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Speaker 1: I was taught if you are not a virgin on

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Speaker 1: your wedding day, a Christian man isn't going to be

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Speaker 1: as worth marrying. Unfortunately, I was drugged at a restaurant,

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Speaker 1: pooled behind a building, assaulted and left there by a.

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Speaker 2: Dumpster, and I lost my virginity.

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Speaker 1: I went down a very dark path after that, and

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Speaker 1: that's ultimately what led me into becoming a dancer. I

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Speaker 1: entered the sex industry so because I thought that, Okay,

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Speaker 1: now I'm too broken for love. So for me, it

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Speaker 1: looked like giving up on this huge dream of marriage,

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Speaker 1: throw away all of my letters to my husband.

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Speaker 2: Literally never thought marriage would ever be for me.

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Speaker 3: You threw it away, threw it.

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Speaker 1: All away, and then entered into a whole different way

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Speaker 1: of life. How the Church handled that was really disappointing.

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Speaker 1: I was reacting out of my pain, desperately asking for

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Speaker 1: someone to help me, and the church just saw my

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Speaker 1: sin and basically I was judged in casticide.

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Speaker 4: Would that look like tangibly? What was the church doing.

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Speaker 1: When it came to my Bible school. I was put

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Speaker 1: on a website called Good Girls Gone Bad Girls from

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Speaker 1: the school literally created this website and I was on

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Speaker 1: there you really look at it.

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Speaker 2: It makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Because my whole life I was taught my whole worth

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Speaker 1: is in my body. Saving my body seems drastic, but

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Speaker 1: really not, because now my worth is still my body

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Speaker 1: and I.

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Speaker 2: Can control it. So you can look at me, but

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Speaker 2: you can't touch me.

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Speaker 1: I never left my belief in God and Jesus, but

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Speaker 1: I deconstructed. I deconstructed all of what I was taught

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Speaker 1: and then reconstructed and rebuilt my relationship with Jesus. And

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Speaker 1: that took about ten years, a lot of time in

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Speaker 1: the hiding place in my closet. This is why I'm

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Speaker 1: so passionate about the importance of healing and be intentional

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Speaker 1: about your healing. And if you want to find the

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Speaker 1: right person, like you say, you have to become the

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Speaker 1: right person. You're not too broken for God, You're not

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Speaker 1: too broken for love. You can heal. I didn't think

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Speaker 1: i'd ever be on this couch with y'all, and that's

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Speaker 1: the power of Jesus, the power of restoration, and the

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Speaker 1: power of intentional healing.

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Speaker 2: I am thriving.

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Speaker 1: I'm the best place I've ever been, and so I'm

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Speaker 1: looking for someone that can add that value and excitement

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Speaker 1: into my life.

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Speaker 3: Have you gotten guys shooting ay? Shot at you on

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Speaker 3: a healthy standpoint, from a Christian standpoint, what started as

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Speaker 3: a search for understanding became a journey of transformation. Every

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Speaker 3: letter that I wrote led me to this day, the

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Speaker 3: day I got married November the twenty second, twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 5: Dear my forever, Forever is a long time. That's how

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Speaker 5: long I'll love you. Those lyrics echo through every fiber

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Speaker 5: of my soul at the very thought of you.

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Speaker 3: This journey has culminated with you as both the award

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Speaker 3: and the reward of my pursuit of love. You are

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Speaker 3: the award, the honor God placed before me, the recognition

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Speaker 3: of growth, healing and becoming the man I needed to be.

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Speaker 5: And you are the reward, the blessing given after endurance,

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Speaker 5: the gift promised to those who refuse to faint.

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Speaker 3: This isn't just our story, this is for all of us.

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Speaker 3: I'm the Terrassaar Whitfield.

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Speaker 4: I'm Ashley are Whitfield. Welcome to the.

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Speaker 3: Welcome to Different to WIFEI Podcast. I'm your host of

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Speaker 3: Terrassar Whitfield.

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Speaker 4: And I'm Ashley are Whitfield.

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Speaker 6: Listen.

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Speaker 3: Are you still shocking up with us. Come on, we're

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Speaker 3: in season eleven. Some of y'all been rocking with me

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Speaker 3: for six years. And first of all, I just thank

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Speaker 3: God for the opportunity to go before y'all and have

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Speaker 3: these conversations where it is my mission, my hope that

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Speaker 3: it inspires you and give you hope for those that

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Speaker 3: are single, those that are married. It makes you recommit

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Speaker 3: to the reason why you marry this person in the

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Speaker 3: first place. And so do me a favor. Hit that

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Speaker 3: subscription button and subscribe. Make sure you're telling your notification

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Speaker 3: Bell she'ld be notified about upcoming episodes. Listen, Today's episode

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Speaker 3: is gonna be quite interesting. This queen dm me and

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Speaker 3: told me her story and I sent it to ask

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Speaker 3: and said, this is a type of conversation I like having.

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Speaker 3: So without further ado, welcome to a Dear Future WIFEI podcast.

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Speaker 3: My homie Michelle Valerie, Hi, thank you, thank.

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Speaker 2: You so much for having me.

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Speaker 4: Guys, just isent honor man.

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Speaker 3: Listen, I'm really looking forward to this now. What made

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Speaker 3: you dm me? That began with.

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Speaker 1: I kept hearing God say it's time, and I've been

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Speaker 1: sitting on my testimony. A huge part of my story

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Speaker 1: that I know a lot of women and men can

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Speaker 1: relate to. I need to hear you felt too broken

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Speaker 1: for love. You're not too broken for love, but I

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Speaker 1: know the steps that you need to take in order

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Speaker 1: to get to where I've gotten. It's taken me over

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Speaker 1: a decade to get here. So that's why I reached out,

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Speaker 1: because I know that there's a story that needs to

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Speaker 1: be told.

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Speaker 3: And So when you say too broken for love? What

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Speaker 3: did that look like? If you can surmise it to

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Speaker 3: a couple of sentences, what did too broken to love

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Speaker 3: or for love lee to.

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Speaker 6: Lead you to?

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Speaker 1: So for me, what it looked like was I completely

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Speaker 1: gave up on love. I grew up in ministry, I

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Speaker 1: grew up in church. I grew up dreaming of marriage.

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Speaker 1: I mean I had like that book, that dream wedding

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Speaker 1: book at a very young age. I grew up writing

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Speaker 1: letters to my future husband. I did, I did. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I was that girl at what I like, thirteen is

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Speaker 1: when I started.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, thirteen, yes.

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Speaker 1: And praying for him, and I mean every night. It

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Speaker 1: was very It was like this thing that I always

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Speaker 1: dreamed of and wanted. I started wearing the Purity ring

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Speaker 1: at thirteen years old and I was saving myself until marriage.

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Speaker 6: Did you go U through a program? A purity program, h.

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Speaker 2: Silver ring thing?

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, so, and then I actually had a ministry

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Speaker 1: at sixteen where I would go and speak to youth

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Speaker 1: groups about the importance of saving yourself until marriage at sixteen.

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Speaker 1: At sixteen, yeah so, and then I went off to

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Speaker 1: Bible College actually here in Dallas. This is a huge

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Speaker 1: full circle moment for me to be back here. It's

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Speaker 1: been quite some time since I've been back here, and

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Speaker 1: this was where a huge shift happened in my life.

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Speaker 1: And I'm going to explain why. Then it kind of

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Speaker 1: shifted of my giving up on love.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 1: So, when I was here, I was doing the ministry thing.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to be a worship pastor. That's what I

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Speaker 1: felt God was calling me to be. I grew up

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Speaker 1: in an abusive kind of household, so I had kind

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Speaker 1: of a distorted view of Christianity, if I'm being honest

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Speaker 1: with you. But I always felt God close to my

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Speaker 1: heart and I always heard his voice. So when I

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Speaker 1: came here, I was in my third year, and unfortunately

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Speaker 1: I was drugged at a restaurant, pulled behind a building,

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Speaker 1: assaulted and left there by a dumpster, and I lost

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Speaker 1: my virginity and so I went down a very dark

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Speaker 1: path after that, and that's ultimately what led me into

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Speaker 1: becoming a dancer. I entered the sex industry, and how

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Speaker 1: the church handled that was really disappointing. And that's why

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Speaker 1: I have a huge mission and passion to kind of

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Speaker 1: teach churches how to be trauma informed when it comes

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Speaker 1: to sexual abuse and abuse in general, because we tend

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Speaker 1: to band aid and say, oh, we look at the sin, right,

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Speaker 1: And I really try to encourage Christians, especially people in

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Speaker 1: the church, to look outside of the sin and ask

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Speaker 1: why we're all reacting to something. I was reacting out

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Speaker 1: of my pain, desperately asking for someone to help me,

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Speaker 1: and the church just saw my sin and basically I

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Speaker 1: was judged and casticide.

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Speaker 4: What did that look like?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: What did what did that look like? Tangibly? What was

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Speaker 4: the church doing?

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Speaker 1: So I was well when it came to my Bible school,

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Speaker 1: I was put on a website called Girls Good, Girl's

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Speaker 1: Gone Bad. Girls from the school literally created this website

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Speaker 1: and I was on there. No one stopped to ask

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Speaker 1: Ky Michelle, like you I shifted. I went from purity

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Speaker 1: Christian girl to stripper really fast.

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Speaker 6: But you were still going to Bible school.

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Speaker 2: I left Bible school after that.

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Speaker 4: And you were working at the restaurant.

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Speaker 2: No, I was just there.

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Speaker 4: You were just there.

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Speaker 2: I was just there. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And so for me, when I left Bible School, I

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Speaker 1: ended up then, you know, being recruited in within a month.

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Speaker 1: Whenever I went back home, I had an abusive home life,

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Speaker 1: so I didn't have a safe place to go to heal, Well, let.

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Speaker 3: Me go back. Did you tell anybody that this happened?

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Speaker 3: So you told the people in ministry I was sexually assaulted.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I told the people in my church back at home,

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Speaker 1: and I was taught this is this is a church

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Speaker 1: I grew up in. If you are not a virgin

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Speaker 1: on your wedding day, a Christian man isn't going to

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Speaker 1: value or see you as worth marrying.

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Speaker 6: So you learned that through the That's what I learned.

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Speaker 1: Through the type of church I grew up in. And

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Speaker 1: I know that's so false now, that is a huge

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Speaker 1: lie of the enemy, but that is what I believed.

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Speaker 1: So because I thought that, Okay, now I'm too broken

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Speaker 1: for love of So for me, it looks like now

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Speaker 1: I'm giving up on love, giving up on this huge.

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Speaker 2: Dream of marriage.

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Speaker 1: I mean threw away all of my all of my

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Speaker 1: letters to my husband. Literally never thought marriage would ever

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Speaker 1: be for me, threw it all away, and then entered

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Speaker 1: into a whole different way of life. And you know,

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Speaker 1: it really breaks my heart to see how people handle

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Speaker 1: that type of abuse. It's the reality. A lot of

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Speaker 1: people just kind of see you as.

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Speaker 2: They don't.

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Speaker 1: They don't actually see you as, oh, you're a victim.

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Speaker 1: It's weird.

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Speaker 3: So this is what I'm trying, and maybe you can

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Speaker 3: help me understand this. You were assaulted. Did you tell

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Speaker 3: the police that you report it?

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Speaker 2: I reported a month after.

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Speaker 6: Okay, what did they do?

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Speaker 1: Well, they went and went back to the restaurant and

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Speaker 1: they did interviews and the people. The way that it was,

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Speaker 1: this was obviously something that had been planned and I'm

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Speaker 1: probably not the only one that's happened into.

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Speaker 2: It was very strategic.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people surrounded my sister that I was with,

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Speaker 1: so that she didn't even notice until later. So whenever

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Speaker 1: I did report it, the police had done interviews and

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Speaker 1: it was consensual and there was there was nothing nothing

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Speaker 1: they could do.

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Speaker 6: You said, they called it consensual.

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Speaker 2: Or he called it concerned.

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Speaker 5: How did they justify you? You said you woke up

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Speaker 5: in the back of the alley or at the back

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Speaker 5: of the.

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Speaker 1: Restaurant, and my twin came and found me. Yeah, And

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Speaker 1: at that point, if I'm being honest with you, this

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Speaker 1: is a huge, a huge.

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Speaker 2: Kind of thing.

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Speaker 1: A lot of people don't understand. When you go through

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Speaker 1: that kind of trauma, you're not thinking clearly, You're not.

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Speaker 1: All I could think about was I lost my virginity.

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Speaker 1: I can't I can't tell anyone what if I like,

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Speaker 1: what are people going to think? And then of course,

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Speaker 1: whenever I did share, it was treated as what I

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Speaker 1: thought it would be, treated, Yeah, like it was my fault,

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Speaker 1: and it was well, you were wearing a skirt and

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Speaker 1: I was wearing a skirt. So it's I mean, we

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Speaker 1: hear this all the time with survivors. This isn't a

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Speaker 1: news story.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I thought we'd come a long way from there.

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Speaker 2: Well, it's happened twelve years ago. Years ago.

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Speaker 1: We've come a long way since we have. We do

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Speaker 1: have a long way to go still in being trauma informed,

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Speaker 1: but we have come a long way since twelve years ago.

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Speaker 3: And so you the police failed you. What did your

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Speaker 3: family do? I know you said you grew up in

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Speaker 3: a very abusive home, but did you share it?

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Speaker 6: Did you? Did you share it with your mom?

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to get into details with my family

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Speaker 1: when it comes to that, I will say that I

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Speaker 1: was completely on my own with it.

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Speaker 3: And then so the church failed you. You an't want

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Speaker 3: to get into the family situation, but you're on your own.

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Speaker 3: So nobody came to your aid. No one did your sister?

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Speaker 3: Did anybody like my twin.

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Speaker 1: But my twin, so I have an identical twin sister. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so she was, but she then ended up. You know,

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Speaker 1: she wanted to leave this situation that we were in,

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Speaker 1: going back home, so she went and she did mission work.

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Speaker 1: So she went to Africa and she started doing missions.

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Speaker 1: So she was there for me as much as she

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Speaker 1: could have done.

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Speaker 6: So y'all were heavy in ministry.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, we grew up heavy in ministry. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: she was doing her I mean she's she's been everywhere.

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Speaker 6: She's a missionary.

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Speaker 2: Not now yeah, but then yeah, she was a missionary.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, So y'all were heavy. Like you said, y'all, y'all

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Speaker 3: were like our lives are dedicated to.

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Speaker 2: Ministry at a very young age, very young.

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Speaker 3: Age, went to Bible seminary school, and then was like,

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Speaker 3: this is what God called me to be, a being worshiped,

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Speaker 3: worship leader or worship pastor.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And then from that moment you just said I abandoned.

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Speaker 3: Did you abandon everything that you still have a heart

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Speaker 3: for God? Or were you like the prodigal daughter?

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Speaker 1: I was very confused on what I was taught. So

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Speaker 1: I was taught that if you do everything right, So

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Speaker 1: it's why you know, I didn't have boyfriends growing up.

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Speaker 1: I mean I was a very good like girl, and

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Speaker 1: we're taught that to be good girls we are. So

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Speaker 1: that's what I was taught. Do everything right. Jesus will

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Speaker 1: honor you. I'll go to a ministry school, I'll meet

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Speaker 1: my husband, get married, have kids, be in ministry. That

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Speaker 1: was all I knew, and that's what I was told

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Speaker 1: was going to happen. Which if you actually read the Bible,

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Speaker 1: you see the time and time again, life does not

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Speaker 1: go as plans. People go through pain and trauma and

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Speaker 1: tribulations and Jesus brings them through it. But I never

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Speaker 1: really spent a lot of time really actually reading the Bible,

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Speaker 1: if I'm being honest with you. Back then, for me,

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Speaker 1: I never left my belief in God and Jesus. But

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Speaker 1: I deconstructed, and Lacree talks about this. I deconstructed all

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Speaker 1: of what I was taught and then reconstructed and rebuilt

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Speaker 1: my relationship with Jesus. And that took about ten years

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Speaker 1: at a lot of time in the hiding place in my closet,

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Speaker 1: a lot of time sitting there. This is why I'm

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Speaker 1: such a I'm so passionate about the importance of healing

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Speaker 1: and be intentional about your healing. And if you want

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Speaker 1: to find the right person, like you say, you have

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Speaker 1: to become the right person. So I went on this

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Speaker 1: journey of I had a mentor. I did have someone

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Speaker 1: that came alongside of me. She's still my mentor today

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Speaker 1: twelve plus years and she's a beautiful, wonderful Christian woman.

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Speaker 1: And she was the one that spoke life into me

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Speaker 1: and said God's called you to greater things. God has

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Speaker 1: not forgotten you. I will help you through this. She

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Speaker 1: went through something very similar as me. She encouraged me

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Speaker 1: to get out of the strip club industry and to

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Speaker 1: start over.

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Speaker 6: How long are you in the industry.

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Speaker 1: For almost a year, so it wasn't too too long.

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Speaker 1: But I saw enough to know that I was not

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Speaker 1: the only girl who was dealing with sexual abuse, trauma

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Speaker 1: and church trauma. I mean almost every single woman I

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Speaker 1: met in there was just like me.

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Speaker 2: Not all of them.

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Speaker 1: There's women that choose to be in there, but there

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Speaker 1: were a lot of women that were reacting out of

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Speaker 1: their pain. And this is what they they became their pain.

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Speaker 5: How did you find your way into the industry?

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Speaker 2: I was recruited. I was recruited on Facebook.

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Speaker 6: Wow, how did you feel you r first day?

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Speaker 3: Like, because that's a huge leap to go from a

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Speaker 3: woman who was preaching about purity. This horrendous crime was

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Speaker 3: thrust it upon you, and then your whole mind begins

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Speaker 3: to shift and say and I'm not worthy for love

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Speaker 3: And then you say, I'm a stand in front of

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Speaker 3: guys and and and dance for them. Nagat.

