because you remember how it made you feel. Oh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I've always been told that my looks have tones.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never actually, well, i've seen you mad never.

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Speaker 2: You kind of got mad at me the other day,

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Speaker 2: but I've never seen you like really mad before. I

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Speaker 2: think that'd be fun. That's gonna be my goal to

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Speaker 2: see if I can make you really.

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Speaker 1: Mad at some point.

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Speaker 2: I feel like it'd be like Ned. There's an episode

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Speaker 2: of the Simpsons where Ned Flanders, the do gooder neighbor

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Speaker 2: of Homer and the Simpsons, gets driven to insanity and

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Speaker 2: he just has explodes. I feel like that's how it

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Speaker 2: might be for you. I want to see if I

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Speaker 2: can just drive you to explode.

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Speaker 1: You walked right up to that line the other day.

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Speaker 2: I did, I know, and I knew, and I'm so good.

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Speaker 2: I've gotten so good at this point. I know, and

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Speaker 2: I've actually probably like done it. And then I told you,

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Speaker 2: oh sorry, yeah.

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Speaker 1: You did you apologize? That was very nice.

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Speaker 2: I once I got told this years ago by a girlfriend.

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Speaker 2: She said that she said, the problem with you is

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Speaker 2: your tone. It's your tone and right, and I said, well,

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Speaker 2: I always have the same tone. She said, that's the problem.

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Speaker 2: You're always a sarcastic ass to everything change your voice

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Speaker 2: that are supposed to be serious. I said, but everything's

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Speaker 2: funny to me. She said, that's the problem. That's why

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Speaker 2: this isn't working between us.

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Speaker 1: Okay, Well, this study says that tone carries emotional weight,

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Speaker 1: and small changes in voice can feel like blame, indifference,

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Speaker 1: or condemned. You're very good with the condemn Well, this

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Speaker 1: is what.

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Speaker 2: I told her, I said. Wait a second, I said, Well,

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Speaker 2: I said, you knew when we got together what you

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Speaker 2: signed up for or wherever we are six months into

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Speaker 2: this thing now or relationship or whatever. I said. She goes, well,

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Speaker 2: it was fun when we first started dating. It's not

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Speaker 2: fun now when it never changes, right.

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Speaker 1: She expected you to solve and up over time.

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Speaker 2: But I, in fairness, I told him when we started,

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Speaker 2: I said, Look, this is not an act. Huh, this

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Speaker 2: is what you're getting. This is I've told people many times,

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Speaker 2: in friendships, relationships, whatever, over the years, what you in

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Speaker 2: case you'll back me up on that. Now, what you

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Speaker 2: see is what you get. I am a sarcastic, contemptual ass.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, here's what you're supposed to do, Rob, I

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Speaker 1: need you to pay. It would have been healthful fifteen

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Speaker 1: years ago.

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Speaker 2: But go ahead, pay.

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Speaker 1: Attention to me, pause and correct it in the moment

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Speaker 1: you're supposed to say, sorry, that came out a little sharp,

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Speaker 1: Let me try again, or that's not how I meant it,

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Speaker 1: Here's what I mean. And just a few small tweaks

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Speaker 1: shows self awareness and can help avoid bigger fights.

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Speaker 2: I got this with my wife the other night because

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Speaker 2: I did something and in my attempt to live by

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Speaker 2: my creedive, what do I want my life to be?

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Speaker 2: Uh huh thirty minutes from now? Yeah. I looked at

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Speaker 2: her and I said I'm sorry. Oh nice, and she goes,

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Speaker 2: I don't believe you, And I said, well, you're right,

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Speaker 2: you shouldn't. But what else do you want me to do?

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Speaker 2: I'm just trying to get out of this thing to

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Speaker 2: avoid the conflict. I've accepted responsibility, even if I don't

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Speaker 2: believe it's my responsibility. How can you be a better

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Speaker 2: husband than that?

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, you admitted you were wrong, you took you know,

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Speaker 1: you apologize. Did you take corrective action? Did you change

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Speaker 1: your tone? Missing that third step? Rob? Well?

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Speaker 2: But I don't think there really was corrective action. I

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Speaker 2: think she just wanted to be mad at me, and

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Speaker 2: then I took the bait and should have just found

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Speaker 2: a better way to get to the what do I

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Speaker 2: want my life to be thirty minutes from now? And instead,

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Speaker 2: because I wasn't really sorry, I said I'm sorry, and

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Speaker 2: then that just made it worse. Yeah, and then I

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Speaker 2: had to restart the clock and what I want.

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Speaker 1: Right, If you need to reset the conversation, you need

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Speaker 1: to say, let's start over.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, now I'm an hour into this thing.