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Speaker 6: How did that transition take place?

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Speaker 1: Well, I was telling you, Ashley, I, if you really

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Speaker 1: look at it from a deeper lens, it makes sense

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Speaker 1: because my whole life I was taught my whole worth

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Speaker 1: is in my body, saving my body. Yeah, Now I

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Speaker 1: just kind of just transitioned that into a uh seems drastic,

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Speaker 1: but really not, because now my worth is still my

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Speaker 1: body and I can control it, so you can look

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Speaker 1: at me, but you can't touch me.

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Speaker 2: And people get this confused.

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Speaker 1: They think when you're in the sex industry or you're

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Speaker 1: you're a stripper, that you're.

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Speaker 2: Sleeping with these men. You're not.

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Speaker 1: Like there was so many us. We go, we're in control,

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Speaker 1: we get our money, and we go home. And so

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Speaker 1: I was able.

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Speaker 2: I was now.

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Speaker 1: I just wanted to feel in control of my body,

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Speaker 1: and I felt in control. And now there are certain

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Speaker 1: things that happened that you can't control. But overall, that's

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Speaker 1: why I think. I mean, I've spent years trying to

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Speaker 1: dissect this myself.

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Speaker 2: Why did I do such an extreme right?

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Speaker 1: But I know that while I was in there, like

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Speaker 1: I learned, I met so many women. That now is

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Speaker 1: why I do what I do today. That's why I,

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Speaker 1: you know, speak to so many women about the importance

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Speaker 1: of you're not too broken for God, You're not too

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Speaker 1: broken for love. You can heal like did. I didn't

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Speaker 1: think I'd ever be on this couch with y'all. If

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Speaker 1: you told me twelve years ago, I'd be here. It

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Speaker 1: just and people that knew me back then, I mean,

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Speaker 1: never would they think I would be who I am today.

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Speaker 1: And that's the power of Jesus, the power of restoration

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Speaker 1: and the power of intentional healing.

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Speaker 3: That part bad part. And so what may did you stop?

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Speaker 3: What was that pivotal moment that made you say this

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Speaker 3: is not me?

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Speaker 1: I've always heard God's voice. I've always heard it, and

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Speaker 1: I knew, and there were people like God was speaking

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Speaker 1: to me when I was in the club. I would

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Speaker 1: have customers tell me all the time, what are you

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Speaker 1: doing here? You don't belong here. Customers would come just

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Speaker 1: to sit at the bar and speak to me, and

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Speaker 1: I would be preaching to.

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Speaker 2: Them, like how insane is that?

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Speaker 1: I mean, They'd share their whole life stories with me,

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Speaker 1: and I'd be speaking life into them and saying God

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Speaker 1: is more for you. Like I'd literally be like the

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Speaker 1: stripper therapist.

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Speaker 3: I was.

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Speaker 2: Like, why are you here? You don't and I just

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Speaker 2: I knew when.

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Speaker 6: They say why are you here? How did you answer

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Speaker 6: that question?

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Speaker 2: I didn't. I didn't know how to answer it. I

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Speaker 2: would just kind of be.

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Speaker 4: Like, I know, you knew, I knew broken.

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Speaker 1: It was just I had no safe place to go

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Speaker 1: back home. I the the lie was greater than God's

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Speaker 1: truth at that time of my life. But God never

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Speaker 1: left me. God never stopped pursuing me, and he spoke

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Speaker 1: to me all the time. That eventually, and it honestly

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Speaker 1: took my mentor it took somebody believing in me. And

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Speaker 1: that's why all it takes is one person. I don't

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Speaker 1: care how big the crowd is that I'm speaking at,

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Speaker 1: I'll speak at if it's just two people. You are

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Speaker 1: making such an impact in just those people's lives, and

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Speaker 1: it took one person speaking that life into me seeing

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Speaker 1: more than my pain and trauma. That really kind of

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Speaker 1: shifted things from me for me to be able to

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Speaker 1: see it.

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Speaker 5: Then, So going back, you said you got a Facebook message,

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Speaker 5: and I know that we are dealing with a lot

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Speaker 5: a lot of attacks right in different ways and women.

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Speaker 5: I've known people who have gotten recruited, But can you

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Speaker 5: tell just us a little bit about how they prayed

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Speaker 5: on you, what that process was, whatever you're comfortable sharing,

403
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Speaker 5: because I want people to be aware of how certain

404
00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:07,159
Speaker 5: things begin and then develop into what you experience.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for asking that, because that's how the enemy

406
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Speaker 1: gets us is what seems to be. I was just innocent,

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Speaker 1: always just, and I just wanted a place to belong.

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Speaker 1: I wanted someone to see me and see value in me.

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Speaker 1: And it was a woman that recruited me. And at

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Speaker 1: that point I was I was posting some promiscuis photos,

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Speaker 1: so it was very obvious I was going through something right.

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Speaker 1: And she was like, You're so beautiful. You'd make so

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Speaker 1: much money if you come and dance. She was basically

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Speaker 1: like the main person that would recruit people and then

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Speaker 1: I'll bring you to different clubs and so that's and

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Speaker 1: and the way that she said it was You're so beautiful,

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Speaker 1: you can make so much money. At that point, I

418
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Speaker 1: mean I was I needed a place to go. I

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Speaker 1: needed money, and my I was in Baltimore, yep. So

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Speaker 1: I was dancing in Baltimore, danced in DC, and I

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Speaker 1: remember my first night, I just said to her, I

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Speaker 1: need to make money.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I also did a lot of advocacy work growing up,

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Speaker 1: so I knew a lot about human trafficking.

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Speaker 2: I knew a lot about Yeah. I had a lot of.

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Speaker 1: That knowledge full time right now, I work for a

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Speaker 1: nonprofit helping survivors of domestic violence, and I train on that.

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Speaker 1: I'm very knowledgeable in these things, and so part of

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Speaker 1: me was like, this is dangerous, don't But again the

431
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Speaker 1: lie trumped my perfect.

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Speaker 4: Truth well and the support.

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Speaker 5: Right, you said, if the church had opened up their

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Speaker 5: arms to you and said you are still beautiful, you

435
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Speaker 5: are still God's daughter, You're still worthy, You're still worthy,

436
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Speaker 5: then you wouldn't you wouldn't have melted when you heard that.

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Speaker 1: I would have never gone into the strip club industry,

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Speaker 1: never if I had the proper church support. And that's

439
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Speaker 1: why I'm so big on when we notice things, because

440
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Speaker 1: you can see, you can see if someone's struggling, and

441
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Speaker 1: not always some people show in perfectionism right, and I

442
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Speaker 1: know he's looking put together, But if you are in

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Speaker 1: spiritually in tune, you can typically pick up things. And

444
00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 1: if we would be more trauma informed, care, more trauma informed,

445
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:17,680
Speaker 1: and have proper covering, right, it could make such a difference.

446
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:20,639
Speaker 1: We all have struggles, we all have a story. And

447
00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,280
Speaker 1: if you've been abused as a child, you usually that

448
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:26,560
Speaker 1: carry you carry that with you. If you were abused

449
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 1: as an adult, you carry that with you into everything

450
00:21:29,359 --> 00:21:31,720
Speaker 1: into ministry. It pours into it. If you don't have

451
00:21:31,720 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 1: the proper covering and the proper healing, the proper guidance.

452
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: And what was interesting was when I left, I actually

453
00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:43,919
Speaker 1: went into women's ministry really fast. If I start so

454
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:46,840
Speaker 1: I know, there's a lot of moving parts. I started

455
00:21:46,840 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 1: a women's group. I said I need support, So I

456
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:51,840
Speaker 1: started a women's group, and I just put it on Facebook,

457
00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,399
Speaker 1: like I'm a survivor. I'm looking for other women that

458
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,640
Speaker 1: might have been through it. It grew really fast.

459
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 3: We'll talking about from what moment, like the minute that

460
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 3: you stop dancing that you say I the next day

461
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 3: you were laughing, Like how long was that transition?

462
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: It was probably maybe four months, so it wasn't too

463
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,680
Speaker 1: long and I wasn't trying to start a women's ministry.

464
00:22:14,320 --> 00:22:16,119
Speaker 3: Well let me ask you this, before you start the

465
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 3: women's ministry. That people see a change on Facebook. Did

466
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,600
Speaker 3: they see you go from these pictures that you were

467
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 3: posting to now saying God redeem.

468
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,080
Speaker 6: Me or anything?

469
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 3: Or you just went aside?

470
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:31,440
Speaker 1: Now I never put out like, oh God redeemed me.

471
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,440
Speaker 1: At that point, I was still very much healing. So

472
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 1: I was I don't want to be in ministry because

473
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,119
Speaker 1: I've been in ministry my whole life. I'm just looking

474
00:22:39,119 --> 00:22:42,960
Speaker 1: for a support group and I'm rebuilding my relationship with God.

475
00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,440
Speaker 1: So I just wanted other girlfriends to do that with

476
00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: that might have understood what I was going through. So

477
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,800
Speaker 1: I was very transparent, very transparent about my story. This

478
00:22:50,840 --> 00:22:52,880
Speaker 1: is what I've been through, this is where I'm at,

479
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 1: this is where like what I'm trying to heal. If

480
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:58,800
Speaker 1: anyone else needs is looking for that too, please join

481
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 1: me at Dunkin Donuts and we're gonna just you know,

482
00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:05,399
Speaker 1: create a support group. At that time, I was working

483
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,959
Speaker 1: for a gym, so I was, you know, just kind

484
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,439
Speaker 1: of doing odd jobs, a cleaning lady, just whatever I

485
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:17,520
Speaker 1: could take. And I was unlearning my desire for money

486
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:18,160
Speaker 1: and that.

487
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 2: Type of lifestyle.

488
00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 1: So I actually stopped wearing makeup, I stopped wearing my hair,

489
00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,560
Speaker 1: like I stopped because I found so much I needed

490
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:29,840
Speaker 1: to heal, the belief that I am just a body.

491
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:35,639
Speaker 1: So I was very intentional about that piece and just

492
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 1: taking odd jobs. I was like, I don't God, I

493
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,880
Speaker 1: just at that point I had I'd done a lot

494
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:43,800
Speaker 1: in my life in a very short period of time,

495
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: and I said, I just want what you have for me, God,

496
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:47,760
Speaker 1: like you.

497
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,239
Speaker 3: Brought up something good because I was minister into one

498
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:56,240
Speaker 3: of my neighbors years ago. I was twenty two and

499
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 3: my upstairs neighbors, they were sisters, were cousins, and they

500
00:24:00,080 --> 00:24:02,600
Speaker 3: were dancers. And I remember one time I was sitting

501
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:04,960
Speaker 3: there with sitting on the stairs and I said, man,

502
00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:06,679
Speaker 3: God can pull you out of this, you know? And

503
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 3: I began to minister of her. She said, you know

504
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 3: how much money I'll make a day? And I said

505
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:13,239
Speaker 3: how much you make? And then she was like at

506
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 3: that time, this was about twenty something, about thirty years ago,

507
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,159
Speaker 3: she was like, I make five hundred dollars a day.

508
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:20,080
Speaker 3: And I was like, oh lord, I don't know if

509
00:24:20,080 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 3: I make that in the week. I was like, I said,

510
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 3: I said. So. Then I sat there and I looked

511
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,639
Speaker 3: at her and I said, okay, God, you got to

512
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,040
Speaker 3: train me better on how do I make her. You

513
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:32,480
Speaker 3: hit a key point where you said you basically had

514
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:33,960
Speaker 3: to what did you say, change.

515
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,760
Speaker 2: Turn my love for money like that lifestyle? Yeah?

516
00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,480
Speaker 3: And so I said, how do I convince somebody? And

517
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,720
Speaker 3: I had the same conversation with a friend of mine

518
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 3: that sold drugs, and I was like, how do I

519
00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 3: tell them that it's better even to like I had

520
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 3: peace in my life, but I wasn't making that kind

521
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 3: of money they were making. Like I was like, shoot,

522
00:24:53,600 --> 00:24:56,080
Speaker 3: I'm paying child's board, struggling to pay child's board on

523
00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 3: my daughter. Didn't even have my home, my apartment fully furnished,

524
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 3: you know, air mattress. But I'm trying to tell them like,

525
00:25:04,560 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 3: this is a better life. And I remember they looked

526
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:11,080
Speaker 3: at me, said, you know how much money I made.

527
00:25:12,520 --> 00:25:14,480
Speaker 3: Ain't gonna worry about your face.

528
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 6: You know what I'm saying.

529
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 3: It's like it was just a different, different mindset, you

530
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:24,879
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. And I remember literally sitting there

531
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 3: and I said, God, you got to give me something better,

532
00:25:27,560 --> 00:25:29,600
Speaker 3: how you know, to give them the benefit of it.

533
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:32,920
Speaker 3: And all I could tell them, which it resonated later

534
00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:35,160
Speaker 3: on when they start hitting trouble, that I had peace.

535
00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,600
Speaker 2: I was just going to say out the piece the peace.

536
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 3: I said, let me tell you something. I said, you

537
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:43,200
Speaker 3: know how much peace I have? And and they were

538
00:25:43,280 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 3: just like what. And I just told them about how

539
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 3: I could go do that. I could go sell drugs.

540
00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 3: I can do all that.

541
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 6: I said.

542
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 3: If I got this daughter that's looking up to me, I

543
00:25:51,160 --> 00:25:53,399
Speaker 3: want to be able to look myself in the mirror

544
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,160
Speaker 3: and say that I have peace in my life.

545
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 6: And then I end up telling them this.

546
00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,880
Speaker 3: I said, listen, where you see me at right now,

547
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 3: You'll never see me here again. I said, I may

548
00:26:02,520 --> 00:26:05,119
Speaker 3: be struggling right now, but the peace of Goud opens

549
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 3: opportunities give me an ingenuity on how to create a

550
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:12,119
Speaker 3: different path for myself financially. And I remember when my

551
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 3: homeboys came to me a couple of years later, and

552
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:16,439
Speaker 3: he was like, man, I'm proud of you, bro. He

553
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 3: has spent time in prison at that time, you know,

554
00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 3: but I was looking at him. We have the nice

555
00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 3: cars and all that, And that's what I really love

556
00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:27,439
Speaker 3: what you said about that attachment that we have for money.

557
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: The first thing you said, you told that lady, I

558
00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 3: got to make some money. I got to make some money.

559
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,080
Speaker 3: But then to have you go through the journey where

560
00:26:34,119 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 3: you say, I'm going to go work odd jobs.

561
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:38,800
Speaker 6: I'm going cleaning and.

562
00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 3: Doing whatever it takes to make money from a productive standpoint,

563
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 3: how hard was that for you?

564
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: Though it was hard, and I had that, there was

565
00:26:49,080 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 1: always this desire. I mean for years I was like, oh, man,

566
00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: like because the struggle was real and then I became

567
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,280
Speaker 1: a single mom and I remember getting an eight hundred

568
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:01,160
Speaker 1: dollars apartment in bot with my one and a half

569
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,560
Speaker 1: year old, working for a hotline and working overtime all

570
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: the time, and just trusting that God was going to provide.

571
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:11,919
Speaker 1: And see, you can't skip the process. I had to

572
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: go through that process of learning of submission, surrender and

573
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,600
Speaker 1: letting God really do the.

574
00:27:22,560 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 2: Deep inner work inside of me.

575
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 1: And honestly, like, I'm so grateful I did because I

576
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: wouldn't be here if I didn't do that, and I

577
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,399
Speaker 1: didn't allow myself to go if I didn't allow myself

578
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 1: to go through that whole journey. But it was and

579
00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 1: I had the temptation. The temptation even till this day,

580
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: will still slide in some idms and will still be there.

581
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:44,840
Speaker 2: But I know it's different now.

582
00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:47,080
Speaker 3: I don't come through from hey, I want you to

583
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 3: come dance and be like sugar Daddy type situations.

584
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 1: It comes from athletes, men that want me to be

585
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: their woman on the side. I'll fly you out here.

586
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:01,160
Speaker 1: They will provide, but they will not bring me toward God.

587
00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 1: And I know that and for me, I am so

588
00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,919
Speaker 1: I'm so to the point where that stuff does not

589
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:08,679
Speaker 1: attract me.

590
00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:09,399
Speaker 3: You.

591
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:11,720
Speaker 1: I don't care who you are. I don't care the money,

592
00:28:11,760 --> 00:28:13,200
Speaker 1: I don't care the status. And a lot of women

593
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:15,520
Speaker 1: can't say that, which is kind of sad. But I

594
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:17,760
Speaker 1: don't care for six foot tall. I don't care.

595
00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:18,600
Speaker 2: I don't care.

596
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: You don't have to make six figures for me to

597
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 1: be interested in you. Those things are not attracted. That's

598
00:28:23,920 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: not what attracts me to you.

599
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:26,680
Speaker 6: Did you become that over time?

600
00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:27,280
Speaker 2: Yeah?

601
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 3: So I'm talking about and what recent years have you

602
00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 3: gotten to the point where you said the superficial doesn't mappen.

603
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:39,520
Speaker 1: The more I healed, the more I learned who I

604
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: am in God and who He's calling me to be.

605
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: The more I learned to love myself and that my

606
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,600
Speaker 1: validation comes from God alone and God alone, It does

607
00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 1: not come from a man wanting me. I used to

608
00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:56,320
Speaker 1: move in desperation. It took me a while to get

609
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:02,080
Speaker 1: to this point. But the more you intentionally heal, the

610
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,280
Speaker 1: more you do the work, the more therapy you go to,

611
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:07,320
Speaker 1: the more you learn yourself, the more things, and the

612
00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:10,600
Speaker 1: more you surrender to Jesus, your taste just changes.

613
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:12,840
Speaker 5: And I want to talk about that because we just

614
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:18,280
Speaker 5: had an episode where we talked about kind of waiting

615
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 5: and not trying to control the outcomes, right, especially when

616
00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 5: you know.

617
00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 4: There's a purpose tied to your covenant.

618
00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:28,960
Speaker 5: So can you tell us just a little bit about

619
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:34,440
Speaker 5: because I know, right we talked about there are options, right,

620
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:37,120
Speaker 5: there are people who you could just say, ah, okay,

621
00:29:37,160 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 5: well we can make this work. Yeah, but tell me

622
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,480
Speaker 5: just what season you're in in terms of just surrendering

623
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,280
Speaker 5: to God, what you're looking for, and then a little

624
00:29:48,280 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 5: bit about the purpose that you know is on your life,

625
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 5: and so what kind of purpose partner you.

626
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,520
Speaker 2: Need for that next lot of time thinking about this.

627
00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 1: So thank you for walking that because girls have a

628
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 1: hard time, like my friends have a hard time understanding

629
00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 1: this about me, like why aren't you dating that person?

630
00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 1: Why don't you say yes? Like it's and still it's

631
00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:12,120
Speaker 1: hard for me to explain. But I just know that

632
00:30:12,160 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: God's called me to women's ministry. I know He's called

633
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: me to a very specific purpose. I can't really tell

634
00:30:20,200 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 1: you exactly what it is, but I know it has

635
00:30:22,280 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: to deal with speaking to women and men on the

636
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:30,880
Speaker 1: importance of healing and ones that have survived certain traumas.

637
00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:35,479
Speaker 1: And so for me, I am very intentional about who

638
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:39,200
Speaker 1: I give my time and energy to. So if I

639
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 1: know that you're not in aligned and what I'm looking

640
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:46,640
Speaker 1: for is what I feel like my purpose partner is

641
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: going to be. And I could god my husband completely different.

642
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 1: I'm open to it, but I feel like he's in

643
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: some kind of pastoral ministry motivational ministry. So that's what

644
00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:02,640
Speaker 1: I really see myself with, uh, Because then a creative

645
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:04,680
Speaker 1: a man that's a creative at heart. I am a

646
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 1: creative at heart, and for us to create purpose together.

647
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 1: And so if I don't see certain surrender, if I

648
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,520
Speaker 1: don't see that, you're surrendered to Jesus, because there's a

649
00:31:16,560 --> 00:31:19,160
Speaker 1: lot of men. If you're hitting me up with let

650
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:21,360
Speaker 1: me have a pick. After the first week of us talking,

651
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:22,080
Speaker 1: you're out.

652
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:29,440
Speaker 7: You're out, Like yeah, no, but it's so real, that's real,

653
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 7: you're out, so and most of the time that happens,

654
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:34,200
Speaker 7: so you're out.

655
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 3: So do I hear women say that, But I'd be like,

656
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,320
Speaker 3: how do you ask? So they'll ask you seeing some nude?

657
00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: I mean that's what send a pick me that literally.

658
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 5: Just if you if you send them another pick, they'll

659
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 5: be like, no, not that kind of that kind of Yeah,

660
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 5: you'll send like a picture.

661
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,680
Speaker 4: I can't see anything, well you can see.

662
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:01,200
Speaker 2: Yeah. And Christian men. Yeah, that's why there's a difference.

663
00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 1: Just because you say you're a Christian, you believe in Jesus,

664
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 1: does not mean you're surrendered to them. And there is

665
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 1: a problem over the world. There's a spirit of lust

666
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: and it is infiltrating a lot of places. Now I

667
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 1: don't shame it. I understand, I can understand. It is

668
00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:26,840
Speaker 1: a struggle. It is a real struggle. But I will

669
00:32:26,880 --> 00:32:31,680
Speaker 1: not marry someone that is surrendered to lust instead of Jesus.

670
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: Now I can encourage you if I see it. I

671
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:36,680
Speaker 1: can encourage you as like my brother in Christ. I

672
00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: will pray for you. But if you don't have that

673
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 1: under control, I can't partner with you in that. So

674
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 1: that's a big one too, is if I can tell

675
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: that you are led by lust and not surrendered to Jesus,

676
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,160
Speaker 1: I can't continue entertaining that.

677
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 3: What's another thing you said, ministry minded someone not led

678
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:58,520
Speaker 3: by lust.

679
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:04,520
Speaker 2: Be funny. I want to laugh with you. I'm really goofy.

680
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 1: So I need you to like and don't make me

681
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: feel stupid because I say a lot of stupid things, okay,

682
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,880
Speaker 1: Like I'm smart, but I say some things where you're like,

683
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:15,440
Speaker 1: are you okay? And I need him to like laugh

684
00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,080
Speaker 1: with me, just lightheartedness like I want to.

685
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,760
Speaker 2: I'm I spent so many years being just hurt and pain.

686
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to enjoy the rest of my life, Okay.

687
00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: I am in a beautiful, peaceful I am thriving. I'm

688
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 1: the best place I've ever been. And so I'm looking

689
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: for someone that can add that type of fun and

690
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,160
Speaker 1: value and excitement into my life. But not in the

691
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 1: like fleeting excitement. I mean, like you know what I'm saying.

692
00:33:41,800 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course I gotta be open to.

693
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:47,720
Speaker 6: Mayor and someone with kids, and I'm.

694
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 1: Open to that. Absolutely, I'm open to that. And I

695
00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 1: have wondered how a man without kids would work with me.

696
00:33:53,560 --> 00:33:57,040
Speaker 1: But if it's God ordained, you know, my daughter's incredible,

697
00:33:57,320 --> 00:33:59,640
Speaker 1: my daughter destiny.

698
00:34:00,280 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 3: That's a concern to know that if he didn't have kids.

699
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 3: Have you dated guys with kids that you see that

700
00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:07,520
Speaker 3: as a struggle to fact of accepting that you do

701
00:34:07,600 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 3: have one.

702
00:34:08,680 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 1: I have talked to guys that have wanted They haven't

703
00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:18,000
Speaker 1: understood that I don't have a lot of time. I

704
00:34:18,239 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: have a lot of extra time, and at nighttime that

705
00:34:21,680 --> 00:34:24,279
Speaker 1: is me and my daughter's time. Like, so my phone

706
00:34:24,320 --> 00:34:26,799
Speaker 1: goes off and I need you to respect that.

707
00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:29,440
Speaker 6: I'm gonna go off with nine o'clock.

708
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:30,520
Speaker 4: You like eight?

709
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:31,720
Speaker 6: Do you like earlier?

710
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 5: Yeah?

711
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:35,799
Speaker 1: We go to bed early, okay to be early and

712
00:34:35,840 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: we get up early. Yeah, because that's my time with

713
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 1: my daughter. I work two jobs right now. I'm in

714
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 1: school right now, I don't have.

715
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 2: A lot of school. Yeah.

716
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:47,280
Speaker 4: What are you in school?

717
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:47,480
Speaker 5: For?

718
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:52,520
Speaker 1: Strategic communications? So that was I started about seven years ago.

719
00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:54,239
Speaker 1: So it's taken me some time, but I just kind

720
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:56,439
Speaker 1: of wanted to have that extra thing.

721
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,080
Speaker 2: I love communicating.

722
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 4: So yeah, I majored in communication.

723
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 2: You did, I did?

724
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 4: I love that?

725
00:35:02,680 --> 00:35:04,640
Speaker 2: Yes, so you understand it, I do.

726
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:07,680
Speaker 4: I did. So you're doing that and working to jobs.

727
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm a full time communey engagement manager for a

728
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: nonprofit and I'm a TV host for QVC.

729
00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:18,279
Speaker 3: Wow. He just said yeah, because I saw that on

730
00:35:18,320 --> 00:35:20,480
Speaker 3: your your Instagram and I was like, is she just

731
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:25,960
Speaker 3: doing this for one day? Is this like one thing? Yeah?

732
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,760
Speaker 4: Ok? Yeah awesome.

733
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 6: Yeah.

734
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:29,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I am busy.

735
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,759
Speaker 1: So I need my person to understand it's harder for

736
00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:33,880
Speaker 1: I think for a man that doesn't have kids to

737
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: understand like kids' schedules, kids temperaments, like some days I'm

738
00:35:38,800 --> 00:35:41,839
Speaker 1: maxed out, like and so I I'm looking to have

739
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:45,360
Speaker 1: conversations that are fulfilling and going to help, like you

740
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,760
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, like that depth, and I feel

741
00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,080
Speaker 1: like it might be a little bit harder for a

742
00:35:50,160 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 1: man without kids, not saying it's not possible.

743
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:56,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, what's your age rangee?

744
00:35:57,360 --> 00:36:00,760
Speaker 2: I don't I don't want a man in his forties.

745
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:02,319
Speaker 6: How are you.

746
00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:04,440
Speaker 2: I'm thirty four, thirty.

747
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 6: Four, so the youngest to the oldest what.

748
00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 1: I would say, thirty thirty one, two thirty eight, thirty.

749
00:36:12,120 --> 00:36:14,200
Speaker 3: Thirty one to thirty eight, so about four down.

750
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,520
Speaker 5: And that's because you want to have a lot of kids.

751
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 2: I do want to have.

752
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:23,680
Speaker 1: I always thought i'd have six kids after having my daughter.

753
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:27,080
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's gonna happen, Okay.

754
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 4: Okay, but I thought that too. I was like, I

755
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:30,040
Speaker 4: love the Brady Bunch.

756
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, so it felt like for me growing up, I

757
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:33,839
Speaker 5: was like, six seems good.

758
00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:36,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just something about that number.

759
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,560
Speaker 1: But I mean, obviously things may change, but yeah, I

760
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 1: do want to once I I'm ready to get married

761
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: and settle down.

762
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:44,560
Speaker 4: I am.

763
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,000
Speaker 1: So when that happens, I do plan to then have

764
00:36:48,640 --> 00:36:53,479
Speaker 1: maybe two three more God willing. And so I feel

765
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 1: like I have dated older. You know, I was engaged.

766
00:36:57,040 --> 00:37:00,960
Speaker 1: We were together for five years, and so I've dated older.

767
00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,160
Speaker 1: And it's not that there's anything wrong with that. I

768
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 1: am open to it. It's just different generations.

769
00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:09,839
Speaker 6: So gays, what's the age difference between y'all?

770
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 1: He's there's like twelve year eleven to twelve year age difference.

771
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:18,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, you said, based on the different times that y'all

772
00:37:18,520 --> 00:37:21,000
Speaker 3: have grown up, y'all felt like you were misaligned in

773
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 3: that we.

774
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:26,160
Speaker 1: Are misaligned in like purpose and you know, belief in

775
00:37:26,200 --> 00:37:29,200
Speaker 1: God was my best friend though still is a good

776
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 1: friend of mine.

777
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:33,920
Speaker 4: So explain that. Yeah, how growing up in the church?

778
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,360
Speaker 5: Right, you got with this guy and kind of stayed

779
00:37:37,360 --> 00:37:40,000
Speaker 5: with him for over a decade but had different like

780
00:37:40,080 --> 00:37:41,080
Speaker 5: faith backgrounds.

781
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:45,760
Speaker 1: We stayed together for five years, okay, and that's okay,

782
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:49,480
Speaker 1: And we're engaged twice. And I think when we first

783
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,399
Speaker 1: got together, you know, we had a kid together, So

784
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: it was I wanted to make it work for destiny.

785
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:55,040
Speaker 1: He wanted to make it work. For destiny and we

786
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: did have like, we did have respect for each other.

787
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: I did not want to date a Christian man. I

788
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:04,759
Speaker 1: had tried to do that, like whenever I got back

789
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 1: into kind of I didn't try to be but women's ministry.

790
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:12,120
Speaker 1: I started dating someone that was in the church, and

791
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 1: it was just a really traumatic experience for me. And

792
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,239
Speaker 1: I'm like, if Christians are like this, then like I

793
00:38:19,239 --> 00:38:21,640
Speaker 1: would rather a non Christian man and him be honest

794
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:25,240
Speaker 1: about who he is, then a man that is a Christian.

795
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: But there was still healing that need to happen. So

796
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:29,399
Speaker 1: I don't hold anything against him, but it was very

797
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,040
Speaker 1: traumatic for me. So I was like at this point

798
00:38:32,600 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 1: and then growing up in the church, seeing men being

799
00:38:36,200 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 1: abusive in the church, seeing this the women need to submit.

800
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:46,040
Speaker 1: My mom was abused, so seeing my mom falling into

801
00:38:46,080 --> 00:38:47,920
Speaker 1: the trap of I'm a wife, I need to submit

802
00:38:47,960 --> 00:38:51,359
Speaker 1: and I never leave. So that's what I grew up with.

803
00:38:52,040 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 1: And my mom, you know, she did her best, but

804
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,879
Speaker 1: she was a victim herself. So I had a very

805
00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:01,560
Speaker 1: skewed perspective of Christian men and I would rather a

806
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:04,200
Speaker 1: man that's like, I don't believe in God. This is

807
00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:05,880
Speaker 1: what you're getting and he was a good I mean

808
00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:07,759
Speaker 1: he is a good guy, like my daughter's father is

809
00:39:07,800 --> 00:39:10,719
Speaker 1: a good guy. And he loved me and I did

810
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,560
Speaker 1: love him, so I was like, well, this is this

811
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:18,800
Speaker 1: is it. But we never we got engaged twice and

812
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 1: twice when I when we ended it the first time,

813
00:39:22,680 --> 00:39:25,640
Speaker 1: it was just we just the more I healed and

814
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:28,759
Speaker 1: grew in my relationship with God, the more it just

815
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: was like we're so we're going so different down different paths,

816
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:35,000
Speaker 1: and I do want a man covering me when it

817
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:38,360
Speaker 1: comes like I wanted that spiritual covering. Then unfortunately he

818
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,320
Speaker 1: just couldn't give me. Again, he's a great man, just

819
00:39:40,360 --> 00:39:45,960
Speaker 1: he couldn't give that to me. And then I it

820
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 1: takes some.

821
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:51,560
Speaker 3: Time, you know, get gage. So they propose again and

822
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 3: be like yeah there me. Yeah, the whole proposal thing.

823
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,560
Speaker 1: I mean, it wasn't like a big proposal the second time,

824
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:01,440
Speaker 1: but yeah, it was like we I'm big on healing,

825
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,839
Speaker 1: and if you're not healing too, I can't carry your

826
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:09,120
Speaker 1: healing for you. So I was carrying a lot of that.

827
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:12,120
Speaker 6: So when you said yes, how long did that yes last?

828
00:40:12,320 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: Well, after the first one, let's see how long I

829
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 1: think that was? The first one lasted a year, but

830
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 1: we never actually went to moving into marriage.

831
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 3: Like toward meeting away.

832
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: It was just we were just kind of sitting there.

833
00:40:26,160 --> 00:40:29,960
Speaker 1: And then whenever I you know, we ended things the

834
00:40:29,960 --> 00:40:33,680
Speaker 1: first time, then I you know, was I got back

835
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:35,520
Speaker 1: into church. So I'd been out of church for about

836
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,400
Speaker 1: eight years at this point, eight years. Yeah, I was

837
00:40:38,440 --> 00:40:42,000
Speaker 1: like healing, and I mean in my hiding place, literally isolating.

838
00:40:42,120 --> 00:40:47,279
Speaker 1: I just wanted I wanted to really really heal my

839
00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:48,360
Speaker 1: wound with church.

840
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 3: So if we put time, how old are you at

841
00:40:51,800 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 3: this time twenty eight twenty six.

842
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:59,200
Speaker 1: Let's see, I think I'm like twenty eight twenty nine. Yeah,

843
00:40:59,080 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: when I've first when I got back into church, I

844
00:41:01,719 --> 00:41:04,239
Speaker 1: was or maybe thirty from thirty fours was about three

845
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 1: years ago. Was when I got back into church. And

846
00:41:06,719 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 1: whenever I had we had I had left the first

847
00:41:08,640 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 1: time and started getting back into church, but no Christian

848
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:22,440
Speaker 1: man was coming around, and honestly, I got tired. I

849
00:41:22,600 --> 00:41:24,800
Speaker 1: just I just had this weight.

850
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:26,239
Speaker 2: Over me for a very long time. I don't have

851
00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:27,520
Speaker 2: it now, but just this.

852
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:35,240
Speaker 1: Discouragement, discouragement, major discouragement, and I felt silly for thinking

853
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:36,000
Speaker 1: a Christian.

854
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:36,320
Speaker 2: Man will want me.

855
00:41:37,440 --> 00:41:38,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, because of testimony.

856
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:41,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I need my man needs to understand my

857
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:45,319
Speaker 1: story and some Christian men can't handle my story and

858
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:49,160
Speaker 1: I understand that. So I then was like, well, you

859
00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 1: know it's not gonna happen, Michelle, Like you want marriage,

860
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:57,120
Speaker 1: let's just you know, settle here. And and ultimately I

861
00:41:57,160 --> 00:41:58,759
Speaker 1: was in alignment with what he was looking for to

862
00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:02,439
Speaker 1: you know this very different people. So then I went

863
00:42:02,480 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 1: back got back together, but it was really more so

864
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,319
Speaker 1: of we just knew it was over and we just

865
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: were trying to kind of do one last try, and

866
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 1: it just was we're, you know, we're going to go that.

867
00:42:14,520 --> 00:42:19,400
Speaker 1: I mean maybe three months. It didn't last long. And

868
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 1: so you know, I, I though, was always on this

869
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:26,520
Speaker 1: growth journey for the last ten years. So it's really

870
00:42:26,600 --> 00:42:28,720
Speaker 1: hard for me to be with someone that is not growing.

871
00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:32,239
Speaker 1: Like if I'm going here and you're staying here, and

872
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,359
Speaker 1: if you don't want to heal, I'm not going to

873
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 1: force you. That has to be your decision. But I

874
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: also can't carry you. And I'm a carrier I am.

875
00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:43,080
Speaker 1: I love to serve.

876
00:42:42,840 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 2: People, that's my love language. I love to take care.

877
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:47,880
Speaker 1: I'm a nurture at heart, So for me, I have

878
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: to be careful because I tend to take on people's

879
00:42:50,560 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 1: stuff and I want to bring them to the next

880
00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,680
Speaker 1: like your destiny is right here, let's go. And if

881
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 1: I want it more than you, like, that's that's a problem.

882
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:00,600
Speaker 1: And so I learned a latch relationship.

883
00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 2: Her name is Yeah.

884
00:43:02,760 --> 00:43:05,439
Speaker 3: She said, you try to get together for destiny.

885
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:09,120
Speaker 1: Tried, but I learned so much in that relationship. But

886
00:43:09,160 --> 00:43:10,759
Speaker 1: I learned so much about myself too.

887
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:13,600
Speaker 6: What did you learn about yourself?

888
00:43:14,320 --> 00:43:16,359
Speaker 2: I learned I know what I'm looking for now.

889
00:43:16,920 --> 00:43:19,120
Speaker 6: So when you say that so here it is.

890
00:43:19,200 --> 00:43:22,160
Speaker 3: It's interesting because at first you were like Christian men

891
00:43:22,440 --> 00:43:26,200
Speaker 3: cause trauma, and now you're saying, I will not settle

892
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,399
Speaker 3: having somebody's god.

893
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:29,640
Speaker 2: That's number one for me.

894
00:43:29,719 --> 00:43:32,920
Speaker 3: Now, what's the difference, Like when you say that you

895
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,680
Speaker 3: want to covering sometimes we use that in Christianese, and

896
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:38,680
Speaker 3: you may hear women, yeah, because you may hear that

897
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,080
Speaker 3: like covering, we want to cover and like people may

898
00:43:41,160 --> 00:43:43,680
Speaker 3: watch this that's not believe and be like, I don't

899
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,759
Speaker 3: even know what that means, you know, and they may

900
00:43:45,880 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 3: relegate covering to I need somebody to cover these bills,

901
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 3: to make sure that they cover this. But what does

902
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:52,560
Speaker 3: covering look like for me?

903
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,000
Speaker 1: It's having a man pray over me. So that's what

904
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 1: I mean by covering. I can't wait like I long

905
00:43:58,800 --> 00:44:03,640
Speaker 1: for covering by a man, my man, and I can't

906
00:44:03,640 --> 00:44:05,840
Speaker 1: wait for that day where he is praying over me,

907
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:08,480
Speaker 1: because I'll be praying over you. I'll be I believe

908
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:11,560
Speaker 1: it's mutual, like I'm to cover you as well. There's

909
00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:13,280
Speaker 1: going to be seasons where I need to be strong

910
00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 1: for you, and then you're going to be strong for me.

911
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: So financial, no, I can't carry us financially, but I

912
00:44:21,000 --> 00:44:23,560
Speaker 1: also don't expect you to make six figures.

913
00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:25,160
Speaker 2: I also am.

914
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:27,799
Speaker 1: So the financial covering is kind of like the last

915
00:44:27,840 --> 00:44:32,040
Speaker 1: piece for me, but more so the spiritual and emotional covering,

916
00:44:32,600 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 1: like where I can be safe with you, where I

917
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,759
Speaker 1: can share all of it, and I want to be

918
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: able to go to you.

919
00:44:39,680 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 2: And say, hey, God told me this. I heard.

920
00:44:42,000 --> 00:44:44,480
Speaker 1: I woke up this morning and God said this. Can

921
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 1: we pray about it together?

922
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 2: That's what I mean.

923
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 3: Do you feel like a lot of people misjudge you?

924
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:53,239
Speaker 3: A lot of men may deem you as the typical

925
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 3: I bet you she because I hear a lot of

926
00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:59,320
Speaker 3: men comment under women's pages when they stand they're single,

927
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 3: and they say, see, you don't want the man. It

928
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 3: ain't making six vigures. You don't want the man. You

929
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:06,440
Speaker 3: overlook him, and they assume a certain thing. Have you

930
00:45:06,600 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 3: dated guys that assumed that you were looking for something

931
00:45:10,239 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 3: totally different than what you were from a financial standpoint?

932
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 1: Well, I haven't dated much, just because it's been not

933
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 1: even well almost a year. But in talking to you know,

934
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:29,839
Speaker 1: guys I have, I think they think that I'm going

935
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:32,200
Speaker 1: to be one way. They think I'm out here in

936
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 1: the streets. Yeah, they think I'm out here talking to

937
00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:39,880
Speaker 1: all these guys, and I'm not. I'm very very selective.

938
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 1: I'm very intentional. I spend so much time just me

939
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:46,359
Speaker 1: and my daughter. I don't have guys over, I don't

940
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:48,480
Speaker 1: have guys i'm talking to on the phone, and so

941
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:52,240
Speaker 1: I'm really in my season of like me and God

942
00:45:52,880 --> 00:45:55,160
Speaker 1: and waiting.

943
00:45:54,880 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 2: For that person. So I've just had guys.

944
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:01,440
Speaker 1: Think that, like, oh, you get so much attention you,

945
00:46:01,920 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 1: I know you get flown out. I know you're entertaining.

946
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,239
Speaker 1: I know you're doing this, and I don't know what

947
00:46:06,280 --> 00:46:08,920
Speaker 1: it is about me that makes and you know what

948
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 1: I had to go through my Instagram, and I completely

949
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:13,640
Speaker 1: shifted my Instagram this year too, because I wanted to

950
00:46:13,719 --> 00:46:16,799
Speaker 1: show up different too. If you want different, you have

951
00:46:16,880 --> 00:46:22,120
Speaker 1: to move different. That's goodt for uh, I mean for me?

952
00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 1: Was I was. I noticed I was attracting. I still attracted,

953
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:29,720
Speaker 1: but not as much originally. Whenever I first was single again,

954
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 1: I was getting a lot of athlete type of men

955
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 1: in my d ms, wanting to fly me out. And

956
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 1: I was like, what is it about me that thinks

957
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:41,920
Speaker 1: I would do this? Seriously, like there's so many other

958
00:46:41,960 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: women that would love to be and I why.

959
00:46:45,680 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 4: What what do you believe?

960
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:47,799
Speaker 2: It was?

961
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:54,080
Speaker 1: Well, I had to go back and look because I

962
00:46:54,160 --> 00:46:58,560
Speaker 1: was like, there's a reason why I've attracted this Partially,

963
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:00,879
Speaker 1: I mean, I was. It's not like I was out

964
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 1: here posting a lot of like promiscuous pictures, but some

965
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:08,440
Speaker 1: of them I was in tight dresses. I mean, but still, Honestly,

966
00:47:08,480 --> 00:47:10,759
Speaker 1: I can't really tell you what was other than I

967
00:47:11,800 --> 00:47:15,400
Speaker 1: there's a spiritual aspect to things always, so it could

968
00:47:15,800 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 1: I think distractions, Okay, we're gonna we're gonna try and

969
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:21,799
Speaker 1: distract you now like that enemy knows knows ways that

970
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:22,800
Speaker 1: worked in the past.

971
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:25,720
Speaker 2: That and I passed the test.

972
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:32,000
Speaker 5: This year, I passed the test putting those pictures on

973
00:47:32,040 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 5: private or.

974
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 2: Yes, I would. I was archiving now.

975
00:47:34,640 --> 00:47:36,799
Speaker 1: It was funny because like I would change all the time,

976
00:47:36,880 --> 00:47:38,920
Speaker 1: so like I'd archive one one week and then oh

977
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:41,160
Speaker 1: no it's fine, and then an archive and then I

978
00:47:41,239 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 1: was going through a little identity like I did. Yes,

979
00:47:45,680 --> 00:47:48,239
Speaker 1: but I was like, no, what what you have to

980
00:47:48,680 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 1: know what you want to attract? So I would journal

981
00:47:51,480 --> 00:47:54,440
Speaker 1: what am I trying to attract this season? Do I

982
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,719
Speaker 1: really want my husband? Am I really ready for him?

983
00:47:57,080 --> 00:47:59,360
Speaker 3: And so see that's the key right there. You just

984
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 3: hit you hit something real good. Thank you Holy Spirit,

985
00:48:03,560 --> 00:48:06,800
Speaker 3: because you said something that a lot of times people

986
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:11,600
Speaker 3: don't articulate. From thirteen you write letters to your future husband.

987
00:48:11,960 --> 00:48:14,200
Speaker 3: But then here you are in this other season you're saying,

988
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:16,960
Speaker 3: I just came out of this engagement. Here I am,

989
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:21,000
Speaker 3: Now this is what I want? Am I actually ready

990
00:48:21,040 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 3: for him? Because a lot of times women always penalized

991
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:28,600
Speaker 3: men for not wife in y'all, But a lot of

992
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:33,279
Speaker 3: intentional men have run into women that maybe in the

993
00:48:33,320 --> 00:48:35,879
Speaker 3: season that you were in, and he's like, oh can't

994
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:39,120
Speaker 3: you see me? And you like, I don't think I'm

995
00:48:39,160 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 3: really ready for a relationship for mayors like that. And

996
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,160
Speaker 3: then that guy has a different testimony. He's like, I

997
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,280
Speaker 3: met this woman, I felt like she was the one.

998
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:50,080
Speaker 3: I told her this. I didn't care about her past.

999
00:48:50,160 --> 00:48:53,160
Speaker 3: I didn't care about this. I love how she mothered

1000
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 3: her child, and she really wasn't responded. It didn't make

1001
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 3: no time for me. She was so busy.

1002
00:49:00,560 --> 00:49:03,040
Speaker 6: She never had a time even going to date with me.

1003
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,719
Speaker 1: See, I think when people do that, they're really just

1004
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:07,359
Speaker 1: not into you.

1005
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:09,719
Speaker 2: I really do.

1006
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 1: I do because, to be honest, it's just because, and

1007
00:49:21,280 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 1: I do agree with you. There's women that say they're

1008
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:26,120
Speaker 1: ready and they're really not ready. But also I might

1009
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 1: not be ready, but I'll get myself ready.

1010
00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:37,040
Speaker 4: No, that's good, that's good. I'm gonna get it together.

1011
00:49:40,080 --> 00:49:41,759
Speaker 2: Back in two months.

1012
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:45,800
Speaker 4: But as I see you see what look, and I'll.

1013
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,439
Speaker 1: Tell him, like if I really like I'm into him,

1014
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:50,840
Speaker 1: and I see you, give me two months.

1015
00:49:50,920 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 2: Let's pray on this.

1016
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:55,359
Speaker 1: But like, I'll keep him around and I will make

1017
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:57,880
Speaker 1: it clear I'm into him, right I'm not gonna ignore

1018
00:49:57,960 --> 00:49:59,920
Speaker 1: him or be I don't have time for you, TI

1019
00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:00,400
Speaker 1: for you.

1020
00:50:00,440 --> 00:50:02,040
Speaker 2: I just might not be ready right now.

1021
00:50:05,040 --> 00:50:07,880
Speaker 3: Can I please?

1022
00:50:08,040 --> 00:50:08,720
Speaker 6: I'm interested.

1023
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,600
Speaker 1: We need friendship first anyway. Yeah, so let's let's take

1024
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:17,160
Speaker 1: this time like I would be intentional about being your friend.

1025
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:18,120
Speaker 6: That's what I'm talking about.

1026
00:50:18,800 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good.

1027
00:50:20,080 --> 00:50:25,040
Speaker 5: I wanted to you said you spoke about attracting, Uh,

1028
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:29,400
Speaker 5: you know the right guy. Curious because we talked a

1029
00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:33,040
Speaker 5: little bit about attraction and you didn't mention it in

1030
00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:34,480
Speaker 5: your list.

1031
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 4: Of what's kind of important.

1032
00:50:36,880 --> 00:50:39,840
Speaker 5: But there's this huge kind of debate about, you know,

1033
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 5: attraction and what you need to feel and should you

1034
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 5: say yes because you're attracted? So what are your thoughts

1035
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:49,320
Speaker 5: on just this whole conversation of attraction attraction physically.

1036
00:50:57,840 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 3: I want to.

1037
00:51:00,560 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 6: Know might make my right question.

1038
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:09,040
Speaker 1: Okay, physical attraction, it's changed for me throughout the years,

1039
00:51:09,400 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: So what I used to find attractive is no longer

1040
00:51:12,000 --> 00:51:15,799
Speaker 1: attractive to me now. But it's kind of similar, like

1041
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:17,640
Speaker 1: the physical it's so hard for me not to talk

1042
00:51:17,680 --> 00:51:19,239
Speaker 1: about other things.

1043
00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:19,759
Speaker 6: That we're gonna do.

1044
00:51:19,800 --> 00:51:22,720
Speaker 3: We're gonna talk about and then we're gonna we're gonna graduate.

1045
00:51:22,320 --> 00:51:22,879
Speaker 2: To that park.

1046
00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: Okay, physical attraction for me, it's so hard.

1047
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 3: It's hard. That's what changed from though, So that means

1048
00:51:33,560 --> 00:51:36,279
Speaker 3: you had because what happens is people talk from a

1049
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:39,360
Speaker 3: space of growth, not realizing before you you didn't. You

1050
00:51:39,400 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 3: didn't see this other side that you see. Now you

1051
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:44,200
Speaker 3: saw this dude, that's fine, he's whatever height, you like,

1052
00:51:44,280 --> 00:51:46,720
Speaker 3: whatever physique is. You didn't care about the other stuff.

1053
00:51:46,760 --> 00:51:48,719
Speaker 3: Now you become evolved, you go, let's hard me and

1054
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 3: talk about that. No, you talked about it then, so

1055
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 3: now you're able to say, yes, I don't mind that.

1056
00:51:54,520 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 8: Uh.

1057
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:59,799
Speaker 3: I don't want to give you words. But physically is

1058
00:51:59,800 --> 00:52:01,840
Speaker 3: that important? From a physical standpoint.

1059
00:52:01,520 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 2: It is important to me that you have to be attractportant.

1060
00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 1: I need to be attracted to you, but I might

1061
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:09,840
Speaker 1: be like I can have two men that I'm attracted to,

1062
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:11,280
Speaker 1: but they can look different.

1063
00:52:11,719 --> 00:52:12,239
Speaker 4: Right yep.

1064
00:52:12,520 --> 00:52:16,400
Speaker 5: So what you're saying, there's no specific type exactly, but

1065
00:52:16,600 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 5: not a very specific type.

1066
00:52:19,640 --> 00:52:23,040
Speaker 3: So let's say this. We're gonna make this fictitious man

1067
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:26,440
Speaker 3: that you say from physical physically, what were you attracted to?

1068
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:30,880
Speaker 2: Six foot? Okay, so it's a height requirements, a chocolate man.

1069
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 6: All right?

1070
00:52:31,160 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 2: Skin tone color, uh, athletic?

1071
00:52:34,160 --> 00:52:34,680
Speaker 6: Athletic?

1072
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 3: Now would you date somebody shorter than six weeks?

1073
00:52:38,120 --> 00:52:38,400
Speaker 2: Yes?

1074
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:41,200
Speaker 3: Would you date somebody that's not chocolate. Yes, would you

1075
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:43,000
Speaker 3: date somebody that doesn't have an athletic build?

1076
00:52:44,120 --> 00:52:49,640
Speaker 2: Yes, you have to still be healthy. Okay, you don't

1077
00:52:49,680 --> 00:52:49,960
Speaker 2: have to.

1078
00:52:50,120 --> 00:52:51,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, you got to be all cut up and yeah.

1079
00:52:53,320 --> 00:52:56,320
Speaker 3: So that means that you've you've had some variances between

1080
00:52:56,360 --> 00:52:58,200
Speaker 3: those three things. Yeah, that's what I mean from a

1081
00:52:58,200 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 3: physical standpoint, because sometimes will say, if he's not six feet.

1082
00:53:01,480 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 6: I don't care how good God is, I don't want him.

1083
00:53:04,200 --> 00:53:06,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I'm short, so I can you. You

1084
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:08,359
Speaker 1: don't have to be six ft. I'm five to one,

1085
00:53:08,640 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: as long as you're taller than me or the same

1086
00:53:10,760 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: pike you.

1087
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 6: So you're a day of God.

1088
00:53:12,680 --> 00:53:17,120
Speaker 2: That's five to one, a five to one man. But

1089
00:53:17,680 --> 00:53:23,000
Speaker 2: that might be my husband. She's open it.

1090
00:53:23,160 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 5: Okay.

1091
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:26,680
Speaker 1: So as long as like we're heels and you're here, oh,

1092
00:53:26,719 --> 00:53:30,000
Speaker 1: then he can't be five okay maybe five two five, three?

1093
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:34,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, we'll say that. Yeah, these aren't too high.

1094
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:37,240
Speaker 2: But you know what, Shorter men give better hugs.

1095
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:38,799
Speaker 3: Oh they do.

1096
00:53:39,120 --> 00:53:41,520
Speaker 2: Tall guys. I'm like, you're you're tall and anything like this.

1097
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:44,320
Speaker 2: Shorter men you're like, oh we can like that.

1098
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:47,439
Speaker 5: I can't even give you a hoh because I'm five

1099
00:53:47,480 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 5: to one as well, So you're right, yeah, so I

1100
00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 5: don't need a six.

1101
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 4: Like yeah, yeah, yeah.

1102
00:53:53,480 --> 00:53:57,120
Speaker 1: But back to the attracting, Like, I shifted my Instagram

1103
00:53:57,600 --> 00:54:00,400
Speaker 1: to be more of what I was trying to atract

1104
00:54:00,520 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 1: and who I am, Like, it's very authentic, this is

1105
00:54:03,120 --> 00:54:05,359
Speaker 1: who I am, so honestly, if I was being real,

1106
00:54:05,440 --> 00:54:06,840
Speaker 1: if I'm being real with you, what I was posting

1107
00:54:06,880 --> 00:54:10,360
Speaker 1: a little bit before was all women want to be desired,

1108
00:54:10,880 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 1: and I was giving into Now I'm single, so I

1109
00:54:12,880 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 1: want to be desired, you know, you know, So I

1110
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:18,040
Speaker 1: was posting a little different, not too crazy, but now

1111
00:54:18,080 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm so purpose driven on like I don't want you

1112
00:54:22,160 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 1: to just want me for my body. I want you

1113
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:25,879
Speaker 1: to see me from my heart, and so women need

1114
00:54:25,920 --> 00:54:28,240
Speaker 1: to show up different and we don't get this piece.

1115
00:54:28,520 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 3: So this is what I was So I'm glad you

1116
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 3: went to that. So, women, if you wanted men to

1117
00:54:35,320 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 3: be attracted to who you are, post more who you are.

1118
00:54:39,080 --> 00:54:41,759
Speaker 3: If you're in ministry, don't be afraid to post you

1119
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:45,200
Speaker 3: at an event where we're speaking and speaking the event,

1120
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:48,840
Speaker 3: don't be afraid to post what you do because what

1121
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:52,640
Speaker 3: happens is is that intentional man a man that's purpose driven.

1122
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 3: He's going to look at your social media and be like, oh,

1123
00:54:55,280 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 3: she does that. I see my wife doing that. Because

1124
00:55:00,640 --> 00:55:02,880
Speaker 3: if you just if it's all just selfie selfie selfies,

1125
00:55:03,040 --> 00:55:05,120
Speaker 3: then what does that say about you that all I

1126
00:55:05,160 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 3: care about is myself and it's just my image. All

1127
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:10,560
Speaker 3: you're selling is your physical appearance on every It's like,

1128
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 3: how many pictures you're gonna post? Have just shown you?

1129
00:55:13,600 --> 00:55:16,200
Speaker 3: I know women that post a selfie every single day,

1130
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:18,479
Speaker 3: and I'd be like, why do you You just really

1131
00:55:18,520 --> 00:55:20,880
Speaker 3: like seeing yourself, don't you? Every single day? Like every

1132
00:55:20,960 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 3: single day, every single day. And so what happens is

1133
00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:26,600
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, you have to get

1134
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 3: to the point to where you start posting what you do.

1135
00:55:29,480 --> 00:55:31,680
Speaker 3: If you're seeing you on a purpose, partner, then post

1136
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:34,040
Speaker 3: your purpose and then the guy will be attracted to

1137
00:55:34,040 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 3: that if you're post Some people don't mind having their

1138
00:55:38,480 --> 00:55:39,880
Speaker 3: kids on social media or whatever.

1139
00:55:40,040 --> 00:55:42,000
Speaker 6: If that's you know, if that's.

1140
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,919
Speaker 3: Post a picture with your kid, play with your kids.

1141
00:55:43,960 --> 00:55:46,360
Speaker 3: So dude, be like, I like, she has this good

1142
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:48,480
Speaker 3: mother and nature, but I like that, you know what

1143
00:55:48,480 --> 00:55:51,480
Speaker 3: I'm saying. And then when he's approaching you, he's approaching

1144
00:55:51,520 --> 00:55:52,919
Speaker 3: you not having to ask so many questions.

1145
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:54,439
Speaker 6: So what do you do? What is this?

1146
00:55:54,880 --> 00:55:58,799
Speaker 3: He automatically knows that, and you'll attract totally differently, because

1147
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:01,279
Speaker 3: at the end of the day, if all you're talking about,

1148
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:04,640
Speaker 3: like you're posting videos about, like back in the day

1149
00:56:04,760 --> 00:56:08,040
Speaker 3: when you were preaching about celibacy and abstinence and all

1150
00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:11,200
Speaker 3: that purity, it ain't gonna surprise him. That guy typically

1151
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:15,680
Speaker 3: ain't gonna d m you a penis pick when all

1152
00:56:15,920 --> 00:56:18,480
Speaker 3: your whole thing is about about purity.

1153
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 8: You know, really you read the room like yeah, yeah,

1154
00:56:24,960 --> 00:56:28,320
Speaker 8: But what do you say, babe, to those women who

1155
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,360
Speaker 8: because the attention thing is is good?

1156
00:56:30,840 --> 00:56:34,360
Speaker 5: Like I noticed with social media things really shifted and

1157
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:36,880
Speaker 5: I was like, oh, we might be in trouble because

1158
00:56:36,920 --> 00:56:39,640
Speaker 5: now you can just sort of I mean, you could

1159
00:56:39,640 --> 00:56:44,240
Speaker 5: be naked, right, and that will get a lot of attention,

1160
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:50,480
Speaker 5: bad bad attention. But for for right, those those young women,

1161
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:54,239
Speaker 5: those women who maybe are broken or some women just

1162
00:56:54,320 --> 00:56:55,560
Speaker 5: feel like this is me.

1163
00:56:56,000 --> 00:56:57,920
Speaker 4: You can see it all, you know, that's what I

1164
00:56:57,960 --> 00:56:58,359
Speaker 4: have to show.

1165
00:56:58,440 --> 00:57:02,440
Speaker 5: So what do you say as a husband, my husband,

1166
00:57:02,480 --> 00:57:06,640
Speaker 5: as a man to a group of women who are like, listen,

1167
00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:09,880
Speaker 5: I am single, I am thirty four.

1168
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 4: I am in my mid thirties.

1169
00:57:11,160 --> 00:57:13,839
Speaker 5: I do desire this, And obviously Michelle has made this

1170
00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:16,560
Speaker 5: great shift to say this is who I am, So

1171
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:18,920
Speaker 5: you're gonna have to give me attention for the right reasons.

1172
00:57:18,920 --> 00:57:20,480
Speaker 5: But what do you say if there are women who

1173
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:20,880
Speaker 5: are like.

1174
00:57:21,320 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 4: I don't know this dress.

1175
00:57:23,800 --> 00:57:26,680
Speaker 5: Look, I'm saying I got to get attention because I

1176
00:57:26,720 --> 00:57:28,240
Speaker 5: don't know how much more time I got and I

1177
00:57:28,280 --> 00:57:30,000
Speaker 5: got this body, and I don't know how.

1178
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:31,040
Speaker 4: Much longer I'm going to have it.

1179
00:57:31,120 --> 00:57:34,040
Speaker 5: So I'm trying to show it off and I'm trying

1180
00:57:34,040 --> 00:57:35,120
Speaker 5: to get fluod out.

1181
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:38,080
Speaker 3: And if that's what you want, then that's what you'll get.

1182
00:57:38,120 --> 00:57:40,120
Speaker 3: The Bible says out the abundance of the heart the

1183
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,960
Speaker 3: mouth speaking, So if that's in your heart's intent, your

1184
00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,800
Speaker 3: heart's intent is I want to get fluid out, I

1185
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:48,400
Speaker 3: want a free meal, I want to go to I

1186
00:57:48,440 --> 00:57:51,240
Speaker 3: want to go fly to see us here. And Chris Brown,

1187
00:57:51,280 --> 00:57:53,840
Speaker 3: if that's your desire and you're posting like that and

1188
00:57:53,880 --> 00:57:56,240
Speaker 3: you're saying that's what I want, I guarantee you it's

1189
00:57:56,280 --> 00:57:59,080
Speaker 3: coming in your DMS, it's coming in the comment section.

1190
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:03,000
Speaker 3: Because what you have in your heart, you will attract.

1191
00:58:03,480 --> 00:58:05,720
Speaker 3: Also if you want to make a shift and say,

1192
00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:08,360
Speaker 3: you know what, I always ask people this. I never

1193
00:58:08,400 --> 00:58:10,960
Speaker 3: criticize people. I always ask them, how's that working out

1194
00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 3: for you? I used to ask women that all the time,

1195
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:16,360
Speaker 3: ask my homeboys that they said, Man, I want I

1196
00:58:16,400 --> 00:58:18,480
Speaker 3: want this, I want this type of woman. I'll say,

1197
00:58:18,520 --> 00:58:21,520
Speaker 3: how's that working out for you? Because what that makes

1198
00:58:21,560 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 3: you do is do some internal work to say, how's

1199
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:26,360
Speaker 3: that working out for me? Well, I haven't did that.

1200
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:29,320
Speaker 3: And like Michelle said, she said, let me see what

1201
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:32,520
Speaker 3: I'm doing that's attracting this. Because if I'm saying I

1202
00:58:32,560 --> 00:58:35,920
Speaker 3: want a husband, what am I doing that I'm not

1203
00:58:36,080 --> 00:58:39,560
Speaker 3: meeting husbands in my DMS? What is that? And then

1204
00:58:39,600 --> 00:58:43,200
Speaker 3: you go, look, if you have any side of accountability

1205
00:58:43,200 --> 00:58:45,680
Speaker 3: in your soul, then you'll look and go, Okay, let

1206
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:47,400
Speaker 3: me see what can I do to shift? And like

1207
00:58:47,440 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 3: she said, she don't even get that no more. You

1208
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:51,960
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. So it's like you did something

1209
00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:56,200
Speaker 3: that brought that into your DMS and then you did

1210
00:58:56,240 --> 00:59:00,240
Speaker 3: something to stop it. We control so much, and well,

1211
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:04,120
Speaker 3: women don't understand. Some women don't. She understood it because

1212
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:06,520
Speaker 3: she was in that industry to know how to use

1213
00:59:06,560 --> 00:59:08,880
Speaker 3: her body to get what she wanted. Just the same thing.

1214
00:59:08,960 --> 00:59:13,040
Speaker 3: She said, I had control. That powerful words, she says,

1215
00:59:13,080 --> 00:59:15,080
Speaker 3: she said I had control, and I loved that I

1216
00:59:15,200 --> 00:59:17,560
Speaker 3: was in a position of control. I can make a

1217
00:59:17,600 --> 00:59:21,480
Speaker 3: man break bread. He can't even touch me. So it's

1218
00:59:21,520 --> 00:59:24,280
Speaker 3: the same thing. It's like, oh, I can control this.

1219
00:59:24,360 --> 00:59:27,080
Speaker 3: That's the beauty of a woman that she has this power.

1220
00:59:27,080 --> 00:59:30,600
Speaker 3: When we look at Delilah, Delilah gets a bad rap

1221
00:59:30,640 --> 00:59:34,360
Speaker 3: because of how she handled her power, how she handled

1222
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 3: her control. But always say, if women of God can

1223
00:59:37,720 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 3: understand the power and the influence that you have over men,

1224
00:59:40,880 --> 00:59:44,080
Speaker 3: you'll know how to use it for God's glory. And

1225
00:59:44,120 --> 00:59:47,440
Speaker 3: so the Bible says that Sampson found a safe place

1226
00:59:47,480 --> 00:59:49,520
Speaker 3: to lay his head at the end of the day.

1227
00:59:49,600 --> 00:59:52,720
Speaker 3: As manipulative as she was, as deceitful as she was,

1228
00:59:52,800 --> 00:59:55,880
Speaker 3: she still provided a safe place. And so the woman

1229
00:59:55,960 --> 00:59:58,720
Speaker 3: that's the gold digger. You see, that woman's always getting

1230
00:59:58,960 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 3: Christian Lubetan's and Chanel persons and all that because she said,

1231
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 3: this is what I want. And then she uses that empower,

1232
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,520
Speaker 3: that power, that influence. She can sit at the bar

1233
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:11,000
Speaker 3: and walk away with ten thousand dollars being transferred into account.

1234
01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:12,760
Speaker 3: You'd be like, how do you do it? How in

1235
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 3: the world do you do that? She learned how to

1236
01:00:15,200 --> 01:00:18,919
Speaker 3: use that level of influence. And it's also a whole

1237
01:00:18,920 --> 01:00:20,800
Speaker 3: spirit because that's a whole suck of the spirit and

1238
01:00:20,800 --> 01:00:23,480
Speaker 3: all that other stuff. So what happens is is that

1239
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:25,880
Speaker 3: she submitted to that. Well, if you start submitting to

1240
01:00:25,920 --> 01:00:29,000
Speaker 3: the authority of God and say, God, you have my

1241
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:31,720
Speaker 3: husband out there, I want him to see me. Because

1242
01:00:31,720 --> 01:00:35,360
Speaker 3: it all starts from everybody always goes back to he

1243
01:00:35,480 --> 01:00:39,959
Speaker 3: saw me, he saw me, she saw me. That means

1244
01:00:39,960 --> 01:00:43,520
Speaker 3: that you have to change your prescription. Actually, always hears

1245
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 3: me talking to a lot of my homeboys when I

1246
01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 3: talk to them about changing your prescription on what you're

1247
01:00:48,160 --> 01:00:51,280
Speaker 3: attracted to, because a lot of times what we've become

1248
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:55,720
Speaker 3: so inundated and influenced by of our own attraction. Were like,

1249
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:58,120
Speaker 3: that's a type of woman I want. And you'd be like,

1250
01:00:58,360 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 3: how's that worked out for you?

1251
01:00:59,400 --> 01:00:59,880
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1252
01:01:00,160 --> 01:01:02,480
Speaker 3: I always ask you, how does that work out for you? Well?

1253
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:04,920
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean, dang, hear you right, for the

1254
01:01:05,000 --> 01:01:07,040
Speaker 3: lad twenty years I did, the type ain't worked out.

1255
01:01:07,080 --> 01:01:10,160
Speaker 6: So you want something different? Change your type?

1256
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:13,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, And so I'm glad to hear that you change

1257
01:01:13,760 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 3: that or whatever. My question to you is that have

1258
01:01:16,640 --> 01:01:20,200
Speaker 3: you gotten guys shooting a shot at you on a

1259
01:01:20,200 --> 01:01:23,480
Speaker 3: healthy standpoint, from a Christian standpoint?

1260
01:01:23,600 --> 01:01:27,320
Speaker 1: Well, so I didn't completely it didn't completely stop in

1261
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:30,720
Speaker 1: my DMS. It's just less. And now I'm just like,

1262
01:01:30,720 --> 01:01:32,880
Speaker 1: I don't know why why you're interested in me, because

1263
01:01:33,240 --> 01:01:35,120
Speaker 1: you go for any other woman, don't. You don't need

1264
01:01:35,160 --> 01:01:35,720
Speaker 1: to find me out.

1265
01:01:36,280 --> 01:01:38,320
Speaker 2: And that's where I feel like it's just a test, right.

1266
01:01:38,360 --> 01:01:40,080
Speaker 1: I feel like it's just and women need to have

1267
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:43,440
Speaker 1: enough discernment and knowledge of what they're looking for to

1268
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:45,400
Speaker 1: be able to just say no to that because I

1269
01:01:45,440 --> 01:01:46,600
Speaker 1: can completely cover up and.

1270
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:49,120
Speaker 2: We're still going to get course of Yeah.

1271
01:01:49,160 --> 01:01:55,680
Speaker 1: For me, I have yet to really be approached by

1272
01:01:55,720 --> 01:01:58,200
Speaker 1: a man where I'm like this could be it.

1273
01:01:59,200 --> 01:02:01,640
Speaker 6: He was really, would you date the guy church if you.

1274
01:02:01,680 --> 01:02:02,320
Speaker 2: Met my church?

1275
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:05,280
Speaker 3: Yeah? Absolutely, so that church, no guys shooting.

1276
01:02:05,480 --> 01:02:07,320
Speaker 2: No guy has approached me from that church.

1277
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:10,240
Speaker 6: So y'all have big singles.

1278
01:02:10,400 --> 01:02:11,760
Speaker 4: You want to say the name of the church, and.

1279
01:02:13,960 --> 01:02:15,280
Speaker 2: So you go to Union?

1280
01:02:15,360 --> 01:02:18,080
Speaker 6: Do you go to Union? Shout out to Stephen Chandler.

1281
01:02:18,160 --> 01:02:22,240
Speaker 3: He was on the podcast before UH and so you

1282
01:02:22,320 --> 01:02:26,200
Speaker 3: tell me these big singles events that I have a

1283
01:02:26,280 --> 01:02:28,840
Speaker 3: lot of attractive people, a lot of people that's getting

1284
01:02:28,960 --> 01:02:30,080
Speaker 3: taught the word of God.

1285
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:34,640
Speaker 6: What is that? So do you do you see other

1286
01:02:34,680 --> 01:02:35,280
Speaker 6: women get.

1287
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:37,720
Speaker 3: Approached or yeah, yeah, you're sitting there and you watch

1288
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:38,800
Speaker 3: guys shooting shot.

1289
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:41,200
Speaker 2: I mean I didn't really. This is my first singles

1290
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:41,800
Speaker 2: night that I went to.

1291
01:02:42,480 --> 01:02:45,480
Speaker 1: So that was my first one, and I didn't really

1292
01:02:45,520 --> 01:02:47,440
Speaker 1: stick around because I'm a mom and I need to

1293
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:50,520
Speaker 1: get home to my daughter. But my girlfriends, they got

1294
01:02:50,640 --> 01:02:53,240
Speaker 1: dates from it. They stuck around, right, they stuck.

1295
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:55,960
Speaker 4: You got to get a babysitter.

1296
01:02:57,080 --> 01:03:00,920
Speaker 3: That nobody approached me. I have a child. I had

1297
01:03:00,920 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 3: to leave immediately with my friends.

1298
01:03:04,720 --> 01:03:06,720
Speaker 4: There was a guy he was running behind me. He

1299
01:03:06,840 --> 01:03:08,600
Speaker 4: was probably trying to get to my car, but I

1300
01:03:08,640 --> 01:03:10,800
Speaker 4: already took off. I was, you know what time me

1301
01:03:10,880 --> 01:03:12,120
Speaker 4: from out.

1302
01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:15,080
Speaker 2: I didn't feel like it was my time. I was.

1303
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:17,400
Speaker 1: I was happy to be there and great, you know,

1304
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:22,760
Speaker 1: wisdom and conversations, but I didn't feel in my spirit

1305
01:03:22,800 --> 01:03:23,440
Speaker 1: I need to stay.

1306
01:03:24,120 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 2: So I'm.

1307
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:31,880
Speaker 1: Okay, I really didn't. But at my church, I have

1308
01:03:31,960 --> 01:03:34,800
Speaker 1: not been approached. So I'm trying to also make sure

1309
01:03:34,840 --> 01:03:38,080
Speaker 1: I don't. I think. I don't know if I'm approachable.

1310
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:41,600
Speaker 1: I hope I am. I'm a very warm person. But

1311
01:03:42,520 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 1: that might be something too, because I know other women

1312
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:48,240
Speaker 1: that have been approached, so I might. I don't want

1313
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:50,040
Speaker 1: to say I'm intimidating, but I have had guys tell

1314
01:03:50,080 --> 01:03:53,120
Speaker 1: me I can be intimidating. So but I believe that

1315
01:03:53,160 --> 01:03:56,480
Speaker 1: my man is going to have so much courage and

1316
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:58,400
Speaker 1: confidence he's gonna come right.

1317
01:03:58,280 --> 01:03:58,680
Speaker 3: Up to me.

1318
01:03:58,840 --> 01:04:02,880
Speaker 2: It doesn't work, he might observe first. So I there

1319
01:04:02,960 --> 01:04:04,880
Speaker 2: might be a man at church observing me right now,

1320
01:04:05,400 --> 01:04:06,640
Speaker 2: and this might be a signed to him.

1321
01:04:07,240 --> 01:04:09,760
Speaker 3: He'd be like my wife, My wife that went on

1322
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:12,880
Speaker 3: all these other dudes can be a a DM tell

1323
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:14,680
Speaker 3: me to shoot my shot now, Like.

1324
01:04:17,080 --> 01:04:20,760
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I really am looking for that friendship.

1325
01:04:20,880 --> 01:04:23,200
Speaker 2: You start off as friends and you.

1326
01:04:23,680 --> 01:04:27,200
Speaker 1: Right after church are I stick around a lot and

1327
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:30,320
Speaker 1: I'm on the worship team at a different campus. I'm

1328
01:04:30,440 --> 01:04:33,600
Speaker 1: very involved in my church, so I'm definitely being in

1329
01:04:33,640 --> 01:04:35,200
Speaker 1: a position where I can be seen.

1330
01:04:36,720 --> 01:04:41,200
Speaker 2: And then you know, I like that, I like that.

1331
01:04:41,480 --> 01:04:42,600
Speaker 2: I have a feeling it's coming.

1332
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:44,840
Speaker 3: I just still, yes, I'm gonna tell you this, this,

1333
01:04:44,840 --> 01:04:47,400
Speaker 3: this this thing called the dear future wife, you're fair. Yeah,

1334
01:04:47,840 --> 01:04:51,160
Speaker 3: people come on the podcast, You'll come on the podcast.

1335
01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 3: Next thing you know, you'll be you'll be a ring

1336
01:04:54,000 --> 01:04:54,960
Speaker 3: on your finger about the end.

1337
01:04:54,920 --> 01:04:55,320
Speaker 6: Of this year.

1338
01:04:55,520 --> 01:05:01,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, absolutely, then invite us to the wedding. But

1339
01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:06,400
Speaker 3: that's what happens though. It's this beautiful thing about intentionality.

1340
01:05:06,760 --> 01:05:09,000
Speaker 3: And so my question to you as we continue to

1341
01:05:09,040 --> 01:05:14,320
Speaker 3: wrap up, is, if you met a guy, do you

1342
01:05:14,400 --> 01:05:18,880
Speaker 3: have in your mind, like a timetable on what would

1343
01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:21,680
Speaker 3: be too soon for him to marry you or propose you.

1344
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,320
Speaker 2: I don't.

1345
01:05:25,000 --> 01:05:28,480
Speaker 1: I think if we spend a lot of time and

1346
01:05:28,600 --> 01:05:33,200
Speaker 1: intentional conversations, and I mean like, if we're having multiple deep,

1347
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:36,440
Speaker 1: long conversations, you can get to know someone a lot

1348
01:05:36,520 --> 01:05:38,640
Speaker 1: quicker than if you're not. So it just depends on

1349
01:05:38,680 --> 01:05:41,240
Speaker 1: I guess how intentional he is with me, where he's

1350
01:05:41,240 --> 01:05:43,320
Speaker 1: at in his life, where I'm at, where we're trying

1351
01:05:43,320 --> 01:05:45,560
Speaker 1: to go together. But I would like for it to

1352
01:05:45,640 --> 01:05:51,280
Speaker 1: happen like pretty quickly, Like I feel like it could

1353
01:05:51,360 --> 01:05:52,680
Speaker 1: happen quick So we say.

1354
01:05:52,680 --> 01:05:53,400
Speaker 6: Quickly, what does that mean?

1355
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:57,320
Speaker 1: Because quickly maybe like we get engaged within six months

1356
01:05:57,440 --> 01:05:58,960
Speaker 1: and then I don't want a long engagement.

1357
01:05:59,120 --> 01:06:00,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, something like that.

1358
01:06:00,920 --> 01:06:03,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, so money and a big deal to you. So

1359
01:06:03,600 --> 01:06:06,200
Speaker 3: are you on a big wedding or you said I

1360
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:06,840
Speaker 3: don't care about it?

1361
01:06:06,960 --> 01:06:07,600
Speaker 2: I think so.

1362
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:09,600
Speaker 1: I know, I really know how to make money go

1363
01:06:09,680 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 1: a long way.

1364
01:06:11,800 --> 01:06:13,840
Speaker 2: I know how to work on a budget. Okay, make

1365
01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:14,439
Speaker 2: it look great.

1366
01:06:14,840 --> 01:06:18,720
Speaker 1: So I would like to have the wedding I've always

1367
01:06:18,800 --> 01:06:22,440
Speaker 1: dreamed of, but nothing. It doesn't have to be super expensive,

1368
01:06:22,720 --> 01:06:26,640
Speaker 1: but just a lot of people to celebrate and just

1369
01:06:26,720 --> 01:06:30,040
Speaker 1: a beautiful, beautiful celebration of God's restoration.

1370
01:06:30,400 --> 01:06:31,800
Speaker 6: It's a lot of people. How many people?

1371
01:06:32,600 --> 01:06:34,920
Speaker 2: Oh goodness, I know a lot of people.

1372
01:06:35,640 --> 01:06:38,640
Speaker 1: I have a huge support system, and I feel like

1373
01:06:38,680 --> 01:06:40,200
Speaker 1: my person is going to be a connector and a

1374
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:40,840
Speaker 1: community person.

1375
01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:44,160
Speaker 2: So he's a lot of people out two hundred two hundred.

1376
01:06:44,360 --> 01:06:48,320
Speaker 5: You know. Yeah, I was going to just say you,

1377
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:50,680
Speaker 5: I know you hold on to scripture to get you

1378
01:06:50,760 --> 01:06:56,040
Speaker 5: through this waiting season? Yes, what scripture or scriptures would

1379
01:06:56,080 --> 01:06:59,280
Speaker 5: you say have gotten you through this period where you know,

1380
01:06:59,360 --> 01:07:01,240
Speaker 5: like it's a journey you were sharing with me. Some

1381
01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:03,520
Speaker 5: days are better than others, and some days you're sad.

1382
01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:04,960
Speaker 5: Some days it's like okay, God, some.

1383
01:07:05,080 --> 01:07:05,920
Speaker 2: Days I get really sad.

1384
01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:06,720
Speaker 4: What do you hold on too.

1385
01:07:06,800 --> 01:07:11,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've always stuck with James Chapter one. Consider pure joy,

1386
01:07:11,840 --> 01:07:13,880
Speaker 1: my Brother's won you face trials of many kinds because

1387
01:07:13,880 --> 01:07:17,400
Speaker 1: you know, the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance

1388
01:07:17,480 --> 01:07:20,760
Speaker 1: must finish its work, so maybe mature and complete, not

1389
01:07:20,840 --> 01:07:22,920
Speaker 1: lacking anything. So I take that in with me when

1390
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:25,080
Speaker 1: it comes to relationships. I need to make sure that

1391
01:07:25,440 --> 01:07:29,120
Speaker 1: I don't rush this. I'm still in the process, and

1392
01:07:29,760 --> 01:07:33,520
Speaker 1: don't rush the singleness, but just finding joy in the

1393
01:07:33,560 --> 01:07:36,280
Speaker 1: place that I'm in right now currently, so that whenever

1394
01:07:36,280 --> 01:07:38,480
Speaker 1: the time does come, I'm ready.

1395
01:07:39,320 --> 01:07:39,880
Speaker 4: I love that.

1396
01:07:40,000 --> 01:07:49,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'm hopeful. I love that you're back in church.

1397
01:07:49,680 --> 01:07:52,720
Speaker 3: Me too, because church gets such a bad rap. It's

1398
01:07:52,800 --> 01:07:57,640
Speaker 3: like if certain, if a church mishandles your situation, then

1399
01:07:57,640 --> 01:08:00,280
Speaker 3: you give up on the whole thing instead of And

1400
01:08:00,280 --> 01:08:03,160
Speaker 3: I'm telling this, like somebody said saying that they went

1401
01:08:03,240 --> 01:08:06,080
Speaker 3: to a restaurant and they had a bad experience and

1402
01:08:06,080 --> 01:08:07,720
Speaker 3: they never go to that chain ever again.

1403
01:08:07,880 --> 01:08:09,320
Speaker 6: I'm never gonna eat there again.

1404
01:08:09,440 --> 01:08:11,840
Speaker 3: Like you give a restaurant more grace than you give

1405
01:08:12,360 --> 01:08:15,880
Speaker 3: God's institution. And it's like, I just I just have

1406
01:08:15,960 --> 01:08:18,960
Speaker 3: a problem with that. And so I'm one of those

1407
01:08:18,960 --> 01:08:21,120
Speaker 3: people that say yeah, the church did fail you. You're

1408
01:08:21,200 --> 01:08:24,800
Speaker 3: they're gonna say the church, your church failed you in

1409
01:08:24,840 --> 01:08:28,640
Speaker 3: that situation. And just like the police failed you in

1410
01:08:28,640 --> 01:08:30,760
Speaker 3: that situation. But I guarantee you, if something happened to

1411
01:08:30,760 --> 01:08:32,040
Speaker 3: you right now, you know, you're not gonna say I

1412
01:08:32,040 --> 01:08:34,040
Speaker 3: ain't gonna call the police. I'm gonna you know, yeah,

1413
01:08:35,000 --> 01:08:36,519
Speaker 3: You're gonna pick up the phone with you go hey,

1414
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,479
Speaker 3: come help me. So at the end of the day,

1415
01:08:38,479 --> 01:08:40,360
Speaker 3: it's just a level of grace. But what I do

1416
01:08:40,400 --> 01:08:42,400
Speaker 3: want people to take away, it's a lot of pastors

1417
01:08:42,439 --> 01:08:45,080
Speaker 3: and first ladies and people in ministry I watch their

1418
01:08:45,080 --> 01:08:48,759
Speaker 3: future wifey is for them to be very intentional about

1419
01:08:49,200 --> 01:08:52,280
Speaker 3: oh let me change my eyesight. I not this girl

1420
01:08:52,360 --> 01:08:55,280
Speaker 3: that's at the church that we may say she fast.

1421
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:58,599
Speaker 3: Why is she responding like this? Why is she acting

1422
01:08:58,720 --> 01:09:01,840
Speaker 3: like that? Why is she always all on these little

1423
01:09:01,880 --> 01:09:03,960
Speaker 3: boys touching him and doing all stuff.

1424
01:09:03,960 --> 01:09:04,960
Speaker 6: What's going on?

1425
01:09:05,080 --> 01:09:09,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, and now let's meet that need instead of isolating

1426
01:09:09,160 --> 01:09:11,920
Speaker 3: her or shunning her like the woman with the issue

1427
01:09:11,920 --> 01:09:14,679
Speaker 3: of blood or some pull her closer to you and say, hey, babe,

1428
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:17,599
Speaker 3: what's going on? You know, and have those conversations. And

1429
01:09:17,640 --> 01:09:19,599
Speaker 3: so I do know that there's a lot of work

1430
01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:22,519
Speaker 3: that needs to be done. But I'm glad that you're

1431
01:09:22,760 --> 01:09:24,679
Speaker 3: back me too, me too.

1432
01:09:25,000 --> 01:09:29,439
Speaker 2: You know this, this church was my safe place to.

1433
01:09:29,439 --> 01:09:32,400
Speaker 1: Land for my daughter and I. And when I had

1434
01:09:32,800 --> 01:09:34,880
Speaker 1: kind of gone back into women's ministry without trying to

1435
01:09:34,920 --> 01:09:38,200
Speaker 1: be I got pregnant then, so I was I was

1436
01:09:38,240 --> 01:09:41,240
Speaker 1: basically not allowed to lead anymore. And I understand that,

1437
01:09:41,680 --> 01:09:43,639
Speaker 1: but I didn't think I'd ever be able to lead.

1438
01:09:43,960 --> 01:09:46,880
Speaker 1: So whenever I first walked into Union, they were like, hey,

1439
01:09:46,920 --> 01:09:49,559
Speaker 1: come to growth track, Like where you going to serve?

1440
01:09:49,600 --> 01:09:52,200
Speaker 2: And I was like, wait, I can serve, Like I can.

1441
01:09:52,120 --> 01:09:53,800
Speaker 1: Serve, And I literally said to them, I said, by

1442
01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:58,280
Speaker 1: I'm a single mom, and like literally they they And

1443
01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:01,040
Speaker 1: so for me to start serving, just was serving for

1444
01:10:02,040 --> 01:10:04,479
Speaker 1: a while, and then I eventually got on worship team.

1445
01:10:04,600 --> 01:10:07,719
Speaker 1: So it's literally been like such a healing place where

1446
01:10:08,280 --> 01:10:14,160
Speaker 1: they let me truly walk my walk with God. Nothing's forced,

1447
01:10:14,320 --> 01:10:17,840
Speaker 1: nothing's pressured, They love you through. I mean, it's just

1448
01:10:17,840 --> 01:10:21,000
Speaker 1: been a great experience for me, exactly what I needed

1449
01:10:21,080 --> 01:10:22,240
Speaker 1: in this place in my life.

1450
01:10:22,360 --> 01:10:23,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you got.

1451
01:10:23,160 --> 01:10:28,600
Speaker 3: Two jobs in school also serve in church. Yes, so

1452
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:31,320
Speaker 3: you are extreme and you have a daughter a daughter,

1453
01:10:31,439 --> 01:10:33,920
Speaker 3: So you have you are extremely busy. I am so

1454
01:10:34,320 --> 01:10:36,519
Speaker 3: a guy has to be extremely intense. No, can't come

1455
01:10:36,560 --> 01:10:39,200
Speaker 3: into your life playing around because you don't got no time.

1456
01:10:39,560 --> 01:10:41,000
Speaker 2: No, I don't have time for that.

1457
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:41,599
Speaker 3: I don't.

1458
01:10:41,840 --> 01:10:45,840
Speaker 1: I actually really don't. Yeah, I literally don't. I don't

1459
01:10:45,840 --> 01:10:47,680
Speaker 1: have the extra energy for it. So, yes, you have

1460
01:10:47,720 --> 01:10:49,320
Speaker 1: to be very intentional about what you want with me

1461
01:10:49,400 --> 01:10:51,280
Speaker 1: and where we're going. And I need you to know

1462
01:10:51,320 --> 01:10:53,280
Speaker 1: where God's taking you. You don't have to have the

1463
01:10:53,360 --> 01:10:55,800
Speaker 1: all and be all answer, but just where is God

1464
01:10:55,840 --> 01:10:57,559
Speaker 1: taking you and where are you going to take us?

1465
01:10:57,920 --> 01:10:58,400
Speaker 4: That's good?

1466
01:10:58,840 --> 01:10:59,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so good.

1467
01:11:00,080 --> 01:11:01,400
Speaker 3: I'm going to ask you this real quick as we

1468
01:11:01,439 --> 01:11:04,559
Speaker 3: wrap up. When you look at how you are, because

1469
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:10,360
Speaker 3: you know you are you challenging to date because you

1470
01:11:10,400 --> 01:11:12,160
Speaker 3: have all this going on? Did you feel like you

1471
01:11:12,200 --> 01:11:13,360
Speaker 3: don't have a lot of patience.

1472
01:11:14,320 --> 01:11:20,000
Speaker 2: I do have patience, I do. I do. Yeah, I

1473
01:11:20,040 --> 01:11:22,760
Speaker 2: don't think I'm challenging to date. I'm just.

1474
01:11:25,479 --> 01:11:28,559
Speaker 1: You're you're not going to get a pick. Don't be

1475
01:11:28,600 --> 01:11:30,840
Speaker 1: hitting me up with that like you're not okay, And

1476
01:11:30,880 --> 01:11:33,840
Speaker 1: I need you to be very intentional about getting to

1477
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:35,759
Speaker 1: know me because I'm in I'm going to be intentional

1478
01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:38,479
Speaker 1: about getting to know you, So the conversations just have

1479
01:11:38,640 --> 01:11:41,479
Speaker 1: to have to be there. And I the thing is,

1480
01:11:41,600 --> 01:11:44,680
Speaker 1: I'm busy, but I can make time for you. Time,

1481
01:11:44,720 --> 01:11:47,080
Speaker 1: So I will make time after I put my daughter bad,

1482
01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:49,040
Speaker 1: I'll make time for you, and I'll text you throughout

1483
01:11:49,040 --> 01:11:51,200
Speaker 1: the day. Like my jobs aren't too demanding where I

1484
01:11:51,240 --> 01:11:53,360
Speaker 1: do have time, you know, where I can be texting

1485
01:11:53,400 --> 01:11:55,000
Speaker 1: you and stuff, and I do want that. I want

1486
01:11:55,000 --> 01:11:58,040
Speaker 1: my best friend, so I will make time for you.

1487
01:11:58,160 --> 01:12:00,200
Speaker 1: If you're pouring into me in the way that I'm

1488
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:01,080
Speaker 1: pouring into you.

1489
01:12:01,080 --> 01:12:03,760
Speaker 3: You keep saying best friend, Why is that important?

1490
01:12:04,080 --> 01:12:05,920
Speaker 1: I think they should be your best friend. You know

1491
01:12:05,920 --> 01:12:08,960
Speaker 1: how many couples are not friends?

1492
01:12:08,960 --> 01:12:09,680
Speaker 2: Wild? To me?

1493
01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:13,919
Speaker 1: Wild, This is a person you're with all day every day,

1494
01:12:14,240 --> 01:12:16,040
Speaker 1: like you're you're sleeping next to them at night, Like

1495
01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:17,840
Speaker 1: you're building a life. How can I build a life

1496
01:12:17,840 --> 01:12:21,120
Speaker 1: with you if we're not first friends? Yeah, like and

1497
01:12:21,200 --> 01:12:23,799
Speaker 1: like I might like people don't even like their partner.

1498
01:12:24,360 --> 01:12:27,880
Speaker 3: It's be sitting in the driveway, like I gotta go

1499
01:12:27,920 --> 01:12:29,120
Speaker 3: in the house and see this person.

1500
01:12:29,240 --> 01:12:31,840
Speaker 6: It's crazy in the house.

1501
01:12:32,040 --> 01:12:34,160
Speaker 3: You know, It's like it's they do it but grudgingly.

1502
01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:37,200
Speaker 1: Like and like we might have our arguments and I

1503
01:12:37,280 --> 01:12:39,679
Speaker 1: might not always like like like you at that time.

1504
01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:42,599
Speaker 1: But if we have a solid friendship, ye, where it's

1505
01:12:42,680 --> 01:12:45,880
Speaker 1: just you move, you're able to No.

1506
01:12:46,120 --> 01:12:48,600
Speaker 2: I don't know because I don't.

1507
01:12:49,520 --> 01:12:52,920
Speaker 5: Please because like because if if you argue with your

1508
01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:56,360
Speaker 5: husband but he's your best friend, it gets real tricky

1509
01:12:56,400 --> 01:12:58,240
Speaker 5: because then you'd be like, I want to go tell.

1510
01:12:58,080 --> 01:12:59,920
Speaker 4: My friend what my husband just did?

1511
01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:03,599
Speaker 2: You. Yeah, I'd be like, gosh, dang it.

1512
01:13:03,880 --> 01:13:07,559
Speaker 5: I'd like, hold on, hold on, husband moved to the side,

1513
01:13:07,760 --> 01:13:08,920
Speaker 5: best friend, where you at?

1514
01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:12,519
Speaker 4: Because this man.

1515
01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:14,080
Speaker 6: This man, you say this? N I G G A.

1516
01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:19,280
Speaker 4: Hey, I'll be like, god, you know what, can you

1517
01:13:19,320 --> 01:13:20,400
Speaker 4: believe this is happening?

1518
01:13:22,240 --> 01:13:23,760
Speaker 3: She did that to me. I guess that was a

1519
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:26,080
Speaker 3: month ago. She was like, I need to talk to

1520
01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:27,160
Speaker 3: my best friend.

1521
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:31,360
Speaker 2: And then did you shift into best friend because I

1522
01:13:31,800 --> 01:13:38,400
Speaker 2: do that? I'd be like what, I wondered?

1523
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:43,880
Speaker 1: Do you believe in telling friends about your like hardships?

1524
01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:44,280
Speaker 6: No?

1525
01:13:44,280 --> 01:13:45,280
Speaker 2: No, So it's it.

1526
01:13:45,240 --> 01:13:49,720
Speaker 1: Because I'm very big on like protecting my partner, and I.

1527
01:13:49,800 --> 01:13:53,160
Speaker 6: Keep it in keeping in covenant therapist for a reason.

1528
01:13:53,240 --> 01:13:56,479
Speaker 3: Ye love that you have a therapist that can do that,

1529
01:13:56,560 --> 01:13:59,680
Speaker 3: because what happens is sometimes your friends can't forgive the

1530
01:13:59,720 --> 01:14:03,360
Speaker 3: person as quickly as you can, or they may end

1531
01:14:03,439 --> 01:14:05,200
Speaker 3: up saying and like I said, I've never experienced it,

1532
01:14:05,240 --> 01:14:07,160
Speaker 3: so I'm not even gonna try it. But what happens

1533
01:14:07,240 --> 01:14:09,760
Speaker 3: is if you start doing that, they'd be like, see,

1534
01:14:09,760 --> 01:14:11,760
Speaker 3: it's the third time they done did this, and you're

1535
01:14:11,760 --> 01:14:14,080
Speaker 3: coming to me again. I keep telling you, that's a sign.

1536
01:14:14,320 --> 01:14:16,080
Speaker 3: And if they have to say something like that, it's

1537
01:14:16,120 --> 01:14:18,880
Speaker 3: like a sign, you know what I'm saying. And it's like,

1538
01:14:18,920 --> 01:14:22,200
Speaker 3: why can't that just be the natural situations that we're

1539
01:14:22,240 --> 01:14:25,000
Speaker 3: just dealing with in the relationship, And so I don't

1540
01:14:25,040 --> 01:14:26,920
Speaker 3: even give room for that. I like to keep the

1541
01:14:26,960 --> 01:14:29,200
Speaker 3: friend the friend because they're not my mayor's therapists and

1542
01:14:29,200 --> 01:14:31,400
Speaker 3: the counselors and nothing. And I let the therapist be that,

1543
01:14:31,880 --> 01:14:34,360
Speaker 3: and so that whenever we walk around, ain't nobody.

1544
01:14:36,439 --> 01:14:39,519
Speaker 6: You're still with him, you know what I'm saying looking

1545
01:14:39,560 --> 01:14:40,040
Speaker 6: at me like.

1546
01:14:39,960 --> 01:14:40,920
Speaker 4: This, Yeah.

1547
01:14:41,000 --> 01:14:44,439
Speaker 5: But I also think it's important, like we don't act perfect,

1548
01:14:45,040 --> 01:14:48,280
Speaker 5: so we're not perfect, you know. And I think that sometimes,

1549
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:52,000
Speaker 5: especially since we're trying to increase marriages and marriage rates,

1550
01:14:52,040 --> 01:14:56,479
Speaker 5: it's important because sometimes people think, like, you know a

1551
01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:59,320
Speaker 5: lot of what I hear is people will be like, oh,

1552
01:14:59,520 --> 01:15:01,479
Speaker 5: like he may makes me so happy or she makes

1553
01:15:01,479 --> 01:15:03,200
Speaker 5: me so happy. But it's like a lot of this

1554
01:15:03,280 --> 01:15:06,600
Speaker 5: work has to be internal, right, People add.

1555
01:15:06,280 --> 01:15:07,720
Speaker 4: To what you already are.

1556
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:11,639
Speaker 5: So if you're just naturally an unhappy person, it doesn't

1557
01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:14,400
Speaker 5: matter what you know you're the other person does.

1558
01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:14,680
Speaker 3: Right.

1559
01:15:14,720 --> 01:15:17,160
Speaker 5: So this sense of like working on self, that's why

1560
01:15:17,360 --> 01:15:21,240
Speaker 5: Student of Love talks about you becoming that thing, because

1561
01:15:21,400 --> 01:15:24,920
Speaker 5: they are only going to, you know, pour into what

1562
01:15:25,040 --> 01:15:26,080
Speaker 5: you already are.

1563
01:15:26,200 --> 01:15:28,840
Speaker 4: And so every every moment.

1564
01:15:28,880 --> 01:15:31,559
Speaker 5: Like what I love is And he even said it

1565
01:15:31,560 --> 01:15:33,920
Speaker 5: this week, he was like marriage is not hard, but

1566
01:15:33,960 --> 01:15:34,960
Speaker 5: it is challenging.

1567
01:15:35,479 --> 01:15:39,400
Speaker 4: So we have challenges. It's just like a challenge, right, And.

1568
01:15:39,439 --> 01:15:43,400
Speaker 5: Sometimes they're with each other, sometimes they're with work, sometimes

1569
01:15:43,400 --> 01:15:45,439
Speaker 5: they're with whatever, like whatever we're.

1570
01:15:45,280 --> 01:15:54,280
Speaker 3: Going through testifying.

1571
01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:56,920
Speaker 4: But we get to go Jesus, we get to go

1572
01:15:57,000 --> 01:15:58,400
Speaker 4: through all of this together.

1573
01:15:58,560 --> 01:16:00,479
Speaker 5: And if you think about, like if you were on

1574
01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:03,320
Speaker 5: a team, right, like a foop, I love football And

1575
01:16:03,400 --> 01:16:07,200
Speaker 5: so when there's a challenge, right, like training camp is challenging,

1576
01:16:07,320 --> 01:16:10,040
Speaker 5: and they're going through all of these different challenges and

1577
01:16:10,080 --> 01:16:13,320
Speaker 5: then they come out together and they're always closer at

1578
01:16:13,320 --> 01:16:15,400
Speaker 5: the end, when they get that ring, or when they

1579
01:16:15,439 --> 01:16:17,840
Speaker 5: make it to the playoffs, or when they even just

1580
01:16:17,920 --> 01:16:21,400
Speaker 5: show up right that the team is typically closer from

1581
01:16:21,439 --> 01:16:24,080
Speaker 5: the the challenges that they go through together. And that's

1582
01:16:24,080 --> 01:16:27,160
Speaker 5: what we look at everything as. It's like we're like, Okay, God,

1583
01:16:27,200 --> 01:16:29,720
Speaker 5: thank you for the opportunity to go through all of

1584
01:16:29,760 --> 01:16:34,439
Speaker 5: these things so that you can bring us right closer together.

1585
01:16:35,080 --> 01:16:37,960
Speaker 3: His little funny little thing the other day, she wanted

1586
01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:43,080
Speaker 3: to watch She was watching the NFL Draft, and I

1587
01:16:43,120 --> 01:16:44,599
Speaker 3: was like, God, why do you want to watch down

1588
01:16:44,600 --> 01:16:45,280
Speaker 3: to watch divorce?

1589
01:16:46,200 --> 01:16:46,759
Speaker 7: I love.

1590
01:16:48,560 --> 01:16:50,920
Speaker 2: Out the new seasons.

1591
01:16:51,080 --> 01:16:53,559
Speaker 3: Yes, and they did, and they just they they're they're

1592
01:16:54,040 --> 01:16:55,280
Speaker 3: dripping each episode.

1593
01:16:55,400 --> 01:16:57,120
Speaker 6: Yes, so they put it on Paramount.

1594
01:16:57,160 --> 01:17:01,439
Speaker 5: Plus it comes out every Wednesday. Yeah, so we watched both.

1595
01:17:01,520 --> 01:17:04,120
Speaker 5: We watched both. Yeah, it was just funny because he

1596
01:17:04,200 --> 01:17:06,920
Speaker 5: wanted to watch the new episode, but I wanted to

1597
01:17:06,920 --> 01:17:10,560
Speaker 5: watch the draft because I love There's something so beautiful

1598
01:17:10,880 --> 01:17:14,240
Speaker 5: about watching people young, these young men their lives.

1599
01:17:14,000 --> 01:17:15,479
Speaker 4: Who have waited him this moment.

1600
01:17:15,520 --> 01:17:18,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, so we've watched. It was cutting back, but again,

1601
01:17:18,240 --> 01:17:21,080
Speaker 3: that's what marriage is about coming about. We'll watch a

1602
01:17:21,080 --> 01:17:24,160
Speaker 3: little bit about this. And I was never into football

1603
01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:27,960
Speaker 3: like that. Right, just not and marrying her makes me

1604
01:17:28,080 --> 01:17:31,640
Speaker 3: now more into football. And that sounds so awkward to

1605
01:17:31,720 --> 01:17:35,120
Speaker 3: have a black man in the South that's not into football,

1606
01:17:35,200 --> 01:17:38,320
Speaker 3: and then football, yeah face maam in football. And then

1607
01:17:38,479 --> 01:17:41,760
Speaker 3: this woman from the West coast all into football, you

1608
01:17:41,800 --> 01:17:44,240
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. And it's like that that's interesting.

1609
01:17:44,280 --> 01:17:46,720
Speaker 3: But again that's what marriage brought us, you know, where

1610
01:17:46,720 --> 01:17:49,439
Speaker 3: it's like, Okay, you like this, well I might as

1611
01:17:49,479 --> 01:17:51,880
Speaker 3: well start liking it too. Let me learn more about it.

1612
01:17:51,960 --> 01:17:54,439
Speaker 3: Like I know about football, but it's not like the

1613
01:17:54,479 --> 01:17:56,120
Speaker 3: beyondes with which I used to sit back when I

1614
01:17:56,160 --> 01:17:58,439
Speaker 3: was growing up. I'd be like, like in my twenties,

1615
01:17:59,000 --> 01:18:02,120
Speaker 3: it would pressed me watching all these millionaires run up

1616
01:18:02,120 --> 01:18:04,559
Speaker 3: and down the field. I'm like, yeah, I like only

1617
01:18:04,640 --> 01:18:06,280
Speaker 3: millionaires run up. I think I'll get my money. I

1618
01:18:06,280 --> 01:18:08,840
Speaker 3: don't need to be watching them do my stuff. And

1619
01:18:08,920 --> 01:18:10,080
Speaker 3: that's what I always say.

1620
01:18:09,920 --> 01:18:10,360
Speaker 6: The all time.

1621
01:18:10,400 --> 01:18:12,160
Speaker 3: I said, why don't we watch all these millionaires? You

1622
01:18:12,160 --> 01:18:12,719
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying.

1623
01:18:13,000 --> 01:18:14,559
Speaker 6: I said, I need to go get me some money.

1624
01:18:14,800 --> 01:18:18,320
Speaker 3: And so, but now she loves football so much and

1625
01:18:19,200 --> 01:18:21,320
Speaker 3: I'm married to her, so now we watch it, you

1626
01:18:21,360 --> 01:18:24,040
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying. And so it's it's fun. And

1627
01:18:24,080 --> 01:18:27,040
Speaker 3: that's what marriage is is a journey to be able

1628
01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:30,080
Speaker 3: to welcome the ideas of the other person, to be

1629
01:18:30,120 --> 01:18:33,120
Speaker 3: able to let them feel seen and heard and then

1630
01:18:33,520 --> 01:18:35,760
Speaker 3: have this beautiful adventure that you get to do and

1631
01:18:35,800 --> 01:18:38,880
Speaker 3: call it marriage. And that's that's what makes it work.

1632
01:18:38,920 --> 01:18:41,720
Speaker 3: Instead of people saying, well, you need to watch this,

1633
01:18:41,800 --> 01:18:44,519
Speaker 3: and I'm gonna watch this. Can't y'all flip channels? You

1634
01:18:44,560 --> 01:18:46,720
Speaker 3: know what I'm saying, That's what it is. We ain't

1635
01:18:46,760 --> 01:18:48,479
Speaker 3: like we only got one TV. So at the end

1636
01:18:48,479 --> 01:18:50,240
Speaker 3: of the day, some people fall out and all you

1637
01:18:50,200 --> 01:18:52,920
Speaker 3: gotta do is go watch another TV. But she likes

1638
01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:56,960
Speaker 3: watching Divorced Sisters. I do too, so let's just switch

1639
01:18:57,000 --> 01:18:59,599
Speaker 3: back and forth. So we're at the place right now.

1640
01:19:00,000 --> 01:19:02,880
Speaker 3: Grab that box right there and write down your key

1641
01:19:02,960 --> 01:19:07,360
Speaker 3: to love. Well, give a good, give something that you

1642
01:19:07,400 --> 01:19:10,120
Speaker 3: feel like is going to speak to the people. You

1643
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,120
Speaker 3: can grab that box and right on top of the box,

1644
01:19:12,800 --> 01:19:14,680
Speaker 3: just pick it and pull in your lap. You can

1645
01:19:14,720 --> 01:19:17,400
Speaker 3: put the bring it into your lap and then write

1646
01:19:17,439 --> 01:19:20,360
Speaker 3: down your key to love. And then after you write

1647
01:19:20,400 --> 01:19:22,639
Speaker 3: it down, then I'll have you read it. Make sure

1648
01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:25,200
Speaker 3: you sign your name, and you'll hang it up on

1649
01:19:25,240 --> 01:19:26,719
Speaker 3: that wrong over there.

1650
01:19:29,560 --> 01:19:31,880
Speaker 6: Yeah, there you go where you're trying to interview me.

1651
01:19:33,880 --> 01:19:35,439
Speaker 4: I like hearing how your brain.

1652
01:19:35,320 --> 01:19:37,000
Speaker 3: Works or your brain work. I won't know what you

1653
01:19:37,040 --> 01:19:37,880
Speaker 3: thought about that episode.

1654
01:19:37,880 --> 01:19:40,439
Speaker 4: So what's the question, what do you think about this episode?

1655
01:19:40,640 --> 01:19:40,880
Speaker 3: Well?

1656
01:19:40,920 --> 01:19:42,840
Speaker 6: One thing, absolutely love it.

1657
01:19:42,880 --> 01:19:46,880
Speaker 3: I love that she provides a perspective of especially in

1658
01:19:46,920 --> 01:19:53,240
Speaker 3: this we're in this season right now, that is grieving

1659
01:19:53,360 --> 01:19:57,000
Speaker 3: my heart by the way women aren't being protected, aren't

1660
01:19:57,040 --> 01:20:01,160
Speaker 3: being covered, been mismanaged, been murdered.

1661
01:20:01,720 --> 01:20:05,000
Speaker 6: You know, it's grieving me.

1662
01:20:05,640 --> 01:20:10,840
Speaker 3: And I hate that a lot of men have been

1663
01:20:11,040 --> 01:20:13,879
Speaker 3: the cause of that. And so I want to aspire

1664
01:20:13,960 --> 01:20:17,400
Speaker 3: more men to step up to the plate and start

1665
01:20:17,400 --> 01:20:20,000
Speaker 3: covering our women. That's a word that she used in

1666
01:20:20,040 --> 01:20:22,559
Speaker 3: the episode. She wants to be covered, But it doesn't

1667
01:20:22,560 --> 01:20:25,200
Speaker 3: have to be from a romantic standpoint. That if men

1668
01:20:25,720 --> 01:20:30,200
Speaker 3: in general just covered women better, then they don't have

1669
01:20:30,320 --> 01:20:32,920
Speaker 3: to walk around being fearful, that they don't have to

1670
01:20:32,960 --> 01:20:35,760
Speaker 3: be afraid to check their dms and see that they're

1671
01:20:35,800 --> 01:20:38,760
Speaker 3: going to be disrespecting their dms. And even if a

1672
01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:43,120
Speaker 3: woman doesn't reciprocate the affection that you're showing towards her,

1673
01:20:43,160 --> 01:20:46,000
Speaker 3: if you're interest in her, and she says, well, no,

1674
01:20:46,000 --> 01:20:47,960
Speaker 3: I don't really see like that that You don't lash

1675
01:20:47,960 --> 01:20:51,479
Speaker 3: out and cuss out and start acting crazy. That needs

1676
01:20:51,520 --> 01:20:56,000
Speaker 3: to be protected. And so that's how this episode started out,

1677
01:20:56,240 --> 01:21:01,479
Speaker 3: was her being violated in the worst way and going

1678
01:21:01,520 --> 01:21:04,760
Speaker 3: through this journey for God to cover her and then

1679
01:21:04,920 --> 01:21:07,160
Speaker 3: for to find this man that's going to cover her.

1680
01:21:07,200 --> 01:21:07,800
Speaker 6: What about you?

1681
01:21:09,080 --> 01:21:09,920
Speaker 4: That was so good.

1682
01:21:10,040 --> 01:21:13,600
Speaker 5: I mean I just resonate with her obviously because of

1683
01:21:13,640 --> 01:21:16,840
Speaker 5: her story, and I remember exactly how I was feeling

1684
01:21:16,840 --> 01:21:21,320
Speaker 5: at thirty four and how God was increasing my faith

1685
01:21:21,520 --> 01:21:26,400
Speaker 5: during that season. So I'm just so encouraged and I

1686
01:21:26,439 --> 01:21:28,720
Speaker 5: can't wait to see what God is going to do

1687
01:21:28,800 --> 01:21:29,960
Speaker 5: in this next chapter.

1688
01:21:30,439 --> 01:21:33,680
Speaker 3: Yep of my new friends, Yeah, I met you at

1689
01:21:33,680 --> 01:21:34,200
Speaker 3: thirty five.

1690
01:21:34,280 --> 01:21:38,360
Speaker 2: You did. Yes, I've been very encouraging for me y'all's story.

1691
01:21:38,760 --> 01:21:40,040
Speaker 6: Pull a microphone close to your mouth.

1692
01:21:41,200 --> 01:21:42,160
Speaker 2: You can pull this saint.

1693
01:21:42,240 --> 01:21:45,559
Speaker 1: That's been very encouraging for me y'all story, because it

1694
01:21:45,640 --> 01:21:47,679
Speaker 1: was really hard for me this year turning thirty four.

1695
01:21:48,120 --> 01:21:49,280
Speaker 2: I'm starting over.

1696
01:21:49,560 --> 01:21:49,800
Speaker 3: Yep.

1697
01:21:49,920 --> 01:21:53,400
Speaker 1: It really hit me like I'm thirty four, I want marriage,

1698
01:21:53,439 --> 01:21:55,880
Speaker 1: I want kids. It's a weird place to be in

1699
01:21:55,920 --> 01:21:58,120
Speaker 1: as a woman because we do have kind of that time,

1700
01:21:58,800 --> 01:22:01,599
Speaker 1: like I know God's timing and that's I'll tell you

1701
01:22:01,640 --> 01:22:04,559
Speaker 1: what my thing is. But yeah, so hearing all story

1702
01:22:04,560 --> 01:22:06,200
Speaker 1: has been very very inspired.

1703
01:22:06,200 --> 01:22:08,960
Speaker 5: You know, I almost didn't meet him because I almost

1704
01:22:09,040 --> 01:22:10,679
Speaker 5: was like, I'm not going to go to this event

1705
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:14,559
Speaker 5: and so whatever, Like it really resonated with me when

1706
01:22:14,560 --> 01:22:16,640
Speaker 5: you were like, oh, I had to leave early and

1707
01:22:16,680 --> 01:22:19,920
Speaker 5: it wasn't like had I because I was questioning myself.

1708
01:22:19,960 --> 01:22:21,519
Speaker 5: I was like, I don't know if I need to

1709
01:22:21,560 --> 01:22:24,080
Speaker 5: go to that event today, and my my friend couldn't go,

1710
01:22:24,479 --> 01:22:26,519
Speaker 5: so I almost said I'm not going to go alone.

1711
01:22:26,600 --> 01:22:28,639
Speaker 5: But when my friend couldn't go, I said, you know what,

1712
01:22:29,120 --> 01:22:31,559
Speaker 5: still get dressed. Alma, I almost didn't stay.

1713
01:22:33,200 --> 01:22:34,680
Speaker 3: She said, if he stay over there talking to them

1714
01:22:34,680 --> 01:22:36,200
Speaker 3: people too long, I'm just gonna end up leaving.

1715
01:22:36,240 --> 01:22:37,040
Speaker 6: And this just walked though.

1716
01:22:37,120 --> 01:22:38,800
Speaker 3: She's like, I liked the podcast, and I just left

1717
01:22:38,800 --> 01:22:40,400
Speaker 3: the women that were standing up there talking to me

1718
01:22:40,400 --> 01:22:42,840
Speaker 3: and grabbed a hand and walked away with the first

1719
01:22:42,880 --> 01:22:44,439
Speaker 3: time meeting it. Just grabbed him, I said, I just

1720
01:22:44,479 --> 01:22:47,519
Speaker 3: grabbed his woman's hands. I did like this. I said, hey,

1721
01:22:47,560 --> 01:22:49,880
Speaker 3: come on over here. We walked out the lobby, walked

1722
01:22:49,880 --> 01:22:51,439
Speaker 3: into the lobby, and I said, oh, I just grabbed

1723
01:22:51,439 --> 01:22:55,560
Speaker 3: the stranger's hand. I didn't lock it like this. Now, yeah,

1724
01:22:55,600 --> 01:22:58,080
Speaker 3: and so, but that's but that's what happened, and so

1725
01:22:58,920 --> 01:23:00,280
Speaker 3: just just continue to shup.

1726
01:23:00,280 --> 01:23:00,960
Speaker 6: What did you write?

1727
01:23:01,640 --> 01:23:03,600
Speaker 2: I said, God's timing above mine.

1728
01:23:03,840 --> 01:23:07,000
Speaker 3: God's timing above mine, and you signed your name on there?

1729
01:23:07,040 --> 01:23:09,720
Speaker 3: I did perfect. How can people get in contact with you?

1730
01:23:10,040 --> 01:23:12,080
Speaker 3: What's your social media? How can people follow you?

1731
01:23:12,479 --> 01:23:15,040
Speaker 1: So you can find me at Michelle Valori dot com.

1732
01:23:15,080 --> 01:23:17,960
Speaker 1: My website will have my socials on there, or my

1733
01:23:18,040 --> 01:23:19,080
Speaker 1: Instagram's Michelle Valor.

1734
01:23:19,600 --> 01:23:20,759
Speaker 6: And spell your last name.

1735
01:23:21,240 --> 01:23:26,800
Speaker 2: V A l O r a E Valor Valor.

1736
01:23:26,960 --> 01:23:31,200
Speaker 3: So Michelle Valora dot com. You got anything coming up

1737
01:23:31,240 --> 01:23:32,760
Speaker 3: that people can look forward to?

1738
01:23:35,000 --> 01:23:38,920
Speaker 1: Not yet, but I know that God said it's time

1739
01:23:38,960 --> 01:23:40,599
Speaker 1: this year, So we'll see what that means.

1740
01:23:40,880 --> 01:23:42,719
Speaker 3: It's time this year, and we'll see what it means.

1741
01:23:43,000 --> 01:23:43,160
Speaker 6: Well.

1742
01:23:43,200 --> 01:23:45,240
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for blessing our audience. May the

1743
01:23:45,320 --> 01:23:47,720
Speaker 3: love you share today outlive.

1744
01:23:47,320 --> 01:23:49,880
Speaker 5: The season you in thank you may carry you through

1745
01:23:49,880 --> 01:23:52,240
Speaker 5: the days when words are few and.

1746
01:23:52,240 --> 01:23:53,840
Speaker 3: Faith has to do the talking.

1747
01:23:54,120 --> 01:23:55,439
Speaker 6: Y'all give it up for Michelle Yon.

1748
01:23:55,680 --> 01:23:56,040
Speaker 2: Thank you.

1749
01:23:57,120 --> 01:24:02,240
Speaker 3: Laderion thrust it suddenly to Child Protective Services. In twenty fifteen,

1750
01:24:02,840 --> 01:24:07,479
Speaker 3: my nephew, black a boy. The likelihood have been adopted

1751
01:24:07,520 --> 01:24:12,840
Speaker 3: outside of kinship slim to none? Rmione, sixteen years old,

1752
01:24:13,080 --> 01:24:16,639
Speaker 3: black a boy with five years in the Falter care

1753
01:24:16,720 --> 01:24:20,160
Speaker 3: system before I even knew his name. The likelihood have

1754
01:24:20,240 --> 01:24:24,519
Speaker 3: ever been adopted? Yep, you guessed it. Slim to none.

1755
01:24:26,040 --> 01:24:29,040
Speaker 3: While Ladarian and Ourmiani were trying to survive and barely

1756
01:24:29,080 --> 01:24:32,559
Speaker 3: thrive in an overpopulated and underfunded false care system, I

1757
01:24:32,640 --> 01:24:35,960
Speaker 3: was living my own life, doing well professonally, having been

1758
01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:38,200
Speaker 3: a single father with a daughter who at that point

1759
01:24:38,240 --> 01:24:40,640
Speaker 3: was doing well in college. It was my time to

1760
01:24:40,680 --> 01:24:47,240
Speaker 3: live my life right wrong. I felt unsettled, tireless, agitated.

1761
01:24:48,160 --> 01:24:51,559
Speaker 3: There are just two many of our black children stuck

1762
01:24:51,800 --> 01:24:55,320
Speaker 3: in ambiguity and in the limbo of the Falter care system.

1763
01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:59,760
Speaker 3: In twenty seventeen, I legally adopted my nephew Ladarian. Fast

1764
01:24:59,800 --> 01:25:02,479
Speaker 3: forward twenty nineteen. I had no ties to this other

1765
01:25:02,520 --> 01:25:05,160
Speaker 3: young king, but I felt God instructed me to adopt

1766
01:25:05,160 --> 01:25:08,639
Speaker 3: them also on an babe. Starting over with parenting should

1767
01:25:08,720 --> 01:25:09,599
Speaker 3: have been enough.

1768
01:25:09,680 --> 01:25:09,840
Speaker 6: Right.

1769
01:25:09,880 --> 01:25:12,679
Speaker 3: Working with various foster care and adoption agencies to help

1770
01:25:12,680 --> 01:25:15,800
Speaker 3: bring awareness to the countless young Black Kings and the

1771
01:25:15,800 --> 01:25:20,240
Speaker 3: Falster Care system should have decreased. My agitation right join

1772
01:25:20,320 --> 01:25:23,320
Speaker 3: the board of directors of Advantage of Adoption and organization

1773
01:25:23,400 --> 01:25:26,599
Speaker 3: that helps find permanent adoptive homes for children in FALSI

1774
01:25:26,680 --> 01:25:30,920
Speaker 3: care should have led to some type of resolve. Right, No,

1775
01:25:30,960 --> 01:25:33,880
Speaker 3: not at all. None of it felt like I had

1776
01:25:33,960 --> 01:25:38,519
Speaker 3: done enough. I now realized that every one of those

1777
01:25:38,600 --> 01:25:42,439
Speaker 3: experiences was land the fundamental foundation for my life's mission.

1778
01:25:43,360 --> 01:25:47,439
Speaker 3: Kingdom Royal. Kingdom Royal would be a luxury, state of

1779
01:25:47,439 --> 01:25:50,840
Speaker 3: the art home for foster boys. Our first location will

1780
01:25:50,880 --> 01:25:53,639
Speaker 3: be in the Dallas Fort Worth Metroplex. We will utilize

1781
01:25:53,640 --> 01:25:57,559
Speaker 3: the whole person approach that instills identity, empowers them to

1782
01:25:57,640 --> 01:26:01,680
Speaker 3: advocate for themselves, and enlightens them guarding new perspectives and

1783
01:26:01,800 --> 01:26:05,400
Speaker 3: limitless options that they thought were impossible.

1784
01:26:06,520 --> 01:26:06,720
Speaker 6: Though.

1785
01:26:06,720 --> 01:26:08,960
Speaker 3: The young Kings will attend the local public schools that

1786
01:26:09,000 --> 01:26:12,240
Speaker 3: are in proximity the King of Royale. Our at home

1787
01:26:12,280 --> 01:26:15,920
Speaker 3: curriculum will broaden their worldview through participating in the arts,

1788
01:26:16,040 --> 01:26:20,840
Speaker 3: attending various cultural events, learning about and engaging in multifaceted

1789
01:26:20,880 --> 01:26:25,600
Speaker 3: discussions about current events and even relevant historical contexts, introducing

1790
01:26:25,640 --> 01:26:28,840
Speaker 3: them to gardening and landscaping, and even caring for our

1791
01:26:28,920 --> 01:26:32,920
Speaker 3: animals on our form and on site stables. We just

1792
01:26:33,000 --> 01:26:36,439
Speaker 3: launched our startup capital campaign with the goal of raising

1793
01:26:36,479 --> 01:26:38,559
Speaker 3: two point eight million dollars. Now why two point eight

1794
01:26:38,560 --> 01:26:41,920
Speaker 3: million dollars. Well, In twenty seventeen, I created a web

1795
01:26:41,960 --> 01:26:44,920
Speaker 3: series in which I performed random acts of kindness for

1796
01:26:45,040 --> 01:26:48,320
Speaker 3: targeting the homeless community. One of the most notable successes

1797
01:26:48,560 --> 01:26:51,599
Speaker 3: was that one of the videos went viral, garnering twenty

1798
01:26:51,760 --> 01:26:56,040
Speaker 3: eight million views. However, one of my biggest regrets is

1799
01:26:56,040 --> 01:26:58,400
Speaker 3: that I didn't raise a single dollar to help in

1800
01:26:58,439 --> 01:27:02,559
Speaker 3: implementing a more sustainable plan for the homeless community. So

1801
01:27:02,680 --> 01:27:06,680
Speaker 3: throughout the years, with much remorse, I reflect that I'm

1802
01:27:06,720 --> 01:27:09,799
Speaker 3: not maximizing that moment. I knew if at that time

1803
01:27:10,280 --> 01:27:13,240
Speaker 3: just ten percent of the viewers donated one dollar, we

1804
01:27:13,320 --> 01:27:16,799
Speaker 3: would have raised at least two point eight million dollars

1805
01:27:16,920 --> 01:27:19,400
Speaker 3: that could have really established long term support for the

1806
01:27:19,400 --> 01:27:23,160
Speaker 3: homeless community, or at least started a long term initiative

1807
01:27:23,200 --> 01:27:27,479
Speaker 3: to do so. This is my do over, this is

1808
01:27:27,560 --> 01:27:30,920
Speaker 3: our new beginning. Together, we can attack this at the

1809
01:27:31,000 --> 01:27:35,400
Speaker 3: route by specifically helping our homeless Black boys who are

1810
01:27:35,479 --> 01:27:40,320
Speaker 3: already disproportionately represented in the American fossil care system. I'm

1811
01:27:40,400 --> 01:27:43,839
Speaker 3: a terisar Wickfield. I've been nominated for three Regional Emmys

1812
01:27:43,880 --> 01:27:46,479
Speaker 3: documenting my work with the homeless as well as my

1813
01:27:46,600 --> 01:27:51,400
Speaker 3: personal adoption journey. Despite those accolades, the greatest award for

1814
01:27:51,520 --> 01:27:57,200
Speaker 3: me is truly providing the infrastructure for a transformed life.

1815
01:27:57,400 --> 01:28:01,040
Speaker 3: Visit Kingdomroyal dot com for more details, Crown a king

1816
01:28:01,880 --> 01:28:11,519
Speaker 3: and make a donation today. I hope you enjoyed this

1817
01:28:11,640 --> 01:28:14,960
Speaker 3: episode of the Dear Future WIFEI podcast. Remember be lit,

1818
01:28:15,360 --> 01:28:20,160
Speaker 3: live intentionally and transparently, and don't stop loving. Make sure

1819
01:28:20,240 --> 01:28:23,040
Speaker 3: to subscribe to our Dear Future WIFEI YouTube channel. We're

1820
01:28:23,080 --> 01:28:26,720
Speaker 3: available on Apple Podcasts, Little Podcasts, Spotify, and Stitcher. Be

1821
01:28:26,840 --> 01:28:29,800
Speaker 3: welcome your support. Simply share our podcasts with your friends

1822
01:28:29,800 --> 01:28:30,240
Speaker 3: and family.